i vote you off the island

You Me Her

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Chapter Three: Excuses 

Word Count: 2136

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After lying to Lucas about the extent of her feelings towards him Riley feels she has no choice but to tell Maya the same thing. Riley thinks it’s better to hear it from her rather than Lucas, especially after the two girls agreed to no longer keep secrets from one another. A pact that makes Riley feels horrible for lying to Maya but she keeps telling herself that this is the best thing for everyone. Her guilt subsides slightly when Maya looks relieved after Riley explains that she isn’t romantically interested in Lucas. 

As the weeks pass things remain awkward. Even though no one is asking Riley if she’s okay anymore they certainly still have a watchful eye on her in all situations. Still, Riley wears a smile that doesn’t waver as she tries to navigate through every tense situation. 

As for Maya and Lucas, on the outside you probably wouldn’t even be able to tell they were dating. They almost never held hands or made contact of any sort. Riley was unsure if they acted like this because of her or for other reasons.

Not surprisingly at all Maya prioritises Riley over Lucas in ever situation, even when ‘choosing’ isn’t necessary. Riley wonders if Maya does this out of guilt or obligation but she shakes the thought every time, Maya was her best friend and she does things because they love each other. Even though Riley tries to primarily focus on Maya she can’t help but notice the slight wave of disappointment that seems to cross Lucas every time he’s passed over for Riley. At least she thinks it’s disappointment. 

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Random shit for your muse to say to mine:
  • "Dude don't tweet those dick pics."
  • "Please just take my word for this, werewolves do not like it when you put them in diapers."
  • "I have to pee like a god damn bitch."
  • "I tattooed your name on my ass."
  • "I can't afford to pay you for your time, but may I offer you a free puppy instead?"
  • "Your handwriting looks like a snake got a happy ending massage."
  • "I will drown you in cheap wine and bury you in used cigarettes."
  • "I would literally rather suck Satan's dick than sit through that class one more day."
  • "Did my left boob get bigger or did the right one shrink?"
  • "You taste like burnt popcorn and smell like fudge."
  • "Don't use carmex in place of lube."
  • "This is the shittiest mascara I have ever wasted ten bucks on."
  • "If I were Miz Frizzle you'd never make it back from our field trip."
  • "I will pay you thirty-eight cents to take off all your clothes right this very second."
  • "Is killing my professor so there's no class tomorrow worth the jail time I'll have to serve?"
  • "All that is gold glitters like it's worth a shit ton of money."
  • "Don't fucking piss on my bed."
  • "Which level of hell am I going to for filling his shoes with Legos?"
  • "I convinced him you're a vampire so pretty please drink this cup of blood in front of him? I promise you it's not real. Probably. I don't think. I mean, what's life without a couple of risks anyway?"
  • "I'm tickled like a porcupine in July."
  • "I wanna be buried in glitter."
  • "I mean, I certainly don't wanna live in denial personally but I promise I'll come visit you sometimes."
  • "Bill Nye couldn't even help you."
  • "I need you to bring me a new set of clothes and a hug."
  • "So help me if you say another word I am voting your dumbass off friendship island."
  • "How much money will it take to get you to let me dye your hair half bright pink and half neon green?"
  • "Fuck Katy Perry and her lies; that mascara is the shittiest thing ever."
  • "I don't think you understand how lesbians work."

fuck-rand  asked:

Every time you talk about missing winter, I want to drag you to New England and throw you outside to play in the snow. You'd probably react about the same as my cat. "Hey, what's this white fluffy stu- OH JESUS CHRIST IT'S COLD AND WET" -.- (it's mostly gone tho. Our winters are hell, I can never wait for them to end. Autumn is perf tho. Eternal Autumn?)

On the one hand you are completely correct. 

On the other hand THROW ME IN THE SNOW ANYWAY. 

“Survivor - A Review Game”

“The Tribe has spoken.” 

Every student loves a good review game.  In fact, if I could just play review games in my class, I think my students would never leave.  Not only do games engage them, but as students have told me in the past, they are especially helpful for them to remember the information, especially when it comes to vocabulary.  Pair a good game up with pop culture, and it will always be a success.  

Recently, I was able to teach the other language arts teachers at my school a game called, “Survivor.” I didn’t make up this game, but it has always been a student favorite in my class.  It was actually more entertaining to watch the teachers play it instead.  I highly recommend this game for any content/grade level.  It is also great because it doesn’t take any prep or paper.

Here are the directions:

*Use this game as a review for any content area.  It does help if you have the possible answers written on the board for students, if necessary.*

Set up:

Explain to the kids about the game “Survivor” if they haven’t seen it before. Explain the idea behind having alliances.

ROUND 1:

1) Have students sit on their desk

2) Explain to students that you will ask a question. If they know the answer, they need to raise their hand.  (I let them know that if they are annoying me by talking, I won’t call on them.  Works every time.)

3) You will randomly call on a student.  If they get it right, they can vote one person off of the island.  Remind them that this is where their alliances will come into play.

4) If they get the question wrong, that student sits down.  At that point (after you have a student in their seat), any student that is sitting down can be called on and “saved” by me. (This helps with keeping the students engaged that are sitting in their chairs and have been voted off the island.)

5) Last person on their desk wins the game.  For round two, that person is “immune” from being voted off the island for the first two questions.

