i thought it was gonna be a gun or something

My Chemical Romance Asks
  • <p> <b><p></b> <b></b> I brought you my bullets, You brought me your love<p/><b>Romance:</b> Who was your first love?<p/><b>Honey, this mirror isn't big enough for the two of us:</b> Is there a side of yourself that no one knows about?<p/><b>Vampires will never hurt you:</b> Vampires or angry men?<p/><b>Drowning Lessons:</b> Plan on getting married?<p/><b>Our Lady of Sorrows:</b> Are you religious?<p/><b>Headfirst for Halos:</b> Are you hopeful? If so, what for?<p/><b>Skylines and Turnstiles:</b> An important event that changed your life or perspective?<p/><b>Early Sunsets Over Monroeville:</b> What's your favorite horror movie?<p/><b>This Is the Best Day Ever:</b> Ever been to the hospital?<p/><b>Cubicles:</b> Where would you be without My Chem?<p/><b>Demolition Lovers:</b> Would you die for your current lover?<p/><b></b> Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge<p/><b>Helena:</b> Have you lost a family member or friend?<p/><b>Give 'Em Hell, Kid:</b> Have you ever considered committing murder?<p/><b>To The End:</b> Corpse Bride. Yay or nay?<p/><b>You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison:</b> Ever committed a crime?<p/><b>I'm Not Okay (I Promise):</b> Ever felt out of place?<p/><b>The Ghost of You:</b> Ever cried while watching a movie?<p/><b>The Jetset Life is Gonna Kill You:</b> Ever been cheated on or have cheated?<p/><b>Interlude:</b> Favorite My Chem song?<p/><b>Thank You for the Venom:</b> Ever wrote something stupid on a t-shirt?<p/><b>Hang 'Em High:</b> Ever shot a gun?<p/><b>It's Not a Fashion Statement, It's a Fucking Deathwish:</b> Who's your best friend?<p/><b>Cemetery Drive:</b> What's the hardest drive you've experienced?<p/><b></b> The Black Parade<p/><b>The End:</b> Ever thought it'd be the end for you?<p/><b>Dead!:</b> Ever wanted to die?<p/><b>This Is How I Disappear:</b> Ever done something to someone that you can't forgive yourself for?<p/><b>The Sharpest Lives:</b> Are you anxious?<p/><b>Welcome to the Black Parade:</b> What's your favorite memory?<p/><b>I Don't Love You:</b> Have you ever stopped loving them?<p/><b>House of Wolves:</b> What is your favorite era?<p/><b>Cancer:</b> Old or new?<p/><b>Mama:</b> Ever disappointed your parents?<p/><b>Sleep:</b> Any bad dreams?<p/><b>Teenagers:</b> Are you scared of people your own age?<p/><b>Disenchanted:</b> What changed your life for the better?<p/><b>Famous Last Words:</b> What changed your mind about things?<p/><b>Blood:</b> Any hidden secrets no one knows?<p/><b>Danger Days:</b> The True Lives of The Fabulous Killjoys<p/><b>Look Alive, Sunshine:</b> What time do you wake up?<p/><b>Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na):</b> What gives you strength?<p/><b>Bulletproof Heart:</b> Do you miss anyone right now?<p/><b>SING:</b> Who is your idol?<p/><b>Planetary (GO!):</b> Biggest accomplishment?<p/><b>The Only Hope for Me Is:</b> Do you consider yourself hopeless?<p/><b>Jet Star and The Kobra Kid/Traffic Report:</b> What's your favorite go-to outfit?<p/><b>Party Poison:</b> Do you speak different languages?<p/><b>Save Yourself, I'll Hold Them Back:</b> What is your biggest wish?<p/><b>S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W:</b> Biggest regrets?<p/><b>Summertime:</b> Who's got you excited for the summer?<p/><b>DESTROYA:</b> If you could save anyone in the world from danger/poverty/war/etc. Who would it be?<p/><b>The Kids From Yesterday:</b> What do you wish you could tell your past self?<p/><b>Goodnite, Dr. Death:</b> Opinions on standing for the National Anthem?<p/><b>Vampire Money:</b> What is your catchphrase irl?<p/></p><p/><
Deadpool (2016) Sentence Starters
  • "Shit... did I leave the stove on?"
  • "You're my hero!"
  • "No, no, no, THAT I ain't."
  • "I had another Liam Neeson nightmare."
  • "You know, they made three of those movies. At some point you have to wonder if he's just a bad parent."
  • "What the SHIT?"
  • "I'm gonna wait out here, okay?"
  • "Fake laughter. Hiding real pain."
  • "I'm about to do to you what Limp Bizkit did to music in the late 90s."
  • "Yeah, technically, this is murder."
  • "Love is blind, ____."
  • "This shit's gonna have nuts in it."
  • "You're a lovely lady/man, but I'm saving myself for ____."
  • "That's why I brought him/her."
  • "Do you like what you see?"
  • "Your face is the stuff of nightmares."
  • "Like a testicle with teeth."
  • "You will die alone."
  • "You look like an avocado had sex with an older, more disgusting avocado."
  • "So, am I suppose to just smile and wave you out the door?"
  • "Think of it like spring cleaning."
  • "Life is an endless series of trainwrecks with only brief, commercial-like breaks of happiness."
  • "Finish fucking her the fuck up."
  • "Language, please."
  • "Suck a cock!"
  • "I'd go with you, but... I don't want to."
  • "If your right leg is Thanksgiving and your left leg is Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays?"
  • "Maximum effort."
  • "I'd say that you sound like an infomercial. But not a good one, like Slap Chop, more Shake Weight-y."
  • "Do you want any clothes that are not monochromatic? Have fun at your midnight showing of Blade II."
  • "Listen ___, if I never see you again, I want you to know that I love you very much."
  • "Wanna get fucked up?"
  • "Have you decided what you're gonna say to her?"
  • "Fuck me!"
  • "I don't have time for your goody two-shoes bullshit right now!"
  • "Why such a douche this morning?"
  • "Why don't you do us all a favor and shut the fuck up."
  • "Today was about as much fun as a sandpaper dildo."
  • "Oh, I wouldn't do that if I were you."
  • "You can't buy love, but you can rent it for three minutes!"
  • "That's the shit emoji. You know the turd with the smiling face and the eyes. I thought it was chocolate yogurt for so long."
  • "You're really gonna fuck this up for me?"
  • "You've got something in your teeth."
  • "Do you have an off switch?"
  • "We have everything we need now."
  • "I swear to God, I will find you in the next life and I'm gonna boom-box Careless Whisper outside your window."
  • "Ever had a cigarette put out on your skin?"
  • "That was not mean! I'm proud of you!"
  • "I'm gonna need all the guns."
  • "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
  • "Seltzer water and lemon for blood."
  • "It reeks like old lady pants in here."
  • "Your crazy matches my crazy. Big time."
  • "Four or five moments. That's all it takes to become a hero."
SovietWomble Prompts!

