i want to be the pearl of your world

Bringing Back the Pink Diamond is Rose Quartz Theory!

“I want a colony!“

“The rest of the Crystal Gems! Old Crazy Lace, Biggs, Snowflake?”

“I want one NOW.“

“ All those monsters we fight used to be just like us!”

“You have so many worlds and I don’t even have one!”

“They’re absolutely totally completely flawless beings!”

“It’s not fair!”

“Pink Diamond was a villain.”

“I want one!”

“Earth was Pink Diamond’s colony.”

“I want my own army!“

“Your mother led us to glorious victory!”

“I want my own planet!”

“I’m going to stay and fight for this planet.“

“I deserve it!”

“What about what I want? I’m sick of everyone lying to me!”

“I’m just as important-”

“Out of anyone, don’t I deserve to know the truth?!”

“-as YOU!“

“I’m a Crystal Gem too!”


“We are the Crystal Gems!”

“She told me that’s why she had to turn on her own kind.”

History repeats itself.

So. Started off with some character parallels between Pink Diamond/Rose Quartz/Steven Universe.

We got our first glimpse of Pink Diamond today. Interestingly enough, Stevonnie seemed to be reliving her memories in the dreamworld. Experiencing an event that they were never around for. Unless… Steven was.

There’s still a lot more to cover, so let’s get right to it. I’m not going to go into HOW Pink Diamond did it, but I am going to point out some interesting plot elements that lend to the theory.

Pink Diamond is small. As small as a human, actually.

What if Pink Diamond was defective to begin with? What if that’s why the other Diamonds wanted to shelter her away from the public eye? If you’re thinking, “the size difference was just part of Stevonnie’s dream”, remember the window.

Exactly their height, just like in the dream.

And consider, knowing what was just revealed about Pink Diamond, that she wasn’t satisfied with a colony. Imagine that she demanded something more.

Pink Diamond wanted a Pearl to help her while her colony was beginning, so White Diamond gave in and gifted her one.

But the other Diamonds still didn’t see her as an equal. Angered by this mistreatment, she altered her identity and started a rebellion. The Diamonds wouldn’t give her her own army? Well, then she’d take theirs. The Diamonds kept interfering with her colony? Then she’d drive them off the planet altogether.

And who would have the power to command a Pearl not to reveal her true identity, but a Diamond? Her “sole confidant”, the first rebel to join her. The gem who was always by her side and knew all her secrets.

Pink Diamond’s sign was erased from the Diamond insignia.

But still exists in Earth relics.

The technology that is used on Earth and the Moon resembles that of the Diamonds. Here’s the full insignia.

And Rose Quartz. Interestingly, it has a triangle shaped center, similar to the three Diamond insignia. Almost like it’s copying the united look of the White, Blue, and Yellow insignia, as a singular Pink.

Finally, Yellow Diamond, from inputting the cluster to grow after the war.

So why doesn’t Pink match her glorious mural, where she seems to be as tall as the other Diamonds?

Maybe she came out like Amethyst: overdone. Maybe that’s why all the other Diamonds had conquered dozens of planets before Pink came along. Maybe that’s why she wasn’t treated as an equal. Maybe her own feelings of being an outcast was what caused her to rebel.

And maybe Rose Quartz being Pink Diamond was the real reason she refused to shatter the other Diamonds.

But Rose Quartz looks just like the other gems on Homeworld, right?

Well, maybe. We’ve only seen bubbled gems. We haven’t seen what another Rose Quartz looks like in her light form. And we’ve NEVER seen Rose Quartz poofed. We’ve seen Pearl, Amethyst, Garnet, Lapis, Peridot, Jasper, Zircon, and many many other gems be poofed. But not Rose Quartz. Did she really manage to survive for over 5,000 years without being poofed? Why have we not seen her full gem stone yet?

Consider, also, that we’ve never seen Pink Diamond’s shards. We haven’t seen the great battle in which Rose Quartz supposedly shattered Pink Diamond. We’ve never seen the two together, either in happy times when they first arrived on Earth, or during the early days of the rebellion. We see Rose and Pearl attack Blue Diamond’s court in The Answer, indicating that the war has just begun but Pink Diamond is already gone.

Plus, what we learned from The Trial. Blue Diamond doesn’t even know how Rose Quartz shattered her! And Zircon made some excellent points that a Rose Quartz gem wouldn’t just be able to just waltz up and commit the deed. So we still have no clue what happened the day Pink Diamond was supposedly shattered.

If everybody’s out telling the same story, why haven’t we been allowed to see it? There’s something the Crewniverse doesn’t want us to find out yet, but they’ve left all the foreshadowing clues for us to muse over. No shards, no seeing RQ’s full gem, character parallels, and a slew of other clues.

Rose Quartz didn’t do it and neither did Pearl. Pink Diamond is still around.

Exeunt pursued by man in bear suit.

I had two weird dreams last night, which I suppose were technically all part of the same dream, wherein I was visited by dead people. I mean they weren’t dead Dead in the dream, but my brain was self aware enough to be like, “you know these people don’t belong here in your house…they’re dead…also they’re Terry Pratchett and Robin Williams, this is a dream”. 

I first knew something was off kilter because when I walked into my kitchen, Terry Pratchett was sitting there drinking a mug of tea. The dragon under the stove was also a give away, but famous authors, even dead ones, are not often found in my kitchen (contrary to what you’ve heard about my baking). He was reading something, and to my absolute horror I realized it was one of my manuscripts. I started to stutter and sat down in front of him, and because I am British offered him a slice of cake to go with his tea, so I might slide my work out from under his fingers. Not to be distracted by the prospect of a Victoria Sponge however, Terry looked up at me and said 

“It’s a shame really, I was rather enjoying it until the words just stopped…why did you stop? Did you lose your words too?”

At which point I rocketed upright in bed and tried to rationalize why Terry Pratchett would be in my dream and giving me a mild telling off for not writing anything…and then because it was Terry and I miss him, had a bit of a cry and went back to sleep.

Which was when I “woke up” in my bed because I was being prodded in the side. Assuming it was my husband trying to wake me I rolled over and told him to go away, at which point the voice of Robin Williams bounced around the room at full volume as he yelled, “Rise and shine funny-girl, it’s time to climb the walls!”

Ah yes, thought I, I am still asleep and dreaming…or I am in a coma and someone is playing Robin Williams to try and wake me up…which was the point when I heard Terry Pratchett ask, “Is she up yet?”


“Tip her out the bed.”

So because Terry Pratchett told him to, Robin Williams tipped me out of my dream bed, and laughed at me when I swore.

“Ach aye, there’s your accent lassie, none of that Amerrrrrican inflection, eh? Just had to get you good and mad.” said Mr Williams, in his own Scottish imitation, hauling me upright and carrying me over his shoulder out the door while I squawked and flailed at the indignity of it all.

The next few images where a blur of motion and sound, but after that we were in a castle which I recognized to be one of my own ideas. My own characters stood stock still like cutout cardboard mannequins, frozen in time, the last action I had written them into. 

Terry was walking between them, pausing every now and then to peer at them through his spectacles like they were an exhibit in a wax museum and giving a little nod every so often, like he had just seen the eyelashes in the wax and was mildly impressed.

Robin at this point, had his arm around my shoulders and was giving me the grand tour of my own work, yelling out jokes about my characters and making me laugh at them.

“And here we have underdeveloped character number three! Half baked and still gooey at the center, it’s salmonella for everybody but at least it tastes good!”

When I looked round again, Terry was sitting at the foot of the dais to the empty throne, sheets of paper between his hands again as he read from the script.

“It says here “exeunt pursued by man in bear suit”…” he said.

“I thought it was funny…” I replied sheepishly…looking at the world which had sparkled mere moments before and watching the color seep away until it was turning grey and cold at the edges… “I thought…well it doesn’t matter. I scrapped it.”


“I don’t know.”

“Did you lose your words?”


“Then why aren’t you writing?”

“I don’t…”—by now the world was starting to fall apart and crumble to dust, falling upwards into the pitch black sky as though it was being pulled away by a black hole.

Robin came in front of me then, placing both giant hands on my shoulders and leaning in until we were butting heads.

“I know it’s hard,” he said, smiling right into my soul, “I know it’s hard when all you want to do it stop. And sometimes you have to, sometimes you can’t chase the demons out. But what you can do, and no one ever tells you this, funny-girl, what you can do…is make ‘em laugh. You can’t burn ‘em out, you can’t chase ‘em out, and you can’t leave without them because it’s your head, but you can make ‘em laugh. You can shake hands with the devil and make him laugh. The world is your clam chowder, and if you’re really lucky, you’ll still find the pearl. Does that make sense? No? Good, nothing makes sense, nothing in this whole existence we like to pretend is reality makes sense, nothing but doing your best and trying to make yourself happy, and if you can’t do that do it for others. You can, you know you can…otherwise your mother wouldn’t be so angry when you tell jokes and there wouldn’t be a man over there dressed in a bear suit waiting to follow us out.”

Laughing and crying, I looked over to where he had pointed, and there was indeed a man in a bear suit. He waved, and I waved back. 

