i think my nose is sunburned

Open letter to Script Shrink and scriptAutistic

I don’t follow @scriptautistic, but I do follow @scriptshrink, and that latter has reblogged posts from scriptAutistic so that I can see them. So, Script Shrink, thank you for that.

Disclaimer: this is all stuff that I thought and experienced. Not everything I believed at the time was true, or nice, or pleasant, and for all I know there may still be incorrect information in here (sorry about that), but it is honest.

I was diagnosed with Asperger’s back when it was a diagnosis, some time in high school I think. I never looked up much information on it. I didn’t look up info on Tourette’s or ADHD either. I didn’t want to feel like there was anything wrong with me, so I avoided it as much as possible.

The first time I went to university (long story, not relevant here) I met someone who’d also been diagnosed with Asperger’s. I loved being around him – looking back, I can tell that I loved him, even if I hadn’t yet understood that it was in a non-romantic way – but sometimes I felt bad, when I compared myself to him. He had lots of friends. I had him, and whoever wasn’t telling me to shut up at the moment. He had a roommate that he got along with, and lived comfortably with the other people in his residence. I’d known from prior experience that having a roommate would be a Bad Idea for me, and I ended up getting kicked out of the townhouse-style residence after less than a month. We had the same diagnosis, so what was wrong with me, I would wonder, that he could function so well with others, and I couldn’t?

Skip ahead a few years. I hadn’t seen him in a while (and still haven’t) because of unrelated reasons. I was at a different university, studying linguistics, and took out a copy of the DSM-V from the library for the lulz. I ended up finding out that Asperger’s was no longer a separate diagnosis because one of the qualifiers had been “no difficulties with language” and pragmatics was a part of language. From my linguistics courses, I knew what pragmatics was: knowing when and in what manner to speak, among other things, which is something I definitely have problems with.

Skip forward a bit. Due to different unrelated reasons, someone was looking at potential alternate living accommodations for me, and mentioned a group home for people with autism. I had an automatic hell no I’m not disabled reaction (despite that I receive Disability from the provincial government), and my second reaction was that it was a bad idea to gather people together whose shared feature was problems with social interaction. The person looked it up anyways, and said that I wouldn’t be a candidate for that place anyways because I was too high-functioning. I mentally looked at my life, and how much of a mess it was, and assumed that anyone who functioned at a lower level than me, would be completely helpless, and also a bunch of other things that I’m not going to put here, but they’re all derogatory.

Skip forward to a few weeks or months ago. I saw posts on my dash about autism. I had never even heard of some of those terms, but what they described sounded very familiar. I started to gradually accept it, not as a brokenness, but as a difference. I think the most important information was that there is no such thing as “high-functioning” or “low-functioning” autism, just a bunch of different elements – like under categories of social interaction, sensory processing, executive function, meltdowns – that are at different levels for everyone with autism, which can be more or less problematic, depending on the person and their situation.

There are two things I found particularly reassuring, odd as they may seem. The first is that clumsiness (or whatever the technical name is) is common among people with autism. Now, my mother has a type of “hell if we know” nervous system disorder, and has gone from walking with two canes (when I was little) to being in a wheelchair full-time. Whenever I would drop my keys or trip over my own feet, sometimes I wondered if I’d inherited that from her as well, along with my nose shape and skin that sunburns stupidly easy. But now, I don’t think I have to worry about that.

The second thing is hypersensitivity to sound. I can hear people talking across the apartment, and what they’re talking about, and pick up quieter sounds than others; but I can barely understand what someone’s saying if there’s a lot of background noise. I did a paper on auditory neuropathy once, so I know there’s more to “hearing impairment” than just detectable sound threshold, so I’d been worried about that. Now my hearing hasn’t been formally tested lately, but there’s a likely non-clinical explanation for my problems with background noise, which is quite a relief.

In conclusion, I’ve learned more about a part of myself from just seeing scriptAutistic’s reblogged posts, in the past few months, than all the years previous. Thanks for that.