(Because his videos are the funniest and most uplifting thing I know)

“Me and my flip-flops are ready to go.”

“I am now poor.”

*Alone in the woods* A: *weirdly calm* “There’s something walking towards us from behind you guys.” *B and C freak out*

“How can someone be so cute?”


“I thought you were watching?” “Yeah, I was, I stopped paying attention.”

“My scuba suit protects me from your bullshit.”

“God, fucking damn it A, you piece of…good job.” “What was that?” “I’m rebranding myself as the nice guy.” … “You lasted all but 7 seconds.”

“Surprise!” *explosion*

“English is not my first language, okay?” “You’re American.”

“A, what’s wrong with him?” “Many things.”

“I have got a plan!” “Which is?” “A terrible plan.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever spoken to you when you’re not eating.”

“A, I think you should take one for the team and run off as bait as the rest of us survive.”

“I’m under attack by a bucket!”

“I haven’t heard a word of the briefing, I was too amazed by the hand gestures.”

“We have a small technical issue.” “Which is?” “I seem to have run out of bullets.” “…it’s been five minutes.”

“You need your medication, come back here!”

“Why do you have a gun, A?” “’Cause it’s Thursday.”

“You lied to me!” “It’s not my fault you’re an idiot.”

“I really like dolphins, I wanna see one!”

“You can’t have a secret dance club, we have a job to do!”

“I’m a funky janitor.”

“If A starts saying something odd, just ignore him/her/them.”

“There are civilians in the village.” “I think the way you pronounce that is acceptible casualities.” “NO.”

“So you’re now just gonna kill people for just being tempted for deserting?” 

“I’d like for you to know you are a piece of human shit.”


“Turns out these are just the noises A makes when he/she/them is alone in his/hers/their room.”

“Clearly we lead different lifestyles.”

“Were you dropped on your head as a child?”

“SHUT UP, I’m trying to impose Zen you dumb bitch!”

*inhales helium* “Fuck you A.”

“Do NOT search that on Google!”

“I don’t know whether to eat Pringles, breathe or laugh!”

“He’s never gonna shut up about that now.”

“No more button pressing, okay?!”

“Everything is black, is this heaven?”

“Really? You’re gonna hide under the building like a house cat?”

“A? Can you stop touching my knee?”

“Um, my vision has gone green.” “You have green sunglasses on.” “Ah, that might be the reason.”

“If you’re not on a no-fly list somewhere in the world, someone is not doing their job.”

“Don’t open that.” “Wha-” *explosion* “…You could have told me you put a freaking bomb in there!”



“Did you see the way my hips were moving?”

“Are you in the habit of tattooing everyone unconcious?”

“My echolocation was not very effective.”

“My tummy hurts.”

“Is he going to go sulk in the corner?”

“That’s um… staggeringly unhelpful actually.”

“No, I’m having a snack, leave me alone.”

“Do those things and then jump off a bridge.”

“Look, think of it as science.”

“A,” “Yes?” “I want you-” “I want you too!” “-to…” “Oh we were talking about something else, my bad.”


“I didn’t appreciate your insults to my mother yesterday.”

“I have an auto-sniper and exactly zero shame.”

“Ahahahahaha, you’re so- fuck you.”

“Whenever you do something awesome it’s ‘Oh look at me’ but whenever you screw up it’s ‘Oh we’re a team’.”

“You are actually hiding in a hedge.”

“Don’t worry boys, pappas’ got this.”

“I know Psychology, I use it on you.” “What do you you mean you use it on m-” “Nevermind.”

“I’ll hit you.” “Sorry.”

“A continues to amaze me.”

“We only had about three hundred bullets, and you’ve just wasted all of our ammunition in case we get attacked?”

“Dude, something’s happening.”

“I literally have no control over myself.”

“I just wanted you to know that I genuinely despise your existence you piece of shit.”

“In my eyes A, you are a beautiful caterpillar.” “What?!”

Oh no, what appears to have happened?”

“I will not leave you A.” C: ”I will.”

“I do not trust you, turn around!”

“Where were you guys when they were trying to BLOW UP THE FRICKING BUILDING?!”

“Sorry, is this supposed to be spooky?”

“I technically landed.”

“Make it interesting…nOT THAT INTERESTING!”

“I thought there was a guy in front of me but it was my own shadow.”

“Well we can tick ‘genocide’ off our to do list.”

“That’s a lot of dead people.”

“You ran in front of a machine gun?!”

“I don’t have Medi’stuff’, I didn’t expect the two of you to be this incompetent.”

“Stop parkouring and come get this jewelry.”

“Gayness?” “Gayness.”

“I don’t want to look because I’m scared.”

“Something just went ‘boom’.”

“Okay, that wasn’t where I left it!”

“We’re gonna go around the tornado.”

“No, no, no, don’t you dare say you can’t fly! FLY!”

“You’re so useless it’s not even funny.”

“Hey guys, I have an idea, why don’t you fuck off?

“I’m going to hide and if that fails…surrender.”

“Dipshit?” “Hmm?” “….the fact that you responded to ‘Dipshit’…”

“I have been trapped in my bathroom for the last 3 hours.”

Protect You (JD x Reader)

Heathers (JD x Reader) I was imagining the film JD, soo yeah! Hope you liked it! Feedback is awesome too.
I stared down at the two faces of my half-attackers. The two jocks, Ram and Kurt. I felt anything but pleasure as the other girls looked at me in envy as they both pressed me up against a locker.
“What do you want?” I questioned, clicking my tongue.
“We want to know why you don’t like us. Or wanna date us.” They stared at me, as if it was the most intelligent in the world; whilst the rest of Westerberg held their breath.
“Because you’re both idiots. You’d need to give me a LOT of stuff for me to date either one of you.” I retorted, very aware of another person watching; the weird trench coat kid who had a really handsome, angular face with sharp cheekbones.
Ram and Kurt took this into consideration, conversing with each other, before they stripped from their jock jackets.
“We think you’re hot. We’ll let you wear our jackets!” Ram slipped his arm around my waist and pulled me from my spot in the corner, before they both slung their red-and-white jackets over my shoulders.
“You can alternate. Wear one one day and another another day!” Kurt flashed a smirk.
“How about no…..” I brushed them off and tried to walk to class. 10 minutes until free period ends but I just wanted to get away from them.
“Hey!!” Ram ran up to me and once again; cornered me. They both really like that tactic apparently.
“Go on a date with us to a drive in.”
“Ugh-no!” I impatiently stammered.
Kurt came closer to my face, as if to kiss me before weird trench coat kid slammed his fist against a locker, rattling the row of it.
“You heard her! No! Get away, assholes.” His voice was scratchy but protective.
I grinned a bit, looking up.
“What are you gonna do?” Ram & Kurt said in unison.
I don’t really remember much, but I saw a metallic gunmetal flash, which coincidentally was an actual gun.
Kurt and Ram backed off for then.

