i wanna take drugs with you

I Don't Wanna Live Forever [Connor Murphy x Reader]

Title: I Don’t Wanna Live Forever
Pairing: Connor Murphy x Reader
Fandom: Dear Evan Hansen
Requested: no
Summary: Your family takes an annual trip to the mountains with the Murphy family every year to unwind over the winter break–that being said, Connor Murphy isn’t the sweet kid he used to be, and you’d rather be anywhere else than sharing a room with him for two weeks. However, between your parents, a line of accidents, and a mapless trip in the woods seem determined to bring you together–if you can make it out alive.
Warnings: Connor’s potty mouth | Mentions of drugs, abuse, alcohol, panic attacks, sex trafficking, sex, blood, hospitals | First person reader | face paced/vignette style | not proof read | tenses may change
A/N: Here’s that long ass thing I’ve been working on for weeks and just finished a few minutes ago, ayy. Based entirely off the “Connor hated skiing” line. This is long af with no read more option, sorry :/ Here we go! (THANKS FOR 500+ FOLLOWERS ♡♡♡)


Connor Murphy was a lot of things.

He was stubborn–I’d never seen him admit he was wrong, but I’d definitely seen him throw scrabble pieces across the wooden floor of the cabin, leaving Zoe to scramble red-faced to collect them as he stomped up the oak steps to his room, echoing around the house.

He was annoying–I’d told him once I wasn’t crazy about Iron Maiden, which resulted in the album being on blast for the entirety of the time he drove Zoe and I around the mall in the family’s silver minivan.

He was stoic. He was impatient. He was angry.

I’d begged my parents not to go cabins for winter break. I’d begged them to pick a different mountain range if we were so dead set on skiing. But Mr. Murphy and my mother were business associates, and the last thing she wanted to do was make them feel like we were no longer on good terms–especially because of Connor.

“Larry’s been having an awfully hard time with Connor, sweetheart, you have to understand,” my mother crooned in our rental car, fixing her lip liner as she drove, my father keeping a white knuckled grip on the Jesus handle above his head. “He’s not doing very well in school and he’s been throwing tantrums at home. Poor Cynthia is at her wits end. They’re lucky to have that sweet Zoe, she’s so talented and smart. Poor Connor is jealous and acting out, just try not to rally him up, alright, dear?”

I didn’t dignify her with a response, mostly because I knew she wouldn’t like what I had to say anyway, but also because I knew she wouldn’t care to listen, either. I sighed loudly, watching the snow flurry softly outside the window. It wasn’t fair–here I was in the middle of something so remarkably beautiful, and I’d be shoved in a minivan with the Murphy kids and stuck in the valley town’s 1970s mall with crappy t-shirts and a vape store that Connor would spend all day in.

The cabin was huge, up with a view of the town below, nearly three stories made of solid, stripped oak, in the middle of a winding road with a four percent grade. Half the cabin was supported on beams which plummeted down the mountain face. I’d be lucky to stand on the deck without vomiting, let alone being able to venture into the hot tub.

The Murphy’s minivan was already in the drive, trunk shut, meaning they’d unpacked and I’d be left with whatever miniscule space they’d left for me in the loft area.

“Remember to be nice, sweetheart,” my mother crooned again, fluffing her hair in the mirror and giving me an enthusiastic smile in the rearview. “It’s important! They’re practically family.”

Geez, I was lucky to not have Connor Murphy for a cousin.

Slinging my backpack over my arm and exiting the rental car, I took the liberty to stretch, despite the cold air that stung my cheeks and the snow that fluttered down into my hair. This may very well be the last moment of solitude I had for the entirety of the week, and I was going to revel in it.

A movement caught my eye, suddenly, and I lowered myself off my tiptoes to glance up at the second story window–a curtain fluttered shut. It was most likely Zoe or Connor checking out the commotion that was my father and mother bickering over who carried what into the house, and shutting it once they’d realized I caught them. Feeling vaguely uneasy, I turned just as Larry Murphy, bundled in a parka, burst out of the house to take two suitcases from my father.

It was going to be a long two weeks.

——

Cynthia Murphy made me stand by the kitchen counter as she was stocking the cabinet with neon colored cardboard boxes containing various sugary, pink cereals with marshmallows and prizes inside. The Murphy kids were both picky eaters, I remembered quickly, Connor more so than Zoe.

Mrs. Murphy kept playing with my hair, crowing about how much longer it looked (despite the fact I’d cut it since the last time I’d seen her) and how pretty and grown up I’d become, asking me the usually annoying adult questions (“Any thoughts on schools yet? Oh, Connor can’t decide either! Do you know what you’re going to major in? That’s alright, you’ll figure it out soon!”) It would’ve been annoying, I decided, if and only if she didn’t look so sad all the time, the purple bruising under her eyes visible still underneath the layers of makeup. My mother could say whatever she liked about Cynthia Murphy where her wifely duties were concerned–Mrs. Murphy tried to be a good mother (re: tried, period), and that was more than enough to pass her in my book.

In the background, my parents were settling into the second master bedroom, Larry Murphy yelling at the bottom of the stairs to announce our arrival. I could do without the annual reunion, awkward questions about school. The Murphy kids were tolerable–Zoe definitely more so–but it didn’t mean they had to force us together so artificially.

Zoe skimpered down the stairs first, her soft moccasin boots barely making any sound on the stairs–I was surprised to find her long legs bare, her thighs peeking out beneath a pretty pink chiffon dress, covered by what I hoped to be a faux fur parka. Her pretty auburn hair was curled, pulled back with a polka dot headband I could recognize from her childhood. She was wearing eyeliner, and cotton candy flavored lip gloss I remembered sharing when we were thirteen.

It was such a stark contrast from how I remembered her before. The last I’d seen her she’d been gawky and fifteen with a mouth full of metal and a bra full of kleenex. She was practically grown now, and beautiful–it made me feel slightly subpar in my own blue jeans and blue sweater. Regardless, she smiled brightly and skipped over to me, opening her arms to wrap them around my neck.

“It’s so good to see you!” She exclaimed, pressing a quick kiss to my cheek that shocked me, as well as some others–Larry Murphy’s horrified expression was priceless, and I was convinced Connor put her up to it–but I just laughed and hugged her tightly before letting her go.

“You look so pretty,” I told her with a wry grin, and she just tossed the expression back, nodding with a, “So do you!”

“It’s so good to see you girls are still so close,” my mother tittered, beginning to uncork a glass of wine–we didn’t drink much at my house, but the Murphy’s, I knew, did, and my mother certainly wasn’t going to let that go to waste. “Where’s that sweet boy of yours?”

Larry Murphy at the bottom of the stairs, banging on the oak walls, yelling out, “Connor!” was enough to make both the Murphy women flinch visibly. Zoe still had her arm around my waist as we stared up at the ceiling above us, waiting for the squeak of sneakers on the polished wood.

“Don’t yell.”

Zoe jumped away from me as if she’d been burned, pressing herself against the countertop as if to make herself invisible. Mrs. Murphy, her hand clutched to her chest after the initial nose, fought hard to smile believably. I, myself, had jumped at the unexpected sound–Connor Murphy’s curt tenor clear across the room, no where near the stairs, instead standing the doorway were we had just come from. I couldn't  quite make out his frame from here–there was a line of bodies blocking my view, my parents, Mrs. Murphy, and Zoe all formed a human barrier that constructed the divide between Connor and I. Fine by me.

“There you are!” Mrs. Murphy chirped, clearly still nervous, visibly by her shaking voice and hands, fluffing her hair to give her something to do. “You didn’t miss much, Connor, they’ve just arrived.”

My mother said something unintelligent in way of greeting, to which Conner didn’t reply, just shut the door carefully behind him to keep out the cold air. I couldn’t see his face from here, but I could make out that he was much too still for a teenage boy, much too quiet.

“–You remember her, don’t you, Connor?”

My throat closed up as the Red Sea parted, everyone’s heads turning to look between the two of us.

He didn’t move from the doormat–boots  caked in snow, as if he’d gone for a walk, and the bottoms of his skinny jeans were muddy and slick looking. Still, he didn’t shiver, which was slightly unnerving. He was skinnier than I remembered, like he hadn’t been eating, and his face was all angles. He slouched, his pink mouth which was mottled red from the cold was set in a heavy frown. His eyes, which were scanning somewhere around my waist and hadn’t come anywhere near making eye contact since he’d seen me, had blown pupils. Drugs. He was doing drugs in the middle of the afternoon.

He hadn’t cut his hair since I’d seen him last, brown curls poking out of the bottom of a black sock toboggan with a soft pompom on top. It could’ve been funny, I supposed, his rough puberty finishing to leave him left over with this, something akin to a drugged out vogue model who listened to way too much 2008 Fall Out Boy, if he didn’t seem so…unnervingly somber for someone who clearly wasn’t sober. Geez, this kid was a school shooter in the making.

I glanced back up to find him finally staring at my face, shooting an uncomfortable alertness down my spine. His eyebrows were crooked in vague amusement that didn’t seem to reach his mouth, and I felt my face heat up under his scrutiny. If he was trying to intimidate me, it wouldn’t work. I wasn’t scared of boys like him.

“Yeah, I remember her,” he grinned mirthlessly, stuffing his hands into the gut pocket of his hoodie, giving me a nod that, while meant to appease our parents, also felt like a vague threat. I didn’t smile back.

“Great! Wanna show her the room?”

Connor grinned crookedly. “Follow me, kid.”

——

The upstairs layout was just like I remembered  it–Two rooms, one main one in the first entrance with a king bed tucked in the corner, a TV and a few gaming systems with some furniture in the front, a bathroom with two doors which lead through to the other room, which held the fold out couch and television I was accustomed to using.

The Murphy kids already had their belongs strewn about the room–Zoe’s stuff animals and princess blankets eclipsing most of the bed and an ancient Nintendo DS on the table with SpongeBob stickers on the cover that I’m sure belonged to Connor–and it left me very little room to maneuver through.

Connor was silent as he lead me up, as if I didn’t know the way, but surprised me by stopping in front of the king bed, holding out his arms to signal me.

“Your room, my lady.”

I cocked an eyebrow. “This–this is your bed.”

“Not this year. Dad’s decided it’s a little too Flowers In the Attic for Zoe and I to share a bed this year–I’m on the pull out and you girls get to have your fun.” He shot me a bitter smile to let me know he wasn’t thrilled about having the pull-out–he shouldn’t be, the thing was total garbage–but surely he’d enjoy the privacy of it?

“I don’t care to take the pull-out,” I told him, keeping my bag on my shoulder despite the fact it was beginning to be painfully heavy. “If you wanna–”

“Don’t have a choice,” he said, already turning toward the bathroom to walk to his half of the loft. “The bed’s yours.”

——

So, Connor Murphy had turned out to be a total dick. It should’ve unsurprising information, I knew, but part of me still remembered him as a charismatic kid I was, at one point, friends with. Back when the three of us all slept in the king bed, before any of us ever had a zit, when we’d fall asleep in the floor watching early 1990s Pokémon episodes, because Larry Murphy didn’t like them watching it.

Even the Connor I remembered at fourteen, gangly and silent and shy with close-cropped hair felt better than this. I was past uncomfortable, sitting stiffly between he and Zoe on one of the couches in the living room. There was a faux fur blanket hanging behind us, shedding hairs onto Connor’s black jacket, which would’ve been funny if he wasn’t picking at his nails with a slightly rusted pocket knife–I notice he’d painted them, which I oddly admired. I’d kissed a boy earlier this year who painted his nails, and his palms were always soft when he’d reach up to cup my cheeks. It softened Connor in my head, just slightly.

He was careful, I saw, to stay on his side of the couch, leaning into the apex of the arm and the back of the couch rather  than flush with me, his thin legs stretched out and crossed at the ankle to avoid me. I appreciated it, but it didn’t stop me from leaning forward, my elbows on my knees, sitting on the edge of the cushion. I could still feel warmth radiating from him–it was late, and I was tired with a full stomach. If I wasn’t careful, I’d fall right into him, and he’d never let me live that down.

Zoe practically was asleep, leaning forward as well with her head on my shoulder. Cynthia had let her have nearly two glasses of wine at dinner–not enough to get her drunk, but it didn’t change the fact Zoe was still lithe and young, and easily tipsy.

We’d all gone into town for a very awkward dinner–I was just thankful to be placed between my father and Zoe, in a position on the opposite end of the table from Connor, who was stuck in between Larry and Cynthia, looking as if he were in a permanent time out.

Now we were gathered around the coffee table in the cabin, the seven of us hunched over a tiny photo album that I couldn’t really make out from here. There were fuzzy polaroids of us as children, looking nothing like we did now. Connor and I at six, soaked from romping in a sprinkler. Zoe and Connor sharing a chocolate icecream cone, their faces covered in the brown spatter.

“You were all so small,” Mrs. Murphy crowed with a choked voice, covering half her face with her hand in a faux attempt to eclipse the emotion. “Oh, I miss it. You kids used to spend so much time together! Now we only get together for break, and Zoe is so busy there’s hardly enough time for her to spend quality time with her sweet brother.”

Zoe snorted loudly, earning a glare from Mr. Murphy I was positive I wasn’t supposed to see. I snuck a glance at Connor, whose face betrayed no emotion, just staring blankly ahead in the direction of the album. From his position, I was positive he couldn’t see more than the chipped leather cover of the book. Even if he leaned forward, he wouldn’t have been able to see much.

My mother and Mrs. Murphy went out in loud voices in a seamless attempt to pretend the seemingly secret interaction had taken place, so, while the focus was shifted, I turned my attention to Connor.

He didn’t cock an eyebrow this time when he caught me staring, instead just furrowed his eyebrows and looked at me, as if he expected me to speak.

“Can you see?” I asked, nodding my head in the direction of the book.

“I’m fine,” he said immediately–vaguely irritating, I’d admit, but nonetheless understandable. I was sure Cynthia Murphy had spent most of her life making sure Connor was comfortable at all times. Still, this was my olive branch, in an attempt to make this trip a little more tolerable, and Zoe seemed less than likely to console her brother at this point.

“We can change seats, I’m not really looking,” I promised, sitting forward more in my seat to show that I was ready to make the change.

“I’m fi–”

Connor was cut off by a squeal from his mother, who had tossed the book into our laps. It had taken a great deal of squinting, letting my heartbeat slow before I realized she’d been showing us something and not trying to kill some giant bug between us.

The polaroid was grainy, an ivory hue that whitewashed the photo and the years of existence made the picture hard to decipher at first, especially when we were so tired. The time stamp was from the late nineties, glowing yellow in the corner of the frame. I recognized the gilded tub from upstairs that dominated half the bathroom, big enough for three adults easily.

Connor threw to book onto my lap first, like it had scalded him. I should’ve done the same, but it took me a moment. To see, to adjust, to read and understand what was so socially condemning about the photo.

It was Connor, I realized first, small and tanned with bony ribs and chunky fingers and the apples of his cheeks straining against his baby skin. His hair was cropped so short, it looked almost silly. Beside him was me, my hair wild and tangled, curled as if my mother had teased it for dinner. My wide eyes were blazing, much too big for my face, and I was grinning with wet lips at the camera.

We were in the tub, surrounded by big pink bubbles.

We were very, very naked.

It shouldn’t have been a big deal–not really, unless you counted the fact that if this had been printed, our parents would be arrested for child porn. I was mostly covered, sitting beside Connor, my shoulders hunched forward. But Connor was standing, meaning the camera got a very decent view of–

“What the fuck, Mom!” He screaming, standing and ripping the book off my lap. Cynthia’s tittering died immediately, the hands covering her laughed instead covered her horrified face.

This was how it started, I realized.

“It’s not fucking funny,” he growled, tossing the book across the room, banging against the wooden wall with a heavy whomp.  

“That’s enough, Connor,” Larry Murphy growled low in his throat. Cynthia’s head was downcast, her eyes wide and wet. I recognized the emotion immediately–she shut down with conflict the same way Connor did.

“You don’t get to laugh at me for shits and giggles this whole trip,” Connor said, already lunging up the stairs, his hands shaking. “If I wanted to feel shitty, I’d have a conversation with you.”

So much for having a quiet trip.
——
Zoe wasn’t quiet in her gossip about Connor–his door was fashioned shut, I saw, and I doubt he’d come out for the rest of the night. I was positive he could hear his sister’s loud comments from our room.

“Sorry, he’s such an ass,” Zoe groaned, stretching on the bed, her little lilac nightgown shifting across her thighs. “I think his high is wearing off or something–don’t let it bug you. You don’t have to be nice to him, by the way. I’m not gonna let him hurt you.”

I shrugged, noncommittal. “We were friends once. I’m not gonna be mean, he’s never done anything to me.”

Zoe snorted. “You didn’t just see that? He’s a monster, and it gets worse.”

“He just has a temper. Everyone gets like that sometimes.”

I wasn’t sure why I was defending Connor–half because I didn’t want Zoe to tell Connor I disliked him, then he’d actively terrorize me–half because I had no idea why Connor Murphy was so pissed off. It was just a picture. Yeah, embarrassing, I’ll admit I wasn’t too thrilled about eighteen year old Connor Murphy seeing my nipples, and I’ll admit he definitely had the worst end of the stick.

“He loses his shit like that all the time,” Zoe said. “It’s not just a temper.”

“He’s your brother, Zoe,” I reminded gently, brushing out my hair in the bathroom mirror. “Can’t you give him the benefit of the doubt?”

“He’s no brother of mine,” she whispered, rolling over on the bed and clicking off the light.

——

The next few days passed as the usually did–the adults going places without us, albeit romantic and boring, and leaving the three of us to wander about the town below the mountain crests. It was Zoe’s turn to pick the day’s activity, and she’d chosen the mall.

The place was all dark oak, and hadn’t been remodeled since the late seventies at the earliest. Zoe was chipper, balancing a bag of organic soap and bath bombs on her lap that she’d bought at a local shop, pouring over the cheese fries between us on a plastic red tray.

Connor had also been well-behaved since his outburst several days ago, albeit quiet. He’d separated from us the second we’d arrived, holed out in some record store. Zoe was thrilled to be rid of him, and very vocal about it. I was bored out of my mind.

“Don’t look now,” Zoe said brightly, despite her face suddenly shifting into a mask of disinterest. She bit down on her lip, covered in a pink glitter lipgloss she’d applied much too liberally, and pulled on her pretty auburn braid. “There’s some boys two tables behind us checking you out.”

I felt my face get hot. “You’re lying.”

“Nuh-uh,” Zoe said, leaning into take a sip of her milkshake, biting down on the straw–the look on her face told me she’d got their attention.

“How old are they?” I hissed. The last thing we needed were some creeps following us around the mall–this was how sex trafficking started. Surely Zoe knew that this was a huge red flag.

It was clear from her overzealous wave she didn’t.

I felt a hand on the back of my chair before I saw them–to Zoe’s credit, they were pretty. Both in thick denim blue jeans, both in letterman jackets over white tee-shirts. One was tall, skinny, with pretty dark skin and hair cropped close to his head. The other was a little thicker, pale and short, in badly need from a shave. They were smiling brightly at the two of us in a way that was less awestruck and more closely resembled a triumphant conquest.

“Hello, ladies,” the shorter man greeted, grinning like a shark between Zoe and I. His hair was dark, curling around his temples–handsome, maybe my age, maybe ten years older. It was impossible to tell. There were lines around his eyes that either indicated he smiled too much or was simply older. “What are two cute girls like you doing inside on a day like this–the ski lift is just a walk down the road.”

“We’re here shopping with our brother,” I said immediately, giving a grin. The taller boy quirked his eyebrows at me–his eyes, I noticed, were dark with tawny flecks hidden in them.

“That’s cool,” he said to me, switching places so that the other boy could be closer to Zoe. They both pulled chairs up to our table, facing us. My stomach pinched uncomfortably. “Where’s he at?”

“Nike,” I lied, seeing the sign from the distance and knowing very well that Hot Topic, while probably true, didn’t exactly invoke fear.

“Ah,” he said with a grin, his eyes glancing down at my bare arm with a grin. With two slim fingers, he reached forward to pluck at my woven bracelet Zoe had made me a few nights ago, my name in block letter strung across the twine. His hands were uncomfortably hot, and I drew my arm back into my lap. “Aren’t you cold?” He nodded to my bare arms. I’d left my flannel with Connor, who was sitting on a bench at the time–I hoped he remembered to grab it. I was just wearing a striped cotton tee right now, and my arm had broken out in a case of goosebumps, though I wasn’t sure it was from the cold.

“I’m fine,” I said, careful not to meet his gaze. He was pretty, and if I wasn’t careful, I might end up going somewhere with this guy.

“You know,” he began, and I could hear his grin turn predatory. “You’re very pretty.”

A jolt shot down my spine–I wasn’t pretty, not really, which terrified me. I could hear what the other boy was whispering to Zoe, but I could tell that all the stars were gone from her eyes. She looked pale, panicked. These weren’t the kind of boys we needed to hanging around with.

“I know,” I said quickly. “We really need to call our brother–”

“I think he can wait long enough for me to get your number, right?”

Across the table Zoe laughed, too loudly, pushing back and standing from her chair. She was grinning at the dark haired boy, beckoning her to follow with a jerk of her chin.

“Zoe–”

“We’re gonna run to get some coffee, okay? Connor should be back soon, don’t wait up.”

She didn’t meet my heavy glare for long, and didn’t turn around when I yelled her name. I watched in silent horror as the boy put his hand flush with her lower back.

I was alone.

The panic crept onto the back of my neck long before his thin fingers did. He smelled like cinnamon, strongly, like he’d done one too many sprays with his cologne that morning. When I turned to face him, his tawny eyes were asking.

“Is this the part where you say you’ve got a boyfriend?” He grinned, his teeth blindingly bright in his tan face. He was so close I could see the threads on the collar of his letterman jacket–it looked soft.

There was a possibility, I realized, that they weren’t dangerous. That I was just being paranoid–Zoe wasn’t stupid, and she wouldn’t go off with a strange boy unless she was sure it was safe. Still, they were definitely in college.

And boy, were they pretty.

“I do have a boyfriend, actually,” I said, lifting my chin to meet his gaze so he wouldn’t think I was lying. There was a small voice in the back of my head, screaming, raised on her tip toes that I should just take this plunge–let him hold my hand or kiss him or whatever he wanted to do, because this was a shitty trip and I deserved to be as reckless as the Murphy kids were allowed. I didn’t see a reason why I shouldn’t.

Besides, you know, the obvious.

He quirked an eyebrow. “You have a boyfriend?” He asked, biting back a smirk. I felt the voice in the back of my head get sucker punched by my ego. So, he didn’t think I was pretty after all. Which meant he was dangerous.

Which meant Zoe was in trouble.

“Yes,” I growled, standing, yelping a bit when his hand snaked up to grab at my wrist, nearly breaking my bracelet and keeping me bent over the table.

“Let go,” I hissed–the food court was nearly deserted, and the family in the corner was carefully avoiding my eyes. I wasn’t sure I had the voice to scream.

“I don’t believe you have a boyfriend.”

“Let go, or I’ll scream,” I warned, yanking on my arm. He let go immediately, holding his hand high above his head, which I knew was meant as a gesture of calm, but instead looked an awful lot like he intended to strike me.

“Where’s your boyfriend, then?” He taunted loudly, thrilled to see no one in the court coming to my aid. I felt sick, the panic rising in my chest. Where was Zoe? She was in trouble. I was in trouble. I was going to have to scream–

“He’s right here.”

My arm flailed, immediately cocking back in an attempt to elbow in the stomach whoever had wrapped their arm around my neck, their other spidery hand snaking just slightly under the hem of my t-shirt to splay across my hip, finger tips barely brushing my skin above my jeans. The arms were strong, vice like, pressing me against a hard body, and suddenly I felt limp, panic leaving me as I realized whose familiar smell I was enveloped in.

Hair grazed across my cheekbone, and I could make out the dark locks if I looked out the corner of my eye, and I nearly yelped when I felt lips press chastely against my temple.

I couldn’t make out much of the boy anymore, my eyes level with Connor’s adams apple from where he was pressing me against him.

“Babe,” Connor said cooly, calmly, making my knees knock against his. “Who’s this?”

“H-he’s leaving,” I managed to stutter out, barely a whisper, my voice hoarse. I sounded terrified. No wonder this ass in the letterman jacket hadn’t be intimated by me, I sounded about as frightening as a kitten. Connor pressed his fingers against the nape of my neck, tilting my head against his jugular so that I couldn’t see anything but the pale column of his throat and his dark hair. It was getting difficult to breathe–I felt sick. He moved his hand to wrap around my waist, yanking me tightly to him.

“You heard her,” Connor said, again stoic–half of me wished I could see his face, but the other half knew it would be terrifying. Connor’s temper was legendary and destructive–to see him so angry wouldn’t make the fist in my gut unclench. “Go. Take your friend with you.”

There was a beat of silence. Then two. I couldn’t hear much but my own shaky breathing, warm and wet against Connor’s neck, his hair making the space much too hot. I wasn’t aware I had knotted my fingers into his shirt until he started walking, dragging my stumbling form forward with him. He was going fast, too fast for me to keep up, and my chest could only rise so far before deflating painfully.

“You gotta breathe,” he grunted, one of his arms still around me. His face felt hot against me.

“Z-zoe!” I choked out, realizing I had no idea where she was. She could still be with that boy, be in danger–

“Oh, Christ,” he exclaimed bitterly, letting go and beginning to trudge forward. I was terrified briefly, suddenly overwhelmed with the fact I didn’t know where I was. There was a Game Stop, and a Victoria’s secret, the neon lighting combined with the screaming toddlers and the kissing teens and Connor was leaving

An arm swept up from behind me, leading me just as quickly, mumbling something I couldn’t make out into my ear.

“Zoe!” I grinned, immediately feeling safer, feeling my fear melt away just smidgen in my gut.

“I’m so so sorry I left,” she sobbed. “I went looking for a cop, but I found Connor first and I told him you were in trouble–”

“It’s fine,” I said immediately, surprised that my voice was no longer wet. “Thanks, Zoe.”

I was calm, or, at least calmer by the time we reached the van. Connor was waiting by the passenger side door, which was opened, leaning against a scratch in the silver paint. He wasn’t looking at us, instead appearing to observe the silver snowflakes as they fell.

My reflection in the side mirror revealed my face was red and blotchy, not just from the cold wind. I felt gross–guilty for the fact I hadn’t been able to defend myself and Zoe, guilty for the fact Connor Murphy was the one who had to come to my rescue, and guilty for the fact I’d cried all over him. His zipped up hoodie seemed to have escaped the mess, but that didn’t mean I didn’t feel awful. 

He stepped out of the way when I made it close, gesturing for me to get in the passenger side door while glaring at the ground. I was only vaguely surprised, and followed along immediately. Zoe and I almost always rode together in the back. I let Connor shut the door, ignoring the disgusted look Zoe gave as she got into the back.

