i want you safe my doctor

what they don’t always tell you about T within informed consent sheets, a better post

since the one going around is filled with blatant misinformation and exaggerated tales of horror to the point that i question whether its intent was good.

the first thing to expect, is that your experience will be unique. there are hundreds of factors to how hormones change your body, and while you will find people with experiences like yours, you will have a different experience. so while this is a general guideline, your experience may be that you don’t experience these things, or that you experience them with intensity. it’s so, so varied. 99% of the stuff they put on informed consent forms is prefaced with ‘YOU MIGHT -’. 

  1. regarding the smells, yes! you will smell different! that is a fact. the hormones are different in your body now, you will start to smell more like what you’d expect from people who have similar amounts of testosterone in their bodies. it can be a little weird, but it’s nothing that deodorant (and sometimes cologne, if you want!) won’t cover up and it’s nothing that’s abnormal and it’s nothing that every other human being doesn’t experience. everyone smells! you just happen to smell different than you used to.
  2. when facial hair grows, when hair everywhere else grows, you can get itchy. my face gets itchy, my head gets itchy, especially when it’s hot it can get frustrating, but it’s no cause for panic. some people might get itchier than others, but it’s just something you’ll deal with and it’s not all that bad. you’ll get used to it and think about it less and less as your body situates.
  3. binding, as with any thing you put on your chest, can cause acne! i’ve seen no difference in wearing sport bras and binders in regards to acne, i’m a DD chest, it’s just what happens when you sweat and compress your chest. having some acne between your boobs is normal, having some on your back is normal, just try to leave it alone and take showers (you can take showers without washing your hair every day if that’s an option!), it’ll be okay.
  4. as with, well, puberty, you’re going to have ups and downs of hunger. sometimes i can just never stop eating! sometimes i don’t feel hungry at all. it’s good to keep track of how much you eat generally and try not to overeat, but you might get cravings for more carb-heavy foods because puberty 2 takes a lot of energy for your body! eating more than normal is, well, normal. drinking a lot of water and things like orange juice can help even this out and it will benefit you in a lot of ways (like keeping your immune system healthy).
  5. your clit will probably grow. it can be kind of jarring, but it’s something you get used to, and everyone experiences this one with a WIDE range of difference. some people only get an inch or so in growth (mine is huge now and it’s still so weird but also so cool), some people can have their clit grow to much bigger! some people can feel their boners, some people get morning wood, and you might feel it in your pants and wearing tight underwear might not be the best in that case, try wearing boxers and loose clothes around the house as much as you can, as well as not wearing your binder too much.
  6. voice drops happen so suddenly you won’t even see them coming, but once the first one happens, you can get a feel for it. usually your voice cracks for a couple weeks/months, SUDDENLY gets deeper, levels off, then cracks again, repeat. it can be sudden, and it also creeps up on you. try keeping logs of your voice, you’ll be so shocked at the difference that only a few months can make! also, people around you will notice your voice changes before you do unless you’re constantly going back on old videos. 
  7. acne is inevitable. to what degree? totally dependent on the person. genetics and health play a big role. you’ll get acne in places you haven’t before, but eventually it will level out. it’s not going to be forever, you have to keep in mind this is second puberty and puberty means random and weird shit! like unfortunate acne! it will pass. try to ignore it as much as you can. 
  8. my period stopped at 4 months in. occasionally, i still get phantom cramps. not for very long usually, but you have to remember that your body has a rhythm, and you’re interrupting that. it’s going to take a while for it to switch gears! talk to your endo/doctor if your pains are excruciating to the point of hospitalization/etc because that can be a sign that something is wrong. also, you usually do blood tests every few months to make sure the hormones are working fine. my periods when i started T ranged from no pain at all and debilitating pain, and i’m someone who previously had extremely painful periods. this gets less common over time! 
  9. try not to do any drugs/alcohol before getting your blood tests done. my endocrinologist knows that i do have weed occasionally and so far that hasn’t been a problem but i think drinking is something you should avoid with blood tests coming up for your safety so they don’t report problems that aren’t there. you’re not going to get in trouble for any of this, you just need to tell them.
  10. every person has a different T dose. i take 100 every other week because of various things: my size, my weight, how the hormones already are in my body. i know some people who are on 200, some who are on 50 weekly, it depends on what your PROFESSIONAL DOCTOR thinks is safe for you, and they WILL adjust accordingly if the need arises between both of you. taking more T than you’re prescribed with the intention of getting quicker effects will actually slow the process and make your body produce more estrogen and can hurt you. you don’t want that! 
  11. it’s not shameful to set up appointments for your shots or not be able to do them yourself, and if you do them yourself it’s okay to mess it up. believe me, i have. every injection is different, but you get a feel for it and mess up less. they would not let you do it at home if it wasn’t safe enough. just watch videos, know what you’re getting into. getting blood drawn hurts more for me than my T shots. it’s okay that sometimes it takes you forever, or no time at all. T shots are your thing and your experience and your choice on how is the most comfortable for you. most doctors prescribe different injection sites based on what they think is best, all of them work. one person doing it in their leg doesn’t negate that it also works in the ass but if you’re told to do it one way, stick to that or talk it out with your doctor to come up with an alternative! the amount of blood that comes out of the injection site is different with each one, the angle is different, and i would HEAVILY SUGGEST sitting down for a while after a shot. one of my shots, i stood up right after and after about 5 minutes of walking i noticed oil just, coming out of the site and down my leg. it was horrible. gravity is your friend and also your enemy, use it wisely. the level of pain with each shot is different too, and remember that needles are supposed to only be put in something once. if you fuck up an injection and pull out too fast or anything, switch out the needle because if you don’t, the tip is more blunt (you probably won’t be able to tell with your plain eyes) and will hurt much more than the first time. shots are weird, each one is an entirely different beast but you’ll get it down. 
  12. T can make you more emotional. REMEMBER - puberty 2! it’s not going to turn you into a raging frothing beast, but if you’re already prone to anger, already prone to frustration, it’s going to happen! i’m prone to getting claustrophobic and stressed out, and T has made that worse, but over time i’ve come to manage it and over time it evens out and i experience it less and less. with hormones comes mood shifts. it’s perfectly reasonable and it’s easier than puberty 1, since you can see it coming and can calm yourself down easier and you know what’s causing it. i get frustrated more easily sometimes, but i sit down, breathe, and know that it’s the hormones, and it makes it SO MUCH easier to deal with.
  13. your genitals in general might get drier. might be the opposite. mine is the latter. my libido is NUTS, it can be weird, but for some people it’s not like that. again, completely dependent on the person. either direction or no change at all, you can expect anything. 
  14. your immune system is weaker and your body is putting a lot of energy into these changes. be aware of that, please for the love of all that’s good wash your hands, stay clear of sick people as much as you can, and try to eat and drink healthy, generally. you might catch colds and the colds can turn worse than most, but being hygienic is the best way to prevent any of that. 
  15. if you stop T, your periods will come back. some medications can’t work with T like some birth control, and before starting any medication please check in with your doctor before to make sure that it’s safe. use your best judgment and be conscious of your health.
  16. T is not an overnight experience. changes take a long time, some longer than others, and being patient is incredibly important. don’t get frustrated at your body, it’s doing it’s best. you’ll get there, some slower and some faster than others. it’s different for everyone. but you WILL get there if you want to get there. 
8

doctor who meme    [4/7] scenes

I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself. I take the words, I scatter them in time and space. A message to lead myself here. Rose, you’ve got to stop this, you’ve got to stop this now! You’ve got the entire vortex running through your head. You’re gonna burn! I want you safe, my Doctor. Protected from the false god.

