i want them to stay forever

Sangwoo’s Feelings for Yoonbum

This is an analysis of Sangwoo’s feelings and thoughts throughout the chapters and how he developed feelings for Bum. This is basically Sangwoo’s POV of the story. It might answer some of the questions I’ve been seeing around about ‘Why did Sangwoo do this or that?’ and etc.

0. Emptiness

I think it’s very obvious that Sangwoo used to be really really lonely before Bum showed up. As a child he was abused and I think he was very attached to his mother so he lost the only person in his life that he truly loved. Imagine how frustrating it is to always pretend to be someone else. Be happy, smile, laugh, joke and hang out with people you don’t even like. You think they’re flawed, shallow, stupid, ungrateful and have ugly personalities (Sangwoo’s words) but this is the only way he can be with people. He has to wear a mask 24/7 that hides his true personality and I don’t care if he’s horrible, he’s still human. He doesn’t whine about it but he’s been subconsciously suffering. He has so many ‘friends’ and yet he’s completely lonely because nobody accepts him for what he really is. He literally does not have anyone.

Now before you blame his behavior and tendencies, I want to point out that I think Sangwoo has Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD), shows signs of BPD and also he’s a victim of abuse so with those in mind, let’s start:


1. ‘A perverted stalker?’

A guy broke into Sangwoo’s house and when he got caught, he confessed to him, telling him that he’s been in love with him. Sangwoo smiles because ‘people are full of shit’ and say anything to save themselves. Let’s trust his words here and say he didn’t kill Bum because he hadn’t kill a man in 3 years but I also think at that moment he feels like he should keep Bum around. Maybe out of curiosity? He’s not sure why yet. He just knows Bum is a different case. To do that, he breaks Bum’s legs to make sure he won’t leave.


2. ‘Can I be attracted to a man?’

He doesn’t know what to do with this guy. Bum is not loud or annoying, he doesn’t disobey him and is powerless. Sangwoo started to rationalize things for himself and figure out if he can be attracted to Bum, a man, in any way, basically he started exploring,

But still, he doesn’t trust this ‘perverted stalker’ so he is thinking, ‘I’ll provoke him and I’ll have a reason to end his life.’ BUT to his surprise, his plan backfires. Bum likes the abuse (or at least pretends to). Despite mocking Yoonbum, Sangwoo is surprised! He loves what he’s seeing. I believe he never got a reaction like that from anyone before when abusing them. And so he takes another step forward and kisses him, still experimenting.

He likes the kiss. He decides to keep Bum for now. He keeps him in the basement for a week. He hurts Bum by cutting him (punishing him) but still Yoonbum doesn’t push him away. Sangwoo realizes Yoonbum really is not a threat and is powerless which is why he took him upstairs and when Yoonbum begged him not to take him to the basement again, despite rejecting him, he considered it.


3. ‘You will hate me!’ First Test

Sangwoo believed Yoonbum will eventually want to leave him. Because I think he is aware of his own wrong actions to some point at least. Why would anyone want to stay with him after everything that happened, right? But the big improvement was that he wasn’t planning to kill him anymore. Why? I believe this is where the feelings started to develop. When he sees his mother (the only person he loved), in Yoonbum. Although he can separate these two people very well in reality.

Yoonbum said ‘I love you!’ AGAIN even after everything and Sangwoo is once again surprised! He slowly starts to trust this person’s feelings. He even gives him a knife but… not because he trusts Bum. That’s a test. I’m not sure if this translation is right but I believe that’s what he means by ‘I have something I want to confirm too’. He’s testing Yoonbum’s loyalty. He wants to know if Bum really means it when he says he loves him.

After that the real abuse starts and I believe he’s copying his father’s behavior while Yoonbum is ‘the mom’. He makes him do house chores, beats him up, etc… Meanwhile he enjoys abusing him and is waiting for an excuse to hurt him badly because he’s not emotionally attached to him yet. He doesn’t care. But Yoonbum is always obedient and finally… Sangwoo lets Yoonbum sit at the table with him because he wonders why Yoonbum is so nice to him, always smiling and listening to him and even made him a really nice dinner. He suspects him and it happens to be the same night Yoonbum uses the rat poison. For whatever reason, the poison doesn’t work on Sangwoo and Yoonbum passes the first test!


4. ‘He really loves me?’

When Yoonbum got sick, is where we can see Sangwoo’s emotions to some point. Sangwoo picked him up and took him to the basement but he looked at Bum and actually felt sorry for him (or maybe he just couldn’t see him as a threat. Either way) He went back up and laid him down on his own mattress. He took care of him and told him to rest. You can see him sitting beside him and staring at him in silence and I love this panel so much because you can see Sangwoo caring. can’t help but feel like he’s worrying for his sick bunny xD His emotions aren’t strong but he doesn’t want to lose Bum.

I think the question Yoonbum asked (whether he really meant it or not) made Sangwoo happy a bit. Chapter 5 is where he finally feels attached to Yoonbum and shows him affection. They started exchanging stories. Sangwoo was actually interested to know about his story, although he was a bit disappointed, saying that it’s ‘boring’ and that he hates weak people like Yoonbum who self pity. “Stop going on about how lonely you are. I hate that shit.” Why? Because Sangwoo is not the type that stay sad and depressed over their misfortunes. He’s the type that wants to get stronger to beat whatever and whoever is in his way. But in a way he thinks Yoonbum is like him. He started comparing himself with Yoonbum which is a big improvement. He told him how Yoonbum made things easier for him. “Why? How? I looked for a reason. And then I saw you.” He told Bum he was glad they were together and Yoonbum’s love made him feel stronger which I believe means Yoonbum’s love and obedience gives him confidence. And by kissing Bum’s wrist he implied that the love can be mutual.
Although he still doesn’t fully trust him (which is probably why he also refused the bj) but he was letting himself believe that Bum’s love for him was real. He’s happy to see someone is still in love with him even after everything that happened and after he saw Sangwoo’s true personality. He has someone now that knows his darkest secrets and still wants him for what he really is.


5. ‘Almost there…’ Second Test

Everything seems to be going well after that. Sangwoo was kind and affectionate towards Yoonbum. He took care of him and joked around. Although I’d like to think he was being too nice on purpose and not really himself and that’s because the second test was coming. He wanted Bum to feel he’d lowered his guards. He reminded Bum not to cross the line then left the house and Bum fails the second test.


6. ‘Don’t be pathetic.’ First Lesson

Even though he was hoping Yoonbum won’t come out, he expected it (considering he had the basement ready for him). He does not trust Bum at all and I think he was trying to kill Bum until he saw him calling his name even in his last moments so that changed his mind. It’s as if you want to let go of someone you like but they keep coming back to you so you can’t make the right decision. He wants Yoonbum. He wants someone to love him and he knows he probably won’t ever find anyone like that again. He was disappointed in Yoonbum SO he decided to make him better! Stronger! Like himself. So after punishing him, first he decided to show him how pathetic he is. He found a guy for Bum to kill (’for practice’), meanwhile insulting both of them to show Bum how 'bad’ it is to be weak.

Sangwoo still cares about him and makes sure Yoonbum knows that. The sick little mind games he played, were only because he enjoys seeing Bum relying on him and trusting him blindly. As I said before, it gives him confidence and makes him feel stronger.

This first murder happened. It was supposedly to make Bum stronger, show him how it feels to kill and… the most important part, help Yoonbum understand Sangwoo and be closer to him (spiritually!?) so they can be together.