Connor hoisted himself into the driver’s seat, surprising me with a costume change, reappearing in only a forest green tee. He held out his hoodie to me, balled up in one of his fists without looking at me, before just tossing it into my lap.

“I–”

“I left your flannel in the back. Put that on or you’ll freeze.”

He licked his lips, staring coldly out the front window, before starting the car. I swallowed. Yeah, he definitely hated me.

“Okay.”

——

“You’re sure you’re alright, honey?” My mother asked for the third time. Her hair was tied up, her pink bathrobe covering little of her cleavage and bare legs. She was cradling a wine bottle in her hands, looking at me in faux concern.

I gave her a soft smile. “I’m fine,” I lied. I’d calmed considerately. Connor and Zoe had both agreed I needed to shower to wash off the panicked look on my face–I’d asked them to keep the days happenings a secret. They’d reluctantly agreed.

She gave me a clipped smile. “Maybe you should go to bed early, yeah? That’s what I plan to do.”

I nodded, scratching at my bare leg. I’d taken advantage of Zoe’s absense and changed into boxer shorts and an oversized tee with a kitten on the front–she and Cynthia had headed into town for the night, spending the night at a spa and would be gone for a few days, and my father had taken his annual ‘me time’ and booked a hotel downtown to do his own thing. I think Mr. Murphy went with him, but regardless, he was out of the house. It was just me and my mother.

And Connor. I tried not to think about it. I planned on offering him the big bed tonight, in way of thanking him for today, but we hadn’t spoken much since the incident and I felt…odd. Unsure how to thank him. Unsure why he helped.

I supposed the Murphy men were just gentlemen, even under all that teen angst.

“Yeah,” I agreed. “I’m probably gonna sit out on the balcony and then head to bed.”

She grinned. “Don’t stay out too late, it’s almost down to single digits, dear.”

I just nodded, sliding off the countertop, and slinking upstairs. I was surprised to see Connor sitting on the bed. I grinned.

He looked different, to say the least. He was still without his jacket, wearing only his tee and jeans, and little pair of socks with stars on them, which did seem a little out of character, but I assumed Cynthia bought them. His head perked when he saw me, simply craning his neck, keeping his shoulders bowed forward over his body.

He looked small, I realized. He didn’t look like a boy who punched holes in walls or scared off very big very scary men in shopping mall food courts. He looked like a vogue model with a little too much innocence.

He gave me a grin with no teeth, and it didn’t quite meet his eyes, but I gave him a sheepish smile back.

“Hey,” I greeted, tugging on my top to cover my shorts a little better–Connor Murphy didn’t have any interest in seeing my thighs. Despite all the panic, I’d been playing over and over in my head the comment the boy in the mall had made, incredulous that I had a boyfriend. It was silly to let it sting me, considering he probably wanted to stuff me in a van, but it crippled me nonetheless.

“Hey,” he greeted back, not rising from the bed.  I waited for him to speak again, and when he said nothing, I continued.

“I, uh, meant to say, since Zoe’s gone, you can have the big bed like good old times.”

He frowned. “I don’t need the bed.”

“I don’t either,” I promised, leaning against the banister. “Plus,” I sighed, scratching at the back of my head. “I’m not entirely sure how to thank you for today. I’d probably be selling for a low ball price on the dark web right now, if it wasn’t for you. So, thanks.”

Connor was still frowning. “You’ve had a really rough day. You should take the bed.”

“No,” I insisted, beginning to get frustrated. “I’m really okay, I promise. I can’t give you anything else, take the bed.”

His dark eyebrows knit together quickly, licking his lips again nervously. “I don’t–”

“Plus,” I cut him off again with a curt laugh. “I owe you for your Oscar performance. That was crazy, you know. I can’t believe you fooled him into thinking a guy like you would be with a girl like me.”

His head snapped up. “A guy like me?” He reiterated coldly. I felt my face grow hot.

“You know,” I said quietly.

“Know what?”

“That you’re cool,” I muttered. “And nice looking. And I’m not.”

I was thankful for the warm lighting in the room, concealing my red face. It was already dark out, the blinds drawn tightly. Connor’s fists clenched in the white lace comforter on the bed. I didn’t want him to feel bad for me, and I sort of regretted saying it. Connor had already seen me blubbering today and he didn’t need my shitty teen angst to deal with.

He bit down on his lower lip, staring coldly at the ground before murmuring, “I need a shower. Take the bed.”

I shook my head. “I’m gonna go for a walk.”

He just nodded, rising from the bed. “Don’t get too far. It’s cold out.”

Connor shut the bathroom door behind him, and I was left feeling like a total idiot. I could hear the shower running before I left, snagging Connor’s grey jacket from my bed post and sliding it on. I went down the stairs, sliding out the first door to the outside, stepping out onto the first floor balcony. I made a mental note to the shut the blinds later, before walking around to the front of the cabin.

I should’ve been thrilled to be alive, I realized, snorting at how melodramatic that sounded. Still, as I burrowed deeper into Connor’s jacket, watching my thighs turn red from the cold, I realized that I was shrouded in a veil of melancholy I wouldn’t be able to shake off.

I missed Connor. I missed being his friend. I missed him coming over for play dates when we were kids, gauzy fairy wings strapped to our backs, jumping on a trampoline when Zoe was still to young to participate. I missed writing him letters, like a pen pal, despite the fact he only lived on the opposite side of town. Going to different schools hadn’t deterred us, for a while, at least. We had sleepovers every birthday, and Zoe told the best scary stories. I remembered hiding under Connor’s bed with him, a hand clasped over my mouth so Zoe wouldn’t hear our breathing.

I remembered kissing him when we were in kindergarten, ridiculously late at night, a quick smack on the lips during a game of pretend. I’d kissed Zoe, too, when we were probably much too old for it, but thinking of Connor tugged on my chest.

It stopped as we turned twelve, I realized. I never saw him–he was still playing little league, and I stopped coming to his games to pick dandelions with Zoe. He was beginning to get teased. My parents insisted the slumber parties should stop, we were too old. Every time Connor and I were together at birthdays or Christmas parties, adults would joke about when we’d fall in love, how soon would it be before we got married. We avoided each other like the plague, unless we knew we could be alone. And we were never alone.

Connor hid inside himself. Zoe made fun of him at parties, loudly. I kept quiet.

He stopped calling during the summer months. He never rode his bike by my house. The only time I saw Connor Murphy was the annual ski trip.

I missed him. He’d been a childhood friend, and I’d let him go without a second thought to save myself some shred of dignity, like it wouldn’t be ripped away from me regardless.

Connor Murphy was nothing to be ashamed of.

And now it was too late to be his friend.

It had started to snow again, so I wiped my face and rose, walking the opposite way I had come, skirting the stairs–they led to the upstairs, but only to Connor’s room, and I didn’t plan to barge in uninvited, especially if he was still in the shower, two rooms blocked me from getting to the king bed, so I’d have to walk all the way around the house.

The lights were out, I saw, but again no one had bothered to close the blinds. The television might have been on, a dim blue glow resounding onto the leather couch–

I froze.

As it turned out, my mother hadn’t gone to bed. The television was on, showing some late show with some old white man making cracks about some politician I didn’t care for, casting the blue haze onto the coffee table, revealing the wine bottle my mother had been cradling. Two empty glasses sat on the table–my mother’s bathrobe crinkled on the floor.

I was disgusted in a comedic way, just for a moment, to see my mother in her nightgown kissing my father, who my brain had filled in under the assumption he’d arrived back.

I’d begun backing up to the stairs, Connor Murphy’s naked body be damned, when I realized my father’s car had never pulled up, and I’d been on the front porch the whole time.

A better look in the window revealed a man a little older, a little more gray and a little more handsome than my father.

I was sprinting by the time Larry Murphy had begun to peel his shirt off his back.

I didn’t knock by the time I’d made it to Connor’s room, just threw open the door, struggling to get my breathing under control. I stumbled to the pull out couch, dragging the sheets up around my freezing legs. I was in shock, I knew, and I needed to calm down before Connor came in–the bathroom door was shut, but I couldn’t hear the shower anymore, despite the steady trickle of steam coming through the cracks. I was trapped in this room until Connor came out.

My mother was cheating on my father Larry Murphy. Larry Murphy was cheating on his wife with my mother. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t believe it, I had to have made it up, this had to be a dream–

“What are you doing in here?”

It was an exclamation, alarmed, grasping a towel tight with thin white knuckles.

Connor. Connor in a towel. Connor wet with slick hair and chest hair and navel and hip bones. Connor Murphy, son of Larry Murphy, who had his tongue down my mom’s throat–

“Hey, breathe, what’s going on? What’s wrong?”

By the time my eyes snapped back into focus, Connor was struggling to pull on grey basketball shorts without dropping his towel, and I dropped my gaze back to my shaking hands, almost startlingly red from the temperature change and what was most likely shock. I was hyperventilating, struggling to smother the sobs. I knew this deep in the house, they probably wouldn’t hear me–they were most definitely preoccupied anyway. 

The bed dipped, and Connor’s bare side brushed my thigh. I didn’t mean to jerk back, but I did, clinging to the arm of the couch and staring horrified–Connor looked almost hurt, but mostly panicked. I tried to calm down, for his sake.

“S-sorry!” I sobbed. “Sorry! I-I-I didn’t mean–I didn’t mean–I didn’t–I–”

“Hey, stop, breathe. You gotta breathe. Go slow, okay? Stop tryna talk,” he commanded, holding up his hands to show he wasn’t gonna hurt me, readjusting so that he sat up on his knees, leaning  over me to take my hands, rubbing them between his own despite the claminess.

I avoided his eyes, focusing instead on the dip of his collar bone, surprised to see thin lines of chest hair, wet and plastered to his chest. He was skinny, and I could see his ribs despite the tiny stomach roll from where he folded in the middle. His thumbs rubbed soothing circles across the backs of my hands, and for a moment, I didn’t think. I could’ve forgotten everything and fallen asleep right here with him.

He pulled my hands against his chest, cradling mine in his own, pulling me forward, asking with his slate eyes if it was alright.

I pretended we were friends.

“You wanna talk about that?” He asked very softly, looking down at where our hands were clasped against him–he was warm, his skin pink and hot from the shower. He’d combed his hair back out of his face, and it was almost cute like that. “If it’s about today, I promise you’re safe, alright? I wasn’t gonna let that guy hurt you.”

My heart sunk in my chest, nearly restarting my panic attack. I shook my head.

Connor deserved to know.

I was scared, briefly, that it would set him off. He might yell at me, throw things, kick me out of the room. He might hit me.

I didn’t care. He had a right to know.

I swallowed thickly, shaking my head. “N-no.”

“Did something happen on your walk? Are you okay?”

I shook my head.

“What? Trouble back home–your boyfriend break up with you or something?”

“My mom–” I started, voice breaking, feeling fresh tears of shock on my cheeks.

His eyebrows furrowed, tightening his grip on my hands. “Is she okay? She–”

I saw it in slow motion–his jaw unclenched, eyebrows relaxing from their set, pouted mouth turning down. It was calm. It was knowing.

“You saw them,” he said very softly, letting my hands fall back into his lap. I was too shocked to move them away from his thighs.

“You knew,” I spat–an accusation. I hadn’t meant to make it one.

Connor scrubbed at his eyes roughly, flopping onto his back against the bed. Frustrated.

“I was tired of my dad reading my fucking emails, so I hacked into his–I only saw a few. I didn’t want to see anymore.”

I paled, feeling nauseous. “So it’s happened before?” I choked.

He swallowed. “That was two summers ago.”

“Fuck,” I hissed uncharacteristically, surprised to find Connor stretching out an arm to me. I took his hand with a firm grip. “How long before then.”

He shrugged. “Maybe our whole lives. Maybe before. I’m not sure, angel.”

I nodded, secretly pleased that he was so calm. It kept me level, grounded, watching where our hands were linked.

“What do we do?” I choked. “I have to tell my dad. He deserves to know.”

Connor’s eyebrows furrowed. “Everything would change. He’d tell my mom.”

I bit down on my lip, folding down onto my back to lay down beside Connor. “I hadn’t considered that.”

Connor sighed, scratching at my hand tenderly with his black painted nails. “I’m not sure that my mom and Zoe could handle the news–it’s not like they’d turn to me. They’d be alone. Zoe might even take my dad’s side.”

I groaned, stealing my hands to scrub at my eyes. My wet hair was beginning to dry in a tangled mess.

“This is too much,” I mumbled, rolling onto my side to face Connor, staring at his bare, freckled shoulder. “I don’t know what to do. If I can do anything.”

I jumped a foot out of my skin when he placed a hand at the corner of my jaw, brushing the tangled hair back out of my face. “You don’t have to think about it right now. You’ve had a really long fucking day. You should sleep.”

I didn’t want to sleep–I didn’t want Connor to leave. I didn’t know how to say that.

I couldn’t believe that everyone had tried to desperately to convince me Connor Murphy was a bad boy–fuck them, Connor Murphy was good. He was better than everyone in this cabin combined.

He cared about me.

I caught his wrist, which froze in my grasp, but I just took his bony hand and cradled it between my hands the same way he’d done mine, tracing the lines across his palm. He sucked  in a sharp breath.

“Okay,” I said, and he smiled, moving away. I let go of his hand.

“I just have to turn off the light. Get comfy.”

His retreating footsteps filled my stomach with dread, but nevertheless I unzipped his jacket and draped it on top of the blanket so that it would at least keep my feet warm. Pulling the pillow tight behind my head, I was pleased to find it sort of smelled like Connor’s shampoo as the light clicked off. It left me feeling a little more safe. Ironic, I realized. I was in the middle of a wilderness, I’d almost been abducted, my mother was downstairs ruining our family, and all I could find myself to be worried about was if Connor would be okay.

The bed dipped behind me, shocking me into stillness, surprising me even more when someone lifted the sheet and slid in behind me, a bony hand resting on my hip.

“This okay?” He asked, and I dared to open my eyes to meet his. They were unsure, nervous. He was scared I’d reject him. I nodded, scooting closer.

“It really will be okay, you know,” he assured. “Whatever you choose, I’m gonna be with you.”

“You’re amazing,” I said without thinking, but being entirely sincere. Even in the dark, I saw his eyes go wide and his cheeks tinge a deep magenta in his pale face.

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are,” I assured with a laugh, reaching across the divide to poke at his side, slightly surprised to still find him shirtless. He’d withdrawn his hand almost immediately, keeping respectfully to his side of the bed. “I’d be dead without you. And you’ve supported me this whole way.”

His jaw clenched and unclenched, freeing one of his arms to pick at the wrinkled sheets between us. “I just, fuck, I knew you’d hear some shit, but I was hoping you’d be able to come out here and we could start over again, like before? Zoe started her smear campaign almost immediately. I just, fuck, nevermind.”

I watched him withdraw, turning over with his back to me, the pale plains of his back bared to me.

“Con,” I said very softly. “I don’t care what they say–fuck them,” I laughed, watching Connor’s shoulders shake. “I think you’re good, Connor, and I miss being your friend.”

I watched with bated breath as his back rose and fell with his steady breath in the cold room, his skin radiating heat. I shifted closer, crossing the divide between us. He didn’t respond.

I didn’t sleep.

——

I was alerted late in the day by a noise–it was daylight, I noted, the clock on the bedside table reading it was almost noon. I was groggy, still in the state between sleep and consciousness. The room was shrouded in a bright grey hue from the winter wonderland outside–it had snowed a significant amount, apparently, and the white fluff stuck hopelessly to the window.

At the foot of the bed, Connor was on his knees, pulling a navy sweater over his head. It was tight, with a stretched collar and holes at the hem, but he looked good in it. His hair was frizzed at the temples, and his eyes were wide when we saw me.

“You’re awake.”

I just nodded, a little embarrassed. Part of me hoped Connor would just let last night drop, and we could continue our indifference toward each other, but most of me felt as if we had an unfinished conversation to attend to.

“Is anyone back yet?” I asked, surprised as Connor came to sit in front of me, legs crossed kindergarten style. He shook his head.

“No, actually. No one came back from their trip, and the lovebirds have miraculously vanished for a ski day. It’s just me and you.”

“Oh.”

Connor seemed unsure for a moment, brushing his hands off on his pants. “I’m sorry, um, about last night? I should’ve asked first if it was okay to sleep next to you, I just–I know you said you missed being friends, so I thought–”

“It was nice,” I cut him off with a smile that was nearly all false bravado. “Warm. I really do miss hanging out with you.”

He pursed his lips in way of a smile. “Me too. Miss having friends, period, but you’re kinda great, so–I’ll shut up.”

Stretching, I groaned with the sensation and smiled widely at him. “We can be friends again, don’t you think?” I asked, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. When my vision cleared, he was sitting by my feet, eyes downcast.

“It’s kinda lame, isn’t it?” He asked, sending ice down my spine.

“What, I’m not cool enough for you?” I teased half heartedly, despite feeling slightly sick. If Connor left now, I’d be marooned on this island I’d made for myself, and it wasn’t ideal knowing I no longer had any allies.

“No! That’s not what I–no, fuck, I just meant. Don’t you like Zoe better?”

I shook my head. “I like Zoe–but I liked you first.”

“Yeah, I liked the Teletubbies first, doesn’t mean I prefer them to Death Cab for Cutie.”

I snorted. “Okay, I like you best. You’re both really similar, you know, but you’re kinder.”

He shot me a glare, which I supposed I’d earned. “Liar.”

“Can’t lie,” I protested. “And I like you better. Get used to it.”

He swallowed, shifting on the bed and looking at me again as if grappling to say something. His eyebrows were pinched in the middle, making him look slightly worried, small. I watched the way his mouth bowed as he opened and closed it, my eyes tracing over his soft lips.

He was pretty, I realized, in a way I wouldn’t have considered before.

“What about when you leave?” He asked softly, scratching his arm absently.

I frowned. “What about it?”

“We won’t see each other again.”

I smiled. “Connor, you just live on the other side of town. I do own a car.”

He frowned. “You’d come to see me?”

“If you wanted me to,” I answered honestly. “Or we could go do stuff. It doesn’t make me any difference–whatever you want, I’m game for.”

His eyebrows took a sharp hike into his hairline. “Whatever I want, huh?”

My stomach clenched nervously–decidedly a good kind of nervous. I didn’t realize it till he placed his hand on my ankle, grinning up at me with crooked teeth and pretty eyes, that I might’ve begun to develop a small crush on him.

Which wasn’t okay.

——

“This is such bullshit.”

I cackled as Connor continued to strap on his snow boots, repeatedly tripping and losing his balance in the snow.

“C'mon, it’s fun!” I protested, pulling my sock toboggan down tighter over my ears, trudging another few slow steps through the slush. Connor was frustrated, I could tell, seeing his pink nose and ears, his breaths coming out in angry puffs of smoke.

“No,” he grunted, dragging himself up the trail a few more steps. “Video games are fun. Cartoons are fun. Cheap Internet porn is fun. Dragging my frozen ass up a mountain covered in snow for ten miles is not my idea of fun, dude.”

“It’s not ten miles,” I protested, taking a seat on a mostly clean looking rock, patting the seat beside me in condolence to Connor, giving him a much needed break. He’d agreed to go outside with me at least once to take a hike, since the Murphy kids never ever wanted to do anything that didn’t involve fried food or touristy tie dye t-shirts. We’d been going for a few hours now, and the last bench had easily been miles ago. I wanted to see where the trail ended.

Part of me was scared he’d only agreed because he thought I would break. I’d surprised myself with how calm I’d been after, well, what a nightmare this trip had been. I supposed I’d be worse once my dad got back–but he wasn’t yet, so I was content to have my last moments with Connor.

“We’ve been out here for hours, man, don’t you think we should head back before it gets dark?” He whined, leaning forward on his elbows and rubbed his hands together–he had on mittens, which was probably the cutest thing I’d ever seen. Say what you want about Connor Murphy, his aesthetic was absolutely demolished once you put him in a fire engine red puffer coat.

I sighed, glancing wistfully up the trail. I’d like to finish, but Connor was right–it was getting dark, too dangerous out for us to be out here alone. He’d humored me enough for today.

Time to go back and face reality.

I just nodded, stuffing my hands in my pockets and rising from the rock, giving a decent stretch before moving forward back down the path, Connor scurrying along beside me.

“Thanks for coming,” I said again, nudging him with my shoulder. He stumbled gracefully, grinning with a subdued force that warmed me a little, before checking me back with his shoulder.

“Don’t tell anyone,” he warned, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “But it wasn’t totally awful.”

I snorted. “I won’t let anyone know Connor Murphy can feel fun.”

Biting back a smile, he nudged me again. “God, please don’t. Then they might bring me back here and I’ll have to spend another two weeks with you.”

“I’m sure I’m just killing you inside,” I teased. “How dare your parents give you unfiltered access to a teenage girl.”

“Who never wears pants around the house,” he added sagely.

“And sleeps in your bed!” I choked with laughter, the bird walking along the snow path in front of us clearing the way. “God, I can’t believe I did that. I’m sorry, I was probably awful. Did I snore?”

His mouth twisted, as if trying to look indifferent but instead just failed at smothering a smile, both corners of his lips turning in a different direction.

“Not awful,” he offered, earning an embarrassed groan from me. “No! It’s cute, like a kid, I promise. You kicked the shit out of me, though.”

“You’re kidding me,” I groaned. “I’m so so sorry! I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“Might be some bruises,” he grinned, to my further mortification. “Hey, nah, I’m kidding. Any damage will heal. It’s kinda funny.”

I cocked an eyebrow from where I was hiding my face behind my gloves. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, don’t sweat it,” he said, reaching out to take my wrist, pulling one of my hands away from my face. He didn’t realize it, just held it, swinging stiffly between us as we walked. He held his breath for a moment before continuing, “I would’ve let you know if I didn’t like it.”

“Kinky,” I said upon reflex, earning a lazy kick to my ankle.

“You’re hilarious. I just meant you’re warm, maybe the bruises are worth it.”

I felt my face get hot, words forming in my belly, escaping before I could choke them back. “Yeah? Maybe I’ll kiss them better tonight, if Zoe isn’t back.”

He let go of my wrist like I’d burned him.

“Sor–”

“Don’t,” he said quietly, stuffing his hands in his pockets, beginning to walk quickly ahead of me.

“What?” I screeched, frustrated.

“Don’t fake flirt with me. It’s not funny,” he spat, continuing walking too fast on his ridiculously long legs.

“Who said it was fake?” I grumbled. “I’m not making fun of you, Connor.”

There was a beat of silence, pulling at my heart with sharp claws, the dull ache starting in my chest and spreading. I’d messed up everything.

“It’s getting dark,” he growled. “And we don’t have a flashlight. Try and keep up.”

——

The panic set in at twilight.

We were running.

He was holding my hand again, dragging me roughly down the mountain, hoping desperately to see some kind of light pollution as the sun set, but there was nothing.

“We should see lights by now,” I told him. “We can see the lights from our cabin, we should see the lights now.”

“We went down the wrong side of the mountain,” he gasped, already out of breathe. I knew his lungs weren’t the best, and we’d been running for awhile now.

“There has to be something at the bottom,” I whispered hopelessly.

“There is,” he growled. “It’s called a gorge, then you climb the other mountain, and there’s the next state. Fuck, how did we get so turned around?”

“Doesn’t matter, Con,” I said hopelessly. “It’s gonna be dark soon.”

His dark eyes widened. “You aren’t sincerely suggesting we try to find shelter. In the middle of a national park.”

“I’ve got a flare gun and a flint,” I told him. “But we have to get back up out of the trees.”

“You want us to climb the mountain again?” He hissed, holding both my hands now. “Are you positive you don’t have signal?”

I nodded. “I’m really sorry, Connor.”

“Don’t be sorry. Start walking.”

——

It was an accident.

It was dark.

I had an analog watch, letting me know it was nearly nine pm. We’d found shelter just as it had started to snow–the  ground here was wet, quickly freezing into ice, and we kept slipping up on the trail. I’d set off the flare an hour ago, and, so far, nothing. The snow had begun to pick up, and we’d found a alcove between two adjacent rocks–not big, about the size of a walk in closet, but enough space for us, our bags, and a pile of wood that refused to light. It kept the snow and wind off of us, and the alcove was high enough I felt safe, with a small mouth that made me feel as if at any instant we could be trapped.

It was an accident.

“The fire won’t light,” I said again, hopelessly, watching my now bloody fingers go numb from trying desperately to get the flint to do its job. I couldn’t feel them without my gloves on.

Connor, huddled in a corner, viciously rubbed his arms in an attempt to get warm. I knew the  temperature would only drop from here. If someone hadn’t seen the flare….

“There’s no dry wood. I checked.”

“Nothing?”

“No, okay? Nothing. That’s it.”

I knew he was right–and searching now would only prove to be counter productive and dangerous. I moved our bags and the pile of firewood to the entrance, sealing us in.

“It’s gonna be pitch black soon,” I warned, watching Connor tap angrily at his phone. “You should probably save your battery. I don’t have a flashlight.”

He snorted. “You’ll bring sleeping bags and a flint, but not a flashlight?”

“It’s the emergency bag! I didn’t pack it, Connor. Make fun of it all you want, but it’s keeping us alive!”

There was a beat of silence, before he clicked his phone off, leaving us in darkness. “M sorry.”

I dragged out the single sleeping bag, stretching it out to him. “Don’t be sorry.” I felt guilty–it was my fault we were in this mess to begin with. “Wanna granola bar?”

“Save it,” he said in a clipped tone, unsure what to make of it since we were veiled in darkness. “We might need it later.” Then, softer: “What’s the plan?”

I heard him stand, and walk across the slick ice of the alcove, coming to stand beside me, his hand at my elbow.

“Well,” I said very slowly, feeling my throat get thick. “Survive the night, stay awake, and once dawn hits we head back to the other side of the mountain, if no one comes.”

“If no one comes,” he echoed, voice oddly hollow. I choked.

“It, erm, is very possible they think we just wandered off, you know? We’re teenagers,” I reminded gently. I left out the part the police would be less than willing to look–Connor had a history of running away after a bad binge.

“Fuck,” he growled.

It was an accident. It was quick, in the dark, we couldn’t see.

He reached our for me, his open palm colliding with the back of my head, yanking me tightly again his chest, my nose buried in his nylon puffer coat. I felt his other hand, too forcefully, at the small of my back, and I nearly screamed, terrified this was an episode I couldn’t control–

“We’re gonna make it outta here,” he breathed against my ear, his breath warm and humid against my freezing ears. It set off a light bulb in my brain. “We’re gonna go back home and–fucking shit, I’m gonna be a goddamn good friend to you and we’re gonna–fuck,” he hissed, his clipped voice breaking off. “I’m gonna take care of you, I’m not going anywhere.”

I let myself break open, collapsing against him, openly sobbing with regret. He stiffened, but just tightened his arms around me despite our bulky clothes.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “This is all my fault.”

