i think the writers just looked at my childhood and based her off me

Honestly gettin’ pretty sick of people coming to me to trash Joseph whenever I say he’s a complicated character with a lot of nuance, so hey, here’s my take on the whole Mary-Robert-Joseph situation.

I’ll put this all under a cut so here are some disclaimers; This is full of spoilers, I’m writing this under the assumption that all the cult end stuff is non-canon, and yes, this is only one possible interpretation of the information we can glean from the character interactions (also, taken from what may later prove to be incomplete information as more endings are unlocked/glitches are fixed/content is released). I like it because I think it’s the most interesting and empathetic for all of the characters involved and because I don’t think it’s the kind of situation that necessarily has to have a “villain”.

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billboard.com
How Fifth Harmony Moved On and Took Control of Their Music: 'The Fans Are Our Fifth Member'
They may be down one sister since Camila Cabello’s messy exit from the group in December, but the women of Fifth Harmony are counting their blessings.

Ally Brooke Hernandez, 24, has a two-tone thing happening, with a black leather hat and skirt paired with a fuzzy pink sweater and pumps. Normani Kordei, 21, has accented herself with huge chrome hoop earrings and silver-dipped nails. Lauren Jauregui, 21, wears a lacy boho-chic blouse and carries her puppy, a rescue mutt named Leo. Then there’s Dinah Jane Hansen, 20, who peels off a trippy floral jacket to reveal a bright yellow tee that reads, in big block letters, “I’M A RAY OF FUCKING SUNSHINE.”

Fifth Harmony used to tour malls like this: shopped from town to town, crammed between kiosks for tchotchkes and lit by department store signs. That was in 2013, less than a year after its lineup was now-famously chosen by Simon Cowell and Antonio “L.A.” Reid flipping through the headshots of X Factor contestants on the verge of washing out. The teens twice tried to christen themselves, but the first name (LYLAS, for “Love You Like a Sister”) was already in use, and the judges hated the second (1432, pager code for “I love you, too”), so Cowell asked viewers to submit ideas online. Rebranded Fifth Harmony, they took third place and stepped off the show into a joint deal with Reid’s Epic Records and Cowell’s Syco Music.

But those are all tales of an earlier era, before 2016, the group’s biggest year yet – and the one that ended in shambles when, exhausted and unfulfilled, 5H lost Camila Cabello to a solo career. Last year’s 7/27 debuted at No. 4 on the Billboard 200, propelled by “Work From Home,” the first top 10 Billboard Hot 100 hit from a girl group in nearly a decade. But the acrimonious December split made even bigger news, with 5H accusing Cabello of quitting through her reps, and Cabello denying the accusations. It was… awkward.

“Try experiencing it,” retorts Jauregui when I volunteer as much. The rest of the group, as it so often does, rushes in to complete her thought. “I was literally going to say that,” Kordei quickly adds. “I get to sleep at night knowing we did everything in our power as friends, bandmates and human beings” to make it work. Then Hernandez: “You can’t change people.” And finally, Hansen: “Let’s just say we’re in a better place now – there are no secrets in this circle.”

Jauregui admits she nearly threw up from anxiety before the downsized 5H’s first performance, at the People’s Choice Awards in January. But today, the members are quick to (literally) high-five each other as they talk about their ongoing 7/27 Tour, the first in which they’ve built in real downtime, and a third album, due later this year on Epic. “Honestly, in this very moment, we could not be happier,” says Hernandez with more assertiveness than the Pollyanna-ish cheer that’s her trademark. Their first new single as a foursome, “Down” – a neon-edged dancehall bubbler featuring a warmly romantic verse from Gucci Mane (“Got me showing off my [engagement] ring like I’m Jordan”) – reached No. 42 on the Hot 100. Meanwhile, Cabello’s “Crying in the Club,” which entered the charts two weeks earlier, peaked at No. 47. Both are still active on the Mainstream Top 40 list.

“Crying in the Club” is a wide-screen, Sia-style ballad and “Down” is an airy dance track, but the two have more in common than just a chart trajectory: They’re both grown-up songs for longtime professional “girls” now expected to be seductive women. The 5H video, which racked up 21.6 million views in two weeks, even seems to offer some sly commentary on this, with the group pulling up to a seedy motel and writhing on beds in separate rooms. But the women have come up with their own narrative for the lyrics, which came to them from “Work From Home” co-creators Ammo and DallasK, and include “You the type that I could bake for/’Cause baby, you know how to take that cake” – as well as the chorus, “Long as you’re holding me down/I’m going to keep loving you down.”

“We dedicate it to each other,” says Hansen. “We’ve been together five years, so that message is powerful to us. We’ve been there for each other through ups and downs.” Hernandez hits her with an “Amen.”

The single is only a slice of what’s to come, because for the first time, 5H is co-writing its songs – over half, in fact, of those destined for the new album. Since January, it has been holding songwriting camps between tour stops, mostly at Windmark Recording, just two miles from here. The group typically breaks into pairs, then takes turns with that day’s writers and producers like 5H alums Monsters & Strangerz and pop and R&B producers Harmony Samuels (Ariana Grande) and Sebastian Kole (Alessia Cara).

“It’s not like they came in at the end and started riffing,” says Leah Haywood of Dreamlab, which has two songs on the album. “We sat and wrote verses together, because they’re empowered women who want to be pushing the agenda.” Justin Bieber’s go-to hook man Poo Bear, who worked with Skrillex on a 5H session, adds, “I was pretty blown away. They were hungry and excited and seemed like they had a serious new point to prove.”

Those collaborators create “safe spaces,” says Jauregui, where they can try ideas without fear of judgment. But the world outside isn’t so cushy. Plenty of popular girl groups have lost members and carried on, but none have found more success. En Vogue withered commercially without Dawn Robinson. Destiny’s Child hit peak sales just before LeToya Luckett and LaTavia Roberson were ousted. And the one Spice Girls album that followed the departure of Geri Halliwell was an abject flop.

One Direction provides a hopeful example – Made in the A.M. handily outsold its predecessor even without Zayn Malik. But the industry is perhaps kinder to boy bands. As much as its music (and videos) might be maturing, 5H is dedicating itself to an idea almost radical in its innocence: that four pop stars are better off as a single group – albeit with a name that, at this point, feels a bit silly. “The fans,” quips Hernandez, “are our fifth member.”

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, whose 15-year-old daughter Simone is “pretty tight” with Hansen, says 5H is “aspirational to so many young girls around the world.” He adds, “Once the drama [of Cabello’s exit] settles, instead of looking at it as a devastating loss, I look at it as an amazing opportunity for growth.”

We’re now inside, aprons on, at The Gourmandise School of Sweets & Savories. The women chat about how much they love SZA’s Ctrl as they pioneer new ways to Snapchat themselves, chopping scallions for quesadillas, charring tandoori-style chicken wings and deep-frying homemade potato chips. Overseen by a chef named Jamie, they share kitchen duties with an almost psychic ease – except for the cookies. The plan is for everyone to pitch in on a batch of the classic chocolate-chip variety, and that’s how it starts. But then Jauregui asks for white chocolate, Hansen requests pretzels, and Hernandez wants her Texas pecans (she’s from San Antonio). Soon one mixing bowl becomes four, and Kordei is in the pantry foraging hazelnuts, Rice Krispies and almond extract.

It’s a cute metaphor for how 5H’s members are cultivating their independence not only from their corporate minders but from one another. It’s also woefully inadequate in addressing Jauregui’s personal journey during the last few months, starting with a declaration she defiantly slid into an open letter to Trump voters, which she wrote for Billboard in November: “I am a bisexual Cuban-American woman, and I am so proud of it … I am proud to feel the whole spectrum of my feelings, and I will gladly take the label of ‘bitch’ and ‘problematic’ for speaking my mind.”

In March, Jauregui shared photos from a November “coming-out” shoot, as photographer Nicole Cartolano characterized it to MTV, with her then-girlfriend Lucy Vives (daughter of Colombian singer Carlos Vives). Her sexual identity has since cropped up in her music. Jauregui briefly made an appearance on the Hot 100 as a guest on Halsey’s “Strangers,” which, as a duet about an it’s-complicated same-sex romance, has inspired more than a few think pieces.

Jauregui’s openness speaks not only to the accepting nature of 5H but also to the potential for a mainstream girl group in an era where many minorities feel under attack. 5H is still a place for purity rings. Hernandez is wearing a “TRUE LOVE WAITS” band. She and Kordei identify as Christian, while Hansen is Mormon. But all insist Jauregui’s expression is “supported.” And Jauregui, who believes in “the universe and a god source, like an energy,” seems content with this. But asked if she would be comfortable singing about a relationship with a woman in a 5H song, she says she doesn’t know, “because it has to do with me personally. It doesn’t speak for everyone in the group, which is its own entity as an artist. That’s the whole reason for doing your own thing.”

Kordei has recently added a new chapter to her story, too. She competed on Dancing With the Stars this past spring, returning to a childhood passion. “I grew up dancing competitively and being in pageants, and my grandma made all my costumes and dresses. I remember watching the show on the couch with her, and she’d pause the TV to create sketches based off what she saw,” she says. Kordei and her partner, Val Chmerkovskiy, finished third, which is all the more impressive when you consider that for the first three weeks she flew to the Los Angeles tapings direct from 5H’s Asia tour, popping melatonin on the plane and chugging coffee (a new habit) before doing the cha-cha.

Hernandez recently dropped a summery song with DJ duo Lost Kings and A$AP Ferg. She also clocked a writing session with Christian country-folk singer Cindy Morgan and touts the acting career she plans to launch this year. Hansen has an unreleased RedOne cut featuring Fetty Wap and French Montana, and she loves tennis and jokes about becoming a volleyball star. “I’m at a place where I’m continuing to identify myself,” she says. In other words: find her part in what could become a multidisciplinary 5H empire.

“Last year, we all learned a lesson about mental health and making sure you step away from something. It just makes this stronger,” says Jauregui. “Fifth Harmony is the home base,” offers Kordei, “where we always come back.” “Yasss,” says Hernandez.

Of course, when your break from work is more work, there isn’t much room for, like, life. They all describe their days as a “blur,” and Hansen says she doesn’t know “what vacation means.” For those who keep asking: No, Kordei still hasn’t had a chance to go on that date with DWTS’ Bonner Bolton. And in a quiet moment in the kitchen, Hernandez confesses that there’s nothing she wants more than to get married. But the women don’t even have homes apart from their families – the houses would sit empty.

It was only 14 months ago, in the middle of my interview with the group for its first Billboard cover, that the same four sitting here broke down in tears detailing the extent of their fatigue and stress. “Jesus Christ, dark times,” recalls Jauregui, and they didn’t let up. The same day Cabello’s exit was announced, there was a leak of what seemed to be a recording of Jauregui telling Hernandez the band was treated like “literal slaves.” “I don’t know where that [audio] came from,” says Jauregui, “but that’s what the game does to you sometimes: runs you dry.” But it was a bit more than that.

“We were little girls coming off of a TV show and had a team of people trying to sculpt us into something we weren’t,” says Hansen. “They took advantage, like, ‘Get in there and record this, you thing,’ ” says Jauregui.

“If you’re told you can’t do something when there’s a creative desire to do it, that’s depressing,” says Geri Horner – nee Halliwell, aka Ginger Spice – who just released her first single in 12 years. “Spice Girls always wrote our own stuff, but I can relate to that.”

The long road to liberation began with 5H hiring outspoken music lawyer Dina LaPolt at the end of 2015. “I sat the girls in a hotel conference room and for five hours educated them on trademarks, copyrights and rights of publicity,” says LaPolt, who soon helped secure them new management with the preeminent firm Maverick (Madonna, U2, Miley Cyrus). “Then I educated them about every agreement they signed, which [were] the worst I’ve ever seen in the music business.”