ROUND 2:

1) Everyone sits on their desk again. Give students time to form new alliances or confirm their old ones.

2) The game is the same, except this time, a student can either vote ONE student off of the island or can bring TWO students back up.  The one catch is that a student can only be brought up ONE time during this round.  However, I can bring a student up as many times as necessary.  (If I am running out of time, I let them vote five students down or whatever is needed.)

3) Play until there is only ONE student that has survived.

ROUND 3:

1) Bring the winners up from Round 1 and Round 2. Have them face off in opposing desks in front of the room. It’s more fun if you have a buzzer device between them, but they can always just slap their hand on the desk for the buzzer.

2) Read off a question. The first person to hit the buzzer doesn’t get to answer the question.  Instead, they must choose someone from the audience to answer it for them.  This is the part that makes alliances more fun.  The person in the audience can decide if they want to answer the question correctly or not. If they get it correct, the person up front gets a point.  If they don’t, the other person gets the point.  *If a student hits the buzzer before I am done with my question, then the opponent gets to choose someone from the audience. This makes them work on their listening skills.*

3) I usually play until the first person gets five points and is declared the ultimate survivor.  

So, do kids want to play games AND learn at the same time? YES!  The tribe has spoken.

Originally posted by malc0lmfreberg

The signs as things my dad has said (part 2)

Aries: aw shit there’s fucking bees all over here FUCK

Taurus: WHAT THE FUCK WHAT IS?

Gemini: *pointing at a piece of white bread* you’re dumb. you’re dumb.

Leo: You guys are just big bags of….. dicks….

Cancer: hey. Can we vote her off the island?

Virgo: (about our own family) why are these people so awful at everything

Libra: I’m gay. I’m a pirate and I like men.

Scorpio: Do Stupid people have their own pride flag?

Sagittarius: slock of feagulls

Capricorn: ALRIGHT LISTEN UP YOU pieces of shit

Aquarius: THANKS, COCKWEED

Pisces: my arms, they, yknow I….itsjust uh the. they fall off.

How Charming

I tried to fit in everything to one chapter but it’d be way too long and I doubt I’d have gotten it done tonight so I split them and I’m working on the ficlet btw there’ll be a little surprise in it for you Dev. Did I mention that watching boys drink is kind of a turn-on for me?

Originally posted by xecron

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

After waking up and pulling on some clothes you realised you needed to take out the trash. You sighed as you tied the garbage bag and headed out to dispose it.

Much to your embarrassment, you ran into Erica on the way back. She was clad in one of Boyd’s t-shirts and she smirked at you knowingly.

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Zeke Smith on Being Outed on 'Survivor': 'I'm Not Wild About You Knowing That I'm Trans'

Zeke Smith admits there were some things he wanted to keep to himself when he signed up for not one, but two seasons of Survivor.

That all changed on Wednesday’s episode of Survivor: Game Changer when fellow castaway, Jeff Varner, outed him as being transgender during the tribal council portion of the show. Varner was promptly voted off the island, unanimously.

“I’m not wild about you knowing that I’m trans. An odd sentiment, I realize, for someone who signed up for two seasons of the CBS reality giant, Survivor,” Smith admits in an op-ed for The Hollywood Reporter. “See, when I got on a plane to Fiji last March, I expected to get voted out third. I’d return home, laugh at my misadventure, and go about my life, casually trans in the same way that Zac Efron is casually Jewish.”

WATCH: Jeff Varner Says He’s ‘Profoundly Sorry’ for Outing Zeke Smith as Transgender on Survivor – 'I Was Wrong’

“A person’s gender history is private information and it is up to them, and only them, when, how, and to whom they choose to disclose that information,” he continues. “The only people who need to know are medical professionals and naked fun time friends.”

As for Varner, Smith has a spirit of forgiveness. “I knew that Varner’s actions, though targeted at me, had nothing to do with me and everything to do with him,” he says. “His terrible utterances were not an effect of my actions, but a reflection of his own personal maladies.”

That being said, Smith feels that Varner’s statements at the tribal council “invoked one of the most odious stereotypes of transgender people, a stereotype that is often used as an excuse for violence and even murder.”

WATCH: Jeff Probst Reacts to Survivor Outing – 'You Just Don’t Do That to Someone’

“In proclaiming, 'Zeke is not the guy you think he is’ and that 'there is deception on levels y'all don’t understand,’ Varner is saying that I’m not really a man and that simply living as my authentic self is a nefarious trick,” he writes. “In reality, by being Zeke the dude, I am being my most honest self – as is every other transgender person going about their daily lives.”

While Smith – who was raised in Oklahoma, and transitioned while studying religion at Harvard – has forgiven Varner, he’s not forgotten. “I can’t foresee us sipping martinis together in Fire Island. While I can reconcile the personal sleight of him outing me, I continue to be troubled by his willingness to deploy such a dangerous stereotype on a global platform,” the 28-year-old asset manager confides. “But forgiveness does not require friendship. Forgiveness does not require forgetting or excusing his actions. Forgiveness requires hope.”

MORE: 8 Groundbreaking Transgender People in Pop Culture

“Hope that he understands the injury he caused and does not inflict it upon others. Hope that whatever torments his soul will plague him no more,” Smith declares. “I have hope for Jeff Varner. I just choose to hope from afar, thank you very much.”

