i want phil to be my dad

Sinner’s Prayer

Pairing: Danisnotonfire & AmazingPhil (Phan)

Genre: Smut, Religious!Dan, Bamph!Phil, slight/daddy!kink

Word Count: 6500

Warnings: Explicit Language, Reference to Church, Bullying. 

Summary: Dan is just a freshman in high school. He follows all the rules and even goes to Mass every Sunday because that’s what good boys do. But Dan’s nature to do everything that he is told, seems to attract a certain kind of ruthless older boy; one who’s only desire is to spoil Dan’s innocence. 

Author’s Note: To clear up all the confusion, I say pants not trousers. I’m American lol. 

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disappoint me daddy
  • dan and phil play dream daddy!! i messaged people abt this like a week and a half ago and immediately thought oh no what hell have i wished upon us but it is HERE
  • to be fair i am on my second watch so this isn’t. reacting
  • 0:47 and dan is already talking about barebacking i want to delete all of this

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DC/Marvel Crossover

Prompt: How about one where batsis goes on a solo mission and the avengers arrested her because they didn’t know who she was and bat fam gets worried because she hasn’t been back and Bruce sends Tim to get her


“You’re telling me that you want to break into Avengers Tower and … what? Download all of the information on the Avengers?”

Bruce nods, “That’s exactly what I want you to do. They have too many people on that team that could one day try and take over the world, I need to know how to stop them.”

“And how am I supposed to get into a building that houses a god, two super soldiers now, a Hulk, two assassins, and a genius? That’s not even including their handler, Phil, who I have met and have a deep respect for”

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out” Bruce lays a hand over your shoulder before making his way to the Batmobile, “I need those files, Y/N. I’m depending on you for this. Stark would expect me to go after the files, he won’t expect you. There’s a gala in one week that I am invited to, that would be the best time to strike, all of the Avengers are going to be in attendance.”

“Fine, I’ll start planning now”

Getting into Avengers Tower is surprisingly easy. There aren’t any assassins, or even that many security guards in the building. It isn’t until you’ve already gotten thought the servers firewall and are halfway finished uploading the Avengers files that you notice something is wrong.

Those files do not belong to you.

You let out a shriek (that you’ll deny later) when a voice starts talking from the ceiling. “What the fuck!?”

You have not been authorized by Sir to access these files.

“Who are you?”

I am JARVIS, I am the artificial intelligence that runs Avengers Tower. I have already scanned you, you are not a SHIELD agent, nor are you an employee of SI.

“And you’re just now confronting me? If you control the whole building why didn’t you stop me sooner?”

I was curious as to your goal

It sounds like the AI is amused, of course Stark would make an AI with an attitude. “And now that you know what I’m doing, what are you going to do?”

I have intercepted the file uploads and blocked them. I have also shut down the room you are currently in, have locked it, and informed Sir of your presence.

“Of fucking course you did”

You will not have to wait long, miss. The Avengers are on their way now.

Natasha Romanoff is the first one to reach you, and when she starts to tie your hands behind your back you don’t even try and stop her. You might be a vigilante in Gotham, but unlike your brothers and father, you know when you’re outmatched. So instead of further injuring yourself, you quietly submit to being tied up and gagged.

“JARVIS, who is she?”

I am currently running a facial recognition scan now, Agent Romanoff

“Good, I’m going to take her to Interrogation Room 3. Tell the others to meet us there”

Of course.

Natasha marches you down several flights of stairs, and through a steel door to an interrogation room.

“I’m going to take off the gag now, and you’re going to answer my questions. Understand?” The gag is quickly pulled off. “Now who are you?”

“It’s an honor to meet you, Ms. Romanoff. I’ve always looked up to you, you know? I mean you survived the Red Room, the Soviets, even the Winter Soldier. And what happened in Budapest! You and Mr. Barton were amazing there! I didn’t think you guys were gonna come out alive …”

A knife presses against your throat, leaving a shallow cut, “How do you know about any of that? Who sent you here? Who the hell are you?”

