i wanna eat you in and out

I like it straightforward.

If you just want something real let me know. If you just tryna fuck let me know. If you just want to be friends let me know. Damn if you just wanna go out to eat let me know.

anonymous asked:

Your bio says you started in July and you have had really great improvement and it seems like you've lost quite a bit... how did you do it if you do mind me asking? Like what's your "diet plan" or whatever you wanna call it

Yeah I have! 😀😀 I’m super excited about it.


I was eating junk food, take out and having soft drinks all the time so I cut all of that out and carbs;
I started exercising daily and trying to burn more than I ate
But now I’ll never eat above 1000 cal I try stay at 500 or less but sometimes increase it for a few days till my body gets used to it and swap it again so it helps weightloss and my metabolism doesn’t stop.

I do not recommend it but this is how I do it x

🎃🌼🍂✨ i was tagged by @pacipixie! thank you, fwiend~✨🍂🌼🎃

👻 rules: tag 10 people you wanna get to know more! 👻

okie dokie… i picked some people i remember and some out of my notes ~!! if you don’t wanna do this, don’t let me pressure you 💘 @sleepyselene, @crayonsandbubbles, @dadas-smol-frijol, @little-star-dreams, @dadakumas-cute-little-babykuma, @binkydonut, @nappingkiddie, @pink-fluffy-bunnies… agh sorry, can’t think of anymore ;—; if you follow me and want to do this, go ahead and say i tagged you! 

and heeeere we go~

are you a tricker or a treater: treater of course… playing tricks is mean >.<

what’s your inner demon: my eating disorder… she’s the worst

what monster would you be: does vampire count… mwahahaaaa! but i love sunrises and cloud-watching and daytime forest exploring and watching lil animals and birds… i would be like vampire rapunzel :(

how would you be in a horror movie: the ultimate cry baby, but also the one that’s smart and doesn’t go in the basement to investigate strange mysterious sounds… i leave as soon as there is something suspicious and cry about the scariness later XD

are you easily scared: i don’t know… scared is different from startled. obviously sudden jumpscares or loud sounds make me jumpy, but sometimes my brain is so slow that i don’t register them until they are done with, so… i would say i am actually scared more easily than startled. i really can’t watch any sort of horror movie or even talk about gory things let alone watch them and tru/e cr/ime really gets to me, plus i’m genuinely afraid of the dark and insects…

what are you afraid of: darkness, insects, thunder & lightning (when i’m regressed especially), violence/gore, anything tr/ue cr/ime, the idea of being in outer space, being in the middle of the ocean, and silence… possibly clowns but honestly, clowns are just creepy to everyone because they look human but not quite and our brains don’t like that

nurture or torture: nurture absolutely <3 

what scared you when you were young: i thought there was an evil fox living under my bed that wanted to attack me… long story

any near death experience: hmm… like where i saw some heavenly vision or something while i was knocked out? if that, then no! but i have been in very critical condition before.

walk in mysterious liquid or mysterious forest: mysterious forest… ewww, mysterious liquid? that sounds potentially gross and unsanitary… mysterious forests can be glittery and glowy and magical and there’s animals singing and sunlight through trees and soft moss and maybe fairies… i like forests ^_^

what is the worse thing possible: i dunno… there are many things that are just horrible! but… the violence and disaster in our world currently is very sad to me…

you go with your heart or brain: learning to go more with my heart recently! my brain lies to me a lot right now.

you like your room dim or bright: well i get migraines, so sometimes just having my star string lights on is best. but, i usually have many dim lights on at a time, if that makes sense… XD

who would kill you, your mum or dad: this question is… kinda morbid… my parents love me to pieces and would never hurt me!! i would never hurt them either… don’t turn us against each other >:( hmph

evilest thing you ever done: i truthfully have not done anything like this. believe me, i wouldn’t lie! i really was the mature mom friend growing up… always taking care and letting people cry on me and being understanding… i never wanted anyone’s feelings hurt or anything like that! 

what did you dress up as last year: a very adorable lolita-ish witch for halloween + goddess madoka for an anime convention~

anything bad happened to you lately: very serious hospitalization… my life was at serious risk. but, i’m back in a recovery clinic now, so hopefully that’s the last time something like that happens!

what is your favorite candy or snack: favorite candy is haribo sour gummi bears and reese’s pieces, favorite snack is apple slices with peanut butter!

