i want to feel safe and comfortable again

Colour Scale of Intensity/Comfort in Sparring

At one point I came up with a colour scale for intensity. The idea being to help articulate how sparring was going for you and what you were getting out of it. It seems like it might be time to try it again, after recent discussions about comfort zones, speed and intensity in training.

  • Blue was “Why am I even doing this?”
  • Green was “Comfortable”
  • Yellow was “Good”
  • Orange was “Working hard”
  • Red was “Pushed to my limit”
  • Black was “NOPE STOP”

When someone wanted to fence longsword without masks, I noped out fast. It was Black zone for me. I didn’t feel safe, and I didn’t think they were safe. Clearly it was acceptable for them, though - maybe Red?

If I’m coaching-sparring a newer person and providing simple direct attacks and parry-ripostes, it might be Green for me but Red for them. If I spar the same person in competitive mode, it might rise to Yellow for me - even though I’m probably getting hit a whole lot less, I’m trying more types of actions and working with more intensity, speed and pressure to win. If I spar them and try to win while restricting myself to B- or C-game techniques, I’m in the Red zone very quickly, even though I’m fencing an “inferior” opponent.

The difficulty isn’t a matter of touches but of technical and physical comfort zones.


This blog has just hit 2,000 followers!! :D

Thank you guys so much for still sticking by this blog even though it seemed like I wasn’t posting or reblogging much. Which, APOLOGIES, btw!!! School exams are coming up and i’ve been pretty much just procrastinating like crazy instead 😢

But don’t worry, you know I’m always here! And maybe when I actually go get stuff done, i’ll make another TogetherTube hangout. That is, if you guys would really want another one this time :P So let me know!

Thank you guys again for this awesome milestone! This blog has grown so much and I am so proud of it, because I know some of you find this blog to be a safe haven for when stuff in the fandom or IRL is too much for you, which I really appreciate. I am very happy that you guys find this blog to be comforting enough for you for when you’re feeling down. Which is why I always try to keep this blog as drama-free as possible when another shit-storm takes place. I want you guys to be safe and sound while things get cleared up :)

I love you guys so much! Keep being awesome! And stay strong♥♥ Thanks again :)

Originally posted by reesadi

anonymous asked:

I got anxious lots as a kid, but grew out of it (im 19 now). But recently it's got really bad again& I don't know why. I'm a bit stressed with uni & some plans for the future are a bit up in the air, but nothing really to warrant feeling this anxious all the time. I feel like the world's attacking me, it's too loud & rough & it's all too much. I keep flinching at nothing. I feel like I have no perception of time. I meditate but it's not helping. I just want to be happy again. Do you have advice?

Breathe and feel the space around you and try to get the sense that on a deep level you are ok, you are safe and comforted in this moment now. Just try to get the sense that in you there is safety and there is security. Make it a habit to breathe and just feel what is in you and know that those are the feelings of the past and that right now, in this moment now, you are safe and ok. Do this when we you feel unsafe and when the world seem like too much and overwhelming.

In a way you are still that scared kid. I think you are still dealing with the fear of your past. You are a scared kid still, but now you are in a grown up world and this could be what is causing all these things. Work in ways to integrate your self into this adult world you are in now. The adult world is all about self love, setting boundaries and being accretive. Feel when people overstep their boundaries with you and know that you are free to calmly and directly let them know how you feel and how you should be treated. This is something I’ve worked on in my life and I can tell you it is very freeing when you get the hang of it. This is what I do: someone will say somethings or do something that strikes a feeling in me, they “urk” me. I then try to realize what is happening and that this is one of those situations and then I take a breathe and a minute of just being there in this moment and then the right thing for me to say (something that is both a defense of me and not a insult it disrespectful to them) will come out. This does take time to get good at and I also recommend just paying attention to your breathing as much as possible as this will increase your awareness in life. Doing this you’ll be able to get to the space needed between what happens and your reaction to what happens. And that will help greatly with the accretive practice I described.

I hope if you feel the need to, you’ll seek out some professional help. Getting one on one therapy and/or getting the right medication if you feel you need it can be of benefit. I would keep meditating and relaxing as much as you can as those can be greatly helpful too.

I hope this helps.


anonymous asked:

Ah okay so there's this girl who used to be my friend, but I came out as trans and she like fetishized(?) Me and said trans guys are just lesbians ://. Point is, I stopped talking to her, but now she wants to know why. What should I say to her??

If she says trans guys as lesbians she is misgendering them as women. She is transphobic (and lesbophobic too).

You don’t have to say anything to her if you don’t want to. She doesn’t sound like the kind of person you’d want to be around unless you absolutely have to.

