Plus Sized - Nick Robinson
“Can you do a Nick imagine where the reader is plus size and she is very insecure about, to the point where she doesn’t even want him to hold her at night”
Whitened knuckles gripped tightly at the sink as I stared at my own tired reflection. My eyes were bloodshot red and face was flushed pink from my previous crying spree, why was I like this?
I let go of the sink, hands going down to pinch the skin on my soft thighs. I glared down at the pair, why can’t they be smaller?
There was no doubt I was insecure about the way I looked, I had seen the models and stick thin women Nick had worked with, their looks being not so similar to my own. Letting go of my thick thighs I forced myself to look in the mirror, the vicious thoughts and opinions already running wild around my brain.
People often told me that I was fine the way I was and that I should be happy with myself. I wanted so hard to believe that was true and finally be able to smile at my own reflection; yet here i was, angrily hating on myself for the extra weight I carried. Plus size, a phrase that was loosely thrown around when the tabloids talked about Nicks Girlfriend, me. Did it really matter?
How could Nick love me when i didn’t even love myself?
Shaking my head I brushed out my creased bed top and switched off the light before exiting the small bathroom. My feet padded softly on the wooden floor of my apartment as I traveled down the hall, heavy thoughts in my head.
My stomachs churned nervously as I reached the door of our bedroom, I felt sick at the thought of another night of Nick trying to be close to me again.
It sounds silly doesn’t it? You don’t want your boyfriend near you? Stupid! Only that wasn’t it. I was afraid, I always had been. I hated when Nick tried to hold Me, how would he react to the feeling of my squishy body as he tried to hold me close? Exactly. I hated being insecure enough to not want my own boyfriend to touch me in fear of him being disgusted. It Sucks.
I opened the door softly, entering the dimly lit room. I immediately spotted the boy in question inside the large bed, chest bare and dark hair messy as he peered at the small screen in his large hands.
I crawled in next to him, careful not to get too close before laying down and pulling the covers up to my chest, facing Nick.
He put down his phone and lay down too, turning the lights off before doing so. He gripped my hand in his own and began to play with my fingers, I pulled them away and laughed nervously before turning over and shutting my eyes. Please just go to sleep.
I felt him move closer, my heart hammering in my chest as he did so, insecurity being at its highest as he laced an arm around my waist and snuggled into me. I should enjoy it, I want to enjoy it! I just- ugh!
I shifted my body away slightly and squeezed my eyes tightly shut praying for this awful feeling to disappear. The lamp on the bedside table switched on and Nick sat up abruptly.
“Y/N” his voice was concerned, but I kept my eyes shut, willing myself to sleep.
“Y/N please” his hands gripped my shoulders and turned me towards him,his handsome face illuminated by the lamp glow ; eyes glistening with worry.
“Have I done something wrong?” He sounded hurt, the tone breaking my heart in half as he stared at me. I couldn’t let him think it was him.
“It’s nothing Nick honest-” I tried
“Nothing? Every time I come close to you, you move away like I’ve got some kind of disease! What’s going on y/n!?” The volume increased as he used his hands to show the distance between us in the bed.
“It’s stupid honestly, let’s just go to sleep” I didn’t want him to think I was pathetic, he didn’t need to know the dangerous dark thoughts that were trapped in my mind.
“No. You’re going to tell me what’s wrong” he gripped my chin in his long fingers, my bare face now being level with his own as he searched my eyes for any sign of explanation.
“It’s not you” my voice was weak as I started, a large knot forming in my stomach. “I hate being like this, i’m so sorry” my eyes stung with tears but I wouldn’t cry.
“Y/N what are you talking about?” He was now sat in front of me, his long figure slouched but still looking better than ever. I tugged nervously at my own shirt, scared it was clinging to all the wrong places.
“It’s not you okay? I don’t like you touching me because of the way my body is. I don’t want you to be disgusted or put off” I avoided his eyes, wincing as he took in a sharp breath.
“The way your body is? What the hell is that supposed to mean!?” He seemed angry, and I was really clueless as to why.
“I’m not as skinny as other girls you dated and I just- I’m plus sized. I don’t like the feel of my body or the way I look okay? I don’t want you feeling all of my chub and rolls and stuff I just-” I was cut off when Nick put his large hand over my mouth. My eyes widened at the action, words no longer flowing out of my mouth.
“Shut up” sorry, what? “I hate hearing you talk about yourself like this. Rolls?Chub? Seriously y/n” he moved his hand and gripped both of mine in his own, I stayed silent once again.
“You have none of those things, and even if you did, it would not matter one bit. I love YOU and your body does not affect my decision on that what so ever. You’re absolutely beautiful and I wouldn’t want you any other way” a smile tugged at my lips but I still felt a slight nagging in the pit of my belly.
“But-” I was cut off once again.
“And I would NEVER be disgusted by you. It hurts me that you think I would even care about the stupidest thing like weight or the way you feel when I touch you. I love the way you look and how you feel, you give the best cuddles and I want more of them, so stop hating on your beautiful self. Size is not important!” He pinched my pink cheek slightly and gave me a full blown smile. His eyes looked tired but they still shone with happiness as he glanced at me.
I nodded, my chest feeling warm as he smiled down at me. He made me feel more beautiful than anyone had in a while.
“I love you” the words slipped out of my mouth followed by a genuine smile, his own smile widening as I tugged him back into the bed.
This time when his arms encircled me and pulled me into him, I didn’t move away. It felt different and although I still drowned in worry about how he felt about it I ignored the nagging feeling and leant into him. I could finally begin the journey to loving myself with the help of my brilliant boyfriend.
Okay so, I loved this request very much and it hit home for me. I myself am not the skinniest person and I feel as though this imagine included a lot of my own thoughts and feelings about it. I wanted to add a note on this end of this imagine to say that this imagine is not intended to offend or upset anyone.
The views are something I wrote from what I know and I also know that some people do not share the same views about being plus sized or about other sizes of bodies.
I do not at all have anything against those people who are skinny or not plus sized, everyone is different and I know everyone can finds it equally as hard to love themselves or be happy with their body, no matter what they look like.
That leads on to my next point, every one of you is absolutely beautiful, regardless of size. Size is something that does not matter and I wanted to make a point of that. It’s such a hard thing to love your body and be happy in your own skin and I know a lot of people are fighting their own battles with this issue, I’ve been there too. No one in this world is the same and I think it is so important to concentrate and love yourself before you care too much about what other people look like.
You’re a bit heavier than that girl over there? Cool! That girl over there carries a little bit more weight than you? That’s cool too! Everyone is great in their own way and size and Weight does not affect that at all.
Be happy with who you are because you only get to live this life once and do you really want to waste it being unhappy and living up to stupid people’s opinions and expectations?
Lastly, if anyone has any questions or thoughts, my box is ALWAYS open. If you’re ever feeling shitty or needing someone to talk to,I am always here and happy to talk. Or even if you just want to chat and make a friend, I’m down for that too! Love you all v v much, I hope you enjoy this imagine:)