i travel constantly

2

Not my cleanest work :(

But it’s as close as it can be to what was stuck in my head since the trailers came out. Will redo these again when I can get my hands on my computer.

Big thanks to @unwinthehart who has kindly reminded me that its currently hard to find clean HQ screencaps of the trailers, and also a shout out to @vanhelsing7 (<- jhkasdkasdgh I remember you well from my 00Q manip days and I know we’ve never talked but thank you always for the reblogs and likes)  and @mannersmakeththekingsman for your kind reblogs.

It's kinda​ obvious, actually

Newt is not very good reading people, he’s an expert in magical creatures, sure, but that’s it. People are complicated because they are unpredictable, they usually say the opposite of what they're​ feeling or prefer to remain silent about their thoughts.

So Newt has given up on them for a long time. He has decided to focus only on his creatures. But sometimes, like now, he thinks he can guess what a particular person is thinking, sure he’s not Queenie Goldstein, but he can interpret certain behavior and make a quick deduction of it. It must be like he does with his creatures, right?

So he truly believes he has gotten it right this time. He’s sure Percival Graves hates him. He doesn’t know why though, but he knows the Director does not like him at all.

And he has plenty of evidence to support that fact.

It’s been from the beginning. When he arrived MACUSA looking for Tina, he found the man on his way to Tina’s office and introduced himself with a smile on his face. But Graves looked at him almost in shock and didn’t shake the hand Newt was offering. So Newt decided to turn around and run away from him.

So he has decided to avoid him as much as possible.

***

Newt accepts the job Picquery offers him because he enjoys being in New York and really likes being around Tina, Queenie and Jacob. But part of him thinks it’s a very bad idea.

Because when he goes to the President’s office, she’s not the only one in there, Graves is standing in a corner watching the whole exchange.

“What do you think, Mr Scamander?” Seraphina Picquery asks with a particularly​ kind smile on her face. Every now and then her glance lands on something behind Newt and he’s sure she’s looking at Graves.

“I-I mean… I appreciate your offer, but I have to travel constantly because of what I do and I don’t think I can stay in just one-” Newt gasps, because suddenly Mr Graves apparates beside him, so close he can feel the heat coming from his body. After the corner of his eye, he notices the wizard is tense. He has the impression is because Graves doesn’t want him there.

Picquery looks at the Director and rolls her eyes before glancing back at Newt.

“Don’t worry, Mr Scamander. You'll​ be free to go when you need to, just make sure to inform… Mr Graves before you go and return to your duties in MACUSA as soon as you can,” she says.

“Really?” Newt is so excited because no one has been this comprehensive before. He has been able to get a stable job because of that. Theseus will be so happy to hear that. “Well… if that’s the case… I accept.”

Graves relaxes or maybe that’s just Newt’s imagination playing tricks on him.

“Great, now Mr Graves will show you around and he’ll tell you about your duties,” she says and waves her hand. “You two are dismissed.”

When they’re alone though, Newt doesn’t let Graves talk, he refuses to be a bother and doesn’t want the Director to hate him more than he already does.

“Don’t worry, Mr Graves, I’ll ask Tina,” he tells him and he's​ sure it’s the right decision because the man frowns as soon as he finishes to talk.

He walks away, he definitely doesn’t run this time.

***

Newt’s given an office near Graves’, but he doesn’t use it, he spends the majority of his time with Tina. Or at least he used to until Graves shows up in the office and basically yanks him away from there.

“You enjoy being a distraction, don’t you Mr Scamander?” Graves asks and it’s the first time Newt sees the way his lips are quirking up. He wonders if the man is mocking him.

“N-no, of course not!” He gasps almost offended.

Graves laughs and Newt manages not to look as shocked as he feels.

“Well… Since you seem to despise being in your own office, how about you become my own… distraction for the rest of the day?”

Newt blushes and avoids his eyes. He feels his cheeks burning; he’s aware that Mr Graves only wants to be with him to keep an eye on him and his case.

“Alright,” he says, hating the way his voice sounds.

