i want to fart so hard

Inspired by The Marks We Make by @wittyy-name

I personally really enjoy this fic because I FEEL the internal conflict. This is a lovely written piece paired with amazing art by @wolfpainters. The story is an interesting concept and I highly recommend it. It’s still a work in progress so try not to rush the author. Good things come to those who wait.

I tried to convey Lance wanting to reach out and Keith’s conflict. The lighting at coloring obscured the expressions ; v ; sooo I was bummed. I’ve never really colored with warmer colors so don’t judge it too hard.

crackedkandys  asked:

You ever have trouble staying focused when editing videos or anything? Like how do you get in the "zone" for sitting at a computer for hours?"

Yeah, sometimes, especially if it’s something really long or there’s a lot going on at once. I mean, in the sense that everyone has trouble focusing sometimes. It’s just how the human mind works, I think.

I don’t have a harder time staying focusing, than any other normal human has. I feel like it’s become such a “hip” thing to just throw around. Everyone has self-diagnosed ADD or ADHD and everyone has a “hard time focusing” because it’s a “lol so random” kinda quirk that people.. want? When, in actuality, it’s just an excuse a lot of people use, to procrastinate and dick around. It’s a lot easier to go watch Youtube for an hour, if you blame it on “having a hard time focusing” than you you, yourself, being a lazy fart. It also kinda diminishes the perception of the condition in those who ACTUALLY have these real disorders. It’s kinda the same as saying you’re “OCD”, not because you have to turn the light on and off 18 times when you leave a room or always wash your hands over and over again until you put the soap back the right way, but because you like patterns. Everyone likes patterns. Everyone has a hard time focusing sometimes.

Sidetrack, I guess, but TLDR for all you ADHD people out there, sometimes yes. Sometimes you just get in the zone, sometimes you have to just slog though. That’s life. But when it comes to work, that’s where professionalism comes in. You can do your job, and in turn keep your job and pay your bills. Or not, and not. Pretty easy choice there :P


part one here. 

  • ❝ I’m a stupid fart. ❞
  • ❝ Shit I wanted to be Yoshi. ❞
  • ❝ Does Bruno Mars is gay? ❞
  • ❝ I ain’t above punching rats! ❞
  • ❝ Finally, I can water my pizza. ❞
  • ❝ I hate you, [ name ]! What have you turned me into?! ❞
  • ❝ That’s a one way ticket to FUCK YOU. ❞
  • ❝ You think I came out the pussy drawing fuckin’ Mozart? ❞ 
  • ❝ Aw I’m so tired I could fucking eat a gazelle. ❞  
  • ❝ You are uninvited for my birthday party. ❞
  • ❝ At age six I was born without a face. ❞
  • ❝ I’m a sexy widdle baby.❞
  • ❝ You’re hard to love, but you’re harder to hate. ❞
  • ❝ The tears are bittersweet but the pie is delicious. ❞
  • ❝ Taco bell can cure diabetes. You can quote me on that. ❞
  • ❝ Matter cannot be created or destroyed, you stank bitch. ❞
  • ❝ I’d fistfight literally any penguin you put in front of me. ❞
  • ❝ I still want to be your friend, even if you’re not a dinosaur. ❞
  • ❝ Don’t fucking cock tease me, broseph. ❞
  • ❝ Goddamn fucking wolf asshole piece of shit. ❞
  • ❝ Being a spider looks like it FUCKING RULES. ❞ 
  • ❝ First of all I’m not a child, I’m a princess. ❞
  • ❝ Don’t count your chickens before they egg. ❞
  • ❝ My butt is clenched as tight as it will go. ❞
  • ❝ Extra! Extra! Read all about it! [ name ] SUCKS! ❞
  • ❝ Don’t jump into a guy’s knife. It will kill you dead. ❞
  • ❝ I’m always right. Except when I’m wrong…which is often. ❞ 
  • ❝ If I was a hundred percent honest with myself then shit would suck.  ❞
  • ❝ I am not physically good at anything. Except yelling a lot. ❞
  • ❝ I’ve got reeses pieces. But I’m dead so they’re deceases’s pieces.  ❞ 
  • ❝ If there’s two things I’m down with, it’s hating tomatoes and the sickness. ❞
  • ❝ A woman’s drinking poison, wh- uh wuh how, why, eh, she dies, wh-why did she die? Show your work. ❞
  • ❝ My goal is to pee in every major body of water on Earth. ❞
  • ❝ I’m gonna fuckin’- I’m gonna open hand slap you across the eyes. ❞
  • ❝ Step on him. Step on him and crush him. Mail the remains to his family. ❞
  • ❝ You say ‘tomato’, I say ‘what the fuck are you doing in my house? ❞
  • ❝ You know what really brings me closer to my friends? Ass fucking. ❞
  • ❝ Do you think if you urinate and pre-cum at the same time it’s pre-pre? ❞
  • ❝ You can’t open up the story of my life and just fucking go to page 738 and think you know me.  ❞
  • ❝ Ronald McDonald doesn’t make me wanna eat a hamburger. He makes me wanna call the police. ❞
  • ❝ One man’s trash is another man’s treasure, am I right? Your life is my treasure. And it was trash for you. Your life is trash is basically what I’m saying. ❞
  • ❝ Are you fucking with me right now? I feel like someone’s getting fucked with and I think its me all of a sudden. ❞
  • ❝ Every titty is unique and special. And I don’t mean every PAIR of titties, I mean every titty. ❞
  • ❝ I’m having like a silent, mental breakdown. That being said I’m cool with death now. ❞
  • ❝ I like butts in general. I was gonna say I like big butts, but I just like all the butts. And boobs. And faces. I like the female form. ❞ 
  • ❝ Someone asked me what my idea of the perfect date to take a girl/guy on was, and I was like “Well…” I was like ‘I don’t know, I guess we could just, fuckin’, wander around Whole Foods long enough that we could get enough cheese samples, then we could call it a night.  ❞
  • ❝ That’s not even nightmare fuel. That’s nightmare fuel for like the nightmare bus that you drive off the nightmare cliff into nightmare canyon. ❞

