i wanna get drunk with you

@jinlian also WE know victor’s reaction to it, but yuuri doesn’t? he’s not just gonna do that for funsies and victor isn’t gonna push him into it

one of my least favorite things is when Victor tries to pressure Yuuri to get drunk. ugh. 

I mean “Yuuri do you wanna have a drink?” is one thing but it’s so often… “I wanna see Yuuri go wild again.” Gross and OOC. 

But I always thought it probably really bothers Yuuri to blackout and not remember things, especially because I think it really scares Yuuri to not feel in control of himself, and it would especially bother him to not remember a potentially enjoyable evening with Victor. Humiliation aside, I feel like Yuuri would look at those pictures of him dancing with Victor and hurt a little because… they look so happy and he doesn’t remember that, and I can’t see Yuuri wanting that to happen again?? Those are his first happy, joyous moments with Victor, and he doesn’t even remember them. Ouch. 

10

Favorite moments from Drunk History with Impractical Jokers Q and Sal.

Closet Softie

Or, How Bucky Barnes Nearly Ruined His Tough-Guy Rep

(On AO3)


The trail mix was gone. 

The nice, expensive trail mix, with twelve kinds of nuts and the big sunflower seeds and dried fruits, the kind Tony only rarely left sitting on the common floors for everyone to get at, was gone. 

Clint had been looking forward to that stuff all morning

All the way through a hellish morning “jog” with Steve, all through Nat handing him his ass on the training mats, all through firing the same batch of misweighted arrows over and over so Tony could take scans and fix the design, he’d been thinking, when this is done I get to go upstairs and hang out on the couch and watch Dog Cops and eat the good trail mix, guilt-free. 

And it was gone.

Clint was gonna shoot somebody.

Just as soon as he figured out who’d taken the trail mix.


kingofmemes posted:

yesterday i saw a sad duck in the park who kept getting picked on by the other ducks so today i brought some trail mix and we had a nice lunch together. also i think he might be the duck who pooped on sam last week. if so, he is officially my new best friend. 

Posted at 3:29 PM, 24379 notes

(Read More Below)


Keep reading

Mock up the courage

Bucky x reader

Notes: fluff, just pure fluff. 

A/N: Bucky is tired and needy and just wants to cuddle. (who. fuckin’. wouldn’t?!)

Originally posted by sebastianobrien

If there was ever something more adorable than Bucky being tired or in any way not feeling well, you’d never seen it. Now, the serum made sure he was never not feeling well, but it didn’t help exhaustion after a week long mission with only 2 hours of sleep a day.

This is why he came stumbling into your floor, somehow overriding every security protocol with his left over spy-skills, calling out your name at two in the morning.

Actually, it was more like a drawn out whine.

Keep reading

Types of Drunks
  • *Check Jupiter, or 11th House
  • Aries: The Frat Boy-Type. Kinda always trying to bone someone before the end of the night. Pounded like, 20 beers. Probably wakes up with someone they thought was hotter/prettier when drunk.
  • Taurus: Ditzy-Drunk Type. Girl who constantly compliments you and leans on your boyfriends shoulder and basically flirt w/ everyone and asks shit like "What's Aleppo?"
  • Gemini: Toilet-Hugger. You don't *usually* get drunk, but tonight you did. At first you were socializing, and somehow, you ended up hunched over the toilet puking. You havent left. Your bestfriend almost puked in your hair. One time, she did.
  • Cancer: Expresso Depresso. "No, I don't always drink when I'm sad." You kinda just came to the party to "escape". You don't want to be here, and in every movie EVER, you find some goth bitch to complain about existence with. That, or you're in a bar wanting to die cause your wife left you. Your choice, i guess.
  • Leo: Game Maker. You're the asshole who suggests 7 Minutes in Heaven, Truth or Dare, and other shitty games at middle school parties where someone found some Mike's Hard Lemonade. You still get drunk off of the shit, too. Somehow.
  • Virgo: Socialite. You don't really get drunk. You just get buzzed, and go home. You talk to everyone and anyone, and get as many numbers as possible. You're quite the hook up when it comes to some drugs at a party, though.
  • Libra: Hoe. You're the girl who compliments everyone and smiles at everything. You also basically wanna suck someone's dick before the night ends. Who's? Idk.
  • Scorpio: Dirty Dancer. Someone complained about there "being too many clothed people" at the party. So, you took your clothes off, threw them at the person, and began dancing. Truly a Titty Hero.
  • Sagittarius: Drunk "Driver". You're the guy who suggests they go on an adventure, or brought tons of booze to do some really illegal shit. As a kid, you literally drank just because "if we're doing something illegal, may as well do two!!"
  • Capricorn: Bartender. Nobody really appointed you bartender. Nobody really asked, either. But, nobody is complaining. You make the best booze, and the more YOU drink, the funnier, quicker, and cuter the drinks are made. By the end of the night, the drink counter looks a bit like a Scorpio's room -- clothes all over the floor in order to mop some mysterious liquid up.
  • Aquarius: Royal Rebel. Drink the keg. Bring the big ass case of booze. Make some kid puke. And then do it again. Dare devil galore, and kind of an asshole about it. That, or stays in the corner like they may make the party into a murder scene. One or the other.
  • Pisces: Just like Taurus, but also drinks twice her weight and probably asks "Where's the weeeeeeEEEeeedd???" 20 times.
Random dialogue prompts