Ten things I wish someone told me when I started HRT:

You can get hormone therapy in the United States without undergoing a long evaluation period or undergoing a ‘real life test’ if you seek out an ‘informed consent’ doctor or clinic. I waited over a year before seeking hormones because I did not want to place myself at the mercy of a mental health professional and I did not want a doctor ‘diagnosing’ my gender. Which brings me to…

They’re going to diagnose you anyway because they need an ICD code to bill your insurance company. I was furious when I found the diagnosis on my medical chart. It would have helped a lot if the doctor had asked my permission or explained that it was for insurance billing purposes only but he didn’t.

Hormone therapy drugs bought from overseas pharmacies are safe and will not cause ‘legitimate’ clinics to refuse treatment should you later decide to switch to a prescription. At the time the information I was able to find talked a lot about how trans women who use ‘black market’ hormones are not to be trusted and that a trans woman who uses such medications should be denied care until they can prove themselves ‘trustworthy,’ somehow. It is a lie.

There is absolutely zero evidence that injectable estrogens are more effective than oral estrogens. The fact is that the ‘advantage’ attributed to injectable estrogens is almost certainly placebo (and injectable placebo is known to be much more powerful than one administered orally). I could have saved myself a lot of discomfort and a serious leg injury caused by an improperly prepared injection.

Properly dosed, there is no reason that sublingual estradiol should be more effective than oral estradiol. The only thing that matters is that enough estradiol enters into your bloodstream and that is something that will be reflected in your labs.

Transdermal estradiol patches are itchy, smelly affairs that cost quite a lot of money and refuse to stay on. Knowing what I know now I would have avoided them entirely.

When I started hormone therapy my endocrinologist gave me conjugated equine estrogen because it came in smaller doses than 17β-estradiol. I was kept on conjugated estrogen for some time under the pretense that he was making sure I didn’t have any bad reactions to being on estrogen. Knowing what I know now I would have been able to argue that conjugated equine estrogen has a much worse side-effect profile than 17β-estradiol and that placing me on this drug unnecessarily endangered my body and my transition. Furthermore, the smallest doses available were far below a healthy dose needed to maintain bone and emotional well-being. Done again I would have insisted that I be started on a reasonable dose of 17β-estradiol.

Low progesterone is implicated in poor emotional health in women. Micronized progesterone is valuable to trans women for maintaining a healthy level of progesterone. I’ve personally benefited a lot, emotionally, from having it and I just wish I started using it sooner.

I wish someone had encouraged me to seek out other trans people as friends. At the time I first came out I didn’t really know there were other people out there that could really help me. The only thing I knew about being trans was what I was able to read online and in books and most of that firmly emphasized the idea that you should transition until you’ve had surgery and ‘pass’ and then disappear and that the people who ‘hung around’ the community were somehow failures. I know that’s not the truth, now, but it really messed me up early in my transition.

I wish someone told me to be cautious. I wish I was told that doctors and mental health professionals aren’t the last word and that if one decides that you’re a ‘failure’ or ‘actually a man’ it’s them that is wrong and not my own instincts regarding who I am. I also wish someone had given me a gentle nudge that some of the people I would meet in the trans community are not to be trusted and do not have my well being at heart. I feel that knowing those two things coming into that experience would have saved me a lot of grief.

Meta Monday: Rose Tyler Defence

Today’s Meta Monday post is brought to you by the person who left a full-fledged rant against Rose Tyler in a comment on one of my fics. For the record, if you spend 500 words putting down one half of my OTP, you cannot say you respect that I ship Ten/Rose. Also, RUDE.

So, I’m going to break down the comment point by point. This was left on my ficlet about Martha, and about halfway through, it switches to ranting about how Martha was treated by the Doctor. For the sake of length, I’ll cover that part next week. Bullet points in quotes are taken directly from the review.

1) Rose was selfish.

At times, yes. Because Rose was human and humans have flaws. She was a well-written character who didn’t always do the right thing for the right reason.

Can we talk for a minute about why Rose is selfish? She’d recently ended a relationship with someone who took advantage of her. Jimmy Stone took off and left her £800 in debt. When you’re used like that, you learn to look out for yourself first, because no one else will. It’s a habit that takes time to break. 

Now, this accusation often includes, “Rose was selfish to leave her family to travel,” and I will argue against that with my dying breath. It is not selfish for a young woman to decide to leave her family and create her own life. That is natural. I know Jackie and Mickey struggled with it, but that’s their thing to deal with. Honestly, them expecting Rose to never change and always be the same Rose they remembered is more selfish than Rose choosing to create her own life.

Don’t we tell girls all the time that they should plan their lives based on what would make them happy, not on what people expect them to do? Isn’t that part of what feminism is? So why do we insist it’s selfish when a young woman is actually bold enough to flout expectations and forge her own path?

2) “She ditched Mickey immediately when she heard the Doctor telling her that Tardis is a time travel machine.”

Why is it so horrible that Rose jumped at an amazing opportunity for a better life? She was obviously bored and dissatisfied before meeting the Doctor. (Look at her face when she’s working at Henrik’s. That is not the face of someone content with their life.) 

And let’s get rid of the notion that Mickey was a perfect boyfriend. Do you remember the part in “Rose” where she asks if she can borrow his laptop? And he says yes, but then in a panic tells her not to look at his email? That’s supposed to be a hint that he was cheating on her–another sign that her life was not ideal, meaning she was at a perfect spot for a change.

I understand that it hurts to be the person left behind. I’ll even agree that Rose should have said a bit more of a goodbye to Mickey than she did. (Though since the Doctor had already left once, I don’t blame her if she thought there was a clock ticking.) However, I refuse to blame Rose for wanting a different life. That’s grossly unfair. 

Think about this: Donna pitched the keys to the car she shared with her mother in a bin, then took off without saying a word about travelling. And yet, I’ve never heard anyone say anything bad about the way she left her family. Why is what Rose did so much worse?

3) “She also not only made Jackie grieve over her, therefore making her get Mickey go to police 5 times the whole year.”

Oh boy. One of my favourites. 

THE MISSING YEAR IS NOT ROSE’S FAULT.