what villain would you date: i would date gaston, because i believe that if the selfish, bad tempered beast can change with belle’s help, so can arrogant and boorish gaston with my help!!! also, one time, i danced with gaston at disney world because he thought i was a princess, and that was fun~

what is your biggest flaw: i can’t really answer this right now… i say everything is a flaw, but my therapist is trying to get me away from that thinking so.. i will just leave this one alone…

favorite scary movie/game: games would be “mad father”, “the witch’s house”, “be/ndy and the i/nk mac/hine”, and then “catherine” isn’t really a horror game but it is kinda scary at times!! movies… i told you, i can’t really do horror films and i don’t really like them ;—; i just recently saw the new “it” movie and that didn’t make me too nervous… it wasn’t just horror so it was fine haha!

what do you find sick: let’s not get too controversial… any kind of abuse — child abuse, domestic abuse, sexual abuse, animal abuse… all ugly. violence in general is just something i can’t comprehend at all.

are you a demon or an angel: angel is my default, my natural self… at least that’s what people say! but, i have a demon mode too, for the right people…

random thing about you: i hate tomatoes with a passion… yes, that includes ketchup >.<

describe your one or some favorite bloggers as a monster: ahh i don’t have a favorite blogger though! i will come back to this one~


that was fun hehe~ 🌹🌹🌹

uwu Just ADHD things uwu

• not being able to maintain long lasting friendships/relationships
• wait did i eat?
• was told to do something but got distracted with another thing
• hyperfocushyperfocushyperfocus
• sleep? idk her
• brain never shuts the fuck up
• wanna study for a test? nope.
• finally getting that Energy™ then no energy
• angry at everything. fuck the world.
• “wow i didnt know you have adhd! you’re so calm and quiet!”
• talks too much when getting close to someone
• spacing out bc your brain thought of something interesting
• cant sit still during movies/long periods of time
• wanna get chores done today? nope. no energy.
• “it’s been like five hours!” “it’s been 10 minutes”
• more anger
• forgetting to do Important Things

don’t wanna be one of those “just work out and take vitamins and you’ll magically no longer have depression” but….working out, eating better and taking vitamins and supplements really does help. No it won’t make your depression just vanish but you’ll feel a lot better and be able to manage it better

I know its helped me, especially in the winter when you get that layer of seasonal effective on top of the already present depression

Just Autistic Things™:

  • “I’m hungry but we don’t have the incredibly specific food that I wanted guess I’m not eating today”
  • Room is messy but I know where everything is so what is the problem???
  • Hearing Bad Noises in public and trying not to visibly freak the fuck out
  • “I wanna do something but I don’t know what I wanna do and also if I figured out what I wanted to do I probably have too much executive dysfunction to make myself do it anyways.”
  • Wanting so badly to read a book/watch a movie/tv show that you force yourself to even though you’re zoning out the entire time.
  • Feeling a thing turning into a special interest and DREADING what that means
  • People making fun of your special interests and that Silent Pain when you have to pretend to laugh it off because it’s “just a joke” but you really can’t hear criticisms about the things you’re deeply invested in.
  • School/work doesn’t matter as much as special interest does???????????
  • Like why should I be stuck here when I could be researching/reading/watching things about my special interests :/ 
  • People saying “Oh I totally understand what you’re going through, I have a cousin who’s autistic” (EVERYONE has a cousin who’s autistic????)
  • People saying “you don’t LOOK autistic” or “oh I never would have guessed but now that you SAY that….”
  • “I want to do something rebellious but what if I get in trouble??”
  • I’m So Tired™
the signs as out of context things my friends have said
  • aries: "do i have rabies? because i would love that."
  • taurus: (clearly eating a muffin) "why is there a hole in my doughnut?"
  • gemini: "c'mon, caffeine. dilate my blood vessels."
  • cancer: "i like it. it screams...'motel curtains'."
  • leo: "and the Pope was like 'boy, bye'."
  • virgo: "she's not dead, she's having her third stroke."
  • libra: "no high-fives? what is this, the apocalypse???"
  • scorpio: "i like my momma with thick thighs."
  • sagittaurus: "i cleaned my legs. you wanna see?"
  • capricorn: (annoyed) "when we ask technicalities, incest happens."
  • aquarius: "yeaaahh, see, that's where i ended up last night. on the flat earth society wiki."
  • pisces: (lunging after napkin) "i spEAK FOR THE TREES."
Wanna One as things I've heard on the bus
  • Yoon Jisung: I'm going to stand outside. So, if anyone asks, I'm outstanding.
  • Ha Sungwoon: Life is not a fairytale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you're drunk.
  • Hwang Minhyun: I wish more people were fluent in silence.
  • Ong Seongwu: I never run with scissors. Those last two words were unnecessary.
  • Kim Jaehwan: I'm sorry, did I roll my eyes out loud?
  • Kang Daniel: Me? Mature? C'mon, I still laugh when the ketchup bottle farts.
  • Park Jihoon: I hate it when I'm eating cereal and the last few pieces are like, "Catch me if you can!"
  • Park Woojin: I hate it when people are at your house and ask "Do you have a bathroom?" No, we pee in the yard.
  • Bae Jinyoung: Some days I amaze myself. Other days I look for my phone while I'm talking on it.
  • Lee Daehwi: A giraffe's coffe would be cold by the time it reached the bottom of its throat. Ever think about that? No. You only think about yourself.
  • Lai Guanlin: Sometimes, I forget how to spell a word, so I change the whole sentence to avoid using it.
Voltron Quotes Inspired by Shit My Friends Have Said