The door slams open, “Agent Romanoff! Put that away, and untie her”

“Sir …?”

“Now, Agent Romanoff”

The knife quickly pulls away from your throat, a thin trickle of blood left in its place, but you don’t pay much attention to it. Instead you twist around and throw a grin at the older man, “Hey, Phil, it’s been a while”

“Ms. Wayne, I can’t say that I am glad to see you. According to the report JARVIS gave me, you were attempting to upload the personal files for all of the Avengers. I assume that your father was the one to send you?”

“Yeah, Dad said something about needing to have a plan for if anyone here went evil, he wants to know how to kill them. You know my father likes his plans”

“Unfortunately, I won’t be able to get you out of this mess. The transgression did not happen on SHIELD soil. The Avengers will decide what they want to do with you”

“So … I get to meet everyone?”

Phil lets out a chuckle, “Yes, you will be able to meet the rest of the Avengers, however these aren’t the best circumstances to meet them under.”

“You really think dad would let me meet them any other way? This is probably the only time I’m gonna get to meet the Winter Soldier”

“The other Avengers won’t be happy with what you did. It was a complete violation of their privacy. Even if I put in a good word for you, I don’t know if they will listen to me”

“It’s fine. Even if they decide to torture me, I’ll be alright. I mean I’ve probably had worse from the Joker and from the al Ghul’s.”

Before Phil can answer, the door once again opens and Tony Stark steps through, “You can hold off on that facial recognition scan, JARVIS. I know who this is”

“Hello, Tony!”

“Hello, Y/N” He spins the chair around and plops down on it, straddling the back of it, “I can’t say I’m happy to see you though”

“I know, I hate that I had to do this, but you know my father, he’s not someone you say no to”

“Natasha, will you untie her?”

“Not until you tell me who she is, and what we are going to do with her” Natasha crosses her arms, knife still help tightly in one hand. “All I’ve gathered is that both you and Phil know who she is, and that she was attempting to steal our personal files.”

“Sorry, I forgot to introduce myself! My name is Y/N Wayne.”

Phil sighs quietly, “She is also known as the Sparrow, the one who managed to get Red Hood to stop unnecessarily killing, she is also SHIELDs contact in Gotham, and she is the liaison between SHIELD and the JLA”

“How have I never met her then?”

“It was considered a conflict of interest for me to meet the Avengers because I am already in the JLA. Of course, my father doesn’t give a damn that I’ve possibly just ruined the relationship between SHIELD and the JLA, all he cares about is being able to stop you if any of you decide to go homicidal.”

“He thinks that he’ll be able to stop any of us?”

You shrug as much as you can with your arms still bound, “No idea, I don’t try to understand his way of thinking. Phil,” You tilt back, trying to make eye contact with the agent, “You know he’s going to send one of my brothers after me. I don’t want them hurt”

“I’ll warn everyone, don’t worry. Now, Natasha, if you’ll untie Y/N and bring her to the common room. We can await the arrival of one of Y/N’s brothers there. In the meantime, you all can ask her any questions you’d like”

“So you’re telling me that Bruce Wayne is Batman, one of your brothers has come back from the dead, you aren’t allowed to kill any of the villains that have taken hundreds of lives, and that you were once a part of the League of Assassins. Am I missing anything?”

“Yeah, I once stopped Superman and Superboy when they were mind controlled, and I work as Lex Luthor’s assistant and help him curb his homicidal tendencies … I’ve also time travelled before”

Steve Rogers puts his head in his hands, “Of course you have. Is there anything else?”

“Nope” You glance around the common room, locking eyes with Bruce Banner, “Can you turn into the Hulk? I’d really like to see him again.”

“Again?”

