i think this means i am delirious

Ohmwrecker: If you think about it there are more nipples in the world than people.

Mini: If you are waiting for the waiter aren’t you the waiter?

Delirious: If we drink a drink can we food a food?

Basically: What happens if I get scared half to death twice?

Terroriser: If two vegans are arguing is it still called “beef”?

Panda: So if I lift a shopping cart in the air, does that mean I am shoplifting?

Vanoss: How did the person inventing the ruler know how long a foot was?

Nogla: Who taught the first teacher?

Scotty: What if someone died in a living room?

Wildcat: THATS IT I AM SO FUCKING DONE SOMEOME BETTER TELL ME WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON BEFORE I KILL ALL OF YOU!!

  • <p> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b>Wildcat:</b> [shooting Zombies] Die! you ugly piece of shit!<p/><b>Nogla:</b> gah... I know I'm ugly but you don't have to be so mean.<p/><b>Wildcat:</b> I was talking about the zombies.<p/><b>Nogla:</b> oh, I hear ugly and instantly think of myself.<p/><b>Wildcat:</b> I don't blame you<p/></p><p/></p><p/></p>
good intentions, bad intuition

for @thinkoutsidethelovesquare​ month I got the chance to remix @alya-bug​‘s work, and Misunderstanding was just too cute and too funny! I couldn’t resist remixing it with ninoir. I hope you like it!!! <3

on ao3

Words: 3419

Nino was no stranger to nighttime visits from Chat Noir. Chat had an ego that loved to be stoked by his favorite fan. It was nice, truth be told, and he wasn’t looking to complain; they’d spill their frustrations to each other, or talk about the weather, or listen to music, or just chill out. Lately, however, Chat seemed to be coming by all the time, and Nino was starting to form his own suspicions…

The final piece fell into place when one of Chat’s usual rants about an argument he’d had with his father was cut short by a loud rumble. Chat hugged his stomach and grinned sheepishly at Nino. “Sorry. I haven’t eaten yet today.”

“Dude, it’s three in the afternoon,” Nino said.

“It’s Saturday!” Chat protested.

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Wrong Address


The house is only two stories, but it’s cozy and the shutters are painted dark blue. And Tyler is standing on the porch, afternoon sunshine blinding him from the right as he knocks, and knocks again.

“Come on man, hurry up!” He yells, hands cupped around his mouth and face pressed against the door, trying to see through the glass.

The shadow of a figure is silhouetted through the white lacy curtains that give some semblance of privacy to Luke’s front door.

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TAG GAME: DOCTOR WHO EDITION

@gemofsphene tagged me and despite multiple friends’ valiant attempts I’ve never really gotten into Doctor Who, but I am pleased to present: My Impressions of Doctor Who Based on Confusing Viewing Experiences and Tumblr. Let’s go.

Doctor you started with: Whichever doctor gets eaten by weeping angels. It was late at night, I was slightly delirious after a long weekend of academic decathlon, and I had just expressed to a friend my enjoyment of 1) tv doctors and 2) horror movies. Apparently there was a miscommunication, because she then put on That Episode. You know.

There were no dramatic medical cases, the angels were mean, and I don’t think I got any sleep that night. I’ve felt betrayed ever since.

Favorite Doctor: I’m pretty sure David Tennant was the Doctor at one point? And he wore off-white converse? He’s not my favorite, though. My favorite would probably be the oldest and grouchiest doctor. And for the record, it took me about a year of convoluted discussion with Whovian friends to understand that no, learning “who” the doctor is is not the point. My head hurts.

Favorite Companion: One of them is named Rose and I like her hair? Also I’ve seen lots of Martha gifs and she’s very attractive. 10/10.

Favorite Episode: Rainbow Bradlee made me watch a Christmas episode once and that was nice. I don’t remember anything about it except that someone wore this great coat that looked like a pretty nice wool blend and I think there was a space war and explosions. Actually, those might all have been different episodes. But I’m pretty sure DW contains all of those things, at least.

Favorite Character that isn’t the Doctor or a companion: Have I mentioned that I am legit afraid of daleks? I do not like them. I get that they shouldn’t be terrifying because they’re trashcans with egg beaters, but they make me very uncomfortable. I once got followed around a convention floor by a robot dalek because the dude at the booth asked if I wanted to pat his stupid moving robot daleks, I said No Thank-You, and he had a sick sense of humor. Like this dude followed me all the way down the artist alley section.

