i thought i was done talking about religion in my blog

Advice to Baby Witches

Here’s some things I wish someone told me when I was first starting out

  • You’re gonna find a lot of sources that are Wiccan. So if you don’t want to follow Wicca, it might be harder to find things that talk from a non- Wiccan perspective. This is not the only perspective. I encourage you even if you are wanting to follow Wicca to seek out specifically non-Wiccan sources to get a different view point. (nothing against Wicca here; I just think it’s healthy to get differing opinions)

  • It’s still witchcraft even if it doesn’t look like what books/Internets witchcraft looks like. Remember that:
    1. Everyone has a different way of doing things and your craft will never ever be the same as anyone else’s.
    2. The people posting about what witchcraft they’ve done are most of the time showing a perfected version of it. You are just starting out. You should not hold yourself up to the standards of people who have had more time and practice.
    3. It’s actually good that it doesn’t look like anyone else’s because that means that it’s entirely your own.
  • I know it can feel very daunting first getting involved in witchcraft because there is so much to learn. Trust me, you cannot learn everything, and that is okay.

  • Take things step by step. Find something that really excites you. For example, say you are really interested in deity worship. Focus on just that first. Research different deities and meditate on the ones that interest you. Once you feel like you’ve learned enough (you don’t have to be an expert by any means, just to a point where you feel like you have your foot in the door) then you can move on to something else. You don’t have to do it this way, but I found it helped me narrow things down.

  • The idea that “if you don’t know what your doing with witchcraft it can backfire” is a myth. Don’t be afraid to explore, learn new things. That being said, I wouldn’t recommend doing anything outside your skill level either. Maybe save the big deal curses for when you have a good grasp on them. Listen to your intuition on this one, if you feel like something you’re doing is too much for you, don’t do it right away, but work your way up. Don’t give up on it, either. Like I said, if you feel like you don’t have the ability to do something, get to a point where you do.

  • You will have thoughts like “this won’t work” “you’re being stupid” “it’s just some *conventionally useless item*, that can’t do ANYTHING” this is okay. Any intrusive thoughts that tell you it’s not going to work are fine, especially if you are mentally ill. It does not mean your magic looses it’s power because you had an intrusive thought. Yes, the best way to make your magic work is to believe it will work, but intrusive thoughts will not automatically stop the magic from working. Just try your best to overcome them, whatever technique you have for that will work fine. I always use my inner voice to talk back to my intrusive thoughts and say something like “What? That doesn’t even make sense! You’re being ridiculous, random voice in my head that has no attachment to me.” and try to ignore it. Your mental illness does not make you a less powerful of a witch, remember that.

  • You are much more powerful than you realize. Own this. Be empowered by it.

  • You don’t have to have a whole bunch of extravagant altars and read your tarot cards and meditate every day to be considered a ‘real’ witch. You do magic without even realizing it sometimes. It’s sometimes hard to do anything big because of busy schedules/low spoons/being closeted or whatever. Try and incorporate little things in your daily routine. I did this by Stirring my tea clockwise and focusing on the cup, while repeating “this tea will improve my day” in my head. It works great for practicing putting your intent in things, focusing your energy, and it can even work if you live in an unfriendly witch household! Get creative with the little things you can do everyday. And even if you can’t do those things sometimes, don’t worry about it!

  • Be very careful about cultural appropriation in your practice. It can get very dicey as to what is offensive to include in your practice and what is not. I can tell you straight up right now that anything taken from a Native American culture is not okay to incorporate in your practice. A very popular thing that’s taken from Native American culture is smudging. Don’t smudge. There are many alternatives to this. That being said, some things are ok to take from other cultures because those cultures aren’t practiced by living people/are part of a culture or religion that is open to outsiders taking it. Don’t bat yourself up for doing something then finding out it was offensive, because when you recognize it then take necessary steps to fix it, that’s you growing as a person and is a positive change. If you aren’t sure if what your doing is cultural appropriation, ask yourself:

    1. Is what I’m doing practiced by a group of people today? if yes, you’re in the danger zone, but it does not  necessarily mean it is appropriation
    2. Is the religion that it comes from a closed or open religion? (this means is it ok for outsiders, people who do not follow the religion, to practice it. example-Judaism=closed, wicca=open) If closed, it’s probably appropriation.
    3. Am I apart of a race that has a history of oppressing this group of people? If yes, you might want to be cautious about it.
    4. If it is deity related- Do the deities in question give me permission? if no, then definitely do not do it.
    5. What would a person from that religion/culture think if they saw me doing this? If they would not like it, it might not be okay.
    6. Is this from my heritage/ancestral background? Don’t worry too much if the answer is no but you passed most of the other questions, This one is mostly because if you grew up in a Jewish/Catholic/Muslim/other closed religion household, wanting to incorporate that in your practice is ok.

  • You do not have to be religious to practice witchcraft. Your craft can exclude deity work of any kind.
  • Don’t be afraid to ask what you feel are stupid questions. If your really scared, google is a very handy tool and most blogs have that anon option for a reason. :p

Mmk, spoons are low. Feel free to add any advice you think I’m missing. I really hope this helps someone!


Hey all,

I would like to apologise for my absence from CrossDressing and posting on this blog. I do still have pictures to post from BWBG and I still love dressing. I’ve just had no desire to dress for quite a while now, and I do not know when I will next dress in my own clothes or home.

Ever since visiting Cindy the first time I have thought differently about CrossDressing, and I’m glad. It’s made me realise that I want more out of it, I’ve been taking pictures hidden in the bathroom for too long. I was constantly buying new clothes, wigs and shoes to keep things ‘new’, this is not what I want from my hobby. Especially as every item I buy doesn’t even get worn for even an hour a month, it just doesn’t seem worth it. The most ‘at home’ I have ever felt with my hobby has been with Cindy, as it is an accepting environment. However back at home I’m hiding in the bathroom trying to get as many pictures as possible late at night, which just isn’t enjoyable for me anymore. I want more from my dressing however I don’t know what that is, I’ve thought about the idea of modelling ever since Cindy said I would be great at it. That put a huge smile on my face and is probably the happiest moment I’ve ever experienced whilst dressed.

It was also amazing being dressed and having a social aspect to it, at home it is very isolating and the only social aspect I get is online and mostly anonymous. Most of it is also simply complements on how I look dressed up, and not directly about me as a person. When I dress up I’m expressing my natural femininity as an image, my feminine personality. It’s not a form of escapism or another persona, it’s another image of who I am. It’s not another persona or a way of escaping for me, it’s a way of expressing more of who I am. Plus I really love 'women’s’ fashion.

However the fact that fashion is 'mens’ and 'women’s’ really gets to me in a way, it’s more accepting for a woman to be masculine than it is for a man to be feminine. I also think that clothing should be masculine or feminine, so individuals can wear what suits their personality, not clothing simply assigned to their gender.

I do know I would like my CrossDressing to be a lot more social and known. Due to the way it is viewed by society it cannot be simply told to someone like it could most other hobbies. It is best told one-to-one and even that is hard, you cannot be aware of how they will respond. It isn’t simply accepted or disliked. If it is accepted, they may not even ask what dressing means to you or any other questions like that as the fact that society drives you to approach it one-on-one makes it seem that your sensitive about it therefore they do not want to ask anything that may be too personal. This means you have to take time to explain your personal reasons behind it. It may also simply be a result of prejudice, and they may think they know all the answers already where in actual fact it’s unique to every individual.

Even when I want to talk about it with someone who knows, I have to wait until I can talk to them privately to avoid being overheard by others. So even though they know and I’m with them, I’m still hiding it. I do not feel safe talking about it with someone who knows in a public place, which is still very isolating.

It is said to “be the change you want to see in the world” however with societies views on CrossDressing I really have no idea what could even be done or how to even start. As it’s forcing most CrossDressers to stay in the dark, therefore it is not known or understood by most people. If it was seen more often, it would likely reduce prejudice etc. the only hope I can see currently is that some Transgender individuals are beginning to be accepted. This is not the same at CrossDressing but it does give hope that society may one day understand it and accept it.

It’s so in the dark that I myself as far as I’m aware haven’t even seen another crossdresser in person, ever. Just myself. CrossDressers are a lot more known online, however I myself am afraid to step outside dressed up or even tell others about it in a public place. I always worry it could easily cause a scene. I wish a lot more people would see it as interesting like quite a few that I have told do and not something to be concerned about, like it needs 'fixing’ or is some kind of personality disorder.

The fact that I cannot even affect how it is viewed within my own home or family gives me no hope whatsoever that society as a whole will change its views anytime soon. Which I hate, as I do not want to continue hiding it and feeling isolated. I do not agree that it is something that should be, however we’re driven to hide it no matter what we believe. This also means I’d have difficulty going out dressed up as I couldn’t even walk out the door whilst dressed up without letting anyone know I would be doing so.

I have no reason to go out dressed up but if I ever did I don’t know how I’d go about it due to this. I’d also be worried that being dressed up outside may cause a scene or make others feel uncomfortable if they know I’m CrossDressed and do not accept it. I also worry that some may act out irrationally because they see it as 'abnormal’ and others may frown upon it because of their religion or culture.

If anyone who knows me personally has read this, please contact me. Talk with me about it, I wish so much for it to be more social and to not feel isolated offline. Due to the fact that nobody does, I find it hard to talk about it even with people that know because I have no idea how they feel about it and how interested they really are.

If anyone else who has read this feels as I do, understands or has any thoughts. I’d love to talk, on here or on Kik (PinchedSlinky).

Thank you all for making me feel welcome here <3

Fearlesskiki’s Appreciation Post (edition 4)

412 Tumblr followers

877 Notes in a Tumblr meme (Evil Kermit football version)

337 Notes in a Tumblr meme (Footballers as Pokemon)

48 Notes in Tumblr for a caption comic (It’s Super Manu)

953 kudos and 182 comments in AO3

85 Bookmarks in AO3

147 Kudos for a single fanfiction People Fall in Love in Mysterious Ways

20 Subscribers for a single fanfiction Wait For Me

I know that the numbers are simply nothing to be brag about (I’m pretty sure people had achieved more than me) but this is a nice reminder that there are real people out there that appreciate the work that you put out. A very good signal boost that I’m sure everyone loves. Yesterday one of my readers offered to translate one of my fics into Chinese. And you can imagine the joy I had when I read that message.

Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate love and love come in many different ways and shapes.  I thought it would be fitting to post today. (this should be posted last month but shhh…) Anyway, let’s start with some special mentions:

To all my followers! Thank you for putting up for everything that I’ve done. I know I’m not perfect but thank you for being there especially those who had followed me for a long time.

To the lovely @bayer-mund , my bestie, my OTP and my little sister. I’m still thankful that you reached out and get to know me. Otherwise, my introvert self will never ever have a true friend like you. Thank you for laughing with all my Lahm jokes, although I can’t differentiate if you really enjoy those Lahm jokes or just being super nice XD And thank you for being my other support system ♥

@half-fallen time zone is such an evil thing! We never get to chat for a long time :( But you know I always love you ♥ and your fics ♥

@thomastuchels I’m so happy to get to know you through Secret Santa program! I missed you and I hope we could find some time and chat again. Ahhh…

@bastischweinski @marcoasensioss  @edenshazards @heyzard  I’m so happy to know all of you, especially since we have so many things in common…. Roger Roger… I’m really looking forward to the journey that is going to bring me. 

@aussenrist15 @basthiago @leupolz I still love you and will love you forever.

@footballerindreams @acercrea @gayern-munchen @satansfavouritegirl @incredybala @india-force @rechargeable-battery @rowan-fcb @saintneuer @crazy-fangirl @satanic-horsemen @teamraikkonen @thomasmulli Mutuals that I really I hope we can talk more often but my introvert self is just sucks to be a friend. Bye. And also, time zone still sucks.

@osondu-imafidon  it is lovely to meet you and I hope we can have more fun together.

@penalteaze Thank you for your wonderful V-day card! It tickles my bone and I hope you enjoy mine.

For the rest, I’m sorry that I’m unable to give a special mention to everyone but I still love you very much (and I hope ya’ll don’t change your url so often lol). To those that create gifs and amazing contents, thank you for your hard work that decorates my blog ♥ Also to those who read my fics and follow me here from AO3, (I know who and who) I love you the most.


@3one3 @acciothirteen @0503216 @adamnlallana @allesmulleroderwas @amyharripersad @annalewandowska-style @anthea-afh @apfelschuerrle @apocalypticwriter @as-seen-on-disney @asstoine @aubatman @aurorgravcs @bavarian-pretzel @bayernkink @bbarahel @benedikthummels @benehoewedes @bvb-will-never-walk-alone @calumchambers @captainfips @chasingpegasus @crazy-for-kloppo @cutereus 


@daysofdeutsch @dailydortmund @deutschtaeglich @diegelbewand @dieroten-bayern @diuvivatbvb @draxlerr @dxbayern @elliesjoy @elliesbeatingheart @ethereal-elephant @fakecheesepizza @fatherpique @federerblog @federersroger @flavenne @flowers-underfoot @football-hqs @football-s @footballblogsdirectory @footballconfessions @footballcrown @frommybeautifulmind @fromyouraveragegirl @fuckyeahowedes @fulldazeobjec @fussballgoth @fyeahneuer @gerraaard @goalretzka @golden-skies-ahead @grantixhaka


@hellograce2513 @herrkimmich @hummxlz @immersudkurve @irenydraws @james-milner @jacksannie @jarzardart @jordanshenderson @khanhtruc02 @klopporules @koenigreus @kopzone @kopzonehq @kopzonedaily @lahmageddon @lahmz @laroja-wardrobe @leomessiforever @lernen-sie-deutsch-mit-mir @lesbleusthroughandthrough @lesliefcbayern @lewandioski @lewanlordski @liebandowski @lionelandresmessii @lizclimo @loriskariius21 @love-whatelse @lukanotmodric @lukaszpiszcat  


@manuelnewer @manusbananu @manuwallneuer @marcohan @marchisio-s @marcoverreus @mariogoetze @messifangirl @miasanmuller @miasanmannschaft @milanpique @mnlnr @moreira-marinho @nikbok94 @oficialmuller @oh-my-schurrle @oh-marco-you-so-fine @papirafinha @pcdolski @pei3325 @perks-of-being-chinese @piquedly @plszczek @poetry-in-motion-tra-la-la-la @positivedoodles @princeofdortmund @princephilipplahm  


@radiomuller @reuer @reusful @reusment @reusloverforever @robholding @sashapique @sampers @sandra-delaiglesia-fanarts @sassybartra @seventeenlovesthree @satandowski @shakelikeshakira @shootballx @skribblings @sterndesuedens @teandkimi @thekopscout @thenormalone1892 @thisblogwillstillbeyourdownfall @thomasmuellerfcbayern @thomasmxller @withhopeinourheart @wojshere @woodyinholover @wtfduolingo @xjuventusfootballclub @yespodolski @yidee @zedtheartist @zetagirly

I really hope I didn’t miss out anyone! (If I did, please give me a nudge or message) All of the mentioned blogs are certified safe (by yours truly) so you don’t need to worry about being bulliedAll of them are very friendly to all gender, sexual preference, races, and religions.

#standing with an army

Greetings, everyone. I hope you’re having a wonderful day. I’m here tonight to present you with a short guide to Tumblr for witches who may be interested in starting a blog here. 

This post is obviously geared towards witches wandering the internet, but maybe some who are already here on Tumblr will enjoy it, too. I’ll be talking about the benefits to joining the Tumblr witch community, as well as some tips for getting started! Here we go!

What’s a “Tumblr witch?”

There’ve been culture-related magazines that have done huge articles on “Tumblr witches” and the witchcraft community on Tumblr, painting the whole thing as some kind of fashion trend or weird millennial hangout. 

I’ve been involved with the Tumblr witch community for three years, and I can say that most of these articles don’t quite reflect what the witchcraft community on Tumblr is like. 

A lot of them tend to paint it as an ideologically, culturally, and aesthetically monolithic trend, when in reality, it’s not. While it’s true that many Tumblr-going witches enjoy similar things or share fashion trends, witchcraft itself is not a trend, nor a fashion statement, nor is it the sole focus of the community.

In reality, a “Tumblr witch” is just what the name implies. A “Tumblr witch” is a witch who uses Tumblr as a blogging platform/CMS. Nothing more, nothing less. It’s true that there’s a large community of us, but we’re quite diverse

While many of us are young (millennials), not all of us as (I’m not), nor are we all of the same religion or mindset. You might even say that “Tumblr Witch” isn’t even a useful term, at all! Still, Tumblr is a great content management system for witches.

I think what makes Tumblr strong as a blogging platform for witches is that there’s an extremely diverse community here already in existence. So, in short, don’t buy into too much nonsense about what a “Tumblr witch” does or believes, because everyone’s unique. 

Again, the only real way I can see to define a “Tumblr witch” is just “a witch who uses Tumblr.” It’s as simple as that! It’s definitely not some kind of tradition or mindset for witches - it’s just a matter of what blogging platform the witch uses.

Continue reading for information about why you should consider Tumblr as a blogging platform, tips for using the interface, and more! Tagging @witchypixie by request. :-D

Keep reading

Better Together (SPN Speculation)

This took longer than I anticipated. I’m still not sure if I’ve covered everything I wanted to cover and I had to add some stuff since 12.21, but I’m posting it so it gets posted before the finale. It is a massive info dump, and I’m sorry for all the technical stuff, I promise it gets explained in there. I couldn’t figure out how to truncate it without outlining it like a novel. I wish I had time for that, but I barely have time to outline my specs atm. I lso don’t want to say that everything I say here is absolutely definitive, it’s just based on what I’ve observed and the patterns I’ve noticed. There are a lot of other factors that feed into this one that are also worth exploring but I don’t really know how to include them without over complicating everything, so this is the main set that I’m personally focusing on.

I dunno if anyone remembers this, but back when I metad about 12.12, I said I wished I could have done it in video form because the information better lent itself to a visual medium. Yeah, this is another one of those times. Someday I may modify this into a script and do that, but the season finale is basically today, so here goes.

Some of you may have seen a post go around where @k-vichan, @drsilverfish and @angelswatchingover​ discuss what Alicia is and the questions surrounding her current state. (I can’t get it to route to one of their blogs, but check them out)

@k-vichan​ mentioned something that this series has reminded me of since S5, and had themes which have prevailed through the show for a long time.(S7 on, especially.) I went back to watch it after I saw the post, to confirm with myself what I remembered. It had been a long time since I saw the movie, and I wanted to be sure before I wrote about it.

Of all the other works that exist, no other that I know of more closely seems to resemble the themes and message of Supernatural more than the 1995 film Ghost in the Shell.

I have no idea if this is on purpose or if they just both came across the same progression on their own (inspired by the Hegel dialectic) but they both share some common philosophies that have shaped my view of SPN since I’ve watched it, and especially this season. Even without having seen the movie in a long time, these thought processes and progressions seemed to prevail. If there is some real influence between them, what would it mean?

The below place contains spoilers for the ending of Ghost in the Shell, They’re further down though. I’ll mark them. Sadly, they’re kind of important for my speculation, but you can skip them if you want.

But first, let’s talk about (a vastly simplified version of) Hegel (in relation to narrative mostly), theming and message.

Keep reading

Clearing Up Misunderstandings, Part 6: Callout Posts

Every now and then, I see posts from people who claim that I’m a horrible, terrible, disgusting person. As evidence, they post something that I wrote over a decade ago when I was a teenager, post an out-of-context screenshot, or grossly misinterpret something that I’ve said or done. In the beginning, I didn’t let these things concern me…but, as time passes, more and more people are taking this nonsense seriously. Unfortunately, I think it’s time for me to address some of these issues.

YandereDev uses slurs!

I’ve heard people complain about certain words that I have used. I’ll give you an example. One time, I said the phrase “problematic tranny stoner girlfriend” when I was chatting with my friends. There’s a screenshot of me saying this…without any context, of course. So, what’s the context? I was quoting a transgender person who said the phrase during a live-stream. I quoted the phrase because it sounds funny, like “flying purple monkey dishwasher”. I obviously wasn’t attempting to dehumanize or insult anyone; a dehumanizing statement would sound like “I hate trannies!” or something along those lines.

If you ever see me use a word like “dyke”, “tranny”, or “faggot”, I’d like you to do one thing before you draw any conclusions: look at the context. How am I using the word? If I ever say something like “All faggots should burn in hell!” then, obviously, that would be a homophobic statement. But, if I say “Sup, faggots! How are you all doing today?” Then I am using the word “faggots” the same way I’d use the word “friends” - without any ill intent or any reference to homosexuality whatsoever.

