i tried to hard to not cry when he said that really

anonymous asked:

Hi, I really hope I’m not bothering you at all, I just wanted to say that I am so much thankful for your fic. I started reading it last night and I couldn't stop and then it was 2am and I had to take a breather after chapter 14 and I am crying so much but I am so grateful for it. This part here: Eren sighed. Hesitantly, he combed his fingers through Levi’s hair, his touch becoming more confident when Levi didn’t reject him. “Maybe death is a relief for some people. People who have been in pain-

(2/5) for too long,” he said. “But it wasn’t for me. I wanted–very much–to live.”“I– I want that. I want to want to live,” Levi said. He grabbed Eren’s hand, squeezing it hard.“But I’ve tried everything–the doctors, the medications, the therapies, the fucking diets–and I’m so tired of trying. I’m so tired. Every day I wake up and there’s nothing inside–no happiness, no sadness, just exhaustion. Whenever I start to think I’m feeling different, feeling better, it gets snatched away. How am I– how is anyone supposed to want to live like that?” 

(3/5) Putting what it is into words, it was such a relief. I know they say that fics aren’t written for the readers and I also agree on that, but just holy shit, I AM JUST SO SO LUCKY TO BE A READER and this chapter- I just wanted to say that it really helped a lot. A whole lot.

(4/5) Most important of all THIS: “I don’t have any answers for you,” Eren said. “But if that’s what you want, don’t you have to keep living? Every day you are alive is a new chance that things might change. If you die, you lose that.”  

(5/5) For these kind words, thank you. I hope these words reach more people who need them. I haven’t been around fan fiction for very long, but I do know that fic writer’s works mean a lot to them, and as a reader I just /I’m not very good at english to express everything, I’m sorry/ I hope that the kindness you’re able to share through your work-if not now- but someday you’d be able to receive it as well. Thank you!


Ahhhh, thank you so much for your sweet messages! Depression is an issue that is close to my heart since I have struggled with it most my life and known many other people who struggle with it. So when I write a character who is depressed, I try to think very carefully about not only portraying that experience accurately, but also not making everything feel so hopeless for both the character and the reader.

Everyone experiences depression in different ways, so it is hard to know what will help someone. What might be helpful for me might not be helpful at all for you. But if you and anyone else is able to find something helpful in my writing, then I am very, very glad.

This is long af. Don't feel like you need to read this I just have anxiety about dating military

I’m putting this here because I want to spill my thoughts out and organize them first before I express them to him and possibly want advice/feedback? But also I don’t want him to see my weird scattered brain that’s about to fall out


I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him. He’s perfect. The first time he saw me without my wig I really thought he’d be weirded out and leave but instead he ran his fingers through what little hair I have and said “now I can pet your hair!” He doesn’t quite get all of my neurodivergent shit but the thing is, he tries so hard to understand, or at least provide comfort when he can. That’s huge to me. He’s fairly neurotypical, yet he works so hard to support me.

I was explaining why I wanted to lose weight to him, and he told me that he thinks I’m gorgeous just the way I am, but that he would help and support me through my weight loss. And I mean, as a military guy he’s pretty fit and very devoted to being that way, so I have no doubt he’ll support me and help me the best he can.

I’m elaborating a lot because I’m just so happy with him. Literally everyone in my life has said to me “you deserve this” because damn right I do. My life has been fucking hell. But now, I have him. He is the promising future I deserve. He calls me “queen” and “princess” and talks about me to all his friends. I’ve finally reached the light at the end of my tunnel.

Here’s where my anxiety starts though. I’m dating a boy who is in the navy. He’s still in school right now. Which means I get to see him. He has about 6/7 more months of school. After that he begins deployments. I know it’s far off but just seeing that word makes my chest ache. This man that I depend on so strongly will be who-knows-where for who-knows-how-long doing who-knows-what. And I’ll be here. Alone, not knowing where he is, if he’s safe or how he’s doing. I’m trying to stay postive about it but it’s really really hard because I know I’m going to be a mess each time he leaves. Like, thank God my best friends boyfriend is also navy, that way she and I can take care of each other while they’re gone but it hurts so bad to picture myself going months at a time without hearing from him or seeing him. I almost started crying when he told me that I wouldn’t be able to know where he is. I’m so afraid for him.


But. Eventually he’ll be done with that. He’ll come back and get stationed. And I’ll go with him. That part is exciting for me. I could go anywhere in the world, all the while by the side of the person who means everything to me. Plus neither of us want kids, so our lives will just be constant adventure and fun.

Basically after writing all this out I feel a little better. I think tomorrow I wanna talk to him more about deployments and what’s allowed/not allowed and maybe help myself get over that a little bit? And maybe he has some idea of how I can cope with that cause I know I’ll be a mess.

If any of you guys have been through dating a military guy can you offer advice? Or like a resource?