(Lunch Period)

“Maybe you should go on that date.” My friend Veronica told me, holding a staring contest with the school’s weird red Jell-O; prodding it with her fork as it bounced right back.
“Why?” I gasped, surprised. Veronica hasn’t had too many good run-ins with them either.
“Because I think they want someone to hug. Maybe they’re lonely.”
“Pfff…yeah they want someone to do.” I grimaced at the thought.
“Please just do it. We can get something to talk about, to. It’ll be fun.”
“I’m literally, gonna die.”
“I’ll have that weird kid with the gun follow you.”
“Okay, Miss overreacting.” She sighed and got up, dumping the contents of her tray into the garbage and heading to class, brushing shoulders with Heather McNamara.

The piercing shriek of the bell woke me from my thoughts, and I swallowed my pride and ran up to catch Kurt and Ram.
“I’ll go out with you.” I sighed.
“Ahahah a yeahhhhhh!” They both collided shoulders and ran out.
“Pick you up at 8!” They screamed back at me. I sighed once more.

“Looks like you need some help.” The scratchy voices came from behind me, and I tilted my head upward to stare at the gun kid.
“Will you fight for me?” I questioned, gently touching his fingers.
“I’m JD, (Y/N). I’ll be there at the movies. I’ll protect you.” He smirked to himself.
“How do you know my name?”
“I have my ways…”
I frowned as I dabbed on a bit of clear pink lip gloss, staring down at my purple dress. It’s be lucky if It was in one piece by the end.

I stared out the window and saw a dingy looking faded cobalt car, and inhaled deeply before rushing out.

The moment I set afoot in the car I knew that hell was coming.

I tried to focus on the drive in movie, but I was failing. Ram and Kurt were eyeing not only me but other areas…of me and I was feeling extremely off about it. In any situation I’d run for the hills but I made a promise and I was pretty sure JD was behind me in a different car.
“So do you wanna like..?”
“No!” My automatic response kicked in.
They looked at each other and unzipped.
“You make my balls blue, though!”
“UGH you’ve got a left hand, use it!”
I was pressed up against the car wall now and I felt hot breath on my face as Ram kissed me.

Suddenly, the alternate door opened and JD dragged Kurt and Ram out by the back of their jackets, before slamming them and carrying me out into his car.

I waited for about 5 minutes before trench coat came back, smirking at me.
“You’ll probably have a better time with me.” He laughed, turning the key to the engine.
“You know what I really want?” He looked in my eyes, dead serious, before his expression softened.
“A slushee. Let’s go!”

anonymous asked:

Which songs remind you of the Critical Role characters? Hard mode: you can't use any of the cast's character playlists.

Grog: “Invincible” (OK Go)

When they finally come to destroy the earth

They’ll have to go through you first

Bet they won’t be expecting that

So, look, they just keep coming, and at a certain point you almost gotta feel sorry for them. Do the right thing when it feels good. Do the wrong thing when it doesn’t. Above all, do what you do best: fuck shit up.

Keyleth: “Various Storms & Saints” (Florence + The Machine)

The monument of a memory

You tear it down in your head

Don’t make the mountain your enemy

Get out, get up there instead

You always thought there was nothing harder than following in her footsteps until you found yourself at the place where they ended. Keep walking beyond that greater destiny. Take risks. Love is always worthwhile.

Percy: “A Rush of Blood to the Head” (Coldplay)

Said I’m gonna buy a gun and start a war

If you can tell me something worth fighting for

I’m gonna buy this place, is what I said

Blame it upon a rush of blood to the head

You burned for so long that the unraveling of the knot at the base of your skull left you more chilled than you’d care to admit. Find a framework. Justify the means. Nothing frightens you more than what you’re going to be.

Pike: “Feeling Good” (Lauryn Hill)

It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life

For me

And I’m feeling good

You were the first to slip out of reach, and you were the first to return; ever since then, it seems like you’ve been saying nothing but goodbyes. Get up. Get ready. Live a life freed from impossible expectations.

Scanlan: “Black as Night” (Nahko and Medicine for the People)

Built on hunger so fuckin’ stubborn

A lot of self-work undone

I am a witness (uh-huh uh-huh)

The life of one who carries all his secrets in his music

You’re drifting in the wake of a tilt-shift perspective, facing a stranger in the mirror, and the thing is, you’re a really good liar. Get your shit together. Be who you need to be. Be better.

Tiberius: “Blow it all Away” (Sia)

But if love is to be found

I’ll strip you bare ‘til truth comes out

But even if you had it all you would find

You blow it all away

You’ve got a path, you’ve got a destination, you’ve got your feet firmly on the ground and a compass pointing the way. Let them in. Block them out. You know what you’re doing, and you’re prepared to pay.

Vax: “Marked Man” (Mieka Pauley)

Know that I watch everything you do

And hope that I never stop watching you

The day I stop is the day I’m through

You’re a marked man, brother, a marked man, hey

You’ve got a drumbeat like a second pulse in your head, a doubling and redoubling of dread like clockwork winding down, darkness like a bruise over your heart. Fly higher. Fly faster. Find the end of your tether.

Vex: “Master Hunter” (Laura Marling)

I have some news

Wrestling the rope from darkness

Is no fucking life that I would choose

You’re breaking the mask away, piece by piece, but you keep the shards tucked away, just in case. Find your rare certainty. Know that you are even more than they wanted you to be. Stay hidden. Exhale. Fire.

Bonus: Taryon: “Totally Fucked” (Spring Awakening)

But the thing that makes you really jump

Is that the weirdest shit is still to come

You can ask yourself, Hey, what have I done?

You’re just a fly the little guys kill for fun.

Well, shit.

Mom: Honey, I need you to rap something for me.

Me: (ears perking up) You want me to rap something for you?!

My mind: *I never thought I’d live to see this day*

Mom: Yes, come in here.

Me: (bursting in the room) Lafayette! I’m taking this horse by the reins making Redcoats redder with blood stains. Lafayette! And I’m never gonna stop until I make em drop and burn em up and scatter their remains.



Mom: (holds up gift wrap)


Sharing is Caring

Pairing: Jason Todd x Reader

Request: Jason Todd x reader where the reader is training with Roy on how to use arrows and Jason gets jealous

A/N: So I’ve never written for The Outlaws before, so this could be completely rubbish and out of character. Despite that, I really enjoyed writing Roy and Kori, maybe I should do that more?? Idk guys, idk.