By now the world had dissolved, the walls melting away until only the cut out people remained, illuminated by starlight where previously there had only been black. I turned round when I felt a hand on my shoulder and found Terry standing behind me, his eyes crinkling up under bushy eyebrows as he smiled, handing me back my manuscript.

“I have to go now,” he said, “we both do, because this isn’t real and you’re dreaming. But I’ll have that cake before I go.”

So the three of us turned together to walk out over the stars, pursued by a man in a bear suit.

I woke up sometime before four am, with a heavy ache in my throat, feeling rung out and completely exhausted, but ultimately feeling as though somehow everything is going to be okay. I’ve got walls to paint and chores to do, but later on I’m going to bake a cake and then I’m going to write. And I’m keeping the bear suit joke.

lana del rey (lust for life) / starter sentences.

  • ❛ Look at you, kids, with your vintage music. ❜
  • ❛ You’re part of the past, but now you’re the future. ❜
  • ❛ Signals crossing can get confusing. ❜
  • ❛ It’s enough just to make you feel crazy. ❜
  • ❛ You get all dressed up to go nowhere in particular. ❜
  • ❛ It’s enough to be young and in love. ❜
  • ❛ Look at you, kids, you know you’re the coolest. ❜
  • ❛ The world is yours and you can’t refuse it. ❜
  • ❛ That don’t mean that you should abuse it. ❜
  • ❛ Don’t worry, baby. ❜
  • ❛ We’re the masters of our own fate. ❜
  • ❛ The world is mine. ❜
  • ❛ Take off all your clothes. ❜
  • ❛ A lust for life keeps us alive. ❜
  • ❛ Gotta dance ‘til we die. ❜
  • ❛ My boyfriends back, and he’s cooler than ever. ❜
  • ❛ No more night; blue skies forever. ❜
  • ❛ We’re all alone, let’s take control. ❜
  • ❛ I don’t belong in the world. ❜
  • ❛ Something separates me from other people. ❜
  • ❛ I’m camera ready. ❜
  • ❛ It hurts to love you. ❜
  • ❛ But I still love you. ❜
  • ❛ I’ve been dying for something real. ❜
  • ❛ Real love, it’s like feeling no fear. ❜
  • ❛ It’s like heaven taking the place of something evil. ❜
  • ❛ I fall to pieces when I’m with you. ❜
  • ❛ Love, is it real love? ❜
  • ❛ Packing all my things for the summer. ❜
  • ❛ Lying on my bed, it’s a bummer. ❜
  • ❛ Everybody said you’re a killer. ❜
  • ❛ That’s what I thought. ❜
  • ❛ Summer’s meant for loving and leaving. ❜
  • ❛ I was such a fool for believing that you could change all the ways you’ve been living. ❜
  • ❛ It’s never too late to be who you wanna be. ❜
  • ❛ It’s never too late to leave if you wanna leave. ❜
  • ❛ I got a feeling in my bones. ❜
  • ❛ Can’t get you out of my veins. ❜
  • ❛ You can’t escape my affection. ❜
  • ❛ Don’t be a bummer, babe. ❜
  • ❛ Be my undercover lover, babe. ❜
  • ❛ Let’s skip the games, let’s quit the playin’. ❜
  • ❛ Is this love or lust or some game on repeat? ❜
  • ❛ I know that you’re doing it all for me. ❜
  • ❛ I know what you’re thinking of. ❜
  • ❛ You want my groupie love. ❜
  • ❛ It’s so sweet, pouring you a drink. ❜
  • ❛ This is my life, you by my side. ❜
  • ❛ It’s like magic, babe, isn’t life wonderful? ❜
  • ❛ You and I 'til the day we die. ❜
  • ❛ 'Cause I fell for another loser. ❜
  • ❛ Get that cigarette smoke out of my face. ❜
  • ❛ You’ve been wasting my time while you’re taking what’s mine. ❜
  • ❛ And there’s no coming back from the place that you came. ❜
  • ❛ Baby, don’t do it. ❜
  • ❛ Who’s freer than me? ❜
  • ❛ Be my guest, baby. ❜
  • ❛ I’m feeling all my fucking feelings. ❜
  • ❛ Got me feeling so blue. ❜
  • ❛ Gotta leave right now. ❜
  • ❛ 'Cause what about all these children? ❜
  • ❛ I said a prayer for a third time. ❜
  • ❛ I’d trade it all for a stairway to heaven. ❜
  • ❛ I’d trade the fame and the fortune and the legend. ❜
  • ❛ Critics can be so mean sometimes. ❜
  • ❛ Doesn’t take a genius to know what you’ve got going. ❜
  • ❛ Got a million things I wanna say. ❜
  • ❛ What is it all for? Will it be okay? ❜
  • ❛ Take me as I am. ❜
  • ❛ Only you can save me tonight. ❜
  • ❛ There’s nowhere to run. ❜
  • ❛ Even when I’m alone, I’m not lonely. ❜
  • ❛ God bless America and all the beautiful women in it. ❜
  • ❛ Don’t see me for what I’m not. ❜
  • ❛ Only you can hear me tonight. ❜
  • ❛ Keep your light on, babe. ❜
  • ❛ Even walking alone, I’m not worried. ❜
  • ❛ Girls, don’t forget your pearls. ❜
  • ❛ Shake it up. ❜
  • ❛ Throw your hands up and get loose. ❜
  • ❛ We just want the fucking truth. ❜
  • ❛ Is it the end of an era? ❜
  • ❛ Is it the end of America? ❜
  • ❛ No, it’s only the beginning. ❜
  • ❛ If we hold on to hope, we’ll have a happy ending. ❜
  • ❛ When the world was at war before, we just kept dancing. ❜
  • ❛ Boys, don’t forget your toys. ❜
  • ❛ And don’t try to be funny. ❜
  • ❛ Other people may not understand. ❜
  • ❛ We’ll do it again. ❜
  • ❛ Long live our reign, long live our love. ❜
  • ❛ We get so tired and we complain. ❜
  • ❛ It’s more than just a video game. ❜
  • ❛ But we’re just beautiful people with beautiful problems. ❜
  • ❛ Beautiful problems, God knows we’ve got them. ❜
  • ❛ My heart is soft, my past is rough. ❜
  • ❛ But when I love him get a feeling, something close to like a sugar rush. ❜
  • ❛ But is it wasted love? ❜
  • ❛ But the facts of life, can sometimes make it hard to dream. ❜
  • ❛ Grab me by the ribbons in my hair. ❜
  • ❛ It’s hard to live when absolutely nothing’s clear. ❜
  • ❛ I want to leave. ❜
  • ❛ I’ll probably stay another year. ❜
  • ❛ It’s fucking hot. ❜
  • ❛ Something 'bout this sun has made these kids get scary. ❜
  • ❛ I’ll be lying if I said I wasn’t sick of it. ❜
  • ❛ Lead me, baby. ❜
  • ❛ I’m flying to the moon again. ❜
  • ❛ Makes me feel like I can change. ❜
  • ❛ There’s something in the wind. ❜
  • ❛ Lately I’ve been thinking it’s just someone else’s job to care. ❜
  • ❛ Who am I to sympathize when no one gave a damn. ❜
  • ❛ Change is a powerful thing. ❜
  • ❛ People are powerful beings. ❜
  • ❛ Trying to find the power in me to be faithful. ❜
  • ❛ Everytime that we run, we don’t know what it’s from. ❜
  • ❛ There’s something in the water. ❜
  • ❛ I can taste it turning sour. ❜
  • ❛ Finally, I’m crossing the threshold. ❜
  • ❛ This is my commitment. ❜
  • ❛ I’m doing it for all of us. ❜
  • ❛ Sometimes it feels like I’ve got a war in my mind. ❜
  • ❛ I want to move.❜
  • ❛ There’s no more chasing rainbows. ❜


so i decided to make my own Redbubble !! i’ve uploaded some old stuff and some new stuff (mostly stickers, phone cases, and a couple of prints), and will continue to add more as i continue to make art! maybe ill even design some shirts or stickers??! WHO KNOWS! 

feel free to check it out >> HERE << if you’re interested! or, if theres an art you’d love to have on something that isn’t up there, let me know! 

thanks so much for ALL your support, it really, really means the world to me. and now back to our regularly scheduled arting LOL

Comatose-Chapter 5

Summary: You are the sister of Charles Xavier. You are part of the Avengers and dating Bucky Barnes. Unbeknownst to you Bucky is having an affair with Natasha. When you catch them in the act, things go downhill from there. You are a Mutant with similar powers to Jean, only with Immortality thrown in.

Pairings: Bucky x Reader, Bucky X Natasha, Logan Howlett X Reader

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Cheating, Feelings of worthlessness, Depression

You startle awake. There is a warm heavy weight hampering your movement, and you freeze for a second before your mind catches up with your situation. Logan is draped across your chest, legs intertwined with your own, mumbling incoherently in his sleep. Moving slowly, you begin the arduous process of detangling yourself from the bearlike man.