Jungkook - For You

A/N: A scenario for the golden boy’s birthday. I hope you have a wonderful day my precious bby. I love you so much that words can’t describe the way I feel about you.

word count: 3,931

Originally posted by hugtae

“Remember how we meet?” Jungkook rests his head against his palm and gazes at you through the computer screen. “Hmmm… Do I?” He smirks at you. “Stop playing, I’m asking seriously.” He chuckles and sighs. “Of course I remember, I posted a video of me dancing and you commented on it. ‘You are an amazing dancer, fighting!’ ”

Keep reading

au where Adam hates Christmas because his parents didn’t let him believe in santa
(dad: “Santas not real and the sooner you grow up and act like a man the better.”
mom: “what your father said was right but you can’t tell the other kids at school okay?”)
and it upsets Ronan because the only time his family was whole was when he was younger and he loves the memories of sitting on his moms lap while Declan passes out everyone’s presents so he tries really hard to make this Christmas amazing to show Adam how amazing it can be and now I’m crying on my keyboard

Mark of Cain

Hello My Lovelies,

For ease of access please find below links to all my previous stories.
Masterlist

Regards,
Bec
Xxx


                                            Request
                                      
Mark of Cain

 

wearentallsaints

Could you write an imagine where influenced by the Mark of Cain, Dean treats you really badly, and you become terrified of him. When the Mark is gone and he does something and you flinch away, and he is silently crying because he hurt the woman he loved

Authors Note: Guess What my Lovelies, it’s time for another choose your own ending. @wearentallsaints hope that’s ok.

 

WORD COUNT: 2500

Sam came into the storage room that Y/N had taken to hiding out in. Researching uninterrupted, she called it. Sam knew otherwise, Y/N knew otherwise, even Dean as hard as he tried to deny it, knew otherwise.

‘It wasn’t him,’ Sam said gently, putting a coffee down next to her spot on the floor.

‘I know and you would not believe how many times I tell myself that. But I can’t seem to make my mind and the rest of me believe it.’

Sam looked at her with so much sympathy she thought she might cry.

‘When he was a demon, that was one thing. I got through it and could separate the two. The Mark of Cain and what he’s done that’s just…I’m struggling, Sammy.’

‘I wish I knew what to say.’

Sam left her to her research and headed off to the library. She came out later to make dinner and was in the kitchen trying to figure out what to cook when Dean came in.

‘Hey, Baby,’ he said as he went to the fridge.

‘Hey.’

‘How’s the research? Any chance it’s nearly done?’

Y/N watched as he pulled a beer out, cracking it and tossing the lid in the bin. She could feel that fear starting to rise up again. The one she fought so hard to keep down, to keep at bay.

‘Ah, I’m not sure.’

She watched as he came over towards her, a soft smile on his face. She knew what was coming. So far she’d been lying saying she had the flu or felt a cold sore coming on. The research kept her out of bed or she’d “accidently” fall asleep on the sofa. She was out of excuses.

‘I’ve missed you,’ Dean said quietly, he brought his hand up to caress her cheek and pulled her in for a kiss.

Y/N tensed and flinched as he got closer, Dean yanked his hand away causing her to jump. She couldn’t do it.

Memories came flooding back, the screaming, the crying, the pain, Y/N could still feel that burning and stinging on her face where he hit her again and again. The blood as it trickled down her cheek and into her mouth. The scar on her arm from where he cut her. The long physical road to recovery. He had left her for dead. All because she questioned something.

The two looked at each other, an emotional silent conversation taking place. There were no words that could even come close to describing the pain they both felt.

Dean’s entire world shattered. He knew he hurt her, he remembered everything that he did. He hated himself for it. But she was still here and he had some sick kind of hope that she forgave him. That she knew it wasn’t him, not deep down.

He watched as the woman he loved more than life itself moved away from him and left the kitchen, without saying a word.

His lip quivered as his breath grew shaky. He hoped that it was a dream, that none of that had happened. But the look in her eyes, the fear as he came near her. He knew otherwise.

Y/N stood outside the kitchen door, blinking back tears. She loved Dean, more than she thought it was possible to love a person. She wanted nothing more than for everything to be ok, for them to be how they were.

She knew things were going to improve unless they spoke about it. Wiping her tears, she went to walk back into the kitchen. As she stepped into the door way glass exploded in her face, beer covering her as she put her arm up to protect herself.

As she lowered her arm down, she saw Dean looking at her in shock, pained and looking guilty.

‘I’m so sorry, Sweetheart. I thought…you left. I wasn’t…’ he panicked.

He could see her visibly shaking. This woman had faced off against all kind of monsters never once showing an ounce of fear. And here she was scared out of her mind because of him.

Dean slowly raised his hands and went to step towards her, causing her to step back. Inside he was screaming, his heart in pieces drowning in its tears.

‘Baby, I wouldn’t. Not on purpose,’ he whispered.

He watched as she turned and walked off, Dean collapsing to the floor begging God to take it all away. His whole body shook as it all emotionally became too much. He spent his life keeping her safe, being the person she turned to when she needed someone. Now, now he was the person she ran from.

Tears welled in his eyes but never fell, emotionally he was past even that point. He knew he had to fix things but just didn’t know how.

He rose to his feet and walked through the corridors towards their room and found her sitting on the bed staring at her bag.