Don’t You Want Me? (Jooheon x Reader)

YA’LL. WHAT IS GOOD???? It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything and what a great way to return then with some Monsta X? I’ve recently fallen extremely hard for this group of boys and I’m already in way too deep. Help, I’m drowning in Wonho and Shownu’s back sweat. Ew, okay that was gross. Anyway, without further ado, here’s some yummy first-time smutty smut with my dimple-faced angel Jooheon (◕‿◕✿) I mean who wouldn’t want to lose their virginity to this babe????

P.S. He’s literally the cutest???? But also very hot??? I live for his forehead 

Originally posted by destinybbb

You couldn’t ever say no to Jooheon, no matter what the request, big or small. You were already a huge pushover, but when it came to that dimple-faced angel, you were completely powerless to him. So when he begged and pleaded to go camping down by a popular creek to celebrate your six month anniversary, he didn’t have to try too hard to break your will.

You liked camping, but you didn’t love it like all the crazy outdoors nuts. You liked laying out in the sun to tan, eating the delicious camping food, and just lazing around without a care for what time it was or what you had to get done. You didn’t love, however, the bugs, the unpacking, the packing, the greasy hair, and the stink that just clung to you no matter what you tried.

But you would put up with it, for Jooheon, because you loved him more than anything…and you also had a surprise in store for him.

So you found yourself crowded around a blazing campfire, the moon barely peeking through the branches as night set in. Jooheon sat close to you snuggled under a cozy wool blanket, looking positively radiant as he poked the fire with a stick. He hadn’t stopped smiling since you had arrived at the campsite and he was just having the time of his life. What you appreciated was the fact he was making sure you were comfortable and having fun with him as well, which made your stomach knot up in happiness. The boy was always bouncing with energy, but he was practically generating enough electricity to power your now sadly dead phone in this tech-less wildness.

It was late spring into early summer, so a light chill was still clinging to the air, and being located down on the banks of the deep creek made the coolness even more evident. You sidled up to Jooheon, looping your arms through his and shivering in the process, not just from the cold though, you were nervous on how to approach the subject.

Jooheon and you had been together for six months and not once had he tried to pull a fast one on you. He knew you were a virgin, unlike him who was suspiciously experienced (not that you were complaining). The farthest you’ve ever gotten was a drunken blow job in a public bathroom and him rubbing you outside of your jeans. He never asked if you wanted to have sex with him, which worried you immensely. Did  he not want to have sex with you because you were inexperienced? Or was he getting his satisfaction elsewhere…? You shook yourself of those thoughts, knowing they couldn’t possibly be true. Jooheon was incredibly loyal and never even stole a glance at other girls, but still…

He looked down at you in amusement, “Is it getting a little chilly for you, baby?”

You feigned teeth chattering, dramatically making your voice weaker, “Yeah, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do anything ever again if you don’t do something.” Anything to distract you from your paranoid thoughts, you should have more faith in him, you thought.

He played along, gripping you by both shoulders, eyes wide, “Oh kitten! If there is anything I can do to make you better, just say the word.”

You beckoned him close, fake coughing and feigning a weak voice, “A perfectly toasted marshmallow, smothered with chocolate, and placed between two golden graham crackers, please.”

Jooheon snorted, picking up a stick and poking a perfectly white marshmallow through it, “The things I do for love.”

You leaned over and kissed his dimple, grinning, “I’m sure we can find a way to reward you later.” You pushed yourself against him to emphasize your point, it was now or never. Your stomach went in to a nose dive as you waited for his response.

He chuckled to himself, his beautiful angled eyes twinkling, “I think a kiss from my gorgeous girl will suffice.”

Your heart hit the ground face first. Splat.

You blushed, feeling your sunburn heat up in embarrassment. He didn’t understand what you were hinting towards at all. With a tight lipped smile and sadness resting in your wounded heart, you connected your lips with Jooheon’s, trying your hardest to not show how disappointed you were.

His lips moved sweetly, gentle as they caressed your own, his hand coming up to cup your face and draw you closer. You were becoming frustrated with how softly he was treating you, wanting more of what you knew Jooheon could be like; at least what you been told. The sex god his friends always teasingly whispered to you about, how infamous he was in bed. You thought of all the times you’d been teased for not jumping Jooheon’s bones or letting him have his way with you, people calling you a prude, delusional.

You’d had enough of that.