7. ‘He left me too! I won’t forgive him!’ The Breakdown

Fear of abandonment. I already wrote a long post and talked about Sangwoo’s fear of abandonment here. The panic that happens after he thinks he’s been abandoned and the roller coaster of emotions. Rage, Fear, Worry, Sadness. He feels betrayed. He goes mad … and I have one thing to add to it all. I think that might’ve been how he felt when his mother ‘left him’ AKA died considering the flashbacks. (I’m not sure if this person is his mother though. She might have been a replacement?) I don’t know if Sangwoo killed her or something else happened but we can be sure that he loves and wants Yoonbum equally.

When he finds Yoonbum… he realizes how valuable he is to him and so he finally decides, “Let’s stay together… forever…”


8. ‘See how disgusting people are’

I’m going to skip a bit to where Sangwoo introduces Yoonbum to his ‘friends’. I think this is all to let Yoonbum get bullied, emotionally hurt, to build up some anger in him and provoke him. To remind him this is how people will treat you if you let them. Sangwoo already knows Yoonbum has been bullied and hurt a lot in his life because in a way he can relate to him. They are the same people. They were both hurt and abused and they have the right to punish these disgusting people. And this is all for Yoonbum and for the both of them. Sangwoo is pulling him up to his level or at least close so that they can be together. Jieun was a gift to Yoonbum and Sangwoo was happy to see Yoonbum accepted that gift.



I tried to keep this as short as possible. I think I understand Sangwoo well and I believe this is also the reason why he kills… but still these are only my thoughts and how I see everything. So they might not be 100% true. Koogi might have more surprises for her readers. But still, I love this character a lot and I can’t wait to see and know more about him and his past. Also I kind of fast forwarded the last chapter because there are so many posts about it already.

We are not obligated to want each other forever. When I ask you to be with me, I’m not pulling you into a promise you’re not ready to make, I’m just asking you to be with me. Be here. Take up space. Don’t let time swallow empty seconds– make this worthwhile. It’s foolish to believe that every person you cave for is meant to stay. But that doesn’t make wanting them any less important. Maybe we’re not meant to be, maybe a lifetime is too long, maybe we’ll only last during the calm before the storm. And that’s okay. If life was an exchange of hearts, I’d gladly take yours for a while. It is worth it to know that there was at least a time when we were enough for each other.
—  It’s not always about forever

so i just had a really sad but also happy thought. what if one day harry comes home from a really horrible mission and fumbles with his key so he can get in to see draco and hug him but he’s really, really shaking. There’s a metallic clang as it slips through his fingers and falls to the floor and he sinks with it; his legs are refusing to hold him up for any longer. 

He sits there for like half an hour? then his body collapses, dry sobs rattling his whole frame and he doesn’t even glance up when the door opens and a shocked draco rushes to kneel in front of him and hold him while harry tries to limit the shivers that rush through him as he recalls the churning that ran through his body as he lay in wait for yet another bastard that wanted him dead. 

Draco strokes the back of his neck and traces soothing patterns on the back of Harry’s hand until at last, Harry inhales heavily and looks up at Draco. There are fresh tears in his eyes as he whispers: “i was so fucking scared draco, i was terrified”. He leans into him, clutching at draco’s shirt like it was a lifeline. 

And that’s when draco decides he cant take this anymore. Harry is brave and kind and selfless and so full of love and he doesn’t deserve to ever feel scared again. “Why don’t you quit?” 

“I cant, can I? It’s not all over yet.” Harry’s voice breaks as he lets out the pain that he feels each day as he enters a battlefield or a building filled with people who just either expect too much or want there to be a hole where Harry Potter once existed. 

Draco takes both Harry’s hands and cradles them like they are the most precious thing to both of them. He lets one finger run round the wedding ring on Harry’s fourth finger. 

“Harry, you’re brave and strong and wonderful, but these people you say you’re fighting for, you’ve done your part for them now. You’ve been saving them for years and years. You don’t owe anyone anything Harry, except yourself. You aren’t getting to live anymore, you work and work and at work all you seem to do is have to listen to more reasons people want you dead. I love you so much, and it.., it breaks my heart to have to see you like this. Please don’t stay there if its not what you really want. No one will think any less of you, and I.. I just want you to be happy and safe, with me, for as long as forever will let me.” 

A small smile turns up the corners of Harry’s mouth. His eyes are glistening, but there’s a small glimmer of hope that’s buried itself in there now. 

“I think I need to owl Mcgonagall back about that teaching position.”

i. domesticity

I drink milk every day because my doctor says I need it to grow. Kind of like I need this calcium rush in order to make my bones stronger so I stop cracking them so easily. Preventing them from ever reverting to the weak, knobbly knees of last summer when a boy I had a crush on. Had a crush on, crushed me. Like a pulp. Into grains. Like a spoon grinding up soggy cereal swimming at the bottom of a bowl. I wake up in the middle of the night, remembering I didn’t drink 3 glasses today, and run to the refrigerator in my socks and chug it straight from the gallon, barbaric and yearning like a schoolgirl hitching her skirt up too high, and picture the white flowing through my veins. Softening me. Rounding me out. Giving me curves. I get a brain freeze instead and pray I’ll stop crying over spills and that I can sleep with this cold lurching in my stomach.

ii. vicinity

Maybe one day my hair will stop being so limp in the heat, but I don’t think that kind of thing can be anticipated, so I just have to wait. Girls like me live in the back of an un-air-conditioned convenience store, ratty sweatpants, tight tank tops, and crawl out with week-old receipts bursting from their pockets. Like glued ribcage kind of girls, like elastic hair tie, red marks around the wrist kind of girls. The cashier doesn’t mind when I snag a magazine from the rack and browse through it without paying because no matter how hard I try, I end up looking pre-pubescent anyway. And they let things slide. For a girl like me, at least. I’m saying, lopsided bun, wide eyes, a mouthful of crooked teeth, stars pulling them into their places, I was always too scared to get braces. The cover has some headline about how to enlarge your breasts naturally, which I think might be useful, and another about how to communicate effectively with others without saying hurtful things, which makes me laugh. I flip to the back to check my horoscope and eat that prophetic, adolescent shit catered to the teenage soul up like Eucharist laid under the tongue. Swallow down a spoonful of March’s: “Prepare to face some stress this month, but that’s okay! You’ll be able to get through it and find time to relax.” I want to rip out the page and shove it into my bra, like keeping these soft, meaningless words close to my chest will make them seep into my heart and change me. Stop making me think so much, fill my brain up with Arizona tea and static instead. But I’m cheap, and I shove the magazine back. I think my chest will stay flat forever.

iii. mobilization

I seek healing. Mending. I’m fingernails deep, sitting in the back of a subway at 3 a.m., pressing crescent moons into the leather seat, trying to dig up salvation. You can’t find that here, you can’t find that in the cracks between the tiles, you can’t find comfort in the ground up cigarette butt stamped into the floor. I’m wishing against this fogged up glass I could say anything, anything that would make sense for once, so someone could help me. Like please, my mind is bending in backwards, like please, I don’t think this underdeveloped chest can take any more of this resentment or it’s going to explode through my ribcage, out of my flesh, like please, I don’t want to hurt anymore. And it’s not my fault that I launch myself around like I’m in some sick little competition, pretending I don’t care, like I’m having the time of my life. Of course I’m not, of course I’m not, I don’t think having your hands shake and your brain go fuzzy whenever you think a little too much is fun, something to be documented for the world to see. I guess I’m different from other people that way, I’d rather people think I’m having a good time than actually have one without anyone knowing. I wish I knew how to sew, so I could stitch up my fibrillating heart, no matter how sloppy and crooked, but the needle jabs my finger as the subway lurches left, and I bleed, I bleed, I bleed.

iv. unearthliness

My mom told me not to walk naked in front of the altar. Disrespectful, she called it, and even though I agree, sometimes I test my divinity and emerge from the bathroom, the steam from the shower wafting off smoke like the incense in its pot. Young god, skin tinted green from fake gold. Young god, empty stomach, fruit scooped out of its rind, leaving me seedless. This hatred has roots, and I don’t know whether I want to dig out my insides with my hands or fill myself up until I’m close to bursting. I let people think the scratches on my knees are from a night of alcohol and a boy tugging my hair. Of course, it’s that and not child worship on a scratchy rug, not begging for forgiveness, not praying for glamour and glory, not hoping for. Of course it’s not hoping for something better.

