i think id go gay for him

anonymous asked:

ok so. i have id-d as a lesbian for abt six months now and i feel really comfortable with the label and the identity and im pretty sure i am a lesbian but sometimes i get these ... intrusive feelings i guess abt guys? like i think "oh hes nice maybe i like him" and then i feel sick and anxious at the prospect of possibly LIKING a guy and maybe DATING him and u g h... i just don't know if I'm really gay or not i wish i was more sure

welcome to the lesbian experience of compulsory het refusing to let go and the Constant Doubt 

Top 15 Liam Gallagher quotes

1. On England’s football squad: “A bag of shite. My grandmother would do better, on acid with a Toblerone stuck up her arse.”

2. On Wayne Rooney: “Looks like a fucking balloon with a Weetabix crushed on top.”

3. On being a softie at heart: “I am a tender, beautiful and loving guy that happens to slap a photographer now and then because they get in my way.” 

4. On nearly dying after eating M&Ms : “That peanut, man, it nearly tipped me over the edge. It was a fucking blue one and all, the cheeky bastard. I had a fucking M&M and i felt like I’d been shot in the mouth.”

5. On pointy shoes: “You know them shoes that just come out at you like a fucking snooker cue?! It’s like, ‘Leave it out, man! You got a license for them bastards or what?’”

6. On his emotions: “ I suppose I do get sad, but not for too long. I just look in the mirror and go; ‘What a good-looking fuck you are.’”

7.On being asked if the band would have been a succes without noel:  “It’s like would jezus christ been a fuckin pervert if he had a crisp packet on his head.”

8. On golf: “I love making proper contact with that fucking ball. If you whack it, it fucking goes, man. If you get it right it goes miles. I spend too much time in that fucking sandpit but there you go….its’s a learning curve. And there’s a drink-up after.”

9. On what the public thinks of him: “Loudmouth blagging gobshite from Manchester….and they’d be totally correct.”

10. On Noel swapping personalities with Spongebob Squarepants: “Id ask him for his autograph and a kiss and cuddle.”

11. On falling with Noel: “We had a ding-dong in the airport and I think he started crying then - that was it - doesn’t travel with me any more.”

12. On being a sex symbol: “I’m into the girls fancying me, mad for it. Get a bit worried if boys started fancying me. I’ve got nothing against gays - as long as they don’t pinch me on the bum or whatever.” 

13. On the premiership: “I’m moving back to Manchester if City win the league. I’m going to buy a ouse next to Mani out of Stone Roses and be a real noisy *******neighbor - hurl abuse at him over the fence.” 

14. On his morning regime: “I’m up at 6am, me. I’ve got an alarm call and everything. It’s like being in the fookin’ army.”

15. “ There was this bug in my room, and I thought “you can fuck off, this is my room.””

i think it’s pointless/performative to say “you cant say you feel gay for someone if you’re bi” because… clearly they’re using “gay” to refer to their same-gender attraction, they arent literally calling themselves “gay” 

and what word would you suggest bi people use anyway? “good morning, i feel bisexually attracted to him on this fine day”? 

also no one complains when someone says “oh id go straight for her/him” (even tho that usage is 99% facetious) like.. clearly those terms are not referring to your literal sexuality 

paranoiajustified  asked:

Katsuki Bakugou

1: sexuality headcanon: hes too busy with his life ambition and worrying about that others might think hes weak to have a crush on anyone right now, so i dont think he would actually go for it, or even think about it at all. but if i had to pick i guess id say… bi or gay. yea

2: otp: fuck i dunno. uh. uraraka or midoriya would be cute i think. 


4: notp: uhhh i dont really have a specific one so im just gonna go with mineta here because that guy is… hes…. hes not allowed to be shipped with anyone. except a boot up his ass. little fucker

5: first headcanon that pops into my head: this entire comic

6: one way in which I relate to this character: insecure n constantly worries about what others think of him

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: i dont get what this is supposed to mean. hes not embarrassing, hes hilarious

8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave? hes a problematic fave, possibly with a cinnamon roll hidden deep inside all that rage and insecurity lmao. 

fic: Pavarotti Lives

Glee Twist Fest AU: What if Pavarotti didn’t die? An alternative look at Klaine getting together. AU, one-shot, Klaine, with minor Seblaine.

Pavarotti doesn’t die.

Kurt doesn’t sing a Beatles song in front of the Warblers; Blaine doesn’t have a moment about Kurt.

