i want to make something of myself


When I was younger I used to do a bit of modeling and it never really went well, but the people were like, “Oh If you want to be successful in modeling you have to lose lots of weight”. And it was something that essentially didn’t make me happy, but I felt like I had to change myself in order to become something that I wasn’t. It was something that obviously wasn’t right for me. “Blow Your Mind” is definitely inspired a bit by that.

whatareyoudoingstopthatrightnow  asked:

Did anyone else's​ parents make excuses seem like an inherently bad thing? Any attempt to defend myself was met with "I don't want any excuses", which looking back just meant "you are not allowed to defend yourself". An excuse is just a reason you couldn't do something​, but I was made to feel bad by virtue of making one. There is nothing wrong or shameful about an excuse.

This is a very common abuse tactic, and a large reason why many people with a history of abuse have a hard time saying no, and low self-esteem.

anonymous asked:

Hi! Im a big fan of your metas and I wanted your opinion in something I was looking at the paladin quiz in the official site and in the "deepest fear" question Keith's answer is feelings. I don't really think this is right, Lance's answer (losing) seems more accurate for Keith. But what do you think?

I’ve heard mixed input on the “paladin quiz” and not sure how I feel about it myself (part of it is I haven’t experienced it personally) but I think “feelings” could make sense for Keith.

Not necessarily in that he’s afraid of feeling, but, getting close to anyone in any sense, platonic or romantic, is a very scary prospect for someone who’s both starved for affection and terrified of isolation. I’ve talked before but I feel like in Keith there’s the conflicting impulse to try and not get too attached to people because he’s a defeatist who assumes they’ll leave eventually and he doesn’t want to be hurt when it happens- and also this powerful urge to attach to people as much as possible because he so badly wants to feel loved in any sense.

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of-acorns-and-mithril  asked:

Hi! I was wondering, I saw your art piece of Azura in a swimsuit forever ago (I believe you posted it back in July?) And I was wondering if you knew what the name of that type of swimsuit was called? I've been wanting to make myself a swimsuit in that style for this summer because I think it would complement my body type, and haven't had any luck finding a tutorial, since I don't know what kind of swimsuit it is ^^U Thank you for your time and I hope you have a nice day!

I assume you mean this one? OvO

I designed this one myself and had to do some research to find something similar- but I found similar ones called “frill swimsuits” (like this one from “boohoo online” (http://www.asos.com/boohoo/boohoo-key-hole-frill-swimsuit/prd/5933241))

In this case, the frill is sawn around the lower waistline and falls like a skirt.
There is also this alternative which comes my picture a bit closer(source: https://www.aliexpress.com/item/Plus-Size-XL-Floral-Frill-Swimsuit-Women-One-pieces-Flower-Hollow-out-Swimwear-Female-bandeau-bathing/32788232621.html):

Where the ruffles/frill are around the outer leg hole.
I doubt you will find any actual sewing tutorials for something like this- but I think it is very possible to find a simple swimsuit or monokini tutorial, and then add the ruffles to it!
(here’s a tutorial for the ruffles which I was able to find: http://www.lovemaegan.com/2010/05/add-ruffles-to-your-bathing-suit-diy.html )

I hope this helps, and I’m rooting for you to find a way to sew one of this sort!! QvQb

anonymous asked:

(1/?) hi my love it's caro. I'm in your ask because I can tell you obviously don't have the mind to talk to anyone right now and I'm so so sorry about that Faiz. the amount of shit I've seen these people put you through makes me so sick. You'd think they'd understand that some of us eventually reach our breaking point. I just wanted to share something that I just realized with you. The only time I ever got shit from the skam fandom was last November, when I, as an MI person myself started

(2/?) talking about the signs of Even and his bipolar around episode 7/8. It got so bad I completed deleted my old skam blog and left tumblr for a few weeks. I felt so bad, and like I was projecting my own struggles into Even for my own sake. Now that this season has started I realized I’ve never gotten that level of hate because I literally chose not to talk out on Islam as it pertains to me. And realizing that I had unconsciously silenced myself for the sake of not putting up with that again,

(3/?) hurts me. So much. I’ve had to see you deal with Islamophobia nearly everyday because you have always been an unapologetic muslimah that believes in the importance of standing up for your faith. You get treated like shit on here for being proud of your faith. I get on fine because even though we’re both poc, lgbt muslimahs, one of us runs away and hides from discourse and gets to have a good time on tumblr because of it, & the other one leads the discussion but gets overwhelmed with hate.

