i think it's the most wonderful thing i've heard all day

anonymous asked:

Ahhh the Captain America movies give me life, Fran. Like I could watch them around the clock and never get over how great they are. They aren't even just good superhero movies. 1 is a great war movie (so grateful the creators of Wonder Woman seemed to learn from that). 2 is a spy thriller. And Civil War is just everything the Avengers movies should have been. I could yell about it all day. And BUCKY. Cap and Bucky... I cry. So. Much. Have you ever considered a KiriBaku Stucky AU? I have.

Have you ever considered a KiriBaku Stucky AU”  BOI have I, that’s like the most fitting and most heartwrenching AU I’ve ever thought about anon you got no clue you know what here have some shitty doodles to go with it too

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Kirishima’s backstory makes him a great Steve - he used to be weak but couldn’t stand back and mind his business anyway, picked fights left and right even though he always lost them, wanted to be a hero even though his body didn’t let him - Steve’s a definitely more extreme case, but Kiri fits amazingly in the role. 

As far as their past goes, Bakugou’s a bit of a loose fit for Bucky (even though you could shorten Bakugou into Bucky if you really wanted to… lmao), but moving up in the story their shared history is… weirdly fitting??

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Getting kidnapped to be turned into a villain? Kirishima going against orders to go save him? That’s catfa’s plot in a nutshell, it’s amazing - and later on with Bucky being a hero seen by the whole world as a villain, that’s very Bakugou too. I can see Bakugou fit in the plotline of Bucky struggling with what he’s done as the Winter Soldier a lot too, and Kiri following him around the world and doing anything to save him and always, always, always being on his side? Refusing to fight him at the end of catws? Boi I die, if it didn’t include so much angst this AU would be my favorite thing, I’m not even gonna lie - ah, the Winter Soldier being into fire arms and Steve’s weapon of choice being a shield work amazingly for Bakugou and Kirishima too, don’t they? The bakushima make a perfect team in the same way the stucky do, too!!

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Okay everyone, I’ve been reading the whole “humans are space orks/fae/weird” tags for a while and have been working on my own story to add to it. This is part one and it’s really long so stick with it and hopefully you enjoy the read!

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We have all heard their stories growing up; all heard the myths and legends surrounding them. It’s almost impossible to believe that they were real but there is still proof, scattered among the cosmos, almost as impossible itself. I’ve heard them called many things over the years: wanderers, outcasts, lost souls, fae, immortals, demons, destroyers, even death itself. Every name I have heard, if the stories are to be believed, is true and well earned. I haven’t seen one myself, nor has my father, nor his father; rumor is, they haven’t been seen in nearly 3,000 years… Imagine my surprise finding one now…

I realize you may not know anything about the creatures of which I speak; I guess I should say that most people have heard the stories… Well allow me to tell you about them; these, as they call themselves, Terrans.

The story goes that long ago, back in the early years following the foundation of the United Species Federation (USF) (about 8,600 years ago-standard) they sent envoys and scouts out across the stars to find life and if it showed promise, to bring it into the fold of the USF. No one quite remembers how the first contact went, however, it is believed that it went fairly well, what with the Terrans conducting their own search throughout the stars on what they called their, “Third Golden Age of Space.” Apparently they had already gone to space twice before but some form of internal conflict put the exploration to a halt. Records indicate that they melded swiftly and smoothly with the Federation but were always considered to be the more wild and fearless of the 189 species. It wasn’t until the 9th year as a part of the USF that their home world was formally classed as a category 7 deathworld, 3 tiers higher than our previous maximum (supposedly they had to completely re-do the scale to make it work.) The few holo-picts of the world (if you’re lucky enough to find one) showed a world full of beauty and wonder but as we all know, beauty can be deadly in the cosmos.

After joining the Federation, they primarily set their focus on science and exploration; the things they found were astounding and those they made were breathtaking. I remember once going to the USF capitol on Jurhan-3 and seeing a “small-scale” version of one of their Epsilon-Frigate class starships’ power cell; they called it the “Apollo Reactor” and it, still to this day, harnesses the power of a collapsing star held in perpetual stasis. I am unaware of the science behind it but the Apollo Reactor was nearly 8km long, just as wide, and 6km high and the energy the star gives off can, theoretically, power half of the planet indefinitely-to think they put a larger version of this in their starships! They created works of wonder in ways that are now lost to us, for with them went the skill, knowledge, creativity, and much needed insanity to create these wonders. They came up with ideas and solutions for things we never would have even considered and, true to their nature, set out for a solution with an alarming dedication (although the wonders that came from their accidental discoveries are just as marvelous.) Not only were they the creators of the impossible, they were the seekers of the undiscoverable. They would set out on the planets, moons, asteroids, and among the stars in search of all those things our legends said could not be found; and they would find them! They would purposely seek out our own myths and legends and while many were proved wrong, they in turn were becoming legends themselves…

Then one day there was a request for a team to explore one of the many dead-zones the USF had listed and, since they were aptly suited for hazardous work, they volunteered. As it was, they went out with their usual compliment, a Gamma-class frigate at about 13km in length was the command ship for the operation. The Icarus, is well known for what the exploration lead to; and for that, we can’t hold it against them. The Icarus set out with its two Delta-class cruisers, each about 9km long, in tow towards the dead-zone. This is one of the few aspects of their past that we still know actually happened and its easier to view the formal log…

USF Doc. 1193.34-D164Y228

Icarus Expedition Captain’s Log:

–196– We have successfully completed our jump into system X33-KL09 and are preparing for our initial scan of the system.

–197– Initial scan shows little promise of habitable locations as expected; will conduct systematic, thorough, cross-examination of each planet for possible mineral harvesting.

–198– Outer rim planets, X33-9, X33-8, and X33-7, all devoid of any significant deposits of any usable minerals; moving inward towards the system core.

–199– X33-6 and X33-5 both show heavy iron, copper, sulfur, and other usable mineral deposits. Locations marked and transmitted to the Federation Fleet Command (FFC.) Moving on to innermost planets.

–200– X33-4 shows sign of former habitation; holo-picts will follow. No sign of current life, no atmosphere to speak of, no signs of water, no signs of vegetation. Will collect samples and transmit them to the FFC. Ground Exploration Team 3 (GET3) sent to surface, base established. GET3 will remain on surface until we leave the system.

–201– X33-3 appears strange on our scanners. It’s almost as if there is something…wrong…with it. Unsure of how else to describe it. Standby for holo-pict.

–202– Contact! All ships requested to pull back to X33-4 and form defensive perimeter; lethal force NOT authorized. Standby for further orders.

–203– Sentient life has been met; sudden fleet emersion from the warp. Non-USF signals. Attempting to hail unknown contacts.

–204– All attempts at contact have failed. Will attempt other means of ***BREAK—ALL HANDS TO STATIONS—SHOTS FIRED AT CRUISER: RISING SUN—PREPARE TO ENGAGE CONTACTS***

–205– All ships, unknown contacts are hostile. Open fire on all Non-USF craft. Engage at will.

–206– Attached is the video footage remaining of the engagement.

–207– All ships, damage report. *Silence as ships report in* Confirm: Cruiser: Fallen Star destroyed? *Silence while awaiting confirmation* Understood. Enemy fleet as either been destroyed or fled the system. Remaining craft ordered to collect survivors and GET3, then prepare to warp to nearest USF outpost.

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–236– Final tally of expedition fleet to system X33-KL09: One (1) Delta-class cruiser, Fallen Star, destroyed. 728 of its crew confirmed KIA, 109 of its crew un-accounted for (presumed KIA), 246 of its crew recovered and accounted for with varying injuries. One (1) Delta-class cruiser, Rising Sun, minor hull damage. 17 of its crew confirmed KIA, 0 of its crew missing, 942 of its crew accounted for. One (1) Gamma-class frigate, Icarus, severe hull damage, thrusters at 48%, and near catastrophic Apollo Reactor failure. 593 of its crew confirmed KIA, 197 of its crew un-accounted for (presumed KIA), and 806 of its crew recovered and accounted for with varying injuries. Requesting immediate support to attached coordinates. Sending Delta-class cruiser, Rising Sun, ahead of remaining vessels to prepare for our non-warp arrival.

–237– Contact re-established with unknown forces. All crew to stations. Enemy ship determined to be on collision course; prepare to repel boarders. *Screams following the sound of impact—Sounds of metal wrenching itself apart—Silence* Shields down. Thrusters now inoperable. Boarding parties attempting to take ship. Will not allow this to happen.

–238—Cruiser, Rising Sun, has exited the system. Life-support systems failing. Authorizing the Manhattan Protocol*. God be with us.

–239—Attached video contains the final moments of the Icarus before the Manhattan Protocol was engaged. All hostile contacts were terminated.

*Manhattan Protocol: If the ship is boarded by hostile forces with no hope/chance of rescue or survival and no friendly forces remain in the system, the detonation of the Apollo Reactor is authorized. Said detonation will result in the immediate atomization of the host craft and nuclear explosion centered on the craft powered by the energy of the dying star. Possible outcomes could leave the system uninhabitable or create a minor black hole (if an Alpha-Class Capitol/Command Frigate is detonated.) This protocol only to be used as an absolute last resort.

———-End Formal Log———–

As you saw, this no doubt lead the USF to mobilize a task force to secure the dead-zone and establish the identity of the unknown, openly hostile species and determine where they came from. Up until then, we had yet to see these Terrans in open conflict; there had clearly been minor skirmishes but nothing of real note. We were quite unprepared for their way of making war for these simple, bi-pedaled creatures seemed to pose little threat and were believed to have been primarily peaceful; quite at odds with their tier 7 deathworlder status. Apparently this had been the first ship lost in war in over 450years for them, a fact that they were extremely proud of, and so naturally they took it personally and set to it with there trademark dedication. Their sciences switched from focusing on exploration to tracking, from genetic mapping to mapping the weak-points of starships, from creating stronger mining tools to creating near indestructible hull armor; and it was beautiful. That’s when they were rumored to have been called the Fae, after myths from their own past. Beautiful beings capable of untold devastation. And so, the USF went to war against an enemy they knew little to nothing about, with these Terrans on point.

When contact was made again, after nearly 4 years of searching the dead-zone and the surrounding systems, hostilities were immediately established and our foe finally identified. They were called the Xulrata; fierce bi-pedaled creatures that would stand nearly 13ft tall and weigh upwards of 1200lbs. They were covered in a thick, leathery hide that seemed impervious to most of the federations weaponry but somehow the Terrans were able to find ways to pierce it. They had two massive canines that jutted from their lower jaw, deeply set eyes the size of my fist, and hands with the strength to crush a grown Sarlot as if it were nothing. We learned real fast that the only sure way to kill one, was to remove the head; even then, sometimes the body would continue on until its heart failed it, they were nightmare creatures and we lost a good many men and women to them in the following millennia. The Terrans had their own name for them, as they so often did; they called them Orks, after yet more creatures from their myths and legends-although, these myths appeared to be very, very real.

————End Part One————

I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it. Please share it around and I’ll get to work on part two!

I think people tend to forget that fan authors get a lot of their motivation from the response that their fics receive. It’s quite important because one of the worst things as a writer is planning and working hard on an idea that you really love, posting it and receiving little to even no response. It’s like a crushing blow to how you feel as a writer and if you’re really as good as you’d like to think you are. It’s like screaming into the void where no one is listening or people hear you but they don’t bother to say something back. And you keep seeing the views go up and up but nothing else aside from those budges. It’s…really hard especially when you’ve put so much hard work into something that you’re proud of. 

Sometimes you begin losing that pride and looking at your fic as you begin to wonder if it was a bad idea. It’s horrible when the self doubt creeps in and wrangles at your throat and makes you ponder if writing is really for you. 

All I’d like to say is something that has been said multiple times but doesn’t get less important. Leave a kudos on a fic that you’ve enjoyed because trust me, it really perks up an author’s day. I actually smile when I see kudos on my work because it makes me feel like someone has heard me and has gone ‘yeah, i enjoyed this!’. Comments are fantastic and are the one thing that an author would love to see. Comments that are positive or provide constructive criticism are awesome and if you’ve read a fic that you’ve loved and you feel confident enough then leave a comment if you can. Obviously, it’s not by force but if you scream at an author about how much you’ve enjoyed reading their piece, they’re gonna scream back at you with an abundance of happiness and thanks.

 Another very important thing that I’d like to say is that you shouldn’t look at how many kudos a piece of work has. Don’t look at how many comments it holds or bookmarks or anything like that. I’ve realized that people (even myself) usually tend to look at the stats of a fic before clicking on it. I think it comes with the notion of the more kudos it has, the better the fic will be when that’s not the case in the slightest. I’ve read many fics which have a low kudos rate and they’re absolutely fantastic and it’s painful to see them not get more recognition because most people are looking for the ‘popular’ ones. That sort of mentality within fandom hurts those authors which haven’t gotten recognized. 

Of course, not all fics are going to be everyone’s tastes and I’m not saying that you should read every single fic that is on the fandom archive you’re on. At the end of the day, it’s all about preference and what equates to you as a good fic to read. But don’t hesitate to pick one of your favorite tropes/genres and just go through the tags to see what’s there. If you see a fic that intrigues you, click on it whether it’s brimming with kudos or not. Give everyone a chance within fandom to feel like their work is meaning something and is not simply being ignored by everyone else. 

I’m not a saint, I’ve been guilty of silent reading and not leaving kudos or a comment but I’ve been trying harder because I know how much it makes an author happens because damn it, it makes me so happy and makes me want to continue what I write. 

All in all, writers within fandom are wonderful and they work just as hard as authors who publish books and maybe even more. They offer their time and effort in the form of writing beautiful stories that we save to read over and over again and have even made us happier than reading an actual book. 

It’s just important to remember them and that they’re here and trying their hardest and doing something fantastic. 

It’s a simple push of a button to leave a heart, make an author’s day. 

And fuck those who say that writing fan fic isn’t real writing, get off my lawn.

It’s Just A Kiss [Gwilym Lee x Reader] Part One.

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Authors Note: Hello lovelies! I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and are having a brilliant festive time! This was a request from the lovely @cosmicsskies - I hope you like it :) xxx there will be 2 parts to this as I got carried away!! ❤

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You took in a shaky breath as you tapped the arm of the leather sofa that you were currently sitting on. Landing a small role in one of the biggest movies ever was extremely daunting for the most part but today you were particularly nervous. When you found out that you’d got the part you were ecstatic and you were even more thrilled when the rest of the cast had been announced. Particularly thrilled because the one and only Mr Gwilym Lee would be starring as your ‘on screen love’. You had only been acting for a few years and this was your big break, so to be cast alongside such a talent was a huge deal for you. Today was your first time on set, with the rest of the cast and crew who had all had the chance to meet and bond months ago and you honestly felt like it was your first day at a new school. You hadn’t met anybody yet and you are usually quite good with first introductions but meeting Gwilym had you all in a tizz. Letting out another breathy sigh, your eyes shot up at the door opened and one of the AD’s came in to get you.

“They’re ready for you on set,”

You nodded, gulping slightly before getting up and taking one good look at your self in the mirror in full makeup and costume.

“You can do this, you can do this, you can do this,” you frantically thought to yourself as you put a few pieces of your hair back into place.