1. “Well, not everyday your uncle’s boyfriend comes back from the dead so excuse me for acting surprised”
2. “Are you seriously throwing forks at me?”
3. “I’m here, I’m queer and I’m ready to kinkshame your ass ‘til you can’t walk”
4. “Do you ever chill?”
“Not really, no”
5. “And now we all know why (s)he doesn’t get drunk”
6. “I never loved you, just the idea of you”
7. “I can die and my reaction would be meh”
8. “Do you like my IPhone 7?” *shows a very old Nokia phone*
“Why?”
“My IPhone 8 is broken”
9. “You shouldn’t trust me planning weddings”
10. “Guess who broke their nose? I broke my nose!”
11. “I’m kind of broke so sorry if I couldn’t afford your fancy medication”
12. “I’m starting a revolution, any of you wanna come?”
13. “Never let them die, they’re the soap opera of my life”
14. “I will come back from the dead most so you can pay me those 30€, got it Clarice?”
15. “Have you lost your mind?”
“Yes, kinda”
16. “I knew it! You wouldn’t ever like the way I am! You are just like the others, trying so hard to make the perfect daughter you never had!”
17. “Are you sure you wanna be friends with a back stabbing bitch like me?”
18. “I’m never touching that tie again”
“You just set it on fire, of course you won’t”
19. “Today’s lesson is that your morals are so low that I’m not even trying to stop you anymore”
20. “Educate yourselves, you sexist sons of bitches!”
21. “My logic is plain weird, don’t ask”
22. “Does every evil genius have a secret fridge full of Nutella?”
23. “What’s happening?”
“All I know is that my phone is dead and those weirdos we’re saying something about a queen but that’s not important”
24. “There’s no way in hell you’re going to do that”
“Why not?”
25. “Could you stop, Idk, murdering people for fun?”
“Did you just used idk in a verbal conversation?”
26. “I’m pretty sure you won’t get tumblr popular if youjust lay chill”
27. “So actual methods didnt work… time to be problematic!”
28. “There’s an angel blade stuck in my ass and that’s what you’re thinking about?”
29. “I wouldn’t say that”
“I would”
30. “Did you heard the news?”
“MCR is coming back?”
“No”
“Then I don’t care, go fuck yourself”

Finals Week Prompts

a1. “you’re sitting alone at the last available table in this coffee shop please for the love of God let me sit with you”

2. “our dorms are right next to each other and you just came running into my room because you heard screaming followed by a loud THUNK but its okay I just slammed my head against the desk in frustration”

3. “you just asked if u could look over my lecture notes for History 203 and I swear I have never ONCE seen you in that class??? r u seriously expecting to pass?” 

4. “look i don’t mean to pry but you’ve been wearing the same outfit for three days and i just want to check that you’ve slept?” 

5. ^ “okay obviously not because you just passed out in the hallway holy shit what do i do????” 

6. “we both have our final tomorrow and we’ve been studying all day… You just looked at me and said “fuck it do u wanna get drunk and make out?” 

7. “im a barista at a 24 hour coffeeshop and you just came in with a bucket and asked me to fill it with coffee… u okay?” 

New Rules

Title: New Rules

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Request: Can you do something with tom or Peter based on the song new rules by dua lipa? It would be great if you could 😘💖

Word count: 2,582

A/N: I literally listened to this song nonstop while making this and i didnt edit any of it so its all raw writing but i really liked how it turned out. enjoy!

Warnings: Swearing, angst, very hostile actions, alcohol 

Tagged (permanent): @tomllholland , @manyfandomstohandle , @superheros-and-books , @jor-da-na , @ferls212 



You and Peter have been friends since diapers, you were there for him when his parents died and he moved across the hall from you, he was there for you when your mom died from cancer.

You both made a pack that you would always have each other no matter what, but right now in this moment it felt like peter had abandoned you.

You were at Liz’s party, the music loud and Peter trying his best to get Liz’s attention while you were being harassed by drunk teenage boys.

“Come on it won’t hurt I just wanna touch em.” That’s it you thought that’s he line, “Peter please let’s go.” You yelled your plea over the loud music Flash was DJing.

“Y/N come on I’ve only gotten to talk to Liz once.” Peter spoke without making even a glance your way. You finally got the strength and pushed your way out of the small amount of guys trying to not just harass you but sexually harass you and if Peter isn’t going to help then I just have to help myself, as soon as you were out of the small circle you felt a hand slap your butt and with instinct you turned around as slapped the guy who touched you.

The sound of the slap echoing around with the music which finally grabbed the attention of your so called best friend, Peter. His eyes widened at the scene before him. A hand print on some guys face and tears threatening to spill out of your eyes.

You connected your eyes with his for a split second before turning on your heels to go and find Ned to walk home with.

You had hoped that maybe Peter would run after you, stop you and talk to you about what happened but when you turned around to see if he would follow you saw him get stopped by Liz and not make any other effort to try and get to you.

You huffed and turn back around to continue your search for Ned, you were leaving with or without Peter.

You finally found Ned in the kitchen awkwardly staring at the bowl of chips set out next to the wine coolers, “Hey Ned you okay?” Ned jumps slightly making you let out a small laugh.

“Hey yeah sorry, what’s up? Where’s Peter?” Ned asked his scanning for Peter around you “he’s off with uhh well you should know..” you shrugged “but I really wanna leave and Peter won’t listen to me so do you you could walk me home?” Your pleading eyes catching Ned’s.

“Alright, let’s go.” Ned sighed taking the lead toward the front door of Liz’s house.

You brush past Liz and Peter trying to make yourself unnoticeable, which shouldn’t be hard to do since Peter only ever has eyes for Liz, But a hand catches your arm before your out of the living room.

“Hey Y/N, where are you going?” You rake your eyes up the hand and arm that caught you only to be greeted by the brown orbs you were trying to avoid.

“I’m leaving and Ned is taking me home.” You huff pulling your arm from Peters hand and catch a glimpse of hurt in his eyes before turning and continuing your trek out of the large house.

“There you are.” Ned released a breath as you stepped onto the front porch.

