i want to taste your cream filling

Ice Cream Boyfriend

I’e gotten requests for a frost elemental boyfriend and for some reason  that made me think Ice Cream.So have a demon summoned by a gay, male witch reader and accidentally summoned into ice cream.


   You found the book shoved at the back of the bookshelf, covered in spider webs and so much dust you were sure it was just a rather sharp dust bunny. After cleaning it off and flipping through the pages you’re surprised to find a treasure trove of spells and enchantments. It must be something left over from your grandmother, you think as you go through the heavy tome. Each page features handwritten notes and artwork that resembles things from your grandmother’s notebooks.

   You then enter the summoning section and you feel yourself become inspired. The entire section features demons and golems and fae that makes your heart race and your mouth water. After a short time browsing, you find a summons incantation that you know you have to try. It’s a demon with a penchant for staying in the bedroom.

Keep reading

What the Dragon Said: a Love Story

by Catherynne M. Valente

So this guy walks into a dragon’s lair
     and he says
why the long tale?
                 HAR HAR BUDDY
says the dragon
                 FUCK YOU.

The dragon’s a classic
the ‘57 Chevy of existential chthonic threats
take in those Christmas colors, those
impervious green scales, sticky candy-red firebreath,
comes standard with a heap of rubylust
goldhuddled treasure.
                 Go ahead.
                 Kick the tires, boy.
                 See how she rides.

Sit down, kid, says the dragon. Diamonds
roll off her back like dandruff.

Oh, you’d rather be called a paladin?
I’d rather be a unicorn.
                 Always thought that
was the better gig. Everyone thinks
you’re innocent. Everyone calls you
pure. And the girls aren’t afraid
they come right up with their little hands out
for you to sniff
like you’re a puppy
and they’re gonna take you home.
They let you put your head right
in their laps.
                 But nobody on this earth
ever got what they wanted. Now

I know what you came for. You want
my body. To hang it up on a nail
over your fireplace. Say to some milk-and-rosewater chica
who lays her head in your lap
look how much it takes
to make me feel like a man.
                 We’re in the dark now, you and me. This is primal
shit right here. Grendel, Smaug, St. George. You’ve been
called up. This is the big game. You don’t have
to make stupid puns. Flash your feathers
like your monkey bravado
can impress. I saw a T-Rex fight a comet
and lose. You’ve
got nothing I want.

Here’s something I bet you don’t know:
     every time someone writes a story about a dragon
a real dragon dies.
                 Something about seeing
and being seen
                 something about mirrors
that old tune about how a photograph
can take your whole soul. At the end
of this poem
                 I’m going to go out like electricity
in an ice storm. I’ve made peace with it.
                 That last blockbuster took out a whole family
                 of Bhutan thunder dragons
living in Latvia
the fumes of their cleargas hoard
hanging on their beards like blue ghosts.

A dragon’s gotta get zen
                 with ephemerality.

You want to cut me up? Chickenscratch my leather
with butcher’s chalk:
cutlets, tenderloin, ribs for the company barbecue,
chuck, chops, brisket, roast.
                 I dig it, I do.
I want to eat everything, too.

When I look at the world
     I see a table.
All those fancy houses, people with degrees, horses and whales,
bankers and Buddha statues
the Pope, astronauts, panda bears and yes, paladins
                 if you let me swallow you whole
                 I’ll call you whatever you want.
Look at it all: waitresses and ice caps and submarines down
at the bottom of the heavy lightless saltdark of the sea
                 Don’t they know they’d be safer
                 inside me?

I could be big for them
     I could hold them all
My belly could be a city
     where everyone was so loved
they wouldn’t need jobs. I could be
the hyperreal
post-scarcity dragonhearted singularity.
     I could eat them
     and feed them
     and eat them
     and feed them.

This is why I don’t get to be a unicorn.
Those ponies have clotted cream and Chanel No. 5 for blood
and they don’t burn up like comets
with love that tastes like starving to death.
     And you, with your standup comedy knightliness,
covering Beowulf’s greatest hits on your tin kazoo,
you can’t begin to think through
     what it takes to fill up a body like this.
It takes everything pretty
and everything true
     and you stick yourself in a cave because
your want is bigger than you.

I just want to be
the size of a galaxy
so I can eat all the stars and gas giants
without them noticing
and getting upset.
Is that so bad?
                 Isn’t that
what love looks like?
                 Isn’t that
what you want, too?

I’ll make you a deal.
     Come close up
stand on my emeraldheart, my sapphireself
the goldpile of my body
     Close enough to smell
everything you’ll never be.

Don’t finish the poem. Not for nothing
is it a snake
that eats her tail
and means eternity. What’s a few verses worth
anyway? Everyone knows
poetry doesn’t sell. Don’t you ever feel
like you’re just
a story someone is telling
about someone like you?
                 I get that. I get you. You and me
we could fit
inside each other. It’s not nihilism
if there’s really no point to anything.

I have a secret
down in the deep of my dark.
All those other kids who wanted me
to call them paladins,
warriors, saints, whose swords had names,
whose bodies were perfect
as moonlight
     they’ve set up a township near my liver
had babies with the maidens they didn’t save
     invented electric lightbulbs
     thought up new holidays.
                             You can have my body
                             just like you wanted.
Or you can keep on fighting dragons
writing dragons
fighting dragons
re-staging that same old Cretaceous deathmatch
you mammals
always win.
                 But hey, hush, come on.
Quit now.
You’ll never fix
that line.
                 I have a forgiveness in me
                 the size of eons
                 and if a dragon’s body is big enough
                 it just looks like the world.
                           
                             Did you know
the earth used to have two moons?

Chopped (part 2)

(part one here)  (frankly you people frighten me)  (@edielovespie demanded more)

TED: And we’re back for the entree round.  Please open your baskets.  You must construct an unforgettable entree using live monarch butterflies, chocolate sandwich cookies, vegan tenderloin, and hubcap.  You have thirty minutes.  Clock starts now.

MADAGASCAR: The judges were really nice to me in spite of the blood in the first round, so I need to step it up if I want to continue.  I get the cream filling out of the cookies and put the cookie part aside for a crostini later.

ANGELA: The tenderloin tastes kind of like pork, so I get some fish sauce and oranges and cornstarch from the pantry to get it coated for an Asian-inspired Kung Pao technique.

JUDGE AARON: Now, the real challenge in this basket are those live butterflies.  They are poisonous in every way, especially the wings, which are brightly-colored as nature’s warning sign.

JUDGE SCOTT: I was thinking the hard part would be the cookies, it’s got that double sweetness that has to be balanced just right in a dish containing tenderloin of vegan.

BILL: I overhear the judges talking about butterfly wings, so I spread them on top of my tenderloin like a puff pastry.  Gonna make a Wellington.  We do that a lot at my restaurant, though honestly I never thought to put it with a hubcab.

TED: Fifteen minutes remaining.

ANGELA: I’m hacking at the hubcap with my carving knife, but I just can’t seem to crack it open.  I know the center of these things is a rich, creamy sort of muscle like a scallop, and I’m hoping to use it like a surf-n-turf pairing.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

ANGELA: I look over and I see that the fryer wasn’t even turned on!  My cutlets are ruined, and I’m so short on time I can’t start over.  I throw the bits onto the grill and hope the’ll cook in time.

MADAGASCAR: I grate some of the hubcap into the sauce to give it some brightness.  It’s turning this really shiny metallic grey, not very appetizing.  Meanwhile, my spring rolls are ready to roll up but these aren’t the kind of wrappers I’m used to.  I think they’re made of, like, rice or something?

BILL: I’m watching the time just slip away, and I hope my Wellington isn’t overdone.  They really didn’t give us a lot of tenderloin for this round.  (laughs) Maybe they’re all from the same vegan? (laughing stops, sudden realization dawns)

TED: And this is your last minute!  Finish what you can and get it one the plate!

(small fire erupts behind Angela)

MADAGASCAR: MY COOKIES!