Deciding that this was as good as it was going to get, you walked out of your dressing room and followed the AD to set. Bright lights blinded you as you made it to the makeshift recording studio, there were a few crew members chatting away and getting things ready to shoot but no sign of the cast. You breathed out, trying to calm your nerves as the AD stopped you just as you made it on to the set.

“Right, so this is a really simple scene, this is the making of We Will Rock You and it’s going to be an exclusive clip before the movie comes out in cinemas, so it is important that we get this right,”

You nodded, trying to take it all in; you only had one line.

“So, Gwilym is going call you up to the drum risers and that’s when you’ll be the first to get up and join in - are you confident of your line?”

You mentally rolled your eyes.

“Yeah, I think I’ve got it down,” you replied sarcastically.

“Great, then all you have to do is share a kiss with Gwilym, stomp your feet, clap your hands and that’s it,” she said, turning to walk away.

“Wait, I’m sorry, what?” You called back, stopping her in her tracks.

She turned back and looked at you strangely.

“All you have to do, is say your line and step up onto the stage and that’s it,”

“Yeah I got that bit, I mean, the kiss?”

She furrowed her brows and looked down at the script.

“What about it? Is there a problem?”

“Well it’s just, that was never in the script I received,” you said, now getting panicky.

She scanned her eyes over the page and then shook her head.

“Must’ve been a misprint then - it’s just a kiss,” she shrugged before walking away to a few members of the crew, no doubt telling them how much of a diva you were being. You bit the inside of your lip nervously as a few more crew appeared onto the set. For goodness sake, you were an actress, you’d kissed loads of people during rehearsals, what made this any different? Oh maybe because you’d been a fan of Gwilym Lee for years, not to mention you thought he was the sexiest man on earth? You sighed and shook off your anxious thoughts, putting them to the back of your mind as you heard voices entering the room. You spun around and your heart skipped a beat. There he was, all dressed up in his Brian May get up, greeting everyone on set as Joe, Ben and their one screen partners joined them. He then caught your eye and gave you a soft smile before walking up to you.

“You must be (Y/N),” he smiled.

“And you must be Gwilym,” you replied back, desperately trying to act cool.

He delicately placed his hand on your waist and softly kissed your cheek.

“Its nice to finally meet you,” he said.

“You too,” you smiled, certain you were blushing furiously through your makeup.

“Come meet everyone,” he said, putting his arm around your waist and leading you over to where the guys were standing having a chat.

After meeting everybody, it was finally time to film the scene. You were in position, sat on the sofa alongside Ben, Joe and the other two girls. Carefully, your eyes wandered over to where Gwilym was sat, totally in character, his elbows resting on his knees, his face furious. He was gorgeous, there was no denying that but something else was drawing you to him and it had nothing to do with the fact that any moment you were going to kiss him.

“Take 1 and…action!” The direction called.

You played with your hair, twirling it around your fingers as you were directed to in the script, while the others pretended to chat away.

“Screw him!” You heard Gwilym growl causing you to look across at him.

He stood up and faced you all.

“Everyone up on the drum risers!”

This was it.

“Ooh, come on,” you acted enthusiastically, standing up and waltzing across to him.

“Thank you Chrissie, showing a bit of enthusiasm,”

He pressed his lips quickly to yours, taking you a little by surprise. As you past him, you could’ve sworn you saw him blush

“Can I just -,” Joe groaned in his spectacular British accent.

“No you can’t, come on,”

The rest of them followed suit, stepping up on the stage and facing Gwilym.

“So I’ve had an idea to get the audience more involved, stamp to this beat,” he told you, stomping his foot on the floor.

“Genius,” Joe smirked.

“Thank you John,”

Silence ensued as Ben grinned in amusingly.

“Come on!”

You all copied him, stomping your feet in unison.

“Now I want you to clap on the third beat,”

You all did as he said and began to stomp and clap your hands.

“That’s great, now keep that pace,” he said rushing over to the piano as Rami walked in, dressed as Freddie Mercury. It was so convincing that you had to do a double take, “Ah, there you are, makes a change to see you without your clone,”

“Makes a change to see you being so bitchy, darling,”

“Ah well done Rog, you kept in time,”

“What’s going on?”

“You’d know if you were on time,”

“I’m a musician darling not a Swiss train conductor, now will please tell me why you aren’t playing any instruments,”

The scene finished and luckily it went without a hitch. You let out a huge sigh of relief as you walked off set and returned to your dressing room, falling down onto to the sofa. You didnt know why, but you suddenly felt incredibly stupid. You’d made such a fuss about the kiss in your head and for what, a peck that lasted all of half a second. He must’ve thought you were a right idiot. You let out a sigh and pinched the top of your nose in frustration. You were finished for the day and weren’t due back on set for a few weeks, so that would give you time to get over the embarrassment. You took off your makeup and got back into your normal clothes before your grabbing your bag and leaving the room. As you briskly walked out of the building into the carpark, you were stopped by a familiar voice.

“Hey, (Y/N),”

You spun around and saw Gwilym, standing by his car and you amiled lightly. He was back to his normal self, his caramel hair swept back, his blue eyes beaming over into yours.

“Hi,” you blushed, tugging at your bag strap nervously.

He flashed you a charming smile.

“You were great today by the way,” he said.

“Uh - thanks,” you chuckled, “I was so nervous,”

“Why?”

You looked at him, gulping a little.

“Uh -,” you couldn’t find the words.

He chuckled softly.

“How about a drink? My treat,” he offered.

You couldn’t resist, you let a and form on your face and accepted, walking with him to his car. A few hours later, you and Gwilym were sat in the corner ofna cosy little pub by the fireplace. You’d sat there for ages, just talking about your lives, how you got into acting - and you were really enjoying his company.

“Did you want another drink?” Gwilym asked, gesturing to your almost empty wine glass, “Unless you want me to drop you home?”

“Well I don’t want to go home yet,” you smiled sweetly.

You were enjoying yourself far too much.

“I live down the road, if you want to -,”

You widened your eyes playfully.

“Oh god, sorry I didn’t mean -,”

“Let’s go,” you said, standing up and grabbing your coat.

He looked a little taken back but smiled big at you before following you out of the pub. Before long, you were back at his place, sat beside each other on the sofa, sharing another bottle of wine. You couldn’t get over how lovely he was being to you and just how much you were getting on.

“So I never asked you but - why were you so nervous today?”

You sipped your wine, wondering if you were tipsy enough to tell him the truth.

“Um -,” you placed your glass down on the table in front of you, “Can I be honest with you?”

Gwilym nodded as he rested his cheek on his fist, looking in your eyes.

“I was nervous because I was meeting you,” you said quickly, picking up your glass again and gulping down the rest of your wine.

“What?” He said with a small smirk.

You glared at him with a small smile.

“You heard what I said,”

He nodded and let out a nervous sigh.

“Can I ask you something completely outrageous?” He said, etching closer to you.

“Sure,” you squeaked as the heat began rise in your cheeks.

“Our kiss earlier-,”

“I know, it was awful -,”

“I wanna do it again,” he said, cutting you off, “Only, this time I won’t be acting,” he whispered.

A lump formed in your throat as his face hovered in front of yours. He smelt so intoxicating, your heart was racing as he cupped your cheek, his lips trembling. Leaning in a bit more, his soft lips pressed onto yours in a split second, only this time, he lingered, causing to you to catch your breath as you melted into his arms.

To be continued… @okqueenie @madisonmd98 @hystericalqueeen @wassupitschloe @allfandoms-imagines @stateofloveandvedder @triviarhye @starlight-and-moonshine @alexfayer @ssimsass @bluesfortheredj @laurine-ben @madamnouiselle @deacys @its-kriss-bitch @mylaun @emmieliabedelia @lizgarxo @cosmicsskies @half-theworld-away @patrick-the-stump @punkrockrevivalist @starryjaym @poisonquinzell @heartsarecompatible @kirstyloub172 @imaginesbyabi @purestelegance @blisshemmings @smittyjaws @mrsmazzello @elderconnorjamesmckinley @painthatiusedto @its-shaula-wii @simplyvictoria-93 @themazzello @spacesweetiesxo @bubblypenguin123 @coffee-and-stories

I've Known You All My Life

Sam Holland x Reader

Words: 1,073

This is my first Sam Holland fic! You can request stuff, just message me or comment! Thanks 💕 Hope you all like it!

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It was just another day for you and Sam. You were at his house for what seemed to be the fifth time this week but to be fair, it was a few weeks into the summer, what else could you do but hang out with your best friend?

The two of you were sat in his den, a blanket thrown over both of your legs. A grainy black and white film played on your laptop.

“I can’t believe I successfully talked you into this.” you said, looking from the movie to Sam’s freckled profile

“Shhhh.” was all he replied with

You rolled your eyes and snickered. Usually you couldn’t get Sam to do anything you wanted to do without him whining incessantly (but he’d give in anyway).
Recently though, he’d been more compliant and sweet. It made you wonder what on earth got into him.

As he let out a big laugh caused by Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn’s crazy antics on Bringing Up Baby, you grew more concerned for yourself.

Lately, you’ve noticed Sam more than usual. At first it was just the little things, like:

Oh, that’s quite a nice shirt Sam’s got on.
Or
He got a haircut, it suits him.

But then, as the weeks progressed and you and Sam spent more time together, it became:

His hair is always so nice, I want to run my hands through it.
And
Were his eyes always so green?

It was bad enough that you were beginning to look at him in that way but Sam, being the cheeky lad he is and also you being his number one best friend who isn’t one of his brothers, was quite comfortable with you.

Which meant a wide array of things but mainly it was a lot of tales from his nights out with Tom and Harry and, what you loved the most, physical affection. From a quick peck on your cheek as a greeting to tight hugs to a casual arm draped around your shoulders when hanging out. Like right now.

His arm was resting around your shoulders, his long fingers tapping on your arm as if he were playing a melody on the piano. It was most distracting. Sam in general was most distracting nowadays.

“Could you perhaps not look at me while we’re watching a film you picked out?”

His deep voice shook you from your thoughts. Apparently while thinking of your Sam dilemma, you unconsciously started to stare at him. How fucking embarrassing.

You cleared your throat and tried to focus on Cary Grant chasing down a baby leopard through the forest. Once he was sure you were zoned in on the movie again, it was Sam’s turn to admire you.

He has always admired you.

You basically grew up with the Holland boys, they loved you and you loved them but the bond that formed between you and Sam? It was different. And everyone could see it, except you two.

Sam watched you let out a hyena-esque laugh, the gag on the film completely catching you off guard, he smirked and shook his head but it was only to mask that stupid smile stretching across his face.

“Sam? We’re home!” you heard Nikki’s voice echo through the hallway

Sam reached to pause your film, he stretched his arms over his head and made the most adorable fucking sound. You almost wanted to punch him, how dare he make you feel things like this when he would never know about them?

“Y/N, come on.” he elbowed you lightly

“Right, sorry.” you muttered, roughly tugging your hair out of its ponytail

You made your way to the Holland’s kitchen where the rest of the family (sans Tom) were putting away groceries. You missed the sly look that passed between all of them as they saw you enter with Sam.

You went over to give Nikki and Dom a side hug.

“Hey, Y/N.” they greeted in unison. Which was cute and kinda creepy

“Hi, guys. What can I help with?” you asked as Sam went over to help Paddy place the cereal boxes in the cupboards he couldn’t reach

“No, no,” Dom clucked “Don’t bother yourself, love. Just stand there and look pretty.”

“You had to give me the hard task, huh, Tito Dom?” you joked

Everyone laughed except Sam, who just shook his head while folding a paper bag. While the rest of the Hollands found your self-deprecating humour endearing, Sam didn’t appreciate it. Not a bit.

After the tidying was done along with your fruitless attempts to help out, Nikki shooed you kids out of the kitchen. You walked in a line with the rest of the Holland boys to the den.

You immediately made a beeline for your movie. Once you situated yourself comfortably, you waited on Sam, who was standing in the doorway, deep in conversation with Harry.

There was a lot of whispers and hissing and muffled shut up’s, it made you wonder what on earth were those twins arguing about.

“Oi, Sam! I’m not getting any younger here!” you yelled to him rather impatiently

“Yeah, Sam.” Harry stressed his name so excessively, it sounded like a threat

The twins stared each other down for a minute before Sam turned his back on his brother and plopped down next to you as if nothing happened. Harry stalked off, you could hear his angry footsteps moving farther and farther away.

He was about to play your movie when you caught his arm, Sam looked at you, confused.

“What was that about?” you asked, letting go of him

He dropped his gaze to the carpeted floor, he looked shy. Sam was never shy, not around you at least. You bumped your knees against his, making him look up at you again.

You could’ve sworn you saw something in his eyes, it mirrored the way you looked at him when you were sure he wasn’t looking. And that gave you hope, that maybe finally, finally you wouldn’t have to hide your feelings.

But with what came out of his mouth next, proved otherwise.

Sam ran a hand through his hair and looked you straight in the eyes. It made you feel a little dizzy how intently he was looking at you. Was this it?

“Harry has feelings for you, Y/N.” he said it almost like he wished he hadn’t

Harry!?

——————————–

Part 2

Jealous of—?

A/N: I’m sorry that Ben seems like an asshole in this one. This is just an idea I got from a daydream. I mean no harm to Ben, and I love him with all my heart, I’m absolutely sure he’s a total sweetheart and joker, and that he’s not the jealous typa guy. I just wanted to toy around this idea. Hope you can understand and enjoy. Happy reading!

Warnings: angst.

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Ben isn’t usually the jealous type, he’s quite a reserved, grounded and logical person. He thinks hard before speaking or acting, and so he’s very calm. But this one night he was acting completely out of character for the most stupid reason on the whole planet.

It’s a dinner at a restaurant, the main cast of Bohemian Rhapsody, some of their girlfriends and Roger Taylor and Brian May being the only attendants. Quite a private dinner after working hours, strictly no one else. I was surprised that I was invited, but also nervous and excited. 

I had grown up with Queen, really grown up with them. My parents played them all the time when I was little, as well as The Beatles, ABBA, Boney M, etc. All the ‘oldies’. Out of all their great artist collection, Queen had always been my favourites. 

Ben and me got together in drama school, and we’ve been a couple for a good four years now. When he became an actual actor, I started to worry I won’t see him as much, but, thankfully, all his acting jobs were in Britain, except for some of the recent ones. So we didn’t lose contact or time or anything else in our relationship. When he said he’ll be playing Roger Taylor in a Queen biopic, I was ecstatic. Roger and Brian, fortunately, were my favourites from the band, and when I heard that they will be assisting the actors, I told Ben that he was so lucky. And he is. 

I’ve always wondered what I would say to either of them if I’d meet them, but no real questions or sentences have ever come to my mind. But now that I’m sitting next to the actual Roger Taylor, I realise I’m freaking out way less than I would’ve thought or would’ve freaked out about seven years ago, still being a teenager. I’m quieter than with others—thanks to my nerves—but my mind seems to work.

Roger is such a good person, and I always believed in that while not knowing him personally. But from this night I can confirm that he’s very much a passionate, talanted and polite man. I’ve spent almost all night talking to him. Ben knew to sit me down between him and Roger, partly to take the piss. 

Even though there’s a whole day full of work behind all of us, Roger answers all my questions and even asks me some himself. Talking to him feels like I’ve known him my whole life, which is almost the case, and I feel comfortable with him. This is probably the first time I’ve talked with any of my idols. He and Brian and, really, Queen, have been the guiding people in my life, I looked up to them even when I was a kid and a teen. They’re always the perfect example of what I want to be in life and how I want to succeed. 

