i think you mean the most to me lately

I love you. I think no one has understood me as a person beside you. You are the person who makes me think of rainbows and butterflies when all I can think of most of the time is what happens when my body dies. Death for me has always been a curious thing but lately death for me has been an intrusive thought that I couldn’t seem to stop to the point where I feel like I’m going mad or insane. It is only when I think of you that I think of life.


I love you. And what I really mean by that is that you are my healing. And maybe somewhere along the way, I’ll blame you for not being the person I imagined you to be, but I promise that I won’t change you because I love you just the way you are. And you are terrifying and strange and lovely. Something that requires time to fall in love with. Something that requires more appreciation than possession.


I love you. And I thank you for making me love you. And I thank you for making me horny. You make me feel like I’m not clinically depressed. You give me so much hope. You give me so much love. My brain is safe inside your warm heart. And it is only when you tell me that you love me that I know that I am.


I love you therefore I exist.

—  Juansen Dizon // Dear Daisy
Sad News

Okay, I’ll try to make this short because I really want you guys to read all of it. 

I’ve been thinking lately about taking a break from tumblr and writing. This is for a lot of reasons. 

One being my health, obviously. Things took a little decline this week. 

Another being time. Missing an entire week of school has already really set me back, and I have theater starting up again soon. I just have a lot on my plate right. 

The biggest and most important reason though is this community. This is my personal opinion and by no means is it attacking any specific people, it’s just a trend I’ve been noticing. It feels like the Hamilton imagine writing fandom thing whatever you want to call it, it feels like we’ve all become more obsessed with how many asks, followers, likes, and reblogs we can get. It’s just a really toxic thing and I don’t know….I don’t want to be a part of it. I want to care about my writing, and I want to do this because I’m having fun not because I want recognition or ever friends. I love to write, and that’s why I write. But being around stuff like this, it makes me sick, and I just can’t do it anymore. I’m sorry. Again, this is nothing against any other Hamilton writers, it’s just not the type of community I can be around.

This isn’t a forever break. I just don’t want to be around this right now. 

2

so deciding to do hourlies today was kind of a hard decision actually. 

ive been really ill lately, dealing w chronic and mental illness (hypothyroidism/fibromyalgia + depression/anxiety/ptsd) and it’s turned my life into extended sequences of lying in bed wishing i could do anything BUT lie in bed and also like feeling bad in ways people probably dont want me to describe, rock bottom kinda shit  

luckily, ive dealt with most of this before, and im pretty sure im on my way to some sort of recovery after only a month (first round w hypothyroidism took the better part of a year) and i DID have the energy to do these, but then there’s the issue of…showing everybody how i have to live my life lately

i always feel like the artists i admire are doing /so much/ and honestly i wish i could do as much, but its not feasible when im sick like this, and its been really getting to me lately. its frustrating, and embarrassing, and hard.

but its the way i have to live when my meds are off, or when im having flashbacks, or whatever it is that day. or several days. or months. and its the way other people like me live, too! 

and thats why i wanted to do it, i guess. to see that this is a valid way to live. to help show other people its valid, and to help show myself. to look at it with compassion and humor and try out just enjoying the fact of my existence.

so anyway thats a lot of text for it but i just kinda wanted to get those thoughts out there. thanks everyone

Blowouts and Concussions (Day 4)

Dylan Larkin x Reader

Fandom: NHL

Warnings: Implied sexual themes I guess

POV: First Person/Reader’s

Summary: There’s a first for everything, even cuddles

Author: Cymbelline


Originally posted by dyllarkin

“Are you sure you don’t need anything?” 

“No, I mean yes, wait…” Dylan has a hard time answering, he shakes his head and sighs. 

I giggle slightly as I slip on my jacket. “Better let me know before it’s too late,” 

“I’m fine, I think.” Dylan said as he brought the blanket up to his chin and glued his eyes to the t.v.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

hi! I could be making this up but I'm sure you've said here or on your channel that you have an idea for a Harry Potter tv series? If this rings any bells please share more because it sounds so interesting!!!! although at the same time if this means nothing to you, ignore accordingly lol

I adore the Potter books and the Potter movies. I think they did a fairly wonderful job of adapting them for the silver screen.

That said, I would LOVE one day to be able to adapt them for a longer form medium. TV has always been my favoured storytelling medium - of course films are so close to my heart, and books are too, but the longer, more expansive narratives offered by TV were what drew me in the most.