LaPolt successfully transferred the Fifth Harmony trademark from Cowell to the group, meaning the women now own the name, along with the right to control how it is used and to profit from any deals. (The agreement – signed in April 2016, months ahead of Cabello’s exit – doesn’t name Cabello in the “Fifth Harmony Partnership.” “I don’t represent Camila,” is all LaPolt will say.) She then renegotiated 5H’s contract with Epic, which she characterized as “a very adversarial” process.

LaPolt and 5H stress that the group’s relationship with Epic is now good. The women count among their “saviors” the label’s senior vp A&R Chris Anokute, who came onboard near the end of making 7/27. (Reid left Epic in May amid sexual-harassment allegations.) “We raised our voices,” says Hansen, “and to have someone in our corner like Chris, who believes in us, is the most important element to make the wheels go.”

Which allows 5H to meet the challenges of being Women of Pop in the late 20-teens. Rihanna, Katy Perry, Selena Gomez and Lorde have all shown how much artistry, agency and album-building matter. Basically, the band needs to pursue the authenticity Cabello secured by going it alone. The challenge is not only doing that in a group, but also while relying on familiar themes, like girl power, diversity, body positivity and inclusion.

Jauregui is the first to admit she was scared about 5H’s future without Cabello. “We’d put blood, sweat and tears – and birthdays and funerals we missed – into this thing,” she says. “It’s our livelihoods and our families.’ This is the train, and now you’re like, ‘Is the conductor going to come through with the coals, or are we left here to die?’ ”

Hernandez says there were “many therapy sessions.” Hansen, at least, quit worrying when they released their first press photo as a quartet and everyone, including Ellen DeGeneres, started editing themselves into the frame, “trying to recruit themselves into the squad.” Which raises the question: Have they considered bringing in a new member? They answer in unison: “Heeeell naaaw!”

The Story of Us

Summary: Peter and Y/N break it off at the end of high school, leaving them both heartbroken. 4 years fly by, and their paths cross at a press conference, with Y/N being a reporter and Peter being the person in question. Will the story of Y/N and Peter end?

Warnings: None, maybe like 2 swear words?

Word Count:  2743 (I didn’t mean for it to be THAT long)

A/N: So this is kinda based of off Taylor’s song The Story of Us. I’m not a big fan of her, just this song. I recommend giving it a listen if you read the story. I was gonna have the story end a different way but it ended up like this??? Anyway if this isn’t a flop I’ll a part 2 so if you want a part 2 comment :^) thanks for reading and it might be messy, I didn’t proofread it. xx

The Story of Us

Chapter 1: When it all broke down


“I’m saying goodbye, Peter. I have to.” Y/N was trying her hardest not to cry. “High school is over…And…And so are we.”

Peter on the other hand, already had tears starting to pour out of his eyes. “Y/N, baby please I know we can handle it. You won’t even be that far, I can still see you everyday and-”

“No, Peter.” She took a sharp breath in. “This…Us… It’ll only ever be  part of my childhood.”

“Are you kidding me? Was I just a toy to you? A heart you could throw around until it breaks?” Peter’s voice cracked.

“No, that’s not what I-”

“Y/N, I’m not gonna fight for you if you don’t even care to let me.” He hung his head and turned around.

“I still love you.” Y/N whispered.

He walked out of her life that day, and she’d never regret anything more. Did she mean it? Of course not. Did she need to do it? Of course not.

Y/N still loved Peter, but for some reason she thought it’d be easier to start a new life with no strings attached. How wrong she was…

Chapter 2: So many things that I wish you knew

4 Years Later

Cutting all ties with Peter was a process for Y/N. First she was in denial, thinking he’d come back and understand why she did it. Then she experienced heartbreak, and thought she was never good enough for him in the first place. Then she experienced anger, blaming it all on Peter for pushing her away (She later realized the pushing away was all her doing). And after a few months, she accepted it. He was gone for good.

Of course there were moments, where she’d see news of Spider-man on the television, or she’d see a shirt she knew he would’ve loved… Or maybe someone would even mention Star Wars, and her thoughts would immediately go to Peter. Her heart would ache for his embrace.

After a year of getting over him, she had finally taken the last step, and moved on as best as she could from Spider-man. She had just been promoted from being a paid intern to a full on assistant to Scarlett Magazine’s Executive Editor, Sylvia Sloane.

Y/N made an amazing best friend through the job, Gina, whom she shared an apartment in NYC with. The two girls told eachother everything. Y/N eventually told them everything about Peter, except the fact that, well, he’s Spider-man.

Y/N was quickly promoted to an actual writer for the magazine, as she was actually quite skilled at writing, and enjoyed informing the readers. A year into the job and she’d already achieved so much, with all her celebrity interviews, fashion tips, and for even exposing one politician!

One day Y/N was starting to type up an article on “Why Being Strong Doesn’t Make You a Diva” when Scarlett Lynn, the Editor in Chief, told her she had a new assignment.

“Tony Stark apparently has an announcement regarding the Avengers, and our readers just eat anything with super-heroes up!” Scarlett talked with such confidence and authority that nobody would dare defy her. “I want you to go to that Press Conference being held on Sunday.”

“Yes, ma'am, I understand, but-”

“But what? You’re one of the best interviewers on the team! You’re so pretty and charismatic Y/N, I have nobody else to send but you!”

Y/N couldn’t exactly turn her boss down, so all she mustered out was “Okay, I won’t disappoint.”

Later that night at their apartment Y/N started to complain to Gina “Gosh, I hate press conferences, especially with superheroes!”

Ginaust rolled her eyes. “Y/N, you’re literally going to be in the same room as the Avengers, what’s the problem?”

“The problem is…” Y/N let out a deep breath. “Nevermind… You wouldn’t understand.”

“Get over yourself! So many girls would kill to be in your position! Especially if you get to see Spider-Man, I heard he’s around our age…” Gina winked

“He’s the worst one!” Y/N felt the blood rush to her cheeks. “He just looks dumb, he’s not even an avenger.”

“Ugh, just go to bed already.”

Y/N lied in her bed, trying to not think about Peter. She had no idea what he was doing now, because she’d tried to avoid any mention of Spider-Man at all costs. Her mind was racing of all the possibilities, but then realized he might not even be there. Y/N was still overthinking everything until she fell asleep.

The two days before the conference she only spent avoiding any thoughts of the conference, and before she realized it, Sunday was here.

Y/N spent a little too much time getting ready, and she knew why. She wanted to impress him (if he was even there), and show just how much she’d changed. She pulled her y/h/c locks up into a messy, wavy ponytail, and made sure to do her makeup nicely. Y/N slid into a maroon bodycon dress, and black strappy heels. She grabbed a black clutch and went out the door with a recorder in hand.

Chapter 3: Alone in a crowded room

The conference was filled with reporters, all there for the same reason Y/N was. This was a reason why she dreaded attending; it was just a sweaty pit of people asking questions. A million other magazines would be writing just the same things she would.

However, the main reason she dreaded this conference specifically was because of the possibility he might be there. She probably wouldn’t even see his face, but just knowing that they’re in the same crowded room, and not even speaking would break her heart. Y/N understood that it’s been four years, and that this shouldn’t even bother her, but she can’t help but imagine what she would say to him.

He won’t be here. Y/N kept telling herself. He’s not even part of the Avengers, he turned it down. Plus, isn’t it just supposed to be Tony Stark? Her heart sank. She didn’t realize that before and was almost sure he wouldn’t be here now. But what if he does show up? He probably won’t even see me, all of these reporters are bigger than me… She kept overthinking and only increased her conflicted feelings.

While she was lost in thought, Tony Stark appeared from the dark curtain, with a confident and charming smile on his face. The murmurs of the room came to a hush once his presence was noticed. People began taking out their iPads and phones to record, and Y/N just took out a little notebook.

Cameras began flashing, and Y/N sat up straight to see over the people seated in front of her. Her seat was somewhat near the front, three rows away from the table. Of course, there was another row of photographers in front.

Tony Stark had taken a seat at the table, with a microphone and water in front him. There was another set up to the right of him. Y/N could feel her heart speed up in her chest. Tony Stark began speaking, but the girl was oblivious. She was too focused on the fact that Peter could actually be here? Y/N wanted to get up and leave, she didn’t want him to see her.

“I would like to welcome Spider-Man to the Avengers.” Was all Y/N had heard from Tony’s introduction speech. She threw away all thoughts of leaving the room and froze where she was. In walked a hero in red and dark blue spandex, with gold lining. Spider-Man’s costume was a lot more glamorous than Y/N had remembered.

Her eyes were glued to the man who had emerged from behind the curtain. He had the same lanky yet muscular body frame, but she couldn’t tell if he looked the same. She wanted to rip his mask off, throws her arms around him and tell him just how much she missed him… But all she could do was stare.

“Hello everyone.” Spider-Man gave a small wave and cleared his throat. “I’m, uh, Spider-Man. It’s a huge honor to be welcomed to the team and I’m just really excited to be here.”

Chapter 4: I was losing my mind when I saw you here

“We’ll be taking questions now.” (UmMmmM Idk how press conferences work exactly BUT lets just imagine these are how they go o k??)

A man raises his hand behind you, and Tony nods to him “I’m Joshua and I’m from California. I was wondering if you were ever going to reveal your identity?”

Spider-Man shook his head. “I don’t see it happening anytime soon, no. It’s something I like, because I can still be a normal guy while still being a superhero.”

His voice hadn’t changed, and it was still pretty high-pitched, just as Y/N remembered. She always loved Peter’s voice, even though he self-conscious over the fact that he “sounded like a girl.” She loved his fruity laugh, and it always managed to put a smile on her face.

The conference continued on, and Y/N would write down answers and questions on her notebook. The questions were somewhat the same:

“Do you think you’re talented and strong enough to share the weight of the world with the Avengers?”

“Well that’s a big question. I’d say I’m prepared, yeah, but is anyone ever really strong enough?”

“Don’t you feel like you’re a little too young, compared to the rest of the Avengers?”

“Well, at first yes, but not now. I’ve been in this superhero business since I was in high school. After six years it’s nothing new.”

There was, however, one question that really stood out to Y/N:

“Does Spider-Man have a Spider-Woman?”

“Is that you asking if I have a girlfriend?” Peter chuckled.

“Yes.”

“Well to answer your question, no. The last relationship I had was four years ago.”

Once Spider-Man made a comment about one relationship, other questions came flooding in:

“Why haven’t you dated anyone else since then?”

“You see, this girl was a big part of my life, and it took me quite a while to get over her…” He scratched the back of his head. “Also, life has been pretty busy and I just haven’t found room for a woman in my life right now.”

“So this girl, you two broke up… Why is that exactly?”

“Um I’m not really going to go into details but we broke off at the end of high school. Our lives were going in different directions and it was just easier to end the relationship there than see it fall apart.”

Y/N’s cheeks were red the entire time, and she kept her face down. She didn’t come here to hear Peter tell people about herself.

“So, Spider-Man, the girl-”

Tony Stark interrupted the man trying to speak, “Okay enough with the relationship questions please! He did just join the Avengers you know?”

Questions resumed on the path that they were before. Y/N checked the time on her phone to see she had gotten a message from her boss, Sylvia.

I’m watching the livestream, and the relationship topic is interesting. I’d much appreciate it if you could ask what type of girl he likes? Our readers would love that!

Y/N sighed. She didn’t want Peter to even look at her, let alone speak to her. This was the one thing she was avoiding for so long, and she wasn’t going to break the silence now for her boss. She began to type a reply.

Ms. Sloane, we were asked not to ask anymore questions about his relationships. I’m sorry, but I did write everything down!

Y/N, dear, I don’t like asking twice, and I don’t like doing this to you. Ask the damn question or you’ll be demoted back to my assistant. I took a leap of faith making you a writer, don’t make me regret it a year in!