I’ll be honest with you: Yes, I make edgy jokes, and yes, I make politically incorrect jokes. No subject is too taboo for me. I’ll joke about any subject. Race, gender, sexuality, religion, anything. White people, black people, Christians, Muslims - I don’t think that any subject should be “safe” from humor. With that said, none of my jokes are actually meant in a hateful or spiteful way. If someone gets offended by my jokes, I feel like it’s their fault for being too sensitive.

So, remember: when I use “offensive” words, I’m not trying to dehumanize anyone; chances are, I’m just picking a curse word at random. And, if you ever hear me make an edgy joke, it’s obviously just a joke, and not an actual, genuine insult aimed at a real group of people.

YandereDev defends child abuse!

Based on some remarks I made in an old blog post, some people are claiming that I don’t see anything wrong with pedophiles or child abuse. I’ll take this opportunity to clarify myself. The first thing I should mention is that whenever I say the word “pedophile”, I’m using the dictionary definition of the word: a person who is attracted to children, not someone who molests or rapes children.

Here are my thoughts on the matter:

1. Pedophilia is a mental illness.

2. In a perfect world, there would be no pedophiles.

3. Anyone who molests a child or rapes a child should be executed.

4. I hope that it’s possible for medical science to produce a cure for pedophilia.

5. Being a pedophile is involuntary.

It’s that last part that confuses people. People don’t understand what I mean by that, and assume I’m saying that pedophilia is a sexual orientation.

Here’s what I really mean by that: Being afflicted with pedophilia is like being afflicted by any other mental illness, like Alzheimer’s, schizophrenia, or dementia; you don’t choose it or ask for it. It develops inside of you, and then you’re stuck with it forever.

Pedophiles probably wish every single day of their lives that they could be normal. Pedophiles are probably disgusted with themselves for having an attraction towards children. Many pedophiles probably commit suicide so that they won’t have to live with the shame of being attracted to children. Pedophilia is a curse that nobody should have to suffer from, which is why I hope that one day it becomes possible to develop a cure.

Now, let’s get something straight. What you’re attracted to isn’t a choice - but rape is a choice. Being attracted to children is no excuse to rape children. Rape is one of the worst things that a human can possibly do, and child rape is even worse. As I stated above, I think that raping a child should be grounds for execution.

To summarize: I pity pedophiles, because they suffer from a mental illness that they never asked for…but if they dare to lay their hands on a child, that pity is instantly gone.

YandereDev is a Nazi!

Yandere Simulator is supported by donations. Someone who donates a specific amount of money becomes a “sponsor” and can give me a logo to display before the game’s title screen. One of the sponsors chose a “Black Sun” for his logo. During the point in time when that sponsor sent me their logo, I had never seen the symbol before, and had no idea what kind of connotations it might hold. A few people contacted me and told me that it was a Nazi symbol, so I decided to do some research. I learned that it was originally an occult symbol, before it was hijacked by the Nazis for their own purposes. I was not certain if the sponsor interpreted the symbol as a Nazi symbol or as an occult symbol. I didn’t want to remove a sponsor logo over a theory about what the sponsor might be trying to express with the logo, so I did not take action. This obviously does not mean that I’m a Nazi.

YandereDev opposes Social Justice!

I don’t have a problem with fixing social injustices. However, I do have a problem with “Social Justice Warriors”. No, I’m not talking about people who advocate for socially marginalized groups; I’m talking about people like this. I have a problem with people who use “social justice” as an excuse to scream at others, bully others, and threaten others. I have a problem with people who think that they are justified in acting like total assholes, as long as they are doing so in the name of social equality. I have a problem with people who spend most of their time shaming others for “microaggressions” or “manspreading” and stupid made-up bullshit like that.

Some game developers put LGBT characters into their games solely because they want to brag about how inclusive and progressive they are. “Look at us! We put a marginalized group into our game! See how virtuous we are? Will you praise us now? Will you give us a good review score?” There’s a part of me that is hesitant to include LGBT characters in Yandere Simulator purely because I don’t want to be interpreted as one of those game developers who is only doing it to score points with the social justice crowd. I’m not opposed to the concepts of diversity or inclusivity, but I really, really don’t want anyone to mistake me for a member of the SJW cult.

YandereDev supports GamerGate!

This is a nuanced issue. This is not a black-and-white issue. This is an issue with many shades of gray.

In 2014, some gamers found evidence of corruption, collusion, and numerous conflicts of interest between game developers and game journalists. The gamers called out the devs and journos. Internet trolls saw this as a great opportunity to harass the devs and journos who were being called out, some of whom were female. Sadly, a headline like “Hate mob harasses women” attracts more attention than “Internet sleuths uncover evidence of corruption in the game industry”, so the media gave most of its attention to the trolls who were writing mean things, instead of giving attention to the people who were actually exposing collusion and conflicts of interest.

As an indie game developer, allegations of corruption in the game industry were very serious issues to me, so I paid extremely close attention to the GamerGate scandal. At the peak of the controversy, I probably dedicated at least one hour every day to reading about the latest discoveries and revelations. I saw a lot of trolls saying a lot of rude things, but I also observed a lot of people who were genuinely trying to expose unethical business practices in the game industry, because they cared deeply about their hobby and didn’t want to see it infested with corruption. That was the side of GamerGate that didn’t get any attention from the media.

Unfortunately, third-party trolls hijacked the GamerGate hashtag and used it for spewing hate. A handful of Internet vigilantes went too far and actually doxed some of the people who were being accused of unethical behavior. This gave lots of ammunition to the developers and journalists who were trying to prevent people from taking GamerGate seriously. They spread the notion that GamerGate was a hate campaign, and most people fell for it. The words “ethics in game journalism” became a punchline. Discussions about the topic were banned in most gaming forums. Everyone associated with the movement was labeled racist/sexist/homophobic/transphobic/misogynist manchildren who were only interested in harassing women.

I’m far too busy to engage in any kind of activism, offline or online. Throughout GamerGate, the only thing I could do was watch from the sidelines. I wasn’t rooting for the people that were harassing women, but I was definitely rooting for the people that were exposing unethical behavior.

YandereDev wrote creepy, sexist articles!

In 2010, I wanted to get a job writing about video games. I noticed that a website named “The Examiner” had two game-related openings. The openings were “Sports Games Examiner” and “Video Game Babes Examiner”. I thought that the second opening sounded hilarious, and I wanted to know what it would entail, so I applied for it. I got the job, but I never actually received any explicit instructions on what to write about, so I decided to just wing it and write about anything that involved female video game characters. Sometimes I posted articles like “Top 10 most revealing outfits” and “Top 10 biggest boobs”, but I also wrote about actual news, too. I wrote about games that were banned or censored for being too lewd, and wrote about controversies that revolved around lewd content in games. Sometimes I even tried to shine a light on overlooked female characters, or write articles promoting more respectable female characters who don’t look like Barbie dolls. Sometimes I wrote about things that were sexy, but I don’t believe I ever wrote anything that was sexist. Looking back, I don’t feel ashamed of the articles that I wrote for that site.

YandereDev wrote rape stories!

When I was younger, I spent a lot of my time writing fanfiction. I wrote a lot of very dark stories. I wrote stories where characters killed each other, lost their limbs, lost their eyesight, got disfigured, or were subjected to a sexual assault. Almost all of my stories revolved around miserable characters who were suffering in some way, either psychologically or physically.

Here’s a question for you: Game of Thrones is a TV show with rape scenes. Does that mean it’s a “rape show”? No. Some of my old literature has rape scenes. Does that mean I’ve written “rape stories”? No.

Have I written dark stories? Yes. Have I written stories with mature themes, meant to be read by adults only? Yes. Were people raped or forced into sexual slavery in my stories? Sometimes. Have I written stories about the psychological trauma that a rape victim goes through? Yes. Are any of the rape scenes in my stories meant to be arousing or titillating? No.

YandereDev is a racist!

Ha! I know where this misconception comes from…

One of my friends makes a lot of politically incorrect jokes. Sometimes I’ll ask him silly questions just to hear what kind of edgy joke he’s going to make in response. In May of 2016, a black child fell into a gorilla pit, and the gorilla was shot to death. I wanted to hear what kind of edgy joke my friend would make about the situation, so I asked him about it. To my surprise, he didn’t reply with politically incorrect humor. I was shocked that he wasn’t acting like his usual, edgy self. I expressed my surprise by stating that I expected him to make a racially-charged remark. Someone took a screenshot of this interaction with my friend, and tried to suggest that I was encouraging racism.

This is one of many examples of weird people stalking me, taking screenshots of things that I say, and then presenting those screenshots out-of-context to try and make me look bad. Please, don’t be gullible. Don’t fall for that crap.

In Conclusion

·         Yes, I say taboo words and make edgy jokes when I’m talking to my friends in private, but nothing I say is ever meant to dehumanize anyone.

·         Yes, I feel pity for pedophiles, but I don’t think that child abuse or child rape is excusable for any reason.

·         No, I don’t support the political beliefs of every single sponsor who has ever donated to Yandere Simulator.

·         No, I don’t oppose the concept of social justice, but I do reject people who treat others like shit and try to use social justice as justification for their awful behavior.

·         No, I don’t support Internet trolls who harass women, but I also think that there was a side of the GamerGate movement that genuinely was concerned with ethics.

·         Yes, I held a position as “Video Game Babes Examiner” at a website, but I’m not ashamed of this at all, because I did my best to write interesting and entertaining articles.

·         Yes, I wrote dark literature that involved mature subject matter, including sexual assault, but I have never attempted to make rape seem erotic.

Every time I see a “callout post” that accuses me of something horrible, it’s always about something that I could easily clear up with a few words of explanation. I honestly don’t believe that I’m the evil, nasty, disgusting monster that these callout posts make me out to be. I’m just a dude who is trying to make people happy by developing a video game.

I generally try to discourage people from contacting me, so that I can focus all of my time and attention on developing Yandere Simulator. However, all of my hard work will be wasted if people decide to abandon the game because a dumb post on Tumblr gave them a warped impression of me. So, if you ever read a “callout post” and think to yourself, “This is disgusting, YandereDev needs to explain this!” then feel free to contact me via e-mail and ask for an explanation. I’ll gladly clear up any misunderstandings.

