i tired to do something different

as someone whose hands do shake and make it hard to type properly when I’m very upset I always figured that the crytyping meme was about the utter insincerity of the pattern and the consistency of when it comes up

like I have never, ever seen anyone stereotypically crytype except in exactly the type of situation that the stereotype is depicting (“im sso sssssorr y i didnnt t meesn tto ssayyy soekmthimh rrracust And nnpow eveeryomes mmad at meeeee gjjddvblryjkbs”, etc)

and frankly, *AS* someone who does produce typos when I’m upset because of weakened motor control- I had to go looking back through my messages to find a decent example, but during an anxiety attack (which for me can build into an actual seizure) a few weeks ago I sent this:

“dorry I’m not doing. Very we’ll right now. give me a moment pleade"

and the difference is… obvious. more to the point, I see non-post-fuckup-breakdown posts from other people on here that look like that all the time for loads of innocent reasons. the pattern we call crytyping only ever seems to come up because someone’s angling to look pitiful after saying something disgusting and then you guys try to drag those of us who actually do have motor control issues while upset into the mix to defend it, and I’m getting REAL tired of it.

Pinky.

I remember all the promises we’ve made together—all the good things you’ve said that I thought would last forever. We were like kids writing our futures without knowing how time could change us—how the world will try to always make us reminisce the past. How the people around us will try to mold us into something we didn’t want.

Ring.

It was the different type of love. I don’t know if fate is real or if destiny confuses us about what we feel. But I always imagine you with me, and my heart beating with yours in symphony. It was the most beautiful song I’ve ever heard. The most wonderful feeling I couldn’t get tired of.

Middle.

There’s always something that goes in between. Pedestrians passing by— every time the traffic lights signal us to stop. When you were walking fast yet caught up behind someone who is walking slowly enough. When you already want to do the things you love, but you saw something that puts a doubt in your heart. When you thought you already found someone who you can’t enjoy living without.

Index.

I choose you over anything else, hoping that you’ll also end up picking me over everybody else. Yet I put a finger on your lips telling you to stop spreading all the sugar coated lies. I point to your chest, hoping for you to be honest. Darling I think I couldn’t take it anymore, if you continue to pretend that you still love me more.

Thumb.

Believe when I say that everything will be okay, even if it will take a lot of time for me to heal. In the end I will surely learn from all of this things. I will still carry the love I have somewhere inside me. Not for you, but for—each and every—broken part of me. This is how I should let go of you. One by one, I’ll remove my fingertips away from holding your hands. One by one I’ll let go of you so you can rest and breathe. Day by day, letting go will ease the pain.

And until my hands stop bleeding, my soul will suddenly appreciate the wonderful life I’m living. In the end my heart will learn how to love myself more—and will finally consider it as my home.

—  ma.c.a // I should stop holding on you
How to Get Kin Memories Within Minutes - An Easy Method!

Hey guys!

I notice a lot of kin have a hard time getting memories from their canons. Everyone likes having memories: they make you feel more valid, they allow you to find canonmates more easily, and overall they’re really interesting and often nice to have.

I have a simple method for getting kin memories that has worked very well for me. I’ve gotten plenty of memories from it, and it’s been a great way for me to confirm kintypes I question. Sooo, I thought I would share it!

It’s an easy and quick process to go though: exactly what everyone wants!

It’s basically self-hypnosis, which is not as strange and crazy at it sounds. Hypnosis is a very natural thing, and we go into hypnotic trances very often in our everyday lives (e.g. when watching TV). It’s not scary at all. It’s really relaxing, and is actually pretty similar to meditation.

(This can also be useful to fictives with unclear memories!)

I’ll cut to the chase and list the steps bellow the break~

Keep reading

did you know? if you write about a gay man, you aren’t actually required to call him “fabulous.”

it’s a common misconception, i know. but the truth is, there’s an entire dictionary of other adjectives out there! and there are thousands upon thousands of words! and even if the character you’re writing about is a man who’s exclusively attracted to other men, you don’t have to be exclusive in your choice of descriptors! 

throw off the familiar yoke of literary staleness! let a liiiiitle bit more of your creativity shine through! expand your heteronormative horizons! stop relying on tired, moderately offensive linguistic coding to do the heavy lifting of characterization for you!

(and steer clear of “fierce”, too.)

BNHA Light Novel No.2 Trans

Chapter 4, AB Union: A Girls Only Gathering Part 2

[Part 1

t/n this has to be my favourite part of the chap, everyone talking about the boys and their boyfriend potentialness lol ahhh <3 p.s sorry if this a little short of a part!

Keep reading

A rare snake-related post by me-

I have had Vision, a dwarf BCI and my youngest snake, for roughly 9 months now. He will be a year old in July, so by snake standards he is still very much a baby. In the past 9 months, he’s gone from, for lack of better words, a bitey defensive asshole to a relatively passive and trusting creature who simply has Rules ™ on how, where, and when he can be touched. I used the same method to produce these results as I do with all of my reptiles, including my young snake of a notoriously aggressive and defensive species (Amazon Tree Boas) and have frequently been asked how I manage to get these animals that instinctively bite first and ask questions never to allow handling and pictures without drawing blood.

On my dog blog I’ve mentioned the concept of body autonomy a few times in relation to training dogs, and how it crosses over into husbandry in other species. In these posts I’ve detailed how I tame the larger birds at my job, how I teach my snakes not to bite me when I take them out, how I can successfully convince a thrashing dog to accept grooming without a fuss, how I teach cats to not turn into screaming demons for nail trims, and more. I also cover this in many of my dog training lectures at work as my students teach their dogs to allow grooming, nail trims, and medically related handling to prevent injuries and incidents when interacting with these animals. All of this relates back to body autonomy, and how we as humans have consistently ignored other species’ instinctive need to be autonomous.

I am no master animal trainer and do not play one on TV. I train pet dogs and service dogs and have begun to venture into competition, at one point I specialized in rehabbing aggressive and reactive dogs. I have trained various common pet animals in occasionally unconventional ways to do things that make life easier for the both of us, but I don’t claim to be anything special, because what I’m doing is not all that special. It is, however, uncommon for people to make these considerations with their pets and then they call in someone like me to fix a problem that didn’t need to start in the first place.

An example being: frequently on this website and others, the solution for convincing a biting snake not to bite you is to hold it still until it stops biting you. The snake will learn that biting you does not produce the desired result (you letting the snake go or putting it back in its cage) and thus will eventually stop biting you when you pick it up.

In the dog training world, we call this flooding and learned helplessness. It “works” because it produces what we wanted it to. The snake no longer bites when you pick it up. But it failed to address the root of the problem, and frequently if regular handling is not maintained the snake will return to biting you every time you touch it. The snake had learned that there was nothing it could do in order to make you stop doing what it didn’t like, and so had learned that it was helpless against the much larger human. The snake in this situation still doesn’t really want to be handled, it is merely tolerating it because it sees no other option.

While snakes have a much more primitive brain than dogs and thus a much more limited scope of emotions, aggression and violence are always expensive measures to use and thus are frequently considered last resort measures to make an unpleasant situation stop. They are costly in body resources- they take large amounts of energy, stress, and time to resolve, and wounds obtained from violence can become deadly with infection or severity. As a result, a bite should always indicate that whatever you are doing is so unpleasant to the animal you’re doing it to that they’re willing to risk their life in order to make you stop. The common pet snake knows it cannot win against an animal as large as a human. It is hoping you have not come to the same realization, and will not call its bluff.

This creates a problem. Like with dogs, backing off from a situation that is required after a bite will teach the snake that all they have to do to get you to leave them alone is to bite you. If I need to trim my dog’s nails, give him a bath, brush him, or have him examined by a vet, sure I could put him in a muzzle and force him to do it anyway, but it is counter-intuitive to teach him that all he has to do is bite me in order to get out of doing those things he may consider unpleasant. I need to be able to handle my snakes. This is not negotiable, just like the above things I do with my dogs are not negotiable. If I cannot handle them, I cannot check them for injury, disease, or distress. Backing off because my snake, or dog, has threatened to bite me is thus not a viable option. I must be able to complete the task, and the animal in question must let me.

Dogs, by comparison, are relatively easy to convince in this problem. I need to be able to do my dog’s nails. If I give him amazing treats on a good reward schedule, shower him with praise, listen to his body language to give him a chance to calm down and destress before pressing on, and remove my own negative emotions from the equation, he will learn to let me do his nails and even offer the position required for the task within a relatively short amount of time. He does not have to like having his nails done, but I can convince him to like he benefits he gets out of it. Cats and birds and small mammal pets like ferrets, rabbits, and rodents may be slower, but follow much the same way.

I can’t give a snake a treat. That’s not really how snake digestive systems work. I can’t give them a toy. I can’t give them praise. The subtleties of snake body language are much harder to read due to a lack of eyelids, ears, and limbs. Dogs, cats, birds, ferrets, all of these are social creatures that practice social bonding and feel an emotion similar to love (in the dog’s case, actually do feel love). Snakes are not social creatures and their brain is not capable of producing the chemicals involved in the emotion we call love. I cannot convince a snake to love me or to like being handled. That is not something their biology is able to do. Does that mean I have to rely on flooding and learned helplessness in order to get them to let me handle them?

I keep stressy species. While all reptiles are more than capable of stressing themselves to death, my current list of exotic pets includes a special needs ball python with a severe neurological condition, a brazilian rainbow boa specifically purchased from someone who breeds minimally stressy snakes because he got tired of the species’ reputation for being bitey assholes, and a dwarf bci locality (read: like a subspecies, but not different enough to get their own scientific name) known for being defensive bitey assholes. Previously, I had a special needs corn snake that was a defensive bitey asshole, an amazon tree boa that was remarkably handleable despite the species’ reputation for being aggressive and defensive bitey angry assholes, and a few foster ball pythons that came from neglect situations and had never been handled before leading to them being defensive bitey assholes. Stress is common in situations where aggression or violence is utilized, even if it is being utilized by the animal and not the human. If the stress from moving can kill my beloved ATB Hydra, why would I intentionally expose him to situations where he would feel required to use violence again and again until he learned that that was not a way out of the situation?

I did not flood my snakes. I hold them. They do not bite me. It has been a long time since any of them have even struck at me, and the majority of the bites and strikes I have received have been from when I was learning the snake in front of me or from me intentionally ignoring their body language and handling them a way I knew they didn’t like for whatever reason. Snakes do not bite without cause. Whether you, a human, can see that cause or not, snakes do not bite because they are vindictive or mean. As said, their brains are far too primitive to feel such complex emotions. Even wild snakes do not bite without provocation- whether you intentionally provoked them or not does not matter, simply whether they felt provoked enough to need to defend themselves possibly with their lives.

Vision came to me unsure of my intentions and of whether I could be considered safe. He certainly didn’t believe I should be picking him up. At two months old, the world is a scary place to a baby snake where nearly everything is bigger than you and nearly everything wants to kill or eat you. I do not blame him for doubting the warm giant cooing over him with grabby hands. To him, I’m sure I am some baffling mixture of hawk, bear, and wild canine. All of these things readily kill and eat snakes, all of these things may be persuaded to not kill and eat this particular snake if he bites them.