“It is not,” he hissed, shaking me a little. “We had no way of knowing this would happen. The trail looked safe.”

I just nodded, knowing that arguing would tire me out. I felt the lethargy begin to creep in my bones–Connor was warm, and it was late, and we were tired. Falling asleep meant dying.

“Get out the sleeping bag,” he said, extracting himself from me, and I heard his hands scrape along the hard rock looking for the entrance. “And I’ll look for some more blankets in the bag, see if we can’t insulate–fuck!

“What is it?” I screeched, turning, grabbing his hand to only find that my own was suddenly wet, almost sticky, and Connor pulled away with a howl. I smelled the metallic sting before I realized.

“Something cut my hand!”

“Stay away from the wall,” I warned. “Take your undershirt off, I’ll rip it up.” I felt around desperately for Connor’s phone, immediately illuminating our little cave with a blinding blue light.

The amount of blood smeared across the wall was nauseating. There was a sharp spot Connor must’ve grabbed too quickly.

He was crying, trying desperately to unzip his coat with one hand, the other dripping onto the floor.

“Fuck, I hope something doesn’t smell that,” I whispered, laying down the light and running to help him get undressed, careful of the open cut across his palm.

“I knew I was gonna get naked tonight,” he said with an unsure laugh, “I just didn’t realize it would be like this.”

My face flushed. “What, you thought I’d suck you off because we’re about to die?”

He shivered, accentuated by me ripping his white shirt down the front, exposing his blue, goosebumped skin.

“Fuck,” he hissed, and I was unsure if it was from the cold, the pain, or my foul language.

“Hope this is clean,” I muttered, wrapping a strip of his white shirt across his palm in a desperate attempt to stop the bleeding. It was a good way to get an infection, but I wasn’t sure what else to do.

“I didn’t–I wouldn’t ask you to–”

“I’m not sucking you off!”

“Fuck, I just meant–hypothermia, skin to skin, I saw it in a movie–”

The phone light clicked off. I sighed, tying off the cotton bandage.

“You wanna get naked in the sleeping bag,” I finished.

“I don’t want to!” He howled. “And not naked–just, enough to stay alive, shit. It’s gonna be negative ten out here soon, I just wanna stay alive.”

“We should hurry,” I said, surprising myself by reaching out to urge him to rub at his bare chest, earning a gasp from him. “You’re gonna freeze soon. Get your pants off.”

I handed him the sleeping bag, my breath catching as I heard his belt clink to the floor, trying very hard not to think about the implications of this. How far did he expect me to undress? And, if we did get in here, it would be ridiculously tight, we might fall asleep–

“Hurry up, this bag is an icicle with one person.”

Straightening out my bra and panties (even if we were going to die, Connor Murphy did not get to cop a feel) I felt my way to the sleeping bag.

My hand on his chest, he guided my legs one at time–one by his side, one between his knees–and gently folded me down against him, uncomfortably tight as his shaking fingers zipped the sleeping bag up.

He was breathing hard against my temple, and I immediately began to sweat–between the nylon bag and the fact I felt all of Connor Murphy pressed against my chest and stomach–it was nerve wracking.

“Don’t fall asleep,” he reminded in a hoarse voice, shaking a little. I couldn’t quite figure out where his hands were.

“Don’t get a boner,” I begged, earning a beat of silence before:

“I, uh, am–I’m really trying not to,” he groaned, and I could feel how hot his face was against my temple.

“If it helps,” I said, slightly disgusted. “You can imagine our parents kissing. That really kills my fire.”

“Ew,” he said. “Please don’t.”

I grinned. “What? You don’t want me to be your hot step sister?”

Stop it,” he begged, making me laugh, pressing my face against the soft cushion of his hair, nosing at the column of his throat. He groaned a little, and I felt his fingers twitch beside my hips.

“I can’t believe their secret is going to die with us,” I sighed. “No one is ever going to know.”

“I can’t believe you’re lying on top of me in your spiderman panties, but that’s also happening, so you’d better believe it,” he sighed, hands twitching again.

“You can touch me, you know,” I breathed, a little embarrassed against his ear. “We’re gonna die anyway, might as well die comfy.”

“We won’t die,” he promised, his hands clasping over the small of my back regardless.  “Hey,” he crooned, in a soft voice I hadn’t heard before. Encouraging. “Remember sharing a sleeping bag when we were kids?”

I laughed half heartedly, remembering fully. “The thing was always full of pixie stick wrappers.”

“It was an addiction, and I have quit,” he said sagely, earning another laugh from me. I almost joked about the pot, but part of me knew it wasn’t a funny joke. It didn’t have anything to do with him. He sighed, one finger trailing up my spine. “God, I was so in love with you.”

I froze against him, my body a live wire. His hand pulled back.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said tha–”

“Were you really?” I asked. I felt him smile, before leaning in to kiss my cheek, slowly, his dry lips lingering.

“Don’t tell me you didn’t know,” he groaned. “Zoe had me convinced you were just humoring me because you knew I’d do anything for you.”

I pulled up, as far as I could (which wasn’t much) squinting to make out his face in the dark. “That wasn’t true. You were my best friend.”

He nodded. “Yeah, I know. God, that time when you kissed me….I’m so sorry we stopped talking. I don’t think I’m ever gonna forgive myself for that.”

“Connor,” I said very softly, reaching up to tangle my hands lightly in his hair. “If we’re gonna die…can I just….”

He surged up before I could, the nylon around us snapping taunt, squeaking in protest. Up on his elbows, his bony hands found their purchase on my bare hips, and I felt the wetness through one of the bandages–his hand was still bleeding, the idiot.

His lips were dry, and he kissed much too roughly for someone who wasn’t holding my head in place, our teeth clinking together in a way that I knew was an accident, sending my skull ringing. His eyes were squeezed shut in the darkness.

I can’t believe it took us to the brink of death for him to admit this.

God, he’s an idiot.

I reached up, pulling at his hair, holding his head to mine, his tongue licking roughly up into my mouth before breaking away–

“Boner,” he warned in a squeak, earning a loud laugh from me, collapsing against his chest.

“Not even in death, Murphy, am I sucking you off on a first or last date,” I giggled against his neck, giving him a chaste kiss there, listening to him groan. His hips canted a little, scaring me, before taking a deep breath to calm himself.

“First date, huh?” I felt him grin, followed by a yawn.

“Stay awake, Connor,” I urged, smacking him hard. “Or I’m gonna twist your nipple.”

“Kinky,” he sighed lethargically. Shit, he was gonna sleep.

“Connor–”

“Promise me this,” he sighed, nuzzling lightly against the side of my face. “If we survive the night by some miracle, and we don’t freeze to death or get eaten by bears or bleed out–you wanna kiss me again? With more clothes on? As my girlfriend?”

I leaned into his touch, tilting my head up to give him access to suck a hickey into my neck, groaning.

“Murphy, if we live, I will suck you off.”

That was the last thing I remembered.

——-

Three days later, it’s still cold. I’m not wearing much–a blue gown with shitty pink flowers, it’s made of some kind of plasticy cotton material. There’s blood under my fingernails and bruises on my neck that are almost embarrassing when I remembered how I got them. My clothes were gone.

Connor was gone.

My mother and father were leaning over my bed, the Murphy's  (minus Cynthia) are behind them. No Connor.

They explained it slowly, eyes wide. They found Connor and I nearly frozen, unconscious. Connor lost a lot of blood, they said, and he wasn’t do so well but he’d woken up several days before me.

He wouldn’t eat until they let him see me.

I’d nearly ripped out my IV to get to him.

He was wearing the same shitty hospital gown, his hair pulled back. He’s got hickies I don’t remember giving him across his collarbone that are ridiculously visible. There were purple bruises under his eyes, like he hadn’t been sleeping.

“They said you were still too sick to get out of bed,” he grinned, opening his arm, and I immediately stumbled over to the thin mattress, pressing myself tightly against him. His hand is thickly wrapped in cotton, a few tubes full of a yellow brown liquid in them. He was combing my hair–which I’m sure was a rats nest–out with his free hand.

“They said the same about you.”

“We’re really lucky, you know,” I said softly, tapping at his chest. “I almost lost you.”

“Almost lost you,” he choked out, pulling away to scan my face, before grinning. “Which would’ve sucked, because you’re my only friend right now.”

“Friend?” I said, trying hard not to sound disappointed. I supposed I shouldn’t have been–what we’d done in the heat of a moment hadn’t meant anything then. It had been a lie for my humor.

It wasn’t fair.

Connor’s eyebrows furrowed. “You, um–do you wanna be my girlfriend?”

I frowned. “I mean, only if you want me to.”

He grinned, the smile splitting across his face. “It’ll suck–your parents will hate me.”

“Right now, I kind of hate my parents, so.”

“I do a lot of pot.”

“We can do something else instead,” I grinned, nudging him, having the nerve to blush.

He licked his lips, looking down at where he’d intertwined our hands. “You–you can’t fix me, you know? I’m still gonna be, you know.”

I nodded, bring his hand up to kiss across the bloody knuckles of his good hand. “I know. I promised I’d be your girlfriend, though. A promise is a promise.”

He grinned. “I’m glad you say that–because you did promise something else.”

I shook my head, rising from the bed. “The kiss is for when we have clothes on, remember.”

“I wasn’t talking about that kiss.”

Connor Murphy!

club penguin bans sentence starters
  • "i'm a fucking piece of pizza,"
  • "holy shit toto, we sure as fuck ain't in kansas anymore,"
  • "i ain't fucking with these christmas lights anymore,"
  • "why is the only angry one black?"
  • "get in loser, we're going sledding,"
  • "jesus fucking christ, that cookie hot as shit,"
  • "ah yes, my meth lab is ready,"
  • "i need this life vest 'cos i'm drowning in the pussy,"
  • "i could kill you right now, no one would wear you scream,"
  • "i could go back and pretend to be you,"
  • "fashion police, you're definitely under arrest,"
  • "you're tearing this family apart, ___"
  • "what do you mean you're being murdered? that's illegal, people can't do that,"
  • "i'm wanted for stealing yo girl/boy,"
  • "wanna hear a joke? your future,"
  • "i would like to order all the money,"
  • "when i see stars i think of you. because you're only beautiful from a distance,"
  • "do it for the vine,"
  • "you dress like an idiot,"
  • "girl/boy, are you because i want to take you out,"
  • "hey you forgot something. your social life,"
  • "help me hide this body in here,"
  • "did you just propose, using emojis?"
  • "do drugs they said. it will be fun they said,"
  • "it's called capitalism,"
  • "thank you for helping me commit cannibalism,"
  • "shit, we on national television,"
  • "bitch, throw one more snowball at me,"
  • "can you leave my house please?"
  • "i'm sensing you're a bit of a bitch,"
  • "can i pay you in swag?"
  • "excuse me, do you know where i can find the booty?"
  • "what the flipper?"
  • "santa isn't real,"
  • "what do penguins do in a race? they peng-win,"
  • "a milkshake ain't a goddamn pizza,"
  • "locked up because my eyebrow game was too strong,"
  • "man, look at all this fuckin' dope,"
  • "fuck it, i ain't running,"
  • "hey, do you wanna join my gang?"
  • "i'll ask my mom,"
  • "smooth as butter,"
Let Daddy Make You Feel Good | Part Two

part two of my “Let Daddy Make You Feel Good” series! this part is a lil longer than part one, which I don’t think anyone is going to complain about since it’s still all smut and involves lots of rough sex. hope you guys like it! ❤️

part one

She crawled onto the bed, plopping herself down on the plush pillows and stretching her legs out. She eyed Tom as he moved to his suitcase, digging around for a moment before pulling out a pair of handcuffs.

“So you don’t think about moving those hands anywhere again,” he chided playfully, crawling over her. Cuffing her to one of the bars on the headboard, he placed a delicate kiss on her lips before moving down her neck. She squirmed against her restraints as he lightly trailed his fingers up and down her body.

“Patience darling,” he murmured, his lips at the base of her neck.

He began leaving sloppy kisses down her chest, gently sucking and nipping wherever he put his mouth and leaving a trail of red across her soft skin.

Moving over her breasts he took a nipple into his mouth, gently flicking his tongue over it. Using a free hand, he rolled her other nipple between his fingers, gently tugging it. She groaned, and ever so gently rolled her hips up to his, hoping to create enough friction to ease some of the ache between her legs.  Smiling against her skin, he moved his free hand down to hold her hips still. Moving at an excruciatingly slow pace, he continued down her body, leaving small licks and kisses where he went, stopping every now and then to suck at her skin to leave a small love mark. When he reached the spot between her legs, she immediately spread her legs in anticipation.

“Someone’s eager,” he chuckled, tracing his finger along her inner thigh.

“Please daddy,” she whimpered, trying to work him up enough to give her what she wanted.

“Soon, sweet girl,” he whispered, his lips moving close to her core but never touching it. “I’m gonna make this so good for you.”

Sliding his hands up to gently hold her hips still, he began pressing hot, open mouth kisses on her skin. He slowly moved his way up and down the crevice between her thigh and her pussy where he knew she was incredibly sensitive, digging his tongue into her skin. Jerking against the handcuffs, she let out a loud cry and tried to close her legs around his head. Grabbing her thighs, he held her legs apart and continued attacking her sensitive skin with his mouth as she erupted in a fit of giggles.

“Tom! S-Stop!” she pleaded, rolling her hips up to escape his mouth.

“Is my little girl ticklish there?” he asked innocently, replacing his tongue with his finger. Letting out another yelp, she tried to push herself further up the bed, only to feel his hands on her hips once more, pulling her back to him.

“Now just where do you think you’re going to go?” he laughed, pressing more kisses on her inner thighs, slowly moving further away from her pussy. She threw her head back on the pillow, her breath becoming more labored. He was dragging this out, humming against her skin as he kissed and sucked at her inner thighs. Moving back to her center, he gently sucked on her outer lips and she moaned loudly, no longer caring if the neighbors heard as long as he kept moving closer to her clit. He smirked and pulled away from her, he had her almost where he wanted her. Using his thumbs to spread her open he leaned in and pressed his tongue to her entrance - and listened for the sound of her breath hitching in her throat at the sudden contact - only for a moment before pulling away. He repeated the movement over and over again before she finally broke down in her frustration.

“Fucking hell Tom!” she nearly shouted. “I’m gonna fucking die on this bed if you don’t just fucking do me already!”

He broke his concentration momentarily, laughing at her dramatic statement and pushing her thighs farther apart, slowly dragging his tongue over her opening once before he dove in, licking and sucking at her clit.

Screaming at the sudden relief, she pushed her hips up towards his mouth. Holding her in his hands, Tom began rubbing up and down the sides of her body as he lapped at her clit, feeling her hips gyrating under his touch. She was practically melting in his hands as he drew hearts over her skin with his fingers and wrote ‘I love you’ on her clit with his tongue. She threw her legs over his shoulders and wrapped them around him to hold him closer, hinting that she was getting close. Sliding one finger inside her and slowly pumping it in and out, he picked up the pace with his tongue.

“Oh my god yes yes yes, please don’t stop,” she whimpered, her toes curling as she felt her climax building.

Slipping a second finger inside her, he began thrusting in and out of her faster and licking her clit harder, keeping one hand on her to hold her still. Her hips bucked as she felt her orgasm spread through her body, a hundred ‘I love yous’ falling from her lips as she came. Once her body had begun to relax he pulled away from her, his mouth and chin glistening with the aftermath of her orgasm. Pressing his lips to hers, she moaned into his mouth, tasting herself on his tongue. She felt him grinding his hips against hers, his cock hard and poking her thigh, and she knew he was ready for another round.

“Want another one, pretty girl?” he hummed in her ear, sucking on her earlobe and peppering kisses down her neck.

“Please,” she sighed dreamily, still coming down from the high of her first orgasm. She felt his lips freeze over her skin and she already knew what she had done.

“Please what.” He hardly asked but demanded, and she felt his hands grip her hips roughly.

“Please daddy!” she quickly corrected. “Please daddy, make me come again.”

“That’s my good girl,” he whispered, planting another kiss on her neck before moving off her, reaching over to the bedside table. She saw the little square package out of the corner of her eye and bit her lip, recalling taking her birth control pill at the appropriate time earlier in the evening before she went to the bar.

“No,” she exhaled quickly. “Don’t use a condom…I wanna feel you…”

He paused and looked down at her, stray hairs plastered to her face from her sweat, still breathing heavily and staring up at him with glazed over eyes, silently pleading with him.

“You want daddy to bareback it tonight?” he leaned down, inches from her face.

“Please daddy,” she mumbled. “I already took my pill tonight, I promise.”

Grinning, he chucked the condom across the room and pulled her closer, positioning himself at her entrance.

“Anything for my little girl.”

Pushing the head of his cock inside her, she sighed in relief and laid back on the pillows. He groaned as he watched himself disappear deeper inside her and began slowly thrusting in and out of her.

“So tight for me already, sweetheart?” he leaned down to kiss her, feeling her walls clenched around him. She pulled her hands up with the intention of running her fingers through his curly hair, but was stopped short when she remembered she was still chained to the bed.

“Daddy,” she began, her breath hitching in her throat suddenly as Tom sunk his teeth into her shoulder. She cried out in pain, wrapping her legs tightly around his waist.

“Yes, m’love?” he mumbled, kissing and licking the fresh mark on her skin.

“C-Can I please move my hands? I wanna touch you,” she begged, sticking her lower lip out as he moved to meet her gaze. He smiled and leaned in, kissing her deeply and taking her bottom lip in his mouth, gently biting down before releasing her.

“Not yet, sweet girl,” he said, kissing her again as he began thrusting harder inside her. She whined into his mouth, squeezing his hips again with her legs.

“Please daddy,” she moaned, leaving kisses down his neck. “I’ll be good, I just wanna touch you.”

“I said not yet,” he responded more sternly, gently taking ahold of her hair and pulling her head back, exposing her neck to him. He drug his tongue up and down, feeling her swallowing underneath him. He sunk his teeth into her once more at the base of her neck, harder than the last time. She shrieked from underneath him and pulled her legs away, bracing herself on the bed and pushing up against him with her hips. Feeling her resistance, he immediately pulled away and stopped thrusting.

“Everything ok, darling?” he brushed her hair out of her face, searching her eyes for any sign she had had enough. She hadn’t said their safe word yet, but sometimes he felt the need to check in with her anyways when he felt himself getting rougher with her. God forbid she’d hold her tongue if he went too far just because he was enjoying himself.

“I’m fine,” she smiled softly, pressing her forehead to his. “Really, I’m ok. Was just a little rougher than I was ready for.”

“Are you sure?” He pressed, stroking her cheek with his thumb. 

“I’m sure,” she chuckled, turning her head to nuzzle into his hand. He smiled, pressing kisses along her jawline as he slowly began thrusting into her once more. They stayed like that for a moment, him holding her close as he lovingly thrusted into her, feeling her heart flutter underneath him. It wasn’t until she hooked a leg around him once more that he knew she wanted him to fuck her harder.

Pushing her legs farther apart to angle himself better, he began thrusting into her harder again, watching the way her breasts bounced each time their hips met. She looked up at him through her lashes, mouth hung open, ecstasy written across her face. He was slowly losing his composure, he knew he wouldn’t last much longer, especially with her looking at him like that.

“Tom, I’m gonna come again,” she panted, pulling him closer. He latched his lips onto her neck, nuzzling into her as he grabbed her hips. He could feel her walls clenching around his cock and it was pushing him closer to the edge.

“Tom don’t stop, oh my god please don’t stop,” she cried again, and he felt her tighten around him. As if he had been waiting for a cue, he immediately pulled out and pushed himself off her.

“N-No no no no,” she pleaded at the sudden loss of contact. “I was so close you asshole what are you doing?!”

Hopping off the bed and digging through his suitcase once more, he returned to the bed and repositioned himself, teasing her entrance with the tip of his cock.

“Would an asshole leave you tied to this bed all night?” he asked, revealing the small silver key he had retrieved from his suitcase. He held it in front of her face, his lips pursed. “Or maybe daddy should leave you like this all night after that little outburst.”

“No! I’m sorry daddy, I-I didn’t mean it,” she reached up to kiss him, frantic to be free of the handcuffs. “I’ll be good I promise, I’m sorry.”

His lips came crashing down on hers as he smothered her against the bed, moaning into her mouth. She heard a small click! and felt her wrists fall from the headboard. Wasting no time, she wrapped her arms around him, pulling him closer and weaving her fingers through his hair.

“Fuck, make me come daddy,” she gasped, breaking away from his lips momentarily.

“Don’t worry love, I plan to,” his voice rasped in her ear.

He threw her legs up over his shoulders before roughly forcing himself back into her. Holding her legs up over her he began pounding into her, the headboard smacking against the wall with each thrust. She gripped his shoulders as obscenities began spilling from her lips, begging him to keep going. She clenched herself around his cock, digging her nails into his skin, ripping a loud moan from his throat.

“Fuck baby girl…I’m gonna spill inside you if you keep that up,” he growled, tightening his grip on her.

“Do it,” she purred. “Come inside me, daddy.”

That was all the confirmation he needed, thrusting into her faster as he felt his orgasm overcome him and he began filling her up. She drug her nails down his back, marking him for the rest of the week, as she felt his warmth spill inside of her, reaching down with one hand to rub her clit.

“Don’t,” he panted, swatting her hand away, immediately replacing it with his own. She laid back as he continued to thrust inside her and rub her clit, pushing her over the edge to her own orgasm. Gripping his arms, she screamed as she came around him, while he continued to thrust into her steadily so she could ride it out, whispering words of praise in her ear and telling her how much he loved her.

He collapsed on top of her, pulling out of her and letting his seed spill out of her on the blanket. Resting his head on her chest, they laid still, panting as they came down from ecstasy. Before either of them could say a word, they were jolted out of their haze by the sound of someone pounding on the opposite side of the wall. He looked up to see her holding a hand over her mouth as red creeped over her face.

“Don’t worry, they’re only mad that they aren’t getting any tonight,” he chuckled, pulling her hand away from her mouth to kiss her.

“You’re right, I’m sure it has nothing to do with the fact that we probably just kept them up for the entire night when they probably have somewhere to be early in the morning,” she giggled, eyeing the clock that now read 2:27 a.m.

Sitting upright, Tom patted her bum and she slid off the bed so he could discard the ruined blanket. After rolling it up and making sure the evidence of what they’d done was well hidden, he chunked it across the room and joined her under the sheets. He wormed an arm around her and pulled her close to him, nuzzling his face into the back of her neck.

“I love you, my sweet girl,” he whispered, kissing the base of her neck.

Pulling him closer, she turned to leave a small kiss on his lips before letting sleep take her.

“I love you too.”

Painkiller

Sirius Black x Reader

Part 2

Originally posted by nellaey

„Slow down, please!” Lily’s voice echoed in the corridors as she tried to grabbed your arm. You felt dizzy, although the potion brought a relaxing feeling over your entire body. Lily stopped you in front of the Great Hall and cupped your face. „Look, are you sure you are okay?”

„I feel wonderful.” – you whispered a same tone as her before you pecked her forehead. She laughed at you as you stepped into the hall, heading to the Gryffindor table to your friends.

„Good morning to my favourite boys!” – you shrieked, kissing the boys on their cheeks. Remus smiled but frowned, Peter flushed, Sirius kissed you back, James grinned like a kid.

„Evans, what have you done to her?” Sirius asked with an amused face. Lily played with his hair; her eyes avoiding the boys’ face.

„Well, you know… she had this horrible headache, so I made her a potion… don’t look at me like this, I made it a thousand times before! But I probably added a little bit more bitterroot than I should… BY ACCIDENT, of course!”

„So, technically, you drugged her.” – James said, trying to suppress his laugh as you placed a lots of toasts in your plate before started to build a house from them.

„No, I didn’t!” She protest, and looked at you with a big sigh. „I should take her to the Hospital Wing. She can’t go to the classes like this.”

„Are you really want to deprive us from this? Look at her, she’s so cute, I wanna watch her all day.” You snapped your head up at Sirius words with a long „Ooooooh” and made your way to him. Sitting down next to him, you embraced his neck with one hand and murmured with a mellifluous tone, inches from his face. „YOU are the cute one, you know? So cute.”

„Well, if you insist…” He looked like a five year old kid on Christmas morning and you were his present. Lily jumped up. „Okay, I really take her to Madam Pomfrey.”

„NO!” – you yelled, standing up too. „I have to go to Magical of Care Creature. Magical for… Creature… so, you know. That.”

„Calm down Evans, we’ll take care of her. She’s just all funny, she’ll do no harm.”

Lily sighed again. „Alright, alright… But don’t do anything stupid with her!”

„What are you talking about? We would never do anything stupid.” James smiled, taking Lily’s hand.


Ten minutes later you were sitting on the grass between James and Sirius with a bowtruckle in your left hand, a quill on your right, and a parchment on your lap. As the time passed, you weren’t so exhilarated anymore, but you felt yourself groggy, so sometimes you just leaned to either James’ or Sirius’ shoulder, earning an even bigger sigh from Lily than earlier. „We really should’ve taken her to the Hospital Wing…” – she repeated.

„Lily, I’m fine!” – you assured, showing your drawing to her. „See?”

„That’s… a unicorn. We have to draw… where is your bowtruckel?!” She shrieked, but James lifted up his hand with two creature.

„Right there, my love.”

Lily shook her head with a smile and continued his work before you spoke up.

„James, wanna know a secret?”

„Y/N, for your own good, I suggest you to SHUT. UP.”

„Shhh.” James leaned closer to you, grinning. „Tell me.”

You giggled before you whispered so quietly in his ear, it was a miracle that even he could hear. „I’m in love with Sirius.”

He let out a girly scream, still grinning. „What did she said?” Sirius asked, leaning closer to you and James.

„Sorry Padfoot, I won’t tell my friend’s secret.”

He huffed, looking at you next. „Then you tell me, Y/N.”

You reached out and ruffled up his hair. „I can’t.”

„Keeping secrets from me and touching my hair? You playing a dangerous game, darlin’.”

A small chuckle left your mouth before you rested your head against his shoulder. „I know you secretly love it.”

What was his answer, you haven’t heard, since you fell asleep. But only for a few seconds, until you felt two big hands around your lower back, keeping you steady. „Easy there. Hey. Are you alright?” Sirius asked with a concern in his voice, lifting your chin up so your eyes could met. With a sleepy blink, you just nodded.

„I think she really should go to the Hospital Wing.” This time it was Remus, but now all of them agreed with him.

„No, no I’m okay, we still have classes.”

Sirius lifted you up from the ground and cupped your cheeks. „I’ll go with you to your dorm so you can sleep. Don’t worry about the classes, one day skipping is not the end of the world. Can you do that for me?” He stroked your cheeks with his thumb; his gaze burned into yours.

„Mhm. Okay.”