Lance: I’m garbage but like ~Gucci~ garbage. Like I’m dead and disgusting inside, but I’m still beautiful as fuck. Try me bitch, I can and will steal your man.

Hunk: I’m sad so I’m eating my feelings, but eating so much makes me more sad which just causes me to eat more DO YOU SEE MY DILEMMA?!

Allura: I’m growing out my hair in hopes that one day I can use it to strangle my enemies

Keith: Do you think anyone has ever tried to fuck a knife? Hey don’t give me that look just hear me out!!

Shiro: Stop calling me the dad of the group! I just want the sweet release of death, I can’t take care of you children!! I mean it, stop-alright yeah okay, I’m the dad. Sure whatever. Daddy needs a drink.

Pidge: You know what I wanna hear? Stephen Hawking talking dirty. What?! Technology is sexy, don’t kink shame me!

Coran: Have you ever been attracted to facial hair? Like sure that guy is cute, but his beard? …damn.

*Bonus*

Slav: There’s a 47% probability that I’m pissing you off.

Zarkon: Oh god I hate them. Well, I don’t really hate them. I just want their cat. Do you think they’ll be pissed if I just stole it?

Lotor: If my hair gets messed up, I’m killing all of you and taking over the world. I spent three hours getting ready, and I will not hesitate to stab a bitch if they come too close.

2

me: i want to draw some self-indulgent pastel goth garbage

my goblin brain: make it mika

Things Harry Styles Does In Bed (smut/ish)
  1. “Wakes you up with neck kisses while he murmurs “Wake up baby, c’mon baby, there you go” as his hands travel straight to your breasts and squeezes gently till you’re more awake
  2. Drags his fingers gently over your whole body until you’re completely covered in goose bumps 
  3. Absolutely loves how shy you get when his mouth gets filthy when you’re least expecting it. “Put the book down love, I wanna eat that sweet pussy for breakfast”. You’d go red. And he’d love it. 
  4. Will lie on his side next to you while you’re on your stomach watching Netflix, and his hands will randomly start massaging your thighs. “Harry” you’d warn. “Mmm” is all he’d mumble with a small smile. “I need to get through one episode of FRIENDS with out us having sex before the episode’s up, it’s 20 minutes” you would tell him. “That’s too long darling” he’d whine. “Think of how many times I could make you scream with 20 minutes” 
  5. “With me you always come twice, at least twice” 
  6. Was so gentle and loving the first time you slept together. Constantly asked if you were okay. Refused to fuck you until you came. 
  7. Was so completely on board with your praise kink. “Baby, you’re always so good for me. My good girl” 
  8. Spanks you whenever you do something he doesn’t like. Like the one time you smiled and laughed at that idiot’s joke at your office party, because the idiot was your boss. “Count them for me baby, 6 more left” he’d say soothing the sting before his hand would come down again.
  9. Would demand that you open your legs for him after he’s teased you all day long, knowing how wet you’d be for him. 
  10. “This? It belongs to me” he’d growl, stroking up and down your heat before plunging his fingers into you. 
  11. So. Much. Over-stimulation.
  12. Speaking of over stimulation, would just drag you back to your place when you’d move away, far too sensitive. You’d be whimpering and begging him to stop, but he’d keep on going. 
  13. “Now baby, since you were naughty and didn’t ask permission to come, you get two options. Shall I edge you till you beg me to let you come or make you come until you’re begging me to stop?”
  14. Pins your hands over your head when you’ve misbehaved, but he doesn’t have it in him to spank you or to deny you an orgasm. He knows how much you love to touch him during sex. 
  15.  “Don’t you dare hide your face, I wanna see you when you come” 
  16. Wouldn’t let you out of bed post sex. “Oh no, you’re staying right here baby” he’d growl playfully. “Harry” you’d giggle “I need to do things today”. “Yes. you need to do me, over and over again” 
  17. Cuddles because he was rough with you the night before. 
  18. He’s big on aftercare, let’s be serious, he’s a sweetheart. 
  19. Would kiss every inch of your body while you came down from however many orgasms he’d fucked into you that night. 
  20. “God, you ride me so good. So good f’me” he’d groan whenever you were on top
  21. Made you come 6 times in one night. The 6th was the best. He’d whipped out a curvy toy, astounding you, pushed the toy into your overly sensitive core and sucked on your clit until you were screaming. And that, was how you experienced your first ever squirt. 
  22. Worshiped you on the occasions where you surprised him in lingerie. “Get over here, your boyfriend’s got some work to do” 
  23. Would always be trying new positions with you. 
  24. The one time you faked an orgasm because you were both tipsy and you knew it wasn’t gonna happen, he got so upset until you told him he was the best you’d ever had. He made up for it. All. Damn. Night. 
  25. “Did I ever tell you I really, really like having sex with you?” 
fish keeper problems