And, before you let a callout blog twist your opinion of someone, consider the words in this blog post.

Writing Jewish characters, and what to avoid

Anonymous said:

Do you have any advice for writing a Jewish character? Maybe a list of things to absolutely avoid doing?

Before I launch into the list of things to avoid, I want to say that the reason I love this blog so much is that they’re always responding to “how to write an X character” posts with “make sure they’re well-rounded outside of just that.” In other words, write a Jewish character so distinct that you could have two Jewish characters and they’d be different enough from each other that the reader could tell them apart.

I’m not saying you have to have two Jewish characters, just that if you have two Jewish lesbians in the same story, for example, then you can’t fall back on “Jewish” or “lesbian” as a way of defining the character and have to start building an actual personality. The book I’m writing now has three Jewish lesbians, plus a bisexual woman, and they have different interests, histories, outlooks, and roles in their world.

Read things by Jews. Try to stay away from anyone who seems to be too self-hating or “antisemisogynist”, i.e. that thing where Jewish men criticize Jewish women, which is dangerous because their intra-community misogyny gets picked up by the Gentile (non-Jewish) world and taken seriously because “oh, it’s their own people, so they must know.” No, it’s [some] men oppressing women, just as everywhere else.

Not all Jews are white or white-passing Ashkenazim. That’s something Gentiles often forget. So don’t think your Jewish characters have to look like me (or me with black hair.)

Some of us are atheists and still identify as Jews because of the way we often think of it as a tribe. Some of us feminize all the God nouns and verbs for feminist reasons. Some of us are very traditional and wear long skirts and sleeves. Some of us go to temple every week but have never, ever kept kosher (Hi. Nice to meet you.)

Here are all the stereotypes about us and, in a few cases, how I’d suggest getting around them if you find yourself written into a corner.

-Please don’t write us being either needlessly cheap (in other words, the character can afford to do X, but just doesn’t out of irrational stinginess) or cheap in a way that directly hurts others (in other words, not giving low-paid service employees a cost of living raise.) If for some reason your plot HAS to go there, it would help take away some of the anti-Semitic implications of rehashing these tropes if there are lots of other Jewish characters who aren’t acting like this or are acting in direct opposition to this. For example, if your greedy business owner won’t pay his employees above minimum wage, have the workers standing up to him and/or maybe a more generous owner from a competing business be Jewish as well. This is a character you would hurt us to write unless there are plenty of examples to the contrary showing that you don’t mean we’re all like this. This is the specific lie used to hurt us the most, in the past 150 years.

Note: broke college kids or struggling working-class people being cheap is different. Can you see why?

-Please don’t write us being the human version of the Volturi from Twilight. There is no secret Jewish conspiracy through which we control the media, banks, and politics. I used to joke that Jews don’t control the media because if we did, I’d have a book deal. I now have three book deals, so I need a new joke, but trust me, I’m in charge of nothing. Even my cat doesn’t obey me. She listens to my spouse, but not me. I think she thinks my spouse is the Mama Cat and I’m one of her littermates.

-Please don’t write a Jewish woman whose sexuality seems to be directly affected by the amount of money her partner is either making or buying her presents with. I’m not really sure there’s a way to fix this. It’s worse if she herself is already financially comfortable; I’m not really talking about a struggling single mom with three kids and a low-paid service job who’s turned on because a guy in an expensive suit offered to pay for her kid’s violin lessons. I’m talking about that caricature of a rich woman who’s used to good things that she didn’t earn herself, who requires more good things that she didn’t earn herself.

-Anything in which we are lizards or dragons is gonna have to be done delicately. I did it (spoiler, oops?) but that’s something that probably takes insider finesse. I mean, my dragon is definitely and unequivocally one of the good guys. A bad Jewish dragon would be playing into some of the most bizarre stereotypes I’ve ever encountered. (Google David Icke; I haven’t the stomach.)

-If you’re writing something with gore or fantasy violence, try to stay away from anything that evokes blood libel, the medieval myth that we use the blood of Christian kids to make ceremonial food. Vampires are also something that needs to be done with finesse because of the way “bloodsucking” can also be a metaphor for the stuff in the first bullet point, profiting financially off the hardship of others. (Side note: Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter frames the white slave-owners in the American South as literal vampires who fed on their human captives. I thought this was a BRILLIANT metaphor because, well, it’s practically not even a metaphor.)

Some other less spectacularly awful stereotypes that you’d be doing us a favor to stay away from: our men being wimpy mama’s boys, our women being frigid after marriage, our women being tremendous nags, any gender but especially women being exceptionally whiny, and reducing the entire religion and culture down to “not eating pork” and “having a different winter holiday.”

If you must write a weak-willed man who dotes on his mother and lets her boss him around, please write at least two other Jewish male characters who aren’t like this, so that he doesn’t wind up representing all our men. If you must write a Jewish woman with a low sex drive, please make it clear she’s asexual or demisexual or something – or having a medical issue – and write her as a fully realized character and recognize that men are never, EVER “owed” sex anyway.


Nico and Frank are Dorky Nerds

- It all begins when frank and Nico find out that they both like mythomagic, and it escalates from there

- They constantly play against each other, compare cards, and are always on the search for new/special additions of cards

- Nico is reluctant to buy figurines though, unlike Frank who’s always on the search for them. But Nico always goes along with Frank to search for them (battling with the insane worry that Frank will somehow die during that time) and picks up ones he sees for Frank when he’s out and about

- And then Frank introduces Nico to Star Wars and Star Trek, and it becomes a nightmare

- Nico slowly morphs from ‘that scary emo kid’ to 'that weird nerdy kid who’s kind of adorable and never shuts up’

- His wardrobe changes completely from basic dark clothes to Star Wars / Star Trek shirts, and thanks to his Dad having unlimited money, he’s basically bought all the merchandise possible for them

- And he did the same for Frank, and Frank couldn’t believe it. He was torn between hugging Nico and demanding he take everything back when he finally noticed how much Nico was buying for him

- Nico refused to take anything back

- They have regular marathons, where they’re both curled up on Frank’s sofa in their pyjamas with plenty of sweets, under a warm blanket. And if they so happen to be cuddling during that time, who’s any the wiser?

- While Frank introduced him to the movies, Nico is the one to properly introduce Frank to the fandoms

- It started with Nico deciding that he shipped Captain Kirk and Spock, and just wanting to see if anyone else shipped it, and got to the point where he’d be texting/calling Frank up at ungodly hours to say 'Frank you have to read this fanfic/see this fanart!“

- Frank finds it adorable and happily gets sucked into the fandom

- They make a blog for Star Wars + Star Trek which both get pretty popular (especially when they manage to rope Hazel/Rachel into drawing fanart for them to post)

- They start going to Comic-Con together and always have a great time (even if they were surprised to come across Will, Percy and Leo dressed up as Doctor Who characters that one time). Frank is too shy to go all out, but Nico is always determined to have the best cosplay ever

- Frank nearly has a heart attack when he sees how much Nico pays to be able to do all this

- They have an instragram account purely to show off Nico’s cosplay to their friends, but it got pretty popular, and tones of people thought they were a couple… they never deny it

- Nico has a habit of sprouting out quotes, and gets annoyed when Frank’s not around to appreciate them

- Hazel ships them hardcore ever since they went to Comic-Con dressed as Kirk and Spock

- They’re both massive nerds who can talk for hours and hours about hcs etc, and get into daily discussions on who the best characters are/who they should be shipped with, etc

- They both cried when they heard that Carrie Fisher had died (Nico adored her) and Nico literally went on a search for her soul just so he could say thank you for all that she had done, and to show off to Frank

- He managed it… somehow. They still don’t quite understand how because Nico shouldn’t be able to mess with the dead of other religions etc, but they don’t think too much about it

- It was one of the best days ever

- Nico always steals Frank’s shirts ("Um, Nico, why are you wearing my shirt?” / “Because I like it.”/ “You have the exact same one, in your size, in the wardrobe.” / “…Shut up.”)

- They move in together because no one else can handle their 'nerd out’, and it literally looks like an explosion of Star Wars and Star Trek

Um yeah, nerdy Frank and Nico guys. I love it.

How to Create Unboring Characters

I was asked by my friend Becca, a fantastic teacher and one of the most immensely creative people I know, to teach a class for her school’s Art Manifest program this year. I’d done it twice before and had a blast, so of course I agreed. 

The kicker was that this time I was asked to teach something more specific (last time I talked about developing an art style). She wanted me to talk about creating characters. Easy, right? That’s like, the thing I do! Welp, turns out explaining the thing I do is way more difficult than I expected. 

There are a million factors that go into conceiving a character, but I focused more on visual characteristics, since that’s what I’m better at. The process of breaking that down taught me a lot, and I was able to use it to further develop a few characters for my upcoming book.

So here we go…

Part 1: Greasepaint and Horns and Snake Nostrils

I wanted to begin with characters the kids would know before I had them build their own.

I can’t think of a more interesting character in recent genre fiction than Imperator Furiosa. You look at her and immediately see her story. The grease used as face paint, the prosthetic arm, the belt buckle, the practical super short hair. As the story goes you get tidbits about her, but never the whole story (which shows respect for the audience and allows them to fill in the blanks if they feel the need to), and as I watched Fury Road (thrice in the theater - I can’t remember the last time I did that) I kept hoping Max would sacrifice himself and we’d get a new series of films focusing on Furiosa. She’s great, is what I’m saying.

Saga’s Alana, Marko, and Hazel are great examples of how characters can grow and continue to surprise you and themselves. Hazel, in particular, is fascinating right off the bat. In a world where horned people are at war with winged people, here comes this girl with horns and wings. She’s pretty much visual shorthand for “We want no part of your war.”

By contrast you have someone like Voldemort, who’s pretty one dimensional*. An effective villain? Ehhh, kinda, but he’s not exactly compelling. To be fair, his role in the story doesn’t require him to be interesting, but this isn’t about necessary characters, dammit, it’s about unboring characters! And snake nostrils aside, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is pretty boring. 

*Since the class it’s been brought to my attention that he’s actually way more complex in the books (I was going by the movies). Buuuut we can focus on Moviedemort just the same, cuz he’s the only version many people know (hi). 

Part 2: Help You Help Me (i.e. Verrazzano Blog: 7)

As I said, in researching how to best break these ideas down I came across some stuff I felt I should apply to my own work, so here’s that. 

