i want this passion again

I was setting myself on fire because I thought I was keeping you warm but now I understand that even the most intense burning passions cannot melt a heart as cold as yours.
—  Things I realized when I thought about what I want to tell you if I ever see you again, part VII
Wanted

I want to feel wanted
Romanticised and loved
And feel passion once again.

I want to feel desired
To be a hot sweaty mess
With someone I love.

I want the cute dates
Where we do sweet things
Not just drink together in a bar.

I want to be supported
By someone who cares
In the darkest moments.

I want to be proud
Of a partner’s achievements
And cheer them on with every chance.

I want to feel loved again
But I’m not sure it’s possible
Not now, not for a while.

Astrocytes may be my favorite human cell type.

They’re basically the dark matter of the brain.

They’re also beautiful and I love immunostaining because GFP green is one of the most pleasing colors in the world.

I wish more of my classes emphasized broader aspects of biology, such as cultural perceptions and aesthetics.

2

I want to feel love again , real love , i want to feel the passion arise in me when i see you parked in your car waiting for me getting out of a store and i cant help but smile. I want to be able to feel your hand engulfing mine and be able to feel butterflies form inside of me. I want to feel your lips touch mine and feel as if the world didnt exist. I want to feel nothing but happiness again and know that its because of you. I want to feel that your mine and I am yours and theres nothing that can seperate us from being one. I want to feel love so badly again.

4

I just want you to be sure…

                                          I am y o u r s .

Hello! Today I will be talking about the Nutcracker Witch, Homulily and her symbolic design!

I’ve seen a few people complaining about Homulily’s design, saying “She’s basically a giant Homura” and, well.. She is. However, her design is perfect.

Let’s start with the skeleton. In Rebellion Story, Homura’s realization that she is a witch strips her shell away. She is broken, she’s been fighting all this time, only to become a witch. She is also giving herself over to save Madoka.

Next, the record player back. Homura has repeated, over and over, the same month… HUNDREDS of times. She keeps on spinning in circles… Just like a record.

The red spider lilies have been pointed out before, but I’ll say it again here. Spider lilies basically mean “I want to see you again.” and the colour red represents love, passion, and anger. This basically translates to I love you and want to see you again. Homura wants to see Madoka again.

And finally, the bow on the back of her dress that is also hands. The large hands are clawing at the ground behind Homulily, desperate to go back. She truly does not want her fate, but she has no choice. She has already accepted it.

I could probably go on and on and on about about Homulily and symbolism in Rebellion Story so I’ll stop while I’m ahead. Tl;dr: Homulily’s design is amazing I love it

It is seriously so upsetting to think how much of my life this eating disorder has taken from me. The last 2 years at uni have been hell, I haven’t been able to make the friendships everyone else has. Everyone is talking about what they want to do after uni and having dreams/plans while I’m still stuck in this living hell of an ED, not able to cope when I “eat too much”. Having panic attacks, crying, isolating myself all because of my body/weight/food. It has taken everything from me, everything I ever wanted doesn’t seem important anymore. The only thing that matters is food, my weight and the amount of exercise I did each day, how fucking crazy does that sound? I want my passion, drive, motivation to succeed back. I want to make friends again and actually have/enjoy a social life, I want to enjoy food again and not freak out over how much I ate the day before or how much exercise I did/didn’t do.

I want to be free.

I’m an angel, I have left my body
For now heaven surrounds me.
I’m so high nothing can hurt me from up here
It doesn’t matter who’s hand is on my thigh
Just that they know I’m something special
And to worship every part of me,
Even the parts I’m trying to forget.
Keep going and going because I certainly can,
Don’t you know these are the moments I live for?
Just a heads up, if I give you a part of myself
You must hold me in the morning - that is until I decide
I am not ready for this,
but you’ll understand won’t you?
And in exactly 3 days when I want you again,
Show me the same amount of interest and passion,
Wait for me, I’ll come back for you over and over,
Just kiss me, over and over.
—  This can’t end well // one night stands and borderline personality disorder

I want to climb the highest skyscraper in this city and jump off. Not to die, but to soar. To know what it’s like not to have ground underneath my feet. To have every unresolved thought, every undeclared feeling become clear before my eyes as I realize- mid air- that I have nothing left to lose. I want my heart to beat as fast as life will let me. I want to crash and burn and heal and learn to walk again. I want passion and fire and unconditional and irrational. I want nothing if not absolute madness.

Because any less will never be enough.

—  Written In These Pages
Little Heart Beats (a poem)

Little Heart Beats


The frosted Moon tonight
dip your fingers in
and feed me the cream.
Only your tender nurse hands
could ever drain my heart of ache.
When I clutched tight my broken passion
I never dreamed I’d want to be whole again.
But you break the math of this downward tale
and give me feathers to hold on to.
I draw myself up and find you there
a feast of love to grind my jaws upon.
And your little heart beats… your little heart beats.