I was reading Goblet of Fire late last year, noting all the minor details that the movies skipped past - I don’t think all of the movies suffered for this, but I think the wondrous thing about the Wizarding World is its intricacy. It’s such a rich tapestry, and I just kept coming up with ideas for how a TV series would go - what moments I would choose as cliffhangers, which episodes would do what, etc etc.

I started tweeting about “My Harry Potter TV series” as a joke, of course. But the more I did, the more attached to the idea I became and now I genuinely have a burning desire to do it. I have to work extremely hard and the likelihood is that this is a complete pipe dream, but man - if ever I was lucky enough to find myself in a position to write that? It would be an absolute honour and a dream come true.

Matt Espinosa - You seduced me

Request:  Can you make an imagine where y/n eats pizza at home with the magcon boys and Matthew flirts with her and they some how end up kissing and all the boys see them and tease them in a kind way. I realy hope that it’s not too much too ask for, thanks☺️p.s i love your imagines

MASTERLIST

You know what I love the most about relationships? That phase before them when you are not exactly together but about to get together and both of you knows what’s going to next so you are more than just friends but not lovers yet. That’s my kind of thing and this is what I lived through with Matt lately.

He just came home from tour two weeks ago when we had lunch together and all of a sudden we were talking about dating.

“I’m tired of the guys around me, I mean, all they can think about is sex,” I growled thinking about the boys at my school and how inappropriate they were all the time.

“Because you seduce them,” Matt laughed putting down his phone and smiling at me playfully.

“No I did not,” I insisted.

“Yes you did, that’s what you do, you seduced me too.”

“What?”

“What?”

“Nothing,” he shook his head.

“No, what are you talking about?” I asked not letting the topic go.

“I just… See? You just do your thing and no guy can not fall for you, Y/N,” he said pointing at me feeling nervous. I blinked at him a few times before speaking up.

“Are you telling me that you like me?”

“Yes, I guess it supposed to be that,” he laughed awkwardly, but I liked how nervous he got over the topic, he was kinda cute.

“Good, because I kind of like you too,” I dropped quietly shrugging and stared down at the menu.

“You do?” he asked surprised.

“I mean, yeah, we have known each other for years now, we get along well and you are not that… you know, you… So you are an attractive guy,” I admitted finally feeling myself blushing.

“Well, I can only say the same thing.” He smiled at me and I couldn’t help but smile back at him. There was a long moment when we were just staring at each other and then the waiter came with our food, so we kind of got distracted, but when we said goodbye later we both knew things were about to change between us.

A few days later Nate invited the guys and me over to just chill and hang out. Matt and I met before we went to his apartment and I could feel that this afternoon was going to be different.

“Okay, let’s decide what we want to order,” Nate announced taking some flyers out with different restaurants’ menus.

“I’m voting for pizza,” Sam said not even looking at the variety.

“Fine by me,” Nate shrugged and then everyone agreed on that. I started to read the other menus while the boys were ordering, just to keep myself occupied when Matt stood next to me.

“I like it when you wear dresses,” he said with a half-smile on his face. I had a blue sundress on and I chose this especially to catch Matt’s attention. I guess I succeeded.

“Then I should wear more,” I giggled feeling myself blush. He grabbed my waist and pulling me closer kissed my cheek before letting me go.

“Woah, what was that over there?” Johnson asked seeing our little scene.

“Nothing,” we answered at the same time smiling like two idiots.

“Yeah, sure,” he laughed but then just let go of it. Matt and I exchanged a quick and meaningful look before joining the rest of the squad.

Maybe it was too obvious that we had something going on, Matt was always where I was and he used every opportunity to touch me, to talk to me or just to look at me. The guys noticed that we were different with each other and maybe even helped us to get this thing together. When the pizza arrived they all of them made an excuse to leave the room leaving us alone.

“I’ll cut the pizza,” Nate announced sprinting out to the kitchen.

“I’ll help him,” Sam joined him.

“I’m going to get the plates,” Johnson sighed exiting the room and then Hayes and Nash left too with some ridiculous excuses.

“Can we agree that this was the most ridiculous thing in our life?” Matt laughed when we were alone.

“Yes, they have to work on this,” I chuckled. He scooted closer to me on the couch, my breathing fastened as I was surmising what was about to happen.

“As funny as it was, I’m glad we are alone,” he murmured taking my hands in his and looking into my eyes.