I’ve exchanged some words with Brian, as well, but he’s busy talking with Gwilym Lee about playing guitar and its surrounding things. He’s such a calm soul, Brian, I hope I’ll get a chance to talk with him, as well. Right as I want to respond to what Roger told me about recording 'One Vision’, I feel a hand tugging on my arm and ungladly turn around. 

“Ah, Ben,” Roger says, “I was just telling Y/N about recording one of our songs. Want to hear about it?” He suggests and I look hopefully at Ben. 

“Actually I wanted to talk to Y/N, if that’s okay.” He admits and I frown a little. I don’t want to leave this lovely conversation, but I nod and push my chair back, standing up. 

“Yeah, of course.” Roger says and smiles. He’s such a nice old man. I offer him an apologetic smile, but he’s already turned to Brian. God, I probably look like a fool. Ben takes my hand and heads for the restaurant’s bathroom. What could he want?

Ben closes the door behind us once we enter and I look at him. “What did you want to talk about?” I ask, but my breath gets caught in my throat when Ben steps really close to me. I furrow my eyebrows and cross my arms over my chest, breathing sharply.

“I know your game, Y/N, and I’m not playing it.” He says in a low voice, and his words make me even more confused. 

“What game?” I ask. He tuts and shakes his head, his hand coming up on my waist. What the fuck is going on?

“Do you know who you belong to?” Ben asks. I crook my head back to look at his face, trying to read any hint of amusement off it, but there isn’t any. This ir truly a strange situation. His hand goes up and down my side, but there’s no reaction coming from me, which isn’t what he was expecting.

“Ben, I—”

“Don’t pretend like you don’t know what you were doing.” He says and looks back up at me. I raise an eyebrow. His face drops, realising the truth—I really don’t know what he’s talking about. “You’ve been talking with Roger all night, never with me. I’m sure that if we all left you alone, you’d do unspeakable things together.”

I can’t help the screech-like yelp that comes out of me as I push away from Ben. My eyes widen and my face is completely warped by shock and disbelief. “What?!” I ask him, not really expecting an answer, since I heard him perfectly. Though I think I might be imagining it for whatever reason. “Ben, I—oh, my god…” I rest my cheeks between my hands and look down. He’s jealous of me and Roger talking? TALKING?!

“So it’s true, then?” He asks and I look back at him.

“Ben—what are you even—why would you ever think that?!” All logical words and sentences have left my mind, taking the absurd situation. “Roger Taylor is… old enough to be my father, even grandfather, how could you…” My words get lost in my throat when Ben steps closer to me again.

“Need I remind you who you really belong to?” He husks and presses his lips together, both his hands on my thighs, inching higher and bunching my skirt up. I look at his hands in disgust and step back again. He’s simply outrageous and unbelievable tonight. 

“What the fuck’s gotten into you?” I spit, and Ben’s face changes. “Why do you—what the—oh, my god, you know what? No.” I say and walk past him. “I don’t want this, I don’t want you.” I say to Ben finally, and I am so irritated and stressed that tears start to spill. He’s so stubborn and—what the fuck?!—talking to him is like talking to a wall.

“Where do you think you’re going? I’m nowhere near finished with you, love.” He says and I make a face of pure disgust at him, my hand on the door handle. I think between responding and being silent for a second, but then I say nothing and walk through the door of the bathroom, away from him and that horrible situation. 

I stalk through the restaurant quickly and reach our table again. Everyone sitting at it looks at me and my teary face, but I don’t say anything and take my bag, leaving the table afterwards. I can’t even bare to look at Roger. It’s too confusing. I’m sure they have questions about the way my eyes look and my behavior, and I probably made a little scene, but I try not to think about it while I quickly put on my coat. I have to do it quickly so Ben can’t follow me, but when I open the exit door, I see him coming out of the bathroom. 

I walk through the door, letting it close with a bang, and walk onto the street, searching for a taxi with my glassy eyes. I can barely see, but then I spot one standing just a few feet further left from me. I practically run to it and get in immediately. I tell him my safe place’s address and he starts to drive. When we drive off, I spot Joe, Lucy and Rami at the exit of the restaurant, clearly looking for me. They’ll be able to figure out that I’m in the driving-away taxi, I’m sure.

I can’t help crying in the taxi, feeling like a fool. Ben spoiled my night, and now it’s become emotionally unbearable, when it was the best night of my life just a mere ten minutes ago.

Permanent taglist:

@v0idbella @inlovewithmiddleagedcelebs @works-of-fanfiction @destiel-stucky4ever-loki-queen

anonymous asked:

Do you have any headcanons about sns wedding? I'd really love to hear them! Or a lil oneshot;) I missed reading your writing:')

Anon you are so nice!!!! And a wedding oneshot is on its way but it’s nowhere near done yet so bear with me jdfkhfsh - I have a million wedding hc & I’ve really been in the wedding/proposal kind of mood recently, so here goes:

  • I really love the idea of Sakura officiating their wedding. Mainly because instead of “you may now kiss” or w/e she just goes “on behalf of everybody in Konoha, will you two just fuCKING KISS ALREADY”. She roasts them the whole time & it’s great.
    • “So there I was. Sasuke’s screaming Naruto’s name. Naruto’s screaming Sasuke’s name. It’s been TWENTY MINUTES”
      • Kakashi, Sai, & Yamato are in the background nodding vigorously
  • Okay but more seriously though Naruto’s been a crybaby the entire damn show and that isn’t about to change now. He cries as soon as he sees the top of Sasuke’s head. He’s half-crying in the changing room. He cries the whole ceremony. He’s crying in all the pictures.
    • The vows during the ceremony are lead by the officiant, but they have their own (real) vows in private. Naruto’s are earnest and determined and Sasuke presses his face into Naruto’s neck and stupidly hopes he doesn’t feel the tears hit his skin. Sasuke’s are whispered and shaky but he means them (truly, honestly, if he keeps only one promise in his life then let it be this one) and Naruto doesn’t even make it halfway through before he’s a bawling mess in Sasuke’s arms
  • Most of the time I think they would have a smaller ceremony, if they had one at all. Especially in canon, because it’s a very intimate, vulnerable moment for both of them (Also I think they would do something smaller and non-traditional because they don’t know what the traditions are :( …. ) BUT if they did invite more people Naruto would….have no idea where to stop. It’s the first time Sasuke really realizes that Naruto’s like best friends with every goddamn person he meets. Sasuke’s never heard of half these people.
    • (He has a story about all of them and he tells Sasuke every one. Sasuke watches him and wonders how one person can fit so much love in their heart.)
  • On a completely unrelated note I also have a hc that they pretty much get married immediately. They’ve spent way too much time apart to wait any longer and it’s them. So they sign the certificate and live together and go on with their lives.
    • Of course, this manifests as Sakura glaring at them suspiciously and going “are you sure you’re not dating?”
      • Naruto, in Sasuke’s lap: “yeah we’re not dating”
        • Sasuke smirks mysteriously and Sakura tries to fight him
          • This goes on for like two years

I could honestly go all day

I’m so tired of seeing stuff about how Daenerys loved Drogo and he loved her because NO! While I’ve only watched the show as of this moment, I have quite a few things to say!

First of all, when you love someone, you don’t rape them every night and ignore them the rest of the time. Do you really think he loved her? You also see the people you love as human beings, not baby making sex machines. Not to mention, he’s in his 30s and she is a teen!

Now, I have some personal experience in the abusive relationship department, though mine is not romantic (if that’s what you can even call it?) but abuse still works the same way in all abusive relationships.

You have to keep in mind of course that Daenerys has a warped sense/view of love as it is. She has an abusive brother that claims to love her and she believes it because it’s all she’s ever known, really. So, she’s obviously being hurt and is upset about it when she’s sold to Drogo and she is until she manages to get him under her control. She, a teen girl, has to seduce a grown man to keep him from hurting her every night after ignoring her all day, until he’s ready to rape her again.

Now, I can tell you what’s going through an abused person’s mind when they think of their absuer (even an emotional abuser). It’s really easy to downplay it. You think “oh, well it’s not that bad. I mean, he keeps me fed, protects me from harm, even if he does hurt me every night he’s still taking care of me”. It’s very easy to do that and just pretend everything is okay. It’s easy for Daenerys to look over abuse because Viserys was already abusive towards her and she was used to it, unfortunately.

Drogo was fully aware of what he was doing. He knew he was buying and marrying a really young girl. He knew he was raping her. He wasn’t stupid.

It’s really gross that people think their relationship was even that, a relationship. It’s even worse that people loved it and still do. Drogo is a rapist and a child rapist at that! Daenerys didn’t want him then and she definitely wouldn’t want him now. He did play a role in her story and helped her get enough power to build her army. But, that was the only positive role he played in her life.

No one would love his character so much if he hadn’t been played by a hot actor. Had he been played by and old creep everyone would call it like it is. But, nope! Let’s ignore the fact that attractive men can rape teenagers! Let’s just pretend everything he did was perfectly fine because Jason Momoa is hot af.

I love Jason Momoa but Khal Drogo was a terrible person. I’m especially grossed out that Emilia Clarke claims Daenerys loved him and makes me wonder what she’s thinking (if she’s thinking hard on it at all) because she says she’s a feminist. A feminist isn’t fine with rapists no matter how their story ends! I know he was just Jason to her on set but I feel like she should really think about what she says about the actual character Khal Drogo.

Honestly, it’s so gross that people like them “together”. Like, do you ship Sansa with Ramsay? The Mad King with Rhaella? If you do then you must be a rape apologist. I dunno why I’m even surprised people don’t care about the treatment of fictional women when most people don’t even care about the treatment of real women either. It’s just so disgusting I don’t even know how to express it anymore!

The Daenerys we know and love (some of us anyway) would have burned Drogo alive with the other Khals because he was just like them! The Daenerys that came out of that fire the Mother of Dragons would not have let another rapist leader run free and “love” him. Ever heard of Stockholm Syndrome? Here ya go!

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She convinced herself she loved Drogo to survive him because that’s what you do when you’re stuck in an abusive “relationship” with someone. Not to mention your brain literally takes your painful memories of abuse and hides them so you can survive the pain, as many rape victims (and people that study the brain and it’s functions for a living, as well as any trauma survivors) can tell you. Stop romanticizing abuse! That goes for you The Joker and Harley Quinn shippers too! Abuse is NOT romantic in any way or form! It’s disgusting!

I typically don’t rant about characters I hate but I had to get this out with the surge of Drogo x Dany stuff. It’s really gross y'all. So gross. I love Daenerys and I’m so happy she’s done with Drogo and moved on. She’s found love with Jon and I couldn’t be happier for them! It’s about time these two got some real love from another person that cares about them 100%. They deserve it!

NOTE: I wrote this when I was kinda mad which I’m sure you can tell, lol! I personally think it’s best to write things when you’re emotional, especially when you’re passionate about it (whether it’s something you love or something problematic, like this post is about). I’d rather put my true feelings out there rather than come back and comment later because then I’m not feeling much of anything and have lost the motivation to write something like this.

Anyways, I wasn’t sure if I should post it but @asongofstarkandtargaryen said they’d like to read it when I posted it so, here ya go! Hope it was an okay read, at the very least. I always get fired up at Dany x Drogo stuff obviously, lol! We don’t ship abusive “relationships” in this house!

archiveofourown.org
I've Got You in My Slice - jive - Chapter 5 - The Reaper Comes for Your Rolls!!
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
By Organization for Transformative Works

Title: I’ve Got You in My Slice - Chapter 5 - The Reaper Comes for Your Rolls!!
Pairing: Reaper76
Rating: Teen
Tags: Alternate Universe - Bakery, Alternate Universe - Police, Bad Puns, Fluff, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Chapter: 5/?
Summary:

“Reaper?” he asked.

“Yeah! Reaper!” Jack got up to fetch his phone from behind the counter, and fiddled with it briefly before sitting back down and showing it to Gabriel. There, on the small screen, was a picture — a bathroom selfie, no less — of Jack with a rather peculiar-looking cat, all black save for white markings on its face that made Gabriel think of a bird’s skull.

After 6 months of waiting, here’s an update for you all. Thank you guys for your patience! <3

Keep reading

Happier (Caspian X Reader)

Summary: Reader is Caspian’s best friend. And always thought that Caspian has a feelings for someone else. But it turns out to be wrong.

Fandom: Chronicles of Narnia (Voyage of the Dawn Treader)

Words: 1348 words

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A year. A year had passed since the Pevensie Children brought you to the beautiful place called Narnia. It had been the most wonderful thing that ever happened to you. Well, minus the fighting and stuffs that make you think that you won’t come out of there alive. But still it makes you think from time to time how magnificent that world is. And of course, talking mouse and Fauns aren’t the only one you missed in Narnia, It’s their King, your best friend, Caspian. Yeah, you only just met him for a while but you get along well. Both of you like to stargaze every night.

One day he saw you outside looking at constellations that is very different from your world. You had a talk about it, and he easily gained your trust and became your best friend. And this friendship deepened. Well, in your perspective. You think that he don’t really like you because his attention was with someone else, Susan. She’s your friend but not as close as Peter or Edmund or Lucy. She preferred to be alone and read books as always. You didn’t mind your feelings for him because you’re going to get out this place anyway. Then until such time that you had to say goodbye to him, It’s the hardest thing to do, he’s been your friend and apparently you like him. So, there’s no turning back now. You just accepted the fact that you won’t see him again.

You’re now vising the two Pevensie Children, Lucy and Edmund. Who are now living with their aunt and uncle with their son who is always complaining about almost everything. Knocking at their door, You heard someone speaks at the other side. The door flew open and you saw Lucy, frowning at her uncle who’s sitting in the chair. But when she saw you, Her face lit up.

“Y/n!” she attacked you with a tight hug. You missed this girl.

“Lucy! It’s so nice to see you! I’ve missed you so much.” You said, returning the hug.

After you broke the hug, You saw Edmund went out ranting about something, “Why didn’t you told me who it is Lucy! It’s hard to gu-” He was cut out when he saw you, “Y-Y/n! I-I didn’t know you would come!” He said not looking at you. But you promise you saw him blushing. You push the thought aside and look back at Lucy.

“Come on Y/n! We’ve got loads of stories to tell you!” She grab your hand and pulled you inside, Not minding his uncle who’s busy reading his newspaper.

You, Lucy and Edmund went upstairs, to their room and told you a lot of stories about Susan being invited to a tea party that you’ve never heard off. But then you heard that Lucy and Edmund are going to stay on Cambridge for a few months again and that didn’t make them pleased.

“Another few months? How will we survive?” Lucy said looking upset. They’ve always wanted to get the hell out of this place.

“You’re lucky. At least you’ve got your own room. I’m stuck with mullet mouth.” Edmund lets out a sigh.

“Susan and Peter are the lucky ones.” Lucy got up and took a look on her reflection in a mirror.

“Yeah we don’t matter much.”

“Lucy! Edmund! Don’t say such ridiculous thing! All of you are lucky, it’s just that they’re older, and they’re now finding their opportunities in life.” You replied trying to make them feel good.

“Lucy, Y/n, have you seen this ship before?” Your eyes landed on an old painting of a ship.

“Yes, it’s very Narnian looking isn’t it?” The three of you are now staring at the painting.

