I will never be her
Part 1 / Part 2
Genre: angsty angst
Characters: Byun Baekhyun x Reader
Summary: Inspired by the song I Hate U I Love U by Gnash. You aren’t together anymore but that doesn’t stop you from missing him even if he’s in love with someone else.
But I’m still missing you
And I can’t see the end of this
Just wanna feel your kiss
Against my lips “
Everyday you seem to wake up with the same empty feeling. Moving on your bed, trying to find warmth in the lonely bed sheets. Curtains closed, no birds chirping just the sound of rain falling onto the ground outside your window. You lay there for a couple of minutes reminiscing, but thinking won’t change anything.
Getting up seemed like a chore or a task that you didn’t want to do anymore. But you got up anyways because life still goes on, right? Or so you tried to convince yourself.
Breakfast didn’t have as much appeal. You were never a good cook anyways, well, not as good as him. The only times you were okay with waking up alone was you woke up by the smell of food, which meant he was cooking for you. But there wasn’t any smell of food made with love, just the smell of the meals you occasionally made for yourself accompanied by bottles of whiskey in very lonely nights.
You decided to visit a local friend’s coffee shop to get caffeine and breakfast since you didn’t have the energy to make those things today. Heading out the house, you opened your umbrella and began walking.
“I miss you when I can’t sleep
Or right after coffee
Or right when I can’t eat”
You close your umbrella and quickly enter the shop. As you enter, a little bell rang from the door making your friend and owner of the shop look up to see you. He smiled and called you “Y/N, long time no seen!”. You smiled back, placing the umbrella beside the door and walking his way.
“So, how has everything be- wow are you okay? You look really tired” he said cutting himself off mid sentence as he studied your face carefully. You faked a smile and said to him “I’m fine Junmyeon, just woke up on the wrong foot I guess”. He looked at you with a serious glare, clearly not believing your lame excuse. He knew you too much to be oblivious about how you have been since the break up.
“Are you sure? Because the bags under your bags tell me something else” he said waiting for what you had to say but he already knew why you were like this. You groaned “Okay so I haven’t been sleeping well for a while now, big deal” you said trying to look anywhere but his eyes. Because you could talk all you wanted about how splendid your life was going but the look in your eyes would be a dead give away about how you truly felt.
Junmyeon sighed and asked “Is this because of Baekhyun?”. You stayed silent. “Y/N, You are holding on to this memory of him and you’re just hurting yourself more that you even realize. I think it’s time to move on” he said, in hopes that you will see what’s best for you. But it’s not that easy. Baekhyun was your everything. He was your mornings and nights. He was the warmth you have always needed. He was what you’ve always dreamed of. He made you feel in the honeymoon phase for the time your relationship lasted. He had influenced anything and everything in your life.
You silently chuckled and said “It’s easier said than done. It may have been months since we separated but the feelings are still there. I’ve tried Junmyeon, I have but it’s not that easy to erase him from head”. His eyes sadden while hearing you, he detested seeing you like this for a guy. “But you can try going out and doing different stuff, you know, that can take your mind off for a while. You can’t just have the same routine every day and expect to change”.
He was right, and you hated that he was right. But who are you going to spend time with? Most of your friends (including Junmyeon) are friends of Baekhyun too and you don’t want too keep explaining how you feel about the whole situation. You talked to Junmyeon because you have become close to him over the years and the trust grew on its own. Other friends you had where the people you knew in college but those aren’t really around anymore.
You sighed “Whatever, just get me a latte and a blueberry muffin. I came here for food, not to get lectured”. His expression quickly changed as he placed his hand on his chest, like he was hurt by your words. He the laughed it off because he knew you weren’t mad at him or anything, just frustrated “Yah! Don’t be so mean to me, I’m just trying to help”. You laughed, then walked over to a table and waited for your breakfast.
“All alone I watch you watch her
She is the only thing you ever see
How is it you never notice
That you are slowly killing me”
A few minutes went by as you were waiting. Just as your friend was on his way to give you your order, the bell from the door rang making the both of you look to the entrance. Junmyeon froze in front of you and you couldn’t take your eyes off who had just entered the coffee shop. It was him. The one you so desperately needed by your side again. The one who made your heart flutter but at the same time break into pieces. It was Baekhyun. But he wasn’t alone. He was accompanied by a girl.
You watched as he took her hand, interlocking his fingers with hers and walking over to order. You looked to Junmyeon and he was already looking at you. His face was cover by a look of pity as he stuttered trying to find the words to say “… Y/N, I-I’m so sor-“ but you interrupted him before he could speak any further "Don’t.., just go. You have a job to get back to”. He smiled weakly as he took a hold of your hand and squeezed it “I’ll be back” and with that, he took off.
As much as you wanted to avoid them, you couldn’t. You watched the way they looked at each other, how they laughed together, how he hold her hand, how his eyes glowed while he looked at her with love. The same glow he used to have when he saw you, the glow you thought would forever remain but faded away with time. That was the cruel reality, he was gone from your grasp. You couldn’t have him anymore, he moved on and found someone else.
But you couldn’t blame him. I mean, look at her. She was everything you ever dreamed of being. Long hair, long legs, light skin stone and perfect pearly white smile. You thought to yourself; Why wouldn’t he fall for a girl like her? Why wouldn’t he replace a girl like you for a girl like her?
Junmyeon finished with their order and they walked over to one of the tables near you. You look down and your heart stopped beating as they pasted by you. The smell of his cologne and her floral perfume filled your nostrils and it will definitely haunt you later at night. You sat there with a now cold latte, a half eaten blueberry muffin and a overwhelming feeling of emptiness in your heart.
You couldn’t take it a second longer, if you stayed there waiting for Junmyeon to come back, he would come to a silently sobbing mess. You stood and walked over to your friend, grabbing some cash from your pockets and handing it to him. You smiled at him and walked away before he could say anything to you.
You took your umbrella and stepped out the shop, ready to let grief take over you. Before leaving, you glanced over their way for one last time. Baekhyun was looking outside as the girl talked to him and his eyes landed on you, both of you making eye contact. You froze in his gaze, not knowing what to do. You were about to kindly wave at him but he was already looking away from you and to the girl he was with.
You looked away too, feeling your eyes beginning to water a bit and walked away. This wasn’t your fairy tale. He wasn’t your prince and you weren’t his princess. You had come to the realization that your story simply doesn’t have a happy ending and there’s nothing you can do to change it.
A\N: First fan fiction I made that i actually really liked, tbh. How about you? Did you like it? If you did feel free to leave a message or an question on my inbox, I’d really appreciate it. Request for angst, fluff, comedy or smut are open! *sends virtual hugs and kisses*