—  this pain lasts in every location
Stalker/Possessive sentences

For the first installment to this meme, check out Stalker Sentence Starters!

“Wear that outfit I like tonight. You know the one.”
“I never want to see you talking to them again.”
“I can’t stop thinking about you.”
“I’ve tried to move on, to think about someone else, but you’re always on my mind.”
“I’m obsessed with you.”
“You looked so precious in your sleep last night.”
“Don’t look at me like that; like you’re afraid of me.”
“Where were you? You’re thirty minutes late!”
“Tell me where you’re going and how long you’ll be gone.”
“You’re not leaving the house dressed like that.”
“It doesn’t matter where you go. I’ll follow you.”
“I can be everything you need if you’ll just give me a chance.”
“They’re no good for you.”
“I don’t like them. Stay away from them.”
“You’ll realize soon enough that no one appreciates you like I do.”
“I just want you to love me like I love you.”
“Look me in the eyes when I talk to you.”
“I see the way you look at them.”
“I want you to say you love me. Say it and mean it.”
“If you leave me, I don’t know what I’ll do.”
“I’m done hiding in the shadows.”
“We’re going to be together forever. Just you and me.”
“Leave them. Leave them and be with me instead.”
“Every time I see you talking to them, it makes my blood boil.”
“Are you just trying to make me angry?!”
“If you’re on your best behavior, I’ll treat you well.”
“Did you find the gifts I’ve been leaving you?”
“I was in your room last night. You looked so peaceful.”
“I’m sorry I stole your shirt. It still smells like you.”
“No one will ever love you as much as I love you.”
“If I can’t have you, no one can have you.”
“No! Shh, shh, don’t yell!”
“I don’t care what your friends have planned, you’re not leaving the house tonight.”

BTS Reacts - Running Fingers Through Their Hair

Kim Namjoon: Namjoon has fallen asleep on your shoulder while the two of you were watching a movie. He mumbles in his sleep, twitching every so often as if his body felt unsettled from a day’s worth of activity. In order to relax him, you comb your fingers through his short, purple hair, moving in long, extended rows. He smiles, easing his body into yours, immeasurably calm. It’s not often that he gets time alone with you, but when he does, he’s so gratified by how tender you are with your affections. He would refuse to budge for ages. When you try to get up to make dinner, he interrupts you as soon as your hands stop moving, groaning as he tells you not to leave his side.

“Mmm… don’t stop… dinner can wait a couple more hours.”

Park Jimin: Jimin has been so exhausted lately that he falls asleep on your shoulder while talking, backstage. Gently, you lower his head onto your lap. You run your fingers through his hair, tugging lightly on the soft strands closer to his forehead. His eyes gradually open - he almost forgets that the both of you are in public. Jimin would get shy very quickly, and shoot up in a heartbeat - he likes when you play with his hair, but he doesn’t want any undesired attention from staff and fans from your public display of affection. He’d definitely want to continue this later, when the two of you aren’t under scrutiny from the masses. He’s pulled away by duty, but before he leaves, he says:

“Ah, I haven’t slept that well in awhile… sorry I have to leave so soon. Do you want to come by the dorm later - when we have more privacy?”

Min Yoongi: When you smooth the tangles in Min Yoongi’s hair, running the tips of your fingers against his skin while doing so, it sends shivers down his spine. He’s had a lot of worrying thoughts running through his head lately, so he would appreciate any distraction given to him, especially one as delicate and as loving as you. His eyes are locked onto your reflection in the mirror before him. The sight of you relaxes him; your touch is an overdose of serenity. The hairdressers have just finished with his look, and you’re given the consent to ruffle it. You massage his head, fingers buried in his dark hair, this feels so surreal. He moans before turning serious:

“… You’re too good at this. Have been so close to any other person before?”
( You shake your head. )
“Okay. Keep it that way.”

Kim Taehyung: Taehyung is getting the usual case of over-excitement from being backstage for too long. He’s restlessly hopping from group to group, eager to be paid attention to like a child hosting his birthday party. When he spots you in the distance, he rushes up to you, giggling madly, hoping you would join him in his elation. You simply tell him to sit down with you - he complies, and as soon as your hands reach his hair, he turns quiet and composed. He stays motionless and silent, only because you’re doing what you’re doing. Even when Bangtan speaks to him, he simply nods, all too focused on your tranquilizing caresses through his auburn hair. You’ve successfully tamed the beast - when he’s ready to perform, he turns to you with a poised air of confidence.

“I’ll be back for more later, so make sure you hang around.”

Kim Seokjin: Jin seems to be on edge for most of the time he’s getting prettied up by make-up artists, especially since he’ll be performing a new dance routine. While the artists worked their magic on the idol, you play with his flaxen locks, curling them with your fingers as you watched him in the mirror, placating his unease. He can’t help but thank his lucky stars that you’re always there to help him unwind. Sometimes, he’d feign restlessness, just to get you to run your fingers through his hair; he really just wants you to be close by. He gets up from his seat with a lazy look in his eyes, but he doesn’t hesitate to charm you with his dashing good looks as soon as he is able.

“Aish, you’ve made me so relaxed, I’m not sure I’m ready to perform! Does my hair still look good?”

Jung Hoseok: Hobi usually doesn’t sleep in, but when he wakes up next to you brushing his hair with your fingers, he’s tempted to drop everything and take the day off. He has practice with Bangtan in an hour, but you’ve made it a lot harder for him to leave. There’s nothing more soothing to him than having you subconsciously stroke his head of hair. He’s basically in heaven right now, and there’s little chance he’d come back down to Earth unless you truly insisted that he leave for practice, which was only the right thing to do, you thought. He looks up at you, clearly hesitant to stop the groove of your fingers as they moved softly against his scalp.

“I’ll just tell them I’m sick. I want to stay here forever.”
( You urge him to go, or he’ll be late. )
“Okay, okay… five more minutes.” 

Jeon Jungkook: Kook used to not mind sitting next to his members during long car rides. However, that changed when he met you. As soon as Bangtan gets in the van, he pushes his way past his hyungs and books a spot next to you. Midway through the journey, you find your fingers grazing against the skin on his head; he’s falling asleep on your shoulder. He’s no stranger to people brushing through his hair, but there’s something about the way you do it that steadies the beating of his heart. Kook is so used to the feel of your hands; you’ve spoiled him for anyone else. They hit a rest stop, but before you can head to bathroom, you feel his fingers clutch onto your wrist. 

“I’m so used to falling asleep with you touching my hair, that I can’t whenever you’re not around anymore. So, don’t move seats when you get back.”


I hope you like this fluffy scenario-ish react, anon! <3

She’s gotta do what makes her happy, and tbh it’s starting to seem like leaving SM and having the freedom to create what she wants to create and having more support is the only way she’s going to get there.

I want f(x) to stay together forever, but the reality is that no groups last forever. I suspected she wasn’t happy for months now, and it’s all making sense.

SM just isn’t the place for her anymore. She deserves better, and while I do hope she can reach some kind of compromise or agreement with them, I won’t be surprised if she doesn’t.

Just continue to support her during this time. That’s pretty much all we can do while we wait.