The girl’s heart pounded in her chest. She couldn’t lose this job, she loved writing. She only had one option. She lifted her hand up, and waited to be called on like she was in elementary school again.

Tony Stark saw her and said, “Yes, the little lady with the ponytail.”

Chapter 5: Is it killing you like it’s killing me?

Y/N stood up slowly and plastered on a smile. “Um hi, I’m Y/N from Scarlett magazine.”

The girl took a deep breath and looked directly at Peter. “My question for you, um, Spider-Man… What type of girl… What’s the thing you look most for in a woman?” She said the last bit rather fast, and she was quite nervous.

Peter’s eyes were wide under the mask. This was the last place he wanted to see her… He didn’t even know she was a writer for Scarlett magazine… She loved that magazine in high school. He couldn’t help but feel proud of her.

“Look, I said no more relationship ques-”

“Mr. Stark, it’s okay. I’ll take this one….” His voice faltered. “Hi Y/N. Um what do I look for in a girl? I like a girl who can make me feel better on a bad day, one who’ll tell me everything will be okay because… We have each other. Or someone who will nerd out with me when we watch movies, or when I make science jokes…A girl who’ll patch me up after the worst of fights… Is that too specific?” Y/N couldn’t quite see his expression, under his mask, but she sure could hear the grin in his voice. She couldn’t hide her shy smile from him like he could from her.

Peter described her. She’d constantly tell him when he felt bad, that it’ll work out; they had each other. They had movie nights every week and would watch Star Wars, or some Disney movie. She’d laugh at his dork science jokes. He’d come to her window sometimes, with a small cut from a fight, so Nurse Y/N would make an appearance and patch him up. Memories from high school surfaced in Y/N’s brain…

“No, it’s perfect. Thank you.” Y/N sat back down in her chair.

Peter’s eyes were on his ex for most the interview after that. He couldn’t believe Y/N was here… He wanted to talk to her afterwards, he had to. Spider-Man tried to stop staring at her, but he couldn’t help himself. He hadn’t see in her so long, and look at her now. She was a writer for a magazine!

Y/N looked down at her phone, seeing a few new messages from her boss.

Great work Ms. Y/L/N! I’m trying to schedule a one-on-one interview with Spider-Boy.

Thank you Ms. Sloane. I appreciate it.

Y/N let out a deep breath. She’d done it. She’d spoken to Peter and pleased her boss.

The conference wrapped up shortly after, and Y/N was on her way out when her phone started buzzing.

“Hello?”

“Y/N, it’s Sylvia. I did get the interview scheduled for you. It’s in 30 minutes. They denied me at first, but then they said it was Spider-Man himself who agreed to it. Be ready.”

“But-”

Then line went dead. Y/N really couldn’t catch a break.

Chapter 6: How’d we end up this way?

Y/N timidly walked up to the table, and walked behind the curtain that Peter and Tony Stark appeared from earlier. There was a body-guard right behind it.

“Oh um. Sorry. Hi…” She tucked her hair behind her ear. It was her nervous habit. “I’m Y/N Y/L/N, from Scarlett magazine? M-My boss told me…

“Right this way Ms. Y/L/N.” He nodded toward you, and you followed him to a some weird hallway. “He’s waiting for you in there.” And then the bodyguard walked away.

She hesitated. She grabbed the door knob. It’s just Peter behind that door… Just- “Peter..” Y/N huffed out. She’d opened the door to find Peter standing there, in the Spider-Man attire, without his mask. Y/N looked into his deep chocolate eyes just as she did many years ago.

“Hi Y/N…”

To be continued…

True Q - 6.06

Oh, Q, you rake, you scalawag. You’re so mischievous that you’ve snuck into one of these mostly-unis episodes like the scoundrel you are. Also I believe this episode title, much like Return of the King, contains a spoiler within the title. But we’ll get there.

“Don’t even try to out cheekbone me, girl. I’ll eat you for lunch.” —Bev

Keep reading

Deep Space Nine RECAP: 6x13

Whoa wait. Somehow in everyone’s pitching of notable™ episodes to recap and season primers and what all else, I had not gotten that this one was

SPECTACLES SISKO IN THE 1950s???

Wow okay!!

Season 6, Episode 13: ‘Far Beyond the Stars’

Captain Benjamin Sisko sits at his desk surrounded by a litter of iPads, like so many fallen leaves — like so many of his fallen comrades.

“The Cortez was a good ship!” he mourns to Major Kira. He had introduced the captain to his wife. And now, the war with the Dominion has taken them too.

Kira passes Papa Sisko at the doorway — Ben’s dad is finally visiting Deep Space 9! But it has not been the cheeriest visit, laden down as Ben has been with war and loss. Sweetly, his dad tells him that’s actually why he came: “I’ve been worried about you. The last couple of times we talked it seemed like you were carrying the weight of the entire Alpha Quadrant on your shoulders.”

Captain Atlas confides that he doesn’t know how much more he can bear. He wonders…he wonders if he should pass the weight to someone else. Let someone else make the decisions, have the glories and the losses. Have his command.

Papa Sisko assures Ben he will support him no matter what happens.

What then happens is René Auberjonois walking past the door wearing an old-fashioned suit & hat, which presumedly is not what he had in mind.

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anonymous asked:

You said once that mCorrin and fCorrin had slightly different quirks. If you don't mind me asking, how so?

I don’t mind at all (。•̀ᴗ-)✧

I didn’t notice at first (I played Birthright with a female avatar and Conquest with a male avatar) but somewhere in my 929 hours of playing Fates I started noticing their personalities, behaviors and the way they interact with other characters differ. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it at first, but after several playthroughs it became obvious.

F!Kamui: mischievous, peppy and (maybe it’s just my imagination but I have this impression every time I switch back between male and female avatars) smiles more.

M!Kamui: earnest, socially awkward/gauche, a bit uptight and (again, it strikes me every time) tends to keep a straight/poker face more often.

The rest under the READ MORE ‘cause it’s *ahem* QUITE LENGTHY.

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Three years have passed

A/N: Hey everyone! This is my first fanfiction, it’s based on my doujinshi. I’m not a really good writer but I’ll try my best since I’m going to delete the previous pages of the doujin. But this is basically what happens. Tell me if you like it or not. If I should keep writing the story or just give up. Also, feel free to give me any recommendations and suggestions.

Anime: Fairy Tail

Couple: Gajevy

Rated: T (Language)

Genres: Romance, Hurt/Comfort

Status: On going

Summary: Tired of being “the damsel in distress”, Levy left the guild without telling anyone except Master Makarov. She spent three years far away from Magnolia learning new spells to improve her skills. But finally, is time to return home. What’s that strange magic she learn?


Chapter One: Returning Home

Magnolia’s most famous guild was no longer as cheerful as it was three years ago. Even if it still was noisy the environment inside was different. They have maintained the title of the strongest guild in Fiore. But there was some sort of emptiness in their hearts. The smartest comrade they had left without saying a word to her guild mates. The happiness she transmitted was very contagious. Especially to the ones who made cheers for her when things get difficult. But that emptiness was about to be filled again. It was time for the young girl to come home.

Long messy hair moving side to side as she walked, wearing a perfect red crop top that contrast with the blue color of her hair. In both arms she had white finger-less long gloves and shorts that exposed the delicate skin of her legs. As she was passing through the streets lots of the residents stare at her. But it wasn’t a bad thing, they were surprised of how she looks. It wasn’t a bit similar to her old style.

Levy McGarden, a beautiful and intelligent Fairy Tail member was making her way to the guild. Nerves were taking a toll on her, leaving her split between eagerness to return to the happy memories and sudden anxiety of facing the others. Standing outside of the guild, she let out a long sighed she was holding and murmured. “It’s time to come home”. She opened the doors softly and slipped inside quietly. She looked for her favorite spot, and there he was. The wisest exceed she had ever met and learned to love. Making her way to the table she stopped right behind him and bent over.

“Long time no see…Pantherlily”

Levy. Lily thought as he turned around and saw her with a bright smile and her arm stretched out.

“I missed you so much” She said. Her lovely eyes looking directly at his. She grabbed him and give him hug, squeezing the Exceed happily.

“L-L-Levy I can barely breathe,” Said a purplish Pantherlily.

“Oh! I’m so sorry Lily,” She offered him an apology as she moved him to the top of a table.

A pink hair mage noticed the presence and recognize the scent of his childhood friend. He smiled and whispered to his partner, “Hey Luce, I think today is your lucky day.”

“Huh? What do you mean, Natsu? The celestial spirit mage replied. He pointed to the blue-haired girl.

“It’s that Levy-chan?! Is it really you?!” The excited young blonde shout from the other side of the guild.

Levy’s eyes followed the source of Lucy’s voice. She ran and hug the busty girl, making them to fall on the flat ground.

“Lucy? Oh my! You look so gorgeous. How you’ve been?” Levy cried.

Lucy laughed. “You too, also, what’s with the tough look? You sure look more confident and stronger.”

“LEVY LOOKS SO BEAUTIFUL!” Jet and Droy said in unison with hearts on their eyes.

Smiling at the heart whelming scene, Lily flew to the entrance of the guild. “I guess this is the perfect chance to get out of here and tell Gajeel the big news.” And with that last statement he left the noisy guild.


At the outskirts of Magnolia, the iron dragon slayer was munching some metal while watching the view of the whole town. He felt the presence of his exceed coming from behind him. “What do you want Lil’? Did you pick up a job or what? I’m getting tired of bein’ here doing shit.” He tossed away a few scraps.

“Well, let’s say that won’t be a problem anymore,“ said Pantherlily cryptically.

Gajeel turned his head and giving Lily a confused look. He stated: “What the hell are you talking about? Somethin’ hit you while your way back here?” And then he noticed something was off. He sniffed the environment and the strange smell was coming from Lily’s direction. He walked over to the exceed and grabbed him.

“Hey, put me down you creep!” Lily said uncomfortably.

Gajeel kept sniffing. “You smell different! It’s like your scent is overshadowed by another.”

“Familiar isn’t it?” Lily smirked.

Wait a minute. His eyes widened as realization hit him hard.

Lily nodded, confirming his suspicions. “What you’re thinking it’s the correct answer.” He paused. “She’s back and looks very different.”

Gajeel turned his back to Lily. Looked at the full view of Magnolia as he said desperately. “Levy?! Where is she?”

“At the guild, isn’t that obvious. Thought you were smarter.” Lily mocked. “I have to admit that she almost most suffocated me with that killing hug.” He paused as he saw Gajeel still as a statue. “Maybe if you start walking you might have a chance to catch her. So, what do you want to do?”

Gajeel looked over the shoulder. “Just like you said. Isn’t that obvious?”

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Let’s Talk: How to write well-written bios

Bios aren’t always the easiest to write, whether you’re creating an OC, or you’re writing bios for your group. However, in my experience with writing bios, I’ve come up with some tips for myself to write a comprehensive bio for a character, and today, I’ll share those tips with you. Let’s talk.

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IT: Chapter 2 Fancast

I could ramble about all my feelings and thoughts on this adaption of my favourite horror book, but instead I’m just gonna share my fancast of IT: Chapter 2 :)

Patrick Wilson as Bill Denbrough
Okay, so Patrick Wilson always makes horror films that little bit better, doesn’t he? I <i>had</i> to have him in here and I think he would actually make a good Bill! I’m trying to ignore the mini-series casting and focus more on how I imagined Bill as a grown up when I first read the book (17 years ago!!!) and I always imagine him as a total ‘dad’ (even though he’s not a dad), and I think Patrick Wilson not only looked like a total DILF, but he has the acting chops for this role; the boy who grew up, moved away from Derry, beat his stutter, got married, became a successful horror writer…only for his world to come crashing down when IT returns (along with his stutter).