•people ask ‘what’s that smell?’ It’s you. You smell like fish tank. No matter how much perfume/cologne/scented body wash you use. Fish Tank.

• sobbing as you look at your tank “where did this duckweed c o m e f r o m”

•when you see a betta/goldfish 'bowl’

•"hey wanna go out to eat" “sorry can’t. Gotta buy some brine shrimp from the store across town”

•you look at a fish. Your wallet screams in agony. You buy the fish

•"I have room for another fish tank if I just get rid of my bed"

•sleeves constantly damp. Always.

•who are you going to find to take care of your fish when your on vacation. They’re not going to remember the right foods for each fish, and what chemicals and how much to dose, they’re not going to know what plants have to be trimmed. What about the live food. Conclusion: you can never go on vacation

•where is my fish. Oh no he’s d e a d. Oh never mind, he was just doing his best imitation of a floating plant. Asshole.

•missing a water change=anxiety

•spilling the pellets all over the floor

•-spends 2376.98 dollars on fish stuff without batting an eye- oh no, I can’t go to McDonald’s. That’s too expensive.

•fish: varied diet, lots of enrichment you: top ramen you found in the back of your cabinet from approximately 12 years ago, Binge watching Netflix for a straight month

•yeah, I have a betta fish in a ten gallon tank “oh sweaty.. :)) you can keep them in bowls!! What a waste of space!!! Put an -insert completely incompatible species- in there :))))))”

•I have five goldfish in a 125 gallon tank “lol, I have seven in a ten gallon, and one in a vase”

•the urge to punch every chain store retail worker who says that “gold fish are good starter pets!!1!!11! Put it in this 0.2 gallon tank!! Hell! Put it in half a cup of water!!!”

•people who brag that they kept a betta fish alive for “a whole month!”

•algae. Where did all this algae come from??

•your floor is terribly warped from all the water dripping onto it. Your landlord is horrified

•crying for an hour because you spilled an e n t i r e bottle of Flourish

•Prime. Just… Just don’t smell it. Ever.

•getting your friends to smell Prime

•"I want a planted tank!!“ "ALL MY PLANTS ARE DYING”

•you bought twelve shrimp. You never see them again.

•p o n d s n a i l s

•being too sensitive to cull baby snails, getting them their own tank instead

•eating a fish flake. Just once. You just wanted to know what it tasted like

•you will never be satisfied with your tank. Ever.

•retirement fund? More like retimeformorefishtanks fund

•loving each individual fish like your first born child

•you know the difference between all fifty of your neon tetras

•water changes with sand

•-buys adorable chili rasboras- -betta eats them- that was the most expensive snack you’ve ever eaten you idiot

Feel free to add your own

I wanna know how ridiculous Tim’s excuses for broken bones/other obvious injuries get when he’s out in public?? like I bet he makes up increasingly wild and fantastic stories and the press just eats it up.

“Mr Drake! Tell us how you broke your hand!”
“Hm? Oh, see, so Bruce and I went on a trip to Alaska! Long story short, I punched a bear that was getting a little too close for comfort, haha.”