Since many of the characters in Verrazzano are still clay this became a great opportunity to kill two birds with one stone (apology to birdkind forthcoming). 

Here are two focal figures in the book. Since much of my character building focuses on design this is a good opportunity to break down some visual clues about who these two are.  

I had the the class guess which of the two was the protagonist and which was the antagonist. Most picked Citizen Cosmos because of her brighter colors. One of them even said the use of “citizen” shows that she’s of the people, which is great cuz that’s exactly what I wanted to convey when thinking up the name.

Cosmos is a young woman with immense power and responsibility who wants to make a difference in the world. She wants to be a reassuring and inspirational presence. Someone you can trust. She throws herself in the line of fire, but she’s inexperienced and even clumsy sometimes.  

Side note: I’m not in love with her given name. Navan Gupta sounds good, but “protected champion” feels a little heavy handed on the symbolism. I’m just keeping it as a placeholder for now.

Then you have Rex. You can immediately tell from his name that he’s trouble. Rex is a self promoter and manipulator who has others do his fighting for him. Who is this guy? Why won’t he ever take those shades off? He shares Cosmos’ frustration with the way the world works and lack of interest in adhering to gender norms, but not much else.

Part 3: Nom de guerre

A character’s name can be incredibly important and informative. A name can convey heritage, socioeconomic status, or even profession (doctors, lawyers, etc.). A self-chosen name in particular can help the character control how the world perceives them (as seen in the two examples above). Or you might just want something that sounds cool without putting too much thought into it. I’m not the boss of you. What I do know is that naming a character John Jones is lame, but J’onn Jonzz? That’s a name. 

If you’re better at world building than character building you can use the name to refer to existing elements in the world like places, religions, etc. And the further along you get in your story, the easier it’ll be to think up characters and names that fit it.

For example, Luke Skywalker is a solid name, but it sticks out like a sore thumb among some of the super weird names in the Star Wars mythology. Chewbacca, Yoda, Lando Calrissian, Asajj Ventress… Without context I’d probably be way more interested in finding out who those guys are. Kit Fisto up there, for example, has a great name and a great look. And it’s evident that he was created decades into an already familiar universe. They had the formula set by the time he came into the picture.

Part 4: Wrap Up

Towards the end I had the class make up their own characters. Most of them already had something that they just wanted to refine, but hey, we’re not all starting from that place. Some writers excel at world building, others at dialogue. Some artists are masters of mood, others of layout.

I personally have a lot of learning to do when it comes to this and other aspects of cartooning, but I definitely learned a lot trying to break this down. I hope you learned a little from reading it!

Ta for now.


Dear Birdkind,

I don’t know if you understand what metaphors are, but this was one of those. Basically some folks who died way before any of us were born wanted to sound smart by saying things that actually meant other things. That might not make any sense to you, but humans are ridiculous. 

Anyway, my point is I don’t wanna throw anything at you guys. You’re all great. Except swans. I think we can all agree swans are assholes. 

Your friend on the ground,
Alejandro Bruzzese


I was on fire on Twitter tonight (talking about ten thousand things). But I thought this would be a good topic for Tumblr as well.

Most people online only recognise me as an artist, someone who posts art and comics, and someone who only talks about art and comics. That’s what they expect when they come to my blog and twitter and whatever else. And that’s the crutch I always use when I introduce myself to people (since I am also conditioned to think that’s the most interesting thing about me). Honestly though, that’s not all I am. Or who I really am. I actually spend very little time drawing or sketching, in comparison to the time I spend focusing on my education (I study in a world-class non-art university, Bachelor of Science) and the pursuit of knowledge, and taking care of myself by going out and absorbing the world. Actually, throughout my life, I’ve always been half-arts and half-science; it’s never been one or the other. I just love both things!! And they don’t have to be mutually exclusive! My main interests are psychology and understanding the role that consciousness plays in the development and arousal of spirituality, the study of religion (anthropological, social and cultural), interfaith dialogue and cultural history, alongside my big love for astrophysics (even if I can’t do the math).

I don’t draw everyday. I used to, as a teen, I used to post 30 full drawings a month, but when I had to study for my second national high school exams (before my third and final one, before proceeding to an international college-level exam) I fell to the wayside. It made me feel inadequate. Sometimes I think that, if I had spent more time in art, I would have kept up with many of my art colleagues rn. I would have gotten more work (oh hey I am always available for hire). I have difficulty reconciling the expectation (mine and others) about a career in art, and the growing realisation that I want to see myself doing a non-art project, more than I see myself working in art. But after having done this for years I can take things into perspective: I get to be well-rounded. I get to learn a lot of things, all of which are VALUABLE to my creativity. I learn more about myself, and am not insulated into a single environment talking about a single thing, in which bad habits might grow. Sure, I’m slow, I don’t post on the blog a lot. But it’s OK. It’s possible to live a non-art life and still be an artist. But that decision is on you, not on what other people think based on a set of arbitrary standards.

tl;dr: You don’t have to draw 24/7 or sacrifice your life and other non-art interests in order to be seen as a valuable, worthy, “real” artist. You already are, just for enjoying what you make, just for trying, no matter how little you do so.

On Andy Biersack and Scientology

My dad suggested we watch Leah Remini’s Scientology and the Aftermath tonight, and not only was it an eye-opening series, but it also had so many connections to Andy and Juliet. I took note of some things throughout the first episode that I wanted to share: 

Why I Believe He Joined

The first parallel was how Remini described what Scientology is. She goes on to state how Scientology promises to help you reach your fullest potential in every aspect of life. What stood out to me the most, however, was when she referred to Scientology as being able to “fix yourself” and also “help mankind”. 

It’s no surprise that Andy struggles with mental illness. Even if we don’t know which, it’s still plain to see that he has some types of issues going on. When a person hit’s rock bottom, anything can be appealing, even a cult-like ‘religion’. Imagine you’re going through your absolute worst time in life, and then someone you love presents a solution; a spiritual path to healing. It’s tempting, it seems like the perfect answer. If Andy has been struggling, and now his wife is encouraging him to join Scientology, he could easily be swayed with these promises made by the group. I wouldn’t put it past Juliet to be manipulative either. 

Why I Believe Andy Shames His Past

The documentary speaks of how Scientology views victims as the ones at fault. Amy Scobee, a victim interviewed, talks about how she was made to feel like she caused the terrible incident that happened to her. Perhaps Andy’s been told his actions have caused his poor mental state. Maybe this is why he seems to so deeply hate who he used to be. Someone could be convincing him that the old, reckless Andy Sixx resulted in a now depressed, hopeless Andy Black. Someone also could be feeding him the lies that becoming a perfect Scientologist will erase his endeavors. And isn’t that what he’s morphed into? A perfectly bland, emotionless, and money-driven Scientologist. 

Trying to Help Mankind

An example Remini gives when describing the promises Scientology offers is that you’ll be good with animals and great to the environment. This is a minor connection, but I always found Andy’s “animal advocacy” addition to his bio strange. Yes, we know Andy loves animals and has been vocal about helping them, but why advertise that now? I worked in dog groomers growing up, I volunteer with rescues, and I’m a doggie foster mom currently, yet it never really occurred to me that I should advertise that on social media bios. It’s not like Andy has always shared that so overtly, that title just sort of popped up randomly a few months ago. It’s like he’s trying to prove he’s good. I believe this could be the case with his on-again-off-again veganism too. 

Andy Becoming Sickly Thin

Out of curiosity, I googled veganism and Scientology and came across a celebrity diet website. The site talks about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes doing something called Scientology Fasts. These fasts are described as detoxes and include periods of time where only water and juices are consumed. Juliet promoting a detox tea seems slightly less strange now. Plus, maybe this explains Andy and Juliet going from healthy looking to borderline sickly thin these past months. 

Abuse Scandal 

The last point I took from the documentary was while Remini and Scobee discussed a high ranked Scientologist, David Miscavige, and how he beat on those who disagreed/bothered him. Scobee mentions that people who witnessed this were conditioned to rationalize the behavior. She goes on to explain Miscavige was under a great deal of stress, he had a lot of pressure on him, and that’s why it was seen as okay for him to abuse people. Sound familiar? 

Final Thoughts

I first thought Andy joined when he got the Scientology tattoo. It seemed like too much of a coincidence for him to be married to a Scientologist and then tattoo one of their codes of honor onto himself. Maybe if Juliet wasn’t a Scientologist, the tattoo thing could be dismissed. But the fact that she appears to be actively involved in this cult has me believe she is the reason he even knew the quote in the first place. 

Now seeing the personality changes, physical changes, along with the facts of Scientology…I’m pretty convinced he’s joined. I mentioned on another blog earlier that nobody has addressed this issue either, which is suspicious. Juliet is constantly clearing her name on social media, yet she’s never came out in debunked these Scientology theories. You’d think if it weren’t fact, the first thing she’d be doing is making sure everyone knows whats being assumed is false. But Juliet hasn’t done that, which only further proves that what we’re saying is true. 


None of what I’m saying here is proven to be hard facts. Everything above was simply my opinion and speculations on recent events. I in no way am claiming to know these things for sure, so take this all with a grain of salt. 


I’m asexual, but I won’t be telling anyone anytime soon

I’m asexual. It’s easy to say when written on an online blog to an audience who has never met me or even seen my face. And let’s be serious, how many people will even read this post? But to say it out loud, face to face, to someone I know? I think I’ll pass. Safe to say, I feel a lot more comfortable talking about my asexuality to a screen then even looking a stranger in the eye and saying “Hey, guess what? I’m asexual!”

It’s not like I am in denial about my asexuality, on the contrary, discovering this term which gave clarity to my identity has been one of the most liberating moments of my life. This word alone helped me to acknowledge who I was and realise that I was NOT abnormal. Upon claiming my asexuality, a lot of things in my past became glaringly obvious, and I understood a lot more about why I was the way I have always been. I think a lot of people don’t even realise how important labels and definitions are, especially when you come from a minority and are desperately seeking to reclaim back your identity.