Langst Prompts

Thought I should do a few of these since I keep staying up at night thinking about them. (ㅇㅅㅇ❀)

-Lance is sick. He doesn’t want to admit he’s coming down with anything. Lance and Keith get into another argument. Lance, in his sick state of mind, pushes a little too far. Keith challenges him to a match and before anyone can intervene, Lance is harshly thrown to the floor for the training deck. Keith is in the middle of claiming his victory when he notices Lance is /still/ on the floor. Queue panic.

-Lance gets corned by the galra. When he tries to signal for help, the galra shoot at the side of his helmet, effectively damaging Lance’s coms and inflicting injury. Through the pain, Lance still tries to get a signal through and hears his team, “Lanc- where are y- St-p fooli- around!” “W- need your he-p!” “He pro-ably -id some-ing stu-id agai-” Lance lays on the ground, watching as the galra descend upon him, and listening to the breaks in static as his team fights on. Without him.

-(modern college au) Its finals week. Lance has been pushing himself nonstop. He finally breaks down after returning home from a full day of exams. Keith and Hunk are Lance’s roommates and they now have to take care of a delirious Lance who thinks he failed and just wants his momma’s hugs.

-Lance gets a concussion on a mission. Thinking its his own fault for getting distracted, he doesn’t tell the team. Lance reasons with himself, /“its fine, its just a small headache anyway.”/ For the most part, everything goes fine. Lance wasn’t the only one to get hurt so he brushes off the pain in his head. /“Just a little longer. If I cant handle this then I shouldn’t be in this war.”/ Its not until the team is leaving that Lance’s condition escalates dramatically, resulting in shouts of concern from the team as Lance fights to stay awake inside Blue’s cockpit. The last thing he hears before passing out, “stay with me, buddy. Lance? Lance!”

-We all know Lance is homesick. But what happens when Pidge figures out how to make an accurate calendar of earth? Lance realizes just how much he’s missed. And even then, its only the tip of the iceberg. Lance’s little sister? Her birthday passed a week ago. His parents? Their anniversary was about a month ago. He missed his little brother’s first day of school. The team doesn’t notice Lance leaving the room. They dont see the tears falling from his wide eyes. They dont hear his door shut or his muffled sobs as he slides to the floor. Because Lance didn’t know it would hurt this bad. To realize you’ve been in space for almost a year. To realize that, next week, your family would be facing the first year anniversary of your disappearance.

-The team really needs a break. Although Allura would love to protest, even she has to know her limits. They stop on a planet that is known to be peaceful. There, they find the equivalent of a beach resort. Lance is ecstatic! He gets to see an ocean again, one that so closely resembles the one at home! Needless to say, he drags everyone into a beach party, one that everyone loves! As everyone is about ready to head back inside, Lance is still floating in the water. He watches as the team packs up their things and starts to swim his way back to shore. And then he notices. He’s not getting any closer to the shore. Lance begins to panic, calling out to the others. They dont hear him. He’s dragged farther and farther out, screaming for help, and disappears under the surface. /“why didnt they help me?”/ The team doesn’t notice until its too late. Or is it?

anonymous asked:

Sanvers reunion after Alex almost got launched into fucking space!!

She didn’t go with Alex because she knows Alex.

She knows Alex will be more focused if Maggie is safe. Knows she will be less likely to get herself killed if Maggie is safe.

She hates it.

But she knows her.

And anyway, there are other refugees to keep safe.

And that’s the point of a power couple, right? Stronger together, but sometimes ride or die means riding solo on different parts of the same mission.

So she kisses her like she loves her – because she does, god, how she does – and she tries not to think about the kind of danger Alex is strutting into while she makes rounds on every alien in National City she knows, warning them, smuggling them out when necessary.

She has a few bruises of her own by the end of the day, but that pales in comparison to the pain that shoots through her core when Susan Vasquez calls her with a tight voice and shaking hands.

“Maggie, it’s Cadmus. They’re launching a ship with the refugees into space. Alex… Alex is on the ship.”

She doesn’t hang up the phone so much as she drops it, and she only bothers with her helmet because of muscle memory, and she only pays attention to red lights so she can swerve away from creating four-way crashes, and she forgets what speed limits are because Alex, Alex, goddammit how could she have ever let her go alone, Alex.

“What’s happening?” she demands, and Vasquez won’t let her into the control room. She takes Maggie around the waist and she holds her and she pins her arms to her sides and she rocks her when she breaks.

“Supergirl’s up there with her. She’ll save her, Maggie. They’ll both save everyone.”

“Then why won’t you let me into the damn control room?” she chokes with a wet rage she hasn’t felt since the massacre at the bar.

“I – “

But a cheer rises up, then, and Vasquez chokes out a dry laugh and lets Maggie run out of her arms.

“They’re okay? She’s okay?”

J’onn’s face is in his hands but he nods at the sound of her voice, and she takes Winn into her arms and doesn’t complain when he lifts her off her feet and spins her around.

She does complain a little when he damn near drops her, and Susan has to run over to stabilize them both.

But only a little.

She doesn’t let go of Winn’s hand until the troops return.

The troops, of course, being Supergirl, Alex, and a ship full of refugees, brutalized for being their very selves, abducted and maimed and hunted to satisfy the agenda of xenophobic supremacists who would surely add Winn and Maggie to the list of deportees, gladly, after finding that both of them had dated, had loved, aliens.

Only Supergirl and Alex come back to the DEO, of course, and Winn kisses Maggie’s cheek, hard, before sprinting off the moment he gets a text from Lyra telling him to meet her at the bar.

When a cheer erupts from the agents in the hall, Maggie sprints, too.

Straight into Alex’s arms, and Alex lifts her off her feet – more effectively than Winn – and pulls her in for a deep, breathless kiss that has J’onn averting his wet eyes and Susan whooping and all the agents clapping and Kara somehow laughing and crying at the same time.

Maggie pulls back first and starts checking over Alex’s body with worried hands before Alex has even put her down yet.

“Are you hurt, are you – you – fucking space, Alex!”

Because suddenly the laughter, the relief, is gone from her eyes, and only sheer terror fills them. Alex splutters and Maggie shakes her head and yanks Alex down for another hard, long, desperate kiss.

She’s the first to pull back. Again.

Space, Danvers! That wasn’t part of our deal!”

“Deal was, you help me save everyone – “

“Alex – “

“They needed me, Maggie, my father – “

“Yeah, I know, I’m proud of you, babe, and I’m in love with you for exactly that, but damnmit, Danvers, I need you too!”

Her voice is thick with tears and her eyes are shining with them, her face a map of defiance, of rage, of relief, of agony, of love, of loss, of fear, of hope, and the agents who were laughing and cheering moments before are now being shooed away by Supergirl and Susan, because the kissing was fun, but the confessions are private.

“You… Maggie you’re… you’re…”

“Not exactly how I wanted to tell you,” Maggie chokes, not meeting Alex’s eyes, her arms wrapped around her chest now, her jaw set, now, her heart shredded with feeling an infinity of different things at once, now.

Alex stares at Maggie’s downturned face for what feels like a millennium – which is how far away she could have been from her, forever, if her sister hadn’t saved them all – and when she can’t bear it anymore, she touches her index finger to Maggie’s chin and gently – gently, so gently, and god she’d almost forgotten what a gentle touch feels like in the last few hours – lifts Maggie’s face up to meet her eyes.

“I’m in love with you, too, Maggie. I… If Kara hadn’t saved us, I… my only regret would’ve been… I’m in love with you, too, Maggie.”

For a long moment, neither of them moves, and for a long moment, neither of them breathes.

“Ally,” Maggie breaks the silence, and this time, her kiss is soft, her kiss is open, her kiss is tender and firm and healing.

