i think this is my first time to make caps

I was doing well, and then one thing hit and after that I can barely lift my head up from everything thats crashed down onto me.
And half of it is because of you.
After you left, I hid my feelings so well that I even forgot I felt them. I used forgetting as a way to heal, I forgot to feel the emotions that come after a breakup and I was doing so well because of that.
But now I’m remembering. And since I’ve started I cant stop. I remember being there the first time our hands intertwined and I remember the way it felt to be so close to you. and I remember every single phone call that we had. And all that may sound nice, because it did make me smile, it did make me laugh thinking about the things you’d say but then it just hurt because your not here. none of that is here anymore.
You use to text me in all caps saying you loved me and now you don’t even look in my direction. You can’t even say hello anymore..
And it hurts, because now that I remember how it felt to be there, to have you, to love and be loved, I miss you.
I miss you so damn much and I can’t breathe because suddenly I’m reminded of when you ended things. and then the picture flashes through my mind of you with her.
And now I can’t even get out of bed anymore because life hurts too damn much.
Because I’m reminded of how people can wake up one day and decide that they don’t love you anymore. and I’m so scared that everyone I have ever known will leave.
.
—  you screwed me up
skam hiatus diaries (aka how extra is henrik holm today)

dear diary,

17.12. i’m still in shock over the finale but i’m hoping we’ll a get a trailer within a month

31.12. i’m growing more desperate by the day but thankfully henrik posted that hotel scene bts pic and julie wrote an evak au oneshot so i might make it into 2017 after all

24.1 henrik and ulrikke hung out so life was good at least for a night even tho no sign of the trailer

7-9.2 i can’t believe henrik invented bandanas

8.2. there is a stupid poll with 64 ships but who cares, it’s not like a tiny fandom like skam could win…

10.2. what is a poll, i don’t know a poll i only know that henrik holm is king of weed and extraness who unfollowed a bunch of ppl to keep his perfect 420 aesthetic

12.2. where’s the trailer, our careful calculations led us to believe today was the day

19.2. henrik carried around a dog like a baby and wore pink. fandom totally did not lose it’s shit. at all.

20.2. a ski mask is only appropriate attire if you’re about to steal the s4 script,, pls go back to petting puppies

21.2. henrik meowed into the camera, in a parallel universe vilde was proud

24.2. send nudes (not me)

25.2. a rare sighting of tarjei in his natural habitat (aka antiteateret)

27.2. henrik touched his lip and wore an alt er love cap. i’m ok,,

28.2. rainbow hoodie? rainbow hoodie.

5.3. today was the day julie andem generated a meme

2-5.3. guess who’s (vi)king of the alps

5.3. i don’t have time to think abt a trailer bc the sharks are coming to get us

6.3. after hours of murdering captchas just when you thought those evak bts stills would be the highlight of the day henrik holey socks holm decided it was a good day to make his ‘suck my board’ comeback. needless to say fandom never quite recovered from the onslaught of memes

8.3. first, even took all the paper towels. then he took isak’s heart. now, they both took home a win for the google drive fandom!

9.3. tarjei winked at us. okay it might’ve been from the video preview of his show but still. ngl we lost it

11.3. draped in a rainbow flag then wearing a weed cap, henrik proved he’s master of speaking spanish. also pardon his french but,, suck my board cutie

13.3. (drop the trailer al)ready

we were playing overwatch a bit ago and at the beginning of this match i said “how do you guys feel about the fact that blizzard gave sombra a skin where she shit her pants” 
“i think it was very brave of them to make a character who shits themself” 
“no other video game character has shit themself before”
“she’s the first” 

and a dude on the enemy team just fucking named ‘shadow’ said like “i can’t wait to kill you” because my battletag is SJW and then every time we capped an objective i just said “you shit yourself” “your character shit yourself” “you poop pant” and he didn’t kill me once the entire game 

Tea Time

Sherlock’s busy. Sitting in his leather chair near the fireplace, he’s texting furiously with Lestrade (Will the idiots on that forensic team ever learn? Nope. Apparently not today.). 

Rosie sits to his left at a tiny toddler-size table on a little matching stool. It’s round and painted lavender, a delicate hand drawn vine pattern circling the edge and trailing down the table’s legs. She’s playing with a miniature tea set- a gift from Mrs. Hudson- pretending to pour out tea and stir in sugar and milk with a silver baby spoon.

“Tea, Papa?” Rosie’s chubby hand offers a small porcelain cup of imaginary Earl Grey to Sherlock. 

He doesn’t stop texting, never looks away from the screen, simply shifts to using his right hand only and allows his left arm to fall to the side, low enough for her to place the petite teacup into his large hand. It moves automatically to his lips and he takes a sip before he fully realizes it’s only filled with make-believe tea. His eyes widen in surprise. (Sherlock’s body is, after all, hard-wired to accept tea from a Watson at this point.)

He looks down at Rosie, who meets his gaze expectantly, eyebrows raised. “Papa like tea?” she asks. 

Sherlock only hesitates for a moment before saying, “Mmm. Yes, love. I think your tea may be the best I’ve had.” He lowers his voice to a whisper. “But don’t tell Daddy.”

Rosie nods solemnly, her daddy’s tea making prowess already well known. She goes back to filling and refilling cups with the play teapot, babbling “tea, tea, tea” happily.

Sherlock “drinks” cup after cup, eventually solving Lestrade’s case after a couple of shoddy screen-caps make it clear it wasn’t even a murder in the first place. Dull. 

It was a normal afternoon for Rosie in 221B. A perfect day for tea time with her Papa.

original characters + gif posters (1/?): Poppy Patel

@susiesamurai

Just wanted to make this as a thank you for the support and reviews you left on Renegades. Seriously, they made me smile so much and gave me so much inspiration. Plus, I don’t think I’ve ever make anything for Poppy, so I wanted to show love to another cap loving oc! Thank you again for all your support! (also sorry this isn’t good. this was my first time doing something like this)

3

make me choose:
  ↳ 222 or 412 hug from konomcgarrett

Happy Birthday, Scoodles ♡

Today he would have been 14, which as weird as this may sound, it’s an age I always imagined he’d make it to. I guess because many of my friends dogs lived into their teens.

As for the chosen lyrics: it made me think about how our pets are with us through large portions of our life. Large being many years, or through major milestones. And if we had to do it all over again, wouldn’t we want our pets, companions, the keepers of our secrets, our best friends, right there by our side like before?

I know I would, and I’d make sure to take more photos with him than just of. Especially for things like high school graduation, in my cap and gown beforehand, that’s one I regret I didn’t even think of at that moment. He taught me so much and put up with my first-time dog owner mistakes and misguidance. Ha, and because of him I now have to live on a routine. Break schedule and I’m a mess! Thanks, bud.

Anyways, hug your pets! I don’t care how silly, stupid, or lame it may seem, but celebrate their birthday/gotcha day - every year you can. That could mean a special treat or meal, an extra game of fetch, letting them on the couch for the day, or inviting all their doggy friends over, don’t have any regrets. Take loads of pictures of and with them. And most importantly: love them. They maybe a small part of your world, but you are their entire world.