i legit want 40k to survive, survive as in last another maybe 20 years and not die out as a hobby people from the 90s really liked, problem is the community isnt very inclusive (not everybodys bad, its a solid 40/60, there are more nice people than there are bad). its still hard for women, poc, lgbt people to get into hobbies like 40k, not bc theyre “hippies” who cant handle it (somebody legit said this - about a glorified action figure hobby) but bc these dusty farts are so fucking hostile, like 40k (this hobby where you collect small plastic dolls and move them around on a table) is some sacred cow that cannot be touched by the dirty dorito dusted fingers of a younger generation. the most friction ive gotten was from old, salty 30-40 year olds who would much rather let the hobby die with them than allow anything new, fresh, creative or exciting to happen to the setting. i cant have fun with 40k, i cant joke around and call it satire (btw 40k was supposed to be satire when it was made), i cant use millennial lingo bc its silly and 40k is so fucking serious all the gotdamn time (”“ol one eye”“)

maybe there is some fear that inclusion of new ideas might push out familiar things that many old fans have come to love - but with change that is to be expected. the setting needs to adapt to survive, it cant cater to an older generation, not forever, bc when that generation goes, thats it, 40k goes too.    i dont want that . i want that when im 60 years old ill still be talking about the lore and the models and the stories and i want the younger generation to enjoy it as much as i did.

but its not all bad though, the community is getting bigger and more diverse, theyre the ones writing fanfiction with women/poc/lgbt, theyre the ones creating art and putting out new ideas. the survival of the setting will rely on them and its all really good to see.

“I wish I could come with you baby, just take me in your suitcase…” I whimpered. His kissed me on the forehead as he snuggled up to my chest as we hit the hay one last time before his week long business trip.

I awoke to complete darkness. I was cramped, stuffy, and sweating. A zipper sound opened up above me and I saw Josh’s head as he smiled at me. “Good afternoon baby! I’m glad you thought of this, now you’re here with ME!” My eyes squinted from the pain of the light. “That’s great sweetie… now can I get out?” I asked. Josh smiled and I saw the most evil grin come on his face… “not just yet… I have this fantasy” His ass sat down on the suitcase and a noise and smell filled the bag as he let out a fart followed by two more. “Let me OUT!!!” I cried as my nostrils felt sensations that brought tears and fear all over me. The heat in the bag intensified. “ARE YOU TAKING SELFIES!?!?!?!?!” I screamed. “I’m on vacation baby. Give me this one thing okay? I swear I’ll make it worth it… look I only packed one thing in the bag with you… It was this pair of underwear that… lets just say give an allusion that his ass is even larger than it is. Not that that’s necessary, his ass was the largest I’d ever seen on such an in shape man.

*Day 2*
PPHHHRRRMMMBBPPHHH!!!! My throat was dry from coughing so much from his constant gas.

*Day 3*
FFFFRRRMMMMPPPHHHHHHHH! My dick was rock hard from being his live in slave. I ached to touch him again. That’s why I wanted to go on the trip with him in the first place. I didn’t want to lose the physical touch of our relationship this long.

*Day 4*
PPPPPRBBBBBBPPHHHT! I rubbed my dick to each fart. I imagined his beautiful ass swallowing my nose and pumping gaseous blast after blast into every inch of my body. His business meetings lasted 10 hour a day and I used that time to sleep. When he was in the hotel room I was wide awake to sniff all his gas. He even brought my suitcase prison to bed with him… under the sheets. The amount of gas he had during the night was unbelievable.

*Day 5*
“Tonight is the night” he cooed. FFRRRMMMMMMMMPPPPHHH!!! He left the room after slipping a photo of him into the suitcase hole… It was of him in nothing but a bowtie. He was holding a pair of handcuffs. I fell asleep with a raging boner.

That night the suitcase was opened and I experienced fresh air as Josh pulled me out and began to kiss me. He threw me onto the bed and straddled my chest. My cock was aching it was so rock hard. He flipped around and began to blow me as his ass was aimed right at my face. BBRMMMPPPHH! PPPHHRRRBBBTT! The farts didn’t cease but I didn’t care at this point. Everything about him was hot. I felt up his abs, pinched his butt, pressed my face into his crack and sniffed deep. One load, two loads, three loads, he began to stroke harder using his hand instead of his lips. His ass moved into a sitting position against my face. Four loads, five loads, six loads, 7 loads. He handcuffed my hands to the bed as he moved his ass onto my cock. I whimpered because my cock was in so much pain… but his tactics got more alluring each round. Josh grinded, and grinded, then came more farts, and the  bouncing  My cock shot it’s 8th load… then 9th… it was blank. He milked me dry. But didn’t let up.

That next morning we headed back home in the rental car. Luckily I got to ride in the car instead of the trunk. He threw away the suit case due to the stink permanently sunken into it. Before I got into the car he demanded “No baby… Your head goes through the seat in the back.” His driver side back rest was lifted up for my head to fit through… my legs dangled above my head in the back seat, and his ass sat on my face the whole ride home.

This was a new start in our relationship… I never knew he was such a fart fetishist!

Okay, rant time, ahah! :’D What I’m about to rant is about new TMNT show which is supposed to start in 2018. When I heard about it first time I had SO HIGH hopes it would be awesome like 2003 turtles and / or drawn in this style ->

But no. No, no, no, no! Since it’s incredibly difficult to do good shows / cartoons anymore. Rather than putting money on quality of the show, corporations keep costs small and make cheap and horrible looking shit and dare to say they do it for old and new fans! Bullshit. Anyway, as much as I love Samurai Jack and loved Powerpuff Girls as well, I still don’t like the idea turtles will be done in the same style with same humor ->

It all just makes me feel physically sick and let me tell you another thing, I’m so damn depressed now because of this since I really looked forward to see new amazing TMNT show. But jumping little bit back to the quality let me show these to you. It should show it clearly how quality of shows / series is getting lower and lower.

