i want him sooooo bad

Aries Venus crushing
  • Aries venus: *screaming* 📢oMG❕😫😱mY💕😭😘cRuSH😍💖 is 🙀💪💦sOOooO📢😳💋✨ pERFECt💘💯📢 i wAnt🔥🔊👅hiM😭💏sOooOOo💖😰💞bAD!!!😍😢💕
  • Their crush: *likes them back*
  • Aries venus: yiKEsSsS😷😒he's soOoOo boRiNg 👎❌🚫no thx!!💔💤👋bYe💨👋✋
  • <b> 💥📢ONTO📢THe📢NeXt😍📢oNE💪😎💯<b>

Well, a few months ago, my best friend (a white guy) and I (a black girl) were walking home and we had some time to talk. He wanted to know who i liked so bad but i could never tell him that it was him. So he asked me that if he guessed who the person was, would i be honest and say yes or no? I said yes. So he was like, “Is that person me?” And i stopped walking and said, “Yes?” I was so nervous. But, he ended up telling me that he likes me. I mean, i had an idea but i wouldn’t believe it until he told me. So, we talked about how life is difficult and complicated but we just looked at each other like…idk but I was fighting myself. I wanted to kiss him sooooo bad but i couldnt do it. Then he told me that he would date me but he doesnt want our friendship to be ruined if we broke up. Now, im in an awkward position because after what happened, i became more shy and quiet. I really didn’t talk to him as much. I just got nervous and anxious. He knows why, i mean, he knows everything. But im just confused. He is confused. I didnt know what to do. A month after that, I was at my Uncle’s wedding. It made me realize what love is and I realized that I loved him. The wedding just ended and my other best friend told me that my best friend went back to his skinny, tall ex girlfriend. I cried the whole summer. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I was so depressed. He still never told me why…he still never formally told me that they were dating. Im over him now but I got some closure from that. We talked about it but im still mad. I dont like expressing how I feel to people because it always bites me in the ass and he figuratively bit me in the ass by doing what he did. Now, I dont trust him. What can I do? What should I do?
I’m short and chubby…This lowered my self esteem