i thought it was the guy from vikings or some shit

Man okay when I got my wisdom teeth out it was a fucking experience. Before the surgery wasn’t too interesting but as soon as I woke up I saw the nurse next to me and was all like “hey… i think… i died… and now I’m in a parallel universe… and i gotta go back to my house and kill the me from this universe” and he was just kinda like “alright, you do that”. And then the other nurse kept going in and out of the room to get things and I thought there was like 5 of her that kept coming out of the room, and then so when she was wheeling me out in a wheelchair I was like “damn… why are there so many of you… there’s like 5 many of you” and she was just kinda like “alright, you do that”.

Anyway I got to the car and my dad was there and he was like “how ya feeling son” in the dadliest way possible and I was like “MAN I AM PUMPED LETS GET SOME JUICE I’M STARVED” so we drove about 3 blocks to a jamba juice, whereupon I say “I’m good I can do this” and run/drunkstumble 30 feet to the door. I burst in the door like a viking returning from some fucking battle and holler “WHATS UP FUCKS” to everyone in the store, which was thankfully just the 2 people behind the counter, who looked probably as scared/confused as a jamba juice employee could look.

So anyway, as my dad explained the situation I looked up at the jamba juice menu and was utterly fucking lost in it. Like I swear I was looking at this menu board for a year, deciphering this Rosetta stone of fruits. I distinctly remember that I was looking at each item in a smoothie, thinking of how it tasted, then moving on to the next thing and thinking of how that tasted, and how they would taste together. Since most smoothies had 3 or 4 items, this took some thinking. So my dad sees me in this extreme brain blast state of mind and says “hey are you going to order or what”. Keep in mind I’m on the first fucking smoothie on the list here. So I just say “shush man I’m trying to do fruit science”, and then when I realized that this process could take literal years, I just said “yeah give me a smooth regular” which for the uninitiated, isn’t actually a real thing on any menu. Oh, also I asked them if the “boosted” smoothies would give me super powers and then pointed my fingers at them and made “lightning noises”.

So my dad just orders me the first thing on the menu and I go to sit down and stare out the window or some shit and my thoroughly amused dad just looks at me and says “how ya feelin?”. Now at this time I was feeling a lot of things, but most noticeable to me was the gauze in my mouth, so I just look at him and say “there’s these fuckin… tiny sheep in my head” which at the time was the best way I had to convey this feeling. Anyway about that time, the jamba juice guy brings us our drinks and he gives me a small thing of mario kart stickers and I swear I almost cried from the tsunami of emotion that gift made me feel (I still have them).

Anyway the rest of the story is we drove home and I explained this programming project I was working on to my dad in perfect detail somehow and then I came home and went on facebook and posted a comment on my friends status (because I couldn’t find the status update bar) that read: “i just took a lort of painkillers and yelled at everyone in a jambo juice”

Stalker Tendencies

`Jughead Jones Drabble

A/N: bleh not that good but definitely fun to write, lol

Originally posted by aestheticsprouse

“Archie…this is really weird and honestly feels like something that the guy who murdered Jason Blossom would do,” Jughead grunts out while dodging branches and twigs that came to close to his eyes. He heard Archie sigh in front of him. “You wanted to know if she was really going out with Reggie Mantle-which, by the way, I am telling you is utter bs.”

Rumours speculated that the “hunky piece of teriyaki”, as Cheryl often times described him, Reggie Mantle had asked [Y/n] [L/n} out on a date. [Y/n]. Jughead’s [Y/n]. “Let’s just please leave before one of[Y/n]’s insanely attentive dads figures out that we’re spying on their 16 year old daughter.”

Archie craned his head to look at his friend, flashlight shining in Jughead’s face. “It’s not that bad. I mean, we are 16 too.”

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Furry balls.

Modern!Ragnarssons x Reader.

@ivarinleatherpants​ wanted this after the puppy’s and i’m always a slut for ragnarssons in any situation, especially with animals, so here you go boo!!

yes, i did make a brandon rodgers quote.

Prompt: How would the Ragnarssons react to you bringing a stray kitten home.


Bjorn:

Originally posted by alexander--ludwig

Humorously, when you first met Bjorn, you really weren’t attracted to him. In fact, you found him a total dick when you first met him  — short answers when he would decided you were good enough to talk too, odd looks, would always keep his distance, and it was his younger brother Ubbe you were trying to get at. Surprisingly, one day that was shot down when you found out the second-oldest was in a very serious relationship. After that information, you realized quiet a few times Bjorn had tried to give you hints that his brother was not available. Afterwards, it was shockingly the blonde who was there in your weakness.

You had grown so close over time, and now here you were; engaged and living in a beautiful house in the woods. Though, there had been one little problem with the relationship you two shared. He had always had a no inside pet rule, no matter what kind of animal it was, and you tried them all: birds, dogs, ferrets, etc. 

No, no, and no. The same answer every time. He never grew up with pets in the house, they always stayed outside. You, on the other hand, your house had always been close to practically being a zoo. You tried hard, you really did, and it was now to the point you were ready to cut corners.

So that day when he came home from work, hauling through the front door and looking around with narrowed eyes, your head tilted and you questioned him. His thick finger pointed at you accusingly. “I saw the bowls outside, babe, I told you  — “

“Well then,” You cleared your throat, motioning towards the porch that he walked through, which happened to be closed in. “You’d be happy to know that I’m actually listening to you.”

“Really?” He questioned, nodding his head towards the corner of the kitchen. “Because I see a bag of cat food over there, unless you slipped something in my lunch today.”

Delicate hands fell to your hips, shifting your weight to one foot. “It’s outside, boo,” You explained to him, feeling a little heart-broken that another one of your plans were beginning to fail. 

“And tomorrow it’s going to be inside.”

“Nuh  —  “

“I know you.”

Your heads both snapped towards the door, listening to the faint meowing coming through it. Chancing a glance a him, you saw the warning look cross his face before you took off running towards the door. Despite the fact he tried to tackle you, you effectively made it and threw the door open, immediately picking up the little fuzzy kitten that nuzzled into your warm touch. 

“It’s not even tomorrow yet…”

“But look at him, Bjorn!” You shouted, holding the little squirming baby up, it’s little triangle tail wagging like a puppy’s. “He has no mommy! He was stuck in the rain earlier!” 

You watched him stand, pinching the bridge of his nose and massaging it. The only sound that could be heard for the moment was the kitten mewling, and his electric blue eyes were piercing into it. The heart-break must of been obvious on your features, and it seemed this was the last time he could take it. “If you really want  — “

You screamed, bouncing up and down before running towards him, putting the three of you into a big group hug, one that the kitten seemed to love because it began purring and rubbing it’s head against his neck. His arms didn’t hesitate much to wrap around you.

… It was how much he actually loved you.


Ubb(a)be

It had been a hard day at work you figured, when Ubbe came home that evening, offered you a rushed greeting and a soft kiss to your cheek. 

He practically waved you off when you tried to stop him, trying to explain to him what had happened to you today on your way home, but with his tired sigh, you allowed him to continue up the stairs to take a hot shower. It was how he always relaxed at work, and you knew how stressful his job could be, how important it was… and the fact he had to do it every day with all four of his brothers, you could imagine how annoying that would be.

You loved his siblings, just like they were your own, but they fought all the time, especially Ivar and Sigurd. There was nothing the two of them could disagree on and be salty over. So, you understood when he would not want to talk the first hour. The first time you had prodded had not turned out pretty, despite the fact you knew it would only rile him up more, he had snapped at you like he would of wanted to do to his brothers all day. Of course, he felt horrible about it later, but you understood and you apologized.

As you heard the water turn on upstairs, you went back to sitting on the couch, sipping your warm drink, going back to enjoying your book. Perhaps it was best to wait and tell him what you had brought home.

Grinning lightly, your thoughts wondered back to the little puffball that was roaming around your house, probably curled up on a bed, or sleeping in a basket of dirty clothes. 

You and Ubbe had talked so many times about getting a pet, thinking that it might be nice for you when you would be home alone for long hours of the day. It would give you a companion, one he wouldn’t have to worry too much about being home alone with you. One you could easier defend yourself against if something bad were to happen. But, for some reason, you just couldn’t find the right one to take home… and this little thing roaming in the rain seemed perfect as it mewled at you with large eyes and sopping fur.

A very feminine scream erupting from upstairs had you tossing your coffee mug in shock, watching it shatter and you glanced up towards the stairs, your heart racing. Suddenly, it was followed by a irritated shout of your name and you flushed, next hearing: “No, no, don’t bite me down there!”


Hvitserk:

Tonight must of been one of those nights at the company, Hvitserk calling you and asking you to come pick him up, he must of been sneaking whiskey in his coffee again to keep calm. You were just glad he never decided to drive home when he decided to do that, choosing to call you as his DD. 

Pulling up to the large building, you sat for a few minutes, glancing at your clock every so often. Really? He always chided you on not being late, but you could have stopped at the Taco Bell line during dinner rush and ate a party box by now, and now a whole 30 minutes had passed. Luckily, you had something to keep you busy. 

Looking up at the sound of a car unlocking, you watched his oldest brother Bjorn making his way towards his sleek vehicle. The man didn’t miss you though, flashing you a smile before hoping inside, starting up and driving away. He was probably excited to get home to Torvi and their kids. These guys worked so much, and so hard, especially after their father passed away. You were proud of Hvitserk for the shit he put up with. 

Playing some tunes, you even watched Ivar roll out of the building, but still there was no sign of your husband, and that worried you a bit. Usually he was the second out, trying to run away from the two youngest as quick as possible before he would have to help break up a fight.

Ready to unbuckle, despite the soaked squirming ball in your lap, you yelped in shock as you heard a voice through the open passenger window: “Why is there a kitten in your lap, sugar?”

Gaining back your wits from your mini-heart attack, your nails lightly raked through the wet fur. “Why isn’t there a kitten in your lap, boo?”

“Because I’m standing.”

“Touche’.” Even drunk, he was still a sarcastic asshat. 

Jumping into the car, he shut the door and immediately leaned his chair back so he could stretch out, arm laying across his face. You didn’t ask, you knew if he wanted to talk about it he would. You didn’t even bother to stop the kitten as it crawled from your lap to his, and you heard him sigh lightly. “These are 300 dollar pants…”


Sigurd:

If there was one thing for sure, it was that Sigurd could not read a map to save his life. Honestly, it surprised you that you did you made it this far without getting into an accident, or killing anyone, with you have to take the map from him and fix it. But, his driving made you extremely anxious from how slow he was. You encouraged safe driving, of course, but he was like a hundred year old woman when it came to the highway, and his turns were way too wide. He was lucky you could multi-task.

