i thought he dropped

A Fun Story About an Asshole in a Locker Room

About three things you must be sure before you read this story:

  1. I am a grower, not a show-er.  There is nothing terribly remarkable about my non-aroused junk.
  2. I literally don’t care who sees me naked in the locker room.  It took me a long time to be comfortable with my body, and I’m not in a locker room to flaunt it.  I’m there to undress, shower, and dress.
  3. My mood this morning is best summed up in these two gifs:

***
SO.

I’m in the locker room.  I come out of the shower and go to my locker, and there are three guys at their lockers in the same area, all talking to each other.  I pay them no mind because I don’t give a shit.  I open my locker.  I grab my underwear.  I drop my towel.

One of the guys thought he was gonna try and be cocky and said, “You fuck chicks with that dick?”

My inner monologue at that exact second can best be summed up with this gif:

I turned around, completely naked, my apparently insufficient chick-fucking dick just hanging out for the world to see, looked the dude straight in the eye and said, “No, but I can take a dick like a champ.  You tryna fuck?”

I have never seen a person so instantly regret a choice in my entire life.  He started sputtering like a bottle of shampoo that was nearly empty and then just gave up and ran off while his friends just howled.

I calmly turned around and went about my life, minding my own goddamn business like a civilized adult.

Moral of the story is,

youtube

이게아닌데 - TAEYANG cover by HOYA

2

Le Fou Gets a Boo-Boo

Filming Beauty and the Beast can be, well, a beast — at least for Luke Evans and Josh Gad, whose extra-macho Gaston and less-than-macho Le Fou shared bombastic scenes that sometimes led to mildly painful accidents. “We slapped hands so hard, [Josh] burst a blood vessel in his thumb,” Evans (right, with Gad and producer David Hoberman) recalls, laughing. “We had to stop rehearsals, get the medic in. He thought his finger was going to drop off, but I think he’ll survive. We just slapped hands hard, but obviously we just caught our thumbs at some point, and he’s a delicate flower.” But if they’re sounding too similar to their characters here, don’t worry: At least Gad can confirm that his hair in the film is completely fake. “If I had hair this good, I would not be doing Beauty and the Beast right now,” he deadpans. “I would be modeling.” - (x)

When you almost spoil the comeback so you get bumrushed by Heojun the Bulldozer

A Taste Of Hazel Chapter 5

Hello Lovely peeps, I is alive! sorry for the time taken to put up this next chapter I have been pre occupied- I hope y’all enjoy and there should be more up soon.


Nick had waited for Hazel to leave and Fangmyer to go to work and sat there gently sipping on the coffee Fangmyer had bought him; he also threw one blueberry after another into his gob, his mind picturing Hazel and how kind she had been to bring him a coffee.


“Why did I hide? This could have been the turning point of things…” he paused thinking of his sentence, before he sighed in defeat. Judy’s cheeky innocent grin poisoning his thoughts and breaking his positive thought.


“I’m so broken” he confirmed dropping his face into his paws, to notice how grubby and dirty they were.


He placed down the coffee Fangmyer had given him and gently stood from the park bench making his way across the grass to where the cup Hazel had left lay, still slowly dripping out remnants of coffee.


He picked it up in his paw and gently turned it to see the sentence she wrote, he breathed heavily starring at it fighting with all his inner strength not to think of Jud- Maria.


He slowly and carefully tore at the cup between his tiny claws, taking caution not to wreck it completely, the excess cardboard peeling like skin from a potato, until all that was left was a rough little oval where Hazel had written. Her handwriting was second to none with brilliant curves and strokes.  

@patrickarch

He sat on the park bench gently twirling the paper between his claws; he dared not read it again however in fears it would spark his depression or anxiety. He picked up the coffee Fangmyer bought and drank the rest placing the cup on the floor next to his bench.


He lay back on the park bench looking at the sky, his head gently resting on the tiny backpack he kept all his stuff in, he reached back puling on the zipper to open the bag, gently sliding the paper within; a little memento.


Nick was thinking of having a sleep but couldn’t get the image of sadness Hazel held in her eyes when she obviously couldn’t find Nick in the morning.