I cannot adequately express how touched and honored I am for the overwhelming love and support I’ve received tonight. It’s been a long nine months awaiting this night. I couldn’t have made it through the journey without Nick Adams, Director of @glaad ’s Transgender Media Program. He’s been a guide, mentor, and friend over these tumultuous months. I love you, Nick!

A post shared by Zeke Smith (@zekerchief) on Apr 12, 2017 at 11:20pm PDT

After the episode aired, Varner apologized for his comments in a statement posted on his Twitter and Instagram accounts. “I was wrong and make no excuses for it,” he wrote. “I own responsibility in what is the worst decision of my life.”

EXCLUSIVE: Survivor: Game Changers Castaway Brad Culpepper Breaks Down Over the Stress of the Competition

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anonymous asked:

I NEED more Riarkle head canons please! Can we have one that goes into depth about the photo war that breaks out at their bachelor/bachelorette parties? And maybe one about what they do when all their kids are grown and out of the house? And any others you wanna give us?

Oh God okay I’ll do the bachelorette parties omfg

  • Okay so Riley and Farkle set their wedding date for some time in May when they’re 25 years old right
  • Farkle’s groomsmen are Auggie, Josh, Lucas and Zay
  • Riley’s bridesmaids are Maya, Ava, Smackle, and some girl she became friends with in college idk let’s call her Katie
  • Penny was going to be the flower girl obviously
  • Lucas suggested his bright idea of Sally the Deer being the ring bearer
  • Riley almost stabbed him and ordered him not to bring the deer to her wedding
  • He brought the deer to her wedding
  • But anyway Morgan’s 2 year old son was named ring bearer it was adorbs
  • So anyway, they had everything completely planned out. Bachelor parties were literally the furthest thing from their minds. Neither of them wanted parties, anyway
  • Maya was not having that, however, and more or less kidnapped Riley with the other girls, stuffed her into heels and a tiny dress before she knew what was even happening, and dragged her to a car as she’s desperately yelling to her parents very specific instructions on babysitting Penny lmao
  • Maya texted the boys to let them know to do something similar with Farkle obvi
  • Farkle is tired and very annoyed his wedding is in like a day and a half he just wants to finalize some plans and sleep and love his family so he’s just like ‘wtf I don’t want a bachelor party what would we even do’
  • Josh and Zay gasp and make eye contact and they know that even though they’ve barely ever interacted this is their time to UNITE and get fucking TURNT THEY ARE SO READY
  • They’re both pulling out their phones trying to find the best strip clubs and bars and shit they are getting so excited
  • And Farkle is just like “…guys Auggie is only 17 we can’t take him to any of these places.”
  • And Zay and Joshua just. deflate
  • Visibly deflate
  • And they know they can’t just ditch Auggie bc Riley would find out and she would Full Riley-yell at them and no one wants that omg
  • So now they’re trying to figure out what to do and Auggie’s trying to convince them to go without him but Josh is like “Auggie we aren’t voting you off the island” and Farkle is like “Auggie rn you are the only person here I actually like you’re coming” and so there was debate for a while
  • Finally Lucas gets everyone’s attention and he’s like “I know the PERFECT place we can go!!! It’s a really cool place with a bar but it’s legal for Auggie to be there, and I know the manager so he’ll let Sally in!!!!”
  • “Lucas you are not bringing the fucking deer to the bachelor party.”
  • “But!!!! It’s called a Stag night for a reason!!!”
  • “Sally isn’t even a stag she’s a doe holy shit”
  • So after bickering about this for like half an hour everyone gives up and follows Lucas to his mystery location. He seems v excited about going to this place.
  • Cut to the girls. They are holding Riley hostage in the back of one of the Minkus Family’s private limos
  • Smackle and Katie are literally holding her down by her arms as Maya and Ava attack her face with makeup and try to style her hair
  • She’s yelling like “I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU GUYS MADE ME LEAVE PENELOPE ALONE WITH MY PARENTS WHAT THE FUCK DO THEY KNOW ABOUT RAISING CHILDREN”
  • “Riley sweetie it’s just one night of fun before your wedding CALM DOWN”
  • “I didn’t even want a bachelorette party! Farkle and I have been practically married for years anyway!”
  • “He’s out having fun at a bachelor party right now. Why can’t you have fun too?”
  • “…The fuck you mean he’s having a bachelor party?”
  • And now Maya sees that she can use this. Maybe lying to Riley to make her mad at Farkle isn’t the best way to get her to cut loose the day before her wedding, but she’s desperate and prepared to use any tactic she can now
  • “Oh, yeah, Josh texted me! Said the guys were just hanging out at the Minkus’ place and Farkle suddenly realized they hadn’t planned a stag night and he was sooo excited to have one so now they’re on their way to some strip club?”
  • And Riley just. Silently SEETHES for 5 quick seconds. And then she takes a deep breath and is like ‘Hand me that fucking bottle of champagne over there it belongs to me and I am not sharing”
  • The girls cheer and start blasting obnoxious party music on the way to their First destination
  • Okay so cut to the boys
