i wanted to be in that family so bad

Piper: UGH my mom is so full of herself and annoying.
Leo: Hephaestus doesn’t even call me by my name! Then again, I don’t really want to call him “dad”…
Jason: Zeus is kind of a bad person, TBH… *whispers* pls don’t kill me
Percy: Lol my dad’s awesome
Hazel: Pluto basically ignores me all the time. I mean, I’m kind of supposed to be dead, but…
Frank: Mars is all about war and blood and death. Not exactly a nice trait.
Annabeth: Well my mom basically disowned me and told me to kill all the romans. Not nice at all
Nico: HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TURNED INTO A PLANT BECAUSE OF A FAMILY SPAT?!
Percy:
Jason:
Leo:
Piper:
Annabeth:
Frank:
Hazel:
Nico: I DIDN’T THINK SO.

Im really really fed up of knowing that people say bad things about my family 😢 what have they honestly done? Why do people feel the need to be that way? I love my parents so much. They’re such good people and don’t deserve to be up against anything like they were before. They want peace and I do too. It’s making me upset because I don’t know who to trust anymore. My family say things to peoples faces. They don’t sit and simmer on things. They’re honest good people. And I’ve asked anyone who feels that way to unfriend me on Facebook. I’ll ask anyone reading this who thinks badly of us to unfollow us here too. I really just want our family to be safe and surrounded by people who will be nice to us and appreciate us as friends. But if you don’t want that, you’re not obligated to take it.

Had a very long cry yesterday, feeling sorry for myself because my “family” is a literal flaming pile of shit. I think it’s hilarious that I’ve been sitting at my house doing nothing for months and yet my name still finds its way to the Internet and no one ever comes to my defense.

It’s times like these that make it hard to convince myself that I’m not a bad person. Obviously I must be if everyone has so much to say about how terrible and entitled I am. I’m entitled because I just want to be left alone and that doesn’t really make sense to me. Honestly if I’m so awful then why is it such a big deal that I’m not around anymore? Why am I still being talked about?

Cory held me in the our kitchen yesterday, whispering in my ear about how I am strong without them and how I don’t need them. It’s true, I’ll give him that, but it doesn’t hurt any less. It doesn’t make it feel any better. I devoted my early life to trying to just be a family and all its gotten me is my secrets passed around like church gospel and my broken heart.

Yeah, I don’t need my family.
Doesn’t mean I don’t want one.

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.