i want to watch tos now

Rebecca's Guide to Starting Star Trek

Holy Representation, Batman! You may have just heard that Star Trek Discovery is happening and it has a black woman as the lead, and Asian woman as the captain, and a confirmed interracial/interspecies gay couple, and you’re gunna watch!

Perhaps you want to start Star Trek now, but shit, there’s 13 movies, seven separate tv shows, all ranging somewhere between 3-7 seasons of 45 min episodes, plus there’s all those comics and novels.

First of all, if you don’t want to do anything other than Discovery, THAT IS 1701% OK. DO NOT LET GATE KEEPING BULLSHIT KEEP YOU FROM ENJOYING THINGS.

But if you do want to start, here’s my recommendations. Other people may have their opinions, but here’s mine.

Start with the movies, sorta. It’s much easier to get through all the movies than all the seasons. But, I say sorta, because don’t actually watch Star Trek: The Motion Picture. The first movie is just, well, it’s not great, and there isn’t enough plot to justify sitting through it. One day, for kicks and giggles, go back and watch, but for now, leave it alone.

What you’re gunna do is replace the first Star Trek movie with a few episodes of The Original Series (TOS).

You’re gunna do:

Space Speed (Season 1, ep 22)

City on the Edge of Forever (season 1, ep 28)

Amok Time (Season 2, ep 1)

Journey to Babel (Season 2, ep 10)

If you wanna toss one out to get to the movies faster, City on the Edge of Forever isn’t like, super plot important, but it’s generally considered one of the best episodes of all the series, and I think it’s really good for understanding characterization.


You’re gunna watch 2-6, and then I’d recommend pausing. You can just keep going, but I’m gunna suggest a few The Next Generation (TNG) episodes first before you move onto movies 7-10.

Q Who (Season 2, ep 16)

Best of Both Worlds part 1&2 (Season 3, ep 26, Season 4, ep 1)

Chain of Command part 1&2 (Season 6, ep 10-11)

The last one is similar to The City on The Edge of Forever. I think one more is best for understanding the characters moving forward, and this is a great ep for that, also it does my favorite Star Trek thing, which is discuss reverent political issues (use of torture in this case) while also getting you acquainted with the Cardassians, who will be around more in Deep Space Nine (DS9). But if you’re eager to get back to the movies, go ahead with the rest of the movies.

Movies 7-10 are all with the TNG cast, and then 11-13 are all the alternate Kelvin timeline (AOS).

Woo! At this point, you should feel much more aquatinted with this universe.

Now if you still want to watch more of the TV series, honestly, this may be controversial, but you can just watch whichever one strikes your fancy. The stories usually hold on their own, and one crew my be more interesting to you than another.

The Original Series and The Animated Series are the same crew, just one is animated.

From having watched the movies, you should have already met The Next Generation crew and should be able to tell if you want to see more of their adventures.

Deep Space Nine is not actually about a ship, but rather a base. This is the first time the captain was not a white man. Benjamin Cisco is played by Avery Brooks, a black man. Also, his first officer is a Bajoran (an alien) woman. This one also had the closest to the occasional LGBT+ rep with Jadzia Dax, an alien that is gender fluid and changes gender based on their host. It’s not perfect, but it’s at least not the regular cisgender heteronormative character we’re used to. Both Worf and O'Brein from TNG are in this series.

Voyager is about a ship that gets put 75 years away from Federation space and is about their adventures on their journey home. This features the first female captain, played by Kate Mulgrew from Orange is the New Black. It also has a Native American first officer, and a black Vulcan (not the first ever seen, but the first one as a main character), a half Klingon/human woman as the engineer, and later on in season 4, a former Borg assimilated woman. There’s even more than I’ve mentioned here actually, diversity wise. Other than Discovery, this is easily their most multicultural Bridge.

Enterprise is a prequel series that follows the crew of the Enterprise 100 years before Kirk took command. It’s, much less diverse to be honest. There’s a lot I like about it, and tbh I’m always a little Gay for T'Pol (Vulcan Sub-commander) but there’s a lot of white dudes, so if you’re looking for diversity, this…. may not be your jam.

Later, I’ll do a follow up post that has abridged recommendations for each series, because if I’m being totally honest, there’s really some episodes you can skip.

For now, this is my starting point for everyone.


In my wildest dreams I never thought that I would watch myself play Uhura with Nichelle Nichols!!! My heart is so abundantly happy forever. If you want to watch the video its, “Now You Have The Bridge Spock” by the Library Bards! 🖖🏾🖖🏾

All Better

DisraeliGears sent me this prompt ages ago: Jack is having a shit day. I mean a REAL shit day. He’s out for a game with a cracked rib, his freezer peed all over the floor overnight, his run was terrible and he ate the last piece of pie yesterday. If only there was someone to cheer him up… Happy birthday, @disraeligearsgoestumblin! I hope you have an amazing special day! xoxo

Jack would have to be out for a few games. Three tops, the doctor had said. Thankfully, his rib wasn’t cracked just bruised to hell and back. And it wasn’t even a check from the Preds. It was just a badly timed run in with Tater. Jack felt stupid, he was tired, hungry, angry, and was ready for this terrible, no good night to end.

He stumbled into his apartment, and flicked on the hallway light, wincing at the pain.

Jack hung his jacket up and walked toward the kitchen. If he drank, right now would be the portion of the evening where Jack would pour himself a scotch and throw it back. But he didn’t, so he couldn’t.

Instead, he’d have a slice of Bitty’s pie. That would do it. But then, damn it all to hell, he remembered he finished it the night before. Shit. Fine. A glass of milk, a bag of frozen peas for his side, and then off to bed.

Jack walked over to the fridge, opened it, and the light didn’t go on. He closed the door and opened it again, hoping it would magically fix itself. It didn’t, and when he put his hand in the fridge it was nowhere near cold.

“What the hell?”

Jack looked at the back of the fridge and noticed it was unplugged. It had to have been the cleaning lady, or gremlins, or just the universe telling him it hated him.

He plugged the fridge back in, and slammed the door shut. So much for the milk, the peas, the everything.

Just then his phone rang. It was Bitty.

“Sweetheart? I was in the library finishing up a paper – like you told me to – and I just saw the clip.”


“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine Bits.”

“Really? You don’t sound fine.”

Jack then sighed shakily, and knew he didn’t have to put up a brave face for Bitty. He knew he could just be.

“Bits, this day… it fucking sucked.”

“Oh no,” Bitty said, Jack hearing the concern in his voice.

“I smashed my finger this morning with a barbell. Then I was going to make my pre-game PBJ and the damn bread was moldy. I crashed into Tater and bruised my rib, basically looking like a damn moron in front of the entire arena. Then I came home, my fridge was unplugged, and now all my food is spoiled – and I had gone groceries yesterday. And then, I realized I ate all the damn pie, Bitty! There isn’t any!”

Bitty chuckled softly. “Oh, sweetheart. It sounds like you had a pretty rough day, huh?”

Jack felt his face burn.

Crisse, now that I hear myself I sound like a big baby.”

“No. Not at all. Can I do anything for you?”

“No… I’m just gonna go to bed. I’ll deal with the fridge and whatever, tomorrow. I’m just exhausted.”

“Are you sure?”

Jack bit his bottom lip. What he really wanted was to hold Bitty, and breathe in the scent of his hair, to snuggle in bed and have Bitty whisper calming words in his ear. With Bitty everything just felt better. No matter how awful things were.

“Yeah, I’m sure. It’s late, bud. We should go to bed. Call me tomorrow when you have a moment?”

“Of course, sweet pea. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Bits.”

How Jack loved his Bitty. So, so much.


“Good night.”


Jack had dozed off on the couch watching a baking show when he heard keys in the lock. (His preference for baking shows had grown exponentially since he had been with Bitty. Jack found they comforted him.)

Bitty came in, toed off his shoes, and walked toward Jack.


“Hey, you,” Bitty said as he put down his bags and bent down to kiss Jack.

“What are you doing here?”

“I took a Lyft. I come bearing sustenance, and pie,” he said brightly.

Jack’s heart clenched. This boy.

“But don’t you have class tomorrow?”

“At 11:00. It’ll be fine. Right now, I just want to take care of you.”

Jack could feel a prickling in the back of his throat, and smiled as he watched Bitty get up and take the bags to the kitchen. He unloaded some dishes, put them in the fridge, took out a pie and cut a slice.

Jack would never tire of seeing Bitty move though his kitchen as though he was born to be there.

“Scoot over, mister,” Bitty said as he returned with plate of pie.

Jack moved over slowly, and grinned as Bitty held a forkful of pie to his mouth.


Jack obeyed and let Bitty feed him.

“There,” Bitty said, almost a whisper, “All better.”

Jack nodded.

It was. It really was all better.

Oh No, Baby

Harry didn’t know what to say.

You sat on the picnic table bench next to him as he stared at your tan patio pavers. Your hands collected in your lap, you waited.

“Really?” He said.

“Yeah.” You were short with your answer, having never done this before.

“Oh.” He replied. “Well I guess I’m just leaving then.” He stood up. “You can keep the t-shirt.”

“No, no, please. Keep it for your next girlfriend, I won’t wear it. Give it to her.” You said as he stood up and made his way to the backdoor of your apartment. He didn’t respond as he stepped inside. You followed.

As he slid his shoes on without untying them, tears welled in your eyes and you threw your gift on your couch. The t-shirt he had given you when he came to hang out was blue and light washed, and said “New Yorker and Proud” on the back, with an artsy design covering the front. Why did he want to leave so quickly? Didn’t he want to hear your reasons for doing this? How will he understand you? With his back to you still, he started towards the front door, and you stood there in confusion.

You had broken up with Harry because he didn’t appreciate you or how you loved him. You dated for over 2 ½ years and he never even told you he loved you. How was that supposed to make you feel? You sacrificed so much for him, all the time, and it seemed like you got nothing in return. All you wanted was to be with him, spend time, and love each other, like couples usually do, but he seemed half-hearted almost all of the time.

“I’m sick, Y/N. I just don’t want to hang out.”

You moved your phone to your opposite shoulder while unlocking your front door. “But why not? If I was sick I would want you to come over and cuddle with me.”

“I just feel like being alone. And I don’t want you to get sick, you know?”

You stepped into your apartment and toed your sandals off to the side of your entryway mat. “No, Harry, I don’t know. I could come over and we could watch movies or cuddle or at least do something together so I don’t understand why you are saying no.”