It’s a disaster; his Niffler escapes and takes Graves’ watch and by trying to catch him, Newt ends up falling all over the auror, with the damned thief in his hands, his face inches away from the Director and their legs intertwined. He tries to move away, but it’s very difficult with the creature in his hands. Newt suddenly feels Graves’ wand poking his leg.

He stops when two hands grab his hips almost possessively. Newt looks up and notices Graves flushed face and the way his eyes are closed and his teeth are gritted.

He must be furious.

“Please, Newt… stop,” Graves gasps.

It’s the first time he has called him by his given name.

Newt does as he’s told and Graves opens his eyes and stares at him for a couple of seconds before rolling them both over so he’s the one on top.

“You’re driving me crazy,” he breathes.

Newt blushes. Graves is definitely mad at him, only this time he doesn’t blame him.

“I’m sorry,” Newt says and he really means it.

Instead of rising, Graves leans in. Newt thinks he’s going to yell at him, but then someone knocks and the Director is suddenly standing beside him. Newt doesn’t notice when the man offers him a hand and he stands on his own, he decides to get in his case with the Niffler.

***

There’s also the way Graves is always looking at him, it’s an intense gaze that doesn’t go away unless someone else snaps the Director out of it.

It happens also when they are on a meeting and Newt wishes Graves stopped because he’s just everyone knows by now their Director is not a fan of his.

One day while he’s feeding his creatures, Tina reminds him they have to go to a meeting, he says he knows and he’ll be there, the problem is Dougal is not feeling well, so he stays until the demiguise falls asleep.

He’s late for the meeting, but he manages to sneak in the room without anyone noticing… The problem is that Graves is the one speaking at the moment and he stops once his eyes land on Newt and follow him around the place until the younger wizard sits next to Tina.

Newt can feel all the eyes on him, but he refuses to move his gaze from his own hands on his lap.

“You were saying, Mr Graves?” Madam Picquery clears her throat.

“Oh, yes, about the information we got from the goblin,” the auror continues, looking flustered for some reason.

He avoids Newt’s eyes for the rest of the meeting.

***

“You couldn’t be more mistaken, sweetie,” Queenie comments during lunch.

Newt blushes, he has been thinking about Graves and how much the man dislikes him.

“It’s quite the opposite, actually,” the witch giggles.

Newt looks at her, confused. What does she mean by the opposite?

He doesn’t believe her. Because if Graves doesn’t hate him then why he’s so grumpy all the time Newt’s around?

Like when Tina and him were talking about Dougal’s sickness and she hugged him to cheer him up and Graves just glared at them for a couple of seconds.

Or when Richards thanked him for helping him with pixies on his kitchen. He kissed him on the forehead while telling him he was the best thing on earth.

Newt swears he heard Graves growling behind them.

“Well… darling while I agree Mr Graves was definitely angry I can assure you he was not angry with you,” Queenie tells him with a mischievous grin on her face.

Newt doesn’t believe her.

***

Graves is usually opposed to the idea of letting Newt to go out and help them arrest wizards. But sometimes he has to, when there are dangerous creatures involved and he’s the only one who knows how to control them.

Graves stays close to him all the time though and they start to make a oddly good team.

That is until Newt disobeys one of the Director’s orders and runs towards the wampus to try to heal him. He manages to do it eventually, but not without getting himself injured. It’s not something to worry about, but Graves loses it, he rushes towards him. Newt tries to move, arguing he’s perfectly fine, but the auror keeps him in place, grabbing him by the waist.

“You’re hurt,” he almost growls, angry and scared.

Newt opens his mouth to protest, but the wizard bares his teeth at him.

“Don’t move until I tell you to,” he hisses and starts to check his wounds. But even though he looks irritated, his hands are gentle and kind when he starts to mutter healing spells.

When he finishes he presses their foreheads together and stares at Newt in the eyes. He looks calmed, but there’s a fierce determination in his face.

“If you do something as reckless as you did today, if you keep not caring about your own life, I swear Newt I’ll take you to my home and lock you in my bedroom forever, are we clear?” Graves​ whispers and the only thing Newt manages to do is nod.