TED: And five (Madagascar throwing spring rolls onto a square dish) four (Bill frantically just pulling the tenderloin out of the oven) three (Angela drops one of her cutlets on the floor, swears) two (Bill delicately spooning something wet and pearly onto the plate) one, please step back. (Madagascar throws both hands in the air)

ANGELA: This is probably not my best work, but it’s so important that I make my parents proud, it has to be good enough.

MADAGASCAR: I’m looking at the other dishes and it’s pretty clear nobody knew what to do with a hubcap.

BILL: (says nothing, frowning with growing concern at the bloodied paper that held the vegan tenderloin)

TED: Chef Bill, please describe what you made.

BILL: Um…Well it’s monarch-wrapped tenderloin in the Wellington style, with a sandwich cookie sauce and served in a hubcap.  I’ve never worked with imitation meat before, haha.

JUDGE AARON: Imitation?

JUDGE SCOTT: I like that you used the cookies as a chocolaty sauce, it sort of lends a mole flavor to things, or would if you had seasoned it differently.  The butterflies add a lot of bitterness, though that might be the poison starting to wreck my body.

JUDGE ALEX: Mine’s a little undercooked?  But I like the chocolate as well, inspired.

TED: Chef Madagascar.

MADAGASCAR: Before you I have a vegan tenderloin spring roll, with a pickled arugula and butterfly salad and a chocolate hubcap dipping sauce.

JUDGE AARON: There are so many flavors here.

JUDGE ALEX: The butterflies add a nice crunch, I like that you pickled them and really used their toxicity to your advantage, but I kind of think this isn’t enough to call an entree.  It’s more of an appetizer.

TED: And finally, chef Angela.

ANGELA: I’ve made for you an oil-braised and grilled tenderloin, with a ginger hubcap cream sauce and a red wine chocolate cookie crumble.

JUDGE SCOTT: You’re the only one who used the inner muscle of the hubcap.  This is the most perfectly cooked hubcap I’ve ever had, but (pokes at it with fork) I just don’t like the seasonings.

TED: Angela, what would winning mean to you?

ANGELA: My parents made it pretty clear they didn’t approve of my love of cooking when I came out to them as a chef when I was thirteen.  Until that time we had been a strictly food-free household.  I guess winning would prove to them that I’m doing what I truly love.

TED: Chefs, please give us a minute to deliberate. (chefs file out of the kitchen)

All I can think of is that creamy seafood center.

(In the sweat room)

BILL: Does anyone else think the vegan tenderloin wasn’t actually for vegans but made of vegan?

ANGELA: Cow is vegan.

BILL: Yeah but what happened to Gooseberry?

MADAGASCAR: I think it could go any way here.  We all made pretty great-looking dishes.

MADAGASCAR: It’s going to be me.  Bill’s freaking out and Angela’s a wuss.

BILL: I have to win this.  Whatever I said before, now I have to just so I can go home and tell my wife I love her.  I…don’t feel safe.

(the chefs reconvene in front of the judges)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

(TED PULLS AWAY THE COVER TO REVEAL ANGELA’S DISH, MORE MUSIC)

TED: Chef Angela, you’ve been chopped.  Be well.

BILL: Angela…I’m so sorry.

ANGELA: I know my parents are proud of me anyway. (leaves down the hall)

TED: Two chefs remaining!  Who will take home the ten thousand dollar prize in the dessert round, and WHO (Bill sweating) WILL (Madagascar folds arms defiantly) BE (close up on exactly how much Bill is sweating) CHOPPED?

Eunkwang- Biggest fan. Hands down your number one fan, no one will ever come close to being this proud of you ever. You make him mini versions of your best bakes and he thinks it’s the most adorable thing he’s ever seen. Holds up the tiny cakes and uses his aegyo voice, “Omg they’re so cute, my jagi is so cute!” he’ll put them in his mouth whole but chew them slowly, savouring each flavour. Makes sure he compliments each bake thoroughly, telling you his favourite parts. Would gladly write you an essay detailing everything that was mind blowing about your cooking. Brags like a mofo to the guys, makes them super jealous. They’re half convinced he Is exaggerating but are totally won over when you send him home with your leftovers of the day. You now have six new customers who won’t leave your shop and a very smug boyfriend.

Minhyuk- Will only have the tiniest bites of your creations because he’s so worried about having to work it off in the gym, but immediately regrets it because after a little taste he wants to shove the whole tray in his mouth. “How are you so good?” He’ll whine, licking his fingers. You’ll shrug. “Seriously, I’m going to have to lock you in the kitchen! Someone is going to try and steal you from me if they find out how good you are!” Doesn’t actually tell the rest of the guys you can bake. One day you make a birthday cake or a celebratory cake for them and they all freak out when they taste how good it is. “You didn’t make this you liar!” “Course I did!” “Minhyuk did you know they could cook like this?” They can’t believe he kept this to himself, but Minhyuk has never liked sharing you with the boys.

Changsub- Is a little annoyed because he knows his diet is going out the window. He cannot resist your baking, even if he wanted to deny you. His favourite are your cream filled pastries, he purposefully gets the creams and flaky pastry all over his face and then kisses you, “Don’t I taste good babe?” Shows you off all the time though, whenever you meet new people he’s like “This is the love of my life they are the greatest baker in the history of the world, don’t you wish your significant other was as great as mine?” Takes home trays full of treats for the boys, describing each bake in great detail so they know all the hard work and techniques you used.

Hyunsik- Watches you decorate like a pro, your tongue poking out in concentration, brow furrowed, leaning over baked goodies with a piping bag. You’re his favourite when you have flour smeared across your cheek and butter on your fingertips and your creativity is blooming. He’s very quiet, leaning his head on his hand in fascination. “You’re doing it again.” You can feel your eyes on him, putting you off. “Sorry!” But he’ll keep watching you as you colour the icing, or whisk the buttercream. Feels honoured when you ask him opinion. “What do you reckon, is this blue enough?” “Which nozzle should I use for the custard filling?” He actually loves your savoury bakes more than your sweet ones. Going crazy for your red onion and brie tarts, your cranberry and sausage rolls and actually got a little turned on by your smoke salmon and poppy seed palmiers.

Peniel- Likes to watch you bake, comes down to your kitchen and perches on the counter in a little apron, watching you meticulously weighing out and measure your ingredients. Likes it when you talk him through what you’re doing “I’m creaming butter and sugar” “What does that mean?”, “Now I’m folding in the flour.” “Folding? What’s that?” And he loves it when you give him the spoons and bowls to lick clean. “Mmm what’s in this one? It’s my fave.” “Oh no wait! This one is my favourite!” “Wait until they come out of the oven!” Gets bored waiting for them to cook, ends up sharing sugary kisses with you and then throwing icing sugar at you.

Ilhoon-So into it. Eats shamelessly, literally does not care about the consequences. Like Hyunsik loves your savouries, has a real soft spot for cheese, but if you make something chocolatey he is right there behind you waiting for you to ask him to be a taste tester. “Can you stop breathing down my neck?” “Can’t, sorry, chocolate.” Will dip his finger into the mixture when he thinks you aren’t looking but you always know. “You dare double dip Ilhoon!” Hooks you up with all sorts of connections. Awards show? He recommends you. Friend getting married? Recommends you. Someone in the same room as him mentions they’re hungry? He’s dragging their ass to your bakery asap. Never fails to announce that you two are together, seems to forget his own achievements and idol status when you’re around, legit thinks you’re the successful ambitious one in the relationship. Please hand feed him your bakes, he will melt like the cheese in your scones.

Sungjae- Stuffs his face with about five different things as soon as he walks into the bakery. “Sungjae that’s hot!” Burns his mouth, inhales flakes of pastry and nearly chokes to death. Every single time. You already have a glass of water ready for him. “Thanks babe!” He gasps when he’s recovered. “When will you learn?” “Never.” Spends the rest of the afternoon picking at your food, making sure to never take too much. You’ve wised up by now and always make more than you need to satisfy his snacking needs. Has a different favourite everyday. “Your cinnamon rolls are brilliant today.” You send out snacks to the boys when they’re practicing to give them energy. Sungjae runs to collect the delivery first, taking all the best ones for himself and letting the boys fight over what’s left.