(4/4) I’m so sad, and tired and this has just made it worse. We only get to exist on here if we’re silent. How telling is that lmao. I’m fucking sick of it.

💜 💜 💜

salemthesentrygun  asked:

My dude, you are one of my favorite artists for pones. But I must ask, what's your opinion on the 8t edition stuff that's coming out so far? It's kinda making me want to pick up the hobby again.

First of all, thank you so much for your compliment! As for everyone of those words I get I snort up like warp dust and embrace myself in the high



SO! FIRST OF ALL! I’m loving what GW has been advertising about 8th

Mostly they got off their fucking seats, took all the bullshit everyone has been bitching about and done something about it.

They took a fucking unreasonably complex rulebook, and simplified all the things nobody gave two shit about. Essentially they are trying to shorten a game that takes already too long to bloody play. Thank the Emperor!

For me the most important thing is they improved a very flawed melee combat mechanism

Are you sick of dropping you big scary flying space marines from the sky only having to only land next to your enemy while having to wait a whole turn of being shot to pieces before doing anything? are you sick of your Khorne berserkers having literally no means to bring them to the enemy and actually shedding blood for the blood god?

Now with 8th edition that ain’t a muthafucking problem. No longer is melee inferior as everyone learn to stop pussyfooting around and get into the fucking fray. Drop pods, teleportation, transportation is all you need as you can get in that tight ass firing line and fuck em as you can assault the moment your squad is on the field and not fucking wait for a weed-smoke brake.

What else?

-formation is out which was such a horrible aspect of the game anyways
-Tyranids went from being absolute crap to fucking frighting
-Template weapons are resolved on 1d6 rather using pie template, which removes the need to space your models 3 inches everywhere you go.
-mobs are excellent now! Bring out your massive imperial guard army to hold the line! (bring your favorite commissar to make sure they do!)
-Any weapons can hurt tanks now! you can blow up a landraider with lasguns!… it’s just gonna take you a few hundred shot to pull it off!
-the list goes on and I’m close to getting bored writing my opinion
-too broke to pay another hundred dollars for the new rule book? suppository it will be free!
-whats unbeatable is beatable, and what’s terrible is now very playable

All in all, by the sound of it, no longer will buying the new shiny model whenever they come out is an autowin. Also it looks like you may have a fighting chance even if you are not a space marine or A DICKHEAD ELDAR. Old models and less updated armies are now becoming more viable choice!

The only real complaint I have is the new superior breed to a already supposedly perfect space marine… realistically they are not in any way different than the current ones except that they are maybe a head taller. They look cool as all hell, but I feel like they have little reasons to be in the lore, however I feel overtime, people will accept these as other models overtime like the centurions or Imperial Knights.

Before I disclose anything, I must mention these are just rules and aspect of the newgame as GW have been cock teasing with a page of rules and lore everyday, but the full game has yet to be released. It could be good, but there could be much flaws that has yet to be seen.

I’ll leave it to that until we get to see the full deal, anyways…



all i wanted was someone stubborn enough to stay.

all i wanted was someone’s time— the time i’ve spent breaking myself apart, the time i’ve spent putting myself back together, the time i’ve spent breaking myself for the sake of making others feel better.

(it is selfish, i tell myself, to ask for something you’ve been doing for a lifetime.)

all i wanted was someone with the strength to stay

all i wanted was someone to break down the walls i built with these fragile hands— my hands tire from pretending like i am piecing myself together when all i ever do is fall apart from the canon fire.

(is it selfish, i ask myself, to ask someone to bear my weakness for a lifetime?)

— from an angel, and so you befriended greed

anonymous asked:

Seriously thank you for that! I was a gold star lesbian for years & had so much pride in it. Then I hit a super low point in my life & slept around just to try & feel something. I'm not a gold star anymore & I'm almost ashamed of it from the way (some of) the community treats me. I'm taken less seriously now from the 'gold stars' for sure. If anything, for me it makes me more sure of myself cause Ive experienced first hand what I DONT want, lol. Your attitude is refreshing. ❤️❤️❤️😘🌹

