i thought this was hilarious im sorry

Cute Names For Your Significant Other
  • significant annoyance
  • my buddy
  • special guy
  • mamacita
  • hunk muffin
  • peaches
  • sack of meat
  • happiness
  • plaguey plaguey plaguey
  • my doctor
  • five terrible syllables
  • paolo’s arms
  • the Beast™
  • indiana banana
  • crotchkicker
  • demon peach baby

mystrade in thirty different AU settings (x):

  •   [30/30] TESCO AU

As far as young Sherlock Holmes is concerned, Tesco is absolutely perfect for running experiments. It’s full of stuff he can use and he can always be sure Mycroft will rather just pay for everything than show up personally in that kind of establishment.

Sadly, Sherlock doesn’t consider one of most annoying Tesco employees - Greg Lestrade, who either is taking his job way too seriously or has a crush on Mycroft. Sherlock finds both options equally disgusting.


OKAY. When I first started reading this, I thought, “YEAH BUT CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW FUCKING FANTASTIC Manon realizing Dorian—someone who is not duty bound to her—loves her?! HOLY CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT MOMENT!” But then you brought up Manon not being an annoying “damsel” of a pregnant lady and my brain shifted to, “CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW SHE’D TRY TO HIDE MOOD SWINGS?! THE EXCUSES SHE’D COME UP WITH TO LEAVE THE ROOM TO GO CRY FOR NO REASON?!” She would be hilarious and HEARTBREAKING, okay?!

Manon: (internally thinking “I just love Abraxos so much I could cry…oh shit I AM gonna cry!” She gets up to go hide.)
Dorian: “Witchling, where are you going?”
Manon: “Nowhere. Leave me alone.”
Dorian: (internally: “like hell” follows her.)
Manon: (crying) “WTF is wrong with me?! I’m embarrassing myself and I’m alone…but… Abraxos was my first baby” 😭😭😭
Dorian: “Manon? What’s wrong? Why are you crying?!”
Dorian: (internally “yikes. She’s never pulled the iron out for me before…”) “I was worried about you—”
Manon: “You were?!” (Tears up again)
Dorian: (internally: “hormones. This has to be hormones.”) “of course I was. Why are you crying?”
Manon: (UGLY CRIES) “I don’t knoooooow.” 😭😭😭
Dorian: (hugs her) “awe, witchling. It’s okay. Everything is okay.”
Manon: “I just love Abraxos so much, and I don’t want him to think I’m replacing him and then you said you were worried about me and oh my god ive never cried before in my life what’s wrong with me are you mad?”
Dorian: (smiles) “I could never be mad at you, witchling. I love you (Manon sobs harder). Abraxos won’t feel like he’s being replaced.”
Manon: “DID YOU ASK HIM?!”
Dorian: (internally: “WHERE THE FUCK IS ASTERIN WHEN YOU NEED HER?!”) “No, I didn’t ask him, witchling. Would you like to go see him? We can ask him together? Would that make you feel better?”
Manon: (sniffles) “…okay.”


There is a post straight from Ngozi herself in which (although it’s an au or is it oooh) Hilary Knight is Shitty’s sister.

With a simple Google search, you see that Hilary Knight does, in fact, have brothers:

William, James, and Remington. My first thought was Remington because, oh my god, how pretentious does that sound, right? But that wouldn’t work because we know Shitty’s name starts with a B.

This led me to William.

William, which can be shortened to Bill.






bawson reunion sex fic

So, in the fluff fic I posted I said they had reunion sex and then I got inspired and thought it would be hilarious if I posted an angst fic, a fluff fic, and a smut fic all in one day. Hope that’s okay… ;)

Originally posted by merlinss

He thinks a cereal box must have fallen off the counter because he feels the small pops of rice crispies under his feet as he digs his fingers more firmly into the skin of her thighs. Her legs are wrapped around his waist, she lost her top and bra at some point and his shirt is open but still on, her hot hands run up and down his chest making him pant.

Ginny lets out a choked gasp when he thrusts forward into her body and he delights in how she grinds back into him, her nails scratching at his sides. Her head tips back a little and he sees her fight for air; he’d kissed her breathless the minute she’d got home. 

She’d been travelling for a string of away games and Mike hadn’t seen her in almost a week. He wasn’t even slightly ashamed to say he’d missed her terribly. When she’d walked in the door, home a few hours earlier than he’d been expecting, his heart had felt so full that he’d barely muttered a greeting before he’d wrapped himself around her like she’d just come back from war.