Tagging: @jadedhillon


Moving in with The Outlaws was, surprisingly, a lot less difficult than you had expected. You’d been dating Jason for a few years now, and when your own roommate moved out of Gotham for work he’d suggested that you stay with him, save yourself the trouble of finding someone else to share the rent. You stayed over frequently enough that it didn’t take much getting used to, but you weren’t expecting the ease with which you slipped into the camaraderie of the group. 

The apartment was small and by no means fancy, but somehow they made it feel like home. It gave you a warm, fuzzy sensation in your stomach to return from work and have three other people waiting to greet you and ask how your day had been. (It was still mildly terrifying to get up for water in the middle of the night and be confronted by Kori’s glowing eyes when you walked into the kitchen, or to find a gun in the cutlery drawer, but slowly you were becoming used to it.)

Keep reading

something that DEFINITELY happened
  • *in the Crucible*
  • Ikora Rey, trying to calm down a kinderguardian: First rule of battle, little Guardian… don’t ever let them know where you are.
  • Cayde-6, running around with a Golden Gun: WHOO-HOO! I’M RIGHT HERE! I’M RIGHT HERE! YOU WANT SOME O’ ME?! YEAH YOU DO! COME ON! COME ON! AAAAAH! Whoo-hoo!
  • Ikora Rey: Course, there’re other schools of thought.


  • “What should we drink to, sir?”
  • “So, who are your three handsome escorts?”
  • “I’m a little surprised how tall you were in real life. I mean, you’re a little fellow, but not circus-midget little, as your reputation would suggest.”
  • “I love rumours! Facts can be so misleading, where rumours, true or false, are often revealing.”
  • “Just keep your fuckin’ mouth shut. In fact, why don’t you start practising, right now!”
  • “There’s a special rung in hell reserved for people who waste good scotch.”
  • “I’ve had a gun pointed at your balls since you sat down.”
  • “But you fucked her anyway?”
  • “There ain’t nothing you want to tell me before we get out of this car, is there?” 
  • “This you and me talking, is this like a lawyer-client thing, and you can’t repeat nothing I tell you?”
  • “Hey, keep your fucking mouth shut, all right? I mean it, not one fucking word!”
  • “You keep fuckin’ with me, you’re gonna be asleep forever.”
  • “What the fuck you doin’ knockin on the door like the god damn police? You wanna die?”
  • “Is she dead, yes or no?”
  • “God damn girl, you gettin’ high already?”
  • “Shut your raggedy-ass up, and sit the fuck down!”
  • “My ass may be dumb, but I ain’t no dumbass.”
  • “So, what does it feel like to kill a man with your bare hands? It’s a topic I’m very interested in.”
  • “That’s a pretty fucking good milkshake. I don’t know if it’s worth five dollars but it’s pretty fucking good.” 
  • “Nobody kills anyone in my store except me.”
  • “Any time of the day is a good time for pie.”
  • “It’s none of your business, mister!” 
  • “Normally, both your asses would be dead as fucking fried chicken, but you happen to pull this shit while I’m in a transitional period so I don’t wanna kill you, I wanna help you.” 
  • “You lookin at something, friend?” 
  • “Tell that fuckin’ bitch to chill!”
  • “What’s more chickenshit than fucking with a man’s automobile? I mean, don’t fuck with another man’s vehicle.”
  • “This is not my fuckin’ problem, man!”
  • “I think I cracked a rib.” 
  • “I hate to shatter your ego, but this is not the first time I’ve had a gun pointed at me.” 
  • “I thought you said you were gonna be cool. Now when you yell at me, it makes me nervous. And when I get nervous, I get scared. And when motherfuckers get scared, that’s when motherfuckers accidentally get shot.”
  • “Did you ever hear the philosophy that once a man admits that he’s wrong that he is immediately forgiven for all wrongdoings?”
  • “Oh, man, I will never forgive your ass for this shit. This is some fucked-up repugnant shit.” 
  • “If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions.” 
  • “Well, let’s not start sucking each other’s dicks quite yet.”
  • “I’m pretty fuckin’ far from okay.” 
  • “Say ‘what’ again. Say 'what’ again, I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker, say what one more God damn time!” 
  • “English, motherfucker, do you speak it?”
  • “I’m gonna fuckin’ die! I’m gonna fuckin’ die!”
  • “Hey, I’ve changed my mind. Shoot this piece of shit, will ya?”
  • “Motherfucker, I’m trying to watch 'The Lost Boys’!”
  • “Was that as good for you as it was for me?”
  • “You wanna fuck with me? I’ll show ya who you’re fuckin’ with!”
  • “If I was a butt cowboy, I wouldn’t even throw you to the posse.”
  • “Excuse me for not being the world’s biggest Madonna fan.”
  • “Let me tell you what 'Like a Virgin’ is about. It’s all about a girl who digs a guy with a big dick. The entire song. It’s a metaphor for big dicks.”
  • “Are you gonna bark all day little doggie? Or are you gonna bite?”
  • “You almost killed me! Asshole! If I knew what kind of a guy you were, I never would’ve agreed to work with you!”
  • “What the fuck are you talking about?”
  • “I don’t wanna kill anybody. But if I gotta get out that door, and you’re standing in my way, one way or the other, you’re gettin’ outta my way.”
  • “You keep talking like a bitch, I’m gonna slap you like a bitch.”
  • “Listen kid, I’m not gonna bullshit you, all right? I don’t give a good fuck what you know, or don’t know, but I’m gonna torture you anyway, regardless.”
  • “Let me get this straight: you don’t ever tip?”
  • “You kill anybody?”
★*゚‘゚・Mirrors (2008)

these are quotes from the thriller/horror film ‘mirrors’. triggers may be present.