You’re welcome! I’ve only ever slept with and dated girls and always will but I still think categories are so useless… we already have so many that separate us and the past doesn’t define you or make you less of your sexuality or less legit than others, it makes absolutely no sense and it shouldn’t even matter to anyone you know? You’re allowed to be whoever you want there’s no rankings or a gold stars for a sexuality. That’s actually kinda sad

god i fucking. hate that endogenic system nonsense. i dont even like to talk about osdd things on my own personal blog (this one) because i rly just want something for myself, the core personality, for once. i had parts that are competent and handled things for me and protected me andd it makes me feel fucking inadequate. one of them integrated after lots of hypnotherapy and automatic writing and other weird methods i went through, and i lost my damn job because suddenly i knew how he handled things but i still had all of my trauma bllshit going on and couldn’t separate the two anymore. (doesn’t my “losing my shit job and having a meltdown” story get more exciting the more i talk about it???? lool IT’S EMBARRASSING i literally RELAPSED WITH DRUGS over a RETAIL JOB because i’m worthless!!!!) this isn’t as easy as having friends in my head. this is having different selves for different situations and knowing that my former coworkers would give a different description of me than my teachers who would give a different description than my friends who would give a different description than my close friends who know someone different than who my bf knows….and sso on. it’s not like living in a toned-down version of sense8 lol it’s an actual disorder and a coping mehanism just like everything else i struggle with

A Few Statements

OK, so I wanted to say a few things after this weekend, and then I will be done with this subject. This is not directed at anyone specific—it is a general statement, and I am not tagging or mentioning any other users in this post. This is about me. I feel like I wrote myself into a corner and got stuck, so this is just me getting some thoughts out to try one last attempt at making myself clear. Feel free to ignore this if you want. Here’s what I think:

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you know what makes me mad? the death of my precious son, remus john lupin, was entirely unnecessary. like jkr claims it was to emphasize the “orphans of war” with teddy, but that point doesn’t need to be emphasized because the entire series was about an orphan of a war. and yes, there are orphans of every war, but that point is just as easily made by simply saying something like “harry saw one of his classmates knelt down next to the body of their mom/dad”. and yes, his death is also meant to break off the last tie harry had with his parents bUT YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO DO THAT. but what makes me the most angry isn’t the fact that he died. it’s the fact that he wasn’t even given a good death scene: a death scene that is heart wrenching and makes the reader cry for an extended amount of time. like trust me, i wanted to cry over his death, i really did, because if one person deserves my tears, it is remus john lupin, but i couldn’t bring myself to cry over one measly line that simply says something along the lines of “lupin and tonks were laying there among the others who had died”. and then we don’t even get harry’s emotions, like we do with sirius’s death, to make it really hit home. it’s unjust.

all im saying is that if remus john lupin had to die, he deserved a good death scene that makes us sob and makes our heart breaks not only for the loss of one of our favorite characters but also for harry for losing yet another person who is so important to him, and we get neither of those.

Based on @paperficwriter‘s Genos headcanon(s)!