He told the professor you feeling ill, so he should escort you up to the Hospital Wing. Of course you didn’t go there but your dorm where he helped you to get into bed and threw a blanket over you.

„Need anything else?” – he asked, sitting next to you on the bed, stroking your upper arm.

„Stay with me, please?”

„Encouraging me to skip my classes?” – he said with a cocked eyebrow.

„Like it’s big deal for you.” He laughed. „Please. I want cuddles.” With an innocent smile, you batted your eyelashes at him.

His eyes widened. „You want me to cuddle with you?”

„Pretty please?”

„How could I say no?” – he sighed with a smirk as he crawled next to you, arms wrapped around you from behind with legs interwined. His warm body pressed to yours, his calming scent made you relaxed and sleepy again.

„You’re so comfy.”

„Am I?” – he mumbled; his hot breath tickled your skin as he buried his face into your neck.

„Mhm. So soft. Like a puppy.”

He laughed loudly and kissed your cheek. „Funny mood, aren’t we?”

You turned around, a hand pressed against his chest, an other cupped his cheek. He smiled at you kindly whilst rubbed your back, and you slowly leaned on, placing an open mouthed kiss on his soft lips. His hand stopped from the surprise, but kissed you back almost immediately. After you pulled back, you rested your head on the crook if his neck, with a smile on your face, ready to fell asleep.

„What was that?”

„I think you can recognize a kiss, Pads?”

You could felt his smirk against your forehead as he started to rubbing your back again gently. “S’all right. Sleep now, my silly girl.”


Masterlist

Churro-Boy

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Warnings: Besides a curse word here and there and some awkward fluff, nothing much

A/N: I don’t know where this idea came from but I definitely took some inspiration from a churro I ate earlier

word count: 1.8k


“Mom,” I said banging my hand against the trunk of our parked car, “MOM!” 

After school, my mother and I went grocery shopping, and I was currently trying to get her attention from the back of the car to the front seat where she was happily chatting away to god knows who on the phone. When my mom talks on the phone, it seems as though she never stops talking, and it’s almost impossible for me to get her attention. 

My mother huffed from the front seat and pulled the switch that opened the trunk.

“Thank you,” I muttered to myself.

I pulled the trunk all the way up and began to formulate a plan to get most -if not all- of the bags out of the car. Ya girl is not taking more than one trip to the eighth floor of this apartment building.   

As I started loading multiple bags on each arm, my mom finally decided to step out of the car and help me.

“Ok. Uh huh,” my mother laughed, “Yeah, okay, bye now! Mmhm, of course! Bye bye now, bye.”

“I lost count of how many times you said ‘bye’,” I joked to my mom as she helped with the rest of the bags.

“So now my kid thinks she’s a comedian huh,” she teased playfully, closing the trunk in the process.

“I’m no Kevin Hart, but I try,” I shrugged.

My mom rolled her eyes and led us to the apartment.


“Can you wake me up when dinner is ready? I’m gunna take a nap,” I told my mom after I helped unload some of the groceries.

“A nap? It’s 4 in the afternoon,” my mom questioned me as she started taking pans out to cook with.

“Yeah, well all that exercise today really tired me out,” I said.

“Are you talking about school or taking up the groceries just now?” she said while quirking an eyebrow.

“Both,” I smiled.

“Don’t you have homework to do?” she further prodded.

Mother,” I sighed dramatically and placed my hand on my chest, “you know I am most productive when the sun goes down.”

I call my mom “Mother” when I want to be dramatic -which is quite often if I’m being honest. But it seemed to work because she laughed and finally gave in.

“Alright, but I’m not letting you take those four-hour-long naps, just until dinner is ready, okay?” she scolded me.

“If dinner happens to take you four hours to make then..” I said walking away to my room down the hall.

“I heard that young lady!” my mom called from back in the kitchen.

I grinned to myself and dropped my backpack at the foot of my bed. I took my shoes off and sighed contently.

Finally, I thought to myself, I can nap my problems away. Said problems being a test I have on Friday -two days from now.

My window blinds were still open from this morning, so I decided to shut them; however, it felt real stuffy in here so I opened the window to let that New York breeze in. 

“That’s better,” I said out loud to myself.


I suddenly became conscious when I heard talking. Grumbling into my pillow, I was hoping that whoever was talking would, I don’t know, stop.

I am too comfy to move, I thought sadly to myself. 

I turned over and hoped that I could fall back asleep, but god damn, this person would not. stop. talking. I grabbed my phone from my night stand and saw that I only slept about 50 minutes.

Not even an hour, I sighed.

Furrowing my brows, I realized that the talking was coming from outside my window. My window? Who the hell is on my fire escape? My eyes widened at the thought of a potential burglar. I did the first thing that came to mind and grabbed my baseball bat that I kept under my bed. If there is anything I can learn from Stiles Stilinski, it’s that a baseball bat always comes in handy. I also had 911 dialed on my phone -just in case. I didn’t want to call the cops until I knew for sure. I mean, It could be my down stairs neighbor talking loudly on their fire escape, right?

I crept to my window slowly and quietly across the carpet. The talking got louder and my anxiety got stronger. I tightened my grip on the bat in one hand and shoved my phone into my back pocket once I got to my window sill. I decided to rip the band-aid and just pulled my blinds up really fast. I heard a yelp immediately and stared in shock at the sight in front of me.

“What the fuck,” I whispered, my heart hammering in my chest. 

Sitting on the rail of my fire escape was some dude in red and blue tights. He looked like he dropped something and reached for it. I gasped in shock because this guy is seriously about to fall to his death because of a-

“My churro!” he cried as he reached for it with one hand.

He grabbed his churro and shoved his phone into his belt? What in god’s name is he wearing? And how did he do that?

My brain finally caught up and I realized that he practically stuck to the side of my fire escape. He fumbled with his mask and tugged it down. Then he climbed over the railing -as if he’s done this several times- and gave me a wave.

“Uhh hel-,” he cleared his throat and tried to sound deeper, “hello there mam, how ya doin’?”

I waved my bat at him and said, “How did you do that, how- how did you get up here and why are you wearing a- what are you wearing?”

He shuffled on his feet and raised his arms at me, “Whoah whoah whoah, okay there Babe Ruth, let’s take it easy, yeah?” 

I raised my brow at him skeptically and mumbled, “You don’t look like a burglar.”

“A burglar? What? I’m, I’m not a burglar, I’m Spider-Man!” he said, almost sounding offended.

Spider-Man? Oh my god, I know this dude! How could I forget that video of him stopping that bus? It was all over school the next day.

“Wait, you’re the guy from Youtube? You look different. And you sound more like a Spider-Boy. Spider-Kid? Spider-Guy?” I rambled stupidly. I was starting to calm down. This guy didn’t seem like a threat to me; especially when he was waving that churro around at me as he talked.

Man, okay? Spider-Man. With a hyphen,” he said, trying to use that deep voice again.

I set my bat down and propped my elbows against the sill, resting one of my hands under my chin, “Yeah. Okay, Churro Boy. Oh, I mean Churro-Boy with a hyphen.”

“Churro- you know what, I don’t have time for this,” he mumbled in his regular voice, starting to leap over my rail.

“Wait!” I called out to him.

Why did I do that?

He turned to me, waiting for me to say something.

“Is that a new,” I paused thinking of the right word, “suit?”

“Yeah!” he said, perking up and stepping back down, “It’s sort of a new upgrade, it’s pretty cool. Way cooler compared to my old one at least”

Must’ve said the right thing. I almost said costume. Maybe that would have offended him..

Well, it definitely seems cooler,” I smiled slightly, “anyway, next time you wanna talk to your -whoever- on my balcony, can you warn me? I was trying to nap and you talk…a lot.” 

 If I wasn’t mistaken, it seemed like he was blushing under that mask; he stumbled over his next words.

“Oh, uh, god I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that someone was in there -I mean usually I just go unnoticed when I do stuff like this, which is pretty often. Surprisingly. The crime rate seems to be low in Queens, and it’s Queens! You’d expect a little more action around here, don’t ya think? I gave an old lady directions today and she gave me a churro,” he laughed lightly, scratching the back of his neck when he realized he was rambling, “oh wow I do talk a lot don’t I? Sorry…again.”

He is so cute. What? No, what am I thinking? Stop it Y/N. His voice isn’t nice or cute and the rambling is annoying! Definitely NOT adorable!

You’re fine, it’s fine. I tend to ramble a lot too when I’m nervous,” my eyes widened as I lost my cool demeanor. “I’m not saying you’re nervous though. Maybe you are? I mean, you almost dropped your churro and that was…scary,” I laughed awkwardly. “I’m Y/N by the way,”

I stuck my hand out through the window and he clasped it with his own, shaking it back. “Yeah, I know,” he said letting go.

My face contorted into one of confusion, “You know my name? Do we know each other?”

He stumbled once again, “Huh? No! I meant I- I know that…it was scary! The churro thing. Almost dropping it. Yup. Terrifying, even!” He sighed to himself after seeing my expression and then said in a softer voice, “I’m sorry, I’m just nervous.” 

“Oh, okay,” I said unsure.

That voice…

Just as I was about to reply, I was cut off by my mom.

“Y/N! Dinner is ready!”, my mom called from afar.

I turned back and yelled a reply, “Okay! I’m up!”

When I turned to apologize to Churro-Boy for the interruption, he was standing on the railing again. 

“I uh, gotta go,” he said, pointing over his shoulder towards the city.

 “Oh,” I said suddenly disappointed, “no yeah I totally get it. Gotta go give old ladies directions and collect those churros right?” I tried joking. 

“Obviously, I want my churro collection to grow so,” he joked back. “Do you- do you want the rest of it? I’m kinda full anyway”

He offered the churro to me and I took it, “Eh, why not. If Spider-Man offers you a churro, one cannot deny it, right?” I smiled softly.

“Right,” he confirmed. “Churro-Boy out,” he saluted as he shot a web and swung away.

I mock-saluted him even though he didn’t see it as I bit into the churro. I closed my window and took out my phone to get rid of the 911 dial; I didn’t wanna risk butt dialing the cops. I could only imagine how that conversation would go. After I put my phone away, I made my way into the kitchen and greeted my mom.

“Morning Mom,” I mumbled, taking a bite.

“Where did you get that churro from?” 

I smiled knowingly and said, “Your friendly neighborhood Churro-Boy gave it to me”

“I don’t even wanna know,” she muttered. “But that better not be code for drugs.”

Mother!” I exclaimed with my posh voice, “I would never!”


Part 2

Slow Hands

(A Smutty-ish Steve One Shot)

A/N: I should be getting ready for work, I should be writing It’s a Buck Girl Thing but it’s Steve’s birthday and the poor lad needs some loving! It’s quite smutty and inspired by Niall Horan’s Slow Hands

A/N 2: I wrote it quickly this morning and only checked it once so apologies for any mistakes!

Summary: After the events of Civil War, and Bucky gone, Steve does not want to celebrate. He wants to feel like a normal guy, meet a nice gal, have his way with her. He’s in Wakanda and it’s the 4th of July and everyone’s down to celebrate.

Warnings: Smutty undertones. Pet names. Steve’s neck.

Word count: 2.5k

Originally posted by luvinchris

Keep reading

never again.

Originally posted by cuteguk

requested by anon

Hello! Is it okay if I request a Jungkook angst? A very angsty one that boh JK and Y/n are screaming at each other and Y/N almost commited a very painful suicide because JK keeps on putting Y/N aside because of his Ex that came back to korea something like that. And a good ending please. Thank you :)

 genre: angst

word count: 2312

warning(s): mentions of attempted suicide and mental health disorders (i dont take this topic lightly and neither should you, but should this trigger you, please do not read this)

You felt as though every time Jungkook and you argued you went on autopilot and automatically screamed to back him; you knew you were giving in, giving into everything you were against. Everything you feared. The very reason for these frequent fights was because his ex was coming back, back to Korea. The very place you had been calling home since she left, since she left him. He had been acting as though she were the priority, even though you were the one that had been there for him throughout all of this. What did she do? She left him heartbroken, unable to do anything, you were there for him throughout all of that and slowly your support became something more.

“For fuck’s sake, ___, not everything is about you!” Jungkook shouted. “I never said it had to be.” you calmly replied to him. “You’re implying it though; just because she was a bad person doesn’t mean she still is. I just wanna be friends with her anyway, what’s your problem?” “My problem is that she left broken and I had to come sweeping in and comfort you.” “I never asked you to do that!” “Well, sorry for being a good person!” “I can’t deal with you right now, I’m leaving!” “You’re seriously just gonna go in the middle of an argument?” “I’m leaving before I do something I regret!” he replied and slammed the front door.


Days had passed and Jungkook hadn’t bothered to reappear in your apartment, he was probably spending time with his ex. It wasn’t that you were jealous, that was just a minor fraction but you were scared that he would end up as hurt as he was before or that he would leave you in the state he used to be in. You were already struggling very much before the notice of his ex coming back arose; your struggle was the reason you were prescribed this and that. You never wanted to depend on these drugs so badly but it was inevitable for you, eventually you would have had to take them in order to ‘get better’. 

You had missed your prescription for many days and you thought you were doing fine, that was until he showed up with her, in your home. “Hey, babe, are you home? I wanna introduce you to someone!” Jungkook called as he opened your front door and made his way into your apartment. You emerged from the kitchen, you had grabbed your tub of ice cream and appeared in front of your boyfriend and, to your dismay, his ex. “___, this is Subin.” he smiled as he wrapped his left arm around her shoulders and squeezed gently. “Nice to meet you, I’m ___.” “Jungkook has told me so much about you! I hope we can be good friends!” she squealed. “That reminds me, ___? We’re going out tonight so feel free to join us!” Jungkook chuckled as he sat down on the sofa. “Don’t worry, I’m staying in for the night.” “Aw, babe, haven’t you been doing that every night?” he pouted. “Yeah, and I’m perfectly comfortable here.” you smiled as you made your way into your bedroom, which led to your balcony.

You sat down with your ice cream tub in one hand and your phone in the other; without even thinking you dialed the number of someone you could trust, Min Yoongi. “___? Is everything okay?” he worriedly asked you. “Right now? Yeah, but Jungkook decided to show up to my house with his ex girlfriend.” “He’s with that sicko? After all she did to him? He was on hiatus for a year! A whole fucking year because of her! But now they’re friends?” “Apparently so.” you answered while taking a spoonful of ice cream.

“How are you dealing with that?” Yoongi asked you after he had calmed down from his mini rant. “I’m not too bad right now.” “Right now, huh?” “You never really know how you’ll feel in the future.” you told him as you continued to feast on the ice cream. “We’re going now, babe! Have fun!” Jungkook called before the door shut with a bang. “Did he just leave?” Yoongi asked you. “Yup.” “Do you want me to come over?” “Yes, please, before I do something stupid.”


“___, wake up! Fuck, what did you do? ___, please, fucking wake up! Yes, hello? 119? My friend just overdosed on her medication, please send immediate help!” “___, please, don’t do this to yourself, why would you do this? Is it because of him and her? ___, please fucking wake up! You can’t leave me behind, I was supposed to protect you! Wake the fuck up!” Yoongi cried in distress, he had found you on the ground with the bottle of pills spilt on the ground and immediately attempted to wake you up but failed. He was supposed to be protecting you like an older brother but he was too late.


“We’re currently stabilising her conditions, do you know what she took?” “They were some kind of anti-depressants, here’s the bottle. Will she be alright?” “It’s hard to say right now, she’s not waking up as of right now and her oxygen to carbon dioxide ratio is deadly but we’ll try our best.” the doctor said as he entered your room once again. “You can’t be doing this to me. Did you seriously do this? You have so much to live for.” Yoongi muttered.

Jungkook had been notified of the situation but didn’t seem to making an appearance any time soon. “We came as soon as we heard.” the other five members said as they each appeared in the hospital. “Where’s Jungkook?” Seokjin asked. “In some club with that Subin.” Yoongi spitefully replied. “Are you kidding me? Subin? Is he crazy?” Namjoon groaned. “Apparently they’re on good terms.” Yoongi muttered. “Seriously? After she left him in such a state? ___ was the one who was there, not her ass.” Taehyung ranted. “Is he coming any time soon?” Yoongi asked. “Doesn’t seem like it, I’ve sent him 30 something messages and he hasn’t read a single one of them.” Jimin muttered. “I didn’t know this boy was stupid enough to do this, to be in a club with his ex and leave his girlfriend to overdose.” Hoseok muttered as he placed his head in his hands.“Does he even care about her?” Jimin muttered.

Hours had passed and you seemed to be taking your time with recovering, “How is she?” “There’s minimal signs of recovery but her breathing’s somewhat better, we’re still trying.” Jungkook also failed to show up to the hospital, it was nearing 4am and everyone was knocking out but not Yoongi, Yoongi couldn’t sleep until he knew you were conscious. “Where is that stupid maknae?” Yoongi muttered, the anger rising in him as he messed with his phone.

“He’s on his way.” “Are you serious? Is there even any point, it’s been over 16 hours since I got here and now he decides to appear?” Yoongi responded. “Hyung, we all know he’s an idiot, so let’s just deal with him when he appears.” Jimin told him as he stood up to find some food. When Jungkook appeared, he was with Subin, and strolled in like it was nothing. He looked immaculate while everyone else had been sitting in their sweats for hours on end. “What time do you call this?” Yoongi growled. “3pm?” “Not the time, idiot! Your girlfriend has been in there for 16 hours and still hasn’t gained conscious from her overdose and you stroll in with this monster you call a woman as if it’s a mundane thing to do!” Yoongi shouted, the anger and stress of the situation had gotten to him and he could no longer keep it inside.

“One. I didn’t know which hospital she was in. Two. I was hungover. Three. My phone was off until this morning.” Jungkook replied as he took a seat next to Hoseok, who then moved away from him. “Okay, listen kid, your girlfriend who didn’t leave your side once overdosed herself which means she attempted suicide, why? Because of your ass. And for the record, we told you the hospital, you shouldn’t have been out clubbing with this woman and your phone should have been on for emergencies like this.” Yoongi told him from the seat closest to your room.

“Why are you all here anyway, she’s my girlfriend?” he muttered. “Without me, you could kiss your girlfriend goodbye. If she hadn’t told me to come over to stop her from doing this, she would have been dead!” “Then why didn’t you stop here?” Jungkook said, raising his voice. “I was too late but not as late as you.” Yoongi muttered as he walked out of the department and eventually the building. 

“Is that really how you guys see me? Am I just a monster to you?” a small voice asked. “Subin, know your place. This isn’t about you.” Taehyung snapped while fiddling with his phone. “Don’t worry, I’m sure they don’t mean it.” “Snap out of it Jungkook! We do not like her, we never did! You should be concerned about your girlfriend who is in there, closer to death than ever, not this girl you used to fuck!” Seokjin shouted out of frustration. “I think I should leave.” “No, stay.” Jungkook told her. “Let her fucking go, Jungkook. She has no place here.” Namjoon warned him. “Okay, I’ll see you later.”

“You’re an idiot, you know? You’re tearing us all apart and your girlfriend is in a battle with Death himself right now but all you seem to care about is her, open your eyes, kid.” Namjoon told him as he left to go for a walk. Eventually everyone had left Jungkook alone, he would finally have time to think over his actions. The reality of the situation hadn’t hit him until he was alone, he could lose you, his life partner, his saviour, how had he been so blind? Why was he so distracted by an ex who had done him nothing but harm.

“Min Yoongi-ssi?” the doctor called out. “Yes? Is she okay?” “She’s finally regained consciousness.” “Thank God, can we see her?” “Be my guest.” After a long 37 hours you were finally awake, a huge weight lifted of Yoongi’s shoulders and he felt as though he could breathe again. “Hey, kiddo, you alright?” he asked as he entered your room. “Could be better.” you muttered as you attempted to eat something. “Why did you do it, if you can’t answer, don’t?” Yoongi questioned. “I had missed a couple days of medication and thought I could make up for it this way, I also wanted to leave this place, so badly. Everything I have been doing led up to the moment he walked out of the door with her.” “Don’t blame yourself, it’s far from your fault.” “You look tired.” you pouted. “I haven’t slept in a ridiculous amount of time.” “Is it because of me? If so, I’m sorry.” “Don’t be. I’m okay.” “Liar.” “Whatever, do you wanna see the others?” 

You nodded in response and the rest of BTS flooded into the room, “How you doing?” Jimin asked you. “Alright, I’m sorry I made you all worry, I was being stupid.” “No, you weren’t stupid, you just wanted out, you wanted an exit. You weren’t stupid though.” Namjoon told you, causing you to smile, he understood you. “You know who was stupid though? Jungkook.” Seokjin told you. “Why?” “He was nowhere to be seen for almost half the time you were in here and he appeared with Subin.” he nagged. The name felt as though you had been shot in the chest with a machine gun that had no end. “Idiot.” Taehyung remarked from the side. 

“Where is he anyway?” Yoongi asked. “I’m here. And I’ve had a lot of time to think about what I’ve done this past week or however long it’s been.” “Spill it, kid.” Namjoon told him. “With you all here?” “I want them here.” you told him as he walked towards you and took your left hand in his. “___, I’m sorry for being so blind to the situation you were in, I’m sorry I was oblivious to your struggle, when I was thinking about it, I didn’t understand why I was so absorbed in Subin, I guess it was because the memories I shared with her were overpowering but I should have known better that I should have made more memories with you. The thought of almost losing you broke me, I didn’t realise the reality of it all until I was left completely alone, it felt bad, I felt helpless but I only felt that for a couple hours, I don’t even understand how you must’ve felt. I was such a bad boyfriend for these past few weeks, picking a fight on you whenever and not truly caring for you, I hate that I did this and that I can’t reverse time but please forgive me so I can make this all up to you.”

“How do you plan on doing that?” you asked him after his meaningful monologue. “I will never let you out of my sight and I will do whatever you want, go on the dates you want and spend all the time that I have with you, in order to make new memories with you. I can’t risk losing you, not when I know what it’s like when you were so close to death.” “Okay.” “Okay?” Jungkook replied. “Yeah, okay.” “___, he just confessed so much to you and spilt his heart and emotions and you replied with okay?” Hoseok asked, clearly holding in his laughter. “What else is there to say to that?” you chuckled. “Glad to know, you’re still you, my love.”

The signs as lines from Sincerely, Me
  • aries: i’m sending pictures of the most amazing trees
  • taurus: dude i’m proud of you, just keep pushing through
  • gemini: the only man that i love is my dad
  • cancer: stop doing drugs just try to take deep breaths and go on walks
  • leo: all you gotta do i just believe, you can be who you want to be
  • virgo: my sister’s hot (what the hell?) (my bad)
  • libra: our friendship goes beyond, the average kind of bond, but not because we’re gay
  • scorpio: (are we done yet?)
  • sagittarius: (no)
  • capricorn: i like my parents (who says that?)
  • aquarius: (i wanna show that i was, like, a good friend, you know?)
  • pisces: (absolutely not)
School-Related Sentence Starters (Part 2)

Part one here: ( x ). Thank you to the anons who sent in suggestions!

Everyday

  • “Don’t come to school tomorrow.”
  • “Can you come over later to finish this project?”
  • “I’m gonna draw a dick on the board.”
  • “Wow, someone is late again. How surprising.”
  • “Do you ever do your homework?”
  • “Was Alexander the Great gay?”
  • “Don’t spoil World War Two for me!!”
  • “I’d rather sit next to someone who isn’t you.”
  • “Class is almost over…”
  • “Is food the only thing you have in your bag?”
  • “Hey, quit reading and talk to me.”
  • “It looks like a tornado went through your locker.”
  • “Being the new kid is so awkward…”
  • “Are you really going to fight after school?”
  • “I have the biggest crush…”
  • “I can’t find ANY of my pencils.”
  • “If you let me borrow your calculator next period, I’ll give you my firstborn child.”
  • “School spirit is for idiots.”
  • “I slept for three hours last night and I wanna die.”
  • “The Collegeboard is ruining my life.”
  • “You think that’s bad? I had to get up at 4 am for practice.”
  • “I can’t believe I’m in the same class as my sibling.”
  • “Those protection goggles look good on you.”
  • “Sometimes I feel like the janitor is staring at me.”
  • “Sticky notes are the greatest invention of mankind.”
  • “Are those light up Skechers?”
  • “I’m taking all APs, please kill me.”

The Nurse’s Office

  • “I just need a band-aid..”
  • “Okay, so I’m a little more allergic to peanuts than I thought.” 
  • “You have a fever.” 
  • “Ha ha. Look at all the drugs in here.”
  • “It’s broken?”
  • “I really don’t want to get my height checked…”
  • “It’s your fault I got hurt.”
  • “You didn’t have to carry me…”
  • “Why does my weight have to be checked?” 
  • “I’m fine.”
  • “Wow, your face did a really good job catching that ball.”
  • “You don’t look so good.”
  • “Everything hurts and I’m dying.”
  • “Yeah, but you should see the other guy.”
  • “Would it be appropriate to use medical marijuana?”

Lunchtime

  • “You brought me lunch?”
  • “Hey, sit with me.”
  • “In your face! I have Lunchables.”
  • “I dare you to eat this.”
  • “I’m sorry that your parents gave you Lunchables and don’t love you.”
  • “Are you going out?”
  • “I heard a cat screeching by the kitchen, so I’ll just skip lunch today.” 
  • “Forget this cafeteria food. Let’s get Starbucks.”
  • “Is that rabbit food?”
  • “I can’t believe they don’t have a vegan option.”
  • “Do you have any idea what’s in that?”
  • “It’s called ‘mystery meat’, and I don’t feel like calling Scooby Doo.”
  • “Sorry, I only eat ass.”
  • “I heard someone is selling ‘special brownies’ out of their locker.”

Sports

  • “You ready for the big game?”
  • “You just don’t UNDERSTAND student athletes!”
  • “Gotta get gains.”
  • “If I get lower than a C, then coach won’t let me play.” 
  • “Hey! Pass the ball.”
  • “Do you know how to catch?”
  • “I hope I’m not on the bench this time.”
  • “You’d make a great captain.”
  • “If I have to run laps one more time, I will actually die.”
  • “See my sweatband? I’m dedicated.”
  • “The team is counting on me.”
  • “Don’t be a sore loser.”
  • “Who cares anyway? It’s just a game.”
  • “The coach is such an asshole.”
  • “It’s my fault we lost…”
  • “Try-outs were brutal. I think I need to be in bed for a week.”
  • “Dating a cheerleader is like, my dream.”
  • “That cheerleader is SO hot.” 
  • “Cheerleaders were created for the male gaze.”
  • “Cheerleading is a sport! You think backflips are easy?”
  • “I will shove these pom poms up your ass.”