Even though the highway wasn’t too busy as it was very early on a Saturday morning, he would still make a noise of discomfort every time you would stare at the map for too long, to which you would make it even worse by looking away from the road directly to glare at him. You had eyes all around your head, damn him.

Finally on the right path, you did decide to slow down a little bit to cruise as it was raining out, and you didn’t feel like going head first into a tree if a deer were to run out in front of you. 

“Oh!” Sigurd let out, causing your brows to furrow. 

“What?” You questioned, glancing over at him, noticing how he was trying to look out the back of the car at something behind you.

“I thought I saw a kitten  — “

There was no hesitation in the way you immediately jerked the car to the side, making a quick illegal turn in the middle of the road, listening as he screamed at you about driving laws and putting your lives in danger. “I have to go back!”

“It;s a highway!” He reminded you, trying to grab at you as you swatted his hands away, trying to unbuckle and get out. “You can’t just run across it to grab a cat!”

 “That mothers adrenaline is kicking in, Sigurd!” You yelled, literally kicking the door open and he quickly followed, still trying to stop you before it was too late. Your yell turned into a scream: “I can see every equation!”


Ivar:

Things had been surprisingly quiet that night, despite the argument you held with Ivar about an hour ago. Usually, after fighting, he would have trouble letting it go and leaving you alone, making snide remarks here and there, and you try to ignore them, but usually it ended up not working that way. It usually ended with the both of you sprawled out on the kitchen floor, completely naked and drenched in sweat, giving each other small smiles.

This time, despite the fact it was a blow-up over the smallest thing, but he was being completely selfish over the matter. At least, that’s what you kept telling yourself. It was just something so small, and he wouldn’t even be taking care of it anyway. It was there to keep you company when he was at work, and in the process, you had been helping it as well. 

On your way back from the grocery store, you had found a little kitten in the middle of the road, shivering and looking scared for it’s life. So, you took it home, and Ivar was no happy about it at all.

Now you were sitting by yourself in the living room, busying yourself with a book and your fiance’ was distancing himself from you in the kitchen. Where the kitten was, you didn’t know. You figured it was probably checking out the house, but that thought went away when you heard something breaking in the kitchen. A feeling of dread quickly ran through you as fast as it left, knowing that he wouldn’t of done something to the animal but you were off the couch and in the kitchen in seconds, running over to it and picking it up. You noticed him watching you, as you coo’d to the little baby, looking it over to make sure it was okay, and you just barely saw his eye narrow slightly. 

After making sure the little one was okay, you sat it down on the floor, far away from the broken glass and you proceeded to clean it up. Almost done with the task, you paused hearing the same noise again. Looking over your shoulder slowly, you saw Ivar with his hand out and another glass on the floor, his face dead of all emotion. “I can break things too,” He decided to remind you.

The corners of your lips twitched upwards.

Shield-maiden Within

Summary: Reader is a Saxon woman who doesn’t like the whole ‘a woman can’t do what men do’ thing and so she runs away… with the vikings, and Bjorn trains her.

Characters: Reader, Bjorn Ironside, Ragnar Lothrbrok, Floki

Fandom: Vikings

Word Count: 1936

Disney Movie Writing Challenge, @that-was-not-supposed-to-happen 

AN: I think this is the longest thing I have ever written but I hope you guys still like it even thought the ending is crap…

Originally posted by jonsofwinterfell

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Untitled

Alex Hogh / OFC.

Part 1/???

Part 2

(probably not more than 10-11)

Summary: Ivy works on the make up/fx department for Vikings. She’s going through a breakup and sleeping on the couch with her colleagues because her ex-girlfriend throw her out of their shared apartment, then Alex came to the rescue.

Disclaimer: This is Alex the character, the persona we know through social media and pretty much speculation and I’m fucking infuriated with him. Hence, fantasy meets writing. (also let me live, I’m lonely)

Warnings: None, little bit of fluff.

Originally posted by dailyalexhogh


Ivy sat down on the edge of the couch, playing with the loose string of her sweater as her girlfriend of four years keeps berating her like she was some kid, she’s twenty six. It wasn’t just that, the constant jealousy fits that she had, questioning Ivy’s sexuality, she was bisexual and her girlfriend lesbian.

‘We can’t do this anymore, Dominic.’ She cut off her girlfriend’s rant. ‘I am so tired, this shit it’s been going on for too long and I endured it. You’re angry all the time, doubting every move I make when I never, even give you a reason.’

Ivy rubbed her face with both hands, trying to get herself to say what she’s been thinking for a while now.

‘I don’t want to keep living like this, I hate it.’

Dominic scoff at her, shaking her head almost looking at her with disgust.

‘You’re breaking up with me, you?’ She asked, the nastiness of her tone make Ivy’s skin crawl.

‘Yes, I am.’ Ivy nod looking down, not really wanting to see that look.

Her girlfriend, ex girlfriend now, stopped pacing and stood in front of her and an accusatory finger poked her on her shoulder, making her roll her eyes.

‘You’re seeing someone else, some bitch or some guy since you can’t make up your fucking mind—’

‘Fuck you,’ Ivy spat, tired: at her stupid shit. ‘I’m out, we’re fucking done. You keep the apartment, I’ll get my shit and get out’

Of course, that didn’t end like that. Dominic, extra as she was make a scene, shouted some more, throw her some stuff and finally Ivy ended up crashing on the couch of some girl from the makeup department.

It’s been around two weeks, two weeks of peace of mind but her back was almost on breaking point for sleeping on the couch. She groaned as she pushed her fingers to her back, standing on location freezing cold also didn’t help.

‘I love my job, it’s great. I love it,’ She repeated as a mantra while massaging the knots on her back. She saw Georgia approaching with one of the set assistants for a re-touch between scenes, Ivy liked her, the girl was the definition of sweetheart.

‘Are you okay, love?’ Georgia asked putting a hand on her back, Ivy just groaned and shake her head.

‘My back it’s literally killing me,’ She answered as the blonde girl sat down in the fold up chair on the little tent that provided some kind of shelter for the wind, favorite hang out stop for some of the talent. ‘I love Kim, she’s great for letting me crash on her couch. But it’s such a piece of shit couch.’ They both laughed as she applied some more blood on the side of the mouth.

‘You haven’t found a flat yet?’

‘I haven’t had the time to even look, I’ve pulling twelve hours the last two weeks since I’ve evicted myself from my own apartment.’ Ivy joked making Georgia giggle.

‘I’ve love for you to come with us but there’s literally no room left also.’

‘It’s okay, Gee.’ Ivy grabbed another little bottle that had blood more liquid than the one she used before and pour a little on a disposable cup. ‘This is for before the scene and now wet your lips with this, for the effect.’

‘Oh,’ Georgia grabbed the cup and give it a taste, eyebrows almost hitting her hairline at the taste. ‘Ah, it’s finally tasty!’

‘What’s finally tasty?’ Alex interrupted making his way to his usual chair besides Georgia, he was always between takes on this tent with Ivy, goofing around, talking, eating or just sleeping.

‘I got new blood, it’s better than the other you all guys freaking hated.’ Ivy explained and give the extra cup to her assistant and they rushed outside again, leaving them alone. ‘What you doing here?’

‘Came to see my favorite girl on set and I’m also hungry as fuck, you have no idea.’ Alex smiled and started digging on her bag, knowing that she always had some food stashed there for him.

‘Yeah, your favorite cause I give you food,’ She teased him and swat at his hand and she pulled a little container with some cookies.

‘You’re the best, I swear-’ He open it and dig in, putting an entire cookie on his mouth, making her smile and went about her things and also the pain on her back was bothering her.

‘Feeling the old age, already?’ He teased her, Ivy throw him a balled up napkin and smiled, seating on the chair next to Alex and grabbed a cookie for herself.

‘Feeling the spring of the couch, that’s what I’m feeling.’ She slouch on the chair, enjoying the few minutes of resting before going back to work.

Alex almost jumped out of his seat. ‘You haven’t found a place yet?’

‘Nope,’

‘Why you didn’t tell me?’ He spoke with his mouth full spitting some crumble cookie as she cleaned it out from his costume with her hand.

‘Cause I—’

‘There’s an empty room at my place, Marco uses it when he’s too fucked up to go to the his but, fuck Marco, come live with me.’ Alex quickly offer thriving on how her cute face light up at the offer.

‘Are you serious?’ She asked, hopeful at the thought of a real bed.

‘Yes!, we’ll be best roommates and braid each other’s hair, you know the usual’ Alex laughed fucking around as she swat on his shoulder. “Jokes aside, yes Ivy. There’s plenty of room and we get along, you’re nice to look at and you’ll woke me up in the morning.’ He shrugged trying to look uninterested but failing at the smile tugging his lips.

‘For real?’ She asked again and he nod enthusiastically.

‘Yes!.’

‘Alright, I’ll pick up my shit and then head off to your place.’ Ivy happily planned and grab Alex by his arm to hug him, almost smothering making him laugh nervously.

Alex laughed forgetting the cookies as he pulled her for a real hug, that linger for a little bit because he didn’t want to let her go. Because, he had been crushing on her for the past few months.

Alex helped up with her suitcase up to her new bedroom just a step away from his.

‘—And this is your bed.’ He said pointing at the bed and Ivy was looking at him, since they entered the apartment he had been pointing up everything trying to be funny.

‘Don’t you say, Alex. This is the bed? Oh boy, I thought this was the bed.’ Ivy was pointing at the little nightstand as he was laughing at her sarcasm.

She throw her things on the bed and guided Alex put with her hands his shoulders as he kept laughing.

‘Let’s go out?, I need a beer or something.’ Ivy proposed and Alex quickly agreed.

‘Yeah, sure. Wanna hang out with the crew?, I can call Jordan and Sophie. We could do something,’ Alex shrugged as they make their way to the kitchen.

‘Yeah, that sounds cool.’ Ivy pulled the hair band from her ponytail and the perfume of her shampoo hit Alex, making him bit his bottom lip, this was one of his weaknesses. ‘But first, I need to take a shower then will go.’