“Yeah sorry, Peter stopped me…” You let out a shaky breath before continuing “Shall we go?” You smile over at Ned. “Sure.” He smiles back stepping off the porch with you right behind him. You slip you hands into the small pockets on your jeans. “Hey Ned, could we just go to yours?” Ned laughs lightly, nodding his head fro your answer.

“Thanks.” you sigh, seeing your breath come out into the air in a small puff cloud.

Ned and you have been walking for about 10 minuets which meant that you were almost to Ned’s place. You only asked to go to his because you knew you would have to call your dad to come pick you up from a party which you weren’t even suppose to be at in the beginning but peter had talked you into it. Now that you were thinking about it Peter did that a lot, convinced you to go out and ‘hangout’ as he put it but you saw through the lie, whenever you two would hang out it would be somewhere with Liz.

You felt your chest start to throb and hurt thinking about how much Peter liked Liz and not you, she hardly ever gives him a sideways glance when I’m always going out of my way just for him, why can’t he see that. You puff seeing your breath come out again. It’s getting colder and you didn’t have a coat.

“Hey Ned do you have a jacket at your house i could wear?” you speak up, “Uh yeah, we’ll be there in like ten minuets.” Ned replied looking over his shoulder slightly at you.

You saw figure appear out of an ally next to the pathway to Ned’s place. A nervous feeling surged through your body telling you not to move further but you didn’t listen, instead you followed Ned across the street, he must’ve gotten the same feeling.

As soon as the two of you passed by the figure and the ally the feeling subsided and the feeling relief replaced it. But that didn’t last long when you felt a hand grab your midsection and another hand slap over your mouth. You tried to scream but it was only muffed by the large hand covering your face. Ned snapped his body back to see what had happened and his eyes widened at the scene.

“Give me all your money kid and she doesn’t get hurt.” The figure spat at Ned which sparked him to search through all his pockets, scavenging what looked to be just a dollar, “Come on kid, you gotta have more than that, what about your wallet.” The man spat again at Ned, his grip tightening around your waist. You felt tears roll down your face and your life flashing before your eyes. What-what if Ned doesn’t have what he wants and he kidnaps me, or .. kills me. Your mind flips to the worst situation that could happened causing more tears to fall and screams to come out of your muffled mouth. “Shut it.” the man hissed in your ear making you crawl in your skin.

“Come on kid hurry u-” the grip around your waist vanishes along with the hand around your face, “Didn’t anyone tell you, stealing lunch money is sooo last season.” You whip your head around to see who saved you and your friend.

You freeze seeing the familiar red and blue suit of the local hero, spider-man. He shoots a web at the guy trapping both his hands on the pavement and one more at the guys mouth silencing his words. “Thank you Mr. Spider-man!” Ned practically shouted with a smile bigger than the sun on his face. How could Ned smile after a situation like that? “It-” the hero coughed, “it’s nothing, are you two alright?” his voice lowered slightly as his head switched looking from Ned to you.

You couldn’t do anything, you’re still frozen, no words able to come out so all you did was nod as the last of your tears fell from you face. “Hey, hey your okay now.” Spider-man began walking toward you with his arms open ready to hug you, and you accepted the hug needing some kind of comfort at the moment and the guy you really wanted here to be with you wasn’t so a superhero was a pretty good substitute.

You were the first to pull away from he hug and wipe your tears off your face with the back of your hand, “would you like me to walk you guys home?” the hero spoke taking a small step back from you.

“I’m good spider-man but Y/N here lives a bit away, do you think you could walk her?” Ned asked from the side of you. Your head snapped over to Ned direction than back to looking at the masked hero in front of you, “You really don’t have to, I can just call my-” you were interrupted by spider-man “Oh not its no big deal, plus you need to stay safe and no where is safer than with a hero.” he said proudly putting his hands on his hips. you felt a small smile creep onto your face and agreed to let him walk you home.

“Good night Ned, please be safe.” You waved to your friend who contained walking to his house. “So where do you live?” your eyes glanced up at the heres mask, specifically where his eyes should be, “uhh right off of park avenue.” You practically whispered tearing your eyes away from his mask and began walking home with spider-man.


As soon as you reached your apartment building you thanked your masked hero and took the stairs to the floor your apartment was on.

You fished your keys out of your pocket and opened the door. “There you are!” your dada practically ran you over as you came in the door, “Where were you young lady.” you smiled, tears threatening to spill out of your eyes because you loved your dad so much and what happened just a little while ago made you realize just how much you needed to show him how much you loved him, “I was with Peter and Ned, we went to grab some food and then a movie.” you spoke walking to your room, yes you loved your dad and you had a life changing experience but you can’t let him know what happened, he would be furious and worry about you non-stop. You didnt want to add to his already full plate.

As soon as you were in your room you changed into your pajamas and slid into your bed, under the covers and tried your best to get to sleep.


“Hey!” the familiar face of Peter’s comes into your view “Hey.” You sigh shutting your locker and make your way to your first class of the day.

“Whoa whoa wait Y/N!” Peter shouted grabbing your arm so you would stop, “What’s wrong?” you could hear the confused sadness in his voice, you didn’t dare turn around because you would fall back into his trap of doing what he wants and him forgetting you even exist because Liz is in the same room. “Nothing, Peter I’ll talk to you later.” You pull your arm away from his grip and continue to your class.


Lunch finally rolls around and you can’t be more happy to just go to the library to relax from the world and eat your food in private while shoving your nose in a book. But as soon as you reach the clear see through doors of the library you see Peter sitting at the table you normally find yourself at.

You catch his eyes and instantly regret ever coming to the library in the first place because he gets up out of his chair and starts toward your direction. You can feel the panic rise in your stomach and instead of being the mature person and talking to Peter, you turn on your heel ad head in the direction back to the lunch room.