We don’t know how long Rose had been with the Doctor when they landed at the beginning of “Aliens of London.” If we go strictly by time we’ve seen, it’s less than a week. If we believe there are adventures that happen offscreen, then maybe 2-3 weeks. 

Not only that, but she had been assured that to her mum, only 12 hours would have passed. She walked into that flat thinking she’d been gone overnight, thinking her phone call from Platform One would have been plenty to ease any worries. 

It is not Rose Tyler’s fault that the TARDIS, purposely or not, skipped a full year.

That means none of the things that happened to people on Earth during that time are her fault. It’s not her fault that her mum thought she was dead. It’s not her fault that Mickey was dragged in for questioning. Jackie and Mickey resenting Rose for the missing year does not make it actually Rose’s fault. 

4) “She flirted with Adam and Jack and broke up with Mickey, making him feel like crap.”

Right. Mickey who told Rose–in the middle of trying to chat her up–that he was seeing Trisha Delaney? Which he told her purposely to make her angry? Mickey is not superior here, so don’t even try to make it out like Rose is the horrible tramp and Mickey is the long-suffering boyfriend. 

And if she’d broken up with Mickey, what does it matter that she flirted with Adam and Jack? This kind of slut-shaming needs to end. Flirting is not a sin.

5) “She ripped Tardis console to become Bad Wolf, despite the fact that Tardis was an sentient being.” 

I see this thrown out as a horrible thing all the time. Do you know who did not get angry at Rose for opening the TARDIS? The Doctor. Not once in his explanation to Jack during “Utopia” does he say anything bad about Rose opening the TARDIS. Not once does his voice betray anything but awe at what she became. 

No one knows and loves the TARDIS more than the Doctor. If he wasn’t upset with Rose for opening her heart, maybe it wasn’t a bad thing for her to do. 

Also, if you’re thinking Bad Wolf was a selfish choice, then you’re purposely reading your opinion that Rose was selfish into the text. Rose knew looking into the heart of the TARDIS could kill her–she’d seen what had happened to Margaret the Slitheen. But she chose to do it anyway, because it was the only way to save the Doctor. 

Rose becoming Bad Wolf is not about her pouting because he sent her away. That is the wrongest interpretation of that scene I have ever seen, and it makes me angry every time. In the diner, when she’s trying to explain to Jackie and Mickey why she’s so upset, she starts with, “Two hundred thousand years in the future, he’s dying, and there’s nothing I can do.” And when Bad Wolf explains her choice and her purpose to the Doctor? “I want you safe. My Doctor. Protected from the false god.” 

Not to mention her glorious speech in the diner, which is entirely about understanding that life is better when you live it for other people. Bad Wolf is Rose Tyler at her least selfish and she is absolutely brilliant. 

6) “Martha actually worked hard to become a doctor, while Rose could not even get herself a job after getting her job blown off.” 

Wow. There’s so much classist garbage in here, I don’t even know where to start.

  1. Yes, Martha worked hard. That doesn’t mean Rose didn’t. Stop putting down one companion to praise another. 
  2. You don’t have to have an upper class job like doctor to be a hard worker. Poor people work their tails off, doing things no one else wants to do. Even Martha complained that she had to work in a shop. (Blink)
  3. Rose left with the Doctor twenty-four hours after Henrik’s blew up. 
    1. No, she didn’t go out job hunting the day after almost dying. 
    2. Lucky she didn’t, because if she hadn’t spent the day looking up the Doctor, she might not have been there when he faced the Nestene Consciousness. And the Doctor himself admitted that he would have died if it wasn’t for her.

What you’re really saying is that instead of going off to have a fabulous life, Rose should have stayed on the Estate. I’m being kind and not adding, “where she belonged” to the end of that statement, but really–that’s what you’re implying. That as a young woman from the Estate, Rose didn’t deserve the kind of life she found with the Doctor.

Why not? 

Rose Tyler was clever. Practically the first thing the Doctor says to her is a compliment because she’d come up with a logical explanation for the Autons. It was wrong, but he was impressed by her logic. 

Rose Tyler was brave. She saved the Doctor that first day, she ran into the TARDIS even though he told her it would be dangerous, she ran after the ghost in “The Unquiet Dead…” Do I need to go on? Rose Tyler shot out the window of the rocket she was on so she could kill Satan. How’s that?

Rose Tyler was compassionate. She objected strenuously to the Doctor asking Gwyneth to channel to Gelth. She saw a little boy calling for his Mummy and tried to help him. She refused to let the Doctor kill a Dalek. She was outraged by the slavery of the Ood.

Rose Tyler stood up for what she believed in, no matter what the cost. She never hesitated to tell the Doctor if she thought what he was doing was wrong, even though she knew he could always take her home if he got annoyed with her. When he was passed out from regeneration sickness, she stood up to the Sycorax in his place. She got in Mr. Connolly’s face in Idiot’s Lantern when he was being a sexist jerk, talking down to his wife. 

Rose Tyler was clever, brave, and compassionate. When she was gone, the Doctor missed her ability to spot things he missed. “Rose would know,” was not just a sentimental comment–the solution to their adventures often started with Rose spotting something out of place and pointing it out to the Doctor. (The Unquiet Dead, The Long Game, Empty Child/The Doctor Dances, School Reunion, Idiot’s Lantern and Fear Her, just off the top of my head.)

So no, random reviewer, Rose is not flawless. But she’s also not the selfish girl you insist she is.

3

Requested by anonymous


“Wait, this is…” you said, recognizing the most recent destination that the Doctor brought you to. It was your home.

The Doctor gave a nod. “That last trip showed me something,” he stated. “You aren’t safe with me.”

You stared into the Doctor’s face. You grew to love the quirky time lord. Even though you were able to tell his wounds from the past were recent, he still made sure you had a fun time, even when you ended up on battlefields or in the middle of an invasion.

“But I want to stay with you,” you stated firmly.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. But it’s my turn to run. You’re still fantastic,” the Doctor stated as he backed into his TARDIS. The door closed and the box de-materialized, and you ran to where it once stood, tears forming in your eyes.

A month later and you’ve given yourself a good chance to move on. You went about your daily life as though you never left Earth, though the Doctor still occasionally crossed your mind.

You walked down the street, going home from your new job, when suddenly what looked like a plastic mannequin lunged at you. You gave a shout and jumped to the side, out of its way.

A hand grabbed your arm. “Careful there,” a voice you didn’t recognize warned. You looked up, seeing a young brown-haired man. He, however, had a look of recognition. “Y/N?”

“How do you know me?” you asked.

“Later. Now, run,” the man stated. He grabbed your hand and ran off, pulling you behind him. Something about this situation seemed familiar.

“Okay, Autons aren’t that fast, we have a moment to talk,” the man stated. “And I know why you don’t recognize me. I had a different face then. I’m sorry about leaving you behind like that.”