“You are?” I whispered not being able to speak any louder. He nodded and started to lean closer, I could feel his hot breath on my skin, and then I closed my eyes, our lips met and I got lost in the feelings. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he managed to pull me onto his lap hugging my waist. The kiss was slow and gentle, just like I imagined how it would be. Our lips moved in sync and his tongue was doing some kind of magic. He was a really great kisser and I wished we were somewhere else, alone.

Because as badly I wanted the moment to last longer, we were interrupted by whistles and clapping.

“That’s what I call a first kiss!” Nash chuckled walking in with Johnson and Hayes behind him.

“Nice, Matthew, I’m proud of you,” Johnson joked. I climbed off Matt and just sat next to him, but we were still holding hands.

“Thank you guys, thank you very much,” Matt growled rolling his eyes but then giving me a sweet smile.

“They are just jealous,” I grinned at him.

“Who is jealous?” Sam asked walking in with the pizza slices with Nate behind him.

“Apparently, we are, because Y/N and Matt just made out on the couch,” Hayes commented grinning at us.

“Oh, nice, but please, hold yourselves back until the end of the night,” Nate laughed.

“Alright, alright,” I rolled my eyes and then cuddled up next to Matt resting my head on his chest as he was hugging me with one arm.

“Cuties!” Nash screamed imitating a fangirl with pizza in his mouth.

“Enough, Grier! Eat your damn pizza and shut up!” Matt groaned at him and I couldn’t help but laugh at them.

anonymous asked:

I'm a 25 year old female and I've never had a serious relationship or any type of sexual relationship and most days I'm okay with it but lately, I guess as my 26 birthday is coming up, I'm starting to feel more insecure in my looks and personality. Like there is something wrong with me. I just don't know what to think or feel or really do anymore. I also feel like others think that I'm a "loser" for lack of a better term right now. What do you think?

i think that there is nothing wrong with you, and not having sex or being in a relationship doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. i think that you’re looking around and comparing yourself to other people. i think what may be best is to focus on you. you’re not a loser because having sex and dating isn’t a competition. you’re not losing anything

till the morn.

requested: No

word count: 2.3k+

synopsis: late nights means late thoughts and sometimes in those thoughts, we remember the moments that you appreciate the most, especially on cold nights where the warmth and touch of each other’s skin in bed makes you think about how a person can give you so much warmth and light even in the darkest times.

a/n: i wrote this shit at like 5:30 in the morning. i don’t know why, but i was just lying in bed, feeling very warm and cuddly and i thought that writing a one shot about it would make me feel good. there is no particular boy to this one shot but i was thinking and imagining luke as i was writing it. i also tried to be vague with the description of the girl and her cultural background. All women of colour are beautiful and that shouldn’t be barrier for thinking that 5sos wouldn’t date a girl like you.

masterlist


It was 3:49AM. 

A strange time for anyone to be awake, especially if the sky outside strictly dictates that darkness means silence and rest. Not even the dirty street rats outside were awake, not that they lived were anywhere near an area like that, but the emphasis still remains. No one and no thing was awake, except for him.

He laid in their small double sized bed, staring at her in her tranquil state. Sure, her chapped lips were slightly open and small little snores were coming out from her vocal chords and her messy hair somehow became entangled with itself as the top tickled his nose and his forehead every now and then, and her breath was beginning to get the weird scent of morning breath. And yet, here he was, staring at this person who gave him so much warmth and light. 

The weather outside was dropping by the second and the only thing that was giving them heat was their small grill like heater and each other under their 80% goose feather down quilt that funnily enough, her mother persisted on them getting. Why? ‘Because 80% goose down is really good! It will keep you very warm and it good quality. And also, you can get it for 40% off!’ 

His girlfriend’s mother’s accent echoes in his head as he recalls the moment they were shopping around for housing supplies. He smiles, biting his lower lip gently at his girlfriend’s mother’s broken English, despite living in Australia for over 30 years now. 

Keep reading

small break.

i appreciate you all caring. i’m going to take a short break from all social media, a few days at most, to get myself back on track. i’ve been very stressed and my emotions have been everywhere lately so i think this will be best.

please understand,
-Sean.