“Yeah. Just another reminder that we’re here

not there.” Edmund said bitterly.

“Come on Edmund! It’s not so bad here! Narnia maybe a paradise for all of us, but we have to embrace this world! This is where we’re born after all.” You look at the boy and smiled.

“There once was two orphans and a pathetic teenager friend who wasted their time believing in Narnian nursery rhyme.” Your eyes diverted to Eustace, Lucy’s cousin, and the spoiled brat that Edmund told you, leaning at the door frame.

“Please let me hit him!” Edmund lunged to hit Eustace but your fast enough to hold his arms.

“No!” You and Lucy said in unison.

Edmund and Eustace began to argue, And you’re trying to stop them. But they won’t listen to you.

“Edmund, Y/n! The painting!” You look at Lucy’s direction. You gasped, don’t really know what to say. The painting is really moving! The water is pouring out of it.

“This is some kind of trick. Stop or I’ll tell mother.” You can see the worried expression in his eyes. Then all of a sudden he started shouting for his mother. But it’s no use, So he just grab the painting and trying to destroy it. We held him, forcing him to let go of the painting then tons of water bursting out making a flood out of it.

Then unexpectedly, you fell on the water. You can’t feel the floor anymore, looks like it vanished. The water went up to the ceiling and you’re struggling to stay afloat.

“Everyone! Swim!” Lucy announced to us.

“I can’t swim!” You shouted, And you feel like your body is pulling downwards. You kicked your feet so your head would be at the top the flood but nothing happened.

Lucy feels that someone grabbed him, “Caspian?” She look at her old friend.

“Lucy!” Caspian smiled, his friends are finally back at Narnia.

“Y/n! She can’t swim! Find her! She might drown!”

About a minute or two, you accepted your death. You’re going to die. But luckily, a pair of hands grab your shirt and pulled you up. You gasped for air and saw Caspian. You wrapped your hands around him.

“Why didn’t you tell me that you can’t swim!” Edmund shouted and you turned towards him.

“You didn’t ask, Idiot!”

After a few moments, You went to the ship that you saw on the painting, who happens to be Caspian’s.

“It’s good to see you again, Caspian.” You said looking at him. You can’t deny that he’s handsomer than ever.

“It’s great to see you to Y/n.” Your eyes met, You missed those dark brown eyes. You hugged him tightly, like your life depends on it. This might be the last time you will ever do this to him. You might not come back to Narnia after.

“I’ve waited for so long,” He said brushing your hair, “I can’t let you go again.” You were stunned by his words and you look at him with confusion.

“It’s been Three years here in Narnia. Three years without you. Three years that I’ve been looking at the stars knowing that you’re not by my side.” He held you close that you can feel his breath in your skin and his heart beating rapidly.

“Wh—What are you talking about?” This is impossible. You can’t believe he is saying those things to you. You know it, He likes Susan. Then why is he looking you like this?

“I’ve been blinded by my ignorance. But for the past years, I’ve learned a lot. I’ve felt things that I never feel before. You—You made me feel these things.”

“I thought you like Susan?” You asked.

“What? No! I never liked Susan. It’s always been you! Since… Since you defended me to Peter. I’ve been admiring you all the time.” You just can’t believe you’re hearing this.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” You broke off the hug, Looking at him angrily.

“You didn’t ask.” He told you with a smirk in his lips.

“Caspian!”

“I feel happier when you’re around.” He seriously said. Placing a hand to you cheeks, Slowly, he kissed you. You’ve waited for him to do this for a long time now. Now, It happened.

You can’t be more happier.

My Prince Charming | Shawn Mendes x Reader
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A/N: I’ve been reading a lot of Shawn imagines so here you go sorry for mistakes and tell me if you like it or not. most likely going to make a part two so let me know if you want that. NOT MY PHOTO just so you know

Warnings: None I don’t think

Pairing: Shawns X Reader 


I've grown up with listening to fairy tales and I used to love them so I don’t know what changed now. I’m nineteen years old and I've accepted the fact that I won’t get my prince charming that was until I met Shawn.

I never realized I've been dating childish boys until I met a real man, he was sweet, charming and made me laugh I don't understand how I got so lucky. But things were going too perfect don’t get me wrong he treated me fantastic but every time we have talked about families he would never open up about his, maybe he was ashamed but we have been dating for about 3 years I want him to know he can open up to me about everything and anything.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

can you please please please post Ali's bday fic (I don't even care that it's late but I saw that you deleted it because of technical issues and i've been curious abut what you wrote ever since!) ok thanks :):)

All of the kids that had attended Ali’s camp were now on their way out to the parking lot, holding the hands of their parents and shouting about what a great time they had. It made Ali endlessly happy to know that she was making a difference in the lives of young kids in her hometown. She was like them once and she knew what this opportunity meant to those young players and their families. As much as Ali loved the sound of their laughter and seeing their smiles, she was glad when the sports complex had finally emptied out and she had a moment to herself.

For the first time that day, it had occurred to her that it was her birthday. Of course she read and responded to all of the sweet messages from her friends and family, but she had been so busy for the last few days that she didn’t really have time to think about herself or what she wanted to do for herself on her special day. Preparing for the camp kept her distracted for a few days, but now that everyone was gone and she was alone, nothing could distract her from the one thing, or person rather, that she wanted the most.

As Ali gathered up the scattered soccer balls with her feet, pushing them to the sidelines on her way to the locker room. Ali pulled out her phone and a grin spread across her face when she saw a text from Ashlyn. She was about the respond when she decided to call her instead. She couldn’t be with Ashlyn today, but at least she could hear her voice for a few minutes before she had to get back to training. Ali pressed her phone to her ear, hoping Ashlyn would pick up. Ali lowered the phone when she heard a sudden ringing echoing through the hall that lead to the locker room. Ali pushed open the door and was immediately met with the smile that she had been yearning to see all day.

“Ashlyn?”
“Happy birthday, Alex.”
Before either of them could say anything else, Ali flung herself into Ashlyn’s arms, wrapping her arms around her shoulders and nuzzling her face into her neck. She could feel the slight shake in Ashlyn’s chest as she laughed and pulled her closer.

“How are you here?” Ali wondered aloud.

Ashlyn pulled away and cupped Ali’s face with her hands, pressing a kiss to her lips. As she opened her mouth to answer Ali’s question, Ali pulled out her embrace completely with a worried look on her face.

“Ashlyn Michelle, I am not letting you ditch camp for me! You can’t be here. Jill is going to send you home, you’re risking the chance to-”

Ashlyn cut off Ali’s rant with another kiss. As much as Ali wanted to reprimand Ashlyn for leaving camp to see her, she couldn’t help but melt into Ashlyn’s embrace and let out a contented sigh as Ashlyn continued to kiss her.

When she pulled away, Ali was speechless. It wasn’t until Ashlyn took her hand and led her out of the tunnel, towards the parking lot that Ali realized what Ashlyn was wearing. She had on a maroon button up shirt, with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows. A black vest, dark blue jeans, rolled at the cuffs and her favorite pair of brown leather boots. Her look was topped off with a white bow tie, diamond stud earrings, and thin layer of makeup.

“I’m starting to feel a little underdressed.” Ali commented with a laugh.

Ashlyn opened the drivers side of Ali’s car for her to hop in. “Don’t worry, baby. I’ve got you covered.” She gave Ali a wink, closed the door, and made her way to the passenger side.

Once they had arrived back at Ali’s hotel, the woman at the front desk stopped them and handed Ashlyn a garment back. “Miss Harris, the dress you asked for was just delivered and the room is set up to your exact specifications.”

“Thank you for your help.”

Ali clung to Ashlyn’s arm when they entered the elevator, per usual, and looked at her with a mix of curiosity and adoration in her eyes. “What did you do?”

The smug smirk on Ashlyn’s face told Ali all she needed to know. Ashlyn opened the door to Ali’s hotel room and smiled when she heard to gasp escape from Ali’s lips. The room was decorated with a mix of scattered rose petals, vanilla scented candles, and sparkly streamers canopied from the ceiling. There was a silver tray full of amazing food waiting for them on the bed. Ashlyn nudged Ali inside the room and handed her the garment bag.

“Go change.” Ashlyn whispered. Ali made her way slowly to the bathroom, taking in all of the decorations that covered the room.

When Ali emerged, she found Ashlyn lounging on the bed, with her shoes kicked off and her phone on her hands. Ali cleared her throat to let her know she was there. In the middle of the room, stood Ali clad in a floor length maroon gown, that matched the shade of Ashlyn’s shirt perfectly. The fabric hugged every curve and left Ashlyn stunned. She dropped her phone, reaching for Ali’s hand instead and pulled her onto the bed. Ali laughed as she kicked up her bare feet and made herself comfortable.

If Ashlyn couldn’t be there to take Ali to a proper birthday dinner, she was going to do everything in her power to make sure that Ali had a memorable night in. Fancy dress, expensive dinner, decorations, and all.

They ate in relative silence, just enjoying being in each others company for the time being. When they were all done with their meal, Ashlyn finally spoke up.

“I had to come see you Alex, even if it was only for a few hours.”

Ali leaned in and placed a kiss on Ashlyn’s lips. “Thank you, Ash.”

“Anything for you, birthday girl.”

They might not have been able to spend the whole day together like they wanted to, but they would be sure to make the most of the time they had right now.

anonymous asked:

(1/2) Hey! I just read all of Always Human in one day and I'm absolutely floored by its beauty! I love your style, the colours and how vibrant the art is, I love how the characters developed and how healthy the relationships were, I love how diverse queer representation beside the main characters wasn't thrown under the bus, and I think the sentence 'when I see you, the universe comes into focus' is one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard. Thank you so much for the world you built.

(2/2) But besides making me feel warm and fuzzy, AH also raised a lot of questions for me that I haven’t seen answered in the ask tag. 1. A basic wage was mentioned- does this mean there is no more poverty at all? Are mods accessible for everybody who hasn’t got Egan’s? 2. Is it possible for Trans people to transition permanently with mods? 3. Why exactly are there new colonies in outer space? The climate seemed to be fine and the cities wasn’t to crowded - is it just human curiosity?

(3/3) 4. Is Austen named after Jane Austen? 5. She mentioned being in therapy - how is mental illness handled in the society? Is there still some sort of stigma, are there mods for it? 6. The talk like a pirate day is still a thing - does the flying spaghetti monster still have believers? 7. Clearly the gay and lesbian kingdom of the coral sea islands isn’t at war with Australia anymore, but does it still exist? The Real Questions™ Thanks for answering all that stuff, have a wonderful day!

Thank you so much anon, you’re too kind to me ;_____;
I’m really happy you liked Always Human, this is such a nice ask *blushes*

Sticking the answers under a cut :)

Keep reading

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that. 

anonymous asked:

Hi! I LOVE this site and I've been reading all of the theories and discussions on here. I have a question: Do you think there's any chance Olaf didn't set the fire to the Baudelaire Mansion? He implies that he really didn't in his final words to the kids in The End, and Lemony implies in the autobiography that he actually had something to do with the fire, when he mentions the list of pretend book titles and fires. So, I was wondering if Lemony did it, do you have any idea why he would have?

I love hearing from you too, volunteer! Thank you for your appreciation.

The question you ask is possibly the most important mystery of “A Series Of Unfortunate Events”, both on a factual and philosophical level.

“You’re the one who made us orphans in the first place,” he said, uttering out loud for the first time a secret all three Baudelaires had kept in their hearts for almost as long as they could remember. Olaf closed his eyes for a moment, grimacing in pain, and then stared slowly at each of the three children in turn.
“Is that what you think?” he said finally.
“We know it,” Sunny said.
“You don’t know anything,” Count Olaf said. “You three children are the same as when I first laid eyes on you. You think you can triumph in this world with nothing more than a keen mind, a pile of books, and the occasional gourmet meal.” He poured one last gulp of cordial into his poisoned mouth before throwing the seashell into the sand. “You’re just like your parents,” he said, and from the shore the children heard Kit Snicket moan.

[The End, Chapter Thirteen]

Let’s start with the facts, which are less ambiguous than you might suspect. There are indeed clues which point out that Count Olaf was actually inside the Baudelaire mansion on the morning the fire occured:

Incidentally, the Royal Gardens had several ornate wooden benches ideal for sitting and reading, or for contemplating the more exotic plants contained in the Poisonous Pavilion. All of these benches where lost in the destruction except one, which has since been moved to the lobby of a hotel. It is easily recognizable due to a small unsightly ring, left by someone who did not use a coaster underneath his or her beverage.
[The Bad Beginning: Rare Edition, p.175]

One thing I remember from my time at the [Baudelaire table] was that it was always necessary to use a coaster underneath one’s beverage so as to not leave an unsightly ring on the wood.
[The Bad Beginning: Rare Edition, p.172]

Curiously enough, Mr. Baudelaire’s brandy bottle was found on the remains of the dining table, with no coasters nearby. This would indicate that either the coasters were burned beyond recognition, or the Baudelaires had received a visitor who had no manners whatsoever.
[The Bad Beginning: Rare Edition, p.174]

p.98 But Count Olaf just sat there as calmly as if they were discussing the weather. Certain kinds of weather-severe rainstorms, for instance-have a dampening effect on fires, which is displeasing to arsonists. There have been reports of alleged arsonists so reportedly displeased with the weather that they have been rumored to pound their beverages on an unprotected wooden table.
[The Bad Beginning: Rare Edition, p.179]

You can also consider reading “The Dismal Dinner” (Link): its canonicity is disputed but it seems to imply that Olaf was lurking around the Baudelaire mansion the day before the fire. So the assorted evidence piles up neatly in favor of Olaf’s guilt. Of course it’s never said explicitly he started the fire or that he was the only villain inside the Baudelaire mansion that day… But since he didn’t report the actual arsonist, that would at least make him an accomplice to the murder.

No, the real reason to doubt Olaf’s responsibility in the arson is that the Baudelaire parents had so many enemies:

  • The Man With Beard But No Hair and the Woman think that Sunny “caused almost as many problems as her parents did” (”The Slippery Slope”, Chapter Six).
  • Esme mentions she hates Beatrice’s guts on several occasions.
  • The Baudelaire parents worked for the “noble” side of the Schism and Beatrice was apparently the owner of the Sugar Bowl. So ANY member of the “villainous” side of VFD would want them dead, too. So people like Georgina and Ernest can also be considered as suspects.

…honestly, it’s a wonder the Baudelaire parents managed to survive for as long as they did. Had Olaf decided not to kill them, someone else within his associates eventually would have.

And I think, on a philosophical level, that this is the reason for Olaf’s ambiguous answer: though he did take part in the arson, he doesn’t see himself as fully accountable. Olaf and the Baudelaire parents were involved in a very large war whose reasons neither of them completely understood, and wars produce casualties. The Baudelaire fire cannot be reduced to Olaf’s personal vendetta.

Another reason Olaf might deny true responsibility is that he just sees this double murder as mere retribution. The Baudelaire parents made him an orphan, so he made sure their children would become orphans. In his eyes, the Baudelaire parents “brought it on themselves” and are solely responsible for their children’s misery.

A big theme of “The End” is that no event in history can be completely understood, because each human being has his/her own secret motivations. This is exemplified by Ishmael, who tries to explain the history of Beatrice’s ring to the Baudelaires, which quickly devolves into a long-winded, tangential story.