“Y/N!” you hear Peter yell as the library doors slam close. your feet begin to pick up speed as you see the lunch room entrance and frantically look for Michelle, you spot her at the corner of the lunch room with a book in one hand and an apple in the other. You head to her table, set your stuff down and practically slam your head on the table.

“Tell me when he’s gone, ok?” you speak just loud enough for Michelle to hear.

“He’s headed over here.” Michelle spoke in her monotone voice while she put her book down on the table, “Whats going on?” you lifted your head from the table to be greeted by Peters worried looking face. “You said you’d talk to me later and its later so what is going on?” you slowly turned your head to look at Michelle for some help but only saw her pack up her things and grab her lunch tray before leaving, “Thanks MJ!” you sarcastically shouted as she walked away with a small wave.

a sigh escaped Peters mouth causing you to put your focus back on the distressed boy, you couldn’t help the guilt that rose in your throat because of how bad you were treating Peter.

“Listen Peter-” you didnt get to finish as peter interrupted you “Is this about last night? I’m sorry i wanted to talk to Liz, it was my chance and i decided to take it.” Peter grabbed your hand, squeezing git slightly “You understand right?” you were disgusted by the smile that graced his face. “No Peter it’s not only about last night but overtime we fucking 'hangout’ we always seem to go where ever Liz and then you forgot that I’m even there god dammit.” you couldn’t help your voice raising a little bit, you were mad, mad that the guy liked was sitting across from you treating you like he didnt even see it. “wha- no i wasn’t-” this time you cut him off, pulling your hand away from his.

“No Peter, I’m not done..” you sucked in a deep breath before continuing “did you know last night was getting harassed by a group of guys? I called you and asked for help but all you could think about was Liz and-and when i finally got the courage to stand up for them and leave asking you to leave with me you didnt, you-you-you got distracted by Liz, fucking Liz so i went to find Ned..” you let out a shaky breath, trying to control your emotions and actions.

“And when Ned and I were walking back to his house we got jumped Peter, we got jumped Peter Parker!” you practically were shouting by now with tears threatening to spill from your eyes “And all i could think in that moment was that I was going to be kidnaped or killed and you weren’t with me…you-you weren’t with me, you were with Liz.”

you tear your eyes away from Peters, everything getting too intense for you. “Ned and I got saved from Spider-man, Peter.” By this point tears were falling from your eyes as you furiously wipe them away. “So Last night i decided..” you pause taking in another breath before continuing “I decided that I can’t do this anymore. I’m in too deep and i don’t , no I can’t bare being hurt by you anymore Peter, so goodbye.”

you stand from the lunch table leaving your tray of food and the broken heart of Peter Parker behind. You look back one last time as you leave the lunch room, seeing Peter already staring at you with tears spilling down his face.

“This is better for both of us, I promise.” You whisper more to yourself than anyone else. You were done with being hurt.

You’re playing by your rules now and rule 1 is Peter Parker is out of your life because if you let him back in you’ll be stuck in an endless loop of pain.

✧ ( SHAMELESS SENTENCE STARTERS.

warning: triggers apply. adult language, sexual themes, violence, offensive subjects, offensive behaviors. please read & reblog with caution.