Honestly, go to Google and look for all TMNT screenshots from shows. Quality in all ways has been dropping after 2007 movie (not counting 2014/2016 movies since they rock!). One other good example about quality keeping dropping is good old Biker Mice From Mars.

In 1990′s they looked like this ->

and in 2000′s they looked like THIS ->

LIKE WHAT THE FUCK!? Don’t you dare to come to say me they don’t look bad or there’s nothing wrong in quality etc. It’s so sad to see good series becoming shit because big bosses just want to keep saving money and spend it as little as possible with thought; “Just give people something.” *SIIIGGGH* I honestly feel as down and depressed as I felt back then when I discovered how shitty Final Fantasy XV game was. I was so down and depressed for days just sitting on the couch while my mind was totally blank. I feel it happening again because of all this, because of turning those lovely turtle boys into a cheap horrible shit show. I so hard keep my fingers crossed in the future we HONESTLY could get GOOD TMNT SHOW like 2003 was. Thank God I can always go re-watch 2003 series as much as I want to seek some comfort.

The Lore You Know (Part One)

Status: Part One of Four
Category: Multi-Part, Mystery, Creature Hunt, Humor, Behind-the-scenes Canon-Compliant
Word Count: 4.3K
Rating: 18+ [for language/sexual situations]
Character(s): Dean, Sam, Reader/Female O.C. #1, Female O.C. #2 
Pairing(s): Sam + Female O.C./Reader; Dean + Female O.C.
Warnings: Coarse language; mild-to-moderate allusions to sex/activities of a sexual nature
Author’s Note(s): Post-story   
Overall Summary:  What started as a typical creature-feature several years ago takes a turn when the Winchesters team up with two very interesting women - one, a supernatural expert in her own right working the same case, the other a waitress who gets drawn into the fray accidentally - and when all’s said and done, our favorite hunters will learn that neither were what they seemed.


A couple of the long tubes of light trapped in the overhead rectangles seemed a handful of flickers away from giving up the proverbial ghost. It would’ve been a bit too on-the-nose, given the locale, except it wasn’t purposeful. No one was being interrogated.

And no one was even close to being intimidated.

“People underestimate what it takes to be a waitress!”

“Yes, ma'am, I’m sure they do.”

“Ma'am, if you could go on and say—”

“Oh, I know, I know - ’servers’, like how you’re not supposed to say ’secretary’ or ’stewardess’ anymore, but it’s just ‘cause I was raised in it, it’s been our family business as far back as… well, as far back as we can tell!”

The detectives nodded, slowly, and in near-unison.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

OMG ok now Im gonna need these fart headcanons for more characters. How about Dva, Lucio and the Junkers?

omg I’m crying

You guys are so silly

Other posts: [ x / x ]


  • Giggles, but also “ew.”
  • Shoves you because she doesn’t want that nasty anywhere near her
  • Jokes about it constantly
  • If she hears anything that sounds even remotely like a fart (creaky door, pulling out a chair, squeaky shoes) she will immediately turn to look at you with the biggest shit eating grin on her face. 


  • He is laughing so hard. He is literally rolling on the floor laughing.
  • Also says sorry for laughing because he doesn’t want to upset you
  • Every time he remembers it, he laughs
  • Will continuously bring it up LONG after it has happened


  • Gigglesnorts
  • “NICE ONE!!!!”
  • Is honestly pretty chill about it
  • He thinks it’s cool to have someone around who’s more… open? I guess? Clearly, it was an accident, but he says its cool even if its intentional. Just makes you two closer, he thinks.


  • Chuckles and smacks your back real hard.
  • He cannot believe that just happened
  • He assures you there’s no reason to be embarrassed
  • But he is never going to forget this. He will torment you forever
tipthewink asked for Sera...
Anglerfish - Too good to be true, probably is. (for tipthewink​ )

“If you’ve come to vandalize the fresco I hope you brought more than arrows to save you.”

He’s not looking up at her, crammed between the library bannisters, so he doesn’t see her tongue sticking out. Waste.  

“Wouldn’t do that. Again,” she says. “Just looking is all. Looking’s not a crime now, is it?”

He’s painting, starting on the floor this time. Always does it in the dead of night, all in one go, slapping on that stinking plaster. The room smells like ash and wet chalk until it dries, takes days. She likes the paints, though. They’re pretty, rich-like, before they go on.

“Looking at what, exactly?” says Solas.

“The shine off your head, for one.”

Painting, working on his knees, but no stopping and no talking. Right, it’s all business once he starts, and her fun won’t start if he won’t play.  So, she drops down to the scaffold, crouching over to see him.

“Fine, I’ve got a question. You love those, right?” She waits, but hasn’t gotten any better at it after all this time.  “No good having all the answers in that bulgy, fade-y brain if no one ever asks.”

“Quite so,” he says, a tickle of a pause. Got him. “Ask, but I have to keep working.”

She opens her mouth, and the question sits there, lost.  On the blank wall he’s sketched the picture, a whole night’s work laid out in nothing but grey lines. She makes out the temple, the wilds creeping and the water flowing, and below it his head in the real world, bent low like no one’s ever allowed to see him, not really. He adds a milky slate blue across the bottom of the plaster, working fast with a broad brush.  

“That maybe-goddess, Mythal, that weird temple full of ancient, snooty elves,” says Sera, watching how the sketch lines disappear and then come back under the thin paint. “It’s all real. Or was once. And now it’s just a story, but with too many pages missing, bound up like it should still make sense.  It doesn’t.”