Amy Adams as Beverly Marsh
Okay, I admit I mainly picked Amy Adams because I think she looks very similar to Sophia Lillis (right?!), but I think she could play a grown up Beverly. At this point Bev is married to a man who is exactly like her father (an abusive dick) and a rather successful fashion designer; her husband actually tries to stop her from returning to Derry (doesn’t trust her with male friends, just like her father) and is violent towards her, causing her to lash out. In the book he goes after her, and I remember there is one passage where he threatens her friend and he says something about cutting her tits off and for some reason that stuck with me because it freaked me out so much. (Spoiler: <span style=“font-size: 0.7em”><s>at the end of the book Beverly finally gets together with Ben!</s></span>)

Drew Powell as Ben Hanscom
It was my brother that suggested Drew Powell as a grown up Ben. In the book, Ben grows up and loses all the weight and is rather slim and fit; in the mini-series John Ritter was cast as Ben, and it was because of this that my brother sent me Drew Powell. As much as I tried to rack my brains for someone else, I couldn’t picture anyone but Powell as grown up Ben! I think it works, though. When Ben is all grown up he’s an architect, unmarried, and as with the rest of the Losers (minus Mike) he can’t remember much about IT, only that something awful happened when he was young and it’s happening again.

Adam Scott as Eddie Kasprak
It took me ages to think of someone to cast as Eddie that could play the part as well as Jack Dylan Grazer did, with a level of seriousness but comedy to his hypochondria, and I think Adam Scott is <i>perfect</i>. Eddie grows up and marries a woman who’s almost exactly like his mother (making him paranoid of germs and constantly thinking he’s sick). In the mini-series I think they missed the fun they could have with Eddie’s character, but the 2017 rendition was brilliant and I think Adam Scott is a good choice to carry that on.

Chadwick Boseman as Mike Hanlon
The first person I thought of to play an older Mike was Chadwick Boseman, but I initially thought he was too young! When I found out he’s actually 40 years old I put him straight on my list! I think he could pass as an older Chosen Jacobs, and he definitely has the acting skills! In the novel, Mike is the only member of the Losers to stay in Derry and actually becomes the local Librarian and amateur historian (in the book it’s Mike that is more of a history buff than Ben). He’s the one that calls them all back to Derry when IT happens again.

Paul Rudd as Richie Tozier
Who else could play the lovable joker who makes rather unacceptable and crude jokes?! Paul Rudd is <i>perfect</i>. If I’m honest I had to stop myself from casting Seth Green as grown up Richie since he’s now old enough, but I don’t think it would fit. Richie is a DJ at this point, and I can just <i>see</i> Paul Rudd in this role and I’m so sad now that this is just me dreamcasting the film :(

Ryan Phillipe as Stanley Uris
Stan is a dick. We can all agree on that, right? He’s the least likeable of the Losers, in my opinion, and isn’t even actually <i>in</i> Chapter 2 because he can bring himself to return to Derry and kills himself instead of going back. I felt like casting this role was a bit pointless, but I had to for ~reasons. Stan is married and a rather wealthy accountant (little bit of stereotyping there from Mr. King), and like I said before, he can’t remember exactly what happened when he was young, only that it was awful, and he chooses to end his life instead of going back to his childhood home.

+BONUS+

Jeremy Renner as Henry Bowers
Okay, so wish how we left Henry in the recent movie, I’m not completely sure he’ll even be in the 2nd film, so I’m basing this off the book. In the novel, after Henry kills his father, he and his friends go after the Losers, but get lost in the sewers and Frankenstein’s Monster kills his friends but Henry escapes and is driven insane; he’s found guilty of killing his father and is blamed for the missing children, and he ends up in a psychiatric facility until IT happens again when he’s an adult. IT helps him escape so he can try and kill the Losers one final time.
I’m not sure if they’ll do anything more with Henry, or if they’ll just leave him at the bottom of the well after his fight with Mike. If they do bring him back, though, I think Jeremy Renner would play the part rather well.

anonymous asked:

Hi!! have you seen Mark's tweets about Fitzsimmons? what are your thoughts?

Anonymous said:  Don’t know if you have a Twitter but Mark, the man who does the VFX work of shield was saying that Aida didn’t manipulate Fitz in any other way than fixing his one regret. Do you feel like that came across in the storytelling, because I know you think he had been brainwashed, what gave you that impression over this is who Fitz is with this kind of influence? As opposed to no he has clearly been tampered with on a larger scale?

Anonymous said:  Kolpack’s responses to fans on twitter is not inspiring confidence. He agrees that evil was always within him and it was the ‘real’ Fitz in the framework - making Fitz in the real world justifiable in his feelings of complicity. Kolpack also states that Aida did not program him to love her, he fell in love with her because of who he is in the framework. She did not ‘brainwash’ him - he had a choice. How have the writers not maliciously destroyed the original character?


Hi Anons!

Well Mark certainly has been busy tonight!   And its going to totally look like I’m cherry picking what tweets I like and don’t I’m really not because there are three major areas that he focused on in is impromptu Q&A session there.

  • FX
  • Fitzsimmons 
  • Framework Fitz

And no one is worried about what he’s said FX wise (though cutting it a bit close on 21 there!).   And he is SUPER excited for Tuesday so YAY!?!   But I”m sure at least part of that is Ghost Rider’s epic return near the closing moments of the episode too.  

Originally posted by ageofsuperheroes

First we’ll start with Fitzsimmons.  Mark was very kind tonight with his responses and addressing some of the fandoms fears, concerns, and complains even.  He (and I’m sure everyone else) are very aware that the Fitzsimmons fandom is frustrated…oh so frustrated and upset right now.  As fantastic as this arc has been is been very difficult on them.   I’m there too guys.  I love the arc but I am beyond ready to have them back together.  For now I’ll settle for Fitz being himself again…even if he’s still Ophelia’s hostage.  Mark is telling us to hang in there, it will be worth it, that there is a light.  And I believe him.  He’s on set, he’s seen/read the scripts.   He knows what happened.  So yes, hang tight guys we’re ALMOST THERE.  


Then there is the other stuff…

Originally posted by we-love-gaming

And I promise I’m not cherry picking what I do and don’t like in his tweets, but I do disagree with his interpretation of what happened with Fitz in the Framework.  Because like I said he’s on set, seen/read the scripts, so how he sees Framework Fitz is HIS interpretation of it, just as my metas are mine.  And I politely and respectfully disagree with Mark.  

Not only are my theories and metas on the subject my own interpretation based on what I’ve seen and read but its also based on what we have heard Iain say.  And Iain is the one who sat down with the writers and executive producers when they were getting him ready for this arc.   

Its not the obvious brainwashing of Hive but he was still manipulated in a mind boggling manner by AIDA to get him right where he wanted him.

  • In 19 Radcliffe said that AIDA changed Papa Fitz so that he would stick around for his son.   
    • I personally still don’t even feel that was a regret for Fitz and just more evidence that AIDA was manipulating the loopholes.
  • It went beyond having his father in his life.  It was the kind of man his father was.  Controlling, abusive, harsh, taught him that love/kindness was a weakness, taught him to grab for power.  ALISTAIR MADE THE DOCTOR, Fitz had no choice in the matter, he was dropped into the Avatar with his real memories repressed.  Alistair told Jemma he made him.  Then we throw in AIDA was directing the path ahead.  Placing herself in at the right time to allow herself to take Jemma’s place at his side.
    • People were REMOVED from Fitz’s life.  Alistair TOOK HIM from his mother and Jemma was murdered.
    • The other hostages Fixes all came later in their lives while Fitz’s was from his childhood.  
  • His father and then Ophelia were continuous influences on him.  He was always around them.
  • When Fitz did show ‘weakness’ in his fathers eyes AKA remorse and questioning killing Agnes his father was there to re enforce the ‘programming’.  When he started to get off track, his father redirected him back to AIDA’s goals.
  • It was Iain that said she ‘redirected’ his love/loyalty from Jemma to Ophelia.   So eyes The Doctor loved Ophelia, like Fitz loved Jemma due to when/how Ophelia placed herself in the Doctor’s life.
  • Radcliffe said that AIDA had taken advantage of loopholes for herself and changed things.
  • Ophelia bragged about meddling in things.  

Fitz did not have a choice in any of that.   As I’ve said before AIDA needed him to turn right at an intersection so she took away the left turn.  

Fitz does have a choice now.  He is not a bad person, a bad person wouldn’t have reacted like this when he woke up.  The world they had him ‘evil’ in wasn’t real/was designed by the big bad with an evil book who needed him to do something for her.   so I don’t see it as character assassination unless he makes those kinds of choices in the REAL world when he’s himself again.  And he won’t, because that is not who Fitz really is.  

Originally posted by chriswoods

Until canon explicitly tells me otherwise I’m sticking to my theory.  I do see what was done to Fitz as a form of brainwashing and a vast amount of manipulation.  That AIDA”s manipulations went well beyond simply fixing a regret, she changed things in order to get what she wanted.  

The other really really crummy answer to this is that was the direction they needed the story to go. They needed Fitz to finish looking glass so went with the ‘make him evil in the alternate world route with it’.   And like with 4722 hours I don’t think they imagined we would dive into it as we have…I mean really guys have you met us?  Did you not see the 4575 metas we did on a freaking necklace last season?  Of course we are going to dig into this!  

EmmyLynna: Writing Omegaverse Fics for Everyone

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Not everybody enjoys Omegaverse AUs. This is understandable because such fics can get quite… iffy… and just too much. But then again, it is important to emphasize that not all omegaverse fics are like that. Some fics are still located on what can be called as the “innocent side” of the entire omegaverse spectrum. EmmyLynna’s works are just some examples of such fics.

EmmyLynna (@emmylynna) is the author of the Entwined series, which is composed of several fics following the love story of Viktor and Yuuri from childhood to adulthood. The story starts with a seven-year old Viktor who instantly gets a crush on a six-year old Yuuri while in school. Viktor then decides to claim Yuuri as his mate and from then on works hard to prove his love to Yuuri, even when all the adults around them think they’re just playing at some kind of game.

The series includes Precocious, First Comes Love, then Comes Marriage, then Comes Yuuri with a Baby Carriage!, Blocked on Multiple Fronts, A Toast to the Newlyweds!, and Where You Go I Follow.

The first fic in the series, Precocious, currently has seventeen out of twenty-four chapters in and has garnered more than three thousand kudos. It is well-received by readers, saying they find it adorable how Viktor can get quite possessive and how Yuuri is a sweet cinnamon roll.

EmmyLynna certainly did a good job in portraying Viktor, Yuuri, and the rest of the child characters as innocent kids who still don’t know much about the “technicalities” of love. Despite being too young, Viktor and Yuuri already know they love each other, and their friends are more than willing to support them.

Entwined offers a lot of enjoyable adventures (and misadventures) in the young lives of Viktor and Yuuri. You can leave this article right now and go read it if I’ve already piqued your interest. But if you’ve already been reading it, then stay with me as I tell you more about the person behind all those wonderful fics right under the cut. (Spoilers included)

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anonymous asked:

Hello!! I just have to say I love your work so much and the fact that you're such a good writer gives me life. Can I request Aomine angst where him and his s/o break up and later meeting again during the second touou vs seirin match?

Anonnie-non, you seriously are the sweetest! Your words gave me such a big smile on my face! Also, I have another scenario that was very similar to this one (you can find it HERE), so I tried really hard not to make it too alike! This is the first angst I’ve done that’s not song-based, so I don’t know how I feel about it yet..hmm, anyway!