But if you want to, you can keep it short and say something like “When I came out you said ___ and that was really not an okay thing to say because ___.” or something like that. Also if you don’t want to talk to her again, tell her that. Let her know that you don’t feel comfortable/safe when you’re around her.

youre the first person ive ever craved like this, i need to hold you again, i need to be with you. as much as i love sex this isnt a sexual desire, this is the desire to just lay on you and listen to your heartbeat and feel your arms wrap around me and to feel safe, to sleep next to you again, to hug you and feel how my head fits perfectly in your shoulder, to hold your hand and know i dont wanna hold any one elses, to just wrap myself around you and embrace how at home i feel with you, because im so fucking homesick, and ive never wanted to feel someones touch so bad, i never thought i could want someone in this pure of a form, because out of everything, the thing i miss most is the comfort i feel having you near and how when im with you everything is okay. -mj

( Somewhat related to the anon, I just want to pipe up and say, to the 98 blogs that follow me, please know these things:

1) It’s fine to be comfortable with who you are.  It’s also fine not to be and want to change it.  I don’t have the proper words to describe this, being someone who’s comfortable with who I am already, but here’s a sentence I’ve been told over and over again about dropping this blog and moving on: “You matter most in any situation.”  If you’re unhappy, become happy!  If you want to change how you look or feel, do so!  Anyone who has a problem with it should be told to “fuck off”, myself included.  This part is related to the anon.

2) Be safe!  Feburary’s going to be stressful for a lot of you with the events coming up as well as Valentine’s Day and your school schedules!  If you need a break from BD, don’t worry about it!  And if you’re worried you missed a chance to join in an event, as fear-inducing as it may be, you might not be alone!  I’m sure if you ask anyone after an event, they’ll most likely want to continue talking about it even if it’s over for the community.  Though, you don’t need to take my advice…

3) Finally; if I or Ghiaccio make you uncomfortable, do tell us off Anon so we can figure out how to change for the best - my paranoia has been high since this whole thing started and even with the direction change, I still fret!  Don’t worry about unfollowing or blocking me, I don’t mind as much as I do worry about my reputation.  I have no plans to adamantly speak to anyone or join in events for the good of my own health, and as I pressed, I am here to finish a story.

I refuse to defend myself against anything said to me, so say all you want.

But in any case, paying me heed at this point is truly useless, and only makes you angrier in the long run. )

James speaks of soft sheets

I want you to invade and identify and disturb the safe spaces in your life. Probe them, mock them, shed them. 

Yes, shed them. And once you find new safe spaces, shed them again.

Let’s give a definition to “safe spaces.” I’m referring to areas in your life where you feel comfortable and protected–this could be the softness of your sheets after a stressful week, or driving the same way to work at the same time everyday.

Emerge from those soft sheets. Leave earlier for work, take the scenic route, and stop for coffee. See what happens when your safe spaces are altered. When you’re not secured by your self-constructed blanket of normalcy. A blanket that warms you as much as it blinds you. Blinds you to what is new or what could be happening to you in an alternative situation.

I think that is often the essence of travel. Never being 100% comfortable. Always changing, adapting, learning, growing, questioning. 

Before studying abroad, I was the type of person that clung to safe spaces. My life was a certain way and I felt protected. I knew what to do, where to go, who to talk to, in order to stay enveloped in a bubble where I felt secure. I knew that studying abroad would force me to change this limiting behavior. That it would force me to lose my sense of normalcy…not once, or twice, or three times. But every single day. I never think of my life as normal anymore. It’s not. And it’s destabilizing…sometimes scary, but always refreshing and exciting. 

Changing your ‘normal,’ ‘safe’ behaviors can bring unexpected positivity and freshness into your life. 

For example, prior to studying abroad, I was the type of person who, once ready for bed, would not be leaving the house. Now, I could be nearly asleep and receive a text or a call and the next moment be seeing a movie, grabbing a glass of wine, or looking for an open crepe stand. During these moments that I would normally be asleep, I’ve met new people, laughed until I cried, and took part in conversations that I will never forget.

Bottom line: You might be tired. You might not be in the mood. I know, staying in your soft sheets is easier. And more comfortable. But take yourself out of this safe space more often. Try it once. Then tell me about it :). 

Good or bad, you’ll have a story.



Why are relationships so hard?

I really like you. You have lots of cool things you think about, I’ve listened to you for hours and could do that again and again. It feels so comfortable to be near you. Holding silence together, it feels right. You make me feel safe, and strong. You listen to me. I love the words you use, that make your speech your own. The way you make it very clear what you want, without quite saying it directly, honestly more drives me crazy than endears. But that’s important too.