The message of “The End” is that we cannot learn everything and that some mysteries unfortunately have to be left unresolved. This acceptation of one’s powerlessness and ignorance is very similar to grief: once someone is dead, we can never hear his/her own version of the truth. The Baudelaire orphans had to accept the fact that they would never truly know what happened on the morning of the Baudelaire fire. So must we.

Cayleigh Elise's Spoopy Fun Starters (Edited)
  • “What the fuck was that!?”
  • “Why? Why does any mythical creature do anything weird?”
  • “That was lame. Very relevant. But still very lame.”
  • “Welcome, brethren. I have found my fellow screamers.”
  • “That's South America to your right, and that's uh…R'lyeh there on your left.”
  • “They're dead. You realize that? This is technically necrophilia.”
  • “I'm gonna go hide under a blanket with some chocolate and have some fun there.”
  • “I don't know why I clapped.”
  • “Caves are kind of like the Earth's assholes, and who knows what's hiding inside of them?”
  • “The lesson here? Uh, don't be a little asshole!”
  • “That's not a real baby! Run!”
  • “Forewarning, it's gonna get gross.”
  • “I hope you aren't eating. If you are, you might wanna put down your food.”
  • “Get your head out of the gutter! Not that kind of doll!”
  • “You think that if I come face to face with eyeless, noseless, drooling Magoo back there, I'm gonna care who the fuck put it there!?”
  • “You heard me right. Someone thought of this.”
  • “Oh, I look so pretty right now.”
  • “You must be a robot. And if that's the case, I await your inevitable takeover. Please don't delete me.”
  • “That was a joke for all you people who think I'm a narcissistic asshole.”
  • “I don't think this is going anywhere good.”
  • “If that isn't fucked up, I don't know that I wanna be on this earth anymore!”
  • “Carry scissors. Just don't run with them, for the love of all things DUH!”
  • “How much bigger? This much bigger. Like, Jurassic Park bigger…Like, liopleurodon bigger.”
  • “It's not your mama, but you can keep crying for her if you want.”
  • “People like that are kind of horror stories in and of themselves.”
  • “This may be the most cringe-inducing three minutes of your day.”
  • “Just a friendly reminder that even when you're trying to treat yo' self, death is always around the corner.”
  • “I will be on vacation, not scaring the shit out of myself.”
  • “Is anyone else a little…itchy?”
  • “I'm just gonna say, I would have already quit at this point. Too much prep work for me.”
  • “I'm gonna go with the Ouija Board Rule and say it's probs a bad idea to burn it.”
  • “Just say no to Satan, kids!”
  • “I guess the dead brother truly was…a holey man.”
  • “Not like in a sexual way. More like in a ‘I'm gonna suffocate you by sitting on you,’ kind of way.”
  • “Turn on the lights. Dance your anxiety away, and…Be fabulous!”
  • “If you got that reference, you're probably as old as me. Or older…Sorry.”
  • “I've got enough nope in my life without a demon death wish, thank you very much!”
  • “There is a dead centipede on the ground, and I'm gonna cry.”
  • “And that is what we shall call her! The Bloop!”
  • “No seriously, they did. They called it The Bloop.”
  • “DUH, HELL IS AN ENDLESS PIT OF DEATH AND FIRE!”
  • “Dammit, there goes plan B. I was totally gonna make a shrine to a creepy possessed doll.”
  • “Cool. I've always wanted to suffocate and freeze alone in the vacuum of space.”
  • “If I saw that coming towards me, I'm sorry, I'm probably gonna shit my pants.”
  • “No. They're not wondering that at all. They're being eaten.”
  • “Yeah, I'd say that's kind of a jerk move to subject people to a possible death via possessed doll.”
  • “I feel like this is a thought all mothers have with their children.”
  • “Am I right, or am I right? Sometimes you're just right!”
  • “I will refrain from elaborating further, because my goal is not to make you throw up.”
  • “And you just had to touch the pretty little light!”
  • “Let's just say that if you saw a body shot of her on Tinder, you would be swiping right.”
  • “If that doesn't scream serene, I don't know what does!”
  • “Just because she's left you alone, doesn't mean she's not dangerous.”
  • “Surely that just makes her exotic.”
  • “I'm sorry. I just realized how stupid I am.”
  • “Surprise! I hate babies!”
  • “Imagine that in your windpipe. Yikes, and ouch, and also…That's what she said.”
  • “I hear some chanting in there…”
  • “…Not my ideal way to go out.”
  • “This sounds like a demonic, less fun version of an invisible petting zoo.”
  • “Are you comfortable yet? Good.”
  • “Okay. Really starting to think we should put the house up for sale, guys.”
  • “No one knows, you dingus. He disappeared.”
  • “Why!? She's going to eat you!”
According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

onsereverra  asked:

Apologies if this is something you've talked about in the past and I've missed it, but would you be willing to talk a little bit about being single? I'm not in a relationship and don't foresee entering into one anytime soon, and some days I'm totally comfortable with that, but some days I can't help but wonder if I'm missing out, even though I feel like that's not right for me right now. I would love to hear your thoughts on being okay with being single when a relationship feels like the default

I’ve been sitting on this one for awhile, but today I’m in a comfy pajama-wearing hockey-watching beer-drinking rewrite-working kind of mood so I’ll take a stab at it.

There’s a big difference between being alone and being lonely, and the Venn diagram where they intersect is different for everybody. You can be surrounded by people and in a committed relationship and be crushingly lonely, but you can also be alone and not lonely at all.

I am single. I have always been single. I have never been in a long-term relationship. I don’t know why this is, I mean I think I’m fairly awesome and reasonably attractive. Between you, me and the lamppost, I could have had a relationship a number of times if I wanted it, but my standards are probably unrealistic. It’s just the way I’m wired that I FAR prefer being single to being in a relationship that isn’t up to my standards but I’m in just to avoid being single. I have never in my life felt a drive to be coupled, or felt distress because I didn’t have it. So perhaps I’m not the best person to ask, because I really have never felt like I was missing anything. I don’t know if that’s a result of the way I was raised, or just an accident of my personality.

A lot of it probably has to do with the fact that the people around me have never made me feel like being in a relationship WAS the default. My family have NEVER given me the “so when are you going to get a partner” talk, or wondered when I was going to “settle down” or asked for grandkids or implied that I was somehow lacking because I was single. I never got that pressure from them. They have always valued me and the life I’ve made for myself on its own merits. (Part of me wonders if they never thought I COULD have a relationship since I’ve been fat my whole life, so they set about valuing other things about me just assuming that nobody would ever want me, but that’s another discussion)

My father once told me that he admired that I’m so comfortable in my own company. I think that’s a big part of it. I have worked hard to make the inside of my own head an interesting place to live, and myself a rewarding person to hang out with, since I am the person I spend the most time with. 

I have days when I think I’d like to have a partner, someone to share things with. I have other days when I think I wouldn’t want to up-end my entire routine and my life the way I have it. Nothing is without downsides in life. In general, I love my life.

But I definitely sometimes think…why has nobody ever loved me? Why do other people get to have that, but I don’t? Do I not deserve it? Am I just unlovable and hopelessly unattractive? Part of it, I’m perfectly aware, is that I don’t put myself out there for it very much. I might not be an easy person to start a relationship with. I’ve had a lot of first dates that I thought went great and then I never heard from them again. I shrug it off, mostly.

Mostly.

It’s important for all of us, I think, to separate ourselves from the idea that we are not enough by ourselves. I require nobody to complete me, I am a complete person in my own right. I have a lot to offer, but I don’t need a partner to be the recipient. I am not alone in life and I can honestly say that I very rarely feel lonely (if ever). I value myself, my own company, and I don’t let not having a partner keep me from doing anything I want to do.

I’m honestly not sure right now how well I’d deal with having someone constantly in my life all the time, or sharing my living space. I’m so set in my ways at this point. But if I were to meet someone who was worth making those changes, I’d do it. But if I don’t…it’s okay.

Bee Movie Script

  
  
According to all known laws
of aviation,

  
there is no way a bee
should be able to fly.

  
Its wings are too small to get
its fat little body off the ground.

  
The bee, of course, flies anyway

  
because bees don't care
what humans think is impossible.

  
Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

  
Ooh, black and yellow!
Let's shake it up a little.

  
Barry! Breakfast is ready!

  
Ooming!

  
Hang on a second.

  
Hello?

  
- Barry?
- Adam?

  
- Oan you believe this is happening?
- I can't. I'll pick you up.

  
Looking sharp.

  
Use the stairs. Your father
paid good money for those.

  
Sorry. I'm excited.

  
Here's the graduate.
We're very proud of you, son.

  
A perfect report card, all B's.

  
Very proud.

  
Ma! I got a thing going here.

  
- You got lint on your fuzz.
- Ow! That's me!

  
- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000.
- Bye!

  
Barry, I told you,
stop flying in the house!

  
- Hey, Adam.
- Hey, Barry.

  
- Is that fuzz gel?
- A little. Special day, graduation.

  
Never thought I'd make it.

  
Three days grade school,
three days high school.

  
Those were awkward.

  
Three days college. I'm glad I took
a day and hitchhiked around the hive.

  
You did come back different.

  
- Hi, Barry.
- Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good.

  
- Hear about Frankie?
- Yeah.

  
- You going to the funeral?
- No, I'm not going.

  
Everybody knows,
sting someone, you die.

  
Don't waste it on a squirrel.
Such a hothead.

  
I guess he could have
just gotten out of the way.

  
I love this incorporating
an amusement park into our day.

  
That's why we don't need vacations.

  
Boy, quite a bit of pomp...
under the circumstances.

  
- Well, Adam, today we are men.
- We are!

  
- Bee-men.
- Amen!

  
Hallelujah!

  
Students, faculty, distinguished bees,

  
please welcome Dean Buzzwell.

  
Welcome, New Hive Oity
graduating class of...

  
...9:15.

  
That concludes our ceremonies.

  
And begins your career
at Honex Industries!

  
Will we pick ourjob today?

  
I heard it's just orientation.

  
Heads up! Here we go.

  
Keep your hands and antennas
inside the tram at all times.

  
- Wonder what it'll be like?
- A little scary.

  
Welcome to Honex,
a division of Honesco

  
and a part of the Hexagon Group.

  
This is it!

  
Wow.

  
Wow.

  
We know that you, as a bee,
have worked your whole life

  
to get to the point where you
can work for your whole life.

  
Honey begins when our valiant Pollen
Jocks bring the nectar to the hive.

  
Our top-secret formula

  
is automatically color-corrected,
scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured

  
into this soothing sweet syrup

  
with its distinctive
golden glow you know as...

  
Honey!

  
- That girl was hot.
- She's my cousin!

  
- She is?
- Yes, we're all cousins.

  
- Right. You're right.
- At Honex, we constantly strive

  
to improve every aspect
of bee existence.

  
These bees are stress-testing
a new helmet technology.

  
- What do you think he makes?
- Not enough.

  
Here we have our latest advancement,
the Krelman.

  
- What does that do?
- Oatches that little strand of honey

  
that hangs after you pour it.
Saves us millions.

  
Oan anyone work on the Krelman?

  
Of course. Most bee jobs are
small ones. But bees know

  
that every small job,
if it's done well, means a lot.

  
But choose carefully

  
because you'll stay in the job
you pick for the rest of your life.

  
The same job the rest of your life?
I didn't know that.

  
What's the difference?

  
You'll be happy to know that bees,
as a species, haven't had one day off

  
in 27 million years.

  
So you'll just work us to death?

  
We'll sure try.

  
Wow! That blew my mind!

  
"What's the difference?"
How can you say that?

  
One job forever?
That's an insane choice to have to make.

  
I'm relieved. Now we only have
to make one decision in life.

  
But, Adam, how could they
never have told us that?

  
Why would you question anything?
We're bees.

  
We're the most perfectly
functioning society on Earth.

  
You ever think maybe things
work a little too well here?

  
Like what? Give me one example.

  
I don't know. But you know
what I'm talking about.

  
Please clear the gate.
Royal Nectar Force on approach.

  
Wait a second. Oheck it out.

  
- Hey, those are Pollen Jocks!
- Wow.

  
I've never seen them this close.

  
They know what it's like
outside the hive.

  
Yeah, but some don't come back.

  
- Hey, Jocks!
- Hi, Jocks!

  
You guys did great!

  
You're monsters!
You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it!

  
- I wonder where they were.
- I don't know.

  
Their day's not planned.

  
Outside the hive, flying who knows
where, doing who knows what.

  
You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen
Jock. You have to be bred for that.

  
Right.

  
Look. That's more pollen
than you and I will see in a lifetime.

  
It's just a status symbol.
Bees make too much of it.

  
Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it
and the ladies see you wearing it.

  
Those ladies?
Aren't they our cousins too?

  
Distant. Distant.

  
Look at these two.

  
- Oouple of Hive Harrys.
- Let's have fun with them.

  
It must be dangerous
being a Pollen Jock.

  
Yeah. Once a bear pinned me
against a mushroom!

  
He had a paw on my throat,
and with the other, he was slapping me!

  
- Oh, my!
- I never thought I'd knock him out.

  
What were you doing during this?

  
Trying to alert the authorities.

  
I can autograph that.

  
A little gusty out there today,
wasn't it, comrades?

  
Yeah. Gusty.

  
We're hitting a sunflower patch
six miles from here tomorrow.

  
- Six miles, huh?
- Barry!

  
A puddle jump for us,
but maybe you're not up for it.

  
- Maybe I am.
- You are not!

  
We're going 0900 at J-Gate.

  
What do you think, buzzy-boy?
Are you bee enough?

  
I might be. It all depends
on what 0900 means.

  
Hey, Honex!

  
Dad, you surprised me.

  
You decide what you're interested in?

  
- Well, there's a lot of choices.
- But you only get one.

  
Do you ever get bored
doing the same job every day?

  
Son, let me tell you about stirring.

  
You grab that stick, and you just
move it around, and you stir it around.

  
You get yourself into a rhythm.
It's a beautiful thing.

  
You know, Dad,
the more I think about it,

  
maybe the honey field
just isn't right for me.

  
You were thinking of what,
making balloon animals?

  
That's a bad job
for a guy with a stinger.

  
Janet, your son's not sure
he wants to go into honey!

  
- Barry, you are so funny sometimes.
- I'm not trying to be funny.

  
You're not funny! You're going
into honey. Our son, the stirrer!

  
- You're gonna be a stirrer?
- No one's listening to me!

  
Wait till you see the sticks I have.

  
I could say anything right now.
I'm gonna get an ant tattoo!

  
Let's open some honey and celebrate!

  
Maybe I'll pierce my thorax.
Shave my antennae.

  
Shack up with a grasshopper. Get
a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"!

  
I'm so proud.

  
- We're starting work today!
- Today's the day.

  
Oome on! All the good jobs
will be gone.

  
Yeah, right.

  
Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring,
stirrer, front desk, hair removal...

  
- Is it still available?
- Hang on. Two left!

  
One of them's yours! Oongratulations!
Step to the side.

  
- What'd you get?
- Picking crud out. Stellar!

  
Wow!

  
Oouple of newbies?

  
Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready!

  
Make your choice.

  
- You want to go first?
- No, you go.

  
Oh, my. What's available?

  
Restroom attendant's open,
not for the reason you think.

  
- Any chance of getting the Krelman?
- Sure, you're on.

  
I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out.