The actual breakup was easy. Life afterwards was much harder. It took two days before reality hit and made ____ feel like her world was shattering apart. It was torturous for those two months. She cursed the gods and whatever else that was out there, wondering where she went wrong. If she had done something wrong then surely she’s gotten what she’s deserved. She pondered why it had to be them. He was her first friend, her first kiss, her first boyfriend. He was her first love. Was he her first mistake in love as well? She thought not, she thought they would last forever; after all, he promised her. He was the one that mentioned it first, that he would love her forever. Now, she really didn’t know if it was just all a mistake.

Time passed on and ____ healed in her own way. She didn’t know whether it was a perfect heal or if it was just her hardening her defence mechanism. Either way, she promised herself that she would never make the mistake of believing in forever anymore. All of the memories of the two went down the drain. The days they spent cuddled up, sleeping on the rooftop or the times they spent holding hands while shopping downtown. The morning they woke up and stayed in bed while wasting the day away as she curled up into his side, feeling as if no one could ever harm her. “Little did I know he was the one that would harm me.” ____ thought as she stared at her ceiling while laying in the lone bed. She tried so hard to delete them from her brain as if it was something she could just throw in the trash bin. She kept believing that if she acted like she forgot them, then maybe they would eventually disappear.

As things got better for ____, things got worse for Aomine. Aomine felt like he was freeing himself from guilt and responsibility after he broke up with her. At that time in his life, he thought he just wanted to be free like all the other guys. Free to look at any girl walking by, free to have as much adult-rated magazines as he wanted, free to do any of that without the guilt of having a girlfriend. He thought that ____ was a weighted ball chained to his leg, and he knew ____ didn’t deserve that. They’ve been friends since childhood. He only wanted what’s best for her and Aomine felt like he couldn’t give that. As more time wasted away without her by his side, though, he realised that maybe he was wrong. Maybe he didn’t want that freedom. Maybe he was ready to give her the best, maybe he could give her the best.

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Disenchanted

Fandom: Once Upon A Time (TV Series)
Pairing: Emma Swan/Regina Mills | Evil Queen
Rating: T/PG-13 for mild language, brief drug use
Links: AO3 & FF.Net
Warnings: The briefest of legal drug use, Meta
Summary: Emma is a comic book writer at the San Diego Comic Con, trying to help her youngest fan find his mom.
Notes: I would like to thank my Once RP group for helping me brainstorm. They might be mostly Hookers but I would literally fight anyone that has a negative thing to say about them. Thanks guys. Much love to you. Also, I wrote all of the SQW prompts as potential first chapters. Some of them I’ve very happy with. Others I’m still looking at sideways. Looking at you Day 2 and Day 3. But it’s all good. I may finish these potential multi chapter ficts if people want them. Since they are all romantic is some way, expect a rating change in the near future. 
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, or whatever the hell else. They belong to Disney, ABC etc, etc, I claim no rights to copyrighted material, and this story is purely for entertainment purposes.

Originally posted by you-chang-e-d-m-y-life


“Um… Hi, my name is um… Ashley… and um… my question is for everyone…”

Ashley was young. No older than 16. Her long blonde hair was stuffed under a beanie and she was wearing a t-shirt with read “You Can’t Take the Sky From Me,” under a heavy coat that was a bit much for San Diego in August even in the cool air conditioned Convention Center. Her jeans were full of holes, but they weren’t the fashionable kind. They were the kind that only came from wear and tear.

If she was wearing Chuck Taylors and had weed in one of her many jacket pockets, Emma Swan could swear she was looking a living photo of herself at sixteen.

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Some thoughts on Reylo: Flying this ship through a galaxy of fanboys

I never thought I’d be sitting down to write an essay about Star Wars or its fandom. Even as a longtime fan of the franchise since childhood, it didn’t strike me as something I’d feel the need to analyze in writing. Certain recent events in the online fan community, however, have been a little disappointing. I’m going to try to address some of them here.

(Source: trashwilldo)

I have seen fanfiction writers chased off of tumblr because they have received death threats and been told their children do not deserve to be raised by someone so lacking in morals. I’ve seen meta essay writers get comments telling them that their theories read like endorsements of rape when they are nothing of the sort. I’ve seen 1000+ page threads with close to a million views on prominent Star Wars forums shut down because their mods refuse to allow debate and discussion, based on the movie’s events and dialogue, to continue.

Apparently, recognizing the potential for Kylo Ren and Rey to feel anything but increasing levels of contempt for each other throughout the trilogy, is ridiculous. Despite the fact that this attitude goes against everything we know about effective storytelling, compelling character development, and the entire philosophy of Star Wars itself.

I’m going to say something that might be taboo now: Reylo is already canon. From a certain point of view.

There’s little point in going into the specifics of how, because others have done so already in such brilliant ways. If you are interested in learning more about the culturally embedded tropes, archetypes and symbols found in The Force Awakens, I invite you to read any of the metas below.

The Hero, the Villain and the Modern Fairytale

The Descent of the Heroine’s Journey in The Force Awakens

Death and the Maiden

Rebirth of the “Son”: the art of Kylo Ren’s redemption

The Normal and Altered Future

A Reylo Leitmotif

Mirroring, opposites and the personification of Yin Yang in the final fight between Kylo Ren and Rey

And it’s not just fans who have picked up on it. Stephanie Zacharek at Time Magazine observed,

“The sexual energy between them is strange and unsettling, like a theremin sonata only they can hear.”

Now, you may disagree with the arguments laid out in these essays, or believe that a movie critic got carried away with their interpretation. But this should be clear: if you are saying that there is no way any of these arguments hold weight, that a large portion of the audience collectively imagined them and they aren’t really there, you may be indirectly insulting the people who created this movie.

That’s because you must believe that all of these many, many allusions to a connection between Rey and Kylo Ren ended up in the final movie by accident. That Lawrence Kasdan and JJ Abrams wrote The Force Awakens without somehow realizing that they were referencing everything from Hades and Persephone to Phantom of the Opera, from Beauty and the Beast to Pride and Prejudice. That the makeup and hair team had no idea that making Kylo Ren look like he does would indicate that he is to be part of any type of remotely romantic plotline, and that his Byronic hero hair is simply a coincidence. That Kylo Ren looks at Rey like this, only because three-time Emmy-nominated Adam Driver doesn’t know how to convey disgust and anger.

(Source: Hardyness)

It could also be that the Reylo corner of Star Wars fandom is looking a little too deeply into the meanings behind scenes from a blockbuster family movie. That the real world’s history of philosophy, mythology and literature is nothing to do with Star Wars and doesn’t inform any of its themes. Except…

Star Wars is spiritual. It’s pretty widely understood that George Lucas created its universe and the concept of the Force by pulling in everything from yin yang to the dangers of attachment as preached by a variety of religions. It’s also a saga very much built on hope, the idea that anyone can turn back from a path to darkness and find their way home.

The beauty of Star Wars is that it truly is for everyone. If you’re after an action movie with lightsabers and explosions, you don’t have to look deeper. But that doesn’t mean these underlying ideas aren’t there, and that others won’t see them. They’re not imagining it - give the filmmakers a little credit.

There Is…Something

After watching The Force Awakens, a lot of us started talking about the unusual yet fascinating dynamic between Kylo Ren and Rey. While the new crew of characters are all-around impressive, the protagonist and antagonist have understandably been the source of most discussion and intrigue. More than a few members of the audience picked up on a strange…something between the pair.

(Source: trashwilldo)

I remember coming out of the cinema and saying, “What was up with the sexual tension between Rey and Kylo?” Many of the girls in my group of friends nodded avidly, relieved someone else had noticed the same. The guys largely reacted with a mixture of bafflement and faint disgust. Not to generalize too much, but that’s pretty much how it’s gone since. I don’t know of any woman who went into TFA with the intention of shipping. Hell, I didn’t even expect them to bring a romantic plot point into this new trilogy at all after how badly the Anakin and Padme story was received.

I Think I Can Handle Myself

A lot of the criticism directed at Reylo since has concerned the idea of Rey’s agency and independence being compromised. Firstly, I can see where these comments are coming from, as much as I disagree with them. Rey is the first female lead in a Star Wars film, and a heavy weight is on both Daisy Ridley and the respective directors’ shoulders to tell her story well. It’s completely understandable that many members of the audience would enjoy seeing Rey continue to develop as a character independent of any romantic storyline. All too often, women in sci-fi, fantasy and action films are over-sexualized and underdeveloped, existing to titillate and be a prize for the male stars to win.

(Source: trashwilldo)

Within Reylo, though, there’s not a mass consensus as to how it would actually play out in canon - we only have the first piece of the puzzle. This community isn’t a monolith, with everyone sure that there’ll be wedding bells and babies in their future. Who’s to say an unrequited love for Rey wouldn’t be enough to bring Kylo Ren away from Snoke’s clutches? What if his clear infatuation at the end of TFA continues, challenging him to be a better man and have something to live for beyond power and violence? It’s already canon that Kylo Ren feels compassion for Rey. That’s going to be crucial throughout this trilogy - it won’t go away. If anything, it will only get stronger. We’ve seen him at his darkest, lowest point, and he still feels compassion for this scavenger girl he barely knows. Rey is powerful, stronger than she knows.

What Girl(s)?

The Force Awakens is arguably the first Star Wars movie that has truly taken into consideration its female audience. Rey is a wonderful heroine - we all love her and look forward to seeing her grow in the next movie. She’s far from the only character that has been developed to appeal to women and girls in addition to the typical traditionally male audience, though.

(Source: trashwilldo)

Here is a fascinating look at how many might miss the subtleties in Driver’s portrayal of Kylo Ren. Why some people see a man who has fallen too far to ever have another chance of redemption, even in a universe where Darth Vader died at peace. And here’s a quick explanation as to why most of the people who do see it, that this man might be worthy of some sympathy and compassion – ours and Rey’s – are women.

We’re not being silly shippers when we appreciate the nuances in Driver’s portrayal of this character. This is the son of Han Solo and Leia, the legacy of both previous trilogies. Why wouldn’t we root for him to be redeemed? Again, there’s plenty of foreshadowing to suggest that he will be.

(Source: persimonne)

It can’t be ignored that a lot of the resistance to Reylo comes from longtime – mostly male – fans of the franchise. It’s fine to disagree that Reylo could become canon, but plenty in the ship have been openly mocked or harassed for seeing the link between these two characters, or for wanting Kylo Ren to turn back to the light. Some people are just desperate for him to be Vader 2.0, perhaps more so than Kylo Ren wants that himself. And because he wants it so badly, it’s just not going to happen. It doesn’t look like that’s where the story will take us.

Why would a trilogy in which the villain steadily gets more evil, have him kill his father - perhaps the most beloved character in Star Wars history - in its first act? There is no lower Kylo Ren can sink to shock the audience. He could murder thousands more and it wouldn’t hold the same level of dramatic impact. That’s not to say things won’t get real dark in episode VIII. We know they will. But it’s established that Kylo was weakened by killing Han, which flies in the face of everything Snoke’s taught him about the dark side. His awakening has begun.

50 Shades of Oh God, Please Stop Why

You may have seen this week’s article on Reylo in The Atlantic. Titled ’50 Shades of Rey’ – ugh – it is a quick introduction to the fanfiction pairing for people probably not yet familiar. Now, I get why the 50 Shades parallel might be beneficial for some readers’ comprehension. For the many people who don’t read fanfiction or engage in other types of fandom, 50 Shades of Grey might be the frame of reference they need. It’s widely known at this point that the book started out as a Twilight fanfiction. That said, it’s a troubling comparison to make. It equates Reylo, a hero/villain dynamic, with one that’s considered to be abusive. And Reylo fans have had more than their fair share of being called proponents of abuse for the ‘trash ship’ we set sail on back in December.