More brushing, deeper color where he layers it.

“That is certainly one interpretation. No less insightful than that of the Dalish,” says Solas to the wall. “But I haven’t heard a question so far.”

“You don’t believe in Andraste or the Maker, but you believe in her.”

She sees it happen, a crack in the calm, where his light brushstrokes go heavy and wrong, in the space of a breath.

“I do.”


“Because…” He wants to stop, she can tell, maybe walk off or yell at her, but he’s racing the plaster for time. And Solas always gets quiet when he lies. “Faith is personal, Sera. Its complexity can’t be summarized by-”

“Yeah, I’m not buying it, smarty-farts. You’re not really a ‘faith’ sort of man, are you?” She swings her legs against the ladder, a bit of a racket that rustles the birds up top.  “No, don’t think so. Sort of man, though, that might be right.”

Hard stop. He steps back from the wall.

“Sort of …?” When he finally looks up at her, it feels like she’s standing at the edge of a well. No bottom, all black, better left alone. “What are you implying?”

“Know what, forget it. Wasn’t even the question I came for,” she says in a rush, and slides down the ladder. “Thing is, I’m in a jam with Leliana, and I shouldn’t have done the thing I did, but it’s done, and now I’m on the hook.”

Heartbeats go by. She turns for the door when it seems like he won’t bother, but Solas dips the big brush again, and wets the wall with blue. “And?”

“Is there a …spell, or a potion, to make someone forgive you? Let the old bygones be, that kind of thing?” But shit, there’s always . .“Not blood magic.”

Half the wall is faded water now, past the shoulders and going for the ears.  Up against it, Solas looks like he’ll drown, but he’s got the brush.  And he just keeps painting it higher.

“Would the world be a better place if such a thing was possible?”

Yes and no, but more, uh, yeah! At least on her side of it.

“A bloody question for an answer,” she mutters. “Figures.”

anonymous asked:

Maybe piney and a young girlfriend, the guys making jokes about the age difference and he questions her motives and if he's the right one for her and she's like duh im with you for you And a happy fluffy ending

Originally posted by stillmygirl

A/N: Don’t mind Piney punching Opie, but I hope you enjoy it darling!



“I don’t know how you did it old man.” Tig says shaking his head as he eyes (Y/N) closely “Did what?” Piney said smugly taking in his girlfriend’s sweet body and melodic laugh. “How you got yourself a young girl, why would she want an old fart like you.” Tig said taking a hard swing of his beer as Jax joined in “Yeah man, unless you got so super dick there’s gotta be another reason she wants you.” Jax said slapping Piney’s back softly causing Piney to grunt in response.

“”She’s likes Beyoncé and you’re Patrick Stuart.” Juice said causing all the guys to look at him trying to piece his analogy together, but they shortly gave up taking his word for it causing them to laugh. “Eh old man, when she’s done with her grand daddy issues you can pass her to a real man.” Tig said laughing before him and the boys got up and left Piney there to sit down and sulk in his drink wondering why (Y/N) was with him.

“Why so glum baby?” He heard a sweet voice say as he felt her body heat next to him, she laced her hand around his arm that was clutching his beer as she leaned her head to his shoulder “Why are you wasting your time with a man like me (Y/N). I’m an old man, I ain’t a good man either shit. If you knew half the things I-” “Shhh, where is all that coming from Piermont? You know I love you, good or bad.” She said looking into his eyes, her voice saying Piney’s name caused him to smile softly because it sounded so natural coming off her tongue.

“I know the guys make jokes about me and that’s okay but don’t let that shit get to your head because that’s all they’ll ever be. Jokes. I know you Piermont, old, bad, killer, rude, snappy, stubborn. I love it all because it makes you, you and I wouldn’t want any other man besides you. So do me a favor and shut up. I chose an older man because I didn’t have to worry about him being insecure about us.” She said kissing his lips softly whispering “Plus the tank is such a turn on.” She laughed as she kissed him once again before walking away adding a slight sway in her hips because she knew her old man was watching.

“I don’t know how I deserved it, but I’ll take it as God’s gift before a hell sentence.” Piney said raising a glass to the other members who were still shocked as the old man smirked in happiness.