***

When they have news about Grindelwald’s followers, Graves starts behaving even weirder than before.

He seems to appear anywhere Newt is at the time and looks at him like he wants to learn him by heart.

Then, one night, when he's​ about to go with the Goldsteins, Graves corners him. He looks like he hasn’t slept in days and the desperation on his face is almost palpable.

“Move in with me,” he gasps, the words come out of his mouth like something between an order and a plea.

“What?” Newt squeaks and he blushes when the auror leans in, burning his face in the crook of Newt’s neck.

“Please,” he begs this time. “Or at least allow me to follow you, to put a protection charm around you or just let me… please.”

Newt blinks a few times, before making sure he’s not dreaming.

“You’re… worried?” He asks and when he sees Graves nod he adds: “But I thought you hated me!”

“Hate you?” Graves looks up and frowns. “Who told you that? Newt, I’ve been in love with you since I met you!”

“Oh…” It’s everything he says. His heart is beating inside his chest like a drum.

“And I thought it was obvious,” Graves continues, amused.

Newt chuckles, flustered. Graves seems encouraged by his reaction because he kisses him on the neck, tracing a path up to his lips. But he stops before kissing his mouth and waits for permission.

Newt whines out of impatience and closes the distance between them. Graves moans and licks his lower lip until the younger wizard parts his lips.

“Move in with me?” Graves asks again, taking the man by the waist and pulling him closer.

“Yes,” Newt answers, breathless. “But we’ll definitely have to talk about those protection charms. Because I don’t need them.”

“Fine, my darling,” Graves purrs and Newt almost melts at the word. “But then you’ll have to let me be with you all the time, so I can protect you myself.”

“That’s not necessary, Percy,” he gasps, distracted by Percival’s teeth on his neck.

“It is, but we’ll discuss it later,” the auror whispers.

Newt sighs, knowing that man will drive him insane. What he just got himself into?

anonymous asked:

hello! could i get a matchup please? i'm a het girl! i'm an intj, pisces and slytherin. i'm very ambitious and curious, and i'm a hard worker. i'm kind of quiet and really sarcastic, but i'm really caring and sweet once you know me. i speak three languages and want to learn more! i love music (a lot), and spend most of my time playing instruments and singing. i love travelling and move constantly, i'm not comfortable staying in some place too long. thank you so much!!

I hope you would like it love! ^^


I ship you with: Jay!

Jay would be enchanted by you right after he saw you! You intimidated him with your behavior and he doesn’t know what to do to win your heart. He would love your ambition and sarcasm. He would have listened to you singing and playing, in your free time you’d have been riding all over Auradon. The school is the most important, but you promised to each oher that when you two  would grow up, Auradon will not be the only kingdom that you will visit together!

Originally posted by descendantsdaily

Your best friend: Mal!

At first Mal would have seen a rival in you and she would get irritated by your behavior. Over time, however, she would have come to the conclusion that it’s only because you remind her so much! When she apologized for her previous behavior, you became almost inseparable!

Originally posted by steadystrength

Your royal parents: Jasmine and Aladdin!

Your mom is lovely, slightly strict woman. She cares for your education but she knows that you are exactly like her - curious about the world and new places! She always keeps her word and she doesn’t break promises. Both of you often argue with your dad and he can’t understand how you two can be so similar. Aladdin could not accept Jay at first (for obvious reasons) but you and Jasmine quickly convinced him to change his mind!

Originally posted by lefantasyland

rikaythereader  asked:

I just saw the ask where you said that you can't buy many books because you moved to another country and I feel this so much!! I'm in canada on my gap year atm and can't buy that much because I'm constantly moving +travelling through the entrire country :/ I'm not an audiobook person so I ended up reading more on my kindle app (raven cycle as well btw 😊) Also struggling because Tower of Dawn coming out soon and the canadian edition doesn't fit my british one back home 😣 (Ok rike done ranting)

OH MY GOD I FEEL YOU! I’m in the exact same situation except I’m on a year abroad in Australia. And I have to keep my possessions to a minimum so I can travel and then take them back home. I’m not really an ebook girl but I got used to audiobooks even though they were weird at first. 