If you could pick anyone to be the next companion who would it be? (Why?): Can someone please explain to me why, if the TARDIS is always with the doctor and sentient, it is not technically the companion? How does it feel about this?

winters-blue-children  asked:

COLIVER 49 XD (omg I'm sorry you don't have to do all of these)

49. “Well this is awkward…”

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Oliver groaned when he approached his dorm room door and saw a sock on the handle. He felt awful, coming down with the cold or flu that was going around campus. Of course, the one day he wanted to lie down in bed and die, Connor would be having sex with another one of his conquests. He had no issues with his roommate’s sexual appetite as he generally respected Oliver’s boundaries, but in the middle of the afternoon? Really?

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AN: I’m about as delirious as Simon is here, so I don’t even know what I just wrote, but enjoy this very short fluff.  I’m going to sleep now.

Delirious Late Night Talks

Baz and I are laying in bed, it’s late and we’re both falling asleep. 
I am curled up against him, thinking about him.
“Baz, you have such a long, complicated name.”
Baz looks at me with one of his eyebrows raised. “What’s wrong, long and complicated about the name ‘Baz’?”
“Nothing’s wrong and no, I mean your full name, Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch. It’s a mouth full.”
“That’s why I prefer to just be called Baz. Though I can’t see what’s so complicated about my name.”
I shrug.
“My name is simple and short, yours is long and complicated,” I say in a tired voice. 
“What is the point you’re trying to make?”
I yawn, “Well, I guess… I don’t know. You just have a long name Baz and it’s complicated.”
“Go to sleep Snow.”
“You called me Simon before.”
I can feel him place a kiss on the top of my head.
“Go to sleep Simon.”
I do. 

office au

tbt to this au

 With an anxious glance down the hallway, I turned back around, shut the office door, and returned to Erza and Natsu for a report.

“Nothing.” I said with a shrug. Curious whispers flooded the office and little to nothing got done.

“I wonder where he is? He’s never really been late before, has he?” Natsu asked, ducking his head close so our gossip could stay our gossip, that’s right, I’m looking at that bitch Chelia who’s clearly trying to listen in on our conversation.

“Yeah, he’s probably chillin’ in his penthouse with some million dollar whore. You know, I heard he lives in that big building on South boulevard.” Erza added.

My jaw dropped. “No way! That place is like a palace! How-“

The office door flew open with the force of a thousand hammers coming down onto a single nail. And there, in an epic cloud of dismay, was Gray Fullbuster himself.

Erza hurriedly headed back to her desk to avoid being trampled by the Ice King, but he only stood there.

“Mr. Fullbuster!” Chelia’s high pitched voice called out. I watched his fingers, firmly poised against the door handle, twitch in annoyance.

Then he stood up, eyes dark and narrowed, and surged past everyone, following him was an aura of such evil and hatred even I was impressed. And I worked in a modern-day office – if somebody managed to out-evil me, it’d definitely be news.

Across the walkway, Erza mouthed ‘what the fuck’ and I shrugged, being as answerless as I was.

Gray Fullbuster had never once been late to work, at least that I could recall. I don’t even know if he’s even missed a day! To what, Natsu would reply annoyingly – maybe he’s gone when you’re gone – like some snotty five-year-old who thought they held the answers to the universe.

Gray slammed open the door to his office (repaired since the one time we trashed it…oops…) and subsequently slammed it shut.

Instantly, the office buzzed with excitement. Any sort of character development involving Gray was a rare occurrence – we all soaked it up like sponges in the sea.

“Did you see that?” Natsu gaped, “he was pissed!”

“Tell me about it…” I said curiously. As of recently, I’d been on fairly good terms with our icy boss. He seemed to hold a sort of liking to me.

The unfortunate thing about this ‘liking’ of his, was that he had a damned way of showing it.

As in, forcing me to stay hours late, harassing me with extra paperwork, and of course, teasing me when no one else was around. Erza barely believed that he flirted with me mercilessly when I was alone in his office, but I don’t really blame her, I wouldn’t believe me either. He treats me like a trash can when everyone else is around – even more so than everyone else. I suppose I’ve grown to accept it – plus I’ve sort of got a point to prove that no amount of paperwork could make me quit.

Plus, even when he did seem like the king of assholes and really did piss me off – he always paid for it in some way. He thinks he’s being sneaky – but I know I’m getting paid more than everyone else in the office – save him, of course.

