i want to buy him

anonymous asked:

What is the most romantic birthday thing you have done for each other? Who goes more all out for birthdays?

Harry: We’re both pretty out-of-control on the other’s birthday, to be honest.

Draco: True. And I get him as many gifts as I can think of; anything I think he might like. 

Harry: And he plans the most extravagant parties, I mean–

Draco: You’ve spent enough of your birthdays without presents and celebrations. For as long as I’m alive, I will ensure all your birthdays are over-the-top.

Harry: *kisses his cheek* I keep a list over the course of the year; I note down anything he says he’d like to have - books, robes, shoes, stuff he wants for the house - and then I buy him whatever he hasn’t already got by the time his birthday comes around. 

Draco: *dreamily* And he cooks - oh god, he makes these ridiculously lavish dinners in an attempt to get me fat.

Harry: *laughing* Clearly, you can never get fat; I’ve been trying for years.

Draco: *chuckling along* I knew it!

Harry: Two years back, he gave me an engraved Snitch for my birthday.

Draco: *suddenly laughing a lot harder*

Harry: *impassively* It had two overlapping hearts etched onto it and it had the words, “To your heart, from the bottom of mine…” engraved underneath. 

Draco: *wheezing*

Harry: I thought it was so sweet; he’s never one for cheesy stuff like that - and then he asks me to kiss it open–

Draco: *shouts with fresh deluge of laughter*

Harry: The Snitch clicks open, and a pop up picture of Draco’s arse bonks me on the nose.

Draco: *through tears of laughter* “…from the bottom of mine”!

Harry: *grinning widely* I keep it at my desk at work - it does wonders to lift my mood when I’m having a rough day. Plus it’s brilliant wank-material.

Draco: *chokes on spit*

Captain

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Word Count: 3,610

Request: OMG I’m so happy to see that the requests are open again! I want to say that I LOVE your writing and I was wondering if you could do a Steve x reader smut where they have a strained relationship but then they have to share a bed during an undercover mission and that leads to sex, possibly with rough/Dom!Steve after all the tension (maybe they had to pretend they were a couple for the mission or something). Feel free to change this if you want I trust your writing genius :)

Warnings: Smut, Dom!Steve, hair pulling, captain kink, dirty talk, orgasm denial, light spanking, light choking, oral sex, swearing, Steve is a little tease

Author’s Note: I’d like to again dedicate this one to @scarlets-wanda, who tried to sneak the fact that it was her birthday last week past me! So in return, I wrote this for her. Enjoy.

Originally posted by ohevansmycaptain


Keep reading

Yoonbum Mafia!AU BECAUSE YAS I WANT YOONBUM AS A SEXY ASSHOLE WHO’S IN LOVE WITH HIS BOSS (Sangwoo DUH)

This was a work on progress, and I HAVE 2 WOUNDED FINGERS BECAUSE OF THIS AND I REGRET NOTHING KJLRFNKLV I wanted to draw Sangwoo but I don’t want more blood lol (I still need my fingers to study ;;)

If you want to help me and support it’s here, thank you so much ;;

2

this is the blessed monsta x post. reblog this to help mx get their first win in 2017 so they can get their phones back and changkyun can call him mom whenever he likes

international zen

Help

Me: The Lego movies teach people to be inclusive to people who are different than them, accepting people for who and what they are. 

My dad: “It’s also teaching and influencing the young people in this country to engage in activities they were not born into (being gay). Now when the children play with legos, they might think…do not try to teach our young children that it’s okay…”

Me

5

The answer is no. Absolutely no. If she thought she could win this fight why would she be offering to sell the victory to us even for a fortune? Trust me.

*shoving a Target bag full of pennies I scavenged out of my car toward @thelaurenshippen*

how much Patreon money to unlock the early Damien sessions???