“Where does she go?” thought Nick to himself, annoyed that she was the only thing he could think of.


He got up off the bench and headed in the direction he saw the vixen go every morning and as if that wasn’t easy enough to follow, her scent was almost known to Nick, he loved it, it was like milk and honey, with a hint of timber, strangely alluring and imbedded in his memory.


He finally caught up to her, she was entering a building, Nick read across the top “Library”


The library was a large stone structure made of cinderblock, the entrance was formed by two giant paw carved pillar; brilliantly decorated. The shelves inside were made of a brilliant dark oak, Nick had never been in but he had peered through the windows, it had looked warm and cosy and had a brilliant fireplace.


Nick went to follow Hazel inside when the lady near the door shooed him out, no doubt due to his unhygienic stature and the fact that he might try and stay there.
A street band played music in the street while Nick walked around to each window until he found her.

She was sitting at an oak table with a laptop in front of her, she typed across the keyboard, her fingers danced gingerly, such lovely paws she had, thought Nick. Placing one of his paws into the other, until he realised what he was doing and shook his head, unhooking his paws.


The band that had been playing around the front of the building began to play a song that echoed down the alleyway in which Nick stood, peering in at this strange Vixen.


Hazel was amidst typing the third chapter to her newest novel; when something grabbed her attention, her large rounded, rose red, ears twitched and she pulled out her headphones; a soothing melody made its way into the library from outside, she knew the song, it was a new pop song making its way to number one on the charts; “up and up by foalplay”.


She stood up and gently brushed her paw across the oak table, looking all around to make sure she was alone and when she knew she was she hoped left and slid right dancing in a twirl of flow and colours.


Nick looked through the window in a trance as the vixen danced, lost in the magic of her own mind and seeming to bring Nick along for the ride. She seemed not to have a care in the world, she giggled and laughed as she twirled and bounced. Nick strangely wanted to join in, his tail gently brushing back and forth without his permission.


Her dress flung outward and from above she looked like a dancing blue flame. The music finished and so did she, taking in a deep breath and giggling to herself in a state of euphoria.


@patrickarch

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2

“I have to admit, I thought you’d be…”

“Human?”

“…Yes.”

If anyone sees me replying to a post on @ebeths-main with “gay” it’s partly because A) she did something gay and I want to reaffirm and validate her gayness like any good friend would and partly because B) I’m still not over the time she left the comment “gay” on a drawing of two OCs who aren’t gay for each other

it’s great i am a great human being

So I wrote a thing.

Untitled ficlet, Harry/Louis, PG, canon.


Harry sends him an issue before the photos even leak, by courier, as if he’s afraid Louis might not see it soon enough. Louis knew he’d been working on something, because Niall told him, but he had no idea the scope was so big. “A special document curated by Harry,” the magazine cover proudly proclaims. On it, Harry stares at Louis through a spiderweb, but it’s hard to pay attention to Harry’s eyes when Louis’s gaze keeps coming back to the collar around Harry’s neck. The bottom of the picture is obscured by text, but Louis’s quite sure there’s a leash dangling from the collar.

It’s admittedly not what Louis had been expecting.

Louis watches the cover for a long while before he flicks the magazine open at random…

… and falls on an ad.

It only takes him two more tries before he methodically rips off every page that isn’t to do with Harry, barely looking at the ones that do feature him, until there’s a pile of paper at his feet high enough for him to throw a good kick into it, scattering them everywhere.

This time when he opens the magazine, it’s to find Harry sitting on a trashcan. He looks so young that for a second Louis assumes they’ve used old pictures for the article, but the shot is quite obviously recent, even if Harry’s hair looks nothing like on those Dunkirk pics (which Louis only saw because Liam sent him some, it’s not like he trolled the #dunkirk tag on twitter or anything).

Louis flips back a few pages, stops on a picture of Harry sitting on a kitchen counter in the most hideous jumper Louis has ever seen; it looks like someone’s killed a muppet and made a sweater out of it. It should look ridiculous, but Harry looks beautiful, with his lips curled imperceptibly down into a bored pout, his slender fingers pressed against his chin, his eyes half-lidded.

