ok i’m going to tell you a story about the time i had to find a tampon at one of my 1989 shows so if you don’t like stories about sanitary products turn your mother effing camera off now
so it was the first show in adelaide and my friends i had been at the venue for a while and when we were waiting in line just about to go through the doors i just got that #feeling you know, that #periodintuition when you just… know you should get some backup, as i will put it
and i was just like ‘ok well we’re about to go inside so i guess i’ll just get a tampon from a dispenser in the bathroom’ and honestly in an ideal world that would have been the end of this story, but do u know what? this isn’t an ideal world. birds chirp too early in the morning and ppl don’t use their turn signals and THE ADELAIDE ENTERTAINMENT CENTRE DOES NOT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT MY SANITARY NEEDS.
i went to two bathrooms and none of them had these dispensers and it’s right before the show so this whole process of lining up for the bathroom has already taken a good amount of time so it’s getting to the point when i’m like…. enough is enough. i find a nice looking staff member (whose name, it turns out, was june) and i ask her if any of the bathrooms have tampon dispensers. june walked me into a corner as if the world was ending and says, in the most concerned voice i’ve ever heard, ‘oh dear. oh my poor girl i don’t think they do.’
i’m just thinking ‘this is literally december in the year of our lord 2015, june, why do you hate women’ but i didn’t say that bc june was actually a very nice lady and i just had a feeling that she was not personally responsible for the lack of tampon dispensers in the facility. then june says to me ‘go to the cloakroom. say i sent you’.
so i show up at the cloakroom and i’m just like ‘hello i’m jess. this is weird but a lady name june said you would have some tampons here’. cloakroom lady smiles at me pityingly, reaches into a draw, and pulls out a sanitary napkin bigger than my face. like i’m not exaggerating, i have never seen anything bigger than this thing. i should have asked for an extra one to protect my mum’s car when it rains. they probably used them after the show to cover taylor’s catwalk during transport.
cloakroom lady shoves the World’s Largest Pad in a plastic bag tries to discreetly give it to me, as if we are exchanging hard drugs at a taylor swift concert, which i think would be a good business plan btw, and i make my merry way to a bathroom stall to try and do some civil engineering to make this thing wearable.
5 mins after this, i’ve reunited with my friends, taylor nation upgrades us and i’m dancing in the soundbooth with a pad the size of the continent of antarctica in my underwear.