Dating Kim Yugyeom

  • First things first
  • when he realises that he likes you he would ask his members
  • and the advice would start with
  • “Woo her with words, write her a song and serenade to her!”
  • “Be lowkey and cool about it. Buy her a burger and then just casually drop it”
  • “Just be straight forward about it. Tell her you like her and if she likes you back take her out”
  • he would probably go with Mark’s being cool and lowkey way
  • but he would fail bc damn I just don’t see him succeeding
  • so he would want to buy you a burger but then forget
  • and then he would try the convenience store
  • and think to himself that a cream cheese Sandwich would do the jb right?
  • wrong
  • so he meets you and is like
  • “Yeah I got that for me- no wait for you. I bought this for you”
  • and you would take it and be like
  • “Aw thank you but I’m lactose intolerant”
  • And he’ll just malfunction a little
  • “Mark told me that would work and I should just be lowkey and cool about liking you! And now I forgot you are lactose intolerant!”
  • and you just looked at him while biting your lip and he kept complaining so you just shushed him
  • “I like you too Yugyeom”
  • And his eyes were suddenly as big as his fake confidence
  • and there was this awkward silence for a second and then he was like
  • “Can I hug you?”
  • and you nodded and laghed at how cute that was like awwwwwwwww
  • and then he excuses himself because he needs to use the toilet
  • BUT THAT’S JUST A LIE
  • he actually texts into the 97′liner group chat and probably calls Bambam or something
  • the other members have two moods
  • either it’s
  • Jinyoung and JB in the living room with you while Yugyeom was on the toilet or smth
  • and it was dead silent while they looked at you judgingly
  • the clock on the wall made the only sound
  • and you’d just sit there and look at your knees
  • and then JB would be protective as he is
  • “Bring him back by 10″
  • “Yes ma’- sir. Yes sir!”
  • silence
  • and then Yugyeom would finally come in and be like
  • “Whut’s goin on”
  • you had no idea tbh
  • “Before you go. I don’t want to be a grandfather so protect”
  • “Don’t have sex at all. Jaebum what kind of values do you try to teach our children?”
  • And then the two start bickering and Yugyeom just slowly pulls you away
  • but the two don’t want to be mean they just want to protect their youngest
  • but then on the other hand you would have Bamba who’s just like
  • “Get fucked!”
  • He would put a lot of thought into dates but don’t mention it
  • like not bc he is humble but because he will deny it
  • so hard
  • let’s say he took you out to a restaurant
  • he would request the flowers on the table to be your favourite
  • but if you asked he would go
  • “What??? Don’t be delusional!!”
  • but you know
  • One time you took him ice skating
  • turns out he can’t ice skate but felt too daMN COOL TO ADMIT
  • so now he stand stiff on the ice while you push him
  • but if you speed up even a bit
  • he will be full o panting and fearing for his life
  • “Stop Y/N or I will just sit down and pull you down with me!”
  • he is just bluffing
  • you thought and didn’t slow down
  • and then suddendly it’s like a tower fell
  • and inevitably you fell too and now everyone is staring at the human mass on the floor  
  • quietly swearing at each other
  • you decide it would be good to just go for a coffee too
  • sometimes you two would just lay around and suddenly he goes
  • “how many chilis do you think I can fit in my mouth?”
  • and you are just like
  • “Yugyeom don’t you will regret that so much!”
  • and he is just like
  • “ok.ok.ok”
  • the next day bambam facetimes you to show you Yugyeom crying while drinking milk
  • “I don’t even feel sorry for you I told you!”
  • out of pure interesst you would want to know how many he could put in though
  • “3″
  • He would be super caring for you though
  • always making sure you ate and drank and slept enough
  • if you were out together and a breeze hit he would immediatly throw a piece of his clothing around you
  • “i’m not even cold!”
  • “yes but I don’t want you to get sick!”
  • If you ever got sick though
  • even if it was just the slightest stuffed nose
  • he get’s you enough medicine to cure the entire nation
  • and a preach about that one time four months ago you went out with slightly damp hair and how he told you it will get you sick
  • For skinship
  • he would love holding you
  • like
  • he would bury you in his body
  • would love leaving little kisses in your face randomly
  • he would bite you too
  • but god if his members would be even Close
  • he is two meters away from you
  • you better know he would not see the end of it if the members would see him even just brushing a body part of yours
  • I think he would also like to be the small spoon every now and then
  • with his head on your chest and his arms around your waist while talking to you
  • about his dreams and hopes
  • and also his worries
  • and you would need to reassure and soothe him
  • he would be there for you
  • always
  • and while he wouldn’t want to come across sappy 22/7
  • there would be those moments he would get serious and tell you things like
  • “I’m always there for you!”
  • “No matter what it is you can come to me and I will help you with it!”
  • “You mean the world to me!”
  • “I love you”
  • But especially saying “I love you” would be special to him and he wouldn’t want to say it too often
  • you knew when he did he really meant it
  • more often then not you would be teasing each other
  • “Hey dumbfuck pass me the salt”
  • “Why you need salt you have enough in your soul”
  • “Sweet how you think you can diss me”
  • “Sweet how you think I can’t”
  • and if anyone doesn’t know it’s just your basic way of communication they’ll be like
  • “Are they fine?”
  • and Jinyoung is just standing there like
  • “Susan wht do you mean that’s young love on it’s peak. Look at them bickering. Love birds”
  • I feel like fights would happen quite regularly
  • but they are more just petty, stubborn, heated convos
  • and they don’t last long
  • 10 minutes max
  • he would show you dances he is working on
  • and sometimes bc he is a little fucker™
  • he would show you dances that are waaaaaay too sexy
  • and then you sit there like
  • “what is that?”
  • “just a choreo what do you mean?”
  • sometimes you would see him Play with Coco and giggle like a small Boy
  • or curl up while sleeping while his mouth slightly open
  • and you think about how cute and adorbly he is
  • and other times you remember that one If You Do Performance
  • and yeah uhm so much about cute Yugyeom
  • Overall: Dating Yugyeom would be full of fun an laughter. While he would often want to seem all tough and cool he would have the weakest, softest spot for you, caring for you crazily much and showing you so too.

