i want you all to suffer with me

HITAS Update: Goodbye - See you all again soon!

Yes, I’m taking a long break from Tumblr, but no, I’m not leaving. - Just thought I’d make that clear right now.

First of though, I wanted to thank you all for the continued and wonderful support you have given me since starting this blog just under a year ago. I really can’t believe it's still here and with such a following. Almost 2000 followers and rising everyday. That’s amazing, and I owe it all to you! But for now, it’s time to say goodbye.

As you know I suffer from serve depression and anxiety, which everyday feels like it’s getting worse. I need help. I need a break. From everything. So I can come back at my best and be the best for you all. I owe you all that much at least and I’m really sorry it has come to this.

But everyday is a battle. Getting up is hard, getting to sleep is even worse, and even though I don’t do much, I can’t seem to find the time for anything. I feel like I’ve failed you and not been the blogger you all deserved. I can’t stand feeling like this, and I can’t stand complaining to you all everyday - that’s not what this blog was for!

I hope I’ve made some of you proud and been there for those who’ve needed me. And of course, like I’ve always said, “no matter what I’m going through, I will always try and be there for anyone who needs me” - I hope I’ve lived up to that and I hope you guys can see how important you’re to me.

If you’re thinking about ending it at any point, while I'm gone,  please don’t - this world needs you and I for one want you to stay. Don’t let whatever’s hurting you get to you. Don’t let it win! You’re so important, and so loved, I promise.

 I’ve decided to at least leave my inbox open, so if anyone ever needs me - I’m still here.

This really hurts me, to say goodbye to so many wonderful and creative people. I wish you all the best, and please take care.

I’m gonna miss you all and I can’t wait to come back. I will come back!

Please understand, and once again, thank you, for all you’ve done for me.

All the best,
Chloe

(HITAS will officially begin from the 1st of March - until counselling and recovery has begun) 

2

Whose bad end is this again?

aka thoughts that keep me up at 2am if we had his ROUTE

10

gotta be careful about what you tell an alien who’s just found out he’s an alien

a doodle comic that got totally outta hand bc man reigen makes such a cool agent

MIB AU setup from this post  

Hey so I’m thinking about Kara and M’gann again and I wrote some stuff because goddamn it I am gonna build this city from the ground up if it’s the last thing I do.


strange girls in a strange land

It’s never a secret. For the first time in Kara’s thirteen years on Earth, there’s no great revelation. There isn’t anything to reveal.

This weight that she’s carried with her into every relationship outside the Danvers that she’s ever tried to build since she landed—it suddenly becomes inconsequential, when they’re together. The fact that Kara is Kryptonian, that she is Supergirl. The distinction between Kara Danvers and Kara Zor-El and National City’s resident hero. The deception; the disguise.

There’s no pretense between them, no pretending, no parts to play. They meet in the ring as Supergirl and Miss Martian, and then a few days later Kara Danvers shows up at the alien bar—and M’gann knows. It’s not something she needs to deduce or figure out after they’ve known each other a while. She just looks at Kara and she knows—it’s just a simple unconscious observation, as clear to see as the gold of Kara’s hair or the blue of her eyes.

M’gann slides Kara an Aldebaran rum and Kara doesn’t even realize that she’s still wearing her glasses.

Keep reading

I think one of the most heartbreaking and painful feelings an autistic person can suffer from is to find one of the nicest stims you ever experienced and, just a few seconds after this wonderful discovery, being shamed for it by your family or someone you trust dearly.

Exactly what i experienced yesterday. I tried to reproduce the stim today, but all i can feel is shame, disgust and anger, towards me and towards my mom. It was so wonderful until it wasn’t anymore. I want to be able to reach this amazing feeling once more…

Everytime i try to redo it, it’s exactly as if someone was screaming “Quiet hands !” into my ears. If you’re neurotypical and you’re reading this, don’t shame a neurodivergent person for their behavior. You can’t understand what stimming means to us. You can’t understand and you don’t have the right to take it from us.