In return, Kurt doesn’t sing at Regionals, and when the Warblers lose, he transfers back to McKinley, where he belongs.

He tries to give Pavarotti back, but Blaine refuses. “No, he’s yours. You should keep him. Have something to remember me by,” he tries to joke, but it falls flat.

Kurt’s eyes soften. “As if I could ever forget you, Blaine Anderson.”

They remain friends, but it’s different. They go to Prom together, as friends, and Blaine finds his courage to tell Kurt why he transferred to Dalton in the first place.

Kurt reaches across the table and squeezes his hand, because they’ve always been that sort of affectionate friends. “You can come with me, then. Get rid of that lump in your throat.”

And when Kurt is crowned Queen, Blaine wants to kiss him so badly that it shocks him to the core. He brushes it off as lust and admiration, and doesn’t want to risk his friendship with Kurt over a simple kiss.

What he doesn’t know is: Kurt would have given anything to have Blaine kiss him right then, but he’s too grateful Blaine stepped in and danced with him to wish for anything more.

Keep reading

Star Trek’s George Takei: ‘I’d take a female friend to premieres. Then go out to a gay bar’
The one-time Mr Sulu is unique among the Star Trek fraternity for having become more famous and adored since he left the Starship Enterprise. So, what’s his problem with JJ Abrams’ blockbuster reboot?
By Ryan Gilbey

When I get home from the interview, an email is waiting for me from one of the publicists who was in the room with us. “A large proportion of your interview focused on George’s sexuality,” it reads. “Do you think this will be the main focus of your piece?” I wonder for a moment if she knows who George Takei is, or if she has read anything at all about him, or if she realises what it means to be shamed by society into hiding who you are – or if she was even listening when he spoke about being terrified of being outed or of watching his friends die of Aids.

3. - Early Morning Nerves; He's Got Some Nerve.


It was 9 am in the morning when I finally rolled out of bed and sluggishly dragged my feet across my bedroom and into my small ensuite. After yesterdays events I was able to get a decent five hours sleep which was more than I have had in a few months. Not wanting anything more than to feel cold water running down my hair and face, I instead found myself stopping in front of my mirror above the basin.

My eyes were still chinky from just waking up, my lips a bright pink colour that overpowered my other features and lastly my blond wild hair that was sticking out in every direction. Lifting my cami, I turned to the side and assessed the size of my stomach to which I let a little smile grace my lips thanks to the sight. Yesterday after my phone call from my brother, I did what I was told and practically shoved half a box of pizza down my throat. To go from barely eating to having a whole pizza was painful and after begging him to let me just finish the rest another time he reluctantly gave in.

Though I had every intention of spewing my guts up after  Dom wouldnt let me off skype, he had other ideas and made me stay on for the majority of the afternoon. By the time he finally let me go, my food had long ago digested and I could no longer make myself sick. I thought I had it all planned out but as always, Dom was one step ahead of me. Now looking back at my figure, I silently thanked God for not allowing me to show any signs of gaining weight from last nights feast.

Pulling me out of my personal assessment, I began stipping out of my clothes and headed towards the shower. Turning the cold water on, I sucked up the chill and reluctantly stood under the icy substance as it flattened my hair and ran down my body. Reason being I was torturing myself with the cold water was because my muscles were aching and tight as hell from my performance yesterday. I blame myself though, because my warm up was weak as hell and I knew better than to leave such a small prep time to stretch out.

Not trying to dwell on something I couldn’t change, I sucked up the coldness and began to thoroughly wash my crazy hair. I took my time shampooing my hair and even had to condition it twice just to get out all the tangles and knots. I adored my hair but the maintenance was a pain in the ass and now that I didn’t have my parents money to go to the salon every few days, I had to get use to doing it myself. After a 20 minute battle with my mane, I finally moved onto washing down my body however I couldn’t ignore the feel of the chilly water falling down over my nipples and down to my centre.

It had been a few months since the last time I had sex. I wasn’t some sort of sex fiend but I definitely enjoy the sexual act once in a while. Now standing alone in the shower, I couldn’t help but feel some of the sexual frustration building up. Resting my head back against the shower wall I closed my eyes and allowed my fingers to travel down my body and towards my opening. Before I could even attempt to deliver myself any kind of pleasure, the sound of my phone ringing rung out throughout my bedroom.

Wanting nothing more than to ignore it and go back to what I was doing, my eyes popped open at the sudden realisation that it could be from NYPA. As fast as I could, I switched the water off and ran out the bathroom without even bothering with a towel. Grabbing the phone, I didn’t even have a chance to take note of the number as I was already answering and bringing the device up to my ear.