It was a strange life, the one I called my own. But I wouldn’t trade it. Not for the money I’m making. Especially in proportion to the amount of work I actually do.

“D’ya think Erza was right about the prostitute?” Natsu asked with a suspicious eyebrow wiggle that I had yet to discover how he managed to do it.

Something in me popped. For some reason – the idea of Gray with another woman made me pissed to the brim.

Great, I was evolving into Chelia. More like devolving, I guess.

“No,” I answered, a bit harshly even though it wasn’t Natsu I was mad at. “I’m gonna go ask him…”

Natsu’s eyes bulged to the size of eggs.

What? Are you crazy – the only way you’re getting out of there is in a body bag for christ’s sake-“

“I’ll be fine. Relax – I just wanna see why he’s late is all.” I explained. I only sort of wanted to know why he was late – I mostly just wanted to test how strong my relationship was with him at this point. Were we close enough to be considered friends?

I don’t know why – but the prospect of being closer to him than anybody else sounded far too appealing.

I didn’t bother knocking, I only nudged his door open cautiously, much to the chagrin of my coworkers. They were furiously making fake cut marks over their necks, signaling me to stop in my tracks. Naturally, I refused.

“Gray?” I asked hesitantly, opening the door a bit wider.

With the lack of answer serving as an invitation to enter, I smoothly slid into his office and shut the door behind me, away from prying (Chelia’s) eyes.

I turned around, and to my surprise, didn’t see anything I had planned on seeing, ever.

Gray Fullbuster was fast asleep.

“What the hell?” I whispered, reaching a tentative hand out to poke his head. It moved to the side but didn’t rouse him from his sleep.

I tickled his hair a little bit, letting my curiosity put me on a leach as I gently massaged his freakishly soft hair.

I pulled my hand away after a little while, disturbed by his lack of response. Good god, had somebody finally murdered him?

I scanned his back for a stab wound and/or sniper round lodged into his body. Absolutely nothing.

I pressed the finger to his wrist to check for a pulse. Steady as ever.

I slapped his cheek lightly, hoping for  response, however feeble.

His eyes slowly blinked awake, moving with a speed that might lose in a race against a crippled snail.

“Five…more…” he muttered groggily, shutting his eyes once more.

“Gray? You’re at work. You’re kind of…needed.” I said awkwardly. It wasn’t like Gray to be this way, even remotely. Frankly, I was getting frightened.

“That’s what your mom said…” He slurred, with a tiny little baby smile like he thought his own joke was hilarious.

“Are you…are you drunk?” I asked, coming to the only logical conclusion.

“No…no I’m…” He trailed off, and he didn’t look like he was finishing that sentence anytime soon.

“Are you high?” I sniffed him experimentally. He smelt normal, like clean copy paper and pine trees.

“High in the sky…this building is…tall.” He observed.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” I tipped his head up and felt his forehead. He flopped backwards, I pretty much had total and complete control over his body. He had no fever – but he was clearly having…issues.

“My head hurts…” he mumbled, his voice returning a little bit back to his normal, sexy-as-sin voice.

“Are you ok? You seem really…really…” I trailed off, unable to find a word to describe his behavior besides drunk.

“Yeah, I’m…fine. I’m fine.” He said clearly, posture and face hardening. There’s the Gray I remember.

“Are you sure? I can drive you to-“

“I’m fine. Get back to work.” He said half-heartedly, without nearly the energy he usually put into telling me to get off my ass and actually do something for the company.

Yeah, something was definitely wrong.

“Alright…” I said suspiciously. “Just call me if anything’s wrong…”

“Yeah, yeah,” he rubbed his head dejectedly as I closed the door to his office.

Natsu looked me up and down, like he was expecting my appearance to be similar to that of a woman who took a swan dive into the tiger enclosure.

“Well? What happened?” Erza all but demanded.

“I…he just slept in.” I covered lamely. Everybody looked unimpressed, but returned to their repetitive jobs aimlessly.

“Seriously, that’s it?” Natsu asked. “I was hoping for more…”

“So was I,” I admitted, staring intently at his door, almost waiting for it to fly open and give me all the answers to the enigma that was Gray Fullbuster.

~

~

~

It took literally less than two hours for the problem to finally peer out from its corner.

Gray broke through his office, looking dazed and confused like he had absolutely no idea where he was.

