i want an older man

u know in horror movies where the main female protag moves out to the middle of nowhere and she has like one neighbour and its a grouchy but still somehow attractive guy with stubble and when the murders start happening the audience assumes its him bc hes just a little suss and emo and his grouchy personality indicates serial killer tendencies and “why else would an attractive man be living out here with no wife” but he ends up saving the protag at a critical moment and hes not actually the murderer but just a little rough around the edges with a heart of gold? i want to be that man.

instead im the older brother of the teenage female protag who is home from college for the summer and can only be seen in boxer shorts at 4pm eating cereal from the box and i have no impact on the plot im jus out there to contribute with sarcastic one liners until i give my lil sis some profound life advice and then promptly burping in her face. her best friend probably had a crush on me at some point.

I Have Problems With Taeyong Because,

He looks so cute, I just want to cuddle him! Like wtf man you’re older than me??
Also he looks like a sno ball, like the cake..

Especially with his pink hair..






SOMETIMES I’M LIKE “awh he’s so cute look at him.”



I just wanted to draw Raz with stars…also I love his new outfit. I’m sure it’s a normal jacket on Sasha but on Raz it almost looks like a cute little tailcoat :’> I love it.

The Sugar Daddies That Are Worth Keeping and Why.

Recently I have been SO stressed out because I almost have too many POT’s and SD’s that I know what to do with. I had to start making some cuts and weigh out the pros and cons. 

Be with an SD you’re EXCITED to see. 

That may seem impossible depending on the appearance of your SD but I’m kind of a shallow snob and only pick guys I’m decently attracted to. But Mr. Limelight (pictured above…OMG he’s stunning.) is someone that I get SO excited to see even though he is the CHEAPEST out of all of them. $200 per meet. You know why? Not only is he stunning, but he’s so much fun to be around, he compliments me so genuinely, thinks I’m the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen…. I feel wanted and secured by this man. (I wish i was 10 years older so he’d find me appropriate to date exclusively lol) 

Mr. Christian Loubitoun, who I haven’t made a post about yet, is a much older man who looks that way, texts me with the sweetest texts. He’ll send me pictures on his trips of things he bought, because he thought about me. We have wonderful, intellectual conversation and I know would never put me in danger. 

DON’T make yourself suffer to be with someone because of the money. 

I’ve been offered a shit ton of money, a place of my own (as long as he could stay when he visits) and so on. But I couldn’t stand him. I couldn’t stand his appearance, his overly sexual desire to just abuse me (theoretically)  because he had money. If I dreaded seeing him, why would I put myself to suffer more when spending an hour with him would make me want to throw up. There’s only so much bullshit Sugar Baby acting you can do before it shows on your face.  It’s not worth it, I promise. Remember, self worth doesn’t mean the money you obtain.

If he treats you like he’s paying you, leave. Don’t get disrespected. 

YOU are a beautiful woman. Regardless of our title as a sugar baby, I still expected to be treated like such. All my SD’s love me because I treat them like a vanilla boyfriend. We’re basically a paid girlfriend without the drama. But you’re not going to text me at 2am at night horny as hell expecting me to get you off. (only) For example, I had a SUPER hot ex baseball player over me but ALL HE WANTED TO DO WAS FUCK. He never took me out, he never texted me other than “I want you to come over.” NOPE. I don’t care how hot you are, I am not an escort or a call girl. (Although I love you ladies that are maybe I’ll hook you guys up hahaha)  There was a post, if I can find it I’ll link it but she talked about how her POT made her hold out her hand and dangle the money in front of her. Her response was priceless, she ultimately let this man that she had self respect and he was a dick. 

Just because he pays you, doesn’t mean he controls you. EVER. 

I let my POTs know and SD’s know my expectations. When I’m with you, we’re together. If not, baby, you go do your own thing. I’m not controlling (nor should ANY Sugar Baby be…post coming soon about that) and I expect him to be the same. It’s okay to tell him you’re independent but that doesn’t mean you’ll deprive him of all of his needs. 

Get an SD or POT who understands how this works. 

The GOOD Sugar daddies will compensate you for your time, even if it’s a first meet up. They understand how it works, they know getting intimate out in public, (unless you initiate it) is not okay. They know you have bills that need to be paid properly and respect you time and goals as long as it’s reciprocated. 

- I hope this helps. I love you all xoxoxo



AKB48 A to Z Documentary 2016

↳ B for Backstage: The Many Faces of Jurina

(I wanted to draw this but eh)

many years later in the story of Ninjago

old man Lloyd: and that is how we saved Ninjago

Kid: [raises hand] excuse me Master Lloyd! Can I have a question?

old man Lloyd: Yes?

Kid: Why do you still sound like a 12 year old? Didn’t you grow older quickly because of that tea?

other kid: Yeah, shouldn’t your voice have a little change then?

other other kid: Didn’t your voice change when you were possessed by that ghost Morro?

old man Lloyd:

Alfred stared over Bruce’s shoulder as he typed, shamelessly eavesdropping before going upstairs to make pho.

“There are many things I have learned that I thought were beyond me,” he said, shaking his head, “but this, I fear, is my limit. I will never decipher this.”