❝ I’m sorry… I… I… I wasn’t trying to get away… ❞
❝ No, please don’t… ❞
❝ You shaved?  ❞
❝ Sorry, I’m late… Have you been waiting long? ❞
❝ You need a place to stay? ❞
❝ Anyway, you know you are always welcome to stay at our house.❞
❝ How are things going between the two of you?  ❞
❝ Do you know the Mayflower on West 38th Street?  ❞
❝  …You have reached ________. I am not available to take your call. Please leave a message and I will get back to you as soon as I can.  ❞
❝ Thank God you didn’t show up any later. This place gives me the chills at night. … No electricity, and all these mirrors…   ❞
❝ You know, I live in, Brooklyn near a Jewish neighborhood, and when someone dies, they cover all the mirrors in their house.  ❞
❝ They say it’s to keep the soul of the dead from being trapped in the mirrors… ❞
❝ Believe it or not, there’s always a bit of truth in any superstition. Am I right?  ❞
❝ He was completely obsessed with these damn mirrors. He’d spend the entire night polishing them.  ❞
❝ I was wounded during a holdup… It kind of changed my perspective on things. ❞
❝ Grandpa says there are ghosts in the store… Is that true?  ❞
❝ Fuck… ❞
❝ Sometimes they make mistakes, ______. It happens…   ❞
❝ Grown-ups don’t make mistakes. Only little children do.  ❞
❝ What is that?  ❞
❝ Does he deserve his birthday present?  ❞
❝ I’m good, very good… What time will ______ be back?❞
❝ Do you want me to fix you a snack?  ❞
❝ Duh, open it stupid!  ❞
❝ _____, can I talk to you, in private?  ❞
❝ I already asked you not to drop by without calling, didn’t I?  ❞
❝ I don’t need your calls in the middle of the night. I’m better off without them.  ❞
❝  Look at yourself. You’re still carrying around so much of that anger.  ❞
❝ I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you… Things could be so different between us.  ❞
❝ I wasn’t planning on staying.   ❞
❝ What are you looking at? ❞
❝ Come on, you’ve been looking at yourself for more than half an hour. You never used to be so vain.  ❞
❝ You can’t avoid them. They’re everywhere… ❞
❝ The mirrors… In the department store, at every street corner, in the windows of every fucking building in this city. I feel like I’m not the one looking into the mirrors, but rather they’re looking at me.  ❞
❝ You need a drink.  ❞
❝ Don’t you think you’re being a little bit paranoid?  ❞
❝ Mirrors are just glass and silver, ______….  ❞
❝ I’ve just been through the craziest day here… No kidding! Your ex-colleagues came to pay us a visit…  ❞
❝ Did they mention the cause of death?  ❞
❝ Damn… What is happening to me?  ❞
❝ Are you OK? What’s happening? What are you doing here?  ❞
❝ I need you to do me a favor…  ❞
❝ I need to find out how he died…  ❞
❝ You are no longer a cop, ______. This isn’t your business anymore.  ❞
❝ …Seven years of bad luck.  ❞
❝ You’re not even allowed to be here. I could get fired for this.  ❞
❝ What is happening to you? What is all this supposed to mean?  ❞
❝ Don’t you find it strange that this mirror doesn’t reflect an exact image of reality?  ❞
❝ Look at the piece of mirror in his hand. In the reflection of the mirror it’s covered in blood, and look- in reality, it’s clean. Not a drop of blood…  ❞
❝ What if the mirrors were showing us something different?  ❞
❝ What if the mirrors were reflecting something that goes beyond reality?  ❞ 
❝ OK… This is way over my head. I don’t have time for your barfly theories.   ❞
❝ You should go home and get some rest. This guy probably just killed himself because he couldn’t live with himself anymore. It happens to thousands of people, you know…   ❞
❝ Amy called me today, she’s worried about you. What’s happening, _____? ❞
❝ I need this job, I need the money. I’m not going to sleep on your couch for the  rest of my life!  ❞
❝ He would spend hours looking at himself… ❞
❝ To look at oneself too much is a sin. A terrible sin. Do you know sir, in the Garden of Eden in order to seduce Eve, Satan did not keep the appearance of a snake… Satan reproduced the young woman’s traits in such a way that Eve would only see and listen to the image of herself… As in a mirror. ❞
❝ I’m _____ …. _____? I’m right he– …❞
❝ There… In the mirror…  ❞
❝ I think maybe I’m losing my mind.  ❞
❝ Be careful… Love you. ❞
❝ Come take a look for yourself.  ❞
❝  He won’t stop here. I know him, he won’t stop until he finds who did this to her.  ❞ 
❝ What kind of friend are you? You are using him.  ❞
❝ You have to see someone _____. You cannot stay in this situation any longer. You need help, psychological support.  ❞
❝ I don’t want to put them in any danger.  ❞
❝ I’ve got things I need to deal with.  ❞
❝ Why did you do it? WHY? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO KILL HER?
❝ What is it you want? What do you want from me? ANSWER ME! WHAT IS IT YOU WANT?!  
❝ He doesn’t want me to talk about him.  ❞
❝ He lives in the mirror in our room.  ❞
❝ Did your father talk to you about the mirrors?   ❞
❝ You know, _______, when one starts to perceive one’s own reflection as a completely separate being, one is suddenly confronted with two entirely separate egos, two entirely separate worlds that can surface at any give moment-   ❞
❝ In order to… to destroy the mirrors. Only fire can destroy a mirror, isn’t that right, _______?  ❞
❝ What made you want to destroy those mirrors, Terrence?  ❞
❝ For what reason? Why would mirrors want to kill your family?  ❞
❝ I’m doing it to protect you.  ❞
❝ Do you mind telling me what the hell you’re doing?  ❞
❝ You have to trust me _______, I’m not completely crazy… These mirrors are dangerous. At first, I thought it was only the ones at the store, but now I know they can get you anywhere.  ❞
❝ What are you doing with that gun… Put it down, BEN… PUT IT DOWN RIGHT NOW!  ❞
❝ You’re still alive, aren’t you?  ❞
❝ There’s something in the house… Something in the mirrors.   ❞
❝ Anyplace is gonna have mirrors or windows… Anything you can see your self in is dangerous. ❞
❝ I’m sorry about everything I’ve put you through… I didn’t want to…  ❞
❝ You’re not a journalist, are you? What do you want?  ❞
❝ If you don’t help me I may lose the only thing that matters to me.  ❞
❝ Tell me why are the mirrors from the old hospital so determined to find you?  ❞
❝ You’re coming with me, now.  ❞
❝ Answer! God damn it… Answer the phone… ❞
❝ Something’s wrong over there, ______ is not answering.  ❞     

Walking Home

summary: the one night peter isn’t there to walk you home is, coincidentally, the one night spider-man saves you.

warnings: none

word count: 2.1k

pairings: peter parker x reader

a/n: i literally wrote this in one day so sorry if it’s not gr8. take pity on me and enjoy it anyway:)))

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All Of The Joker's Lines In Suicide Squad

“Doctor, Quinzel. I live for these moments with you.”
“What do you got?”
“So thoughtful.”
“There’s something you can do for me, Doctor”
“I need a machine gun”
“What do we have here?”
“Oh I’m not gonna kill ya. I’m just gonna hurt ya really really bad.”
“Question, would you die for me?”
“That’s too easy. Would you live for me?”
“Careful. Do not say this oath thoughtlessly.”
“Desire become surrender, surrender become power.”
“You want this?”
“Say it, say it!”
“Pretty, Pretty, Pretty, Pretty”
“Oh god, you’re so good”
“Are you sweet talkin’ me?”
“I like this guy”
“He’s so intense”
“Well that she is, the fire in my loins, itch in my crotch, the one and only the infamous Harley Quinn”
“Oh, Come to daddy”
“Listen, You are my gift to this handsome hunka hunka.”
“You belong to him now”
“You don’t want no beef? don’t want no beef? Don’t want no beef?”
“Look, are you enjoying yourself?”
“That’s right”
“Oh, we have got company.”
“Where is she?”
“Bring the car around"
“We’re going for a drive”
“Blah blah blah blah”
“All of that chit-chat’s gonna get cha hurt”
“I can tell you meant that”
“You’re gonna be my friend”
“This look neat.”
“Professor, would you pick up the pace.”
“Hello, baby”
“Come on baby.”
“Oh, you know I’ll do anything for you.”
“By the way, I’ve got some grapes soda on ice and a bear skin rug waiting.“
“This bird is baked.”
“Ok honey, it’s me and you”
“Let’s go home”

Ed: “Oswald, I’m gonna shoot you.”