Her kiss is forever.

“Alex. When you get a moment to disentangle from Detective Sawyer, I need to speak with you upstairs.”

J’onn’s voice makes them jump apart, but they stay in each other’s arms.

“Acknowledged, sir,” Alex’s voice trembles, but her eyes keep locked in Maggie’s.

“They’ll want to question me, too, I imagine. It might be a few hours.”

“I’ll be here. Always.”

Alex smiles softly and squeezes Maggie’s hands and starts to walk away, though it makes her body ache.

But Maggie pulls her back, and Alex hears her breath hitch.

“I’m home, Maggie. I’m home. I’ll only be upstairs.”

“Not in space.”

“No, not that far upstairs.”

They share a watery laugh.

“Nerd.”

“Your nerd.”

“No one else’s, Danvers. No one else’s.”

Kiss Me Slowly

Alright, fucking hate me. 

Here’s something small, simple, cute. 

Kiss Me Slowly by Parachute (because I’m seeing them Friday).

I’ll be back with more soon.x


Originally posted by stallingdemons

Stay with me, baby stay with me,
Tonight don’t leave me alone.
Walk with me, come and walk with me,
To the edge of all we’ve ever known.

Tom cuddled you closer, rubbing his nose in the crown on your head – you laughed softly, he was always cuddly after taking naps.

“I want to keep you here forever.” He sighed and kissed your ear. You felt a smile grow on your face and felt your inside swirl.

“And what good would that do us, huh?” You stretched your limbs out as best you could. When he felt you stretch your arms out, he gripped your waist tighter. 

“We could stay in this bed forever and ever and I’d be more than okay with that,” he whispered into your ear.

You smiled and squeezed yourself to turn around to face him while he maintained his tight hold on your waist. “Is that so?” You lifted a brow and looked into his eyes.

He blushed a bit and closed his eyes. A smile spread across his face, and he rubbed circles on your lower back.

“Yeah.” He opened his eyes and found you, “Yeah, forever with you sounds great.”

Hold my breath as you’re moving in,
Taste your lips and feel your skin.
When the time comes, baby don’t run, just kiss me slowly.

Tom moved in and began attacking your face with kisses. You laughed and waited for him to finally kiss your lips, but he never did. You pouted slightly.

“Is something wrong with my face, Tom?”

“Nope, darling, why?” He kissed your forehead to emphasize the point.

“Well,” you sighed when he leaned back, “you just haven’t kissed me properly.”

Tom’s ear turned a light pink color and you lifted an eyebrow. He chuckled but continued.

“I want to kiss you, I do,” he said and he covered his mouth, “But my breath is stinky…” 

You laughed – deeply and strongly – and had to close your eyes from laughing so hard. 

Tom’s forehead crinkled a bit, but when he saw that gigantic smile on his face, he had no other option but to smile and laugh along.

“You’re such a nerd,” you laughed.

He smiled and then he set his face in a faux-macho look. “Come here.” He gripped you, pulled you in, and kissed you.

Oh, I’m not sure what this is gonna go,
But in this moment all I know
Is the skyline, through the window,
The moon above you and the streets below.

He began stroking your head and you continued to rest your head on his chest. You heard his heart beating, his lungs breathing, and his brain whirring.

“What are you thinking about?” You whispered it, speaking loud felt wrong.

His hand didn’t pause, but you knew he was surprised that you were awake.

“Thinking about how great the moon looks from here.” 

You turned your head slightly, hoping to catch a glimpse. But when you did, you realized the window was actually on the wall behind you. 

“What are you on about?” You asked.

“You.” He said and he used his thumb to stroke your chin. “You’re the moon –” he closed his eyes, “You’re the moon, and the stars, and the sun, and the light, and you’re everything.”

Your heart sped up and you had to sit up. You had to look into Tom’s eyes to know if it was true.

“Everything?” You asked, your voice small, tiny.

“Everything.” You breathed in and gripped his face before you planted a deep kiss on his lips. 

“I love you,” he voiced it out loud, putting his hands on your waist.

“I really fucking love you, even though your mouth is stinky.”

He smiled and giggled. 

He was everything.

Night Moves

Written for Baby’s Big 50 Birthday Challenge, hosted by @butiaintgonnaloveem​​. My prompt was “Night Moves” by Bob Seger. Happy Birthday, Baby!

Summary: Dean and Sam go see an old friend while recovering from a rough hunt. She helps them admit what they really want.

Pairings: Sam x Dean, Sam x Dean x OFC (Katherine)

Warnings: Smut, feels, Wincest

Word Count: 4150

A/N: I loved writing this one. Hope y’all love it too! Feedback appreciated. XOXO

Dean slides the cassette into the deck, grinning when the music starts. He’s got the itch under his skin and he needs to drive, needs to breathe fresh air and see some new trees.

“You ready, Baby?” he whispers, and he swears she purrs back a yes.

Sam comes out of the motel room, looking sleepy and relaxed, blinking into the early morning sunlight. “What are we doing up this early?”

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Preference "How they propose to you"

(YAY ALL OF THEM BABY BOYS AND GURLS BEING FLOFFY! YES! Hope it is as requested and you all like it :3 Gif not mine/found it on google/credit to the original owners.)

Negan-He’d ask you to marry him the instant you’d risk your life for him and would do it with a huge ass smile. He’d be so impressed and feel so loved that it would slip from his lips. It would come out all wrong and weird but his smile and laughter would make you feel the same as him. As he’d recollect himself, he’d make it right to you by getting you a proper ring later on. “Woah…Fuck me…No! I mean marry me…Wait I mean…Will you marry me? Yes, are you going to marry me?! As in be mine forever…I’m serious, Y/N…”

Daryl-He’d ask you to marry him by surprising you at your house with the same flowers he had gotten you when you first sought comfort. He knew from the start that they had brought you both together and what better than to make it mean something even more by asking you to marry him with them. Although, in his heart he knew your answer to the question, he would still be nervous about it until you say “Yes”. “Y-Y/N…I-I was wondering…If…You’d like…To marry me…”

Rick-He’d ask you to marry him as you were both on the road alone and were having a meal together. For so many days, he would drag out your stay outside, just to have all his time with you as well as find the right moment to pop the question. As you’d eat together and laugh, he’d realize each moment was perfect with you and would grab your hand to make you look in his eyes, before smiling and popping the question. “Y/N…You know how much I want to spend my life with you…So…Will you marry me?”

Merle-He’d ask you to marry him as he’d look at you cleaning your shared cell. He’d come to realize how much you mean to him and how much he doesn’t ever want to be without you, making the idea of marriage just pop in his head. He’d get a rather soft and serious tone as he’d call you to make you look at him, only to get nervous but smile he pops the question, making you jump to hold him. “Y/N…Do you know how much I need you in my life? So much…That i’m asking you to marry me…”

Glenn-He’d ask you to marry him by getting the approval of your friends and family first before surprising you. Knowing how much they mean to you, he’d want to let them know that he’d take care of you and that from now they were his family as well. Afterwards, he’d pop the question, calmly as he takes a good look at you, while you were laying in bed together and reminiscing about how you met and what you’ve gone through. “Y/N…I know we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together…but still…I have to ask you…Will you marry me?”