Falling- Part 4

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3

Part 4

I’ve been to the Verizon Center before, but for like concerts not for a hockey game. And certainly not to see a player on said hockey team that I was somewhat seeing? I don’t even know what to call Andre and I at this point, but I know this is a pretty big step in our relationship so I am completely buzzing walking up to get my ticket. I spot the booth that says willcall and head over to it, there’s no one in line so I walk right up. “Hi! I have a ticket under Andre Burakovsky” the older man sitting behind the window smiles and takes out my ticket and what looks like a pass asking to see my ID to confirm it’s me, “I always sit here for willcall and I don’t recognize you and Andre never leaves tickets for anyone- so I’m gonna assume this is your first game?” he says still giving me a smile. I nod yes, smiling because he said Andre never leaves tickets, he really must not bring girls around much. The man smiles again, “Okay well, this one is your ticket. Usually it would be for the box with other family members, but Andre asked for you to get a rink-side ticket tonight. So just show it to the workers inside and they will direct you, and this” he says holding up a laminated pass, “is so you can get down to him after the game, again just show the person working your section and they’ll be able to direct you where to go”. “Thank you so much!” I say accepting the passes smiling, “I’m Doug by the way, if you keep coming back we’ll get to know each other” I laugh, “And I am (Y/N), I look forward to it!”.

Heading into the Verizon Center all I see is fans dressed in Caps gear everywhere, quite a few Burakovsky jerseys I notice, I guess he’s pretty good then I think to myself. I look down at my ticket, Section 108, Row 1, Seat 3. I look up at the sign to see what section I was currently at and I wasn’t too far from where I needed to be so I make my way there looking at everything. Like I said before, not my first time here, but this is the first time I ever felt the need to really look at what was in the arena. There was Capitals posters everywhere and seemingly everyone had on Jerseys and player tees. I look down at myself, I wore jeans, white converse, and a Capitals hockey shirt I bought this morning. It’s not a Burakovsky shirt or anything, don’t wanna scare him away. I see the sign for Section 108 and go over showing the man my ticket, “well you are right down there my dear, up close and personal!” I smile and make my way down to where I was sitting, he wasn’t kidding I was literally basically on the ice.

Settling into my seat I soak up the view, I got here at 6:00 so no one was out on the ice yet. There was fans but the place wasn’t full still, but soon enough it will be. I pull out my phone to look at the text Andre sent me last night, “If you wanna see me in warmups, be there at like 6:20” I smile, I’m here, and here early, of course I wanna see Andre. I see the refs down by the door looking like they’re getting ready to come out, I wonder if Andre will notice me. I mean, I’m really close but like he’s gonna be focused. My thoughts are interrupted when people come sit down next to me. It is a Dad and his son, probably about 5 years old. “Hi, I’m Cayden!” he says sticking out his hand to me, I laugh, “Hello Cayden, I’m (Y/N) looks like we are seat buddies for the night!”. His Dad laughs and says hello to me as well, “This is my FIRST Capitals game I am SO EXCITED!” he says basically jumping up and down, “It’s my first game too!” his smile grows even bigger and just seeing how excited he is got me even more excited.

The opposing team of the night, the Philadelphia Flyers, started to skate out on the ice. From what I read this morning on various sports apps, this was a pretty big rivalry. From the corner of my eye I see a flurry of red jerseys coming out of a tunnel, my stomach does little flips, I was about to see Andre for the first time on the ice. “So who’s your favorite player?” Cayden says looking up at me, “I’m pretty new to hockey, but I would have to say Andre Burakovsky” my lips turning into a big grin just saying his name, “Mines is Tom Wilson” he says so matter of factly. I smile at him, “Well I hope he notices you, I’ll try and help!”, from what I understood Tom was one of Andre’s best friends, and former roommate. Not that Andre told me this, I totally stalked everything I could about Andre on tumblr.

The whole team was on the ice now and I noticed Andre over at the bench getting a drink of water. His number 65 was easy to spot on his tall frame. He was talking to another player who was wearing a number 43 jersey, I couldn’t make out the name on it though. Andre was smiling brightly, it made me smile, even out on the ice he still had that damn charming smile. They started to skate away from the bench and to join the rest of the team, my view really was amazing. Right now there was a player with the last name Oshie standing right in front of me, I’m trying to learn names and numbers so I can actually know what is happening. Andre was bent over getting ready to take a shot, after he shoots he skates over right to where I am. My heart races a little as we make eye contact and his mouth grows into a big smile, his mouth forms a crooked kind of smile, but it’s perfect.

Next to me, Cayden was waving his arms furiously trying to catch Andre’s attention, I smile and decide to do the same making Andre laugh. He stopped just in front of Cayden and motioned that he was going to throw the puck over, he flipped it over just so lightly and Cayden caught it. To say Cayden was ecstatic was a severe understatement, he was literally bouncing up and down, “(Y/N)  I GOT A PUCK ANDRE IS MY NEW FAVORITE, BUT I STILL LIKE TOM OKAY DON’T TELL HIM”. I laugh at him and high five him, it was really sweet of Andre to do that. And I knew he wasn’t doing it just because I’m right here, he was over on the other side flipping one over to another girl holding a sign asking for a puck. People must really love him if they make signs specifically for him I think to myself.

Andre was in conversation again with number 43, who I now could identify as Tom Wilson, I don’t know if Andre could see me staring at him but he was pointing at me and Tom turned to follow his stick and meet my gaze. He quickly turned back to Andre with a smile on his face before they got back to skating, I wonder what Andre was saying I think. I should probably start paying attention to the rest of the team, gotta learn the players if I wanna be a credible Capitals fan. I see Ovechkin standing in front of me, he was one guy who I definitely knew since he was kind of a big deal in DC, even if you don’t pay attention to the hockey team. I spy number 46 in front of the net and I know he is Michael Latta, another close friend of Andre’s. No matter how much I try and take my attention off of Andre and on to the rest of the team, I can always feel his eyes on me. The team was lining up now on either side of the ice getting ready to take another round of shooting on the goalie, of course Andre was stopped right in front of me. He turns around a tosses me a wink before skating off to take his shot, my heart is racing a million miles a minute, screw you Andre for doing this to me I think smiling to myself.

“Wow (Y/N) I think Burky likes you” Cayden says grinning up at me, I laugh, “Maybe! I hope so” I say settling back into my seat because the guys were all getting off the ice, well everyone except Andre. It seemed he was in charge of cleaning up all the pucks, I can’t help but laugh and pull out my phone to snipe a quick picture to send to Emily.

“Sitting front row- to see this” I say attaching the picture with some emojis, she responds almost instantly. “(Y/N)! YOU ARE SO CLOSE HE GOT YOU THOSE TICKETS? OH THIS IS  LEGIT KEEP ME UPDATED!” I laugh and reply with some kissy face emojis before sliding my phone back into my pocket.

Now that it was getting closer to gametime the arena was filling up, it was definitely a sell out. Looking out at the sea of red jerseys in the stands it’s crazy trying to imagine what Andre is thinking whenever he is out there. I make a mental note to ask him later if he even realizes how many freaking people are in here, like I can’t even comprehend it. Sure for a concert it was like this and more on account of the floor seats, but this was for a hockey game. I guess hockey IS a big deal here, and I have a feeling I am going to be sucked into it too.

The lights start to go down in the building in favor for a sea of red lights covering the ice surface. The PA announcer introduces the Flyers, only to be met by a roar of boo’s from the crowd which makes me laugh. When he calls out the Capitals, the building absolutely erupts. I find myself smiling and clapping too without even realizing it, something about the atmosphere really got me though. After the National Anthem it was time for what I believe was called a face-off. I’m still getting the hang of the rules and everything. I look at the guys on the ice and notice that Andre is not among them, but I immediately see him on the bench. His normal goofy grin is now a serious, stern look. He’s not laughing and chatting away with his teammates like he was during warm-ups, he’s totally focused and in his own world.