  • Ashton: Were you a Benji or a Joel girl?
  • Luke: I WAS A BOY.
  • --
  • --
  • Calum: Fuck, Ashton's coming. Everyone hide.
  • *gets in closet*
  • Calum: It smells like poop in here.
  • --
  • *Talking about their first album*
  • Calum: My sister's friend's brother gave me a burnt CD-
  • Ashton: I can't listen to this story.. it involves piracy.
  • --
  • Interviewer: Can you name any similarities between you guys and One Direction because you know.. you guys are obviously a bit more punk rock.
  • Ashton: No, no, yeah.. we have the same genitals.
  • --
  • Calum: Hi guys, I'm here with Ashton and we're watching the worst movie ever. It's called The Human Centipede and Ashton was like "this movie is great man, you should watch it"
  • Ashton: No I never, ever said that!
  • Calum: And it's about a bunch of people eating each others buttholes.
  • Ashton: Mmmmmm butthole. *Giggles uncontrollably*
  • --
  • *Brushing their teeth*
  • Michael: Oh my god it smells so bad in here!
  • Ashton: Because I farted.
  • --
  • *Talking about the show*
  • Ashton: I'm quite nervous... as you CAN see my nipples through this shirt.
  • Luke: That's how you know Ashton is nervous for a show.
  • Ashton: My nipples get hard.
  • --
  • Calum: Ashton's gonna be a sex slave
  • Ashton: *taken back* WHAT?! That's not a super hero!
  • --
  • Luke: I think it's "hoe" no wait, oh my god that's not it. I'm so sorry."
  • --
  • Michael: Ashton you never steal my underwear.
  • Ashton: Yeah because it's your underwear and it has like your... butt in them and I don't want to wear that.
  • --
  • Luke: Welcome back to cheffing with Ashton and Luke!
  • --
  • Ashton: Yeah well if they eat testicles in their state I'm gonna eat them.
  • Michael: I vow right now that I will not be eating testicles.
  • Ashton: I'll eat testicles.
  • --
  • Luke: Can't one man hug another man from behind?!
  • Calum: .... while they are both naked.
  • --
  • *answering questions*
  • Interviewer: And actually one lady was so persistent I said I would ask for her.
  • Michael: ahhh
  • Ashton: ahhhh chicken.
  • *ashton turns to calum and just starts giggling*
  • Ashton: I just said chicken for some reason.
  • --
  • Interviewer: What would you do if you woke up with pepperoni for nipples?
  • Luke: Umm well I really like pepperonis so I might eat them...
  • Ashton: Are they detachable?
  • *Calum looks confused and disgusted*
  • Luke: Okay do they just look like pepperoni or are they actually pepperoni? Because if they were real pepperoni I would eat them.
  • Calum: Luke that's disgusting.
  • Michael: That's gross cause then you're eating your nipples.
  • *Luke trying to defend himself*
  • Luke: Yeah but they're pepperoni not nipples!
  • --
  • *talking to Luke*
  • Michael: No you know what Luke? You are the biggest asshole in the morning.
  • *Luke trying to defend himself*
  • Michael: Like even when you're in a good mood you're still a dick.
  • --
  • Calum: Tell me how good looking I am.
  • Ashton: What?
  • Ashton: Is this a weird thing you want me to do or...
  • Calum: J-just speak to me.
  • Ashton: You're a naughty boy Calum.
  • Calum: More! Tell me more.
  • --
  • Luke: Just dropped a peanut in my belly button... do I eat it or...
  • --
  • Calum: Me and Ash keep the band... well, we are pretty much the band and these guys just add a bit of treble.
  • --
  • Michael: Luke is passed out next to a bowl of nachos. This is the best day of my life.
  • --
  • Morning Luke: I'm so tired I almost put this bowl of cereal in the toilet.
  • --
  • Ashton: Mikes bod is incredible .
  • Luke: You should see his wiener.
  • --
  • --
  • Calum: It's my microwave!
  • Ashton: It's not you microwave.
  • Calum: HEY!
  • *uncontrollable giggling*
  • --
Things My Friends Say -- as starters

My friends tend to say quite a lot of really, really bizarre things, so I decided to collect a few of the more eloquent examples. They seem to have made quite the excellent list, so I thought I’d share them with the folks of the RP community. Enjoy.

  • “Okay, about the holy tits”
  • “Excuse me but was that my clavicle”
  • “Your fart game is fucking weak, stand back”
  • “So her head was on my va-jay-jay”
  • “I’m gonna kick you in your shiny ass”
  • “We wanted to be asleep by twelve, but at twelve we made eggs”
  • “My Stepmom thinks my dog is Catholic”
  • “I need to stop breathing, it’s making ​me tired”
  • “Death is arranged polygamy” 
  • “Why are y'all horking mad loogs”
  • “Lemme just cram this in your hole”
  • “He should sauce her a slice of that brow”
  • “What even are nipples, they get like, hard and stuff when you flick ‘em.”
  • “Watch out Van Gogh, I’m comin’ for your one-eared ass”
  • “My immune system is so great because I’m so gross”
  • “I’m gonna take off my bra just so I can experience my boobs”
  • “You know, he has… Lots of dogs. He should appreciate them more, then he wouldn’t be so lonely”
  • “I don’t feel the need to be questioned on my knee grabs”
  • “I feel like in another life I was a goat, because I’m always like *goat sounds* all the time”
  • “Bitch I didn’t ask you to eat my asshole”
  • “I just got so worked up I farted”
  • “Are your knee pits up for grabs”
  • “Ay papi, slap me with a rutabaga”
  • “Enjoy the delicious view of my leg hairs”
  • “Bitch I will slap you with this wet noodle, I swear to Jesus and the Pope”
  • “I did not request such a sexual spectacle, but alas”
  • “I’ve decided to explore the crevice of death. You’ll find me in the vegetable drawer of my fridge”
  • “Well, that was a bitch-tastic experience” 
  • “Yes, your name is Carol henceforth, you white-ass suburban mom”
  • “Sometimes, I have thoughts of what being a croissant would be like. Then I wouldn’t need an excuse to flake on people”
A Fart Filled Future - Part 3 Heading Home

I was alone with my new master, Kai, in this room. Suddenly, a compartment moved out from the wall. Kai walked over and removed a large box from the compartment. He quickly got out what was inside the box as well. It looked like a strange scooter. There were two platforms that diverged from each other in a wishbone-like manner, with wheels on the bottom and a small motor between them. Rising from the front, where they connected, was a short metal rod, and on top of this was a small chin-rest, like what you use at the optometrist. There were straps located all along the bottom platforms. I knew what this was immediately.

Kai placed the machine behind him, and I crawled over slowly, beginning to salivate at the thought of this new life with Kai as my master actually beginning. I placed myself onto the machine - my knees at the very front of the platforms and my chin resting on top of the rod. The straps immediately latched onto my calves, ensuring I would not move my legs. I was staring straight into Kai’s amazing ass.

A compartment emerged from underneath the chin rest. A fabric strap began to stretch around the back of my head. It lengthened until it connected into Kai’s belt, then it began to tighten, pulling me closer to Kai’s ass until my face was smothered right in between his cheeks, very tightly. I heard him let out a small moan and a chuckle. There was no moving from this contraption. My hands were locked down to my sides by what I assumed were magnetic devices, though I could not see.