I know I have always been asexual, but I never knew there was a name for it. Looking back on my experiences growing up, I realised it was all just a part of my asexuality: when I was shown my first sex ed video in high school and I was completely grossed out, when I lied about having a crush so I wouldn’t be called a freak, when my friends had explicit sex talks and I internally cringed in horror and even now, to this day, never understanding why the people around me would fall in love so easily and want sex so desperately. I felt disconnected and unable to comprehend what people around me were experiencing. I thought I was just strange, that this was a phase I was going through and whatever I couldn’t understand now would eventually hit me like it has done to everyone else. I’m now 21 yrs old and it still hasn’t hit me.

My initial thoughts soon changed once I discovered asexuality was a real thing. Honestly, it was a term I found when browsing online intersectional feminism blogs and the word ‘asexual’ was mentioned. My moment of discovery wasn’t anything special, but more like me mumbling to myself ‘oh yeah, I guess that’s what I am’. I searched around for other aces online, and it was reassuring to know that there existed a community who identified with what I had experienced and it is even more reassuring now to know that diversity does exist within the ace community, though I must admit, their presence is marginally smaller.

One of the main reasons I am afraid of coming out to friends and family is because of my ‘diverse’ situation, you could call it. You see, I am asexual, but I am also a Muslim and British Pakistani and I have lived in the UK for most of my life. These aspects of my life are all factors which I deeply associate with, yet because of this strong connection, have now become a barrier to opening up about my asexuality. I am surrounded by conflicting cultures: an Islamic rhetoric which tells me sex is precious and a hetero marriage will help satisfy my desires, a Pakistani rhetoric which tells me a girl’s worth is first in her virginity and then how well she sexually satisfies her husband in marriage, and a western rhetoric which tells me girls should be sexualised and should aspire to be objects of desire which are lusted after.

Then there is me, this being devoid of any sexual desire who is trying to find her asexual way amongst the sexual mess. In my religion and culture, it is okay to be desexualised… but only before marriage. Marriage isn’t even something I want to contemplate in this moment of time, but for a 21 yr old Pakistani Muslim woman, marriage is inevitable. I am fast approaching that milestone and the Pakistani community are demanding my head. I can’t avoid it even though I want to. This is the reality I am unable to escape.

You would think the only solution would be to tell them about my asexuality, but I know it will be pointless. I can’t tell my family because they genuinely believe a hetero marriage is the next step in life to complete a Pakistani Muslim woman. Being asexual defies their patriarchal, heteronormative depiction of a woman, so if I insist on being asexual then surely I must, I MUST be going through some dysfunctional phase. I can’t tell my friends because of course I’ve felt sexual desire and everyone wants sex, right? I’m just lying because I’m too shy to talk about it. Maybe I have a disorder then? Or am I sure that because I’m a Muslim I’m not just choosing to remain celibate? (N.B. an often common misconception, celibacy in Islam is actually highly discouraged.)

And thus, here I am, talking anonymously about an important part of my identity, my asexuality, to a screen of how many unknowns, whilst I must pretend otherwise to the people in my reality. I have accepted myself and I know the online ace community has too, but will I ever be accepted by the people who matter most to me? I think I will never know because I am too afraid. Too afraid of rejection, of hurt, of being cast off as an abnormality and above all, of losing the people I love. I am asexual, but I’m afraid I won’t be telling anyone anytime soon.

anonymous asked:

How do you define magic, what is and isn't sorcery, wizardry, witchcraft, cunning craft, ceremonial magic, natural philosophy, occultism, esotericism? It is quite confusing when I read your blog and I can't find any definitions. Hope you're well.

Well, insofar as I’m influenced by Crowley, I would like to quote his fairly ambiguous (at face) definition of magick

“[Magick is] the Science and Art of causing Change to occur in conformity with Will.”

This is sufficient for most Thelemites, but really, it, and, arguably, the spelling “magick” ought be specifically within the context of Thelema. In short, I’d make the argument that there is magic and magick, and while the two terms get used interchangeably (even on this blog), and are interpenetrating, it is useful to talk about them as if they were separate. The task of explaining Thelemic magick is really beyond my scope at present - I may make a go of posting about it later on, but right now I’ve limited time, so I’ll try to get to the heart of your question.

The dictionary defines magic as “the power of apparently influencing the course of events by using mysterious or supernatural forces.” This seems ridiculous, and can easily be discarded. Why? Well, the forces I “use” in my workings are hardly mysterious to me, nor are they supernatural. They are paranormal, but the word “supernatural” ought be discarded entirely, given that it implies something exists beyond the bounds of nature. That’s impossible - everything is natural. And, well, most witches and magicians would agree that magic is hardly unnatural, and, for the most part, works through natural means.

One thing that people don’t seem to grasp these days is that “natural” does not equal “explainable,” particularly via science, and, as we all know, science rarely tackles the issue of magic. There are a variety of reasons for this. @kingalchemy and I had some discussions about it in the past, actually. Anyways, I’d argue that magic is the process of impressing one’s will (or Will, dependent on how you look at it) upon the universe using methods not well-understood by current science.

If we accept this, though, we have to accept a sort of rolling definition of what magic actually is. Small-minded folks laugh at our ancestors because they believed magnets were magical, or that the Sun’s resurrection after an eclipse was magical, etc., but in my mind, at the time, these things did indeed fall under the category I currently understand as magic. In short, they were inexplicable in their time.

There’s a reason people talk about the past as if it were brimming with magic and wonder, and that’s because it was, for the most part. It has only been very recently that humanity has developed the infrastructure and resources to mount a serious study of the world. I don’t see the previous statement as maligning our ancestors - in fact, I’d say that it gives great praise to them, given that it is because of their hard work that we find ourselves in our current position.

Of course, there’s a great deal of whining to be heard from those who think our ancestors understood more than us and we need to return to some sort of golden age of tree wisdom or some-such. This is an illusion, to a degree. Our ancestors did know quite a bit, arguably as much as we do, but it was not yet transmuted into the forms necessary to support our current civilization. As our knowledge changed form, so did we. It isn’t exactly that we know more; it may best be said that we have a broader perspective now, which allows us to understand certain things in a different way, transforming them from magic into something more familiar.

Even more worrisome to some folks, particularly within the occult, is the idea which comes with this, that our magical practices from today may someday pass into the realm of not-magic, and be explained by science. I don’t fear this, but others might. The world will never be wholly free of enchantment, but once things like astrology and even ritual are fully explained, some might feel as if they’ve lost something, and, again, there’ll be whining about the past (in this case, our present day) being a golden age of whatever. I’d hope, though, that most people can approach things dispassionately enough to not get caught up in this.

Now that I’ve explained a bit about what I mean by “magic,’ I’ll address the other terms that you’ve asked about, which are quite simple by comparison. In my blogging, I treat a lot of them, perhaps the majority, as synonyms. I don’t see the point of some of these terms, as they, in terms of recent history, have the same meaning, albeit originating from different linguistic trees.

In researching them, I’ve come to learn that a lot of them have divinatory connotations rather than being purely associated with magic, probably because our ancestors did not distinguish readily between the two. Still, if you trace a lot of them back, it’s apparent that they, and their root words, didn’t have many truly descriptive connotations beyond just being associated with the concept of magic. This is probably testimony to the fact that magic has always been “a thing” so to speak, and people have always needed a word for it; and even considered it self-explanatory.

Sometimes, you can go even earlier, though, and find interesting things. Sorcerer, for example, originates from a Proto-Indo-European syllable, seh, which means… to sort. Similarly, the Proto-Indo-European word weik is believed to be related to our word, witch, and its original meaning has connotations of separation and division. Linguists theorize in both of these cases that the reference is to divinatory practices such as the casting of lots, but really? It’s interesting, but no help for us.

I can explain how I’m using the words, though not everyone is going to agree. Here goes.

Esotericism and occultism have always been functionally equivalent to me, with the caveat that the word esotericism is often used specifically in religious contexts, whereas occultism is a more general term.

Sorcery is magic. Pure and simple. I see no reason to distinguish between the two. Both actually have similar roots, with magic traceable to the Greek -mancy and sorcery having the root described above. Both have connotations of divination as well as manipulating fate.

Magic has various disciplines within it. These include ceremonial magic and witchcraft. The former is also erroneously termed “high magic,” but in reality both contain within them concepts “low” and “high.” A good article on the subject can be found here, so please read it. My paltry additions are as follows.

Ceremonial magic tends to be just what it sounds like - magic involving ritualistic actions that are rarely improvised and tend to have developed over a matter of centuries. Ceremonial operations usually require no accoutrements, or, conversely, very specific ones that are often made in a ritual fashion, as well. It generally involves a regular regimen practiced by the magician to construct his “body of light,” though the name for that varies dependent upon tradition.

Witchcraft is quite different, though there is much intersection between it and ceremonial practices. It generally involves accoutrements of various sorts (though not necessarily) and is often completely improvised or spontaneous. It tends to emphasize sympathetic magick, as well, whereas this is somewhat sparse in ceremonial workings. As the article I linked above notes, witchcraft need not involve a regular regimen, though when practiced in a religious context, it often does.

(This probably goes without saying on Tumblr, but Wicca is not the same as witchcraft. Wicca is a religion whose adherents practice witchcraft, but the two are not synonymous. Witchcraft itself is largely a secular practice, but often takes on the flavor of the witch’s religious or spiritual path, whatever that may be.)

Wizardry I’m not entirely sure about. I’ve not seen the term used very much among actual occultists. It seems most common in fantasy novels, and in those, usually describes a male magician. So, take from that what you will. There’s a general ambience of wisdom associated with this term, and in some circles (for various reasons) it has become associated with those who study magic intensely, but do not necessarily practice it often.

Well, the above notes describe how I’m using these terms, so hopefully this will be helpful for people reading this blog. I am open to criticisms or suggestions that might help me develop a more nuanced view of these terms and use them better, so please feel free to talk to me about this! I could probably say a lot more, anyways, but it’s already 10pm here, and I’ve got a lot of things to get done before I can sleep.

andrewszombie  asked:

You're racist. Terrorism has no religion. Port Arthur 1996, Norway 2010, Oklahoma city bombings 1995 and countless other acts of violence were committed by white guys. Your narrative only enables harassment of Muslims.

Oh boy… where to even start.

I’m guessing this is about this post, right?

1- Never did I say anything about terrorism being solely the doing of one group of people. If you had followed my blog before, you would have known that I have in fact talked at length about other kind of terrorism, and that include terrorism perpetrated by what Tumblr would refer to as “white” Europeans such as Anders Breivik, the IRA, ETA… etc… (and weirdly enough I don’t think you would try to argue that the ideologies in the name of whom those people killed had nothing to do with the atrocities which were commited, go figure). I did that most notably when the Germanwings plane crash debacle was going on, but since you don’t follow me, nor know me you wouldn’t know that; which begs the question of why you thought you were in any way qualified to judge me to start with.