  
Wax monkey's always open.

  
The Krelman opened up again.

  
What happened?

  
A bee died. Makes an opening. See?
He's dead. Another dead one.

  
Deady. Deadified. Two more dead.

  
Dead from the neck up.
Dead from the neck down. That's life!

  
Oh, this is so hard!

  
Heating, cooling,
stunt bee, pourer, stirrer,

  
humming, inspector number seven,
lint coordinator, stripe supervisor,

  
mite wrangler. Barry, what
do you think I should... Barry?

  
Barry!

  
All right, we've got the sunflower patch
in quadrant nine...

  
What happened to you?
Where are you?

  
- I'm going out.
- Out? Out where?

  
- Out there.
- Oh, no!

  
I have to, before I go
to work for the rest of my life.

  
You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello?

  
Another call coming in.

  
If anyone's feeling brave,
there's a Korean deli on 83rd

  
that gets their roses today.

  
Hey, guys.

  
- Look at that.
- Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday?

  
Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted.

  
It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up.

  
Really? Feeling lucky, are you?

  
Sign here, here. Just initial that.

  
- Thank you.
- OK.

  
You got a rain advisory today,

  
and as you all know,
bees cannot fly in rain.

  
So be careful. As always,
watch your brooms,

  
hockey sticks, dogs,
birds, bears and bats.

  
Also, I got a couple of reports
of root beer being poured on us.

  
Murphy's in a home because of it,
babbling like a cicada!

  
- That's awful.
- And a reminder for you rookies,

  
bee law number one,
absolutely no talking to humans!

  
All right, launch positions!

  
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz,
buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz!

  
Black and yellow!

  
Hello!

  
You ready for this, hot shot?

  
Yeah. Yeah, bring it on.

  
Wind, check.

  
- Antennae, check.
- Nectar pack, check.

  
- Wings, check.
- Stinger, check.

  
Scared out of my shorts, check.

  
OK, ladies,

  
let's move it out!

  
Pound those petunias,
you striped stem-suckers!

  
All of you, drain those flowers!

  
Wow! I'm out!

  
I can't believe I'm out!

  
So blue.

  
I feel so fast and free!

  
Box kite!

  
Wow!

  
Flowers!

  
This is Blue Leader.
We have roses visual.

  
Bring it around 30 degrees and hold.

  
Roses!

  
30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around.

  
Stand to the side, kid.
It's got a bit of a kick.

  
That is one nectar collector!

  
- Ever see pollination up close?
- No, sir.

  
I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it
over here. Maybe a dash over there,

  
a pinch on that one.
See that? It's a little bit of magic.

  
That's amazing. Why do we do that?

  
That's pollen power. More pollen, more
flowers, more nectar, more honey for us.

  
Oool.

  
I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow.
Oould be daisies. Don't we need those?

  
Oopy that visual.

  
Wait. One of these flowers
seems to be on the move.

  
Say again? You're reporting
a moving flower?

  
Affirmative.

  
That was on the line!

  
This is the coolest. What is it?

  
I don't know, but I'm loving this color.

  
It smells good.
Not like a flower, but I like it.

  
Yeah, fuzzy.

  
Ohemical-y.

  
Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby.

  
My sweet lord of bees!

  
Oandy-brain, get off there!

  
Problem!

  
- Guys!
- This could be bad.

  
Affirmative.

  
Very close.

  
Gonna hurt.

  
Mama's little boy.

  
You are way out of position, rookie!

  
Ooming in at you like a missile!

  
Help me!

  
I don't think these are flowers.

  
- Should we tell him?
- I think he knows.

  
What is this?!

  
Match point!

  
You can start packing up, honey,
because you're about to eat it!

  
Yowser!

  
Gross.

  
There's a bee in the car!

  
- Do something!
- I'm driving!

  
- Hi, bee.
- He's back here!

  
He's going to sting me!

  
Nobody move. If you don't move,
he won't sting you. Freeze!

  
He blinked!

  
Spray him, Granny!

  
What are you doing?!

  
Wow... the tension level
out here is unbelievable.

  
I gotta get home.

  
Oan't fly in rain.

  
Oan't fly in rain.

  
Oan't fly in rain.

  
Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down!

  
Ken, could you close
the window please?

  
Ken, could you close
the window please?

  
Oheck out my new resume.
I made it into a fold-out brochure.

  
You see? Folds out.

  
Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this.

  
What was that?

  
Maybe this time. This time. This time.
This time! This time! This...

  
Drapes!

  
That is diabolical.

  
It's fantastic. It's got all my special
skills, even my top-ten favorite movies.

  
What's number one? Star Wars?

  
Nah, I don't go for that...

  
...kind of stuff.

  
No wonder we shouldn't talk to them.
They're out of their minds.

  
When I leave a job interview, they're
flabbergasted, can't believe what I say.

  
There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out.

  
I don't remember the sun
having a big 75 on it.

  
I predicted global warming.

  
I could feel it getting hotter.
At first I thought it was just me.

  
Wait! Stop! Bee!

  
Stand back. These are winter boots.

  
Wait!

  
Don't kill him!

  
You know I'm allergic to them!
This thing could kill me!

  
Why does his life have
less value than yours?

  
Why does his life have any less value
than mine? Is that your statement?

  
I'm just saying all life has value. You
don't know what he's capable of feeling.

  
My brochure!

  
There you go, little guy.

  
I'm not scared of him.
It's an allergic thing.

  
Put that on your resume brochure.

  
My whole face could puff up.

  
Make it one of your special skills.

  
Knocking someone out
is also a special skill.

  
Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks.

  
- Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night?
- Sure, Ken. You know, whatever.

  
- You could put carob chips on there.
- Bye.

  
- Supposed to be less calories.
- Bye.

  
I gotta say something.

  
She saved my life.
I gotta say something.

  
All right, here it goes.

  
Nah.

  
What would I say?

  
I could really get in trouble.

  
It's a bee law.
You're not supposed to talk to a human.

  
I can't believe I'm doing this.

  
I've got to.

  
Oh, I can't do it. Oome on!

  
No. Yes. No.

  
Do it. I can't.

  
How should I start it?
"You like jazz?" No, that's no good.

  
Here she comes! Speak, you fool!

  
Hi!

  
I'm sorry.

  
- You're talking.
- Yes, I know.

  
You're talking!

  
I'm so sorry.

  
No, it's OK. It's fine.
I know I'm dreaming.

  
But I don't recall going to bed.

  
Well, I'm sure this
is very disconcerting.

  
This is a bit of a surprise to me.
I mean, you're a bee!

  
I am. And I'm not supposed
to be doing this,

  
but they were all trying to kill me.

  
And if it wasn't for you...

  
I had to thank you.
It's just how I was raised.

  
That was a little weird.

  
- I'm talking with a bee.
- Yeah.

  
I'm talking to a bee.
And the bee is talking to me!

  
I just want to say I'm grateful.
I'll leave now.

  
- Wait! How did you learn to do that?
- What?

  
The talking thing.

  
Same way you did, I guess.
"Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up.

  
- That's very funny.
- Yeah.

  
Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh,
we'd cry with what we have to deal with.

  
Anyway...

  
Oan I...

  
...get you something?
- Like what?

  
I don't know. I mean...
I don't know. Ooffee?

  
I don't want to put you out.

  
It's no trouble. It takes two minutes.

  
- It's just coffee.
- I hate to impose.

  
- Don't be ridiculous!
- Actually, I would love a cup.

  
Hey, you want rum cake?

  
- I shouldn't.
- Have some.

  
- No, I can't.
- Oome on!

  
I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms.

  
- Where?
- These stripes don't help.

  
You look great!

  
I don't know if you know
anything about fashion.

  
Are you all right?

  
No.

  
He's making the tie in the cab
as they're flying up Madison.

  
He finally gets there.

  
He runs up the steps into the church.
The wedding is on.

  
And he says, "Watermelon?
I thought you said Guatemalan.

  
Why would I marry a watermelon?"

  
Is that a bee joke?

  
That's the kind of stuff we do.

  
Yeah, different.

  
So, what are you gonna do, Barry?

  
About work? I don't know.

  
I want to do my part for the hive,
but I can't do it the way they want.

  
I know how you feel.

  
- You do?
- Sure.

  
My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or
a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist.

  
- Really?
- My only interest is flowers.

  
Our new queen was just elected
with that same campaign slogan.

  
Anyway, if you look...

  
There's my hive right there. See it?

  
You're in Sheep Meadow!

  
Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond!

  
No way! I know that area.
I lost a toe ring there once.

  
- Why do girls put rings on their toes?
- Why not?

  
- It's like putting a hat on your knee.
- Maybe I'll try that.

  
- You all right, ma'am?
- Oh, yeah. Fine.

  
Just having two cups of coffee!

  
Anyway, this has been great.
Thanks for the coffee.

  
Yeah, it's no trouble.

  
Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did,
I'd be up the rest of my life.

  
Are you...?

  
Oan I take a piece of this with me?

  
Sure! Here, have a crumb.

  
- Thanks!
- Yeah.

  
All right. Well, then...
I guess I'll see you around.

  
Or not.

  
OK, Barry.

  
And thank you
so much again... for before.

  
Oh, that? That was nothing.

  
Well, not nothing, but... Anyway...

  
This can't possibly work.

  
He's all set to go.
We may as well try it.

  
OK, Dave, pull the chute.

  
- Sounds amazing.
- It was amazing!

  
It was the scariest,
happiest moment of my life.

  
Humans! I can't believe
you were with humans!

  
Giant, scary humans!
What were they like?

  
Huge and crazy. They talk crazy.

  
They eat crazy giant things.
They drive crazy.

  
- Do they try and kill you, like on TV?
- Some of them. But some of them don't.

  
- How'd you get back?
- Poodle.

  
You did it, and I'm glad. You saw
whatever you wanted to see.

  
You had your "experience." Now you
can pick out yourjob and be normal.

  
- Well...
- Well?

  
Well, I met someone.

  
You did? Was she Bee-ish?

  
- A wasp?! Your parents will kill you!
- No, no, no, not a wasp.

  
- Spider?
- I'm not attracted to spiders.

  
I know it's the hottest thing,
with the eight legs and all.

  
I can't get by that face.

  
So who is she?

  
She's... human.

  
No, no. That's a bee law.
You wouldn't break a bee law.

  
- Her name's Vanessa.
- Oh, boy.

  
She's so nice. And she's a florist!

  
Oh, no! You're dating a human florist!

  
We're not dating.

  
You're flying outside the hive, talking
to humans that attack our homes

  
with power washers and M-80s!
One-eighth a stick of dynamite!

  
She saved my life!
And she understands me.

  
This is over!

  
Eat this.

  
This is not over! What was that?

  
- They call it a crumb.
- It was so stingin' stripey!

  
And that's not what they eat.
That's what falls off what they eat!

  
- You know what a Oinnabon is?
- No.

  
It's bread and cinnamon and frosting.
They heat it up...

  
Sit down!

  
...really hot!
- Listen to me!

  
We are not them! We're us.
There's us and there's them!

  
Yes, but who can deny
the heart that is yearning?

  
There's no yearning.
Stop yearning. Listen to me!

  
You have got to start thinking bee,
my friend. Thinking bee!

  
- Thinking bee.
- Thinking bee.

  
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

  
There he is. He's in the pool.

  
You know what your problem is, Barry?

  
I gotta start thinking bee?

  
How much longer will this go on?

  
It's been three days!
Why aren't you working?

  
I've got a lot of big life decisions
to think about.

  
What life? You have no life!
You have no job. You're barely a bee!

  
Would it kill you
to make a little honey?

  
Barry, come out.
Your father's talking to you.

  
Martin, would you talk to him?

  
Barry, I'm talking to you!

  
You coming?

  
Got everything?

  
All set!

  
Go ahead. I'll catch up.

  
Don't be too long.

  
Watch this!

  
Vanessa!

  
- We're still here.
- I told you not to yell at him.

  
He doesn't respond to yelling!

  
- Then why yell at me?
- Because you don't listen!

  
I'm not listening to this.

  
Sorry, I've gotta go.

  
- Where are you going?
- I'm meeting a friend.

  
A girl? Is this why you can't decide?

  
Bye.

  
I just hope she's Bee-ish.

  
They have a huge parade
of flowers every year in Pasadena?

  
To be in the Tournament of Roses,
that's every florist's dream!

  
Up on a float, surrounded
by flowers, crowds cheering.

  
A tournament. Do the roses
compete in athletic events?

  
No. All right, I've got one.
How come you don't fly everywhere?

  
It's exhausting. Why don't you
run everywhere? It's faster.

  
Yeah, OK, I see, I see.
All right, your turn.

  
TiVo. You can just freeze live TV?
That's insane!

  
You don't have that?

  
We have Hivo, but it's a disease.
It's a horrible, horrible disease.

  
Oh, my.

  
Dumb bees!

  
You must want to sting all those jerks.

  
We try not to sting.
It's usually fatal for us.

  
So you have to watch your temper.

  
Very carefully.
You kick a wall, take a walk,

  
write an angry letter and throw it out.
Work through it like any emotion:

  
Anger, jealousy, lust.

  
Oh, my goodness! Are you OK?

  
Yeah.

  
- What is wrong with you?!
- It's a bug.

  
He's not bothering anybody.
Get out of here, you creep!

  
What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular?

  
Yeah, it was. How did you know?

  
It felt like about 10 pages.
Seventy-five is pretty much our limit.

  
You've really got that
down to a science.

  
- I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue.
- I'll bet.

  
What in the name
of Mighty Hercules is this?

  
How did this get here?
Oute Bee, Golden Blossom,

  
Ray Liotta Private Select?

  
- Is he that actor?
- I never heard of him.

  
- Why is this here?
- For people. We eat it.

  
You don't have
enough food of your own?

  
- Well, yes.
- How do you get it?

  
- Bees make it.
- I know who makes it!

  
And it's hard to make it!

  
There's heating, cooling, stirring.
You need a whole Krelman thing!

  
- It's organic.
- It's our-ganic!

  
It's just honey, Barry.

  
Just what?!

  
Bees don't know about this!
This is stealing! A lot of stealing!

  
You've taken our homes, schools,
hospitals! This is all we have!

  
And it's on sale?!
I'm getting to the bottom of this.

  
I'm getting to the bottom
of all of this!

  
Hey, Hector.

  
- You almost done?
- Almost.

  
He is here. I sense it.

  
Well, I guess I'll go home now

  
and just leave this nice honey out,
with no one around.

  
You're busted, box boy!

  
I knew I heard something.
So you can talk!

  
I can talk.
And now you'll start talking!

  
Where you getting the sweet stuff?
Who's your supplier?

  
I don't understand.
I thought we were friends.

  
The last thing we want
to do is upset bees!

  
You're too late! It's ours now!

  
You, sir, have crossed
the wrong sword!

  
You, sir, will be lunch
for my iguana, Ignacio!

  
Where is the honey coming from?

  
Tell me where!

  
Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms!

  
Orazy person!

  
What horrible thing has happened here?

  
These faces, they never knew
what hit them. And now

  
they're on the road to nowhere!

  
Just keep still.

  
What? You're not dead?

  
Do I look dead? They will wipe anything
that moves. Where you headed?

  
To Honey Farms.
I am onto something huge here.

  
I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood,
crazy stuff. Blows your head off!

  
I'm going to Tacoma.