Dadbod: Part 7

Click here to read parts 1 - 6

I woke up with a massive boner and excitedly stumbled down the stairs to have sex with Kevin. What I saw when I got to the couch elicited mixed emotions of shock, dismay, and arousal. Kevin was sprawled on the couch, pizzas gone, and the faint smell of body odor filling the room. His skin was greasy and his pit-stained tank top rode up to reveal bright red stretch marks across his lower belly. This development happened over night. His facial hair was beginning to leave “scruffy” territory and developing into a messy beard that surrounded bright pink lips emanating a monstrous snore. Next to him, a massive splattering of jizz stained the couch. Altogether, Kevin looked like a fat, dirty, mess of a piglet.

“Well look at you,” I proclaimed, stirring Kevin from his sleep.

“Mmph,” he grunted, “Thanks for the BJ last night.”

“Excuse me? I didn’t suck you off last night. That must have been a pretty hot dream though judging from the stain you left on the couch,” I nodded towards his dried up load.

“Huh? Oh Jesus, my wife’s gonna kill me.” His gaze drifted from the couch to his rounded out belly. “The fuck? Are these stretch marks? Oh man am I in for it when she gets back.”

“Well there’s no turning back now,” I said. “I’ve spread out almost all the remaining food in the dining room. We have to get all that inside of you before tomorrow morning. I’m not sure if it’s possible.”

Kevin lumbered to the dining room and proclaimed, “Oh shit! Good thing my stomach is growling after last night.”

For the next few hours Kevin plowed through all the food he could get his hands on. At this point, there was no denying his appetite had increased. He seemed so focused and was making such progress that I didn’t dare interrupt his feeding for our hourly ice cream chugs. He began to slow down but there was still more than enough food to last us into the night. Eventually, he grabbed three pints of half-melted ice cream and plopped down on the couch. He began spooning the creamy substance into his mouth and I didn’t say a word. It was clear there was no stopping Kevin from completing this challenge. Once the final drop of ice cream was gone, he leaned back and fell into a deep sleep.

I let Kevin snooze on the couch for the next few hours while I toiled away in the kitchen preparing the last of our food stuffs. When I was done, the table was covered with the following: one bowl consisting of three boxes of mac n cheese, a towering burrito bowl and tortilla chips, half a chocolate cake, a pitcher and a half of beer, and a dozen donuts. There was also two pints of ice cream left. Once I was finished, I woke Kevin up to feed him some ice cream.

“Can I just eat it normally?” He said.

I agreed and brought him a spoon. I sat on the couch next to him and in a surprising act of intimacy, Kevin ruffed up my hair and kissed my temple.

“These have been a crazy few days, Brad,” he said.

I was taken aback. I couldn’t recall Kevin saying my name once since we met. Even on his phone my contact was saved as “Twink Feeder.”

“I mean, look at me,” he continued. “I’m a fat mess.”

“Eh, there’s always room to grow,” I chuckled.

“Seriously, I’ve never been this heavy in my life. I’m loving it, too. Especially how soft this fat pad is getting… I’ve never experienced that.”

“I know I’m biased, but it really does suit you. You have a solid build to carry the extra weight.”

“Thanks, man. Couldn’t have done it without you. For real. Although the wife is gonna freak,” Kevin chuckled and there was a brief moment of silence after. “You know,” he paused again. “We’re having another kid. She’s pregnant again.”

“Oh, um.” I didn’t know what to say. “Congratulations?”

Kevin laughed, “Sorry, didn’t mean to drop that on you, man. It’s of no interest to you I guess.”

“No, thanks for telling me,” I said. “So… I just… I’m curious. Your wife is really okay with all this? Gaining? Fucking boys? Sorry, I know it’s none of my business but it’s just so unusual.”

“Yeah, she’s always known I was bi and we each step out for some extracurricular fun now and again. The gaining however… that’s a secret. She has no idea and I’d like to keep it that way. Understand?”

“Totally! Makes sense. Stop me if I’m prying, but knowing that now… how did she react that night after the buffet?”

“That’s quite the story, actually,” Kevin began, “So I had told the ball and chain that I was going for a jog and would pick up my prescription while I was out. I figured this would buy me enough time for our little stuffing session. So, as you know, I left the buffet with my fat ass hanging out of a rip in my shorts, but I couldn’t just skip the pharmacy. So I go inside, belly hanging out, pants ripped, bloated beyond belief, and, naturally, I run into my old baseball teammate from high school. He, of course, was slim and muscular as ever. When he saw me he had to do a double take. He looked right by me at first! We chatted for a bit and I made sure to keep my ass facing the opposite direction. I was surprised when he grabbed the roll of fat that was hanging out of my shirt and made a comment about how I shouldn’t still be wearing clothes from high school. This made my dick chub up a bit, which I think he noticed, because afterward he squeezed my side, leaned in, and told me I looked hotter than ever. I gave him a slap on the ass and told him I’d be in touch, then walked away to give him a view of my fat, naked ass. I’d always assumed he was gay.”

“That can’t be true,” I muttered.

“One hundred percent. And when I got home, everyone was asleep. I peeled of my shirt and tossed the pants in the trash can outside. When I got in bed I was told I smelled like Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. I cuddled up to her with my belly pushed into her lower back. She turned around and said: ‘Seriously, Kevin? Feels like you jogged straight to McDonald’s. You’re bloated beyond belief, you’ve really gotta slow down on the food.’ And that was it. After that, we just fell asleep. I had a massive boner of course.”

“Fuck.” I said. “Now I have one too.”

“Then let’s eat,” Kevin grinned. “This tank needs to be filled.”

He got up to head to the dining room and I pushed him back onto the couch, which let out a creaking noise.

“Stay here pig. You’ll get your food delivered straight to your mouth,” I said.

I started with the mac ‘n cheese. I used a serving spoon to shovel mound after mound of gooey pasta into his mouth. It was gone in less than fifteen minutes. I started in on the burrito bowl and chips next but Kevin soon became frustrated with the process. He grabbed the bag of chips and crushed them into pieces. After pouring them all over the bowl, he grabbed the serving spoon and began to feed himself. His cock was rock hard and pulsing beneath my fingers. Once the bowl was licked clean he began grabbing the chunks that had fallen onto his shirt and popping them into his mouth. Before digging into the chocolate cake, he peeled off his tank top and gave his gut a slap.

“Rub my tank, boy,” Kevin demanded.

I did as I was told while he tore through the cake and started in on the donuts. After a couple donuts he also began sloshing back the beer. I’d never seen a man chug carbonated liquid so effortlessly before. I was captivated by my feeding piggy and couldn’t help but suck and lick all the sweaty creases of his belly. His cock was beginning to smell from not taking a shower for so long and it drove me wild. I grabbed his fat pad like a sandwich and sucked and explored it with my tongue. My dick was dripping with precum when Kevin finally finished the remainder of the food on the table and let out a massive belch.

The skin of his belly was stretched taught and his stretch marks looked painfully red. I was shocked that Kevin had depleted the remainder of the food in the house but I still had a couple tricks up my sleeve. I pushed Kevin onto his back and reached behind the couch to grab the funnel and a couple pints of double fudge ice cream I had hidden. I strapped him up and hoisted his chubby legs into the air. Easing my cock into his smelly hole, I began to pour the ice cream. The more he moaned the faster my thrusts became. I was on the edge of busting a nut when Kevin swallowed the last drop of ice cream, ripped off the funnel, and flipped me onto my back.

“You want your hole filled with grimy pig cock?” He said while sliding his dick into me.