And it’s pretty hot.

Right from the minute the puck was dropped the game is physical. I felt like guys were nonstop banging into each other right in front of where I am sitting. Cayden next to me was living for it, I on the other hand find myself worrying about Andre. Like I know he does this like every night and has played hockey his whole life, plus I’ve known him like 3 days, but I still worry every time he takes a hit. The buzzer goes off ending the first period and its 0-0, but a really exciting game nonetheless.

The second period goes the same way, lots of hits, no goals. A couple just misses and even a few fights. Much to little Cayden’s delight Tom got in a fight right in front of us, I was terrified silently praying Andre wasn’t a guy who “dropped the gloves” as everyone around me likes to say.

The third period is just starting and I can just see the frustration on the guy’s faces. They were playing so hard but they kept getting robbed by the Flyer’s goalie, or they would just miss the net. I guess something got them fired up though in between periods though because less than a minute in Ovechkin went down a scored a goal, much to the crowd’s delight. I again found myself on my feet again cheering just like everyone else in the building, hockey is exciting I can’t believe it took me seeing one of the player’s to finally start watching it. The eliation did not last long though, as a Flyers player just scored a goal too, back tied up at 1. The clock ran out and it was headed to overtime.

I could just see the look on Andre’s face, he wanted to win. His frustration showed on the ice too, he was throwing hits and using his size to charge past the Flyers. It worked because before I could even register what was happening, the goal light was going off and the guys on the ice and bench were rushing over to Andre. The rush of excitement I feel is completely indescribable, so I can only imagine what Andre is feeling. I guess my somewhat kind of boyfriend is pretty good at hockey huh?

I look down at my pass to go down and meet Andre after the game and my heart flutters with excitement. I say goodbye to Cayden, he was a great first game partner after all, and head over to the section attendant to find out how I use my pass to see Andre.


To be Continued.

anonymous asked:

I get so scared when people ask me about my zodiac sign bc being a capricorn i dont want to be labeled as a selfish asshole 😂

aw!!! don’t think like that.
whenever I think of cap the first thing that comes to my mind is: wisdom.

Capricorn’s are old souls who know just what to say. They definitely value their time but, are willing to give words of wisdom to help others. I hope that makes you feel better 🌸

Invariant

‘The world is black and white, that’s just how it is. Until you meet your soul-mate, and then it’s apparently like a ka-boom and a wa-zow!

Tony’s never had a soul-mate, and he doesn’t really mind that Pepper’s never made him see a whole new world. Well, he doesn’t mind until he meets a certain god who kind of sort of blows his world out of the damn water.’

Keep reading

Ironman Timberman 70.3 Race Recap!

Ironman Timberman was my 4th attempt at the 70.3 triathlon distance (2nd this year, and 1st legit “half-Ironman”), which consisted of a 1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike ride, and a 13.1 mile run. This race was a last minute decision, due to my learning experience at Ironman Lake Placid, and was spearheaded with mixed feelings. After Lake Placid I spent a few weeks doing absolutely nothing that had to do with fitness, due to my 30th birthday and wanting a mental break from training, but ultimately decided that I couldn’t let my fitness go to waste. Knowing that the race would be my last triathlon of the year meant that I could leave it all out on the course, and that I did!

(Fair warning, and it’s like my 3rd time mentioning this, make sure you have a solid 5-10 minutes to spare. This post is LONG!!)


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My First Love

*Knock Knock Knock*

I shift on the couch stretching out my limbs before I get up and I look out the window as the knocks continues. I see my best friend Sehun standing at the door. He has on a black snap back that says NY. He has on a white tank top and grey sweats. His black hair is messy on falling in his face a bit. I smile widely as I close the brown curtain back and I fix my  pink spandex shorts, mostly just pulling them down from where the bunched together when I was laying down. My black shirt says One Of A Kind and the letters are white. I open the door and Sehun pouts looking at me.

“Oh your here..” I say and he pushes me as I laugh at the corny phrase I said to him.

“Yah why did you take so long to open the door??” He asks me stepping inside to shut the door and take his shoes off.

“I had to make sure a creepy pervert wasn’t outside my door. So I had to look through the window for a bit.” I say as I walk back to the couch.

“But you let me knock for at least a good ten minutes.” He says and I smirk looking over my shoulder.

“I know.”

“Fuck you!” He groans as he plops down on the couch beside me taking the remote.

“WHAT THE HELL SEHUN!” I whine out and he sticks his tongue out at me changing the channel.

“I’m guest here remember?” He says quoting the first time my mom called him that when he met her.

“That was like seven years ago!” I groan and he laughs loudly pulling me closer to his side. I lay my head on his chest sulking as he plays in my hair wanting to watch Cartoon Network.

“So where’s your oppa?” He asks me and my cheeks heat up a bit as I yawn.

“I’m laying on him.” I say and he grows quiet for a bit. I look up at him and I can’t mistake the blush I see on his cheeks but he turns his eyes before I can really look at him.

“You know who I’m talking about.” He says and I sigh.

“We broke up like a month ago. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you beating his ass and getting in trouble.” I say to him and he giggles.

“I just want you to be taken care of.” He says and I smile brightly.

“Oh hey by the way did you ever talk to that girl you were telling me you had a crush on?” I ask him and he blushes again shifting from me a bit and I pout as he leans over placing his elbows on his knees.

“Nope.. Every time I see her.. I just freeze up.. I mean I enjoy her company and I love holding her and being close to her. But I can never bring myself to ask her out. We’ve been alone at her house sometimes and I usually leave early before her parents get home to keep me from doing things to her..” He says scratching the back on his head.

“Glad to know you don’t only leave from my house early.” I say laughing and he coughs a bit his face turning redder and I gush on the inside pinching his chest as I scoot to him.

“Oh calm down oppa. Well do you think she likes you?” I ask him playing with his black ring on his index finger before I slide it off and put it on my finger holding it close because it’s so big it slips off my fingers.

“I-I don’t know.. Sometimes she seems like it.. She does things that she doesn’t mean to.. But then the fact that she was dating made me feel like it was just her way of showing me affection.” He says and I pout playing with his ring still.

“Well how does you act? Like what does she do that makes you think she’s into you?” I ask softly my insides feeling weird as we talk about this. But his my best friend.. If he wants to love another girl then so be it. Nothing will change between us right?

“Well.. Some nights I stay with her. And she has the habit of snuggling close to me. Or she calls my name in her sleep.. Whenever we’re out she wants me to taste everything she likes and she wants me to let her buy me everything. And she has a bad habit of taking my ring whenever I’m close to her.” He says and I pout stilling my fingers on his ring.

“Oh…” I say softly. It dawns on me that this girl he’s talking about.. She sounds kind of like me. I like when he falls asleep next to me. But it’s because we’ve been friends for so long. I don’t think I say his name while I sleep but I’m always so tired I don’t know. But I do buy him everything because I don’t mind and he does the same to me.. And I really love his ring.. It’s like the one I had until I lost it.

“Yeah so It’s hard reading her. What do I do?” He asks me softly and our eyes meet for the first time.