I think that’s where I went wrong. If there was something you did that bothered me, I just brushed it off. I gave you chance after chance. I put my wants and needs on a shelf and let them collect dust while compulsively making sure I was aware of yours. Forget letting you have just a place in my heart, I let you have almost the whole thing, leaving just enough for myself so I could keep going. I loved you, but I didn’t love myself, and that was the biggest mistake I could’ve made.
—  Maxwell Diawuoh | Mistake
various starters
  • ❛  you’re a weapon and weapons don’t weep.  ❜
  • ❛  hurt me once, I’ll kill you twice.  ❜
  • ❛  never trust a survivor until you learn what they did to stay alive.  ❜
  • ❛  death is the only god that comes when you call.  ❜
  • ❛  I am teeth. I am royal. you are nothing to me.  ❜
  • ❛  the sun will rise and we will try again.  ❜
  • ❛  we’re just kids. we aren’t supposed to be heroes.  ❜
  • ❛  I like my women like I like my Absinthe: bitter and intoxicating.  ❜
  • ❛  what doesn’t kill me better run.  ❜
  • ❛  she wasn’t looking for a knight. she was looking for a sword.  ❜
  • ❛  don’t dehumanize bad people, because it’s their humanity which makes what they’ve done so terrifying.  ❜
  • ❛  she isn’t just pretty. she is otherworldly and vaguely threatening.  ❜
  • ❛  magic is not good or evil. is a knife evil? only if the wielder is.  ❜
  • ❛  I don’t want your crown. see, I’ve come to burn your kingdom down.  ❜
  • ❛  they broke my wings. they forgot I have claws.  ❜
  • ❛  all that blood was never beautiful, it was just red.  ❜
  • ❛  what do you do when there’s no hero in the story? simple. you kill the monster and crown yourself.  ❜
  • ❛  how terrible it is, to love something that death can touch.  ❜
  • ❛  you may not be interested in war, but it is interested in you.  ❜
  • ❛  I feel divinity in my bones like aching. like fire.  ❜
  • ❛  you make me feel and I don’t like it. I want it to stop. now.  ❜
  • ❛  you are losing my interest and that is very dangerous.  ❜
  • ❛  she will burn your kingdoms down, herself with it, if it means your ruin.  ❜
  • ❛  it’s okay to be scared. it means your about to do something brave.  ❜
  • ❛  she looks like divine absolution.  ❜
  • ❛  I will not be another flower, picked for my beauty and left to die. I will be wild, difficult to find and impossible to forget.  ❜
  • ❛  be careful with words. they can be forgive, but never forgotten.  ❜
  • ❛  you not wanting me was the beginning of me wanting myself.  ❜
  • ❛  I’m tired of fighting. for once, I want to be fought for.  ❜
  • ❛  never run back to what broke you.  ❜
  • ❛  I was quite, but not blind.  ❜
  • ❛  your gut knows what’s up. trust that bitch.  ❜
  • ❛  we all eat lies when our hearts are hungry.  ❜
  • ❛  do not judge my story by the chapter you walked in on.  ❜
  • ❛  I’m just a girl, standing in front of a salad, wishing it was a donut.  ❜
  • ❛  you can miss something but not want it back.  ❜
  • ❛  you can’t save people, you can only love them.  ❜
  • ❛  I came, I saw, I made it awkward.  ❜
  • ❛  we buy shite we don’t need, with money we don’t have, to impress people we don’t like.  ❜
  • ❛  you’re always one decision away from a different life.  ❜
  • ❛  my brain has too many tabs open.  ❜
  • ❛  I’m not saying I hate you, just that you’re like the Monday of people.  ❜
  • ❛  there’s no ‘we’ in fries.  ❜
  • ❛  apology accepted, trust denied.  ❜
  • ❛  death and I have been scandalously intimate for some time now.  ❜
  • ❛  life happens. coffee helps.  ❜
  • ❛  I am mine before I am ever anyone else’s.  ❜
  • ❛  I rely a bit too heavily on alcohol and irony.  ❜
  • ❛  very early in my life it was already too late.  ❜
  • ❛  is that a threat or are you flirting with me.  ❜
  • ❛  was the use of force necessary in completing your objectives?  ❜
  • ❛  I’ll let you drag me to hell if it means you’ll hold my hand.  ❜
  • ❛  I do bad things, and I do them very well.  ❜
  • ❛  you drink too much, you cuss too much and you have questionable morals. you’re everything I ever wanted.  ❜
  • ❛  they will kill you, but first they will have to catch you.  ❜
  • ❛  drugs might kill you but they’ll never break your heart.  ❜
  • ❛  good girls are just bad girls that haven’t been caught.  ❜
  • ❛  a pretty face doesn’t guarantee a pretty heart.  ❜
  • ❛  no airbag, we die like men.  ❜
  • ❛  true evil is, above all, seductive.  ❜
  • ❛  it takes more courage to suffer than to die.  ❜
  • ❛  you must be lucky to avoid the wolf every time. but the wolf? he only needs enough luck to catch you once.  ❜
  • ❛  justice is vengeance in prettier packaging.  ❜

a year ago today you pulled me off the top of a parking garage outside MSU. i told you to just go. to just leave me. but you didn’t. you didn’t leave. you sat on the top of that parking garage with me as i broke down. and i told you how i wanted to die. how i couldn’t do it anymore. you didn’t understand that it had nothing to do with you. you did everything you could. but the point is. you stayed. you stayed until you convinced me i had just one more day in me, just as you had the day before. i owe you a lot. you loved me even when i didn’t love myself. you loved me enough for the both of us. you pulled me off the top of that parking garage and for that i will forever be indebted to you. i’m not here to rehash old relationships or past loves. but today on a road trip home the sun was setting and i got off at the nearest exit. i walked around the harbor and i ran up the stairs in the parking garage overlooking the city, i jumped the ledge and sat with my feet dangling. a man ran over to me. he asked me if i was okay. and i turned around and smiled at him and said yes i am. and he sat there with me for a minute just to make sure. i sat with my feet dangling over the edge i took a deep breath. and i realized that i was okay. in that moment i was okay. don’t get me wrong i’m not always okay. but when he ran over to me and asked me if i was okay. i realized something. i really didn’t want to jump. i sat there until the sun went down and i thought about the last year. and i realized that for the last year i’ve been alone and when the sun went down today i took myself off the edge because now i love myself enough for us both.


Fry & Leela Alphabet » Alternate Universes