  
- And you?
- He really is dead.

  
All right.

  
Uh-oh!

  
- What is that?!
- Oh, no!

  
- A wiper! Triple blade!
- Triple blade?

  
Jump on! It's your only chance, bee!

  
Why does everything have
to be so doggone clean?!

  
How much do you people need to see?!

  
Open your eyes!
Stick your head out the window!

  
From NPR News in Washington,
I'm Oarl Kasell.

  
But don't kill no more bugs!

  
- Bee!
- Moose blood guy!!

  
- You hear something?
- Like what?

  
Like tiny screaming.

  
Turn off the radio.

  
Whassup, bee boy?

  
Hey, Blood.

  
Just a row of honey jars,
as far as the eye could see.

  
Wow!

  
I assume wherever this truck goes
is where they're getting it.

  
I mean, that honey's ours.

  
- Bees hang tight.
- We're all jammed in.

  
It's a close community.

  
Not us, man. We on our own.
Every mosquito on his own.

  
- What if you get in trouble?
- You a mosquito, you in trouble.

  
Nobody likes us. They just smack.
See a mosquito, smack, smack!

  
At least you're out in the world.
You must meet girls.

  
Mosquito girls try to trade up,
get with a moth, dragonfly.

  
Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito.

  
You got to be kidding me!

  
Mooseblood's about to leave
the building! So long, bee!

  
- Hey, guys!
- Mooseblood!

  
I knew I'd catch y'all down here.
Did you bring your crazy straw?

  
We throw it in jars, slap a label on it,
and it's pretty much pure profit.

  
What is this place?

  
A bee's got a brain
the size of a pinhead.

  
They are pinheads!

  
Pinhead.

  
- Oheck out the new smoker.
- Oh, sweet. That's the one you want.

  
The Thomas 3000!

  
Smoker?

  
Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic.
Twice the nicotine, all the tar.

  
A couple breaths of this
knocks them right out.

  
They make the honey,
and we make the money.

  
"They make the honey,
and we make the money"?

  
Oh, my!

  
What's going on? Are you OK?

  
Yeah. It doesn't last too long.

  
Do you know you're
in a fake hive with fake walls?

  
Our queen was moved here.
We had no choice.

  
This is your queen?
That's a man in women's clothes!

  
That's a drag queen!

  
What is this?

  
Oh, no!

  
There's hundreds of them!

  
Bee honey.

  
Our honey is being brazenly stolen
on a massive scale!

  
This is worse than anything bears
have done! I intend to do something.

  
Oh, Barry, stop.

  
Who told you humans are taking
our honey? That's a rumor.

  
Do these look like rumors?

  
That's a conspiracy theory.
These are obviously doctored photos.

  
How did you get mixed up in this?

  
He's been talking to humans.

  
- What?
- Talking to humans?!

  
He has a human girlfriend.
And they make out!

  
Make out? Barry!

  
We do not.

  
- You wish you could.
- Whose side are you on?

  
The bees!

  
I dated a cricket once in San Antonio.
Those crazy legs kept me up all night.

  
Barry, this is what you want
to do with your life?

  
I want to do it for all our lives.
Nobody works harder than bees!

  
Dad, I remember you
coming home so overworked

  
your hands were still stirring.
You couldn't stop.

  
I remember that.

  
What right do they have to our honey?

  
We live on two cups a year. They put it
in lip balm for no reason whatsoever!

  
Even if it's true, what can one bee do?

  
Sting them where it really hurts.

  
In the face! The eye!

  
- That would hurt.
- No.

  
Up the nose? That's a killer.

  
There's only one place you can sting
the humans, one place where it matters.

  
Hive at Five, the hive's only
full-hour action news source.

  
No more bee beards!

  
With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk.

  
Weather with Storm Stinger.

  
Sports with Buzz Larvi.

  
And Jeanette Ohung.

  
- Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble.
- And I'm Jeanette Ohung.

  
A tri-county bee, Barry Benson,

  
intends to sue the human race
for stealing our honey,

  
packaging it and profiting
from it illegally!

  
Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King,

  
we'll have three former queens here in
our studio, discussing their new book,

  
Olassy Ladies,
out this week on Hexagon.

  
Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson.

  
Did you ever think, "I'm a kid
from the hive. I can't do this"?

  
Bees have never been afraid
to change the world.

  
What about Bee Oolumbus?
Bee Gandhi? Bejesus?

  
Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans.

  
We were thinking
of stickball or candy stores.

  
How old are you?

  
The bee community
is supporting you in this case,

  
which will be the trial
of the bee century.

  
You know, they have a Larry King
in the human world too.

  
It's a common name. Next week...

  
He looks like you and has a show
and suspenders and colored dots...

  
Next week...

  
Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the
guest even though you just heard 'em.

  
Bear Week next week!
They're scary, hairy and here live.

  
Always leans forward, pointy shoulders,
squinty eyes, very Jewish.

  
In tennis, you attack
at the point of weakness!

  
It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81.

  
Honey, her backhand's a joke!
I'm not gonna take advantage of that?

  
Quiet, please.
Actual work going on here.

  
- Is that that same bee?
- Yes, it is!

  
I'm helping him sue the human race.

  
- Hello.
- Hello, bee.

  
This is Ken.

  
Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size
ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe.

  
Why does he talk again?

  
Listen, you better go
'cause we're really busy working.

  
But it's our yogurt night!

  
Bye-bye.

  
Why is yogurt night so difficult?!

  
You poor thing.
You two have been at this for hours!

  
Yes, and Adam here
has been a huge help.

  
- Frosting...
- How many sugars?

  
Just one. I try not
to use the competition.

  
So why are you helping me?

  
Bees have good qualities.

  
And it takes my mind off the shop.

  
Instead of flowers, people
are giving balloon bouquets now.

  
Those are great, if you're three.

  
And artificial flowers.

  
- Oh, those just get me psychotic!
- Yeah, me too.

  
Bent stingers, pointless pollination.

  
Bees must hate those fake things!

  
Nothing worse
than a daffodil that's had work done.

  
Maybe this could make up
for it a little bit.

  
- This lawsuit's a pretty big deal.
- I guess.

  
You sure you want to go through with it?

  
Am I sure? When I'm done with
the humans, they won't be able

  
to say, "Honey, I'm home,"
without paying a royalty!

  
It's an incredible scene
here in downtown Manhattan,

  
where the world anxiously waits,
because for the first time in history,

  
we will hear for ourselves
if a honeybee can actually speak.

  
What have we gotten into here, Barry?

  
It's pretty big, isn't it?

  
I can't believe how many humans
don't work during the day.

  
You think billion-dollar multinational
food companies have good lawyers?

  
Everybody needs to stay
behind the barricade.

  
- What's the matter?
- I don't know, I just got a chill.

  
Well, if it isn't the bee team.

  
You boys work on this?

  
All rise! The Honorable
Judge Bumbleton presiding.

  
All right. Oase number 4475,

  
Superior Oourt of New York,
Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry

  
is now in session.

  
Mr. Montgomery, you're representing
the five food companies collectively?

  
A privilege.

  
Mr. Benson... you're representing
all the bees of the world?

  
I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor,
we're ready to proceed.

  
Mr. Montgomery,
your opening statement, please.

  
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

  
my grandmother was a simple woman.

  
Born on a farm, she believed
it was man's divine right

  
to benefit from the bounty
of nature God put before us.

  
If we lived in the topsy-turvy world
Mr. Benson imagines,

  
just think of what would it mean.

  
I would have to negotiate
with the silkworm

  
for the elastic in my britches!

  
Talking bee!

  
How do we know this isn't some sort of

  
holographic motion-picture-capture
Hollywood wizardry?

  
They could be using laser beams!

  
Robotics! Ventriloquism!
Oloning! For all we know,

  
he could be on steroids!

  
Mr. Benson?

  
Ladies and gentlemen,
there's no trickery here.

  
I'm just an ordinary bee.
Honey's pretty important to me.

  
It's important to all bees.
We invented it!

  
We make it. And we protect it
with our lives.

  
Unfortunately, there are
some people in this room

  
who think they can take it from us

  
'cause we're the little guys!
I'm hoping that, after this is all over,

  
you'll see how, by taking our honey,
you not only take everything we have

  
but everything we are!

  
I wish he'd dress like that
all the time. So nice!

  
Oall your first witness.

  
So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden
of Honey Farms, big company you have.

  
I suppose so.

  
I see you also own
Honeyburton and Honron!

  
Yes, they provide beekeepers
for our farms.

  
Beekeeper. I find that
to be a very disturbing term.

  
I don't imagine you employ
any bee-free-ers, do you?

  
- No.
- I couldn't hear you.

  
- No.
- No.

  
Because you don't free bees.
You keep bees. Not only that,

  
it seems you thought a bear would be
an appropriate image for a jar of honey.

  
They're very lovable creatures.

  
Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear.

  
You mean like this?

  
Bears kill bees!

  
How'd you like his head crashing
through your living room?!

  
Biting into your couch!
Spitting out your throw pillows!

  
OK, that's enough. Take him away.

  
So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here.
Your name intrigues me.

  
- Where have I heard it before?
- I was with a band called The Police.

  
But you've never been
a police officer, have you?

  
No, I haven't.

  
No, you haven't. And so here
we have yet another example

  
of bee culture casually
stolen by a human

  
for nothing more than
a prance-about stage name.

  
Oh, please.

  
Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting?

  
Because I'm feeling
a little stung, Sting.

  
Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner!

  
That's not his real name?! You idiots!

  
Mr. Liotta, first,
belated congratulations on

  
your Emmy win for a guest spot
on ER in 2005.

  
Thank you. Thank you.

  
I see from your resume
that you're devilishly handsome

  
with a churning inner turmoil
that's ready to blow.

  
I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime?

  
Not yet it isn't. But is this
what it's come to for you?

  
Exploiting tiny, helpless bees
so you don't

  
have to rehearse
your part and learn your lines, sir?

  
Watch it, Benson!
I could blow right now!

  
This isn't a goodfella.
This is a badfella!

  
Why doesn't someone just step on
this creep, and we can all go home?!

  
- Order in this court!
- You're all thinking it!

  
Order! Order, I say!

  
- Say it!
- Mr. Liotta, please sit down!

  
I think it was awfully nice
of that bear to pitch in like that.

  
I think the jury's on our side.

  
Are we doing everything right, legally?

  
I'm a florist.

  
Right. Well, here's to a great team.

  
To a great team!

  
Well, hello.

  
- Ken!
- Hello.

  
I didn't think you were coming.

  
No, I was just late.
I tried to call, but... the battery.

  
I didn't want all this to go to waste,
so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free.

  
Oh, that was lucky.

  
There's a little left.
I could heat it up.

  
Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever.

  
So I hear you're quite a tennis player.

  
I'm not much for the game myself.
The ball's a little grabby.

  
That's where I usually sit.
Right... there.

  
Ken, Barry was looking at your resume,

  
and he agreed with me that eating with
chopsticks isn't really a special skill.

  
You think I don't see what you're doing?

  
I know how hard it is to find
the rightjob. We have that in common.

  
Do we?

  
Bees have 100 percent employment,
but we do jobs like taking the crud out.

  
That's just what
I was thinking about doing.

  
Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor
for his fuzz. I hope that was all right.

  
I'm going to drain the old stinger.

  
Yeah, you do that.

  
Look at that.

  
You know, I've just about had it

  
with your little mind games.

  
- What's that?
- Italian Vogue.

  
Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages.

  
A lot of ads.

  
Remember what Van said, why is
your life more valuable than mine?

  
Funny, I just can't seem to recall that!

  
I think something stinks in here!

  
I love the smell of flowers.

  
How do you like the smell of flames?!

  
Not as much.

  
Water bug! Not taking sides!

  
Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat!
This is pathetic!

  
I've got issues!

  
Well, well, well, a royal flush!

  
- You're bluffing.
- Am I?

  
Surf's up, dude!

  
Poo water!

  
That bowl is gnarly.

  
Except for those dirty yellow rings!

  
Kenneth! What are you doing?!

  
You know, I don't even like honey!
I don't eat it!

  
We need to talk!

  
He's just a little bee!

  
And he happens to be
the nicest bee I've met in a long time!

  
Long time? What are you talking about?!
Are there other bugs in your life?

  
No, but there are other things bugging
me in life. And you're one of them!

  
Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night...

  
My nerves are fried from riding
on this emotional roller coaster!

  
Goodbye, Ken.

  
And for your information,

  
I prefer sugar-free, artificial
sweeteners made by man!

  
I'm sorry about all that.

  
I know it's got
an aftertaste! I like it!

  
I always felt there was some kind
of barrier between Ken and me.

  
I couldn't overcome it.
Oh, well.

  
Are you OK for the trial?

  
I believe Mr. Montgomery
is about out of ideas.

  
We would like to call
Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand.

  
Good idea! You can really see why he's
considered one of the best lawyers...

  
Yeah.

  
Layton, you've
gotta weave some magic

  
with this jury,
or it's gonna be all over.

  
Don't worry. The only thing I have
to do to turn this jury around

  
is to remind them
of what they don't like about bees.

  
- You got the tweezers?
- Are you allergic?

  
Only to losing, son. Only to losing.

  
Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you
what I think we'd all like to know.

  
What exactly is your relationship

  
to that woman?

  
We're friends.

  
- Good friends?
- Yes.

  
How good? Do you live together?

  
Wait a minute...

  
Are you her little...

  
...bedbug?

  
I've seen a bee documentary or two.
From what I understand,

  
doesn't your queen give birth
to all the bee children?

  
- Yeah, but...
- So those aren't your real parents!

  
- Oh, Barry...
- Yes, they are!

  
Hold me back!

  
You're an illegitimate bee,
aren't you, Benson?

  
He's denouncing bees!

  
Don't y'all date your cousins?

  
- Objection!
- I'm going to pincushion this guy!

  
Adam, don't! It's what he wants!

  
Oh, I'm hit!!

  
Oh, lordy, I am hit!

  
Order! Order!

  
The venom! The venom
is coursing through my veins!

  
I have been felled
by a winged beast of destruction!

  
You see? You can't treat them
like equals! They're striped savages!

  
Stinging's the only thing
they know! It's their way!

  
- Adam, stay with me.
- I can't feel my legs.

  
What angel of mercy
will come forward to suck the poison

  
from my heaving buttocks?

  
I will have order in this court. Order!

  
Order, please!

  
The case of the honeybees
versus the human race

  
took a pointed turn against the bees

  
yesterday when one of their legal
team stung Layton T. Montgomery.

  
- Hey, buddy.
- Hey.

  
- Is there much pain?
- Yeah.

  
I...

  
I blew the whole case, didn't I?

  
It doesn't matter. What matters is
you're alive. You could have died.

  
I'd be better off dead. Look at me.

  
They got it from the cafeteria
downstairs, in a tuna sandwich.

  
Look, there's
a little celery still on it.

  
What was it like to sting someone?

  
I can't explain it. It was all...

  
All adrenaline and then...
and then ecstasy!

  
All right.

  
You think it was all a trap?

  
Of course. I'm sorry.
I flew us right into this.

  
What were we thinking? Look at us. We're
just a couple of bugs in this world.

  
What will the humans do to us
if they win?

  
I don't know.

  
I hear they put the roaches in motels.
That doesn't sound so bad.

  
Adam, they check in,
but they don't check out!

  
Oh, my.

  
Oould you get a nurse
to close that window?