Careful as you can so you don’t wake him, you finally manage to slip out of bed, making your way to the bathroom. Taking care of your needs, you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and you recoil in shock. You don’t recognize the person staring back at you. Your eyes are dull and red-rimmed, with bags heavy beneath them, and your skin is pale and drawn. Sighing to yourself, you draw a brush through your hair, resolving to at least pretend to be able to deal with this. What was that old adage? Fake it till you make it, right?

Satisfied with your appearance, you make your way to your closet, earning a mumbled, “Mornin’,” from a groggy Logan.

“Morning,” you reply as he eyes you warily.

“How ya doin this mornin?” he inquires.

“I’m fine, wolf man. Stop stressing.” You fake a smile in his direction, if he doubts you he doesn’t let on.

Settling instead for a wry chuckle and a, “Shut up, Bub,” he gets out of bed and makes his way to the bathroom.

While you strip out of your night attire, donning a pair of faded jeans and a T-shirt, and pulling on a pair of converse, you make your way to the kitchen to start breakfast. You were leaving that afternoon, and a solid breakfast would take you a long way. Reaching into the cupboard to retrieve the batter you would need for pancakes, you stall halfway when a knock sounds at the door. With a frown on your face, you make your way to the source of the noise. Pulling open the door, you come face to face with none other than James Buchanan Barnes.

“I thought I made myself clear, Barnes,” you say duly. He flinches at your emotionless tone.

“I need ta talk ta ya. Please, doll,” he pleads.

With a sigh you relent, ushering him inside, waiting patiently for him to say something, anything. He gives you only silence as he fidgets nervously under your intense scrutiny. When you’ve finally had enough of his stalling, you huff, “Out with it, Barnes. I can’t stand here and watch you flounder all day. I have shit to do.”

“Yeah, um, right. Can I sit?” he asks.

You gesture to the couch, giving your permission, and take the seat opposite him.

“I know I fucked up,” he starts. “I know what I did was as bad as it gets, especially with your history, and I have no excuse.” He sighs, dropping his head into his hands. “You’re my everything, (Y/N), and I can’t watch you walk out.” He’s crying, tears leaving translucent tracks down his cheeks. “I’ll give ya all the time you need, I’ll do whatever you want, just don’t leave,” he begs, growing increasingly agitated. “I’ll stay as far away from ya as you want, just stay here!”

You hold up your hand, cutting off his tirade. “What I need is to leave, James. Something is fundamentally broken inside me, and staying here isn’t going to help me fix it,” you quietly explain. “I can’t bear to be near you, or Natasha. I don’t want to be. You did the one thing you promised never to do.” Gripping the armrest of the couch tightly, you can feel yourself quake, and gave a mirthless laugh. “You took everything we were, everything we could have been, and threw it away!” Rising from the couch, you move away from Bucky, toward the door.“I’m not saying I won’t ever be able to forgive you, but right now, I’m walking a thin line between love and hate, and I need to go before you destroy me completely. So please, get out. Give me time. Respect me enough to leave me alone. If I want to talk to you, I know where to find you.”

Bucky draws in a shaky breath, swallowing down whatever smartass retort was building there. “Fine,” he relents begrudgingly. “But I ain’t giving up on you, doll. Or on us.” His words ring with promise as he heads for the door. Stopping briefly, he hesitates before dropping a kiss to the crown of your head, then exits the apartment, leaving you standing in the middle of your living room floor, contemplating your lack of response to the world around you.

Shrugging your shoulders, you continue with your plan for making breakfast, returning to shuffling around the kitchen.

Logan clears his throat loudly, suddenly inches from you, and pulls you back by the waist. “Move over. You were always a shit cook,” he grumbles, grabbing the spatula and shoving you toward the vacant seat at the kitchen counter. “I heard voices.”

“Yeah.” You shrug. It really didn’t matter.

“You wanna talk about it?” he says, sneaking glances at you from his peripheral.

“No, thank you, Logan,” you reply, staring dead ahead.

It’s then that Logan starts to worry. He knows that look. The dead eyes. The emotionless voice. You are slowly chipping away at the very foundation of who you are, and it sends a sharp sting of fear up his spine. He doesn’t want to think of the havoc you could bring to the world if you give up on your humanity.

She might just destroy us all, he thinks as he loads pancakes onto your plate.

Tags: Alrighty, here we are my loves!

@kika-doll @barry1215 @youreaninjaturtle-blog@erinvanlyssel@melconnor2007 @i-had-a-life-once@imgettingmarriedtobuckybarnes@justreadingfics @griseldaevn@marvelrevival @gingerbatchwife@minxyvixen @megs4real @bolontiku@debzybrazy @nennesse@thatweirdgaygirl @dustycelt @gypsycat711-blog@sapphire1727@arrowswithwifi @flirtswithdanger@officialconsultingpsychologist@fangirlextraordinaire @hillrich @actual-bucky-barnes-trash @chipilerendi@ohlookfanfiction @redroomproperty @mizzzpink@barneschesters-whore@buckysinthesinbin@buckyappreciationsociety@drkwngdangl @llanda @ayo-minty-jess@happyskywhale @stargurl16 @akoya-pearls@sporadicalpacacloud@psychicwitchphilosopher @addictionmarvel @whyisbuckyso @onmyknees4steve @curlyxtomato @megandrawsspace @chameerah @rda1989 @despondencey-of-despair@kamrynzam @ign-is @kt-the-destroyer @soldierplum @vvintersouldier @heavenlyhavok @baileys-corner @barnesandnoble13

seleneremusravenclaw  asked:

'Was this just like a game to you?' + 'get out of my sight' for iwaoi?

Tooru’s exhausted, heading home after his latest volleyball game. He can feel it seeping into his bones, and he’s longing for a hot shower and a nice long rest in bed.

He isn’t expecting to walk up the sidewalk to his apartment and see Hajime sitting on the stairs, hands pressed together, expression tight.

He’s happy to see his boyfriend, and a smile brightens his features.


“Was this just a game to you?” Hajime’s voice is low, and shaky. Tooru’s never heard him talk like this before, the hurt in his voice cutting through Tooru like a knife, completely cutting off what he wanted to say.

Tooru freezes, still in front of the steps. He drops his bag to his feet. All of the excitement he had felt about coming home, seeing Hajime, fizzles away, leaving acid in his stomach. No, no, of course not-

I saw your interview,” Hajime cuts in, closing his eyes, and inhaling sharply. He looks pained, and Tooru can see how hard he’s clenching his hands into fists. How hard he’s shaking. No, this isn’t right-

“No, I’m not involved with anyone,”  Hajime repeats, the exact lines from Tooru’s interview that had ended just hours prior. Tooru can feel the bile building up in his throat. This is wrong-

“No, Hajime-”

“Seriously?” He stands, voice raising. “I-I know that we talked about it, and decided that we’d keep all this quiet… for your career - a gay pro athlete would cause a stir… and you can’t do that, and I get it, I really get it, but…” He lets out a frustrated groan, covering his face with his hands. “But, fuck - you pretending, so easily-”

Tooru pales, “It wasn’t easy-”

“That we haven’t been together for the past five years? I… I didn’t expect it to hurt so badly.” Hajime sighs, and he sounds.. defeated.


And, god - Tooru caused that.

Tooru swallows, biting back tears. He takes a step closer, reaching desperately for Hajime - he needs to explain this, fix this, now. He touches his face, fingers pressing familiarly against his cheeks and jaw, but Hajime does… nothing.

He doesn’t lean into him. He doesn’t push him away. He just doesn’t react.

Somehow, that’s even worse.

Tooru drops his hands to his sides, fingernails digging into his palms. He feels blood pearl around each finger, and it only pushes him to press harder. They’d talked about this. Hajime had promised him, he’d told him it was okay - he’d lied. “Hajime, this isn’t fair, you said it was okay-

“For fuck’s sake, we can’t even share an apartment! We’re still visiting each other every other weekend like we’re still in college. I don’t even have a key to yours. I want to be with you, Tooru. I don’t want… this. Hiding. Being too scared to be seen together too much in public. Lying to the world..” Hajime’s voice breaks, and he closes his eyes. “I’m… tired, Tooru. Tired of never feeling like we’re going anywhere. Like I’m not enough. Like… we aren’t enough for you.”

“Hajime, no… I can’t… I don’t… Please, I love you…” Tooru pleads desperately, unable to even cry, he’s too shocked. His own skin is cold as ice; Hajime finally looks at him, and his gaze feels like a needle piercing his heart.

“I don’t know if that’s enough anymore.” Hajime takes a step back and his shoulders sag. “I… I can’t do this right now. I need you out of my sight.” He shakes his head, biting back tears. Tooru chokes on a sob; Hajime doesn’t cry. “Please.”

Tooru doesn’t move. He can’t. Hajime is everything - he’s the one who lifts him up, makes him strong, keeps him safe. He’s the one who talks Tooru off the ledge when everything else seems lost, he’s the one who goes above and beyond to help him, love him-

And Tooru just unknowingly dealt his finishing blow.

It feels like time is standing still. At least that way, Tooru doesn’t have to face it - the openness, the nothingness that he can already feel ebbing in, swirling around, threatening to swallow him up. It’d be easy, just to let himself be consumed by it.