‘Take your time.’ Alex said as he chugged down a glass of water, looking her go and she turned around on the door.

‘Hey Alex,’ She called and he looked up. ‘Thank you, for letting me stay here. For everything.’

He gave her a toothy smile and nodded taking a deep breath, controlling his eagerness to tell her more.

‘You’re my friend, Ivy. Really, it’s nothing. I’m probably more excited to have you here than you living with me.’ He confessed and quickly hide it a with laugher, thinking that he had maybe said a little too much. She just laugh and went about to do her things.

Alex sighed as he rubbed his face, taking out his cellphone he needed to talk someone about it, thinking that the one that probably understood was Jordan.

Like he was reading his mind, his phone ring to life and it was, indeed, Jordan.

‘Hey, man. What’s up?’ Alex greeted him, eyes closed as he lean on the counter.

‘Is it true?, Ivy’s living with you?’

Alex sign again ‘Yeah, she’s taking a shower now asked me if you guys wanted to hang out.’

‘Man, weren’t you crushing on her pretty hard last time I saw you, witch it’s today by the way.”

‘Yeah, she didn’t have a place—

“I know, it’s cool that you helped her. Alex, look man, this could be messy.”

‘I won’t try nothing, man. She just got out of a relationship that was messy as hell. I know that, I’ll just… I’ll be here for her.’ Alex almost whispered as he turn his back to the kitchen door, hoping that Ivy couldn’t hear. ‘I’ll just work through it.’

‘Alright, mate. Hey, we’re heading out to that bar a couple of block from your place, meet us there with your girl, eh? Will grab a couple of Guinness play some pool. What you say?’Ivy wasn’t a fancy dresser, she liked simply looking things. That didn’t mean that she didn’t enjoy a dress and heels from time to time, but today wasn’t the day. Sneakers, black skinny jeans a white basic shirt half tucked into her jeans.

‘That shower, the history dudes knows how to pick their apartments.’ She said walking into the living room where Alex was on the couch waiting for her, cellphone on hand checking Instagram.

‘Smile, roommate.’ He smiled looking at her through the screen of his cell phone. ‘Say hi’

Ivy grimaced looking at the cellphone and wave her hand, making Alex laugh as he posted the little insta history.

Her own phone sounded with the notification as Alex pocketed his and stand up, giving her a once over.

‘I ain’t changing.’ She pointed a finger at him and Alex gasped.

‘I was going to tell you that there’s nothing that could opaque your natural beauty.’ He put his hands up making her smile.

‘Of course not, man. What you talking about?, all of this,’ She pointed at her body. ‘Genetics.’ Ivy snort and pushed him jokingly sitting besides him on the couch. ‘So, what Jordan said?’

When Jordan and Sophie arrived, founding them nested together on a both laughing at something on Ivy’s phone, looking extremely cozy with each other. He also noticed the four empty glasses of beer and the redden cheeks of Alex and the glassy eyes on her.

“You guys are seriously drunk?” He asked, raising an eyebrow at them but a firm smile on his lip, he heard Sophie laugh behind him.

‘No, I mean—

‘A little?’ Alex looked at her and she nodded, aprobbing. ‘Yeah, a little. Yes.’

‘We good.’ Ivy said standing up to hug Jordan hello and as well to Sophie.

‘Come on, let’s get the girls some drinks.’ Jordan said pulling Alex from the booth and put an arm around his shoulders, leaving the girls speaking to each other.

‘So,’ Jordan pushed him with his shoulder and Alex laughed shaking his head. ‘What’s going on you two cozy over there.’

‘I don’t know men, we just get along and she’s so…’ Alex groaned as he put both hands on his face and laughed. ‘It’s alright, I’m an idiot. Let’s have couple of drinks, yes?’

More than friends

Originally posted by dangerousvikings

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9

Hvitserk x Reader, Ivar x Reader

Masterlist

Summary: AU

Reader and Hvitserk are friends with benefits and they are both alright with that, but things will start to change when Ivar moves in with them.

Warning: nsfw, cursing

A/N: The past is written in cursive.


You grow up with Ragnar’s sons. Bjorn and Ubbe treated you like a sister, but other boys like their friend. Although there weren’t big age gaps between three younger brothers you ended up being Hvisterks best friend. You went to same classes, you did your homework together, you played together.

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never to your girl, pt. 7

summary: a Vikings-Biker AU where Ivar’s a dick to everyone except Opi, and where Opi doesn’t know if she wants to date a motorcycle gang – sorry, club – president.

part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4 / part 5 / part 6

tags:  @ivarsvalkyrie @ivarthefuckboy @blonde-valkyrie @tinymoonshine, @kristabec @readsalot73 @daddysbabyboobear

@mellytonellysstuff @rrwilson66 @bulletbaybay @ florenceivy@vaisabu @itsjaynebird  @devenrenee @chrystalcaper

@a-daydreamers-day @ivarbarnes @ladymelissastark @thinemineours

@carlya65 @acunningstargazer

warnings: smutty / fluffy / everyone is swearing

excerpt: “C’mon baby, give it a shot for me. If you have an awful time, we’ll leave.” 

There was that pet name again. I chewed on my bottom lip, remembering the situation we were in the last time he used it.  If Ivar didn’t already know that hearing him call me ‘baby’ would make me do pretty much whatever he wanted, he was going to figure it out soon.

“Fine,” I mumbled under my breath and Ivar’s grin grew.

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50% OFF sentence starters

Because this show is hysterical. Send me one to see how my muse reacts. Feel free to alter pronouns and the like.

Trigger Warnings: So many violence/death/suicide mentions, drug references, some NSFW references