Kai began to walk. The device kept pace with him, slowing when he did, speeding up when he did, leaving my face comfortably plastered in his ass. He stopped suddenly, and I heard him grunting slightly above me, then…


A quick and deep sounding fart was blasted right into my face. I felt him pat my head like a dog afterward. I took a very deep breath in, trying to make it audible for him so that he could know I was taking this seriously. I didn’t want him or anyone else to have to smell his farts - that was my job. The smell itself was heavenly. A perfect combo of rancid eggy smell and beefy beans. My dick was hard as a rock already.

Kai just kept walking along, as if it was a normal day, and my nose was not shoved right up to his asshole. I heard a door open and it suddenly got much warmer. We must’ve gone outside. I could hear some voices in the distance, and I began to think of what others would think when they saw this. I mean it doesn’t really matter, because I won’t even see anyone else besides Kai and his beefy ass until he’s done being my master, but still.

I heard a car door open. I was separated from Kai’s ass abruptly, and my vehicle suddenly lifted into the air slightly, and moved into Kai’s car. I saw that there was a declining ramp in front of the driver’s seat, and my machine began to lower me into this ramp. The straps on my legs were released. I laid down my legs so that they went down the ramp, away from the seat, and then the straps reappeared going around my thighs now. I was shifted up the ramp and suddenly I found my head underneath the driver’s seat. There was a hole in the seat, just the right size for my face. I was shifted upwards until my face was flush with the seat level. The regular floor of the car moved back out, covering my entire body. My face had literally become his car seat in a matter of 10 seconds.

I saw Kai looking down at me with a smirk, “This is just one of many nice contraptions that come with you, slave. They’ve provided machines and contraptions that will make it so you never have to leave my ass, no matter what I’m doing.” With that, he sat his ass down right on my face, shifted around a bit so that his asshole was right on my mouth, and commanded me to open my mouth. The car door shut, and I heard the engine start up.

The dark interior of the car had gotten very hot after sitting in the summer sun, and the AC hadn’t quite cooled it off yet, so I began to sweat, as did Kai. He turned the radio on, and began singing along to “One Dance” in a surprisingly good voice. He let out a powerful, hot fart right into my mouth, and moaned very loudly.

“I had to come pretty far to get you, slave. This drive is gonna be about 8 hours, so get comfy,” he said.

About an hour into the ride, and 20 farts later, I heard him mumbling above me. “Shit, the AC isn’t quite working slave, looks like it might get sweaty,” he said, “I may just have to take off some layers. The windows are tinted very darkly, so no one can see in here and I can do whatever I want.”

With that, I heard him taking off his suit jacket, tie, and shirt. I could see up his back, which was now just covered by his wife beater, which he removed next. The muscles on his back drove me wild, his shoulders were beautiful. Next I heard him loosening his belt and he then quickly slid his pants down, his underwear with them. I heard him fumbling around, and then he scootched back a little bit so that his asshole was in line with my nose, and my mouth was free.

“Okay slave, show my balls some love,” he said as he shoved his nuts into my mouth. I began to suck on them tenderly. He let out a moan above me. Seconds later he grunted and released a torrent of hot air right up my nostrils. I moaned and breathed in deeply, while still licking around his balls, now with his hot gas scent dominating me as well.

I felt the car stop moving. He put his pants and dress shirt back on and then got out of the car. “Had to stop for some food, slave. I’ll grab you some too.” He then closed the door and walked away. I saw that it was dark outside, I had forgotten that I hadn’t eaten all day, I wasn’t even hungry.

Kai quickly returned with a burger, fries, and chicken nuggets. He sat down but behind my face this time. He removed his clothes again, and started driving, his cock and balls resting on my forehead. He started eating the burger himself, at first ignoring me. After he finished he scootched his asshole up to my mouth. It was slightly moist from sweat, “Open” he commanded, and then he released a strong, manly 12 second fart down my throat, “That’s a good boy,” he said after he finished. The taste was insane, I felt like his burger had been shared with me but with a combo of rancid gas smell as well.

He then scootched back again, and began feeding me chicken nuggets and fries. He would often fart on a fry or nugget before feeding me it, or he would just rub it on his sweaty asshole, cock or balls. He even took some for himself, chewed them, and then spit them down into my mouth. We finished eating and he then returned to sitting with his hole right on my mouth. Now he commanded me to rim him for the last hour of the ride. So I spent the last hour licking all around his crack and hole. I became accustomed to the taste of his ass sweat and his farts, as he released at least 30 strong, deep, bass farts onto my tongue and down my throat during this period. We finally arrived at his home at 10 pm, and I was excited to find out what was next.

anonymous asked:

In want to fuck you Big ass so hard and brutal, Make you scream, enjoy, fart in my big Dick and cum inside of you!

(I have an entire folder of reaction images, I can keep this up all day lol)

i draw my otp fluffy all the time but i actually love angst

my wacom pen broke a few days ago so i had to borrow my cousin’s small wacom tablet and it’s so hard to get used to why is the cursor moving SO FAST


Writing/Development Prompt – 9 September 2017

Between catastrophic storms and fires and earthquakes and still actually having to work, I forgot to post a prompt yesterday. 

So … what is the biggest mistake your OC has ever made? Or do they have a quirk/flaw that causes them to fuck up on the regular? 

Do you find coming up with flaws to be easy or hard? Do you start with one and build from there? 

As always, quick replies on reblogs are great, and if you want to write more, tag #swtor prompts or #swtor-prompts and share your work. 

Put These Flames Out

Prompt: the reader gets drunk at the lacrosse bonfire so Liam brings her home and takes care of her

Warnings: awkwardly drunk reader

Liam was having a rough night. His crush was dancing with an upperclassman, he was drenched in gasoline because a couple of freaks decided to try their hands at killing him, and now his Alpha was going crazy. At least, Liam thought Scott was.