2- I have never enabled any sort of harassment toward Muslims, and I have never said anything that was indicative that I thought that all Muslims were terrorists. In fact I have been doing exactly the reverse of that, I have been saying over and over for a year now that Islam (as an idea) and Muslims (as people) are two separate things and need to be talked of and regarded as such as since Islam is an idea it a- doesn’t have any rights and b- can be read and followed in plenty of different (criticisable) ways, while Muslims, who are people, do have rights that should and need to be respected.

3- As of recent I have talked of Islamic terrorism in particular, yes, but nowhere in that post was it implied that I - or anyone who answered to it and agreed with me - thought that it was the only kind of terrorism that existed. Are you trying to argue that Islamic terrorism itself as a conversation subject should be off limit and shielded from criticism? You can’t see how unhelpful that is? I have merely stated that it is important to let people (and that include MANY non westerner which apparently you’d be happy to keep silencing just so your western ass don’t feel uncomfortable) scrutinize scriptures and doctrines that lead some to violently oppress in a big enough scale that we can recognize a pattern. Because if you don’t let people ask the question then they cannot and will not come up with the answer and therefor the solution.

But sure.. keep throwing the “ist” words at my face and distorting my words by making me say things I never even implied, to try to hide that you cannot come up with any intelligent answer to oppose me, it’s so much easier and tumblr echo chamber sure will applaud you for it as they seem to be utterly convinced that use of buzzwords and speaking from you hurt (western) feelings are automatic argument winners over argumentation and debating. Meanwhile you are contributing nothing of use to the conversation in the bigger scale and neither is this website as a whole, not that they would notice or care about that anyway.

100 questions you should ask to get to know me!

Just throw one of these in my ask box! And off we go!

   1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.
   2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
   3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
   4) What do you think about most?
   5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?
   6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
   7) What’s your strangest talent?
   8) Girls…. (finish the sentence); Boys…. (finish the sentence)
   9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?
   10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?
   11) Do you have any strange phobias?
   12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
   13) What’s your religion?
   14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
   15) Do you perfer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
   16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
   17) What was the last lie you told?
   18) Do you believe in karma?
   19) What does your screen name mean?
   20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
   21) Who is your celebrity crush?
   22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
   23) How do you vent your anger?
   24) Do you have a collection of anything?
   25) Do you perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
   26) Are you happy with the person you’ve become?
   27) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?
   28) What’s your biggest “what if”?
   29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
   30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.
   31) Smell the air. What do you smell?
   32) What’s the worst place you have ever been to?
   33) Choose: East Coast or West Coast?
   34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?
   35) To you, what is the meaning of life?
   36) Define: Art.
   37) Do you believe in luck?
   38) What’s the weather like right now?
   39) What time is it?
   40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
   41) What was the last book you read?
   42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?
   43) Do you have any nicknames?
   44) What was the last movie you saw?
   45) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?
   46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?
   47) Do you have any obsessions right now?
   48) What’s your ?
   49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?
   50) Do you believe in magic?
   51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?
   52) What is your astrological sign?
   53) Do you save money or spend it?
   54) What’s the last thing you purchased?
   55) Love or lust?
   56) In a relationship?
   57) Are you a virgin?
   58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
   59) Where were you yesterday?
   60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
   61) Are you wearing socks right now?
   62) What’s your favorite animal?
   63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?
   64) Where is your best friend?
   66) What is your heritage?
   67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?
   68) What do you think is Satan’s last name?
   70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?
   71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?
   72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?
   73) You can only have one of these things: trust or love.
   74) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?
   75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?
   76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?
   77) How can I win your heart?
   78) Can insanity bring on more creativity?
   79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?
   80) What size shoes do you where?
   81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?
   82) What is your favorite word?
   83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word: heart.
   84) What is a saying you say a lot?
   85) What’s the last song you listened to?
   86) Basic question: what’s your favorite color/colors?
   87) What is your current desktop picture?
   88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?
   89) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?
   90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?
   91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?
   92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
   93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
   94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?
   95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
   96) Do you have any relatives in jail?
   97) Have you ever thrown up in the car?
   98) Ever been on a plane?
   99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?
   100) Give me your top 5 favorite blogs on Tumblr.

Aren’t you a little old for me?

Real quick before I begin my story I just wanted to seriously apologize for how long I’ve been away from this blog. I will begin writing again.

Request: “you should do a really fluffy imagine where you’re younger than him. That would just be soooo sweet!”

“Excuse me, this is extremely cliche of me, and I almost want to kick myself for doing this, but you are just extremely attractive. I’ve come to this coffee shop almost every day for weeks because I keep seeing you sitting in this spot, sipping coffee, and writing whatever it is you’re writing, and for those weeks I’ve been trying to muster up the courage to ask you if you wanted to go on a date with me. It can even be to here, this coffee shop, this spot.” You looked up at the handsome man towering above you. You wished he would sit down, because it was making you nervous how much taller he was than you at this point. His dark brown eyes stood out against the whites of his eyes, so much so that it seemed as if they were floating there, with nothing to hold on to. They burned with such an intense passion you felt as if they were looking into your inner most thoughts and feelings. You felt a warmth spread across your face as you try to process what the man had said. Someone that attractive just asked me on a date? What is happening to the world. You hadn’t spoken yet, just stared dumbly towards the area of space he was currently occupying. He had looked hopeful in the beginning, but now the fire in his eyes seemed to dim and his smile faltered, making his adorable dimples get tinier.

“Um, yes. Can you sit down? I don’t mean it like that, I mean it like are you free right now? You can sit here on me, and we can- I meant you can sit next to me and we can talk and it can be our date. Well it wouldn’t count as the official first date, but a pre-date. That is if you would want another date. Well, fuck I am screwing this up aren’t I?” You giggled nervously, hoping bringing up the fact that you were a complete moron would take away from the fact that you actually are and have no clue how to talk to people. His smile returned and the dimples carved themselves deeper into his cheek. He pulled out the chair next to yours and sat himself down, getting comfortable. You took this moment to really analyze who he was and what he looked like. He was lean, and very tall. His skin was pale, with dark hairs covering his arms and trying to poke through the skin on his face. He had dark hair, which rested atop his head in a messy way, and a sunken in face. He was, without a doubt, one of the most attractive people you have ever laid eyes on. He opened his mouth to speak and you paid attention to the way his deep voice vibrated your ear drums, and sent a shiver down your spine.

“My name is Evan.” He said, “I’ve lived here in LA most of my life. What about you?”

“My name is Y/N, and I’ve just moved here on my twenty second birthday, as a gift to myself. I’ve always wanted to live here.”

“Your twenty second birthday? How long ago was that?”

“Six months, so I’m still pretty new to LA life, but I love it so far.” 

Evan seemed to have sunk a little in his chair. He looked as though he was fighting what he wanted to say before he opened his mouth again.

“You’re 22, and I should let you know that I’m 29..” His voice trailed off as he said his age, and his face mirrored that of a man who was almost certain those words would end a conversation.

“29..” You repeated, rolling the age around in your head, thinking. You knew it wasn’t bad at all, only an eight year difference, and it wouldn’t bother you if it wouldn’t bother him. “I don’t see anything wrong with that, if you don’t, Evan.”

“It’s just that I’ve dated younger girls before, way young, but not eight years younger, and they’ve almost all been immature in a relationship.”

“You should never stop giving people chances. Besides, it’s just a date, lover boy, who said anything about a relationship?”

Evan chuckled and stood up, holding out his hand.

“Where are we going?” You asked him.

“Y/N, we’re going to go for a walk, get an ice-cream, and swing on the swings.”

“Talk about immature.” You said, jokingly. He took your hand and led you out of the now-crowded lobby of the coffee shop, and across the street to the trails that led through woods. You let him lead the way, considering how narrow the pathways were. You guys talked about your childhoods, your parents, your high school days, aliens, outer space, religion, the meaning of life, why the sky was blue, and anything you could think of. The conversations flew so casually between you two that time seemed to speed up, and the activities that were being done by you both passed by in a blur. You ended the night sitting on a park bench, after full tummies from ice cream and a good swing on the swings. Evan had draped his sweater around your shoulders and you were leaning your head on his.

“So, can I get a second date?” He asked looking down at you. You leaned up and pressed your lips against his. You closed your eyes and took in his scent, and his taste. When you pulled back he was smiling from ear to ear. “I’ll take that as a yes, then.” 

anonymous asked:

I love your blog! If it wasn't for this blog, i'd feel that I wouldn't know to much about my pre colonial heritage as I do now. I'm curious as to what religion was like back then and if its true that majority of the pre colonial Philippines were muslim or at least most of it was influence by islam as the philippines today is influeced by america and spain?

Thank you! :) This blog it the outcome of my own decolonization and search of identity so I’m glad it has helped others as well!

Prior to the arrival of the Spaniards there were different religions that had a foothold in the islands. This includes Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, & native Animistic beliefs. During the time the early Spaniards arrived Islam was already in Sulu and other parts of Southern Mindanao. It was also in the Tagalog region and the Tagalogs were called Moro’s by the Spaniards just like those in the south (and every other Muslim group they encountered). Between the Sultan of Sulu and his people, the Datu’s and Rajah’s of the Tagalog kingdoms, of Maynilad and Tondo, and the Sultan of parts of Borneo (which today is known as Brunei), there were intermarriages and thus the spread of Islam spread through the ruling class, the Datu’s, Rajahs, Sultans, and their kin. When the Spaniards arrived Tagalogs were already practicing a mix of Islamic and native Animistic beliefs. You can see this with some of the deities the Tagalogs worshipped  or regarded that are influenced by Islam.

In other parts of the islands such as the Kingdom of Butuan in Northeastern Mindanao, which is one of the first places the Spaniards arrived in, they were practicing a mix of Hindu-Buddhism, which is still found in parts of Indonesia, in particular Bali, and other parts of Southeast Asia. We know this based on historical accounts and archaeological finds of gold artifacts depicting deities and figures in Hindu and Buddhist mythology such as Tara, Ganesh, the Garuda, the Kinnari, Padmapani, throughout the islands of what is now known as the Philippines. Also though none has resurfaced so far there is written accounts recalling figures of the Buddha scattered by the rivers along with the larawan figures of the spirits and ancestors that the people gave offerings to in porcelain plates.