“Because, I am sick. I just want to do nothing.”

”So why can’t I come over and be with you while you do nothing? I’m just confused. I really don’t understand, Harry.”

“Well I don’t know how to explain it to you, and I honestly don’t really feel like it right now.”

You didn’t understand. You really didn’t. It was the last day before your Christmas expenditure, when you would fly back home to see your family and have to leave Harry in the UK. You wouldn’t see him until after New Year’s after tonight.

If you were sick you would want Harry to come over and make you soup and cuddle and sing to you and kiss your lips that lingered with the taste of cherry cough drops. It would make you feel better, give you something to do, let you actually spend time with your boyfriend in the midst of your busy lives. But, no.

As he opened the door of his black Range Rover, you were speechless. You rested your hand on the inside of the door as he started the car and sighed exasperatedly. You looked at his black boots, not really sure what to say. You didn’t want to look him in the eye, even though you knew he probably wasn’t crying.

“Can I hug you?” His words and his face didn’t match. Sweet, actually quite depressing words, paired with an almost blank expression. Once again, you were confused.


He backed out of his parking spot and drove away a few seconds later.

Send me a message here with feedback! Or if you think I should write a part 2 :)

The Kitchens

part ix

Sirius’ world stopped like a punch delivered to the jaw. It was roaring, the fight was on, and then he was down, wind knocked out of him. He slammed the door against Regulus and leaned against it, breathing hard into the humid wood.


Sirius slammed his hand against the wall, the smack of skin against stone echoing through the hallway. He hit it again, and again, needing the sting to combat the pounding in his chest. Blood felt like it was rushing out of his veins, into his being, flooding and choking him. He felt too hot, too breathless, too much.

The wedding.

He’d always known it was coming but now that it was here he felt as if he had never known it was coming at all. Reality is very different from eventuality. He pushed off the wall, feeling drunk with his sorrow, and stumbled, eyes aimless, towards the stairs. He gripped the railing as he walked down, feeling his head start to steady with the now familiar path. He stopped at the kitchen door, just out of sight. Waves of heat coming from the ovens inside brushed his more visible cheek. His breath panted through his parted lips, heart beating too fast for his lungs. He clenched his teeth and tried to breath slowly through his nose, and then forgot all about his breathing all together. Maybe air too.

Because suddenly Remus was there, walking into his small window of view, breathless smile on his face and laughing, hands full of strawberries. Someone was stoking the fire, the loud whooshes of the blower and the crackling flames overtaking most of the sound and conversation, but Sirius was content to watch. The sight brought a awful throbbing up behind his eyes and he squeezed them shut hard for a second before opening then onto the scene that, if he had to define heartache for someone, he’d show them this. He’d show them them. Him and Remus. Happy and doomed. On a very quickly burning wick. One that had felt like they could slow down, or maybe keep relighting, until just now.

He swallowed. He didn’t want that to be true. He couldn’t lose that smile, not yet.

Remus’ hair was curly from the heat, smaller curls sticking to his skin at his temples. He’d gained more freckles from the summer sun and he was tanner too. Sirius’ eyes moved to his neck. It had a slight sheen of sweat and Sirius had to lean his temple against the wall for a moment at the thought of how, just there, at the hollow of his throat, it always smelled so sweet. Like sugar and firewood smoke. He couldn’t lose that, he couldn’t. His hands suddenly felt empty with lack of holding him, and Sirius looked to the loosely tied apron around Remus’ waist, wanting to pull the strings loose and hold him around his hips.

How much longer will I be able to do that?

The thought was enough to deliver the punch all over again and he let the air out of his lungs, as if he really had been hit in the stomach. For a second, he wasn’t sure he was going to be able to breath in again.

“Hey-” Sirius jumped, turning to see James standing there with a hand over his mouth. He put his hands up, looking sheepish, and exaggeratedly tip-toed to Sirius’ other side, out of view of the door, “Shit, sorry. Are we spying on lover boy? How very french of you.”

Sirius definitely couldn’t breathe now. He just stared at his friend, watching him try to get a look at Remus.

“Hm, chopping strawberries. Delicious. Sort of sexy. You know,” he shrugged, “as far as food goes, I suppose.” He craned his neck, “Want me to get mum out of there? I mean, try to. If she’s doing dessert it’s going to be pretty difficult but-“

James took one look at Sirius’ face and stopped talking, smirk melting like chocolate over flames. His brows pulled low, eyes flickering over his face, “Sirius- God, what’s wrong?” James placed a strong hand on his shoulder, “You look like you’re going to pass out.”

Sirius finally dragged his eyes away from James, looking back to Remus, at the way his eyes and nose crinkled as he laughed particularly hard, at the long fingers he pushed through his hair, getting it off his forehead.

“He looks so happy.”

“Well,” James shook his head a little, looking briefly to Remus then back, “Yeah. Of course, he does. You did too a few days ago, I don’t… I don’t understand, what happened?” Then his eyes widened, “Fuck, is this about what I said? Because if it is, Jesus, don’t listen to me. You’re fine, I was just being- I don’t know, my mum. Sirius-“

“It’s not what you said.”

James cut off, swallowing unsurely, “Oh. Okay, then… then what?”

Sirius turned back to him, desperately not wanting to say it, desperately needing his friend to just know. The throbbing was back, along with a lump in his throat, “James…” He felt his voice crack.

James blinked, then blinked again, and then the understanding was there. His hand tightened on Sirius’ shoulder, “Oh god…”

Sirius closed his eyes, turning away.

“God… Sirius.” And then Sirius was being pulled away into what he vaguely registered as some sort of office, and against a chest in a very tight, very welcomed hug. They swayed silently, James fingers sure and solid against the back of his neck.

“I’m sorry.” James’ voice shook a little, and the fact that his grief could bring James so much as well made him want to cry too. Does he bring nobody anything but grief? “I’m so sorry.”

Sirius pulled back and he looks at the darkened spots on the shoulder of James’ shirt numbly. James’ hands were still on his shoulders, steadying him, “When did this happen? At dinner?”

Sirius pressed his palms to his eyes, nodding, “To Bellatrix. To Bellatrix, James.”

By the time he was done telling him, about Bellatrix, about the society, about Regulus, James looked as ready to throw something as he did when he woke Sirius up only to discover he had a fresh black eye.

“Fucking hell… And there’s no getting out of it?”

Sirius shot him a look and James swore again.

“Why did this have to happen now?” Sirius kicked the chair with enough effort to make it wobble, not enough to knock it over. He pushed his hair off his forehead, letting it fall back with a sigh, “When I have everything to lose… I- I can’t even imagine…”

For a fleeting moment, a terrible image of him as king, Bellatrix by his side and Remus, just down stairs, a million miles away filled his head. He felt sick.

James took a seat on the chair he’d kicked, possibly a subtle gesture to keep him from doing it again, and didn’t answer right away. Then, tentatively looking up at him, “Are… Did you come down here to tell him?”

“No.” Sirius said immediately.

James raised an eyebrow, “No?”

Sirius turned away, “No.”

There was a slight pause, “You aren’t going to tell him?” Sirius didn’t answer, “Sirius.”

“I don’t…” Sirius pressed his lips together in frustration, I don’t want to, “I don’t know.”

He heard James get to his feet behind him, “Jesus Christ, Sirius-“

He turned, “Not yet.” James took a step back at the bite in his tone but didn’t look surprised. The anger on Sirius’ face melted as soon as it had come, and all he felt was hopeless. He looked at James, desperate for him to understand, “I can’t. I can’t lose him yet. I can’t…”

James hesitated, then nodded, eyes roaming the room as if looking for an explanation, “He’s going to find out though. You know that, sooner or later-“

“I know.” Just not yet.

“Well… Then you’re going to have to pretend like everything’s, fine, normal, whatever it is between you too.”

Sirius sank into the chair that James had occupied and closed his eyes, letting his head fall back in frustration, “No, no, he’s going to know something’s wrong.”

“Not if you-“

“He’ll know.” Sirius cut him off.

James fidgeted, “Oh..kay.” He drew the word out, sighing, “Well.”

Sirius opened his eyes, “Well?”

James shrugged, looking helpless and sorry for it, “Play it by ear.” Then, after a hesitation, “It’d be easier to just tell him.”

Sirius shook his head, “Not now. Please. I’ll- I’ll figure something out.” He wasn’t exactly sure why he was begging. James couldn’t do anything, couldn’t force him. Sirius pressed his palms to his forehead, letting out a shuttering breath.

“Just don’t keep it from him forever. It’ll ruin him and yourself if he finds out the wrong way. You know it will.”

Sirius looked down, turning his head away sharply as if that would send away the images of Remus’ smile falling from his face that filled his mind.

The path to ruin already felt well underway.


Remus untied his apron, deliberating whether or not it was too early to sneak up the main staircase to the secret passage way. He’d slept in Sirius’ room four nights now and he already almost couldn’t remember what it felt like not to sleep next to Sirius. Of course, he always had to get up before him, rising with the sun. He usually just settled with pressing a kiss to Sirius’ still sleeping form but, once, Remus had woken up to Sirius’ eyes already on him.

He hadn’t looked like he was thinking, or wondering, or analyzing. He was just smiling, only a little, with his eyes hooded and tired. Once Remus’ eyes opened, fast and awake in a moment as usual, his smile had grown and he had brought his hand to Remus’ cheek. Remus could almost see the way the orange morning sun had softly bathed his face, making his grey eyes a sea-glass-like blue instead of grey. Luminescent and layered, like pools of shallow water. They had just laid there, staring and smiling at each other, letting the sun warm their bare bodies and tangled limbs. No words had been said, not even when Remus left with a kiss to Sirius’ lips, but the feeling was there. The feeling that was so strong, Remus couldn’t even be sure they hadn’t put it into words, in their own way.

As he picked his way through the dark passage way now, the back of the bookshelf-door coming into view, the words played in his head on loop.

He pushed the bookshelf, letting it give away easily to his strength and slipping through the opening. He waits for the hands, for the lips that are usually on him the second he arrives, but they don’t come. He blinks and looks around.


“In here!” And then a second later, “Don’t bother bringing your clothing!”

The voice comes from the connected bathroom, echoing a little off the tiles. A thrill shoots up Remus’ spine at what he might find when he walks in there. He slipped his shoes off on his way, biting back a smile. He entered the bathroom a little hesitantly, poking his head through first. He’d never been in this part of Sirius’ chambers before. He had to lean against the wall for a second at what he finds, grin spreading across his face.