“I met him once, about a year after you left America, he saved my life. I had just blown up one of the League of Assassins compounds and didn’t get out in time, I was trapped under rubble. I had accepted the fact that I was going to die there when a huge green hand smashed through the rubble and dragged me out. Hulk left before I could even say thank you”

“I don’t remember that”

You flash a brief smile, “I’m not surprised, I did some research on you after that. You don’t remember 85% of what happens when you’re the Hulk, right?”

“Yes, that’s correct, how did you …?”

“I have a lot of connections, Dr. Banner. Who do you think was the one that got General Ross to leave you alone once you came back to America?”

Bruce’s eyes go wide, “You … you … how?”

“I have some friends in high places that owed me a favor or two, they cracked down hard on Ross, forced him to stop hunting you. SHIELD tried to get him to stop, but even though they’re a top secret government organization they didn’t have enough leverage to get thing’s done”

It takes Bruce a minute or two to speak after that, “Thank you, that means a lot that you’d do something like that”

“He saved my life, it’s the least I could do”

“So, Phil, how do you know Y/N?” Clint drops down from the vent opening, perching on the arm of the couch.

“Phil and I met while he was in Tahiti, after the Chitauri invasion.”

“Why were you in Tahiti?”

“I was captured by the al Ghul’s and tortured for 4 months. By the time my family found me I was almost dead. SHILED sent me there to heal, like they did with Phil. We’ve run into each other a few times after that, but that was where we met”

Phil rolls his eyes, “Y/N refused to stay in her hospital room and constantly snuck into mine while we healed. I wasn’t allowed out of bed for several weeks, and every day Y/N would limp into my room to keep me company”

“Phil’s someone I consider a good friend now”

Clint sticks his bottom lip out, pouting at his handler, “How come I never heard of her? We could have been BirdBros!”

“I’ve been begging Phil for years to let me meet you guys, but he kept saying that it was a ‘conflict of interest’ but I just think that he didn’t want to deal with the paperwork”

Phil raised one eyebrow, “Unfortunately it seems that I wasn’t able to keep you two apart, and now I dread the mayhem that you will cause.”

“Mayhem will have to wait until after my brother’s inevitable rescue attempt”

Surprisingly it’s Tim that was sent to rescue you. The Avengers had put you back into the interrogation room, and were all watching from the control room.

“Hey, Red. I thought you were off with the Titans this week.”

“B called me in, said that you needed to be rescued, and some files needed to be retrieved”

“I’m sorry, babybird, but we won’t be getting those files today”

Tim smirks, “They don’t even know I’m here …”

The speaker crackles to life, “Unfortunately, kid, we do know you’re here and your sister’s right, you won’t be getting access to those files tonight”

“Sorry, Red, they kinda set up a trap to catch all of us birds. They knew that someone would come for me, and now someone will come for the both of us.”

Tim sighs, “Do we have to stay in this room the whole time?”

The door opens and Tony steps in, “Of course you won’t. It’s team bonding night, so movies and snacks. I’ll even let you call your other brothers so they can get in on the action.”

“We’re going to have a sleepover with the Avengers?”

You chuckle, “It looks like it, babybird, it looks like it”

anonymous asked:

yesterday me and my dads were driving to my grandma's on the other side of england, 9 hours long roadtrip with them singing lady gaga for 8. i wanted to die. finally they put on a normal radio and one of them was like 'marcel do you remember this two radio guys? one of them was cute and another really weird but also okay i guess' and my other dad was like 'oh like the gay couple? i miss them they would always play this funny 6 seconds game'. my fathers stan dan and phil and i don't know what do.

im coming out as your dads

I will fly with no fear

desc; punk!phil takes care of his boyfriend, dan’s, son while dan is at a meeting. dan’s son comes home from school crying and its up to phil “on some level im deathly afraid of children” lester to save the day.

insphttp://feminismfuckyeah.tumblr.com/post/141165992691

a/n; thank you to @andromedalester for betaing this 2am explosion of words and dubbing it ‘SO GOSH DANG SUTE’ i love u v much em ty or helping me out <33  

 gender rolls are the only bad type of bread


The door swung open and hit the doorframe with a resonating crack. Phil perked his ears up from his bowl of cereal and looked over, just in time to see Finn crawl onto the couch next to him. The kindergartner snuggled into his arm and Phil made sure to set the bowl away.