“Hello Kalea speaking”, I managed to get out breathlessly as I stood in the middle of my bedroom with my wet hair clinging down my back, while a puddle of water was gathered at my feet. “Miss Romanova, I hope I didn’t interrupt you. You sound out of breath?”, The sound of Mr Christianson husky voice came through the phone instantly causing my excitement and nervousness to shoot through the roof, “Oh no its quite alright, I was just having a shower and had to rush out”, I giggled nervously before shutting up as I just realised I had informed the poor man I was showering.

“Mmm showering.. I see.. Would you like me to give you a moment to get dressed?”, He inquired as my eyes popped open and I subconsciously found myself looking out my opened windows that obviously showed off my exposed body. “H..h.how di-d you know.. I… um was .n..naked?”, I began to stutter only for him to chuckle lightly,

“I just assumed you were, I mean you did say you rushed out. But anyways Miss Romanova the reason I am calling is to deliver my congratulations. You have been accepted into NYPA and we would like you to come in so we can sign some papers”, Mr Christianson informed me instantly causing me to forget about the inappropriate conversation we had to begin with and instead clasp my hand over my mouth with excitement.

“Oh my gosh, are you serious?! This is so amazing, thank you so much Mr Christensen”, I breathlessly thanked as I found myself doing a semi victory dance before realising I was still naked and jiggling for all of Brooklyn to see. “My pleasure Miss Romanova, I will have my assistant email you the criteria. I look forward to seeing you”, He expressed as I felt my cheeks begin to hurt from smiling so much,

“Oh and Kalea, call me Leo”, He muttered huskily as my voice became stuck in my throat and before I could attempt to reply I was greeted by the dial tone. Scrunching up my face with confusion, I stood for a few minutes trying to contemplate this man’s intentions.

Deciding to push all the red flags to the back of my mind, I ran back towards the bathroom and grabbed my towel before diving on my bed so I could call Dom. However after dialing his number a few times, I let out a sigh as I realised he was most liking on the field thanks to his early morning football training. Dom was a quarterback from Miami University on a full scholarship, to say I was proud of him would be a understandment. Giving up, I ended up composing a quick message for him to call me before scrolling until I found Raheem’s name.

To: Raheem

I just got the call. I got in!! Looks like you’re going to be seeing heaps more of me :D

I composed the message before hitting a quick send. 

From: Raheem

Oh shit, thats whats up. Proud of you Curls. You can take me out to lunch tomorrow to celebrate.

Instantly a laugh escaped my lips and I couldnt help but feel my chest tighten at the thought of actually having a friend I could share my news with. Back in Cali, I practically had no friends. Reason being is that the girls only liked me because I had money but then a majority could never stand me because I was too ‘uptight’. I guess you can say I never met anyone who could actually handle me and actually want to be friends with me for being me.

To: Raheem

You got a deal, RaRa

I quickly typed back as I couldn’t help but chuckle at the corny ass nickname I decided to use for him. When my phone buzzed instantly I instantly knew he wasn’t a fan which only made me laugh harder.

From: Raheem

Dont even think about it Curls. Gay ass name, got me fucked up.

To: Raheem 

Dont be like that RaRa. Let me shine.

From: Raheem

Yo big ass hair is shining enough, you aint need no more which’yo conceited ass.

My laughter filled the room as my gaze scanned over his message. Sending him one last one, I told him Id speak to him later otherwise I knew we would go on all day. As much as that sounded fun, I however needed to get up and out of here so I could start looking for a job. With limited money to support myself, I needed to start working so I could ensure that I would be okay for the upcoming months. Dominic was more than happy to help me out considering he still had full access to all his accounts, however I didnt want to have to depend on my twin brother.

This new chapter was about growth and becoming independent, so I needed to do this for myself. Happy with my mental pep talk, I made sure my towel was wrapped around me securely before beginning to work on my wet hair.

It took me a good hour to blow dry and clip it up into some decent looking up do. It then took me another 40 minutes to decided on something that was appropriate enough to wear while looking for a job. When I was finally done it was hitting 11:30 and for the first time today I heard my stomach grumble in protest. Rolling my eyes at my sudden hunger, I hastily slipped into my outfit before looking myself over the tiny mirror one last time. 

