i took so many time to do this

anonymous asked:

41 for fenhawke?

“Show me your scars.” “But… why?” “I want to see how many times you needed me and I wasn’t there.” Took the opportunity for a bit of a modern gangster AU.

He says little as they drive. Sitting in the back, one leg crossed over the other, an elbow resting against the window. Mouth against knuckles, studying the passing lights. One after the other, underneath streetlamps. He says little so she says nothing, hands on the steering wheel, checking the mirror. A careful left, turning off the headlights as they move down the alleyway. Crawling to a halt, and the other cars behind them do the same. She opens the door for him, closes it once he’s out. He holds a gun in one hand, other arm in a sling. She reaches for the gun at her belt.

He allows her to lead the way, following behind her, the rest of them like a circle around him. Another opens the door, and she walks through – two quick shots, silenced, catching the bullets and the body, lowering it slowly to the floor. He steps over it as he follows her. They clear the building room by room, and there’s blood on her suit, flecks on white. The last room is louder. She kicks the door open and the rest flood in, she close behind.

Throwing over the table for cover, taking a quick look at those in the room. Two to her left, three on the right. He checks his watch as he waits outside the room. She’s breathing heavy two minutes and thirty nine seconds later, gun in her belt, running a hand through her hair. “We’re ready for you sir,” she tells him. Pushing himself away from the wall, entering the room, and his finger is tapping at the trigger. The one they’ve left alive is sitting on a chair, guarded with hands on shoulders.

“Hadriana,” he says as she pulls up another chair for him, and he takes it, “bold of you to try and kill me.” He gestures at the arm in the sling. Hadriana has blood on her face, but he can’t tell if it’s hers or not. It paints the side of her head, drips around her neck looking not unlike a noose. He lets his elbow rest on his knee as he taps the gun against Hadriana’s knee. She’s glaring at him, lips pursed, a sheen of sweat covering her skin.

“It almost worked,” she spits. At his side, Hawke subtly flinches. A twitch of her brow, nothing more, remembering the failure. Fenris leans back in the chair, chuckles under his breath. This sudden amusement seems to frighten Hadriana more than his anger, and she trembles where she sits. He raises the gun, smiling as he levels it with her head. The others dig fingers into flesh, hold her steady. “Wait! Please! I can tell you where he is, I can give you –”

“I don’t want anything of yours.” The flash is quick, the gun loud.

He says little as they drive. Sitting in the back, one leg crossed over the other and he’s loosening his tie. Light against glass, one after the other, underneath streetlamps. Fenris says little so she says nothing, hands on the steering wheel, pulling up to the building. Hawke opens the door for him, closes it once he’s out. “Come with me,” he says without looking at her. They ride the elevator in silence, stopping at his floor. He passes her the keys, and she unlocks the door. Locking it behind them, and she stands at attention, hands clasped behind her back.

“How long have you been working for me Hawke?” He opens the bottle with one hand, pours a small amount of amber liquid into the glass. He downs it quickly as he leans against the desk, watching as she moves to stand before him. Her hands are still behind her back, and the gun in her belt.

“Seven months, sir.” He puts the glass down on the table.

“I told you not to call me that,” Fenris says, “come help me out of this.”

“Yes sir,” and he scoffs as she moves forward, careful hands at the sling. Putting it on the table as she undoes the button of his suit, gently removes the jacket. Swiftly at his tie, folding it over the jacket, and onto the button down. Button after button, and he remains at ease as she goes. He reaches upwards with his good arm, warm hand at the back of her nape. Pulling her face down, capturing her lips with his. She steps into the kiss as the shirt falls onto the desk, her hands moving over his shoulders, his arms.

She stops when she finds the bandage, the cause of the sling, and frowns. He watches her carefully. “May I look?” She asks. He shrugs. At the metal clasp, rolling the bandage in her hands as she goes. She brushes fingers over the healing scar, the angry red.

“Why did you want to see?” She looks up as his question, as his other hand pulls at her waist.

“I should have protected you, sir. You needed me and I –”

“Ran after the shooter. Interrogated him. Brought me the right information. Allowed for my retribution,” he tells her. “Stop calling me sir.” She keeps her hand over his arm, and that mark, the other at his face. Thumb over cheekbone, tracing the line of his jaw.

“Yes sir,” she smiles against him, swallows his noise of frustration.

I think right now I’m going through some mourning for the relationships I’ve lost over the years. At high school graduation and when I transferred to a different college, I never took the time to realize what losing those people meant and how that would affect me because I was so wrapped up in my illnesses. I frankly didn’t care. But now I do, and I feel really apprehensive about contacting old friends or making new ones, because I just don’t even know what a friendship where both people are healthy looks like. I kept so many secrets from my friends and I lied a lot, both of which aren’t exactly good qualities. I am so nervous to ask people at my new school to actually do things outside of school because what if they say no? What if I’m too boring/stupid/awkward for them? What if history repeats itself and I am a shitty friend? I just feel really lonely. 

Definitely something to talk about in therapy today. 


― Japanese skater Katsuki Yuuri: Grand Prix Final silver medallist.