(Source: trashwilldo)

The thing is, 99.9% of those in this corner of Star Wars fandom who think Reylo has a chance of being canon, only do so on the condition of Ben Solo’s redemption. It is largely considered unthinkable – except in only the darkest of fanfictions – that Rey could fall in love with Kylo Ren as he is now. This is where that useful thing called character development comes into play again. We don’t see Rey curing this lost soul with her magical vagina. She might be his catalyst for change – “It is you” – but only he can save himself. The prodigal son needs to return of his own accord.

Ship and Let Ship

It’s important that we all acknowledge that shipping any fictional pairing is completely ok. You can ship whichever characters you like. It’s beyond old news that women’s sexual desires are policed pretty much constantly, that we’re shamed for finding ‘weird’ things sexy and that it must prove we’re damaged in some way. Well, you do you, and we’ll just take care of ourselves, how about that? We don’t need protection from what we ourselves enjoy and pursue.

(Source: Geminiwankenobi) What was that about yin yang?

You can ship anything without any worry of whether it will be canon or not. Are you familiar with Kylux? Stormpilot? The latter has been called canon ‘only in Oscar’s head’ by John Boyega, but it doesn’t stop the fics on AO3 from multiplying. Shipping is a really beautiful thing, truly. Let your imagination run wild, and check yourself if you’re judging others for being into a pairing that doesn’t do much for you. Nobody should have to explain their shipping preferences to anyone else, much less ward off a torrent of abuse for daring to enjoy themselves. Whether something ends up being canon or not, fandom is for everyone.

Arrow Season 5 finale and overall season thoughts

I have not enjoyed this season or the finale, sure there were some moments that I liked but overall this entire season was forgettable. Since I’ve got a few minutes free this morning I thought I’d list some thoughts.

To start I guess I feel like I might have missed something because the entertainment journalists and most people on my twitter and tumblr time lines were really enjoying last night. And I, well I’m left feeling empty, unsatisfied, and underwhelmed.

I guess Oliver and Felicity are back together. So 5x20 was there to wrap up their break-up and move them forward. And that one little line from Felicity during the birthday party showed they are back together. But I guess even though earlier this year I thought the little bits I figured the show would throw to us would be enough for me, it wasn’t, AT ALL. I can’t even articulate what I’m not satisfied with I just feel unhappy with how that whole storyline wrapped up. But like with so many things on this show I’ll make my peace with it and move on. But I guess at least we got a season finale kiss in the suit in good lighting, so that’s something.

There were too many people in this episode so no one really did anything. All this OTA being front and center and important was such bullshit. Seriously Felicity was there to have a crammed in “meaningful” convo with Thea and Samantha and ????? She announced that the whole island was rigged to blow for the audience but did nothing else. Diggle, oh my god. He did nothing, he was just there. If he had a meaningful purpose it was such a quick scene that I forgot it already.

I was really irritated with the whole Oliver telling Thea that she and Curtis (of all people) and Malcolm (who has betrayed them all so many times) needed to protect and get Felicity and Samantha to safety. That made me so mad, like lets reduce Oliver’s love and baby mama to damsels that need protecting well f&ck that.

That Nyssa and Talia fight was anti-climatic and over too fast. I was expecting a lot more out of Talia since they introduced her this season. Now that was a sister conflict storyline that had potential but as usual with Arrow, they introduced way more story than they could adequately tell.

Slade….sigh. I don’t like Slade, I’ve never liked Slade. Slade killed Moira in front of Oliver and Thea. I don’t give a single shit that the miracuru is out of his system and he is no longer mentally unstable and under the influence of drugs. HE KILLED OLIVER AND THEA’S MOTHER IN FRONT OF THEM. HE STABBED HER THROUGH THE HEART WITH A SWORD! UGH! I also see how the show just slid Slade in to give the words of wisdom to Oliver about survivors guilt and forgiving himself that in any other episode would have been Diggle’s to give. Just another way to sideline Diggle so we can get a comic book character moment.

Rene and Curtis did nothing, couple line of exposition and that’s it. Lance was there to call Dinah Bl@ck C@nary. Dinah was there to have a scream fight with Bl@ck Siren. I get it story-wise, everyone Oliver cares for needed to be on that island so Chase could continue to taunt Oliver with everyone you love will always suffer because of you, blah, blah, blah. And for that “emotional” cliffhanger of they are all dead when the island explodes.

Why was Digger Harkness in this episode? Evelyn was so pointless. I don’t get why Bl@ck Siren was there at all. Sure help Chase out as a thank you by capturing everyone in Star City, but why continue on to Lian Yu?

Malcolm, sigh, I guess I’m glad he’s finally dead, but what a way to go. So let me get this straight, he sacrificed himself for Thea. The same Thea he drugged and had her kill Sara so Ra’s wouldn’t go after him and led to Thea being stabbed and almost dying. Then he wouldn’t give up the league to get the cure for the bloodlust. But that death was off screen, so while I think he might actually be dead for real, I also would not be surprised if he were to pop back up alive in season 8 or 9 if Arrow goes that long.

Now the kid, William. Look I’m a mother, I have 2 kids who are 10 and 8. I’m also the child of divorced parents whose dad popped in and out her life throughout her childhood. This whole finale revolved around Oliver trying to find and save his son. Intellectually I get it, but emotionally I was not connected to this story at all. Look I know Oliver supposedly bonded with the kid in season 4 when he was leaving his paralyzed fiance to visit his son, who didn’t know he was his son. But dammit, if the writers knew that they were going to base the entire finale on fathers and sons (hell the whole season really) then it would have been way more emotionally satisfying for me if I had seen Oliver and William interacting and bonding this season. I’m also mildly irked that we never got to see William’s reaction to finding out that Oliver (his mom’s friend who visited with him a few times last year) is his father and his father is the Green Arrow. Sighing again. Once again this whole child story is just used for plot and has no emotional resonance.

Overall season thoughts.

It’s utterly forgettable. There are maybe 2 episodes I would rewatch entirely and maybe 3 or so more I’d watch parts of.

Sometimes I wonder why I’m still watching this show. I haven’t really enjoyed it since season 4a. I guess because every time I think I’m done the writers manage a moment of brilliance and I’m sucked back in.

Billy had no purpose to Felicity’s story. He was there for Oliver’s manpain not for Felicity.

Susan, I’m sighing again. That storyline went no where and was just unceremoniously dropped.

I know some people are happy with Felicity’s arc this season. But it was too little for me. She was sidelined too much this season. While I know she got a lot of screen time a lot of it was about other people’s emotional journeys, technical expertise, and exposition. I’ve given up thinking that she will ever get an in-depth story. I can hope for Smoak Tech next season but I’m not holding my breath.

Oliver, is this no killing thing going to actually stick for real this time? Because I thought it had previously, he spared Slade, but then he killed Ra’s and Damien and was back to killing again at the beginning of this season. I just feel like we constantly retread the same stories over and over with Oliver and I’m just tired of it. Find something new writers. But I don’t think they are capable of finding new emotional arcs for Oliver because once again it sounds like season 6 is a retread of a story already told. But I know it’s early and something had to be announced at upfronts.

I was not really satisfied with the wrap up of the flashbacks. I figured Kovar would have fought with and delayed Oliver just enough to have him miss the boat and he’d be stuck on the island for a couple of months. They really screwed up cutting flashback Oliver’s hair in season 4. If he’d never cut his hair over 5 years and missed the boat Anatoli sent for him that would explain the hair and beard. A wig and fake beard was so ridiculous. But whatever at least the flashbacks (my least favorite part of the show) are finally over.

Sighing once again. I just  re-read this post and I feel like I’ve done nothing but complain. But I wasn’t satisfied with this episode or this season and I needed a way to get my feelings out. So thanks anyone who made it all the way through this post. I’ll probably still follow along with summer hiatus speculations and be back in the fall. But nothing in the finale made me excited to watch next season.

I’m rarely invested in more than 1-3 shows at a time and Arrow has been the only show I watch consistently for the the past 2 years. So I really hope something comes out over the summer or at SDCC to make me want to return, otherwise I might be searching for a new show to watch.

Tagging some friends (by the way thanks for the good thoughts and wishes sent my way) @almondblossomme @marytagus @laurabelle2930 @hope-for-olicity @nalla-madness @green-arrows-of-karamel @wildirish23 @olicity-i-believe-in-you

Wouldn’t You Like To Know... // Chris Evans x OC Character (RDJ Daughter)

This was requested by the lovely @ateliefloresdaprimavera I hope it lived up to your standards lovely! 


Originally posted by starkwayne-bl


“Lavender Downey, how are you?”

“Nervous. To be honest, I hate television interviews because I babble, like- not that I h-hate your interview. Am.. I babbling? Am I? I am..now.” Blushing hard and putting my head down, my hair covering my blushing face. I heard laughter and look up between the curls of my dark brunette locks. I saw them laughing… laughing at me? I took a glance at Jimmy and he reached out and put his hand on top of mine chuckling as well, “Well don’t be worried I won’t ask about anything pertaining to Chris Evans, and you, and your father and what side you may be on.” He was still talking but the screams in the room erupted like metal in a microwave, making me sit back in my seat feeling the studio almost shake from high pitched screams from just the mentioning of my Fiance and my father.

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Wouldn’t You Like To Know… // Chris Evans x OC Character (RDJ Daughter)

This was requested by the lovely @ateliefloresdaprimavera I hope it lived up to your standards lovely!


“Lavender Downey, how are you?”

“Nervous. To be honest, I hate television interviews because I babble, like- not that I h-hate your interview. Am.. I babbling? Am I? I am..now.” Blushing hard and putting my head down, my hair covering my blushing face. I heard laughter and look up between the curls of my dark brunette locks. I saw them laughing… laughing at me? I took a glance at Jimmy and he reached out and put his hand on top of mine chuckling as well, “Well don’t be worried I won’t ask about anything pertaining to Chris Evans, and you, and your father and what side you may be on.” He was still talking but the screams in the room erupted like metal in a microwave, making me sit back in my seat feeling the studio almost shake from high pitched screams from just the mentioning of my Fiance and my father.

As if I hadn’t gotten asked this question a million times since my father had joined the Civil War movie. I was always confronted by this GD question so much so that I finally wanted to just tell them I’d rather just be on Fury’s side since he’s somehow not around during the whole fuckin’ movie?

“No, no. Well I should at least ask you about the book that you actually wrote, at age… 16?!” I nodded, smiling at his mentioning of my book, which was stood up on his desk. “Yeah! Uh, I wrote that, starting at 16 and finished it at 17. I edited it myself for around two years and then sent it to a publishing agency under my very very obvious pseudonym Rowena D. Jilinger.” Jimmy looked at the front and giggled, point at the embossment in small lime green stitching at the bottom of the hardcover book. I had insisted they did stitching instead of printing it for the hardcovers since it was symbolized in the book that the character was knitted and pretty much stitched together with memories of her past that she refuses to look back at until she has too.

“In the book the character is… what people are assuming, not to different to you? Is that true, because it talks about a rough childhood which has been told about you by your father multiple times.” I nodded and felt a little nervous at talking about the reasoning this book was even made, but I didn’t exactly have any time to debate with myself over whether to share or not; so I improvised. A gift I blessed my father for giving me in his genes.

“Well she’s quite set in her ways at the beginning, she doesn’t want her routine broken because she had built it, on the base of her very tossed around childhood that unravels within the book, obviously by the title.” I gestured to the title, “And this is actually your cursive writing?” I nodded and brightened up at his obvious research into the book. *I mentally wrote down a note inside my brain, Get Jimmy and staff a gift of chocolates and candies and wine. Note to self: He seems like a wine drinker*

“Yeah it is! Obvious written on the original but I wanted the title to be authentic with the smudging that my writing does since I’m a lefty and us lefties know that you can write anything without a huge stain of pencil mark on your hand.” Hoots and hollers came from the audience and I turned at smiled at where I thought they were coming from. I couldn’t quite see since the lights were stinging my retinas with the brightness that seemed unhealthy for one human to have to sit and look at everyday.