(p.s. i love you all so much. you mean the world to me)

anonymous asked:

Besides the Chicano culture and everything what else do you enjoy or are passionate about? I know Chicano is a big part of you but I want to know you really are, the things you do bc they make you happy. The music you blast that if anyone else heard they'd give you a weird look, the craziness only you witness. The little silly goof ball sht you do, or the things that creep in your mind late at night. Tell us who you really are

This sounded like a fanfic lmao anyway everyone knows my passion is art. I love everything art whether it’s painting or looking at other paintings and trying to decipher what the scenery means, what the emotion in the painting is, etc. Art makes me happy, it’s takes me away. The music I listen too isn’t embarrassing haha. The most random music I could think of myself listening too is Nujabes? Which isn’t embarrassing still, he’s amazing. But aside from oldies I love hip hop instrumentals and the J Dilla station on pandora. I L O V E classic rock. All my records are classic rock. Heart, Jefferson airplane, seals and crofts, lots of 60’s-70’s. I’m a H U G E goofball, I’m really funny but I literally would not be able to transfer my goofball shit into writing, you’d have to know me to witness it. A lot of things creep in my mind at night from good to bad to scary. I sleep with my curtain open and my window is right next to my bed so sometimes I’ll start thinking about things being right outside my window and freak myself out. Sometimes I think about ways I could possibly help myself be less self destructive by maybe seeing a therapist again to help with my mental illnesses. I think about him. I think about sex. I think about past traumatic experiences and cry into my pillow. I think of how I could make myself look prettier, I think of what to paint next, a lot of stuff really haha

I have ADHD.

To most people, if I say this the first thing they think of is probably some stupid thing about me being distracted by shiny objects or squirrels. That seems to be the first thing people say, anyway.

Most people seem to think ADHD doesn’t matter. That it’s just an excuse for being late or not doing work, an excuse for not listening, an excuse an excuse an excuse

Well I have some news for you: Having ADHD isn’t an excuse. It isn’t being lazy. It’s not shiny objects and squirrels. It’s a fucking mental illness.

Having ADHD means being up at 3 am thinking of something stupid you said or did five years ago and convincing yourself someone hates you because of it.

ADHD is babbling about something you love, thinking the other person is interested, and being so crushed you don’t speak for the rest of the day when they tell you they don’t actually care.

ADHD is crying because you know you need to do homework but physically can’t make yourself do it

because you think you annoy everyone

because you don’t want to need medication to be normal.

It’s people telling you you don’t need medication, that it’s just suppressing your true self

that you don’t have a disorder, you’re just different

that you need to stop making excuses

that they know more about your brain than you.

It’s getting A’s on every test and still failing classes due to missing assignments

Being called annoying and immature

Not knowing when you can talk or when you should stop

Being late constantly

Focusing so much on the fact that you need to pay attention to what someone is saying that you completely miss what they say

and then having them refuse to repeat it because “you should have been listening”

ADHD is feeling like you’re broken, but you shouldn’t feel that way because after all, ADHD isn’t that bad, is it? Or at least, that’s what everyone’s always told you.

And most of all ADHD is with all this still having people tell you that your ADHD isn’t a severe problem, that it’s not that bad of a disorder anyway, that it doesn’t exist, when it’s a FUCKING MENTAL ILLNESS and you’re LIVING PROOF IT EXISTS

Do you know what I have to say to people like that?

Fuck you.

My brain doesn’t work like yours, and you tell me I should be able to be just like you anyway.

You think I’m making excuses when I’m doing the best I can.

You ignore that I need help and you tell me that I’m fine.

Well, I’m NOT FINE.

And you don’t get to tell me what it’s like to be me.

anonymous asked:

Your beauty is blinding, which is a shame because reading what you write is a true pleasure. You are eloquent, imaginative, and clever when you respond to asks and make your posts. It's always a highlight of my day to see what you have to say. You're a very talented author, so don't hold back! Happy valentine's day :) <3

I’M SO SORRY I’M A DAY LATE BUT OH MY GOODNESS JUST WHEN I THOUGHT THESE MESSAGES COULN’T GET ANY SWEETER AND MORE INCREDIBLE YOU MAKE YOUR WAY INTO MY INBOX AND REDUCE ME TO A PUDDLE OF EMOTION

I am so beyond touched to hear that I’ve made any degree of positive impact on your day to day life and that you think so highly of my ability and my faceparts. Honestly, I mean this quite genuinely, as someone who has struggled most of her life (and very much continues to struggle) with a metric butt-ton of insecurities both in appearance and just existing in this world, a message like this, showing me a perspective other than my own self-doubt, is so powerful. So thank you, truly and from the bottom of my heart. I’m adding this to my for-a-bad-day messages, which I feel so blessed to actually have a small collection of now thanks to you amazing people. 

