wedif day twenty two now! today I felt like something kind of fluffy so its daddy luke, if you’d like to read more fluffy pieces like this there are some on my masterlist.
Giggling at her dancing in the small seat in the trolley we wandered the aisles in search of some bright colours for the walls. Florence tried to reach out and grab things but the metal and plastic she was sat on constricted her movement, for a while at least. “So what colour should we get?” Full heartedly I asked her, my little angel with those bright blue eyes beaming back at me as she examined the colours on display.
Holding her arms up in the air I carefully lifted her out and she stood holding my hand and began to point to all the colours available. Laughing to myself I bent down and fixed her shoe that was coming off, so much for Velcro doing a little explorer any good. “Sweetie we can’t have all of them, how about 3 shades?” Holding three fingers up she reciprocated the action before standing there still in my arms for a while.
“That one!” Excitedly she disconnected herself from me before pointing to the vivid yellow. It was yellow like sunflowers, warm and inviting rather than garish or sickening.
“You sure?” Raising an eyebrow to her she scrunched her face up before nodding. “Alright missy, lets go find yellow.” Placing her back in the child seat in the trolley we, well me kept our eyes out for the yellows.
“Miss?” Someone called from near by and echoed throughout the warehouse. Turning around I looked in disbelief, no. It couldn’t be.
Once cut back and slicked back blonde hair had grown, it now hung in his face. The lip ring I always found too icy against my lips was now gone, vacant from his perfectly plumped lower lip. But those blue eyes, the ones I fell hopelessly in love with all those years ago, they can never change. Except, the confusion he wore in them as opposed to the surprise and nostalgia I felt. Standing in front of the trolley I just raised my hand, trying my best to act casual whilst Florence remained preoccupied with colour samples. “Luke?” He took a few steps forward, the confusion melting away from his expression and replaced by a joyful smile.
“What, what the,” He struggled to find his wording and I began to shift the weight from one foot to another, the need to wander off being imminent now. “I just can’t believe I’ve run into you like this.” Laughing lightly I nodded in response, “You, you dropped this.” Holding up one of Florence’s pink trainers mentally I screamed as he examined the glitter that coated the flamingo pink shoe, how tiny it seemed in his large hand making my heart pang.
Taking it from his grasp I held it close, trying my best to ignore the spark I felt as my fingertips touched his. “Clumsy ol me.” Joking I felt a light jab on my back, she sure knew how to time herself. “So, what are you doing here?” Speaking louder I tried to stop Florence’s mumbles from being heard.
“Oh, well we have a break from tour and I thought I’d come back here for a few days.” Nodding I struggled to find a sufficient reason for him to be back here, what’s left for him here besides old memories? “Would you, would you like to get dinner with me sometime?” Leaning forward towards me I could see the hope glint his blue eyes, how they reminded me of hers so much, too much.
Opening my mouth to answer I was interrupted. “Mummy I want to get the yellow paint!” Florence spoke up and I swore under my breath. My heart stopped and my words remained jammed in my throat as Luke raised his eyebrow to me.
Turning around away from him I smiled brightly to her, “Alright Flor, we’ll go get yellow.” Fiddling with her shoe I could feel Luke’s presence behind me. Facing him I struggled to hide my nerves, I knew he would figure it out as soon as he’d lay eyes on her.
“Mum?” The pure shock in his eyes said more than words could describe. All I could do was try and think of an explanation, some form of answer to give him. That I got pregnant after he left, some guy I met in a bar. But he would know better, he always did. Lowering my head I stood to one side, allowing Florence to come face to face with Luke, with her Dad for the first time. “Hi there sweetie, how old are you?” I could see the tension build in him, his shoulders locking in place as he kept his arms by his side, not making any attempt to touch her or anything near her.
Glancing to me confused I nodded to her, “I’m three!” She held up three fingers like I had taught her and closing my eyes I knew what was coming next. Shame filled my system mixed with stabs of guilt.
“Is, is” Luke sighed loudly and lowered his voice. “is she-”
“Yes.” I cut him off, staring intensely into those blue orbs, trying to see the cracks begin to show as mine fell apart entirely. “Like I’ve been with anyone else Luke, who could there have been three years ago?” Sarcasm had taken over my sweet motherly tone as I crossed my arm.
We were no longer 19, we had our own lives to lead. Mine was looking after my daughter, living the life I love. His was being famous, a musician whose name is known by millions, how could I drag him away from all of that or bring Florence into it?
He remained speechless and I could see Florence getting rowdy. “Mummy can we pleaasse get yellow?” Let the whining begin.
“In a minute Florence, let me just finish my conversation okay?” Silently she sulked, crossing her arms like a little drama queen. No idea where she gets it from.
Luke looked from me, and then to Florence and back at me again. A light chuckle escaped his lips followed by him burying his head in his hands. “How do I begin to process this?”
“I found out when you had gone for tour, I could hardly let you cancel it. Plus, we broke up a month later.” Sighing I tried not to remember those days, it hurt and the pain still lingers in my heart. “It was our best option for you to just not know, I didn’t think you’d ever know.”
Scoffing lightly in response he shook his head. “You think you could avoid me forever? Not tell me that I,” Moving closer to me he whispered, “that I have a daughter.”
“How could I? Do you have any idea how much it hurt for me to let you go, see you fulfill your dreams. Remember who was there during every rough patch when you were working on the new material, all you wanted was to make it work, make the dreams you had become a success.” Moving over to Florence I took her out of the trolley and she stood by my feet, gripping onto my leg tightly as I stroked her hair. “Sometimes the greatest of dreams involve the worst sacrifices. I just made the decision for you. Saved you the pain and excess heartache didn’t it?”
“What happens now?” He held my arm as I tried to step away, Florence oblivious to the meaning of this conversation as she focused on Luke with wide eyes. Part of me wondered what went on in that little mind of hers, would she ever understand who he was or what he meant to her?
“That, that is up to you.” Glancing down to Florence I held my hand out to her, she released herself from my leg and I sat down on the floor in front of her. “Florence do you mind if a friend helps us pick a yellow?” Hesitantly she looked towards Luke with some look of fear in her eyes.
Sensing something was up Luke joined me, sitting next to me with a sweet smile on his face. “Hey Florence, I’m Luke.” He held his hand out to her and instead of shaking it she wrapped her arms around him tightly. For a second I was worried as he froze, but then embraced her hug.
His eyes remained closed and my heart began to melt at the sight. “So, what do you say Florence, can he help us find the yellow?” Releasing Luke she turned to face me with a huge smile crossing her face as he nodded excitedly. “Well then.” Standing up I held my hand out to Florence and she accepted it.
Just as I glanced over to Luke he seemed different, more accepting if that’s even a way to term fatherhood being thrown onto you unexpectedly. Florence mumbled his name and held her hand out to him, he took her tiny hand in his and to me, it worked.
As we walked I forgot about the empty trolley, I felt immersed in this family dynamic and Florence’s rambles about yellow and where it is found.
I’m glad I agreed to go on that date with Luke, as now I have something I never thought would happen; my own dream.