“But come on, 16! How- can someone write a novel this amazing at 16! At 16 I wasn’t even reading anything but Play Boy still and even then I was in it for the… ya know.” I nodded, smirking, “The photography?” He clapped his hands and laughed with me, “Yes. Of course, those photographic skills were just…” “They were quite exquisite you could say.” I deadpanned to him. Another humorous trait I’d had since birth again from my father. “You really are you father’s daughter, huh?” I giggled and looked down nodding, “He’s literally my best friend- well. My Fiance is, but he’s like 49% with Chris. Like He’s 2% away from earnin’ that number one spot.”

Jimmy chuckled with the audience and suddenly this interview wasn’t feeling as anxiety inducing as before. Somehow I felt at ease with Jimmy, like he was generally interested in my book, not my personal life.

“How come you never wanted to be… like-”

“Promoted?” I stated. Jimmy nodded and continued,

“Promoted or bragged about by your father I mean, what was your belief on that? Because it was a hard time to get this book published with your age and the fact it is such a heavy, darker comedic book.” I nodded, and fixed my dress trying to gather an answer, “I don’t know, I guess I wanted my work to be done and shown to the world without it having a stain on it.” Jimmy looked at me and nodded, gesturing to continue with the analogy, “I mean you mention one person’s name and the books out there and people know who is the author and they think this is about this thing! She’s talking about this man and this situation. I just wanted my book to not already have a stain or an imprint of what people thought about it. I wanted them to read it and take it in as just a book by a writer. Not a celebrity, or Robert Downey Jr’s daughter. It was a choice of becoming my own person; I’m not my father or my mother. I’m not my brother either. We all have different ways of life and I chose a different path early on, and my brother never got that chance to do so. I forgive my father for the childhood I had- because grudges just weigh you down, and honestly I never was mad at him. Addiction is a illness that the mind and the body have to internally deal with. It causes families to break up and heartbreak when you see the people you love suffer inside and yet you feel mad for what they are doing. It’s not a singular person disease. Addiction is a whole family issue, and I love my father - he’s honestly my best friend.”

I wasn’t pleased that this interview would be out in the air forever, but in all honestly I felt like nothing I said would hurt anyone. That was my number one concern on this topic, especially in regards to my father; the last person I would want to hurt. He was the man who literally became a different human, changing his brain’s stem cells and their cravings for the toxin’s he was so used to for year., and fought with lawyers, judges, superior courts just to get me back home. He got the best lawyers, found the best sources to file a lawsuit on Judge Mathis. The Judge who declared my birth certificate to have the orphan status written over my parents signatures. Fighting tooth and nail to have me home for the first time. I was depressed, 16, living in Scarsdale with the Frenchie’s.

They were very…off. Their home had nothing but grey, black or white colors. They all had straight hair, ate dinner in silence, and made me read a bible at night, out loud. They looked like robots, weird skinny little robots with blonde hair, dead blue eyes.

I remember having enough after a ‘prayer’ session where they made me read a sentence on rape being acceptable within the bible. I told them this was not okay, and I must have angered their overlord because they took their bibles that had been resting in their laps, and started hitting me with them. I got out the door, after declaring I was satan while they whipped their bibles at me, not even saying a word. Just trying to smack the crap out of me. But Satan worked, I knew it world; they all scurried away to their bedrooms like the fucking little rat freaks they were. I took a bag and stuffed food in it and left, finding a payphone and calling the closest legal agency.

I was fifteen by then, he was three years sober and married.

He had the boxes all checked off in the checklist to gain back parental right; yet the judge refused.

That’s why I called the legal agency, who helped me free of charge after finding out my abuse at my foster home, as well as seeing the facts of injustice within my father’s request of guardianship. I was offered an alternative which would allow me to see him again, just not legally as his “daughter”. I took the deal, and started emancipated myself from both parents. Becoming a “legal adult” by the age of 17. The moment those papers arrived, I told the robots to fuck off and did one last duty by calling the foster agency and giving them the details on what those Robo-French Fries were doing; then I got the hell out of there, driving all the way from Indiana to Los Angeles with some money I saved up. Then I was finally there, - right at my father’s door. I don’t remember ever feeling happier than the moment when I saw him sober, clean, and happy at the front door.

Crying as I finally got to hug the father who fought his abuse and lost. Fought again to become sober and leave prison, losing again. Demanding legal guardianship of me, and losing. He was the one person who actually cared about me back then, that was until I met my first and last real boyfriend, Chris Evans.

“Is this book very close to everything in your life?” I felt like a jolt of energy come back into my body. My self conscious being thrust into reality. Jimmy looked at me and I smiled, thinking about my answer. I knew my father would never be hurt or bothered by it. He had shown the strength and courage that I have riddled within my bloodstream. He was my dad, and I knew he wanted me to be honest about this books real identity;

“Yeah… um, she kind of is me, but not in my life. No events in this book happened to me. But her characteristics, and her feelings towards these fallouts and breakdowns in her life were definitely taken in by personal experience. I feel like when writing this book I took the feelings of fear and anxiety with the press taking an interest in my father and I. I felt so isolated when he left, I had no mother, technically. I was twelve so I got to visit my father and I saw him change into the man I knew he was all along. He was becoming stronger, and his brilliance was showing through. I believe my main character, Blair, is the mixture of me and my father during that time. I blended our feelings and frustrations during those years and really pushed it all into one characters crazy physiological struggle to regain that structure of a normal life.” The audience enjoyed us talking back and forth. That’s when I knew the personal questions were about to be dropped on me like a bomb,

“Even after you started dating Chris Evans?” I think I peed a little when he said those words. Blushing a fire engine red, I just shrugged, looking down again with a huge smile on my face. I felt shy again, and unsure of what to say about my lovely Fiance, who was backstage probably watching this live.

“Come on… give me like a taste or something like, what was your dad’s first reaction? Did he approve or did he pick out your first date outfit?” I giggled, and slapped my hand on the table,

“Totally! I texted him and said, OMG! GUESS WHO JUST ASKED ME OUT, YOUR CO WORKER CHRIS EVANS! No! Common Jimmy, let’s be real.” What the fuck? WHERE WAS THIS ME ALL ALONG? It’s like the actor in me was just birthed onto this stage, was I in my moment?  “He wasn’t all like, YEAH! That’s awesome! Let’s all grab some brunch!”

“He was happy for me, and he supports me and Chris in our relationship, and he’s still as important to me now as before he made a gigantic war destroying machine that almost killed my fictitious Fiance,”

The audience started laughing for the first time since we started in on the deep shit. I had no heavy weight on me now, I had what felt like 20 lb dumbbells sitting on my chest before the interview. All night I couldn’t sleep, I flopped like fish out of water so much Chris was woken up by my moving. Just so I could vent my anxieties about this interview he stayed up and held me while we talked, as he calmed my nerves and I calmed him… in a very different way in return as my thank you.

Jimmy laughed at my reference to Iron Man and Captain America- I mean, it was about to be brought up anyways? What were they gonna ask about my dad? How I thought he was in Tropic Thunder? No. People in this world want gossip to sip on until they’re thirsty for more.

“So speaking of Marvel… what the hell side are you on? Because, look! You have broken the world record for most retweeted world on twitter for the most retweeted tweet that said,” It was displayed on screen with a picture I had attached, @RobertDowneyJr I think you may lose a supporter, this guy decided to get the big guns out.

The picture attached was my ring finger that now possessed a rose gold band with a morganite stone on the top.

The audience roared with screams of the photo I posted a week ago, which had been my blunt way of telling TMZ to fuck off after trailing me for days, even trying to knock on my door. I just gave them the truth instead of causing a war. Yes, Chris had proposed to me.

“Why not take control and tell the story myself?” I said bluntly, shrugging my relaxed shoulders. Jimmy smiled at my confidence boost and asked to see the ring.

“No! You’re going to steal it! I know your games, Kimball.” Laughing he threw his hands up in the air, recusing himself. “WOAH!” Another roar of the audiences love in my deadpan humor.

“Fine! God, I just wanted to touch it… and put it on..but I guess not!” The red light of the interview ending was starting to come up and I saw Jimmy look at his notes, getting his last question in, “Now, let’s talk about the giant elephant in the room, Captain America: Civil War… what side are you on?” I let my head fall back laughing into my seat, then going stone cold and looked at Jimmy with my eyebrows up high, “Wouldn’t you like to know…” Suddenly I heard something behind me and felt arms snake around my shoulders and a loud scream in my ear certainly wrapped this terrifying surprise in a nice little bow.

I think I scream like a girl in a horror movie, because even my ears were ringing with my scream’s pitch. The arms didn’t let go but when I heard his laugh I knew it who it was. “Christopher Robert Evans, I am going to fucking kill you.” I squirmed out of his arms with him still killing himself with laughter. “That’s what you get for not picking your Fiance!” I rolled my eyes and saw someone suddenly sitting next to me on the couch, making me jump when I felt a hand on my knee, “Darling, this is the man- excuse me.. Little boy you actually want to marry?” I smiled and hugged my father seeing his face smiling at me when I turned to see who was creeping up on me. The audience gave a loud awe and clapped at our hug(?) Pulling away I saw Chris take the spot on the other side of me and I let go of dad, leaning my head on Chris’s shoulder. “Yes, father. What can I say? I’m a fool in love with this blue tight-wearing man- who’s mentally 11.” Giggling I looked up at Chris’s beaming face and Jimmy yelled out something about Chris being the winner, but I couldn’t hear him from the trance I was in, live on stage looking at my soon to be husband in just two months. “How’s our jelly bean doing? Was the scare too much?” Chris whispered to me, looking me in the eye worried about our secret we had yet to tell. “Jelly Bean is fine. Don’t worry. But you aren’t. You’re in for a world of dishes and laundry my friend. Jelly Bean has decided that’s your punishment.”

“Oh really?” I nodded, smiling bright as the studio lights, pulling his head forward and kissing him softly.

“Okay, I know I said it was cool to get married but kissing is not!” I laughed at my father pulled me back and hugged me to his chest.

By now the camera was off and it was just us and everyone in the studio, laughing at our exchanges but never hearing a word we were saying since our mics went off the air. “Well… if kissing is off the table then maybe we should wait until dinner to tell you our news.” I said, looking at him with puppy dog eyes. He smirked, releasing me free to stand up with the help of Chris’s hand since my heels were four inches too high for a stable person to walk in. “I already know, Lavie.” Mine and Chris’s heads spun in sync at my father, still sitting on the sofa, relaxing as the crew took off his mic set.  

Chris held my right hand with his arm around my shoulder, both of us slightly frightened by my father’s all too scary disposition. He stood up finally and smiled warmly with his glasses off and in his hand. “I know that glow, and that smile, L.L.. I saw it when you met Spangled Stars over here, and I saw it when you walked through the door yesterday, coming from a doctor’s appointment.” He took my free hand, and held it too his lips, kissing it swiftly and holding a tight grip on it. I saw tears in his eyes and I knew what those tears meant. Because I saw them only once before in my life -

The day he opened the door and saw me standing there, after 10 years apart. “Congratulations Lavender. You two will be, the best parents. You know why?” We shook our heads and my father chuckled, sniffling just a bit.

“You already have seen the biggest fuck ups a parent can do. It’s only human nature to do the opposite or do the same thing your parents did. Seeing you grow up, clean, educated and intelligent. I know you’re going to raise this.. Jelly bean up to become an amazing person, thank you.” He smiled, letting a tear fall down his face, looking at Chris and I, still holding my hand to his chest, “Thank you for making me have a reason to be alive, and to get to see my daughter have her own baby… Thank you for saving me.” I shook my head and threw my arms around my father, my best friend, my guidance in this crazy world.

“Thank you for never giving up on me.” I whispered in his ear.