I hope only the very best for you in your life, lovely Anon, and I hope you had a wonderful Valentines Day! <3 <3 <3

wolfstar

But for serious jk rowling missed out on what could have been one of the most devastating love stories of all time and i know that the late nineties and early two thousands weren’t that gay friendly yet but seriously. Friends to lovers to having a falling out thinking each other was betraying their friends to reuniting to sharing an apartment and rekindling their love only to have it be ripped apart again in the dept of mysteries. So heartbreaking. So epic. Its like titanic brokeback mountain shit for real.

anonymous asked:

Your blog is like a positive oasis in a desert of fandom sadness and depression thank you for being open and positive (and about the mon thing, as a wlw I can see what people find bad about him but I think most of it is blown out of proportion) so thank you for being you

Gosh

I gained like 10 positive points while reading this, so thanks, buddy!

The possibility of anyone feeling a bit lighter after looking at something I said means the world to me, so I’m happy to attempt to create a lil positive patch.

5

This is a bit late– I caught up with the TV series a couple months ago, but then again that still means I got to GoT pretty late! Anyway after I watched the very first episode my friend was like “so is there a thing you really like about the show?” and I was like “YES I THINK” because I was charmed by Theon’s resentment and wanted him and Robb to be happy together forever, and then my friend was like “don’t even tell me what it is, because chances are that whatever you have in mind will be destroyed and spat upon soon enough”

Which… HA HA HA AND HOW.

The Ironborn have the most horrifying social culture imaginable (after, like, House Bolton, because like I keep saying OH MY GOD you can’t have your entire identity be built around FLAYING) but let’s be real, I was in the One Piece fandom so a sentence like “don’t die so far from the sea” is basically a summons to eternal allegiance. Theon Greyjoy I’m in this for you, asshole.

I remember you once asked me what I thought about the sunset. You asked me why, in a philosophical sense, it had to be beautiful. And I remember answering the most cliche thing possible, that it serves as a reminder that endings could still be beautiful. I lied. I think the sunset had to be that way because people need reminding every goddamn day that just because it’s beautiful, doesn’t mean it will stay. I know this because the day you left, every beautiful thing became a reminder of what I can’t have. And lately, it feels like you encapsulate every sunset I have fallen in love with, only to leave when I have promised to stay. So the next time you have a chance, watch the sunset. Gaze upon its burning colors, and stay. Stay until it’s dark. Stay until it’s all gone and you’re left to wonder what happened. Did you notice how beautiful it was that you forgot it was leaving? I hope you do, so you know what loving you was like.
—  a. gale
youtube

I titled this video “Change” for a number of reasons. What I think is most apparent to a lot of you, is the format of the video is entirely different than what we normally upload on the channel.

This video for me was about pushing myself creatively and focusing more about the fulfillment of creating. It’s the change I want to see in myself - Less analyzing and more feeling. A change of pace. A recognition and conscious decision to sit peacefully in a moment instead of trying to find what it means. I’ve been feeling quite bombarded lately with the “White Noise” of our modern world - The Tweets, Comments, Likes. I wanted to stop contributing to the buzz in the technological hive. This led me to my next choice - The music.

Now, a lot of you have voiced your distaste with my song choice. I chose the song primarily for the vibe and lyrics. There is a slight juxtaposition with the scenic views and rhythmic hip-hop/urban undertones of the song. I felt like it was an acknowledgment that even though I can be surrounded by nature, I still can’t completely tune out the inner city that pulses through me. It again harps on this idea of how I feel troubled with trying to disconnect and be present.

The lyrics of this song really spoke to me. I’m going to highlight some points of the song with the images on screen to look further into what I was trying to convey:

:34 - :38

“Chasing big endeavors facing stormy weather.

I say say okay cause it just makes you better.”

I start off by showing the cafe that we visited - A sweet little place nestled in a tiny town. Luke and I love to travel, and this year has been a year of chasing our dream of wanderlust. This has presented it’s challenges, but it has strengthen us as a couple. The camera ends with Luke on screen looking in the distance. More deeply, I wanted to capture that he as a husband makes me better as a person.