And okay the Aussie editions are the same as the UK ones but I’m going to buy the hardback of Tower of Dawn even though I have the paperbacks for the rest of the series back home so mine won’t match either but it’s cool cause both of us can always buy another copy when we go back home and have the extra copy too which will remind us of our travels. It’s cool, we’ve got this 😉

sailxrvenus-deactivated20170925  asked:

could i get an avengers and riverdale ship please? i'm a het girl! i'm an intj, pisces and slytherin. i'm very ambitious and curious, and i'm a hard worker. i'm kind of quiet and really sarcastic, but i'm really caring and sweet once you know me. i speak three languages and want to learn more! i love music, and spend most of my freetime playing music. i love travelling and move constantly, i'm not comfortable staying in some place too long. thank you so much!!

Jesus, I’ve been so busy this last week, I’m so sorry I haven’t updated in a while. I am trying to update consistenlty now.
Anyway….

For Riverdale, I ship you with….
JUGHEAD JONES!!!

Originally posted by aestheticsprouse

-You’re both very similar
-You’re like a female version of Jughead
-So of course your dates at Pops consist of sarcasm and judging people
-The most angsty couple every
-You both are so in love
-Not even Chuck or Reggie dares to come between you
-The only big difference between you and Jughead is your love to travel
-Jughead belongs in Riverdale and loves it more than he thinks
-You’ll try to get out of the town first chance you get which can lead to some arguments
-But it always works out
-Because the love is too strong
-Just looovvveee

For Avengers, I ship you with…

TONY STARK!!!

Originally posted by capntony

-You are both very intelligent so when you talk smart nobody understands what you’re saying
-The Avengers loving you
-Girls nights with Wanda and Natasha
-Whenever your with Tony its sarcasm for DAYS
-Whenever you want to travel, Tony always takes you
-Cause he’ll do anything for you

That Which Deserves My Faith

  This has been a hard year. Let me say that first. Not bad, necessarily, but hard. Challenging. Painful. Fucking lonely. 

The year started with my still recovering from a broken ankle, and the recovery went well, all things considered. I thought that would be the catalyst for finally disciplining my body, but to my great shame, it wasn’t. I still struggle with finding the discipline to lose weight. I am trying to balance liking myself and hating my body and wanting to feel comfortable in my body and believing that we need to, as a culture, do some serious work in changing our expectations for human bodies, less judgment, more kindness, more of a focus on health, a better understanding of what health looks like. I’m writing a book about all this. It comes out, theoretically, in 2016 and it is called Hunger.

When it comes to books, I know what I will be writing and editing through 2018. This is both a lot of pressure and a lot of excitement. 

I traveled constantly throughout the year. I traveled too much. I had my day job and a visiting writer gig at Florida Atlantic University and speaking gigs and writing assignments and book projects. These were all wonderful things. I went to Australia (Adelaide, Melbourne, Sydney) and Vancouver and Montreal and many cities here in the states. I visited Writers Festivals and the Givens Foundation and universities and awesome independent bookstores.  My parents saw me speak at the Sydney Opera House. My books sold very well. Bad Feminist was on the New York Times bestseller list, off and on, more than a year after it was published. I gave a TED talk and it has been seen over a million times.  I was nominated for an NAACP Image Award, well two of them (fiction and nonfiction) and I went to the ceremony and saw fancy people and felt out of place because I am, well, me. I won the PEN USA Freedom to Write Award which was an incredibly unexpected honor, and I went to the ceremony and saw fancy people and felt out of place but was also proud of myself. There were other recognitions. I became a New York Times contributing opinion writer. I did events with Terry McMillan and Erica Jong and Gloria Steinem. My beloved editor took a new position at a different publishing house but then she came to Indiana to visit me. And then, like a month after that, I lost a second editor, so that has left me feeling adrift, in terms of Hunger. Like, WTF??? Publishing.