Walking out of the studio, and into natural daylight we got in the car and were heading for McDonald’s, since the cravings for McFlurries and chicken nuggets with french fries had kicked in already today. Usually it hit at 7 p.m. but today Jelly Bean wanted that McFlurry early.

Before parting ways, my dad had to give us one more sentence of wisdom,

“Just don’t name him Robert, please? Let’s let that name lie… okay Christopher ROBERT? I’m fine if you name him Steven or even Roger. Just not Robert, too many Roberts in this goddamn family. And now combined?! No, fuck that.” With that he took off in his sports car, leaving me and Chris in our car staring out of the window as he drove off, “What about like- Robin?”

“I’ll smack you down with the hand of God, Chris Evans. No more Roberts, you heard the man…Besides, I know it’s not a boy. It’s a girl, I can feel it.”

“How!” He exclaimed looking at me in delight while I curling up in my seat, still in my outfit I wore on the show. It was nice and breezy for the warm summer day,

“I have the feeling that you get when you know. When you know what something you never thought you would. Just like when I had a feeling that I was most definitely in love with you.” Chris kissed my cheek and we drive off into the summer heat, and golden rays shining down on us from up above. I felt strange, almost as if the interview didn’t even happen. It was like as soon as Chris came around, I was myself again. No more feelings of the gross celebrity glue-like feeling was attached to me anymore. I was just Lavender Downey, soon to be Lavender Downey Evans.

“By the way… what the hell side are you on!” I smirked at my Fiance’s frustration and gave him an look of secrecy.

                                    “Wouldn’t you like to know…”

Let me know how it was! I take requests but I’m a little backed up right now with all the supporting and amazing readers who have requested amazing stories for me to write!!! (I’m also getting Margot and Chris out from under the dust)

Come say hi if you want to or message/go to my ask if you’d like to be tagged in my stories! :)  just tell me how you thought it was! :) love you all!

Tagged: @raveviolet @evansscruff @writingcreatingstorytelling@boston-boy-evans @boredoutofmymindstuff @toc1985@ateliefloresdaprimavera @imaginesteverogerss @chrisevans-sexualfrustrations @chris-evans-imagines @chrisevanshh@imaginedaily @chrisevans-imagines @chrisevans-leftboob@time-lords-in-the-impala @imaginesofdreams @hibaabdo@jamesgiuseppe @username-evie @sanddollarsandstars @coldplaylover2009 @kelisnotinteresting @evansstangoddess @sebastianchris (If I missed you I’m so sorry! I’ll edit and retag you just message me :)

Yuri Katsuki isn't Gay

EDIT: There’s been a lot of discourse about this post I made so let me warn you in advance, I tagged it #shittyheadcanons for a fucking reason? It’s shitty?
My friend was bullied really bad prior to this post because some assholes were telling her she must be gay if she feels this FICTIONAL character who HAS NOT said his sexuality canonically yet represents her identify as a Demi-Bi woman. She sobbed in my arms because of the awful things these people said, making her feel like she was confused and her sexuality was invalid.
Hands shaking, I wrote this post IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT while irritated, protective, and hurt a bit myself. My word choices are POOR but I will not change them.
I saw people erasing other sexualities who experience same-sex relationships and decided to stand up for LGBTQIA+ Diversity, and have since been bullied, threatened repeatedly, and called a homophobe.
Same-sex representation is for ALL of the LGBTQIA+ community; until this character comes out and says he is gay, he is not gay; he is not ANYTHING. His sexuality is NOT YET canon. By trying to say he is canonically gay, YOU ARE ERASING AND UNDERMINING OTHER SEXUALITIES WHO EXPERIENCE SAME-SEX RELATIONSHIPS.
You should not be so quick to label this character gay just because he is in a same sex relationship; you are allowed to headcanon him as you please and THINK he is whatever you please. Key word here: think. Do not assume he, or any character, is just gay until they say do for sure.
The LGBTQIA+ community is stronger when we stick together, and I’m disgusted by people’s actions and accusations revolving this post.
LGBTQIA+ DIVERSITY IS NOT HOMOPHOBIA/GAY-ERASURE.

IF YOU WISH TO SEE A FULL EXPLAINATION OF THIS POST AND WHAT I MEANT (I even dissected my sentences in a very very long post) PLEASE SEE THE TAG #RE: Yuri Katsuki Isn’t Gay ON MY BLOG TO PULL UP ALL OF THE POSTS AND NOT JUST THE TOP POSTS ON TUMBLR.

Original Post:
I will repeat: Yuri Katsuki is not gay.
(EDIT: BECAUSE HE HASN’T SAID SO YET? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?)
BUT HE IS STILL LGBTQIA+!

Yuri Katsuki is more than likely Demisexual or Pansexual.
(EDIT: ANALYSIS COMING FROM A PSYCH MAJOR WHO STUDIED HUMAN SEXUALITY IN UNI, AND IM NOT SAYING THIS IS CANON.)

Demisexual: a person who does not experience sexual attraction/lust unless they form a strong emotional connection. This can be an openness to all genders, or focused on a select gender preference. It is sometimes seen as being halfway between sexual and Asexual (a lack of sexual attraction/interest rather indefinitely)
VS
Pansexual: a person who does not experience sexual attraction/lust for another person until they find their personality attractive. It’s defined by an openness to all genders, as it is not a factor when considering romantic or sexual partners; not to be confused with Omnisexual (a sexual attraction to all genders that fit their physical preferences, similar to Bisexual)

As a pansexual myself, I see a few hints that could point that way, but personally without more clarification from the character himself I lean Demi.
Let me explain, with my experience as pan at least:
(SXIT: STATING MY PERSONAL HEADCANON, WITH PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS TO WHY I DONT JUST LABEL HIM GAY WITHOUT THE CHARACTER STATING HIS IDENTITY)

Everyone likes to mention how Yuri has never had a girlfriend; even he says so to the viewers during his monologue. It seems he’s not totally aware of his own feelings, and we get the sense that he’s never even been interested in talking to girls like that - for whatever reason he may have.

This does not make him gay.

Yes, he could be an asexual biromantic man who never had the words to explain himself, but there’s hints that show this is more than likely not the case.
(EXIT: IM TRYING TO SHOW THERES OTHER SEXUALITIES HE COULD BE, AND OTHERS THAT EXPERIENCE SAME-SEX RELATIONSHIPS, ohwow!)

He clearly has always admired Victor, as he has been his role model for years. Instead of fanboying at the opportunity to get an autograph or photo with Viktor (like Minami with Yuri), Yuri instead walks away. There’s a lot of reasons to explain this response, especially with him being such an inwardly drawn person, but I’m focusing on the sexuality reasoning: this hints that he doesn’t feel a standard sexual attraction to Victor that would send someone into fanboy mode.
He wants to see Viktor as a person, just like himself, not an unattainable celebrity who he would never know. He feels no need to get his autograph or picture because he’s not interested in the image that is Viktor; this shows us Yuri is interested in what people are inside.

This is later reiterated when he tells Victor “I just want you to be yourself.” He wants to get to know him on a personal level, to see him as an equal, as a human, flaws and all.

It’s relatively clear that, although he has mixed feelings, there is an sort of attraction to Victor in some form. It’s possible that Victor has some of Yuri’s physical preferences even though he’s not quite sexually attracted to him yet - but I find it to be more of a complex ‘holy shit my hero is here, he’s conventionally beautiful and I am a smol raisin in comparison, and he’s so nice and charming and I don’t know how to handle this’
He’s confronted with pushing his hero up on a pedestal, or seeing him as just another human. And he chooses human, and then friend - every time.

When we are introduced to Yuri’s childhood friend, Yuko, it becomes clear that at some point he has had a crush on her. And they were definitely very good friends, and he looked up to her immensely. He finds her beautiful even still, likely on a physical and emotional level. This gives us a hint that he is open to at least males and females, and he was attracted to her because he was able to get to know her so well after becoming friends.
(EDIT: THIS IS AGAIN AN ANALYSIS FROM A PSYCH MAJOR AND IM NOT SAYING THE CRUSH IS CANON, BUT TO ME HIS REACTIONS ARE TEXTBOOK MORE-THAN-FRIEND-FEELINGS AT SOME POINT)

So perhaps the friendship has allowed Yuri to become close, and later attracted to these two people - or perhaps Yuri has a personality type he is attracted too: strong, driven, artist individuals such as Yuko and Viktor (which makes sense: he admires both of these people for such qualities)

In the dance studio, Yuri wishes to move “like a girl.” And during his internal monologue, we learn that Yuri has divided feelings about gender identity and gender norms (which, bravo for the writers for making this a more complex non-binary and not just chalking it up to trans). Yuri is, at this point, not trans based off of what he said he feels. He says it feels right, that it’s much more him: he embraces the masculine and feminine qualities within himself without falling to either societal norm (bravo! bravo!)
This is fairly common among pansexuals, and I have met very few who were Pan and didnt feel some form of androgyne or fluidity in their own gender identity, perhaps due to the fact that we’re almost gender-blind.
(EDIT: I USED THE WORD ‘TRANS’ INCORRECTLY HERE, I MEANT TRANS-MEN/TRANS-WOMEN INSTEAD OF THE UMBRELLA TERM THAT IS TRANS AND ENCOMPASSES NONBINARY, FLUID, ANDRO, ECT.)

As the two characters grow closer in their friendship, Yuri opens up so much, its clearer he is much more attracted to Victor; and he finally drops the bomb that he loves the man in some way, that he’s the first person he’s ever wanted to hold on too. Even more so than his other friends or past crush. It seems we form a friendship, a bond, a want, and love before Yuri develops sexual attraction.

It’s hard to tell whether or not he would be considered Demi or Pan at this point, (EDIT: IN MY OWN OPINION) but whatever Yuri’s sexuality and gender expression is considered, simply calling him homosexual undermines all of the seriously complex character development that the writers have put before us!
(EDIT: ITS INSENSITIVE FOR A FUCKLOAD OF REASONS AND TO THE LGBTQIA+ COMMUNITY AS A WHOLE, SEE OTHER POSTS FOR REASONS DETAILING WHY)

(EDIT: I say 'Homosexual’ because I’ve been told NOT to use gay, and I’m strictly talking about the definitions of each sexuality anyways.)

(EDIT: For some reason a few people are saying I’m over-sexualizing gay people when I’m talking about the definition of homosexuality, which is a sexual attraction to the same gender. You are over-sexualizing even the definition of sexual attraction - sexual attraction doesn’t have any bearings on promiscuity. There’s nothing wrong with sex either. And even those who don’t feel sexual attraction can be sex-addicts. All of these things are totally separate. Please see the tagged posts on my blog for further, detailed explanations.)

(EDIT: I get that everyone is attracted to personalities, but there’s a difference. There’s the initial physical attraction, something you notice about someone’s looks that makes you interested, which there’s no shame in, that sexualities like hetero- bi- Omni- homosexual experience. It has no bearings on how you respond to those attractions, whether or not you’d fuck that person, and so on; the personality is typically the deciding factor in liking someone.
There is a difference between this reaction, and say a pansexual’s way of becoming attracted to people. Pansexuals lack the initial physical interest/attraction, and become physically/sexually attracted to the person they wouldn’t have given a second look too had they not gotten to know their personality. It’s the capability of becoming sexually attracted to any gender, but they do not feel sexual attraction until they get to know a personality type they find attractive. Hence why society should stop watering down pansexuals to be interchangeable with omnisexual; they do not in fact mean the same thing, they’re a different way of feeling attraction. There’s a longer description in the tagged posts on my blog.)

(EDIT: NO SEXUALITY IS 'BETTER’ OR MORE 'NORMAL’ THAN ANOTHER. HOPE THIS ALL CLEARS UP SOME OF THE BULLSHIT.)