Bruce stopped typing to look up at him from the computer chair in front of the batcomputer.

“Alfred, this makes perfect sense. It’s not a foreign language.”

“I beg to differ,” Alfred insisted, raising an eyebrow. “That is nonsense.”

Bruce looked back down at the phone with a slight frown. He tipped it back so the older man could see.

“I asked if she wanted to come eat with me at three. She asked if she should be masked, if Damian would be here, and where. I said here and that it was just us. She’s agreed to come. I don’t know how that’s complicated.”

Alfred sighed.

“I can only hope you remain alive until you provide me with a dictionary of some sort. Otherwise, she’ll be lost to us.”

“I think you’re being dramatic. She’s easy to understand if you just think about it.”

Alfred sighed, again.

“I am not surprised that you have bonded with her when you both suffer such difficulties in communication, but you will permit me to be bewildered that you bonded over communication.”

He began walking toward the elevator; there was a three in the morning lunch to prepare.

“What communication difficulties?” Bruce called after him, grumbling. “Cass just makes sense.”


Ewan McGregor for Rhapsody Magazine (May 2016) by Jason Bell

“We were always professional friends anyway, Danny [Boyle] and I. We didn’t hang out together outside the work we made—I think Danny’s a very private man, and I don’t think that’s so unusual with actors and directors. But I’ve missed him and the way he runs the set. He’s certainly gotten some of the best work out of me that I’ve ever done. It’s been a sort of wasted time. I’ve always considered it a shame.”

The Reality of Getting Intimate With An Sugar Daddy for the First Time. (Part 1)

Originally posted by btvsladies

I feel like no talks about this. Social media is a cultural preference on how we only perceive the happy and successful parts of our lives. Tumblr is a wonderful example of showing off our money, bags, shoes, vacations from our Sugar Daddies. Life is just perfect, right? But what’s actually going through your mind when a Sugar Daddy gets intimate?

Are there hot sugar daddies out there? Absolutely! However, most are not for the price you want. 

Tonight I went out with Mr. Louboutin. He’s a short, older man, 48 salt and pepper hair, big nose, old man stash… Very sweet and I enjoy conversations with him. Not to mention his pay outs have been pretty good. They range from $500 per meet up (so far) but this was the first time I got intimate with him. 

1)  Acceptance. 

When you first start out as a Sugar baby, you only look for attractive guys. Then slowly but surely it turns into what you can tolerate for the money. 

When I met Mr. Louboutin I thought, yeah sure, I could fuck this guy. The conversation was there, attraction? Eh. it was okay, but for the price and what he offered? Piece of cake. 

2) Anticipation. 

When going out to dinner with an SD you’re not really attracted to, you make up all kinds of bullshit smalltalk to prolong the night so you can escape easier saying, ‘It’s getting late.”  You may also order another drink, dessert, ect.  We’ve all done this. 

Mr. Louboutin and I left the bar and he wanted to “drive me back to my car” even though it was literally a 30 step walk. I got into his car and he started driving around. I wasn’t sure what he was going to do at this point until he drove by a parking garage and said, “We could go in here for a few minutes.” Every story we went up my stomach just turned, like “Oh god… here we go.” 

3) The pep talk. 

Does anyone else do this? You give yourself a little pep talk to prepare you for what’s to come. You think about what exactly you’re going to do, what HOT GUY you’re going to think about when your eyes are closed kissing and doing things, how fast you could probably get him off and how. These were all things going through my mind. 

4) Avoidance. The fight or flight. 

There have been a couple times where I would flight. I just couldn’t and make up some random excuse not to sleep with them. This happens and it’s OKAY. 

This is where closing your eyes and picturing someone else comes into play. You try to tune out their sounds they’re making, or seeing their crusty old dick. (sorry) Since I was in the car I just kept making out with him, or if my eyes were open while getting him off with my hand, I kept my eyes on his. I swear if I would have saw his dick I would have just thrown up. 

5) The Payment 

Thank god most older guys get off pretty fast and the relief is almost what makes it all worth it. $500 for 10 minutes? Not too shabby. 

*** read Part 2 (click for link to post) with my thoughts on this. 

To Binge

{{ Alright, here is the long awaited short fan fiction I wanted to write for fuckyeah2doc . A sweet nonny came up with the idea! Murdoc and 2D, I hope you two enjoy this!!}}

With the slow paced breathing, the thin window pane began to cover itself with a growing thick mist. Tiny pits and pats proceeded after one another each second; various sized blobs of clear liquid raced each other down the outer pane of the misted glass.

It was a slow Monday morning. Everything was in slow motion. Life was taking it’s time.

A dark grey cloud that hung over the city had been lurking around for a few days already. The streets were deserted. The roads were abandoned.

A smile slowly spread across his lips. He guided his long bony finger over the misted pane, swirling it around to create an incomprehensible picture. Despite the loneliness and silence, he felt at peace with his mind and body.

As fast as the rain poured down was as fast as the sudden bang that disturbed all contentment in the room.  


The bluenette nearly fell over, forgetting that it wasn’t as quiet as he had imagined.