           “What?” He blinked, not believing what he was hearing.

           Scott was already half way down the hall. “Go find Y/N and take her home. Make sure she’s safe. I’ll catch up with you later.”

           “But I want to go with you!” Liam protested. He didn’t want to be without his Alpha. Scott made him feel stronger, more capable of protecting himself. Not to mention that when Scott was around, Liam didn’t seem to think about the creepy animal-mask wearing things that haunted him at night.

           “Liam, go find Y/N!” Scott ordered one last time. “Please,” he tacked on the end. When Liam didn’t show any signs of protest, Scott left him standing in the hallway alone. Sighing, Liam trekked out the doors. He could still hear the roar of the kids celebrating at the lacrosse bonfire.

           As he stepped out of the school, he noticed that music had started to play again. Mason had pulled the plug on the last DJ, so Liam guessed that someone else had stepped up to the plate. The swarm of students swaying back and forth looked as though it had multiplied during the short amount of time he had been in the school. Wonderful. How the hell was he supposed to find Y/N now?

           There. Liam began to push through the crowd, ducking and weaving through waving arms and shaking hips. He could see the top of her head, hair shining in the light of the massive inferno blazing amidst the party-goers. When he came closer, he could see that she was alone now… and very, very drunk.

           “Y/N.” He breathed, hand coming to cup her elbow and steady her stumbling form. Y/N looked up in surprise, eyes wide and dark. Once she saw that it was Liam, she grinned and threw her arms around his neck.

           “Hey yo-am.” She giggled, leaning her head against Liam’s chest. He wondered if she could hear how hard his heart was pounding. Then he felt ridiculous because she was a human; of course she couldn’t hear. “I was going to say ‘you’ but then my brain farted and started to say ‘Liam’.” Y/N’s arms slid down his chest, leaving her hands to rub his shoulders with a dreamy look in her eyes.

           Liam gulped. Crap, why’d she have to be so pretty? “Listen, Y/N, um… Scott wanted me to take you home… and I think I’m going to do that now… so let’s-” He didn’t get to finish his sentence because suddenly her face lit up with excitement.

           “I love this song!” She screeched, spinning around and grabbing his hand. “Come and dance with me, Liam!” There was no way he could say no. His brain was mush because she was actually holding his hand.

           Y/N led the pair deeper into the crowd, closer to the speakers that seemed to bounce with the music. It was then Liam was able to recognize the song: Don’t Stop the Music, the re-mixed version from Pitch Perfect. He could remember Y/N talking about the movie a few months ago, laughing about how her Mom was singing along to some of the songs. God, she was beautiful. And she wanted to dance with him.

           Liam’s mouth felt very dry all of a sudden. His eyes were honed in on the seductive swing of Y/N’s hips, the strangely sexy way she giggled as she shook her hair out of her eyes. She had no idea what she did to him; she was just having fun.

           “Come on, Liam, dance.” Y/N encouraged, pulling him closer to her. Her lips brushed the sensitive skin just below his earlobe as she whispered, “Dance with me.” Liam inhaled sharply. He could smell alcohol on her breath; he knew that he needed to listen to his Alpha and take her home right this very minute. She was drunk. God, she was so drunk. She was never this forward around him when she was sober. Y/N was always shy and would hesitantly peer at him from beneath her eyelashes, blushing as she did so.

           But it was so hard to say no. Liam could feel the heat coming off her. The way she was pressed against him- God help him, she was so soft, and when he settled his hands on her hips, he could’ve moaned from the gentle give of her body. “Liam,” she murmured.

           “Scott told me to take you home. So please,” he almost begged, “let’s just go.”

           Y/N pouted, leaning against him. “I don’t want to go home.”  She whined. “My parents are out of town, and I don’t want to be in that house all by myself.” Her fingers scraped up and down his chest lightly.

           “Y/N, you’re drunk. Like, really, really, wasted. There’s no way I’m leaving you by yourself.”


           It was a very good thing Liam told his parents that he was staying the night at Mason’s before he had left for the bonfire. They wouldn’t have been okay with him spending the night at a girl’s house, mainly because they were worried that there’d be ‘funny business’. Mason knew that Liam wouldn’t engage in that kind of activity with Y/N while she was drunk, and was glad that Liam was going to stay with her. “If you need anything, just let me know.” He had said when he met Liam by Y/N’s car earlier. Liam sincerely appreciated Mason. Part of him wanted to tell Mason about werewolves, and the other half forbade it, wanting to keep Mason safe and sheltered as much as possible.

           “Liam,” Y/N called, breaking him out of his reverie. He had left her upstairs in her room- he’d had to carry her up the stairs because she kept falling- and was getting her a glass of water down in the kitchen.

           “I’m coming, hold on.” He answered, opening the pantry to see if there were any crackers. Liam figured Y/N must be a little hungry, and something light and easy on her stomach would hopefully not make her puke. There weren’t any crackers, but a bag of Goldfish sat on the third shelf. Liam grabbed that and started up the stairs.

           Y/N was waiting for him. She was laying on her back, staring up at the ceiling, sprawled across her bed. The sheets were a mess from all the squirming she’d done. “Heeey.”  She slurred happily, rolling onto her side when she saw him come in. “You’re cute; do you come here often?”

           Liam smiled to himself, carefully setting down the snack and drink before sitting beside Y/N. “Did you want to change into your pajamas real quick?” He noticed the pile of clothes on the floor.

           Y/N grimaced. “I tried to take my clothes off, but I fell down because the floor was in the way… and the bed wouldn’t let me go, so I waited for you.”

           “Oh, that’s… nice.”

           “Can you help me?”

           Liam proceeded with caution. “Help you with what?”

           Y/N glared at her Converse. “I don’t know how to open them.” She looked at Liam expectantly. “Can you figure it out? I think it’s a puzzle.”