Instead of picking him up and allowing him to spend precious resources stressing himself to the point of repeatedly biting me- which hurts, by the way, so I don’t really want to be bitten any more than I need to be- I allowed him to show me things about him. I let him show me what he does when he’s nervous, when he doesn’t want to be bothered. I let him show me what he does when he’s curious and feels like investigating what’s in front of him. I let him show me how he does and does not like to be touched. Like many snakes, he seems to enjoy being scratched lightly under the chin. Like many snakes, he doesn’t seem to appreciate being tickled on the stomach. He prefers to create a “foot” about 2/3 down his body and use it as an anchored perch when exploring my hands. He does not want his tail to be touched. When he is nervous or unsure of potential danger, he will retract and coil himself into a loose ball. If pressed before he recovers, he will “expand” the “ball” quickly and vocalize. If he continues to be pressured, he will threaten to bite and will begin to try. If he is allowed to relax, he will recreate his “foot” and resume quietly investigating his surroundings.

Today, I took the lid off of his enclosure and lifted him out without a fuss. While this is not a first- we accomplished this task about 4 weeks in- only in the past few weeks has he not immediately retracted into his loose ball and required me to wait a few minutes for him to relax before touching him. Instead, he immediately made his “foot” and began to investigate, leaned against my finger as I scratched his chin, and maintained his confidence throughout the time I handled him. Sure, I could possibly get a similar result through the first method of flooding and teaching him that he is helpless against me, but I don’t need to. I can get a confident content snake that is not only tolerating my handling but also showing curiosity and intelligence without forcing him to accept my hands as things he has to deal with in his life.

The people espousing these methods always ask me how I managed to take such nice, interesting pictures of Hydra without bleeding- or joke about how much blood they think I lost inbetween shots- and are always surprised when I tell them that I don’t get bit because I understand a snake’s need for autonomy and allow the snake to tell me their “rules” for being touched and then follow those rules or understand if I break them I will get bit. As a result, I don’t break their rules unless I have to, and thus I don’t get bit unless I have to. This allows me to handle and investigate my snakes, look in their mouths, check their vents and between their scales, touch their heads, and rescue them from fluke accidents such as Quetzal’s injury with his decor without the snake taking their frustrations out on me. It also allows me to take some pretty pictures of them outside or on props without worrying how I will retrieve them without being bitten when I’m done. 

“A Date with Markiplier”, Darkiplier Theory.

After watching “A Date with Markiplier” multiple times, and replaying and replaying the parts where Darkiplier is featured; I have created a theory as to why Dark acts the way he does (In these videos, not as whole). Now, let me first start off by saying, this probably, (definitely) is not the BEST Dark theory out there. And there are probably holes are mistakes in this theory, or repeating themes. But nonetheless, it is a theory that I have created that is interesting.. hopefully. Note: This theory comes with spoilers! If you haven’t watched the whole video, or at least the Dark parts, please do. (The video and Darkiplier parts are linked above.) And even if it may not seem like it, I worked really hard and long on this theory. (Literally about 3 days. And typing all of this up took about 2-4 hours.) So please treat it with respect. (But don’t be afraid to add your own theories or thoughts on this! Feedback is always welcome. Positive or negative. Just don’t be a butt about it.) So, without further ado, let us begin! I hope you have the patience to read it all. Enjoy! 

This theory is mainly based on the parts where you are confronted by Dark while you are watching “The Dark Mark”. What you are going to read below is me basically showing images of Dark, taking direct quotes he has said in the videos, and explaining why he is saying what he does. 

We start off by having Dark glitch and fade into view. He tilts his head to the side, saying he has missed us very much. And that he has been waiting a long time to see us again. 

Then he continues on saying: “I’ve been pushed asideReplacedMocked.” Now this caught my attention even from the beginning. How has Dark been pushed aside, replaced, and mocked? Who has done this to him? Why? I tried to reflect more on what that meant, but Dark kept talking, catching my attention even more…

Who is “He”? And why does Dark think this… “He” is going on an adventure with us? Why and how was Dark not invited to it? 

Dark continues…

Dark mentions “He” again. Saying this person promised he would let him in. Again. Who promised Dark and what promise was made between them? 

This is where the theory begins. The main idea of this theory is based on a small post I made a while ago. If you have already read it, then you’ll understand where I’m going with this. If not, I suggest you read it really quick HERE

And now… we shall truly begin. 

Dark begins our one-sided conversation with: “I’ve been pushed aside, replaced, mocked.” But what also connects with this statement is what he says later: “ I’ve been waiting patientlyHe promised he would let me in again!” Now, since Dark is basically Mark’s inner demon, I could only assume that the “He” Dark keeps talking about is Mark. But what promise did Mark make with Dark? This is where I start to lean back on my older theory I hope you have read. 

I believe that Dark is in love with us. Or… at least has some sort of feelings for us. Or is at least curious about us. So, I think in the past Dark asked Mark permission to take control over Mark’s body so that he could spend time with us. Get to know the person he has unexplainable feelings for. Mark complied. Promising Dark that one day, Dark would have the opportunity to talk to us. But that day never came. And now Dark feels as if he has been Pushed aside. Replaced. And Mocked. These feelings have been repressed, but now since Mark is on this “adventure”, or “date” with us, Dark’s feelings and anger have come out. Dark feels that he has been pushed aside because he literally has been pushed aside. This date was supposed to be the date Dark was finally allowed to spend time with us. But instead… he got pushed. Pushed into the deepest, darkest, places of Mark’s mind. Mark didn’t want Dark to come out on this date. Because he was planning, later down the road, to propose to us. And he didn’t want Dark to ruin it. So Mark took over Dark, replacing him, even though he promised Dark that he would be allowed to take control. And now, Dark feels angry, hurt, and mocked. Mocked because today was supposed to be his day with us. But now he has to watch us through Mark’s eyes. Unable to do anything. Unable to talk to us and ask the questions he’s always wanted to ask. All he can do is stand back and watch the person he has feelings for go on a date with someone who betrayed him.

“And then he had the gall not to invite me to his little adventure with you.” This connects to what I said above. Mark has pushed Dark aside and didn’t allow him to take over on the date. Quite literally, he wasn’t invited on the date. He was casted away and replaced. But the one word Dark said that caught my attention was: “Adventure”. Why did Dark call it an adventure when he knew it was a date. A proposal, even? I believe the reason to be simple. Dark is angry and jealous right now. He doesn’t even want to call the event we are going on with Mark as a “date”. So, instead, he calls it an adventure. Making it easier on him and his heart. Also hoping in that calling it an adventure, he’ll make Mark look silly and foolish. As if he doesn’t know what a real “date” is. 

This part was very interesting. After saying all he said, spewing out his anger and frustration, Dark fixes his tie and suit, straightening up and saying: “ I’m tired of giving people a choice.” From what we have learned earlier, this sentence can only mean that he is tired of giving Mark the choice on controlling when and where he can allow him to take control.

But then, Dark sighs, saying: “But I suppose I could give you one last option.” Hearing Dark say this was extremely odd to me. Didn’t he just say that he was tired of giving people (Mark) a choice? But yet right after, he turns around to give us options and the ability to choose? I think he does this because no matter how closed off or frustrated he may get, he still wants to give the us the ability to choose. Since he has some sort of feelings for us, he doesn’t want to force us into something we don’t want to do. 

He continues: “Take your pick. Anything of four different choices, more than he could’ve ever given you.” Why did Dark give us so many options. Why did he bitterly say “more than he could have ever given you.”? And why did all options but one actually lead to a place that continues the story? 

I think the bitter remark and the option of more choices go back to Dark’s “adventure” statement. He wants to make Mark look foolish. Make Mark look like he can’t provide for us as much as he can. Even if it’s something simple as being able to go more places. But why, in giving us all these options, did only one actually go somewhere? It’s because, even though Dark does have feelings for us, he still is “dark”. He is still evil, demonic, etc. He purposefully made only one option that actually goes somewhere. He makes us go on a “date” with him (later on) the only way he knows how. Manipulation and Illusion. He gives us the illusion of choice, when really he manipulated it so there is only one right way. And that is to go on a date and spend time with him. 

This makes him sound pretty evil doesn’t it? That he just manipulates and cheats his way through until he gets what he wants. And that may be true, but.. At the same time, it’s actually pretty sad. That is all he knows. To cheat, to steal, and manipulate… Dark was toyed with and replaced. Promised he would be allowed to be with us. But that didn’t happen. And now Dark is forced to make his own path. Struggle to take control over Mark, and find a way to where we will spend time with him. Not Mark.

“So take your pick. Show me what you’ve got. And maybe… We’ll have a good date after all.” Wait what?! Did Dark look down shyly at the ground… Smile… And say “Date”?! This really blew my mind after I watched it a couple times.

After taunting us on by saying: “Show me what you’ve got.” Dark pauses, his face suddenly seems to soften. “And maybe…” He cracks what looks to be a smile and briefly looks down at the ground, “ We’ll have a good date after all.” He looks back up, but his face and body immediately harden and become cold and static once more. What just happened?! Mark randomly says “Maybe we’ll have a good date after all.” And he shows emotion and smiles? Why does he do this? I think I know why. 

Obviously, Dark has been waiting to spend time with us. And now that he has Mark under control and is alone with us, he finally realizes that his dream of being with us is soon to become reality. He smiles and quickly looks down to hide his emotion that he is excited for this long awaited day. And, instead of calling it an “adventure” like he did when he vaguely defined our outing with Mark, he says “date”. Making it official and saying it more for himself than us. But then, after he realizes he slipped: showing emotion and calling our alone time a “date”, his face hardens and he composes himself back into the stone cold Darkiplier once more. But in trying so hard to compose himself, he lets a small, angry frown dance dance across his face before straightening. Showing that he is angry with himself for showing so much ambition.

(Note: Phew! This is a lot of writing! I hope you guys are doing ok and you like this! Stay in your seat, there’s a lot more to yet come!)

*We choose “Freedom”*

“If dinner is what you want then I can provide…” We are now officially on what Dark described as a date. He glitches and we are suddenly sitting at a table with what looks to be a cup and a bottle of wine to the side. As I watched and rewatched this, I found it interesting that Dark chose to place us in a dinner date situation. The same setting we were at when we were with Mark. And say things like: “I can provide…” Why did he place us in a dinner date setting? Why did he say if we wanted dinner, then he could provide it? The answer is interesting. 

Remember, the whole date you were having with Mark, Dark was also seeing and experiencing. So that means, Dark was there even for when Mark misplaced his wallet, making you have to pay for the meal. This obviously annoyed Dark. Enough to the point where he had to physically point out and show us that if we wanted dinner, he could pay. He could provide us with a meal. This is basically a big slap in the face to Mark. Once again, Dark is trying to make Mark look idiotic and that the outing/ date we were on with Mark, wasn’t a date after all. And that he can do a better job on planning a date and providing.   