  • Who are sitting around a table at fucking Applebees
  • Someone put a cone party hat on Farkle and tied two balloons on his wrists
  • Sally is eating off Zay’s plate
  • Everyone is scowling and looking miserable and staring into space
  • Except Lucas who is happily digging into his below-sub-par steak (that he thinks is great)
  • Honestly someone needs to paint this image of them and hang it in a museum
  • Lucas is like ‘guys come on have fun this is a party!!! Farkle’s getting married in two days!!!!!”
  • Zay: “And we’re in a fucking Applebees.”
  • “How are we supposed to talk at these things??? He’s, uh, gonna tame that wild bad girl, or somethi-”
  • Auggie and Josh: “You’re talking about my sister/niece.”
  • “Farkle’s finally gonna loose his virginity!!!”
  • Farkle: “Riley and I have a 7 year old child together.”
  • “Well, yeah but didn’t you stop having sex after she got pregnant? So your virginity grew back?”
  • “No we didn’t stop and literally what are you talking about that’s not how it works?”
  • “It totally grows back if you don’t have sex for a while. That’s a thing.”
  • “…Lucas are you a virgin or have you just confused and disappointed a lot of girls? I’m really concerned right now.”
  • “Um,”
  • Everyone except Lucas had been talking in a complete monotone lmao
  • The waiter is passing by, and Zay grabs him by his collar, pulls him close, and is like “I need you to get me a bloody mary, but I need you to put as much vodka in it as humanly possible. The exact breaking point amount of vodka that I can drink without dying. I need so much vodka in this drink, I won’t be able to taste the tomato juice. Is that clear?”
  • He has a crazy desperate look in his eyes and he’s whispering in a tone that implies this is the most important thing in the world so the waiter scurries off to fulfill the request
  • Once he leaves, Zay sighs, looks down to where Sally is still munching on his food
  • “Lucas, to be fair, I don’t really remember what I ordered, but I’m pretty sure your deer is eating venison?”
  • Lucas gasps in horror and pulls the plate away from Sally who starts screaming in offense
  • Farkle and Josh simultaneously bang their heads on the table when the noise starts
  • Auggie is scrolling through Instagram and other sites like twitter and fb all that and he’s like ‘how is Riley already drunk it’s only like 7:30 oh my God’
  • So Farkle is like???? Is she drinking around Penny do I need to rush home wtf????
  • And Auggie’s like no it’s her bachelorette party the girls look like they’re in some club right now
  • So he shows them the picture and the boys (not including Lucas, who’s trying to calm down Sally) are just like WHAT THE FUCK
  • The girls are gathered around a round table, caught candidly laughing hysterically. Maya and Riley have their arms around each other, and Riley looks like she’s mid-falling out of her chair. Ava is giggling into her drink, Smackle is looking charmingly confused by what the girls are laughing about, and Katie’s face is in the corner of the picture (since she’s taking it), grinning like an idiot. All the girls look like they’re having a great time
  • So Zay is immediately like “what the FUCK Ava is barely a year older than Auggie how’d they get her in a bar????”
  • And Auggie’s like “She has a fake ID duh.”
  • “And why do you not have a fake ID??? That feels like the type of thing Ava would make you do together?”
  • “Have you like…met my family, or…?”
  • So now everyone is groaning and Farkle is like “Really??? She just left our kid with her parents and ran off to a bachelorette party without even giving me a heads up????”
  • So now he’s a little pissed omg
  • Zay’s vodka with a splash of tomato juice is here so he’s now trying to find himself in that
  • But Josh is just like???? Guys fuck this we’re getting into an actual bar
  • And he was expecting Farkle to fight but since Farkle’s a little mad now he’s like “Thank God, now that I think about it, it shouldn’t be that hard to sneak Auggie in. He’s pretty tall?”
  • So now Zay and Lucas are invested and they’re all scheming how to get Auggie past security and Auggie is a little overcome with emotions tbh he’s like ‘look at all these adults in my life making very poor decisions on my behalf what a night’
  • So anyway while they scheme the girls keep uploading more pictures of them in really stereotypical party-girl poses and fake candid shots, you fucking know what I mean
  • But he’s noticing they all have captions like ‘who needs the boys’ ‘the boys wish they were having this much fun’ ‘farkle minkus is a fucking loser’ ‘boys can’t have fun the way girls can’ ‘we don’t need a deer to have a wild ride’
  • shit like that
  • And Auggie shows the guys and they are like what the FUCK THIS IS A CALLOUT
  • THIS IS A LITERAL CALLOUT
  • THEY ARE ALL SO MAD ABOUT THIS
  • Like unreasonably mad omfg
  • So Auggie has the bright idea of mocking them
  • “Like we can recreate the pictures but be even more obnoxious than they are.”
  • Zay finally finishes his vodka and looks around the table and is just like ‘they call us out and we clap the fuck BACK LET’S DO THIS.”
  • EVERYONE LEAPS INTO POSITIONS AND HONESTLY IT WAS BEAUTIFUL THEY ALL KNEW EXACTLY WHO TO PORTRAY
  • They started with the first one that the Katie girl posted omfg