But this is hurting me. Whenever we spend time together, when we go to our separate homes at the end it feels like I have lost one of my senses. It feels like I am bleeding from an open wound, spilling pain onto my kitchen floor. It hurts so much. I have loved, do love, other friends. It never hurt this much, not every time. It hurt, but not this much. I don’t know what is different. 

I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what we can do. My all of my me screams “no” when I think that maybe I just shouldn’t spend time with you anymore. And I know that you already spend as much time with me as you would like to, I am right now as large a part of your life as you would like me to be. 

anonymous asked:

finally got myself to go to that lesbian/bi women meeting in my town. Didn't tell them I'm ace which was good because after half an hour an acephobic comment in the "they will be forever alone" category was made. Later, another one. At least, there were no terfs, I guess. But I just want to meet people in real life who respect me being ace. Should I go again? Maybe try to educate them?

If you feel comfortable and safe going back and trying to educate them, I would say go for it. However if you think they might decide to be mean to you or anything of that nature then I would advise against it.



I honestly can say that the second half of this music video, is probably my favourite of lanas work, for music videos, other than tropico and ride. When clair de lune started playing, my heart broke, in the most comforting way possible. It made me want to cry. It was like a cathartic flush of emotion towards, and a deep connection to, lana’s work and ideas. This song means so much to me, I would listen to it while falling asleep for years, on repeat. It was my favourite, it made me feel so safe and full of love.

 I hadn’t listened to it in years, and hearing it again for the first time played to a scene that I can only describe as the epitome of heaven: I wanted to just cry and cry. I was so in awe of the beauty and hearing that song again. I did not expect to feel so deeply connected to someone through a music video.

 Maybe I’m just being emotional but, thank you. I love you. 


beatrixieee asked:

6, 23, 31, 83

6. What is your favorite song as of the moment? It’s definitely Waste Away by blackbear. Every time it comes on I immediately start dancing around and sing along to it

23. What is your biggest regret?
This one is tough… I think I really regret relapsing. Every time I look at my wrists I feel sick and I ultimately just ended up more hurt

31. What kind of person do you want to date?
I really want to date someone who makes me feel really safe and comfortable. I want to date someone who I can tell anything to and who doesn’t mind my never ending clinginess. I want to date someone who wants to be around me just as much as I want to be around them. I want to date someone who can make me believe in love again

83. Do you have any memories you want to erase?
Pretty much just any memory having to do with my dad. Maybe I wouldn’t be so fucked up if I didn’t remember any of his shit

Counteract the deep rooted want for comfort, for company
Choke the words “I need you” from my throat to never be uttered again
I will elaborately destroy myself instead
“Act opposite” a dbt skill
I do not want to need or feel
I do not want to want your arms to feel safe
I want to sit in the cold and accept that you, too, will leave
I best get used to it now
Emotional anesthetic prepared

anonymous asked:

chloe im very sad and i don't want to be in hospital again. i feel unsafe. im tired and im sorry i sent this feel free to delete this ! ftfsgbc

come off anon if you can, i’m happy to talk to you properly if you feel comfortable. please stay safe and know that you are important no matter what

texts I'll never send to him

you cannot imagine how much that fucking stupid kiss meant to me
i know - it was just a kiss
i know - it meant nothing
i know - we havent talked about it
i know - i dont want to talk about it
i know - youll never message me
i know - well never speak again
i dont know but - are we going to meet ever again?
apparently it meant something to me
apparently it made me feel safe
apparently it made me feel good
apparently it was so f**king comfortable
apparently it got me little self-esteem
i just want to be with you
i just want to talk to you
i just want to hold your hand
i miss your hand in mine
i miss your kisses on my shoulder
i miss your voice in my ear
i miss you
it was only for like 2 hours
i’m so weird
i know
[i hope nobody i know is going to read this]
thanks for these hours.

Thank you, for broken my dreams.

you know when you had enough and tired so much, you choose to give up. not because you stop to loving, but you came to realize, that how much hard you trying, trying and trying, still, it is need two to tango. 

it seems that everything became clear, the cloudy judgements, unjustice prejudice, cowardness is all you can see. everything can be seen now, clear like glass, day by day. every doubts have its answers. 

at first, I want to try again, and again because I always think that real couple need fighting or arguing each other some times. to make a bond more tight, and to know deep how our loved one thinks and feels. Because that’s what makes us a human. We feel each other, angry, sad, crying, laughing, arguing, screaming… but in the end, you will always come back to one person you feel safe and comfort. But it didn’t works fine if it just you, you alone, feeling that kind.