Mike had been stupidly restless without her, her trip the longest they’d been apart since they got together and he’d feel ridiculous if he wasn’t so in love. Besides, judging by how ferociously she’d attacked him back, he doesn’t think he was alone in his suffering. 

They’d still talked every day, even had some pretty hot phone sex on her third night away but it had just made him miss her more. Ginny was gloriously cuddly after sex, as was he, and when they’d finished his arms almost ached with a need to hold her. He’d fallen asleep to the sound of her voice which was a good, but not nearly satisfying, alternative.

This though, this is what he’d wanted: Ginny’s body flush against his, her little whimpers and moans up close, her eyes and her mouth and her back, her everything. His hands migrate from her thighs up her body to grip her breasts. She leans back more, offering herself to him freely and gratitude surges through him swiftly. He grips her tighter in response and she shudders wonderfully in his arms.

His lips kiss a trail from her neck down to her chest and he laves attention on her nipples, knowing it will make her grow impatient and twitchy. Mike loves when she gets like this, desperate and pleading for him, it fuels his while simultaneously being the greatest gift he’s ever received. It’s overwhelming and precious and perfect.

Her hands come up to to grip his hair tightly and Ginny pushes him more firmly into her breasts, telling him without words what she wants and he obliges happily. He bites lightly at first, then more firmly, at her left nipple before running a soothing tongue lovingly over her skin. She moans loudly as he switches to the right and repeats the same treatment. Mike smirks before blowing a soft, cool stream of air over her breasts and she shivers happily.

All of a sudden, her legs drop from his waist and he’s being pushed away from her body. She hops of the counter and quickly divests herself of the rest of her clothing, he sheds his shirt and pants frantically, already missing the feeling of her skin.

He’s about to suggest they go upstairs when she pulls his body back into hers, kissing him soundly, and he’s not going anywhere she doesn’t lead him. Mike turns her around and gives her perfect ass a playful slap; she gasps and looks over her shoulder at him, a stunning smile graces her features and he just can’t wait anymore.

When he finally, finally, pushes into her, it’s like the whole world quiets, he’s warm and comfortable and exactly where he’s supposed to be. They are both so keyed up from being apart for so long they move against each other desperately, the kitchen filling with the sounds of their love making, choked gasps and loud moans echoing off the walls. It’s like music to his ears.

He’s so close, can feel it tingling at the base of his spine, so he reaches around and rubs at her bundle of nerves loving the desperate groan that spills out of her as she nears her peak. She comes quickly and loudly, clutching him deliciously and making his eyes cross. He follows a short time after, feeling free and floaty as he rests his weight on her body, planting small kisses wherever he can reach.

“I want to fall asleep with you right here but the floor would be hell on my back,” he says into her skin, “plus there’s cereal everywhere.”

She lets out a breathless laugh and slowly straightens herself, he moves with her, both of them lethargic and slow, nearly glowing with contentedness. He squeezes her hips once before turning her body so she’s facing him and kisses her, gently and lovingly, so very happy to have her back in his arms. They leave their clothes and the mess and wander upstairs lazily, speaking in whispered tones, completely absorbed in each other.

anonymous asked:

"Apparently I'm a moron on a high horse" ssdksjsbshhs im screaming I'm sorry but this is so funny asskshshsh i thought we left that kind of discourse in 2013

it’s hilarious isn’t it!! I was just reading through and then BAm! suddenly I’m a moron on a high horse.. tbh I don’t mind the description. honestly, I never expected that post to be the controversial one lol..

Okay im sorry yall but this is hilarious! I love how they kept kendall’s face the exact same cuz we all know shes the only natural one!!

Ps.. Im not hating on them just thought this was funny.


but my friend said he was going to work and I was just like uuugghh nooo and he said and I quote “I know but daddy’s gotta make that money. I want you to be healthy so I have to keep groceries in the house, you know?”

And even though I find it hilarious that he referred to himself as daddy because he’s always thought it was weird when guys do that, I was just like :’) aw okay go to work then

  • White Joker: Hey, Joker! I found us a new Executioner! I mean, we only needed a new executioner because he killed our last one, but don't worry about it. I just made him murder his parental figure to show his dedication to the job, but mostly because I thought it would be hilarious. Don't be surprised if he comes to visit!
  • Black Joker: . . . .
  • Black Joker: *stares into the camera like he's on The Office*

ooc ;; just a heads up guys,, you thought I was joking when I said I shipped wolverine x deadpool,, welp I’ll soon be looking for a deadpool who is willing to be stupidly fucking flirty with Logan. I personally find it hilarious, and even though it is a bit of a crackship, I do unironically and guiltily enjoy it im sorry - plus im on my phone, so I unfortunately cannot edit text so yeah. I had to post this though, get ready for that to come into your dashboards haha. another also, I may be slow at replying for a while because for some reason I’m really suffering emotionally and I have a lot of homework atm. It’s stressing me out. I will not be inactive though, not at all, still daily posts definitely ;)

This is entirely contrary to my thoughts on the show, but I really hope the Star Vs fandom stays relatively small. Not just for the tight-knit feel (which I absolutely adore), but also because of what happens when fandoms (especially on this hell site) get big.