dating tom holland...pt. 3
  • if i’m being honest, he’d probably smell amazing 24/7
  • not even his cologne just like his scent, there’s just something so comforting about him too
  • the day before he had to leave for press or filming he’d cling onto you like a koala
    • “I’m not letting go until I absolutely have to,” he’d whine as you tried to push him off
    • “tom I have to pee,”
    • “no you don’t that’s false,”
    • “GET OFF ME BEFORE BAD THINGS HAPPEN”
  • reluctantly letting go of you so you could go pee
  • hearing your name through the door
    • [Y/N]!!!”
    • “come baaaack”
    • “….I can hear you pee” followed by loud giggling as you flush the toilet and quickly was your hands
  • he promises to call, text, and facetime you as often as possible when he’s away
  • and obviously he sticks to his promises cause he’s that guy™
    • “I miss yoooouuuu”
    • “harrison doesn’t cuddle like you”
    • “I miss your cooking” 
  • reuniting with each other is both your favourite things
  • you’d be waiting at the airport, trying to be as lowkey as possible since there was already a swarm of paparazzi’s
  • him noticing you as soon as he stepped through those doors
  • running and jumping into his arms as he threw down all his belongings
    • multiple kisses all over your face
    • whispering “i’m gonna make up for all our lost time when we get home”
  • and he so does
  • not being able to keep his hands off you the second you step through the door
    • “what gotten into you, tom?” you ask as he nips at your neck and collarbones
    • he freezes before shyly looking up at you, “I-I had a dream…about you…” he trails off
  • you nearly moan at the thought of him having dirty dreams about you
  • sloppy makeup sex 
    • both your actions would be so rushed, just wanting to be connected with each other
    • “fuck, I missed you so much babygirl,” 
    • him trying to make you come at the same time as him
  • as happy as he is to see you, he’s also exhausted and starving so you tell him to take a nap as you make something for dinner
    • “but I wanna nap with my girl,” he’d try to coax 
    • “after dinner,” you bargained as he let out a huff but agreed
  •  waking him up with head scratches 
    • whining when you stop and throw the blankets off him
    • not at all fazed by his naked body
    • him being surprised at you being unfazed because ????? 
  • him always trying to get you naked
    • “let eat dinner…..naked,”
    • “let’s play strip monopoly!” “not a chance tom,” “strip uno?”
  • “tom no”
  • “TOM YES”
  • he can be such a child, hiding all your left shoes or the toothpaste because it’s only a minor inconvenience 
  • whenever you’re at home with him and his family he becomes so much more british
    • “tom I can’t understand what you’re saying anymore”
    • “WHADYA MEAN M8″
  • him getting genuinely jealous when you pay more attention to tessa than him
    • “I’m spider-man though!!!!” he’d whine as you rolled around with tessa
    • having enough of your shit and picking you up, throwing you over his shoulder and bringing you to him room
  • when tom is sick its so much worse because he’s so much more clingy but you also don’t wanna get sick
    • “just a kiss on the nose, please darling” he’d beg as you sighed, finally giving him
    • tilting his head up so you end up meeting his lips instead
    • “if you get me sick i’m gonna kill you, holland”
  • you sitting on his lap because he loves having his arms wrapped around your body
  • if you were in public he’d always be checking behind your back for paparazzi’s because it was date night 
  • baking together becomes a tradition with you guys
    • him smearing icing down your nose before licking it
    • “you taste amazing, sweetheart,” him winking before you choke on a breath  
  • you lying in his lap in bed on nights you can’t sleep
  • so he begins playing with your hair and softly singing to because he knows that’s what puts you out like a light
  • waking you up with slopping kisses all over your face
  • you’re not a morning person so you don’t appreciate being woken up and put your pillow on your face
  • so he ends up eating you out and you can’t even get angry cause it was one of the best orgasms ever
    • “still hate me for waking you up?” he asks cheekily as you roll your eyes playfully
    • that day ends up full of sex, cuddles, and food
  • working out with him but he just ends up getting distracted by all your movements 
  • which leads to post workout sex
    • “your ass looks amazing in those pants, but it looks even better without them, darling,”
  • he secretly loves being domestic with you
  • like he loves doing laundry or cleaning the apartment and even going grocery shopping because he’s imagining your future
    • “you ever think about us? in the future?” he’d ask one day and he immediately regrets it thinking you’ll start freaking out
    • “all the time, bubs,” you say with a smile and he thinks his heart is gonna leap out of his chest
  • his parents and brothers already call you an old married couple
  • both of you agreeing that you’ve still got a long ways ahead of you before you wanna get married or start a family 
  • but you both want to 
  • you’re both each others rocks, always there no matter what time it is
  • sweet little kisses throughout the day 
    • like on the nose
    • or the forehead
    • of the top of your head
  • if you’re wearings rings he’s 100 percent going to play with them when he’s holding your hand 
  • he makes sure to bring you back a souvenir from each place he visits, even if it’s a magnet you love it so much 
  • sharing headphones while waiting for the plane to start boarding 
  • playing ‘guess the song’
    • “i lose every time though,” he’d whine but you just stuck your tongue out
    • purposely playing songs he doesn’t know just to see him pout
    • “you’re just too cute,” “i’m not cute, i’m hot,” “okay, tommy, whatever you say,”
  • him getting tipsy on the plane 
    • “let’s join the mile high club,” while giggling
    • “tom i’m trying to watch a movie,”
    • “and i’m trying to get laid,”
  • he’s actually such a child sometimes and you have to threaten him with no more sex until he finally calms down
  • if he has a random question he will ask you as if you have the answer
    • “how long are giraffes necks????”
    • “how do dolphins sleep with one eye open??”
  • poking your cheeks whenever you’re ignoring him 
    • “pay attention to meeeee,”
  • lying in between his legs on his chest because he insists on having you as close to him as possible
  • YOU’RE BOTH HEAD OVER HEELS FOR EACH OTHER AND ADORE ONE ANOTHER 

A/N: i died and came back then died again i h8 myself

You asking what a saying/word means in korean, but it’s dirty.

