i thought he was simon shorten

i hate you

Prompt: Simon and Penny defeated the humdrum when he kidnapped them. Therefore Simon never loses his powers or discovers he loves Baz. It’s their classes 15 year reunion and baz and Simon are both coming with their respective families.

wow this took a lot longer than I thought it would
i shortened it to 10 years because fifteen years is a really long time
hope you like it

There is no way I’m going.


If I have to see him again… I don’t think I’d survive the encounter.

Him. The Chosen One. The hero who saved us all.

It’s been ten years since we last shared a room together. Ten years since we fought at each other’s throats. Ten years since he proposed to Wellbelove at the leaver’s ball. Ten years since she said yes.

Ten years…


The whole thing is long and sentimental. People hugged and cried, laughing together and catching up.

I shook hands with Niall and Dev again. They’re both married men now, with wives and a couple of babies each. It’s been a while since I called them my minions. Marriage has made them more mature, that’s for sure. Maybe I’ll actually stay in touch with them this time around.

I also see Bunce and her husband, who flew over from America for this. They’re newlyweds. And of course she keeps her last name. Classic Bunce. I give her a stiff congratulations and she gives me an even stiffer thank you before she goes off in search of Snow.

I am sitting on the couch, staring at the wall, most definitely not trying to avoid Snow when a little girl bounces into the room. And when I look at her, it’s like getting socked in the stomach.

Because she looks exactly like him. Pure blue eyes. A mass of bronze curls. Even the moles, for Crowley’s sake. There’s not a trace of Wellbelove in her.

She sees me looking at her and skips over, landing on the couch with a plop. “Hi! I’m Cherry!”

I blink. Did he actually name her Cherry? “That’s a pretty name,” I say. “How old are you?”

“I’m six!” She announces proudly.

“Crowley, they started popping them out early,” I mutter under my breath. “Do you have any siblings?”

She pouts. “No. I really want a little brother!”

“I’m sure that Simon and Agatha will grant you that wish soon,” I say bitterly.

She looks at me curiously. “How do you know who my Mommy and Daddy are?”

I can’t help it; I smile and ruffle her hair. “You look exactly like your father. It’s not hard to tell.”

She beams at me. “What’s your name?”

“I’m Baz,” I tell her.

“Hi Baz!” She says. “You’re so nice. Lots of the other adults are nice too, but I can tell they don’t want to talk to me. But not with you.”

Before I can reply, I hear it.

“Cherry! Where were you? I told you to stay in my sight!”

If seeing Cherry was a punch to the gut, seeing Snow again was like being tackled by an entire rugby team. It’s been ten years, but he looks almost exactly like I remember him. He’s got the sun in his hair, the sky in his eyes, and constellations of freckles on his skin and it hurts, it physically hurts to look at him. Still so irritatingly handsome.

“Daddy!” Cherry smiles and bounces over to him.

“Snow,” I say.

“Baz,” he replies coolly, and something in my chest twangs at the sound of his voice. I hate how he does that to me.

“Cherry, go find your mom,” Snow says to her.

“But I don’t want to go find Mommy,” Cherry whines. “She never lets me have any fun! It’s all ‘stand straight and stop being loud and smile more and be polite.’”

I laugh. “That sounds like Wellbelove.”

Snow glares at me.“Cherry, go. I’m not kidding around.”

Cherry frowns but she goes. Once she’s out of earshot, he says pointedly, “Her name is Snow now. Not Wellbelove.”

I stiffen. “I know. I’m not a fucking idiot.”

Snow sighs. “Baz… it’s been ten years. How about we put all this shit behind us, okay? We can be friends.”

For a second, I consider it. Friends with Simon Snow, the Chosen One, the one that I’ve wanted for so long… if you asked me ten plus years ago, I would have never thought it’d be possible. For us to exist. Together. Without killing each other.

It would be… nice. To talk and hang out and laugh like normal people.

But then I think of him and Wellbelove (I refuse to call her anything else) and Cherry, of his little family unit, of the pain of seeing him every day without being able to touch him and kiss him and be with him and my stomach twists.