The date carries on. “And I can take you wherever you’d like to go…” I found this odd when Dark said this. It’s kind of a random thing to say on a date isn’t it? But it all makes more sense when you look at it this way:

Near the beginning and basically throughout our whole date with Mark, he keeps saying that he has our whole day planned out. And that he can’t wait to take us to certain places. I think Dark said this as yet another jab towards Mark. Mark had our whole day planned, swiftly leading us from one location to another. But Dark said: “ I can take you wherever you’d like to go..” almost as a counteroffer to what Mark was doing for us. There is a sense of freedom when Dark says he can take us wherever we would like to go. A sense of freedom and choice. Dark seems to be using this statement to try and make him look more appealing to us than Mark. Possibly even more fun or risky than Mark.  

After Dark states he can take us anywhere, he then dumps this heavy and scary: “I can especially take you to where you don’t want to go..” on us. 

Honestly, I was a little confused on why he would say this. Is it because he’s “dark” and evil and he would actually enjoy to take us places we would hate? Or is he using some weird, vague form of reverse phycology? Is he saying that “the places where we don’t want to go…” is back to Mark? It would kind of make sense. After saying and telling us of all the things he can do for us and provide for us, the last thing he would want is for us to still choose and go back to Mark. But he says that he can take us to where we don’t want to go, meaning that he would take us back to Mark if we chose that. 

Dark continues to talk, but then he begins to glitch and shake. He is then suddenly screaming: “I can give you anything!” And then as fast as it came, it goes, and he continues talk to us normally saying: “I’ve been waiting a long time. To get some personal time between us…” Ok… What just happened here? He was screaming one minute and then normal again the next?

I think Dark glitches and screams “I can give you anything!”, because he momentarily looses his composure. He’s been spending a good portion of this date trying to show us that he can provide for us and comparing himself to Mark. I think he starts to become frustrated in himself and how we aren’t reacting the way he would have hoped. Thus, his inner voice comes out, screaming, frustrated and angry that we can’t understand that he can give and provide everything we want and need.

After his short episode, he continues talking. Saying he’s been waiting a long time to “get some personal time between us…” I think he’s saying this because the only time he has ever been with us, or has “spent time with us”, is when he is being pushed to the back of Mark’s mind and has to watch from the sidelines and listen and hear Mark’s words and thoughts. But now that he has finally taken over Mark, he can truly get the personal alone time he’s always lusted over.      

The date continues, and Dark has one more episode. But what happens next is interesting. Dark says: “So.. Now that we are here together… We should really get to know each other…” And then suddenly, it looks like Dark is split in two. One part of him thrashing around and screaming. Why? Because it’s Mark… Trying to escape Dark’s possession of his body. 

Remember, this whole time we have been with Dark, Mark has been there, watching and listening to what Dark is saying. (Which also explains why at times, Dark twitches his head. Its because Mark is there in the back of his mind try to take control once again.) So Mark has been fighting Dark this whole time, and it seems Dark is slowly running out of time and loosing control, hence the episodes he keeps having. But notice where Mark made a big push to take control when he did. He did it right after Dark said we should “get to know each other…” It seems as if Mark didn’t like the idea of Dark getting to know us, and vise versa. Probably thinking Dark is going to take advantage of us at some point on the date. So, he tries and puts all his strength in trying to take back control before Dark can do anything to us. But once again, as quickly as it starts, Dark glitches and the image of Mark is gone, and Dark is back to normal.  

You just need to let me in… It’s as simple as that…

When I first heard this, I thought that Dark meant that we should allow him into our mind or soul. But as I began to create this theory, I began to think… What if Dark didn’t mean our soul or mind… But our heart? I mean, during this whole date he has been trying and trying to show us how much better he is than Mark, and how he can do all these things for us. Basically saying, how he can care and love us, just in a very “Darkiplier” way. What if he just wants to be loved by us. Accepted by us? And the only way he knows how to say that is something off putting like: “You just need to let me in..” Maybe all he wants is just a chance  with us. A chance to show how much he cares and ask us why he is feeling the way he does about us? 

After asking us to place him in our heart, and give him a chance, Dark then takes us outside. Believing that he has taken full control over Mark and boasting about it by saying: “You’re never, EVER, going to escape me…Not now-” He is confronted by Mark, in physical form. (Now this part can basically just completely eradicate my theory that Dark has taken over Mark, and not that they are two different people with their own bodies. Now that theory, COULD technically work here, but I decided I like the “Mark and Dark are two in one” theory better. Since Dark IS essentially Mark’s inner-demon. So I’m going to say that this part is actually where Mark gains some power within his mind, and now Dark and Mark are fighting for dominance.) 

After they fight for a while, a gun is dropped and you now have to decide to choose whether to shoot the left or right Mark. Later on, we find out the the Right is Dark, and Left is Mark. And this is where I was confused with what they are saying until I put up the captions. And what each of them were saying was interesting. 

Left Mark (the real Mark) starts off by saying: “You don’t have much time he’s going to kill everybody.” 

While Right Mark (Dark) says: “Shoot him. He needs to die.” 

The thing I found interesting was what they both first said to defend themselves. Left Mark (Mark), immediately starts off by saying that: There isn’t much time, and that Right Mark is going to kill everyone. Mark is trying to warn us. While Right Mark (Dark), just simply says off instinct: “Shoot him. He needs to die.”… Now that’s harsh. Mark just wants to warn us that if we don’t shoot Dark, we will all die. So he’s trying to save both us and himself. But Dark just spurts out that Mark NEEDS to die. No note of concern, or worry. No thought of what might happen afterwards. They keep talking, still trying to convince us: 

 Mark says: “He’s got weird eyes. Don’t trust him at all.” 

While Dark says: “He does bad things to good people.” 

Now, the thing I found extremely interesting was this part right here. Mark says that Dark has weird eyes, which is true. He is known for having completely Dark eyes. But how he said the next part is what caught my attention. Mark said: “DON’T trust him at all.”. He didn’t say “I don’t trust him at all.” But simply, “Don’t trust him…” Therefore, Mark was telling US not to trust Dark. It was a command. Because he knows what Dark is able to do. 

What Dark says also caught my attention. Why would Dark say: “He does bad things to good people.”? Isn’t Dark supposed to be the “bad guy” here? Manipulating and weaving around things to get to what he wants? True, that is what he did to get us to date him. But just because he did those things, do you think he even wanted to? We have already proven that in the past, Dark asked for permission to spend time with us. But since that didn’t happen, Dark had to take control. All because Mark betrayed his promise to Dark. So maybe, Dark is saying “He does bad things to good people.” Because he’s hurt and angry that Mark didn’t fill out his promise. That Mark led him on only to be trapped in the back of his mind again, while he got ready to propose to the person Dark had feelings for without even been given a chance. 

After we shoot Left Mark, Right Mark comes over saying: “You made the right call. Come here, it’s okay, it’s okay.” Assuring us and embracing us. We then continue the date by getting ice cream. We sit down while Right Mark continues to talk, saying: “We’ll enjoy some nice, dairy-based treats. And erm, get to know other. Really, personally…” We then begin to eat our ice cream when the screen flickers and glitches. We look back up and are greeted to see Dark sitting across form us. Dark then says: “Oops. Looks like you’ve made the wrong choice. But now we’re going to be together… forever.”

When I first watched this side of the date, I paid no regard to what Right Mark said. But after rewatching the mini date we had with Dark, and going back to this, I noticed something. Dark always seems to talk about getting to know us, or getting close to us. Spending personal time with with. Before, during our private date with Dark, he said: “I’ve been waiting a long time. To get some personal time between us…”  So when right Mark said: “Really, personally…” It became obvious that it was Dark sitting in front of us. After Dark transforms into his true self, he then says: “Oops. Looks like you’ve made the wrong choice.” I believe Dark said this because he knew, that if we knew who the real Mark was back when we had to decide who to shoot, we would have chosen the real Mark hands down. So he kept quiet. Hoping that with luck, he could say the right words and look innocent enough and emulate Mark, that we would shoot the wrong man. Before we are met with “Try Again?”, Dark continues, “But now we’re going to be together..forever.” and smiles. The first time I heard this, it sounded creepy, and some of you might think so as well. But I think Dark said this because he was finally free. Free of Mark’s hold on him. And free to be with the person he is curious about and has unexplained feelings for. He’s finally free to provide and care for us, without Mark battling for control in the back of his mind. Because that part of him is now dead. He can finally get to know us. Get that personal, intimate time he has always yearned for. He’s finally found freedom from being pushed aside. Being replaced and being mocked. He can finally have a true chance with us. A chance… for us to let him into our heart. Because we’ve always been in his.     

Soon I’ll be knocking on the door of 100lbs down. (I’m 5'11)

People always ask me how, and here’s the truth: I spend 5-6 days a week making sure I burn 4,000 calories, take 12,000 steps, have my HR in the fatburn zone for at least 100 minutes, consume at least 170g of protein, and don’t go over my calories. I spend the other day or two being a potato recovering in my bed to do it all again. Off days mean something different entirely to me now though— Cheat days can’t be the same as recovery days because I want my caloric deficit every day. Yeah. It isn’t easy. I feel a hundred different ways about doing this all week long: sometimes I’m tired and hungry and start to wonder why I’m doing this, and other times I am laser-focused on my future goals of kayaking with our baby or lounging comfortably in a bathing suit on a cruise.

The biggest thing that makes a difference for me now is the commitment to ignore myself when I want to give up. Don’t let the toxic mixture of depression, laziness, and self-doubt fuck up what you want for your life and your body. Let one act of self-care be that you are skeptical of your ability to make choices when you doubt yourself and that you will believe the days you feel good, healthy, and strong. If you wanna give up, go to the gym anyway and tell yourself you’ll decide whether or not to give up tomorrow.

(In retrospect, the before photo may be from February of 16, but I’m not going to change it over that)

Because of this addition on the post by @tinkdw I felt compelled to write a short… thingy. :P 

Watch Over You (1264 words)

When Cas comes back as a human, he has nightmares. Dean doesn’t notice it at first; the bunker is huge and the walls are mostly sound proof and Cas – well, Cas always looks tired.

And Cas does his best to never let it on that he dreams, every night, of all the people he killed, all the mistakes he made, all the knowledge he has lost because his human mind can’t comprehend it anymore. Some days he wakes up screaming, others crying – often both. But he never talks about it because, well, if he’s learned one thing, then this: Winchesters don’t talk about their feelings. And he’s a Winchester now, at least this much has Dean made clear.

Dean notices when they’re on a case in Iowa, sharing the motel room because Sam got the short straw and has to observe a haunted house they’ve theoretically cleared but – better safe than sorry. It’s almost 2am and Dean’s not even remotely tired so he’s just idling around when a soft whimper makes him perk up.

It grows louder. At first it’s barely noticeable but after a while the whimper turns into groans (and not the sexy kind either), then small cries and Dean can hear Cas’ breath hitching before he lets out a shout. Dean’s up before he knows what he’s doing, standing at Cas’ bed. He’s sweaty and his face is distorted into a grimace; without thinking, Dean grabs Cas’ shoulder and shakes it.

