The Effect of Emotional Abuse on Each Type: INFP
SUBMITTED by hannah-elizabeth-j
^^^^^^^^^ My work is done.
Oh, like a real analysis/description? Okay then.
I’ve seen a few posts/requests on here about the effects of emotional abuse and the affect that it has on each Myers Briggs type so, as someone who works with a lot of domestic abuse victims I thought that I’d give my two cents worth. I wanted them to be quite detailed to give people a fair amount of information so this will be the general format; a general description of what it will look like, how this differs from similar types (ie. the ENFJ compared to the INFJ and ESFJ) and a character in fiction who acts similar to this (may not be for the same reason and I might not get one for each type but I’ll try).
There will be some variation depending on when the abuse took place in their life but there are somethings that will remain the same.
Ever want to see an INFP that defies every stereotype in the book?
From my experience an INFP who has come from an abusive home will contradict pretty much every stereotype there is.
Chances are while they are in an abusive situation these are some of the last people that you would ever see crying or really showing any form of emotion. Until they get out, there will be no torched art work taking place, no heart-breaking poems and no idealism.
Here’s the thing, as far as I’m concerned you can’t really give abusive people a Myers Briggs type. In fiction, sure it’s easy but as far as real life goes, it doesn’t work because they all end up as ENTJ’s or ESTJ’s and that simply can’t be true.
But I digress, the point of me saying that was that the profile of an abuser is the polar opposite of an INFP profile (this isn’t me saying that all INFP’s are wonderful people because that’s impossible) the point is that an abuser will make an INFP suppress every part of themselves more than with any other type that I’ve come across.
An abusive person doesn’t want you to have a moral code, independent emotions or for there to be any level of removal from a reality that they can control. The result of this is that the INFP can’t use their dominant or auxiliary functions and stay safe at the same time.
But, since is still their type what you will see when an INFP is in an abusive situation is a person who just seems, for want of a better word, empty. The INFP will have suppressed their most natural selves because the truth is you can talk my ear off all about Fi having its own value system that is totally independent and this is what they will act on but, this changes if you are manipulated and never know one day to the next if you are going to be safe.
Its highly unlikely that they will have any of the usual INFP traits of having personal interests or hobbies or anything that would fuel their Fi or Ne, they will simply be surviving, just getting though the day with nothing extra, you may see an excessive amount of reading or TV watching. Anything in short that means they can be their natural selves without anyone noticing.
So in this stage, they would be pretty impossible people to type.
After this person had left their lives say hello to the inferior Te grip. This will just be made worse by the fact that control is something they have never had(and if the abuser was a parent) or hadn’t had for a long period of time.
Suddenly it is ‘my way or the high way.’ They will want to have a say in everything, no one will be able to tell them what to do, how to do it or when to do it. I’ve seen a studious INFP friend of mine get in a lot of trouble when she was in this situation because she refused to work at school or do her homework. Did she really have an issue with school? No, she liked it. But they were telling her what to do and when to do it by and she wasn’t having any of it. She had a strong element of enneagram 8(tri-type) in she was more confrontational than most would be. Many would just passively refuse to do things because they will not be told what to do anymore.
When this phase of over, its pretty much just all tears and trying to revaluate everything. They finally have the freedom to be who they are but at this point they have no bloody clue who that is. And I don’t mean in a sense of ‘I’m in my 20’s and an trying to find myself’ sort of way. They have never been able to be who they are so from what I’ve seen they tend to go back and forth between emotional extremes for a few months. Sudden flashes of anger, then idealism and wanting peace. Then they just want to cry all the time, then it is their sole mission to be happy.
If this is you or someone in your life, its hard and I understand but the honest truth is (as long as it’s not something that has been going on for years) all that is really needed here is time. It will mellow itself out.
Just like with the other types, years later they will likely appear to be a lot better and they often will be.
But in those cases when it is a different story in their heads you will often see cases of people who are disconnected to the people around them. They could at a party full of people having fun feel no sort of sense that this is their reality.
INFP vs. ISFP
- The ISFP is far more likely to indulge in things like over or under eating, drinking, sex ect. as a method of distraction
- The INFP will be more liable to appearing detached from situations than an ISFP, despite what they may be feeling, an ISFP will appear to be more grounded in reality and engage with people due to Se
- Si is far more likely to focus/replay the details of what happened Ni will reply the general experience not the specific events
INFP vs. ENFP
- Look at the grip, you will get in the grip 9/10 when you leave an abusive situation the way these types act in grips is very different
- From what I’ve seen when they are at the stage of accepting and moving on from the abusive situation, an ENFP will likely deflect with humor on the situation, I am yet to see an INFP do this
- ENFP’s will be see to try and distract themselves from an abusive home by an extravagant social life.
Finally, you can’t find a better example than Credence Barebone (Fantastic Beasts & Where to Find Them) for an INFP being an abusive situation. And I apologize but I couldn’t think of an example of what one may look like years after. If you can think of any please mention it.
This for the other types will be coming soon. If there are any further questions I’d be happy to answer(send them to me not this blog).