i thought 11


i still feel the need to hold a pillow
as i fall asleep, but whenever i do
i’m always wishing it were you

and i’m always missing your fingertips
your soft touch, i’d kiss the polished nails
that sailed my skin, just to praise the brush

but now i’m just paint chips in your mouth
i guess

i’m sorry for whatever awful taste i’ve left
but if you love something you have to
let it chew you up and spit you out
i guess

once my caged bird sings it can’t digress
from songs about the love you can’t digest

if i could tear my heart from my chest
i would rip this bird from my ribcage
to see if i could find a way to set it free
or maybe i’d just break it’s fucking neck
because the songs won’t leave me be

it’s just kind of hard for me
i guess i mean i miss you
i still crave your soft touch
and i still want to kiss you
i’m sorry i sort of love you
i never really meant to
but when i hold my pillow
i know i can’t forget you
and when i hold my pencil
you’re where i always drift to

Look at that a Danny Phantom blog posting about Miraculous Ladybug.

Just… Chat Noir’s crush on Ladybug and Marionette’s crush on Adrian seem so, idk? Temporary? And even a little bit… bad?

I know it sounds like I don’t ship them, but I do, alot. I just want them really truly fall in love. Not have crushes on each other, ‘cause crushes fade in time.

I want Chat Noir to ask out Ladybug, Ladybug realize he’s not joking and reject him because Chat’s her partner in crime and she just doesn’t feel that way. I want Chat’s crush to fade, and have him instead start viewing Ladybug less as a goddess to be worshipped, but more as a human being who has faults but is still doing the right thing simply because its the right thing.

I want him to knock Ladybug off the pedestal, and in that let him gain acceptence in himself, and confidence in himself, and have him love himself because he’s not comparing himself to her anymore.

I want him and Ladybug to bond by just talking over stupid things, like how weird that last akuma was, or how shit I almost died last time, or how hard it is keeping a secret identity, or even what they’re going to do after college. I want them to know each other and become best friends.

I want Chat to fall in love all over again but instead put the friendship as more important, put Ladybug’s happiness as more important, because when you truly care for someone thats what you do. You sacrifice everything to see them happy.

And I want Marionette to be able to feel comfortable with Adrian, to be able to get to know him, and to be able to see Adrian as an actual human being, and to be able to fall in love with him all over again. I want her to be ok with him loving another girl because damn it hurts, but damn he’s happy, and she just loves him so much to take away his happiness just because of how she feels.

I want Chat Noir and Marionette to be so completely, utterly, in love with Ladybug and Adrian but its true love, its real love, its s/he’s my best friend and I’d do anything to see her/him happy, to have that kind of love where you can spot them from a mile away, and can recognize them by only a single word.

I want Marionette and Adrian to be so in love that one day they’re talking as Ladybug and Chat Noir and it hits them like a ton of bricks like thats Adrian/Marionette, 'cause they just know each other so well, and everything fits into place and they don’t even have to ask each other out because they know what they would say.

I just want Chat Noir And Marionette to be so in love, I want them to be boyfriend and girlfriend, soulmates, and so much more than that.

I want them to be best friends.

I have developed a habit where when a character in a book dies I just assume they’ll miraculously come back to life later before the end of the book.
Sometimes it happens. Most of the time it has not happened.

She loved you in a genuine way, always remembering the little things. She thought she knew what it felt like to be in love, but realized no one else mattered until you. She looks at you like you’re her future, her everything. She never meant to fall this hard for someone, never meant to be able to write out poem after poem about you. Every song is a reminder. Every day is a wait. Every moment not spent beside you is a wasted one. You don’t deserve such a love, but it’s yours. It’s yours even if you choose not to take it. Because she will never love someone like she loves you.
—  cherish her

“are you okay?”

the words pierced through my soul and shook my whole body. i looked up at her but the boulder that had formed in my throat was not budging. here i was thinking i’d been doing perfectly fine with all of this but maybe that’s because no ones asked. as my eyes begin to tear and my hands start to shake while my whole body realises. i’m not okay. there’s nothing ‘okay’ about what’s going on at all. hell, i can’t even bring myself to say yes. it hurts. it all hurts and it doesn’t really get better.

—  no one asked.

I started watching Supergirl when it first aired. It mostly was because I recognized Melissa and wanted to see what she could do on a show that wasn’t Glee. At that point in time, I wasn’t really into the superhero craze and wasn’t watching any of the Arrowverse or other superhero shows.

I gave Supergirl a shot though. What I discovered was a show that I had no problem falling in love with. Week after week, I saw strong female characters and a show that was unapologetically feminist.

I fell in love with the characters and the relationships on the show. I saw the Superfriends grow into a cohesive team. I saw the Danvers sisters prove again and again that they were not a pair to be messed with, and had an unbreakable relationship. I grew to adore their relationship with their space dad. And of course, there was Supercat, which was so much a part of the heart of the show for me. Supercat drew me into the fandom.

Week after week, I tuned in and was glued to my screen for every moment of the show. I loved it. It had been years since I had loved a show this much.

Which is why it breaks my heart to see the show now, a shell of its former self. 

Yes, all the characters (save Cat), are still there, but they are shadows of their season one selves. 

Suddenly, the show has become all about ships and pairing everyone off. Instead of seeing a sister moment at the end of the show, we see the show closing on a couple, most of the time Karamel, which, is not only toxic, but opposed to just about every value I loved in season one. Kara is secondary in this relationship. Karamel is mostly about Mon-El and his desire for Kara (compare this to how Kara actively pursued James in season one).

We get fewer space family moments as well. While we have had a few, they are much further between, and are secondary to the ships on the show.

Then, there was the whole message of season one, about Kara growing to have it all. She had her Superhero life and finally had her dream job at Catco. 

Throughout this season, we have seen CatCo less and less, until finally, it was allowed to be completely forgotten, when Kara was fired.

Now, less than a year later, her place is only as a superhero and Mon-El’s girlfriend. I refuse to believe that the Kara of season one, who had J’onn impersonate her just to convince Cat that Kara wasn’t Supergirl so she could keep her job, would be happy as a full time Superhero. 

Whatever happened to “having it all?” 

The one good thing that came out of season two was Sanvers and Alex’s coming out story. That was so beautiful and well written. 

The rest though makes me sad for what one was. I want season one back (just with Sanvers).  Sadly, it doesn’t look like that will be happening anytime soon (if at all) though. 

In six months you’ve taught me more about love than any book i’ve ever read or movie i’ve seen. You taught me that the people we love the most are normally the ones who treat us the worst but it’s too late and we’re knee deep already. You taught me that I need to love myself before I can love anyone else. You taught me that moving on is hard and it sucks but it happens eventually and it always turns out alright. You led me to begin writing about my heartbreak and taught me that through my words I can express everything that I’ve ever wanted to say to you. You taught me that no matter how much you loved someone at one point, sometimes it just isn’t meant to be. You taught me what a boyfriend should do and act like and definitely taught me what they shouldn’t. You taught me how to fully trust and then not long after you taught me that I can’t really trust anyone but myself.
And finally, the most worthy lesson of all,
You taught me that some best friends need to leave it at best friends and that’s all.
—  Some things I learnt from you.