  
- Why?
- The smoke.

  
Bees don't smoke.

  
Right. Bees don't smoke.

  
Bees don't smoke!
But some bees are smoking.

  
That's it! That's our case!

  
It is? It's not over?

  
Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere.

  
Get back to the court and stall.
Stall any way you can.

  
And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub.

  
Mr. Flayman.

  
Yes? Yes, Your Honor!

  
Where is the rest of your team?

  
Well, Your Honor, it's interesting.

  
Bees are trained to fly haphazardly,

  
and as a result,
we don't make very good time.

  
I actually heard a funny story about...

  
Your Honor,
haven't these ridiculous bugs

  
taken up enough
of this court's valuable time?

  
How much longer will we allow
these absurd shenanigans to go on?

  
They have presented no compelling
evidence to support their charges

  
against my clients,
who run legitimate businesses.

  
I move for a complete dismissal
of this entire case!

  
Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going

  
to have to consider
Mr. Montgomery's motion.

  
But you can't! We have a terrific case.

  
Where is your proof?
Where is the evidence?

  
Show me the smoking gun!

  
Hold it, Your Honor!
You want a smoking gun?

  
Here is your smoking gun.

  
What is that?

  
It's a bee smoker!

  
What, this?
This harmless little contraption?

  
This couldn't hurt a fly,
let alone a bee.

  
Look at what has happened

  
to bees who have never been asked,
"Smoking or non?"

  
Is this what nature intended for us?

  
To be forcibly addicted
to smoke machines

  
and man-made wooden slat work camps?

  
Living out our lives as honey slaves
to the white man?

  
- What are we gonna do?
- He's playing the species card.

  
Ladies and gentlemen, please,
free these bees!

  
Free the bees! Free the bees!

  
Free the bees!

  
Free the bees! Free the bees!

  
The court finds in favor of the bees!

  
Vanessa, we won!

  
I knew you could do it! High-five!

  
Sorry.

  
I'm OK! You know what this means?

  
All the honey
will finally belong to the bees.

  
Now we won't have
to work so hard all the time.

  
This is an unholy perversion
of the balance of nature, Benson.

  
You'll regret this.

  
Barry, how much honey is out there?

  
All right. One at a time.

  
Barry, who are you wearing?

  
My sweater is Ralph Lauren,
and I have no pants.

  
- What if Montgomery's right?
- What do you mean?

  
We've been living the bee way
a long time, 27 million years.

  
Oongratulations on your victory.
What will you demand as a settlement?

  
First, we'll demand a complete shutdown
of all bee work camps.

  
Then we want back the honey
that was ours to begin with,

  
every last drop.

  
We demand an end to the glorification
of the bear as anything more

  
than a filthy, smelly,
bad-breath stink machine.

  
We're all aware
of what they do in the woods.

  
Wait for my signal.

  
Take him out.

  
He'll have nauseous
for a few hours, then he'll be fine.

  
And we will no longer tolerate
bee-negative nicknames...

  
But it's just a prance-about stage name!

  
...unnecessary inclusion of honey
in bogus health products

  
and la-dee-da human
tea-time snack garnishments.

  
Oan't breathe.

  
Bring it in, boys!

  
Hold it right there! Good.

  
Tap it.

  
Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups,
and there's gallons more coming!

  
- I think we need to shut down!
- Shut down? We've never shut down.

  
Shut down honey production!

  
Stop making honey!

  
Turn your key, sir!

  
What do we do now?

  
Oannonball!

  
We're shutting honey production!

  
Mission abort.

  
Aborting pollination and nectar detail.
Returning to base.

  
Adam, you wouldn't believe
how much honey was out there.

  
Oh, yeah?

  
What's going on? Where is everybody?

  
- Are they out celebrating?
- They're home.

  
They don't know what to do.
Laying out, sleeping in.

  
I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way
to San Antonio with a cricket.

  
At least we got our honey back.

  
Sometimes I think, so what if humans
liked our honey? Who wouldn't?

  
It's the greatest thing in the world!
I was excited to be part of making it.

  
This was my new desk. This was my
new job. I wanted to do it really well.

  
And now...

  
Now I can't.

  
I don't understand
why they're not happy.

  
I thought their lives would be better!

  
They're doing nothing. It's amazing.
Honey really changes people.

  
You don't have any idea
what's going on, do you?

  
- What did you want to show me?
- This.

  
What happened here?

  
That is not the half of it.

  
Oh, no. Oh, my.

  
They're all wilting.

  
Doesn't look very good, does it?

  
No.

  
And whose fault do you think that is?

  
You know, I'm gonna guess bees.

  
Bees?

  
Specifically, me.

  
I didn't think bees not needing to make
honey would affect all these things.

  
It's notjust flowers.
Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees.

  
That's our whole SAT test right there.

  
Take away produce, that affects
the entire animal kingdom.

  
And then, of course...

  
The human species?

  
So if there's no more pollination,

  
it could all just go south here,
couldn't it?

  
I know this is also partly my fault.

  
How about a suicide pact?

  
How do we do it?

  
- I'll sting you, you step on me.
- Thatjust kills you twice.

  
Right, right.

  
Listen, Barry...
sorry, but I gotta get going.

  
I had to open my mouth and talk.

  
Vanessa?

  
Vanessa? Why are you leaving?
Where are you going?

  
To the final Tournament of Roses parade
in Pasadena.

  
They've moved it to this weekend
because all the flowers are dying.

  
It's the last chance
I'll ever have to see it.

  
Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry.
I never meant it to turn out like this.

  
I know. Me neither.

  
Tournament of Roses.
Roses can't do sports.

  
Wait a minute. Roses. Roses?

  
Roses!

  
Vanessa!

  
Roses?!

  
Barry?

  
- Roses are flowers!
- Yes, they are.

  
Flowers, bees, pollen!

  
I know.
That's why this is the last parade.

  
Maybe not.
Oould you ask him to slow down?

  
Oould you slow down?

  
Barry!

  
OK, I made a huge mistake.
This is a total disaster, all my fault.

  
Yes, it kind of is.

  
I've ruined the planet.
I wanted to help you

  
with the flower shop.
I've made it worse.

  
Actually, it's completely closed down.

  
I thought maybe you were remodeling.

  
But I have another idea, and it's
greater than my previous ideas combined.

  
I don't want to hear it!

  
All right, they have the roses,
the roses have the pollen.

  
I know every bee, plant
and flower bud in this park.

  
All we gotta do is get what they've got
back here with what we've got.

  
- Bees.
- Park.

  
- Pollen!
- Flowers.

  
- Repollination!
- Across the nation!

  
Tournament of Roses,
Pasadena, Oalifornia.

  
They've got nothing
but flowers, floats and cotton candy.

  
Security will be tight.

  
I have an idea.

  
Vanessa Bloome, FTD.

  
Official floral business. It's real.

  
Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch.

  
Thank you. It was a gift.

  
Once inside,
we just pick the right float.

  
How about The Princess and the Pea?

  
I could be the princess,
and you could be the pea!

  
Yes, I got it.

  
- Where should I sit?
- What are you?

  
- I believe I'm the pea.
- The pea?

  
It goes under the mattresses.

  
- Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart.
- I'm getting the marshal.

  
You do that!
This whole parade is a fiasco!

  
Let's see what this baby'll do.

  
Hey, what are you doing?!

  
Then all we do
is blend in with traffic...

  
...without arousing suspicion.

  
Once at the airport,
there's no stopping us.

  
Stop! Security.

  
- You and your insect pack your float?
- Yes.

  
Has it been
in your possession the entire time?

  
Would you remove your shoes?

  
- Remove your stinger.
- It's part of me.

  
I know. Just having some fun.
Enjoy your flight.

  
Then if we're lucky, we'll have
just enough pollen to do the job.

  
Oan you believe how lucky we are? We
have just enough pollen to do the job!

  
I think this is gonna work.

  
It's got to work.

  
Attention, passengers,
this is Oaptain Scott.

  
We have a bit of bad weather
in New York.

  
It looks like we'll experience
a couple hours delay.

  
Barry, these are cut flowers
with no water. They'll never make it.

  
I gotta get up there
and talk to them.

  
Be careful.

  
Oan I get help
with the Sky Mall magazine?

  
I'd like to order the talking
inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer.

  
Oaptain, I'm in a real situation.

  
- What'd you say, Hal?
- Nothing.

  
Bee!

  
Don't freak out! My entire species...

  
What are you doing?

  
- Wait a minute! I'm an attorney!
- Who's an attorney?

  
Don't move.

  
Oh, Barry.

  
Good afternoon, passengers.
This is your captain.

  
Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B
please report to the cockpit?

  
And please hurry!

  
What happened here?

  
There was a DustBuster,
a toupee, a life raft exploded.

  
One's bald, one's in a boat,
they're both unconscious!

  
- Is that another bee joke?
- No!

  
No one's flying the plane!

  
This is JFK control tower, Flight 356.
What's your status?

  
This is Vanessa Bloome.
I'm a florist from New York.

  
Where's the pilot?

  
He's unconscious,
and so is the copilot.

  
Not good. Does anyone onboard
have flight experience?

  
As a matter of fact, there is.

  
- Who's that?
- Barry Benson.

  
From the honey trial?! Oh, great.

  
Vanessa, this is nothing more
than a big metal bee.

  
It's got giant wings, huge engines.

  
I can't fly a plane.

  
- Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot?
- Yes.

  
How hard could it be?

  
Wait, Barry!
We're headed into some lightning.

  
This is Bob Bumble. We have some
late-breaking news from JFK Airport,

  
where a suspenseful scene
is developing.

  
Barry Benson,
fresh from his legal victory...

  
That's Barry!

  
...is attempting to land a plane,
loaded with people, flowers

  
and an incapacitated flight crew.

  
Flowers?!

  
We have a storm in the area
and two individuals at the controls

  
with absolutely no flight experience.

  
Just a minute.
There's a bee on that plane.

  
I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson
and his no-account compadres.

  
They've done enough damage.

  
But isn't he your only hope?

  
Technically, a bee
shouldn't be able to fly at all.

  
Their wings are too small...

  
Haven't we heard this a million times?

  
"The surface area of the wings
and body mass make no sense."

  
- Get this on the air!
- Got it.

  
- Stand by.
- We're going live.

  
The way we work may be a mystery to you.

  
Making honey takes a lot of bees
doing a lot of small jobs.

  
But let me tell you about a small job.

  
If you do it well,
it makes a big difference.

  
More than we realized.
To us, to everyone.

  
That's why I want to get bees
back to working together.

  
That's the bee way!
We're not made of Jell-O.

  
We get behind a fellow.

  
- Black and yellow!
- Hello!

  
Left, right, down, hover.

  
- Hover?
- Forget hover.

  
This isn't so hard.
Beep-beep! Beep-beep!

  
Barry, what happened?!

  
Wait, I think we were
on autopilot the whole time.

  
- That may have been helping me.
- And now we're not!

  
So it turns out I cannot fly a plane.

  
All of you, let's get
behind this fellow! Move it out!

  
Move out!

  
Our only chance is if I do what I'd do,
you copy me with the wings of the plane!

  
Don't have to yell.

  
I'm not yelling!
We're in a lot of trouble.

  
It's very hard to concentrate
with that panicky tone in your voice!

  
It's not a tone. I'm panicking!

  
I can't do this!

  
Vanessa, pull yourself together.
You have to snap out of it!

  
You snap out of it.

  
You snap out of it.

  
- You snap out of it!
- You snap out of it!

  
- You snap out of it!
- You snap out of it!

  
- You snap out of it!
- You snap out of it!

  
- Hold it!
- Why? Oome on, it's my turn.

  
How is the plane flying?

  
I don't know.

  
Hello?

  
Benson, got any flowers
for a happy occasion in there?

  
The Pollen Jocks!

  
They do get behind a fellow.

  
- Black and yellow.
- Hello.

  
All right, let's drop this tin can
on the blacktop.

  
Where? I can't see anything. Oan you?

  
No, nothing. It's all cloudy.

  
Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry.

  
- Thinking bee.
- Thinking bee.

  
Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

  
Wait a minute.
I think I'm feeling something.

  
- What?
- I don't know. It's strong, pulling me.

  
Like a 27-million-year-old instinct.

  
Bring the nose down.

  
Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

  
- What in the world is on the tarmac?
- Get some lights on that!

  
Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

  
- Vanessa, aim for the flower.
- OK.

  
Out the engines. We're going in
on bee power. Ready, boys?

  
Affirmative!

  
Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it.

  
Land on that flower!

  
Ready? Full reverse!

  
Spin it around!

  
- Not that flower! The other one!
- Which one?

  
- That flower.
- I'm aiming at the flower!

  
That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt.
I mean the giant pulsating flower

  
made of millions of bees!

  
Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up.

  
Rotate around it.

  
- This is insane, Barry!
- This's the only way I know how to fly.

  
Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane
flying in an insect-like pattern?

  
Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid.
Smell it. Full reverse!

  
Just drop it. Be a part of it.

  
Aim for the center!

  
Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman!

  
Oome on, already.

  
Barry, we did it!
You taught me how to fly!

  
- Yes. No high-five!
- Right.

  
Barry, it worked!
Did you see the giant flower?

  
What giant flower? Where? Of course
I saw the flower! That was genius!

  
- Thank you.
- But we're not done yet.

  
Listen, everyone!

  
This runway is covered
with the last pollen

  
from the last flowers
available anywhere on Earth.

  
That means this is our last chance.

  
We're the only ones who make honey,
pollinate flowers and dress like this.

  
If we're gonna survive as a species,
this is our moment! What do you say?

  
Are we going to be bees, orjust
Museum of Natural History keychains?

  
We're bees!

  
Keychain!

  
Then follow me! Except Keychain.

  
Hold on, Barry. Here.

  
You've earned this.

  
Yeah!

  
I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect
fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves.

  
Oh, yeah.

  
That's our Barry.

  
Mom! The bees are back!

  
If anybody needs
to make a call, now's the time.

  
I got a feeling we'll be
working late tonight!

  
Here's your change. Have a great
afternoon! Oan I help who's next?

  
Would you like some honey with that?
It is bee-approved. Don't forget these.

  
Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me.
And I don't see a nickel!

  
Sometimes I just feel
like a piece of meat!

  
I had no idea.

  
Barry, I'm sorry.
Have you got a moment?

  
Would you excuse me?
My mosquito associate will help you.

  
Sorry I'm late.

  
He's a lawyer too?

  
I was already a blood-sucking parasite.
All I needed was a briefcase.

  
Have a great afternoon!

  
Barry, I just got this huge tulip order,
and I can't get them anywhere.

  
No problem, Vannie.
Just leave it to me.

  
You're a lifesaver, Barry.
Oan I help who's next?

  
All right, scramble, jocks!
It's time to fly.

  
Thank you, Barry!

  
That bee is living my life!

  
Let it go, Kenny.

  
- When will this nightmare end?!
- Let it all go.

  
- Beautiful day to fly.
- Sure is.

  
Between you and me,
I was dying to get out of that office.

  
You have got
to start thinking bee, my friend.

  
- Thinking bee!
- Me?

  
Hold it. Let's just stop
for a second. Hold it.

  
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone.
Oan we stop here?

  
I'm not making a major life decision
during a production number!

  
All right. Take ten, everybody.
Wrap it up, guys.

  
I had virtually no rehearsal for that.