“Stop your bloody day dreamin’!” Murdoc’s rotting face was a sore sight for healthy eyes. Luckily 2D didn’t have healthy eyes.

The lanky body hauled himself away from his window to look at the older, shorter man.

“Wot? Did I do somefink?” He asked, scratching his cheek in a tired manner.

“I called you five times!” The bassist angrily walked towards the taller man, giving him a hard smack on the back of his head which made the other wince in pain.

“Tha’hurt!” 2D exclaimed, backing away from the other. “I’m sorry, I didn’hear ya!” He rubbed his head, trying to sooth the sting.

Murdoc rolled his eyes, pointing his finger at 2D. “We need to practice. Noodles is takin’care of ol’Russ and we’ve gotten nowhere with the new album!”

2D sighed. He was in no mood to sing. He was in no mood to practice, especially with Murdoc.

“I don’feel like doin tha…” 2D stated. “I have a headache.”

“Take a pill an’get over it.” Murdoc ordered. “Or must I force ya ta sing again?”

2D’s eyes narrowed quickly. He was still sore over the whole plastic beach scenario; emotionally and physically.

“Dere’s no whales here ta scare me.” 2D crossed his arms, turning his back to Murdoc.

Silence claimed the room for a few seconds before a muffled snort of laughter took over.

“Oh Stu, d’ya really think I’d use the ol’whale trick?” Murdoc waved his hand around. 2D shuddered and looked over his shoulder, eyeing the man who was now looking at him dead straight in the eyes.

“…wot does dat mean?” 2D asked hesitantly, raising his one eyebrow.

Murdoc groaned, losing his smile and turning it into a displeased frown. “Dullard I’m givin’ya a choice here. Either ya’sing, or I make ya’sing!”

2D felt his heart thump up into his throat. A part of him wanted to sing and get it over with, but the other half wanted to defy Murdoc; receive the punishment.

“Sorry, no can do!” 2D stuck up his nose like a stubborn child and looked away. He had to force himself not to smile, not to giggle or snicker when he heard the frustrated grunt escape Murdoc’s throat.


2D instantly put himself to a stop as he turned around. When Murdoc used that word alone, it caught his attention fully. It made his heart bubble, his nerves trembled, it reminded him of-

“Remember Plastic Beach?” Murdoc asked. His eyes were calm, his voice soothingly warm.

The bluenette felt his cheeks warm up. He glanced from side to side quickly.

“Muh’doc,I fought ya said dat, dat was like, all in da past…”

“I asked, if you remembered or not, Dullard.” Murdoc’s voice rose, causing 2D to cower down in obedience.

2D looked down to his bare feet. It was early afternoon and he was still in his underwear; he’d only woken up an hour ago.

“…yeh, I rememba.” The singer mumbled, avoiding eye contact with the bassist.

It didn’t take long for 2D to squeak in fright as he felt himself cornered in his room, looking down to Murdoc who had pinned him within seconds.

“Remember how we used ta get each other off?” Murdoc asked, his sharp nails running down 2D’s bare stomach. 2D whimpered, reacting positively to the well-known touch.

“Y-Yeh…” The singer gulped, shutting his eyes tightly. At first it was disgusting, but now just the thought of Murdoc fondling him could get him off in a few minutes. He didn’t really appreciate being Murdoc’s source of relief for sexual purposes on Plastic Beach, but after a few times he became accustom to it. He began to enjoy it. He even started asking for it at one stage.

“Well…” Murdoc hissed into the singer’s ear, making the other let out a soft gasp of pleasure. He hated himself for already beginning to get hard. He hated himself for being so weak.

“Well forget it.” Murdoc spat and pulled away. 2D blinked, frozen stiff as he felt his blood run cold.

The bassist held a deep glare. “Quit acting as if any of that shit meant anything to you!”

2D felt a part of his heart twist in pain. He slowly made eye contact again, beginning to frown.

“Yeh…it’didn’mean shit to me!”

It was Murdoc’s turn to be surprised. He quickly ignored the smidge of hurt deep down in his heart and smiled it off.

“Good. Now let’s practice.”



2D shook his head; pushing his legs together tightly to try hide his erection. “I said no.”

Murdoc’s eye twitched. “Dents, I’m givin’ya one last chance here.”

The singer stuck his tongue out. He was prepared to be hit, but when the blow didn’t come he only saw that Murdoc had left the room.

“…Muh’doc?” He blinked, standing up straight as he looked around. He frowned suspiciously, slowly making his way to his bed and sitting down.

When he realized that Murdoc wasn’t coming back, he took the opportunity to relax and try and forget about his erection. Thinking of a whale helped within a second.


How it had come to this, he had no clue. He had been sleeping and then all of a sudden he’d been awoken by an enraged Murdoc whose bare and hairy chest was glimmering with sweat. He couldn’t fully remember what Murdoc had said, but he recalled how fast things got out of hand.

“I said sing!” Murdoc snapped.

“No!” 2D whimpered, shutting his eyes tightly.


The singer hollered an inaudible set of words as he felt his insides tense up further from the deep vibrations.