  • “I always thought swimming was kinda like doing somebody. You dive in, flop around a bit, and you either get booed or somebody gives you a medal. And then I found out swimming isn’t like that at all.”
  • “If you die, I get fired. And I like this job. People don’t ask questions here.”
  • “Everyone step away from the brain!”
  • “Aren’t you that kid that started that doomsday cult?”
  • “Are you upset? …Oh, who am I kidding, you’re always upset.”
  • “Nah, man, we didn’t go to prison, we went to holding. There’s a biiiiiig difference…”
  • “You’re gonna need a new back door.”
  • “They said they won’t let me back into sewing club, because apparently when I threaten someone with sewing needs, it’s deemed ‘inappropriate’ and I ‘have to leave.’”
  • “BITCH, GET IN THE POOL!”
  • “You’re so cute when you never shut up.”
  • “I’m not the Team Mom!”
  • “I have a daughter, somewhere. Doesn’t mean anything.”
  • “Five star hotel. Royalty, bitches!”
  • “I choose the greatest sport of all time: Gay Chicken.”
  • “So I’m in the backseat crying, [name] says we’ve gotta return the panda to the zoo, and then the brakes go out! Luckily, I still made it in time for my Pilates class.”
  • “Okay, [name]. Time to kill yourself.”
  • “Not me this time. This time, it’s 100% goofy, contrived fate.”
  • “This doesn’t seem like the time for polka renditions of Ke$ha songs.”
  • “You’re like our mom! The Team Mom.”
  • “What’s up, sluts?! Guess who just got outta prison?”
  • “You can’t spell ‘sass’ without ‘ass,’ and you’re being one.”
  • “He’s so hot but so crazy! Which makes him even more hot!”
  • “That boy ain’t right.”
  • “Oh my God, is he dead?! Why did you put him in the car?!”
  • “I love you, but please… shut up.”
  • “[Name] forced me to wear this. Don’t say anything.”
  • “No. No, you’re dead. I killed you.”
  • “Now, if you excuse me, I have to go spray-paint Illuminati symbols on my ex-wife’s house. She thinks I don’t know she’s involved, but I know. THE WORLD MUST KNOW.”
  • “Aren’t you that kid that was drinking a can of Raid through a bendy straw?”
  • “Homeboy looks like Shark Week. I ain’t messing with that.”
  • “Boom. Done. Advice over. Let’s go get shitfaced.”
  • “I WANT THAT BOY TO BE MY BRIDE!”
  • “Is it weird for me to think he looks good in that swimsuit? I mean… really good. It’s totally not weird, right?”
  • “It feels like forever since you drowned [name] in the deep end and tried to burn down the swim club.”
  • “What did we say about voodoo? It’s only for cheap revenge and shrinking heads.”
  • “You say ‘you people’ like you’re not part of the family. Got some news for you: you’re already on the Christmas card.”
  • “Reports of my demise were, uh… greatly exaggerated.”
  • “Look, [name] is swimming his gay little heart for you.”
  • “[Name] tried to get me to vandalize a police station again. Can I get a ride home?”
  • “Good thing I wore my Heelies…”
  • “My parole officer says I need more extracurriculars.”
  • “Wonder if that stuff I hid is still here. …Nah, cops probably took it.”
  • “I think I hate him. Or love him. Whatever.”
  • “Hands are part of your arms! …This is why we don’t talk anymore.”
  • “Did you invite him to that weird nightclub where all the dancers are wearing gas masks?”
  • “This reminds me of prison!”
  • “You do exhibit rather… motherly behavior.”
  • “I know you can hear me down in Hell, you stupid jerk.”
  • “You’ll stay. Like it or not, you’re just like us.”
  • “They’re just too dumb to die.”
  • “We’re gonna go with dark magic today. We’ll call you if we need voodoo.”
  • “Yes, yes, we all demand blood.”
  • “Wait, I’m not done staring!”
  • “You still hang out in abandoned buildings?”
  • “I thought I was Zeus! …I WAS Zeus.”
  • “I can’t get you into the men’s locker room again.”
  • “[Name] and [name]?  Dead? Let me tell you something. Those two are literally impossible to kill. To prove a theory, I one time tried to just straight-up shoot ‘em with a real-ass gun. The bullet missed, ricocheted off a frying pan on the wall, and broke open a cabinet full of bottles, which I then tripped on and fell over. Hurt my pride more than anything…”
  • “[Name], I know you can’t read.”
  • “Yeah, I’ve seen that guy before. Cats go into his house, but… cats don’t come out of his house…”
  • “Back off, I called dibs like five years ago.”
  • “Bitch, you gonna be mine.”
  • “Look, I already visited the local church, mosque, synagogue, Satanic temple, Scientology center, Kingdom Hall, and I tweeted at Kanye. Just covering all the bases.”
  • “Didn’t we make a pact to stop her from doing this weeb shit?”
  • “I think that guard you killed had a family!”
  • “Why is your first suggestion always to break into [name]’s house?”
  • “Please call the police, because I look so good in this, it should be against the law. …Please don’t actually call the police, though, I WILL incriminate all of you.”
  • “You know what, this rescue mission doesn’t need your sass.”
  • “He’s probably in the shower, you know, washing the failure out.”
  • “One of you shot the [name] that can READ.”
  • “That was not a clown, that was my Juggalo friend. But your fear WAS warranted, he’s the one that set the pinata on fire.”
  • “It’s not just some simple task, like riding a bicycle, or cracking an egg, or committing premeditated murder.”
  • “This is getting ridiculous. We need a tutor or something.”
  • “Ten bucks says he dies.”
  • “Do not be alarmed. I am about to be hilarious.”
  • “You know what else is fun? Killing your best friend.”
  • “It may be hard to believe, but recently, I lost the ability to read.”
  • “I gotta go… not… talk to you to anymore.”
  • “Ohhhh… six-two, shark teeth, cries when you call him bitchbaby?”
  • “You took the fall for me, and I said ‘thank you.’”
  • “[Name], if I do die, there’s something I want you to do for me. I want a sweet-ass Viking funeral.”
  • “Your arrest record is extensive. And amateur.”
  • “I feel like you’re running out of solid shark references to call me.”
  • “Fuck it. Let’s do this.”
  • “You invited a party clown! I’m afraid of clowns!”
  • “I have to Tumblr this!”
  • “I thought this show was about drugs or something.”
  • “Oh, no… I got another flashback boner.”
  • “Let’s spend more nights in abandoned lighthouses.”
  • “YOU CAN’T CATCH ME, GAY THOUGHTS!”
  • “Metaphorical? More like metaHORRIBLE! …ZING!”
  • “Yeah, I know, inner turmoil, identity crisis, whatever.”
  • “Ha, your ass just got Looney Tune’d.”
  • “I was just rooting around in the garbage at this boy’s house, and I found this!”
  • “Let’s just skip all the fluff and get to the part where we’re shirtless.”
  • “Were you having a goldfish-drinking contest? Because my record is eleven before I barf.”
  • “[Name], go to my house, open the third desk drawer, and burn everything inside! But hold your breath while you do it!”
  • “Thanks for the life lesson, ‘Boy Meets World.’ How’s YOUR repressed love life doing?”
  • “Was macing us really necessary AFTER you remembered who we were?”
  • “[Name], find your chill, my dude.”
  • “We’re gonna be date–LATE.”
  • “There were 398 votes for you. THERE’S FIVE OF US.”
  • “Did [name] just fall down the stairs wearing stilts?”
  • “I had advice from a person who literally doesn’t know what they’re doing at any time of day.”
  • “If you’re here to do your unsettling demon voice, it is not appreciated at this moment.”
  • “‘And then Crowley handcuffed Dean to the chair, roughly straddling his–’ WHOA! Okay! Let’s just, uh… let’s put that one in the backpack for safekeeping.”
  • “Man, I can’t remember what I had for breakfast this morning. Forty-five minutes ago is ‘way back’ for me.”
  • “I’m some stealing some chem equipment for some stuff, and I don’t want you small-time hoods messing that up.”
  • “You know what plausible deniability means, kid?”
  • “So anyway, I regain consciousness, there’s cops everywhere, [name]’s covered in blood, got an ice pick… heh-heh, it was kind of a weird Tuesday!”
  • “She’s a witch! Push her in the pool!”
  • “Look, dude, I don’t know what to tell you. I showed up late, you killed all these people, you started calling me ‘thrall,’ and all I know is that I’m missing pizza night for whatever this is.”
  • “Is this a regular flashback or a sexy flashback?”
  • “It wasn’t a dream! We got arrested for trespassing! WE WENT TO JAIL!”
  • “You have to worry about your safe-cracker, your ground control, your spotter, your bag man, your getaway – any of them could be farm-fresh, or worse… undercover.”
  • “How many guys you pair up on the way here?”
  • “A guy with emotional issues who swims away his problems? Lady, that’s the whole team. You’re going to have to be more specific.”
  • “I’m just saying… is it illegal if I’m in my OWN pool?”
  • “I need a soda. Or therapy. Probably both.”
  • “We erected several statues of you, as requested, but, uh, people aren’t really worshiping them. They’re just sorta… taking selfies in front of them…”
  • “Look at that majestic-ass motherfucker. Like a dolphin or some shit. A dolphin with legs. And arms. And a jetpack.”
  • “Now get back to it before you learn a lesson in urban post-war torture practices!”
  • “I broke in again.”
  • “If you continue your attempts at flirting, I will be forced to take drastic measures.”
  • “I went to jail! I learned things. Terrible things…”
  • “[Name] said we were gonna get baked and watch ‘Game of Thrones.’ I wanna see some tits.”
  • “I spent six months in a correctional facility! I stabbed a girl in the yard!”
  • “Bitch, don’t even fucking think about it.”
  • “[Name] was up all last night, jerking it to real porn like a weirdo.”
  • “You put five marijuana cigarettes in your mouth and refused to answer to us unless we called you ‘King Kush.’”
  • “SUCK MY SHARK DICK.”
  • “Shut up, shut up, shut up! Shhhh! I smell boys being gay!”
  • “I see my reputation as a mastermind and entrepreneur precedes me.”
  • “Can’t prove nothing if they’re all dead.”
  • “I spent hours of research and studying. Minus that hour I had to spend calming down [name] after we watched The Notebook.”
  • “Come on, you can do me! It! It. You can do IT.”
  • “If I get out of this chair, I guarantee you’ll end up in one with wheels.”
  • “You guys ever wonder if we’ll meet someone normal?”
  • “We solved the curse of the island, and realized that the real ax-murderer was love all along.”
  • “I AM A GOD AMONG MEN! AND FISH! AND WATER-BASED MAMMALS!”
  • “Excuse me, I am trying to scream my feelings into your mouth.”
  • “Now we owe [name] a favor. That is NOT a position you want to be in.”
  • “That wasn’t hot. It was just fucking weird.”
  • “[Name]’s faster than she looks. And she tore through that chain fence like it was tinfoil!”
  • “This is it. This is the year I get my penis back from that dolphin who stole it.”
  • “So there’s me and [name], doing 80 in a 35, he goes right through the police blockade, I tell him to stop, he tells me there was something in the trunk… it was pretty much the best birthday ever.”
  • “I take boxing lessons at the Y. It started because K-pop concert security is tougher than it looks, but I just got hooked on the feeling of crushing someone’s face in with a solid right cross.”
  • “The election didn’t even matter that much; you cheated anyway.”
  • “I learned to swim the old-fashioned way. When I was five, my dad took me out to a lake and tossed me right out into the water. Making it to shore was easy. Getting out of the sack was hard, though…”
  • “Come on, [name], I put a LOT of money on you. Possibly against my better judgement.”
  • “I feel like I should argue this, but the potential for implied sexual antics is far too appealing.”
  • “That’s how they do it in Australia. And prison.”
  • “We’re all here ‘cause we’re not welcome anywhere else.”
  • “My baby can take it and dish it out! I am so turned on right now, I’m about half-mast.”
  • “He’s not my boyfriend. We were officially engaged in the fall. I’m thinking a spring wedding.”
  • “[Name], why are you getting naked?”
  • “Then you just take out your trusty lockpick, and you’re in!”
  • “Is there more to life than obsessing over two boys kissing?”
  • “This place just keeps getting dumber…”
  • “[Name], I love you, but you’re dumb as hell.”
  • “I’m not arrogant. I’m just that good.”
  • “I’m not taking care of your raccoon again!”
  • “I have to go scream confusing, end of the world ramblings at people under the freeway.”
  • “I’ll be on it like [name] on a centerfold spread.”
  • “Whatever. I did my time.”
  • “Still doing that weird demon thing to him?”
  • “Bed? But what about possible ax-murderers?”
  • “No! Stop! Don’t play the intro over me, that’s rude!”
  • “I’d do anything to you, [name]. FOR you!”
  • “Shut up, you’re high as balls!”
  • “Here I thought [name] was the craziest person you knew.”
  • “Just jerk it to hentai like a normal person.”
  • “I’ve got mace! The good shit, the kind they use on bears!”
  • “Did my sister send you here in an attempt to get us to emotionally reconnect?”
  • “You know how they say ‘sticks and stones may break my bones?’ Yeah, that’s not just a phrase…”
  • “Does anyone wanna hear my tragic backstory?”
  • “…You broke out, didn’t you?”
  • “I had a dream like this, once. You surprisingly had more clothes on, though, at least at the start.”
  • “Alright, so I didn’t wanna have to do this right at the start, but I represent a certain mutual acquaintance. One [name].”
  • “Hey, we try not to get this part of the gym wet, so whatever you’re doing is gonna have to stop.”
  • “You can’t have sex with your neighbor’s above-ground backyard pool.”
  • “Bodies… so hot. Brains… so dumb.”
  • “Well, piss in my asshole, I’m out like fifteen hundred bucks…”
  • “Aren’t you that guy that drowned a kid? And burned down that building? And sells Whip-Its under the bleachers?”
  • “Let me help you out of that swimsuit–POOL! The… the pool.”
  • “I don’t need a piece of paper to tell me how to swim. Or how to fuck Dean Winchester.”
  • “[Name]? Are you home? It’s me, [name]. …Okay, I’m gonna break in!”
  • “Only God to judge.”
  • “We’ve been banned from every pool in the area.”
  • “He’s delicate. Like a flower. Or a snitch’s collarbone.”
  • “So [name] pulls out a gun and decides to hold up the liquor store. He tells me to restrain the clerk, the clerk pulls out a gun and we’ve got a Mexican standoff! But anyway, how was your summer break?”
  • “Oh, no. He’s hot when he’s sad.”
  • “How many bodies you think would fit in here? I’m gonna say ‘a lot.’ Looks like a lot.”
  • “[Name], if I do die, there’s something I need you to do for me… bury me with my swimsuits.”
  • “Some stuff happened. I don’t want to talk about it. Shut up!”
  • “Yeah, sure, don’t listen to craaazy old [name], because that one time he stole a Zamboni and joyrode it around town and tried to take it through a McDonald’s drive through, and then they wouldn’t serve him, so he drove it into the front of the McDonald’s, and they called the cops and then there was a Mexican standoff!
  • “We went white-water rafting, and he pushed me right out! I hit so many rocks…”
  • “I bought stilts.”
  • “ALL HAIL THE DECISION CUBE!”
  • “Maybe next time, don’t get disqualified by throwing GRENADES AT THE OTHER SWIMMERS.”
  • “Don’t patronize me! I’m not [name]!”
  • “Why do we even care about losing? We’ve never cared about that kind of stuff.”
  • “You’re all probably getting nervous, and that’s normal. You really don’t stand a chance here, so I really can’t blame you.”
  • “WORSHIP ME AS THOUGH I WERE A MALEVOLENT GOD! AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
let me be your coffee pot

“There’s only one plug in this entire coffee shop and you’re sitting right in front of it and you’re not even using it, and my laptop is about to die in the middle of this online exam I’m taking, so whatever I don’t care how intimidatingly attractive you are I’m sitting down at your table to plug my shit in.” AU

Title from ‘I Wanna Be Yours’ by Arctic Monkeys.

ff.net. - ao3.