Happy with my results, I grabbed my small LV purse and filled it up with the necessities such as keys, wallet, phone, resumes, earphones and lip gloss. Once I was prepared and ready, I made my way through my apartment and and turned off the lights before heading to the front door. With my hand on the doorknob, I let out a sigh before finally finding the will to open it and step out of my new safe haven. Turning around I made sure to lock the door and double check just in case.

With that out of the way, I made my way to the elevator and patiently waited for it to come up to my floor and let me in. As soon as the ding went off,  the doors opened and I stepped inside of the old creaky elevator that smelt like urine. Something that I had failed to pick up on yesterday. Making a gagging sound, I placed my hand over my mouth and hastily watched the numbers go down until they hit the bottom floor.

Walking through the lobby and out of the doors I couldn’t help but feel a little happy that I didnt encounter anyone during my ride down. The sun was shining today although there was still a cold chill in the air that instantly had me wishing I had brought a jacket. Not bothered to make the trip back upstairs, I headed up the path walk and let out a sigh of relief when I spotted the cab I had ordered 10 minutes before.

I knew I shouldn’t exactly be wasting my money on cabs everywhere but considering I still had no idea the way to bus stops or subways, I figured Id stick to this until I figured it out. Sliding into the cab, the driver was on the hands free phone as he and his acquaintance conversed in another language. Making a shushing sound into the phone, the cabbie turned around and flashed me a grin, “Where too miss?”, He asked as I cleared my throat and fiddled with my phone.

“To the nearest shopping centre please”, I shrugged as I decided that would be my best bet at finding a job close by. “No worries ma’am”, The driver nodded before starting up the car and taking off as he began to once again converse with the person on the other end of the phone. I rested back into my seat and found myself gazing out the window as I watched Brooklyn streets pass by.

All this was unfamiliar to me considering every time I visited NY my family and I would stick to the Upper East side. But now looking out at the window I realised there was so much more to discover other than 5 star hotels and prestige restaurants.

It took the driver a good 15 minutes before we pulled up to a large shopping centre, “Brooklyn Mall”, The cabbie explained as he noticed my confused expression in the rear view mirror. Nodding my head I handed him a 20 dollar note before opening the handle,

“Miss! To get back to your neighbourhood catch the 904 and get off at 74th street, your street is one block over”, The driver explained obviously noticing I was new around the area and that bus was much more convenient for me. “904 and get off at 74th. Thank you so much”, I beamed after I recited the instructions out loud and thanking him.

Nodding his head, I shut the door and watched as he drove away. Once out of sight I pulled out my phone and typed instructions before heading in side. Walking down the side to get to the front doors, I ignored my surroundings and let my focus on the sound of my heels hitting the pavement floor. It wasn’t until I stepped into the large centre that I realised I had already broken one of Raheem’s rules. ‘You needa look and act like you grew up in the hood’. His words replayed in my mind as I mentally rolled my eyes at my stupid self.

I was practically walking around with a target on my back. One big large one that screamed, ‘Im some stuck up rich girl who ended up on the wrong side of town’. A small groan escaped my lips and I willed myself to stop walking and standing with such a upright posture and instead slouched a little. Giving into the fact there was nothing else I could do to make myself look less ‘uptight’, I practically kept my head down as I began walking down one side of the strip so I could find a place that was hiring.

Within the first hour and first floor of the shopping mall, I ended up filling up an application for three jobs. Forever 21, Victoria Secrets and Foot locker. All of which were not even currently hiring but I guess they either took pity in me or liked the way I looked and said that when something opened up they would let me know. I even tried a few cafes, however one look and they instantly turned me away. I tried to not feel offended of insecure but I felt that way nonetheless.

Before heading up to the second fall I heard the low grumble of my belly reminding me that I had yet to eat. Letting out a sigh, my gaze landed on a starbucks and I hastily made my way over. Not happy there was a long line, I pushed my impatience to the side and silently waited in the line. Fifteen minutes later it was finally my turn and I made my way up to the counter, “A large expressio, no sugar and a low fat blueberry muffin please. Name is Kalea. K-a-l-e-a”, I spelt out before handing her the right amount of money while ignoring her raised eyebrow. 

Standing to the side, I watched as they made my coffee and bagged my muffin before calling out my name. Not wanting to be there any longer, I took my items and hastily made my way to the elevators. Sipping slowly on my straight black coffee, I let the contents fill my tummy and tame my hungry belly.

Coffee, crackers and apples where my usual diets back in the day however I decided not to go down that road and at least have a few carbs a day. Not only that but I refused to let down my brother. He knew first hand of my demons and insecurities and it was him who helped me through it all. I didnt want to fall right back into that place, especially so soon in my ‘new start’. 