Sirius was sat in a steaming, large, ceramic bath, skin gleaming with the moisture, hair curling from it, and grinning lazily. His arms were thrown over the sides, giving Remus a very good view of his broad shoulders and chest, both well muscled. He looked practically golden against the white tiles, traced with smaller green stones. Remus pressed a hand to his chest, feeling a bit overwhelmed.

“Thought I told you not to bring your clothes?” Sirius flicked the water with his fingertips, the tiniest of drops reaching Remus.

Remus raised an eyebrow, hand shifting to pulling at the ties of his shirt, slowly loosening the neck as he walked forward. He wasn’t exactly fond of his body, as it was quite thinner than Sirius’, but the look in Sirius’ eyes as the shirt slipped down one of his shoulders let him know that he was the only one. He felt confidence swell in his chest, “Thought you might enjoy the show instead.”

Sirius’ eyes fluttered a little as he laughed, sinking into the water up to his neck, “Fuck.”

Remus tugged his shirt over his head, letting it fall on top of the pile Sirius had already started. He picked his foot up, stretching his torso back a little to pull his sock off, “Unless you want to help, of course.”

Remus had barely finished his sentence before Sirius was pushing forward, floating a second in the water before he hit the other side, water sloshing dangerously and fingers wrapping around the edge, “God, yes.” His hands were instantly on the buttons of Remus’ trousers, material becoming dark with the wetness on them. He pushed the material down over Remus’ arse, pausing only for a moment to let Remus kick them away before he was nuzzling against Remus’ stomach, “So warm.”

Remus’ breath hitched at how soft his voice was, his breath against his stomach. His fingers automatically went to his hair just as Sirius’ came to wrap loosely around his hips, stroking the backs of his thighs lightly. Despite the heavy steam filling the room, Remus shivered, “Yeah?” He breathed.

“Mm.” Sirius started pressing open-mouthed kisses to Remus’ skin, lips parting to bite gently at his hip bone, “So warm and… God, your taste…”

Remus let his eyes close, his head fall back at the feeling of Sirius so close, holding him. He waits for this all day. This closeness, it never leaves the back of his mind. He tightened his fingers in Sirius’ hair, looking back down to him, watching the way his eyelashes cast shadows on his cheeks. He ran his fingers through the dark, slightly damp strands, pushing them away from his forehead, letting his fingers press into his skin, “Sirius-”

“Let me. I’ve got you..” There was suddenly a note of urgency to Sirius’ voice and Remus felt his fingers dig into the flesh of his thighs, “I’ve got you..”

“I know.” His breathing hitched, voice rising a little in tone, “I know-” And then Remus’ jaw was falling open as, for the first time, Sirius’ took him in his mouth, “God. God, Sirius…”

Sirius’ palms flattened against the small of Remus’ back, running up and down as if he was trying to soak in the heat. He knelt up on the tiled seat beneath the water, and brought one of his hands forward to wrap around the base of Remus’ cock. He took long, slow drags, breathing in through his nose.

Remus’ thighs hit the cool edge of the bath as his knees gave way a little, sinking into the feeling of Sirius’ lips around him, “God…”

Sirius just hummed, causing Remus to jolt and grasp his shoulder, fingers digging into the bone. The feeling suddenly brings him much closer to the edge than before. It was everything, really. The waiting, wanting to see each other. The secret. The heat. Sirius and his glistening skin, on his knees in front of him. The irony of that last part, for the moment at least, was lost on Remus. Sirius’ fingers tightened on the base of Remus’ cock, causing his breaths to come shallowly, his hands to tremble. He looked down again, and when he saw the way one of Sirius’ hands was working on himself, he was gone, letting out a cry and gripping Sirius’ shoulder, “Yes. Yes, Jesus…” His words only seemed to spur Sirius on and he stiffened a moment later, his moan sending jolts of pleasure up Remus’ spine.

As his breathing came down, Sirius pulled off slowly, switching to pressing soft kisses on his hips. His mouth was slow and he seemed to be more simply pressing, feeling, than actual kissing, “You know, I could kiss every inch of you.”

Remus grins sleepily, eyes hooded but bright, hands still in Sirius’ hair, “I don’t think I’d protest.”

His hands are back on Remus’ hips, pulling slightly, urging him into the water with him. Sirius is grinning but his eyes look slightly tight around the edges, “Come here.”

Remus obliged, lifting one thigh, then the other, laughing when Sirius bent to kiss the soft skin between them as he did. When his feet hit the water, he gasped despite himself. He had known it was going to be warm, he’d seen the steam, but it took him by surprise.

Sirius’ brows creased as he looked up at him, seating Remus on the ledge, water coming up just around his calves, “What? What is it, what’s wrong?”

Remus let out a little surprised laugh at the ferocity of Sirius’ concern, “Nothing.” He let the pad of his thumb run briefly across Sirius’ lip, then reached up to smooth his brow, “Nothing’s wrong at all, I just…” He shrugged, a little embarrassed, and let his fingers drag through the water, “It’s hot. It’s not usually hot.”

Sirius’ frown disappeared in understanding and he grinned, pressing up on the step once more so they were chest to chest. His skin was warm, “There’s coals beneath the floor.” He leaned in a nipped gently at the skin below Remus’ ear, “I can have them stoked as long as I’d like… We can be in here… for hours, and hours…”

Remus grinned, throwing his arms around Sirius’ neck as he pulled him into the water. They were pressed together, and Sirius wrapped Remus’ legs around his waist, walking them backwards until they were sat at the far side of the square bath again.

“This-” Remus let his eyes close as Sirius kissed his neck. He can’t remember ever feeling so warm and, as he realized, safe. He’d never felt so safe, “This is more like a small pond than a bath.”

Sirius hesitated for a moment, too busy nosing at the hollow of Remus’ throat. He tried to push away the pangs to his chest that the sweet smell there brought.

“It is this size for the sole purpose so that you can come in here with me.” He felt the slight tension in Remus’ back muscles and moved swiftly to press a long, hard kiss to Remus’ lips, murmuring, “And no one else.”

“Hm.” Remus hummed. He pulled back, only for a second, to see Sirius’ face, “Good.” Then he smiled and kissed him again, letting Sirius’ tongue part his lips and pressing his palms to Sirius’ cheeks, thumbs smoothing over the heated flesh. His hands moved to the back of his neck and he freezes, lips parting in surprise against Sirius’.

“Hm?” Sirius says breathlessly, “What?”

“What’s this?”

Sirius tilts his head a little and then he feels what Remus’ fingers are running over. He swallows, “Oh. I…Oh.”

Remus tilted his neck forward a little, hands running through his hair to push it away and then cursing, “Jesus. Sirius are these- are these from- fingernails?”

Sirius bites his lip but he knows there’s no point in lying. He runs his hands over Remus’ back, but he’s not sure who he’s trying to comfort more, “I- yes. Look, it’s, I don’t know-“

“Don’t say it’s fine.” Remus’ eyes are hard, “It isn’t fine-“

“I know, I know.” Sirius desperately wants Remus to stop looking at him like that. Not when they have so little time. Not now, “It’s just- It’s like her way of reigning me in. Like pulling on a horse’s lead.”

Remus’ hands tighten in his hair, his face going slightly white, “Sirius, do you even hear yourself-“

Sirius feels panic swelling in his chest, and he brings his hands to Remus’ where they are placed on his chest and holds them between his, “Please. Please, Re, I don’t want to talk about this now.” He brings Remus’ knuckles briefly to his lips before releasing them in favor of holding him against him, “Please.”

Remus’ cheeks were flushed and pink in the dim candle light of the bathroom, his eyes worried. He reached out and touched the pink scar on Sirius’ lip, thick and raised from years of being re-opened, then leaned forward and brushed his own against it, “You can’t keep secrets for her. Not this one. Not like this.” He lets their foreheads fall together, “This is not your secret to keep. You don’t have to-“

“I do have to.” Sirius paused, eyes squeezing shut, trying to focus on Remus, his heat, his smell, him, “There are so many things I have to do… Remus…” Tell him Tell him Tell him.

I can’t.

“No, there aren’t.” Remus said it simply, pressing his face into the warmth of Sirius’ neck. Sirius relaxed into the water, leaning back and resting his palm on the back of Remus’ head, holding him there. His cheek rested against his temple, “There aren’t.” Remus said again, softer.

He wanted nothing more than that to be true.

“Let’s not talk about this now.” Sirius said just as quietly. He closed his eyes, feeling Remus’ breath and fingers tracing over the small crescent moon scars on his neck. He felt a flutter and realized it was Remus’ eyelashes, blinking against his shoulder, “I’m okay, Remus. I am.”

“I know.” Remus’ voice was slightly muffled against his skin, “Just… I don’t like that you think they have this much control over you.”

Sirius trailed his fingers down the nobs of Remus’ spine, feeling, memorizing, “I was born into this life.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to live this life.” Remus lifted his head, brow creased, “It’s your life.” Remus watched Sirius’ face for a moment, tilting his head a little, “You don’t believe me.”

Sirius sighed, “It isn’t about belief-“

“Yes, it is.” Remus cut him off, “Sirius,” he licked his lips, gathering his thoughts, “You started believing, somewhere down the line, that it was okay for your mother to do this to you. It isn’t. You believe that your life course is set. It isn’t. I mean, God, shouldn’t the fact that we’re sitting here talking—bathing—together right now be enough to prove to you that courses change? Paths change, life, beliefs change?” When Sirius just looked at him, something unreadable in his expression, Remus pressed on, “When we first met you were so, so rude. You thought you were above and I was below. Do you believe that now?”

“No.” Sirius said immediately, “No, of course not-“

“See?” Remus’ fingers wound themselves through Sirius’ hair, suddenly feeling desperate. He wasn’t talking about Sirius’ mother anymore, no matter how important it was. He was talking about them, about himself.

Believe in me. Believe in us. Don’t leavedon’tleavedon’tleave don’t leave me.

“See, you changed. You changed your beliefs about me. You can do it again.” He pressed a soft kiss to Sirius’ mouth, “Sirius, you don’t deserve this torture. You don’t deserve to be hurt, or to be ‘reigned in.’” Remus whipped wetness from Sirius cheek and Sirius blinked a few times, like he hadn’t realized it was there, “You deserve the world, no matter how big or small it is—I have no idea—but you deserve it. Look what you grew up in and look how you are.” Remus’ voice cracked, “You’re good. God, you’re so good… You deserve to choose.”