Finn almost never touched him, still not understanding why Phil had moved in with him and his father, Dan. He hadn’t expected a smidge of affection this early on – being the stranger, in Finn’s home – and made sure to wrap his tattoo clad arms around the somber boy.

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Party- for Good Boys Only

Pairing: AmazingPhil & Danisnotonfire (Phan)

Genre: Smut, Angst, Daddy!kink

Warnings: Parental Divorce, Sexual Content

Word count: 9000

Summary: Dan and Phil are reluctant stepbrothers soon to be strangers. When Dan’s father decided to marry Phil’s mother, no one could have predicted the marriage ending in flames only a few weeks later. The two boys who avoided each other at all costs during the marriage are brought together one last time before they part ways forever. Phil hates Dan. Dan can’t stand Phil. But what happens when a house party goes terribly wrong and they end up needing each other more than their parents ever did?  

AKA. Angsty teenage Dan, a drunken night no one can remember, mysterious hickies, thigh riding, overstim, sexual tension for days etc… 

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anonymous asked:

Pastel!Dan and punk!Phil please? Maybe Dan introducing Phil to his parents and being like "We put up with your clothes but not this!" Just some homophobic parents and some really sweet Phil.

Title: Work In Progress

Summary: pastel!Dan is dating punk!Phil and finally comes out to his parents, but they aren’t exactly supportive, but Phil is there to comfort Dan.

Pairing: phan

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 1,638

Trigger Warnings: homophobia

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anonymous asked:

Omfl nora I dreamt that dnp were my dads and we were grocery shopping, phil put pumpkin spice pasta in the trolley but dan and i decided the line had to go somewhere and switched it, also phil the absolute madman wanted gingerbread in october and i said no way but dan who loves his husband above all was like "its ok we'll get the small one and close our eyes while he eats them", also i had to carry all the bags bc my dads were weak and lazy and "why did you think we had a kid this is your job"

this is more realistic than every phanfic i’ve ever read

things my dad said while watching dnp


(the pastel edits video)


“that’s phil, *points to dan* and that’s don”


*five minutes later*


“DAN OH! HIS NAME IS DAN!”


“they wouldn’t be funny on their own.”


“is it really that hard to put on dungarees?”


“wow they’re not as insane as i thought.”


“you can see his ass.”


“i don’t believe they’re over 16.”


“he’s not 26! no! he’s 18! that other one looks 20!”


“don looks weird in that wig wow.”

*points at phil*

*i say dad that’s phil*

“woops.”


“i want that unicorn.”


“WOW HE ALMOST POKED HIS EYE OUT THATS THE CONTENT I NEED!”



(“we’re moving out” video)


“they LIVE together?”


“he dyes his hair.”


“are they not smart enough to walk AROUND the table.”


“wow they’re tall.”


“still don’t believe they’re over 18.”


“he has a butt chair?”


“how the hell did he sleep on that?”


“do they have any friends?”


(after i showed him like three more he said “i actually enjoy watching them. i’ll have to get youtube now.” he’s one of us now)


(aNd he talks about them all the time it’s getting weird he asked me if they have the same couch it’s very weird.)


(uPdAtE he read tabinof and he liked it)

Dan Has A Protection Kink

I think Dan loves it when Phil gets all protective. Like, seriously:

1) In the “WATCH US WRECK SOME LOSERS ONLINE” Mario Kart video, when Dan’s cart gets pushed by someone, Dan literally goes, “Phil, I was just assaulted.”

2) In that same video, when Dan’s eyelash falls on his cheek, he goes, “pROTECT ME PROTECT ME!”