But Tooru looks up, and Hajime is still watching him. Waiting for his reaction.

So he figures out how to move his limbs again. Feels the blood start to pump back into his system, leaving him dizzy. He turns, making room for Hajime, who walks down the stairs and out of Tooru’s life.

It isn’t until Tooru walks back into his apartment that he falls to the floor, and breaks.

Part 2 | Part 3

Dating Henry Turner Would Include
  • The relationship would be bashful at first on both ends
  • Adventures at sea
  • Being there with him when he reunites with his father for the first time in nine years
  • Elizabeth would love you, absolutely adore you
  • Stealing Henry gifts which he sheepishly urges you to return
  • “Darling, I appreciate the gesture but you know it’s wrong to steal- especially things of this cost.”
    “Henry it seems to me that you keep forgetting the blistering fact that… we’re pirates.”
  • Teaching him about astronomy
  • Buying Henry a brand new custom made compass for this birthday present
  • Midnight dips in a blue lagoon
  • He would be an extremely sweet and caring boyfriend
  • Henry putting your life and safety before his every time
  • Both of you always managing to get wrapped up in Jack Sparrow’s adventures of misfortune where he, undoubtedly, crosses the two of you every time but you just keep getting dragged back in
  • “And why, Captain Jack Sparrow, do you think we’d help you? I don’t know if you recall but your last voyage got both of us,” You motioned towards the space between Henry and yourself, “thrown in a foreign jail for weeks! We almost got executed… again!”
    “I thought you two lovebirds enjoyed spending time together, no?”
  • Exploring the world together
  • Henry sometimes loathed the idea of you being a pirate. He knew you deserved better and never wanted to see you in harm’s way.
  • Buying a boat together
  • Henry gifting you with a journal, pearl necklace, and a star map as a present on your birthday.
  • Collecting various shells from each of your numerous expeditions
  • Always stealing his clothes, whether that be his jackets, socks, pirate hat, or shirts. 
  • “I feel like I already know the answer but, Y/n, love, have you seen my hat anywhere?”
  • Elizabeth and Will becoming your second parents
  • Trying out a ‘modern’ life together which involved settling down for a while in a small home. It only took one month of this forced way of living for both of you to change your mind. 
  • “I think we’re too young to live this sort of life. I kind of miss being a dirty, rotten old pirate.”
  • Fishing together off the side of the Black Pearl
  • “Darling, darling, I caught something!” Henry shouted from the opposite end of the rocking boat. Out of curiosity, you place your makeshift rod on the edge on the wood and joined your boyfriend at his side. As you glanced around his shoulder you watched him reel the line with a newfound excitement. Although his face fell the moment his catch of the day was presented.
    “Oh… Henry, it’s uh, lovely.” You coughed back your giggled as Henry emptied out the water from the torn up boot attached to his hook. He gave you a teasing glare and threw the piece into the water.
    “Shut up.”
  • Kisses with the lingering taste of salt water
  • Henry not being able to take his eyes off you the few times you’re forced into a dress and corset. He loves your natural state but seeing you clean up nice was a rarity. 
  • “Henry, please for a second, stop looking at me that way. I love you, but I can hardly breath in this thing. Just please help me out!”
  • When an unsettling, dangerous, feeling rose, Henry would always reach to his side and subconsciously lace his fingers with yours. A silent act that comforted both of you.
  • After being kidnapped by passing pirates, Henry and you lose paths for a while; that was until he made it his mission to get you back and with the, bargained, help of Jack Sparrow and devotedness of his parents he does.
  • Henry freaking out in pure happiness the one time you lifted your dress in front of him then later going to Jack and telling him about the exciting event,
  • “I saw her ankle, her ankle! It was so beautiful- I can’t believe it!”
    “Oh just wait until you see the rest, laddie.”
  • You two rarely fought, more so bickered like an old married couple.
  • But when you two do get in fights, they’re pretty rough although it takes a lot to start one.
  • The after damage includes harsh glares from the other side of the ships, rude remarks, and flat out ignoring each other.
  • Henry usually forfeited first and apologized, no matter who’s at fault.
  • He’ll pick flowers for you from a town at dock and rummage through his coins to buy you a small gift.
  • Heated makeout sessions afterwards to make up from the tension created
  • Elizabeth would love sewing and buying you dresses. She had always wanted a daughter and having someone like you that she was close with helped fill the hole she felt.
  • Sword fighting in your spare time
  • Singing him to sleep with the ocean waves playing in the background

- Daizy

Sidlink talking about mating

Link: So I know we are from whole different world’s and species..but..

Sidon: Ahh Sorry for interrupting my sweet pearl …there is something you might want to know about my people’s way of mating

Link: Ohhh well go ahead..

Sidon: Well how…do..I..put it… *getting flustered*

Link: *looks at Sidon questionably*

Sidon: Ummm…well…you…see…*mumbles feeling embarrassed* …..Ahhh my pearl I’m sorry I can’t get the words out

Link: its okay take your time…

Sidon: Well….Zora male sharks have…two..umm dingadings

Link: dingadings?

Sidon: Two fish sticks and my size is well very big

Link: Ohhh you like fish sticks ..I love the taste of them in my mouth so good

Sidon: …Ummm ohh dear *a good feeling shivers down spine

Sidon: I umm…have two dicks..Link

Link: Ohhh why didn’t you say so…

Sidon: (He can be so innocent without realizing it….so cute)

“Do you want to kiss me?”
“God, yes. More than anything in the world.”

Doodled something quick-ish inspired by @beanapocalypse’s human college au! Love your Pearlina stuff to bits! I just had to draw some of my own.

The Star Crossed Lovers (Connverse)

Replacing my Phinbella heart with this 

Originally posted by bullshit-time

Poor Connie :(

Originally posted by bullshit-time

Originally posted by bullshit-time

Steven: “We could be friends”

This is one of the reasons why Steven is my favorite character!

Originally posted by giffing-steven

Originally posted by gapgems

Their holding hands :3

Originally posted by fili2317

Connie: “You don’t need any powers to be here with me”

And this was when Connverse was my new OTP 

Originally posted by minty-flutters

Connie sleeping on Steven back while riding on Lion :3

Originally posted by numahachi

Connie blushing :3

Originally posted by icanfixitwithabandaid

Shy little cinnamon roll asking her bae to dance with him. Also she blushes!

Originally posted by wet-bulb

This is the second time that they were about to kiss!

Originally posted by kathon

Their future child looks so beautiful! 

Originally posted by crystalgemgifs

Even Garnet support this ship! 

Originally posted by wet-bulb

Watching the snow together 

Originally posted by kathon

Originally posted by missytheangle

I really thought Steven was going to confess his feelings to Connie

Originally posted by venomade

Originally posted by miss-tyrannosaurus-jess

Originally posted by giffing-su

Originally posted by sherlocked-avatar

Connie doesn’t care of your opinions, Steven. She only care of what you like 

Originally posted by venomade

He has so many pictures of him and Connie hanging out

Originally posted by nebesabetsi

He doesn’t want Connie to get hurt

Originally posted by stevenfaces

Scott Pilgrim vs The World reference 

Originally posted by judacris

I’m getting hurt 

Originally posted by venomade

Originally posted by rose-qtz

Oh geez 

Originally posted by vaniwin

Originally posted by weleaveshadows

Oh Steven 

Originally posted by stevenfaces

My official OTP 

Originally posted by rose-bud93

“I want to. I want to be part of your universe” 


Originally posted by desnaa


Originally posted by stevenfaces

Yes! She wants to more use to the Crystal Gems!

Originally posted by amethhysst

Pearl support this ship too! 

Originally posted by sardonyxs

Best Friends fight together

Originally posted by robo-husband

Holding hands again

Originally posted by musical-gopher


Originally posted by gordona424

The best duo 

Originally posted by cartoonunxverse

This was basically my reaction when I found out Steven is actually 14 years old

Originally posted by universe-and-universe-universal


Originally posted by geekylaugifs

Wow, Steven is actually planning on marrying Connie when they grow up

Originally posted by doafhat

Their hugging again :3

Originally posted by geekylaugifs

My second favorite Steven Universe ship, first being Ruby and Saphire. As much I want them to together, that’s not the main focus, which I respect. It sucks that I have to wait but it will be worth the wait :D

A Letter to Jonghyun.

수고했어요   |   정말 고생했어요   |   그댄 나의 자랑이죠
You worked hard. You had a really hard time. You are my pride.

- End of a Day (하루의 끝)

To my dearest Jonghyun oppa,

The cutest, kindest and most beautiful soul…

Have you been well? Wherever you are, I hope you can hear my words to you. Wherever you are, I hope you know just how much I love and miss you.

I hope you’re on the part of the moon that Shawols bought you, the moon that you love, where you belong. I hope you like it a lot.

It’s Christmas now.

It’s been a week. It’s been a really tough week. 

I remember a week ago, reading the news about you, feeling absolutely lost and distraught, wondering if it was true, not having anyone to talk to and desperately hoping to not read a statement from SM (or to maybe read one) because I didn’t want to believe it. It was hard. I was devastated to even think about you being gone. You mean so much to me.