Sirius’ cheeks were streaked now, eyes brimmed with tears, “I don’t know how. What if it’s too late, I don’t know how-”

Remus pressed his forehead to Sirius’, “Yes, you do. You do, Sirius-“


Remus stopped talking at the note in Sirius’ voice. He thinks he might have stopped breathing too. He’d never seen Sirius cry, not like this. He’d never seen him look so… hopeless. He just looked hopeless. His hands were on his cheeks in a moment, hating the way Sirius seemed to crumple against them. His tears fell into the hot water just as fast as Remus could wipe them away. Sirius pulled at Remus’ hands, turning away, causing panic to swell in Remus’ chest, “Sirius- Hey. Hey, it’s okay, love-“

No.” Sirius voice caught, but at least he was looking at Remus again. His eyes were wild, and Remus didn’t know what was more present there, tears or fear, “No, it isn’t… It isn’t.” His voice had dropped to a whisper, and he pulled Remus against him, causing the water to ripple out around them. His fingers dug into Remus’ ribs, “It isn’t okay.”

Remus’ fingers were shaking now, on the verge of tears himself, “Shh. Please, shh…”  He pushed the hair back from Sirius’ forehead, “Okay, don’t think about it now. It’s just us here. None of that, none of them..” He put his lips shakily to Sirius’, soft presses, “You’re okay, you’re okay.”

Sirius nodded, tilting his chin up into the kisses, “Re..”

Remus cupped his face, palms on his neck, thumbs on his cheeks, “I know. I’m sorry, I pushed too hard, I’m sorry… You’re okay-“

“No. No, that isn’t-“ His voice choked off, “That isn’t what…” Sirius let out a shuddering breath, “God, I can’t fucking breathe.”

“Don’t say that.” Remus whispered. He couldn’t seem to still his hands, comforting, feeling, needing Sirius to know he was there, “I’m- What can I do?”

For a few moments, there was only the soft sound of the water against the sides of the bath, and of their breathing. Ripples appeared on the surface of the water when Sirius reached up, cupping the back of Remus’ neck. He shook his head a little, leaning into Remus’ palm.

Tell him tell him tell him.

I can’t.

“Don’t leave. Just don’t leave.”


They threw Sirius’ windows open, dragging the large, soft sofa in front of them and letting the warm night air dry their bare skin. They were a tangle of limbs and calming breath, passing the time with kisses and soft touches; Remus’ to dry Sirius’ tears, Sirius’ to memorize, re-memorize, and cherish.

Remus was draped over Sirius’ body, skin against skin, hands in his hair and mouth parting his with slow, long kisses. Sirius’ lips were pliable against his own, letting Remus taste every inch of him. Every once in a while, he’d feel Sirius smile into the kisses, and his heart felt a little lighter each time.

“‘m here.” He said again. He’d been repeating the phrase every few minutes for the last half hour, and he wasn’t prepared to stop any time soon.

Sirius smiled a small smile again, “I believe you.” His voice was still a little thick from crying, eyes puffy, but it only made Remus want to kiss him again. He leaned in again only to find his way blocked by a thumb pressing into his bottom lip. He sent Sirius a questioning look and was rewarded with another soft grin, a little nervous this time, “I… I have something for you.”

Remus raised his eyebrows, then bit softly at Sirius’ thumb, making him crinkle his nose a little but smile, “For me?”

“Mhm.” Sirius nudge his nose against Remus’, “You’ll have to let me up a moment though. To fetch it.”

“Well then.” Remus attempted to make himself as heavy as possibly, dropping his head into Sirius’ neck, “I don’t know if I want it if it means giving this up.”

Sirius laughed, sniffling, but Remus grinned as he felt the rumble in his chest, “It’ll be a moment only. Please? Here,” Remus felt a hand press against his back, keeping him in place while Sirius leant up, snagging a blanket from the far end of the sofa and dragging it loosely over Remus’ body, “To keep you warm while I’m away, yeah?”

Remus sighed dramatically, biting gently at Sirius’ neck in protest before rolling off him, throwing his arm over his eyes, “You take me in the bath and then leave me. How typical.”

He heard Sirius laugh, cough a little, and pad across the room. He heard a drawer open and close, and it was only seconds later before a heavy weight was back on his chest, causing him to choke out a laugh and blink against the flickering candle light, “Jesus.” Sirius’ face hovered above him, thighs straddling his hips. Remus rubbed his hands up his sides, “Back so soon?”

“With gifts.”

Remus pressed his hands to the warmth of Sirius’ back, feeling the hard muscles there, “I don’t need gifts.”

“You get them anyway.” Sirius sat up, perching himself on Remus’ hips. Remus tried not to think to hard about the fact that the only thing separating them was a very thin blanket. Sirius held out two fists, “Pick a hand.”

Remus grinned, hands inching up Sirius’ thighs, “Can’t I pick something else?”

A flush appeared on Sirius’ neck, cheeks heating with arousal, and he smiled down at Remus, subtly admiring the way his hair was splayed against the pillows, “After, be my guest.”

Remus hummed, satisfied, and looked between the two, “Okay… That one.”

Sirius hesitated, then the corners of his mouth turned down in the way they did when he was trying not to smile, “Um. Pick again.”

Remus snorted, then pointed to the other, “That one, then.”

Sirius grinned, “Right, now close your eyes.”

Remus groaned, “You take an awful long time to give presents.” He mumbled.

“Oh, hush.”

Remus flicked his hands in surrender and closed his eyes.

For a moment he felt no movement, just the breeze coming in from the window. Then there were fingers trailing on his cheek, his neck, his chest.

“Please tell me I’ve said how gorgeous you are.”

Remus smiled, the candles creating soft oranges and pinks through his eyelids, “You have.”

The fingers trailed down his arm to his hand, catching his fingers, “Remind me to tell you more often then.” Then, something cool pressed around one finger and Remus’ eyes flew open, falling instantly to the small golden band that now adorned his hand.

He pushed himself up, only just catching Sirius from sliding off his lap, hand clutching his hip, “Sirius…”

“It’s not all the trouble you’re thinking of right now. It, um. Well, it was mine. Only I think it’s kind of stupid to wear your own initial around but…” Sirius took a large breath, “But I thought… maybe you’d…”

Remus blinked and, looking closer, he saw that there was indeed a small, delicate SB inscribed on the ring. The air in his lungs suddenly felt all too slight. He adored it automatically.

“I mean, I know you can’t actually wear it with, you know, work and- well, the fact that this is… what it is but… knowing you’ll have it… I’d like that.” Sirius huffed, fiddling with Remus’ fingers, “I just know it’s hard to see each other sometimes.” Then, quieter, “I just want you to know…” Remus looked away from the ring to Sirius’ face. His eyes were fixed on their hands, eyelashes long and lip between his teeth, “Remus, I think of you always.” He looked up, brows drawn together, “And nothing will change that. No matter what.” He swallowed, shaking his head, “Not ever.”

He was kissing Sirius before his brain caught up. And the thought was in the back of his mind, the melancholy, the need to memorize this moment for later. For after. And the words were there too. The words that felt like they had been said so many times. And the feeling, so overpowering that Remus felt dizzy. He wanted to say it, he needed to say it… But what happened then? This ring, these promises… what then? When the spell broke and reality set it. Remus kissed Sirius harder, pressing him back against the pillows, feeling the cool metal of his promise around his finger, pushing the thoughts away.

Love was a very real thing, a very permanent thing. Love broke down walls. And Remus wanted so badly to leave himself unprotected.


Sirius was late to dinner the next night. He’d spent almost the entire day sleeping or eating, as Remus had made clear that he would be taken to the doghouse by Ms. Potter if he was late to any more meal preps. He was right, really. They were slipping. They had to spread out their visits, not let anyone catch suspicion. And it killed Sirius, but Remus was right.

He’d overslept and was trying desperately to fix his hair as he walked in, only to freeze. There, filling the usually empty seats, was the Lestrange family. Ice had replaced the air in the room.

“Nice of you to finally join us, Sirius.” Duchess Lestrange smiled at him, thin lipped and rigid.

He glanced at his mother who was already twisting her ring around her finger, as if preparing, eager to slice it against his cheek once more.

“My apologies.” His voice came out stronger than he’d expected and he was grateful for that. Remus’ voice played in his head. You don’t deserve this.

He began to move around the table, to sit beside Regulus, when the duchess motioned for one of the servants.

“Boy, pull this chair for him.”

Sirius kept his eyes down, already knowing who that chair would be next to. He stiffened and sat without a word, ignoring Bellatrix’s eyes on him to his left, his mother’s to his right.

“Good.” His mother said, “Now that we’re all present we can discuss business.”

Sirius straightened, “No need to stall on my account.” He grumbled.

“Quiet.” His mother snapped. She turned to the duchess and Sirius promptly tuned out. He tried to focus on what would come after dinner. Remus would appear through the bookshelf and, for a time, everything would be alright.

He ignored the bread basket being offered to him from a servant to his right. Remus would be there. Perhaps he’d draw them another bath. He’d ruined that last one, or almost did at least. He’d lied away for what felt like hours after Remus fell asleep, angry with himself. He’d wasted so much of the night, the night that could be one of their lasts.

Sirius huffed, closing his eyes briefly. When he opened them again his brother was staring at him, and, strangely enough, the bread basket was still there. He leaned away a little, as the basket was being pushed rather insistently into his face. He rolled his eyes, ready to wave his hand and snap at the waiter that he obviously did not want bread.

Only it wasn’t just bread that surrounded the basket. A glint caught his eye and set his brain in motion. Sirius’ breath caught. He noticed the long fingers first. The familiar chip in the thumbnail that had yet to grow back, the pink grease scars that littered the back of the palms. And a ring. A ring with a small SB carved faintly into the band. Sirius swallowed, an uncomfortable mix of dread and elation filling his chest. He glanced up, taking a roll at the same time, needing an excuse to be staring at a servant.

Remus stared back at him, dressed in a uniform that looked to big for him. To anyone else at the table, his face would have appeared blank. But Sirius could see the delight in his eyes. Remus’ mouth curved upwards, just a little. Sirius wanted so badly to smile back. Any other night this would have been the best of surprises, having Remus here at dinner with him, just beside him. He would have made a game of brushing their hands together, of making eye contact across the room and rolling his eyes at what his mother was saying, trying to make him laugh. Any other night. Sirius felt his face pale and a crease appeared between Remus’ brow when he, no doubt, noticed how white Sirius had just gone. How he was in no way smiling back at him.