Cas sits up almost immediately. “I didn’t -” he stutters. “I didn’t want -”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Dean says softly. “It was a dream.” He’s surprised by the gentleness in his voice and swallows heavily; he shouldn’t turn this into a chick flick moment.

“Dean.” Cas recognizes him and immediately recoils; Dean’s hand is falling from Cas’ shoulder. “I’m sorry.” He sounds tired. “I – had a bad dream.”

“Yeah, I noticed,” Dean answers.

“I’m sorry,” Cas repeats. “I didn’t want to disturb you. I can go sleep in Sam’s room if you want.”

Dean shakes his head without even thinking about it. “Dude, no,” he says forcefully. “That’s not a problem. I’m used to it. Sam had them all the time. Me… me too.”

“I – I may have had them a lot,” Cas admits. “In the last weeks. But I didn’t want to disturb you. And it’s not a problem, really. Don’t feel pressured into doing… something.”

“I’m not. Come on, let’s try to go back to sleep, okay? I’ll sit here a bit. Watch over you.” He points at the end of the bed.

Cas tilts his head curiously. “You always said I shouldn’t do this,” he says.

That makes Dean blush. “Well, that was – different,” he explains. He doesn’t exactly know how, but it - well it was. Most definitely. “You deserve it,” he adds as an afterthought.

Maybe it’s because Cas is too tired to argue or because he actually believes what Dean has said, but he agrees and lets himself fall to sleep shortly after. And it seems to help, very well actually – no nightmare in sight. Dean doesn’t fall asleep that night but that’s okay - he can sleep in the Impala, let Sam drive. He’s always happy when he can.

After that, it becomes a habit. Of course, because Cas is Cas, he at first puts up a fight – but after the third night in a row where he needed more caffeine than humanly possible to even held his head up he realized that this is his best option.

So Dean stops sleeping in his room, instead watching over Cas every night. He doesn’t mention it to Sam because – it’s no big deal anyway, and it’s just until Cas stops having these dreams. He sets up a comfy chair next to Cas’ bed and it works. When Cas has a nightmare, he wakes him up, they go back to sleep.

No need to talk about it. Not that they don’t talk – actually they do talk a lot, sometimes for hours at a time. About everything, being human, their last cases, philosophical questions; sometimes Cas tries to lure him into a conversation about mathematical equations because he ‘doesn’t want his skills to get rusty’ but Dean shuts that down pretty quickly.

They do this for a week until Dean’s back and neck starts to hurt. He doesn’t say anything because he has enjoyed their nights together so much that he fears saying anything will threaten whatever fragile thing they have build together but Cas, of course, notices it anyway.

When Dean groans and massages his neck as he sinks into the chair, Cas sighs and pointedly looks at his bed. “My bed is pretty big, you know,” he says.

“Um,” Dean says. “Okay?”

“It’s just – I see that you’re hurting. And I feel bad. Because I – I feel like my happiness comes at your expense. I don’t - I don’t want to be a burden.”

“You’re not, Cas. I’m just old and cranky and shouldn’t be doing this stuff anymore. But if I can handle a wendigo I can handle a fucking chair.”

“Well, you don’t have to.”

They don’t talk about it for that evening but when it’s 2AM and Dean wakes up with the worst crick in his neck that he has ever experienced, Cas wakes up and holds up his blanket as an invitation. “Come on,” he says and it’s not a plea, it’s not a suggestion, it’s an order.

So, of course, Dean obeys. He’s shaking and sweating at the prospect of sharing a bed with Cas, but he obeys. It doesn’t mean anything, he thinks. Cas is Cas. He just wants to be nice to me. It doesn’t mean anything. He doesn’t sleep that night.

The next night, he’s in bed with Cas from the beginning. He almost doesn’t dare to move but he’s tired, so tired, and when he falls asleep he finds himself drifting closer to Cas; almost but not quite touching. They don’t talk about it afterwards.

The third night it all goes down. Of course he’s lying in Cas’ bed and of course he’s trying to keep his hands to himself but after talking for three hours and Cas’ eyes falling shut every few seconds now he just can’t help himself; he raises his hand and brushes a few stray hairs from Cas’ face.

When Cas opens his eyes almost immediately, he stills. “Sorry,” he says and puts his hand back, expecting – whatever, a shout, a ‘what the fuck are you doing you pervert’, a ‘leave my bed and don’t come back’.

Certainly not this. Cas takes Dean’s hand, putting it in his hair again. “It’s okay,” he says quietly. Hesitantly, Dean starts to caress Cas’ hair, watching with fascination when Cas shuffles closer, burying his nose in Dean’s neck. Far too soon his breath starts to even and he falls asleep completely; he doesn’t have any nightmares that night.

There’s no going back from this, and somehow Dean doesn’t want to. Soft touches turn into warm embraces turn into slow kisses turn into eager movements. He doesn’t look back; they don’t talk about it because, well, there’s nothing to talk about.

Except one thing, a few weeks later. “You know,” Cas starts quietly when Dean is running his fingers through his hair again. “I vowed to always watch over you,” he continues. “And then you said you would do the same.” There’s a short pause, then, very quiet, almost like an exhale. “Thank you.”

Cas doesn’t have nightmares again, but they still share a bed.

porygons  asked:

Why do you think it's ok to use queer as a blanket term? As a bi trans person I find it incredibly hurtful and offensive

Do you really want to know my answer? Like seriously, are you actually open to listening to what my answer may be and absorbing any new information I may offer on the topic?

Because from here it doesn’t seem like you are. 

Let’s be honest with each other, you started out with the phrase “why do you think it’s ok” which is aggressive language, and then you justified your disagreement with your identity. Which I always found to be an interesting tactic, because when this clarification exists in an argument it assumes that by having this particular set of identities you are somehow more qualified to discuss this problem than someone else, while at the same time personalizing you so it is harder for anyone to disagree with you.

You then use the words hurtful, and then offensive. Both button words that illicit a certain type of response, hurtful in how inarguable it is. That is your feeling and I would never argue what a stranger is feeling to them. Then there is offensive, which is a word that is very well used in the LGBT+ community to discuss important issues surrounding our dehumanization. 

I don’t think that this message was a carefully crafted masterpiece of debate and trickery that you spent hour figuring out the direct phrasing of obviously, but I do think you had an intent when you wrote this message and the words you chose make that intent clear. 

You don’t want to talk to me. Hell I doubt you even follow me. I have anonymous turned off on my ask box, but I am almost 100% sure that if I didn’t you would be sending this under the little sunglasses wearing icon.

Also if you checked my FAQ you would have found a helpful little link explaining to you my views on the queer discourse. You may have noticed that I have my own reasons why I decide to use that word, and my own history with it. You probably also would have seen my post saying that I don’t mind people disagreeing with me. Or you could have seen that I have a link set up that blocks the word from all my content so no one has to see it if they don’t want to, and they can still have access to the history that I give insight into. 

But you didn’t care about that did you? Because you aren’t actually interested in what I have to say, if you were you would have already seen all of this and you would have seen my request for people to stop asking me to drag out my arguments for why I use the word again and again. You probably would have realized that either A) it is a lost cause so why bother B) that I have nothing left to say on the matter that I haven’t already said and you may have respected my professional boundaries enough to leave it alone.  

But here we are, you uninformed and angry, and me annoyed and tired. We aren’t going to have a good dialogue, and I am near certain you wouldn’t have accepted one if I offered it. You are not here to change my mind, because I have to assume that you at least did a basic check to see that my entire project has the word queer in it and it is pretty clear that isn’t changing. And you are also not here to have your mind changed. 

And to be honest I have no desire to change your mind. I don’t mind people disagreeing with me on this. It actually isn’t that big of a deal to me if someone doesn’t agree with my viewpoints all the time. 

I have read a lot of arguments in favour of removing the word from our lexicon completely. I disagree, but I understand them. As I have said before, this isn’t a huge dividing point for me. 

I have given people access to my work without the word queer in it, and that is the extent of what I am going to do here. 

So why are you sending this in? Nothing is going to change from it, and honestly it is a pretty boring message so I can’t believe you thought something would.

I think the sole reason you sent this was performative. 

You wanted to show that you tried to convince that big mean queer person without actually trying to convince them. Maybe this was a performance; for your followers, maybe you will screenshot my response and share them in a group chat. Or it is also possible this is a performance for yourself, maybe you want to convince yourself that you are doing something. 

Maybe you feel ineffective or like you need to make a difference so you are sending this message to me to feel proud of yourself for trying to change something that you don’t like. 

But you aren’t doing this to actually do the hard work of changing something. 

And it is fine if you aren’t able to do that work for any reason, but leave other people out of your sense of inadequacy. I am not here to be your punching bag that you hit so you can feel big and strong.  

I am tired, and I am bored of people sending me this performative garbage.

Which of course lends itself to the question, why am I answering this publicly?

I will admit there is a little bit of performance from my side as well, I want people to see how right I am and how much this behavior sucks. I want people to see me destroying this ask, and I am not going to lie I am totally going to send screenshots to the group chat.

What makes us different, is that I didn’t seek this performance out. I clearly did not send this to myself, and I haven’t made a post about the queer discourse in months. Which means, this person had to search for me so that they could get mad at me. Whereas I just had to check my inbox this morning and respond to what was there.

But outside of the performance of it all, I want my answer to sit with you for a couple of days. I don’t care if I change your mind about the queer discourse because honestly I do not care about the queer discourse. But I do want to change something. I want you to stop sending asks like these, because this doesn’t seem like it is your first. 

And if you were just sending them to me I would be fine with it. I can delete asks, and they roll off my back if I decide to let them. But not everyone is like that. 

I could now give a rant about the little baby queers I am protecting, but it is not just about them. It is about all of the people you send this kind of thing to (who almost certainly don’t deserve hate mail), whether they are affected deeply by it or not it doesn’t make what you are doing any better. 

And if me writing this long message publicly makes it less likely for you to send something like this again, then it is worth the five minutes I have spent crafting it. Because if you are a little more self conscious about doing something like this again, then hopefully I will have spared a couple of people the annoyance of having to deal with this kind of garbage message. 

journaling ideas/inspiration

So here’s a list of thing to inspire you, some are for drawings and other are for writing or both

1. angels/gods/feathers/wings

2. once when I was in a dream someone told me…

3. parallel universes (I’m right here why can’t you see/hear me)

4. cut out shapes from images (”there’s something missing”)

5. winter/summer sky at 5pm/5am/10am… (colors cut out from magazines or painted with watercolors/acrylics/whatever)

6. moments right before the storm, when everything is flying around, grey clouds, unrest

7.too tired to think ( random thoughts/pictures that go through my head right before I fall asleep)

8.illustrate a dream you had

9. what do you believe in ( about life/death, what comes after, meaning of it all…)

10. the butterfly effect

11.draw same thing in different mediums/ with left and right hand

12. favorite movie/series (favorite quote from it, scenes, how it made you feel)

13. what do you think about when you’re laying in dark,empty room

14. abandoned buildings/ playgrounds, empty train stations/parks, old houses

15. places where no one has been in a while and a nature got to it and grew all over the walls and floor, shattered glass, spider webs, sun rays shining through tree branches

these are just ideas and pictures in my mind I haven’t yet managed to put on paper and if anyone decides to use some of them and posts please tag me I’d like to see how you imagined it :)

if you like it let me know, I might make another one

Many years ago, I used to be a feminist. At first it was merely a “yeah, girl power! Feminism!” kind of thing. And then I moved back home from an abusive relationship, and started hanging out with one of my best friends more often. He was one of the few guys that was a genuine friend and didn’t want to try to get into my pants. Or so I thought. After several months, having found some peace and routine with him, he brought up the prospect of being anything more. Thing is, I felt nothing for him in that aspect. I mentioned this, told him that it wouldn’t feel right forcing myself to be in a relationship with him when I didn’t actually see him in a romantic way and that it would only be cruel to him. He was disheartened, but he didn’t bring it up again for a while.