Knowing what happened, thinking about it then… It felt like a piece of me had been ripped away, again and again. To have one star yet to return, and another one gone… It hurt so much. 

It was unexpected, but I feel like one of the reasons why it broke me was because a part of me knew that this was always a possibility and I dreaded something like this would happen. It did. I couldn’t deal with losing you, with having SHINee without you. I knew about your fight with your inner darkness, but I honestly thought you were winning this battle. It wasn’t easy to think that you were hurting so badly deep inside, that this was your only way to not be in pain anymore.

I remember 18 December 2017, the day I lost you, one of my brightest stars.

And I remember 21 Decemeber 2017, the worst day to ever exist, the darkest day both literally and figuratively, when you were laid to rest forever.

For 3.5 days, I remember barely speaking and barely smiling. I remember trying to bury myself in my work because I couldn’t bear thinking about you. Knowing you would never return, it was hard.

I remember being angry at you for leaving us, for leaving this world. Why would you do this? Why before Christmas? Why before your 10th anniversary? Why before your comeback? Why before your return with SHINee and Onew as five? Why before I got to see OT5 live in person? Why now? Why ever? These were selfish thoughts that raced through my head then when I found out. 

I hated that you’ve probably planned this for a while, to the smallest of details, but when I realise that you did what you did after you’ve given your fans a last concert, after you’ve recorded your album and filmed your MV, after your members’ birthdays, after it was announced that your hyung was allowed to return… You were thoughtful even until the end.

I remember being angry at myself, for being so helpless and not having a way to help you, to cheer you up and to give you support when you needed it, especially after how much you’ve given me. And then, I remember being angry at myself for being angry at you. I’m sorry and I wish I had some way to lessen your pain.

When your note was released, I realised you had no other choice. You said you were completely devoured by the darkness. You were suffering and you were hurting so much. It must be hard, right? To leave your mother, your noona, Roo, SHINee, your friends, us… It must have taken a lot of courage to choose this path. Jonghyun oppa, I want you to know that you aren’t weak. You are strong, and I want to thank you for fighting for so long, and for coming all this way.

I’ve accepted reality, and the pain has dulled a little now even though I doubt it would ever be completely gone. Every now and then, it would still hit me, but I’m now able to listen to your songs, to SHINee, to watch videos of you, of SHINee, to smile and laugh as I remember the good times you’ve brought us. It really hasn’t been easy, but I’m willing to deal with you as long as it means that you’re at peace now. 

‘Jongtae’ is what got me into SHINee, you know? You and your number 1 idol Taemin… I’m thankful for that because now, I can’t imagine my life having not known you and the rest of SHINee. You and Taemin are my life and will continue to be my entire life. If I were to be honest, you weren’t my bias at the start. To me, you’d always seemed like the cocky type, but it didn’t take long to know what you are really like, the Kim Jonghyun who has always been honest with who you are and how you feel, who has always been open about everything, never once hiding your thoughts or emotions. You smile when you’re happy. You cry when you’re sad. You never faked anything. You struggled and even then, you told your story as it was. You are very real to me, as real as any other person in my life. You effortlessly worked your way to the top of my list, and you stayed there as my number 1 with Taemin. You’re still there. I don’t think anyone can ever replace you.

If I had a chance to choose again whether or not to be a Shawol 5 years ago, knowing now what would happen, I would still choose this again. I would still love SHINee and I would still love you. I wouldn’t exchange these 5 years for anything. In fact, I would choose to love you from the very start, all the way back in 2008. That would be the only thing I would change.

You are my inspiration. 

Your lyrics inspire my work. I look up to you. You are the brother and friend I wish I have, and when you left, it felt like I’ve lost a role model, but now, I realise that you’re never really gone. Your work still inspires me. Your words still speaks to me, and I believe it always will. When I feel down, watching you will still make me smile. When I feel lonely, your songs will still comfort me. Your lyrics spoke to me on many levels and they still will, and your music will always be beautiful. Whether it be SHINee’s Jonghyun or Kim Jonghyun, you have helped me in so many ways, giving me the courage and advice I’ve needed when I was struggling. I thought I wouldn’t be able to write again after this, but I know you won’t be gone from my memories or my life, and for as long as I can, I want to keep writing and honouring you and your work in every way I can.

You’ve touched my heart with your genuine attitude. You’ve touched me with your laughter, your playfulness, your words, your music, your emotions and your personality. You and SHINee will always be my one and only.

I hope you know that you are the sweetest, most deserving person I’ve ever known. The world didn’t deserve you, but you deserve the whole world.

You are the talented man with the sensitive personality, softest eyes and brightest smile, the man who wasn’t afraid to be emotional. You are too good for this cruel world, but you still used your position in society to help others, to be the voice for the marginalised when they needed one. You provided support for so many, even if it meant receiving mean words, being treated cruelly by others and continuing to suffer on your own. I remember when you’d apologise after knowing you’ve made a mistake, and to see a public figure so receptive, so considerate, so thoughtful and so understanding… I told myself that as long as that was the case, I want to stand by your side forever. Now, if and when I can, I want to continue to stand for everything you would, to help make this world a better place in your name. 

I hope you know that I don’t blame you, and that I love and miss you so, so much. 

You’ve been so selfless. You’ve often put our happiness before yours. You’ve always put SHINee before yourself too. When all that’s done, you did this for you. I’m glad you chose yourself first this time, even though I wish the price of this wasn’t your physical absence. Please know that it isn’t selfish and it isn’t weak. It couldn’t have been easy to leave everything behind, but at least you’re free from the suffering and torture now.

As much as it pains me to think about it, I do respect your decision. More than anything, I want you to be happy and not in pain, and I would bear this pain tenfolds for you if it meant that you’re no longer suffering.

I hope the bright light from our beautiful pearl aqua ocean will illuminate your path and continue to keep you out of the darkness. I hope you know how much the world, and not just me or SHINee World, loves you and misses you, and I hope you don’t feel lonely anymore. We’ll love your mother, your noona, Roo and the rest of SHINee and SHINee World for you. I’ll give them double the love, triple the love, just so that they can have your share through me. 

Jonghyun oppa, you’ve done so well. You’ve worked so hard. I’m so proud of you. 

Thank you for being my everything for so long. Thank you for always being so genuine and sincere. You’re my light, my joy and my inspiration. Now, you continue to be my moon, my star and my inspiration. 

Please continue to watch over us and over SHINee. More importantly, please be happy.

You’ve endured so much. You were tired and you needed rest. 

Now, rest in peace, my precious prince and angel. You’re finally home. ❤️

ハブ・ユー・プリペアド・ヨーセルフ | chikuwazen [pixiv] https://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=65627230

Have You Prepared Yourself?

Riley, the Aura Guardian is back with both of his Lucarios on each of his side, challenging you to a battle!

“I wanted to test out your full potential as a Trainer, for both of our sake. As a Trainer and a Guardian myself, I wanted to see how our bonds with Pokemon could show how beautiful can a relationship be and developed, between a Pokemon and Trainer in this peaceful world we’re living at… Have you prepared yourself?”

Can we NOT imagine this? #5

Dear Dearest Person B,

Your the silky blue moonlight on a navy midnight sky,
Which reappears distorted yet beautifully on the water’s surface.
Your the prideful warmth of the embracing sun on a shy blue sky, holding my skin in love and life and always brightening my day.
Your like a electric yellow orb of light in a rustic lamp,
Which is found in a dark, dense room filled with unsteadiness,
yet you make it better.
Your the light of my life.♡


Dear Loving Person A,

You’re* the world to me.
You’re* the reason why I wake up every morning.
You’re* the light of my life.
You’re* grammar sucks though.


Dear Irreplaceable Person B,


i wANt A diVORcE.


The “Ruby Agency” AU - FAQ #1

I answered to as much questions as possible while preventing spoilers. Thank you for all your asks, it’s very nice to exchange with you about this project. If you have more, you’re welcome to send your messages, and once I’ve got enough of them I’ll make another post.

1) So, if Rose Quartz turns out to not actually be the killer of Pink Diamond after what we’ve seen from The Trial, how would you weave that into the au?

Well, with all the big events happening right know, I’m limiting this AU between the first episode and “Lion 4 : alternate ending” episode for now. I was aware the tables could turn at any moment, and I’m currently wondering how I can adapt it to this AU. Also, for obvious reasons, I can hardly turn magical stuff (and there’s tons of them, like powers and bendings, Lion, fusions, shapeshifting) from the original series into this human AU. “The Trial’ is still about detectives and investigations, I hope I’ll figure something out.

2)  Where are the Off-Colors in the Ruby Agency au?

As said just above, I focusing my story on the events before the “Are you my Dad” bomb. But if the Off-Colors, Aquamarine, Topaz, Zircon, Pink Lars can join the party, I’ll make sure it happens.

 3)  Are we gonna see sapphire (from steven universe) interact with the ruby squad and our ruby?