“Wait, Doctor?” you asked, looking the new man closely in the face. He had mentioned that his appearance would sometimes change, but you never saw it.

“Yep, that’s me,” the Doctor replied. “It’s been a while.”

“A month,” you told him.

“Couple hundred years for me, I think,” the Doctor stated. “But I still think of you from time to time. I regret leaving you behind, even though I don’t really regret my decision.”

You opened your mouth to reply, but noticed something behind the Doctor. “Watch out!”

“Woah!” the Doctor exclaimed, practically tripping over his own feet as he dodged out of the way. “Maybe I should keep you around.”

“Okay, that settles it,” the Doctor stated once he and you drove the Autons off of Earth. He turned to you. “Would you like to travel with me again?”

“Only a month ago to me, you suddenly left me back home,” you told the Doctor, your tone showing how much it had hurt.

“I know,” the Doctor said gently. “I was so afraid of losing you, and I thought that leaving you here was the best way to ensure I wouldn’t. And maybe I’m being selfish now, but…” He trailed off, giving you a kiss on the forehead. “I want to travel with you again. I miss having you with me.”

You couldn’t stay mad. You gave the Doctor a soft smile. “I miss traveling with you. Let’s go.”

anonymous asked:

Mini fic of fluff leading up to Maggie and Alex's cuddling??!?!??

They know they’ll fall asleep.

These days, Alex has trouble falling asleep in bed. Unless it’s in Maggie’s arms, immediately after being thoroughly fucked. But tonight? Tonight’s a cuddle night.

So they know when they fall asleep, it’ll be on the couch.

It has been lately.

Since the white Martian infiltrated her brain.

Since Jeremiah.

Since… since Jeremiah.

And Maggie’s been having her own difficulties.

Her own traumas.

With her own set of memories that Valentine’s Day stirred up.

With her own set of memories, of terrors, of the bar full of her friends’ bodies, of wounds that haven’t even gotten the chance to scar yet, that Cadmus’s latest attacks stirred up.

That Alex nearly being launched across the galaxy, being held at gunpoint, conjured.

Maggie doesn’t like to talk.

But Alex knows.

Alex knows, and she makes her dinner and she pours her scotch even though Maggie’s insisted she doesn’t need to keep any in the house – and she surprises herself, because she’s not even tempted to have any for herself – and she pops popcorn, allegedly just for Maggie (I don’t know how you eat it with just coconut oil and sea salt, it’s gross, Sawyer and Doesn’t stop you from stealing it out of my bowl, Danvers and Any excuse to be closer to you, babe and Get over here, woman, you never need an excuse to be closer to me).

Alex melts when Maggie moans happily with her eyes closed at the pasta Alex made, because unless Maggie’s cooking for someone else – namely, Alex and Kara and Adrian – she never bothers being much more than utilitarian with her food. (Tiramisu doesn’t count. It has its own category, Danvers.)

And Maggie melts when Alex gets out the pillows and the blankets and refuses to let Maggie get up to put her dishes in the sink, because you work so hard all day, Sawyer, let me take care of you for once, and Alex’s top is lacey and low cut and Maggie watches her move, listens to her hum to herself, watches her smile over her shoulder because Alex knows – she always knows – that Maggie’s eyes are glued to her body, to her bare skin and to her collection of bruises, and she almost swoons.

She would claim almost, anyway.

But Maggie knows the truth: that her gaze doesn’t make Alex almost anything.

She full-out swoons, and Maggie settles back into the couch and waits eagerly for Alex to return, because she has never felt quite this domestic, quite this safe, quite this… home.

“Thank you, Ally,” she says softly as Alex sits back down and throws out her arm and puts Maggie’s favorite pillow onto her own lap, inviting Maggie to lay down on her.

“For what?”

“For…”

For dinner. For giving me scotch but not drinking any yourself. For that top with that lace and for that smile and for letting me lay in your lap and letting me put on Doctor Who episodes that you didn’t love but I did as we fall asleep and for putting the dishes away and for knowing, just knowing, that I’m spending the night, for pulling the blanket over my legs but not my torso because you know how claustrophobic I can get if the blanket is up too high, for putting your arm on my waist and making me feel safe, for making me feel wanted and making me feel loved. So, so, so loved.

“For you, Danvers. For you.”

Alex tilts her head – a habit she’s quickly acquiring from her girlfriend – and tilts her mouth to one side.

“Come here.”

Maggie does – eagerly – and when their lips meet, it’s fire under a waterfall and it’s stars exploding in the vacuum of space and it’s lethal hands turning tender and strong hearts being vulnerable and soft lips on tossed-back necks and low moans growing louder and unspoken love transporting on hitched breath and passionate sighs and whispered names.

“You knocked my pillow on the floor, Danvers,” Maggie teases, her voice several octaves lower than normal, when they part for breath, their foreheads pressed together, their arms around each other, their legs somehow, now, entwined.

“Oh, it’s your pillow, is it?”

Maggie freezes and Alex realizes her mistake, and she takes Maggie’s face into gentle hands and strokes her hair and kisses her nose.

“I love that you’re at home here. I want… I want you to be. Hell, Mags, you can have all the pillows in the universe if it means you sleep in my arms more often.”

Maggie swallows tears and Alex bites her lip, because maybe it was too much, maybe –

“I don’t want all the pillows in the universe, Alex. Only the ones that keep me here.”

They both lean down for the pillow at the same time, with the same smile, with the same hope and the same fear and the same love, love, love.

And the promptly knock their heads together.

They laugh and they take turns spluttering apologies and kissing each other’s foreheads and eventually – somehow – Maggie makes sure a pillow is behind Alex’s head (she always forgets), and Alex resets Maggie’s pillow on her lap, and Maggie lays back down, and Alex puts the blanket back on her, and Alex sighs, and Maggie sighs, and Alex plays with her hair and holds her safe, holds her close, holds her perfect.

And if they both breath soft I love yous when their eyes are dragging and they’re drifting into a more peaceful sleep than either of them have ever gotten on their own, the air between them holds their most cherished, most exciting, most terrifying, most beautiful secret.

Until they’re ready to speak the obvious into existence in the full awareness of day and not just the soft glow of sleepy perfection on the couch at midnight.

Leaving is Hard to Do - Jim Kirk

Summary: drinkin’ while you’re in love with jim but are too scared to tell him lest it destroy your friendship. 

Word count: 2,361

Warnings: language, alcohol

A/N: isn’t the title funny? it’s a play on “breaking up is hard to do” fjgkdjfhg i love myself. this is slightly sad but i love it for some reason. i think i just love jim so i keep writing him and literally no one else. ENJOY IT AND LEMME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!


You didn’t understand Jim’s flirting technique at all but, on the contrary, you greatly understood how he managed the success rate he did. You attributed it to the “love is blind” cliche— only edited.

“Lust is deaf,” you called it.