Another picture shows him holding a pint, looking too young to be allowed to drink its contents. He looks like the Harry Louis met six years ago, like the Harry Louis used to call his best friend before they were driven apart… by the rumours, by fear, by time.

Louis loses himself in the pictures and the words, sitting cross-legged on the carpeted floor of his hallway, fingers stroking the glossy pages. He knows every word and every photo has been carefully chosen, knows Harry has only shown precisely what he wanted to show, but he still gets fooled into believing he’s being made privy to the deepest corners of Harry’s soul.

Once upon a time, this wouldn’t have been an illusion. The memory only makes the deception more potent, and more painful.

Harry is baring his heart out for the whole world to see and he apparently wanted Louis to see it so badly he made sure Louis would get a copy.

When Louis types Harry’s name into his phone with fingers that are definitely not shaking from nerves, the autofill feature remains silent. There are no previous messages saved. He doesn’t actually remember the last time he texted Harry.

He doesn’t know what to write, so he goes for the expected.

Artsy, are we? he sends, not expecting any reply. He’s barely pressed Send that a happy little bubble pops up at the bottom of the screen to indicate that Harry’s writing back.

Did you like it?

He should lie.

He cannot.

Yes. he types, then adds, against his better judgement; It’s amazing.

Good.

He doesn’t ask Harry why the fuck his opinion suddenly matters. But he does something much worse.

Are you in town?

His treacherous thumb presses Send before he can stop himself and Louis looks at his phone, horrified, but there is no turning back. He doesn’t even know why he wrote this. He doesn’t even want-

Yes.

It’s like he doesn’t have any control over his fingers. They fly over his screen, while his brain desperately tries to hammer some sense into them, in vain. Louis knows every letter he types is a mistake, but the magazine in his lap is opened on that picture of Harry standing tall and long-haired, his naked torso framed by the lapels of a ridiculous red jacket, and Louis can’t think.

Dyou want to come over?

Harry’s answer takes ages to appear. It’s definitely for the best. Louis doesn’t even know why he asked, doesn’t know what he would do if Harry agreed. They have been strangers for too long now. There is no mending what fame has undone.

The answer pops up just when Louis’s managed to convince himself that he never wanted Harry to say yes.

Come to my place. Easier.

And just like that, Louis’s off.

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anonymous asked:

Its been a while since I've seen the pilot but I thought he showed up to her house once to drop off her diary (gotta admit, he could've given it to her at school or something lmao but I think that has more to do with the writing) and then again he showed up to make sure she was okay after vicki (and I thought that was understandable) but it's not like some of us haven't done the exact same thing when we like people

Yeah but he doesn’t know her. Like if they walked home together and he showed up later I think it would be better but she met him that day and he’s at her house and then the next night he’s outside her window and it’s a bit much when they just met. I think it’s fine because I don’t think Stefan is supposed to be able to blend with society at this point, which is why his eyes are always reddening and he’s writing in his journal that he can’t help himself I think he’s driven by instinct and considering that he’s not human it works but it’s very intense

3

SB came to visit me tonight and I was ready to get piped but he stopped me cause he wanted to talk. At first I thought he was gonna drop me and I got really scared but he was like “I feel like every time we hang out it’s just sexual but I want more than that” and I got a bit shook cause I’m so used to it always being about sex with guys that I didn’t realize I was doing the same thing with a guy that I actually care about. When I told him why he understood and we held hands and talked about our days. Then he piped me and it was amazing, he covered my mouth with his hand and it was so hot. Then he wanted to hear me sing and I was nervous at first but then once I did he was like “holy fuck”. Then he had to leave and he texted me rn that he wants me to suck on his nipples and I’m crying. Tomorrow we’re going to the drive in and I plan on suckin on his nipples I’m so excited 💜💜💜

But like, why answer the door for strangers when you can instead pretend you’re on a stealth mission in a video game, and sneak through your house in order to get out of sight safely and avoid human interaction altogether?

(OMG so I went out with my boyfriend (After he got back from a small vacation with some family members, and we went to Gamestop. He had some things to pay off and I think he got a new game. I remember that I had reserved KH 2.8 about a year ago. I guess I was hoping I would have enough money to pay it off eventually, and because it had been so long I thought he dropped it a bit ago. Apparently not! And he was nice enough to pay for it for me. I’m so damn happy!)