The Bathroom

  • “It stinks in here.”
  • “Did you hear that the toilet is haunted?”
  • “Come with me! I need to fix my hair.”
  • “I just took a shit and there’s no soap. Let me wipe my hands on you.”
  • “This graffiti has spelling mistakes.”
  • “Why are you crying?”
  • “I’m just in here to smoke.”
  • “Oh my god, are you throwing up?”
  • “Someone peed on the floor.”
  • “There’s toilet paper on your shoe.”
  • “What if someone walks in?”
  • “Yeah, climbing through the bathroom window is a great idea.”
  • “Are you cheating right now?”

The Principal’s Office

  • “I don’t see the ‘pal’ in ‘principal’.”
  • “It wasn’t me!! It was her/him/them!!”
  • “A-am I in trouble?”
  • “Whatever it was, I didn’t do it.”
  • “He/she/they hit me first!”
  • “They’re going to call my parents.”
  • “Look, it was just a prank. It got out of hand.”
  • “You HAVE to help me out of this.”
  • “I’m just here to make copies.”
  • “Ha! I can’t get suspended.”
  • “I hope you get what you deserve.”
  • “Now the POLICE are involved?!”
  • “It was just a few balloons filled with paint…”
  • “You don’t have any proof.”
  • “No, I won’t do it again…maybe…”

BMC: my thoughts on the songs

Jeremy’s theme: creepy techno lullaby

More than survive: I’m weak, horny and tired someone help me pls

I love play rehearsal: play rehearsal? More like drugs gimme gimme gimme more roles

The squip song: I can make you less like suicidal me, just take the drugs Jeremy THEY. ARE. FROM. JAPAN.

Two player game: this dude? Right here? this is my ride or die and that’s great because I’m dying on the inside

the squip enters: discomfort level may increase™

Be more chill (pt. 1): you’re tacky and no one like you, kys

Do you wanna ride: look, my mom has a minivan let’s just fuck already.

Be more chill (pt. 2) did I say kys? Lemme rephrase, if I wasn’t here you should but I’m here now so don’t!

more than survive (reprise): this Eminem shirt might bring me into the realm of chill…

A guy I’d kinda be into: oblivion is the new flirting!

The squip lurks: rad tunes dude, but that won’t cancel out Jeremy’s lust for death.

Upgrade: wanna be cool? Be a dick, and give the dick while you’re at it #protectjakedillinger

Halloween: guys… let’s celebrate with…. adult times

Do you wanna hang: I’m filling the void in the heart by filling my diaper

Michael in the bathroom: I will live out my life in the restroom as long as I’m avoiding human contact #protectmichaelmell

The smartphone hour: guys…… rich did a bad… THE WORLD NEEDS TO KNOW

the pitiful children: you all suck BUT I can make you suck less

The pants song: pants = off, Weed = out

The play: MiChAel MaKEs a ENtrEnce I N E E D MT. DEW REEEEED

Voices in my head: now that the shit storm has calmed down, its time to date™ and accept myself \(uwu)/

Light | BadBoyJimin! x Reader

Pairing: Jimin x Reader

Word Count: 1,735

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: Fluff, Angst, Smut (Just hearing sounds etc)

Summary: He’s always been like this. Addicted to drugs and alcohol, constantly getting into fights. He’s down a dark road and the only light that still shines is you.

A/N: I would like to apologies, this is the first time I’ve ever had a request from someone (and one other) and I stupidly answered privately so I couldn’t see the message anymore. I completely forgot to look at who requested and I deeply apologies for my stupidity.

Masterlist | Ask/Request | Fic. Recs

__________________________________________________

Originally posted by jiminandjams

You remember when you first saw him, Park Jimin. It was your first day at university, when you accidentally bumped into him on your way to your dorm, which just so happened to be next to his. His appearance alone scared you, yet at the same time, you had become interested. The cliché bad boy look. Tight ripped black jeans, plane white t-shirt and a leather jacket covering his broad shoulders. With cigarette in hand, he sneered at you, before roughly bumping your shoulder as he walked passed to go to his room. From that day on, you were in love.

You never spoke to him, all you did was admire him from afar as he would talk with his friends and chat up a random girl in the corridor. It hurt… A lot. Seeing him with another girl, meant he had no interest in you, and he probably never would. You were shadow to him, an insect he could squish in between his fingers, that’s how unimportant you were to him.

You buried your head further into your pillow trying to drown out the loud moans from Jimin and his lady friend next door. This had been going on for what seemed like hours, and it was the last straw. Furiously getting out of bed you stormed out of your dorm and thumped on his door loudly. Silence had finally came to his dorm, but it soon faded when you heard loud footsteps come closer to the door, and when it was opened your jaw dropped. Jimin stood before you, in nothing but his boxers, sweat dripping down his forehead and toned stomach, hair pushed back, as he ran his hand through it.

“What?” he sneered as he leaned against the door frame. “Who the fuck are you?!”

“Your neighbor. Could you please keep it down. People are trying to sleep,” you asked politely. Jimin’s eyes narrowed as he stood up straight and stepped closer to you.

“Who are you to tell me what to do?” he threatened as he towered over you, giving you a deadly glare.

“I’m not telling you, I’m asking you… Nicely,” you added as you crossed your arms over your chest. Jimins eyes wandered down to your now slightly exposed cleavage and smirked. Upon realizing where his eyes were you unfolded your arms and pulled your top up. Blushing you turned on your heel to walk away until his hand tightly grasped your wrist.

“Are you sure that’s all you wanted me to do? Because if you want to join in, you can,” he whispered in your ear, his hot breath sending chills down your spine. You actually thought about joining him but your face turned to disgust when you remembered he was with another girl.

“I don’t think I’d want to ruin your time with your lady. So I’ll take my leave,” you almost snapped as you snatched your wrist and walked back to your door. “Good Night,” you mumbled as you shut the door behind you. Your breathing was uneven, and you were panicking like crazy. Jimin your crush, touched you. You were a mess, especially when he offered you to join him. You regretted saying no, but you didn’t like the idea of another woman being there. You just wanted it to be the two of you, as he’d dominate you with his tongue and make you feel good in all the right ways.

_______________________________________

It was a late Thurday afternoon, and classes had finally finished. A small sigh escaped your lips as you walked through the now quiet corridors of the university. However a sudden loud grunt caught your attention, peaking around the corner at the end of the corridor, you noticed that Jimin was pinned up against the lockers, the other boys hand firmly around his throat.

“Where the fuck is my money Jimin,” he boy snarled as his grip on Jimins throat tightened.

“Fuck you,” Jimin choked out. The boy used his other hand to collide his fist with Jimins stomach, causing you to gasp. Both heads turned to your direction where they just glared at you.

“Who’s this Jimin? Another slut you just use for your own pleasure?” the boy snarled as he let go of Jimin and made his was towards you. Roughly his hand tightened around your upper arm as he hauled you forward making you loose your balance falling to the ground.

“I barely know her, so let her be,” Jimin spat back as he straightened out his leather jacket.

“Oh I don’t think so, this little spy, could be of some good use to me,” the male licked his lips as he adjusted his trousers making you gulp nervously.

“Don’t fucking touch her Namjoon,” Jimin sneered as he stepped forward slightly.

“Oh so this girl does mean something to you. I just don’t get it Jimin, how come you can fuck any girl you want, but I can’t have this one?” Namjoon asked his glare still on you.

“Because I ask them. You haven’t,” Jimin answered back as he picked you up bridle style. “Go fuck yourself you bastard, you’re not getting near her for as long as a live.”

“Then you’ll die,” Namjoon launched himself at Jimin, making all three of you tumble to the ground, you stuck in between them. “Give me the fucking money and I won’t harm her!” Namjoon yelled. During that time, you managed to wriggle yourself out from between them and pull grab onto Namjoon’s shirt.

“How much!?” you yelled. Both of the males stopped wrestling and looked at you.

“What?” Namjoon snarled. You growled lowly before repeating your question.

“How much,” you spoke through gritted teeth, trying hard to contain your anger. Namjoon stood up and faced you.

“60.” Without hesitation you hauled out your purse and handed him the money.

“Now fuck off and leave him alone,” you snapped as you knelt down to Jimin and helped him up. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up,” you muttered as you wrapped Jimins arm around your shoulder and guided him back to your dorm. The journey there was silent until you entered the dorm and Jimin sat down on your bed.

“Why the fuck did you help me. I never asked for it,” Jimin sneered as his hands tightened to fists.

“Because Namjoon was hurting you, and he stopped when I gave him the money. Now shut up and let me see your wounds,” you ordered as you stood in front of him with a damp cloth and a first aid kit. “Take off your shirt,” you mumbled attempting to sound confident, but failed. Jimin smirked in reply and began to unbutton his shirt. Painfully slowly he took off his shirt and laid it next to him. Jimin leaned back slightly, allowing you to see his toned stomach better. “Jesus, he got you good,” you muttered as you noticed a medium sized wound across the right side of his body.

“Tch, I’ve had worse,” he snapped back, but instantly winced when you began to dab (Does the dab) his wound with the wet cloth.

“Jesus what did you buy that got him so worked up?” you muttered, leaning back to grab the first aid kit from behind you.

“You really wanna know?” Jimin challenged, his face expressionless. Your silence allowed him to continue. “I bought come coke off of him, and I said I’d pay him back in two days, which I obviously didn’t do.” You sighed in disbelief.

“Why do you do this to yourself?” You asked him. Jimin glanced at you in curiosity. “Why do you deal drugs, take them, smoke, drink way to much, and get laid every night?! You have so much to live for and you’re destroying yourself,” you muttered, tears threatening to spill down your face.

“What the fuck do you know?” Jimin snapped.

“I know that you’re better than this! It’s clear that people fucking care for you! And you throw them away like they’re trash!” your voice raised slightly as you stood up and turned around, not wanting Jimin to see you cry.

“No one fucking cares for me! Girls only want to fuck me because I’m good in bed! Or if they are in need of stress relief! I’m their fucking toy! HOW ARE YOU TO SAY PEOPLE CARE FOR ME! WHEN CLEARLY NO ONE DOES!” Jimins loud voice echoed through out your dorm making you cover you ears for a moment.

“Well I fucking do! Okay!” Jimin stood in front of you wide eyed as you turned around, your tears staining your cheeks. “I fucking care! I have since I first bumped into you on the way to my dorm! It hurt me so fucking much, seeing you bring another girl into your dorm nearly every night. Having to put up with the constant moaning and groans that came from both of you!” After you spoke you stopped and slapped your hand over your mouth, realizing you had just confessed to him. Slowly Jimin stood large steps towards you, making you move back until the back of your calves hit the end of your bed. In one swift motion, Jimin had you pinned to the bed, hands wrapped tightly around your wrists and he stared into your eyes as if he was trying to read you.

“Why would you care, you barely know me,” he muttered as he lowered his head to the crook of your neck, where he planted soft kisses down to your collarbone.

“Because everyone deserves a second chance,” you muttered, suppressing a moan as Jimin gently sucked on your sweet spot. “Including you.” Jimin continued to kiss downwards until your shirt got in the way.

“This needs to go,” he grumbled as he slowly began to unbutton your shirt. Nervousness suddenly took over you, and you stopped him.

“W-wait. I-I’m still a virgin,” you muttered, looking away in shame. A small soft smile spread across Jimins features as he hand his hand through your hair.

“It’s fine, I promise I’ll be gentle, but only this once,” he smirked and got down to business.

anonymous asked:

Any advice for a girl who wants to wear makeup but knows nothing about it?

  • Start simple! Stay away from complicated looks until you get the hang of it. 
  • Go to an actual makeup counter and get your skin tone matched. Even if the makeup is too expensive, you can just ask for samples while you ~think about it~ and then take those and find close matches at a drug store/Ulta. 
  • Also get them to show you how to apply products! Ask to watch in a mirror or do part of your face yourself. 
  • Start with the basics: 
    • foundation (I prefer powder because it’s lighter; you can skip this if you wanna bc that’s what I did when I first started out!)
    • blush (since foundation will make your skin kinda washed out)
    • Mascara 
    • From there you can add more as you get more comfortable!
  • It’s totally okay to buy drugstore makeup, but make sure you do some research beforehand because it’s important to be nice to your skin and not put harmful chemicals on it! (applies to expensive brands too!)
  • Always always always always take your makeup off before bed! I prefer micellar water to makeup wipes, but also be sure to wash your face with cleanser and water as well.
  • Clean your brushes often! I put a bit of Dawn dish soap (I heard it needs to be blue, not sure if that’s true though) and olive oil side by side on a plate, and use the brush to swirl it around and then massage it out under warm water. Works so fast! Baby shampoo also works well.

Good luck, and have fun with it!

Seussical in a nutshell
  • jojo: wow nice hat
  • cat: im here now, sO USE YOUR IMAAAAGINATION
  • -
  • horton: wtf who said that. theres only a speck of dust so the logical conclusion is that a miniature person is on that speck. actually a whole lot
  • sour kangaroo: bitch you cray!!!
  • gertrude: damn that elephant fine as hell
  • -
  • dust speck: so anyway horton you were totally right; we're a lost civilization on the brink of war and we're all about to die. Who-dee-who-who-who. Also we're guilting you into being our guardian. Who-who-who.
  • -
  • cat: jojo you're going into the story whether you like it or not
  • mr. and mrs. mayor: jojo you're grounded. no more thinking.
  • jojo: fuck yall i do what i want
  • mr. and mrs mayor: well we obviously don't know how to raise a kid so we're just gonna send you off to the war
  • -
  • horton: well everyone thinks i'm crazy but that's ok because i can imagine that i'm cool
  • jojo: well my parents sent me into the military but that's ok because i can imagine that my family accepts me for who i am
  • horton: yo lmao i hear you down there lets be friends 4 ever
  • -
  • gertrude: ugh i really wanna fuck this elephant but i'm not attractive :/
  • mayzie: bitch u right. go take drugs.
  • gertrude: k. ima go ham tho
  • -
  • wickersham brothers: lmao look at this nerd with that flower. yoink that shiz
  • horton: wtf literally why would u do that there was honestly no need and now i have to search through millions of identical fucking clovers to find my tiny fren jojo
  • -
  • cat: by the way did i mention im a sadist??
  • -
  • gertrude: hey im sexy now wanna get down
  • horton: hush im picking flowers
  • -
  • mayzie: always use a condom kids. horton, watch my egg for me
  • horton: why the fuck would i do that
  • mayzie: pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease
  • horton: ok ok fine but be back in like an hour
  • mayzie: LMFAO BY BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! SEE YOU IN HELL!!
  • -
  • horton: well its winter now and jojo and the Whos are probably dead but i refuse to move my ass off this egg ok it is my My Child now andOH FUCK HUNTERS
  • Cat: by the way did i mention that i'm also a trickster god?
  • -
  • gertrude: oh no im too sexy to fly... sorry horton.. ur ass about to get carted off to the circus :(
  • horton: god this sucks
  • -
  • mayzie: oh hey theres a circus in town and OH SHIT ITS THE GUY I DUMPED THAT KID ON uh hey man im so happy for u... such a big success... performing in a circus!! lucky u!! anyway i gotta go right now immediately so enjoy that egg!
  • horton: Where Is Paradise
  • -
  • jojo: fuck this war im going home to think what i wanna think
  • general schmitz: kid you're walking on a minefield... literally one wrong step and your dea-- ok too late..
  • -
  • cat: oh yes HOW VERY SAD boohoohoohahahaha dont worry jojo isnt actually dead he's just trapped in a nightmare realm filled with Unspeakable Horrors
  • jojo: fuck you cat!!! you've legit been behind everything bad that's happened! why didn't i call you the fuck out earlier!
  • cat: ok damn fine i'll turn on the lights geez...
  • -
  • gertrude: hi horton great to see you again hahaha so um i got all of my Sexiness™ ripped out of my ass one by one so that i could find you (and a whole lot of other shit) but no big deal haha
  • gertrude: oh also i found your dumb clover
  • cat: oh you thought this was gonna be a happy ending right here? you thought wrong
  • sour kangaroo: BITCH WE PUTTING YOU ON TRIAL
  • judje yertle: well horton's definitely crazy and were gonna boil that clover with the dust speck on it in hot oil for literally no other reason but to prove a point
  • horton: so uh guys if you dont wanna die you should probably start screaming
  • mr and mrs mayor: well the combined forces of our entire planet had no effect so we're just gonna put all the pressure on you, jojo, our small son, who only a few moments ago we thought was dead.
  • jojo: *gibberish*
  • sour kangaroo: well i heard that shit!
  • everyone: hooray!
  • egg: henlo fatgher i am Elyphant Birb
  • horton: wtf
  • gertrude: eh, we'll make it work
  • -
  • -
  • THE END

Don’t know what it was, but you just had this thing about you
Lately we’ve been distant, see, I just can’t be without you
And my soul got so attached to yours, I can’t be me without you
But, we hate ourselves because we run from the people we love
And we all hold on to the past ‘cause we miss what it was
Don’t wanna feel so we try to numbin’ the pain with these drugs
Living in hell, 'cause we lost faith in the place up above
And my anxiety is breaking me, it kills me
I’m living in a world so fake, I lost touch of the real me
Had to take a look back, just to ask me if I’m still me
And would I still stand for this if they wanted to kill me?
I can’t take it no more, I just can’t take it no more
I can’t smile like I’m okay, I just can’t fake it no more
I can’t act like I’ve been happy and complacent no more
Cause every time I try to change, it is the same as before

DEAR EVAN HANSEN LYRIC STARTERS ! 
     feel free to change any pronouns & such & make it more like your muse would say it, if you need to ! <3

“ have you been writing those letters to yourself? ”
“ dear ____, today’s gonna be a good day & here’s why…”
“ can we try to have an optimistic outlook, huh? ”
“ can we buck up just enough to see the world won’t fall apart? ”
“ we’re not giving up before we’ve tried. ”
“ this year, we make a new start. ”
“ perfect. ”
“ i’m proud of you already. ”
“ another stellar conversation for the scrapbook. ”
“ i’m kinda coming up empty. ”
“ does anybody have a map? ”
“ anybody maybe happen to know how the hell to do this? ”
“ i don’t know if you can tell, but this is just me pretending to know. ”
“ i need a clue. ”
“ the scary truth is i’m flying blind. ”
“ i’m making this up as i go. ”
“ you are not missing the first day. ”
“ i already said i’d go tomorrow. ”
“ he doesn’t listen. ”
“ look at him, he’s probably high.”
“ he’s definitely high. ”
“ each days another wrong turn. ”
“ i’ve learned to slam on the brake before i even turn the key. ”
“ give them no reason to stare. ”

Keep reading

I really Heard the lyrics to Rehab By Rihanna tonight. I am sure they resonant with many in different relationships. Perhaps we are all in a “rehab” of sorts in different phases of our lives as we go though this life experience.

However, no matter the pain in experiences.. I am glad that I opened the door. Love is eternal and always there. ❤️💙💚💛💜

https://youtu.be/rJYcmq__nDM

“Baby, baby
When we first met, I never felt something so strong
You were like my lover and my best friend
All wrapped in one with a ribbon on it
And all of a sudden you went and left
I didn’t know how to follow
It’s like a shock that spun me around
And now my heart’s dead
I feel so empty and hollow

And I never gave myself to another the way I gave it to you
You don’t even recognize the ways you hurt me, do you?
It’s gonna take a miracle to bring me back
And you’re the one to blame
And now I feel like

Oh, you’re the reason why I’m thinking
I don’t wanna smoke on these cigarettes no more
I guess that’s what I get for wishful thinking
I should’ve never let you enter my door
Next time you wanna go on and leave
I should just let you go on and do it
‘Cause now I’m using like I bleed

It’s like I checked into rehab
And, baby, you’re my disease
It’s like I checked into rehab
And, baby, you’re my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause, baby, you’re my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause, baby, you’re my disease

Damn, ain’t it crazy when you’re love swept?
You’d do anything for the one you love
'Cause anytime that you needed me I’d be there
It’s like you were my favorite drug
The only problem is that you was using me
In a different way than I was using you
But now that I know it’s not meant to be
It gotta go, I gotta wean myself off of you

And I never gave myself to another the way I gave it to you
You don’t even recognize the way you hurt me, do you?
It’s gonna take a miracle to bring me back
And you’re the one to blame
'Cause now I feel like

Oh, you’re the reason why I’m thinking
I don’t wanna smoke on these cigarettes no more
I guess that’s what I get for wishful thinking
I should’ve never let you enter my door
Next time you wanna go on and leave
I should just let you go on and do it
'Cause now I’m using like I bleed

It’s like I checked into rehab
And, baby, you’re my disease
It’s like I checked into rehab
And, baby, you’re my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause, baby, you’re my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause, baby, you’re my disease

(Uh, uh, now, ladies, gimme that)
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh, oh
(Uh, now gimme that)
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh, oh
(My ladies, gimme that)
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh, oh
(Uh, now gimme that)
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh, oh

Oh, you’re the reason why I’m thinking
I don’t wanna smoke on these cigarettes no more
I guess that’s what I get for wishful thinking
I should’ve never let you enter my door
Next time you wanna go on and leave
I should just let you go on and do it
'Cause now I’m using like I bleed

It’s like I checked into rehab
And, baby, you’re my disease
It’s like I checked into rehab
And, baby, you’re my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause, baby, you’re my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause, baby, you’re my disease”

anonymous asked:

JONAS YOU BAD BOI. SLIPPING SCHOOL AND DOING A DRUG. But do Mitch lot pressuring him into it and not even saying anything to make it seen like Jonas has to do it.

okay first thing first that I wanna get OUT OF THE WAY

MITCH DIDN’T PRESSURE JONAS AND IF I SEE ANYTHING ABOUT THIS IM GONNA SCREAM

Do I understand how it could be perceived that way? ABSOLUTELY, but I say taking a closer look at the comic pages and everyone’s dialogue that it’s actually Muuuch different.

The first thing I wanna Address: Yes Mitch offered Jonas a blunt and Jonas wasn’t sure. Immediately after Scratch would be the one to be a little peer pressurey BUT THEN RIGHT AFTER MITCH IS LIKE “no shut up it was just an offer, if you don’t wanna then you don’t gotta” WHICH IS VERY IMPORTANT. Like Direct Quote “he don’t gotta if he don’t wanna.”

Others can say it was Cliff’s little jab that made Jonas want to do it but like it’s Cliffs Opinion that doesn’t even Matter, who tf cares what Cliff says. And they’re about to completely move on when JONAS is like “I’ll try it” WHICH IS JONAS’ DECISION.

I’m not about to see everyone villanizing Garbage Gang when Jonas is the one making his own stupid decisions. Sure he was dragged along with them, but yknow the Possible Government is chasing after them SO HE’S ALREADY PRETTY DEEP IN THIS. I’m just saying if anyone was being a little peer pressurey it was Scratch, but again that’s Scratch who’s excitable and weird and doesn’t know what the heck she’s saying and it was quickly shut down by Mitch but then Jonas wanted to try it Anyways.

JONAS ISN’T SOME PURE BOY GUYS HE’S GOT A LOT OF ISSUES AND IS RECKLESS AND STUPID.

Promises c.h.


Requested

Summary: Gangmember!Y/N and gangmember!Calum made a promise to tell each other everything, but Calum breaks that when he goes after someone who was in Y/N’s past

Word count: 16,462

Warnings: language, violence, and some goryness


“Can you pass me my phone?” Calum requests.

“I don’t know, can I?” You reply whilst you make dinner for the two of you.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure you can. I’m not sure if you’ve heard about them, but there are these things called limbs, and all you need to do is use your top limbs.” He fires back.

“Why don’t you use all of your limbs and get your phone.” You tell him.

“Shut up.” He laughs.

“Here,” you smile and throw him his phone, which he nearly drops. “I’m going to get in the shower, could you keep an eye on dinner for me?” You ask and press a kiss to his forehead.

“Yeah, sure, babe.” He nods and gives your lips a quick kiss before you wonder up the stairs. “Be careful!” He snickers.

“Fuck off, it was one fucking time! It just hurt to shoot for a few days.” You say, referring to the time you slipped over when you were getting out the shower last week. You’d slipped over and Calum came rushing in, thinking it was somone from another part of the city, but he found you laying on the bathroom tiles, clutching your shoulder, in your underwear, and laughing at yourself.

“Babe, what happened.” He laughs as he kneels down beside you.

“What does it look like, dumbass?” You question whilst raising an eyebrow.

“You fell over, and I can’t find anything me to care?” He answers with a question.

“Shut up, you love me, you’d get worried about me if I got a little scratch.” You accuse.

“Shut up,” he dismisses and picks you up, bridal style.

“Getting the treatment I deserve finally.” You sigh in bliss.

“Shut up or I’ll drop you.” He threats.

“You wouldn’t dare,” you eye him up.

“You sure about that, babygirl?” He looks down at you, before you get to fire off a remark, he pretends to drop you.

“Just sort me out, Cal, I don’t have time for your foolery.” You glare up at him.

“Don’t use those eyes on me, they are scary.” He chuckles.

Calum gingerly places you on the soft white sheets and his eyes trail down your body.

“Eyes up here, loverboy.” You tell him.

“Tell me when it hurts.” He ignores your statement and gently wraps his hand around your arm.

“It kinda hurts now.” You point out and he gives you a pointed look.

“I haven’t done anything yet.”

“I know, and it hurts.” You reply.

“Shut up or I’ll hurt the other one.” He threats.

“You wouldn’t lay a finger on me.” You say and he puts a finger on your stomach. “Not like that!” You laugh.

“Just shut up and let me help you.” He laughs in annoyance.

“Fine.” You sigh.

Calum lifts your arm, causing your shoulder to move.

“Ow, yeah, it hurts there.” You wince in pain when he moves it at a certain angle.

“I think you’ve just bruised it or pulled a muscle, nothing major.” He concludes. “What a shame, you can’t do any work for a couple of days.” He says sarcastically.

Calum has never liked the business you are in. You’re both in the same gang, and although you’ve been in the industry longer than him, he isn’t very fond of what you do. He doesn’t mind it when you go on a mission with him, one of the boys, all of the boys, it’s when you go on your own or with certain people.

He doesn’t stop you, he’ll never do that, he can see the passion you have for the whole gang scene. He just worries about you, the amount of arguments you’ve had about you coming back later than you said or changed your plan without telling him.

On the other hand, sometimes he adores what you both do. He loves seeing the smirk on your face when you threaten people, the small smile you have when you get what you want from people, the wink you give when people see what you can actually do, the way you use and handle a gun perfectly, and the regular lustful looks you give to him.

There’s no doubt about it, there is always sexual tension if you are in the same room together. It usually dies down if you are both in there for quite a long time, but if you quickly pop back to the headquarters while on a mission, a look is thrown at you and Calum has to try and control himself.

You’ll quickly walk over to him and give him a kiss, he’ll place a hand on the small of your back, sometimes going south. He tries to listen to what you are saying about what you’ve completed so far, but he just focuses on your body. The leather jacket always gets him worked up. He usually ends up asking the other boys about what you were saying.