Considering that I was hungry, my muffin and coffee were devoured within five minutes. Stopping a bathroom, I headed straight over so I could re do my lipgloss and make sure I was still looking presentable enough for a job. There was only one other girl in there when I walked in and she looked the part of what I imagined a ‘ratchet hood chick’, would look like. She popped her gum loudly as she eyed my out in the mirror, while I applied my lip gloss without paying her any mind.

“Daddys towncar lose its way?”, She smirked as I tensed up and felt my alter ego bubbling in side. Sure I may come off as quiet and reserved when I needed to be but it didn’t mean I was the type to be disrespected or walked over. “Actually we heard the farm was in town and would you look at that, my first glimpse of an animal”, I smirked with attitude as my eyes roamed her body in disgust. Obviously not expecting a reaction from me the girl was obviously taken aback with my sudden outburst. 

“Watch your back bitch. Daddys money cant save you out here”, She retorted with a smug look that instantly had me placing my hand on my hip as I looked at her with an amused gaze. “You’re empty threats dont scare me sweetheart. But kudos for trying”, I winked before looking back at my reflection in the mirror and pressing my freshly glossed lips together, I gave them a smack before leaving a very red faced girl in the bathroom.

As soon as I was back out in the open, I let out the breath I hadn’t noticed I was holding and subconsciously let out a groan. My brothers words replying in my mind when we once talked about how I found it difficult to make friend.

“Maybe if you were a little less uptight, they would give you the time of day”, Dominic laughed into the phone as I rolled my eyes while I blew on my wet red nails. It was my second year in pre med and ever since Dom moved to the other side of the country for his college, we spent many nights on the phone talking about any and everything.

Tonights topic was my lack of friendships I had and Dom was always drilling me to go out and try to make friends with girls. What my stubborn brother didn’t understand was, I was too far gone with ballet that I didnt care for any. Well that and the fact that no one ever gave me the time of day. People here would take one look at me, finds out Im a ballerina and instantly turn their heads and walk the other way.

Why? People have some crazy idea that ballerinas are some stuck up, prissy girls who only care about imagine and dance. Boy were they right, well in my case anyways. I couldnt help it though, I grew up thinking the only way to succeed in life was to be picture perfect and no matter what anyone said I couldnt change my state of mind.

“Lea you know first hand that some girls are intimidated by you so you need to show them that you’re actually really nice”, He stressed as I propped up on my knees and looked back at my reflection through the floor length mirror that was situated in front of my bed.

“Do you think.. Im nice?”, I questioned with a frown as I never really heard the opinion of a friend before and even though Dom was my brother I knew he would give it to me straight. He wasnt the type to beat around the bush in fear of hurting your feelings. Nope, he always kept it a hundred, no matter how bad the truth sounded.

“Surprisingly….yea you are. But when you feel judged or threatened your walls go up and you become hella defencive. And when you become defencive thats when the mega bitch in you comes out”, He explained before the line went quiet from both sides. A few heartbeats later and the both of us bursted into laughter and I rolled back onto my bed as I cradled my stomach..

“As funny as it is, you can not deny it is true”, I agreed once we both had composed ourselves and I tiredly stretched out across my bed.

“I guess its a good thing you dont let anyone walk all over you. But for fuck sake Lea, let someone at least try to get close to you, you need a female friend.”, He sighed as I joined in and let me own sigh out. I hated how he assumed that I willingly didnt want friends. 

I wanted friend. Infact I wanted tons of friends, it just seemed like no one wanted to be friends with me.

Imagines of Raheem filled my head and I shook my head of the negatives as I was happily remembering the fact that I had indeed made a friend. Sure he wasnt a female and his first thoughts of me where most likely sexual ones, it didnt matter because he was my first New York friend and that meant something to me.

Ready to once again start up my search for a job, I quickly rubbed my lips together before walking down the strip looking for another suitable place to search.

It wasn’t until another four hours later that I had finally decided to quit my search. I didnt actually stay at the mall for the entire four hours, I instead caught the subway into New York City and try my luck there. However it seemed no one was particularly interested in hiring a non experienced 21 year old dancer. Now after boarding another subway back to brooklyn, I finally found the 904 bus and after finding a seat I relaxed.