I moaned and nodded. His dick felt amazing inside my ass and his distended tummy rubbed my cock with each thrust. His stink was overwhelming and I could taste chunks of food still in his beard. He was hitting just the right spot and I was so aroused that I couldn’t even touch my cock in fear I would instantly come. As his pace quickened I noticed that not only did his belly bounce, but so did his chubby pecs, thighs, and arms. He wrapped his hands around my neck and began to squeeze my throat as he pounded away at my hole. Our moans were reaching increasingly high decibel levels when there was a sudden CRACK and we each tumbled off the couch. Kevin landed on the coffee table causing it to fall flat to the ground, remnants of food exploding out from underneath him.

We looked towards the couch to see what had happened and one of the wooden legs had snapped beneath the weight of our fucking. There was a slight moment of shock before we each were even more aroused than before. I climbed back on top of Kevin’s pulsing, fat cock and strapped the funnel to his face, pouring the final pint of ice cream down his greedy throat. Only half the pint got down before it slipped from my hands and covered us in a dark, creamy sludge. I wrapped my lips around Kevin’s slight double chin while he continued to pound my ass. My dick was trapped between my torso and his beer gut and the motion of his thrusting caused me to release a massive load of jizz between our sticky, sweaty, bodies. Almost immediately afterward Kevin busted his nut inside of me. Exhausted, I lay limp on top of his bloated body. A mess of sticky ice cream, food remnants, and snapped wood surrounded us.

I shut my eyes and awoke five hours later as Kevin lifted me off of him. We each stood up and looked around in awe.

“Okay,” Kevin paused, “my wife returns in a few hours. You will clean up all the food and scrub all the surfaces. I’ll make a quick fix to the couch and then run to Wal-Mart to replace the coffee table.”

It was exhausting work, but after hours of toiling away the house looked good as new, Kevin was showered and it was time for me to go home. Kevin and I stood in the entryway facing each other.

“Well,” Kevin began, “this has without a doubt been the sexiest few days of my life. I mean, not a single shirt in this closet covers my gut anymore.”

“Guess it’s time for some new clothes,” I grinned, “because I want to keep stuffing you until you’re twice this size.”

“About that,” Kevin said.

My heart dropped. This couldn’t be the end of things.

“We can’t keep seeing each other,” he continued. “I have another baby on the way, and I need to be in shape for my children. I can’t overstate how amazing this has been, but I need to lead a healthy life for my kids. Tomorrow, I’m starting a diet.”

3

Keto Pumpkin pie cheese cake


Crust
Use this crust recipe/ don’t add chocolate chips.. Well unless you want to :)
And Add some cinnamon.

http://keto-kitten.tumblr.com/post/106745087265/low-carb-sugar-free-cheesecake-with-cookie


Pumpkin filling

1 package full fat cream cheese soft
1 cup give or take of pumpkin puree
6 tbs powdered swerve
1 tsp pumpkin pie spice
I cup heavy whipping cream
Dash of vanilla extract

Beat swerve, cream cheese and pumpkin together. Mix until well combined
In separate bowl add heavy whipping cream and a bit powdered swerve (depending on your taste) beat well until soft peaks appear.
Add half of the whip cream mixture to the pumpkin and fold in until well combined.

Break apart pie crust with fork, spoon pie crust and pumpkin in a glass and top with the extra whip cream.
Yum!

So this guy walks into a dragon’s lair
     and he says
why the long tale?
                 HAR HAR BUDDY
says the dragon
                 FUCK YOU.

The dragon’s a classic
the ‘57 Chevy of existential chthonic threats
take in those Christmas colors, those
impervious green scales, sticky candy-red firebreath,
comes standard with a heap of rubylust
goldhuddled treasure.
                 Go ahead.
                 Kick the tires, boy.
                 See how she rides.

Sit down, kid, says the dragon. Diamonds
roll off her back like dandruff.

Oh, you’d rather be called a paladin?
I’d rather be a unicorn.
                 Always thought that
was the better gig. Everyone thinks
you’re innocent. Everyone calls you
pure. And the girls aren’t afraid
they come right up with their little hands out
for you to sniff
like you’re a puppy
and they’re gonna take you home.
They let you put your head right
in their laps.
                 But nobody on this earth
ever got what they wanted. Now

I know what you came for. You want
my body. To hang it up on a nail
over your fireplace. Say to some milk-and-rosewater chica
who lays her head in your lap
look how much it takes
to make me feel like a man.
                 We’re in the dark now, you and me. This is primal
shit right here. Grendel, Smaug, St. George. You’ve been
called up. This is the big game. You don’t have
to make stupid puns. Flash your feathers
like your monkey bravado
can impress. I saw a T-Rex fight a comet
and lose. You’ve
got nothing I want.

Here’s something I bet you don’t know:
     every time someone writes a story about a dragon
a real dragon dies.
                 Something about seeing
and being seen
                 something about mirrors
that old tune about how a photograph
can take your whole soul. At the end
of this poem
                 I’m going to go out like electricity
in an ice storm. I’ve made peace with it.
                 That last blockbuster took out a whole family
                 of Bhutan thunder dragons
living in Latvia
the fumes of their cleargas hoard
hanging on their beards like blue ghosts.

A dragon’s gotta get zen
                 with ephemerality.

You want to cut me up? Chickenscratch my leather
with butcher’s chalk:
cutlets, tenderloin, ribs for the company barbecue,
chuck, chops, brisket, roast.
                 I dig it, I do.
I want to eat everything, too.

When I look at the world
     I see a table.
All those fancy houses, people with degrees, horses and whales,
bankers and Buddha statues
the Pope, astronauts, panda bears and yes, paladins
                 if you let me swallow you whole
                 I’ll call you whatever you want.
Look at it all: waitresses and ice caps and submarines down
at the bottom of the heavy lightless saltdark of the sea
                 Don’t they know they’d be safer
                 inside me?

I could be big for them
     I could hold them all
My belly could be a city
     where everyone was so loved
they wouldn’t need jobs. I could be
the hyperreal
post-scarcity dragonhearted singularity.
     I could eat them
     and feed them
     and eat them
     and feed them.

This is why I don’t get to be a unicorn.
Those ponies have clotted cream and Chanel No. 5 for blood
and they don’t burn up like comets
with love that tastes like starving to death.
     And you, with your standup comedy knightliness,
covering Beowulf’s greatest hits on your tin kazoo,
you can’t begin to think through
     what it takes to fill up a body like this.
It takes everything pretty
and everything true
     and you stick yourself in a cave because
your want is bigger than you.

I just want to be
the size of a galaxy
so I can eat all the stars and gas giants
without them noticing
and getting upset.
Is that so bad?
                 Isn’t that
what love looks like?
                 Isn’t that
what you want, too?

I’ll make you a deal.
     Come close up
stand on my emeraldheart, my sapphireself
the goldpile of my body
     Close enough to smell
everything you’ll never be.

Don’t finish the poem. Not for nothing
is it a snake
that eats her tail
and means eternity. What’s a few verses worth
anyway? Everyone knows
poetry doesn’t sell. Don’t you ever feel
like you’re just
a story someone is telling
about someone like you?
                 I get that. I get you. You and me
we could fit
inside each other. It’s not nihilism
if there’s really no point to anything.

I have a secret
down in the deep of my dark.
All those other kids who wanted me
to call them paladins,
warriors, saints, whose swords had names,
whose bodies were perfect
as moonlight
     they’ve set up a township near my liver
had babies with the maidens they didn’t save
     invented electric lightbulbs
     thought up new holidays.
                             You can have my body
                             just like you wanted.
Or you can keep on fighting dragons
writing dragons
fighting dragons
re-staging that same old Cretaceous deathmatch
you mammals
always win.
                 But hey, hush, come on.
Quit now.
You’ll never fix
that line.
                 I have a forgiveness in me
                 the size of eons
                 and if a dragon’s body is big enough
                 it just looks like the world.
                           