“W-well you can try with me! Just tell me what you want to tell her so next time you see her you can sweep her off of her feet!!” I say excitedly clapping my hands. He laughs nodding his head and turning to face me fully on the couch. He grabs my hands and blushes making me smile wide as he takes a deep breath and freezes.

“Ok ok close your eyes hunnie.” I say and he pouts but he does it.

“Ok now imagine her. How she smells. Her smile. When it’s just you and her. And how that may be your only time to tell her your true feelings or she’ll… I don’t know die.” I say shrugging my shoulder. He cringes and opens his eyes and they are filled with so much love and passion that my heart stops.

“—. I love you. Everything about you. The way you talk. How smart your are. Your warm heart. Your always so nice to people and your so ready to give people what they want. You spoil me and even though you think sometimes that your ugly or imperfect because your exes leave you I never see you like that.. Your what I think about when I wake up. The last thing on my mind when I’m sleeping. I want to be with you. Show you true love and give you the world. Please let me do that.”

I hadn’t notice how close his lips were getting to mine until we kissed. I am so shocked that I don’t even move I just sit there. He pulls back looking down at me and I let his hands go looking down tears filling my eyes.

“H-hey w-what’s wrong —?!?” Sehun asks me and I shake my head crying more as he hugs me with a confused face. He pulls back looking at me wiping my tears and I sigh softly.

“It never dawned on me how much I loved you until now.. And now your heart belongs to someone else.. And I’ll never get to hear you say those words to me.” I say. Sehun laughs cutely before he leans in kissing me again his lips fitting perfect against mine.

“Pabo..” He whispers as he breaks the kiss looking in my eyes. “I said your name for a reason. I love you silly. You know I’m not one to not tell a girl how I feel. But your special. I’ve been knowing you my whole life and you never date people who are like me. But I care so much for you. I just want to be your everything.” He says and I blush madly wrapping my arms around his neck kissing his lips first this time.

He wraps his arms around my waist kissing me back as he pushes me down on the couch holding me under him. I moan softly as he starts to lick on my bottom lip asking for entrance. I shyly open my mouth and he slides his tongue into my mouth roaming it around my cavern tasting me. I take his cap off of his head playing in his hair as he kisses me harder making it hard for me to breathe or think straight. He runs his tongue over the roof of my mouth before wrapping his tongue around mine and sucking on it. He breaks the kiss a few minutes later looking down at me.

He kisses my lips and then he slides his mouth down to my jaw biting it softly before he starts to lick and kiss to my neck. He stops slowly blowing his breath on my skin and when I tremble he latches his teeth on to that spot sucking at it slowly. I moan blushing again as I pull his hair and I feel myself becoming wetter down below.

“S-sehun!” I cry out and he hums starting to kiss to the other side of my neck leaving another hickey there. He removes his hands from my waist and when he raises my shirt up I stop him.

“S-sehun.. I-I’m a virgin..” I say softly my cheeks feeling like they are on fire so I look off. He grabs my chin making me look up at him as he leans down to kiss my lips.

“I’ll be gentle. But only if you want too.” He says looking down at me. I nod my head and he shakes his.

“Say it..” He says softly. I’ve never been one to be embarrassed around him but today I am.

“I-I want you t-too take my virginity.” I say softly and he grins picking me up bridal style.

He carries me down the hall to my room. He lays me down on the bed softly before he goes to my door shutting it and locking it. He climbs on the bed laying beside me as he turns on his side to kiss me. I kiss him back cupping his cheek as he slides his hand up and down my body making me shiver under his touch. He straddles my waist his lips still locked with mine and he grabs my shirt at the hem pulling it up slowly until he’s throwing it over my head.

He leans down palming my breast through my bra and I arch my back moaning softly. He unclips my bra throwing it to the ground, groping my breast with his rough calloused hands making me mewl and squirm under him. I cover my face with my hands and he laughs kissing my hands.

“Let me see your face.” He says softly and I slowly take my hands from my face. He leans down starting to suck on my left nipple slowly as he stares up at him. I groan licking my chapped lips as he bites into my nipple sucking harshly at it. He pulls back licking around the bud making it harder under his ministrations. He trails his lips to the other side doing the same thing to my right nipple. Soon he’s coming up to kiss me again and I start to tug at his shirt.

“Do you want it off?” He asks me and when I nod my head he sits up pulling me up with him.

“Take if off Jagiya… Everything on me is yours.” He says making my heart skip a beat as I reach for his shirt. I lift it up and take it off of him throwing it to where I think he threw my clothes. I lean up kissing on his skin softly and he moans encouraging me more.

“That’s right jagi.. Mark me.. I want them to see that I belong to you.” He says grabbing on my thighs as I bite into his collarbone sucking on his favorite spot as he groans. He pushes me on my back when he thinks that I have marked him enough. He kisses down my stomach and he pulls my shorts off looking down at my soaked panties. He smirks softly licking the wet spot in circles and I try to close my legs.

“NO! Be good.” He says roughly as he pushes my legs down against the mattress. He continues to lick and suck me through my panties until I’m shaking and whimpering under him.

He finally slides my panties off spreading my legs back wide blowing cool air on my clit. He leans down starting to suck on it softly as he holds my hips down. I feel his hair tickle my stomach and I laugh and moan at the same time reaching down with shaky hands pulling on his hair. He looks up at me his eyes baring through mine as he drags his tongue slowly down my slit and stick it inside of my pussy.

“OPPA!” I cry out throwing my head back against the sheets grabbing at them and pulling them as he flicks his tongue fast in and out of me making me curl my toes. I start to pant hard and I feel the sweat trickle down my body.

Sehun pulls from my insides and he licks his lips as he slides two fingers inside of me. I groan in pain and he leans over me kissing my lips as he start to slowly work me with his fingers stretching me for something bigger. He bites on my bottom lips as he curls his two fingers deep inside of me making me release a wanton moan as he hits my spot. He adds another finger as he mumbles ‘found it’ with a devilish smirk.

His thumb brushes against my clit as he picks up speed slamming his fingers deep into me and I buck my hips up as I grab his shoulders moaning loudly as I feel myself tense up.

“S-sehun! I-I’m gonna!” I shout out. He pulls his fingers out quickly and I whine trying to shove them back inside me making him laugh as he lays his forehead against mine rubbing my clit with his fingers.

“If your acting like this already then your going to be my little sex addict aren’t you? I want to cum with you, your first time.” He says getting up. He pulls down his pants and boxers and I blush looking at his rather large member. It’s standing straight up oozing precum from the tip and he strokes it softly watching me.

“I want you to taste it.” He says deeply and I blush looking at him.

“You know I don’t know how to give blow-jobs.” I tell him looking down and he grabs my hand and pulls me to him. I crawl to him looking at his member and he smiles at me.

“I’ll teach you. Just open your mouth.” He says softly.

I open my mouth and he grabs my hair sliding me down on his length.

“Now move your head up and down.” He says roughly.

I start to bob my head up and down on his dick and out of curiosity I place my tongue flat against his flesh. He moans shivering moving more hair out of my face as I continue to suck his dick. He’s so big that I can’t fit it all in my mouth. He grabs my hand and places it on the base of his dick. He starts to move my hand up and down with his hand and when I moan he moans loudly bucking his hips in my mouth making me choke. I look up at him and he blushes pulling out of my mouth.

“Sorry jagi.. You just did so well..” He says sighing. He opens my drawer and pulls out a condom from the box that he bought a long time ago and stored here to keep his mom from finding it. He spreads my legs wide and starts to rub my clit with his thumb as he rips the foil packet open with his teeth looking down at me.