Dedicated to the one and only @katsuukis who never fails to surprise me, and whose giffing style inspired me to try something new. 


Moriartys suits requested by @ambientcrystals

Pet birds should never be released.

I’m just going to talk about this for a moment because I’ve seen so many people who think it’s kind to release captive birds. Even recently, there’s a pet store I visit frequently to spend time with the conures, and they suspect a family may have bought 5 budgerigars so their kids could release them. If they did, those birds have starved to death by now.

Birds sold as pets are born in captivity (and usually have a leg band to prove it, unless the owner took it off), most likely very far from their native countries, and do not know what food looks like apart from seeds, pellets, and cut up fruit and vegetables in bowls. If there even is anything outside that they could eat, they won’t know to look for it.

Apart from that, they may not be able to survive in the climate they get released into.

If they came from a home with other pets, they may see someone else’s pet and not know that it may hurt them.

Not to mention the fact that you shouldn’t be introducing any non native animals where they don’t belong.

I’ve also seen people who take great care of their birds and have a great bond with them, like Gotcha and his mom, and still get comments about how they should set them free. The bird does not want to leave it’s person. I’m sure that even if they did release it, it would just sit in the yard waiting for them to bring it back in. Most birds even need mental stimulation and interaction from people that they could not get by themselves. Keep in mind that the birds we raised are different from wild birds. They grew up knowing people and toys and other captive birds, not large wild flocks of their own kind. Which probably won’t be around anyways. Your cockatiel does not want to live with the sparrows outside. It wants it’s human.

That being said, if your bird gets out by accident, it is probably still nearby. Set out some food bowls and see if they find it.

Anyways, there’s my rant. Take care of your birbs. Birbs are good friends.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot in the last hour and a half. 

Taylor got SO MUCH shit in 2012-early 2014 that I feel like we were in constant internet fights defending her against assholes who went after her just because it was the “cool” thing to do. Then, in the 1989 era, Taylor became so universally loved, both musically and personally, and it was SO beautiful to watch. 

But then, as it seems to happen, so many started to shit on her. The media turned on her- again. People she trusted- people she let back in even after they had badly hurt her in the past- turned on her (in some cases, for a second time.) People she took on tour with her and welcomed on HER stage took sides with people who backstabbed her.  I feel like in 2016 and even 2017, we watched slam after slam after slam against her, and it broke my heart. 

If that hurt us, can you even fathom how that made HER feel? And yet here she is, rising like a damn phoenix and for that I am so damn proud of her. 


Honestly? I can totally see why he was set on fire…

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

(Based on this gem)

@vesuvia - I can’t stop…
@asraaaa - this is your fault <3
@justmaghookit - “ Lucio just sulking while wearing like 5 sweaters” as requested 


savage dino
(you’re doing amazing, sweetie)

what she says: i’m fine.

what she means: niall james horan really defied all of the odds and went to harry’s show last night AND he did it lowkey. he didn’t attract too much attention, didn’t really take pictures, took a couple of friends but stayed by himself in a corner and he just watched, like he was truly only there for harry. it wasn’t the first time he saw him perform but it was the first time he watched harry from the outside, from the crowd, where nothing he was doing was really directed at him, and yet he still had that same fond smile on his face which he gave harry so many times over the years before. 

anonymous asked:

Off the top of your head, are there 'phan' moments that are so significant they always make you smile and randomly spring into your head? For example, the viscosity discussion and the "you loved it, you wanna do it more" attack me when i'm doing work, and i'm equal parts elated and worried for my sanity because they take up such a large portion of my thoughts lol. I hope your move was good :)

omg sorry this took me so long to respond to but i didn’t even rly know where to begin bc there are so many??? i’m not sure if they’re ‘significant’ but this is just a short list of moments that jst keep me up at night from time to time bc they’re so Good: 

1. that time dnp did a joint live show on october 19, 2015 and not only acknowledged their friendaversary but also dan went on the world’s most Extra rant about phil’s enjoyment of pumpkin spice lattes when like, literally, no one asked or came for phil about that ,,, i often find dan’s repeated ‘get over it get over it get over it … you cynic … gEt oVeR iT’ stuck in my head in random moments. that’s also the live show where dan went on the world’s second most Extra rant about the walking dead and the Themes and the Complexity for like 3 whole mins and phil sat there imitating all of his wild gesticulation until he literally got so fed up that he stops and rolls his eyes and follows up dan’s review with the fucking iconic: “my review is, it was alright” 

2. phil’s tweet and photo of dan celebrating the release of the tatinof films bc i was so sure they’d be having some sort of party, a flipside party at least, but instead this pic confirmed they were celebrating this huge release in the most dan and phil way possible: just sat together in their lounge dressed in onesies and drinking rose :) 

3. the ridiculously cute time that dan confirmed in a liveshow that phil had come w him to wokingham in 2011 to celebrate his mum’s birthday 

4. in 2014 when dan broke his and phil’s filming camera and tweeted about it while phil was out and phil replied 'do you want me to buy a glue stick on the way home’ bc like, what the fuck. cute 