Day one: AU/AH of KlarolineInfinity Week!

Caroline was beyond frustrated.

Sleep-deprived, coffee did nothing to calm her, full bent on getting a good grade. Apparently, Mr. Salvatore, her annoying and inappropriate Communication teacher, had taken a sudden like to technology —that wasn’t related at all to the fact that he showed up hungover at the last classes of the year, refusing to teach them anything, sending power points of the contents to them instead— and decided to take the exam through an online platform.

A message appeared on her laptop screen when she was reading a question about engaging people in the media, startling her.

You’re now running low on reserve battery power. You need to plug the power adapter into your computer and into a power outlet. If you don’t, your computer will go to sleep in a few minutes to preserve its memory contents.

Groaning, she looked around, noticing not even one plug in sight. It didn’t surprise her, considering the old vibe of the store, it was a miracle that it had wireless connection to begin with. Hell, she had actually contemplated turning around upon first looking inside “Original Coffee”. Ancient shelves containing jar of coffee grains instead of a machine, and a counter guy dressed in a Viking costume? Weird.

The shining screen reminded her that she had fifteen minutes and forty seconds left to finish the exam.

She cursed her bad luck. Had she walked under a ladder that day? She really hoped not.

Although it wasn’t completely her fault, on second thought, it was Katherine’s.

Keep reading

Butterflies

By the time the Uber driver had pulled up to the front gate, you had forgotten which address you had given him. Tequila did that to you. The car stopped and Joe or Jim or Jack…whatever his name was, cleared his throat in an effort to gain your attention. Peeling your eyes from your phone, you looked up at his house. All the lights were off except for the outside lanterns that adorned his front entrance. No car in the driveway. Was he even home? When he texted you earlier, he had been home. You looked down at your phone…2:27am.

Shit, he was asleep. When did it get so late?

His last text was at 11:19pm “Text me when you’re on your way. I’ll put on some pants…”

Three hours…? How has it been THREE hours?! Gosh, you were a shit friend.

Tequila did that to you too, sometimes.

Keep reading

The BF Reacts to the Primarchs

In which @asking-ask​ gives first impressions of all the Primarchs based on art I provided!

For each Primarch I listed the legion, name, and three pieces of art, two of which were always from Aerion’s Primarch Project, and the Iconoclasts portraits. Gonna be a long post, so just click the “read more” tab.

Keep reading

I am not christian


You sat peacefully watching Aethelwulf pacing through the room. -The great heathen army is doubtless on it’s way here already.- Ecbert said leaning on chair. - I charge you, my son, to go out and face it.-
-If it is really big as bishop suggested then we will need more time to gather army.- Aethelwulf said. You hid your smile.” They are already here. Finally.” Well is no secret, at least here in castle, that you and your brother Alfred are bastards. Bastards of pagan. Your brother didn’t appreciate that fact. On the other hand, you… You loved stories that your grandfather, king Ecbert told. You enjoyed listening about your father Athlestan, his friend Ragnar Lothbrok and famous Lagertha the Shieldmaiden. And when you finally had chance to meet Ragnar, you couldn’t tell that you didn’t feel proud that your father was pagan. Although grandfather told you that your father  was also good christian, you hardly believed, but nodded as you agree. You met his son, Ivar as well. Back then you couldn’t understand him too much, you knew only some words of their language. So you to sneak around him, man of your kind, without him noticing it, played chess with him. While focused on board and his moves you could tell he’s pretty smart, opposite of what bishops tell people.
-I agree. But now, time itself is of asset.-  
-They can’t bring such force to Wessex within a week.- Aethelwulf barked. -I agree but element of surprise is most valuable asset.-  Your stepfather pointed finger at Ecbert. -Since you gave me command let me take care of it.-
Suddenly Alfred stood up. -Father, I want to fight with you.- he said. -As do I.- Aethelred followed. You shifted in your seat in desperate fight to hold laugh.”Oh my brothers that is not how you do it.” Aethelwulf put hands on their shoulders. -And I won’t risk lives neither of you. You are future. Now go to bed.- As you predicted. He will never let them fight, neither will you. Especially you. 

It’s well known thing that daughter of Aethelwulf is not, well, ladylike. He always used to say that your male-like behavior is curse of adultery, adultery  with pagan. For some reason your stepfather didn’t favor you. For Alfred, you could tell he almost love him, but you. He despised you.
Wicked smile appeared on you face as you sneaked in Alfred’s chamber. He was asleep already and for once in your life you liked fact that your twin is able to fell asleep faster than eat dinner. It wasn’t too dark because of moonlight, so you could move with ease through his room. You took few things before you silently storm of.
As you walked your horse out of stable you noticed  puddle formed on the ground. You could see how your helmet and chain armor shine in moonlight. You smiled to yourself. Helmet was covering half of your face and if you keep distance from your stepfather, you may stay unnoticed. You hid hair under helmet and rode off towards army that was leaving gates of city.
                                                            ***  
You’ve been traveling whole night towards Repton, where Heathen army has settled. When in morning, while army was taking rest, scout came with information that heathen army is not far away. Aethelwulf proudly smiled and led his army. When you  arrived on one hill, first signs of Heathens showed up. They were waiting for you  at bottom of hill. Your heart pumped against your rib cage. You weren’t here for battle as much as you were to see them. The Heathens, the pagans. Before you could reach them they disappeared in woods. Few moments after they showed on top of the hill. Few times charging up and down the hill left Aethelwulf furious.
-We will not let them make fools of us! You!- he turned to man on his right. -You said that they settled in Repton?- Man looked at him confused by his sudden question. -Yes, my prince.-
-And that is where we are going.- he smiled before he charged towards little city on the river behind hills.
As you entered valley, rain of arrows splashed on you. You rose Alfred’s shield to protect yourself but  one pierced through flesh of your arm. You let out shriek as you fell of your horse. Your helmet fell of your head. Luckily everybody else were busy fighting heathens. You didn’t expect such welcome.
As your army charged on heathens, you crawled in near grove. Needless to say you were angry. You always saw battle as act of honor and bravery and now you were scared, in pain and crawling as last coward. Few moments after Aethelwulf retreated army, well what stayed of your army.
Heathens celebrated their victory and that was when you spotted him. He sat in his chariot, while three other boys were hugging him. You shifted in try to find position that hurt less. One of boys that was hugging him turned around. That moment you realized that he spotted you and now he was coming your way. He had long brown hair and beard, unlike Ivar. You couldn’t run away. It was too late and you were too weak for that now. He grabbed you by shoulders, you cried out in pain and threw you in front of everybody. Their attention focused on you. You could see Ivar’s face expression change.
-What should we do with this one?- he asked blond guy with really big beard. -She can be slave.- You could understand them and you didn’t like suggestion. - No, my brothers. We could win this battle faster than we thought.- evil smile appeared on Ivar’s face and you heart dropped. Not for fear, but fact that you thought that he was your friend. You were just enemy princess for them.
They took you to their camp. Now you were sitting tied up to column in Ivar’s tent. You were clenching your teeth as one young girl was sewing your wound. In that moment Ivar crawled in tent. He dismissed girl and shifted gaze on you. -We meet again.- he smiled. - I would like to say it’s my pleasure, but I can’t.- He was well aware of sarcasm in your voice and you could see half impressed smile. - I see that you learned our language. There is so many possibilities of using you. I could offer you to Ecbert for him to surrender or I could use you for your knowledge of landscape. What do you prefer?- He asked mockingly.
-I prefer you to take this shit of my hands.- you rose your hands to point out the rope. -That is not way christian princess behaves.-  -I am not christian.- you spitted back. He seemed little surprised but arrogant smile hid it. -You are princess in castle of christian king. You are christian.-
-I am not christian!- you yelled. -I’m princess in castle of christian king but that doesn’t make me christian.- He crawled towards you. -I don’t believe you.- You rolled eyes. -What do you want me to do?- you asked rather sarcastically. -Prove me.- He grinned. -Make a sin.- You reacted not even thinking about it and when you started thinking about it you found yourself kissing this pagan. He tasted like blood and dirt, and that insanely turned you on. You could feel yourself leaning in more. Ivar licked your lip asking for access. You opened your mouth for him. You never kissed anybody in your life and yet this felt so natural.
Somebody coughed behind you and you both moved away. It was that guy with brown beard, Ubbe as you remembered. He had grin on his face. -Ivar that is not what you do with captive.- Ivar threw cup that lied next to you on him. -Go out!- One last smile and Ubbe left. Ivar turned to you. -This was very… productive conversation. We’ll continue.- With that he crawled away leaving you still tied up.
“What the hell just happened?”

Vikings / Sons of Anarchy Crossover Fic

So here it is! I didn’t come up with a fitting title so far but maybe next chapter. I already got the feeling that this will turn into a monster. I’m dying to throw an OC into this and see what happens, so this can be seen as a prologue. I really hope you guys like the idea because the next chapter is already in the making.

Naturally this is a bit off canon for both shows. Out of practical reasons the timelines are a bit different, also in this Ivar can walk and is a bit older then he currently is on the show. Later chapters might require more changes (I totally want Opie to be alive) but we will see.

I’m a bit nervous because this is so different from everything I have written before. I hope you guys like it.

@belle-scarre @nekodalolita

———————————————————————————————————–

„Have you heared the news from Oaktown?“ Juice came running towards him as soon as he had pulled into the TM lot.