Majority though still practiced native Animistic beliefs and had their own mythologies and spirituality. They had their own rituals, practices, beliefs in the afterlife, creation stories, deities, etc. They venerated the spirits, the ancestors, believed in more than one soul, believed everything had a spirit, regarded certain rocks, animals, tree’s, as sacred, believed the flowing river waters and water in general was the pathway to the ancestors, of the beginnings and source of life and death. They saw all things as sacred and gave reverence to all life.

With the other religions that arrived on the islands they tended to blend it together with the native beliefs which you can still see it done somewhat with the arrival of Christianity. We also have records of some people fighting against the new religion of the Spaniards. One favorite of mine is found in the written account of Francisco Alcina who talks about a man who stood up for his beliefs and practices and of his thoughts in regards to the afterlife as well as the injustices done toward him and his people by the Spaniards.

“Padre what you say is undoubtedly true that there is a glory and punishment. It seems in conformity with reason that the good should be rewarded and the bad punished. But this is for you, the Spaniards, who are a wise people and know all this, but not for us Bisayans. Thus for Castilians, we do not doubt that there will be a heaven, but for the Bisayans, it seems not because in this part of the world God created us with such great difference from you. As we see here, the Spaniards do not permit us even to sit down in their houses, and have no respect for us, so much the less will it be the case for us there were as you say, everything in grandeur, majesty, and glory without end.”

There wasn’t one religion throughout the islands and the other religions came in different waves that influenced the language and culture of our ancestors. However for the most part people practiced the indigenous Animistic beliefs which you can find more info on those in the following tags: myth, deity, diwata, folklore, and on my personal polytheistic blog and the first one I made that I don’t really go on anymore and random blog posts on my personal blog that if you can find on the archive would be helpful but I suck at tagging when it comes to my personal blog so good luck sorting through that mess of an archive.

Breakup Letter

This is my breakup letter to the Tumblr Left.  Because of the behavior of this subculture, I’m abandoning this URL and starting a new one, that will avoid Leftist politics almost entirely.

Often, I’d stayed silent, as I watched antisemitism on the Left not only exist unchallenged, but spread to bloggers that I hadn’t seen it from before, again and again.  Periodically, I’d send a message either anonymously or not mentioning that a blogger I trusted had shared something antisemitic, possibly without realizing it, and should remove it or at least make a comment to the effect of “I just learned/realized that this was bad, and here’s why.” But these asks were basically always ignored.

This is not to say that there aren’t some members of the Tumblr Left that I still feel safe around, but they’re few and far between, and many, many fewer than I had thought, or rather hoped, that there would be.

The problems, of course, often center around the contentious issue of Israel, though not always.  I do not demand that we agree on what the solution to the Israeli/Palestinian conflict is, but when you post political cartoons with Jewish stereotypes standing in for Israel? That’s antisemitism.  When you post images or text suggesting that the Middle East would be happy and peaceful if Israel were gone? You’re basically advocating for the genocide of six million Jews, something that you love pointing out was done by your enemies.  When you refuse to even discuss how to handle keeping Jews in Israel safe under a one-state solution, this is precisely what you’re doing. (Note: I am not saying that a one-state solution is impossible, or whatever, the point is that by ignoring these problems, you’re saying that Jews don’t matter, and their safety doesn’t either.)

The Left, even more than the Right, denies that Jews are even FROM the Middle East, and treats us like we’re Europeans…except for when we’re in Europe, then we’re foreigners who should move back to Palestine.

But Israel isn’t the only issue.  I’ve seen posts going around with implications about Jews and bankers, strongly suggesting that Jews are the cause of inequality.  People uncritically supporting the Soviet Union despite it’s explicit attempt to wipe out the Jewish culture and religion, and often from people who talk about how important decolonization is and the protection of indigineous and minority religions and cultures! People being gleeful about Corbyn in the UK, despite that he associates openly with Holocaust deniers and with people who openly say that the want to drive the Jews into the sea. The hypocrisy of the Left regarding Jews is sickening, and I just can’t deal with it anymore.

Worse, I’ve watched offenders of these things, people who specifically have made me feel like I don’t belong on the Left, like the Left would be almost as happy to watch me die as the Right would, reblog one of the posts I’m proudest of, my post about Learning Jewish Languages.  I cringed when the first Mormon reblogged it, I got upset when a Messianic did, but when the people who call for the destruction of Israel, for Palestine from the River to the Sea, and who don’t even give a thought about the safety of the 43% of the world’s Jews who live there, but insist that they’re not antisemitic (just anti-Zionist, a combination that’s actually quite rare) I just…I can’t deal with this shit anymore.

It’s been made clear to me by the Left that there’s no where on Earth that they think I have a right to be safe.  The country I was born into is, in fact, a settler-colonial nation, and they justify violence against just about anyone who is a non-Native American regardless of other considerations…and they justify it in order to lionize Palestinians who murder random Israelis, so they’re also saying I don’t have a right to move to Israel, the land that my ancestors come from (and now my family has the genetic tests to show that we’re from the Levant originally) and most countries of the world include a large population of people who hate me actively just for being Jewish.  Where am I to go? Doesn’t everyone have a right to have somewhere they can live and feel safe?

So, Tumblr Left, I’m going to leave you with a suggestion.  In Jewish Tradition, we are currently in the Ten Days of Repentence, between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, the day when G-d examines what you have done and writes your name in a book to determine your fate.  These are the days to reflect on what you’ve done wrong, and prepare to do better.  On Yom Kippur, we fast and generally afflict ourselves so as to atone, as this is the day that our judgments are sealed.  Whether you believe or not, this is a good time of year for reflection, and for resolving to do better going forward.

I hope that you get your act together, and that the antisemitism on the Left can be stopped before it goes to an even uglier place, but I would be lying if I said I was optimistic.

And with that, I bid you goodbye, and some of you I will see with my new URL.  I will leave this up as the final post on this blog.


Zayn’s leave. Raising his image.

So, I’ve thought some about Zayn leaving (I believe like many others that it’s a stunt) and the motifs behind it. Can it be something more than just Modest wanting to push Zerrie? 

Lets say that the New Team is invested in those boys for the long run. Lets say they want to pave way for their future careers after 1D (or alongside a less active 1D). Harry already has a name. If he wants to go solo he can, if he wants to write he can. No problems. I don’t think Louis, Liam or Niall are very interested in solo careers as singers, but rather as producers or writers. They all need their names to get raised within the business but not necessarily to the public (Louis only needs to in order to not become “Harrys boyfriend”). New Team wants them raised individually bc that is best for the band as a whole, but it’s not a necessity. 

Zayn on the other hand … Here we’ve got an amazing singer – by far the best in the band (they would all sign on that within a heartbeat) – who’s incredibly shy and who’s got a massive integrity. This kid doesn’t particularly want to do big promo tours and be seen at parties to get recognized, but he wants to sing. He want’s to be recognized as a good singer in his own right and as more than a boybander. He’s the one of those boys that would really benefit in the long run if his image is raised while still in the band. The problem is that he’s been thoroughly bereft of his own personality and his entire heritage, religion and culture by Modest. The things about him that makes him unique have been hidden away. We’ve got a lovely, thoughtful, intelligent, well read, funny, beautiful, queer and muslim poc kid here. Who’s been reduced to a cheating, straight, lazy asshole with a good voice but zero work moral. How can that be changed?

When i think about it this way Zayn leaving makes so much sense. Everyone talks about how the break have been about raising Louis image. I think it has been just as much (or more) about raising Zayn’s. 

This is pure speculation, but I think that trip Louis and Zayn did to LA during tour before he left was important. My guess is that Zayn learned that he was in for some really ugly stunting during the Asian leg of the tour. Really bad stuff like cheating or drugs that he simply couldn’t stand doing, especially not in those countries (we saw the start of it). So New Team negotiated with Modest to get Zayn to leave instead. Maybe it was something that was planed for later or that had been on the table before. Modest was free to fill it with what ever Zerrie stunting they liked, make it out to be about Perrie and use it to sell tickets. New team on the other hand could use the leave to seriously rase Zayn’s image. To make him interesting and show new parts of him. It’s some kind of a win, win though the agendas are different. So, I think both teams are involved right now on some level. Everything is a mess bc there are several conflicting agendas at play.

This also fits well with the Naughty Boy/Louis fight. I’m convinced the fight is totally fabricated, but I feel that it’s more to it than just making NB a villain. Primarily I think both Louis and NB are fine with it bc they agree on why it’s done. This is not like the BS tweets that was done without Louis’ consent, this is a means to an end. They both love Zayn, and they will both come out on top when they bury the hatchet and work together later on (I’m calling it, that’s what will happen, party pics of NB and Louis). In this light even NB’s insult on Louis’ voice makes sense. I really don’t think Lois is sensitive about his voice. He knows he’s got a limited range and singing is not what he wants to do for the rest of his life. He’s well aware he’s not good enough for a solo career and he’s not interested in one. Instead he’s interested in helping people – like Zayn – with theirs. So, NB’s tweet is to empathize that Zayn does have a voice that’s quite exceptional (and Louis will at some point laugh about it and say that there’s some truth to it, so why would he be holding a grudge, while NB admit that he’s really not half bad). 

As I just started this side blog and got no followers I tag some people I like and who I’d like to discuss this with (anyone can feel free to join though), li-z-and-zayonce girlwiththefeels swallowsmateforlyfe nerds4life larry-and-ziam-are-real swallowsmateforlyfe ardentoptimism that-regular-chick deathwish-koala ziamsdaddykink lifechangeing bakagamieru paynoisbatman. Hope that’s okay. I follow you all from my main account that’s not 1D. All the love.

The Drunkalypse Season 4, Episode 7: Mockingbird
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This week was a breath of fresh air, one I sorely needed, when this show thinks violence and treating women like shit are the bee’s knees. And if there are two things this blog loves they are: 1) consensual sex. and 2) sex that is implied effectively to the point that it does not HAVE to be depicted.

WARNING: this review is going to talk a lot about dick, equal opportunity nudity and sex on Game of Thrones. Usual amount of profanity. Also, a lot of Caps Lock. I have a lot of feelings.


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