Wearing high heels today was most definitely the biggest mistake ever and I really wanted to mentally cuss myself out. A ballerinas most prized possession where her feet and five hours of running around NY with 6 inch heels was putting my feet through unnecessary torture. Now resting my head back against the seat, I kept my eyes on the street names and tried not to think about the fact that I still needed to walk home.  Though it was only hitting 5 in the afternoon the sun was already setting in the horizon.

Another one of Raheem’s rules played out in my mind as I began to get anxious to get home. 'Dont go out after dark’, He had warned and I was starting to get annoyed with myself that I wasnt taking his words too seriously. Finally my gaze landed on my stop and I quickly hit the stop button so the bus driver could pull over. Taking a grip of the railing, I waited until it came to a complete stop before making my way down the aisle and saying a small thank you before hopping off.

I remember the cabbie telling me my apartment was one block away and as I looked down my street I debated if I should head in the other direction. I once again forgot to eat during the day and now I could feel myself starving at the thought of some food. Not really feeling for some greasy pizza or chinese food, I squinted my eyes down the opposite street trying to remember if that was the way that lead to the mini stores.

Realising I was foolishly standing on the side of the road looking like some type of tourist, I thanked God no one spotted me but I spoke too soon as someone cleared their throat trying to get my attention.

Looking over my shoulder, I hadn’t noticed the elderly man that was sitting on a wooden chair that was sitting on top of steps that led to his grey terrace home.

“Hi”, I managed to get out while slowly turning on my heel. The old man, looked to be in about his late 50’s, early 60’s. He was a deep brown colour and the hair on his head was white as snow. “You the new miss down on 75th?”, He rasped out while puffing on a cigarette that I immediately knew was the course of his husky voice. “I am”, I said slowly not sure how the hell he knew that.

“Lincoln said you would be arriving some time this week. Whats your name?”, He enquired as I couldnt help but softly smile at the curious old man. Realising that the Lincoln was the name of my land lord I eased up and took a few steps closer to him, “Its Ballerina”, I grinned as I watched his face turn up into confusion before letting out a deep chuckle. “You gonna keep these fast boys on they toes. I can already tell”, He chuckled which only caused me to laugh along side him as his presence seemed friendlier by the second.

“You wouldnt happen to know of a cafe or diner around here? Just to get some decent coffee, maybe a little dinner?”, I ask with a shrug, trying to get some directions before I end up walking around in circles for a few hours or worse, end up starving myself tonight, “Matta fact I do and yo in luck. A old man needs a cuppa as well”, He invited himself, causing me to grin as I watched him stand up and lock his door before using his walking stick to help him walk down the stairs.

“Got a bad knee, happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Drive by starting popping off and this old man took one to the knee. Aint been the same since”, The old man explained as we both began to walk slowly in the opposite direction of my building.

“Im so sorry to hear that. Thankfully it wasnt fatal though”, I expressed, trying to lighten the mood as I was unsure what else to say at a time like this. I wasn’t all that good with conversations, I sucked actually. It was simply because I wasn’t the type to strike up conversations, instead I spent most of my time dancing. 

“What was your name?”, I found myself asking as I was practically walking with a stranger and still had no idea what to call him. “The name is Phil, the youngins around here call me Uncle Phil though”, He explained as I felt my lips tug into a smile at the thought. “Tell me, you liking NY so far?”, He enquired causing me to look over at him with a raised eyebrow, “How do you know Im not from here?”, I asked as we passed a small group of young teenage boys who instantly nodded their heads in Uncle Phils direction.

“Wild guess.. well that and Lincoln let it slip”, He shrugged before tipping his hat towards an older lady who was watering her plants outside her rundown terrace house. “Well its been okay. Scary, a little lonely but good nonetheless. I just need a job now and I’ll be good”, I sighed as he looked over with a curious glance before tucking his hands in his pocket as we rounded the street and headed down another one, “You have any waitressing experience before?”, He suddenly asked causing me to snap my head over at his direction as his gaze stayed on the street in front of us.

“I am.. I uhh.. well Ive actually.. never. um.. worked before”, I stuttered out as I now realised how ridiculous I must look. A 21 year old female and I have never worked a day in my life, god I really am as pathetic as all those college girls made me seem. “Ahh well no one ever learnt anything without trying. I think I can help you with a job. I heard that they are hiring a waitress at the diner Im taking you too. Wont start for a few weeks but its better than nothing”, He explained as I felt my eyes light up as lips turned into a cheesing smile.