  • Just leaping and sliding over the table, knocking food and drinks around to get to the right places- Josh wraps his arms around Farkle and lovingly plants a huge kiss on his temple as they laugh fakely and Farkle starts to fall halfway out of his chair. Auggie grabbing a random cup near him and giggling in it while twirling a strand of his hair and staring at Josh and Farkle. Zay Sitting on the edge next to Farkle, looking adorably lost at the scene before him as he twirls a straw in a glass. Lucas (and Sally) in the corner with a big grin as he takes the selfie.
  • They post the picture, tag all the girls in it so they know they’ll see it, and make the caption something really dumb like ‘so blessed to be celebrating with my fav guys!!!! bros before hoes!!!! <3 “
  • IMMEDIATELY after they hit post they all receive angry phone calls from the girls like ‘what the FUCK are you trying to make fun of us this isn’t cute!!!’ and stuff and they’re just all like ‘Sorry sweaties too busy having fun to bicker tonight gotta go live life don’t forget to change your tampons!!!!!’ and HANG UP
  • Josh just whispers ‘we’re going to die tomorrow’ and Farkle’s like ‘yeah but we have to fucking finish what we’ve started LETS GO’
  • They set to work recreating the other couple pictures the girls have already posted. The girls had been tracking all their pictures with ‘Rileytown’ so the boys start using the tag ‘FarkleNation’ this is happening
  • Okay cut to the girls
  • They are LIVID
  • HOW DARE THE BOYS MAKE FUN OF THEM PASSIVE AGGRESIVELY MAKING FUN OF THEM
  • NO
  • NOT HOW THIS WORKS
  • So they’re trying to brainstorm this shit because they will not be defeated and Riley’s like ‘the only way to win is to one up them. We have to take as many ridiculous pictures as we can. Pictures the boys couldn’t hope to recreate.”
  • And everyone else is like ‘YES TRU but we also still have to get our party on while we’re doing that.’
  • And Riley’s like ‘listen I’m running on no sleep, too much alcohol and pure spite right now. Damn right we’re gonna keep partying.’
  • Maya’s just trying to figure out why the boys pictures are making it look like they’re in an Applebees wtf
  • So anyway the girls rush off to a different bar. A THEMED bar. snd star going crazy with pictures omg
  • The guys see the switched locations and start freaking out like GO GO GO INTO THE CAR
  • Lucas had some trouble tearing Sally away from the carousel horse that literally every Applebees has on the wall. She grew to love him.
  • But he got her in the car and they’re snapping dumb selfies in the car but they’re trying to find a themed bar now
  • The girls look like the fond a fucking ocean themed bar??? What the fuck
  • The ask the driver to take them to the nearest themed place he can and they end up at some over-the-top German bar holy shit
  • The use Sally to cause a distraction so Auggie can duck in without the guard noticing
  • Lucas feels dirty using Sally for lies, deceit and underage drinking but rn it’s for the greater good
  • Okay so the girls keep posting pics of them with like fucking mermaids and see animals and tanks literally where tf even are they
  • The boys have to substitute those with waiters and bartenders who are in fucking lederhosen holy shit
  • Riley and Maya post a particularly provocative photo of them tightly sandwiching a mermaid waitress named Isabel. She’s in skimpy uniform, the girls themselves are barely covered up, they’re both kissing her chicks and all three are looking into the camera like, can you top this?
  • Farkle and Josh immediately find an (almost way too) willing bartender named Larry and recreated the shot. Larry is overweight and has a weird amount of facial hair and horned rimmed glasses but Farkle and Josh are drinking and determined to make this sexy holy fucking shit Josh has got his tongue dangerously close to this mans ear and Farkle has his arms wrapped around him way too sensually and is lightly nibbling on his ear and they’ve all got one eyebrow raised and their shirts are unbuttoned and Farkle wrote the caption ‘We’re all about that bass, boys like a little more booty they can hold at night’ and he wrote that in GERMAN because fucking Farkle Minkus
  • The girls were screaming when they saw it and once they translated the caption they were pissed lmao
  • Ava posts a picture of her and Smackle sitting on top of the bar counter trying to flirt with a King Triton and are holding jello shots
  • Auggie posts a picture of Zay laying on the counter getting a body shot from some girl in a really short German dress as Auggie stands on the counter cheering on and posing as if he’s trying to look up the girl’s dress
  • The Katie girl literally doesn’t know any of these people other than Riley and Farkle so she’s a little confused by this whole mess but she joins in and Lucas copies her a little too well for her liking lol
  • Back to the cars to race to new locations
  • While in the car Maya posts a picture of her, well, doing some things with her tongue to the neck of a bottle of champagne and captions it something like “Josh can only dream” or something
  • Josh’s immediate response is to post a picture of him literally fucking deep throating a bottle captioned “I’ve always been the more talented one in this relationship, babe.” and Maya sees it and s c r e a m s
  • Also let’s make something clear
  • Maya’s completely sober for all of this omfg
  • She is 3 months pregnant but NO ONE knows yet. She’s ordering drinks and then pouring them into the other girls cups when they aren’t looking lol
  • Poor Smackle gets the brunt of it so she gets so wasted so fast omfg