All the Crystal Gems/Temps are in ! (Except maybe for the fusions, as explained above. But I still try to find them a spot). My anchor point for this story is “Hit the Diamond”, when Ruby and Sapphire unfused for the baseball match. Even though Garnet is my favorite character, I continued to build my story without her *sob*. (But I might have an idea to bring her in) I try to show as much canon events as possible, so yes, sooner or later you’ll see everyone interacting with the others.

4) So where’re the residents of Beach City in this game of PIs and Mafiosos?

As you can see, I’m quite slow to introduce all this universe and characters. So i’ll speed it up a bit for this question : Beach City Bay is a global place in which you have Homeworld, the capital, siege of the High Diamond Instances. Just on the border of the city, you have a small town: Beach City. It’s not directly under the influence of Homeworld, but it can fall anytime between the hands of the totalitarian corporation (and the oil rig in the bay was a close call). It’s the last place where you can find some freedom. Fortunately, the Crystal G. Organisation keeps the H.D.I too busy to care about the town for now. I kept Beach City the way we know it, with its life and people. For now…

5) So did Rose just disappear? The presence of a goodbye letter seems to indicate she planned to cut off contact, but "if anything happens to me” sounds like she didn’t plan on dying. Are we ever going to get a “lore primer” of sorts for everyone and their status in the Agency AU?

This illustration was a blend of “Rose’s Scabbard” and “Mr Greg”. I focused on Pearl’s loss. As in the original series, the gems know they’re at war, they’re exposed and might be shattered anytime. As leader, Rose knew she could have the same fate, so she leaved instructions for the worst case scenario. She died giving birth to Steven. The difference here is she didn’t planned/forecasted that. The letter was a precaution she updated when she was carrying Steven. Nobody planned to open it -so early-.

For the lore primer, I have a whole chart of most of the characters’ lifes before and after Pink’s Death. Someday I’ll clean it and share it, but I’m waiting for the main characters to be introduced to you.

6) Can we have a drawing of Pearl and Steven from the Ruby Agency AU? /  Does your most recent post mean we get to see some cute Pearl with Steven stuff ?

After “the Letter” I’ll gladly draw some cute and funny stuff. It’s a detective noir style story, but it doesn’t mean I should cut off those things. “Steven Universe” is about family, sharing, bonding, good vibes, positive messages in a world with big dangers and great things. I don’t want to remove that, it’s so essential. YES, I can’t wait to introduce ‘my’ Steven to you all, to make you meet the whole family. Steven and Pearl will have their moments together, so will the others.

7)  Your Ruby Agency au really is a thing of greatness. Thank you for making it, I enjoy it a lot and always gets excited when you post more of it 

For you Anon, I’ll always have more of it. Your message makes me happy beyond your expectations. Thank you and take care.


Shattered Glass | Part 10

Pairing : Bucky x Male Reader

Word Counts :  5416

Summary : Your world came crashing down after your captivity in HYDRA. Bucky broke your both hearts none other to protect you from them. Unbeknownst to him, you were far more broken that he thinks he knew until it was too late.

Series Masterlist Masterlist

A/N :  Read to your own discretion ! Soooo many words, and sooss much going on in this one. You might as well want to sit down and clench your pearls while reading this ! What am I saying ? clench your pearls ? God I’m weird like that. Anyway…. Enjoy !


Bucky were just arrived in the compound when he saw your car pulled out of the garage. He couldn’t help to spare a glance at the opened driver window as you drove past him. Well he thought that you drove the car, instead he saw someone he hates the most. Jeremy, his blond hair and blue eyes were annoyingly more divined than Steve’s. And that big goofy smile he has, Bucky wanted nothing more than to punch it out of his face. And you, you sat there laughing along the bastard not even aware of Bucky’s stare as your car drove past him.

He’s seething with rage, clenching his jaw, loud whir coming out of his metal arm as he balled his fist, and his eyes are no difference with the Soldier’s murder stare by now. How he wants to run to your car and wrench the door open then throw Jeremy out. He wants to beat the shit out of the bastard so bad. He’s mad because it is the first time ever he can see you laugh since that night you broke up. He’s mad because It was his job to make you laugh that hard, that carefree, but instead it was Jeremy who replaced him to do that. The same guy that competed with him for your attention years ago. What a fucked up mind he has, he was the one that thought you were saver without him, yet now seeing you with someone else enrage him to the point where he’s ready to murder that other men.

He was caught up in his head not noticing Sam’s footsteps.

“Dude..” Sam greeted. Bucky jump a little at the sudden voice “well that’s first… anyway I have something to tell you…” As Sam’s talking, Bucky couldn’t tear his eyes from the garage door. “Dude I’m talking to you.” Sam snapped his fingers in front of Bucky

“Oh.. sorry I wasn’t listening, what were you saying ?”

“I’m saying that you might wanna tell your girl that she needs to dress up for Steve’s party. Tony took over the planning and we know he don’t do small and private party…”

“Yeah.. yeah I’ll call her latter..” Bucky said absentmindedly while still staring at the door.

Sam knows very well what makes Bucky act that distracted, and it will be a waste of chance not to tease him about it. “You saw them right, (Y/N) and Jeremy ?”

At the mention of your name he snapped his head toward Sam with wide eyes “No.. no I didn’t saw anyone..”

“Really ? so you didn’t saw them took off for their date ? It’s strange because I saw you arrived just when they exit..”

“They’re going on a date ?” The question slipped before Bucky could process.

Sam smirked, knowing well he got Bucky “That’s what I know since Jeremy asked him out this morning after our breakfast together, why ? still jealous of your ex ?” Bucky just stare at him with mouth agape.

“No!.. no .. I think…” Bucky cast his eyes down.

Seeing his defeated form, Sam decides that this is his chance to give him a piece of his mind “If you still love him do something, leave the girl and go get him back before it’s too late. I know that you still love each other mad and you hurt each other because of that. Hell you hurt yourselves because of that, and I don’t want to see you guys being miserable anymore. Again, fix it before it’s too late….” Sam left him there in the middle of the garage.

Bucky was taken aback by what Sam just said, of all people that could brought some sense to him, Sam was at the bottom of the list. But yet something in his words has struck him like lightning. “before it’s too late” why is those words pulled all the wrong strings in his head. Then out of the blue, his memory were thrown to the time he found you in that HYDRA base. The time when he saw your broken form, bruised, bloodied with all strange colored liquids attached to your body. Then he remembered the night you suddenly fell when there was nothing to trip you. Or the night he heard you screamed in your sleep which is every night since your confrontation. There’s something going on here, something wrong that he don’t know. Something about you.

His heart hammering in his chest, his breath coming in short and shallow. His adrenaline pumped high like he just ran twenty miles non stop. The nagging voice at the back of his head tells him that there is something he don’t know. Something that could change everything that happened if he knew. Steve, yeah he should ask Steve. Doesn’t matter if Steve still pissed at him for cheating on you, hell he hates himself every day because of it, but he needs to find out. And his only choice is Steve.

In Steve’s office, He was talking with Nat in hushed tone. Until they acknowledge his presence and Nat snorted at him “Fancy seeing you here Barnes, I thought you moved out. What brings you here?”

“Nat we talked about this..” Steve responded

“Whatever Steve, he’s your buddy of course you would take his side even though these shits happened because of him.” Nat point her finger to Bucky.

“Wait a minute what happened because of me ?” Bucky cut in and earned him a glare from a very angry Black Widow.

“Nat, we know it’s not his fault. He was just as blind as all of us.” Steve reasoned

“And that’s exactly why it is his fault, he was blind while it was his job to see it coming.” Nat turned to Bucky “We can do something sooner if he wasn’t too busy screwing another bitch behind his dying boyfriend !” With that Nat leave the room filled with very confused Bucky.

Nat’s comment once again strike him like a lightning. Confusion grows as he process what she just said. Dying boyfriend, what does she mean ? frustration grows and Bucky couldn’t take it anymore.“ Steve what does she mean ? Why did she said (Y/N) is dying ? Steve !” Bucky grabbed Steve’s collar while he asks angrily.

“Let go….”

“No! tell me Steve ! tell me what is this all about ? Why she said that (Y/N) is dying ? Steve tell me..” His voice cracking at the end, tears filling his eyes as he stare at his best friend.

Steve wrench himself free, and Bucky’s arms fall to his sides. “Sorry Buck…”

“Why are you apologizing pal ? what is it ?”

Steve sighs heavily “First, I’m still disappointed at you for cheating on (Y/N), we all do. But you also have a right to know what we found out.” He finds himself to feel sorry for his friend.

“What happen to him ?”His heart beating like a piston of a racing car in action.

“Those serums HYDRA injected to him, they are messing with his nervous systems. Bruce, Helen, and (Y/N) has been researching for the cure in secret, he made them did, because for some reason he don’t want to be treated as a disabled patient. He don’t want to look weak, especially because he found out about this right after you broke up with him.”

Bucky just stand there, silent, and listening every single things with aching heart. Steve goes on about how you could loose your motoric ability all of a sudden, how your panic attack could make it worse, and how your heart can stop beating no one knows when. All these conditions you suffer while he forced you to end what he himself don’t want it to. All these conditions you suffer while he was busy running away from you. All these conditions you suffer while he forced you to feel the pain from his betrayal to you.