Carl-He’d ask you to marry him by making you promise to stay with him forever as you’d sit outside the walls reading together. Despite your young age, knowing how much he felt for you, he’d want you to promise him to stay by his side as he would for you, and would grab your hand to suddenly let you know of his feelings. “Y/N…I know we’re both young…but I know I want to be with you forever…So let’s make a promise to marry each other…”

The Governor-He’d ask you to marry him by getting down on his knee as you’d sit by the garden he had been working on with you. He’d spend the beautiful day, talking and eating with you, slowly realizing that his plans are going just as he wanted. Suddenly, he’d pretend to get himself dirty on accident and run inside to get “change”, only to walk out with a ring and lowers himself as he’d get close enough to you. “I’m sorry about the little lie…But Y/N…Will you make me…the happiest man and marry me…”

Abraham-He’d ask you to marry him by casually dropping the question as you’d wake up from your nap. As you’d spend your day just cuddling together on the couch, the idea would come to his mind as you’d fall asleep in his arms and he realizes how much he needs you in his life. He’d wait for you to wake up and as you’d open your eyes, you’d feel him stroking your hair, making you look up to him and for him to calmly ask you the question. “Hey…Cutie…Y/N…I got something to ask you…Will you marry me…”

Eugene-He’d ask you to marry him by proposing to you with the ring he had been working on for so long while in the factory as you would barge in to see what he was up to. Preparing the surprise would end up consuming his time and it would make you worry that he was being unfaithful. As you’d surprise him, he would’ve finished it all and nervously bend his knee to pop the question. “Euh…Y-Y/N…I-I wanted to know…I-if you were interested into being my wife!”

Ron-He’d ask you to marry him by getting you a promise ring and surprising you with a visit to your house. He knew he wanted you to be his for the rest of his life and just had to be sure of a way to do so, as you were both rather young to get married so soon. With the help of his mom, they came up with the idea of a promise ring and decided to make it official with you. “I know we can’t get married yet…But Y/N…will you accept this as a promise to be with me…”

Jesus-He’d ask you to marry him by screaming out the question as he’d come to visit you during your guard shift at the walls of Alexandria. He’d just be so happy to have you in his life that the idea of proposing to you would come and certainly he had to let everyone know of his love for you. Without a hint of nervousness, he’d get your attention as he’d get closer to the gate and just smile as he asks you the question. “Y/N!!!! Hello! I just came by to ask you one thing today! And that is! Will you marry me?!”

Dwight-He’d ask you to marry him by waiting for you with some beer and pretzel in the first house you had gotten together. He’d realize how much you mean to him and would remember the first days you had moved in together and knew he had to make something special out of it. You’d end up finding several notes as clues as to where you should join him, only to find him sitting on the floor with the last note, asking you the question. “So…Y/N…What do you think? Please tell me it’s a yes…I worked hard…I even remembered the beer and pretzel!”

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as a survivor, i feel like the way that we talk about love in today’s culture is very flat and static. on one side, we have people saying that nobody will hurt you if they love you. on the other side, we have people saying that people can love you but still hurt you. i feel like this all conceptualizes love as a state of being when it is much, much less a noun and much, much more a verb.

people can be bad at loving. love isn’t a check mark or a milestone that stays checked/passed forever. love means you go out of the way to show people that they matter to you, that their needs and wants are important, that you are willing to make sacrifices for them because they matter. it means showing someone that they deserve kindness and respect and affection by giving them these things. love can be expressed through any other emotion- anger at someone who hurts the person you love, sadness when they’re harmed, happiness when you are with them, anxiety when they are sick.

abusers use the action of love as a weapon. rather than being in this constant state of loving, they choose to express love as a form of conditioning or as a punishment. love becomes a way to reinforce behaviors and guilt victims. there’s probably a good argument to be made that this kind of love is only a facsimile, but as a society and as individuals, we still recognize it as love.

i’m writing all this to say that the quality of love matters, in cases of abuse and in day to day life. it isn’t enough to see love as a hurdle to jump in a relationship (whether friendship, romantic, familial, etc). if someone feels unloved, it’s probably because people aren’t loving them! we need to consider this in how we handle abuse and survivorship.

(this post was inspired by and draws on writings by @sftn btw)

Unlike Him: Part 2

After realizing something went wrong when Jughead and you were together, you realize that you might be pregnant. So with the help of Betty and Veronica, you are going to figure it out. 

Part 1

Part 3

Sorry it’s kind of a cliff hanger but I plan on making a part 3!

______________________________________________________________

            I ran straight into the girls’ locker room, thankfully finding total solitude in there. I leaned over the sink looking at myself in the mirror. I felt like I could throw up. My grip began tightening around the edge of the sink, turning my knuckles white, as I thought about how stupid I was to not make sure he was wearing a condom. If I was pregnant, this could potentially ruin both our lives. We would never get out of this godforsaken town. Of course I still loved Jughead, so my mind drifted to how he would never be able to become a writer like he wanted, because he will have to help take care of the baby. Wait- what if… what if he runs off. I could not blame him. I was the one who instigated what happened that night. I loved him, so I wanted him to be happy, and there was no way he would be happy stuck in Riverdale for the rest of his life with a child he doesn’t want and a career he doesn’t want, all because of a woman he clearly doesn’t want.

        Suddenly my thoughts were interrupted by the door to the locker room slamming open. I realized I was crying and quickly wiped off my tears before turning around to thankfully see Betty and Veronica. I didn’t know what I would do without them. They noticed my tears and both gave me a hug.

       “Is it what we think it is?” questioned Betty.

      I shook my head yes. I felt like I couldn’t talk, like I could barely think.

       “You still need to take a test right?” Veronica asked making sure. “Hey it could be negative for all you know,” she continued trying to lighten the mood.

       Betty could sense that it still did not make me feel better and she was right. I had to know, until I did nothing would help.

       “Why don’t I run to the store and buy them and Ronnie can wait here with you,” Betty said seemingly knowing just what I needed.

        “Okay,” I finally spoke up quietly.

       With that Betty was out the door. Veronica noticed I started crying again, so she pulled me over to a bench. We both sat down, her holding me, while I let out my tears.

       “You know, whatever happens Betty and I will be here for you,” she soothed.

        Truthfully I already knew that. Class will be starting in and few minutes and Betty willingly is going to miss it. If she did that for me I knew there was nothing she would not do. As for Veronica she was like a rock. She wouldn’t care what anyone would say about me, she would still stick with me through it. But the problem was not that. It was the men in my life. Namely Jughead, Archie, and my dad. Jughead did not even want me, why would he want our child. He would never forgive me. As for Archie, well he would probably kill Jughead over it, or at least try to, being the overprotective brother he was. Then he would proceed to yell at my for the neck 50 years of my life. And my dad, well all he wanted was the best for Archie and me. This was clearly not the best, and not part of my life plan for at least another 10 years. I was his little girl; he always believed in me and trusted me to know what to do. I was going to break his heart and he would never forgive me either.

      “I know you guys will be. You two are my best friends,” I voiced my thoughts to Veronica. “The problem is Jughead, Archie, and my dad. They will never forgive me”.

      Veronica sighed, she knew it would be hard to get them to accept it, but they all loved her, even Jughead did, despite what he told her.

      “They all love and care about you; they just want what’s best for you. And this was not what they had in mind. But since they care for you they will eventually move and get over it. They won’t be mad at you forever,” Veronica finished, noticing that her words made my crying die down a little.

      We stayed like, Veronica hugging me on the bench, until Betty came back.

      Barging through the door she begins to speak, “I didn’t know which ones were best so I got multiple ones”.

       As she dumped them on the counter I laughed. As little kids I don’t think Betty or I ever pictured that we would be doing this first semester of our sophomore year of high school.

      I ran and hugged her saying, “Thank you Betty. I’m going to go use these. Wait here for me”.

     They nodded as I grabbed the tests and ran off to the bathroom stalls that were situated off to the side of the girls’ locker room.

     After I was done I made my way out of the stalls and place the tests on the counter. Betty proceeded to set a timer on her phone. We all went to sit on the bench while we waited.