                             Did you know
the earth used to have two moons?
—  Catherynne M. Valente, “What the Dragon Said: A Love Story”
ALL RIGHT NERDS LISTEN UP:

ARE YOU BORED ON A SATURDAY AFTERNOON? DONT BE, I WAS TOO ONCE BUT THEN I THOUGHT, OH DANG I CAN MAKE A GREAT LOOKIN CAKE. SO IMMA SHOW YOU HOW TO MAKE  A QUICK AND NOT TOO FANCY LOOKING BOOK CAKE:

STEP ONE:

pULL OUT ONE OF THESE SUCKERS

oPEN IT UP AND LOOK UP A GOOD CAKE RECIPE. I USED CHOCOLATE CAUSE I LIKE CHOCOLATE BUT YOU DONT HAVE TO THATS FINE

NOW, ONCE YOUVE BAKE THAT CAKE, AND YOU BETTER BAKE IT GOOD IN A RECOMMENDED 9 BY 15 OR 9 BY 13 INCH PAN, SET IT ASIDE TO LET IT COOL ON A RACK OR SOMETHING, PRO TIP: PLACE A BROWN PAPER BAG UNDERNEATH IT TO SOAK UP AND UN WANTED MOISTURE THAT WILL MAKE IT SOGGY AND ALL SLOPPY LOOKIN.

OKAY STEP 2: GO OUT AND BUY YOURSELF SOME OF THIS FONDANT STUFF, YOU CAN MAKE IT BUT TRUST ME AND MY SEVERAL ATTEMPTS: ITS A FRIGGIN MESS, NOT WORTH YOUR TIME UNLESS YOURE A PRO

I USED WILTON CAUSE IT TASTES PRETTY OKAY FOR A STORE BOUGHT FONDANT, LIKE REALLY SUGARY MARSH MELLOW ICING.

NEXT YOURE GONNA WANNA ROLL THIS STUFF OUT ON A CLEAN SURFACE BUT BEFORE YOU DO THAT MAKE IT UNCLEAN. THATS RIGHT I WANT YOU TO SMOTHER THAT COUNTER OR CUTTING BOARD OR WHATEVER WITH POWDERED SUGAR, IT KEEPS THE FONDANT FROM STICKING TO THE SURFACE. OKAY ONCE THATS DONE ROLL IT OUT REAL THIN BUT NOT TOO THIN, PROBABLY LIKE 3 MM THATS WHAT I DID AND IT WORKED FINE, MAKE IT PRETTY BIG, ROLL OUT THE ENTIRETY OF THE BAG, YOULL NEED IT

BUT SET THAT ASIDE TO SIT AND BECOME NOT AS STICKY.

GO BACK TO THE CAKE IT SHOULD BE COOL NOW, I WANT YOU TO MEASURE THAT CAKE AND CUT IT STRAIGHT IN HALF THAN GRAB YOURSELF SOME SORT OF JAM OR FILLING OR SOMETHING, I USED STRAWBERRY

AND RUB THAT ALL OVER THE TOP OF ONE OF THE TWO PIECES OF CAKE YOU SHOULD HAVE NOW, IF YOU USE JAM ITS PRETTY STICKY SO MAKE SURE TO ONLY RUB THE TOP OF THE CAKE.

OKAY NOW GO AHEAD AND MAKE YOURSELF SOME WHIPPED CREAM BY BLENDING 2 CUPS OF HEAVY WHIPPING CREAM WITH ABOUT A TABLESPOON OF VANILLA EXTRACT AND A FOURTH A CUP OF SUGAR

ITS GONNA TASTE HEAVENLY BUT DONT LET YOUR FAT BUTT EAT IT ALL, SMOTHER THE JAM YOU JUST SLAPPED DOWN WITH THIS STUFF AND MAKE IT THICK CAUSE THE TOP OF YOUR CAKE IS PROBABLY SLOPPED, THIS WILL EVEN OUT THE TOP. NOW TAKE THE OTHER HALF CAKE, FLIP IT UPSIDEDOWN AND SET IT ON THE WHIPPED CREAM, ADD MORE IN ANY GAPS THAT STILL SHOW ON THE SIDES AND SMOOTH IT OUT WITH A BUTTER KNIFE.

COVER THE TOP OF THE CAKE WITH YOUR JAM OR WHATEVER YOU USED AND GO BACK TO THE FONDANT SHEET YOU ROLLED OUT. REMEMBER THAT? WELL NOW COME THE CAREFUL PART.

TAKE THAT SHEET AND GENTLY, AND I MEAN GENTLY, LAY IT ON THE CAKE FOLDING IT LIKE WRAPPING PAPER ON THE EDGES AND TAKE A KNIFE AND CUT OFF ANY EXCESS, YOULL PROBABLY HAVE A LOT, HOPEFULLY, SET IT ASIDE CAUSE IF YOU WANNA DETAILS THAT WHAT YOULL USE.

NOW GRAB YOURSELF SOME OF THIS STUFF

AND PAINT THE TOP OF THE CAKE WITH ANY COLOUR BUT YELLOW, GIVE IT TEXTURE IF YOU WANT I DONT CARE NOT MY CAKE, BUT WHEN IT WAS MY CAKE I DID GIVE IT TEXTURE. OKAY YOU CAN USE A NORMAL PAINT BRUSH TO PAINT THIS ON AND BE CAREFUL MY PEEPS THIS STUFF GOES A LONG WAY, ONLY LIKE 3 DROPS COVERED MY ENTIRE CAKE TOP. THE SIDES OF THE CAKE SHOULD BE STROKED HORIZONTALLY WITH YELLOW TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE PAGES IN A BOOK

NOW I FORGOT TO PHOTOGRAPH SOME STEPS IN HERE BUT BASICALLY WHAT I DID WAS ROLLED OUT SOME MORE FONDANT AND SHAPED IT LIKE SOME LETTERS OR SOME JUNK AND YEAH THIS IS WHAT MINE LOOKED LIKE AT THIS POINT

AS YOU CAN SEE I USED A REFERENCE IMAGE FOR THE LETTERING, DONT BE AFRAID TO USE REFERENCE IMAGES, THEY HELP A BUTT LOAD OKAY? OKAY

YOURE PRETTY MUCH FINISHED JUST ADD SOME MORE DETAILS TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE A FANCY BOOK COVER AND GO OUT AND PHOTOGRAPH THAT CAKE, YOU WORKED HARD ON IT BE PROUD MMM CAKE

AS YOU CAN SEE I ADDED AN ACORN ON MY BOOK COVER CAUSE I SHIP THE HECK OUT OF BAGGINSHIELD AND ITS A SUBTLE SIGN. AND YOU MIGHT WANNA EAT IT THE DAY YOU MAKE IT CAUSE THERE IS WHIPPED CREAM IN THE CENTER AND THAT STUFF TASTES BEST FRESH

ENJOY YOUR CAKE, NERDS

Battle of the Sins ( Men )Pt. 2

_Lust_ by Eroticallyyou
I’m weak
From the moment you opened my eyes, you had me
Your pretty girl next door face and soft full lips with the ‘handful’ tits
Had me lickin’ my lips an’ thinkin’ bout those hips
Slow down! Breathe…
Lust
Common desire creates the pathway, a foray into sexplay
You fuckin’ with my mentality, those lips an’ that smile, wreakin’ havoc with my psyche
But the heartfelt connect? Sorry, no feel
No need for the apology? Queen! You a fine find,
No collide for the minds so alike, we on our grind
Minds sprung on the P an’ the D, the thoughts collinear
Dirty thoughts exit my lips and go in ya ear as you sit right here
My legs spread, your ass in the vee in fronta me
The hourglass pushin’ back seductively
I catch the smell of your perfumed neck, scent of your hair
Woman, your affect so strong, shit ain’t fair
Lean back against my chest… can you feel my heart pound?
My hands, under your arms wrapped around
Cupping your breasts as you heave
Turn to me, kiss me while you breathe
A sexier, more sensual woman I’ve never seen
Nipples hard between my fingertips
Other hand caressing the lips between the hips
CAN’T TAKE ANYMORE
Pick you up, window open, feeling the breeze
Night wind blowing in
Rest you ona bed, slowly, delicately
Last bit o’ softness, my tigress, but no less affectionate
Head off the bed, laid back, lips wantonly parted
Kiss you before you feel the heat in between, my queen,
Your tongue, givin’ rise to my prize, no lies
Gurl you got me straight
Poised an ready to penetrate
DAMN!
Bae, you makin sounds, earnin’ the crown
Read what I wrote, I’m strokin that throat
Chokin’ an’ gaggin’ You takin’ all o’ me an’ wantin’ more
Lustful
My head down, lips caress the tummy and mound
Trimmed bristly peach
Fingers curling, finding the G
Damn, the pretty pussy caresses the senses
Open!
Wet!
Aromatic!
Feast like a beast, I suck the clit, our juices mix with a quickness
Cum and cum and cum again,
Damn, bae, are we lovers or just friends?

