i voulenteer to be that girl

We all have demons (part 1/?)

Original Imagine:my own

Author: Iwritesupernaturalsmut

Reader Gender: Female

Warnings: Alcohol, self-hating, suicidal thoughts, no smut in this part.

Summary: The reader has a bad hunt, lives are lost. The guilt is too much, so the reader is going to kill herself. But Sam finds her and they fall in love.

Here you are again. A bottle of whiskey in your hands, sat on the floor in an overpriced crappy motel room with no one but a drunken version of your self for company. You’d been doing so well, a whole month sober. But as your father always said, its easier to forget your problems and wake up with a hangover, than to try to fix them and fail. And thats how you live with yourself after a bad hunt. After lives have been lost, after you take lives, after you abandon all humanity to fight.

The vampire hunt had gone very wrong. You were careless, selfish. Forgetting that some people have something to live for, family, friends, hopes and dreams. You used a young girl as bait. Her name was Alice. She was 16 years old. And she bravely voulenteered to lure the vampire that took her sister. You carelessly said yes. You let her put her life on the line. And now she’s dead. ‘I’m no better than the things I hunt’ you think.

You sit there, with less fluid in the bottle than 5 minutes ago, and close your eyes. You think about how life should be, how you could be happy, how different you could be. You feel a tear beggin to form in the corner of your eye, and you let it roll down your cheek and fall onto the carpet. More little drops follow the first. Your silent cry becomes more of a sob as you put your head in your hands and drown your pain in more alcohol.

It should have been you to die. Not Alice. She was so young, too young to have a fate like that. And then, you think to your self ‘I should be dead’. And you believe it. You’re a murderer. You’re no different to the evil beasts that you’ve spent your life killing. Your life is full of death and pain, you just want it to end.

You grab your coat and a gun. With exactly one bullet in. You walk out of the motel, leaving everything you own in there. And you walk out into the night, a sudden cold chill making you shivver as your tears continue to roll. You didn’t want to live anmore, why should you? No one cared. No one loved you. No one even knew you existed. The world would carry on just fine without you. You walk and walk. You carry on down a road, before you reach a quiet part of a road surrounded by trees. You fall down against a large tree, and as you sit on the ground you lift the gun up and aim it at your head. Tears stream down your face as you close your eyes and imagine a better place. Maybe you’d see loved ones again, maybe you wouldn’t. But, you just wanted it to end. Regardless of the aftermath of your actions.

You click the bullet in to place and rest your hand on the trigger. This is it. How it all will end. You’re about to pull the trigger, when you feel a hand on your shoulder. The other hand of this person reaches out for the gun. They pull it from your hands and cast it away into the dark maze of trees.

“Hey, its okay. You’ll be okay” A deep, but kind voice says in a hushed voice. You can tell that it is a man from his voice. You don’t know anything else. You’re too scared to open your eyes. Too ashamed to even look at the man. You’re crying. You’re weak. You don’t deserve to call your self a hunter.

“Here, let me help you up” The man says. You open your eyes slowly. Not meeting his gaze, you can’t look him in the eyes. You’re ashamed to. But you let him help you to your feet. He gently brings you to your feet. You don’t want him to let go, for fear that you can’t stand on your own two feet. He seems to sense this, and instead of letting go, he hugs you. Its the type of hug that makes you never want to leave. I felt safe. His arms wrapped around me and my face buried in his chest where no one could see me cry.
“My name is Sam” He whispers, still not letting go. You stand in his arms. Feeling safe. You could almost say that you felt happy.