Of Cooking Shows and Sofas

by runedmalec

Rated T | Malec | Drabble | Magnus hates watching cooking shows but he loves Alec and that’s all that matters.

“Hey, darling.” Magnus said as he walked out of his office and saw his shadowhunter boyfriend reclined on the sofa watching a cooking show on the flat screen.  Magnus had been in a video conference with a group of vampires in the Bahamas who had a tricky case of blue boils after pissing off a group of travelling warlocks. Naturally, they had decided to annoy yet another warlock in an attempt to get the atrocious boils removed. Thankfully Magnus was feeling particularly generous today, for a fee, of course.

“Hey, that took longer than I thought it would. You missed Anna dropping the soufflé.” Alec said. He shuffled himself along the sofa so that there was enough space for Magnus to slot himself in beside him and then as soon as Magnus was settled Alec snuggled into his side returning his eyes to the tv.

“Did Tomas manage to perfect the risotto?” Magnus asked.

“Yes, but then Sharon made beef wellington and it was so tender that she overtook him on the leader board.” Alec said excitedly.

Magnus smiled as he watched Alec watch the cooking show. Magnus hated cooking and as a result he also hated cooking shows, however the look on Alec’s face as he watched the drama of the kitchen was definitely worth sitting through the unending talk of frying, chopping, sautéing and tenderising. Not that Magnus really knew what the two latter words meant.

Alec however was engrossed, which was what interested Magnus.

Magnus could sit for hours watching Alec. The way his lips curved into a smile whenever one of his favourite contestants did a good job, the way he would gnaw anxious on his lower lip when someone burnt their dish or dropped something or even added too much of a certain ingredient making it an extremely risky dish. In fact, the lip biting was one of Magnus’ favourite parts, whenever Alec did it he wanted to tease the lip out from beneath his teeth and slowly kiss it, suck on it, bite it himself…

“Oh no, not again Stacey!” Alec said in exasperation. “Why doesn’t she ever learn? There’s a giant timer behind her, it’s obvious that she’s going to run out of time.”

And that, Magnus loved the explosive comments that Alec couldn’t contain.

Magnus hated watching cooking shows, but he loved watching Alec.

Do me The Honours (Cameron Dallas Imagine)

A/N: Well… I have no comment other than I keep saying I’m going to be active… and I’m really not 

Word Count: 970 approx

Request: None

Warning: none, but many tears 

Originally posted by dumbsmartboy

Do me the Honours (Cameron Dallas Imagine)

Y/N POV:

All my life I’ve grown up next door neighbours with the Dallas family.  When my family moved when I was five, I was shy and our families instantly connected.  I became close with their children, Sierra and Cameron, me and Sierra did are girly things together like make up but then Cameron and I hung around together.  At high school we were still really close, although we hung around with different people, after school we’d be at each other’s houses.  I grew feelings for him, but I never told Cameron, I thought it would ruin our good friendship, so he dated other girls and I dated other boys.

I was getting over him slowly, yes I thought he was drop-dead gorgeous and was the kindest person ever, but I met this other boy called Tyler.  He was kind and was the captain of college football team (I left high school to go to college, while Cameron was at magcon) and Tyler was sweet but he wasn’t Cameron.  I knew I’d never be with Cameron, because he was famous and he’d probably marry some model when he’s older; he wouldn’t want to marry his neighbour.

I stood infront of my mirror, applying my make-up nicely, making sure I looked nice, Cameron was lying on my bed, watching me get ready.

“Why do you put on make-up, I mean if this guy really likes you he wouldn’t want you to wear makeup,” he told me, in a matter-of-factly voice.

“I’m wearing it because I like wearing makeup,” I told him, mimicking Cameron’s voice. Once I was finished with my makeup I shooed Cameron out of my room and pulled on my black dress, I liked it, the dress sculptured my frame nicely and I smiled before opening the door to let Cameron back in.  

“I like it,” his smile was wide while he grabbed my hand spinning around before letting it go, bright cheeks from embarrassment.

