i thought i had already posted this but i couldn't find it on my blog so whatevs

Sasuke arrived 15 minutes late to battlefield with Starbucks

In which Sasuke has a tumblr account.

Sasuke was annoyed. Not that such thing isn’t common, but he really was. Completely and utterly annoyed. He let a heavy sigh escape his lips while he tried to calm himself down. Then, he proceeded to scroll down the page to keep reading the content that had just infuriated him minutes ago.

He was reading the fandom’s opinion of chapter 627, the latest manga chapter of Naruto, in which he, as awesome a he was, had just left the role of antagonist to become the new potential hero of the story.

Hn, in your face, dobe.

Of course he was doing that because of boredom, not that the opinion of a bunch of crazy fangirls and fanboys mattered to him. His decisions were no one’s business. The only reason why Sasuke was checking his tumblr account - which no one on Earth knew about, and if someone knew, he would personally make sure to get rid of such menace - was because while the now revived Hokages were doing some show-off on the top of their respective statues, he had nothing better to do for the moment while waiting for them to go to kick Madara’s ass.

That had been the exact same reason why he actually created his account a few years ago, during his training with Orochimaru. He needed something better to do after his training rather than hanging around with the sannin and Kabuto, which had pretty weird habits that Sasuke didn’t want to adopt. And that is how his tumblr account was born. However, he barely used it. He was way too cool for that. Too cool to publish hatred and revenge quotes on his blog. And definitely too cool to publish random philosophical thoughts about the meaning of life, shinobi and tomatoes, especially these last months.

(And yes, all that “too cool” excuse was rubbish and Sasuke knew it, because his tumblr was the most emotional blog ever owned by a shinobi in the whole world, and he actually did publish all that stuff, but he would always deny it because that was the only way to preserve his dignity).

However, back to the point.

Sasuke was ANNOYED.

He frowned at the screen of his smartphone while he continued checking the “naruto 627” tag. Sure, the Naruto fandom had practically exploded with the last news. Sasuke knew he was one of the favorite characters there - he was freaking Sasuke Uchiha - but he couldn’t deny some of the fans’ reactions were quite disturbing…

At the beginning, he had read the typical fangirl rant about how awesome and cool and AMAZING he was, because he was the ONE AND ONLY SASUKE-KUN and all that stuff. He had sighed deeply, while trying to accept the fact that he would never get rid of his fangirls. However, as he continued to scroll down, the comments became more and more offensive.

“OMG! My precious baby Sasuke-kun has finally seen the light!”

“Our little Sasuke is growing up, I feel like a proud parent!”

“Sasuke was lost in the road of life, lol”

“Took you long enough, Sasuke!”

“Sasuke finally came to his senses!”

“I’ve waited five fucking years for this, Sasuke. FIVE FUCKING YEARS!”

“It’s about time, you irrational prick”

“You little shit, I don’t trust you a bit”

He glared at the screen. Hadn’t he finally decided to do what ALL these people wanted him to do from the first time? To go fight with the Shinobi Alliance? If they really wanted him to return, then they should wait whatever it takes him to do so.

‘Hn’ he grunted. Haters gonna hate.

He continued looking at the comments, only to find one that caught his particular attention.

“If you apologized to Karin, you BETTER apologize to everyone else, especially Naruto and Sakura and all the Leaf’s shinobi!”

Sasuke stared icily at the screen. He already knew what he had to do after returning to the village. He didn’t need anyone to remind him of that. Apologizing meant that he recognized his mistakes, and how he screwed up everything in the past.

It had been easy to apologize to Karin. Sasuke admitted that, the moment when he had stabbed her, he hadn’t been in the best mental conditions. He had never expected her to react in such a masochist way by confirming her adoration for him, though. However, when he had screwed up things with his ex- teammates, he had done so fully aware of his actions. He didn’t have any excuse, and apologizing would be something hard to do, but necessary.

Still, arriving to the battlefield with a legendary sannin, a team of strong experimental shinobi and four resurrected legends of the shinobi world would probably be enough for an apology, right?

He kept scrolling down, with his guilt feelings now dissipated, when he found a comment that made him cringe.

“THE PRESENT MINATO IS GONNA GIVE NARUTO IS SASUKE WRAPPED WITH A BOW!”

What. The. Hell.

Now Sasuke didn’t have any idea of what these guys were talking about. Why on Earth the Fourth Hokage would give a present to Naruto? And why would that present would be specifically him… wrapped with a BOW?

These brats didn’t know what respect was. They were messing with an Uchiha. And no one could mess with an Uchiha.

But apparently, they could. And in the most sassy ways.

Sasuke almost choked with saliva after seeing the next posts on the page. He had came across some very… graphical images of him, engaging in physical contact activities with his teammates, and also with Karin. The images were accompanied by some “Sasusaku”, “Sasukarin” and even some “Sasunaru” theories about the development of the series. Sasuke was smart enough to deduce what those terms meant. He just stared at the screen with a tic on his eye.

Sick people.

He couldn’t believe they actually were so obsessed with his private life. Especially his romantic life. Not even HE was so interested in it. He grunted, completely annoyed. His romantic life was his business. He knew he had to make some improvements in it, but that could wait after the war. He wouldn’t be able to revive his clan if Madara managed to activate the Infinite Tsukuyomi, after all. But there was no way in hell he was letting that crazy Madara do that.

Over my dead body, he swore.

Finally, the last post he read was one that made him raise an elegant eyebrow while reading it.

“Sasuke arriving 15 minutes late to battlefield with Starbucks”

He snorted slightly, amused. That was just ridiculous. Completely absurd. How could they even imagine the possibility of him, arriving to the battlefield with Starbucks? That just didn’t fit with the Uchiha profile…

Sasuke then took the last sip of his Starbucks Cappuccino - with no sugar - before logging out from tumblr, while he went to call the others to head to the battlefield.

…he would obviously finish his coffee before arriving.

I wrote this like a year ago inspired by the manga chapter, but after seeing idrawduckies’s edit, I just couldn’t help posting it.

I MEAN

This is just GOLD

(My fic is also posted in FF!)