*sees the Hero-And-Villain-Are-Reflections-Of-Each-Other trope*

*clenches fist, tears rolling in my eyes*

That’s some…. damn good storytelling……. Horikoshi……….. why must you make me suffer like this……………………………

I never thought I’d be the kind of person to say I can’t be friends with an ex… but I can’t be friends with you. I’m sorry – I just can’t.
I cannot sit across from you at a table and not want to reach for your hand. I can’t talk with you about mundane everyday things that don’t matter and not want to tell you that I love you. Nothing upsets me more than the thought of ‘acting casual’ around you when I am so completely head over heels in love with you it’s just not funny.
I’m sorry. I can’t pretend like we never happened or suffer the indignity of being downgraded to ‘just friends’. I used to be the person you told all your secrets to… how can you expect me to sit there and talk about the weather!? As it stands, I can’t even see a picture of you and not get emotional… there’s just no way I can be in the same room as you. I’m sorry… You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met and it kills me to lose you from my life forever – but it’s nothing compared to slow agonizing death of being close to you when I know in my heart I’m no longer close to you at all…
—  Ranata Suzuki | We can’t be friends
Top 10 moments when ACOMAF shattered my heart in the best way possible

Okay, now that I’ve spent my whole week just living and breathing about ACOMAF… re-reading ACOMAF… and just thinking about it obsessively and telling ALL my friends about it… I feel like now it is a good time to post this. I’m going to post my top 10 moments in ACOMAF where MY HEART BROKE. And I hope you guys can agree–because this fandom is one soul, and we ride and die together.  

10. When Feyre comforts Rhysand after waking him up from his nightmare.

Like first of all, OW. It just breaks my heart over and over to think about what Amarantha did to Rhys, and what scars it left behind. 

But… what broke my heart more was this:

“But–but how many nights had I wanted someone to do the same for me?” 

AND I’M JUST LIKE FEYRE SUFFERED ALONE IN THE SPRING COURT 

Because some stupid High Lord of the Spring Court just pretended to be asleep whenever she vomited her guts out, and pretended everything was all fine and dandy. You claim to love her, and yet, you let this happen. tamlin u shit bag

9. Lucien and Feyre reunion after Feyre goes to the Night Court. 

You gave up on me.” 

Look, guys, I know Lucien is not a bad person. Deep down, he is a good, troubled person who has a lot of his own scars, and I know that he does consider Feyre to be his friend and he does care about her. But he also chooses to yield to Tamlin at the end of everything. He does fight for her, but he doesn’t fight enough against Tamlin. Now, this could be because Tamlin does instill a lot of fear in Lucien–which, if it’s true, it is not a healthy friendship, even if Tam is Lucien’s High Lord. But it makes me wonder, you know. Where is our fiery Lucien, who once spat at Tamlin’s feet? I really do hope that Elain will help him change for the better. Or that he comes to this realization from himself. Man, I love Lucien, but he’s going to have to do a lot more to redeem himself. 

Because, see, even Rhys thinks that Lucien would’ve stepped in.

And this breaks Feyre’s heart, that her friend wouldn’t do this for her. And she would’ve fought for Lucien until the end, no doubt about. 

“I thought so, too” HA HA HA LET ME LIE IN MY OWN PUDDLE OF TEARS

8. The scars that remain with Rhys because of Amarantha. 

The next scene that broke my heart happens during the sexytimes between Feyre and Rhys.

Okay, just re-reading this scene is making me really emotional. So I don’t know if I’m going to be coherent enough to say this. But like, guys. I think this scene is important–and heartbreaking at the same time–because it’s a moment where Rhysand’s scars are acknowledged. Again, it is so rare in YA fiction to see a male character who has been sexually abused, and Sarah explores the scars that remain within Rhysand. And it’s also important because he’s also able to overcome these scars, and find happiness even after the darkest of times.

7. How Rhysand is treated in Velaris vs. Under the Mountain

Okay, so I like how 8 and 7 relate to each other. 

What struck me about this scene was: “no one whispered about him or spat on him or stroked him as they had Under the Mountain”

What really breaks my heart here is that it’s not just Amarantha that violated Rhys. Others did it too, because Amarantha did it, because Rhys was Amarantha’s whore, and therefore, her property. 

And this makes me really sick to my stomach. And it breaks my heart. fuck

6. Feyre realizing how sad she is at the Spring Court before her wedding. 

THIS PHYSICALLY HURTS

my poor baby Feyre 

I spent a good portion of time during the beginning of the novel wanting to wrap her in a warm blanket, hug her, and tell her it’s okay. 

And Tamlin, CAPTAIN OBLIVIOUS, is able to laugh freely. I’m gonna fight him

Even Rhys in Chapter 11 goes: “Months and months, and you’re still a ghost. Does no one there ask what the hell is happening? Does your High Lord simply not care?” (Shall we count this as like an honourable mention moment for when my heart broke into a million pieces… again) 

ha ha ha ha let me DIE my heart can’t take this 

5. Rhysand asks Feyre about her birthday. 

This isn’t a sad scene, but it still moved me and broke my heart because you can obviously tell how much Rhys loves Feyre.

FEYRE’S BIRTHDAY IS THE WINTER SOLSTICE

THE LONGEST NIGHT OF THE YEAR 

“YOU WERE TRULY BORN ON THE WINTER SOLSTICE?” 