[I put romanization]

Seokjin:

You: Jinnie! Can you translate something for me?

Jin: What is it?

You: Naneun neoege ib-eulo julyeogohanda (I want to give you a blowjob)

Jin: *shook* Jagi, you shouldn’t know that!

[Gifs don’t like working for me]

Yoongi:

You: *points to a term in a book* What’s this mean?

Yoongi: *reads it out loud* naleul meog-eo chiwola… (Eat me out..)

*Other members looks at him*

Yoongi: You did that on purpose didn’t you?

Originally posted by yoongiyi

Hoseok:

You: Hobi, what’s this say?

*sentence* naleul ontong jilnae sajeonghada (come all over me)

Hoseok: I’ll explain later..

Originally posted by sosbts

Namjoon:

You: *showing him a text* Can you tell me what this means?

Text: Naleul songalag-eulo (finger me)

Namjoon: Why tell you when I can show you?

Originally posted by charrytommoto

Jimin:

You: Jiminie, what does “nal geosigi” (dick me down) mean?

Jimin: *flustered* You don’t wanna know.

Originally posted by sweaterpawsjimin

Taehyung:

You: Tae, what does “eumhaeg” (clitoris) mean?

Taehyung: Well.. you have one Jagi..

Originally posted by taesscripts

Jungkook:

You: Kookie, can you translate “jumuleugi” (Handjob) for me?

Jungkook: *jungshook* Who’s sending you that word?

Originally posted by reneemallen

6

I remember my friend telling me about how surprised she was to find out that the clear candy wrappers weren’t edible when she first came to America so I imagine Hanzo would have a similar culture shock

It just had to happen while he was on a tour with his crush

Wanting the D...ragon

This is a loose follow-up to the ‘AC’ story (it’s a long story, the short version is my character has issues walking after taking a dragon D up from behind).

Our story begins with the party searching for clues to the whereabouts of special metallic dragons, when we come across a baby green dragon that evidently tried to attack and eat us prior. Our teifling rogue wants it as a pet.
GM: It spits acid at you all and *rolls* misses you all.
Rogue: PLEEAASE GUYS I WANNA KEEP IT.
Party unanimously: NOO!
Pouting Rogue pointing at me: What about him, HE got a dragon!
Me: …and I’m the pet, but let’s not go there.

While the party is taking jabs at my ‘conquests,’ the GM tells us the baby dragon fled out of boredom.
Rogue: COME BACK BABY! See you guys chased it away. I’m gonna go after it.
The party collectively made some efforts to stop them. Some.

Cutting forward into the campaign, we are asked to roll a perception check after hearing a thunderous roar from a clearing. Lo-and-behold an adult green dragon and a very excited rogue.

Rogue: MINE ITS MINE I CALL DIBS
and proceeds to run into the clearing and approach from behind stealthily. The rest of us recognized a lost cause and left the rogue alone and ran the opposite way.
DM: You successfully snuck right up to the dragon’s back. What is your next action?
Rogue: I cuddle it :3
DM: …you know you’ll no longer be stealthing and it WILL attack you now, right?
Rogue: o.o…can I seduce it?
DM: no, first of all he *points at me, (me: hi)* natted his roll, and secondly it’s not sentient enough to be into you.
And that is how we lost the rogue, chasing after the D.

Summer Tips☀️☀️☀️

- sun bathe to get a warm glow to your skin ( don’t forget to apply sunscreen tho!!)

- eat fruit n stay hydrated ( I always say this but it’s supa dupa important)

- go on a picnic w your bffs

- spray tropical or fruity body sprays on yourself

- when wearing off the shoulder tops put gold highlighter on your collarbones/ shoulder to look like a glowy angel

- wear flowers clips in your hair

- Go to amusement parks

- swim n try not to drown

- star gaze with ya boo thang chicken wang

- make smores

- sneak out to have late night adventures ( jk (; unless ya wanna)

- make sure to read or write so you don’t forget basic skills for when ya go back to school

All mythology instantly becomes like a thousand times better if you imagine it as like a reality TV show with those one person interviews.