❛ And what exactly does “hooked up” mean? ❜
❛ It’s like a car wreck… you can’t not watch. ❜
❛ What’s that smell? It’s either vomit or fancy cheese. ❜
❛ There is no God. We’re all gonna die. ❜
❛ The hell? You’re supposed to negotiate! ❜
❛ If you’re looking for money, I don’t have any yet.  ❜
❛ How do you feel about metal splinters to the eye? ❜
❛ Are you up-to-date on your rabies shots? ❜
❛ I don’t like that you’re getting hurt on purpose to make money. ❜
❛ You’re kidding me? You’re actually serious about this shit? ❜
❛ You’re kinda growing on me. ❜
❛ Wanna see how fast I can unhook your bra? ❜
❛ You make my life a living hell and I want you out of here now. ❜
❛ Half of the world has penises, why do people get so upset about seeing them? ❜
❛ You’re nothing but a warm mouth to me. ❜
❛ I think I’m depressed. I’ve been feeling kind of funky lately. ❜
❛ I never said it was yours. You just wanted it to be. ❜
❛ Wouldn’t be the first time somebody’s disappointed me. ❜
❛ I don’t mean to be an asshole. It’s just… genetic. ❜
❛ Fuck you is what you were invited to. ❜
❛ I can’t even begin to imagine what kind of pussy you’d be in juvie. ❜
❛ I want normal people problems. Like, am I getting enough fiber? ❜
❛ Hey, I think I just insulted myself. ❜
❛ Hey! What the fuck man! He’s/she’s dead! ❜
❛ Oh, could you be a little more vague? ❜
❛ You came all the way down here to talk about my pubes? ❜
❛ How the fuck do you not have a gun? ❜
❛ Sure you’re ready to pop your armed robbery cherry? ❜
❛ You should have seen your face. ❜
❛ You don’t know who you messed with, bitch. ❜
❛ You fuck with the bull, you get an ass full of horns! ❜
❛ I’m not used to having people yell at me all day long. ❜
❛ I have this friend. I think you two might really hit it off. ❜
❛ I’ve seen you put out after the first drink. ❜
❛ You know, I’d hug you but neither of us would like that. ❜
❛ I don’t get why just don’t use her/his face for target practice. ❜
❛ I want a fucking lawyer motherfucker! ❜
❛ You’re covering your own ass and you know it. ❜
❛ You know I used a condom. ❜
❛ Do you know where I can buy a gun? ❜
❛ You think you scare me? Bring it, bitch! ❜
❛ I’m starting to get fucking homicidal. ❜
❛ I will make this kitchen my bitch. ❜
❛ They’re having a party for kids across the street. No booze. ❜
❛ A shrink at school says I’m one of God’s mistakes. ❜
❛ I believe the answer to that question, like the answer to most questions, is fuck you! ❜
❛ Did the two of us finish an entire gallon of box wine the other night? ❜
❛ I can’t handle anything up my ass without alcohol! ❜
❛ I’d be crying right now if I wasn’t so high. ❜
❛ I’m not my dad. You hear me? I’m not my fucking dad! ❜
❛ I would never do half the shit that you’ve done to us. Why are you even here? ❜
❛ Even the homeless get better stuff than us. ❜
❛ I am just as likely as anyone of this family to make something of myself. ❜
❛ You want to get shit faced in the middle of the day.  ❜
❛ You have no money yet you’re going into a grocery store. Interesting. ❜
❛ Let’s go get drunk and buy a gun. ❜
❛ It’s a shame when someone you love gets taken away, isn’t it? ❜
❛ If this is a relationship you wanna save, then you gotta fucking save it. ❜
❛ Off to deal drugs on a Saturday morning? ❜
❛ I’m probably biased, you deserve better than him. ❜
❛ If you don’t get out right now, I will shoot you. ❜
❛ Still don’t want your family to know? ❜
❛ Did I mention that I’m falling in love with you? ❜
❛ You can’t feel a persons headache by touching his head. ❜
❛ Are you robbing me with my own fucking gun? ❜
❛ How can you tell when you’re in love with someone? ❜
❛ Is that supposed to be some kind of insult? ❜
❛ I’m done living the way other people want me to live. ❜
❛ I think I was trying to prove something, not to you but to myself.  ❜
❛ If it wasn’t sex then what was the problem? ❜
❛ What do you want me to say? That I’m self-destructive? ❜
❛ Random destruction makes you think of me? ❜
❛ I haven’t abused marijuana like the rest of you, so yes I remember. ❜
❛ Your turf? What is this West Side Story? ❜
❛ All I’m gonna be thinking about while you choke me out is how much I love you. ❜
❛ If I don’t invest in myself, no one else will. ❜
❛ It smells worse than a dead hooker’s ass in there. ❜
❛ I don’t wanna be me anymore. ❜
❛ Why would anyone go to the zoo sober? ❜
❛ I’ve had so many abortions the next one is free. ❜
❛ I’d trade my left nut for one more hour of sleep. ❜
❛ How do you do that? The nice thing? ❜
❛ I’m sick of living in your shadow. ❜
❛ I never thought I’d say this but you were right. ❜
❛ Where can I get knives and blunts? ❜
❛ I can’t share a room with someone in constant state of arousal! ❜
❛ I’m sneaking antibiotics into his toothpaste just in case. ❜
❛ I got tasered for like a second and I crapped myself. ❜
❛ I’ve never seen you put on deodorant before. ❜
❛ I haven’t had a drink for two days…well granted I was unconscious. ❜
❛ I’ll be in the bushes across the street stalking you. ❜
❛ Is there anything more enjoyable on earth than humiliating your peers? ❜
❛ I need to buy a gun. For protection. In case there’s a shooting here. I’m scared. ❜
❛ It’s my job to tell you when you’re making a huge mistake. ❜
❛ Have you ever woken up naked in the street with no idea how you got there? ❜
❛ You’re either boning or you’re waiting to bone. ❜
❛ Doctors are thieves, they just have degrees to keep them out of jail. ❜
❛ You want me to be realistic? Okay, I’ll be realistic. ❜
❛ I confided in you and you told everyone. ❜
❛ I have no idea what that means but I’m enjoying trying to picture it. ❜
❛ I never made any fucking promises to you! ❜
GREY AREA. (M) | 01

And just like that, your fate was sealed - because Min Yoongi was absolutely going to destroy you. But hell, if you weren’t going to let him, or bask happily in the flames as he did so.

And sadly, at the time, you didn’t think that your thoughts would become so literal.


“I’d rather be alone, but you’re fermented in my bones.” - Habits of my Heart, Jaymes Young

›› Pairing: Min Yoongi / Reader
›› Word Count: 4,444
›› Chapter Index and Warnings
›› Soulmate!AU, Slowburn, Angst




And it starts like this:


You’re standing in a party that one of the college fraternities is throwing, music blaring through a pair of speakers so loudly, that the voice of the singer comes out in a buzz. You feel your heart jump with the rhythm leaking into the room. You’re standing in the foyer of the large house, the room filled with too many people to be considered comfortable, bodies bump into you every few seconds, but you can’t find it within you to care.


You watch and laugh as Hoseok, one of your friend’s, does a keg stand. Two boys you don’t recognize, and you’re sure neither Hoseok or Taehyung do either, holding each one of his legs upwards. A number of people have huddled around to cheer him on, screaming out a chorus of, “Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!”

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Drunk/Drinking Starters
  • ❝I do not get drunk-- I get awesome.❞
  • ❝I didn't fall... the floor just needed a hug. ❞
  • ❝Wanna know what rhymes with drunk? Sex. ❞
  • ❝Nothing tastes as good as drunk feels.❞
  • ❝I've had... eleventy twelve beers.❞
  • ❝I've been cheating on you with a guy named Morgan. He's a captain.❞
  • ❝I'm not as drunk as I use to was.❞
  • ❝Halloween? More like Hallowe-’re getting fucked up.❞
  • ❝What do you expect me to do- I'm drunk!❞
  • ❝But then I remember that alcohol existed.❞
  • ❝It’s not called slurring your words. It’s called talking in cursive and it’s fucking elegant.❞
  • ❝I’m totally walking straight, but this damn Earth is drunk!❞
  • ❝If you can’t suck a cigarette, you sure as hell can’t suck a dick!❞
  • ❝I wanna bae you up.❞
  • ❝You're so drunk when I'm pretty.❞
  • ❝It's 10;30 and I'm already fucking wasted…❞
  • ❝I'm almost sober...❞
  • ❝We are best friends now. Yeah c'mere, let's get drunk again.❞
  • ❝Why do people wear boxers? They’re just like small pants.❞
  • ❝I am currently dating a tall bottle of Jack Daniels.❞
  • ❝I’m in Pirates of the Caribbean right now..❞
  • ❝Take me drunk I’m home.❞
  • ❝Let’s go dress up like Batman and Robin and patrol the neighborhood.❞
  • ❝Your kitchen is so far away. Who designed this shit?❞
  • ❝Your cat... has it always had a German accent?❞
Best Friend Starters!