:45

“Bet I remember everything”

I wanted to capture small details of mundane things to again, be in the moment. To show viewers what we were drinking may seem insignificant, but it’s the details of any experience that makes it memorable - Even China Cola and water in a “Ball” glass. Our time on Earth is a makeup of little moments.

:46 - :49

“Married to the game I, I might go and get a wedding ring”

Being a Youtube couple, at times you feel like you are married to YouTube as well. The previous scene was a close up of Luke’s wedding ring on his finger, and then it quickly jumps to a clip of the local theatre in the town we visited. I wanted to symbolize the “marrying” between our relationship and that of the limelight in cinema. Our little moments, from the previous lyrics, are now shared on stage to a wider audience - YouTube

:55 - 1:21

“I’m still the same me, we’re the same team

big dreams, small town…”

For those of you who don’t know, Luke and I are living in the same town I grew up in. Although I am finding comfort in the familiarity - It’s hard to break old habits from adolescence. The Hudson River Valley is a huge part of my makeup. The bridge we went over is called “The Walkway Over the Hudson” - I flipped back and forth between shots of the river and us, to give the viewer this “ping pong” sensation. This concept of going back and forth between what has become innate in us as people because of where we grew up, to the present person we are today and how we can’t necessarily get away from our pasts.

1:47 - 2:00

“This generation we say I love you to keep somebody

but if you love yourself you won’t need somebody

.. be yourself don’t try to be somebody”

The scene starts off with Luke far away from the camera - Of which I catch up to him and our shadows are walking side by side. A relationship is ongoing and in the end is a working, living thing. I struggle with loving myself. The emptiness of our silhouettes was to highlight the void a person may feel when they lack self acceptance. The camera is more focused on myself, because it is something that I have been finding rather difficult lately. The camera tilts more toward my footsteps being placed onto the bridge to show that I am making the labored process to actively change my shortcomings.

2:08 - 2:11

“Don’t worry about the haters and all of that

I’ll tell em just to fall back”

Believe it or not, the song continues after this line - I specifically cut off the rest to focus on these two. Being a “public figure” has it’s share of compromises, of which puts you at the mercy of people’s opinions about you. It’s hard to disconnect your views about yourself with those of opinionated strangers.

2:12 - 2:33

The footage goes from a picturesque view to an obscure reflection in a car windscreen. When you look in a mirror, you expect to see yourself staring back at you. The reflection in the car is one that is visibly unclear, as I’m literally looking into the future. I left this footage rolling to show how lost I’ve become with trying to find myself. I am changing, and the road is unclear - Again, picking up the title of the video “Change”

2:33 - End

The last image of the video is of Luke, I reversed a clip that was previously seen in the video. I did this for two reasons - One to convey a changed perspective of an incident. Sometimes you need to go back and revisit things several times until they become clear. Secondly, I wanted to end on him because he is the constant in my life. When times are uncertain, he is always who I turn to, and all change is possible with his support. In the background is also the Hudson, a place that we call home. It is one last reminder that even though we feel the change that is coming, we are still somehow connected to the past.

If you’ve read this far, I really appreciate you taking the time to understand my vision for this video. I thought about explaining this with an audio overlay, but I didn’t want to disrupt anyone’s interpretation of what they were seeing, because art is subjective, and I really thought it would ruin what I was trying to achieve.

I wrote all of this out because I thought it was important to let people see a different side of me, and more specifically how my brain works. I am a thinker - probably an over thinker. I try to put a lot of meaning behind my words and actions. I wanted to share more of who I am, because our relationship as content creator and viewer has changed.

Join me for the upcoming journey <3

Break ups are hard-Nate Maloley Imagine

A/N:Sorry I’ve been very inactive lately but I’m almost on summer break so if you have any requests please send them I’m going to be working through them 


“Bye Nate” “baby stop I didn’t mean it I swear come back I love you, you’re my everything” “then how come you betrayed me and hurt me please leave me alone” I walked out the door and didn’t look back, I got in my car and broke down crying thinking that the one person I needed to comfort me the most was the one causing this pain and hurt.