This was beyond embarrassing for the taller one; sitting up in his bed, fully exposed to the Satanist as well as having his hands tied behind his back with broken cable. What took the top prize was the smooth black silicone vibrator, which had been thickly sleeked with lubricant, which was pushed up halfway into the younger one.

Murdoc had his nails digging into the singer’s legs, spreading them apart inch by inch.

“P-Please! M-Muh’doc!” The singer threw his head back on his pillow, his toes twitching.

“Sing for me then, sing a whole song, then I’ll take it out.” Murdoc grinned devilishly. The fact that he had 2D beneath him, squirming and pleading, aroused him.

“W-Wot s-song?” 2D squeaked, his erection itching to be touched.

“Any song.” Murdoc scoffed, becoming irritated by all the questions. He knew that deep inside he just wanted to know what type of song 2D would sing. Would it be something stupid or something meaningful? Murdoc hated himself for thinking that.

2D shifted upwards, cringing as he tightened himself further as the tip of the vibrator grazed against his inner walls. He took in a deep breath, quickly gathering his thoughts together.

“W-Waiting…by the mailbox, by the train-” He managed to gently whisper out.

“Louder.” Murdoc growled, making 2D flinch. The singer opened his one eye slowly.

“Passin by the h-hills til I hear the n-name.” He sung louder, his voice trembling with frustration and pleasure. Murdoc’s grin was a signal for 2D to continue.

“I-I’m lookin for a s-saw to cut these chains in h-half.” The singer opened his other eye, looking directly into Murdoc’s eyes which shocked the older man.

“And…all I want is someone to r-rely on as t-thunder comes rollin’ down.” Murdoc frowned, feeling his chest tighten. 2D was singing with meaning.

“S-Someone to rely on a-as lightning comes staring i-in again…”

Murdoc felt sweat roll down his cheeks, his heart thumping. He wrote this song, so why did 2D have to go and sing it like he was singing it to him?

The bassist let go of the singer’s legs to grab hold of the vibrator. 2D yelped with a sharp high pitched moan as Murdoc shoved the vibrator back into him, then out, then in.

“I-I’ll w-wait to be fo-AHgiven!” 2D’s voice twisted as he moaned, arching his back. His hips rocked back and forth, itching to get more. “M-Maybe I neveraaah w-will! Aangh!”

“You’re doin’great.” Murdoc licked his lips. Maybe he should do this more often.

“My-my star has, left m-me-me-Aah!” 2D cringed as he shuddered, trying to pry his hands out of their bind to stroke his throbbing erection. “T-Too take t-the bitter p-piilll!” He squeaked on the last note, digging his toes into bed sheets. “T-That shattered fe-eling … well t-the cause of itttt’s a lessooon lear-ned!”

“Sweet Satan Stu I can barely understand you.” Murdoc complained as he continued thrusting the vibrator into the younger one.

“J-Just don’t kno-ooww if I could r-roll into the sea-aaah again!”

Murdoc hissed. What if he actually never got to do this again? He let his one hand continue the thrusting while the other dug into his pants to pull out his cell-phone and search for the record button. He placed his phone down as it began to record.

“I’m c-caught again in t-the mysteryyy, y-you’re by my side, but a-are you still w-with me?” 2D squinted his eyes as he looked to Murdoc, whimpering.

The bassist cursed. He plunged forward to press his lips firmly against 2D’s neck, biting into it.

The singer flinched as he shuddered, taking in deep pleasurable breaths as he felt Murdoc’s tongue on his neck as his fingers caressing his boiling erection.

“The aa-answer’s somew-where deep iin i-it, I-I’m sorry thaa-at you’re feelin’ i-it…” He mumbled as he carried his voice gently across the room with a few low moans in between.

Murdoc pulled away to look into 2D’s eyes.

2D smiled with a bright, burning blush.

“B-But I j-juust have to t-tell that I l-loove you s-so much th-hese days.”

Murdoc’s eyes widened. It felt like he was going to have a heart attack. Those words now meant so much more to him than ever before.

“H-Have to tell you…t-thaaat I love y-you so much t-these days, i-i-it’s true.” He whined out softly, his mouth gaping open. Murdoc’s eyes burnt into his skin, his touch was irritably charming.

He quivered with a yelp as Murdoc leaned back down, roughly pumping at the singer’s erection.

“M-Muh’doc!” 2D whispered helplessly, groaning as familiar warmth of pleasure coiled along at the bottom of his stomach. He arched his back up further, nearly losing himself to the pleasure.

The vibrations mixed with the hand thrusts were enough to send the singer over the edge.

He let out loud and long melodically moans as his hips shivered. A sting of satisfaction flew through him as he hit his climax; pure bliss settled over him. He ignored his semen splattered sheet. He ignored the loud embarrassing pop sound that was made when Murdoc pulled out the vibrator.

The two stared at each other intensely.

Murdoc stood up. And he left.

2D’s smile faded.

He slowly covered his face with his shaking hands and whispered the last verse;

“My heart is in economy due to this autonomy. Rolling in and caught again…”

“Caught again.” Murdoc whispered in the depths of his own room.