Taking Jooheon by surprise, you parted your lips defiantly, letting your tongue venture out to prod at his closed mouth. His eyes flew open as you cupped his face and brought his lower lip between your teeth. He clasped your shoulders and drew you back, his face a mask of confusion. “_____, what are you doing?”

Good question. You had no idea what you were doing. You felt tears of frustration pool in your eyes as you whispered, “Don’t you want me, Jooheon?,” you angrily brushed the tears away. “I finally have the courage to sleep with you and you completely blow me off!”

His eyes widened in shock, lips parting slightly at your outburst. Jooheon reached for your hand, looking puzzled as he started, “_____-.”

You wrapped your arms around yourself, feeling horrible, the anger was fading into pain now. Your voice quavered, you vision blurring with tears, “I understand why you wouldn’t want to have sex with me. I’m inexperienced and I can’t please you like other girls-”

Jooheon firmly grabbed your face, forcing you to look dead into his dark brown, almost ebony, eyes, “How could you think I’d never want to sleep with you?,” he looked baffled, more so at himself than you. “Baby girl, I’ve been wanting to fuck you since the moment I laid eyes on you!”

You were taken aback, “Then why did you never say so?” You didn’t expect him to admit that so straightforwardly, then again, he was quite blatant with things he wanted.

He pulled you closer, his eyes holding your gaze even when shame swam in his dark orbs, “Because I didn’t want to mess it up like every other shitty relationship I’ve been in.” The way he said it was like someone who had been harboring a heavy secret for a long time. Your heart clenched painfully knowing he’d been holding this in for so long. “I wanted you and I to be more than just physical, you’re the first girl to make me feel so emotionally attached and in love with another person. Never have I felt that with anyone else, so I didn’t want to ruin what we have,” he embraced you, his face burying itself in the crook of your neck. “I care about you more than anyone, you’re the girl who showed me what love is really like.”

You held him close, stroking his hair, “Oh Jooheon,” you cooed softly,“I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize.” Guilt pricked you, thinking back to your initial reaction.

You felt his breathe tickle your neck as he spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. “Don’t be sorry, _____, just say that you still love me even though I’m the world’s greatest idiot.”

You smiled, feeling a great deal of affection wash over you as you rubbed his back tenderly, “Of course I do. I still love you, you big lug.”

His arms snaked tighter around your waist, his lips brushing your neck, “But if you’re still wanting to, I’d be the happiest man alive if you let me make love to you, _____.”

You froze, suddenly feeling hot. Now was the time, your whisper was soft as a feather, “Yes.”

Jooheon’s demeanor changed completely then, the sweetness in his touch felt like hot brands on your skin, everything was replaced by this new boy in front of you who you had no clue about. He lifted his head, holding his gaze was like lifting a heavy weight. There was so much withheld emotion and want in his eyes, you didn’t know what to do except kiss his waiting lips.

He immediately responded to your touch, lifting you so that you sat in his lap, straddling his waist. His lips tasted like passion and every time he bit your bottom lip, you let out a small noise of appreciation. He was patient with you, letting you figure out what you liked and where it was you wanted to be touched, he wasn’t even close to forgetting that this was your first time. His hands roamed around your body like embers, but as soon as he let his hands slip under your shirt and brush across your hips and back, you lost it. His fingertips were rough against your fragile skin, warm as a sun. You groaned when they traveled to your thighs, squeezing them tightly before releasing and then repeating again. Jooheon broke from the kiss to gaze at you in both amusement and amazement, he didn’t realize how satisfying it would be to finally hear your sounds of pleasure. You’re usually strong voice was weak and wanting, and it completely turned him on.

“Jooheon,” you whispered against his lips, loving the sensation when they brushed against his. It felt so intimate, so right.

He let out a groan, his hands coming up to grasp at your breasts through your shirt, which earned him a moan in appreciation. “Are you okay, baby girl?”

You could only nod frantically when his hand traveled to your clothed crotch, rubbing you through the rough material of your jeans. Never had he seen you look so undone before and both of you were still fully clothed. You had the same thought at that moment, and tentatively reached for the hem of his shirt, you fiddled with it, not sure what to do. What if you were going too fast?