I helmed a vertical at The Toast called The Butter. I failed at making The Butter successful because I was pulled in too many directions. My fault. I overcommit. I still have a hard time saying no. You are familiar with this refrain. I feel bad about The Butter because… it was a great opportunity to work with amazing, fiercely intelligent women. I want to be better. I am proud of the work I published at The Butter, so I hold onto that. I learned from the experience. 

My co-editor Matt and I stepped down at PANK and sold the magazine. We were just tired. The love was there, but we didn’t have the energy our writers deserve. The magazine has new owners and the transition has been… rocky. We will see what happens. I have faith good things will happen. Change is hard. People are… people.

I had meetings with Hollywood executives about projects. Something will come of those meetings or something won’t. One executive was this guy in his late thirties, early forties and he was so gorgeous I wanted to reach across the slick conference table and punch him. With my mouth.

My profile has changed. More people know who I am. Sometimes, I get recognized, in restaurants, in airports, on the street in certain major cities. It’s weird, because I am a writer. More people have opinions about my writing and my person. I am trying to get used to it. I am enjoying a lot of it. I go to events and there are people who consider themselves my fans! And they are so kind and thoughtful. Sometimes, they give me presents.  They have me sign books, hats, t-shirts, body parts. This year, I signed a young woman’s face. All of it has me recognizing that all the work is becoming something satisfying and grand. I don’t take my career for granted.

My skin has not gotten thicker. I can hear a hundred compliments but it’s the random teenager on Tumblr saying “Roxane Gay is unoriginal and untalented,” that is a knife through my tender heart. 

I work too much. I commit to too much. I drop too many balls, miss deadlines, apologize, rinse, repeat. Every day I get so many “asks.” Will you read this, blurb this, judge that? Will you recommend writers of color because I don’t want to do the bare minimum to educate myself? I say yes when I can. I am trying to say no more. There are only so many hours in a day.

I live in a town that remains inhospitable to me. I spend too much time alone, in too many important circumstances. It’s a lot and I am allowing myself to acknowledge the hurt that rises out of that, and I am looking at what *I* can do to change certain things.

I am burnt out on my day job, on teaching. I need some time off. I need to find the fire for teaching again. I don’t know how to get that time off.

About once a month, I make my way to where I most want to be. I do this because I want to, because I want to show my commitment to this fragile but at the same time, incredibly strong thing we are building. There are these grand moments, adventures, cold drinks, quiet darkness, ridiculous food, endless conversations, and more and more and more. Wholeness. Joy.I won’t look away, not even in facing the hard things. I am waiting because that is what is needed of me and because, I would be waited for if roles were reversed. There are two paths and when I look ahead, I see the necessity of the separate paths today and I also see those wrapping around each other. I am thinking, ease on down, ease on down that road. Come on, come on.

I know what I want from the new year. I don’t have any public resolutions. I can’t even make my bed on a regular basis. Who am I kidding? My lack of self-discipline is the stuff of tragedy. I am just going to try and be a better me for myself, and yes, for someone else. I am going to believe in that which deserves my faith. I’m going to change the things that make me most unhappy, as best I can which means I am going to make a terrifying decision because for the first time in my life, I am in a position where I can. I’m going to fight for what’s worth fighting for. I am going to believe I can have expectations of people. I’m going to look you in the eye and say, “we deserve everything, there’s no more holding back.” I am diving off a jagged cliff, breathing in the rushing air, letting my chest expand.

anonymous asked:

hello! could i get a matchup please? i'm a het girl! i'm an intj, pisces and slytherin. i'm very ambitious and curious, and i'm a hard worker. i'm kind of quiet and really sarcastic, but i'm really caring and sweet once you know me. i speak three languages and want to learn more! i love music (a lot), and spend most of my time playing instruments and singing. i love travelling and move constantly, i'm not comfortable staying in some place too long. thank you so much!!

I match you with Hanzo!