“Around two years after I had joined Manfred Mann and we had just released Ha Ha Said The Clown, [c.1968] two music papers, Disc and Music Echo were both running a competition called ‘Win a Mike D'Abo Siamese kitten’ because I simply love cats. It was a good bit of publicity for the record, for me and also for Disc and Music Echo. I don’t know how he got hold of my number but George Harrison called me and said “Hello Mike, it’s George here. Have you got any kittens left?”. I told him that I had and he said that he wanted to buy one for Pattie’s birthday and asked if he could over and buy one from me.

“He came over and climbed up the four flights of stairs to my flat in Knightsbridge and there he was, George Harrison was standing at my door wanting to buy a kitten. I invited him in and showed him all of the kittens and he chose the one that had climbed right to the top of the curtains saying “that one looks like an individual; I think I’ll have him”. George insisted on writing me a cheque for £10 and of course I kept that cheque for ever and ever in my wallet to show off with (laughter). However, one day when I was low on funds and really needed to use that £10 I cashed George’s cheque only to get a letter back from the bank a month later to say that the account was closed and they never returned my lovely George Harrison cheque. So I never saw it again.”

[Mike D’Abo, Nottingham Post, 2nd March 2017]

I thought that the Siamese cats, Jossstick and Rupert had come as a pair, but apparently not. I wonder if George got two or if one of them came later…? 

Excerpt from a book I'll never write

He politely pulled my chair back for me. I smiled as I sat down, and he pushed me closer to the dining room table. Everything was perfect. My hours of cooking had paid off; the Alfredo pasta and filet mignon were flawlessly prepared, accompanied by twin glasses of red wine.

My date settled down across from me. “You’ve really outdone yourself. This looks fantastic, better than a restaurant could’ve done.”

I laughed lightly. “And all in the comfort of home. You said you were a wine guy, right?”

“Absolutely. Honestly, you’re embarrassing me now. My past two two dates with you didn’t come close to matching what you’ve done for me. I have to up my game.”

“I suppose so,” I agreed. There wouldn’t be a fourth date.

The jingling bells of my ringtone began to sound, and I quickly took my cell out my pocket. The name that popped up sent a wave of irritation through me. “I’m so sorry, can I take this? My younger sister just got surgery, and my mom’s taking care of her.”

“Absolutely,” he said.

“Feel free to start without me, maybe try the wine. I have a different bottle, and I wasn’t sure if you’d like this one,” I directed as I walked out of the room.

Once I was out of hearing distance, I answered my call. “I’m almost done, and nothing has went wrong. Have some faith. Come in twenty minutes,” I hissed, hanging up before the person on the other line could even speak.

I returned to see him sipping his glass. “She wanted to buy my little sister her favorite candy and couldn’t remember the name. I thought it was an emergency.”

He chuckled. “Moms will be moms. I love the wine by the way. You have good taste.”

“Thank you,” I said as I sat down again. He would start feeling the effects within a couple of minutes.

I took a longer drink from my own glass. Dealing with my annoying boss later was less painful when buzzed. He and I dug into our food, enjoying light chatter. As I was twirling noodles around my fork, I began to feel lightheaded. It was if my thoughts were being bounced around between thick clouds, not able to form completely. My vision blurred, and I dropped the utensil. It clattered against the plate.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, my head just hurts abit. I have advil in the bathroom; I’ll be right back.” I excused myself, but the act of standing up sent a wave of nausea through my stomach. Forging on, I desperately tried to balance on unsteady legs.

Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder. My date gently spun me around to face him, and he gave me a sweet yet patronizing smile. My feet tingled, growing numb. I couldn’t support my own weight and pitched forward. He caught me, picking me up bridal style. I was too weak to struggle, and I could barely comprehend his next words as he walked through my house towards the back door.

“First rule to poisoning someone, honey: don’t leave your victim alone with what you spiked. Your glasses might just get switched.”

6

If Carla was your boyfriend - pt.1(?)

↳ requested by anonymous  ❀

anonymous asked:

School boy wants to buy GTA V, as per law I ask him for ID. He says he doesn't have it. I tell him I need to see photo ID to sell the game as it's rated R18. He asks me if I can let him off this once. Sure, that'll be $57AUD plus the $10,000 fine I'll get for selling this to you. He scampered off pretty quick. Works every time 😂

4

bayonetta AU where rosa and balder are alive and bang all day and buy a house somewhere where they can watch the sunset and they give each other those weird squashed nose parent kisses and balder has a tiny paunch because rosas pussy cooking is too good and rosa loves wearing marlene dietrich trousers and they go to high society dancing clubs