He noticed your hesitation and slid his hands comfortingly over your own, helping you to pull his shirt off, “It’s your turn now, baby.” His smile was warm and in that moment, you knew he was going to take care of you through this.

You allowed him to slip both your shirt and sports bra off, feeling the heat from the fire more intensely as the light flickered over your bare skin. You felt a rush of happiness mixed with pride as you saw Jooheon’s eyes roving over you skin hungrily. You got the same cocktail of feelings when you would catch him checking you out. You felt a demand rise within you, “Touch me, Jooheon.”

He snapped back to reality and gave a gorgeously crooked smile, “You don’t have to tell me twice.” He allowed himself to kiss all over your chest, his hands finding your hips and tugging you toward him rhythmically.

You let your hands slide into his brown hair, pulling at the tips as your hips rolled into him. You savored the way your jeans rubbed against your increasingly aroused center, “O-oh.”

Jooheon’s voice rose an octave as your crotch slid against his member, “Shit, baby girl, you sure you’ve never done this before?” He began to pant, as you increased your speed, suddenly feeling frantic as you continued to ride him over his jeans.

Your clit throbbed, confusion and desperation mixing together to form want, “Jooheon, please.”

He slowed your hips, making sure he had your full attention. He didn’t want to hurt you, your word was final. His voice was tender, “Are you sure you want this now? Tell me to stop and I will.”

You felt panic in the back of your throat for a second, but it wasn’t from fear, it was the thought of not having him tonight. You thought yourself, realizing how ridiculous you were being. “No, please,” you calmed yourself quickly, collecting your thoughts, “I want you.”

Jooheon nodded, his eyes darkening as he caressed your cheek, kissing you chastely before he began to unbuckle his belt. You felt your anticipation rise at each clink of metal, your hands going to the button and fly of your jeans as well. The two of you watched each other with bated breath, not wanting to miss what the other was doing.

Soon you both were completely bare to each other, the heat from the fire suddenly feeling too hot against your skin. Jooheon spread the woolen blanket on the ground before he lowered you down, gently pressing his weight against you. You felt a sensory overload as you became aware of each place his skin was touching yours. You’d never had this much skin to skin contact with anyone before and it surprised you how warm Jooheon was against you. He suckled your neck, his hand drifting to your soaking center, his thumb making teasing circles on your clit.

You cried out when he slipped a finger into you and he bit his lip at the sound, feeling himself grow hard. You unconsciously moved your hips with the movement of his hand and you practically bucked into him when he pushed two more fingers into you, “Jooheon!”

He groaned, adoring the way you called his name out, “Baby girl, who’s making you feel this way?” He increased the speed of his fingers, crooking them inside of you, and pressing down hard on your clit.

You were a mess. Feeling your eyes squeeze shut and hands ball into fists, you cried out, “You are!”

His fingers suddenly left you completely, making your eyes fly open at the absence of contact. You looked down to see that he was pumping his member slowly, his eyes roving over your naked, wanting body. You watched with bated breathe as his hand moved over himself, feeling yourself instinctively edge closer each time he let out a groan.

Jooheon licked his lips, looking forward to feeling you around him finally. “Are you ready, baby?”

It took you a few moments to process his question as you were distracted with the way his hand was moving, “…Yes!”

He smirked deliciously, pushing you back down onto your back, planting a hand by your head and comfortingly lacing his fingers through yours. He guided his member to your entrance, rubbing your folds teasingly, making you squirm in anticipation.

The pain isn’t what surprised you when he pushed himself into you, it was the overwhelming feeling of completeness. You grasped at the back of his head, anchoring yourself to his hair and gasping loudly as he fully sheathed himself in you.

Jooheon let out the most satisfied moan you’d ever heard, his eyes squeezing shut as he struggled to control himself from pinning you down and fucking the shit out of you. You saw how much he was battling with himself and you whispered, “It’s okay, Jooheon.”

There was raw love swimming in his eyes as he nodded. His voice shook from his loss of self control, “O-okay.”

He began to roll his hips into you, collapsing into you with a moan as he fell down onto his elbow from the feeling of your walls sliding around him. You moaned as well, relishing the feeling of his hot skin against your own, wrapping your legs around his hips to draw him closer. He buried his head into your neck, biting down on your shoulder occasionally when the pleasure became too much. His pace seemed to increase with each second, the slap of skin against skin filling the buzzing night air.