{Text}: Go to bed and stop texting me. This isn’t the intended use of emojis.

“Hey, I read about this super illegal thing and I think we should do it.” 

“GET DOWN FROM THERE BEFORE I HAVE TO COME GET YOU!” 

“Do you think foods have feelings? Maybe that gumball I dropped today was sad I didn’t eat him…”

“No, we can’t buy five hundred pugs.” 

“What do you mean I’m too loud? It’s not like I’m SHOUTING IN YOUR EAR!” 

“If I go down you’re coming with me! This is a mutual effort!” 

“I’m not picking your drunk ass up at three in the morning anymore.” 

“Stop coming into my house to sleep on my couch! Someday you’re going to find the door locked.” 

“Oof, get off! You’re too heavy!” 

“I honestly think you belong in a cell, but again, I guess we’d be cellmates.” 

“Now who the fuck took my skittles? It was you, wasn’t it, you smug little-” 

“Somehow I don’t think the teacher believed our story about the sword wielding elves breaking the window…” 

“BUDDY SYSTEM IS IMPORTANT, YOU MIGHT GET LOST! NOW GIMME YOUR HAND.” 

“I don’t care if you didn’t wanna share, it’s mine now!” 

“YOU ARE A DICK. Also I’m at your door, let me in.” 

“C’mon, smile…I’ll tickle you if I have to!” 

“You’re sad. Don’t lie to me. I see the pouty thing you do.” 

“Do you need me to kill someone for you?” 

“You can’t even reach me to hit me, shortie-OW!!” 

Give and Take [M] (ft. Taehyung) | 01 prologue

Originally posted by donewithjeon

→ friendswithbenefits!au with a twist (edging, oral, overstimulation, uh some really dirty shit, and oh yeah, Taehyung teaching you sex)
→ 12.6k (oneshot) 
→ part 1 | part 2 coming soon!

A/N: sorry im such a sinner omg but thank you so much for 1k followers + 1k notes on You Who! This is a surprise upload :) Enjoyyyyyyyyy


Your thighs are trembling, but he just gives you a glare and continues lazily moving his fingertips against your skin, dipping a knuckle into your heat before slightly pressing his thumb over your clit. 

And repeat. 

Taehyung,–fuck–please.” You moan, straining against the neckties that bind you to his headboard. 

He props up his chin in his hand in between your legs and glares up at you. The hand in between your legs stills and you groan at the lack of sensation, and clench your teeth. He rolls his eyes. “Can you take this or not?” 

You let out a breath, calming your heavy breaths before loosening your grip on the binds and letting your body relax a bit. Closing your eyes and swallowing your dry throat, you speak up. Your voice is small and hoarse from the previous hour of exertion. “I-I can.” 

“Good. I thought so.” 

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pwp aus because wth not (NSFW)
  • “i’m a rockstar and you’re a fan who snuck in and do you maybe wanna help me ‘blow off some steam’ back stage because ur A) really hot and B) pretty obviously willing“ au
  • “seven minutes in heaven with my longtime crush but we get locked in for hours bc our friends forgot about us” au
  • “got locked in a walk-in refrigerator/freezer and now we gotta keep warm somehow” au
  • “you’re a vampire with an aphrodisiac bite and i’m the drunk party-goer you decided to snack on tonight” au
  • “you’re really invested in your tv show/book/etc and i don’t think you understand how much your absentminded petting is getting to me but like hell am i gonna ask you to stop“ au
  • “this is an sos from a helpless virgin (who doesn’t want to be a virgin anymore) to you, the most virile person i know. please teach me how all this works” au
  • “i thought you were literally the most innocent thing to ever exist but then you awkwardly ask me to teach you how to bang like a pro and holy hell what the fuck but now i’m really, really turned on” au
  • “i get that it’s hotter than satans asshole out here but if you remove any more clothing i won’t be responsible for my actions-wait. why are you smirking at me?” au
  • “i chickened out of sex ages ago and you haven’t brought it up since but now i really want it, but i’m terrible at communication, so let me just strip shirtless/model lingerie for you until you snap” au
  • “we were forced to hide in this very cramped space (from friends/authority figures/people trying to kill us) and this is a very awkward position to be stuck in with someone you’re avoiding because they’re too attractive for you to deal with” au
  • “normally we duke it out to vent our frustrations but this time someone initiated a kiss in the middle of the fight and suddenly we’re fucking against the nearest flat surface” au
  • “when i asked you to put sunscreen/lotion on my back that’s all i wanted you to do, but your hands are like magic and they have my full permission to wander” au
masterpost of iconic lines/moments in Froot (2015) by Marina and the Diamonds

Happy: 

  • when the chorus effect starts on the line “melted away like I was free” and my soul escaped my body, went to hell, and was immediately forgiven by the benevolent god that is marina diamandis
  • “I realize to be happy, maybe I need a little company” and I started crying one minute and forty seconds into the album
  • the sheer force with which my head was ejected from my body when she hits the high note on “I believe someone’s watching over me”
  • the chord changes in the bridge making me feel melancholy realness, honey
  • invented the piano, invented happy songs that sound sad, invented music
  • I’ve fallen asleep crying to this song an uncountable amount of times