     When the timer went off I could not make myself move to go check. Veronica looked at me and realized I had no intention of getting up. So instead she went to check.

     After looking at them, she turned to me, with a straight face, and asked, “Are you ready to know?”

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Open for requests -> click here
My Masterlist 

Familiar


Pairing: Nalu

Rating: K+

Genre: Friendship and romance

Summary: The tiny stuffed toy was her treasure - a little demon that had helped her through good times and bad. And suddenly there he was, breathing, walking, talking, emoting. And asking for a kiss. 

Notes: This drabble poured out as soon as I laid eyes on <<this>> wonderful art by @liku-bears!

It was probably the only really meaningful gift from her father in recent times. It wasn’t much — just a tiny little demon plushie. It could have easily been lost in thousands of other dresses and jewellery that he had also sponsored for her.

Had it not been for the fact the toy was a small reminder of happier times. And of her parents’ love.

One of her fondest childhood memories were of when they would all cuddle together in bed while her mother told stories. In particular, one of a tiny demon that saved lost little kids, only to be misunderstood by the children’s parents when they saw him with them. Her father would supply the dialogues for the angry people, while her mother would do those for the little children and the demon.

Lucy felt for the demon, and protested, insisting that she would have done her best to protect it had she had the chance. Her mother had been so pleased with the suggestion, that she would weave a Lucy into the story to do just that - and she would get to do her own dialogues. And they would go on and on until Jude reminded them of it being past bedtime.

Storytime had been her favourite way to spend time with her family - it was the one time her father and mother could take a break from their royal duties and spend time with her.

Her mother’s sudden loss had been very hard on her and her father, and his subsequent attempts to cope had really dented their relationship. Lucy, now at sixteen years, still couldn’t remember the last time she and her father had really spoken.

The plushie, gifted to her on her tenth birthday, two years after losing her mother, was a small reminder that despite all the evidence that went against it, her father really did care.

She had taken extremely good care of the soft toy ever since. It had a special place beside her pillow at night-time and was the last thing she saw when she went to bed and the first when she woke up. She would talk to it every day — share tales of her day, people she met, things she learnt. She would laugh with it and cry holding it. It was her closest friend, and had been for years now.

Even if it never had it replied back.

Not till right now anyway.

Lucy, the ever graceful celestial princess of Magnolia, fell rather clumsily on her bum when it — he — suddenly spoke.

“Woah, there! You okay?” came the tiny voice again, as the now animated toy (person?) leaned over the bed to ensure she was okay.

“Y-y-you’re talking!”

“Hell yeah I am!” he grinned. “Finally.”

“B-b-but you’re a toy!”

“Oi, I’m a demon!“ His face tilted to one side. "And you’ve always told me you’re a polite person. Lies!”

Lucy blinked disbelievingly, as the little toy crossed his arms and huffed.

She crawled on her knees back to the edge of her bed to peek at the toy, see for herself if he really was…real.

And while the demon kept his back to her, pouting sulkily, she brought a finger to poke him in the side.

“Hey,” he warned.

Poke.

“Hey!” His back still faced her.

Poke.

“Would you— ” he got cut off as Lucy — in a bid to try and confirm once more that felt had indeed given way to flesh — unintentionally began tickling him.

“S-sorry,” she said, not really that sorry. His laughter was heart-warming.

“Oh, you’re gonna pay,” he said, once he’d caught his breath.

“And what are you going to do about it?” Lucy challenged.

He pouted again and Lucy couldn’t help but giggle.

“I didn’t intend to tickle you, if that helps,” she added.

“You’re mean, Luce,” he grumbled.

Lucy raised an eyebrow. “Luce?”

“Well yeah, that’s what I’ve always called you,” he said, rolling away to make room for Lucy to climb and sit on her bed.

“You were listening the whole time?” she asked in wonder.

“Yup,” he replied.

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tbpdfw

Those Childhood behaviors & experiences that I now get knowing I have bpd like:

Oh yeah identity issues:

  • Not understanding why when actors’ spoke about a character they were playing they treated it like a separate person because for me playing pretend meant becoming that character, another version of myself
  • Transfixing on my friend’s TigerBeat magazines even though I didn’t care about celebrities and getting a subscription myself just for the quizzes 
  • Getting really attached to specific words or phrases that you thought fit you or that other ppl used to describe you (for me it was “unique”, “empath”, not “normal”)
  • Using others’ descriptions of you as the way to describe yourself and your role in your own life (has big eyes, has nice smile, intelligent, artist)
  • Going to the bathroom in school to escape and end up just staring at myself in the mirror and asking who am I? I don’t recognize myself
  • Taking in bad descriptions of yourself and mean comments as truth as well (annoying, loud, talkative, sensitive, judgmental; you interrupt too much, you complain too much, you always think you’re right)
  • Getting really attached to IPod Touch backgrounds and saving ones that I thought represented me
  • Saving screencaps of the results of random silly quizzes as if collecting “facts” about myself
  • Taking on personality traits from a TV show character I liked and wanted to be like, wanting to dress like them, and wanting ppl to call me by the character’s name as a nickname
  • Quoting “Forgive and forget, that’s my motto” from a TV show character because it sounded cool and Right even though it wasn’t at all true about myself
  • Trying to copy some self-harming techniques I had heard to make my depression feel more valid
  • Throwing out a chocolate with caramel inside even though I liked it because I had previously always said I hated caramel and couldn’t contradict that
  • Acting like moments between you and another person or you in general were part of a movie and you had an imagined script of what dramatic thing you should say

Wanting attention & validation:

  • Doing and saying whatever to make adults you liked laugh or give you positive attention 
  • Finished painting a picture I was proud of (around age 3-5), my friend/neighbor who I’m painting with just finished finger painting something as well. My mom praises her and calls her choice to finger paint creative. I immediately smear my entire picture with my fingers
  • Carrying around a book of writings that I covered the outside with notes about it being “top secret” and “do NOT read” in the hopes of attracting interest so that someone would try to read it
  • Telling my best friend I *insert suicide ideation here* to hear her reaction in the hope of concern and attention
  • Biting at my mouth and lips in attempts of (unsuccessfully) hurting myself and getting attention after reading the book Speak in which a girl does the same in response to trauma
  • Talking nonstop, loudly and quickly in attempts to be heard; Having problems interrupting people in conversation  as I was used to being ignored and having limited time to be heard
  • Oversharing in class about personal experiences

Black and white thinking

  • Seeing my darker shift in mood as the new “bad” me vs the younger happier idealized version of myself as the old “good” me
  • Drawing images of broken mirrors, broken hearts, and thorny plants to represent this Bad new me vs regular hearts and thriving pretty plants as the old Good me
  • Seeing ppl as either minor acquaintances or Best Friends, no inbetween  
  • Feeling like ppl, even best friends, couldn’t get me and therefore we shouldn’t be friends anymore
  • Getting mad at ppl for having different opinions because they were Wrong

Unstable moods; Depression and thoughts of suicide or self-harm 

  • Feeling broken, wrong and messed up constantly for not being as happy as I once remembered
  • Writing dramatic sad poems about a perceived loss of innocence aka growing up which I concluded was the reason for the change
  • Leaving class just to wander under the guise of going to the bathroom, linger at windows and fantasize about running away somewhere happy
  • Continuously thinking about and wanting to break the mirrors but knowing it would be messy and probably hurt and I’d get in trouble
  • Feeling like I wanted to die before knowing what that meant and feeling like no one could save me
  • Punching my desk and the school porcelain sinks to feel my knuckles sting; scraping my hands with pens by drawing rough repeated lines over the skin to “punish” myself for being “bad”
  • Self-harming before knowing what that meant
  • Prolonging eating to punish yourself with hunger but giving into eating eventually
  • Feeling weak about not being able to commit to doing serious harm to myself
  • Having episodes of loss of interest in all things I found fun; feeling numb
  • Erratic sleeping patterns
  • Wanting to call in sick from school or pretend your sick to stay home because you just feel awful and don’t know why
  • Wanting to die on the way to school, passively feeling okay with the thought you might get hit by a car or bus