*4 Months Later*
Nate’s POV


“Dude I miss her so much she hasn’t replied to any of my texts or phone calls I don’t know how to get her back” “bro you need to realise that you hurt her and she’s probably never going to forgive you, you messed up, you have to move on” “Bt John I don’t fucking want to I just want to hold her in my arms one last time” “well I said to y/b/f I wouldn’t tell you but she’s throwing a surprise part for y/n’s birthday and she invited me and I asked if you could come she said she wasn’t sure” “bro I have to go it’s the only way I can get to see her and talk to her please let me come I won’t cause no trouble” “it’s not my decision but just come as long as you don’t start any drama” “I won’t bro I want to celebrate her 21st with her” “alright let’s get ready”

Your POV
 
I walk in the club and hear everyone yell “surprise” “what the fuck you did this” “yes girl now let’s turn up” the music blasts on as everyone starts turn up I walk over I the bar to grab a drink “let me get that” the guys stood next to me says with a recognisable voice but it can’t be “thanks” I say facing up to him I look him straight int the eyes.

 “happy birthday baby” “NATE what the fuck are you doing here???” “Please y/n don’t get mad” “you don’t expect me to get angry well maybe if you didn’t go and bone that girl on your we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now” “I’m sorry y/n” “no you don’t get to do this you don’t get to come here on my birthday and make me feel like this you don’t get too please leave” “y/n please this break up has been so hard please forgive me” “how Nate you think this break up has been easy for me, it took everything in me to leave you cause I told myself I wouldn’t be put through this shit again Nate I trusted you” “baby I’m sorry” “no Nate you can’t call me that you lost that just like I’ve lost my trust for you goodbye Nate” I turned away grabbed my drink I paused as I saw John standing there “I’m sorry y/n I didn’t know he was going to try that” “it’s fine John but can you get him to leave I’m just going to get some air” I walk outside and light up holding back the tears “y/n are you crying” “no I’m fine” “I know your not” “Nate just leave me alone I don’t want this right now” “ I know I was a massive dick I’m truly sorry y/n” “Nate c'mon lets go” John shouts as the both get in an Uber and drive off.

I don’t need anything from you and i am not asking anything except one thing; do not lie to me.

I hate being lied to. I’m not asking you to tell everything but what i’m asking is your honesty. Tell me what i need to know even if it means breaking my heart, i still want to know. Tell me what you think; when my over-sensitivity takes most of what patience you have left in your heart. Tell me when my mood swing and childish acts gets on your nerves. When you can’t stand my craziness and my other side. Tell me when my tantrums annoys you already. When everything gets rough and everything becomes a problem, you can always tell me, i’m more than willing to listen.

I know you are not perfect. You’ll hurt me in many ways but i will gladly accept that as long as you’re being true to me. I want you to look in my eyes and tell me what’s running inside your head. I want you to tell me what your heart is saying. Don’t hesitate to tell me the truth.
I’d appreciate your sincerity than your sweet lies. I want to look at you and see through your eyes tells me that your intentions are clearer than the waters of the cleanest sea not that face that has stained on with a fake front. I’d rather hear the truth than your filthy lies. If you hurt me, hurt me with the truth. I want honest words from your sweet mouth that stabs through my heart. Hurt me because i know it’ll wake me up from the reality, it will make me go back from real world. Hurt me with honesty and with your most precious feelings. You won’t hear anything from me then, just don’t look into my eyes and you’ll see the meaning of pain.

I don’t want to live in a world full of lies. That everything around are just part of the script on your story. I don’t want to look but just to see the knives ready to stab me at the back. I don’t want to hear any excuses like you don’t want to hurt me because that will happen if you’re going to lie. I don’t want to wake up seeing an unfamiliar face that says “full of lies”. Let me live with a love that is pure and honest. Let me live in a world where everything feels so real and true. I want to see the one i love waking up next to me with sunshine and galaxy in his face.

I want you to be honest with me, especially to your feelings for me…

—  to my future half

Okay so this is a REALLY REALLY important distinction which a lot of fandom seems to have trouble with

A character saying something creepy, or reminding you of an abuser, does not make them an abuser. A certain scene giving you a bad feeling doesn’t necessarily mean that it was abuse.

And I know that this is a hard distinction to make. I can think of like, five characters off the top of my head which I have a hard time treating fairly because they remind me of my own abuser(s). But I try to, or else I don’t say anything about it.

I don’t mean to say that we shouldn’t be discussing abuse. What I am saying is that we should keep a clear head about it when we’re discussing it, and discuss it in a rational and respectful way. Respect is the key word here, because this is a serious issue, and it deserves respect. Which I have not been seeing a lot of in fandom lately.