Oswald: (sighs) “Alright then, go ahead.”

Ed: “…”

Oswald: “Well…?”

Ed: “…Any- any last words?”

Oswald: “This again?”

Ed: “I thought maybe this time you’d have something to say.”

Oswald: “No.”

Ed: “Are you sure?”

Oswald: “Yes.”

Ed: “Seems strange not to have any last words…”

Oswald: “You want last words, Ed? Get. On. With. It.”

Ed: “Fine, have it your way! Goodbye, Oswald.”

Oswald: “…”

Ed: “…”

Oswald: “You know you have to pull the trigger for this to work, right?”

Ed: “I know what I’m doing, Oswald!”

Oswald: “Just checking, since you’re not smart anymore-”

Ed: (dramatic gasp)

Ed throws his gun at Oswald and it squeaks upon hitting his chest and landing on the floor.

Oswald: “…”

Ed: “…”

Oswald: “…”

Ed: “… You win this round, Oswald. But I’ll be back. And when I return, I will kill you.”

Oswald: “What will your weapon of choice be next time, a water pistol?”


Tara Chambler in Every Episode» Something They Need
I said I didn’t have a choice. But you do, both of you do. My friends are out there right now, and they’re gonna take this place, hopefully without firing a shot. We need your guns. We’re gonna fight The Saviors. You should join us. The Saviors killed your fathers, your brothers, husbands, sons, and you ran from them. I thought we got rid of them. Beatrice said there was more out there, and she was right. They came back. They killed my friends. They killed my girlfriend. They took us over. They took everything from us. We do whatever The Saviors tell us to do, and they think we’re still doing that, but we’re not. We’re gonna fight them. And we have other communities beside us, and with Oceanside, we would have an army. If we fight them together, we can beat them. We have to try.

The Peace Offering

Requested by @negans-dirty-girl : A steamy threesome with Negan and Rick :)

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of Glenn and Abe’s deaths, and obviously smut smut smut

The Peace Offering

An anxious sigh escapes through my lips as the truck comes to a stop at Alexandria’s front gates. They roll open with a nervous jitter, almost too quick in attempts to keep Negan happy. I blankly stare through the windshield as the truck enters my old home, nostalgic thoughts and memories floating up to the surface of my mind.

Quickly, my thoughts are shut out at the sound of Negan stepping out of the driver’s seat and slamming the door behind him with a chuckle. I hop out, emotionless, slipping my gun out of its holster on my belt, cocking it carelessly.

“Hot diggity dog… this place is incredible!” Negan exclaims, a permeant smirk on his face as he turns to face me behind him. “Why didn’t you tell me how fuckin’ great this place is?”

I can only shoot a deathglare in return, knowing too well that if I say something, somebody’s gonna die. Normally, Negan and I can get along, but I can’t stand when he uses me against my old group, the only family I’ve gotten to know in this apocalypse.

Alexandria used to be my home, until Negan and his Saviors got us all in the lineup, murdering Glenn and Abraham and taking Daryl and me as hostages. Daryl was locked up and continuously tortured, and Negan made me work for points after refusing to be his wife. Negan mentally tortured and nearly killed me by abusing Daryl, always making sure I’d catch a glimpse at my close friend being beat/abused/yelled at/spit on/you name it. At that point, I couldn’t take it anymore. I offered Negan a deal: I’d become his wife only if he’d let Daryl go, and he cautiously accepted. Now, Daryl’s safe back here in Alexandria, and now I’m Negan’s weapon of choice. I normally don’t go on these pickups with Negan and the rest of his normal pickup crew, I was only brought to be used against my old group. My old family. Now I’m forced to play house with a new so-called family at the hands of my very own husband himself, Negan.

“Ah, where’s my best bud Rick?” Negan voices, scanning the faces that appear before him.

“He’s out. On a run,” Michonne states blatantly, never taking her eyes of Negan who roams closer to her while clicking his tongue in a disapproving type of way.

“Mm, not something I wanted to hear,” he says, gravelly, bringing Lucille into view. Suddenly, he stops, looking at Lucille and laughing to himself. “Wait a fucking second, what am I doing? Y/N, come here.”

Hesitantly, I oblige, coming up behind Negan to face Michonne. Negan grabs the end of my gun, raising it in my hands to point straight at Michonne’s face. My heart starts to pound, the fear of Negan’s unpredictability running hot through my veins.

“Stop!” a voice shouts, all of us turning to find it belonging to Rick.

The last person I wanted to see today was Rick, though I knew it was nearly unavoidable. Before I was taken into the Saviors group, Rick and I had a thing. A thing that involved a lot of secret glances and intentional “accidental” touches, though no actual acting of the attraction between each other.

Negan can’t help but chuckle, eyes locked on Rick. “Don’t be fucking rude, Rick. Interrupting my wife like that! Ah, Rick… what are we going to do with you?”

Rick hesitantly moves closer towards us, his arm extended in direction of Negan, signaling he isn’t going to try anything.

“Please, just don’t hurt anyon–” Rick begins, but is interrupted by the bellowing cackle of Negan.

“No one’s getting hurt today, Rick,” Negan smirks. “Today, I’m here with a peace offering.”

A silence rushes over everyone as Negan approaches Rick. Negan takes him by the back of his collar, slightly dragging him in the direction of Rick’s house. Rick stumbles alongside him, his jaw clenched in anger of being humiliated like this by Negan.

“Y/N, lets go,” Negan hollers back to me, that wide grin still glued to his face.

Reluctantly, I follow, not having any idea what could be in store for me. I follow them up the front porch steps and into Rick’s house. Possibilities rush through my head of what could go down as we trot upstairs, none of them looking good for either of us.

Negan kicks open the door of his bedroom and throws Rick onto the bed. “You and your group… you’ve been cooperating quite nicely. I think it’s about time I reward you for keeping up your end of our deal extremely well,” Negan turns to me, pausing as he studied my confused face. “Why don’t you go wrap those pretty lips of yours around his cock.”

His words stun me, leaving me frozen in my place. My jaw drops slightly as his words settle in my head, and Rick nervously shifts up to rest on his elbows, not sure if Negan is serious or just testing him.