“Really? Oh that would be so wonderful”, I beamed as I shook my head at all this amazing luck that was having since touching down in NY. Not only did I get accepted into the school of my dreams, I also happened to make a friend who helped me out with my apartment and now this sweet old man was helping me get a job. For all those years that I thought I was cursed with bad luck, I instantly felt those thoughts wash away.

We ended up rounding one last street until we finally came up to a wide one that had a bunch of little stores lined up on either side. I instantly remember it from yesterday when Raheem and I drove through it to get to my apartment. “Just a few stores up”, Uncle Phil explained as I looked over at him and smiled before letting my gaze take in all the different stores. I couldnt help but be low key be happy that everything seemed to be close to my apartment, I could easily go grocery shopping at the mini market and walk home. 

“Ahh here we are”, Phils voice boomed causing my eyes to zero in on the place he was talking about. The diner was actually quite large, larger than most shops around. People looking like they were all heading to it, almost as if it was the place to be or like a neighborhood hang out. My eyes continued to roam the exterior, it was the only building that didnt have a hint of graffiti and soon I was looking at the massive sign with wide eyes.

Realising I noticed it, Phil let out a chuckle as I tore my eyes from the sign and looked over at him with a grin, “Uncle Phil’s Diner, huh?”, I chuckled as I looked back at the flashing sign above the store that had ‘Uncle Phil’s Diner’, in bright lights. “Ehh, didnt wanna impress you so soon”, He shrugged nonchalantly although I could see him fighting to hide his grin.

“I am impressed, very much so”, I giggled as we headed towards the front door and I proceeded to open it up for the both of us, “I may be old but I still have a little chivalry left in me”, Uncle Phil said as he held the door instead and gestured with his hand for me to go inside. Smiling as I complied, I couldn’t help but swallow hard as everyone dining and working started throwing out their greetings towards Phil. Being that I was occupying him, my presence did not go unnoticed and I instantly found people staring at me with curious eyes.

“Come on Ballerina. Dont let these fools make you nervous”, Phil chuckled as he led me over to the the counter that took up the right side of the store. A chrome coloured bench wrapped around the counter and spaced out were stools for customers to sit at. However, the left side of the restaurant were filled with booths and rounded tables and chairs. Altogether the place looked well established and although it wasn’t my ideal job it was most definitely better than unemployment.

“Gina! A round of coffee for me and my girl here”, Phil yelled out as he led me to a opened booth and allowed me to slide in. “Wassup up Uncle Philly, you want the dinner special?”, A curvy girl beamed as she came over and flashed him a toothy smile before looking over at me and offering the same smile. “Yea bring me one of those”, Phil waved as the girl turned her attention to me, “What about you sweetheart? Up for the special? Ronnie makes a mean meatloaf and the greens is to die for”, She beamed as I couldnt help but grin back at her.

“That sounds great ill have that thank you”, I smiled as she nodded her head and began writing our order down. “Im Solana by the way. So-Lo for short and welcome to the neighbourhood Miss Ballerina”, She winked before spinning on her foot and heading back behind the counter and called out our order to the back kitchen. Looking back at Uncle Phil, he noticed my wide eyes and confusion and instantly began to chuckle, “News gets around the neighbourhood fast. Well in this diner it does.”, He shrugged as he delivered an explanation for the waitress who knew my name.

“Sweet girl, loves to talk”, He added as ‘So-Lo’ headed back over with our coffees and cutlery. “So how is NY treating you so far?”, She enquired as i mumbled a thank you for my coffee and allowed her to set out our forks and knifes, “So far so good. Its nerve racking but Im adjusting as best as I can”, I explained as she nodded her head like she understood. “Dont worry girl it will get easier in time”, She advised as I gave her a thankful smile as I definitely needed to hear that.  

As she began to converse with Phil, I couldnt help but take in her features. This girl was strikingly beautiful. She had a mass of wild black curls that reminded me of my own, dark freckles splashed across her flawless skin tone and not to mention her curves that she seemed to rock so effortlessly. I was never one to wish I was bigger in size but for the first time I couldnt help but feel a little envious of her full thighs and rounded ass.

“Actually, Ballerina over here will be working here from now on too. Ill need you to help work out a roster and teach her the ropes. You think you can do that?”, Uncle Phil explained to Solana which pulled me out of my trance of her image and instead, actually pay attention to her. “Really?! Yes! Oh my gosh girl, we are going to have SO much fun. I can tell we are going to be great friends. Dont even worry I will look after you”, Solana beamed as she slip in the booth beside me and took a hold of my hand that was sitting on top of the table.