“Why thankyou Mr Dallas,” I smirked back, we stood staring at each other for a few minutes before the doorbell rang, signalling Tyler was here.  I gave an uneasy smile to my best friend crossing my figures while he mirrored my back and I left my room going down the stairs, to meet my date at the

Cameron POV:

She looked so beautiful and I didn’t even tell her.  Sure, I told her ‘I liked it’, but I didn’t tell Y/N that she was the most stunning person I’ve laid eyes on.  That I wanted to stop her from going to that Tyler dude and ask her to stay with me for the rest of her life.  I didn’t say that.  Why not? Because I’m a douche.

While Y/N was on her date, I came down stairs, seeing as her parents were out with mine, I made myself at home, with a can of soda, some cookies and sat on the sofa scrolling through the channels.  An hour dragged on very slowly, so I kept checking the time to see if Y/N was coming home, but there was no sign, when it reached 8:30 (1 and a half hours) I received a text.

From Y/N

Can you come pick me up, I’m outside the cinema.

I instantly replied as she hadn’t sent her usual emoji’s, I knew something was up.

To Y/N

Sure, I’ll be there in ten.

Quickly I pulled on my shoes, grabbed my keys; raced out the door to my car, it barely took me six minutes to reach there, probably because I was in such a rush to get her.  She stood out very clearly (probably just her beauty) she was sat on the steps, still as beautiful as always, but mascara down her cheeks and even more tears pouring out her bloodshot eyes.  Her big eyes looked up at me, as I made my way over to her, sniffing however Y/N still looked joyful to see me, she got to her feet, wrapping her arms round my neck, squeezing.

“What’s up?” I asked, while she pulled away to look at my eyes.

“He-he, well Cam…” words didn’t join up together to form a real sentence, so she started again. “Tyler, he saw another group of friends, I went to the bathroom before the movie, when I got back he was kissing the Martha girl, you know the one from school.”  I remembered Martha very well at school, since she was the one who slept with every boy she laid eyes on, apart from me, I had eyes for only one girl.  "After that, he told me, ‘oh Y/N she’s nothing I swear.’ But they still went off together so I sat in the movies, alone watching a film.  Cam I really liked him,“ more tears began to spill out of her eyes.

“It’s okay, he’s not worth it,” I told her, stroking her beautiful hair.

“You’re right…” she sighed.  "Cam… Can I do something?“ her voice was soft, her cold hands touching mean, as my body twitched.

"Err. Y/N… What are you.” before I finished my sentence finished I felt cold lips barely touch mine, I kissed her back, my hands reaching up to rest on her hips.  I pulled away to realise my eyes had shut, just like hers.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a long while,” she sighed, letting go of my hand.

“Me too,” I sighed back, giving her hip a soft squeeze.  "Y/N I love you.“ Her eyes widened and stared lovingly at me.

"I love you too Cameron Dallas,” she giggled, as a tear trickled down her face.

“Will you do me the honour, of going on a first date with me.  Would you like to go to the ice cream store downtown right now?”

“I would love too.”

McCree headcanons.
  • McCree is bisexual. 
  • He isn’t uncomfortable with his robot arm, since he have had it for a good twenty years now.
  • He will tell jokingly scary stories on how he lost his arm, though. Just to scare you.
  • He likes to dance and he will ask his S/O if they want to dance with him.
  • “I got spurs that jingle, jangle, jingle~” He sings as he dances around you.
  • If you dance with him, he will jokingly dip you and alamost drop you, before he brings you up and kiss you, while laughing. “Ya thought I was gon’ drop ya there, darlin’?”
  • He will call you every single petname you can think of and a few more.
  • He is not really big on taking off his hat, but if you ask nicely enough, he might let you wear it.
  • He definitly will want matching Halloween costumes. 
  • He enjoyes stroking his S/O’s hair or face, with his human hand. He appriciates the sensation and the intimacy of it all.
  • He will insist on date night.
  • He will be real sad if any of you miss date night.
  • He blasts western music when you two are driving anywhere and he will sing on top of his lungs to it, while looking over at you with a smirk.
  • He enjoyed to sing a lot, so expect him to randomly sing country music or pop music or seranade you.