Jax took off this helmet and sunglasses. “Calm down, Juicy. What news are you talking about?”

“There’s a new crew in Oakland. They’ve taken over Lin’s territory.”

Jax narrowed his eyes. “Really? I suppose Lin’s not all too happy about that?”

“He was found dead yesterday morning.”

“Not too much of a loss for the world” Jax stated as they joined Chibs, who was sitting at the picnic table in front of the club house. “So what do we know about this new crew?”

“It’s an MC. They call themselves Vikings. No one knows where they came from, they seem to have appeared out of thin air.” Chibs said taking a long swig from his beer.

“They pop up out of nowhere, kill Lin and take over his territory? They must be more than bold to pull of such a thing. And smart if they’ve found a way of doing that without having to fear the retaliation of the Chinese.”

Chibs gave a shrug. “Or maybe they’re not so smart and the problem will solve itself soon.”

“There’s more. About Lin, how he was found.” Juice added.

Jax looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

“It’s just rumors so far but they say that his back was cut open and his lungs were pulled out. Then he was left like that to bleed out or suffocate or whatever. That is really brutal shit, man.”

“And it changes the whole dynamic in Oaktown. What does that mean for us, Jackieboy?” Chibs asked.

Jax rubbed his chin. “I don’t know yet. We’ll have to wait and see. But in the meantime I want you guys to find out everything you can about this MC. We’ll deal with this later. Nero is waiting for me in Stockton to talk about that Diosa expansion.”


On his way to Stockton the news about this new MC were going round and round in Jax’ head. The road was long and straight and there was not much to see besides slight hills and low bushes. Deep in his thoughts, he noticed the dark van that suddenly appeared next to him seconds too late. The side door slid open and Jax hit the brakes, just in time to fall behind as three masked men started to shoot. He managed to get behind the van and out of their sight but relief only lasted two seconds as the driver of the van hit the brakes and he had to take a fast swing to the left in order not to crash into the vehicle in front of him. He looked around for anything that could be helpful, but there was only the straight road ahead and the desert around him. That meant there was only one chance to get out of this alive. He turned the gas lever and accelerated his bike to maximum speed. By pure luck he dodged a few more bullets that came flying past him, but soon the shooters realized that at this speed their chances to hit their target were going towards zero and settled for just following him. For now.

Jax let out a relieved breath as the outskirts of Stockton came into sight. He barely slowed down his bike as he passed the first buildings, desperately trying to come up with a plan to get rid of his followers. Obviously he couldn’t show up at Diosa with them still in tow. He spotted a deserted looking factory hall to his right and managed to drift into the gateway at a deadly tempo, wheels smoking and brakes shrieking. A small smirk appeared on his face as he looked over his shoulder and saw that the van hadn’t made it and had to stop and reverse. He drove around the building and hid his bike behind a pile of scrap metal, although he knew it probably made no difference. Looking for a way in, he found a small dirty window just above his head. He smashed it with the handle of his gun and managed to pull himself up and inside.

Jax heard the van pull up outside and soon after there was a rattle on one of the doors. He found cover behind a rusting dumpster just next to that door. If they came through it and marched right in, he would be in their backs, maybe that would give him the advantage he needed.  A single shot echoed through the hall, followed by a loud crack as the door was kicked open. His plan seemed to work out, for the three men stepped in, totally unaware that he was that close. He waited until they had passed him before he left his covert, gun pointing straight at them as he flicked the safety off.

“Don’t move. Guns down. Don’t turn around. You can try and shoot me if you want but then at least one of you dies here.” He was almost surprised as they obeyed immediately, slowly bending down to place their guns on the ground. “Good. Now slowly turn around.”

The men did das they were told and slowly turned to face him. The moment he realized that all three were grinning through their masks it was already too late. He heard the metallic klick of a gun lock behind his back.

“Drop our weapon and raise your hands.” A voice commanded from behind him.

He had seen three men shooting from the van, of course there had to be at least one more. He cursed himself for his stupidity. He was screwed now. There was no way out of this one.

“What the hell do you want?” He asked as his gun landed on the floor with a clatter.

There was no answer, instead a shot rang out. Jax was startled and for a moment he was sure that this was the end. Surprisingly he didn’t feel anything. Then he heard the dull thud of a body hitting the ground.

The three men in front of him grabbed their guns from the ground and ran for cover. As more gunshots echoed through the factory, Jax decided that it probably was the smart move and followed suit. He found a place where he had good cover but was also able to see what was going on.

Three more men had entered the hall, unlike the first ones they weren’t masked. Two of them had bold heads and thick beards, the third one was dark haired and seemed to be younger than the others and even though they all were wearing cuts, he didn’t recognize any of them.

They were going to work expertly, giving each other cover while moving in on the masked men. It seemed as if the bullets flying towards them didn’t concern them in the slightest. Jax had to admit that he was impressed with their combat skills. He fired a few bullets as well but from his position he had a shitty angle at his former capturers and from what he saw these new arrivals weren’t in need for his aid. As soon as they were close enough one of the two bolds made a hand sign and the dark haired man started to move around the old truck the masked men had found cover behind. As he circled the truck, Jax could see the back of his cut. Vikings MC it said over some strange sign. The conversation with Chibs and Juice this morning came back to his mind. He obviously had found the new Oakland crew. The other two Vikings were keeping the men behind the truck down with steady fire and soon the dark haired one had reached them. No questions were being asked. Three quick shots and then in got quiet.

This was probably the time to get out of here, but to reach any possible entrance he had to get past them. He wasn’t sure if they knew that he was still here until the dark haired one gestured into his direction, addressing the others in a strange sounding language.

Jax tightened his grip around his gun as they approached him. “Who are you?” He asked, raising his gun.

A split second later he was staring into the muzzles of two hand guns. Only the bold guy in the middle hadn’t raised his gun and Jax spotted a President’s patch on his chest.

The President clicked his tongue in disapproval. “Is that the way to treat the guys that just saved your ass?” He was talking with a slight accent Jax had never heard before. “You can put that gun away, we have no quarrel with you.” He gestured for his companions to do the same.

The other bold man slowly lowered his gun but the younger one didn’t move. He was watching Jax through narrowed eyes, his finger tense around the trigger.

The President nudged him with an elbow. “Ivar.”

Jax could see the hesitation in the other man’s eyes and slowly let his gun sink in de-escalation. Ivar followed suit, but he made sure to move just a little bit slower than Jax did and unlike everyone else he did not shove the weapon back into pants but kept it his hand, radiating an air of silent threat.

The President nodded. “Now that that’s settled, my name is Ragnar and this is Ivar, my VP and Floki, my Sergeant.” He said, introducing the group. “And you’re Jax Teller, President of the Sons of Anarchy.”

Jax narrowed his eyes. “You know who I am?”

The Sergeant gave a strange giggle. “Of course we do. We always do our homework, otherwise we wouldn’t be around anymore.”

“Then maybe you also know who these guys were.” Jax said, gesturing towards the four dead men. “And what they did want from me, because I seriously got no clue.”

“A crew of drug dealers from Oakland.” Ragnar explained. “Shitheads mainly, but they thought now that Lin is gone they could become all big and influential. And they don’t seem to like competition, killed one of my guys two day ago. I had someone following them around ever since then and this place seemed perfect to make our move.” He dramatically waved his hand around. “This is how we ended up here.”

“But that doesn’t make any sense. My club isn’t selling drugs.” Jax argued.

“Well then, maybe they just didn’t like your hair.” Floki said with another giggle.

Jax ignored him. “We are trying to keep drug out of Charming.”

“Ah.” Ivar made, tapping his temple with two fingers  and Jax knew what he meant, maybe that was the point.

“Well, maybe we should continue this conversation elsewhere.” Ragnar suggested. “If the people of Stockton aren’t deaf, the cops should be here soon.” He looked at Jax. “There’s a little party tonight at our clubhouse. Why don’t you and your crew show up? Maybe we can work together in some way to both of our benefit.”

the weird & the feared, pt. 12

previous chapters

words: 2143

warnings: umm, none really?

tags: @itsjaynebird@cianagiovannini@vaisabu@tiredofthisgeneration@fuckthatfeeling@ivarsvalkyrie@burningsunshin3@readsalot73@rockyrascal@britt-janssens @thinemineours  @angelica61692@guardianofthestars25@kittyhorror777@wavesofjoy@readsalot73@hornyorca@chrystalcaper@lazycaucasian@yosifkavinsky @jadert15 @ivarthefuckboy

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HEY YOU LOVABLE SCAMPS, IT’S MYTHOS TIME. WE GOING IRISH AGAIN FOR A BIT, ‘CAUSE I WANNA TELL YOU ABOUT FIONN MAC CUMHAILL.

When I say “Fionn mac Cumhaill”, most of you uncivilized, morally bankrupt apes yell “FINN MCCUCK” and make me cry, which is totally fair because you are NOT WRONG, but it turns out, Fionn’s love life is more complicated than just some cuckolding.

WE GO BACK IN TIME TO before the whole Diarmuid thing happened, but after Fionn was the leader of the Fianna Knights. ONE DAY, Fionn had gone out hunting as usual, because if there’s one thing Fionn really liked to do, that was hunting. A billion fucking minor stories begin with the lines “So Fionn was hunting when shit happened”, and this dude, in general, used it as a relaxation exercise, like, he could be in the middle of a huge fight, and he’d get stressed, so he did either of two things: 1) suck his turbo thumb for infinite salmon knowledge or 2) tell the guys “brb”, go hunt, relax, organize his thoughts, come back, win battle. Anyways, he was doing this shit, with his two hounds, Bran and Sceólang, when he came across a DEER.

Before Fionn could put three javelins through the deer, however, the dogs yelled “WOOF” but Fionn understood them because he was a Weird Dog Girl and also a dedicated hunter, so of course he could. He was like “What is wrong, Bran and Sceólang? Why do you stop me?” and see, here’s the THING: Bran and Sceólang are both hounds, but they were born from a hound who used to be a human but was turned into a hound via Magic. You know how Loki got fucked by a horse while in horse form and thus gave birth to an eight legged horse? Ok kinda similar dealio. Anyways, the thing is, since these hounds were born from a hound that used to be a human, they detected something no one else could have detected: That deer was a human transformed into a deer.