“Mr. Fullbuster what is it?” Chelia asked, like it was her pride and duty to serve her master.

“Are you…” he studied her carefully. “Are you Natsu?”

Natsu’s ears perked at the sound of his name. “What? I’m right here.”

Gray looked around, like he couldn’t tell where Natsu’s voice was coming from.

“That’s it.” I said with finality. I stood up quickly and stormed up to Gray, who was clearly drunk off his ass. “I’m driving you home.”

“You know where I live?” He asked, usually angry narrowed eyes as wide as saucers.

“Uh…yeah.” I said, slinging his arm over my shoulders so I could haul him out of the office. “Erza, do the thing…” I said over my shoulder. Instantly, Erza understood and began typing on her computer, searching for Gray’s address.

I dragged him out of the office, him being an insufferable mess, and me riddled with awe and confusion.

“You have nice smelling hair.” He said, dropping his head onto my shoulder and inherently sniffing it.

“Thanks…” I appealed. Oddly, he stayed silent for the next few minutes as I carried him to the parking lot.

“Where’s your car?” I asked, forgetting that he was clearly too disoriented to give me a straight answer.

“Th…ere…” he muttered.

And that was when I saw the real problem.

“Holy shit.”

The entire front of Gray’s car was totaled. I could hardly imagine how he’d managed to even drive it the rest of the way here. He must’ve been in an accident before coming here, that explained his evident pissed-offedness when he first arrived, and his lateness…

And hid behavior…

“Gray?” I asked kindly.

“Yes pretty lady?”

“Were you in an accident?” I asked, not able to control the flush of heat in my cheeks at his prior comment.

“Yeah. I hit my head and it feels heavy…” he moaned.

“Ok, we’re getting you to the hospital…”

~

~

~

In the hospital waiting room, Gray had managed to attract all of the wrong attention.

“You’re so pretty…” he mumbled, his face concealed in the depths of my hair, which he seemed to have an odd obsession.

“And, you’re delirious.” I added. Something about this whole ordeal had been pretty disappointing…

“And you’re really nice. I’m sorry I was mean to you…” he grumbled.

“That’s ok.” I forgave without thinking.

“Am I gonna get a shot?”

“Maybe.”

“Am I gonna get medicine?”

“Maybe.”

“Your hair is so soft…” he purred, pressing his cheek up against my hair lovingly.

“I can’t wait to tell you about this when you wake up again.” I said monotonously.

“You skin is soft too.” He added, grabbing my hand and clutching it tightly like it was his prized possession.

“Mr. and Mrs. Fullbuster?” The nurse asked. Haha. Right. I just figured it’d be easier to be his wife than his barely concerned inferior.

I hoisted him up and led him into the room for his catscan. Jeez, the things I do for this kid.

~

~

~

After two days in the hospital, I finally went to go visit my esteemed boss.

Apparently, he had some sort of high-level concussion that made him so drunk I was still laughing at the memory. Honestly, I couldn’t wait to fill in the missing bubbles of his memory.

“Hey there sleeping beauty~” I teased, relishing in his helplessness.

It actually wasn’t fair that he managed to make hospital clothes look sexy. I mean, shit.

He rolled his eyes with intensity I didn’t even know existed.

But then, he smirked, something he rarely did, but when he did, it both chilled me to the bone and made me want to kiss him breathless.

“Hey there Mrs. Fullbuster.

shit.

My face paled instantly and he laughed heartlessly.

“Good luck living that one down! Now I’ve finally confirmed it – you love me.” He said triumphantly.

“Well…you wouldn’t be saying that if you knew what drunk Gray had to say about me!” I accused.

“Drunk Gray was drunk! You can’t blame him!”

“Nevermind! Just take this!” I threw a bouquet of flowers from Chelia at him and turned to leave before he made me so pissed off I exploded.

“Huh. Thanks I guess.” He admitted, setting the flowers down on the table next to him.

“So…I’m gonna go now…” I said, scooting backwards awkwardly.

“Thanks, Juvia. For you know…the ride to the hospital and stuff.” He thanked dorkily.

“You’re welcome.” I said softly.

“By the way – when you get back, there’s a pile of paperwork as big as Mount Saint Helens for you to finish up. Have it on my desk by tomorrow or you’re fired.” He said smugly from behind.

“God dammit Fullbuster…”

 

i was watching the office and got inspired u can tell the ending is patchy but whatevs