He would put his foot in his mouth repeatedly as he spoke to anyone he was attracted to— he would rattle off ridiculous inquiries you could recall being the audience to during your years at the Academy.

Of course, those questions came from eighteen year-old boys with inexplicably high confidence levels that verged on total narcissism and inexplicably low sensitivity levels that verged on sociopathy.

In Jim’s case, however, the questions would be asked with such little interest it was as if he was reading the same tired script printed onto the walls of his scotch glass.

It didn’t matter what Jim said, though. After all, who could resist his unbelievably electric blue eyes and unnecessarily bright smile that appeared to be illuminated by starlight?

He stood with his side leant against the edge of the bar counter, his elbow resting atop the presumably sticky surface— it made you feel bad for his worn grey leather jacket that was probably bearing the brunt of the stickiness. His eyes were narrowed by the magnitude of his close-lipped smile. He brought the rim of his glass to his lips and glanced at you from the corner of his eye.

You just snorted and sat back against the booth you occupied.

Your fingertip swirled patterns against the table as you heard the leather bench across from you squeak with newly added weight. Without looking up, you shook your head. “Not interested.”

“Neither am I, darlin’.”

Keep reading

This Life We Live: Part 3

Prompt: Bruce and Reader as teen parents

AN: Someone inquired about when the next part would be up, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it! So Here’s part 3!

Words: 1092

Part 1, Part 2


          You watch his training from a distance, after nearly four months, he’s actually winning the occasional fight. Bruce has always been a quick study, so it doesn’t really surprise you. At the very least he’s coming back with less gaping wounds and more bruises. As a particularly bad gust of wind blows through you sink further into your jacket, and pull your scarf over your nose.

          Almost magically another blanket is draped across your shoulders. You give a small smile to your nurse. You have no idea what her name is, and she hasn’t said a word in front of you. Nonetheless she returns the smile with a timid one of her own.

          “Out for a walk are we?” It takes everything you have not to jump at the sound of his voice. Doing your best to calm your heartbeat, you turn and face Ra’s Al Ghul. You give him a small smile before bringing your gloved hands to rest on your rather sizable bump. “You’ve just reached your seventh month, have you not?”

          You respond as everyone does, “Yes, Master.”

          “And you’re feeling well. The doctor said your blood pressure has been a bit high.”

          You give a nervous smile, “As well as can be expected.”

          He nods, before turning his head towards the training session, “He’s catching on rather quickly. Remarkable for such a sheltered boy.” You don’t say anything. His attention turns to your nurse as he says, “Make sure she doesn’t spend too much time on her feet, the doctor recommends rest.”

          Your nurse nods before gently grabbing you elbow and escorting you back inside. You’ve been here for a little over three months now. You’ve been well cared for, and your comfort seems to be of the highest priority. The exact opposite of Bruce. You only see him for a few hours a week. You’ve been given a separate room, one with everything you could possibly need. Bruce sleeps with the other soldiers, and trains night and day.

          As you lay down on the bed, you allow your mind to go blank. Your hand goes to your large belly and strokes it in a calming manner. Every once in awhile a kick will meet the palm of your hand, and you can’t help but smile. Despite the circumstances your baby is happy and healthy, and for the moment he’s safe.

          A knock on the door brings you out of your thoughts and you smile at your visitor, and do your best to sit up, “Talia.”

          She just smiles, and closes the door quietly behind her, “Don’t get up, the doctor said to rest. Father already thinks you’re being a bit careless.”

          You grimace, “I needed to stretch my legs.”

          She just smirks as she lies on the bed next to you, “You wanted to see Bruce.”

          You smile, “That too.”

          “You should hear what people are saying. He’s too damn smart for his own good. He’s moving up the ranks faster than anyone they’ve ever seen. I suppose what they say is true about a man who has something worth fighting for.”

          “Bruce has always been strong.”

          She just hmms, before asking, “And how’s the next Wayne son?”

          You scowl, “Everyone thinks it’s a boy.”

          Talia just grins, “And you don’t? Motherly intuition telling you something? Because I could use everything I can get in the betting pool.”

          You roll your eyes, “As loathe as I am to admit it. I think it’s a boy too.” You pause before saying, “I still can’t believe it’s happening.”

          Talia’s brow furrows, “What? Being here with the League?”

          You shake your head, “No, that part is very real. More the being a mother thing. I’m only seventeen.”

          Talia’s hand goes to your bump. She does that a lot you find, feel your baby bump. She seems fascinated by the pregnancy, “That’s not so young. My mother was only a year older than you when I was born. And in an age not too long ago, this would have been considered the norm.” You just nod, and then wince, “The baby’s been active today?”

          “Ever since I got back to the room. I feel sorry for Bruce to be honest. He still hasn’t felt the baby kick. It’s killing him.”

          Talia doesn’t respond. She stays for another hour and then goes as silently as she came.

          A knock on the door several hours later bring dinner, and surprise you hadn’t been expecting. You can’t help but smile as Bruce comes through the door. He’s carrying a tray with dinner for two. He smiles as you try and get to your feet, “Don’t get up, I’m coming to you.”

          You settle down as he sets the tray at the end of the bed and crawls up beside you. You kiss him long and hard. He smells faintly of sweat, and he’s covered in fading bruises. But you can’t help but smile because there are no gaping wounds this time. “What are you doing here?”

          He smirks, “Aren’t you happy to see me?”

          “I’m thrilled, but they said I wouldn’t get to see you for a few weeks this time.”

          He shrugs, “The master came, gave me a tray and said I had three hours. Told me to tell you to keep your feet up. He says your blood pressure is elevated.”

          You can hear the worry in his voice, “Only slightly. I’m fine, really.”

          He kisses you again, “Good, I trust you. Now, let’s pick up where we left off.” Suddenly both his hands are on your belly, and his face is hovering close by. “Hello in there. Can you hear me? It’s your daddy. I know I haven’t been around much, but I promise that one day, all of that is going to change. I promise you that. One day, we’ll go home, and I’ll introduce you to Alfred, and you, your mom, and I will have picnic on the back lawn like I did with my parents,” he pauses, “Can you kick daddy’s hand if that sounds like fun?”

          It takes nearly a minute for the kick to come, but Bruce never loses faith. When it does come, his face lights up, and he turns to you and says, “See? Our kid is brilliant, like his mother.”

          You just smile. All too soon your three hours are up, and with one last kiss Bruce is forced away again, and you’re left all alone again. Then another kick comes and you’re reminded that you’re not so alone.

I Love You || Jeon Jungkook

Originally posted by diytae

TRIGGER WARNING: THIS CONTENT CONTAINS VERY MATURE THEMES AND INCLUDES MENTIONS OF DEATH AND SUICIDE. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UPSET EASILY. 

AN: I’m really being serious about this one guys. So much so that I’m putting the authors note here instead of at the end like usual. This imagine is not meant for people who are easily upset and it’s not meant to hurt anyone, it’s purely for the reader who requested it. If you do not feel comfortable with the above mentioned themes please let me know and I can make another version for everyone. 