Star Vs is a fun, light hearted show with some great characters, fantastic writing, and the ability to punch you in the gut immediately after a hilarious gag. A lot of these things aren’t unique to the show. OtGW, AT, SU, GF, MLP, and AtLA had all or most of these elements. It’s part of what made them so good (at least for a while, some got a little stale).

But what separates this show from those ones?

The size of the fandom.

The bigger a fandom gets, the more caustic it starts to become.

Infighting, political controversies, art policing, predominant headcanons and ships, these all start to boil over and taint the entire fandom. It can suck the joy out of interacting with fans. You go from worrying your theory was baseless to worrying the thought police are going to flood your inbox with pro-X or anti-Y literature. It really gets bad when those outside the fandom start chiming in without any context and it gets blown out of proportion.

What worries me is this is starting to happen with Star Vs.

Star is a wonderfully written, beautifully characterized, (and I use this without an ounce of irony) strong female character. She really does embody what I think the term should be used for. She has flaws, they’re not just superficial, and she actively works on them in the show. That said, she’s not totally useless without Marco. She can hold her own and isn’t just a plot device with boobs. She actually feels like the main character. This is rare and it’s nice to see it.

That said, shows like this tend to attract certain crowds. I’m not saying that’s always a bad thing. I understand the desire to praise a show with these strengths. What I’m opposed to, is that it feels like these groups steam roll whatever fandom they latch on to.

What I’m getting at is what’s already in this and any other fandom isn’t going to go away. Since the dawn of the internet, and long before it, people have made fanart and fan theories and fan porn. It’s just how humans are. Tearing apart a fandom isn’t going to make them go away. Upsetting the creators or dragging them into the arguments isn’t going to fix it. The best thing to do is simply ignore it, and let the artists make their art. As long as they’re tagging it with the appropriate tags, it’s only going to show up if you go looking for it.

That said, if it is getting through your censors or leaking into the “safe” tags, don’t be an asshole about it. A kind request for better tagging/hiding/etc is going to be seen as far less incendiary than hate mail, doxxing, and controversy. People generally get defensive and contrarian towards outward hostility.

If your main concern is how safe a show is for kids, the internet has already failed you. It’s not everyone else’s job to make sure kids don’t access porn/violent content/excessive cursing. If it’s in a space designated with active warnings, everything else is on those in charge of the kids. I guarantee most of you reading this looked up content you weren’t supposed to as a child.

If your main concern is that YOU don’t want to see that content, then don’t actively seek it out. Apply filters, request tags, avoid tags known to contain that content, but don’t harass someone for making something you don’t like. It only makes you look like an asshole.

I don’t want this fandom to grow because I don’t want to see it turn into another Steven Universe. Or Undertale. Or MLP. Those fandoms utterly drained my excitement for the content they circled. It’s too much work to not piss off someone and end up with a mountain of hate mail.

I want to keep loving you guys. The content is so good and the fans are (generally) so respectful of each other. Banter is just playful fun. Theories are entertained without being forced on people. There isn’t some omnipresent hivemind dictating the Proper™ way to enjoy things.

You guys are great. I adore every one of you. You’re active and excited and tolerant of each other. I hope it stays that way. At least as long as the show is running. Let’s be the example for every other fandom.

the kids & how they feel about minions
  • John: thinks theyre p weird but is not above the occasional minion. neutral overall
  • Jade: thinks minions are unironically adorable. thinks minion memes are hilarious
  • Dave: absolutely despises minions w/ every fiber of his being
  • Rose: buys a minion plush, names it & sews outfits for it. no one knows if shes joking
  • Jane: thought they were kind of cute at first but is now over them & kind of pissed they exist
  • Jake: pretends to love minions bc he thinks theyre cute but is secretly unnerved by them
  • Roxy: loves minions ironically & thinks they are great for the meme aspect alone
  • Dirk: drenches himself in minion merch. has a minion poster on his wall he kisses