Hate. Bucky hates himself for not knowing these, he hates himself for running away while you needed him. He hates that he was blinded by his own fear of you getting hurt because of him, he hates that he let himself fell to the false comfort while you were forced to deal with these all on your own. And he feels like shit. He feels like he’s the most useless person in the god damned world. All this time he only think about how could he protect you from HYDRA’s threat in the future. But he never think about the real damages they did to you. He thought that you recovered from all your wounds, he thought that you’re fine on your own so he should leave you for good. But now, he’s the worst person ever live.

“Buck.. Bucky you’re okay ?” Steve asked clearly concerned.

“No.. Steve.. No.. I.. I.. it’s my fault Steve, it’s all my fault I should’ve.. I”

“It’s not, you cheated on him is your fault, but his condition isn’t. Look, I know how much you still care about him, hell I know that you still love him. But now… I need you to step out of this..”

Bucky turns to glare at Steve “Why Steve ? You said you knew that I still love him, but why I should step out of this ?”

“Because you’re the reason he hides his condition in the first place. I don’t want him to put up his guard again if he knows that you know. I don’t want you to hurt him further. Because I know what you’re thinking right now.” Steve paused and pat his friend’s shoulder as he make his way out of the room. “It will only hurt you both further..”

His knees are shaking, tears pouring down his face as the emotions couldn’t be expressed by words. He’s sad, angry, disappointed, regrets, afraid, helpless, betrayed. He wants to scream at Steve for telling him off, but he’s not wrong either. He brought this to himself, all this would be different if he talked to you in the first place. Instead of running away and make a decision he know you don’t want to, he has to go and decide that you’ll be better without him. And now when everything turned out to be the opposite of what he thought it would be, he could only regret.

“You sure it’s okay telling him to step away?” Wanda asked just after Steve rounded the corner from his office.

“I don’t know Wanda, I don’t know anymore…”

“It’s alright Cap, it’s not your responsibility to know about everything, you’re just a human after all. Well unless you’re (Y/N), he knows everything about anything even the most stupid thing.”

The corner of Steve’s mouth twitch at her joke. Then he realized something “Wanda, do you think (Y/N) may already know that the cure Helen and Bruce working on didn’t work ?”

Her eyes widen at his question “Oh no… and he act like he didn’t know… Cap…” Steve nod knowingly, and they both start their way to the lab.

“And for a second I believed we could hide these things from Oracle himself.” Bruce muttered lowly.

“So what do we do know ? (Y/N) wants us to believe that we don’t know that he knows about our failure in finding a cure for him, my failure….” Helen said defeated on her chair. Bags under her eyes tells them enough that she hasn’t been sleeping much.

“Helen it’s not a failure..” Bruce says a little louder

“It is Bruce, I’m the one who made him promise to hang on until we find the cure. Instead we found that his condition is worsening faster than the time we need to do our research. What is that if not a failure Bruce ?” Everyone just stand there silent after Helen’s outburst. “I need a fresh air..” She burst out of the lab without a second glance to the people she just talked to.

“She will come around eventually, are you guys okay ?” Bruce asked calmly. Steve, for once feels like he couldn’t stand it anymore, so he shake his head. “Wanda, are you okay ?”

“No…” She answered with her head down.

“Guys, I know that this whole thing shook all of us. But we have to be strong to be able to help (Y/N). From what I get so far, we tried to fool each other that everything’s gonna be fine. And there’s nothing wrong with that, it gives us hope that everything could be just fine like we want it to. (Y/N) knows that we hides the fact that his condition are getting worse, but he didn’t do anything to confront us about it. It’s because he needs to stay positive by letting us protect him from the cruel truth, to give him the strength he need to hang on while we do our research.”

“So you suggest we go on pretending like he don’t know about us hiding his real condition ?” Steve asked unsure of the result of Bruce’s proposal.

“If that’s what it takes to keep him positive, we have to.” Bruce assured

“Okay, and Bruce… thanks…”

“Your welcome Steve…”

Stepping out of the lab Wanda stopped Steve while she clutch her head. “Wanda are you okay ? Wanda…”

His voice sounds like it came from very far away from her, the ringing in her ears getting louder muffling the background sound playing on the world. Throbbing in her head intensify along with the volume of the ringing in her ears. Everything stopped in an instant, the ringing, the pain in her head. Dead silent. She couldn’t hear anything, but she can see. Her friends, her team mates, all fighting around her. Each and every one of them up against a heavily suited soldiers, like Tony’s suit, but different. She couldn’t tell exactly where, but there are remnants of concrete walls, shattered glass on the ground next to what looks like a window pane before it’s destroyed. Between the chaos she see him, a familiar face, someone that she consider her own brother, someone that currently carrying great amount of pain that no body knows how much.

You stand there at the very back behind the heavy suited soldiers your… her team mates up against. Your mouth moving in what she think is an order, because the next thing she know every one is running for a cover. She see you smile, not that warm and comforting smile you always have, but one devious smile that could make her blood run cold. She’s trying to call your name by screaming, but it doesn’t seems like you could hear. She scream and scream, but you keep on smiling and not hearing. Until the explosion goes off in front of her.

She’s jerked awake on her bed. Natasha sat by her side with concerned look. Panting hard, catching for her breath amidst the beating of her racing heart She asked “Sestra, what happened?”

“You passed out after you visited lab, Steve said that you looked like you were in pain before you collapsed. Do you remember anything ?”

She trailed back to what she just saw “(Y/N)….. Oh my god… Natasha, I just saw his vision..”

“But how ?”

“For some reason (Y/N) didn’t.. oh no.. he couldn’t break the link we created while we explored his subconscious days ago… that’s why I caught a glimpse of his vision.”

“And what is these things you saw ?…”

“Something bad sestra… really bad..”

“Something bad happened to (Y/N) ?”

“No.. he happened, (Y/N) was the bad thing happened…”

Bucky sat on his bed for what feels like hours while the world around him just hit their thirtieth minute. Overwhelmed by all the nightmares that came to be true all at once. You were the one good thing that happened in his life, yet he failed you by letting HYDRA took you. Then he had to go and mess around with someone else behind your back, all because of his insecurities. He made his selfish decision that you’ll be safer apart from him without your concern. He broke your heart and burned it to ashes in hope that you will never had a thought to fix everything with him again. It was for your safety, or so he thought. But he was too caught up in his own attempt to drive you away and failed to notice that you were far more broken than he thought HYDRA did you. 

Tears dropping to his lap. He doesn’t even know when it started, but judging by the wet stain on his jeans he probably cried the minute he entered his room. All the guilt, regrets, anger, until despair hitting him like a fire truck in its full speed. How he wants nothing more than to apologize to you, of all the things he put you through. He should’ve been by your side but instead he’s the one that start your misery. His time wallowing in his despair interrupted by his phone.

Liz : Hey James, about Steve’s party, what time will you come and pick me up ?

He pause for a long moment to consider his choice. He should do this, he should make this right, and that starts with this. He should end things with Liz, he cares about her, and that’s why he should do this. He don’t want her to be hurt because he can’t give her his heart in one piece. He should do this to fix everything of his messes.

Bucky : Liz, I need to talk to you.. can we meet ?

Liz : Sorry James, I can’t my boss wants me to go on a convention on his behalf, I won’t be home until the day of Steve’s party. Is something wrong ?

Bucky : Everything is wrong Liz, Can I call you at least ? I don’t want to talk this over text

Liz : Give me five, and I’ll be clear

He wait to the amount of time she requested, and then by a single text informing him she’s free, he press the dial button.

“Hello, James what’s wrong ? It seemed urgent from your texts.”

“Liz, about Steve’s party I think I can’t take you here..”

“Oh that’s okay James, if you have things going on and you can’t pick me, I can get there by myself if you text me the…”

“It’s not that..” Bucky cut her “I can’t take you here, and.. I can’t meet you anymore..”

“James… what is this ? are you.. are you breaking up with me ?” She asked in shocked tone

“I wanted to end things between us, it wasn’t started in the good way, and clearly I can’t give you my full attention. That’s why I..”

“You’re doing this because that ex boyfriend of yours asked don’t you ?”

“No.. it’s not him, it’s me.. I don’t want you to waste your time with someone that…”

“You know what James… Fuck You! Don’t call me anymore!”

The call ended with her outburst. He feels like shit hurting another person’s heart in his intention to fix everything. But you’re worth everything, always.


Far from the storm that just struck Bucky’s messy world, in one of the hottest bakery in whole New York. You’re eyeing each and every single pastries behind the glass, how you want to eat each and every single one of them. You can just buy it with single swipe of Tony’s card but you refrain yourself, since you will use the card to grab a new shirt instead. This is one of those moments where you like to mess with Tony’s bill. No one knows that Tony has different cards for different purchases, that way, he could “monitor” his outcome better like Pepper told him to. And he hates it when between the bill’s list for his “food card” has another thing on the list that is not a food. Same way with “clothes card” he hates it if there’s a “Prosperity Burger and Original Fries” amongst Gucci, and Armani. You don’t really know the story behind his obsession about differentiating his bills, maybe that’s a mid age syndrome or something. But any other way, you just glad you can mess with his bills and have your fun.