Example: Set: so my boat sinks, right? I look over and this little shit Horus is sailing past me with the biggest shit eating grin on his face. Turns out his boat was made of wood. Cheater.

Example 2: Loki: and of course they didn’t wanna pay for the fuckin wall, so who has to risk their ass to fix this entire shitty situation? Yours truly, moi.

(Please feel free to add onto this.)

100 Dollars

Justin’s texts in bold. Yours are normal. You’ve been texting this guy for a while now and little do you know that your actually texting THE Justin Bieber.


Originally posted by forame

Are we ever ever going to meet?

Not yet

Why not?

My mom doesn’t let me

What? Justin your a grown ass man that’s a lie.

Alright fine. You got me I’m actually 12

I knew it since the beginning, you know

Lmao

No but seriously why not?

Can we not do this right now, I’m eating out with my friends for my birthday.
I’m just not ready.

But we’ve been texting for 7 months, what do you mean your not ready?

I just don’t wanna meet you yet
It’ll change everything

Hell yeah it will!
It’ll be so freaking fun!

No Y/N not like that
I mean in a bad way
You’ll treat me differently

100 dollars says I won’t

Don’t make that bet unless you have a hundred to spare

…If you didn’t wanna meet me you could have just said so

No Y/N it’s not like that
Y/N?
Cmon don’t be like this

Read at 5:36 pm

***

With a loud and agitated sigh, I shut my phone off and threw it down on my white bed sheets besides me. I’m beginning to get sick of Justin’s excuses - they’re beginning to make me a little claustrophobic. I need a break. 

With yet another loud sigh and the rub of my face, I decided It was time I actually left the house and began my decent down the stairs, into the kitchen where my mother stood wiping the marble bench top.

Not having the energy to converse with her at this moment, I grabbed the keys right off the exact bench she was currently rubbing at and made a dash for the door. “I’m leaving.” I informed her on my way out.

“Alright sweetie!” Mom replied with no fuss and at the approving comment, I was out the door.

I need something to get my mind off things. Just me. No phone, no parents and no Justin. Quickly darted out the house and towards my new white Range Rover which my father bought for my birthday that just passed recently.

As I settled inside and switched on the ignition, I sat for a second debating on where I should go and escape the rest of the day  and at the thought, my stomach made a loud gurgling noise. Guess I’m going out to eat.

With no hesitation, I finally mustered up the perfect place to go and began backing up out of the driveway, beginning my decent down towards a close friend of mine’s shop. Cassy owns a big fancy restaurant down the road from me and always gives me discounts on my food. 

The people there despise me considering I always rock up in sweat pants and an Adidas shirt while they all practically parade around in designer dresses and expensive pearls.

Once I arrived, I jumped out of my car and threw the keys to the valet employee. I don’t know why but every time I come here I seem to act like queen shit. It’s honestly kind of hilarious.

I stepped through the large, grand restaurant doors and not even a few seconds later was immediately greeted by Cassy herself, running forward towards me. “Oh my god Y/N, it’s been so long. C'mon lets get you seated.”

With a smile, I obliged to following the girl over towards a table for two draped elegantly in a creme cloth that was decorated with a few flowers and fine cutlery. I placed myself on one side, Cassy seating herself on the other. 

She always accompanied me when I come to eat here, it was our little thing. With the flick of her fingers, a waiter came over and took our orders, then left once we were done.

Suddenly she sat right up, a face full of excitement. “You came on the right day my girl.” She smiled and I furrowed my eyebrows at her enthusiasm. 

“Why, what happened?” I chuckled. 

“Alright,” Cassy began “ Don’t freak out but, guess who made a reservation and is sitting in this restaurant right now?” She squealed

My head quickly jolted up as I glanced around the restaurant. Then my eyes landed on a boy sitting a little further away with a group of people and a rush of adrenaline ran through my body. Justin Bieber! He was my idle though for some reason, I didn’t find myself jumping for joy as I expected too.

“No way.” I whisper shouted. Cassy giggled “Yes way. Apparently today’s his birthday or something.”

Hm, that’s funny. It’s also my friend Justin’s birthday.

“Cool.” I mumbled, turning my head away.

“You should go and talk to him.” Casst smiled but overall I just shrugged “Nah, I wouldn’t wanna disturb him on his birthday. He’s probably just trying to enjoy a nice lunch.”

“Suit yourself.” She shrugged.

It was silent between us for a moment until I decided to stand up and said “I’m going to the restroom.”

An approving hum was sung from Cassy and I found myself strutting my way over to the restroom afterwards. It was a unisex toilet meaning there was a mixture of men and woman in here, but nothing really other than a few old posh white folks who were eyeing me wearily for my fashion choice.