3) Still in that same video, Dan goes, “Phil everyone behind me is attacking me” and in all 3 of these examples Dan sounds like he wants Phil to get all protective so bad, honey

4) In the second Dream Daddy video, when Dan reads, “arms” he goes, “strong dad arms to carry you out of dangerous situations” Basically saying he wants to get superhero rescued

5) In Phil’s, “Viewers Pick My Outfits” video from yesterday (A+ video), when Phil was wearing the shirt that showed off his arms, of course Dan was squealing about his arms, and of course he goes, “dad!” But what surprised me was that he said, “Fireman lift!” And when Phil said he would throw him off a bridge, Dan got all quiet and sad and said, “That’s not what firemen do”

Will someone please fake kidnap him so Phil has to save him and he’ll be happy, this is so precious

2. “Is this even a marriage anymore?”

A/N: yes this is over 10k words. yes i cried while i wrote this. yes you can yell at me send me feedback in my askbox

warning: death (not d and p but take this into mind that there is death in the oneshot)


summary: dan and phil want a baby—they struck out and are having no luck but when dan meets a girl in the street, she changes their lives in many ways.  *get a box of tissues and feel free to yell at me while you read*

    “Wait you want what?”

Dan took a deep breath and ran his thumb over Phils knuckles, his heart was pounding out of his chest. He’d been thinking about this for a while now and he thought why not do it on date night? They’d be all full because of dinner and sipping some wine while curled up on the sofa in bliss.

“I want us to have a baby.”

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wowy, another ff in celebration of 2.9k??? how am i almost to 3k this is absurd! i’m gonna do something big for 3k so be on the lookout

I’m gonna make this a little wordy because I have been dying to say all of this to you guys since the first ff i ever made for this blog. Through the months i’ve had this blog, i have created the most beautiful friendships i could possibly ever have, i get to interact and talk to so many of you on the day to day about dnp, music, movies, literally everything imaginable. I get to showcase my love for aesthetics, creating content for my blog, as well as post videos of me singing in my bedroom and playing guitar. All of this has lead me to such an extraordinary amount of happiness and i’m honestly so grateful for making the decision to make this blog. thanks to being a part of the phandom, i’ve become more and more driven in my music career than i ever thought I would be and i have you guys to thank for that. Your words of encouragement and overwhelmingly sweet comments is what truly pushes me to work my ass off and in time, i hope for this to become a successful career bc i can’t see myself doing anything else. <3 

never did i think being in a fandom would do so much for my life. thank you guys for following me, support me in my craft and liking the stuff i post, and for always being kind and genuine and just overall incredibly beautiful soft talented people. i love every one of you individually!! 

to show more of my love, i wanted to do a lovely follow forever. i will mostly include the people i talk with the most, the mutuals i consider pals, as well as my best friends in my gc’s (some people will have paragraphs sooo it’s going to be really long just a warning!!! ) <3

mentions under the cut <3 

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Twin Troubles

Summary: Phil has a twin, and they don’t get along. His twin tortures him throughout his childhood. Phil finally has enough and cuts Pierce out of his life. Fast forward, and now Phil’s married to Dan. But now Pierce has re-entered Phil’s life again, asking for help.

Genre: AU, Angst but not really

Word Count: 3,085

A/N: I changed the prompt slightly… but I hope you still like it!

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A Lester Family Interrogation // A Phan One-Shot

Genre: fluff, parent!phan

Words: 2.6k

Relationship status: married

Warnings: none

Summary: It’s Lester Family Movie night with Dan and Phil and their kids, and everything is supposed to be going smoothly…except it all comes to a halt when Dan finds out that one of the kids stole money from his wallet for the food. Now they have to figure out who did it.

A/N: I know this probably isn’t as long as you wanted it, anon, but I hope you still enjoy it :D

(Also completely off-topic: goddamn Dan looks real good in all those pics from that panel thing he was on like holy cow phil is a lucky man)

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