Originally posted by hanzoissated

Hanzo would admire your ambition and curiosity. Although he’d have to get used to your sharp tongue, he’d end up growing fond of that sarcastic wit. Hanzo is a pretty reserved person himself, so he’d have no problem with you being quiet. He would praise your skills in music and language, maybe he’d even challenge you to learn Japanese if you don’t already know it. You have just the right amount of drive Hanzo needs to encourage himself to stay moving in life, and not be so tied down by the past. Traveling with you might just be what he needs to clear his mind of his demons.

7

Snapchat: capricornkidd19
Tumblr: @dreamlessreality
Yea, sooooo I’m Kidd, (Don’t ask) 😐.
I’m 23, prior military so therefore I’m free. I love running trails, cliff jumping and being surrounded by anything other that man-made structures. Inked up, charismatic and full of adventure. Texas Living these days but i travel constantly.

Come say hi 😊👋

In the world through which I travel I am constantly creating myself. Eyes full of things much too far, thoughts that wander off the edge of the world. A path always unknown, forever filled with boundless opportunities. Moving with an unshakeable calm and confidence, full of fierce desire. Never torn between this or that, left or right, up or down, here or there - making new, uncharted ways - they are mine, unknown to the rush of the world. No need to follow their ways, no taste for their routine. You see, adventure is found when there is no plan, no intent on arriving - when we go, and ask questions later. Stumbling around, seeking unknown, reaching for the unfathomable, discovering beauty in empty fields. Silently drawn by the strange pull of curiosity, no fear of being led astray. Completely and utterly lost to adventure, soaked in both passion and serenity, bound by nothing but the freedom to wander. Lost in souls I long to meet, calling home to places I’ve never been, dreaming of moments yet to be.

In all of this is where I lay my heart. A life full of desire and hopeless wonderment.

“And you? When will you begin that long journey into yourself?”
- Rumi


Last night, I chose to stay in home alone for Halloween. Usually, I am a social person who loves dressing up. However, the past 6 months (+) have been incredibly tolling on me. In August, I finally graduated college and received that strange, expensive piece of paper in the mail. In addition to a busy touring schedule and my creative work, I’ve been working full-time at a domestic violence shelter. That means 40 hours a week in the office and traveling every weekend. Sometimes, more than one show a week. I am always tired–but I know how lucky I am. I’m thankful to be busy with things that I love.

In the past several months, I have been doing a lot of intense self-reflection. More than normal, which is a little ironic because I am a poet and all I seem to do is think about and reflect on my life. But this has been different. I’m different.

This summer, I learned what it is like to love unconditionally–not the unconditional love that forgives and forgives and justifies, but the love that makes itself a shelter, a bed to crawl into. I learned how love the Healing, how to be there for someone who needs you even when you don’t feel all there yourself.

In September, I lost my grandfather. While this was undoubtedly sad, I realized recently that I did not mourn him. He was ready to die and had lived a long, fulfilling life, and we (as a family) were ready to say our goodbyes. I realized recently that, lately, I am mourning his granddaughter–the girl who will never be again, who is still here in me somewhere but grows fainter and fainter ever day. Time, the endless procession, never stops. One day, I too will be on the other side of it.

I am reminded daily that I am a servant to this life, not the Source of it. That I am constantly traveling down that long journey into myself.  Sometimes, we must force ourselves to examine parts of us that are still hard to look at, as well as parts that we like. And that is okay.

Home alone last night, listening to the chatter of party-goers from upstairs and outside, I couldn’t help but feel lonely. However, if my self-reflection from the past couple months have taught me anything, it is this:

At the end of the day, I am all that is left. My choices, my voice, my heart: I am all that I have. I must be the source of my own happiness, for without myself, I am just the reflection, the reverberation of those around me. If I cannot accept and love the silence of myself, then I cannot truly celebrate the music either.

In an act of self-care, maybe self-love, or hell, even vanity, I braided my hair last night. I pinned baby’s breath into a crown around my head and got dressed for no one. I felt beautiful. I was enough.