‘Please tell me we have a case and you’re not leaving,’ Dean panicked, his voice caught and shook as he spoke.

She looked up at him, her Y/C/E’s brimmed with tears.

‘I never wanted to hurt you,’ Dean tried. ‘I tried to stop. I fought as hard as I could. You’re my everything, I wouldn’t…’ he felt tears dripping onto his shirt.

He watched as she tried to fight off another wave of tears, listening to her sniff. Her hair fell into her eyes and he automatically reached out to push it back. His hand started shaking worse than before as she once again tensed and flinched.

‘I love you,’ he whispered.

He watched as she stood and grabbed her bag and didn’t move any further. It took him a few moments to realise that it was because he was blocking the doorway. He didn’t want to move, if he moved it meant she left. And he couldn’t lose her. But if he stayed, it would only make things worse.

‘Promise me it’s not permanent. That we’re not over?’ he begged. ‘That you just need some time and then, then we can work on this.’

Her shaking grew worse, Dean watched as that lip he loved so much the one he would kiss or nibble on when she pouted, the one that ran across his skin as she kissed him, quivered. That same lip he split as his fist slammed into her.

The pain in her eyes gave him his answer. He was torn between fighting to keep her and letting her go. But given the circumstances, he did the only thing he could do. He stepped aside.

He followed her out to the garage and watched as she put her bag in her car.

‘I’ll be here if you ever change your mind, or even want to try. There will never be anyone else,’ Dean said quietly. ‘I love you, so much. I…’ his chest heaved as he struggled with what was happening. He was really losing her. ‘God, please don’t do this. I understand and I don’t blame you. But I can’t…I need you, Y/N. I…’ He ran his hand over his face. ‘I am so sorry. I never would have taken it if I knew.’

‘I love you too, Dean,’ she sobbed. ‘And I’m sorry. I just can’t… not right now. What it did…I can’t stop seeing it.’

Dean watched as she fell apart, it killed him to see her like this and not be able to help. To be the cause of it all. She wasn’t even this bad when her parents died.

He watched as her legs gave out and she collapsed to the floor. He wiped his tears and squatted down near her, fighting every urge and reaction he had to wrap her in his arms and hold her.

‘What can I do?’ he cried. ‘How can I make this ok?’

She never answered, at least not to start. He reached and softly and gently ran a hand over her head. He felt her jump back and another flood of tears were released.

‘Nothing, not right now,’ she cried.

Dean sat on the floor next to her, staying still waiting until her tears finally dried up. Constantly fighting off his own emotions. He knew if he started crying out loud it wouldn’t stop.

As Y/N stood up and wiped her eye, he watched carefully. Hoping that she had changed her mind. But as she walked over to the garage door and opened it, he felt his stomach churn as waves of nausea hit him.

‘Please,’ he begged again as she walked around to the driver’s side of her car.

He watched as she drove off, her car fading into the horizon. He stood until nightfall hoping she would come back. That he would see her driving up the road.

He rang her mobile just the once and left her a message.

‘I know I’ve already said it. But I am sorry and I love you. More than you will ever know. Please just check in, even if it’s with Sam. I need to know you’re safe. I’ll leave you alone, but if he doesn’t hear from you on a regular basis I will come find you. You’re still my girl, Y/N. You always will be. Even 20 years from now, if you can ever forgive me. I’ll be here, waiting.’

He hung up and finally let his emotions take over him.

Ok, so for something a little different. You can:

A)    End the Mark of Cain here.

B)     Read Tears and Tissues and let it destroy you.

C)     Read the Happily Ever after ending over at Smile, There Are No Tears.

Enjoy My Lovelies,

Bec
xx

Brown Out

After watching brown out (and crying for a solid 2 hours) I couldn’t help but notice a few things.

It really seemed as if Geoff was the most heart broken from Rays departure.

Geoff wanted to make the final minecraft lets play, a sappy memory walk. When really, everyone else tried to keep it lively.

Another thing I have noticed through out this week was how many times Geoff had mentioned that Ray was quitting. It hurt every time he said it, but it seemed to really hurt him.

(Back to brown out)

Watching the final 3 minutes was painful. Even though Ray is not dead, it still won’t be the same without him in the office.

It was obvious the lads were a little struck about Ray leaving. We have no idea what happens when they’re not recording, but it was probably hard for them.

Honestly if there was one person I’d expect to leave AH was Ray. All the low key jokes about him leaving really got me thinking. Also, him changing his Twitter handle. He probably had been planning to leave for a few months now but finally got the courage to let the fans know.

All in all, we love Ray. We’ll miss him dearly.

i’m really crying over that great review liam got because he’s neVER appreciated and the person who wrote the article even said he didn’t get as many cheers as the others when he sings and that’s so fucked up ‘cause he has the best voice in the band and he tries so fucking hard to please the fans and give it all he’s got and everyone over looks that for some stupid reason and he just deserves so much better and so much love and never even complains or stops what he’s doing, he’s so grateful for everything even though he deserves the world i’M SO SAD GUYS