Walking out of your shared bedroom, making your way down the stairs, and into the kitchen. Checking on the dinner, you notice that Calum isn’t in here, nor any trace of him. “Cal?” You yell.

“Up here!” He yells back, from what sounds like the top of the house.

Putting the lid on the sourcepan, you start to walk up the stairs, and notice the ladder to the loft is down. Deciding to check up on him, you climb up the ladder.

“Hey, baby, have a nice shower?” He asks as he picks up a small hand gun off of the spare bed we have up here.

You almost have to stifle a laugh at how sweet he is being, yet he has a ton of weapons layed out infront of him.

“Yeah, it was good.” You nod and pick up a a knife, swirling it around your fingers.

“Didn’t slip over this time?” He teases but shuts up when you look between the knife and him.

“What are you doing?” You question and sit on a spot where there are no weapons.

“I’m just checking on some stuff, seeing if they are fully loaded and what ammunition we have.” He explains and throws the small gun over to the other side of the mattress.

“Why?” You question, raising a perfectly shaped eyebrow, and watch his body language.

One of the many talents you have is detecting lies, you can see it as if it’s tattooed on their forehead. Some people you can detect easier than others, Calum you can suss out, he tends to raise his eyebrows ever so slightly. Sometimes you can read him but sometimes you can’t.

“Uh, I was bored waiting for you, so I came up here. I also don’t want to get caught off guard, if there are ever any emergencies or anything, you know?” He shrugs.

“Yeah,” you nod, not entirely convinced but let it pass, Calum always tells you what he is doing, business wise. He’ll tell you what mission he has to do and what he has to do. You do the same, but you are always a bit vague on what you actually have to do, or he’ll get worried and text you constantly or insist on coming with you, at least sending somone with you.

“How long until di-,” Calum gets interrupted by your phone ringing.

“Sorry, my boyfriend is calling me.” You tell him and answer the phone, making him playfully glare at you. “Hello?” You ask because you never actually got the choice to see the caller ID.

“Hey (Y/N), it’s Michael. I’m not interrupting anything, am I?” He asks.

“Just me and Cal fucking.” You say.

“Eww, now I got that image in my mind. Although I have been in the same building as you when you guys were doing it.” He snickers.

“Shut up before you get a boner,” you reply. “Anyway, what’s up? I’ve got dinner going.”

“Marcus wants you to deliver some drugs to that teenager with the Range Rover.” Michael answers.

“Can’t one of you guys do it? I’m tired and I need to eat.” You whine.

“You’re closest.” He tells me.

“Yeah, but I still have to go to the headquarters’ warehouse.” You point out.

“You can bring Calum, Luke said.” He bribes.

“Your bribery doesn’t work, Clifford.” You sigh. “Anyway, why don’t you get off your ass and do it, I’m the one that sorted out that middle-aged man today.”

“Marcus says thank you,” he informs you and you hear some mumbling on the other end “and he also says you always have been a stubborn ass.”

“Ugh fine, I’ll do it but I’m bringing Calum with me. You owe me, Clifford. Oh, and tell Marcus to go fuck himself.” You say with a slight joking tone, and hang up, before stuffing your phone into your pocket.

“What’s going on?” Calum confusedly questions from the bed.

“I’ve gotta go deliver some drugs to some kid, do you wanna come with me.” You offer.

“You can bet your ass I’m going with you, it’s 8 pm.” He exclaims.

“It’s barely dark outside.” You huff in annoyance.

“It takes half an hour to get to the headquarters, it will basically be pitch black by the time we get there.” Calum exaggerates.

“It will be pitch black when we get home.” You correct and pick up a pistol from the bed, and tucking it into the back of your jeans. “Maybe I should bring a shot gun with me.” You joke and pick up the deadly thing.

“It would protect you.” Calum agrees and picks up a pistol himself.

“Really? I don’t think it would, it would probably only leave a scratch.” You sarcastically reply.

“I’m sure if you caught your skin on a part of it, it would probably sc-,”

You shut him up by kissing him. You find yourself doing that a lot, trying to silence his sassy comments. Sometimes to protect your ego and sometimes you just can’t handle his comments, even though it’s a bit hypocritical because you are just as sassy and quick witted as him.

Calum seems taken off guard by this and freezes for a second, before he places his hand on your hips and starts moving his lips against yours in sync. Calum begins to back you up to the closest flat surface, which happens to be a wall. Cal grips your thighs and you take that as a hint to jump, so you jump and wrap your legs around his hips, and he moves his hands towards your ass.

Calum disconnects his lips and connects his lips to your neck. “Babe, we have stuff to d-do.” You comment and bite your to suppress a whimper.

“Go on then.” He says and you can feel him smirk against your skin.

You grind your hips into his and he lets out a small groan, making it your turn to smirk. “Okay then.” You shrug and unlatch your legs from his body, feeling your sock covered feet touch the wooden floor. You take Calum’s hands off your ass, and give him a wink.

“Such a fucking tease.” He mumbles.

“Well, my job here is done, meet you by the car.” You pat his shoulder and walk away.

You jog down the stairs and into the kitchen, taking the saucepan off the ring and put it on the one that wasn’t on, so much for looking forward to dinner. You make sure everything is locked and closed before you go to the front door and put on your ankle boots.

“Not done with you.” You hear Calum say as he comes down the stairs, his hand instantly connecting with your ass.

“What is it with you and your obsession with my ass?” You question once you are stood up straight.

“It’s just nice and perky, it also keeps my hand warm.” He winks.

“If you touch my ass one more time, I will make fucking sure you won’t be able to touch anything but your motherfucking coffin.” You threat and with each word you said, he backed away. “Love you.” You smile with a sickly sweet voice.

You throw Calum the car keys and he swiftly catches them, following you out of the house.

“You ready?” Calum asks as he starts to back out of the driveway, placing his hand on your thigh once you get onto the road.

“It doesn’t look like I have a choice, loverboy. Holy shit, the Sun.” You complain before reacking out to put for your jet black sunglasses, which never fail to intimidate.

“So who are we delivering to? We don’t usually do this type of work so I’m not really sure.” Calum asks whilst tracing random patterns on your jean clad legs.

“The kid that has the Range Rover. You know the one Luke and I are convinced is a son of a rich dick and has a drug problem, but uses his father’s money. I mean, what 17 year old can afford a Range Rover?” You explain.

“You could.” Calum points out with a smirk.

“Okay, what normal kid can afford a Range Rover?” You rephrase my question. “Or regularly buy a fuck ton of cocaine?” You add.

“You’ve got a point. Where does he even live? Are we going straight to his house or meeting at some private place?” He questions.

“The last time I did it was a couple months ago and it was a couple houses down from where he supposedly lives.” You answer.

You both continue to talk about all the people you’ve dealt with over the years, until you get to the headquarters building. It’s basically a fucking huge building, a few stories high, and very wide. It’s kinda like a museum, got all these rooms and hallways, just without the art work. Some people in the gang live here, it’s basically where everything is done. No one really knows about it, it’s in a very secluded place, very few who have found it made it out alive. The warehouse is just behind it and it’s safe to say it’s not as nice as the actual building. It’s literally a few rooms, heavily secured, and mainly metal.

Walking in hand in hand, you slam the door behind the both of you, alerting everyone that you’ve entered. Your boots clicking every time your heel collides with the floor. “There’s my favourite girl.” You hear people say when we walk in.

“I’m the only girl you’re in regular contact with.” You deadpan.

“Anyway, she’s my girl, so hands off.” Calum warns. “I’m gonna go out back, I’ll meet you by the car in 15.” Calum informs you and gives you a quick kiss.

“Okay, have fun.”

“Oh I will, partying and everything.” He rolls his eyes at your comment, you push him towards the direction he needs to go.

“So which one of you fuckers wants to go get me dinner?” You ask as you sit next to Luke, eyeing up the three boys you’d consider your friends and the two others who you’d only consider acquaintances. Ashton, Michael, and Luke are the people you’d consider your bestfriends, the other people in the gang you’d only consider acquaintances. Some of them are friends, but you’d never hang out with them outside of the job, you’ve experienced a lot of your teenage years with these people, some coming and going. You’ve learnt not to get too attached to people with this job, some are an exception, the boys for example, but that plays an important roll in why you’ve never gotten that close to most people in the organization.

You’re always friendly with them, it’s not like you are rude and ignore them, you’ve just never made the effort to get close to people, because this job is very dangerous.

“I’m sorry we took you away from your evening.” Luke apologises and places a hand on your knee.

“I don’t need your sympathy hand.” You tell him and he squeezes your thigh.

“Move it.” You order and he moves his hand up and down your thigh. You can’t help but laugh and throw his hand back at him, him having a small smirk on his face.

You all continue to talk and joke around before you realise you have to go. “Bye guys, I’ll see you tomorrow?” You question.

They all look at each other with a look you can’t quite read. “Yeah, of course. Have a nice night.” Ashton nods.

You give each of them a kiss on the cheek before walking out the room. “Thank God that bitch has gone.” Michael jokes, making you slowly walk back into room.
“What was that, Clifford?” You ask with a glare. Your glare is almost like your trademark, if you looked at someone for long enough, the guys are convinced you’d kill them.

“Nothing, Y/N,” he smiles nervously.

You walk towards him and grab his arm, pinning him towards the closest wall. “You may be taller than me, but it just means I can reach your balls faster.” You say.

“I could beat you at anything, any day, Y/L/N.” He smirks.

You grab his throat and push him harder into the wall, before grabbing your gun out of your jeans, and press it under his jaw, making him visibly gulp.

“I love having this advantage, I can make you do anything right now.” You laugh. “See you tomorrow, babe.” You pat his shoulder and walk out the door again, winking at the other boys on you way out.

You close the door behind you and being met with the cool May air. Looking to your right, you see Calum leaning against the car, smoking a cigarette.

“What took you so long, babe?” Calum asks as you get closer to him, smoke coming out of his mouth with every word he said.

“I had to deal with Michael,” you explain and take the cigarette from him, taking a drag yourself.

“Ohhhh,” he nods and accepts the cigarette back from you.

“Should we get going?” You ask.

“Yeah, need to get all the sleep I can get.” He says and stamps out his cigarette, before getting in the car.

“Why?” You ask.

“Uh, because sleep is good for you.” He tells you as if you’re the most stupid person.

“Okay.” You dismiss and give him a short glare.

You continue to try and subtly ask questions about what he’s doing tomorrow. He’s hiding somthing from you, you can tell, but he’s just not telling you.

“So what are the boys doing tomorrow?” You question.

“I’m not sure, I think Ashton has some old dude to deal with, apparently he didn’t pay the full price, but Johnny had to quickly deal with somone else, so he didn’t have time to sort it out.” He explains.

“Okay. Oh, that’s the dude.” You point to a person on the pavement, standing under a streetlight that keeps flickering.

“Okay, see you later.” He jokes.

“You can bet your ass you’re coming with me.” You give him a look that reads ‘idiot’.

You both get out the car, slamming the door behind you, and intimidatingly walked towards him.

“Hey, (Y/N) right?” He asks and gives you an annoying smile.

“No, we’ve gone over this before, no talking just give me the money.” You sigh.

“Who wouldn’t want to talk to Dillon?” He smirks.

“Just shut the fuck up, dildo.” You snap and take the envelope out of his hand. You peer inside and roughly check how much there is. “You’re 350 dollars short.” You declare.

This guy buys a lot of cocaine and it usually lasts him a month or so, we’re not some jackasses, who say it’s 100%, because no cocaine you get from people like you is pure.

“No, I’m not. You probably can’t count very well.” He replies and you raise your eyebrows.

“Do you want this or not?” You ask.

“Yeah.” He nods.

“Then pay the full price,” you tell him, ready to get your gun out.

“I’ve paid the full price, I can assure you.” He tries to convince us.

“Cal, count the money.” You pass him the envelope and you glare at the boy in the mean time.

After a minute or two Calum puts the envelope in his pocket and takes his gun out of his jeans, pointing at the cocky boy.

“You owe us 350 dollars.” Calum confirms.

“N-,”

“Now,” Calum demands and pulls the slide back.

Damn this boy is sexy when he’s serious.

“I don’t have 350 dollars.” He claims.

“Bullshit.” You spit and take the safety off your gun, cocking it back, ready to shoot.

“Make it 500.” Calum orders.

He pathetically glares at you two and pulls out a wad of cash. “I don’t have 350 dollars my ass.” You mumble.

“Here.” He grumbles and slaps the cash in Calum’s hand.

“Here.” Calum repeats his words and passes the dangerous substance to him.

“Nice doing business with you.” You smirk and walk back to the car, Calum walking next to you, also sporting a smirk.

***

Rolling over and nuzzling into your boyfriend, only to be met with cold sheets. Your eyes immediately snapping open and looking around the room, seeing nothing, no trace of him, and everything looks normal. “Cal?” You quietly call out.

No response.

You rip the duvet off of your body, which you only have Calum’s shirt and a pair of panties on. Due to the lack of clothing, you’re met with a chilling breeze. You reach into your bedside table and grabbing the cold, jet black gun.

Ejecting the magazine and find it’s fully loaded, you don’t usually use this gun, it’s more your emergency weapon. You slowly walk towards the door, which is slightly open, usually the door is closed. Maybe Calum has just gotten up early or somthing but better safe than sorry.

You safely hold the gun by your shoulder, pointing up towards the ceiling, and you pull the door open with your foot, quickly pointing your gun in front of you. Nothing, not even a sound.

Cautiously searching the rest of the house but find in nothing, not even a hint of Calum or an intruder.

“Calum?” You call out one final time before going into your room again. Something catching your eye that you didn’t see before, a note on his bedside table. Walking closer and picking up the note.

I love you so much, don’t ever forget that

-Cal xx

“You fucker.” You say to yourself and scrunch the note into a ball, before throwing it to the floor.

You walk over to Calum’s wardrobe, noticing a load of shirts are missing. “You don’t fucking want to, Hood.” You shake your head.

Pulling your phone out of the charger and quickly pulling Calum’s contact up. Pressing the mini phone icon, and listen to it ring, sighing when he doesn’t pick up, so you decide to leave a quick voicemail.

“Hey, Cal, it’s your girlfriend, I missed you when you weren’t still in bed this morning. Call me back, don’t ever forget that.” You spit the last part.

A method you’ve grown a custom to over the years is to start out sweet, but be a firm. Then when you next call him, you cut the act and dive straight in.

Quickly getting dressed and walking out the door, skipping breakfast. All of the cars are still here, but he could of gotten a ride from anyone. You get into a car and speed over to the headquarters.

He was acting all funny yesterday, like he was preparing for something. He never usually leaves a note like that if he’s up and out before you. Usually it would be an explanation on what he’s doing, and an ‘I love you’ not ‘don’t ever forget that’. You made a promise to tell each other what you are ordered to do, you may be vague on what you do, but you tell him.

“Where is he?” You ask as you storm into the building.

“Who?” Will asks, he seems to be the bravest out of the 10+ people whom is in the hallway, willing to take on your storm. Will is also part of the gang, he usually does the supplying.

“You know who.” You spit.

“No, I don’t.” He shakes his head and you give him a warning glare.

“Calum, or any of the others.” You state and make your way up to Marcus’ office.

“Ah, wasn’t expecting you so early.” He quickly says and stuffs somthing into a draw, when you harshly open the door.

“Where’s Calum?” You question.

“I’m not sure, I thought he was at home, with you, (Y/N).” He answers and swings his chair round a little.

“Okay, where is Ashton, Luke, and Michael?” You ask, taking a seat on the leather chair opposite his desk.

“Ashton is down by one of the stripclubs, Michael should be out getting some uh ammo, and Luke is just cruising around.” He explains.

“Why would Michael be out getting ammo? We already have thousands of rounds. That’s never been a problem for us. Ashton never goes out later than 10, it’s 9 right now, plus if he ever goes to one of the clubs it’ll be at the evening so it looks normal. Is it even possible for Luke to be up at this point to just ‘cruise around’?” You set him straight. “In the mean time, I’ll try and figure out what is going on, until someone tells me.” You glare at him and stand up, walking over to the door. Slamming the door shut behind you and blocking out his protests.

“Hey, Layton, where’s Johnny?” You ask as you pass down the rather extravagant staircase, a few hallways away from Marcus’ office.

“Uh, he is in the lounge area, I think.” He answers.

“Thanks.” You mumble and speed down the steps, walking all the way down and then taking the elevator to the bottom floor.

“Woah, who woke up on the wrong side of bed this morning?” A voice asks from behind.

“Not in the mood for it today, Jeff.” You tell him and give him a small glare over your shoulder. Jeff and you have a teasing relationship, which just consists of insults thrown from both teams, they are serious, but you don’t hate each other, it’s just a little fun.

“Missing your little Calum?” He cooes and by his words, you instantly pull your gun out and push him against a wall.

“What do you know?” You ask and press the gun harder into his throat.

“Nothing, I’m sorry, I was just joking around.” He apologises.

“Go fuck yourself, Jeff.” You mumble and walk away, leaving him rubbing his neck and muttering something along the lines of “crazy bitch.”

You walk down the long hallway until you reach the room at the end. “Uh, Johnny, can I talk to you for a minute?” You request and he seems taken back but gets up and follows you out to the hallway.

“What’s up?” He asks and rubs his hands together.

“Did you deliver some drugs to an old man yesterday, but he didn’t pay full price?” You ask.

“I didn’t yesterday but I did a couple days ago, but Ashton sorted him out a few hours later for me. Why?”

“Okay, thanks. Do you happen to know where all the guys are?”

“Uh, no, the last time I saw them was last night, well I saw Calum out back, I think you were here too though. Of course I saw Luke, Ashton, and Michael last night, they were just hanging around, talking to everyone. I may of seen them really early this morning, they were by Marcus’ office, but I was really tired so I can’t quite remember.” He explains.

“Son of a bitch,” you mutter, “Okay thanks, Johnny, see you around.”

“Any time.” He nods and goes back into the room he was just in.

With that you head out of the door, and into your car. Pissed would be an understatement.

Pulling your phone out of your bra, you attempt to call again, not really expecting him to answer, but someone has to stay loyal and tell them what they’re doing.

Of course, it goes to voicemail.

“Hey, you better tell me what the fuck is going on or you’ll be a dead man. I will not hesitate to put you in the fucking ground, Hood. You could’ve at least given me a better note with more information. What’s so important that you have to hide from me and leave a note saying you love me? You say you love me, but you don’t even give me any information, you could be in any deadly situation right now, but what a shame I don’t know where you are so I can’t bury your pathetic body. Motherfucker.”

Throwing your phone onto the passenger seat and finally being able to move, as you were at a traffic light.

If he doesn’t come home tonight, you are gonna kill him yourself.

***

“They told me not to tell her anything, at all, not even a hint. They also told all of us to look out for her, he didn’t give me a reason why, but he was really serious about that subject, they also said to sorta stay away from her because she could threaten somone who knows even a tiny bit about this, and with that she could figure out a lot, she’s really smart, so watch out. He said they are a mile or two away from their territory. Apparently it’s all going well so far, but they haven’t gotten to the really hard part yet. Matt has something against her but nobody knows what, not even Calum. So whatever happens, keep your mouth shut if
(Y/N)’s in the building or even in the fucking premise of the building.”

You were walking through the many hallways of the headquarters, when you heard some people talking in hushed tones. So doing what any nosy person would do, you listened, not expecting it to be the situation you’ve been fuming about.

It’s been a few days, nothing from Calum, Michael, Luke, or Ashton. You hadn’t sent any more voicemails, just to give him (or they because Calum probably let the other boys listen to them too) the illusion that you’ve given up or you are just waiting for him to come home.

You’ve kinda been on the down low for a couple days, just either planning out what you are gonna do about this all, who to question/threaten, and just trying to figure out what they are doing.

When you hear the name Matt, you immediately smirk but tense up at the same time. The boys have nothing to do with him, that’s your business, and they need to stay out of it. At the same time, you want to know what they’re doing with him, they’ve never had any experiences with him, that you know of, of course. There’s only a few people that know about him, you, Marcus, and a couple people who sorta helped out a bit, but they aren’t really relevant to him. Of course the whole gang knows about him and his gang, but they don’t know what went down and who’s involved.

“Ashton said they’re going out to their infamous club tonight, just to check it all out, and possibly get at least a look at them or establish some kind of contact/agreement with them. Michael heard that one of them works at the actual bar, so it could be easy to talk to at least one of them.” The voice feeds me indirect information.

“(Y/N) should be coming, in the next hour or so, Marcus called her in or somthing, so just be aware. You wanna go play some pool?”

With that question, you quickly pull your phone out and take about 8 steps back, to make it seem as if you didn’t just hear the missing part to your puzzle.

“Oh, hey, (Y/N),” the voice belongs to Freddy, and he waves as you walk past, Mason following behind him.

You give him a look that is a mix between ‘don’t you asshole’ and ‘you’re not worth my time’. Continuing your walk until you get to a lounge that is empty. There’s about 7 'lounges’ in this building, they’re kind of like a living room, and people just come to chill in them. They all have a couple of couches, usually a television, a game of some sort, either pool, darts, poker table, or some other entertainment of that sort.

Slipping in and closing the door behind you, you sit on one of the couches and place your phone on the coffee table. You need to think of a plan or at least add on to it.

Are you gonna join them? Tonight or in a couple of days? Is this gonna stir some shit up?

All these questions swirl round your head.

You play with your gun whilst you think it all out, taking the safety on and off, effecting the magazine and seeing how far away you can catch it.

After an hour and a half, you’ve figured it out, every detail, back up plans, how you’ll get there, everything down to what you are gonna pack and where you’re gonna stay.

You’ve decided to go tonight, well soon, if it’s true what Freddy said, they should be at Matt’s infamous club. You’ve been there a couple times, for business purposes. Nothing special, just your regular club, the drinks are a bit more expensive, is probably the only difference between that and one a mile or two away.

You’re not gonna go straight to Calum or any of the boys, only an idiot would do that. Instead, you are just go in to spy on them, see what they are up to. It’s not very wise to just go blundering up to them, you could be interrupting all sorts, so it’s best to just observe for a while. You might even go back home if you find out they’re not doing anything significant, you just needs this information so you can sleep well at night and not constantly be on edge. Most importantly, so you don’t have to receive the call that your boyfriend and best friends have died.

You were supposed to meet up with Marcus, but to hell with that. If you want to get to your destination at a reasonable time. It takes about 45 minutes to an hour to get to their territory from here, you also have to pack a few things.

Opening up the front door to the house you share with Calum, and quickly dash up the stairs and start getting prepared for the whole 'adventure’.

After half an hour, you’re all packed, clothes for specific occasions, guns, ammunition, knives, and some other bits and pieces. Swinging the duffel bag onto your shoulder and gracefully jogging down the stairs, setting down the bag by the door. You head into the kitchen, to make some food for the journey and grab a couple bottles of water. Walking towards the fridge when suddenly you feel some arms harshly wrap around your neck and waist.

Almost like a reflex you take the heel of your ankle boots and kick the persons shin, then drag the other one down his other shin, by the noises they make, you guess it’s a man. Quickly elbowing his stomach because he seemed to of stupidly forgotten to add your arms into his grasp. This makes him bend over and lose his arm around your neck.

You grab the closest object, which happens to be a spatula. Great. You stab his arm with the blunt as fuck spatula, which actually makes him hiss. You try to pry his arm off, because he’s busy still clutching his stomach, but you can’t get enough leverage.

Throwing the spatula across the room, which startled him a bit and he starts to drag you back. Quickly grasping at the knife block as you get dragged past it and reach for the carving knife. Sliding the knife up his bare arm, because you can’t stab him just get, because there’s a chance you’ll stab yourself too.

“You, bitch!” He yells and let’s go of you and you turn around, to see his eyes widening at the sight of his arm.

“Who even are you?” You question, not even waiting for an answer you go straight at him with the knife. Puncturing his chest and leaving the knife in there, you almost have to stifle a laugh at how stupid he looks.

Going into one of the draws and grabbing the gun from the back. Calum insisted on putting a gun in every single room, literally. Although right now you are greatful for it, because you don’t have your gun on you right now, you can’t exactly say you were expecting a visitor.

Taking the safety off and cocking it back, before shooting the intruder right in the middle of his forehead and he instantly becomes limp and crashes to the floor. A puddle of blood leaking from him and onto your freashly cleaned tiles.

Better be safe than sorry, so you check all around the house. Finding nothing different, also locking everything on the way.

“Give me a fucking break.” You cry out when you see another man in your house.

As he turns around you shoot him straight in the heart, he instantly clutches his chest and falls to his knees, then face planting the ground in a big thud.

You roll your eyes and walk into the kitchen again, stepping over the dead body, and fetching your sandwhich and water, also putting the gun back where you found it.

You pack your bag into the car, before sending a quick text to Jeff, asking him to clear up the bodies and informing him where the spare key is, although he could probably easily pick the lock if he wanted to.

***

It’s been a couple hours, right now you’re getting dressed up to go to the club. Not for fun, not at all, strictly work, well more to check up on your favourite people. You need to see what’s actually going on, you hate being left out of the loop, it’s one of the most frustrating things, especially in this industry, it makes you feel like a child.

You’re not usually one to wear revealing clothes, depending on the type of mission and what people you’re dealing with. You’d very rarely have to wear somthing low cut. You wear tight as fuck jeans most days, and when you wear a skirt, you don’t shy away from it being short, it’s just your torso that you cover up usually.

So, with that, wearing a really tight dress is somthing you’re not really familiar with. You very rarely have to do this type of work and blend in, so it’s somthing exciting to do, you can’t fault that. You’re wearing a skin tight, black dress, which complements your body type perfectly, it leaves some parts to imagination, it ends a little bit above mid-thigh, has some lacy parts on the waist and the chest area.

Your make up is quite heavy, but bearable, brown smokey eye, winged eyeliner that could kill a man, dark red lipstick, all in all you look hot and intimidating.

You would’ve just gone into the club in your usual attire, but you can’t by any circumstance get caught by either the boys or the opposing gang, or your whole cover will be blown. If you make eye contact with the other gang, it will probably be okay, you’ll be able to scrape by, but with the boys that’s a whole different story. If they even catch a glimpse of your face, your cover will be blown into shreds. With Calum, if his eyes scan the crowd and they quickly skim over you, he’ll recognise your body in a heartbeat.

There’s a few places you can go to sit back and observe. If they are sitting/standing in one corner, you could settle down by the corner to their left or right, depends which corner they’re in, not diagonal though, there’s a high chance you’ll make eye contact with one of them that way. It all really depends on where they are and who exactly is there.

Paying the driver then stepping out of the car, being surrounded by quite a few people who are hanging around outside. It’s around 11 the whole party scene is bursting with life, a few people already look so drunk and a few smokers have come outside to smoke and get some fresh air. Ironic really. You are allowed to smoke in there, the amount of joints people have smoked in there is almost alarming.