Unstable relationships; Imprinting, FPs, (Perceived) Abandonment & Splitting

  • Getting super attached to my first best friend in kindergarten and being convinced we’d be best friends forever 
  • Coming home crying every other day the next year when she got new friends who all didn’t want me around them
  • “Testing out” a new friend group everyday to try and find a place I felt like I belonged  
  • Spending recess after recess walking around alone and watching all the other kids play together reasoning everyone has a friend but me
  • Not playing with other kids who invited me to because they weren’t my Best Friend (cough baby’s first FP cough)
  • Getting super attached to my new neighbor/friend and jumping at any chance to hang out with her even when she was mean to me or didn’t really want to hang out with me
  • When she suddenly started avoiding me and stopped talking to me after years of friendship I went from hurt to completely uncaring as if we were never friends at all
  • At my new school, I once again spent my time trying out new friend groups and dropping them when they didn’t fit me and ended up in the small assortment of “rejects” 
  • Going back and forth between being best friends, feeling better than them, feeling bad that they were putting energy into someone who really didn’t care
  • Feeling like I was pretending and didn’t care about them as much as they cared about me (none of them were my FP) and therefore we shouldn’t be friends at all 
  • Getting super attached to a new girl in school because I didn’t have any close friends and we were both Guyanese and therefore somehow connected; saying embarrassing things to her about how I felt detached from other friends and much closer to her in the span of only a few days
  • She told my other friend that I was like an annoying “dog” following her around and she switched schools within the next few weeks
  • I immediately into the “she never existed” mode of detachment 
  • Writing dramatically “I’m sorry I wasn’t a good friend to you when you were such a good friend to me” in my friend’s yearbook (knowing he wouldn’t see it until years later)
  • Getting super attached to and oversharing with teachers who showed me particular kindness and attention
  • Getting depressed when I noticed they showed kindness and attention individually to other students
  • Feeling not good enough or healthy enough to be in relationships

These are my personal experiences but maybe they are relatable to others with bpd.

((This is super long but I just felt like it needed to be said and shown that ppl with bpd often have signs of early symptoms in childhood that get worse later and that they often don’t understand until later. Hope this gives others with bpd some clarity.))

Feel free to share some of your own!

(EDIT: Remembered some more)

Creepypasta #1099: My Late Nana Loved Telling The Story Of How Her Father Saved Their Village From Monsters

Length: Medium

Nana used to tell me stories when I was little. I stayed with her during the day while my parents were at work, all the way up until I went to kindergarten. I would sit at her kitchen table, happily munching away on a braunschweiger sandwich, kicking my legs that couldn’t touch the floor yet and beg her for more stories, more stories, more stories.

She had so many, but she had one in particular she told more than the others. I don’t know if it was her favorite, or mine, or both. It may have been my favorite because I could tell it was hers.

~~

Many little girls don’t know how lucky they are. Never fall victim to that way of thinking, little sparrow. I knew how lucky I was. I had my Papa.

My Papa was a good man, a strong man. My Papa was a hero, and not just in the way that a lot of daughters think their fathers are. He was a real hero.

You see, little sparrow, before I came to America, I lived in a village. It had once been small but slowly grew to a bustling, thriving place full of life and magic. I can still remember the lovely buildings, the flow of people in the streets, the pretty storefronts with their shiny glass windows. It was a beautiful place and I knew how lucky I was to live there with my Papa because my Papa protected us.

Not just my mother and I, he protected the whole village. He was a hero, as I said. Even though I loved our home, it was not always a safe place.

You see, in our village, there were monsters.

Now I don’t want to scare you, little sparrow, but do not believe the people who tell you monsters aren’t real. Monsters are very real, they are alive and well, and they often hide in plain sight.

That’s what made my Papa a hero. He could spot these monsters, find them lurking beneath their disguises of pink human skin. They seemed good enough, normal enough, but he knew how to identify them and he taught me too.

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Just Roommates (Part 3)

Originally posted by jensen-jay

Summary: Sam calls reader back to the bunker for an emergency and things come to a head…

Part 1 Part 2

Pairing: Dean x reader

Word Count: 2,400ish

Warnings: lots of language

A/N: Sorry, not sorry…


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No eyes for you. 02

Originally posted by kookies-for-taehyung

Jimin x reader

01 | Reading | 

Gender: Male x Female
Genre: Highschool/college au, angst, fluff, smut.
Warning: light smut,
Word count: 1853 words

Summary: Having a crush on your best friend’s sister was already hard enough for Jimin especially when Jungkook made clear his sister was off limits. The idea of his older sister dating on of his friends made him feel sick. Lucky for him he didn’t have to worry about that since Y/N made clear that she didn’t have eyes for high schoolers no matter what.  
But things might change when he hears his named being moaned out in the shower.


It was safe to say that the night didn’t go by as smoothly as Y/N had hoped for.
The guaranteed fact that Jimin, her little brother’s best friend, had heard her getting off on him was nothing to sleep away. Ever since high school Jimin had been on Y/N’s mind, not that the decision was a conscious one there was no way Y/N wanted it to happen, but it happened.
She didn’t choose to dream about how good Jimin’s lips would feel ghosting over her skin or how his hands would hold her waist tightly as he pushed himself inside her, but it happened.
It kept on happening even when Y/N graduated, even after her one night stands she couldn’t help but think about the boy who was only a year younger. Maybe that was the reason why Y/N couldn’t get her mind of Jimin. He was one year younger and soon to be a college student just like her.

The morning was rough, Y/N couldn’t bare to go downstairs and face Jimin in fact she wanted to stay in bed all day but she had her life to live. Letting out an annoyed groan Y/N rolled out of bed. She was mentally preparing and encouraging herself for the journey awaiting her. If she quickly made it to the bathroom and left the house with the same speed she might avoid Jimin. Taking a deep breath Y/N opened up her door her head peaking out to see if there was any live in the hallway when none was shone Y/N sprinted towards the bathroom which was next to the stairs. It was quite an end away, but if she took big leaps it was a matter of seconds.
The feeling of victory crashed into Y/N when her fingers brushed the door handle, but luck mustn’t be on her side when she could feel it slip underneath her. The door slowly opened and out came a half naked Jimin, the only thing covering him was a towel wrapped around his waist.
Jimin wasn’t even half surprised as Y/N was when he stepped out the bathroom almost colliding with the slightly smaller girl. “Oh.” He said, his eyes watching as Y/N took a good few steps back her cheeks starting to burn as well as her ears. Jimin let out a chuckle as he watched the reaction of Y/N, she couldn’t even look at him the ground being more interesting. Where did all that fire of a grown woman go? “The bathroom is all yours.” Jimin chimed as he took a step to the side allowing Y/N to walk in, but even if Y/N wanted she couldn’t move. “You’re not going in?” Jimin cocked an eyebrow. “Uh- yeah I was.” Forcing herself to move pass Jimin Y/N managed to catch a the familiar scent of Jimin, it was musky but not to strong. Did he have his bathroom supplies here? Instantly the thought and images of Jimin showering here flooded Y/N’s mind and her body started to heat up. Shaking away the thoughts Jimin couldn’t help but smile at the little scene being  played out for him, she must be still thinking about his words from last night.

It was then when Jimin came up with an idea, something both he and Y/N would enjoy.

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