“Watch carefully because next time I want you to do it.” He says seductively licking his lips.

He lets my clit go taking the condom out of the packet and he slides it over his length. He groans getting back over me as he rubs his tip against my clit softly.

“Are you ready?” He asks me and I nod my head putting my legs on his waist.  

He leans down kissing my lips softly smiling at me as he starts to push into me. I groan wrapping my arms around his neck kissing him trying to distract myself from this pain. He starts to kiss me harder before he starts to whisper soft things in my ear calming me down and letting me adjust to him.

“M-move.” I say bucking my hips up and he lets out a sexy breath.

He pulls out and thrust back into me slowly making me whimper and claw at his shoulders. He starts back sucking on my breast letting me thrust up to meet him over and over as we set a steady rhythm. He starts to grunt softly in my ear as he grinds deep into me his hips meeting mine roughly. He pulls out and slams back into me.

“SHIT!” I scream as he starts pounding harder into me. I graze my teeth against his vein that pops out in his neck. He starts to hit my spot making me release more cries from pleasure as he rocks deep into me. He looks down at me playing in my hair as he pulls me down on his length. He starts to rub my clit fast with his thrust bringing me closer to my release.

“I-I’m gonna cum!” I moan out loud. Sehun grabs my hands locking them beside my head with his as he continues to hit my spot over and over. I tense up around him as I feel my orgasm rocking through me blinding me with pleasure.

“SEHUN!” I cry out as I clamp down on his walls cumming. He grunts more as he continues to pound into me finding his own release.

“—!” He screams my name deeply as he pounds harder into me releasing into the condom.

“I fucking hate these things.” He groans pulling out of me slowly. I lay on the bed panting and trying to calm down as he discards the condom and wipes me down with some wipes. He smiles picking me up and placing me in his arms playing my hair.

“I love you so much.” He says kissing my lips softly.

“I will always love you too Sehun.” I say back as I drift off to sleep in his arms.

90% of the time, when I retweet Precure caps with my own little comments, I forget it isn’t tumblr. No wonder they blocked me.

((They must have hated my excessive Karen bashing, when in reality, it’s out of love-hate because she can be a complete pain in my ass.))

Come to think of it, why did I even make a twitter in the first place? Originally, it was to follow these seiyuus. However, even seiyuus have lives too. Maybe it is best to just quit posting there, finish up the watch this month, and possibly take hiatus from here.


At this point, my mental health is not getting any better. After seeing my doctor, and asking her who to turn to for behavioral/mental issues, she suggested a psychiatrist. For a long time, I refused to hear that word, due to being at one when I was little and my father thinking seeking psychiatric help was useless. However, my life has hit a dead end at this point.

Alongside the mental issues:

  • my motivation to work is bleak
  • the desire to sleep has increased
  • society seems to become this monotone, monochromatic mass of fear and negative energy
  • being forced into depression
  • my family has become a burden
  • being on social media is not as great as it once was
  • my future is just freaking cloudy

I don’t know what to do at this point. This might be my final resort, before I end up hurting myself (which is something I pray never happens).

Merry Christmas, Bucky Barnes (for Lara aka AgentPeggieCarter)

Merry Christmas, Lara! This ended up sort of pre-relationship, and it is possible for it to go either way, or both, I guess, depending on how you see it going, but hopefully this is something you’ll enjoy!

Merry Christmas, Bucky Barnes

“Thanks again, Miss Lewis. I know this probably wasn’t how you imagined spending your Christmas Eve.” The Captain’s effortless way of blending sincere gratitude and regretful apology was almost painful to Darcy. She purposefully surrounded herself with people that communicated with cold hard facts or overblown, dramatic expressions that were more sarcastic and superficial then containing any actual emotion. Cue her typical response to feeling uncomfortable around other people’s emotion: irreverent humor.

“It’s fine, Cap, really. You’re just saving me from my annual Christmas morning hangover and probably an awkward walk of shame as well. Actually, I should be thanking you.”

Steve did his best not to frown with disappointment at the young woman as he cleared his throat. He was about 80 percent sure she was kidding anyway. That seemed to be Darcy’s thing. Besides, she really was doing him a favor. It would be bad manners to be judgmental about her life choices, or about the way she joked about intimate things in a way that he found inappropriate. It wasn’t like she was the only person he knew that was like that. She was simply a product of her time, it seemed.

“Well, I just wanted you to know how grateful I, uh…” Steve stuttered off when Darcy waved one of her delicate hands in his face.

“Seriously, don’t mention it. So, you really think he’ll show up?” She accepted the glasses from the Stark Industries tech guy and placed them on her face. They were more expensive and fashionable then her own glasses, and this pair came with the added feature of being able to digitally transmit audio and video feed back to the surveillance van.

“I think so. If he’s starting to remember anything from his past… well, hopefully that will draw him here.” He held up a tablet that displayed a collage of photos, both from the time before, and from now. There where stills from video taken in DC as well as surveillance photos taken around the world in the last 18 months. “You have his face memorized, right? He could have altered his appearance since Amsterdam.”

Darcy chuckled and pushed the tablet away. “Trust me, Cap, I’ve done nothing but study his pretty mug since you asked for my help three days ago, and even if he’s wearing an epic disguise, I doubt I’ll ever be able to forget the shape of those thighs. Meow!” she growled playfully making kitten claws at Captain America, thereby sealing her in his mind as a shameless flirt, as well as a few less flattering things, probably.

Steve began to seriously doubt Miss Lewis’s ability to be serious and helpful, and was sort of regretting asking for her help in this matter, except that he didn’t really have anyone else to ask.

He needed someone unfamiliar to Bucky and un-threatening in general. Darcy was both those things. He just had to trust Thor’s recommendation that she could handle this sensitive situation.

“Just keep your head up and your eyes moving, and remember, I only want to check on him, make sure he’s taking care of himself and not injured or anything. There’s no need to draw his attention or put yourself on his radar. I don’t think he’s dangerous to civilians, but if he notices you watching he might think you’re from HYDRA or…”

Darcy cut the rambling captain off again. “Yeah, no worries, Cap, you explained all of this in the briefing. This isn’t my first rodeo, you know.”

Steve’s eyebrows drew tight over his eyes in repressed surprise and confusion.

Darcy noticed his expression and giggled nervously. “Okay, technically, this is the first time I’ve done the whole ‘official undercover reconnaissance’ thing, but this is far from the first time I’ve stalked a guy without tipping him off to my attention.”

“Uh…” Steve gaped, a bit at a loss for how to respond. “I just don’t want you to put yourself in unnecessary danger.” He finished lamely.

“Got it. Well, just in case, I’ve got my Taser. If he gets fresh, I’ll light him up like a seasonally decorated pine tree.” Her grin could only be described as cheerfully menacing.

Steve recognized that she was mostly giving him a hard time, though he was sure she did have her Taser secreted somewhere on her person, under her many layers of winter wear. Still, his head started to fill up with images of all the many ways that this could go badly. He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes against the horrific mental film reel. “Maybe this is a bad idea…”

“What!? No way, Cap. You already dragged me out here to the wilds of Brooklyn on a dark and rainy Christmas Eve. I’m doing this thing. It’ll be fine. You just need to relax. Your super spysassin friend can probably sense your up-tightness from a mile away.”