Word Count: 1.6K

Genre: Angst 


Jungkookie, I’m so excited for you! You’re going on tour and you’re going to have so much fun. Make sure you blow all of your fans kisses and give all of them love. Without them you wouldn’t have made it this far so remember to be grateful. Anyways, I love you. Be safe!

Keep reading

2

(Not my GIF)

Request: Alright. Hi. So, could you do a Tenth Doctor x reader regeneration sadness thing (I’m evil.) -Anon

Wordcount: 615 or something like that lmao

Triggers: Sappiness lmao.

A/N: I know it’s short but that’s because his regeneration was pretty quick.

Keep reading

Anti/Dr Schneeplestein Theory

As we all know @therealjacksepticeye has been tagging some of his Dr Schneeplestein reblogs with hidden messages. The first was Damaged, the second was Glitched and the last one was Ultrons there are no strings on me youtube URL. I have a little theory just based on these 3 things and my wild imagination which I’m hoping isnt true.

Antisepticeye is controlling Dr Schneeplestein but not in the way that we think. We know Dr Schneeplestein has lost some patients previously and we saw how devastated he was to lose Peter, his accountant so we know something has made the good doctor snap. Thos is where Anti comes in.

Dr Schneeplestein still has free will, the song there are no strings on me is from Pinocchio, who we know is a wooden puppet with the gift of life and this song essentially means I’m no ones puppet. Dr Schneeplestein is just being threatened, tortured by Anti. He’s damaged due to all of the torture hes been forced through. Glitched means suffer a sudden malfunction or fault, in another sense broken.

Anti has threatened the good doctor using his kids and wife as leverage and we all know how much the doctor doesnt want to lose his wife and kids so he endures the pain, does exactly what Anti wants with only one thought, to keep his family alive.

What if in the video where jack killed Chase Brody, this was actually anti taking control to eliminate jacks other egos, even for a couple of seconds. Chase is basically the cinnamon roll of this community and I, and other people, have created things for the other Egos (Chase, Schneep, Jackaboy man, Marvin) and this in turn has made Anti jealous.

Then in the video when the good doctor appears, he says this is the only way I can keep my wife and kids. Now I know that he has said this in the Jacksepticeye Power Hour video but that was talking anout keeping his license, this video he was talking about killing and infecting people. Dr Schneeplestein wasnt talking about divorce or anything like that, he was talking about keeping them alive and safe. He doesnt want them to be hurt or killed by Anti.

You know like a paragraph ago I talked about Anti getring rid of the other egos? Well the thing is Dr Schneeplestein will never keep his family even though he so desperately wants to. Yes Anti threatened to take his family away and thats true, but not in the way the good doctor thought. After Anti is finished he is going to take the doctor away from his family by killing him.

It’s quite a long theory spurred from three tags and the weirdness that is my mind but what do you guys think?

Ready - Doctor Strange x Reader [SMUT]


Title:
 Ready - Doctor Strange x Reader [SMUT]

Pairing: Doctor Strange x Reader 

Characters: Doctor Strange, Reader

Request: “Hi! Your smutty Doctor Strange fic was amazing! I just saw the movie last night and wanted to ask if you could make a fic where Stephen never told the reader where he was going and then when he comes back it gets angsty but then fluff at the end? Sorry for it being so long!” @mayaurbinaa

Word Count: 2065

Warnings: LOTS AND LOTS OF ANGST. OH MY GOODNESS SO MUCH ANGST. OH, AND SOME SMUT AND FLUFFINESS AT THE END. Unprotected sex - wrap it before you tap it people! Sex against a window pane people, may not be safe. 


Originally posted by lichtblickpink

Keep reading

— victoria itv sentence starters.

 nsfw   and   triggering   themes   and   mentions   may   be   present,   change  pronouns  as  needed.

  • ❛ The butler said you’d be here. ❜
  • ❛ I think perhaps now I’m speaking as a woman and not as a Queen. ❜
  • ❛ At the beginning, I thought that you were the father I never had. ❜
  • ❛ I feel, I know, that you are the only companion I could desire. ❜
  • ❛ I think we could learn much from them. ❜
  • ❛ I would never do such a thing. ❜
  • ❛ I think you have it already. ❜
  • ❛ No. You must keep it intact for someone else. ❜
  • ❛ I have no use for it, you see. ❜
  • ❛ Like a rock, I’m made for life. ❜
  • ❛ I’m sorry to have disturbed you. ❜
  • ❛ I’m sorry if your dog does not recognize me. ❜
  • ❛ I, on the other hand, had no difficulty recognizing you. ❜
  • ❛ So, everybody who wants to send a letter, has to lick my face? ❜
  • ❛ Forgive me, I thought you were dressing you dog. ❜
  • ❛ I find nothing to laugh at, only to admire. ❜
  • ❛ I hope you enjoyed your day. ❜
  • ❛ _____ and I, visited the gallery. ❜
  • ❛ I have not yet finished. ❜
  • ❛ Oh, did you see my portrait? I think it my favorite. ❜
  • ❛ What did the doctors say? Tell me please. ❜
  • ❛ You are with child. That’s magnificent. You’re magnificent. ❜
  • ❛ I’m afraid. ❜
  • ❛ Is it safe to announce? ❜
  • ❛ Is it so that you can keep a mistress? ❜
  • ❛ Is that what you think of me? ❜
  • ❛ How can you be so foolish? ❜
  • ❛ The only woman I want is you. ❜
  • ❛ When I marry you tomorrow it will be as an ordinary woman. ❜
  • ❛ And I will promise to love, honor and obey. ❜
  • ❛ Your honeymoon was not a long campaign, ma’am.  ❜
  • ❛ I don’t regard marriage as a battlefield. ❜
  • ❛ At least here, we only have one royal family. ❜
  • ❛ Your is, uh, wearing jewelry. ❜
  • ❛ I believe it is my privilege to take you into diner. ❜
  • ❛ You’ve done your hair differently duchess, brings out the curve in your neck. ❜
  • ❛ I won’t give up. You belong at my side. ❜
  • ❛ There’s no place for me here. ❜
  • ❛ They music, it is very well constructed. ❜
  • ❛ I should send for the doctor. ❜
  • ❛ Tell me, please. There’s nothing we can’t fix. ❜
  • ❛ This was your victory, my angel. ❜
  • ❛ Of course, I want children, your children, just not yet.
  • ❛ What are you doing? Someone tell you to do this? ❜
  • ❛ To avoid conception, there’s abstinence. Is that what you want? ❜
  • ❛ Oh, I’m so bored of this. No riding, no dancing. ❜
  • ❛ You do not like being with child because you cannot dance. ❜
  • ❛ A palace this size could never have too many teaspoons. ❜
  • ❛ Well, it is three o’ clock and I have my bonnet on. ❜
  • ❛ It’s my duty to show myself to my people. ❜
  • ❛ Look how happy people are to see us. ❜
  • ❛ Pulse is a little weak, you must rest. ❜
  • ❛ I’m afraid that the world is more dangerous than what you think. ❜
  • ❛ I will keep you safe, I promise. ❜
  • ❛ I don’t remember giving that order. ❜
8

The 100 Season One Aesthetics - Wells Jaha

“You think this is a game? Those aren’t just our friends and our parents up there. They’re our farmers, our doctors, our engineers. I don’t care what he tells you. We won’t survive here on our own, and besides, if it really is safe, how could you not want the rest of our people to come down?”