  • Riley and Farkle are getting progressively more and more annoyed with each other bc they think the other just snuck out to have a secret bachelorette party without telling them and had lied about not wanting one in the first place. They’ve yet to figure out this is all 900% Maya, and the more passive aggressive the captions and photos get the worst THEY get omg what a mess
  • Anyway, the war trudges on
  • Ava posts a picture of her dumping glitter all over herself. Auggie posts a response picture of him dumping fucking twisties pasta all over himself
  • Maya posts a picture of Smackle being adorable and twirling around so her skirt is fanned out
  • Zay says ‘just WAIT’, runs out of the car so they have to pull over, and returns 15 minutes later in a fucking KILT
  • ‘Let’s do this’
  • That picture was recreated perfectly God bless but Zay never got his pants back. No one was sober enough to think to ask him where he even went and it remains a mystery to this day because one he beats the hangover he can’t fucking remember
  • The Katie chick posts a picture of her hooking up with some random guy
  • Lucas posts a picture of his face pressed next to Sally’s and he’s giving the camera a husky look omfg
  • Also I need you guys to remember that Farkle is a celebrity’s kid. And Josh is in a basically-almost-famous band. And Maya’s become a bit of an internet sensation with her art. And Riley and Smackle are both getting pretty well known in their respective fields. And Zay’s a pretty well known stage actor and dancer.
  • So like…a lot of people are seeing this war transpire omfg
  • Like A LOT of people
  • Like all of their followers
  • Like you sign onto facebook and in the ‘trending’ section they’re mentioning some weird photo war going on between a group of friends before the big Minkus Wedding
  • Like the group is only doing this for each other they are all locked and focused on this war
  • But they don’t realize that there’s an absurd amount of people online LIVING for the updates. It doesn’t even occur to them lmao
  • So anyway, this continues on for like all fucking night omfg
  • Just everyone running around barhopping, trying to outdo each other with silly pictures
  • Annoyed as they were, Riley and Maya were getting a huge kick out of seeing Farkle and Josh try to be as touchy-feely and affectionate with each other as they are
  • They kept going over board even for the two of them to try to win, but the boys really rose to the challenge there lmao
  • Zay’s kilt was not covering him as much as anyone would have liked so almost every time he had to copy Smackle in a picture there was a lot of unhappy slipups but he sold it with a straight face bless
  • Okay so eventually it’s like fucking almost 1 in the morning and the girls manage to end up in a double-sex strip club omfg
  • So the boys see the pictures and are like OOOHO LESSGO although they just hit up the first one they see, not realizing it’s the same strip club the girls are in
  • Farkle is officially pissed omfg he thought at the very least strip clubs wouldn’t be party of Riley’s Bachelorette Party of Lies bc it doesn’t seem very her but here we are
  • So when he walks in and sees some guy trying to pull her onstage for a special pre-wedding lap dance, he’s like y i k e s
  • But she sees him and shoves the guy away and runs over to yell at him while their other friends keep up with the pictures
  • So she runs up and she’s in a tight red dress with smudged makeup and Maya shoved her into one of those dumb sashes and mini veil tiaras so everyone would know she’s getting married. And she smells like 30 different types of booze and she’s??? Yelling at him????
  • She’s like ‘SERIOUSLY Farkle, you didn’t have to lie to me! You spend months insisting you don’t want a bachelor party and then sneak out behind my back!!!?”
  • And he’s like???? “uh babe no I think you’ve had to much to drink bc that’s what YOU did??”
  • “I only agreed to go because Maya told me you were soooo excited to run off to celebrate your last night of ‘freedom’ with the guys! Stop lying to me!”
  • “We were sitting inside an Applebees not talking until you and the girls started posting those pictures!!”
  • And they both pause and stare into each others eyes and realize at the same moment. This was entirely Maya. holy shit.
  • They just start cracking the fuck up because they spent all night being petty and passive aggressive at each other when neither one of them had actually done anything wrong
  • They’re standing in a strip club at 1:30 in the morning and they’re both drunk off their asses and covered in glitter and there’s a pack of dancers circling them looking for cash but they’re hugging and giggling and kissing each other because they can’t believe they let the night get so weird but hey, at least they actually kind had fun
  • There’s strobe lights and fake fog and shitty music all around them but Riley is still giggling and the glitter all over her is making her eyes even brighter than usual and she’s still the center of his universe and he says ‘fuck i cannot wait to marry you’ and they start making out
  • Auggie catches a great picture of them and posts it captioned ‘Reconciliation for #FarkleNation and #RileyTown!” and everyone rejoices
  • Everyone hangs out together for a little longer and heads home for a long day of hangovers
  • Farkle and Josh get MURDERED by the Matthews for sneaking Auggie into multiple bars and a strip club
  • But everyone had a great memorable night and people still talk about it and laugh at the pictures all the time
  • ugh riarkle (and friends)