Walking up to the entrance and stopping by the bouncers, because you know they’ll want to see your ID. Obviously you use a fake one for these type of jobs, you’re not stupid.

“ID, Pretty Lady.” The burly dude with a big beard requests.

“Of course.” You play along with a smirk. You hold it out to him with your two fingers and he accepts it and reads all the information.

“Have fun.” He sends you one last lustful look and you walk in, almost feeling his eyes rake over your body, making you have the urge to shudder. I wonder if he knows he just let someone in with a gun up their dress, is in a gang, let alone a very high up the chain organisation.

Keeping your head down and head straight to the bar, trying to blend in. Your eyes quickly scan the intoxicated crowd, not recognising anybody. Yet.

Ordering your drink of choice, flirting with the bartender to hurry up the process, you don’t want to stay in plain sight for a too long. You thank and pay the bartender quickly before scoping out a place to settle at. Your eyes pick out a place, quite a secluded spot, dimly lit with colourful lights, a seating area that runs along all the walls. It looks like a place where people get stoned, but do it right. There are people who get high right and people that don’t get high right. Obviously they get what they are craving, but they just don’t do it right, where you’re aiming to sit, is where the 'cool people’ get high. That make sense?

“Hey,” you greet and sit down at the end, you’ve still got a good view of the whole club.

“Hello.” Some random people reply, you can see their figures through the thin but growing cloud of smoke.

Not intending to take this conversation further, you try and seek out specific people, which is kinda hard considering it’s dark in here. Then as if the light gods listened to you, the forever moving lights shine on a familiar head of green hair, which just so happens to be one of your best friends. Next to him is none other than Ashton Irwin, who is actually facing you. With that information blaring in your head, you quickly turn away from the bar and face the group of stoners. Not all of them are wrecking their bodies with different types of drugs, some are just chilling out with a drink in their hand.

Taking a sip of your drink and slowly facing the bar again, they pay for their drinks, spotting a specific drink that belongs to Calum, it’s usually the drink of choice he goes for when you’re out. Your eyes follow their backs and watch where they head to.

A wave of comfort washes over you as you see the one person that you’ve always been seen as home. In fact all four of them you consider home, but Calum is somthing else.

Although that comfort doesn’t last too long when you remember why you’re here in the first place. Your soft eyes switch to a death glare in seconds and you lean back, watching it all unfold.

Constantly looking around the densely packed room, people with sweaty, drunk, high, bodies. Not finding anyone who you recognise, besides the boys of course. Looking up at the ceiling, noticing there’s a mezzanine floor running along the whole ceiling edges. That must be where the important people are.

Carefully scanning the whole floor, until you spot a man that makes your skin crawl. Toby Dorsey, almost the leader of said gang, he is so far up Matt’s ass, just so he can be the leader when Matt retires.

He’s leaning against the railing, overlooking everybody, feeling as if he owns them. In a way he kinda does, he could get them to do whatever he wants with the threaten of a gun. You could too, Calum, Ashton, Luke, Michael could as well, you can bet your life that there are other deadly people up there with guns. A lot of guns.

Having the urge to punch somone repertitvly just thinking of them. You’ve got a history with them, not a good one for both of you. Marcus designated a special task for you to accomplish, it was your second or third big job to do. You completed it, but you ended up getting stabbed in the leg, then you couldn’t do anything for a couple of months, not just because of your injury but because Marcus wouldn’t let you.

You get fed up of just watching, you are craving some action, new information, anything but just watching gets boring. It may not be wise but you really aren’t in your usual attire so it might be quite hard to recognise you. Leaving the people you really bonded with and talked to so much.

Keeping your head down as you walk towards the people that let you know everything. Sitting down in the semi circle next to them, that has a few people but they all seem like strangers to each other. Obviously you’re not an idiot, they can’t see you, there’s a fence type wall that goes all the way to the ceiling, to give you some privacy and for decoration.

“So have you heard from, Y/N, recently?” The voice of Ashton catches your attension.

“Uh no nothing actually, nothing from anyone at the headquarters either. I’m kinda worried…” Calum strains off.

“Why don’t you look at the security footage.” Michael suggests and your eyes widen, have they really been watching you this whole time? Does that mean they saw you walk out the door?

“Good idea.” Calum says and what you imagine is that someone takes their phone out. For a while they stay quiet before Calum speaks up, “oh shit, look away.” He laughs.

“Nothing I haven’t seen before.” You can hear the smirk in Ashton’s voice.

“Yeah, but you haven’t seen my girlfriend like that before.” Calum tells them.

“Why is she even walking around without a top on? Does she usually do that?” Luke asks.

“Yeah, but she usually doesn’t wear a bra.” He snickers. “Kidding, she’d kill me if she could hear me right now. She claims she can enjoy breakfast more without a t-shirt, I’m half convinced she just forgets to get fully dressed.”

That’s where he is wrong, you’re tempted to kill him right now, but that wouldn’t do anyone any good. Plus, who does he think he is talking to the guys about your morning routine?

“Can we skip talking about my girlfriend’s habits and fast forward?” Calum asks in a groan.

“Well, at least she’s fully dressed now.” Michael speaks up after a while and you hear him getting hit.

“Just shut up.” Luke says and they go silent again.

“Oooh, okay, she must be heading to the headquarters, because Marcus told us that he called her in.” Ashton points

Oh yeah, that was supposed to happen.

“Fast forward, she’ll probably stay there for a while.” Michael tells them.

“Holy shit, is that a dude walking in?” Luke exclaims after a while.

“Oh my God, yeah.” Ashton confirms.

“Another one is walking in.” Calum adds.

“Did Y/N not lock the door or somthing?” Michael asks.

Of course you fucking did.

“She’s back, oh shit, she looks mad as fuck.” Luke stares.

You kinda were, you were - still are- sick of everyone knowing what’s going on, when the person who is closest to them out of everyone there knows nothing.

“She could be mad, sad, happy, any emotion, I don’t care, what I do care about is the two men inside that fucking house, which by the looks of it, she is oblivious to it.” Calum says.

No, you invited them over for lunch.

“She’s got a bag now,” Ashton points out.

“Did Marcus summon Y/N to do anything?” Luke asks.

“Not that I’m aware of.” Calum answers.

“Oh my God, he’s coming up to her.” Michael nervously says.

“No, no, no, no, no,” Calum cries out, you’re guessing they’ve gotten to the part where he grabs you.

“Really? A fucking spatula?” Michael questions.

“Ah, fuck.” They all cringe when you drag the knife across the man’s skin.

“There’s the Y/N I know.” Ashton cheers.

“It’s like a really gory horror film.” Luke winces as he continues to watch him fall to the ground.

“There’s still another man in the house.” Calum speaks up.

“Well, she’s going round the house, she’s bound to find him at some point. Switch to another camera.” Michael tells them.

“Thank fuck.” They all sigh in relief.

“She just steps over the dead body.” Ashton laughs.

“Who’s gonna clear up the bodies? We all know Y/N doesn’t like dealing with that side of the industry.” Calum questions.

“I don’t know she’ll probably get someone from headquarters to do it.” Luke says.

“Fast forward through it.” Ashton says. “Ah, Jeff.”

“So like, what did Y/N do?”

It’s been around an hour or so and you’re still sitting in the same spot, listening to their conversation. At times you feel bad, but you remember that they didn’t tell you anything, so it’s okay. The amount of times you’ve wanted to add somthing to the conversation, or wanted to laugh at what somone said, is painful.

You can’t exactly say you’ve heard anything new, they’ve just been messing around, you’re not really sure how they get anything done, but you’re the same when you’re with them.

“Marcus said it happened quite a few years ago now, we probably shouldn’t talk about this here.” Michael replies.

“We’ll shoot or punch anyone that’s listening.” Ashton shrugs and you have to stifle a laugh.

“What Y/N did, was it good or bad?” Luke asks.

“Depends what way you look at it. For us it was great, for them, not so much. They lost some very important people, but now we, more specifically she, is in a bad situation, now.” Michael states.

What’s going on? What do they want from you now, after all these years.

“We need to keep all eyes on her and make sure she is safe, at least for the time being.” Calum sighs.

They’re doing a great job at that.

“Have you seen anyone from the opposing gang?” Luke asks.

“No, unfortunately, we just need to talk to them for two to three minutes, that’s all.” Ashton says in frustration.

Why?

“Does anyone know where the actual base is?” Calum questions.

“No.”

“No.”

“Nope.”

With that they all sigh.

“But like, what do they a want from her and what are they gonna do to her.” Michael questions.

“Anything, money, drugs, lewd acts, want her to join their organisation, or even kill her.” Calum shrugs.

“What are the chances that she’ll get caught or taken hostage by them or somthing?” Michael asks.

“It’s Y/N, nothing will go down without a fight, so we’ve got a little bit of time before shit hits the fan.” Luke replies.

“Guys, look to your right a bit, that guy has been staring at us the whole time we’ve been here. Subtly, guys.” Ashton points out and in instinct, you turn your head to see a slim man, a lady by his side, who’s probably as thick as a brick, glaring daggers at both you and the boys.

“What’s his fucking problem?” Calum questions in annoyance.

“He looks like someone from the gang.” Luke mumbles.

“Do we go talk to him or…?” Michael trails off.

“Wait until we see somone else.” Ashton advises.

“Oh shit, who’s that?” Calum questions.

As he says that, you begin to say your first sentence to them “hey, what do you say we go get a drink together?” You smirk at him, completely ignoring the girl clinging onto his arm.

“Su-,”

“He’s got a girlfriend.” She cuts him off, her 30 metre long finger nails digging into his arm.

“Oh yeah, who?” You ask and look around.

“Me.” She glares at you.

“How about we leave this grade-A bitch and get a drink? You’d look cuter holding my hand anyway.” You trail your finger up his chest.

“I knew I had a good grade in somthing.” She muses and you laugh.

“The only A you get is your bra size.” You tell her then turn to her so called boyfriend.

“Let’s go.” He winks and wraps an arm around your waist.

You look at the ground so your hair covers your face, because you know the boys are watching this all. You both order a drink and sit at the bar.

“So, what’s your name?” He questions and you quickly think of a name.

“Samanther, but you can call me Sam or Sammy. How about you?”

“I’m Christian.” He nods but the name doesn’t ring any bells, then again, you’ve never seen the man in your life.

“Nice, you from around here?” You ask.

“Yeah, lived here basically all my life. You?”

“I’m visiting my uncle, he actually owns this place, Matt Craig.” You tell him.

“Oh really? I’ve met him quite a few times, quite close actually.” He nods and takes a sip of his drink. “What does he do?”

“I’m not really sure, I think he owns other clubs and stuff, I don’t see or talk to him much, this is the first time I’ve seen him in months. Sad really.” You sigh

So sad.

“I could probably get him to see a pretty girl like you a lot more.” He winks and you have to hold back the urge to gag.

“Aw, so kind.” You bat your eyelashes at him and pretend to be all flustered. “Do you know where Matt is right now?”

“He’s either somewhere in here, most likely in there or up there,” he points to a door on the other side of the room and up on the mezzanine floor. “How long are you here for?” He questions and places his hand on your knee.

“A couple more days, depends on how busy Matt is.” You say and lean into his touch.

“What if he’s busy?” He raises an eyebrow.

“I’ll head home because I’m bored, but if I have someone and somthing to do with them, that’d be my last thought.” You smirk.

“Really?” He smirks back and trails his hand up your thigh.

“Yeah,” you nod and bite your lip.

“What are you doing tonight?” He asks and you have to quickly remove his hand from your thigh because firstly, it was making you uncomfortable but you can’t show that to him, and secondly, he would’ve felt your gun, so you move it to your hip/waist.

“I’m not really sure, Matt will be expecting me though.” You explain. “In fact, I should be getting to him right now. Could you do me a favour?”

“What is it?” He rubs up your waist.

“You know the table that I came from, the one next to me, the one with the guy who has green hair? If you could give them a note, I’ll write it out for you, don’t give them a name or anything, just simply drop the note onto their table, then come back to me.” You explain.  

You came prepared, so you pull a sticky note and a pen out of your bra, and begin writing.

Matt is in this building right now, be careful. You don’t belong here, go back, you’re not welcome here. If you really have to be here, their base is around a mile from here, just follow the road outside here for a while, then turn right when you reach a huge library, follow that for a while then it should be there, you can’t miss it. They’ve got a room full of guns, explosives, knives, and deadly things, so watch out for that, if you need some new weapons, it should be round the back somewhere, it’s hard to miss. Please don’t fuck too much up

Folding the note up and putting the pen back, before passing Christian the note. You obviously changed the handwriting so they don’t recognise it.

“Make sure to come back okay.” You wink and he gives you a smile, setting out on his difficult task.

You watch from the corner of your eye, he passes through the tons of people until he finally reaches their table. Politely dropping the sticky note onto the table, ignoring their confused and questioning looks and walks back to you.

“Done.” He grins and places his hand on your ribcage.

“Thank you, now why don’t I give you a, little reward.” You smirk and play with the hem of his shirt.

“Ohh, I like where this is going.” He smiles.

“Follow me.” You lure him in and grasp his cold hands.

He follows you as if he was duckling and you were the mother duck. You can feel his eyes on your body, looking at you in the most disgusting way. Only one person can do that to you.

Dragging him to where you were previously, although all the stoners have gone, there’s just one person sitting there.

“Hey, could you move to a different place for a while?” You request.

“Uh, sure.” The dude furrows his eyebrows but gets up and stumbles off somewhere else.

“So what have you got in store for me? I did do a very hard job.” He rubs his hands together as if you were a piece of meat.

“Yeah, so hard.” You wiggle your eyebrow.

“Al-,” he gets cut off by you punching him in the face. “What the fuck was that for?” He yells and touches his jaw.

You ignore him and punch him again, this time in the nose, wishing it breaks. He lets out a groan and cups his nose, and checks for blood, which is very much there. You grab his hair and bring his face to your knee, and that’s kinda hard to do in a tight dress. You would bring out your gun but you don’t want to kill him.

Repetitively kneeing him in the face, gripping on his hair even more when your grasp starts to falter. Pushing him back, which causes him to stumble and land on the seats, you walk towards him and punch him in stomach, making him bend over in agony, with this new position, you dig your thumb into his back muscles and have a firm grip on his shoulder that’ll no doubt leave a mark for a while.

“Who the fuck are you?” He hisses in pain.

“The names Y/N Y/L/N.” You say and his eyes widen, then they burn with fury. “Do me another favour will you and tell Matt I sent you.”

You punch him in the face a final time and ignore the stinging pain in your knuckles. “That was for treating me as if I was worth nothing and only useful for sex.” You huff. “Dirty motherfucker.” You spit and step on his foot with your highheel as you walk away.

Feeling people’s eyes on you, but you ignore them and walk towards the exit, needing to get away before anyone catches you.

“Get out.” You demand through gritted teeth at a group of teenage boys who are in a decent car.

“What the fuck, no,” the driver states.

“I didn’t want to do this, but as you left me no choice.” You sigh and pull your gun out from under your dress, pointing it at them.

“Woah, woah, woah, calm down have the fucking car,” he begins to panic and they all get out of the car.

“Here,” you say and pull out a wad of cash from your bra, smacking it in one of their hands.

“Thank you?” He trails off but you are off in your own world.

Speeding off towards your hotel, which is a couple miles away from here.

***

It’s been a few days, and you’ve just been spying on them for a while. They haven’t seen you, but they’ve most probably heard you. You tripped at one point, but saved yourself by putting your hands out, but you actually landed on a piece of glass. That made you fall over anyway and make a hole in your jeans, you had to quickly scoot into an ally way, so they couldn’t see you whilst you took the shard of glass out of your palm. That ended in you leaving a trail of blood behind you.

You haven’t really found out anything new, you’ve just secretly joined their mission. You overheard them talking about sending somone over to Calum and your’s house, but you’re not sure if they went through with it. You transferred hotels, you moved to their hotel so you can keep track on where they are and where they go. You haven’t followed them every single time they’ve gone out, mainly because they haven’t been very productive, so why would they all of a sudden productive?

Whilst they were out, you broke into their room. Not finding anything, just a load or weapons laid out on the bed, clothes scattered about on the floor, and open laptops. You managed to disconnect some cameras, only a few of them, you left some up, only so it doesn’t look too suspicious. You also got the chance to delete all the footage that’s been recorded, watching it first, obviously fast forwarding it, because you don’t have 48 hours worth of footage to watch to spare. They probably thought that was a little suspicious, but they haven’t done anything about it.

“Had any more of Y/N’s scary ass voicemails?” Ashton asks.

They’re currently walking along some random street, with you trailing a couple metres behind, your head tilted down pretending you’re on your phone. Which technically you are, but you’re not paying attension to it. It’s dark and raining outside, so you really don’t know what they’re doing.

“No, I haven’t heard anything from her or any updates from anyone about her.” Calum shrugs.

“Do you think it’s possible that she went to a hotel or something to stay at for a while? You know, because of the people that came in or somthing.” Luke questions.

“That’s a good point.” Michael nods.

“It’s Y/N we’re talking about, she doesn’t get scared about anything, besides spiders and bugs.” Calum laughs.

“Maybe that’s what she wants you to think, but in reality she needs you to be her knight in shining armour.” Michael says with a slight joking tone.

“I’ve only ever been her 'knight in shining armour’ a few times. Regularly outside of the job, but she’s a boss ass bitch when she’s working, and she doesn’t need anyone but herself.” Calum chuckles.

“How do you find somone who’s not afraid of what you do?” Ashton whines.

“It was easy for me, she was already in the business when I met her.” Calum smugly states. “We probably would’ve died that day if she wasn’t there.”

“What were we thinking taking on a dude that high up on the food chain?” Luke shakes his head.

“We can’t say we exactly knew who he was, he kinda came on to us.” Michael shrugs.

“Despite the situation, we would’ve probably died if she didn’t kill him.” Ashton tells them.

“I was traumatized for a while on how she did it.” Calum shudders.

You’re guessing they are talking about the day you met them. They were getting jumped by this man named Dean, he was very angry that day, so he just took the closest thing to him, which happened to be the boys and tried to take his anger out on them. They got some good shots on Dean, but that just riled him up even more. You came round the corner and saw all this, thinking nothing of it because you were so used it, but then you saw who it was beating up the boys. You were gonna just leave it, that was until you saw him pull his gun out. With that sight, you brought yours out and shot him in the leg, and that caught them all of guard. You ran towards them all and started punching Dean until he couldn’t stand up anymore, then you stuck your thumbs in his eyes whilst dgging your nails into the side of his head. That probably wasn’t necessary, but you had so much anger in your system that you didn’t care. Then you proceeded to stab him repetitively in the torso.

When you finally got up, you’d forgotten all about the boys in front of you. They had eyes as wide as saucers and looked at you in fear. “Uh, sorry you had to uhm, see that.” You muttered and began to walk away.

“Hey, wait up!” Calum called after you and you turned around, Calum being a little closer than you thought.

“What?” You asked and he held onto the top of your elbow, the other hand holding your neck/shoulder.  

“I just wanted to s-say thank you.” He whispered as he looked into your eyes.

“That fucker deserved it.” You mumbled . “I’ll see you around.” You winked and began to walk away from him, not knowing that they were going to join the gang a couple months later.

That wasn’t just your first encounter, but the beggining of somthing truly beautiful.

“Still to this day, we don’t know what she or they had against eachother.” Ashton muses.

“Woah, guys, hold on.” Michael stops them and holds his arms out in front of them.

“Is that who I think it is?” Calum question in a whisper.

“No, it can’t be.” Luke shakes his head.

“I think it is.” Ashton sighs.

You have a look yourself and see a group from Matt’s gang, they’re powerful, and very skilled.

“Do you want to confront them?” Luke asks then all.

“We have to, really. I can’t leave Y/N alone any longer, it’s not fair on her.” Calum says and you have to suppress the urge of going up to him and giving a huge hug full of love and comfort. You’ve missed his hugs, kisses, and just his touch. You may be mad as fuck at him, but that doesn’t mean you don’t love him.

“We need to be more prepared with weapons, right now we’ve all only got just a hand gun on us.” Ashton states.

“Okay, uh, two of you go back to the hotel and me and someone else will stay here.” Michael plans out.

“Me and Luke will go back, because we can run faster than you both.” Calum informs.

“Okay, hurry up.” Michael nods.

Luke and Calum turn around, but before they sprint off, they both give you a weird look, especially Luke. You continue to look down, hoping your hair will shield your identity, which it seems to do because they walk right past you and they run off, leaving you with Ashton and Michael.

Swiftly walking past them and into an allyway, hoping it doesn’t seem too suspicious. It shouldn’t because this leads to a block of flats, they may belong to drug addicts but that doesn’t matter right now. You can’t hear them, you can only see them, which you guess is okay for the time being.

The hotel really isn’t that far away, just down the street, then turn left, follow that for a couple kilometres and then you’re there, so it shouldn’t take too long.

After a while, Luke and Calum come back, panting and a tiny bit sweaty. They’ve got about four duffel bags full of weapons. One full up ammo, pistols, different tyles of rifles but mostly assault rifles, and the final bag filled with explosives, knifes, smoke bombs, and little gadgets/knick knacks.

You watch as they talk, probably making up a plan, whilst you try to think what they could possibly want to do with them. As far as you know, they’ve never had any relations to Matt, besides Dean, but that was just a hit and run.

They begin to walk towards them, looking intimidating as fuck, having a cocky little smirk plastered on their faces, and no doubt about it, Calum looks hot. Are they gonna just bring the guns out and shoot them, or at least negotiate about whatever they are here for?

Matt’s little puppies all begin to turn round, one by one, looking a little worried. Michael begins to talk to them, by the looks of it, in a calm way, but you could be wrong. They seem to reply with a mirrored smirk.

Damn all these gangmembers and their smirks, they seem to think they can do anything with that cocky persona.

As time goes on, they all seem to get worked up, which can’t ever be good, although angry Calum is such a turn on.

“Why the fuck do you want her?” You hear either Calum or Ashton yell, in so much rage.

All of a sudden the boys look at each other with a nod, then they all in sync punch four of them in th face. If this carries on - which is a very high chance - it’s gonna be a 6 against four. Matt’s organization is more into guns than muscle power. Sure, they can throw some good punches, but they’d rather use their guns, that explains how they got so far up the chain so fast. At first they used to think with their fists, now they just think with weapons. In this business, it’s kinda acceptable, but it’s frowned upon and classed as cheating in a way. It’s got them far so it clearly works.

Michael and Luke punch the two others, whilst Calum and Ashton deal with the four who have already been punched. You see one of them press a button of some sort, and you take a wild guess and say they’re calling for back up.

Ashton pulls out his gun and shoot the guy in the head, and get goes down like a sack of potatoes, in a sick twisted way, you find it funny. Nothing can really be sick and twisted in this business, everyone is always killing eachother in some of the most gruesome ways or without any heart. If you did have a heart, you wouldn’t get anywhere, just crying in your bedroom about what you saw.

Luke punches a guy in the jaw and knocks him out, and he joins his friend on the wet ground, that is collecting more and more puddles. It’s not coming down so hard that you’re gonna get drenched, but it’s not just spitting by any means.

Michael grabs this guy’s head and smashes his face against their car, guaranteed to of broken his nose and lost a couple teeth. He does this a couple more times and then throws him to the wet concrete.

Just as Calum shoots two guys in the head with one bullet, around 10 more show up in a two cars.

Luke quickly shoots the sixth guy in the chest and he crawls off towards the pavement and takes shelter, whilst clutching his chest, in pure agony.

You see them all mutter a curse of some sort and talk with each other. They take in a deep breath and begin to approach the deadly people. Matt’s crew immediately start firing, causing Michael to duck. This makes him mad and he begins shooting back, missing most of them all but he hits one of them, but he doesn’t go down, just clutches his wound, which will no doubt scar if he makes it out alive. Michael reloads and is ready to go again.

All of a sudden there’s a fuck ton of gun shots and they scramble to get some cover behind a car. Gun shots fill your ears, but you’re way too used to them for the sound to affect you.

The boys resurface a minute or two later and are more confident than ever. They pull their triggers, keeping their distance, and anger flooding their system. Luke runs over to one of the duffel bags and picks up two assault rifles, then runs back and passes the other one to Michael, they start spraying at them, a couple going down, some getting injured, and some being missed all together.

Somone must have called for even more back up, because around fifteen more people arrive and you are convinced you’re gonna lose somone special to you.
How is this gonna be a fair fight?

20 vs 4

Worry is plastered on your face, along with a load of other emotions going through your body. Fear of losing your bestfriends and soulmate, angry at the people they’re going up against, and guilt because you caused this.

Suddenly you see around six to eight men come from behind them. You’d been so caught up in watching what was going on in front of them, that you forgot to check behind them.

They begin to check their guns and begin to aim.

“CALUM!” You shout and run out of the ally way, tackling Calum to the ground.

“What the f-,”

“Shut the fuck up” You spit.

Getting up, you pull your gun out of your leather jacket, you begin to fire at them. Walking closer to them, pulling the trigger at one of dudes who is clad in black, he goes down with a bullet to the chest. They begin to fire at you, and you go to pull the trigger, but only to find that the mag is empty. “Fuck.” You hiss and run towards one of the cars to take cover, whilst you reload, the people still shooting at you through the car.

Ejecting the magazine and throwing it down the street in frustration, shoving a new one in and smacking it against your palm to make sure it’s in properly. “Here, so you don’t get caught off guard.” A voice makes its way into your ears and you look up to see Luke crouching in front of you holding out a gun.

“Uh, thanks.” You nod and stand up, taking the gun from his grip, and putting it into your jeans. “Watch out.” You warn and rest your hands on top of the car, beginning to shoot at them, which catches them all off guard. You shoot one guy in the stomach and he falls to the ground, letting out a scream in pain.

By now, Luke’s long gone, he’s off shooting the people in front, which you should be joining in on after you kill the final two guys. Coming out of cover from the car, you fire until there’s one man standing.

He pulls the trigger, and the bullet goes into the right side of your stomach. “Shit.” You mutter in pain. This makes you see red and the guy that shot you just so happens to be in the middle of it. Charging right at him and punching him in the face, until his nose starts to bleed. He uses his now useless gun to hit your forehead, that will no doubt bleed.

You take your knife out and stab him with so much force under his chin, and you wouldn’t be surprised if it went into his mouth. His eyes widen and he claws at his neck, making all these spluttering sounds. Yanking your knife out and pushing him to the ground before stabbing him in the chest.

After successfully taking down 7 men, you have to deal with yourself. Luckily you’re wearing a black shirt so you can’t really see it. Patting the sensitive area, your hand comes back red, and the pain is nearly unbearable, but you have to get on before you can seek medical attension of some sort.

Walking over to the boys, every step is excruciating pain, but there’s no way you can show that, you’ll be a target otherwise.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Calum hisses when you stand next to him.