_ Wrath _ by Yblack2205
I’ve played it cool
Matter of fact played by all your rules
I watched you put on this façade
I took it all in stride didn’t even prod
Today the tides have changed
This is now an entirely different game
You will do as I mother fucking say
No longer Burger King you can’t have it your way
I will command your body
You see I’ve scratched the surface hardly
I am about to push you to the limits
I won’t stop until you’re finish
Finished screaming
I’m talking having that pussy leaking and creaming
Didn’t they tell you that I was a savage
Naw, they couldn’t, they never had this
But you are about to find out
Bout to make you tap out
I been fighting this urge for weeks
Now I finally got you in my sheets
Ahh now where is the spacer
So much pain and pleasure you going to want to meet you maker
So glad you put your hair in a ponytail
Good for gripping cause that pretty little asshole I’m going to nail
Don’t fight it let me ease him in
Let the pain and pleasure begin
Mmmmm… your ass is so tight
Supple and round so ripe
I reach down rub and pinch that clit
“That’s it my little slut” your ass clinches on my dick
Open ya mouth wide tell me how your ass tastes
Fuck it I replace my dick with my face
I feel you rock back on my tongue
Only a matter time be for that ass is sprung
I slide back in this time clasping your nipples
I’m hitting it hard as I watch your ass ripple
I wonder how long you’ll last
Regardless you’re going to feel my wrath

_ Sloth_ by Bigman001
I don’t want to move…
Concealed reactions erupt inside of me
And you don’t understand
Where you touch me when…
Your fingerprints become memory
I don’t want to move…
Your pleasure’s mine
In my heart… and in my mind, I’m yours
I don’t want to move…
Let me caress you in my 3rd
…you are stimulation escalated,
perfection perpetuated
I don’t want to move…
I just want to adore you
…I just want to endure you
I don’t want move…
Everything I’ve saved
Everything I have left
Rages to your existence
I don’t want to move…
In sweet silent agony… lethargy fills my soul
Hold or pause it,
I just want this to be
I just want us
I don’t want to move…
I don’t want to wake up
I don’t want you to be a dream
Even though…
You are what dreams are made of
Concealed reaction erupt inside of me
When you touch, what you touch inside my mind
…I don’t want to move

_ Gluttony _ by Anytimeanyplace365
I can’t get enough
I want more
I want it all
I’ll only ask once
Will you please let me have it
I can’t get enough or your caramel cream
Feeding on you
Tasting you as I carefully caress all of your curves
Give me more
I want it
I need it
Give me all your moans and screams
As the sky turns black and you feed my ego
I’ll take it anytime, anyplace
For you I’ll be as erotic as you want me to be
Don’t sleep on this killa
Just give me more
There’s never enough
Fill my indulgence with your deepest desires
Allow me to partake in your perfect presence yet again
I need more
It’s too good to stop here
When can I replenish my supply
When can I savour you yet again
When can I delve into your deepest fantasies
The beast has yet to be satisfied

@anytimeanyplace365 @caramelcream1011 @dscurve @yblack2205 @bigman001 @eroticallyyou @caliego

#DickCheese #RawSex #Impregnation
#NoCondom 1 day of dick cheese. It smells and tastes so rawnchy. I need you to reach inside and suck me off. Not caring about the cheese because you want my taste exactly how i taste that moment. Than you rub my cock in your walls. My feel against you, In you, thrusting, than 1 last thrust til i push deep inside you to release and fill your tight hole knowing your taking a part of me. DM 4 cream filled boxers p>

No Pressure Egg and Bagel

This recipe mostly works because of the dish that you microwave the egg in–I have found that a container much like this produces an egg that fits great on a normal-sized bagel:

That being said, as long as the container has a wide, flat bottom, any cup or bowl will do. 

No Pressure Egg and Bagel: 

  • 2-3 medium eggs (depends on how hungry you are)
  • dash of milk
  • pinch of salt
  • pinch of pepper
  • garlic, paprika, or any other spice you like* 
  • 1 bagel
  • cream cheese, mustard, avocado, or any other moist spread you like
  • onions, cheese, mushrooms, green peppers, or any other omelet fillings 

*If you haven’t tried it, curry powder tastes great in eggs!

1. Crack the eggs into the cup and beat them–should take no more than 20 seconds. Add a dash of milk for added fluffiness, and any fillings you want to include. Also add your spices, salt and pepper at this time. 

2. Pop those eggs in the microwave for 1:30 - 2:00, depending on your microwave strength. Mine takes 1:30. You want the eggs to be solid, but NOT flat and wrinkled. 

3. Meanwhile, toast your bagel and, once it’s done, top it with your spread of choice. I really like cream cheese on mine, but anything would do–even ketchup, if you like that on your eggs!

4. Return to your eggs. If you want to melt cheese on them, sprinkle that on and let it sit in the microwave for a little longer. The cheese should melt from the heat of the egg and microwave. 

5. Remove the egg and place it on the bagel. Enjoy! 

Touch

Group: Got7
Member(s): Junior
Type: Smut (requested)
Warnings: Blindfolds / Ice Play


When Junior called me randomly while I was at work and told me to be ready for a nice date at 7 sharp, I wasn’t surprised in the slightest. I was actually quite used to his impromptu dates when a spot in his busy schedule opened up. But what I was surprised by was how elaborately he had planned out our date, which was out of routine for our normal dates.

Junior picked me up from my apartment at exactly 7 pm, looking hotter than ever with his hair styled nicely and a new outfit (probably picked out by his stylist). He took me shopping at my five favorite stores, exclusive and expensive shops in central Seoul, and he didn’t complain once if I was taking my time in the fitting rooms or deciding on which shirt to get. After the shops, he took me to an 8:30 play of the Phantom of the Opera (one of my favorites) at the Seoul Arts Center in a balcony section. Leaving the center around eleven, we headed back to my apartment. He held my hand and pecked kisses to my lips as we walked up the stairs to my door. Once inside, we realized we hadn’t eaten dinner.

“I’ll cook,” he proclaimed, making his way to the kitchen as nonchalant as ever.

I stepped in front of him, “No, you’ve done way more than necessary tonight. You spoiled me, so now I want to return the favor. I’ll cook, what do you want?”

“For you to let me cook,” he said with a cheeky smile. He nudged me out of the way, taking out pots and pans from the cabinets. When he noticed me just standing in the doorway watching him curiously, he pointed me towards the living room. “Go relax while I cook. I want the meal to be a surprise.”

I rolled my eyes, but gave him a quick kiss before retreating into the living room. I kicked off my shoes and sat back to watch a rerun of an old show I used to like. Half an hour later, Junior came into the living room with his usual smile and his arms behind his back.

“I cooked a bunch of food that I learned how to cook while we were on tour, lots of stuff you’ve never tasted before. So to keep everything a surprise, I want to blindfold you. Is that okay?”

“Like a taste test?” I laughed, looking at the black cloth in his hands.

“Yeah. Trust me, you’ll love the stuff I made. It’s delicious!”

I sat down on the floor as he kneeled down beside me to tie the blindfold over my eyes. When it was secure, he gave me a sweet kiss and went back to the kitchen to retrieve the food. He returned, setting all the plates out in front of us before sitting down.