Sirius turned sharply in his seat, away, causing his water glass to rattle, breathing hard.

No. No, you can’t be here. Not nownotnownotnow. Why was he here?

Sirius looked around for James and didn’t see him. A replacement then.

“Oh, do try to sit still, Sirius.” His mother snarled, “For God’s sake, you’re not a child anymore.”

The table went strangely silent as they waited for Sirius to bite back and, when he didn’t, the conversation resumed too slowly. Sirius looked up then, glancing at each person, making sure they hadn’t noticed his small panic. Most were preoccupied with each other or food. Bellatrix seemed to be trying to shove an entire slab of butter onto her bread. His mother and aunt were in quiet conversation. Regulus…

Sirius’ stiffened, what little bread he had taken turning to ash in his mouth.

Regulus was staring right at him, his own roll in hand. Remus was to his left, moving on to the next guest. Regulus’ face was neutral, but the roll in his hand was nearly crushed. Sirius straightened and looked away.

“It’s certainly a fine plan, is it not?”

The duchess nodded once, back straight as a steel rod, “It will certainly bring in a generous sum. You have your younger, to thank for that.”

Regulus inclined his head stiffly, “I would do whatever it takes to keep the crown in power and at peace.”

His mother raised her glass at him, “A marriage is a fine solution to both necessities.”

And that was it. It was out.

Sirius felt sick. Sweat dripped down his spine. He saw Remus look up from where he was now standing against the wall, hands respectfully behind his back, waiting to be of service. Sirius couldn’t look at him. Instead, he trained his eyes on his mother, silently begging, willing her to change the topic of conversation. It was no use.

“Now, Sirius, Bella, I feel I must ask your opinion on dates. A summer wedding would possible, if not a little rushed-“

“I don’t want to get married when it’s cold.” Bellatrix wined, “I want a summer gown.”

The two women laughed and Sirius winced, keeping his eyes firmly on his plate. He held his hand over his glass, preventing the servant from serving him more wine.

“Well, it’s settled then. Sirius, I assume you want nothing to do with such… trivial matters.”

“Yes.” Sirius looked up at the venom in his mother’s tone, “All he has to do is show up.”

Her eyes bore into him. They said what she didn’t have to. And you will show up.

There was a sudden clatter, making everyone jump. Everyone except Sirius, who wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to move again. Sirius eyes went instantly to the now empty place Remus had been, and then to the source of the noise. Remus stood there, wine bottle in hand, face white and expression shocked, blank.

The Queen stood up, whipping her napkin down, “You fool!”

“I-“ Remus’ voice barely came out and Sirius heart ached. Their eyes met across the room, for just a moment, but Sirius tried to cram every single word that he couldn’t say into that look.

I’m sorry. You weren’t meant to find out like this. I’m sorryI’msorryI’msorry-

“Your Highness, my apologies, I… I- I stand in for another today-“

“And are clearly not up to the task.” The Queen bit back, falling restlessly back into her seat, “I shall have a word with Ms. Potter. Clean this up.

Remus was out of the room in a second, fingers shaking on the handles of the servant’s door.

Sirius couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t even remember a time when there had been air in his lungs. He felt as though he were falling apart. Or was it that he was being ripped, piece by piece. He stood, seeing stars.

“Sirius. Sirius, sit this instant.” His mother sounded as though she were speaking through a layer of cotton in his ears.

Regulus was looking at him again, and his firm, dark eyes were the last thing Sirius saw before he fled the room, big, oak doors banging shut behind him.

(A.N.: Ooooh we are getting so close to the end! Just one or two more chapters really… I just want to say how much everyone’s support on this story, their comments, tags, and fucking fan art (I mean jfc do you know how much that means to me??) is so wonderful and kind and beautiful. Thank you so much!! Hmm.. what else can I say… Oh, yes: prepare yourselves. Angst ahead.)

Hey Spirk fans. Especially TOS Spirk fans. If y'all haven’t watch For the Love of Spock. And listen to Leonard son saying that the homosexual out of context video of Spock/Kirk is really damn compelling. Y'all haven’t lived. If y'all have Netflix, please watch it. (Aside from the Spirk BECAUSE I WASN’T EXPECTING IT). The whole movie dedicated to Spock/Leonard is very moving.

Also who made that video? Someone should let them know it’s in this XD I also now want to watch that video. Anyone have the link to the video let me know.

i can’t believe ??? i actually lasted this long ??? i’ve tried running this blog so many times in the past, and every time i end up chickening out because i worry that i’m not good enough, or that nobody wants to interact with a character that so few people actually KNOW about. can you BELIEVE i established this blog (on a different account) almost FIVE years ago ????  i was ridiculously shy, and this year i was finally able to break out of that and talk to people, and HOO BOY am i glad i did. i’ve met so many amazing people on here, and made so many new friends. 

while i know for a fact i can credit some of this to my beloved deltas and how much they’ve helped me grow this past year, there are many people here who also helped me and my blog grow into who it is/i am today. so thank you, so so SO much. i love you guys so much and i hope we continue to talk/interact in the future💙💙💙 i have a shit memory, so i might’ve forgotten some people, but know that i love you to pieces still !!!

this got so much longer than it was supposed to be i’m so sorry omf

Keep reading


Request: Hi! I’d just like to request a punk Gerard thingy where he gets jealous of some douche hitting on you and beats him up but you end up getting scared and he comforts you and everything? Thanks, I know you get a lot of punk Gerard requests, but agh! You write him so well!

“We don’t have to go Y/N. We can just stay home,” Gerard argued as I put on my heels. 

“No Gerard, I know you want to hangout with your friends so we’re going.”

“I’d much rather hangout with you though,” he grinned, resting his head on my shoulder and wrapping his arms around my waist.

“Gee, I know you want to go out tonight.”

“Okay, I do but my friends idea of bar hopping is way too rowdy and I don’t want to just leave you here.” he protested.

“I’ll be fine. Besides, I’ve never met your friends before and I really want to.” He sighed and bit his bottom lip in thought, weighing his options.

“Alright alright, we’ll go. But you have to promise me you want leave my side okay? I’m serious Y/N, a majority of the people who go to these underground raves are all either asshols or perverts so I want you to stay close to me,” he instructed seriously

.“And where did you fit in the category?

”“Probably asshole,” he admitted. “Also, I don’t want you drinking.”

“What? Why?”

“You get really excited and hard to control when you’re drunk.”

“Oh, so you have to control me now Gerard?” I huffed, crossing my arms at him.

He frowned and massaged his temples, realizing that came out wrong. “If i’m going to protect you, then yes, I need you to be a little more cooperative. Which you’re the exact opposite of when you’re drunk.”

“Fine, I won’t drink tonight,” I sighed, deciding I didn’t want to get into a big fight before we let. He sighed in relief and muttered a small “thanks” before grabbing my hand and leading me out the door.

The outside of the club was a tall behind covered from the ground up in graffiti and looked abandoned. I was sure we we’re in the wrong place

“Nope, this is it,” Gerard said, watching my reaction. “It’s not too late to back out you know.”

“Let’s go,” I said. 

“Suit yourself,” he shrugged. He instantly wrapped his arm around me protectively when we got out of the car, dirty looking every guy we walked past. The club was extremely loud, louder than the ones I’ve been to. The heavy rock music vibrated the concrete walls, echoing out through the deserted street.

Gerard led me through an alley, his grip tightening when a group of guys eyed me up and down. There was a few steps that led down to a door, abstract letters covering the steel door. Inside it was even more crazy. People were filed in shoulder to shoulder, jumping along with the ear ringing music erupting on the stage. Towards the back was a small bar, the only spot that seemed safe from getting your teeth knocked out by a crazy mosh pitter. 

I followed Gerard towards his friends, feeling anxious what they would be like. I heard good things of course, but you never knew with the type of people Gerard surrounded himself with. “Hey guys,” he said as we walked up, gesturing me to take the bar stool next to him.

“Holy shit, haven’t seen you in weeks Gee.” The shorter guy spoke up with a chuckle.

“I’ve been busy,” he shrugged, his hand lowering off my waist and grabbing my hand securely. 

“Are you gonna introduce us to your girl now or what?”

His jaw tightened but he didn’t say anything, taking a step aside so he wasn’t covering me. “Guys this is Y/N, Y/N these are my friends. of course you already know Mikey, that’s Ray, Frank, Billie, Patrick, Joel, Tyler…” The names went on and on as he pointed to each individual person, all of them wearing matching leather jackets and baring tattoos. They looked like the type of guys you see jump helpless people in alleys at night on movies, but they were all smiling politely and seemed genuinely interested in talking to me. 

I clicked the most with Ray and Frank, who Gerard considered more like brothers than just friends. While I started growing out of my shell and not clinging onto Gerard the whole time, I somehow lost him in the crowd of people. 

“Where did Gerard go?” I leaned over and asked Ray, beginning to worry. I knew Gerard and he would never stay a foot away from me in a scene like this.

Ray shrugged casually, looking around. “He probably went to the bathroom or something, he’ll be back soon,” he reassured, taking another bite of his nachos. I shifted in my seat, itching to get up and find him. Gerard and I were both clingy as hell so it drove me crazy not knowing where he was. 

“I’m gonna go see if he’s in the bathroom, he’s been gone awhile.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Ray asked, giving me a knowing look. He knew Gerard would go berserk if I wasn’t here when he got back, but I couldn’t stop myself. My curiosity was getting he best of me. 

“I’ll be right back,” I protested, getting up before he could talk me out of it. I spotted the bathrooms across the bar, squeezing past people to try and get closer to the neon sign. 

A hand latched around my wrist, preventing me from going anywhere. I gulped when I turned around and saw who the hand belong to. He was surely five times my size, towering over me. He had short blonde hair and would almost be cute if it was for the menacing grin on his face.

“Hey gorgeous, wanna dance?”

“No thanks, I have a boyfriend.”

“Oh really?” He scoffed, giving a hard tug on my wrist and pulling me into his chest. “So where is this so called boyfriend?”

“In the bathroom,” I said quickly, squirming to try and get out of his grasp.

“Well then he’s missing out. Come on baby, let’s dance,” he said again more forcefully, hands groping at my ass as I tried to push him off of me. 

“Let go of-”

In  flash, my attacker hit the ground with a gruesome smacking noise. I looked up to see Gerard hovering over him, eyes blazing and fist clenching.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing asshole? Touching my girl like that!” Gerard yelled, kicking his steel toed boots into the man’s torso.