Froot:

  • THE FUCKING BASS RIFF IN THE FIRST TWO SECONDS which precisely and methodically severed my ear canal from my cranium
  • everything about this song
  • “ju-u-u-uice, la la la la la la la” >>> the entire discography of the rolling stones, the beatles, led zeppelin, and all of your dusty-ass “iconic” faves 
  • the sultriness of the fucking low G she hits perfectly and consistently throughout the verses
  • “but I ain’t in a patient phase” probably the most iconic modern music will get
  • the way she sings “come on fill your cup uuuuuuuUUUUUPP” shattering my femur
  • “i’ve been saving all my summers for you” assassinates all of the poetry by William Shakespeare combined
  • every part of the second verse, especially “baby I am plump and ripe, I’m pinker than shepard’s delight, sweet like honeysuckle late at night” which was better sex-ed than I received throughout my entire adolescent academic career
  • “birds and worms will come for me, the cycle of life is complete” making fucking DECOMPOSITION the sexiest thing anyone has ever said in the compendium of human history
  • The Fucking Bridge Melody that she sings well beyond the troposphere, above the stratosphere, and sitting sexily in the mesosphere
  • “oh my body is ready, yeah it’s ready, yeah it’s ready”

I’m a Ruin

  • marina single-handedly addressing the complexities of young-adult relationships with “I could treat you better but I’m not that smart”
  • the insane degree to which I scream “yeah yeah, uh huh, woo hoo, yeah yeah” at the end of the chorus, thus startling my neighbors and setting off car alarms
  • “It’s difficult to move on when nothing was right and nothing was wrong” making me spray tears out of my eyes like a machine gun
  • the way the back up vocals come in on “I’ve had my share of beautiful men, but I’m still young and I want to love again”
  • the dichotomy of “I’ll ruin you” and “I’m a ruin” are proven to be one and the same, thus ending the careers of marriage counselors across the world

Blue

  • the iconic and instantly-memorable backing track
  • the continuity between the themes of the last song with the opening line “we’ve broken up and now I regret it”
  • the FORESHADOWING of “and I don’t know why but I can’t forget it” which alludes to the themes of the NEXT song, Forget, basically proving Marina doesn’t need references to any body of literature but her own goddamn songs
  • “gimme love, gimme dreams, gimme a good self-esteem” ejecting my wig at mach 3 into another dimension
  • the sheer craftsmanship of the pre-chorus, which is perfectly catchy and memorable while refraining from cliches
  • the way the beat picks up on the chorus and I demand my non-existent ex to “gimme one more night”
  • “I’m sick of looking after you, I need a man to hold on to, I’m bored of everything we do, but I just keep coming back to you” proving marina is just as fed up with fuckboys as we are, but is just as flawed and hypocritical as us, showing her imperfections and making her more worthy of our worship
  • ending the song on the pre-chorus like the fucking INNOVATOR of MODERN MUSIC she is??? like please tell me WHEN will your fave

Forget

  • this list doesn’t include the visuals from the music videos but I will make an exception for the ICONIC wig she wears in the video
  • the vocals for “never heal” sending me into a tailspin and crashing into a ditch at 70 mph
  • 50% of the chorus is the word “forget” and it is STILL the height of modern literature
  • after her mention of an “abacus” in the second verse, abacus sales went up 2000% and surpassed their unprecedented popularity in ancient Greece
  • “yeah it’s time to be letting go, yeah baby you know what I’m talking about” probably the most iconique start to a bridge physically possible in this dimension
  • “YEAH I’VE BEEN DANCING WITH THE DEVIL I LOVE THAT HE PRETENDS TO CARE IF I’LL EVER GET TO HEAVEN WHEN A MILLION DOLLARS GETS YOU THERE OH ALL THE TIME THAT I HAVE WASTED CHASING RABBITS DOWN A HOLE WHEN I WAS BORN TO BE THE TORTOISE I WAS BORN TO WALK ALONE” is not supposed to be a high-intensity part of the song but I don’t fucking care obviously
  • the way she fucking develops the lyrics of the chorus throughout the song and makes each line the best life lesson you ever heard??? who is this woman?????

Gold

  • by FAR the most underrated song on the album for no goddamn reason like, have you demons even listened to it?? hmmmmm????
  • i have no idea how the accompaniment was made for the song but whoever did it was a genius and needs to be remembered for the rest of time
  • “doesn’t matter long as I am your star, sta-AAARRRR” melodically groundbreaking, please take notes everyone
  • “don’t think i want what I used to want, don’t think I need what i used to need” addressing the pains of growing out of old friendships and passions in a fun approach
  • “you can’t take away the Midas touch, so you better make way for a GREEK GOLD RUSH” YES MAMA REPRESENT YOUR COUNTRY LIKE THE GODDESS YOU AAAARE
  • knew she could rhyme “El Dorado” with “Colorado” and fucking did
  • the fade out at the end of the song painting her as a con-artist or corrupt gold-dealer being hauled off to jail while reveling in the near success of her schemes is what???? I C O N I C

Can’t Pin Me Down

  • this song is direct proof that marina is a straight up motherfucking KUNT in charge of her destiny. the album is labeled as explicit because of this ONE song and only ONE line: “you might think I’m one thing, but I am another. You can’t call my bluff, TIME TO BACKUP MOTHERFUCKER” like not only is this the most badass line in the history of language, but this line was so important to her that she made the album explicit JUST FOR THIS ONE LINE. SHE IS AN ICON. END OF STORY.
  • she is a feminist! BUT! “Do you really want me to write a feminist anthem, I’m happy in the kitchen cooking dinner for my husband” proving that you do NOT know this bitch. she is nothing you think she is. except that she is an I C O N.
  • the meter of “just another girl in the twenty-first century” has me unpredictably and immeasurably shook because she is just! that! kind! of! girl!
  • “You think I’m like the others, boy you need to get your eyes che-e-e-e-e-e-ecked, che-e-e-e-e-e-e-ecked” blew the skin clean off of my face
  • “i can be your russian doll” like,,,, gag
  • the entire concept and existence of this song is revolutionary and cements her position as the strongest female artist of our generation