So, shit, Fionn was not about to just javelin a person, so he brought the human-deer back home to see if he could do something for them. Now, I have to remind you that Fionn was raised by two powerful moms, one of which was a druid, and as such, he knew some druidery, so his personal home and lands were enchanted by him to better suit him, kinda like a Territory Creation-esque deal. The thing is, as soon as Human-Deer set foot on Fionn’s land, since Fionn wanted to help them, his enchanted lands reacted, and undid the curse: Where once a deer stood, now stood a very beautiful woman. Fionn was like “OH”. She was like “OH” because, reminder, Fionn is one beautiful son of a gun, and also she was thankful, and she knew all sorts of cool shit. Fionn asked what happened, and she told her story, and what happened was not that Fionn’s druid shenanigans saved her, but it was his might, instead.

Her name was Sadhbh, which is Old Irish for “would you like to buy a vowel?”, and it turns out she had been a deer for three years. Three years ago, she refused to marry a druid named Fear Doirich (literally “DARK MAN” because mythology and subtlety just don’t get along), a member of the Tuatha De Danann (attentive ace detectives will remember that, in our last Fionn Storytime, Fionn killed Aillen of the Tuatha De Danann), and he got very butthurt about it, so using his Dark Druid powers (he was a dark druid, yes, this specification is made clear), he turned her into a deer, because Nice Guys Finish Last. She was initially held captive, but a servant of Fear Doirich took pity on her and released her, telling her that were she to set foot on the lands of the “dun”, which normally means fort or castle, but in this specific instance means “territory” of Fianna, which is basically anywhere that Fionn owns, Fear would have no effect on her, and thus she’d be a human again. So Sadhbh makes her way to Almhuin, which is Fionn’s house, in hopes she can regain her human form, and her gamble PAID OFF.

Fionn and Sadhbh fall in love with each other as Sadhbh spends time in his land, and the two marry. Fionn was so deeply in love with Sadhbh that he abandoned all other pleasures, including hunting and adventuring, just so he can be with her and make her happy. Soon enough, she was pregnant. Fionn and Sadhbh were truly deep in love, and the only moments in which they were not together was when Fionn was fighting a battle.

And it is during one such moments that tragedy, sadly, strikes.

Fionn was fighting the Vikings in the southern parts of Ireland when Sadhbh, who awaited in Fionn’s home, saw Fionn and his two hounds, Bran and Sceólang, returning from the battle. Elated, Sadhbh ran to meet her husband, but when she reached him, it turned out to be illusions… It was none other than Fear Doirich! With a swing and a swoosh of his hazel wand, and a powerful tip of his fedora, Sadhbh was turned into a deer once more, and he took her away.

Fionn returned only to find an empty home, bereft of joy, barren of love. His wife was gone, and he couldn’t find her. He spent seven whole years looking for her, but he never found her. At the very end of these seven years, Fionn came across a wild boy while he was hunting, and he couldn’t help but recognize some of Sadhbh’s features on his face. It turns out, that boy was his and Sadhbh’s son, Oisin.

Fionn took his son Oisin home and raised him the best he could. In time, Oisin would become the greatest poet in Ireland, as well as an extremely accomplished warrior who matched his father’s immense accomplishments, one of the fiercest Fianna Knights ever, and, most importantly, the narrator of the Fenian Cycle of Irish Mythology.

Despite all of this, however, Sadhbh was never found. This wounded Fionn deeply, and he was noticeably more grim, more bitter, since then. Not long after this incident, the High King, Cormac mac Airt, promised his daughter, Grainne, to Fionn in marriage. During the wedding feast, however, Grainne falls for a formidable Fianna Knight and friend of Fionn, a man named Diarmuid Ua Duibhne…

Daddy Issues  Bucky x Reader Part One

Originally posted by maryjosez

Fandom: Marvel, Avengers

Characters: Avengers

Contains: Fight Scenes and LOTS of swearing


A/N: Just so you guys know, this is my first post on this blog and my first written fanfiction on tumblr, so I hope you guys enjoy it and stuffs. Have fun nerding out on Marvel shit!


I don’t really have a life. If you considered what I have as a “life” then it’s a pretty shitty one. There is something different about me that many people can’t and don’t know about. While this might sound like the introduction to a teenage dystopian book where the main character has some ridiculous name and is described as plain, but breathtakingly beautiful at the same time, and is involved in a ridiculous love triangle where any pairing sounds painfully awkward, it’s true. My name is Wicker Basket. Can’t you just smell the sarcasm? But in all honesty, I am very plain. Painfully average in fact. Below average. There is nothing special about me appearance-wise. I know! SHOCKER!!! A descendant of Thor and unattractive? NOOOOOOOO!

…Yes.

While I am a descendant of the Avenger, he has no idea that I exist and I would like to keep it that way. The only thing about me that is remotely relevant to him are my stretch marks which look like I was struck by lightning over and over again. I am not a size 0, in fact I am a size 10, I am not a gorgeous viking, but a boring flaming pile of trash, and i am not seductive in any way. That all went to my brother. Because somehow, in a lineage of gods, that look absolutely breathtaking, I end up looking like the ass of an elephant. WHERE THE FUCK DID THE BAD GENES COME FROM?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

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How Many This Time?


The shouting match came to an abrupt halt once you entered the kitchen. Perhaps it hadn’t been a great idea to let yourself in the house, with the intention of sneaking through. Now Ragnar and Aslaug looked at you from their spots on either side of the island counter, both had their fists planted into the granite.

Your mouth was halfway through forming an apology when Ragnar sighed, waved a dismissive hand, and gestured down the hall. You barely made it half way down when the yelling picked back up again.

Opening the bedroom door, you winced at the sight of him. You threw your stuff on the floor and walked back out, went to the bathroom to wash your hands and get some supplies. A wet washcloth and a cup of water, gauze, medical tape, rubbing alcohol, and butterfly stitches. It was a good thing they kept the first-aid stocked in the house, what with the boys always getting into some sort of trouble. Ivar most of all.

He hadn’t moved from his spot since you left him. The bed was pushed into the corner by the window, currently the only source of light in the room. He was sat on the mattress, his back flush against the wall with his legs stretched out in front of him, gazing idly outside. As you approached the bed, he finally turned to look at you.

“How many this time?”

The little shit had the gall to smirk and you shook your head, mostly in disapproval.

“Four.”

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TVD = The It Doesn’t Make SENSE Diaries {1x13 Review}

Welcome to the 13th review of season 1! As per usual, here are the guidelines: Considering that I haven’t sat down to watch a full episode of the past seasons of TVD in a few years and my memory might not be the greatest I will start with my usual disclaimer:  I write my thoughts in real time so if I make a mistake at the beginning of this post, it will be corrected by the end. There will be anti-Damon and anti-Delena senitments and I feel the need to say there may be some anti-Jenna sentiments too. I will probably bring up other shows and call attention to misogynoir, racism and anti-blackness. OK. Ready? Let’s go.

1. Opening scene of Damon helping Katherine murder two people and yeah Human Damon is a lot meeker but that doesn’t mean that this grown ass 20-something year old man was “done in” by Katherine, he knew exactly what he was doing and doesn’t actually seem to struggle with her killing two people, he just seems mildly uncomfortable and then he kisses her with their blood on her lips, the fact that he has a “Aw gee” meek demeanour doesn’t make him any less of an an accessory to murder, guys.

2. Elena and Stefan cuddling as they wake up! So cute! The way she smiles when she wakes up in his arms and how he kisses her, omg.

3. I also just realized that the door is still open when Elena brings Stefan back into bed so like not only does she not give a shit if Damon hears them fucking, she doesn’t care if he happens to pass by either. But seriously, how can anyone say they didn’t have amazing sex, she’s like um excuse me, half-naked God of a man in my bed, I’m not done.

4. Seriously, Giuseppe doesn’t realize that his two sons are sleeping with the same woman in one house? HOW?

5. Also, legit Damon would’ve been married with kids by now. Stefan wouldn’t be too far off either, it would actually be interesting if they were at least promised to two other women and then Katherine came. Like if Katherine convinced Damon to destroy his life, leave his kids, leave his wife so they can run away for an eternity together and then went oh btw, your brother is coming with us and then set the series of events in motion in which the town was at war with itself and Damon spent over a century waiting for her and feeling the guilt of having abandoned his wife and children for her but holding on to the idea that this woman he did all these things for will finally reunite with him only for her to be gone? Then that would be way more interesting and have way more emotional stakes than what we have now.

6. Yep, let’s just brush over the fact that Emily is enslaved. Pearl also would not be so easily accepted.

7. No seriously, how OLD is Anna? When did she turn?

8. And I never got why Pearl wouldn’t just leave Katherine behind. Like yo if they have vervain in elixirs and they’re trying to find vampires, I’m about to LEAVE.

9. “You were sad, Ben, you lacked purpose, you needed me.” I don’t understand this idea of vampirism = purpose because the show doesn’t expand on that. As a vampire your emotions are heightened so if Ben was sad as a human, would he not just spiral into despair as a vampire? And also his “purpose” is to help Anna for her own agenda, how would Ben not realize that? At least in True Blood when Godric turns Eric, Eric is dying and Godric likes the fire he has because Eric was a viking and he was like do you want to be a companion of death? I will be your father, brother, son and friend. In TVD it’s just … what?

10. “You know I really think that Damon believes that everything he’s done, every move he’s made, he’s done for love. It’s twisted but kind of sad.” HOW, ELENA? How was turning Vicki and leaving Stefan to clean up the mess done for love? How was abusing and raping Caroline done for love? And how can you speak so dispassionately about something when the people being affected are the people you’ve known since childhood? It doesn’t make SENSE. From the first season, Damon and in relation Delena is the biggest writing weakness.

11. Stefan: “There are other ways to get what you want, you don’t have to kill people” LIKE RIGHT THO? And Elena just tilts her head like, “Oh. True.” WHAT? This reminds me of a plot line in Friday Night Lights, where a man attacks Tyra and tries to rape her but she manages to fight him off but then he comes back again and tries to rape her so Landry kills him. After a while, the attacker’s brother asks to see all of his brother’s victims to apologize on behalf of him and Tyra is uncomfortable doing it so choose Landry to go in her stead and his brother is like, I’m sorry he never used to be like this … he was the only one who took care of me, my dad ran off and my mom was too drunk to feed us and Landry is like, you know what, pretty much every person in Dillon has the exact same story and they don’t turn out to be rapists! Same THING.