{{I hope you enjoyed! Sorry if you saw mistakes… I haven't written in ages!}}

A New Lifestyle

I work as a personal assistant for Jared Malrow. He owns hundreds of hotels all across the country. I’ve been working for him for almost one year now. He’s always been very friendly and upfront towards me. He’s a very blunt man with a very dominant tone. When he asks me to do something I do it without hesitatation or questions. Mainly because I want to please him. I could never explain it. He’s a tall man at 6'4 with dark copper hair cut short with dark eyes and lashes. He’s turning 39 this year. What would my mother think? Me at 22 wanting an older man? I’ve been this way since I could remember. I didn’t want boys my own age. They couldn’t satisfy my needs. They weren’t classy and professional. I needed and real man with experience. I needed Jared.

I’ve always wanted you. You didn’t know it but I would wear my sexiest lingerie under my average white button down shirt and pencil skirt. I would go home and take off my boring work clothes and become the woman I wanted to be for you. Sexy and daring. I rub my clit under my panties and grab my perky C-cup breasts until I come moaning your name. I do this everyday just to satisfy the craving. But I want more, so much more.

It’s Friday and I’m meeting with you at your mansion. You told me I need to meet you there to discuss the week ahead. Your butler opens the door for me.
“Good evening Miss Alana. How are you?”
“I’m good Russel. Where can I find Jared?”
“He is residing in office.”
“Thank you Russel.”
I walk up the flight of stairs and walk down to your office, the last room on the right. Your mansion always intrigues me. The white marble floors and dark furniture go together beautifully. I always knock first. I made the mistake of not knocking once and it was the only time I’ve ever seen him angry.
“Come in Alana.”
“Hello Jared how are you this evening?”
“I’m good sir how are you?”
“I’m well Alana. ”
I turned to shut the door behind me.
“I’m always well when your here. It’s been almost a year since I hired you. You have thrived beautifully in this job. I was skeptical at first because of you being so young and vulnerable but you handle everything so well.”
His voice always stops my heart. So deep and smooth. It could make me do anything.
“Thank you sir.”
My voice sounded so small. I could never meet his gaze when we are alone together.
“Really it’s nothing you taught me so well, Sir.”
“Alana, you can call me Jared when we are alone.”
I finally look up and see you standing in front of your desk leaning against it with your arms across your chest looking down on me like you always do. It’s dark outside and the two yellow lamps light the room making it darker than usual. He’s never asked me to come over this late before. He said it’s because he was busy. The walls are lined with shelves filled with books and art. Behind your mahogany desk is glass windows looking over the back of the house.
I realize I haven’t responded to him yet.
“Yes I know Sir. I feel it more professional.”
I look back down when I see your crooked smile.
“Come here Alana and sit in front of my desk.”
I walk over to the black soft chair. I sit down fixing my dress as I sit. I set my planner down on my lap. He was less than a foot from me. I could feel his eyes.
“Well Sir,” I say looking down at my planner, “are we gunna be able to make it to the meeting on Monday with the contractors to discuss the new blueprints for the new hotel in Seattle?”
I hear him sigh. Past my planner in my lap and I could see his black shoes and gray pants. He always wears a suit. I still don’t dare to look up as we discuss this. His gaze always makes me stutter over my words and forget to breathe.
“Alana look at me.”
Oh god. My heart races. His voice sounded different. Suddenly Jared the boss is gone. He sounded more dominant now.
He says my name often and I never get tired of hearing it. I look up now slowly thought and meet his gaze. He uncrossed his arms and I watched his fists go down grip the front of the desk.
“Yes Jared?”
“Your always afraid to look at me, I’ve noticed. Why is that? Answer honestly Alana.”
Do I answer honestly?
“I don’t make a lot of eye contact with anyone really.”
He looked disappointed.
“Alana I’m able to read you like a book. I said answer honestly. Now the real answer. Look at me in the eye when you tell me.”
I look up at him feeling unsure. My breaths came faster and my mind was spacey.
“Because I find you very powerfully attractive and stern in your voice.”
“Do I frighten you Alana? That never was my intentions.”
“No sir you don’t it’s just how I react to you is all.”
I looked down again at my hands twisted together in my lap. He could probably hear my breath coming fast. My heart bursting through my chest. Will he fire me for being attracted to him? Now that he knows it will make it awkward to work together.
“Alana.”, he leaned over me resting his hands on either arm rest. I looked up at him again, “do you enjoy working for me?”
I almost shouted it. He smiled at me then.
“Alana you just told me you find me attractive, is that correct.”
I looked down and nodded. Suddenly his hand comes up and grips my chin pulling it up towards his face.
“Don’t look away from me Alana.”
“Yes Sir that is correct.”
“Oh Alana, ” he paused then looking down at me. The way he said my name just then made me excited. “Do you mind if I kiss you?”
“No sir I don’t.”
“Don’t move your hands from your lap. There will be consequences if you do.”