He was a pharmacy student who was on the cusp of graduation. He studied well and had high grades, and part of our hangout routine was him using his homework and notes to “teach” me (I didn’t really pay attention, but it helped him to better understand his material). One weekend - Halloween, actually, as I will always remember it - he was picking me up from my place so we could spend a few days lounging and playing video games. His car broke down and we spent hours waiting for the tow truck. The next night, we were playing video games per usual. He asked about whether or not I wanted to go somewhere and do something different. I told him that, understanding his financial situation, it would be best if we just continued with our normal routine. At the time, I didn’t think much of it. I figured “Hey, he must just be bored and stressed.” He seemed flustered and excused himself to get us some drinks from downstairs.

He came back with some drinks. I remember that mine tasted odd. I chalked it up to flat soda and allergies to the cats. Soon after, I got extremely tired. I thought it was because I hadn’t slept a few days and it was catching up to me, and I was with someone that I trusted.

I woke up feeling weird. My clothes were gone, I was in his bed, and he was on top of me. His tongue was down my throat. Every ounce of trust I had went down the drain. I was enraged. He was the ONLY male I had trusted. He was my best friend. I hardly trusted my own father to not hurt me at this point in my life because of how rocky our relationship had been. The man I had just left was sexually, physically, and emotionally abusive. This man, the man I so foolishly had considered my best friend, had broken every ounce of trust. I don’t even know the full extent to what he had done to me. But I demanded a ride home.

I never went to the police because I didn’t think they would believe me and at the time I still cared for him as a friend. I didn’t understand at the time everything that had happened. It didn’t completely sink in for years that he had drugged me. It didn’t sink in that he was the one who took off my clothes, that he had touched me in places he knew I would never allow. And I didn’t want to ruin his life over it. But it hit deep enough that I began to hate all men. Every one of them.

A couple of months later, after barring him completely from my life, I was hanging out with my female best friend. She took me out with two of her male friends, who I didn’t like or trust. And a guy that I’d liked from high school met us at the place we were hanging out. He pulled me off to a secluded area and started kissing me. At first I didn’t mind. He was cute, and seeing him kind of rekindled the old flame. But then he wouldn’t stop. And I started pushing him away from me, but he would pull me closer. I’d tell him to stop, and he would tell me that I didn’t really want that. I started struggling and yelling.

My best friend with her friends came across us. I came to find out that she didn’t know he had taken me away and had been looking for us. He friends separated us. I was crushed, because once again a man had broken my trust. My friend, instead of consoling me, lashed out at him. Accused him of “using me to get to her because he knew she liked him.” She didn’t try to make sure I was okay. But her friends did. Her two male friends, who I hadn’t liked simply on the basis that they were male, told me that if they had known the extent to which things had happened they would have beaten his ass instead of telling him to leave. One, who had just gotten out of jail, said that if I knew where the guy lived he would be more than willing to go back to protect me from the guy. These two men were more understanding than she had been.

They took me home. I was too shaken up to be fun. My dad saw how I was, and asked me what happened. The guy worked with my father. I told my dad what he did. He asked me what I wanted to do. My only words were “I want him to go away.” My dad said he could make that happen. And he did. The guy moved to California within the month.

I began having doubts about whether or not all men deserved to be hated simply because of their penis.

Months later, I began going to school the place my dad worked at. I realized that a lot of the ladies there liked my father. He wouldn’t ever do anything to return this “friendliness” from the women. My father prided himself on being professional. He was a completely different person than he was at home. One of the women who consistently tried to advance on my father began to feel spurned. So she and some of the other girls conspired together. They made false accusations about my father. Saying he would touch them and speak inappropriately to them. The school wouldn’t even listen to my father. They wouldn’t even allow him to defend himself. “The accusation alone is proof enough” were their official words. They made him resign.

My father began working as the general manager of a chain of luxury refinery. The girls that he hired took a liking to him, and when he turned down their advancements, they did the same. They accused him of sexually harassing them. When he didn’t. Once again, he was forced to resign. “This has happened twice. If it happens again, we will be forced to revoke your license.” Once again, they didn’t even allow him to defend himself. They wouldn’t see the video footage of him telling them to stop. They wouldn’t see the texts of him telling them to calm down. Because he was male.

And I realized that I, as a woman, held more power than any man ever could. I realized that all it took was mere words to destroy a man’s life. That wasn’t weakness. It wasn’t oppression, not on a woman’s part. I realized that there were shitty men and shitty women. But there was no shortage of good men either. And there was no shortage of good women.

My resentment for men faded, and it faded fast. My resentment for feminism grew for forcing me to be so scared of men, because despite my terrible experiences there were men who were willing to go to prison to defend a woman that they hadn’t known for more than five hours.


My entire point is that you are allowed to be hurt by your past experiences. You are allowed to feel, to grow past it. But don’t harbor the hatred. Don’t turn it against the people who didn’t actually do anything to you. If a man abuses you in any way, shape, or form, it’s on him. It isn’t on the shoulders of every other man in existence.

Misandry isn’t the answer. Don’t let your fear turn into hatred, please. Learn to grow past it. Because no matter how scared you are, there are people strong enough to protect you, who are willing to do so in the blink of an eye. People who don’t even know you who still love you enough to treat you like family. And it’s not their fault that there are fucked up people. People, not just men. People.

                 BOOK STARTERS VOL.23   ( HOUSE OF LEAVES )  ( MARK Z. DANIELEWSKI )

  1. ❛ It may be the wrong decision, but fuck it, it’s mine. ❜
  2. ❛ Like patience, passion comes from the same Latin root: pati. It does not mean to flow with exuberance. It means to suffer. ❜
  3. ❛ No one ever really gets used to nightmares. ❜
  4. ❛ I still get nightmares. In fact, I get them so often I should be used to them by now. I’m not. ❜
  5. ❛ Sublime is something you choke on after a shot of tequila. ❜
  6. ❛ Some people reflect light, some deflect it, you by some miracle, seem to collect it. ❜
  7. ❛ Beautiful women are always drawn to men they think will keep them beautiful. ❜
  8. ❛ The ruminations are mine, let the world be yours. ❜
  9. ❛ You will fulfil a promise I made years ago but failed to keep. ❜
  10. ❛ Darkness never satisfies. Especially if it takes something away which it almost always invariably does. ❜
  11. ❛ I want something else. I’m not even sure what to call it anymore. ❜
  12. ❛ What can I say, I’m a sucker for abandoned stuff, misplaced stuff, forgotten stuff, any old stuff. ❜
  13. ❛ Is it possible to love something so much, you imagine it wants to destroy you only because it has denied you? ❜
  14. ❛ It’s just silent, no sound at all. It’s like something’s waiting. ❜
  15. ❛ I guess I’m hoping the weapons will make me feel better, grant me some kind of fucking control. ❜
  16. ❛ Oh and something else: – Fuck you. ❜
  17. ❛ God I’ve never been afraid like this. ❜
  18. ❛ I miss you. I love you. There’s no second I’ve lived that you can’t call your own. ❜
  19. ❛ I’m so tired. Sleep’s been stalking me for too long to remember. Inevitable I suppose. ❜
  20. ❛ Not seeing the rip doesn’t mean you automatically get to keep clear of the Hey-I’m-Bleeding part. ❜
  21. ❛ These days fantasies flourish and die like summer flies. ❜
  22. ❛ Yeah I know, I know. This shit’s getting ridiculous. ❜
  23. ❛ ‘Fuck’ and ‘fall for’ have very different meanings. The first one you do as much as you can. The second one you never ever, ever do. ❜
  24. ❛ It’s a nice idea but it reeks of hope. False hope. ❜
  25. ❛ It’s, well…one thing in two words: fucked up…very fucked up. Okay three words, four words, who the hell cares…very very fucked up. ❜
  26. ❛ Do you think I could spend the night at your place?  ❜
  27. ❛ Any fool can pray. ❜
  28. ❛ I feel like I haven’t slept in months. My neighbours are scared of me. ❜
  29. ❛ I’ve lost my mind? Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe I’m just really drunk. ❜
  30. ❛ Perhaps by cleaning out my system I’ll come to a clearing where I can ease myself into peace. ❜
  31. ❛ I should be dead. Why am I still here? ❜
  32. ❛ Fuck if I know. Your guess is as good as mine. ❜
  33. ❛ You are my flesh. You are my bones. I know you too well. I read you too perfectly. ❜
  34. ❛ Not all complex problems have easy solutions. ❜
  35. ❛ Do you believe in God? I don’t think I ever asked you that one. ❜
  36. ❛ We all create stories to protect ourselves. ❜
  37. ❛ Are you kidding me? This place is scary. ❜
  38. ❛ These days the only thing that gets me outside is when I say: Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck you. Fuck me. Fuck this. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. ❜
  39. ❛ You like that crap because it reminds you of you. ❜
  40. ❛ You may suddenly realise things are not how you perceived them to be at all. ❜

anonymous asked:

how do i be a good ally. i feel so gross i feel like I'm not doing enough as a white person i want to do better please don't take this in a bad way

Well first of all you need to hit the #DELETE on the “good ally” rhetoric bc as a white person you will never truly unlearn racism and you will never truly be a good ally. Solidarity and Good allyism doesn’t actually exist and it was made by (surprise!) white people to give themselves pat on the backs for not calling someone a racial slur. It doesn’t exist and y’all need to stop with this “i’m not racist” and “i’m a good ally” crap because it’s unrealistic and further proves you don’t want to learn on your own accordance but on the emotional labor that POC have to give. 

There is a lot of things about racism that are so complex and you have to understand that you will never understand. You will never understand because you don’t have to actively fight something from birth to death. This isn’t an insult, but a fact that as a white person you will always be ignorant. Constantly. It’s ingrained in you and the structure your ancestors built to keep POC at the bottom. 

However, to be, yknow, not shitty is actually talking to POC. Like you can’t do anything if you don’t interact with POC. Listen to us, listen to our problems and rant posts we make in regards of racism. Reblog posts that talk about racism, i have a ton in my xx tag that are good. Realize that you are the problem and will always be a problem no matter how “not racist” you are.