“It would probably help me relax if you could at least pretend to take this seriously,” Steve growled out in irritation. It was the first time Darcy had ever seen even a crack in his uber-polite mask of professionalism.

She sighed and let her face shift to sympathetic concern. She reached up and grabbed his shoulders forcing him to look her in the eyes.

“Steve! I’m sorry, okay. I get it. This is really important to you. He’s really important to you, and since you’re really important to the rest of us, you can trust me. I’m not going to screw this up, okay? I just get a little loopy when I’m nervous, so, sorry for that. I’m good now, see? Serious face activated.”

Darcy gave him her best Son of Coul impression.

He didn’t think her making that face was the reason why, but he found himself feeling somewhat reassured in spite of himself.

“Thanks. And I’m sorry, I am up tight. This is just…”

“It’s a big deal. Copy that, Cap.”

Darcy gave the stern-faced man one last pat on the curve of his shoulder and a reassuring smile, and then she turned to open the door in the back of the van. “Wish me luck, Cap?”

“Good luck,” he whispered solemnly, then attempted to return her reassuring smile.

She gave a little half wave, climbed out onto the shiny, wet pavement, and shut the door behind her.

Darcy had never been a spy. She wasn’t a terribly good liar, either. She had, however, played all the supporting actress roles (think leading lady’s best friend and/or the comic relief) in every high school play since her sophomore year, and placed 1st in dramatic monologue and 2nd with her duet partner Manny Vargas at state her senior year with the speech team.

She took a calming, centering breath and put on her character.

For this evening’s performance, Darcy Lewis would be playing the role of ‘semi-bored, going through the holiday motions to stave off seasonal depressive disorder, single for Christmas three years running and pretending not to hate it, white girl from Brooklyn’.

She’d had a drama teacher once tell her to draw on things she knew personally to help bring out the truth of each character. So, that’s what she was doing. Her acting skills were really only necessary for the 'from Brooklyn’ part. She’d never actually been here, before tonight, though Steve had gone over maps of the area for hours with her the day before.

She suspected she could find the church from her current location with a blindfold on and both hands tied behind her back. Although, that would be dangerous, so she wasn’t going to attempt it, what with holiday traffic and whatnot. Still, she knew she wouldn’t have any trouble finding her way around.

She walked purposefully down the street, but slowly enough that she didn’t look rushed or draw undue attention to herself. Steve and the surveillance crew had dropped her off almost a mile away from the church where she was hopefully going to make visual contact with the winter wonder-man, but she’d worn her good walking boots, so the distance wasn’t really an issue. What was an issue was the nearly freezing rain that was drizzling from the sky.

She pulled her umbrella from her purse, pulled her hat down around her ears, her scarf up around her chin and kept going.

20 minutes later she rounded a corner and could see the spires of the old church over the rooftops of a narrow row of townhouses and the skeletal remains of the streets many deciduous trees. She personally thought the trees would have looked much more festive with a string of lights decking each bare branch, but she supposed that was impractical. People in her home town tended to go overboard and put holiday decorations on everything but the stop signs and traffic lights, so maybe she was biased.

As Darcy got closer, she began running her eyes back and forth over every shadow and likely hiding place, trying to be as subtle as possible. There were a few people out on the street tonight, but not as many as she’d feared. Apparently, the weather was keeping people inside. All the better for her, she figured, though she kind of wished she was inside, curled up with a peppermint hot cocoa and a classic Christmas movie- like Die Hard or Reindeer Games. 

She looked both ways before stepping off the curb and crossing the street towards the church. It was on the corner with a stone and wrought iron fence around the outside. Across a large stretch of fence was a plastic banner announcing their holiday service hours.

There had been a family thing at 4, which she figured would be over by now, and a music festival/choir thing at 10 which wasn’t for a couple hours. She reached the gate and turned in, following a long sidewalk down the side of the large red-grey sandstone building.

Near to where the church doors were, a smallish courtyard opened up, with several benches ringing the area which was probably very lovely during the warmer, greener times of year. She was just considering the best place to sit and wait when she spotted him.

He was parked on one of the benches, farthest from the door, his head bowed slightly over his hands, which were folded in front of him. The rain was pouring down over his hair and dripping off the soaked strands onto his shoulders and chest and thighs. He was positively drenched.

She didn’t think she’d ever seen a sadder sight on Christmas Eve.

She turned and walked back to the fence, her heart pounding and her adrenal glands working overtime. She’d seen him. That was what Steve wanted, right? For her to see him so he’d know that he was okay? Except he didn’t really seem okay to her. Physically, maybe, she hadn’t really taken the time to look that closely, but her first impression from her quick little glimpse had defiantly been “Depressed and Homeless Vet.” Which she supposed was probably super accurate.

The layout of the churchyard made it impossible for her to observe him without being super obvious about it. Captain Rogers would probably just want her to leave. She should leave.

Except… she didn’t think she could leave him just sitting there in the rain and looking like he’d just found out everyone he’d ever known or loved was killed. Though come to think of it, that was actually pretty close to the truth, too.

Damn it.

She couldn’t just leave him.

She started whispering, knowing that Steve would be able to hear every word, though he wouldn’t be able to respond. She wasn’t wearing an earpiece because they weren’t sure about Barnes’ super hearing abilities.

“Okay, Captain, don’t freak out, okay? Just sit tight and stay where you are and I’ll be fine. Don’t worry. Unless he actually attacks me or gets all violent. Then do worry and come save me. Or if I use my safe word. Which is Snoopy, FYI.” She’d reached the fence and turned back around once more.

“Okay, Lewis,” she muttered to herself, “You can do this.” Hell, he’d probably seen her and taken off already anyway, right? He was still there, though, head still bowed and dripping rainwater like a lost little puppy left out in the storm.

She walked fairly slowly, making her destination obvious and none of her moves were sudden. When she reached his bench, she sat down and angled her umbrella so that it covered as much of him as she could without leaning over him.

He hadn’t moved from his spot, but it was pretty much a given that he knew she was there.

“That is a seriously epic brood you have going on there, dude, which I can appreciate, but I’m worried you might scare away any nice, church-going folk that wander by,” she said after a moment of tense silence, keeping her voice bright and light. She’d never really done well with silence.

She heard a soft snort and saw his eyes turn towards her, peeking through his hair. “Figured Rogers would send a stranger and a civilian. Didn’t count on you being a pretty dame, though.”

“Yeah, well, he figured I had a better chance of getting closer to you, since I’m all ‘not a threat’ and all,” she shrugged, trying not to look too closely at the pretty part. “You should tell him all about how you aren’t going to do anything to hurt me, though, so he doesn’t decide to make with the bull/china shop routine.”

He looks over at her, narrowing his eyes at her face before leaning around to look her right in the face. Or the video surveillance glasses, whatever. “Its fine, punk. As long as you stay clear, I’m content to just sit for a bit.”

“Cool,” she said with a smile and relaxed some of the bunched up muscles in her shoulders and back.

He nodded, leaning back, and they sat in silence for another minute or so. She was trying to think of something else to say when he asked, “You his girl?”

That shocked her enough to have her barking out a sudden laugh. “Uh, no. All the no. I barely know him. I’m a friend of a friend kind of acquaintance. Actually, between you and me,” she said, voice lowered and leaning a bit closer, “I don’t think Captain Rogers likes me very much.”

He snorted again. “He always look kind of constipated and/or confused when you’re around and constantly say the wrong thing?”