12. Also, I have a question about these journals … does every Founding Family have their own set of journals? And if they do, since they make up the council, shouldn’t they you know SHARE these journals with each other? Like why is it so singular?

13. OK, schools do get locked you know.

14. Paul commands such presence in his scenes, seriously when Alaric discovers he’s a vampire and Stefan just dashes him to the desks and tells him to sit? I would not want to cross him.

15. The woman who plays Pearl has so much more presence than Nina and she comes across as older – because she is – so for her to take point from Katherine is like, why? I don’t get it.

16. “I never asked for your respect.” “Good for you, Damon. Because all I have is disappointment.” Said every sane viewer ever.

17. IT MAKES NO SENSE THAT STEFAN AND DAMON WOULDN’T GROW UP LEARNNG ABOUT AND HATING VAMPIRES.

18. Also, I missed when Damon went over to Elena’s house. And him being in the kitchen cooking is like, that’s cute, Stefan did that 8 episodes before, you’re late.

19. His grin is annoying.

20. “You met Damon.” “Who do you think killed my wife.” Oh yes, ALL for love.

21.Elena feeling guilty about lying to Damon is like, remember that time he nearly killed Bonnie? Remember that time he nearly killed Caroline? Remember that time he killed Tanner? Remember that time he turned Vicki?

22. And so Jenna and Jeremy aren’t a little bit curious why a grown ass man is hanging around Elena and why he’s at their house? When Angel is in Buffy’s house, she has to lie to her mom and tell her he’s in college and that he’s her tutor and Joyce side-eyes the hell out of that so Buffy has to sneak him up to her room. If you’re making sexy eyes at the man, Jenna, then he should not be around your niece the way Damon is.

23. “Elena and I are bonded for life, I can’t imagine it any other way. She’s my sister, I mean, I’d die for her.” WHY. WHY. WHY. WHY BONNIE. Elena hasn’t done anything in these 13 episodes that would warrant such loyalty.

24. Also, Damon just told Elena that he won’t let anyone get in his way when it comes to getting Katherine back, like it was a threat, and when they find out the journal is gone and that Jeremy is the only other person who knows about it and he walks back into the house that determined and Elena is just like “Damon, leave him out of it …” I would panic especially considering that Damon had already negatively impacted Jeremy’s life by turning Vicki.

25. Yeah, this Giuseppe is stern and a hard-ass but I didn’t get the impression he was this tyrannical, abusive father. In 1x20, Stefan does say even in our death you only feel shame so like I don’t get a sense of closeness with Giuseppe and either brother but I really do feel like they turned him into a monster in season 7 as an attempt to excuse Damon’s behaviour because we all know if you’re forced to eat your pet bunny nearly two hundred years ago you have to act out and kill people.

26. Stefan, why are you giving Elena a shovel too to dig up your father’s grave, you can vamp speed that shit.

27. Seriously. Paul’s sighs when Nina is kissing his stomach and chest, like …

28. I forgot Bonnie actually kisses Ben.

29. WHY would you open the grimoire there? Vamp speed the dirt back into the grave and then go. HOME.

30. Oh shut UP, Damon, you’ve caused this town so much damage, Elena owes you nothing.

31. It’s also super gross that Damon sniffs Elena’s hair as he hands her back to Stefan after force-feeding her his blood.

32. It really bothers me that the show is substituting vampires for the enslaved without talking about the enslaved, like it takes some kind of privilege and entitlement to have  a show set in the South and flashing back to 1864 and NOT talking about it.

33. To be fair, Stefan didn’t tell Giuseppe that he was sleeping with a vampire, he was just like so maybe we shouldn’t kill all of them. I get that in the heat of the moment, Damon would blame Stefan but like 100 and some odd years later? Fam, let it go. Or if the point is that he can’t let it go and the older he gets the more stuck in time he becomes, that needs to be displayed more.

34. I love that forehead kiss and Stefan and Elena holding hands till the very last minute is their aesthetic.

35. Wow, Jenna being semi-active! “You know you’re not staying the night, right? Keep the door open.”

36. Pearl’s death is probably the most moving part of the episode.Much better than Damon’s man pain.

Thanks for reading!

Heathen Army Modern AU Prompt - Part II

On popular demand I wrote a second part. I always knew the Heathen Army is full of romantics and softies that crave a happy ending. Well, I guess I’m one of them. So here is part two!

Part I -

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You drove for the next few hours, not even knowing where you were going. In fact you didn’t care, it didn’t matter. There was no place you could hide from reality, hide from the fact that Ivar was probably either dead or imprisoned by now. You had cried for what felt like hours until you had no more tears left. The sun was already low in the sky when you realized that you had gone in a wide circle and were now on the road the led back to the cabin where you had left Ivar earlier today.

You weren’t sure if you really wanted to go back there but the uncertainty was worse than anything else. Your head produced scenarios that seemed to come straight from a horror movie, but still there was a tiny spark of hope somewhere deep inside you. Maybe he had somehow managed to escape. Or maybe they had taken him alive. But these were just fragile straws of hope and you had to know the truth. You tightened your grip around the wheel as you steeled yourself for whatever was to come.

The cabin was a couple of miles away from town. No one ever came here, that’s why it was so ideal for Ivar to use it to do business, but now the small road in front of it was crowded with cars and people. You could see ambulances and police cars, uniformed people and curious gapers. Your heart was beating up to your neck as you got out of the car and went to the police line. You pushed your way through the crowd and arrived at the front line just as two men carried a body bag out of the front door. You felt your stomach turn at the thought that it could be Ivar inside, but you forced yourself not to panic.

“What happened?” You asked an old man standing next to you.

“The cops wanted to arrest some gang boss. He and all six policemen were shot in a gunfight.”

You felt as if you were hit by a train as all hope was drained from your body and your eyes started to fill with tears. All you wanted was to curl up into a ball right there and never see or talk to anyone again. The man must have seen how shaken you were but he drew the wrong conclusions.

“I know it’s terrible. Those people are monsters. There’s already enough criminal activity in our town as it is already and now the boss of some biker gang comes over here and shoots six cops. Times are getting more and more dangerous.”

“A… biker gang?” You stuttered, not believing you had heard right.

The man nodded. “Someone let that slip. They mentioned a name but don’t remember it….”

He kept talking but you didn’t hear anymore. Your head was spinning. How was that possible? Where was Ivar? Was he okay?

You basically ran back to your car and raced into the town.

“Ivar?” You yelled as you entered his house.

No response.

You checked every room but the place was deserted. With a frustrated sigh you dropped on the couch trying to think straight. Where else could he be?

The creaking sound of the door startled you. You turned and almost didn’t believe your eyes. It was Ivar standing in the doorway, supported by his crutches. You had never felt anything like the incredible relieve that shot through you that moment. You rushed over to him and crashed into his chest, hard enough to make him almost loose his balance. He let go of one of the crushes and wrapped his arm around you, pulling you close as you stared to sob.

“Shhh, it’s all good. I’m here.” He stroked your hair in slow soothing movements until your sobs faded.

You sniffled and looked up to him, cupping his cheeks with your hands. “You are okay. How?” You still couldn’t fully believe it.

He smiled and gestured towards to couch. “I’ll tell you everything.”

But as the shock and relief slowly faded, you felt your anger starting to boil. The last few hours had been most anxious of your whole life. How could he make you go through this? And before you knew you had slapped him across the face, leaving an angry red mark.

“How dare you do this to me?” You hissed.

Ivar just nodded, tilting his head to one side. “I’m sorry.” It wasn’t something you heard him say a lot. To be honest you weren’t sure you ever had and you knew that your chances to stay mad at him were about zero.

After you had settled down on the couch you looked at him. “What happened?”

Ivar took a deep breath before he answered you. “As I said, I wasn’t going to let them arrest me and I couldn’t persuade them to leave so the shooting started…”

“You shot them?” You interrupted. “All six?”

He nodded and you knew you should have been shocked but all you felt was relief. He was alive. Everything else wasn’t important right now.

“But who’s that other dead guy? They said he was some gang boss.”

A crooked grin grew on his face. “Fortunately these cops weren’t the only ones planning to kill me today. This guy came maybe twenty minutes after them while I was still trying to figure out what to do with the bodies. He payed me a visit because some of the small business owners in his town that used to pay protection money to his crew are under our protection now and apparently he wasn’t too happy with that. Funny coincidence isn’t it?”

“I don’t think I can laugh about people trying to kill you.” You said gloomily.

He raised his chin in a pretentious gesture. “I am here, am I not?”

You wondered if he would ever stop thinking that he constantly had to prove himself. “But will they not come for you again?” You asked.

He shook his head. “Not for this one. I made it look as if they shot each other. Ubbe helped me to move the bodies and make it all look good. No one knows that I was there.”

“But they were found in a cabin that is owned by your family. Of course they will suspect you to have something to do with it.”

“They can suspect me all day long if they want, but they can’t prove shit.”

He seemed quite confident but you weren’t fully convinced yet. “And what about that other cop? The one they came because of in the first place. Hmm? Do you think they will just forget about that?”

He rolled his eyes. “Can’t you just stop asking questions and trust me, woman?” He grabbed your hips and tried to pull you into his lap but you stopped him.

“Please Ivar. I’m just worried that they will come and take you away from me.”

He sighed. “For now they are busy with the thing in the cabin and Floki is already working on that other problem. There might be someone in the police department who can be persuaded to let the evidence disappear.” He gave you a smug smile. “Now stop worrying and come here. I need some distraction from my near-death-experience.”

A Time Traveler in Viking Court - Part 1/?

Shit, shit, shit…

You could hear the sound of heavy footsteps gaining behind you.

Where the fuck am I?

You desperately looked around the dense forest trying to figure out where you where and how you’d gotten here.

“She went this way!”

You tried moving your legs faster but it seemed impossible; a metallic taste filled your mouth and your side burned. You couldn’t keep running for much longer.

You dared to take a look over your shoulder and spotted three young men looking directly at you as they got closer. Their intimidating demeanor was enough to send a rush of renewed energy through your legs and off you went running once more.

Everything, from the trees to the dull green leaves, seemed to zip past you as you clumsily wove through the forest.  You weren’t sure where it was that you were headed, but you knew it had to be far away from those three psychos chasing after you.

This has got to be THE worst summer vacation in history.

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