Before I could process what he said he leaned down and forcefully kissed my lips. He was so warm and demanding. His hand moved from my chin up to my cheek to hold my face in place. He tilted my head back slightly as he kissed me fiercer. I gasped in his mouth as his hand went down and around my neck and gripped it. His lips moved so desirably and yet soft on mine. I followed his rythm. His tongue licked my bottom lip then he slightly bit it. My breath came in quickly. My hands came up quickly. I wanted to touch him. To feel his soft hair and rough skin under my fingertips.  My hands gripped his shoulders then suddenly he stopped kissing me. Both his hands come down and gripped my wrists together. He yanked me out of the chair sending the planner sliding across the hardwood floor. He turned my body around and pulled my back against his chest. He still had both my wrists and they were now pressed together against my chest.
“Oh Alana. You just couldn’t listen.”
He sounded so dark.
“Jared! I’m sorry ….. I couldn’t……please…. Wh-why,”
“Alana breath darling. Shhhhhh it’s okay.”
He buried his head in my neck. I heard him inhale through my hair. I tried to slow my breathing down and get a grip.
“You’ve always smelled so good Alana.”
“Jared please what do you want.”
“Alana have you ever heard the term Dominant? Or Submissive?”
Oh my. I have. I’ve read books and watched videos.
“Alana your turning red. Please don’t be nervous sweetheart. You know you can leave anytime you want. I won’t force you to stay any longer.”
His hand tightened around my wrists and his other hand moved down around my waist to grip my hip.
“I’ve seen you look at me Alana. I’m assuming you know what a Dominant is since you blushed and your body shuddered. I’ve seen you look at me and blush. I’ve caught your stares. Do you want me to kiss you again Alana. Do you want me to do other things? The thing is Alana I’ve noticed you as well. Your beautiful long brunette hair and soft pale skin. Your hazel sparking eyes always looking so innocent. The thing is Alana….. I’ve been watching you watch me. I’ve been testing you since the day you started. You listen and do as your told so well. You have such beautiful submissive qualities Alana. Let me explore them. I won’t hurt you. You know that.”
He whispered all this in my ear. I had to close my eyes and remember to breathe. His breathe, so sweet, made my body tingle.
“You must do as your told Alana. Just like as my assistant.
Do you understand? Do you want to continue?”
I actually took a moment to think. Do I want this? He’s all I wanted really. It didn’t matter what way. Could I be a submissive? Sure I watched the videos and read the books but that didn’t mean I was gunna be good at it. I’ve only had vanilla sex with two guys before and it was over in 15 minutes both times. Wasn’t really pleasurable at all. I was suddenly worried.
“I don’t know…. Jared ….. I’m not sure if I’ll be any good.”
“Alana please…,” he kissed my neck softly then bit down once really hard.
“Oh!” I moaned.
“You could never dissapoint me baby. Ever. Will you promise to do as your told?”
“Yes sir.”
“Keep calling me sir. I’m going to take full control of your body Alana. Can you handle that?”
He spun me around then. My wrists fell to my sides. His hands ran up my arm and stopped on my shoulders.
“Look at me Alana. Now loosen my tie.”
I did so with shaky hands and took it off from around his neck. He grabbed the tie and set it on the desk.
“Now continue to take off my clothes.”
As I did he ran his hands up on either side of my face. Then he pulled my hair to one side and leaned in. I was unbuttoning his shirt and now I would have to do it by touch. He reached around to the back of my neck and unzipped the back of my dress, slowly. His fingers traced down my bare back.
“Alana your shaking.” He chuckled. “Your skin is so soft. I’ve always wanted to touch it.”
I got down to the last button finally. I reached up and pulled his shirt off his shoulders and down his arms. He let it drop. He leaned back against the desk again. He was gorgeous. His golden skin spread over broad shoulders and tight chest. His chest hair the same beautiful dark copper as his hair started on the center of his chest and went down his navel and below his waistband.
“Take off your clothes Alana.”
“Now sir….. in front of you?”
“Alana your going to have to be comfortable with your body around me.”
I’ve never just stripped naked in front of someone with them studying every part of my body. With the only two other men I’ve been with it was dark as night in the room.
“Now Alana!”
“Y-yes sir.”
I looked down at my dress. It was a plain dark blue work dress. It was loose on my shoulders as he already unzipped it for me. I reached up to my shoulders and pulled it off and down my arms. His gaze ran up and down my body. The dress fell down my body onto the floor. I stepped out of it and kicked it away. I went ahead and kicked off my black flats as well. I was wearing a black
bralette and matching black panties.
“Now your bra and panties Alana. Slowly. And look at me.”
Nervously I looked at him. I lifted my arms and pulled off my bra. I let it drop to the floor. His gaze darkened as I slowly pulled down my panties.
“Give me your panties.”
“Why sir?”
“Alana no questions. Now hand them to me.”
I lean down, pick my panties up, and hand them to him. He holds my gaze as he grabs them and brings them to his nose and inhales. I gasp but say nothing.
“Alana come stand in front of me sweetheart.”