She shrugs again. “Close enough, though I think I’m the one who’s always saying the wrong thing around him. I’m too much about the verbal shock and awe. I think I make him uneasy.”

“I wouldn’t take it too personally. Stevie never was much when it came to talking to women, especially not a gorgeous gal, like you.” He said it so casually, like it was just the facts.

Just the facts, ma’am.

“Uh, thanks?” she said and uncrossed and re-crossed her ankles underneath her. “I reserve the right to call bullshit, though, pending further social interaction.”

“Fair enough,” he muttered and went back to looking at his hands.

Another moment of silence passed, though the tension seemed to have eased somewhat, sliding from fraught into merely awkward.

“So, I have to think, what with you just sitting here, exactly where the good Captain expected you to be, that a part of you wanted to get caught. You thinking about granting the guy’s Christmas wish and coming in from the cold? Literally and figuratively?”

“Nah,” he said, sitting back and slouching a bit on the bench. “I figure if I let him catch sight of me, still free and mostly whole, every once in a while he doesn’t chase me quite so hard. Call it a compromise of sorts.”

“He gets to know you’re sort of safe and you get some breathing room. I get it,” she said, shifting the umbrella to cover them both better.  “Makes sense to me. That way you don’t have to be the one to deal with the guys disappointed puppy eyes. You’re welcome, by the way.”

“You make him sound like such a chore,” he said with a little bit of a smirk on one corner of his mouth.  “Why’d you agree to help then, if it’s such a bother?”

“It’s not that much of a bother. Besides, telling Captain America no is not a super power I possess. I was sort of his last resort, anyway. Everyone else he knows is either highly recognizable or highly dangerous, or both. Also, I didn’t have any plans and this sounded fun,” Darcy declared dryly, hoping she sounded more optimistic than sarcastic.

When he raised an eyebrow and nodded at the stream of rainwater pouring down the edge of the umbrella and onto her shoulder she figured she’d failed to convince. She gave another shrug. “I’ve had worse Christmas Eve’s.”

He just shook his head and looked disgusted with the world. “Stevie should have offered to take you out, dancin’ or something fun, instead of sending you in to check up on me.”

 Darcy laughed a little at the image of her and Steven Rogers at a club, grinding on the dance floor. “That would definitely have ended in tears, maybe even bloodshed. Though, I would pay money to see the Captain’s face when he’s introduced to what passes for dancing now-a-days.” She held onto the mental image and smiled into the rain. “Trust me, I think this is the much better option.”

“Hey, I ain’t complaining,” he said with a bit of a flirty smirk and she could see, under all the hair and baggage the handsome, charismatic man he’d been before.  “I feel like I certainly got the better end of the deal.” 

Inside the church the organ began playing ‘O Holy Night,’ the sounds muffled, but still distinct enough to make out, and Darcy found herself relaxing even more and maybe even enjoying herself a bit, though her face was cold and her nose was probably doing its best Rudolf impression.

They sat in an almost companionable silence for a few more minutes before she noticed the temperature had dropped enough for her to see her breath and the rain was looking more like sleet then rain. She snuggled deeper into her coat and realized that, with his soaked through clothes and all that it was a miracle he wasn’t shivering visibly.

She made a spur of the moment call and unwound her scarf from her neck and pulled off her hat. They were grey and navy stripped and black, respectively and she figured they were manly enough to suit him. Not that beggars could be choosers or anything.

“Here,” she said and held them out to him.

“No way, doll,” he balked and leaned away. “You put those back on. Don’t want you to catch your death.”

“Nuh- uh,” she argued, shaking her head. “I’m pretty sure you need these more than me. I get to go home after this and take a nice hot bath and curl up and in my bed with a hot chocolate and central heating. Do you have anything like that?”

He hesitated, looking like he was very seriously considering putting up a fight about it, but she put on her stubborn face, the one she used when Jane was shooting for a full 24 hours in the lab, and was pleased to see him caving.

She shook the knitted items at him again and he finally took them from her. “Thanks, doll,” he added grudgingly and she smiled in satisfaction.

“You are welcome,” she replied cheerfully as she watched him pull the hat on over his still soggy hair and wrap the scarf around his neck. “I have lots more at home, so don’t think you’re putting me out or anything. My nana is a knitting freak. She’s always sending more stuff then I could possibly even wear.”

He nodded again and tucked his hands in his pockets and hunched in on himself a bit. She was afraid she’d crossed some unspoken line by offering him charity, and now he was closing himself off.

Or maybe he was just cold.

The organ music coming from the church had changed to ‘O Little Town of Bethlehem,’ and she had to fight not to hum along, not that she thought he would mind. It was just sort of an embarrassing thing to do in front of a near stranger.

Given world enough and time, though, she imagined they could be friends.

“So, are you good, though? I mean, since I’ve risked the Captain’s wrath and approached you even though he told me specifically not to; I figure I shouldn’t waste this opportunity.”

He gave her an old, mildly confused look and she rambled on. “What I mean is: is there anything you need that I can get for you on short notice? Or is there any message you’d like passed on to your buddy. He’s sort of a captive audience at this point, so you might as well.”

While he considered that, Darcy noticed a group of people coming up the sidewalk, choir members, she guessed, if the churchy looking robes poking out from under their coats were any indication. A couple of them glanced briefly to where the two of them sat, but mostly they just walked up the stairs and into the church. The music got louder while the door was opened and it made her Christmas spirit, which was usually half a sleep, perk up and start to purr.

“I guess if I could tell him anything it would be… I just want him to know that he doesn’t need to keep coming after me. I can take care of myself, and it would be nice, for a change if I didn’t have to dodge him and whatever’s left of Hydra. I just want some space, like you said. I just need some peace and quiet to get my head on right and then… I don’t know. Then we’ll see, I guess.”

His voice was steady, though his speech faltered a bit in a couple places. When he was silent again for two whole minutes she figured that meant that was it.

“Think there’s any chance he’ll listen?” he asked, turning to eye her and letting his mouth hitch up at the corner again.

“Honestly?” she asked, eyebrows shooting up and voice jumping and octave, “No, probably not. I mean, he might give you a few weeks head start, but- well, I think you’re too important to him for him to really ever let you go. I get the impression he can be kind of a stubborn ass, like that.”

He snorted again. “You sure you ain’t his girl? Sounds like you know him pretty well to me.”

“Nah, I’m single and ready to mingle, no man can tie me down.” She declared and then internally winced and marveled at her ability to sound both pathetic and perverted at the same time.

Luckily, he didn’t seem to notice, just chuckled lightly and shook his head like he couldn’t believe such a thing was possible- which made her feel very flattered, and quite possibly delusional.

A few more choir people showed up. The music that flooded the courtyard when the door opened this time was ‘O Come All Ye Faithful.’

They’d pretty much exhausted their talking points, but they both seemed reluctant to end the conversation and walk away. After the silence started to drag on and on and more and more people started showing up, he asked her, “You planning on going in?” and nodded towards the church.

“Who me?” she asked, a little startled. “No. My mother was Jewish and my father was Wiccan. I’m pretty sure that qualifies me for instant combustion should I cross the threshold.” It was a joke she’d used in the past to thwart religious pestering, with mixed results. He actually laughed, though, which made her smile back. It was quiet and a bit rusty, but it seemed genuine enough. She was marking it a win.

“What about you?” she queried gently. This place obviously meant enough to him for him to park himself in the freezing rain on Christmas Eve.