I ignored the stares and found my way into a stall, did my business and walked over to the sinks. By then, everyone else had left the bathrooms and I was found pumping some soap from the dispenser in my hands alone. Just then the door opened.

I looked up into the mirror and spotted Justin Bieber himself walking into the room. He wore nothing but a pair of baggy jeans and loose white fitted T. His hair messily flipped over his forehead and tattoos on full display. 

That’s a bold move to pull in a restaurant like this, the oldies hated any inked skin and tended to gossip. But I liked his confidence, kind of like myself.

 I smiled small at him before applying my concentration back on my own hands.

He walked forward over to the sink beside me and began running a hand through his long blonde hair and I watched in awe as his fingers played around with his locks, not realising that I had been staring for a little to long.

He cleared his throat loudly, causing my eyes to dart down to his. “Oh um, sorry.” I muttered to which he chuckled.

 "Nah it’s alright. People tend to stare a lot.“ He shrugged

I turned off the faucet of the gold sink and moved over to grab some paper towels to dry my hands. "Must suck.”

“Yeah.” He replied straightening himself out. Silence overcame the surrounding air for a second as we continued on with our own things, until he suddenly spoke again. “I like you’re style. You do it on purpose?” He smirked. 

I knew what he was getting at. The fact that I had actually had the guts to appear in a place of displayed wealth, dressed like this. You wouldn’t do it unless you were trying to piss off the rich people who dined here. He knew too well, because it was obvious he was doing the same.

“You know it.” I nodded. “Its hilarious to see the snobby faces when you walk in. The scowls are priceless.” 

He chuckled. “Yeah, I know right?” he agreed.

“I mean, you would know.” I pointed out, glaring back at his outfit.

Justin laughed, glancing down at his choice of clothes and shook his head in humour. “I’ll have you know these jeans are designer.” He teased. 

“I’m wearing designer too.” I nodded. “I’m actually wearing Calvin Klein underwear.” I giggled. “That’s as designer as your gonna get with me.” 

Justin actually laughed at this, a full blown loud laugh, unlike the chuckles he displayed previously. I giggled along with him snapping the waist band of my underwear to prove my point.

Justin shook his head, finally letting down, and I stepped forward smiling at the handsome man.

“Well, I better go, my friends waiting for me.” I began my way over towards the door but was suddenly held back by a loud … 

“Wait!” He yelled. I stopped. “I didn’t catch you name.” He continued.

I smirked, glancing at him one more time, with one hand on the door. “ I think we both know you already know that.”

And with that, I left him in the bathroom, standing there in shock.

That’s right Justin. I caught on.

***

“I better get back to work.” Cassy sighed.

“Yeah, well, I’m done anyways. So I’m gonna leave. Thanks Cass.”

Cassy nodded. “No problems. I’ll see ya later.” She waved. I watched as she made her way into the kitchen, yelling at a few of her employees who were slacking off on the way.

I sighed in exhaustion and waved a hand over to my waiter, who slowly and carelessly made his way over to my table “Yes madam, what may I get you?”

“My tab please.” I smiled.

The man began shuffling through some papers in his hands before turning back to me, eyebrows raised in slight surprise.  "You’re clear.“ he announced. 

But I furrowed my eyebrows. "What? But I haven’t payed yet.”

“Curtesy of the man that goes by the name of Justin Bieber. He asked to put your tab on his.”

My eyes winded in slight shock and confusion but couldn’t help the smile that set across my face. 

That sneaky bastard. 

Justin’s POV

It’s her. It’s really Y/N. She’s so much prettier in person. We’ve been talking for so long and I just couldn’t believe she was actually here in front of me. She knew who I was and didn’t freak out.

I carefully watched as she conversed with the waiter for a little before getting up and walking out of the restaurant, sparing me a glance along the way. She sent me a small wink before exiting the restaurant.

“Jay?” I snapped my head up to look back at Hailey who had been apparently yelling my name.

“Hmm?” I asked.

“Why are you staring at that girl. Stop being a creep and eat.” She demanded.

I chuckled slightly, turning back around to dig into my meal once again. I’ll text Y/N later and figure out what the hell just happened. I want to ask her when she figured it out.

That’s when suddenly, the same waiter who was serving Y/N began making his way over to me. “Mr Bieber, you have a note from the women sitting opposing. I believe her name was Y/N Y/L/N.”

He handed me the note which I cautiously took from his hand and watched as he walked off further into the restaurant.

With curious eyes and cautious hands, I slowly pulled at the folded note and took a peek at the 5 words sprawled across. And subconsciously, a large smile found it way onto my face at the words. 

‘You owe me 100 dollars. - Y/N.’