You felt bold in your passion and gasped out, “Let me hear you, Jooheon.”

He groaned at your request, his thrusts become rougher, “Fuck, you’re so beautiful.” He tangled a hand in your hair, pulling it just enough to make you cry out in rapture.

You could feel your thighs begin to spasm as your end approached, a knot tightening in your stomach, your walls clenching, your clit throbbing as he applied just enough pressure!…

You cried out, your climax slamming into you as Jooheon continued to thrust roughly into you, the flicking of his hips becoming more sporadic. You felt his member twitch inside of you, his pants becoming soft whimpers as he finally released. You legs shook in overstimulation as your muscles continued to clench around him, his voice shook, “_____!”

It took the both of you a few moments to collect yourself as you experienced each other’s highs, your voices mixing together in a cacophony of love as you whispered sweet nothings to each other. Jooheon pulled out gently so as to not hurt you, before collapsing beside you and drawing you into his chest, “I hope you had…a nice time?…A nice first time?”

You laughed, your cheeks flushed with happiness, “I did, all those rumors were true apparently.” You had nothing else to base this off of, but you were pretty sure that it would still take the cake.

He languidly brushed your hair, his eyes crinkling with a smile. “What, that I’m the most giving, selfless, well-endowed lover this world has ever been blessed with?”

You smacked him in the chest, seeing the carefree grin on his face, “Hey, don’t look so satisfied.” But you loved it when he was cocky, confidence was really attractive on Jooheon.

He kissed your cheek sweetly, “Why not? I just made love to the most beautiful girl in the world.”

You blushed happily, pulling him in for a kiss, “Well, you can be happy with yourself for that, I guess.”

The two of you enjoyed the aftermath of your lovemaking, surrounded by the quiet chirps of insects and the gentle coos of other night creatures, the creek babbling somewhere in the distance as you continued to try and pull each other closer and closer.

To answer Jooheon’s question: Yeah, you did have a good first time.

Imagine doing the Tough Mudder with Team Kings of Con

“When are you gonna get here?” you asked the guys on FaceTime, since you’d already arrived in your own car.

“Uh, I think we’re probably about fifteen minutes away,” Jared said, scratching his side.

“Babe, stop scratching your pits and put your hands on the wheel.”

You heard the whole car erupt in laughter as Jared did as he was told.

“I will ensure that his hands stay on the wheel,” Richard told you, authoritatively, “I may be short, but I can still kick his chair when he’s out of line!”

“Thanks, Speight,” you laughed, “Now hurry up and get here. I’m bored.”

“Loving the shirt!” Jensen told you when they arrived, motioning to the ‘KINGS QUEEN OF CON’ tee you were wearing.

“Thanks,” you grinned, accepting Jared’s hug.

“You nervous?” he whispered.

You shook your head, “Just ready to start.”

Keep reading

Join the Heat


Genre/s: Romance

Warning/s: Implied Smut (Once again)

A/N: So this is the promised part 2 of Beat the Heat! Inspiration hit me so… Enjoy!

The air was hot in the room, the airconditioner doing little help to ease the heat of the noontime sun.

“Y/N please.” Baekhyun whined, wriggling underneath me.

“Stop moving!” I grunted, pushing him back down on the bed.

“It hurts jagi.” He whimpered, breathing hard. “Please hurry.”

“This is your fault Baekhyun.” I murmured, running my fingertips over his skin lightly. “If you just listened to what I said.”

He groaned, squirming in place. His breathing got heavier but I would not move from my place.

“Now… Have you learned your lesson?” I smirked down at him, shifting above him slightly.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

DO you have any selfies on here? cant find them anywhere..

Pff, I think I posted some ages ago, but I didn’t tag them properly, so I can’t find them now. -_-

Idk man, I suppose you can have a new one then. Pay special attention to the frizzy just-out-of-the-shower hair, the shitty quality of my webcam, and the red nose. Yes kids, that’s sunburn. Always wear sunscreen, or you’ll end up looking like Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer. 

Why did I even take that picture just now, if any of you ever feel a need to blackmail me, you can use this.