“Fuck off, Snow,” I sneer at him, because that’s the only way I can talk to Snow. With sneers or insults or baleful looks.

He’s angry now. “What the hell is wrong with you, Baz? Why do you even hate me so much? What did I ever do to you? The past is the past! We were kids back then, for fuck’s sake! God.” Snow shakes his head with disgust. “No wonder you don’t have a girlfriend. You’re too much of an asshole for anybody to love.”

I open my mouth to spit a reply but suddenly I’m frozen and I can’t breathe and I can’t speak and I can feel the tears forming in my eyes and just no no no

I spin around and I run, tearing out of the house and past confused houseguests but I don’t care because I just need to get away get away from him and his awful beauty and his awful words and I can’t fucking cry in front of him and Aleister Crowley

“Fuck you, Snow,” I yell. “Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you! I hate you! I hate you I hate you I hate you IhateyouIhateyouIhateyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou--”

I watch him run. Goddamned Baz. He’s always like this, even after so long. What did I even say? Why does he even care about what I say?

“Aren’t you gonna go after him?”

It’s Cherry. She’s got her hands on her hips and she looks mad.

“No, I think he needs some time on his own,” I say, staring at the door.

“Go talk to him!” She says. Her face is getting red and I can see the beginnings of a tantrum. “He’s your friend! Go make him feel better!”

“Cher, it doesn’t work like that. We’re not friends. He hates me, and I hate him. He made my life miserable at school ten years ago.”

“Ten years is a really really long time,” she replies hotly. “Longer than I’ve even been alive! Does it really matter anymore?”

I stare at her. “Cher…”

She pushes me. “Go!”

And I go.

“What the fuck are you doing here, Snow?”

“I… I’m…”

“Spit it out.”

“I’m sorry. I… I didn’t mean it.”

He won’t look me in the eye and he looks anxious  and even though I hate him (I hate him) I can’t help but notice how hot he looks when he’s biting his lip like that and fuck me why do I notice these things about him?

It’s the tenth anniversary of our graduation from Watford.

I might never see him again.

Fuck it.

Baz grabs my shirt and pulls me forward and suddenly we’re kissing we’re kissing and I can’t be kissing him why am I kissing him fuck I’m married and I’ve got a kid and he’s a guy but he’s kissing me and I’m kissing him back and why am I kissing him back I hate him I hate him I know I do but then why am I running my hands underneath his shirt and why does it feel so good?

Because Crowley, it feels so good, just being with him with my hands on his body and his cold lips pressed against mine but it shouldn’t because I hate him, I hate him, I hate him! He’s the guy who tortured me for eight years, the guy who –

–the guy you were obsessed with for so long, the guy you followed around everywhere until even Penny got tired of waiting with you and had to limit how many times you were allowed to mention his name in a conversation–

–because I was complaining about him! I hate him I hate him!

When you were proposing to Agatha he crossed your mind, didn’t he?

No, he didn’t! He didn’t, he DIDN’T!

Isn’t he the reason you never go to Bath and Body Works with Agatha anymore? Because all of the woody scented body sprays and products remind you of a bathroom that smelled like cedar and bergamot?

That’s not true! It’s not! It’s not!

And why do you have a twenty five item list in your head of all the things about him you’re not allowed to think about?

Because he’s an annoying git and I hate him I HATE him–

And why is it that whenever you see something that reminds you of him you feel that weird ache in your chest?

Stop it, stop it, stop it!

You know that feeling, don’t you? It’s that feeling you felt on Cherry’s first day of school and Agatha told you to quit moping around the house. It’s the feeling you got when you were waving goodbye to Penny as she boarded the plane to America.

Please… please!


Snow breaks away first but instead of stepping backwards and glaring at me like I expected him to do, he collapses into my shoulder, tears streaming down his face.


“I’m sorry,” he cries into my ear. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”

“Sorry about what? Why are you crying?” I don’t know what to do with my hands so I just hug him close, leaning into his overwhelming warmth.

“God,” he whispers. “I love you, Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch, and I’ve missed you so damn much.”