“Now’s the right fucking time, Calum.” You glare at him and just start randomly firing.

He shakes his head and goes back to shooting. “There’s a load of guns in a bag over there.” Ashton informs you.

“I know.”

You and Michael begin to take on 3 people, two shots going off at two different people. Michael shoots behind you and you quickly turn around to see the third guy crash down. Giving Michael an appreciated squeeze on the shoulder you move on to different people.

After 20 minutes, the opposing gang have called for back up three times, a lot of them have died, no ones quite sure how many people are left, but there’s around 10 men standing, that could be all that’s left of the whole gang, or there’s a still a couple hundred people left. Judging by the amount of people you’ve all killed, there can’t be anymore people left. You killed Christian and you actually laughed when you shot him, which made all the boys look at you weirdly. You’ve seen Matt in one of the cars a few times, and he stares right back at you with the same hollow, dark eyes, which makes you shudder.

You’ve felt a little light headed and whoosy every now and then, but it passes after 30 seconds or so. You know it’s not very wise to be doing this whilst having a bullet wound in your stomach, but it’s not an option right now to just leave.

Matt all of a sudden gets out of the car and orders his minions to stop and they all look dumbfounded.

“Guys, stop.” You warn.

“What the hell (Y/N)?” Michael questions.

“Just follow my lead, I’ll explain this all to you when this is over.” You sigh and begin to slowly walk towards them.

“Are you sure this is wise?” Calum asks.

“Maybe, maybe not. When I run my hand through my hair, shoot all the other people, but leave Matt to me.” You explain.

They all nod and look at each other in fear.

“Ah, (Y/N)! Long time no see.” He greets with his arms out.

“Matt, so lovely to see you again.” You smirk and give each other a hug.

“You’ve got some talented boys on your side.” Matt says.

“Yeah, but they’re not important right now. What do you want?” You ask.

“I think you know what I want.” He replies.

“I think the fuck not.” You spit.

“You do.”

“Look, it happened years ago, let it go. I don’t regret it.”

“Well you should regret it, because you have no idea what could happen.” He whispers in your ear.

“You’re just bored and wanted to stir the rivalries up, and you’re jealous because we’re dominating the market.” You hiss.

“Well, that, and you killed my brother, my most important and talented man, oh and my son.” He says and caresses your jaw. Matt mainly said that to the boys, but he was facing you.

“They fucking deserved it.” You push his hands away harshly, which makes him chuckle.

“They did nothing to you.” He states.

“They did nothing to me? I had to kill your brother because he stabbed me and would’ve done a lot worse. I also had to kill Dean because he would’ve killed these guys, and it was part of my revenge because he was in with your brother. I killed your son for the sole reason that he was your son.” You inform. “So yeah, one of them wasn’t called for, by he only would’ve turned out to be a cocky, drug addict, hiding behind people because he can’t fight his own battles, like you.”

“You stole a load of my money and sold a lot of my drugs.” He adds.

“Well I did it better than you could ever. You cheated your way to the top, used your weapons, and you don’t even do anything, you just hide behind your minions because you’re a coward.” You accuse. “What do you even want from us?”

“I want you and only you.” He answers.

“Matt, this isn’t a romantic movie.” You tell him.

“I want you to join my gang.” He proposes.

“Why would I want to join a gang that barely has anyone in it anymore?” You furrow your eyebrows.

“With you, we can build up again and make a better, stronger gang than before.” He attempts to lure you in.

“If you could tell me you’re the best gangmember in this business, we would be nothing without you in our gang, please, I’m begging for you to join, I’ll think.” You ask him to feed your ego.

“Okay, you’re the best gangmember in this business, we would be nothing without you in our gang, please, I’m begging for you to join.” He repeats your words.

“I can see you clearly have nothing to offer me, you thought you could just easily take down our gang, for somthing that happened years ago, they all fucking deserved it.”

You run your hand through your hair and say: “Go get 'em boys.”

They all smirk and begin to aim at the people that are left alive, they’re only left behind because they’re cowards like Matt, so they hid behind the more talented. It’s kind of a shame that all those people died because some were really talented.
“What are you gonna do now that all your cover is gone?” You ask in a slight baby voice.

“This.” He says and is about to pounce on you but a gun shot is fired. Looking to your right you see Calum breathing heavily, his gun still aimed at Matt, and fire burning in his eyes.

“Not even in your fucking dreams.” Calum says.

You pull the slide back and press the gun to his head. Calum shot him in the shoulder, you’re not sure if that was his plan or if he meant to kill him. If Calum wanted to kill him, he would’ve easily struck success, so you conclude that, that was his plan.

“Any last words?” You ask with a raised eyebrow.

“Fuck you all, you’ll pay for this!” He spits.

“But you’re dead.” You state.

“S-,” you shoot him right in the centre of his forehead.

“I guess we’ll never know.” You shrug, watch his body slide down the side of a car and to the left.

Sliding your gun back into your jacket, and looking at all the carnage you’ve all made. Bodies everywhere, blood everywhere, abandoned guns everywhere, and bullet holes everywhere.

“Shit.” You mutter and lean onto the bonnet of the car, clutching your stomach.

“Woah, babe, you alright?” Calum asks, rushing towards you.

You remove your hand and wince at the amount of blood, on your hand. Looking up at Calum, his eyes widen and instantly holds the small of your back.

“You got shot?” He asks for confirmation.

“No, I did it myself.” You snap.

“When did this happen?” He questions.

“When I shot the people behind you guys.” You say, although it comes out quietly because it’s so hard to talk through the pain. “Shit.” You whine and you feel yourself begin to fall.

Luckily Calum catch you easily because he had his hand on your back in the first place. He gently lays you down, him sitting down as well, and he rests your head on his lap.

“Somone get a clean rag or something.” Calum orders. “Stay with me, baby.” He cups your jaw.

Calum pulls your old band shirt up, revealing the wound and the three all cringe. “Here.” Ashton comes back, a t shirt that he’d taken off some dead body.

“It’s okay.” He soothes and runs his slender finger through your hair, whilst he gingerly presses the fabric to your stomach, putting direct pressure on the wound.

“Cal.” You whine and cover your eyes with your hand.

“It’s gonna be okay, honey.” He assures.

“Calum,” you moan, “I prefer saying that in bed.”

“Me too.” Calum agrees.

“Guys! This is no time to be doing this right now.” Ashton exclaims.

“We need to get her to the hospital, Cal, she can’t carry on like this.” Michael tells Calum.

“We need to get into a car or somthing, there’s no way we can get to a hospital fast enough.” Luke says.

“Ashton, go steal a car.” Calum tells him and goes back to playing with your hair in a soothing manner.

“I’m fine.” You groan.

“You’re clearly not fine, (Y/N).” He declares.

“I’ll be… fine.” You breathlessly say and attempt to get up.

“No, let me take you to a hospital to get professional medical help.” Calum pushes you back down.

“I’m okay,” you sigh and you attempt to get up again but it hurts too much. “Okay, I’m not okay.” You admit.

“Finally.”

“I’m about to shoot somone if you don’t stop babying me.” You claim.

“I know you hate this, but that isn’t an option right now, just work with me.” Calum sighs.

“Okay, I got a car going but it’s gonna be a little cramped.” Ashton tells everyone.

“This might hurt.” Calum says.

“At least you are telling me somthing, this time.” You mutter and Calum gives you a deadpan look.

He shakes his head and begins to lift you up, bridal style. “Does it hurt?” He asks.

“No more than it did 10 seconds ago.” You roll your eyes.

You’re all in the car, Ashton’s driving, Luke’s in the passenger seat, Michael is on the left side of three seats in the back, Calum is on the right, and you are laying on them, your head on Calum’s lap and your feet on Michael’s lap.

“You’ve got blood in your belly button.” Michael breaks the silence.

“Thank you?” You trail off. “At least you’re all being honest now.”

***

You’ve been in the hospital for a while now, you had to have surgery to take the bullet out, treat the wound, and stitch it up. Ashton, Luke, Michael, and Calum have all been by your side through it all, which you are kinda greatful for.

You’ve been shot a few times before, nothing as major as this, just in the leg or shoulder. You’re healing up really well, should be back on your feet in a couple days.

Calum has been sitting in the same chair the whole time and holding your hand. Luke has been talking to Marcus and updating him on what has happened. Ashton wonders around the hospital, going from hallway to hallway, he’s often been sent back by nurses. Michael is having a case of cabinfever, he reliefs that by driving around, picking up some food, anything better than this cardboard shit. You on the other hand, have been confined to this damn bed for three days, having things attached to you, dealing with nurses that constantly flirt with all the boys, and being bored out of your brain.

You’ve been building a plan, with all of this time on your hands, you may as well think of a plan to break out of here… and it should begin very soon.

“Can you get me some ice cream?” You ask Calum and grab his hand.

“Sure.” He laughs. “Are you gonna be okay on your own?” He questions and runs his hand through your hair.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. How long will you be?” You question, playing with the band the hospital gave you.

“30 to 45 minutes.” He shrug.

“Okay, bye then.” You say.

Calum gives you a quick kiss before they all wave goodbye to you and walk out your room.

They’ve all gone back to the hotel, to freshen up, pack all their things up, and then they’re gonna go get some food.

You wait five minutes, just in case they forgot their wallet or somthing, before taking the IV drip out of your arm. Throwing the covers off of your body, then sitting up, ignoring the pain in your stomach and arm. Taking some clothes out of the bag you sent Ashton and Luke to get from your hotel room, which by the way, made the whole room go silent when you said where it was.

You can tell they’ve been itching to ask you all these questions, but they haven’t had the balls to ask yet.

After doing everything you needed to do, you leave your room, trying to act as natural as possible. With this job, you’ve learnt how to blend in, which can be a very useful skill to have.

Keeping your head down, until you get all the way to the car park.

“Hey, can I borrow your car for like 10 minutes, I’ll bring it back as soon as possible. I need to check on my grandma.” I beg a middle aged man.

“Uh, sure, you’ll bring it back right?” He asks.

“Yeah, of course. Here I’ll pay you.” You pull some money out of your pocket.

“Well, here are the keys.” He laughs.

“Thank you so much.” You smile and take the keys from him, before getting into the car and putting your bag down on the floor of the passanger side.

There’s no way this guy is getting his car back.

Speeding off and leaving this toy town, making your way back to your house that you share with Calum.

After getting lost multiple times, stopping once at a shop to pick up some stuff for the trip and dinner tonight, and stopping at a petrol station, you finally get home.

Parking the car on the driveway, slamming your door shut, going over to the other side to get your bags out, pushing that door closed with your foot, before walking towards the front door.

Inserting your keys into the lock, turning let and walking in, being greeted by the familiar sense of comfort. You notice the bodies have gone and you make a mental note to thank Jeff.

Quickly looking round the house for anything suspicious, because you don’t want a replay of what happened again. Finding nothing different or out of place from when you wear last here. With that safe feeling, you head down the stairs and into the kitchen, so you can make dinner.

Contemplating if any of them are smart enough to figure out your game soon enough that they’ll be home in the next few hours. There’s a possibility, so you go ahead and make enough to go round five times. The boys don’t usually come round for dinner that often, maybe once every couple of months, but if they do work out where you are, they’ll all come round, because they’re that predictable.

***

You’ve eaten, showered properly for the first time first in a while, and now you’re chilling in the living room, you’ve got some random tv show playing, a gun in your hand that you’re just playing with, the safety is on so you’re fine.

It’s really late - or early, depends how you look at it - 2 am to be exact, but you’re not tired in the slightest, wide awake even.

Suddenly you hear a car pull up, then the door agressivly slamming, and finally the little jingle of keys. “Hey.” You smirk, not even taking your eyes off the screen.

“You run off without telling anyone and all I get is a hey?” Calum exclaims and you finally look at him, he seems absoloutly fuming. The others seem a little ticked off, but they know what can come out of a situation like this. All hell could break loose when both of you are riled up, and they honestly get a little terrified. It’s not always wise to leave you two alone when you’re in this state.

“All I get is a note,” you stroke your imaginary beard, “sound familiar to you?” You muse.

“This is different, (Y/N).” He shakes his head.

“How? You left me alone without any clues or material to work with. If you had more than one brain cell, you would be able to figure out where I was.” You tell him.

“I thought you’d been taken hostage or somthing.” He claims.

“As if.” You mutter. “What were you even doing with Matt? That’s none of your business.” You spit.

“I believe it is my business when he tried to kidnap you.” He states.

“Nothing I couldn’t handle. Where were you when I had to fight off two guys, in our house?” You question. “You went in knowing nothing! I had to give you a message telling you where their fucking base was!”

“That was you?” Calum furrows his eyebrows.

“You’re a fucking idiot.” You groan and get up, making your way into the kitchen, and they all follow you. “I was the one who beat up that guy, I had to warn you fuckers some way, or you would of blundered in and got shot faster than you last in bed.”

“Shit, that’s fast.” Michael and Luke snicker.

“We all know Calum doesn’t last long in bed.” Ashton says and they all high five each other, besides Calum of course.

Calum and you both glare at them, which shuts them up immediately.

“I was even in the fucking booth next to you.” You confess.

“You shouldn’t of even been there in the first place.” Calum raises his voice.

“Well if I hadn’t, you’d all be dead.” You tell them bluntly.

“Wow, (Y/N)’s ego is here.” Calum announces.

“I fucking saved your ass, you would’ve been shot from behind, you can’t tell me I didn’t.” You reply.

“I’ll give you that, but I’d rather I get shot or one of them than you. What exactly went down between you two?”

“It was one of my first major missions to complete, Marcus sent me to steal a load of drugs from them, that was when he was a complete dick to everyone. Obviously, I got caught, ended up fighting with his brother, that scar on my leg is from when he stabbed me. I killed his most powerful member, Dean, for a couple reasons, firstly so he didn’t kill you guys, and so I could get revenge on Matt. I know it’s such a fucked up thing to do, but he only would’ve turned out life his father, a complete asshole. Anyway, he was older than me.” You explain.

Calum just shakes his head with a humourless laugh, walking up and down the room.

“Guys, go to the headquarters, I’ll meet you there.” Calum sighs.

“How long will you be?” Michael asks.

“I don’t know, probably not long.” He shrugs.

“Okay, let’s go.” You smirk and begin to walk towards the door.

“Not you.” He spits and pulls you back by your shoulders.

You both wait until they leave the house, and once the door closes it’s complete silence.

“What is your fucking problem?” Calum speaks up.

“My fucking problem? You actually have to ask?” You glare at him. “We made a promise to tell each other what we have to do. I may not tell you everything, but I still tell you roughly. You could’ve told me, gave me a quick text or phonecall on what you were doing and I would’ve left you alone, or at least gave you somthing to work with. But you broke that, and I’m not sure if I can forgive you for that.” You confess and lean against the wall.

“I know and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, you only would’ve worried about me/us. I wanted to, I really did, but it wouldn’t of been a good idea. I’m sorry, I messed up, and it ended in you getting shot, and I never like seeing you hurt. I indirectly shot you and I can never forgive myself for it!” He tells you.

“Give me a solid reason why you couldn’t tell me.”

“I was only trying to protect you!” He shouts.

“I can protect myself without you!” You shout back.

“So you’re saying you don’t need me?” He questions walking slowly towards you.

You swallow the lump in your throat and nod. “Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying.” You confirm.

“Are you sure about that?” He questions as he is one step away from you.

“Yes, and what are you gonna do about it?” You raise an eyebrow.

Calum presses himself up against you, placing his hands on your hips, and leans down to your ear.

“If you didn’t have me, then there’d be no one to satisfy you like I do, or as well as I do.” He says into your ear, moving down to your neck, feeling his warm breath, almost making you shiver.

“Are you sure about that?” You ask.

“Do you need me to demonstrate for you, babygirl?” He teasingly hovers his lips over your neck.

“I’m already picturing somonelse satisfying me, much better than you could ever dream of.” You smirk.

“I think you really need to be reminded of what I can do, babe.” He whispers and grinds his crouch against yours, finally connecting his lips to a part of your body.
He sucks on your neck, emmitting a tiny whimper from you.

Calum intertwines his fingers with yours and holds them above your head. This isn’t just part of his act, but an unsaid promise which speaks louder than words ever could.

Calum sucks on a sensitive spot, making you let out a small moan in pleasure, and that let’s him know he’s got you.

“Top or bottom?”

“I don’t have a bunk bed.”

Mafia Themed Sentences

{ trigger warnings: violence, noncon/dubcon implications } 
originally from memeroundups but the post has been deleted so we’re reposting it.

  • “You’d do well to pay. It’s in your best interest.“
  • “We have ways of making you talk.”
  • “The moment you came to us, we owned you.”
  • “I’m not guarding the boss’s kid to play babysitter. Sit and behave.”
  • “You run your mouth again and see what happens.”
  • “I don’t care how tired you are, you don’t turn down clients until I say you can.”
  • “Didn’t think I’d catch you, eh? Run away again, and I’ll break your legs.”
  • “That was your first kill, you should feel proud. Hey… you don’t look so good…”
  • “I don’t know what kind of ideas you’re getting but remember this… without me, you’re nothing.”
  • “The world will eat you if you let it. That’s why it’s everyone for themselves. But here, you’ve got loyalty.”
  • “Don’t be ungrateful… on your own with this kind of city, you’d be laying face down on a ditch if he/she hadn’t found you.”
  • “You used to be such a good kid… glad I was able to break that out of you.”
  • “I think there’s a mole in our operations… and you don’t exactly seem innocent to me.”
  • “There’s no out. Even if you tried to kill yourself, we’ll just lock you up.”
  • “Consider this a ‘gentle’ reminder of respect when speaking to me.”
  • “Don’t worry, you’ll start to enjoy it soon enough.”
  • “You might be a ruthless brute, but you’re ‘my’ ruthless brute.”
  • “Kill him/her.”
  • “They don’t wanna pay? Burn their house down.”
  • “Don’t you know? You’re the gang’s ‘pet’.”
  • “I think they’ve earned their lesson, you can stop hitting him/her now.”
  • “Do you honestly intend to get this far without getting your hands dirty?”
  • “He’s/she’s squirming around too much, drug them.”
  • “Far as you know, I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”
  • “I’m sick of this, I want out.”
  • “N-no… I… I didn’t want to kill him.”
  • “I’m through with being your fucking lap dog.”
  • “People wanna kill me in my sleep…”
  • “I’m tired of being numb and desensitized. I’m tired of killing before I eat a goddamn breakfast like nothing happened. I’m tired of this life.”
  • “If anything happens, I’ll take the blame. And don’t you dare to try to put it all on you this time, don’t even fucking think about it.”
  • “I don’t care if my demands are silly, if you don’t do them, then your boss won’t be pleased if I suddenly got ‘injured’ under your watch.
  • “Do you even know what you started? The riot and upcoming gang war will be beyond what your fucking punk ass can handle!”
  • “How about we make a deal?”
  • “Oh don’t worry, I won’t make a move anytime soon, but I’ll be watching you.”
  • “Are you willing to take a bullet for me?”
  • “I don’t know if I’m willing to forgive you just yet. Maybe if I throw another punch…”
  • “I’m a person, and not someone for you to order around.”
  • “You think you’re hot shit, but I’m the one who does your dirty work.”
  • “You honestly believed I would never turn against you?”
  • “M-my leg… it’s shot, I can’t walk…”
  • “I ran away, but they’ll be looking for me I know it.”
  • “You don’t need to get involved. Just walk away.”
  • “Who said not to mix business with pleasure? Let’s talk this over with a date…”
  • “If they find out I’m sleeping with you, they’ll kill me.”
  • “Don’t worry, I heard human trafficking isn’t so bad. At least they’re not harvesting your organs.”
  • “Please, let me go. I won’t do it again, please.”
  • “It was simply a mistake on my part, it won’t happen again. I promise.”
  • “No no, I’m not interested in your friends. I want you. Give yourself over, and they’ll be safe.”
  • “You can sell me, but I’ll fight it with every fiber of my being.”
  • “Hey hey, are you passing out? Come on, tell me names and I’ll stop the beatings.”
  • “I trusted you. You were the only one I trusted, and for what? So you can stab my back?”
  • “I can’t believe what you’re doing! Untie me, now. Do you have any idea what deep shit you’re in?!”
  • “Just do what you’re told, like you always do.”
  • “I know you’ve been tailing me.”
  • “Care to explain why you were attempting to kidnap me?”
  • “You know, you’re always such a fucking thorn on my side. But laying on the ground, beaten and helpless, you ain’t lookin’ half bad…”
  • “Alright, you just quietly sit there on that chair lookin’ pretty. I’ll go collect your ransom.”
  • “Did you just hit me, you fucking piece of-”
  • “We can run away together.”
  • “Come on, let me help you!”
  • “Then you’ll be going to the highest bidder. Grand, eh? Ready for the auction?”
  • “I don’t care what kind of best you have, you’re okay in my book.”
  • “Shit, they weren’t supposed to die. Alright, we gotta cover this up. Grab that body.”
  • “Can’t you ever follow orders?”
Fall Out Boy sentence meme

Save Rock and Roll ft American Beauty/American Psycho, Centuries, Kids Aren’t Alright and Immortals edition

  • “Put on your war paint”
  • “You are a brick tied to me that’s dragging me down”
  • “I’ll burn you to the ground”
  • “We can take the world back”
  • “Doesn’t it feel like our time is running out?”
  • “No, I think it looked a little better on me”
  • “You broke our spirit”
  • “The war is won”
  • “Can’t be sure when they’ve hit their mark”
  • “I’m just dreaming of tearing you apart”
  • “I’m in the details with the devil”
  • “The world can never get me on my level”
  • “I’m a young lover’s rage”
  • “I’ve got the scars from tomorrow”
  • “You’re the antidote to everything except for me”
  • “My childhood spat back out the monster that you see”
  • “I don’t know where you’re going but do you got room for one more troubled soul?”
  • “I don’t know where I’m going but I don’t think I’m coming home”
  • “I’ll check in tomorrow if I don’t wake up dead”
  • “Let’s be alone together”
  • “We could stay young forever”
  • “You cut me off”
  • “It’s not my fault, I’m a maniac”
  • “Do you wanna feel beautiful?”
  • “My heart is like a stallion”
  • “This is the road to ruin”
  • “I’m here to collect your hearts”
  • “I don’t believe a word you say but I can’t stop listening”
  • “My old friends become exes again”
  • “Where did the party go?”
  • “I know I expect too much”
  • “You know I only wanted fun then you got me all fucked up on love”
  • “You and me are the difference between real love and the love on TV”
  • “My old aches become new again”
  • “So let’s fade away together one dream at a time”
  • “See how dirty I can get them”
  • “Anything you say can and will be held against you, so only say my name”
  • “It will be held against you”
  • “I’d trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday”
  • “I know I’m bad news”
  • “I saved it all for you”
  • “I want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way”
  • “Letting people down is my thing”
  • “This town ain’t big enough for two of us”
  • “I don’t have the right name”
  • “I have twice the heart”
  • “I’m here to give you all my love”
  • “Did you get dressed up?”
  • “I can’t stop it when there’s chemicals keeping us together”
  • “How the mighty fall”
  • “How the mighty fall in love”
  • “Your crooked love is just a pyramid scheme”
  • “I’m dizzy on dreams”
  • “If you ask me two’s a whole lot lonelier than one”
  • “We should have left our love in the gutter where we found it”
  • “You think your only crime is that you got caught”
  • “It’s getting clear”
  • “You’re never coming clean”
  • “I’ll lock you up inside and swallow the key”
  • “I know you said not to call unless I’m dying”
  • “I just hope that when you see me I’m not see-through”
  • “I’m either fuckin’ or workin”
  • “I’m a dick, girl/boy/baby, addicted to you”
  • “I know I’m the one you want to forget”
  • “Cue all the love to leave my heart”
  • “It’s time for me to fall apart”
  • “Now you’re gone but I’ll be okay”
  • “Maybe I’ll burn a little brighter tonight”
  • “I miss missing you now and then”
  • “Sometimes before it gets better the darkness gets bigger”
  • “The person that you’d take a bullet for is behind the trigger”
  • “We’re fading fast”
  • “Give me your filth”
  • “Make it rough”
  • “Let me let me trash your love”
  • “I am the best you’ll never have”
  • “I wanna see your animal side”
  • “I need your broken promises”
  • “I want the guts and glory”
  • “Don’t take love off the table yet”
  • “We are alive”
  • “Oh there you go; undress to impress”
  • “You can wear the crown but you’re no princess”
  • “Let’s get you wasted and alone”
  • “We’re gonna die”
  • “It’s just a matter of time”
  • “I’m either gone in an instant or here ‘til the bitter end”
  • “What I’ve got will make you feel more alive”
  • “I’ll be your favorite drug”
  • “We’re the beginning of the end”
  • “It’s all over now before it has begun”
  • “We are wild”
  • “Do you wanna feel a little beautiful baby?”
  • “Come on make it easy, say I never mattered”
  • “Are you ready for another bad poem?”
  • “Remember me as I was not as I am”
  • “If my heart is a grenade”
  • “We’re all fighting growing old”
  • “You need to lower your standards”
  • “I’m the lonelier version of you”
  • “I just don’t know where it went wrong”
  • “She’s/he’s/they’re sick and she’s/he’s/they’re wrong”
  • “I’ve seen bigger”
  • “I’ve lived better”
  • “Run for your life”
  • “Until your breathing stops”
  • “I need more dreams”
  • “I cried tears you’ll never see”
  • “So fuck you, you can go cry me an ocean and leave me be”
  • “You are what you love, not who loves you”
  • “Wherever I go trouble seems to follow”
  • “Whoa, how’d it get to be only me?”
  • “Cause we don’t know when to quit”
  • “She’s/he’s/they’re an American beauty, I’m an American psycho”
  • “I think I fell in love again”
  • “Maybe I just took too much cough medicine”
  • “I’m the best worst thing that hasn’t happened to you yet”
  • “We’re the things that love destroys”
  • “You will remember me”
  • “Remember me for centuries”
  • “We’ll go down in history”
  • “No, it’s nothing wrong with me”
  • “The story’s all off”
  • “Come on and let me in”
  • “I never meant for you to fix yourself”
  • “I can’t stop ‘til the whole world knows my name”
  • “I am the opposite of amnesia”
  • “You look so pretty, but you’re gone so soon”
  • “We’ve been here forever”
  • “I could scream forever”
  • “We are the poisoned youth”
  • “Maybe I bit off more than I could chew”
  • “I’d do it all again”
  • “I think you’re my best friend”
  • “I’ll be yours”
  • “I’m not passive but aggressive”
  • “It’s not impressive
  • "I still feel that rush in my veins”
  • “They say we are what we are, but we don’t have to be”
  • “I’m bad behavior but I do it in the best way”
  • “I try to picture me without you but I can’t”
  • “We could be immortals”
  • “I’m still comparing your past to my future”
  • “Live with me forever now”