“Look man, I-”

“Shut up!” Gerard screamed, slamming his fist into the blonde’s jaw. “Who the fuck taught you to treat women like that huh? Get up,” Gerard taunted, groaning when the guy didn’t move. “I said, get the fuck up. You and me, outside. Right now!” He challenged, leaning down and  yanking the guy up to his feet by his collar. 

A crowd was beginning to form around us, watching intently. The blonde spit out blood, glaring at Gerard. “Your girl wanted me, someone that hot needs my attention.”

If looks could kill, this guy would have dropped dead form the look Gerard was giving him. A vein popped out form the side of his neck and his jaw was clenched so hard his teeth might burst. Still holding the man up by his collar, Gerard’s fist connected with his cheek, everyone wincing at the crunching noise it made. His fist came down on him again and again, a few to his eye, to his nose, his mouth and beating in his cheek until it was purple and swollen. 

Gerard finally calmed down from his rage, looking down at his bruised and bloody knuckles and letting him go. He whirled around, eyes scanning the crowd. His eyes narrowed at me, snatching up my hand and dragging me out. “We’re leaving,” he said gruffly.

I didn’t say anything, far too scared to protest. Neither of us said anything when we got outside or the short car ride home. I knew Gerard had a temper but I’ve never seen him actually fight someone. It was terrifying and I couldn’t even look him in the eye.  

“I’m sorry,” I finally spoke up quietly when I sat down on the couch, noticing his hands were shaking. 

“Are you hurt?” He asked after a minute passed.

I shook my head, keeping my eyes locked on the floor. I flinched when he sat down next to me, instinctively scooting away.

“Baby? What’s wrong?” He asked concerned.

“I…I don’t know. I just…I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” I sighed, covering my face with my hands when I felt tears brim my eyes. I was scared of him, there was no simpler way to put it. I’ve never been scared of him before, even when he’s punching holes in the walls and screaming. But tonight, seeing what he’s actually capable of, made my legs shake and I felt nauseated.

“Talk to me,” he persisted, closing the space between us.

“What happened tonight…i’m scared Gerard, I was terrified.”

“I know, that’s why I had to teach that guy a les-”

“Not of him, of you.”

The atmosphere changed, feeling heavy and uncomfortable. I hesitantly looked up at Gerard to test his expression, expecting to see that blazing fury embedded in his hazel eyes again. But instead, they were soft and glossy, and he looked genuinely hurt. 

“You’re, you’re scared of me?”

“It’s weird…I don’t know,” I shrugged. I felt his arm wrap around me and I didn’t protest this time, letting him pull me into his chest. 

“I’m sorry, I went too far. You know I would never, ever hurt you, right?”

“I know…i’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left.”

“No no, it’s not your fault. No more scummy clubs.”

“No more scummy clubs,” I agreed, feeling comforted by his embrace. 

Undercover Feelings

Fandom: Star Wars

Pairing: Kylo Ren x Reader

Words: 1128


“Why must I go undercover?” Kylo Ren asked you. He was in the refresher room changing into his disguise and you were laying on his bed waiting for him to come out.

“Kylo, this is a chance to see what everyone does while you’re not around. Not to mention what kind of stuff they say behind your back.”

“What do you mean?”

You smirked to yourself, “You’ll find out when you go out there. Now hurry up!” You called out to your friend and colleague. 

He came out with a big frown on his face. You bit your lip to prevent you from laughing, “I look foolish.” Kylo Ren said. He fashioned a blonde wig, glasses, an orange vest, and a grey jumpsuit. 

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Kol reading your diary

Based on THIS imagine.  This went in a completely different direction than I had first thought it was going to go, so it got a little long.  Enjoy lovies!

Edit:  Part two is now up HERE

The school day had been long, and the only thing you wanted to do when you got back to your house at the end of the day was curl up and watch some good old fashion trashy television.  Letting yourself into the house you toed off your shoes and let your backpack drop to the floor.  Turning the corner into the living room you quickly realized that your plans of a relaxing evening wasn’t meant to be when you spotted Kol sitting on your couch, deeply engrossed in a book.

“Note to self, change the locks on the doors.”  You teased him, shaking your head as you hopped over the back of an arm chair to sit.

“You and I both know that I’ll still find a way in.  Especially after finding such juicy reading.”  Kol replied, glancing up at you from the book and holding it up so you could see the leather cover more clearly.  You were confused at first of what book he could be reading that had interested him so much.  Staring at the cover, your eyes widened with realization as you stood quickly from the chair.

“Is that my diary!?”  You screeched at the vampire perched on your couch.  Before he could answer you had run towards him, trying to grab the journal from his hands.  Kol wasn’t about to give it back easily, however.  He was off the couch by the time you reached it, and was up leaning against a wall on the other side of the room.

“His eyes are so stunning, I could get lost in them all day.”  He read, a smirk pulling at his face as he flipped through a few pages.


“Here’s a new one.”  He glanced up at you before back down to your writings.  “I had a dream last night about Kol.  It was amazing to say the least.  It left me breathless - “

“God, Kol STOP.”  You begged, lurching forward to grab at the diary one more time.  Again he avoided capture, taking his spot back on the couch as his eyes continued to scan the most recent entry to your diary.

“When I woke up I had reached out for him, thinking that he would be there, but only being greeted with cold sheets.  It was gut-wrenching.”  He read again.  At this point you knew that he had read the most intimate parts of your entries and there was no point in trying to get the writings back from him.  Your privacy had been corrupted.

“I hate you.”  You muttered, leaning back against the wall and hugging yourself as you glared at Kol.  It felt like your whole life had just been put under a microscope.  You were exposed, vulnerable, and you hated the feeling.  Embarrassed tears threatened to leak from your eyes as Kol finished reading the entry and slowly closed the diary.

“Not according to this, you don’t.”  He teased as he set the book down on the coffee table and turned to look at you.  Scanning your face quickly, he knew that he had crossed a line.  The harmless teasing that he had meant to inflict upon your day had taken a turn for the worst.

“That was before.  This is now.  Now I hate you.”  You replied, venom seeping into your words.  Taking another moment to pity yourself you straightened up, uncrossing your arms and letting them fall to your sides.  “Get out, Kol.”

“Y/N…”  He began, rising to his feet and frowning at you.  His mind was quickly reeling for a way to make this better.  To ease your pain.  He hadn’t expected to find anything of that magnitude in your diary, or else he would’ve chosen a different way to get under your skin.  At most he had expected to find a petty lie you had told someone, not the fact that you had feelings for him.  Feelings that he very much reciprocated.

“Leave!”  You shouted, glaring at the stunned man.  He gaped at you like a fish before bowing his head and turning towards the front door.  Time.  What you needed was time.

After the front door had closed behind him you snatched the diary off of the coffee counter and clutched it to your chest for a few minutes.  The tears that had been threatening to fall finally slid tracks down your cheeks before splashing silently onto the floor.  Angrily, you stomped to the fireplace across from the couch and used the lighter you left near it to set the logs aflaim.  When the fire was sufficiently built you kneeled in front of it, running a hand over the cover of the diary as you inwardly battled.  Eventually, you chucked the half filled book into the fireplace, watching the flames devour the pages of writing.  Sitting back against the hardwood floor you watched the pages melt apart, ink bubbling and dissipating until nothing remained of the journal.  


summary: an ace and aroflux!phan fic in which they are both writers and the lines of their relationship blur but they’re always happy with how they are.

aroflux: someone who’s romantic orientation fluctuates (so one day they might be aro, the next demiro, and so on).

warnings: very brief mention of alcohol and i think nothing else?

an: i just wanted to write something one night and this is basically a list of fluffy headcanons  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ reblogs and feedback are always appreciated!! <3 (also ty to larkspurlester who read this over for me!! ily)


They come together in the spring of their twenty third years, young and vulnerable but alone no longer. A college friend tells Dan about this writer guy, eccentric and dedicated to his writing but working in a small newspaper company. Dan’s not the most keen, but Fabian won’t relent, insists that they meet. They say, “Literally, all I ever hear from both of you is something about writing, and it’s getting old and I can’t appreciate it as much as I’d like,” and Dan huffs, rude, but relents and agrees to coffee. 

As it happens, Fabian has to leave the second he turns up. Considering this was the only factor persuading Dan to go, he deliberates leaving, ditching and apologising later. But Fabian pushes him through the door before they leave with a yell of, “Phil!” and Dan’s helpless, floundering in an awkward sea because of them - not the most articulate thing he’s said, but he’s kind of stuck here. Damn you. The first thing Phil says is an absent apology for stealing his napkin to write down an idea. Dan forgets about hating Fabian and their predicament-inducing qualities.

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300 follower smut continuation (KBTBB) Revenge - 1. Shuichi.

[My fingers are pretty much flying. I’m loving this whole idea & I can’t get my ideas down fast enough.. I’m not sure if I captured Shuichi properly but this is what I came up with. Again, Thank you to @teresa-yukibito. She is my partner in smut crime. ENJOY!]

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so with discovery now out I’ve decided to watch all things star trek and I haven’t seen any of it since I was kid (I mostly watched TOS and TNG and the odd episode of the other shows) and let me just tell you it is an Experience™

I have missed it though and I’ve been saying for years I need to (re)watch it all. thank you @ discovery for making me get on that.

Star Trek Beyond: My thoughts

Hands down my favorite of the three movies. Will definitely be seeing it in theaters again. 

Red alert. Warning. Spoilers ahead. I suggest not reading until you watch the movie because none of what I’ll say will make sense. Unless you don’t care about spoilers, then by all means read ahead. (Remember I tagged this post and other spoiler posts and art #stb spoilers so blacklist that tag)

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anonymous asked:

//the anon from the other day// I found a lot of star trek on netflix do you know what order it needs to be watched in? Should i watch enterprise or voyager first? theres also just "star trek" 1968 i think thats first also theres 9 movies and an animated series. Please bestow knowledge upon me so i may suffer emotional sciency space shows with the cool kids- friendly neighborhood anon

I’ve actually only watched The Orginal Series and the first four movies, so that’s a good place to start? I’m gonna watch the fifth and sixth movies (The Final Frontier and Undiscovered Country) and then eventually go onto The Next Generation, but I have no idea about Enterprise or Voyager :0 I’m planning to just watch them in the order they were produced.