He shook his head, though. “I’m pretty sure the same can be said for the world’s most prolific assassin.”

She braved nudging his shoulder gently at his self-deprecation. “I don’t know. Isn’t Christmas all about love and forgiveness for Christians?”

He lifted one shoulder, but didn’t say anything more, and she didn’t push.

“Well, I should probably go soon,” Darcy admitted reluctantly after another lengthy silence. “Captain Rogers is probably getting ready to burst that vein in his forehead, and I’d hate to have his pretty face all purple and bruised for Christmas.” She tried to keep things nice and light with the joke, but in her chest her heart was sinking.

He only nodded and leaned over to rest his elbows on his knees once again. She stood slowly, wavering in her resolve as the rain started pelting him again. She stepped close enough to get her umbrella back over him and he looked up at her.

“Do you have someplace to be tomorrow?” she asked and felt her finger’s tighten on the umbrella’s handle.

“About a 1000 miles from here, at least,” he answered, a bit sadly.

“Is that ‘cause you want to run? Or ‘cause you think you have to?” Darcy inquired; her eyes narrowed, but carried on before he could answer. “Because if it’s really the first one, then that’s one thing, but if it’s the second then- well, maybe you shouldn’t.”

He raised an eyebrow at that and studied her face cautiously. “You got a better idea?” he asked after a second.

“Sure. I mean, I could hang an extra stocking on my fake mantel and fix up an extra mug of cocoa. No patriotic boy scouts allowed. What do you say?” She smiled slyly and held her breath.

She was super nervous all the sudden. She didn’t think she should be this nervous.

When he actually took a moment and looked like he might even be considering it, she felt her pulse jump in her throat. He did eventually shake his head no, and she felt the keen edge of disappointment, though she thought she hid it pretty well.

“Maybe next year, doll,” he said, looking back up at her with a hint of that flirty smirk on his face and she thought it was her own small Christmas miracle that she resisted a swoon.

“I’m gonna hold ya to it, Barnes,” she said and gave him back as good as she got.

“Okay, it’s a date,” he said and winked, actual facts winked at her.

Be still her heart.

“And hey, don’t let the Cap give you a hard time, okay? You’re just a sweet kid doing what you thought was right and being kind to an old hard case. He should take it easy on you, if he knows what’s good for him,” he finished with a mild scowl.

She laughed, pulled off the glasses, and held them in front of her so she could look right into the camera. “You hear that, Cap? I’m not to be trifled with!”  She put them back on after sending what she hoped was a confident smirk to the men in the van and looked back down at her new assassin protector. “Thanks for that. I know he’s all bark, but still. Puppy eyes, Barnes, puppy eyes.”

“I’m familiar,” he said quietly, and a bit sardonically. “Good luck?”

She nodded, “Thanks.”

Darcy new she should turn and leave now, just walk away. Any second now…

“Can I give you a hug goodbye?” she blurted. “I feel like you need a hug, and I think you should let me hug you.”

He looked genuinely shocked for a second, then considered for a painfully long moment before standing and holding out his arms. “I’d have to be a hell of a schmuck to turn down an offer like that from a dish like you.”

She wrapped her arms around his waist then, careful not to smack him with the umbrella and squeezed him tightly. It was cold and his clothes were soaked through and getting her mostly dry coat wetter by the second, but when he lifted his arms and laid them across her shoulders she pressed her face into his slightly moldy smelling jacket and secretly decided it was the best hug she’d ever shared. That was saying something, too, because everyone knew that Thor gave great hug.

“Merry Christmas, Bucky Barnes,” she whispered.

“Merry Christmas, doll,” he sighed back.

Darcy released him reluctantly and stepped back. Then, with a final smile, she turned and walked away. She didn’t look back. She figured he’d just be gone anyway, and she didn’t know how that would make her feel. Better just to leave it like that.

She only got a few blocks before the surveillance van pulled up and parked just ahead of her on the street and she braced herself for Cap’s disappointed face.   Mostly empty threats from his ex-hydra assassin, back–from-the-dead bestie aside, she figured she was really in for it.

When the tall, blonde man climbed from the van and approached her, though, all he did was smile at her in wonder. Then, before she could open her mouth and ruin the moment, he reached down and pulled her against his chest in a grateful hug.

“Thanks for taking care of my friend,” Steve whispered into her hair, and that was it.

When he released her and leaned back, holding her at arm’s length and smiling at her she couldn’t help but blurt out the first thing that popped into her head.

“Hallelujah, it’s a Christmas Miracle!”

[Trans] 150529 MIX Article about Yixing

Exclusive Highlights | Zhang Yixing: His first reaction to being called a male god is to arrange his hair.

Last week MIX made an exclusive visit to EXO member LAY Zhang Yixing, who was shooting the cover of the magazine.

This big boy born in the year of 91 displayed astounding determination at the shooting scene. After going through the tough training of his Korean company, Zhang Yixing now has completely lost the flavour of a Changsha kid, what he has more is the liberty and casualness in front of the cameras, the ease at the scene of activities.

On the day of shooting, Zhang Yixing came early to the location of the shoot, then went into the make-up room without appearing again. Soon after the stylists arrived in succession, but the shooting did not start after a long time. Upon asking we found out, his waist injury was aggravated that morning.

During noon, Yixing endured the pain in his waist and came before the cameras with intricate hair and makeup. During the process of shooting, although it was hard to conceal his tiredness, each time the photographer pressed the shutter, his eyes shone brightly.

With regards to the coordination of his outfits, Yixing also has his own method. LAY who normally prefers comfortable clothes, when there is no schedule, he will alter the clothes he normally wears himself. He says:

“I like to cut the collars of my T-shirts, because it gets stuck around my neck and is uncomfortable, I don’t like clothes that restrain me.”

In Korea, Yixing often discusses outfit coordination with the group’s stylist.

To him, the overall coordination of an outfit is most important. Out of all the outfits for shooting, he likes the blue sweater most, because it is most similar to his usual dress style!

(It’s this one!  ↓↓)

He frankly says he is a Libra with a phobia of making choices, so black and white each takes up half of his wardrobe. What makes him different from other guys is, he usually does not have too much time to shop, if he goes out privately he will probably just wear a cap. He says, in the past he thinks it’s fine as long as he’s comfortable, but now he’s gradually starting to be careful of his image. If other people call him male god, his first reaction would be to arrange his hair. He laughs and says:

“Don’t let people be disappointed! If I say it like this, is my burden as an idol too heavy hahaha!”

He will yawn lightly when the hair stylist is arranging his hair, in the intervals between shooting he will make faces like a little kid, when looking through the pictures his “lazy disease” will recur, he will be unwilling to get down from the table, enduring the pain in his waist to bend down and look. 

Just this kind of Zhang Yixing, this year he has a studio in Beijing, his peers all say he is too lucky. Actually, he is not lucky, although he was at the right place at the right time, more of it was his hard work. Just like his weibo name, he is always working and striving hard. Zhang Yixing of the future will be even more outstanding. 

cr:  Mix搭配师

translation by: elaysium. please take out with credit.

Selfie Sunday

Pinhole photo taken with a 5D mark III and a lens cap.

I didn’t have a ruler handy to make sure it was centred so instead of measuring and all, I just hoped for the best, burned a needle and stuck it through… I think it worked, lol.


This is my first time playing with this kind of stuff, if you guys know hoe to get sharper images please let me know, I would greatly appreciate it.

© Jeremi Bourassa