           Smirking, Liam pulled her legs into his lap, and carefully untied each shoe. Y/N gasped. “How did you do that?” When Liam shrugged, gently pulling the shoes off, she asked, “Can you figure out my Rubix cube next?”  

           Liam couldn’t help it. He laughed that time before shaking his head. Y/N sighed and then stretched out like a cat, a small whimper leaving her lips that had Liam’s breath catching. She yawned. “Clothes me hand, please.”

           “Sorry… what is it you want me to do?”

           “Hand me clothes, please.” She repeated with another yawn, thankfully in the right order this time. Liam bent to scoop up the night dress, and when he looked back at Y/N, her top was off, and she was shimming out of her shorts.

           “Oh.” He quickly averted his gaze. “Sorry.”

           “It’s all good in my hood.” Y/N drawled, fingers brushing his as she took the dress from him and tried to slip it on. “Which one is the head hole again? I think this dress is too small…”

           Sucking in a breath, Liam glanced over to see Y/N’s head crammed in where an arm was supposed to go. Chuckling, he helped her adjust the dress to where it fit correctly. “You’re so smart, Liam.”  Y/N sighed dreamily, leaning her head on his shoulder. “You know my clothes so well.”

           “Um, thanks.” He passed her the cup of water and bag of Goldfish. “Here, drink this, and eat a couple of these…” Y/N obeyed him without any question, sipping from the glass with crossed eyes as she tried to watch the water.

           Liam pulled back the blankets on her bed, fluffing the pillows on either side. He kicked off his shoes and awkwardly slipped out of his jersey and jeans. The gasoline’s smell clung to them. His underclothes- boxers and a fitted white tank top- didn’t seem all that effected, so he figured he’d sleep in those.

           “You’re really beautiful.”  Liam jumped, head swiveling to see Y/N watching him with a smile. “You’re just so pretty, and strong, and smart… do you want to try to solve my Rubix cube?”

           “Oh my God, you’re so drunk.” Liam mumbled. Then, he spoke a bit louder, so that Y/N could hear, “Not tonight. We can play with your Rubix cube some other time.”

           Y/N sighed and continued to guzzle her water. Once she was done, Liam took the glass and food back into the kitchen. Then he returned. “Do you want to brush your teeth?”

           “Are we going to be kissing?” Her eyes were wide with innocence. Liam’s were wide with shock.

           “No… um, not… not tonight. Right now. Not tonight right now.”

           “Are we going to have sex?”

           “No! No, definitely not.”

           “Are we going to cuddle?”


           “Because those are reasons to brush your teeth.”

           Liam looked at her curiously. “How about to make sure that you’re taking care of your teeth so that they don’t get cavities?”

           Y/N pursed her lips. “See, I told you that you’re smart… hey, I have any idea! Do you want to solve my Rubix cube for me?”

           Liam sighed. She was like a child- an extremely forgetful child. “No. I want you to come brush your teeth, please, so I can get you to bed.”

           Y/N giggled, wobbling her way towards the bathroom with Liam hot on her heels. “Sure thing, Daddio.” Liam turned bright red. Y/N smacked the wall a few times, and at first Liam had no idea what the hell she was doing, but then he realized that she was trying to turn on the light. Chuckling softly, he took her hand in his tenderly, and flipped the light switch.

           “Wow, you’re smart. I would’ve never been able to figure out how to do that. Hey, do you-”

           “Toothbrush. Toothpaste. Get to work.” Liam playfully commanded, shoving the items in her hands. Y/N struggled to squeeze the toothpaste on, and once she had done that, she had difficulty with positioning the toothbrush. Sighing, Liam took the toothbrush from her, sat her down on the edge of the counter, and started to brush her teeth for her.

           It was a bit awkward. Liam had to keep reminding her to open her mouth, and he had also never brushed someone else’s teeth before, so the movements were weird.

           Liam was thankful he had come with her when he watched her spit and completely miss the sink. Y/N was practically incompetent.

           Once Liam had brushed his teeth as well, turned off the lights, and checked to make sure the front door was locked, he climbed into Y/N’s bed. She wiggled her way closer to him, dropping an arm over his waist and burrowing her head under his arm. Liam shivered slightly when he felt her peck his side. “Thank you Liam.” She said. Then, she muttered, “You’re really warm.”

           “You’re really tired. Get some sleep, Y/N. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

           “You promise?”

           “Cross my heart and hope to die.” She smiled against him, lips brushing over his skin as she whispered, “You’re perfect.”

           “I’m far from perfect.” Liam murmured into her hair. He listened to her breathing even out, becoming deeper as she fell asleep in his arms. Then, when he was sure that she was out cold, he whispered, “You’re pretty close to it, though.”

husbandsjjp  asked:

When you get this, it would be cool to post 10 facts about yourself and then pass it along to 10 followers.💖💕💗💗💓💕💓(if ur a peeled potato then I'm a shriveled up chicken leg)

  1. Once i almost swallowed a lice and it was one of the grossest moments in my life, i squirm just thinking about it
  2. I accidentally burnt ½ of my eyelashes off on my right eye with a candle.
  3. When i was younger i had blue eyes,then green eyes, then hazel/orange, then eventually brown and they never changed since.
  4. Last saturday my shoes got stolen at class so i had to steal borrow slippers from the washroom to go home 
  5. I just farted from laughing so hard at your comment about being a shriveled chicken, good think jaebum likes chicken akjsdfkasj
  6. I have 4 of these asks in my inbox so i’m trying to think of 40 facts rn 
  7. I think banana and rice taste hella good but you gotta eat it with certain types of rice to know what i’m talkin about so hit me up if you want some tips 
  8. EMMY’S COVER OF BLCKPINK STAY IS BOMB AF i listened to it like once 
  9. I’ve had jins song, awake, on repeat for the past 3 days