5. in the making of tabinof video when they’re talking about writing in a hotel room in orlando and dan’s handling the camera and phil is basically all up on him to get in frame and and dan’s in socks and it’s all v soft and cozy 

6. ‘your eyes are like three colors at the same time. that’s a trick question. your eyes are blue, green, and yellow.’ (x)

7. ‘i’m obsessed with your curl dan. how did that form?’ (x) .. and really all of the pastel edits video

8. dan going out of his way to add the clip of phil spanking his ass with the plushy snake at the very end of the pinof 6 bloopers even tho ,, no one asked or needed that and it was obvi in the original ,, like why 

9. the fact that when dnp went shopping for the suits they were gonna wear to the brits in 2015 phil just needed to take a spontaneous pic of dan in the shirt he ended up picking, obvi bc he felt a pressing need to commemorate the moment and he thought dan looked beautiful: 

(but rly tho, why did phil need a personal photo of the shirt dan was going to wear to the event, an event at which there would be like 500000 professional photos and videos taken … what a sap)

10. iom for phil’s birthday this year was so great and obviously so was the fam vacay and whatnot but it’s sometimes easy to forget how long dan has been a part of the family, and so i often think about phil tweeting out that he was celebrating his birthday with his family and dan at “the coolest thai restaurant ever” all the way back in 2012, complete with photo: 

they’ve just been a part of each others’ lives on such a deep level for so long it continuously boggles my mind <3

i wish i’d known sooner a lot of things. like you have no control over anyone’s actions or body except your own, and sometimes not even then. like if it’s not your secret to tell, it’s your secret to keep. like when your word is good people turn to you for truth. like lying is addictive. like compromise and peace are cousins, not twins. like never sign something without reading the full agreement and never sign anything you feel pressured not to read. like listen before you disagree. like taking a deep breath can save relationships.

i messed up so many times i stopped being able to count them. for a long time i thought that meant i was also a bad person; full of failure, full of times i’ve hurt others, sometimes even on purpose.

it took me a long time to realize that what makes a bad person is never admitting you did something wrong. i’ve messed up a lot. but i don’t defend myself against that. i apologize, learn from it, apply it to my personality. learn that sometimes being right isn’t the same thing as the right thing to do. learn that sometimes it’s okay not to be the most loved person in the room. it’s hard for me because i forget, like all people do.

but i think about the people who never learn. who choose time and time again to ignore what happens and instead continue in their pattern, regardless of what happens. that can never be wrong, that refuse to believe it. my mother used to say accidents happen, mistakes happen sometimes, and a choice you can mark your calendar by. 

you aren’t your mistakes. you’re the way you apologize, you’re how you admit you’ve been wrong, you’re how you move forwards. sometimes we can’t admit to ourselves we aren’t perfect. it’s a hard thing to be human. but expect less of who you are.

learn. move on. go far.

people always talk about how batman’s tragic backstory is weak because we know nothing about his parents or his relationship with them,but like, none of that really matters. it’s not about what he lost or what he had, it’s about the EVENT. 

it’s about the sudden change, it’s about fate, it’s about trauma. it’s not even about losing people he cares about really, it’s the fact that his life went from sheltered, from comfortable, from being emotionally stable, to everything it is now, in an instant, all because some guy with a gun turned the wrong corner.

and the thing is, the severity of what happened doesn’t matter either. plenty of people are orphans, plenty of people have lost someone they loved, but i think in batman’s case, what turned him INTO batman was not having the tools he needed to deal with it all. he came from a sheltered life, he’d probably never seen blood before, he’d probably never walked down a dark alley at night before, never seen a gun first hand before, never had to think about his life being any different than it was. 

and then all of that changed in a split second and it broke him. and i think he beats himself up over how hard he took it, i think he’s mad at himself for being so distraught when so many people he knows have lost so much more than he had that night, and seem to be doing so much better than he is…  and i think he’s mad that because of how he’s coping he’s continuing to lose people he loves..

all and all, i think his story is a great example of how everyone handles trauma, no matter how severe, differently.some people need more help, some people need more time,and for some people, it never goes away and it never fades, even if there are plenty of people around them who just want them to be OK.

Good Girls Go Bad

Set in the 40’s. Y/N was your stereotypical girl next door, growing up in the apartment right across the hall from James Buchanan Barnes. She had always been the shy, reserved girl; she was the complete opposite of the enigmatic ladies man. Despite their proximity, she was sure that he didn’t even know she existed. What happens when they run into one another during a night out on the town? Is just one night all it really takes? 

Word Count: 3,408

Warnings: swearing, smut

Originally posted by evanstansource

You sighed, adjusting your dress as you gazed into the mirror. Even though it was still rather conservative, you couldn’t help but notice that it was more revealing than you were used to. The neckline plunged rather low, the collar fastened with a bow that drew attention to your cleavage. The waist was cinched, showing off your figure. Paired with the red heels that your friends had chosen for you, you were looking like a regular bombshell. Your friends had insisted that you go out with them tonight. You had turned them down too many times. They said that now, of all days, you had to accompany them. The newest army recruits would be shipping out tomorrow, and it was sure to be a lively night.

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