Solitaire

  • holy FUCK you guys love to hate amazing songs, don’t you?? this song is without a doubt one of my favorites and you fuckers have the NERVE
  • the production on this song is one of a kind and continues to prove her versatility in style on this album. any reservations you had about her from electra heart better be EVAPORATED by this point.
  • the melodies on this song are, besides Froot, the catchiest on the album for me. they are so well crafted and inventive, i am shaking
  • “hard like a rock, cold like stone, white like a diamond, black like coal, cut like a jewel, yeah I repair myself when you’re not there” is such an amazing pre-chorus for this song like it could no possibly be better than that
  • the way the mood shifts from the verse to the chorus cut off my arms with raw blunt force
  • the flourish on the line “and I’ll admit all I wanna do is get drunk and silent” gave me an aneurysm
  • holy fucking SHIT the end of the bridge is for sure a highlight on the album. “but I’m not cursed, i’m not cursed, I was just covered in dirt” like damn marina go all the way off
  • the extra-dimensional high notes on this song are second to none, babes

Better Than That

  • “You’re just another in a long line of men she screwed” is the FUCKING WAY TO START A SONG, GIRLS. ARE YOU JOTTING THIS DOWN??
  • “So why’s she looking like a cat who got the cream?” ugh marina is so perfect I cannot deal with this bitch anymore
  • the sheer vocal talent on the chorus, like how high can this girl go? someday she’s going to rupture my eardrums and I will thank her personally
  • “with an angel voice, devil in disguise” the vocal production for this is perfect and successfully made me shit myself
  • “and she’ll network till her dreams come true, even if it means getting in a bed with you” miss marina is out for BLOOD everyone, the music industry is cowering in fear of her objective talent and lack of fucks
  • “i’m not passing judgment on her sexual life, I’m passing judgement on the way she always stuck her knife in my back” whoever this woman is she is getting READ for FILTH by lady diamandis and you all need to watch your backs

Weeds

  • this song is straight out of a sappy rom-com and I am fully living for it
  • “but it keeps growing back like WEEDS” I am currently screaming please give me a moment
  • “and God knows what sex is, a way to feel a bit, a little bit less lonely” marina chose sex to be a prominent theme on this album but she has shown she can handle it in the moment mature way any woman in the industry can. it’s subtle, it’s methodical, it isn’t vulgar, it’s just straight real and honest and such an important thing to discuss! this song is another aspect of how sex can be important in our lives. she better preach tbh
  • the aesthetics can reserved character on this song are a beautiful contrast that the album needed. filler tracks who???

Savages

  • full disclosure, this song blew a hole right through my body with the sheer impact of its lyrics and chorus
  • there are so many fucking good lyrics on this song, it’s truly baffling that anyone has a career in the music industry after this was dropped
  • “I’m not afraid of God, I am afraid of man” I am Screeching
  • the first beat of the chorus, my bodily fluids are already dripping from the ceiling and my bones are crushed into a fine powder
  • “underneath it all, we’re just savages hidden behind shirts, ties, and marriages” she is prophet, the chosen one, the woman who will deliver us from our mortal coils
  • “another day, another tale of rape, another ticking bomb to bury deep and detonate” Marina is fully aware of the important problems our nation is facing at the time the album was released and even to today. she isn’t a shallow artist like the persona she created in electra heart, she has become almost the exact opposite. She is taking on these issues with a clear judgment and grace and I am so proud and appreciative of her work.
  • “are you killing for yourself or killing for your savior?” YES YOU BETTER ASSASSINATE THESE MOTHERFUCKERS
  • the buildup in the last chorus to the E T H E R E A L ending is clearly the climax of modern pop music

Immortal

  • you could play this song for me and tell me it’s a message from an angel and I would 200% believe you
  • the melody on this track is so fucking pristine it’s like a glacier melting in your mouth
  • it continues the themes of humanity from Savages but looks at a completely different issue about it. this album is cohesive, planned out, and a complete and full body of work
  • the moment the chorus hits with “I’m forever chasing after time” my limbs are being forcibly extended by a device of love and torture
  • “but if the earth ends in fire, and the seas are frozen in time, there will be just one survivor, the memory that I was yours and you were mine” ok not kidding anymore this is STRAIGHT up MOTHER fucking POETIC genius and innovation at its most concentrated and talented moment
  • when she says “twice” on the high note in the chorus, it’s like the most beautiful bell shattering in my ear, tbqh
  • THE FUCKING BRIDGE is actual art. “I just wanna be able to say the I live my life” the way she executes this melody is cold-blooded and frankly she should be charged with manslaughter for it


bottom line, Marina Diamandis released the biggest breakthrough in pop music to date in 2015 and all of you demons let it flop. if you have the nerve to call this album a failure, I have literally 0 respect for you and no one is ever going to love you

Michael in the Basement

((Since everyone is asking, yes, I did make a full version of the Michael in the Basement parody, and you all wanted to see it so here it is!!
You can totally cover the song/use it for whatever as long as you credit this blog or my art blog, shima-draws!

And now let’s begin with the angst, shall we? Full thing is under the cut!))


I am hanging in the Basement at the biggest party of the fall
I could stay right here or disappear and he wouldn’t even notice at all

I’m a loser in the Basement ‘cause my buddy kinda left me alone
But I’d rather fake smile than watch for a while as he dances with a girl in the zone
Everything felt fine when we were all by ourselves
And through no fault of mine, he left for someone else

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