YES RHYS MY SMOL SON YOUR MATE WAS BORN ON THE LONGEST NIGHT OF THE YEAR YES YOU TRULY BELONG TOGETHER

But also, like. Rhys seems genuinely sad that Feyre did not celebrate her birthday. Do I foresee belated birthday gift/party in ACOTAR 3? Because yes I will sell my soul for this 

4. Feyre walking away from Rhysand after learning about the mating bond

Okay, no, I totally understand why Feyre is angry enough that she wants some time alone away from Rhysand once she learns from the Suriel that they’re mates. I’ve seen people hating on her for it… but c’mon. Really? You don’t think you’d be angry? Angry enough to walk away? I mean I’d want my own space to think too

But yeah it still broke my heart because Rhysand just calls after her… injured and weakened… ahaha…..ha…. why…

Now we’re rolling into the final 3… and honestly, these broke my heart the most and made me cry. I still want to weep when I think about them. 

3. Rhysand noticing Feyre’s weight loss 

He cares so much about her. *UGLY WAILING* *falls to the floor*

And he makes sure she eats properly. And wants to have breakfast with her. 

RHYSAND YOU PRECIOUS SOUL

cue ugly sobbing, with the snot and everything 

rhysand calling tam out on his shitty behaviour

2. Cassian and Feyre training 

This is still one of my favourite scenes, and I … just. The whole scene leading up to it is an emotional roller coaster–Cassian saying that he’s there for Feyre if she wants to talk about leaving the Spring Court, the whole “I’m fine” thing, and how Feyre just realizes she did everything for Tamlin… and he just…. left her to suffer alone.

He’s ready to take the blow. 

CASSIAN WOULD TAKE THE BLOW. 

BECAUSE HE CARES ABOUT FEYRE AND WANTS TO HELP HER COPE. 

BECAUSE HE UNDERSTANDS.

Rhys is precious, Cassian is precious….. the whole Night Court squad is precious. I just love them so muchhhhhhh. 

And now. .  . okay. 

The final scene had me in full blown tears. 

1. Amren x Feyre 

SHE ASKS RHYS THIS LIKE 3 TIMES

SHE DEMANDS TO KNOW WHERE FEYRE IS 

AND AND AND AMREN ISN’T ALWAYS VOCAL ABOUT HER FEELINGS AND SHE’S SCARY AND SHE’S VICIOUS

BUT SHE LOVES FEYRE

I JUST

IT’S THE MOMENT YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH AMREN–AND THE REST OF THE COURT–ALSO LOVE FEYRE, A FELLOW DREAMER 

I’M DEAD 

D E A D 

LOWER ME TO THE GROUND 

This post also made me very emotional again. Thanks for reading. And if you know want to discuss ACOMAF with me, and the scenes that broke your heart (because there are like 10 million more)… feel free to shoot me a message. 

I’m gonna go read ACOMAF some more and cry by e 

Mobile Masterlist!

DRABBLES

SERIES

Do Something Bad, Too

It’s like every single Alpha on the planet won’t rest until they’ve confessed their eternal wish for you to mother their children, and it’s getting old. Luckily, that’s a problem Bucky might be able to fix.

This Is Where I Leave You

The day Bucky Barnes stumbles into your clinic with a bullet in his side is the day your life changed forever.

Ease My Mind (Completed)

Bucky Barnes is your best friend and, of course, you’re in love with him. But apparently Bucky is just fine with your platonic relationship - you’re going to have to do something about that.

Heartlines (Completed)

When Reader moves into Avengers Tower to finish her PhD in safety, the last thing she expects is to have something in common with the shy insomniac Bucky Barnes.

these days (i can’t take too much)

Reader used to be a villain; a stone cold killer. But she doesn’t do that anymore. Helping the Avengers stop her old boss once and for all leads to a lot more than she bargained for, especially when it comes to Bucky Barnes.

DRABBLES

AAAAGHHHGGHH!!!!

I’ve been trying to get Zen’s bad ending for like a week now but fckikn Zen still loves me no matter how many times I break his heart!!??? I swear I’ve been choosing only bad answerrssss!!! 