“Okay, I’m going to give you the first food. Open up.”

I parted my lips, waiting a second before noodles with chunks of meat filled my mouth.

“Mm,” I moaned, “What’s this one called?”

“It’s Kuay Tiew, a Thai dish. Bambam taught me how to cook it,” I could tell he was smiling, proud of himself.

“It’s delicious, can I have some more?”

A few more bites and we were moving on to the next dish. A mix of chicken, peanuts, vegetables, and peppers danced on my tongue.

“I think I’ve tasted this before, when I was younger. What is it?”

“Kung Pao Chicken. Do you like it?”

“I do.”

This went on for a while before we finally got tired of the food and wanted desserts.

“Okay, I’ll admit, I didn’t have much to work with in your kitchen so I just made a nice dessert based off of ice cream. Sound good?”

“Sounds great,” I giggled. Honestly, we could just eat ice cream and I’d be okay with that.

I opened my mouth and waited for the cold, soft cream to fill my mouth. When it did, I felt some of it stay on my bottom lip. Before my finger could reach up to swipe it away, his hand grabbed my wrist.

“I got it,” his voice was somehow deeper than it was before. It was husky.

Next thing I knew, his lips were on mine, his tongue quickly swiping the ice cream off my lip. The kiss was slow, full of passion, and tasted like a mix of vanilla and chocolate. His tongue slipped into my mouth while his hand came up to cup my cheek. I still couldn’t see because of the blindfold that was wrapped around my head, but as I reached up to take it off, he stopped me again.

“Leave it on,” he whispered against my lips.

I felt him smile as he leaned closer to me, his hand going under my jacket and sliding it down my arms. I could hear the clanking of plates being moved out of the way as he sat up on his knees. His hands reached behind me to unzip my dress, pulling it off of me and tossing it to the side. I hesitantly felt out his clothes, trying to find the buttons to his shirt while he slipped out of his jacket. He worked on his shirt, the buttons popping out of their holes easily, one by one revealing his upper body. Next thing I knew, his shirt was gone and his belt buckle rustled as he tugged his pants and underwear off. He laid me down onto my back. His hips were in between my thighs, pressing into my clothed arousal, making me let out a moan. He chuckled under his breath, unclasping my bra to toss it with my dress.

Junior slid my panties down my legs and snickered at my leg’s twitching when his erection made contact with my pulsing folds. His breath fanned over my lips as his ghosted over my jaw. He stopped my hands from reaching up to his chest by pinning them to the floor above my head.

My back arched off of the floor as his lips caught one of my nipples and his fingers pinched the other. He tweaked and nibbled on them as his arousal slid along my wet lips. I whimpered, trying to pull my wrists out of his grasp but he just held on tighter. Fingers as smooth as silk trailed over my bare skin until his middle finger rested on my clit, rubbing soft and slow circles into it. My breath picked up pace, and I moaned out for him to go faster.

“Shhh, all in due time, babe.”

Junior’s lips pressed against mine softly. Gently. Letting me know that he wanted to show me just how much he loved me. No, this wasn’t our first time together. He was just a romantic person, and he loved to take advantage of times like these. He liked to make them … fun.

His lips left me and then his hands. But I didn’t dare move just yet. I waited until I heard the sound of the wine bottle being shuffled in the ice bucket beside us. He didn’t drink it and neither did I. I guess it kind of went to waste.

Next thing I knew I was sucking in a breath as a cold sting ignited my stomach in goosebumps. The cool, wet sensation ran up my skin, leaving a trail of liquid. Junior’s lips held the ice cube as he ran it up and down the skin of my abdomen, drawing a moan from my lips.

“So desperate, babe,” he whispered as the ice cube melted away and I was left with his wet lips leaving kisses and licking between the valley of my breasts.

A groan escaped me as his erection connected with my folds again, his throbbing tip pushing against the lips. He kissed me heatedly as he slid into me, pinning my wrists back against my sides. The moan that tried to escape me again was muffled and vibrated between our lips, causing Junior to crack a smile.

“That’s it, babe, moan for me,” he peppered kisses over my cheeks as he thrusted in and out of me.

A series of moans and grunts filled the room. My chest heaved, pressed against Junior’s as he hovered above me and his grunts graced my ears. I let out a sweet sigh as he plunged deep into me, pressing a kiss to my lips. The blindfold made it so easy to just take in the feeling of everything and ignore what it all must look like. Of course I wanted nothing more than to just look at his face before giving him a passionate kiss, but the blindfold hindered that.

Soon my stomach was tied in knots as my climax got closer. Junior’s movements got faster as his was quickly approaching as well. My release left my body trembling beneath him as his caused a long groan to roll off his tongue. He rode out our highs and waited until our breathing was normal to finally take the blindfold off. Even though I knew it was gone, I knew it would be far too bright to open my eyes. He chuckled before pecking a kiss to my nose.

“Open your eyes.”

I cracked one open and saw his beautiful smile before my eyes closed again with the sweet taste of his lips on mine. My arms encircled his neck to deepen the kiss.

“Would you say this date night has been a success?” he asked.

“Aren’t our date nights always a success?”

I Love How Sweet You Taste {Kai/Jongin Smut}

{My second smut ever enjoy! ^-^}

You were about to close the small bakery that you worked at but you were very hesitant to due to the fact that he hadn’t stopped by.  He always came every Thursday night at 6:00. You closed the bakery at 9:00 with a sigh as you locked the door. You hated closing because it meant you had to walk home.  The night sky was so clear when you looked up to it, even the stars seemed lonely even though there were billions of them. Your nose smelled a delicious scent coming from a restaurant nearby, your feet agreed with your nose as you walked up to the restaurant. The host sat you at a table on the outside patio and the grin on your face told him you could not be any happier. “So what’ll you have to drink Miss?” He said in a very polite tone. “Water will be fine,” You say with a warm voice. Since you were eating at an Italian restaurant, you ordered cheesy pasta with garlic bread. You were alone on the patio, which led you to think of him. Just then, the busboy had dropped a tray spilling some dirty dishes on the ground a few tables from you. Being you, you immediately went to help him. “Let me help,” You say to him. When he looks you in the eyes, you know it’s him.

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A fluffy Niall 22nd birthday!

Niall walked down the hall to the kitchen where he found you reading at the island your ankles crossed as you looked over the book you were reading for the past week. Niall adored to watch you read, but right now it was his birthday.

“It’s my birthday!” He cheered loudly. You giggled and set your book down. Nearly falling off the island stool you jumped into his arms, flinging your legs around his waist. He chuckled. “Hi princess,” he cooed.

“Happy birthday, Ni,” you whispered and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I love you so much. I hope you have the best day today.”

“If this is the start of today then I can’t imagine it being anything less than perfect, pretty girl,” he whispered and kissed you softly on the cheek. To hold you up, he had one arm beneath your bum, like he was cradling a small child. He snickered. He carried you back to the island and placed you on the counter.

“So what do you want to do today?” You asked him rubbing your hands along his bare shoulders. He grinned.

“M’surprised, Princess. I would figure you had something planned out.”

“Well, of course,” you said softly. “But it’s your birthday and I want you to have the best day ever and I want you to do and get whatever your heart desires.

Niall felt his eyes burn a bit. Maybe he was still tired, but he was pretty sure he just found a million and one ways to love you more and more all the time and you didn’t even know that you were making him fall in love with you every day. “Whatever you have planned, I’m sure is lovely,” he said and tried to keep his voice from wavering with emotion.

You grinned and brushed your lips against his and he seemed to melt against you. He hadn’t even brushed his teeth yet and you were already licking your way into his morning breath. He had heard that love was like this. But he didn’t think he was lucky enough to get someone like you. “M’sorry I haven’t brushed yet,” he mumbled when he pulled away and rested his forehead against yours. He didn’t want to leave your arms and he was grateful you made no attempt to get away from him either.