If you specifically want Space Husbands then you’ll wanna watch TOS, so the 1968 one!! The first six movies are all TOS-based uvu Also, The Animated series is hilarious please give it a try after you watch TOS. Half of the show is pretty much half of Kirk’s face taking up half the screen for no reason???? It’s pretty great.

I’m sorry I couldn’t give you a more detailed answer, but plaidshirtjimkirk has seen all of them and could definitely help you!!!! They’re my Star Trek senpai, not gonna lie. Whatever you choose to do I hope you enjoy!!! owo


I watch you spin around in your highest heels / You are the best one of the best ones

“Mr. Styles,” you saluted playfully as you walked past him as he spoke to a guest in the function room.

“Hello, my kitten,” he smiled brightly as you passed him. You made him smile all the time. Right now, you were busy at work, and so was he. You were the wedding coordinator at the lovely resort. Over the course of one summer you could plan a lot of weddings. Harry admired how well you worked. You were quick, efficient, friendly, and just lovely.

Harry started calling you kitten for the first time when you were sixteen. You arrived to the resort as you always did, this time planning your very first wedding for your mother and your new step-father. You begged your mom to let you try and much to everyone’s delight, it worked. Everyone was amazed that there were no hiccups. Every, single, solitary thing went smoothly. There were no bridezilla moments, nothing went wrong. It was tremendous practice for you future where you hoped, if you were lucky and the resort was willing, you could put a wedding planning office in the resort while you were there over the summer.

Later that night, Harry found you by the pool, your feet in the water while your mom and step-dad went off on their honeymoon. You were staring up at the stars, the cement digging into the back of your thighs on the edge of the pool. “You did a lovely job,” he smiled. You smirked tiredly.

“I hid every disaster that threatened to strike,” you told him. You were still wearing your bridesmaid dress, a deep purple that made your tanned skin pop. You rolled it high up so it wouldn’t get wet.Harry, who had seen you in a bathing suit and had seen your thighs before, couldn’t think of anything more beautiful than your legs, tanned and dress rolled up high. You looked like a princess.

“There were disasters?” He asked in shock. “You sneaky little kitten,” he chuckled. “I don’t think anyone had a clue,” he smirked as he dipped his toes in the water next to you. You hooked your ankle around his under the water.

“All weddings have problems. You have to hope someone is kind enough to care and not let them happen,” you said with a shrug. “I love my mother, and my step-father,” you told him. “I wasn’t going to let a single thing ruin their day,” you explained quietly.

He smirked. Harry couldn’t believe how lovely you were. He vowed to himself right then, that he wouldn’t let anything happen to your wedding to stress you out. Whether he married you (like he wanted to) or not.

Harry was a caterer for the resort, working at weddings you planned walking around with dishes of hors d’ouervres, glasses of champagne, or pieces of cake. Sometimes he worked the bar and made drinks. After you planned your mom’s wedding, you planned one of her friend’s wedding. Then it rolled from there. You had binders and binders of weddings. A phone book of numbers for all kinds of things from cakes to flowers to makeup artists.

Harry admired you. You did this as a summer thing, but obviously planned weddings all throughout the year leading up to this moment. You were in charge of ordering people where to walk, when to sit and stand. All that jazz. Harry loved watching you work. You were friendly, you got everyone involved and despite how other wedding planners acted, you were patient and never acted like you were better than your clients. And you were so young. People thought it was incredible how organized and perfect you were for this. And it wasn’t even something you wanted to do.

“It’s just a hobby.”

“Kitten, hobbies are like knitting…or stamp collecting. What you do is a full time job,” Harry said knowingly.

Harry was currently walking around with a dish of mini eclairs. Your favorite weddings to plan were for people who were barely into their twenties. You prayed they’d stay together and make your job worth it…and God, did you love how cute their weddings were and simple. They often asked for fun things like an ice cream bar or an unconventional wedding cake.

You stole an eclair and kissed his cheek. “Thanks, babe,” you smiled and made sure everything was going well. Harry could never get over how beautiful you looked.

You two started dating a few weeks after your mother’s wedding. Harry had taken you to the pool deck after a wedding and sat with you in the hot tub. “Do you wanna do that for a living?” He asked as the bubbles subsided. You each had been on your feet for way too long and you needed to relax.

“No…” you shrugged. “I want to help people I think…I think I want to be a child therapist or something…” you explained. “Children are only going to get worse…the world is…Jesus it’s ruining everything about innocence and whatnot,” you told him.

He stared at you. “Have you ever planned your wedding?” He asked curiously.

You nodded. “For the most part,” you hesitated to tell him. “I’m not…like, really girly about it, you know? I just have it planned. I wouldn’t like, force it on anyone I dated…you know? It’s just there. And then when and if I ever need it,” You trailed off.

He did know. He knew you would have it planned. Of course he did. Of course you planned it. Why wouldn’t you have planned it? You were always prepared. He didn’t like your if statement at all. You were going to get married. There’s no way you wouldn’t be married. “What are you missing?”

“A guest list and the groom,” you smiled shyly.

He chuckled. “You’re going to get married here, right?” He wondered.

“Mm,” you smiled. “Hopefully, it’s the best place on earth,” you reminded him.

He smiled and looked up at the stars for a few moments. This is the best place on earth. But it was the best place on earth because the two of you had spent twelve summers together at the beach club. And every summer it got better. You didn’t know how, but it got better–at some point you thought it might get worse, since the two of you were getting older and you didn’t want to do the stuff you always did…but it only got better. It was heaven on that beach. And Harry never wanted it to end. “Kitten,” he whispered suddenly.

“Hmm?” You sighed sinking down a bit into the water to sit next to your best friend. Each of you were deeply in love with one another–neither of you knew that you were in love with one another. But to other people it was obvious. Harry and you talked like you were married. He rolled his eyes at you when you told him to be safe while out and about. He scolded you when you lifted things heavier than he wanted you to carry. He held your door open and you’d fight over who was buying who dinner. You argued and laughed like you two had been together forever. And in some ways, you were. Part of you hoped that you two would date…but then the rational part of you assumed that Harry would want to be with a girl in his hometown…someone he’d see more than four months a year.

He clasped your fingers together beneath the water. “Would you ever consider that I could be the person you marry?” He asked softly.

You blushed and turned to look at him. He was staring right at you and his eyes looked so sure. “Harry–”

“Hear me out, love,” he whispered softly. “I…I’ve known you for years. And I’ve never told you this, but last night, when I saw you playing with your little flower girls, all I could think about is how lovely you’d be as a mother…” he continued. “And I’m in love with you. Have been since we were little and your mom put you in a timeout for defending me and pushing those boys in the sand because they stole my swing,” he smiled. “So…when you told me a couple weeks ago that you want someone who loves and cares enough to make sure nothing goes wrong at the wedding I realized I wanted to be that person for you–I want you to have the perfect wedding, and I won’t let anything happen to you,” he said softly. “But I want to be that person for you every day.”

You gaped and your heart was bubbling almost as much as the hot tub. “Harry, I–”

“Before you say something,” he said softly, nervously. He heard the hesitation in your voice and he wanted you to love him–he needed to make a case for himself. “I want to remind you that I know everything about you and I love all the parts that you hate. And I always will,” he said softly. “I love you,” he smiled sweetly.

Tears filled your eyes. “I love you,” you whispered. “I love you so much,” you said softly. He smiled and cupped your face and pressed kisses to your face and lips for hours.

And now Harry was watching you hand your cards out to other people looking to get married. You were dressed professionally, in a long beige curve-hugging skirt, pink peep-toed pumps and a white blouse and a pink cardigan. You were adorable and Harry was so lucky to have you all these years. He smiled as you showed your ring off. The one he had gotten for you last year. A symbol of your three-year anniversary.

He smirked. Your wedding was at the end of the month. You planned it all year and you were totally excited to be Mrs. Styles. Harry proposed to you on the swing set the year before. He told you that being boyfriend and girlfriend was everything he wanted. “But I want you. All of you. For the rest of your life. All mine,” he said. He presented the beautiful ring, he knew it was perfect for you. “But boyfriend and girlfriend won’t cut it for what I want.”

“I love you,” you said softly and he grinned and wrapped his arms around you. He slid his ring in place and now he watched you giggle delightedly, your cheeks turning pink as you showed off how in love you were.

Harry set the empty tray down. “You okay?” Zayn asked, he was watching him ogle. Harry smiled.

“She’s just beautiful,” Harry said quietly. “And she’s perfect,” he continued. “By this time next month, she’s going to be my wife…she’s going to be Mrs. Styles,” he whispered in near shock.

Zayn smirked as he looked at his own girlfriend. He kissed her temple. “Do we have to crash that one, or do we get an invite,” he asked. Harry rolled his eyes. He wasn’t supposed to be here, but Harry wouldn’t say anything.

“I’ll let you crash on an invite, how about that?” He asked with a laugh.

Zayn nudged Harry and he turned to face you. “Hi kitten,” he smiled.

“Hi, Har-bear,” you whispered.


Harry spun you around and dipped you as he pulled you onto the dance floor. You giggled and your cheeks flushed red, you were breathtaking. “Kitten, you’re so beautiful,” he whispered with a bright smile. He pulled you closer to him and smelled your hair. His lips brushed against the tip of your ear. You hair was beautiful and Harry was so happy to be around you…as always…but when you said I do, he lost it and started crying. He tried to hide it; and he did, enough. He said I do back, he kissed you and walked you up the aisle.

He tugged you into the bridal suite and he cried into your neck as he held you. “I love you,” he cried. “I love you so much,” he sniffled. He pulled away and wiped his face with a handkerchief. “God, you look beautiful,” he whispered. “You look just…perfect,” he kissed your eyes and brushed his thumbs along her cheeks. “You’re my wife,” he mumbled and stared at you. You could hardly breathe. “Mrs. Styles,” he said softly. You giggled. Your heart screamed. You were your best friend’s wife. You married your best friend.

You smiled shyly and he wrapped his arms around you. “I love you,” he said as he held you close to his body. “I love you so much,” he told you swaying you around the dance floor.

You grinned and rested your head on his chest. “Harry,” you said softly.

“What, baby girl?” He asked.

“You kept your promise,” you mumbled and pressed your lips to his neck.


“That you wouldn’t let anything bad happen,” you told him.

“Of course, darling,” he whispered. He rubbed your back as he sang along to the song playing. Watch you spin around in your highest heels. He twirled you and you laughed as he chuckled back and held you tight. “You’re the best one,” he said softly. “My only one,” he whispered. “Mrs. Styles.”