I walk slowly to him and stand still looking up. I’m average height at 5'6 but I still have to crane my neck back to look at him. I could feel the heat coming from his body. My nipples harden. I feel myself getting wetter and wetter. Get on your knees.
“Yes sir.”
I kept his gaze as I leaned down to the floor on my knees. “Unzip my pants and pull out my cock.”
I did so without struggling. I could see his cock pushing against the zipper. Unbuttoned him and unzipped his pants.
“Alana I want you to put this on.”
He held up a black strap with a buckle and on the other side was a large black open circle.
“Do you know what this is?”
“No sir.”
“It’s called a open mouth ball gag. I’m going to put it around your head and you bite around the circle understand?”
“Yes sir!”
I was excited to try this. I wanted him in my mouth now. I wanted to taste him. He put the straps around my head and I bit down on the circle leaving my mouth open so wide and my tongue hanging out. He tightened the buckle so it wouldn’t budge. Then he walked around my body, leaned down, and picked up my hands. I hadn’t realized he grabbed the tie and was using it to bind my hands together. He walked back around me and his dick was out! It looked so unbelievably thick. He grabbed a handful of my hair and pushed my head down on his cock. His cock barely fit through the hole. He slowly pushed his cock through my mouth and down my throat. I closed my eyes as he did this. I loved his cock on my tongue. It was so hard and smooth. Like silk over a rock.
“Oh Alana baby your mouth is heaven.” He pulled his cock out of my mouth and hung it right over my lips.
“Lick the head.”
I reached my tongue around and licked the head of his cock and he moaned so I moved my tongue all around the head and down his length. Then he grabbed my head and pushed his cock down my throat again but he continues this time Slowly fucking my throat.
“Look at me.”
I did.
“Do you like having my cock down your throat?”
I mumbled yes the best I could around his cock. I struggled with the ties on my hands. He moved his hips faster and faster. I wanted to impress him but I was trying hard not to cough. With this open gag I couldnt swallow so my saliva ran down my tongue over my chin and on the floor. I couldn’t stop it anymore. I started coughing around his cock. He quickly pulled back and let me breathe for two seconds then shoved his cock right back in.
“Oh baby.”
He let my head go so I could control how to suck his cock. I moved my head up and down his length quickly.
“Alana stop.”
I immediately stopped and looked at him. He pulled out of his pocket a blindfold and put it around my head. Everything went black and I become more vulnerable then. He leaned down and pulled my up by my shoulders and helped me to my feet.
He unbuckled the the mouth gag and I finally was able to close my mouth. Suddenly I felt a tissue on my chin.
“Let me clean you up sweetheart. I could fuck your mouth all night but I have other things planned.”
I’m pretty sure my wetness was running down my legs. “Come over here baby. Sit up on my desk baby.”
I did so with shaky legs. He helped me get situated so I could lean back on my bound hands.
“Sweetheart open your legs. Wide.”
Oh god. I want to but ….. I just froze.
“Alana…… open your legs. Or I won’t let you come.”
“I’ve only ever came by myself sir.”
“Do you doubt me sweetheart?”
“No! Of course not sir!”
“Good now open your legs.”
Slowly I opened my legs wide and I felt him grab them just under my knees.
“Do you want my inside you baby?”
I tingled everywhere. I wanted him so bad. I struggled with my ties.
“Yes please sir I want you so badly!”
“Mmmmmm…. I know sweetheart. I know.”
I felt him slide up my body. He took my nipple in his mouth and tugged.
His other hand gripped my other breast massaging it. His hand traveled down my body then slowly, oh so slowly, his fingers slide through my pussy over my clit.
“Your so wet.”
I gasped loudly. He mouth releases my breast and went up to suck on my neck. His fingers left my pussy and come back up to pinch my left nipple and his other hand pinched my right nipple.
“Oh yes! Mmmmm.”
The pain from the pinching sent tingles to my clit.
“Please sir. Please.”
“How bad do you want it baby.”
I felt his dick against my opening. I lifted my hips so he can put it in.
“Beg for it.”
“Beg for my cock Alana. How long have you wanted it baby?”
I’ve never begged for anything in my life. But for him I would do anything. I needed this.
“For so long Sir. Too long! Please I need you.”
His head came up and rubbed against my clit in circles.
“Ohhhhhh! Mmmmmmmm yes.”
“Does that feel good baby?”
“Yes sir it feels amazing.”
My clit was aching when he stopped rubbing it in slow blissful circles.
“Please Jared. Please!”
Suddenly his cock pushed inside me. Slowly. I tilted my head back moaning out. He pushed all the way in and back out and in again.
“Your pussy is so tight and warm Alana. So perfect. Do you want me to go faster Alana? Harder?”
“Yes please sir please! I need you!”
“Agree to be my submissive Alana.”
“Sir…… I ….”
“You are so perfect Alana. We fit together perfectly.”
He leaned down and I felt his lips barely touch mine. “Say you’ll be mine Alana. Say it.”
Could I do it? He makes me feel so alive! Would we go public? Would everything be secret? Would people talk? Then I realized it didn’t matter.
“Yes Jared. I’ll be yours.”
He kissed me hard then. He grabbed either side of my head kissed me breathless then shoved himself in me. He didn’t stop then. He kept fucking me. Hard. Fast.
