i think you don't understand

I don’t want to lose you but at the same time I can’t be friends with you because I can’t stand seeing you with her.
—  Day 99
4

suddenly, hogwarts AU and everyone is babies??! idk it’s out of my system now don’t tell me to draw anyone else or argue with me about house choices it’s done i’m going to bed now!!!!

I think a lot about the “other” jobs in the Wizarding World. Specifically I think about the time the Weird Sisters performed at the Yule Ball.

Like.

Are there wizard techs? Do they use magical microphones? It would make sense to, rather than just using ‘sonorus’ because then they could be connected to a magical soundboard for specialized magic mixing. And what about their instruments? Are they like muggle ones, or entirely different? Are there magical amps? And are there witches that specialize in lighting charms for special light shows? Is there a magical equivalent to laser shows? And someone’s gotta make sure it all runs smoothly: witch stage manager, with an actually accurate quick quill. And a pyro-wizard. Do they all just show up ten minutes before a gig and magic the stage up together? or are there Union wizards for that? Do they wear black, or disillusion themselves so they won’t be seen? Or does it matter, since they’re all magical?

Partner and I have been rewatching The Two Towers for the first time in a long time.

anyway, one thing that has always been weird for me is Eomer giving Hasufel and Arod to random strangers, just like that.  Just giving them away, two horses, to a trio of foreign travelers he just met and had suspected of being spies.

like.  what?  This is Rohan.  Horses are the thing you value above all else, I don’t care if their riders are dead, even if their riders don’t have actual heirs somewhere to whom ownership would pass (or Rohirric inheritance law works differently and ownership has somehow defaulted to their éored’s commander, IDK), you’re still a calvary force planning to see a lot more battle in the near future, chances are high you’re going to end up with horseless riders who’ll need them.

this time I actually processed the fact, though, that Eomer believes they’ve inadvertantly killed two innocents, prisoners of the orcs, the beloved companions of these travelers.

The horses aren’t a gift.  They’re weregild.

8

And all your little lame-ass friends are gonna be Kibbles ‘n Bits. Think about that when your boyfriend’s cuttin’ into you.

(Technically it’s the 15th since it’s 1:38am)

So there’s one bit near the end of the Genocide Run that hit me pretty hard, personally. And as with most things that hit me very hard emotionally, it was a random almost throwaway line that wasn’t written to be focused on that much. But whether it intentionally held the meaning I took from it or not, it doesn’t change the fact that I DID take meaning from it.

When Flowey is monologuing near the very very end of the game and explaining what he went through, he talks about how he lacks the ability to feel anything for the people around him, and how desperately, frantically, he wishes he did. He talks about how, at first, he tried to help people. He talks about how at first it seemed to help, but every time it was time to let go, to move on, he got scared and couldn’t do it. He’d panic and reset instead. And how then he’d be right back where he started. And he would try helping everyone again.

But it became hollow. Everyone always said the exact same things, and did the exact same things. And nothing changed. And nothing new ever happened.

And eventually, just out of sheer desperation for SOMETHING new, he decided to kill everyone. And how that was at first a relief, but even that grew stale and empty as he did it over and over again. Until he was left with nothing, and there was nothing to care about, either for better or worse, but he couldn’t let go either. So he was trapped in this world where nothing ever changed, and he couldn’t make himself leave.

It’s a sad story, but it’s also a bit of a gut punch because of its implications.

Maybe in time, the person playing the game, the actual human being behind the keyboard, not the pixel character they control, would find themselves in the exact same situation. Eventually, things in a game stop changing. Characters always say the same things, do the same things. And maybe in time, as boredom takes over, the player would also try a genocide game just for SOMETHING new. But eventually even that will become empty and lead to nowhere after you do it enough.

I can’t really say if that’s true or not. I can’t say it’s false either.

But It’s 2 years now. And a lot of us are still here. And more importantly a lot of us still care. Quite deeply in fact.

And maybe we won’t care forever, maybe the same thing will happen, or more likely, we’d be the ones able to let go and move on to other things and let go. Maybe there’s no escaping that.

But it’s been 2 years, and at least for now, we’re still here.

There is also the possibility I’ve considered, that since the insane success of the game was never expected or anticipated at all, that the level of love it caused in gamers was a complete and utter surprise, maybe their ability to never fall into that cycle of apathy and just how long they can keep going, caring as hard as ever, will also be a complete surprise that was never foreseen.

Or even more simply, maybe Flowey just needed to be shown, as with so many things, he was wrong about that too.

Who knows. Honestly I can’t say how things will look in time. It could either way.


But at least by year 2 we were still here.

When I met you, I had to take a step back and take a moment to embrace the fact I had no idea the true definition of beauty, because I never thought such perfection existed.
—  Day 135