anonymous asked:

i feel bad for the violas they go through enough bs already & all the violinists are so cruel to them lol

everyone makes fun of violas. violins are not the only ones. 

I went to music camp for the past week, and the violas experienced so much abuse. 

-every time a violist walked into a room a little late, people would say things like “the violas never come in when they’re supposed to.”

-the conductor said they were voted off the island

-a bassist was joking with a violist about how violas are actually better than violins because they burn longer. the violist stared at him dead in the eyes and said “you play the bass. your instrument burns the longest, and I will happily prove it to you.”

-even the bassoons made fun of the violas. bassoons: you are not one to talk. you play the bassoon. 

and the violists can’t do too much about it because the orchestra’s collective hatred towards the violas is what unites us. there’s also like five of them, so no one would take them seriously anyway

Reality TV AUs

Imagine your OTP:

  • “I’m really famous and you’re my dance partner we better goddamn win this thing too bad we hate each other” AU
  • “I suck at directions and you get really bad motion sickness why the fuck did we enter ourselves in The Amazing Race” AU
  • “I’m the world’s worst singer but you’re the totally cute judge that I’ve been crushing on and I just wanted to grab your attention and I think I succeeded” AU
  • “I encouraged you through that height obstacle, now it’s time for you to hold my hand while I eat this cockroach” AU
  • “You’ve never tried to vote me off the island let’s be lovers allies” AU
  • “for some reason my family has its own reality show and you’re a cameraperson capturing it all if you help me escape I’ll go out with you” AU
  • “you may cook a mean steak but my creme brulee is the best the town’s ever seen you’re going down” AU
  • “I’m the bachelor/ette and the fact that you have the audacity to steal a rose every week before the end impresses me I’ll allow it” AU
  • “I barely know you but I seem to design all my outfits with you in mind and you pull it off so well” AU
  • “You are SO infuriating why can’t you just give me the 50 bucks for this watch and I’ll buy you dinner with it” AU

I gotta tell ya I hope when the primaries come around Bernie Sanders knocks it out of the park. I hope there are as many supporters as Tumblr makes it seem. I’ve been livin with my grandparents for about a month with the news on all the time and havent heard his name spoken ONCE. Not ONCE. (even though his portland rally drew the biggest crowd so far in 2015). The News only wants to talk about Trump and Hillary. They REALLY dont want bernie to be seen as a serious candidate and I just really hope the bernie supporters I see on social media pull through when the time comes. I want all these fucking news stations to be shitting their pants at the number of votes he gets I really do. Plot twist you bitches.

The 100 Predictions (SPOILERS!!)

So, after ep. 3x05 and the 3x06 preview aired I have a few predictions for what may be coming.
1. A.L.I.E. So, with what’s happening right now, and what we know about A.L.I.E. And the city of light, and from what I’ve seen of the 3x06 preview… The city of light is a lie. A.L.I.E. A LIE. Whatever those pills are doing, it’s most likely going to put whoever takes it into a zombie-like state. When we first met ALIE, Murphy watched a video of her creator- saying she’s the one who caused the nuclear apocalypse. She’s trying to wipe out human kind once and for all, hence why she wanted to rebuild Jaha’s missile. I also believe that the Grounders believe that the city of light is where they go when they die, but they don’t really believe they die- they just take the next step… Hence why Lexa has the infinity symbol on her neck, and also why she is always talking about reincarnation. It’s the Grounders sacred symbol… Like a cross for Christians, the Star of David, etc. it’s their symbol.
2. Lincoln will probably (most likely) die… Very soon. In one of the previews we see Octavia beating the living crap out of Bellamy saying “You’re dead to me”, that kind of rage can only be read as someone she loves has died. I think it will most likely be a guard saying he was “Reaching for his gun”
3. In the 3x06 preview, Lexa is waking up from a nightmares she’s having about her army getting slaughtered. As we know from that E4 commercial (that I feel SO BAD and also SO EXCITED about watching) Clarke and Lexa are in bed together. I think Clarke may stay with Lexa through the night to comfort her and… Well you get the picture 😂
4. So, now let’s get to Murphy and the unfortunate situation he has himself in right now… The scouts (I guess?) who picked Murphy up will probably take him to Polis, and that little blue pill? Lexa is going to take it. I know everyone is worried about Lexa dying, but I can assure you (well almost… No one is safe on this show lol) she’s going to go into the same state as Raven and the others and Clarke has to find a way to get everyone back to reality. This explains the filming in downtown Vancouver with Alycia and Eliza, they’re both in the city of light.
5. With Lexa showing weakness by not starting a war with Skaikru, I think there’s a high probability that she will be voted off the island and Ontari will become the new Commander. Either that OR when Lexa is trapped in the city of light, Ontari takes lead as the replacement commander while Lexa is in the coma/zombie like state… Which would mean a war against Skaikru and Lexa losing her command. Lexa’s character is one that is loved throughout the entire 100 fandom, I HIGHLY doubt they would kill her off. I think the uproar that would happen would put a huge hole in the series. But her losing her place as Heda? Very, very possible.
Annnnnd that’s all I have for now! Leidon!

code-command  asked:

you as psyched about the Deadpool movie as I am!? Whoo I'm excited!

I have mixed feelings. I will be honest with you: the publicity surrounding Deadpool hasn’t been great for the character, or my childhood. At first when I noticed Deadpool socks n keychains n wristbands, I was like ‘This’ll only last a few months. Besides, if DP saw this, he’d be stoked. So I’ll be fake happy for an imaginary character.’ But then people started A) Trying to prove to me they know more than I do, which, who gives a fuck, or B) I get eyerolls and people making chimichanga jokes, which are a product of poor comic book writing and Disney trying to cash in on it’s fan fav flavor of the month.

Modern Deadpool isn’t who I read and looked up to as a kid. The original version of the character was much more sinister, had a lot more inner confliction and triumph over struggle. That was the whole deal with him having regen powers. It was a curse as much as it was a gift, and he used to actually think about that sort of thing, making him seem very intelligent when he wasn’t making jokes. Like he’s a mad genius. Now, he just seems mad. And his jokes aren’t as good. There is very little substance anymore, it seems.

None-the-less, I think if anyone could do it, Ryan Reynolds can. He read the same comics I did growing up, saw that there is a great amount of complexity to the character, and he took “getting it right” very seriously. Been following his social media. After watching the teaser trailer yesterday, watching him drop the pipe etc, his acting is not in question. But I AM concerned about the writing, which Reynolds had very little part in. I am hoping that he is my homeboy, and if something in the script rubbed him wrong, he figured something else out that is more appropriate. But then I think, “Aight, Casey. You are crossing over into unnecessarily anal fangirl territory,” and I try to relax.