“I love you, Mr. Styles,” you said softly and cupped his face ready for the flashes to start as you kissed your husband. “Best of the best,” you whispered to him and slid your lips to his as you danced around in your highest heels.

Enterprise: My Experience (Season 1)

As a huge Star Trek fan, I felt it unfair of me to have not watched Enterprise, mainly due to the terrible reputation it has amongst those I know who have suaded me against the show.

So, after re-watching Next Gen, watching DS9 for the first time, and then Voyager for the first time, both of which were amazing, I’m now currently watching through Enterprise.

I feel it’d be best to document that experience, again, due to how bad of a rap the show has. There wont be much organisation to this review, but I’ll try to keep it concise. I might do one for each season.

NOTE: This will obviously contain spoilers for season 1 of Enterprise, parts of Voyager, maybe DS9, maybe Next Gen, maybe TOS! Don’t be silly and read and then get mad at yourself for not reading if you don’t want minor spoilers!

The Premise

The premise for the show is interesting. It’s a very open-ended exploration concept, like TOS and Next Gen, based on the first days of warp travel with the first warp-capable Enterprise ship.

What I knew of the Enterprise prior to Kirk was that it was manned by Pike, but everything else is a mystery, so I’m open to learning about it.

However, with the “it’s in the past” plot, so too do we lose: transporters being used on people, resulting in many boring spaceflights, no holo-deck/holo-suite, resulting in the lack of filler holo-episodes (though some are aces), no replicators, nothing past warp 5, no dermal regenerators and much much more. It’s interesting to see the crew interact with space travel without these things, but it’s very fleeting. It’s like “haha, oh man, Picard would’ve just transported to the surface” and that’s it. After a while, it’s laborious and boring to endure the crew coping without these mechanisms. Don’t even get me started on the lack of a universal translator.

The Crew

Captain Jonathan Archer

Captain Archer, played by Scott Bakula, is a very laid back type of captain. He feels less like a starship captain, and more like the leader of a bunch of astronauts. As the first season progresses, and he has to make some tough choices (Dear Doctor for example) we see more of his leadership qualities.

But, for the most part, he just seems very plain of a character to be a captain. Picard had his love of classical literature and staunch Starfleet Academy dedication, Janeway her passion for engineering, Sisko developed from a broken, bitter Starship commander to something remarkible in deed and Kirk, well, he had plenty of personality.

Archer comes across simply as the everyman, which can work, but his personality is almost identical in parts with his chief engineer Charles “Trip” Tucker.

PS Having a bloody dog does not a good captain make. What kind of captain makes a command decision to take a dog on an away mission for the love of

Charles “Trip” Tucker

Trip is fun, friendly, homely and reminds us of those good old Earth values. His character grates wonderfully with the uptight logic of T'Pol, which make these two characters fantastic together.

Later in the first season, however, the writers seem to latch Trip onto Malcolm Reed, which I feel to be a bit of a mistake, which I’ll come to later.

Trip seems a capable engineer and great comedy relief. His relationship with Captain Archer is that of close friends, and even when the Captain is in a super bad mood (Vox Sola, episode 22) he knows he can just swan in there and calm him down. In this way, Trip is really acting less like the chief engineer and more as Archer’s number 1, his second in command.

I can’t help but feel that Trip’s lack of social etiquette and his doggedness for loyalty to his Captain and crew could land them in some trouble if ever put in command. But, as it stands, he’s generally always taken on away missions. Along with Hoshi…

Ensign Hoshi Sato

Hoshi is the ship’s translator, and is relevant in almost every first contact situation, as she must input fancy algorithms into her computer box and work out how to speak alien.

Hoshi’s responsibility is huge, and she genuinely is a frickin’ genius. Her character has some really cool arcs, but they aren’t really developed.

In season 1’s “Sleeping Dogs”, she has a great moment of weakness where she is supported by T'Pol, a moment where she reveals she just isn’t cool with away missions because they scare her, and T'Pol helps her with a Vulcan mini-mindmeld. Firstly, this is a nice moment as it refers back to when Hoshi freaked out earlier in season 1, in episode 3’s “Fight or Flight”, so it’s nice to see this character point didn’t just evaporate.

However, we never follow-up with the T'Pol and Hoshi story, which I would have liked. It reminded me of how Tuvok and Kes started meditating together to improve Kes’ psyche. But, nothing happened. It was seemingly forgotten about for the rest of season 1.

The sad thing about Hoshi, however, though she does have some fun moments (namely her story in Two Days and Two Nights), you can’t help feeling that in Next Gen onwards she would be replaced by a simple computer algorithm.


T'Pol is awesome. She invokes everything it means to be Vulcan; logic, lack of emotion, strength of character, boldness, speaking her mind, and so forth.

T'Pol has the most well developed character arc throughout the first season, where she is posted on Enterprise by the Vulcan high council, and then comes to terms with being okay with that, to eventually enjoying her time on the ship, to inevitably defending Enterprise when the fate of Starfleet’s first foray into warp travel is threatened (Shockwave, part 1).

The only thing that bothers me is the whole “Vulcans are logical, that’s so dumb” conflict that exists between Humans and Vulcans throughout the first season. It’s understood that Human/Vulcan relations are not very friendly, but my god do they go on and on about it.

After having Spock on TOS and Tuvok on Voyager, it’s hard to imagine a time when Humans didn’t actually “get” Vulcans, but this time is now. Many, many of the stories told, though usually sidestories, are about how x can’t abide by a Vulcan decision. Yes, it’s logical, but it doesn’t have heart, blah blah. It gets old fast.

Hopefully, moving into season 2, we see less of this, as the crew become more accustomed to a Vulcan science officer, and stop treating her like the third wheel.

Dr Phlox

Dr Phlox is amazing, and is played by John Billingsley like a star. The only problem, though, is we never see him!

He’s such a hugely strong character. For starters, he’s a doctor, in what is essentially frontier medicine, from a species we’ve never known (Denobulan), with a great sense of humour and a strong thirst for understanding the Human condition.

From recollection, Phlox is given two main stories throughout the entire first season, and they are the two I remember the highest. The first is his maybe relationship with his female friend, which brought up great intrigue in interspecies courtship from the episode “Fight or Flight” which was very well done and referenced back later in the season, and the second from the episode “Dear Doctor”, which pushed Archer to make one of the first Prime Directive type decisions (which is hard since there’s no Prime Directive and oh gosh isn’t it funny when he says Prime Directive blah blah).

Doctors in Star Trek are typically always underused in the first season. Bashir from DS9, EMH from Voyager, Beverley in TNG, so I can only hope that the writers realise what an amazing character Phlox is and utilise him more, and give him more stories, in the later seasons.

Malcolm Reed

I started off really liking Malcolm Reed. He’s the weapons officer of Enterprise, and that’s it. That’s all you know about him, he likes guns and he’s good at his job. And he’s got a very militaristic set of behaviours, but that’s it.

There’s an episode in season 1 where Hoshi is trying to find out his favourite food, to present to him for a birthday gathering, which showed just how private of a man he really is (Silent Enemy).

However, shortly after, they completely threw away this character developement and made him Trips best friend. They bond tremendously in the episode Shuttlepod One, but it’s such a shame! They built him up to be this mysterious and odd character, who gosh maybe it’ll take a few seasons to crack, but nope, by the end of season one (Two Days and Two Nights) he’s handcuffed naked in a wine cellar with his best bud Trip in a sad case of weird comic relief. I hope his character redeems itself in season 2.

Travis Mayweather

I’m including Travis mostly because he’s listed as a “star” of the show, but for the first season, it doesn’t really feel like he is. He’s a background character with a few lines. I feel they were trying to write Mayweather kind of like Ensign Kim in Voyager; the new guy on the ship, you relate to him, you get where he comes from and his views, but due to a lack of character building and an extreme lack of being actually prominent in an episode, it falls short. The couple of episode I do remember with him in them (Strange New World and Fortunate Son) were okay I suppose. His character needs a lot more depth if I’m meant to feel more for him.

Side Stuff


A dog has no place on away missions.  I’m sorry, but the episode where Porthos accompanies Captain Archer on an away mission (Strange New World) I nearly flipped a table.

Porthos is okay, I suppose. He’s Captain Archer’s dog, and is generally used for Captain Archer to “talk to” (otherwise known as “we need the audience to know this thing but we don’t know how to write it so we’ll make him tell the dog). It’s weak.

Pets on Starships aren’t uncommon, who can forget Data’s cat Spot, or Captain Picard’s lionfish Livingston, but they didn’t take them on away missions. They stayed in their quarters and were the subject of mild comic relief (Data/Worf/Spot). The less I see of Porthos, the stronger I hope the writing becomes.

The Theme Song

The theme song really lets this show down, I think. I think it’s one of the reasons people mock the show actually. It’s just so gosh darn cheesy. Every other Star Trek has had orchestral music with narration, or even without narration (DS9), but it was simple, elegant "space opera”. This, on the other hand, is like a Bon Jovi B-Side. And sadly, it really shows.

I’m pretty sure they’ll keep the theme song, but damn it sucks. The song is actually okay, but in the opening for the type of show Star Trek is, it just doesn’t fit. That said, the actual intro for Enterprise is actually surprisingly interesting! We see the developement of “The Enterprise” to it’s current warp-capable version, from the HMS Enterprise, to early shuttle missions. It even made me wonder if they’d ever consider a HMS Enterprise, to boldly sail where no person has sailed before. Who knows.

The Prime Directive

The Prime Directive doesn’t exist. We fucking get it. Get over it already. The sooner the Prime Directive gets directified by Starfleet the better, because the amount of meandering around the subject tries one’s patience something fierce.


In conclusion, the first season has been a lot better than I had expected it would be. There were some really fantastic episodes (Dear Doctor, Shuttlepod One, Shockwave part 1, The Andorian Incident) and some really terrible ones (Acquisition, bluh), but overall a very decent Star Trek experience.

Going forward into season two, I hope to see the following:

  • a hell of a lot more Dr Phlox content, he’s such an underused trove of entertainment
  • less T'PolxTrip
  • more first contact
  • more exploration
  • less 10-minute-montages-of-Hoshi-learning-a-language
  • less Porthos
  • less Vulcans-are-so-logical-whats-up-with-that-lol scenarios
  • more ship upgrades
  • more battle scenarios (Silent Enemy, another fantastic episode showing the vulnerability of the early Enterprise)

Anyway, that’s all for me for now. Onwards, to season 2!

If you have any thoughts, feel free to add!