you will struggle over times, between dreams and reality, between trust and betrayed. and then you become more mature, growing and understand. and letting it flow so no one can disturb you from you dreams. but in the other side, he still can’t understand, can’t grow up, can’t stand up even for once. for you.

and you realize, that’s not because you are not loving him enough, but that’s because he is not loving you deeply and enough to know how important you are in his life. you are invisible, just a substitute for him anytime he feels need you. yes, you are just a thing, a playing toy to mess around because you are too innocent and too naive to share the dreams. you are poor, not from some prestigious family with prestigious carreer to be proud of. they don’t want you because you is you. no one else. 

why people broke someone dreams just because they feel that dreams is not a golden well? and why they are so cruel to take over someone life because they just want it? and why people are so coward to letting one girl rotting like in the hell, after all her did just for him, never betrayed, never flirting over someone else, and just want to be a good girl and good wife someday? it is hard loving someone with honestly and truthful even though you are not rich? why people become so greedy with money? they choose money over honestly. and its broken my heart. it broken my dreams. 

I remember when I had to struggle alone because this illness… and you still won’t come to help me. is that your true face of loving me? abandon me when you know i need support the most?

I had no other choice than to let you go, this time for real. for the end. Because I know, the more I pretend to blind, the more I will suffer. I know this all the time, after all this time. and I know why I denying it until now… because I scared being lonely. But I know, even though you are beside me, I’m still alone, feeling lonely and miserable. Because I know you are not with me, because I know, deep down in my heart, you are not really loving me. I know from the beginning, but I keep denying it… but now I realize… there’s no points for me to hide from that’s all. it jus makes me sad and unhappy, everyday.

So, I choose to be happy. that’s why I choose to let you go. this time for real, letting go people who don’t feel the same way with you will make your heart at ease. Because I have my conscious to make myself worth and happy, so I choose to letting go every people who gave a negative energy to me. 

Its never been easy. never. I know. but I know this for sure, every pain eventually will heal. and you become new person because you gained new wisdom how to live happily.

Because I’m a girl with a big hugs of love, I can share my love to everyone I care and I want. Letting go is not because you are lose. but because you know, in the art of letting go, you’re trying to become who you should be at the beginning and to know that happiness can be found in every things and everywhere. Letting go is my choice to not make myself hurting more my body and soul over someone who never loving me at beginning. I know that I deserve someone who as passionate as I am, kind to all living things, smart to know the meaning of love and loving each other truthful.

I know it still hurts, but that’s okay, it will heal eventually. 

anonymous asked:

my ex-girlfriend wants me back but i dont know if i can trust her again even though i love her too. i dont want to hurt her by rejecting her but im also afraid she'll just end up hurting me again :( i dont know what to do.

Honestly I’ve never been in love but I know what it feels like to lose trust and I can say that sometimes love can’t fix everything. Trust is so important in any relationship because if you can’t trust them, you won’t ever feel fully comfortable and safe and it’s not healthy.
I don’t know what happened in your relationship but just think about it, seriously think about it, do you think that you could ever build up that trust again? Do you think that it could work again? If not then I know that you love her and I’m sorry but I don’t know if you should go back because if you can’t trust her then love won’t keep the relationship from falling apart again.
Don’t write her off because you’re scared to get hurt again because sometimes love can be worth it, but if you look at the relationship and you don’t think that you could ever be fully safe there, don’t go back.
In terms of hurting her, just be honest, talk to her about it, actually tell her the reasons because it would hurt her more if you tried to be in a relationship without really being ok with it and then ending it later on.
But I’m not an expert, just a 17 year old girl but this is honestly what I would do. I hope it could help in any way.
If you want to talk or anything, my ask and messages are always open xxx

When I sleep alone, I am constantly cols due to low blood pressure. I have to rely on an electric blanket at night so I can have feeling in my legs in the morning. But when I sleep with Jon, I am so comfortable. My ball of Heat Man keeps me feeling safe and warm.
I want to be warm again.

When you don’t feel well… Not because you’re physically sick but because you’re mentally and emotionally not feeling well… To where you reflect and feel… So scared of yourself. That you won’t be able to do what you want to do. It’s hard to believe in myself. I don’t give myself credit a majority of the time.

There’s no way I can put these exact feelings into words. But all I know is that… I want that feeling of me crying in his arms and him petting my hair in comfort because in that moment… I felt completely safe emotionally and mentally. There was no “get your life together”. There was no “you need to change your perspective”. It was simply “I’m here for you to cry.”

I miss that. But I’m scared and refuse to show that emotional side of me again. Also, I don’t want to be selfish. I don’t want him to be “What about me, Janelle? Huh?!”

I have to cry and figure it out on my own.