So, yeah, mixed feelings. I imagine this is how many people felt when they heard Heath Ledger was gonna be The Joker. Thus, I have hope it’ll be a fantastic movie. I will remain apprehensive though, until I actually see it.

If I hear one more chimichanga or Betty White joke, it’s getting voted off the island. He likes Bea Aurthur more anyway. Everyone knows that. JEEZE! ;3


Link to the DP trailer in case yer livin’ under a rock today. 

anonymous asked:

Ok so what would you do if you were dating a girl and your parents found out and it was bad and made you break up but you stayed together anyways and your best friend threatens to out you to your parents?

I would vote my supposed best friend off friend island and make them swim to ex bff shore because that’s not a thing that you do to your friend. Then I would make my girlfriend my new bff and depending on how much my parents trust me would tell them that my new bff and I aren’t dating so we could hang out in my room and kiss a whole lot.

Malleus Maleficarum - Part 3

Word Count: 2204

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: Language

A/N: I was fucking drunk when I wrote this so uh…sorry. 

Series Rewrite Masterlist


Tammi swung her arm toward Sam, throwing him against the wall and pinning him to it. “Tammi, what’s wrong with your eyes?” Elizabeth gasped. She turned her head back toward the two other women and changed them back to her normal brown.

“Tammi, what are you doing?” Renee demanded.

“Renee, shut your painted hole.” Tammi seethed.

“What? I – I will – You can’t – Not in my house, Tammy Fenton!” Renee said with an air of superiority. Tammi sighed in annoyance and waved her hand at Renee, sending Renee’s head snapping to the right and snapping her neck, killing her instantly. Her body fell to the floor as Elizabeth covered her mouth and screamed in terror.

“Look. You got me.” Sam surrendered. “Let the girl go.”

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shit my friends and family say meme

“I fed him and now he won’t leave.”
“We will change the future!”
“You can’t just change the whole English language to suit you!”
“Does it hurt when you stick your finger in there?”
“What are they teaching you at that school of yours?”
“Why do I pay good money to send you to school if you aren’t going to learn anything?”
“Hey, _______ , they’re talking about yoda!”
“Oh look who it is! The best person in the world!”
“Um excuse me, where the fuck is my invite?!”
“You can’t wear superman tracksuit pants and a batman jumper!”
“He’s obsessed with the turkey microphone.”
“I put sticky tape on there, that means no!”
“He fucking ate my maltesers!”
“Yeah, taste the string on my shorts.”
“She told my doctor I smoked weed and now I have to deal with a lecture.”
“I fucking locked that bitch outside who let her in.”
“I think I have had several mid-life crisis’s already.”
“Your dog keeps staring at me.”
“I’m batman and you’re robin.”
“All he is ever doing is sleeping, watching anime or playing video games.”
“He’s kinda like the hulk, you won’t like him when he’s angry.”
“_______ thought the Trojans were Vikings.”
“I just bought a forty pack of condoms.”
“She’s evil, don’t let her out of the bottle.”
“_______, thinks you hate him.”
“I always knock when ________ is over, just in case they’re having sex.”
“Aagh! Why are there so many cats?!”
“That’s because you’re adopted!”
“I have to look at dead bodies like once a week.”
“What are those things doing inside?”
“We started to rewatch Supernatural for you and now you won’t even watch it!”
“Your father’s an idiot.”
“I’m sorry ________ but you’ve been voted off the island, get out.”
“People think that just because they have a PhD they can teach, but they can’t.”

“Survivor: Not Amestris” - Episode 1 (Part 1)

16 castaways. Two tribes. Who will outwit, outplay, and outlast? Who will be voted off the island? And which of these 16 FMA characters will be the sole survivor?

Silly, poorly written parody work where the characters of Fullmetal Alchemist are on the reality TV show Survivor. You don’t need prior knowledge of the latter to read, though, I wouldn’t recommend this unless you’re familiar with FMA. Spoilers for it are inevitable.

Red Tribe: Edward Elric, Roy Mustang, Olivier Mira Armstrong, Solf J. Kimblee, Scar, May Chang, Lan Fan, Rebecca Catalina
Yellow Tribe: Winry Rockbell, Fuhrer Bradley, Riza Hawkeye, Greedling, Jean Havoc, Alphonse Elric, Izumi Curtis, Alex Loius Armstrong

*I do not own any of the FMA characters or Jeff Probst*

Read on Ao3


The sixteen castaways can hear nothing over the propellor chopping through the wind. Edward Elric stares out the window of the helicopter, marveling at the expanse of the island as they draw closer toward the ground. Turquoise waves lick the rocky shore, glittering from the sunlight’s kiss. He’d never seen anything quite so blue. Probably because Amestris is landlocked and his fictional continent doesn’t grant much in the aesthetic department.

Beside him, Roy Mustang has tensed, taking in the massive body of water with a wary gaze. When he agreed to be on this reality show, no one ever said there would be so much water involved. The humidity percentage must be off the charts. No way he’ll be able to create a spark in a place like this.

Due to his distress, Olivier Armstrong begins to cackle, crossing her ankle over her knee, looking out at their new home for the next thirty days.

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