“OH! OH! OH!” I moaned loudly through our rough kiss. He leaned up then and grabbed under my legs pushed my knees toward my chest and fucked me.
“Ooooooohhhhh. Mmmmmmmm. Yes sir! Yes! Yes! Yes!”
“Does that feel good baby?”
“Yes sir! Yes!”
I was in a spiraling sensation of pleasure. I couldn’t do anything but feel. His cock spread me open. It felt amazing to have him stretch me open. Then he stopped and pulled out!
“No! Sir pleas don’t stop!”
“Patience sweetheart.”
I heard him drop down on the floor. I felt his hot breath on my pussy. I suddenly jerked up.
“No Jared!”
“Sweetheart what’s the matter.”
I was so embarrassed. No mourh has ever been close to there. I’ve seen it in videos but never have I experienced it.
“No man …… has ever ….. been there…. sir.”
“Lean back baby. Relax. Just feel. That’s an order.”
I whimpered. “Yes sir.”
I leaned back unsure what to expect. I’ve touched my clit plenty of times and came that way only.
“Baby I can feel you are so tense relax.”
His big hands ran up and down my thigh. Soothing me. He kissed my thigh starting at the top and moving down. He kissed my other thigh stopping right before my pussy.
Everything started to tingle again. I felt his warm lips on my pussy. His tongue went down my slit and up again.
It felt ….. unbelievably good. His tongue circles my clit over and over then back the other way.
“Oh wow. Sir!”
He moaned into my pussy. He started to lick faster. Then he pulled my clit in his mouth and sucked hard.
My entire body convulsed.
He didn’t stop there. He only kept licking and sucking. This is the most pleasure I’ve ever felt. Not by myself. Not with any other man. This was the most intense pleasure.
“Sir! Oh I’m going to come!”
“Come for me sweetheart.”
He licked faster and harder.
My body was a open explosion.
Jared suddenly pulled up and yanked my body over onto my stomach.
“Alana I’m going to fuck you now. Hard. Rub your clit as I do so.”
He slammed into me and fucked me hard bent over his office desk. My orgasm felt never ending. I reached down in between my legs and touched my sensitive clit. He slapped my ass so hard I knew it would bruise. It mixes with the pleasure so well.
“Rub your clit Alana fast!”
I did so. He fucked me harder then before.
“Mmmmmm yes sir yes!”
My eyes could only see flashes of white light. He held my hands that were still bound behind my back.
“I’m about to come sweetheart.” I could feel his body tense. I didn’t want this to end. I rubbed my clit harder when another orgasm hit me harder than a truck.
He fucked me hard and deep as I came then suddenly pulled out. I could feel his hot semen splatter all over my ass and lower back.
“Mmmmm …. god Alana I couldn’t last long with that perfect pussy. Don’t move sweetheart I’ll grab a tissue.” I lay there numb as I felt him clean me off. He took the blindfold off then my hand ties. I blinked remembering what it was like to see. Light blinded me. Then it hit me.
I flipped around.
“We didn’t use a condom!”
He grabbed my face in his hands.
“Alana breathe. I didn’t come in you. Are you on birth control?”
“I can have you put on my insurance. I’ll
call my doctor tomorrow okay? Until then I’ll use a condom if that makes you feel better.”
I nodded then I leaned back against his desk looking down breathing letting my brain file what just occurred.
“Come here sweetheart.”
He leaned down and scooped me up in his arms. I wrapped my arm around his neck and he carried us both to the couch in the corner. He didn’t set me aside like I thought instead he sat down with me still in his lap.
“Mmmmmm”, I moaned.
I tucked my head in his neck and enjoyed this warmth and security I felt.
“Alana now that your my submissive things will change. I’ll teach you everything I know. You’ll thrive gorgeously my dear I know you will.”
“Will we have to hide our relationship?”
I felt sad if he would want too. Would he be ashamed of me? He past girlfriends were tall blonde and beautiful. All
“I would never hide you Alana. If you don’t want to keep us hidden we won’t just realize everything will change. Alana? Look at me.”
I lifted my head up from under his chin and looked deep into his dark eyes.
“Are you sure you don’t mind my age. People will criticize us for it baby. I’ll protect you the best I can but can you handle some talk?”
I never realized. People will think I only got this job because I slept with him. Or that I’m after his
“Jared I want you and this lifestyle I don’t care the baggage that comes with it. I just want you. …… Jared…. sir?”
He smiled,“Yes sweetheart.”
“May I kiss you?”
He answered me by pulling my close and kissing my breathless. He kissed my lips and my cheeks and my nose and my jaw and my chin.
“May I stay the night?”
“You are not leaving my side again sweetheart. ”, he whispered in my neck and kissed my lips one more time.

Something I want antis to know as a CSA survivor

I considered myself an anti for about a month when I didn’t look into the conflict.

From the base of it all, it seemed clear– Sh/ro is too old for any of the paladins and therefore they shouldn’t date. I took that as fact when research told me nothing about canon ages and accepted it because it was popular opinion. I didn’t mind it because I didn’t ship sha/adin and I’m also a csa survivor who is still recovering from multiple traumas.

But something changed my mind.

This is a LOOOOOOOOOONG ass post with a lot feeling spilled out so just a warning there.
feel free to reblog.

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