Husband and Wife
Based on the fact that in the stage musical, I am reliably informed, Fixer Upper ends with ‘I now pronounce you husband and wife’ instead of ‘do you Anna take Kristoff to be your trollfully wedded…’, I wrote this little bit of nonsense.
“Are you sure?”
Elsa nodded. “It’s a very old law, that predates most of our written ones. But it’s still the law; the marriage as it stands is binding. We could probably annul it, but I have been informed that your new husband -” - Anna squeaked - “- your new husband is considered the son of the leader of the Hidden Folk and they will take deep offence if Arendelle don’t honour the marriage.”
“I’m sorry,” Kristoff said. “Really, really sorry. But it’s not them that will be offended. Not just them, I mean. The mountains themselves.”
The two women looked at him blankly.
“The mountains - I’m not sure I can translate it. Their spirit? Their essence? The thing that makes them mountains, not just - big piles of rocks. I don’t think you have a word for it.”
“The mountains will be offended,” Elsa said flatly.
“How can a mountain be offended?” Anna said. “What will happen?”
“It will be unlucky. For any people from Arendelle who go there. Ah, their traps will be empty. The ice will break under their feet. They will get lost in the forest and not return.”
There was silence for a minute.
“I really am really very sorry,” Kristoff said. “I thought they were just playing. They’re very playful.”
“If we get married,” Anna said to him, “I mean, if we stay married - will the mountains be happy?”
“It’ll be a lucky place.”
“That seems like the kind of alliance Arendelle could use,” Anna said to her sister.
Elsa nodded thoughtfully. “It seems to be done now, anyway,” she said. “But we’d better do something in the cathedral here too, so no one questions it later. Everyone is here for the coronation as it is, and we have Mother’s wedding dress somewhere in the attics, it won’t need much altering, if any. She wanted one of us to wear it. I assume you own a clean shirt,” she said to Kristoff.
“And you’re alright with this, Anna?” Elsa said.
Anna looked at Kristoff. He smiled at her, hesitantly. She smiled back.
“Yes,” she said. “Yes, this is fine by me.”