 “Why are you grinning like that ?….” The question came from beside you where Jeremy stand

“Oh nothing, just happy to be out of compound for a while..” you said not quiet feeling the need to tell him the truth.

“Is this because things with Barnes ?”

You stiffen at the mention of Bucky “What do you mean ?”

“Well, people talks, and you two haven’t seen together for a few weeks… I’m sorry if this makes you uncomfortable I was just..”

“That’s okay Jeremy, I just wasn’t expecting the news to travel s fast… Is that why you asked to come with me today ?” You changed the topic, hopping he wouldn’t notice “Because you know that we’re not together anymore you wanted to go out with me?” Your tone teasing.

“You can’t blame a guy for hoping..” He answered confidently.

You hold his gaze for a moment then sigh deeply. “Jeremy you are a great guy, but for me to go out with you after what happened, I think it’s not the right time..”

“I’m not asking you to go out with me right now (Y/N), I understand that you need your time to recover, that’s why I asked to come along to keep you accompanied, as a friend. I just want to make sure that you’re okay that’s all.” He look at your eyes with that bright blue eyes of him.

“Fine, that I can accept.. so as a friend, now I’ll ask you something..”

“Go on..”

“Would you mind to come with me grab a new shirt ?”

You ordered Steve’s cake to be delivered to the compound under Tony’s name, once the bakery verified your order, you went straight to get a new shirt. Well at first that’s the only plan, but you ended up talking with Jeremy for two hours while walking aimlessly in the mall a block from the bakery. It turned out better than you expected, He didn’t mention Bucky anymore, and you couldn’t be more grateful for his thoughtfulness. The ringing of his phone stopped him for a moment before he asked you to go back to your car first while he took the call. You complied the request because your feet were starting to get numb. And you wouldn’t want him to see you got limp, because you wouldn’t have a reason to cover that up. After a minute or so, true to your prediction, your legs gave up. You thanked all Gods existed that you made it to your car before it happened. Jeremy opened the car door with a rather concerned look on his face.

“You okay ? what happened ?”

“I’m okay it’s just Langley wanted me to attend their meeting, something about having an intel for the avengers or something.”

“It’s not the first time CIA wanted to share their intel to us, you should go that’s in your job description anyway..”

He chuckled a little at your teasing “But it’s in the day of the party, that means I couldn’t show up until nine..”

“Well you don’t have obligations to take me there in the first place… at least yet… and I have friends so I can handle your absence until nine..” You smirked

“Are you flirting with me right now ? because I think that you are, what happened to wait until the right time thing ?” He smiled broadly

“Take it as you want Jeremey, just don’t let it distract you from the meeting.” You said as you turned from him to look outside the passenger window. You heard him muttered “cheeky brat” and you smiled at the comment. Not because you liked it, but because you know that he believes in your act. 

Oh yeah all those was just an act, you never see him as a possible partner ever since he joined the Avenger’s staff. He’s as pretty as Steve, not as big and muscly but sure everyone that see him would droll over him. But not you, you’ve been friendly, and sometimes you responds to his flirts but all was just an act. It’s not related to you being an Oracle, but you always have this inkling to tell people’s personality just by a single look at them. And Jeremy, is someone that you couldn’t figure out. You’re curious, but not the good kind of curious. You curious in the “he hides something” kind of way. And the phone call earlier, just add to the list of things you want to know about him. Your tease and flirtatious comments were just a way to see his reaction. As a big born skillful liar, you know when people lie, even Nat, and she could make people believe that the sky is actually green. Jeremy, is something else, you could tell that he lied about what he talked about in his phone call, but he lied as good as you. The flirt you throw at him is the way you know if he’s eager to change the subject about his phone call or not. And he did. Now he’s on your watch list, you have to tell someone the moment you back to compound.


“What is it asset ? You dared to call me when I told you not to…”

“My apologies commander, but the soldier has changed his mind. He wouldn’t take me to the Captain’s party..” Liz breathed in calm and steady voice.

“Well I didn’t see this coming, I guess I have to do the work myself. Then now you lead the extraction team, and I’ll be inside the party waiting for you asset. Attack only after my sign, if you fuck this up as well, I have no choice but to return you to your handler. Do you understand ?”

“Yes sir…”

“Good, you… no… I shape a new century. Hail HYDRA!”

“Hail HYDRA..”

Helen saw your car drove to the garage from the roof top of the compound. She sigh heavily then jumped a little at the voice calling her name from behind her.

“What are you doing up here doc ?”

She put her hand on her rapidly beating heart, “God Sam! You nearly gave me heart attack..”

“Sorry doc I didn’t mean to surprise you… are you okay ?” Sam asked softly

“Yeah… No.. I feel like I failed (Y/N) big time…” She slumped her shoulders as she turned to gaze at the clear summer sky above.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself doc, you’re working hard to find his cure. If somebody can do it, it’s you…”

Helen’s lips twitched at the comfort words the Falcon said “Thanks Sam, I’m just scared I guess… “

“This whole (Y/N) thing shook every one of us, we love him so much that’s why. But you can’t beat yourself up, you worked the hardest in finding his cure. And surely he knows that.”

They silent for a moment basking the feel of the summer breeze on their tired self. However, tension fills the air around them, it’s like they wanted to say something, but they wait each other to say it first.

“So… doc, you’re coming to Cap’s surprise party right ?” Sam ask breaking the silence

“I guess, since everyone’s going to be there…” Helen answer it as she tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear.

“Do you.. do you… God this harder than I thought…… Do you want to go as my date ? I mean to the party..” Sam scratching the back of his head, blushing like a schoolboy doing his first promposal.

“I.. I  yeah.. but just the party ?” Helen meekly ask

Sam opening and closing his mouth like a goldfish at her question “No… I mean if you want to, we can grab a dinner sometime..” He rushed.

“I’d love that… but maybe after I find (Y/N)’s cure, because you know… I need to concentrate..”

“Yeah I know I could be distracting some times…” This earn him an eyebrow raise from Helen “Okay, I’m distracting most of the time, but I’m a good distraction, especially for you hopefully..” Sam wiggles his eyebrows after his response. They burst out laughing at his statement.

“God I need this… Thanks again Sam, I’ll meet you at the party?”

“I can pick you up if you want…” Sam offered

“Okay, I’ll wait for you to come and pick me up…” She rushed as she blushing mad red. Dashing her way back inside to avoid her from embarrassing herself. Leaving Sam on the roof dancing his silly victory dance with that loony looks on his face.

Downstairs oblivious to both of the most important people in your life finally ask each other out, you walk to your room with a shopping bag in hand. You were just about to turn to the right where your room is waiting for you at the far end of the hall when you feel a tug at the back of your mind. Something is coming, you don’t know yet, but somehow you know everything’s related. Everything that happened to you, they were parts of one bigger disaster coming your way. It’s not a vision, just your gut feelings telling you some shit is about to happen. And it starting with you can’t lift your damn hand to open your door, and the other hand dropping the shopping bag either.

“FRIDAY open the door for me please…”

“Will do sir…”

“Thank you…”

“Your welcome sir”

The door open a moment after, you kick the shopping bag inside, and close the door with your butt. You plop down on your couch sighing heavily, mulling over the fact that today your episodes happened twice. You know, you’re aware that your condition are getting worse faster than you thought. It’s funny now that you finally aware you’re trying to fool yourself that everything’s going to be just fine. But since when you’re not fooling and giving yourself a false hope even when you know the most possible result of everything.

Ever since your relationship fall out, you never think about how desperate you need someone to hold you, to anchor you from the storm raging in your sea called life. Someone that would shield you from the wind that comes with the rain and thunder, hold you up and steady from the crashing of the waves ready to turn your boat over. Someone, someone that could calm the storm by a single touch and a whisper of their words. Someone that would have you in their arms at any cost. You knew that kind of someone, you used to. Until that someone brought you the storm instead of make it go away. Tears streaming down freely from your closed eyes. Exhausted, hurt, broken, and dying, alone you cry your heart out. In the coldness and the silence of your cave of false comfort, you let everything go. Along with the tears you let the pain go, with all your problems, and your will to fight this battle.

You open your eyes groggily. Woken up by the sudden feeling of falling from the sky, you look to your surroundings. A room so dark with only a dim yellow light from a table top lamp, illuminating aged parchments on the table. Words are written in the way an old poetry do, each and every single letter entwined to each other by a thin stroke of the ink. 

“When the throne of the might are claimed, the battle cry shall be heard from those who crave for a truth…

Thus you shall fight the light of the living and the dark of the death beside the might…

Once the might always the might, because the world revolve around him…

He is life, he is death, and he is in between, the might lays within him that see tomorrow…

The might will rise when the light is setting and the dark is raising…

The might belongs to those who wield the power that shape it’s century…

The might is forever promised to be his guide in shaping it’s century…”



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