If you can, actively protest. Actively go to BLM protests. Actively go to protests and know how to protest. Never organize protests that are racially charged like a white person should never organize a BLM protest. If you can’t protest, actively reblogging posts and consuming media by POC is good too.

You have to be active. You HAVE to be. There is nothing worse than a white person who is not actively fighting what kills people on a DAILY basis. As a white person you must be active in fighting the oppression you inherently emit or you are not helping. You simply are not helping and while it sounds tiring being actively involved in “”politics”” (racism and the fight against it is not and never will be politics but that’s another conversation for later) think about how many poc are fighting right now because their existence is hated. It’s tiring and I wish I could take a break but I have been fighting since I was born and the bare minimum is asking whites to fight with us.

Expecting POC to educate you in every little thing is a privilege. Expecting to be educated is not only ignorant but it also means you think of us as some tool to further an agenda. This is different but it’s true to the matter that you, as a white person, have to CONTINUOUSLY be researching. Educating is an emotional feat and it gets a bit tiring for POC to constantly have to educate. Everyday, we educate. Don’t be lazy. Before you ask your local coloured neighbor on if this is racist or not, look it up. If you don’t really get the basis of something, look it up first. I get that you can’t do that for everything but trying is key. 

On a further note, intracommunity issues STAY intracommunity. Do not get involved or put opinions in these things. They do not affect you (most of the time). 

Also have common sense? Think.

Sometimes all you can do is listen, reblog posts and research but that’s better than nothing. You have to do something in order to combat the racism you have internalized and will always have internalized. Racism is not unlearned but the ways you act on it can be. 

Infatuation - Part 1

Originally posted by jaebuim

part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5

Summary: You are now a Pre-K teacher and you meet Jaebum, a single dad. Will you date him or will you go back to your ex from high school?  

Genre: Romance, teacher, single dad

Warnings: smut in later chapters, swearing

Definition of Pre-K: teacher for children at the age of 4

Authors Note: This is my first fanfic and I am not really sure what everyone will think of it but please give me some feedback! Oh and I hate when fanfics don’t have a slight twist to them so don’t think I’ll keep you bored! I want some action and suspense here :) 

Chapter 1:

You walked out of your last exam feeling excited because you finally finished your senior year of high school. All that was left was graduation day! You were excited for this upcoming summer because you finally had a car, a job, and more time with your boyfriend, Yugyeom. You were also excited because college would start in August, which meant a new chapter in your life. 

You had been working hard during the semester to maintain your rank as number 1 in the class. After your hard work, you finally became valedictorian, and you would be giving a speech to your fellow classmates on graduation day. You were ready for a nice and refreshing summer. 

Keep reading

  • Sakura: You know what, Naruto?
  • Sakura: I'm tired of this shit.
  • Sakura: He treats us like crap, all he cares about is revenge, and he's clearly out of his mind.
  • Sakura: Fuck Sasuke Uchiha
  • Naruto: *nods vigorously* Yeah!
  • Naruto: You're a genius, Sakura-chan
  • Naruto: It's impossible beat sense into that bastard
  • Naruto: We should try something different. Kaka-sensei always says to think outside the box
  • Naruto: And the box outside of that box too
  • Naruto: So
  • Naruto: Which one of us is going to do it?
  • Sakura: Wait, Naruto
  • Naruto: You're the obvious choice since you're a girl but
  • Naruto: No offense, Sakura-chan, Sasuke didn't seem that into you back in the day. Or now.
  • Sakura: *Eye-twitch* Naruto, I didn't-
  • Naruto: And Kaka-sensei. Well, he's always reading those pervy books *shudder* but he's too old for Sasuke. Blech.
  • Naruto: I guess...
  • Naruto: *Clenches fist*
  • Naruto: I guess it'll have to be me
  • Sakura: Ah *deep breath* and what exactly *grinds teeth* are you going to do
  • Naruto: Seriously? It was your idea
  • Naruto: I'm going to fuck Sasuke Uchiha
  • Naruto: until he comes
  • Sakura: ...
  • Naruto: ...
  • Naruto: to his senses
  • Naruto: yeah
  • Naruto: believe it
So this had to happen sooner or later(rant)

I’m going to rant about this because simply I just find it really frustrating and people are really disconsiderate when it comes to content creators, again I don’t wanna be rude or anything but it’s something that I do want people to consider.

 It’s really discouraging when people demand an artist for this, when I’m trying to make art for a living, when I put time and effort in something that I love and bring content for you guys to enjoy, when I try to make something different.

And here is the thing, becoming known by just fanart ALONE is an absolute nightmare already, now imagine doing this with YOUR original content.

 The only way one can get more promotion is by…well, promoting this said original content in your fanart page, or in this case, my askblog. And it baffles me how it gets to the point calling just a simple reblog of my original content SPAM, (funny, seeing you get ADC updates almost everyday and I interact with all of you with unrelated questions and I reblog memes and fanart, is that spam too then?)   Yes, this IS drunk Chara, but it is also my blog and my art, if anything, I think it’s super fair to encourage my followers from this blog to support my comic and more projects. 

All in all, I’m glad the comment was overall polite, but I have to express my dissagreement with this and how this is so frustrating to read, idk I guess I’m just frustrated in general.

Just, please considerate this, and don’t kill art. 

Dialogue Prompts

So, I really want to start writing on this blog, too. So I made a prompt list.
Not all prompts are mine, some are stolen from another blog. 

I will be writing for the following fandoms:

  • Harry Potter
  • Criminal Minds
  • Supernatural
  • Shadowhunters/ The moral instruments
  • The hunger games
  • Divergent
  • The maze runner
  • Grey’s anatomy

Okay, that isn’t too much. I’m still catching up on other shows. Once I’m finished, I’ll add them. You can ask for any character x reader, or character x character. If you want a platonic one-shot, you should note that. You can ask for as many prompts as you want. 

Dialogue prompts:

  1. “I have always loved cacti.” 
  2. “You didn’t just say that.” 
  3. “Whoa-dude. Look at that!”
  4. “Just because I died doesn’t mean I’m really dead.” 
  5. “Just because I drove into that river doesn’t mean I’m a bad driver.”
  6. “You walked into a knife?”
  7. “How did you manage this level of stupidity?” 
  8. “You locked me outside!” 
  9. “I’ve always been there for you. And I will continue to be.”
  10. “Do you trust me?”
    “Not even a little bit.” 
  11. “Uhh, is something wrong?”
    “What? Hehe! Of course not, why would you think that?” 
    “Because I can smell something burning and you’re hiding behind a door. Now, let me in.”
  12. “Here’s a newspaper filled with all the love I can’t feel.”
  13. “You know, people may like you more if you didn’t smell like a dead body.”
  14. “Aww, sweetie. Where are your parents?”
    “I’m older than you.” 
  15. “Don’t yell at me like I’m a child.”
    “Don’t throw the scissors!”
  16. “Here, take my jacket/blanket.”
    “I told you, I’m not cold.” *shivers*
  17. “Why are you still awake?”
  18. “Come over here and make me.” 
  19. “The salad here is really nice.” 
    “Do I look like a fucking rabbit?”
  20. “Please don’t leave me.”
    “I don’t want to.”
  21. “You can’t ride a bike?” 
    “Why are you whispering?”
  22. “We’re going downtown.”
    “There’s a strip club downtown.” 
  23. “You broke what?!” 
    “Don’t worry, I’m okay.”
  24. “Come Inside. I’m sorry.”
    “Not until an apology.”
    “I just said i’m freaking sorry.” 
  25. “Are you jealous?”
    “You are changing your outfit right now.”
  26. “Why did I marry you?” 
    “It took a whole lot of convincing.”
  27. “Luck? Nope. Skills.”
    “If it’s skills then do it again.”
  28. “You said forever!”
  29. “Seven fucking years and that’s all you have to say?” 
  30. “I love you, but I have to go.” 
  31. “I hate you so much.” 
  32. “You were and still are my everything.”
  33. “I can’t love you the way you want.” 
  34. “Hey jerk.”
    “…”
    “I mean… Babe?”
  35. “Admit it. That was the best kiss of your life.”
    “You always have to be the best at everything, don’t you?”
  36. “S/he just tripped and won’t stop laughing.”
  37. “Nice dancing you did there, how about you dance your way to my bedroom?” 
  38. “No, no. It’s okay. I’ll be your bridge. You can walk all over me.”
  39. “I’ve looked after coma patients more interesting than you.” 
  40. “Would you mind not setting my stuff on fire every time you get mad?”
  41. “This really didn’t go as planned.”
    “Is it the fact that everything is on fire that made you come to this conclusion?”
  42. “I can’t believe that worked.”
    “It was part of your plan.”
    “I know! My plans never work!”
  43. “You need to go! I’ll distract them!”
    “Do you think you can outrun them?”
    “If by outrun them you mean not getting caught… Probably not.” 
  44. “If you asked me to stay, I would’ve.”
  45. “You’re too good for this world.”
  46. “I can hardly stand myself.” 
  47. “Don’t come near me or I swear I’ll kill you.” 
  48. “Don’t you dare look him in the eye.” 
  49. “You may be an idiot, but you’re my idiot.”
  50. “I tried my best to not feel anything for you. Guess what? I failed.” 
  51. “Who did this to you?”
  52. “If you kill them, you better kill me too. Because if you don’t, I will kill you.”
  53. “Don’t underestimate what a person can do to protect those they care about.”
  54. “Do you ever follow directions?”
  55. “What happened?”
    “I got hit by a taxi. And it hurt.” 
  56. “She’s cute. But I’m pretty sure she can’t count to ten.”
  57. “I can fit a whole row of crackers in my mouth. Want to see?”
  58. “You said that if I went to bed early I’d feel better. You’re a fucking liar.” 
  59. “You’re late.” 
    “I’m glad you noticed.”
  60. “You made me cookies?”
  61. “You stole what?”
  62. “You aren’t pathetic.”
  63. “you looked at me different.”
  64. “I am not pregnant!”
  65. “You ever seen something as cool as this?”
  66. “I thought you were dead!”
  67. “I know you love me and all, but could you stop threatening the doctor?”
  68. “How. The fuck. Are you- so motherfucking tall?”
  69. “You? You know how to shoot a gun?”
  70. “You threw a tampon at him?”
  71. “You just kissed me.”
  72. “Hold up-just-just stop. just-what are you exactly doing? It’s two AM!”
  73. “I’m tired of being your secret.”
  74. “I didn’t realize I needed your permission.” 
  75. “You don’t need to protect me.”
  76. “Sorry I ruined your life. Maybe you shouldn’t have married me.”
  77. “If I would’ve known he was going to die, do you think I would’ve done it?”
  78. “I know you love me, but I’m tired of lying when I say it back.”
  79. “When I look at you, I see my world. And that scares the living crap out of me.”
  80. “Tell me what they did to you, please.”
  81. “I’ll go home. But it isn’t home when you’re not there.”
  82. “I’m pathetic because I go to you for everything but you’d pick someone over me any day.”
  83. “I wish I could hate you.”
  84. “I’ll let you down. I’ll always let you down. I’m not enough to keep you satisfied.”
  85. “I’m trying! Can’t you see? Isn’t that enough for you?”
  86. “I’m useless to you now.”
    “You’re a person. Not a toaster. You don’t have to have a use.”
  87. “i’m useless to you now.”
    “Oh please. You were always bloody useless. I love you anyways.”
  88. “I saw you roll skating, and I thought ‘that person is really cool’ and then you fell crashed and Jesus, are you okay?”
  89. “You had this big ass ice cream and you were so exited you dropped it and I don’t think I’ve ever seen a sadder person. Just please let me buy you a new one.”
  90. “We keep awkwardly running into each other and people have to ship us and I kind of like you. Hahaha, oh god, I need to stop blushing.”
  91. “This was a terrible idea.”
    “What are you talking about? There’s free nacho’s!”
  92. “Don’t do the thing!”
    “…”
    “You already did the thing, didn’t you?”
  93. “Paint me like one of your French girls.”
    “… I paint fruit.”
  94. “Let’s pretend that didn’t happen.”
    “Agreed.”
  95. “Did you seriously run face first into a light pole because you saw a pretty girl?”
    “I’m gay.”
  96. “How dare you talk to me, peasant. I am your queen.”
    “You are wearing a blanket over your shoulders.”
    “Silence! Now, fetch me some substances.”
    “Pizza bites or mini quiche?”
    “Pizza bites, obviously.”
  97. “Quit your whining! I bet it’s barely even a scratch.”
  98. “That-that’s your blood?! Why the hell didn’t you say anything?”
  99. “This is going to hurt but you have to stay quiet, okay?””
  100. “Don’t pass out, we’re almost there.”
  101. “That’s it. If you throw up one more time, we’re going to the hospital.”
  102. “You didn’t feel that? This is bad, you should’ve felt that.”
  103. “I’m scared to move you. Just wait here and I swear I’ll come back with help.”
  104. “That’s a lot nastier than it seemed at first glance.”
  105. “Please don’t die. Don’t die in my lap, I’m begging you.”
  106. “Stop being overdramatic-OH!”
  107. “Just how I want to spend the night. Removing glass from my best friends head and strapping it up.”
  108. “She has internal damage. Sh’s couching up blood.”
  109. “Would it be cliché if we matched clothes a little?”
  110. “Could you hold my hand?”
  111. “Shh, shh. I’m here now. Now give me your hands, we need to clean the blood off. Don’t cry. -I don’t blame you. Don’t worry, Ill always be there for you.”
  112. “If you want to leave then-”
    “I don’t want to leave! I want you, you idiot.”
  113. “Are you a thief? Because you stole my heart.”
    “I swear to god, if I didn’t love you.”
  114. “Oh my god! Go to sleep! It’s three AM!”
    “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”
  115. “There’s a surprise waiting for you back home.”
  116. “The first time I met her, she was hiding behind the sofa.”
  117. “But this is our thing. Eating cereal and bitching about people.”
  118. “Just don’t let go.”
  119. “Come on, just one date.”
    “No.”
    “Why not?”
    “Because I really like (character) and she asked me first.” 
  120. “Gosh! Why are you so cold! get off me, you icicle!”
  121. “Are you…. crying? You? Miss/mister ‘I don’t cry, I’m tough as hell”?”
    “Oh shut up, we all have our weaknesses.”
  122. “You did all this for me?” 
    “No, I did this for Jeffery from across the street. Yes I did all of this for you!”
  123. “Okay, so don’t freak out, but I got flour everywhere.” 
  124. “Well, this is a nice change of scenery.”
    “Y/n, we’re in a prison cell.”
    “I was being sarcastic.”
  125. “I thought you said you knew where we were going.”
    “Yeah, I lied.”
  126. “Shit, you’re freezing. Let’s get you warmed up, alright?”
  127. “Shut up.”
    “I didn’t say anything.”
    “I don’t care. Shut up.”
  128. “Where are we going?”
    “I have no idea. You coming?”
  129. “Did you just try to banish me?”
  130. “I swear to you, this is how I found him.”
  131. “No thanks. I don’t want to get arrested for the second time today.”
  132. “You handled that real professional.”
    “I know right? I’m so proud of myself.”
  133. “That was the worst night ever.”
    “Same time next week?”
    “Of course.”
  134. “I got to admit, you’re really sexy with that gun. Terrifying, but sexy.”
  135. “Just-just go away.”
    “I would! If we weren’t handcuffed together.! Oh, and whose fault was that again? Yours!”
  136. “And I thought we were going to have a last kiss.”
  137. “I don’t want you to leave.”
    “I don’t want to stay.”
  138. “When did you stop?”
    “Stop with what, darling?”
    “Loving me.”
  139. “Please don’t say you love me because I might not say it back.”
  140. “I wasn’t there for you when you needed me, and I’m sorry.”
    “No you’re not. You don’t care about anyone apart from yourself.”
  141. “Don’t hurt me, please.”
  142. “I love you so much. If anything happened to you, I don’t know what I’d do.”
  143. “You only like me for my body!”
  144. “You wanted to talk? Well, here I am!”
  145. “I tried. I tried so hard, why couldn’t you?”
  146. “I bled for you. From every pore of my body, I bled. What more do you want?”
  147. “Nobody can tell me what to do.”
    “Well, actually they can.”
    “Doesn’t mean I’ll listen to them.”
  148. “Knock knock, I’m here. What’s for dinner fucker?”
  149. “You’ve bitten off more than you can chew.”
    “I can chew a lot.”
  150. “You have blood on your hands!”
    “Oh really? Wow! Thank you so much for pointing that out! Really helpful to our current situation. Seriously, thank you so much for brining this to my attention!  I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
  151. “I love your perfume. What scent is that? The scent of death?”
  152. “I always carry a knife in my purse in case we’re eating cake.”
  153. “You guys got a plan, though. Right?”
    “Yeah. Run.”
  154. “Maybe he’s afraid of me because I know how to use a knife.”
    “Well, I mean that’s why I’m afraid of you, so…”
  155. “Is violence always your answer?”
  156. “Remember how I said I already took care of that? Well, I lied and need your help right now.”
  157. “Please, help me. Just this one time.”
  158. “Did you break that glass on purpose?”
    “It offended me.”
  159. “I can explain!”
    “Alright then. Tell me.”
    “… I lied, there’s literally no explanation for this.”
  160. “Fight like hell.”
  161. “Do you realize how let it is?”
  162. “Can you please come and get me?”
  163. “Is there a reason why you’re naked in my bed?”
  164. “This is the stupidest plan you’ve ever had. Of course I’m in!”
  165. “If we die, I am going to kill you.”
  166. “I love her.”
    “Her? As in a woman?”
    “No, as in a robot. Of course as in a woman you ding-bat!”
  167. “Are you drunk?”
    “No, you’re just blurry.”
  168. “I think we should run away now.”
    “Funny, I was just about to say that.”
  169. “I will not let you make me feel small. Back off.”
  170. “You’re great at dancing.”
    “I’m great at everything.”
  171. “You didn’t do the dishes, so I’m not doing you.”
  172. “Don’t give me that look.”
  173. “The way you flirt is just shameful.”
  174. “I love you, you asshole.”
  175. “What the hell kind of noise was that?”
    “I sneezed.”
    “That was not a sneeze.”
  176. “How is she?”
    “She’s fine. She has some ice cream. I wish I had ice cream.”
  177. “This is an apology pizza.Please take it or I’ll start crying right now.”
  178. “You’re stronger than you look.”
  179. “If you push me on the swings, I’ll buy you dinner. Don’t push to high, though. I don’t like heights.”
  180. “Wait, you’re gay?”
    “What gave it away? Constant flirting?”
  181. “You came back.”
  182. “Mom? I need help… I’ve made a mistake.”
  183. “So, this is haw it’s going to end. You’re staying with them?”
    “I have to.”
    “You don’t have to betray me. You don’t have to do anything.”
  184. “I’m trying to be less bitter, but your happiness isn’t rubbing off on me.”
  185. “Take of your shirt.”
  186. “You’re sweet.”
  187. “I’ve never felt this sensation before.”
    “Hugging?”
    “Being loved.”
  188. “Do you not realize how much I care about you?”
  189. “I know I’m allergic to peanuts, but I could’t day no when you walked into the office with freshly baked cookies and that damned smile on your face.”
  190. “I like it when you smile.”
  191. “This isn’t what I had in mind, but it’s better.”
  192. “Nothing is wrong. I just really like the smell of your lotion.”
  193. “You’re never this quiet. What’s wrong?”
  194. “How long has it been since you’ve slept?”
  195. “You make a good pillow.”
  196. “I had a nightmare about you and I wanted to make sure you’re alright.”
  197. “I hate you. I hate you so much for making me love you. Why did you make me love you if you never intended on loving me back?”
  198. “When you think of me, if you think of me, remember how much I loved you.”
  199. “I almost lost you.”
  200. “Please, just please make the pain stop.”
  201. “Stop telling me you’re okay.”
  202. “I don’t even know who I am without you.”
  203. “You make me feel like I’m not good enough.”
  204. “You know, it hurt when I realized you weren’t in love with me. But nothing can compare to the pain I felt when I saw you fall in love with her.”
  205. “You left without saying goodbye. I hate you for that.”
  206. “Don’t you dare die on me!”
  207. “What I wanted? I wanted you to fight for me. I wanted you to say that there’s no one else you could ever be with, and that you’d rather be alone than without me.”
  208. “You’re beautiful/handsome, and I’m not the only one who can see that.”
  209. “Twins?… We’re having twins?”
  210. “You are so tiny compared to me.”
  211. “Bring your pretty little butt over here.”
  212. “I want you body. I want your mouth. I want your laugh and your funny faces. I want your friendship and your inspirational thoughts. And I want you to come with me when I go.”
  213. “There’s a leaf in your hair.”
  214. “May I have this dance.”
  215. “This bath is too damn hot.”
    “This is why we can’t do cute stuff. You complain to much.”
  216. “One day you’ll learn.”
    “Learn what?”
    “That someone like me doesn’t get a happy ending. Those are reserved for people like you.”
  217. “That’s disgusting. You’re lucky you’re cute.”
  218. “If you don’t rest, you wont heal.”
  219. “ Why don’t they just kiss already?”
  220. “Is that a challenge?”
  221. “Here, let me see.”
  222. “How could anyone love me?” 
    “Don’t look at me. I married you for your cooking.”
  223. “So… Err, I noticed you’re kind of naked. Is that intentional, or…”
  224. “You forgot me.”
    “It was an accident.”
  225. “Drag your chair here, I can’t translate dead languages.”
  226. “Open this.”
    “Can you say please?”
  227. “Don’t say you love me unless you mean, it because I might so something crazy like believe it.”
  228. “Don’t you ever do that again.”
  229. “I was wrong. I thought I wanted him to look twice at me… Bit I don’t need him to look twice at me when you never stopped looking.”
  230. “I’m fine.”
    “You don’t look fine.”
    “Then stop looking.”
  231. “Things didn’t have to end like this.”
    “But we always knew they would, didn’t we?”
  232. “She’s dead! And it is your fault!”
  233. “Are you going to lecture me about how wonderful life is?”
  234. “They’d be better off without me.”
    “Do you really believe that?”
  235. “It’s okay to cry.”
  236. “I shouldn’t be in love with you.”
  237. “The axe is a bit unsetting, but honestly, you look great.” 
  238. “You asked me if I had any ideas. Not if I had any good ideas.”
  239. “Remove your hand or I’ll rip your arm off and beat you to death with it.”
  240. “So, I just realized… I’ve been shot.”
  241. “Delete it. Now.”
  242. “Could you guys do me a favor?”
    “Anything.”
    “Could at least one of you look like you are ever going to see me again?”
  243. “Don’t make me smack you in front of these people.”
  244. “I’m not a bitch. Okay, I’m lying, obviously.”
  245. “Can you get the gun out of my face, please?”
  246. “I don’t scare easily, you evil bitch.”
  247. “She’s been in there for hours and I haven’t heard a sound since.”
    “That’s because she left through the window.”
  248. “Don’t you have to be stupid somewhere else?” 
    “Not until four.”
  249. “Your existence gives me a headache. Go stand over there.”
  250. “We have five people trying to kill us right now, what are we supposed to do?”
    “Actually, it’s more like eight.”
    “Oh, sorry I wasn’t specific enough!”
  251. “You passed out for like an hour.”
  252. “This is my ‘I don’t care’ face.”
  253. A: “When I’m not here, do you braid each others hair and debate who the coolest Jonas brother is?”
    *B and C glance at each other*
    B: “No… But it’s totally Nick.”
    C: “Definitively Nick. But Kevin is the talented one.”
    B: “Yes, but Nick is the cute one.”
    C: “What about Joe?”
  254. “Do you know how to braid hair?”
  255. “Babe, I’m sorry.”
    “Suck my ass.”
  256. “What’s your favorite lipstick?”
    *Rambles about lipstick*”What’s yours?”
    “The one you’ll be adding to my lips.”
  257. “You could at least pretend to be interested in what I have to say.”
  258. “I always blame others for my mistakes. Just kidding, I don’t make mistakes.”
  259. “I may not be perfect, but at least I’m not you.”
  260. “Go to your room!”
    “First off, we share a room. Secondly, I am the older one. Bitch.”
  261. “I promised I’d safe you.”
    “I promised I’d kill you if you did.”
  262. “You did what?!”
  263. “I thought you were going to steal a boat?”
    “What do you mean, This is a boat.” 
    “No, no. This isn’t a boat, this is a motherfucking yacht!”
  264. “I wont die for you. I’d kill for you.”
  265. ^^^add your own! ;)