COME ON CHERITZ!!! WHY YOU WANT ME TO BE HAPPY?!??! LET ME SUFFER!!!!!

every time i want to buy shit on amazon

99 out of a 100 amazon reviews for a thing: this thing helped me so much. great quality AND quantity!! it worked immediately within 1 day and i havent been using anything ever since! its better than every other brand. its a miracle product :-) i love this thing. 5 stars

1 (one) single amazon review for this thing: WHATEVER YOU DO DONT BUY THIS!!!!!! this thing was a TOTAL ripoff i hate it!!! I TRIED APPLYING IT AND IT LEFT BRIGHT RED MARKS ALL OVER MY FACE!!!!! IT ALSO MADE ME SUFFER FROM HAIR LOSS AND GAVE ME A RASH AND ALSO MADE ME LOSE THE ABILITY TO SMELL FROM MY RIGHT NOSTRIL!!!! 1 star because at least it smelled like lavender

my indecisive easily influenced ass

you had me wrapped around your finger for months, all I ever wanted to do was make you happy. Everything I did was to make you happy, and while I was making you happy, my happiness suffered. It suffered so much that now that you’re gone there is nothing left for me, the day you walked out, you took all my happiness with you. Why? Because that made you happy.
—  from me to you, as always 
Signs as Shit my Philosophy Teacher Says:
  • Aries: "Don't bring me that smoothie bullshit, I want real, authentic, Indian food!"
  • Taurus: "Yo, I know you're the head bitch here, but you're wrong"
  • Gemini: "We are still suffering, bitches"
  • Cancer: "Guys, you need to know the bible"
  • Leo: "That guy isn't compassionate, he's a dick"
  • Virgo: "You don't deserve shit!"
  • Libra: "Gotta learn how to love it, gotta learn how to hug it"
  • Scorpio: "We are all messed up, we are all broken"
  • Sagittarius: "That's bullshit just keep the money"
  • Capricorn: "Someone has peeled an onion here right- Are. You. Kidding me?!"
  • Aquarius: "Hey man I'm depressed and that sucks"
  • Pisces: "Shut up! I'm good at art guys!"
I’m bitter about the fact I have sat around the same people every day for 3 months, and not once have they ever extended at the very least a friendly greeting or acknowledgment of my presence. Every day in the classroom we tackle issues that cause us to think about our impact we have on others and while everyone outwardly wants to express this support for people who are struggling, I still see none of this. You have seen me suffering and instead meet my silence with peculiar stares and alienation. It reinforces my sense of unimportance in life when I realize that when you would never notice my absence considering my presence doesn’t impact you at all. I have tried to get help, voice my concerns and have only been met with the same ignorance.
—  Excerpt from a book I will never write #1180 // stupid thoughts from someone who is incredibly tired of trying to change her life and is having very little success // excerptsofstories 

for some of you it’s already 2017, but i’m still in 2016 (help) so i wanted to thank every single one of you for being by my side during this weird year, i wouldn’t make it if it wasn’t for all of you. with this lame edit and a few words, i want to thank you for being who you are and make me smile. this follow forever will for my favorites blogs and mutuals, but i love every single one of you. this year i suffer and had fun with one direction and i found out skam and yoi, which made this year so much easier to get through and we made it. this year brought me bad things too but i could make it another year, so somehow this year was good. happy new year and i wish all of you only the best because that’s what you deserve.every single one of you are so special and i’m glad that i found my place here. i hope that 2017 will bring us peace, love and everything that we want. i love you and thank you for being here. and thank you for the 11K followers, it’s insane but thank you for the love and support. i’m just a normal blog but it means a lot to me.

bolded: ultimate favorite/ friends and people that i met that made my year so much better

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

okay but power bottom!jimin riding sub jungkook? and not letting him cum? *eyes emoji*

- “I want to touch you, hyung nghh-” - “You don’t deserve to touch me yet”

- Jungkook helplessly lies in their bed, whining and trembling

- Jimin grinding on his thighs, moaning loudly just to make him suffer

- Jungkook gasps, moans and whines the whole time

- Jimin sits on his lap, touching his boyfriends member and enjoys how it twitches between his small fingers

- “Jimin, please-” desperately Jungkook begging

- Jimin rides him so hard until Jungkook is about to cum but stops the second before he could

- sweaty bodies

- Jungkook closes his eyes because seeing Jimin all sweaty, hot and panting is just too much for him to handle

- Jimin kisses his upper body, touching his muscles while waiting for him to calm down a bit

- As soon as Jimins thinks the younger one is ready again, he rides him, moaning loudly to turn him on even more

- “Hyung, please! I beg you.. please..please let me cum!” - “convince me that you deserve it.” and damn- Jungkook totally convinced him with his tongue and body

- Jimin jerks him off but stops right before he could reach his climax

- Jungkook actually started to cry a bit because he could’ve came already six times but wasn’t allowed to

- Jimin finally finished his little game and lets Jungkook reach his climax- of course inside of him

- They lie about twenty minutes in bed, trying to calm down and stop trembling and panting

- “You cried!” - “Shut up,brat..”

- Jimin teases him and Jungkooks says he’ll never do it again, but next evening Jungkook is begging the whole time