This isn’t Stockholm

Summary/Prompt: Imagine you got abducted with Claire, Marcia, and Casey in Split, but you’re not high schoolers - you’re grad students. Your area of study is Psychology with your focus on DID. Can you work with Kevin and all of his identities to survive?

Warnings: SPOILERS FOR SPLIT - if you haven’t seen the movie, and want to, don’t read this. Language, abduction, mental disorders, (if you watched Split, it’s all of the content in there).

Word Count: 5695

Notes: I saw Split the other day and was inspired. I am a psychology student so I loved the film and this is how I wish it would’ve ended, haha. If you haven’t seen it, this may be hard to follow what’s happening. beta’d by my best girl @like-a-bag-of-potatoes

~~~~~~~~~~~

When you, Casey, Claire, and Marcia woke up, you had no idea what happened. You were in the car, when that man had gotten in and–did he spray you? Everything was so fuzzy right now. You sat up as Claire and Marcia gripped each other and Casey sat on the end of the cot you were on. You were closer to Casey than the other girls, but you were all friends none-the-less. It’s hard not to be when you share an apartment for grad school.

Terror was hard to swallow, but in this situation, panicking would get you nowhere. Thinking of all the things that could happen to you, you just pushed the fears down. After Marcia had wet herself to fend off your abductor, Claire had started to suggest to just attack him but Casey didn’t want to. They asked for your vote on the matter and you thought four against one were pretty good odds, but it still scared you regardless.

Keep reading

“Troop Leader” Part 11

Summary: How will your father handle the fact that James Buchanan Barnes is the one mending your broken heart?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Stark!Reader

Warnings: Fluff, Papa!Tony

Word Count: 830

A/N: We are almost to the end! Probably three or four more parts! Both taglists are open.

Troop Leader Masterlist


Originally posted by duckbuttt

Previously:

“I have a way for you to make it up to me then.” Bucky said with a huge smile.

You signaled for him to continue.

“Go on a date with me?”


“Get better first. Then, maybe we will see about a date.” You told him smugly.

He sighed, but agreed to your terms. He was just looking forward to his date with you. He needed to have patience because he knew you were worth the wait. You gave him a kiss on the cheek and went to go grab some food for the both of you. Once you were fully out of sight, Tony snuck in.

Bucky was shocked to see Tony. He never would have thought he would come and visit him, but once he started talking, he knew it wasn’t a get-well visit.

“Listen, Tin Man, I don’t want you dating my daughter. She might’ve forgiven you for your past, but I’m not there. She’s been through too much already. I don’t want you adding to the pile of people that hurt her. I’m tired of her crying herself to sleep at night. I’m tired of her not being happy. I don’t want you with her.” Tony practically yelled.

Bucky had no idea how to respond. If only Steve was there to help him. The only thing he could think of was trying to defend you.

“Tony, I get it, I really do. But can’t you see that she has been happy. I don’t think you’ve seen her smile so much in only an hour. I don’t want to hurt her. I will try my best not to, but I want to be with her. She’s the most beautiful dame I’ve ever seen. She’s sweet, kind, and caring. Taylor didn’t deserve, and I don’t either, but I’m going to try my hardest to make her happy.” Bucky told your father.

Tony took a deep breath before giving his answer,

“I swear to God, if you hurt her I will not hesitate to remove your arm. Again.” Tony warned him.

“I would expect nothing less.” Bucky laughed out.

They might have had their differences, but loving you was something they had in common.


 You had caught the last bit of the boy’s conversation. You let out a huff of laughter at your dad’s warning. He has always been the dramatic type. With a smile gracing your face, you pushed open the door to Bucky’s room. You had a plethora of food with you. You had no idea what he could and couldn’t eat at the moment. So, you got a variety of soft and hard foods for him to choose from. Both men smiled as you entered.

“Alrighty, I got a bunch of food for you to choose from, Bucky. I don’t know what your doctor wants you to eat, but I just got something of everything.” You said as you laid the food down on the rolling tray.

“What would I do without ya, Doll?” Bucky asked before digging into his feast.

“Probably starve to death. I think that’s a safe bet.” You laughed as you took a bite of the sandwich you had bought for yourself.

You heard Tony let out a laugh behind you, “Your damn right he would. I’m gonna make my way back to the tower. The Terminator over here is gonna need a new arm and Bruce needs my help building it. I’ll see you both later. Hands to yourselves and keep it PG.” Tony warned before backing his way out of the room.

You and Bucky let out a howl of laughter, but stopped when Bucky winced. His fractured ribs made laughing painful. It would soon be healed, then he could laugh at your sarcasm and jokes again. You made yourself comfortable on the small hospital bed next to Bucky and continued to eat in a comfortable silence.

“Ya know Doll, this is technically our first date, but look at us. We are having a meal and cuddling together. It’s hard to deny the fact that this a date.” He said with a combination of his Brooklyn accent and a smirk.

You rolled your eyes at him and said, “You really want our first date to be in a hospital. I was thinking using the whole movie room in the tower and ordering pizza and then maybe you getting lucky.”

He choked on the sip of water he was taking. You laughed at him as he kept on coughing.

“You can’t just say that to a man, Dollface. Your gonna give em’ a heart attack!” he exclaimed.

“Well, if you couldn’t handle that, then you definitely wouldn’t be able to handle me in bed!” you laughed out at him.

He groaned and hid his face in his hands. The poor guy was embarrassed. You kept laughing at him until a voice interrupted,

“That’s not keeping it PG, guys!” Tony’s voice bellowed out.

Of course he could still hear you.

Permanent: @imgettingmarriedtobuckybarnes
@opaque-daydream
@betsy1066
@imagine-all-the-fandoms
@ifoundlove-x0vanessa0x
@pacifikaproudaotearoa
@ria132love
@whyugottabsorude
@girlwith100names

Series: @arabellaaurorabarnes
@kika-doll
@alicerozenju
@magellan-88
@permanent-lines
@dairyfarmher9
@betherz5683
@hollycornish
@fayrizo
@kyritha
@aqueenwithoutherkingx
@r5-5sos-magcon-youtube-janoskian
@sexysamsungl
@buenostardissherlock
@nykeemauniverse
@marvel-fanfiction
@ri-wantstorunaway
@hillrich
@rosecharlotteweasley
@summerbummer2001
@hmltntrsh51
@todorath
@bubblegumbutt27
@dankmemesofphan

(Bolds wouldnt let me tag)

4 years // For you || part four Dan Howell

A/N: duh duh duh the moment has finally come: part four is here!

Word Count: 1.3K

POV: Reader

MASTERLIST // PART ONE // PART TWO // PART THREE

Originally posted by pinoffs

Phil’s car came to a halt in the big parking lot in front of the hospital. Dan turned the engine off and faced me. There was both, excitement and worry in his chocolate brown eyes.