8

This was actually worse than it looked because there was mountains of papers (I get a new set almost everyday) under some of the stuff in bedroom and living room that had to be sorted and filed. I had been travelling/working constantly in December and the whole situation completely imploded. I don’t even want to talk about how many 20/10s this involved over the past 2 days, but thanks to the inspiration of Unfuck Your Habitat I will be sleeping tidily tonight!

anonymous asked:

IM SO CONFUSED WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN CAN YOU PLEASE WRITE AN ESSAY ON EVERYTHINGS THATS HAPPENED AND HOW UR MOVING TO LA AND WHAT IS HAPPENING I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU BUT PLEASE TELL US WHAT IS HAPPENING EMMA IM FREAKING OUT IM SO WEIRD

Hahaha this message is how I am on the inside right now.

I don’t know how to explain really what was going on with me. I was putting so much of my time into the blog, it was my escape from my current life. & I was constantly traveling to try and escape the fact that I am extremely unhappy at UW. I kept trying to convince myself that I should be happy- I’m going to a great school, living in a great city, got good scholarships, it’s everything I worked for… for basically the past 10 years. Everything I did was to get into a good college and now that I was there- I was so lost. I was struggling so much. I couldn’t decide on a major (she can’t decide she keep switchin majors.. lol) and was putting minimal effort into school. I didn’t see the point… school has always been easy for me and bc I can memorize shit so easy I would read the study guide the morning of tests & do very little else- I was so unfulfilled & under stimulated. Nothing was clicking, I wasn’t making friends, I took every chance I could get to go down to portland or visit friends and do projects in LA. 

It happened so slowly that I didn’t realize– I was tired all the time, stopped running because it too too much energy. Would hole up in my room, lash out at my parents, my brother, people that loved me. I stopped doing things I loved- playing guitar, painting, cooking, collaging. Just would get home, and go get in bed. I don’t think I was majorly depressed but I was losing myself for a long long time and definitely heading towards depression.

One morning I was getting ready for school & on the verge of tears- & my mom was just like “why are you going to school.” And I said I didn’t know. We just had a very long talk, and it was obvious that this isn’t what I should be doing with my life right now. I went away for the weekend to Portland & was on the last page of my current journal, and on the train I read through everything from the very beginning. Even a year ago I was talking about how unhappy I was at school and how unsure I was about what I was doing in Seattle. I had been feeling this for a while but pushed away those ideas of maybe taking a year off or doing online school or being happy because I thought- Hey! This is what I worked so hard for. This is what I should be doing.

It has honestly been so emotional/crazy this past week- but I have not felt this optimistic about my future in a long, long time. Haley was nice enough to open her home to me (i love u) & I am going to go live with her in Silver Lake & work on the blog full time… I have so many things planned for it that I cannot wait to get started. It is so weird but I feel like this is how everything is supposed to work out. The thought of staying two more years here absolutely scared the shit out of me, I knew that by the end I would lose myself. I love seattle, but I don’t love my life here. My life really is down in LA- and after I made the decision, everything fell so perfectly into place. India is moving close by, so is Rocky, & Cole, & all of these people that I love & that push me to be better.

Basically my life right now is: move to LA in two weeks. Get settled. I maintain my UW status for two years, & I am already ahead in credits so even if I went back after summer I could still graduate on time- we will see what I am thinking by the end of summer but I’m really interested in pursuing online learning. I’ve had a bunch of phone meetings with different schools and the idea excites me to be able to learn from any corner of the globe as long as I have wifi connection. 

I hope that you guys can learn from my experience- I definitely picked the wrong school for myself. I knew that, but it was the school I got the most money at and had a shiny name attached to it. I’m not saying to drop out of college- education has always been so so important to me & I always think that if you are not learning you are not growing. But maybe traditional, big colleges aren’t the right choice for everybody, or maybe you need to take a year off to figure everything out, or maybe online learning or even a smaller school would be a better fit. I was so caught up in what my life should be that I didn’t make it one that I really wanted. I know not everyone is going to agree with my decision- but it is mine. My only true goal in life is to be happy, and this is the happiest I have been in a long time.