“It’s fine,” you promised and kissed his lips again softly. “You still taste pretty good,” you winked at him.

He chuckled and nuzzled against your neck. “So what do you have planned?”

“Mostly food.”

“You really do know the way to my heart, my love,” he whispered softly in your ear. You grinned as his lips gently tickled your earlobe.

“Alright, so,” you said and pulled the pancakes out of the warming plate on the stove. You smiled at him stuck a candle in the cakey deliciousness. Niall’s mouth watered and his eyes heated up.

“Did you make me the tri-fecta?” He whispered.

“If you’re referring to a blueberry pancake wedged between two chocolate chip ones laced with strawberries and whipped cream then yes,” you smiled and kissed his cheek as you set the pancakes in front of him. “Make a wish!” You cooed.

Niall wasn’t really sure what to wish for. He had the best family, the best life, the best friends, and now he had you. He felt if he wished for anything else it would just be selfish. So he closed his eyes and thought long and hard before he quietly wished to himself that you would never leave him.

He opened his eyes as he blew out the candle and you pressed another kiss on his mouth before you sat beside him and watched him eat the pancakes. You made them with love and he swore that’s why they were so filling—in addition to being made with a million other foods. He fed you a few bites and you gave him a few bites too. You giggled as he kissed you even though your lips were sticky with syrup and he had whipped cream on his nose.

He pulled back and smiled. “You taste so sweet,” he mumbled. You grinned.

“You do too,” you whispered.

“Do you want to know what I wished for?”

“It won’t come true,” you said knowingly and rubbed his cheeks with your thumbs and pressed a kiss to his nose to get rid of the whipped cream.

He smiled softly. “My princess, I swear to God, this one is going to come true, no matter what,” he said softly.

“Oh?” You asked.

He nodded. “I wished that you would never leave me.”

Your heart fluttered and you sat on Niall’s good leg and cupped his beautiful face with one hand and ran your free hand through his blond and brown locks. You smiled sweetly at him and you kissed each of his eyelids. It was very spur of the moment and he doesn’t remember the last time someone kissed his eyes. And you were smiling. “You know, Ni, I think that was a silly wish. You’re right it will come true.”

His arms snaked around your waist and pulled you toward him. “Did I just hear, “You’re right,” fall from your lips?” He asked kiddingly in your hair. You giggled and nodded.

“You did,” you whispered. “I’ll let you have one. Because it’s your birthday.”

“Technically that’s two, because I get you as well,” he winked.

“Niall, don’t make me say it again,” you joked.

He laughed and snuggled against you. He knew that he should probably get going, he was only going to turn 22 once. But he was so in love with you and he adored you so much. Kissing you and snuggling you seemed like the perfect way to spend this lovely day. “Alright, it’s time to get up,” you said softly.

He shook his head against your neck. “No, I like it here,” he whispered defiantly.

“Ni,” you giggled. “C’mon, it’ll be good for your birthday.”

He sighed and looked at you. “Can we cuddle later?” He asked cutely.

“Until your heart’s content,” you answered.

“Don’t say that, princess or we’re going to die in bed,” he joked. You giggled and kissed his lips again. And Niall decided that 22 was probably going to be the best year of his life at this rate.

“What the Dragon Said: A Love Story”

So this guy walks into a dragon’s lair
     and he says
why the long tale?
                 HAR HAR BUDDY
says the dragon
                 FUCK YOU.

The dragon’s a classic
the ‘57 Chevy of existential chthonic threats
take in those Christmas colors, those
impervious green scales, sticky candy-red firebreath,
comes standard with a heap of rubylust
goldhuddled treasure.
                 Go ahead.
                 Kick the tires, boy.
                 See how she rides.

Sit down, kid, says the dragon. Diamonds
roll off her back like dandruff.

Oh, you’d rather be called a paladin?
I’d rather be a unicorn.
                 Always thought that
was the better gig. Everyone thinks
you’re innocent. Everyone calls you
pure. And the girls aren’t afraid
they come right up with their little hands out
for you to sniff
like you’re a puppy
and they’re gonna take you home.
They let you put your head right
in their laps.
                 But nobody on this earth
ever got what they wanted. Now

I know what you came for. You want
my body. To hang it up on a nail
over your fireplace. Say to some milk-and-rosewater chica
who lays her head in your lap
look how much it takes
to make me feel like a man.
                 We’re in the dark now, you and me. This is primal
shit right here. Grendel, Smaug, St. George. You’ve been
called up. This is the big game. You don’t have
to make stupid puns. Flash your feathers
like your monkey bravado
can impress. I saw a T-Rex fight a comet
and lose. You’ve
got nothing I want.

Here’s something I bet you don’t know:
     every time someone writes a story about a dragon
a real dragon dies.
                 Something about seeing
and being seen
                 something about mirrors
that old tune about how a photograph
can take your whole soul. At the end
of this poem
                 I’m going to go out like electricity
in an ice storm. I’ve made peace with it.
                 That last blockbuster took out a whole family
                 of Bhutan thunder dragons
living in Latvia
the fumes of their cleargas hoard
hanging on their beards like blue ghosts.

A dragon’s gotta get zen
                 with ephemerality.

You want to cut me up? Chickenscratch my leather
with butcher’s chalk:
cutlets, tenderloin, ribs for the company barbecue,
chuck, chops, brisket, roast.
                 I dig it, I do.
I want to eat everything, too.

When I look at the world
     I see a table.
All those fancy houses, people with degrees, horses and whales,
bankers and Buddha statues
the Pope, astronauts, panda bears and yes, paladins
                 if you let me swallow you whole
                 I’ll call you whatever you want.
Look at it all: waitresses and ice caps and submarines down
at the bottom of the heavy lightless saltdark of the sea
                 Don’t they know they’d be safer
                 inside me?

I could be big for them
     I could hold them all
My belly could be a city
     where everyone was so loved
they wouldn’t need jobs. I could be
the hyperreal
post-scarcity dragonhearted singularity.
     I could eat them
     and feed them
     and eat them
     and feed them.

This is why I don’t get to be a unicorn.
Those ponies have clotted cream and Chanel No. 5 for blood
and they don’t burn up like comets
with love that tastes like starving to death.
     And you, with your standup comedy knightliness,
covering Beowulf’s greatest hits on your tin kazoo,
you can’t begin to think through
     what it takes to fill up a body like this.
It takes everything pretty
and everything true
     and you stick yourself in a cave because
your want is bigger than you.

I just want to be
the size of a galaxy
so I can eat all the stars and gas giants
without them noticing
and getting upset.
Is that so bad?
                 Isn’t that
what love looks like?
                 Isn’t that
what you want, too?

I’ll make you a deal.
     Come close up
stand on my emeraldheart, my sapphireself
the goldpile of my body
     Close enough to smell
everything you’ll never be.

Don’t finish the poem. Not for nothing
is it a snake
that eats her tail
and means eternity. What’s a few verses worth
anyway? Everyone knows
poetry doesn’t sell. Don’t you ever feel
like you’re just
a story someone is telling
about someone like you?
                 I get that. I get you. You and me
we could fit
inside each other. It’s not nihilism
if there’s really no point to anything.

I have a secret
down in the deep of my dark.
All those other kids who wanted me
to call them paladins,
warriors, saints, whose swords had names,
whose bodies were perfect
as moonlight
     they’ve set up a township near my liver
had babies with the maidens they didn’t save
     invented electric lightbulbs
     thought up new holidays.
                             You can have my body
                             just like you wanted.
Or you can keep on fighting dragons
writing dragons
fighting dragons
re-staging that same old Cretaceous deathmatch
you mammals
always win.
                 But hey, hush, come on.
Quit now.
You’ll never fix
that line.
                 I have a forgiveness in me
                 the size of eons
                 and if a dragon’s body is big enough
                 it just looks like the world.
                           
                             Did you know
the earth used to have two moons?

“What the Dragon Said: A Love Story” copyright © Catherynne M. Valente