“Aw, don’t get shy now, Y/N. Go show him some appreciation for being such a good boy,” Negan says from right behind me, whispering the last part huskily into my ear as he lightly grazes his crotch against my ass.

I gasp, my thumb quickly raising up to my mouth to play with my bottom lip nervously. A nudge from Negan releases me from my frozen spot near the door, sending me out of my safe-zone to the edge of the bed and in-between Rick’s knees that hang off the end of the bed.  

Rick maintains eye-contact with me as my hands trail up to grip onto his clothed thighs. His eyes are now clouded over, the lust he kept hidden for so long finally rising to the surface. My heart races with uncertainty, totally not expecting my long-lost, built-up lust I had for Rick to be exposed and currently offering me an opportunity. It absolutely scares the hell out of me, but I send it a wink in response.

I send my hand directly to his crotch, palming him through his jeans teasingly. Rick, surprised at my sudden confidence and control, is still unsure whether he can enjoy this or not.

I hear Negan’s footsteps waltz over to us, leaning down to Rick’s ear and whispering, “Enjoy this while you can, Rick. I don’t share often.”

Rick’s eyes never left my hand palming his crotch yet he still jolted when I already had him unzipped with my mouth around his cock. His eyes roll to the back of his head as I work on him, while Negan watches me with a smirk on his lips. I release him from my mouth to tease him, licking slow strokes just to watch him squirm under my touch. Rick instinctively reaches to grab my hair, but stops himself short, not sure if Negan would allow it.

“Oh don’t go easy on her, Rick,” Negan tangles his hand in my hair at the base of my neck, and guides my mouth hard back onto his dick and holds me there, his length hitting the back of my throat. “She fucking loves this shit.”

A labored moan rumbles through my body, my wetness soaking my thighs already just at the realization of Rick’s full length down my throat. Rick grunts breathlessly, his hand overlapping Negan’s on the back my head, beginning to thrust desperately into my mouth in need of any type of movement to end the teasing.

“Fuck, I hope you don’t mind if I cut in,” Negan proposed, unbuckling his belt and taking out his already-hard dick.

My eyes widen as Negan turns me slightly, slamming his own dick inside my mouth right alongside Rick’s. A high-pitched grunt forces it’s way past both cocks in my mouth as I suck them both off at the same time. I can’t help but gag involuntarily at the two massive lengths fucking my throat, both hitting the back of it at the exact time and speed as one another. Rick’s head falls back at the immense pleasure, and Negan can’t stop himself from cackling at his brilliant idea.

“She’s got quite the mouth on her, doesn’t she?” Negan chuckles over Rick’s loud groans, patting him good-naturedly on the back.

Rick suddenly jolts up, indicating his climax is near. Negan notices this too and quickly pulls me off of them both, prolonging Rick’s desperate desire to climax. Rick’s head falls back again, irritated at the declined orgasm.

I take the opportunity to strip down to just my bra and thong, seductively stripping each article off, fully aware of Rick’s lustful eyes viewing my near-bare body for the first time. Rick kicks his pants off quickly, beginning to unbutton his shirt. Before Negan can tell me what to do next, I take charge. I climb up on the bed to hover over Rick, taking his dick in my right hand and pumping furiously. I lean down to bite playfully at his outstretched neck, my ass pushed straight up in the air, smirking into his skin at the amount of control I have over him.

“That’s my fucking girl,” Negan growls playfully from behind me. I feel him step closer, when he suddenly smacks my ass, an echoing slap bouncing off the walls.

I growl into Rick’s neck, wetness continuing to drip down my inner thighs, eager to be touched after receiving nothing so far. Negan places his hands on my hips, gripping tightly as he teased my entrance by sticking only the head in, staying still with an expected smirk on his face. I desperately buck my hips backward, my ass hitting his abdomen, earning myself his full length inside of me until he quickly yanks himself out.

“Tsk, tsk,” Negan scolds as I let out an annoyed cry at the loss of him inside me. “Don’t get greedy, dear wife, or you’ll have to be punished.”

I roll my eyes and focus on Rick again, changing my fast, vigor pumps into antagonizingly slow strokes, my thumb skimming over the head every time I eventually made it to the top of his shaft.

“Ugh, fuck…” Rick softly groans, bucking his hips slow and smooth along with my rhythm.

Taking advantage of his eyes being closed, I slowly drop myself onto his cock, surprising him as I slide all the way down until my clit hits his skin.

I let out a strangled groan, finally getting what I’ve been craving. I start bouncing lightly, my hands holding myself up on his laid-back shoulders. Negan returns directly behind me, yanking me back against his chest as his hand trails down to vigorously rub circles on my clit. I scream out with a shock, the pleasure immensely growing. My head falls back lazily onto Negan’s shoulder, beginning to bounce harder and harder on Rick’s cock until he can barely keep himself together.

Rick’s a mess of pleasured moans and grunts below me while Negan cockily encourages me on, whispering the dirtiest things into my ear. I assume he’s letting me let Rick finally hit his climax, so I go harder, raking his chest with my nails in overwhelming pleasure. I feel my walls twitching, signaling them about to clench. I can’t contain my groans until suddenly Negan pushes me off Rick, earning a shocked yelp from me. My orgasm overtakes me anyway, apparently against Negan’s wishes. I rub my clit myself as I lay flat on the bed beside Rick, trying desperately to continue the intensity of the climax.

Negan aggressively haults my hand, looming over me. “Did I say you could finish, babygirl?”

He slaps my pussy hard, earning a whine from me. “I guess we’ll have to get you all worked up again,” he pauses for dramatic effect. “Go sit on his face.”

Exhausted from the climax, I sit up and look at Rick, who still hasn’t gotten his orgasm yet. I straddle his face, and he gladly slaps a rough grip onto my thighs and goes to town. Instantly I scream out, my clit still extremely sensitive. My body instinctively lifts myself away from his mouth, not able to handle the overwhelming sensitivity.

“Ah, ah, ah,” Negan warns, getting on the bed to sit facing me, right behind Rick’s head.

Negan forces me back down onto Rick’s face, holding my thighs down so I don’t try to flee again. I cry out again at the oversensitivity, the pleasure so fucking good that it’s literally painful. My body flinches and contorts at every swipe at my clit, not being able to control myself.

Rick gets gentler, though, giving me slow kitten licks to work me back up again. And I mean, it wasn’t going to be that hard to get me going, especially just looking down at the sight of Rick’s lust-filled, concentrated face between my thighs.

My body keels forward involuntarily into Negan’s chest at the pleasure, panting heavily as Rick slowly begins to draw figure-eights on my clit with his tongue. Negan straightens me back up, going in for my neck and giving it passionate love bites to egg me on.