My heart started racing as I thought about what would happen in only a few minutes.

“Y/N?” Dan asked me once again. His voice was quiet and soft.

“Yes?”  

“I’m really nervous.” He admitted and I could tell that he was being sincere.  

“It’ll be just fine, I promise.” I tried to calm him down and knew that Luke was going to love him no matter what.

“I really do care now. About both of you.” Dan swore and stared into my eyes intensely.

“Well.. I guess it’s time to meet your son then” I whispered as I opened the car door and pushed it open.

The orange sun vanished behind the hospital’s facade as Dan and I walked to the entrance together. I could tell how on edge Dan was and although I felt the urge to hold his hand and squeeze it I didn’t.

Back when we were 18 I would do that to instantly calm him down. That was all it would take no matter how nervous he was.

The inside of the hospital building was as clean and sterile as always with its spotless white walls. There was barely any decorations and it generally lacked warmth.

I knew the floors by heart since I hadn’t left Luke’s side since he became a patient here. A nurse greeted me as I lead Dan to the elevator so we could go up the children’s ward where Luke was.

“Ready?” I asked as we stood in front of the door to my little son’s room.

Dan looked like he was close to having a panic attack.

This time I couldn’t stop myself from taking his hand in mine. His eyes widened in surprise as he turned to face me. I slightly smiled at him and saw him blush a little bit. I guess, not everything had changed since we were teenagers.

“I’m ready” he spoke firmly and now determination sparkled in his eyes.

I took a deep breath before I gently opened the door.

“Sunshine, I am back!” I announced as soon as I entered the room. Luke was sitting on his bed with his eyes glued to the screen of his Gameboy. As soon as he heard my voice his head snapped up and he started smiling from ear to ear.

“Mummy!” he cheered and raised his arms, signalizing that he wanted me to hug him.

I literally sprinted over to his bed and took his small figure into my arms.

“Did the nurses look after you today?” I asked my little boy while I caressed the back of his head.

He nodded. “One of the nurses even played a game with me. And I won.” He then added proudly.

“There’s somebody that I want you to meet, sunshine. He came all the way from London to see you.” I then explained and gestured towards Dan who had watched us in silence.

There were tears in his eyes as he gazed at his son. My heart got heavy at the sight.

As soon as Luke noticed Dan, his pupils doubled in size. I felt him search for my hand and soon after he wrapped his whole hand around two of my fingers.

His face was beaming with curiosity and excitement as he eyed the young brown haired man that he had never seen before but shared his DNA with.

Dan slowly walked towards us, he seemed to be overwhelmed with emotions.

As soon as he reached the hospital bed he kneeled down so he was the same height as Luke.

Never had I ever thought that I’d live to witness Dan and Luke being in the same room together. It was like two worlds collided. It was like my past was currently greeting my future and I was the present that watched.

“Hi Luke, I’m Dan and I am your…”

Before he said the word he looked at me for assurance as if he needed my permission to call him the father of our child.

“Dad. Your my dad!” Luke yelled with enthusiasm before Dan could finish the sentence himself. His face was glowing as he let go of me and wrapped his short arms around Dan’s neck and nearly jumped into the arms of this father.

Dan was completely taken by surprise but he reacted almost immediately and gave him the most loving hug possible. I felt myself tear up at the heart-warming sight.

“I’m endlessly sorry that I didn’t come to see you sooner, buddy.” Dan whispered his apology.

“You are here now.” Luke answered and smiled at him. I couldn’t have worded it any better.

I let the two of them talk for a little bit while I just enjoyed the view. I noticed once again how alike they looked. Luke was like a baby version of Dan with lighter hair, that had just grown back after his chemo.

Their eyes had the same chocolate brown colour and Luke even inherited his father’s dimples. They looked absolutely gorgeous.

“Hey dad, can I show you something?” Luke asked excitedly and got up from his bed as soon as Dan nodded.

Taking Dan’s hand, he guided him through the room to where he kept all his toys and stuffed animals that I brought him to make his stay more enjoyable. He bent down and picked a square object up.

“Look, this is my camera. Mummy got it for me.” Luke showed his father the pastel blue polaroid camera that was his most prised possession.

“Can I take a picture of you?” he asked, lifting it up to his face.

“Of course, bud.” Dan assured him and posed for a picture, by grinning so wide that his dimples showed.

As soon as the little machine had taken the picture, Luke started shaking it until Dan appeared on the white paper. He smiled brightly and proudly showed his father the image.

“I think you look funny.” He said and couldn’t help letting out a little yawn.

“You sound tired, it’s time to go to bed, sunshine.” I told him before I picked him up to tuck him into bed. He was already wearing his light blue footsie pjs and was ready to sleep.

“But what if I don’t want to?” Luke pouted and looked at me with puppy dog eyes.

“It’s way past your bed time already.”

“But-“ he pleaded and sheepishly glanced at Dan which he seemed to have noticed.

“Don’t worry, I’ll still be there tomorrow. I won’t leave again. I promise.”

Luke seemed to be satisfied now and didn’t try to argue again. Instead he picked up Dan’s polaroid picture and put it under his pillow where he kept one already.

“It needs to be next to my mummy’s, so you two are together.” He told us with a smile and let me kiss his forehead goodnight.

After we had made sure that Luke was asleep, we exited his room so we could talk.

“He is such a special child” Dan said softly. I could tell that today’s encounter had deeply touched him.

“He got your penchant for cameras. Maybe he’ll even make videos one day.” I told him with a smile.

“He takes pictures of every person he meets, the nurses, the patients and their visitors, everyone. I think he is scared of forgetting them. I don’t know how aware he is of his situation but I feel like he wants to experience as much as he can with the life he has to live.” I explained, thinking about my little angel, who was asleep on the other side of the door. 

Dan fought back tears and swallowed hard. This time he was the one who took my hand in his. It was exactly what I needed right now.

Luke didn’t deserve any of this, he shouldn’t have to spend his days inside those boring hospital rooms, he shouldn’t have to wake up with one of his friends missing because they didn’t make it. He should be healthy and happy.  

“The first thing we’ll do tomorrow is tell the doctors that you have found me and that I am ready for my donation. 

I just want him to be safe and sound as soon as possible.” Dan told me, unable to wait any longer.