These are a lot! I hope you find one or maybe a few you’d like to request! 

[trans] Ivyclub 2017.04 member interviews

Q1: What special items do you bring around with you often?
Taeil:
Four Leaf clover, toothbrush.
Q2: If I was a fan of NCT, who would be my favorite member? Why?
Taeil: Winwin. He’s handsome. He might look chic (or cold?) when we first met, but he’s really cute.
Q3. Recommended food from convenience stores?
Taeil:
Pizza bread.
Q4. Any fans who left a deep impression on you?
Taeil:
Fans saw us and started crying. I can feel like we influence our fans a lot, I’m really thankful!!!

Q1. A tip for making friends during the new school year?
Taeyong: Now I think of it, people who have brighter personalities and positive mindsets tend to make more friends.
Q2: An unforgettable memory from White Day or Valentines’ Day?
Taeyong: Now that I recall, I don’t have experiences like that..
Q3: Eat or Rest? Which would you choose?
Taeyong: Resting. I used most of my time for eating to do other activities. Usually I put eating last.
Q4: Any desires you had for life in university?
Taeyong: To be able to meet a soulmate

Q1: If I was a fan of NCT, who would be my favorite member? Why?
Yuta: Taeyong. He’s so charming on stage.
Q3: What’s my charm point?
Yuta: My eyes, especially when I laugh.
Q3. Recommended food from convenience stores?
Yuta: Snack. (Oh! Potato!)
Q4: An unforgettable memory from White Day or Valentines’ Day?
Yuta:
I received chocolates from my crush in junior high, I was worried for a long time on White Day as it was my first time buying chocolates for a person.
Q5: Words that motivate you when you are tired?
Yuta: The wall only comes to one who are able to cross it.
Q5: A goal to achieve in 2017?
Yuta: I have many goals. I want to be someone who is able to fulfill every single small goal I set

Q1: What special items do you bring around with you often?
Doyoung: Notebook, because there might be things I want to record down.
Q2: If I was a fan of NCT, who would be my favorite member? Why?
Doyoung: Haechan, Mark. They are cute.
Q3. Recommended food from convenience stores?
Doyoung: Hamburger and yogurt that costs 1000won.
Q4: Words that motivate you when you are tired?
Doyoung: Don’t be too hung up on what you have done, you are actually doing well!

Q1: What special items do you bring around with you often?
Ten: Notebook and a black pen. Whether I’m unhappy or happy, when I have the inspiration I would listen to music and draw. 
Q2: If I was a fan of NCT, who would be my favorite member? Why?
Ten: Mark. He’s very hardworking and sincere. To me he is a cute younger brother but in NCT DREAM he’s a mature brother who takes care of the younger kids.
Q3: Ideal type?
Ten:
Animal lover and someone who challenges herself.
Q4: Words that motivate you when you are tired?
Ten:
Recently I fell in love with this phrase “Be Different Be Unique”. I want everyone to understand me more as a person. And I want to show off the dances and music that is uniquely me.
Q5: Any desires you had for life in university?
Ten:
To attend art school in London and part time at the same time!

Q1: A tip for making friends during the new school year?
Jaehyun: Rather than purposely trying to do something, just get closer naturally.
Q2: If I was a fan of NCT, who would be my favorite member? Why?
Jaehyun: Taeil. He was shy, but after getting to know him better he’s someone full of charms.
Q3: Most memorable talent show I have done during school trips?
Jaehyun: I danced to SNSD’s Genie (Tell Me Your Wish).
Q4: An unforgettable memory from White Day or Valentines’ Day?
Jaehyun: As my birthday falls on Valentines Day, I have ever received chocolates instead of presents on that day.

Q1: Unforgettable memory of 2016?
Winwin:
I’m happy to have debuted.
Q2: Movies or dramas that you like?
Winwin:
I like Signal and Léon: The Professional
Q3. Recommended food from convenience stores?
Winwin: I like ramyeon.
Q4. Any fans who left a deep impression on you?
Winwin:
The fans are always encouraging me, so I have to work harder.
Q5: Goals to achieve in 2017?
Winwin: I want to work even harder to show fans a cooler side of myself. I want to speak Korean better than last year, and let more people know about NCT. Fighting!

Q1: A tip for making friends during the new school year?
Mark: Eat and chat with friends at food stalls.
Q2: If I was a fan of NCT, who would be my favorite member? Why?
Mark: Jaehyun hyung. He just makes people feel comfortable. He’s sweet and nice.
Q3: What’s my charm point?
Mark: Not sure if this is a charm point, but I like to laugh. Even if it’s not funny haha
Q4: An unforgettable memory from White Day or Valentines’ Day?
Mark: In 2016 we spent Valentines Day with our fans for the first time. Back then we did the Rookies Show in Thailand. It was Jaehyun hyung’s birthday that day too.

Q1: A tip for making friends during the new school year?
Haechan: Look for common topics to talk about with people you want to get closer to.
Q2: If I was a fan of NCT, who would be my favorite member? Why?
Haechan:
Mark hyung. He’s cute yet manly.
Q3: What’s my charm point?
Haechan:
My legs and my voice.
Q4: An unforgettable memory from White Day or Valentines’ Day?
Haechan: I received so many chocolates and candies that my mum had to drive her car over to bring me home!
Q5: Goals to achieve in 2017?
Haechan:
Diet more! haha

blue night radio ♡ 170208
translation: fantaemsie

listener (message): when i was a teenager i was a really gloomy child. it seemed like the whole world had turned it’s back on me. i believed i was the only one in the world. back then someone uttered these words to me: “everyone lives like that. you’re not the only one having a hard time. everyone lives in difficulty, and diligently, as much as you do.” at that time, rather than getting hurt by these words i thought: “that’s right so i’ve behaving like a child.” that’s why, from then on, i lived really diligently, only looking straight head. even though, because of my family’s circumstances, i got into college a bit late compared to other people, i pushed my own self with a rod of iron and i refused to face my own wounds since i trusted that, other than me, there are other people who are having a tough time and that everyone is living working hard as much as i do. i live diligently. then i thought: i could be even better, an even more of a good person. however, after i ran and ran diligently like that, now that i’m going to graduate i turned out to be someone who gets angry and annoyed at everything. i get angry at the words the other opponent would throw in without any meaning. i’d get angry with a: “what do you know?”. little by little i hated meeting other people and i’m just preparing to find a job while only looking straight ahead. however …, i suddenly got this thought: why am i comparing my own pain with other people’s suffering? why did i make other people’s misfortune the basis to my happiness? all of a sudden these words i heard years ago occurred to me again: “everyone lives like that. you’re not the only one having a hard time.” it seemed like i’d fall behind if i didn’t do anything, that i’d really become someone who’s oblivious to everything - casting a spell that everyone lives like that, that i’m not the only one having a tough time. i pressured and harassed myself. i couldn’t be caring to myself. i was only too strict to myself. i couldn’t love myself, the one that needed love the most. at last, i want to say this to myself: “you lived diligently. more than anybody else you lived fiercely. it’s alright. you can rest now.” today, my status message: “it’s alright even if you don’t do anything.

jonghyun: “everyone lives like that, you’re not the only one having a hard time.” these words …, i think it’s the most wrong way of consolation in the world. the comparing with the other opponent, with different people. you know how there are these words? “live with the courage to die”; well …, these words? i think it’s the worst way of consolation. comfort …, to someone who’s having a hard time, someone who’s gloomy / depressed, to an exhausted person, to say: “when you get these thoughts, think of …, when you get those thoughts, courageously, do something different …, ya, right now, since you’re having a hard time like that: you’re exhausted, tired and having negative thoughts. i think it’d be good to quickly put that energy on the move and quickly take care of the work you need to get done.” to be honest, that person was aware of this too. they already know it’ll be solved by quickly moving on. they really immensely wish for it to be that way. however, it’s not working that way. there’s another thing other than the body’s wounds that you can see with your own eyes: it’s the heart’s wounds and, because of that, when comforting someone, i think one should think of how there’s certainly another existence, something that my eyes can’t see. of course, me too, while talking about this, since there are certainly words i gave to someone and wounds i’ve received from someone, i wanted to complain and talk a bit about this to our dear listeners. when comforting someone, rather than consoling them by comparing, whether comparing them to yourself or another person’s situation, i think it’d be nice to just have a talk about that person, them solely.