When I was five, and romance didn’t exist, I was a boy, and I was friends with a girl, and it didn’t matter, because why would it? We did everything together a normal couple of friends would do together, until we grew a little more and went on to different schools and didn’t see each other anymore.
So then I was eight. I was still a boy, and I was friends with a different girl now. She was confident and clever and bold, and we played games together during the lunch hour and went to each others houses after school.
“You fancy her,” the other children would say. I’d frown, say of course I didn’t, and why would I? We were friends, and that’s all. So we ignored the comments and carried on as we were, until her mother wouldn’t let me go to her birthday parties, because I’d be the only boy, and that would be “inappropriate”.
We didn’t stay in touch after school. I cried, when she didn’t respond to my letters - because I didn’t understand. Years of friendship: did it mean nothing to her? And then I’d remember her mother, and I’d realise what the problem was. I was a boy, and she was a girl. That was all there was to it.
So then I was twelve, I was friends with boys because I was a boy, and I only wanted someone to spend time with at lunch. But according to them, every girl I spoke to was a friend-with-benefits, and eventually I drifted away from them because I wasn’t interested in talking about sports and sex and risk-taking like they seemed to be. Instead, I talked to girls.
So then I was fifteen, and my friendship group was entirely female. I got called gay, a lad, a player, and all sorts of other things by almost everyone: boys and girls alike - but I ignored them. I liked being friends with girls, so what was the problem? Live and let live, I thought.
So one day I invited a friend over to the fair in town with me, and she came, and we enjoyed the day together without any hassle at all. Going back to school, however, changed that.
“Did you hear they fucked behind the public toilets,” people were saying. “They went on a date together.”
I said that wasn’t true - I didn’t have feelings for her that way.
“But you obviously fancy her,” they replied.
“No,” I told them, truthfully. “I don’t.”
Shortly afterwards, the girls I was friends with all organised a party, which I wasn’t invited to.
“It’s a sleepover,” they said. “Girl stuff.”
“Oh,” I said. “Okay. Girl stuff.”
They used that expression a lot over the next few years. Trips to the cinema - going out together… And eventually I realised that I was an outsider. They didn’t tell me things anymore. I wasn’t let in on their secrets, and if I ever asked, I’d be told I wouldn’t understand - and it was inappropriate I should ask.
So I stopped asking, and my friends drifted further and further away. I never understood why I was an outsider, until I saw a picture of them at the prom I didn’t bother going to, because I knew I would have no one to go with. There were my friends in the pretty dresses I’d helped them choose, with a guy in the centre of the picture, in a smart suit and slicked back hair. That would have been me, if I’d gone. And it always will be.
And then I realised why I could never be as close with them as they are with each other. I’m a guy. And they are girls. It’s as simple as that. Guys never understood me being friends with girls, but that was fine, because the girls were okay with it. But on the day the girls stopped seeing me as just a person they could be friends with, everything changed.
And so here I am. I’m eighteen. I am not gay, actually: nor am I romantically interested in any of my friends. What I do know is, that we’re about to go on a group holiday together, and I’ve been told not to even come into the corridor outside their room whilst they’re getting changed, in case the door swings open and I “see something I shouldn’t” - as if I’d actually care, or be the kind of guy who watched for that sort of thing. And I’ve realised it doesn’t matter how nice I am, no girl is ever going to see me as an equal. I will always be a guy, to them. And they will always be a girl.
And guys and girls can never be “just friends”, right? There always has to be something more. Whether I want it or not, there always has to be that potential.
“Going on holiday with three ladies are you?” the ticket seller asked me. “Fair enough…”
And I said nothing, because I was sick of saying “not in that way”. I was tired of telling people that I wasn’t interested in the girls I was friends with. I was bored of trying to be seen as just a friend in their eyes, too. And if even they couldn’t see me as an equal, how could anyone else ever believe me, when I told them boys and girls could just be friends?
So don’t tell them my gender doesn’t isolate me. Because it does. And don’t complain to me about being in the friend zone. Because I’ve been fighting to get there all my life.
↳ Yoonji-yah Hi ↳ I’m class president ↳ why are you not attending these days ↳ Is this Jimin ↳ ye come to school and stop sleeping ↳ Jimin why are you like this ↳ don’t show off ↳ I have a gun in my bag ↳ stop acting up ↳ anyway guys ↳ everyone be careful of the cold ↳ are you still on holidays? ↳ ha I want to go to school ↳ guys lets live diligently ↳ because I go to Cyber University ↳ lets chat at my graduation ↳ hahahahaha ↳ you spoke prettily Yoonji ↳ everyone be careful of the cold ↳ see you next time ↳ Just don’t come I don’t want to see you ↳ Yoonji is going bye
and it turns out that clint, who has been humming christmas carols for weeks now, doesnt actually know any of the real lyrics, and has just been making them up as he goes along. this is his latest masterpiece:
Winter Soldier’s Gunnin’ You Down (To the tune of Santa Claus is Coming to Town)
You better watch out, you better not
You’ll probably bleed out, I’m
tellin’ you why
Winter Soldier’s gunnin’ you
He’s got a hit list, he’s
starting a fight
He’s clenching his fist, it’s
shiny and bright
Winter Soldier’s gunnin’ you
He sees you when you’re sleeping
He knows when you’re awake
His aim is really fucking good and
he’s gonna assassinate
What she means:
do you know how hard it must've been for Killian Jones to stop drinking and gambling in his pre-navy days? to claw out of the hole he was in? a man with so little self-worth would've literally drank himself to death and squandered every penny he had. a man with such supposed weakness in the face of darkness would've backslid right into drinking even after joining the navy, just as alcoholism affects jobs. a man with as much self-loathing as he had would've self-destructed and embraced every demon. but he didn't. he got his fucking act together during his time as Lt. Jones because his brother was his world and his light and his inspiration and his love and the source of hope for him. and then, that light DIED––due to machinations by the system that fucked them over in the first place. it wasn't just understandable for bright and starry-eyed Lt. Jones to fall so far after his brother's death. it was inevitable.
“when dad ends up with no eyebrows, he’ll stop,” Magnus replied matter-of-factly from his curled up position on an armchair; a patchwork throw warming his knees as he flipped through a book. Another page was turned nonchalantly before he glanced up and over to the pair by the fireplace, still bickering good-naturedly. Sensing Magnus’ eyes on him, Alec shifted on the balls of his feet, one side of his face bathed in a warm orange glow as his mouth pulled into a lop-sided smile; the flickering embers dancing in his eyes.
Magnus returned the gesture as his gaze slid back and forth between his daughter and his husband, scrunching his nose playfully at Madzie before returning to his book, feeling as peaceful and content as perhaps he ever could. Some of that blurry, soft feeling might have been down to the strong glass of whiskey settled on the coffee table beside him, but Magnus was more inclined to blame it on the cosy aura of a familiar friend’s magic hanging in the air and belongings of the little country cottage; enveloping him like some invisible blanket.
“I love that you get cold when it’s 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you’re looking at me like I’m nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”
“B.A.P as 6. I’m happy to be able to be on stage with all the members”
With leader Bang Yongguk coming back after his break due to his illness, B.A.P are finally making a comeback as 6 in Japan with “WAKE ME UP”. Starting with music programs in Korea first, they are currently in the middle of a world tour, how will things be for the “complete B.A.P” who have awoken after a long time?