Without warning, Rick shoots his tongue inside me, making me gasp and arch my back. I buck my hips along with his rhythm, riding his face hard. Rick suddenly stops, only to push me down his body so I can get back on his cock. His member is literally throbbing, desperate for release after the terribly huge amount of teasing we put him through.

Gladly, I slam myself down on his length, earning a satisfied grunt from him. Before I can even start moving, he’s already thrusting hard, sending me flying forward to stabilize myself by clutching onto his biceps. Moans endlessly slip past my lips, along with some curses, my eyes closing in pure ecstasy with my jaw dropped slightly open.

“I hope you don’t mind if I take my turn now,” Negan chuckles, sliding off the bed and returning to the end of the bed, behind me.

Rick grunts desperately. “I-I can’t stop ri-right now,”

Negan, about to say something, pauses, and I can just see the amusement across his features without even having to turn and look. “Well, I don’t think I wanna wait any longer.”

And with that, Negan roughly flips me to face him. He flattens me down against Rick, my back flat against his chest, his dick still inside me. Negan lifts my knees up, using them to grip onto as he fits his own dick inside me along with Rick’s, stretches me to the complete max.

I throw my head back onto Rick’s chest hard, the pain aching for a hot minute until I get used to the sensation. Rick reaches up and over my body to rub passionately at my clit, getting me to squeal instantly. Their paces collide, their rhythms finding their way to match one another’s that the amount of pleasure is something I’ve never experienced before. The same speed and rhythm hitting the exact right spot at the same exact time, over and over and over again until I have tears streaming down my face from the highest form of ecstasy I’ve ever been built up to endure.

Negan’s a sweaty mess above me, doing the best fucking job at giving me endless pleasure. He leans down to me slightly, taking my jaw in his right hand.

“What a fucking trooper, baby. I didn’t know you had it in you. Taking both cocks like a champ, goddamn!” he divulged, grinning at my uncontrollable moans. “You bet your fucking ass I’m rewarding you when we get back.”

Suddenly their paces change, both getting faster and harder but now off-time, their cocks slamming into me at a faster pace one man could never do alone, sending me over the edge like never before. I scream out, clutching onto Rick below me with one hand and onto Negan with the other.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I grunt, my walls clenching uncontrollably.

Both Rick and Negan let out groans of pure bliss at the same time, the sensation of my tight walls enclosing both their lengths so hard and unexpectedly, sending them into shaking climaxes. We ride out our highs, still fucking but slowing down with each passing second, our moans and groans slowly dying down. I open my eyes, finding Negan resting lightly on my knees above me while Rick is sprawled out underneath me, making me rise up and down as his chest heaves deeply in attempt to catch his breath.

“Well, Rick, I hope this is a good motivator to keep up the fuckin’ good work you’ve been doin’ around here,” Negan says, also still catching up to his breath. “Because this shit right here is too good for you to go fuck it up.”

Negan looks to me, still sprawled out on top of Rick, overwhelmed at the whole situation. “Goddamn, I really should bring you on these trips more often.”

My Hero

Summary: The reader gets kidnapped and Dean has to babysit her until the ransom is paid.

Pairing: Dean x Reader  

Word Count: 1,768

A/N:  This is for @whispersandwhiskerburn’s We’ve Got A Fic For That Challenge. “I’m no hero. I’m just a bad guy who gets paid to fuck up worse guys.” - Deadpool

Well, today definitely didn’t go as planned. You were going to rise and shine, tackle a bunch of boring errands and then grade a shit ton of English papers. Yet here you are being held fucking hostage, you’re clueless as to who these bottom feeders are and what they expect from you. All you know is that one minute you’re piling groceries into your black Honda Civic and the next someone is yanking a bag down over your head.

You have no concept of time but you’ve been tied up in this dingy, windowless room for hours on end. Or at least it feels that way. Your throat is beyond dry, your stomach keeps grumbling and your hands are numb from the tight handcuffs cutting into your wrists.

An overly sweaty man with greasy slicked back hair keeps gracing you with his presence, the vile smell of his breath makes you instantly nauseous with each visit. Instead of the usual quick in and out appearance, the loser nibbles his bottom lip while his eyes scan over your body.

The greasy guy makes a phone call then grabs you by the arms and drags you down the hall. He barges into a room that looks like a studio apartment. It has a queen sized bed, two leather couches, a refrigerator and a hot, scruffy looking dude that looks like a model.

“The boss needs me to take care of something. Watch her until I get back. You can hurt her if she gets out of line. Not the face though.” He says looking at the model.

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anonymous asked:

Please write something Flocklander. Something to help us understand what is happening here. I'm so shocked.

I think it’s less what is happening so much as when and how. It’s all so conveniently timed, no? Whereabouts and photos; no candids, no true “gotcha!” smoking guns. Very controlled, very predictable (at least to me) pics that still only provide innuendo and a void for busy minds and loud mouths to fill. The minute he was seen in Venice, I thought, “Oh, this is gonna be good.” And by good, I mean a by-the-book shitshow. Call me when actual confirming words are said from the horse’s mouth. Until then, it’s all just barnyard noise. Just louder and more squawking than ever before.

Diplomacy with Tentacle Aliens: A Klance Smut Story

Another story for my “Breeding the Paladins” series! Now including tentacles and oviposition. Yay? Hope you enjoy!

Link on AO3:


Irritated. No matter the situation, whether it be serious or lighthearted, Lance always managed to get Keith irritated. Their current mission was no exception as Keith heard Lance’s voice babbling nonstop through the comms, the red and blue lions flying side by side through space.

“I bet their civilization is a matriarchy, don’t you? You know, girls everywhere, that type of thing?” Keith grunted.

“Lance, a matriarchy is a social system with women in charge; it doesn’t make any difference in whether the majority of the population is female or male.”

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really though it’s the same thing every damn time!! outrage, “if not now then when?”, that onion article “no way to prevent this, says only nation where this regularly happens,” news with pro and anti-gun people, scapegoating mentally ill people, refusing to call white men terrorists, a filter for your facebook profile picture, and the obligatory “thoughts and prayers” tweets from celebrities and politicians

how many more times are we gonna go through this exact routine before we actually get something done

oh yeah a funny Anime Expo thing was that at the Studio Trigger panel they started off by saying they were gonna shoot some “money cannons” which was basically t-shirt gun things full of fake money that had Luluco’s picture on it and people were picking it up bc everyone thought it was just a silly thing like i heard last year they did something similar but with marshmallows and then later they were like “oh yeah if you were one of the  picked one one of those Luluco dollars those are the only way to get into the autograph giveaway thing tomorrow” like they werent actually just silly throwaway fake money i hadnt thought to pick one up when they were tossing them but my friend did and he got a fucking Little Witch Academia storyboard sketch which was then personally autographed and doodled on