Speechless at her kindness, I couldnt muster up and words and instead found myself mirroring her toothy smile as I squeeze her hand in thanks. “Okay, okay. Now get out of here, I aint paying you to sit around”,Uncle Phil shooed her although the smile creeping up told that he was only being playful. “Hey old man, if you want your food I suggest you be nice”, She warned while pointing her finger before finally standing up.

Just as she went to turn away, she stopped in her tracks as the bell at the front door rung indicating someone had walked in. “Black! Long time no see nigga”, So-Lo exclaimed as she held open her arms, only to have her acquaintance push her arms away and mush hair hair. Smacking her lips she pushed him back before turning on her heel and heading back towards the counter to serve a new customer. Now out of view my gaze fell back onto the person who was heading straight for a table.

My breath caught in my throat and my eyes began to shamelessly roamed his body as he continued to walk our way before stopping in front of our table. “Wassup Phil”, He greeted in a husky tone that had my knees weak and my belly dancing with butterflies. Only one other guy had ever made me remotely close to feeling this way and unfortunately he was left behind in Cali. However the man standing in front of me was so much more…. more handsome… sexy. 

“Where you been boy?”, Phil asked as he reached over and dapped the stranger while I continued to drink in his features. From his high, defined cheek bones, his large plump lips, light freckles and a hooped nose piercing that he oddly pulled off.

“Shit, working. You know how it is”, He shrugged as he fiddled with his phone not once paying attention or even glimpsing my way. “Staying outta trouble I hope”, Phil said more as a warning rather than a question. Instantly the heavily tattooed stranger nodded his head before looking over his shoulder and back over at us.

“Anyways meet my grand daughter. This here is Ballerina, Ballerina, this youngin is Malakai”, Uncle Phil greeted as I raised my eyebrow at the grand daughter part but decided to run with it. “Its actually Kalea”, I quickly explained not sure if I was directing it at Phil or this stranger who seemed to make me hot or bothered.

Malakai finally decided to acknowledge my presence and I felt myself swallow a lump in my throat as he openly eyed me out before looking back over at Phil with an unimpressed look, “How many times I gotta tell you not to be givin ma name out to random people old man”, He grumbled with annoyance as Uncle Phil sucked his teeth while I felt an embarrassed blush creep up my face.

“Shut that shit up ‘Black’”, Uncle Phil mocked obviously having a kick out of this Malakai guy’s nickname. “Got this one callin herself Ballerina and this nigga over hear callin himself Black. Got me fuck up with these corny ass names”, Uncle Phil continued to rant as I felt my embarrassment died down as I instead started to giggle at his mini ranting.

“Whatever man, Im here for a feed and Im out”, Malakai huffed before heading towards the counter without missing a heartbeat. “Dont mind him little Ballerina. He’s like that to everyone he meets. Good kid, shitty past”, Phil explained in a low tone as I found my gaze once again roaming the figure of a very rude and arrogant asshole. An asshole who just happened to be drop dead gorgeous. 

Boy was I in trouble.

anonymous asked:

I seriously think Zach is more aware of his sexuality than some people might think. He keeps dropping little clues like when he asked Frankie if he was straight because he didn't have his ears pierced. He asked that while WEARING EARRINGS. Then when he asked 'does it make me gay if I'm in love with a homosexual' not 'does it make me gay if I love a homosexual' in love and love are 2 very different things. There's been a ton more hints too. I think he's more concerned than confused at this point.

this is the thing, i feel like zach is both…

i think zach is definitely aware that hes in love with FRANKIE. like hes fallen for this very flamboyant and open gay man and its super scary to him. he literally cant be without him. and i think zach knows that. i think zach realized during their fight how much frankie really affected him.

however i think what zach is struggling with the idea that Frankie is a guy. i think hes trying to equate being in love with frankie as to mean that he is gay. and if hes never ever questioned that before then its gotta be scary and confusing. id be wondering the same thing if i met this other girl and just completely fell for her.

and like people have said, to go through all this on national tv has gotta be rough. he probably just wants to give in and do what he wants with frankie (and everything weve gotten is proof of just how lenient he really is with frankie) but then another par of him is just so effin scared. hes worried about what his friends and family may think. its like he throws out little comments and acts like frankie is just pushing things and flirts with girls as like a last ditch effort to appear straight but its so obviously not working.

his mom was right in saying that zach is the zach he is at home, its not for show and i think we know that everything with frankie is genuine and hes not acting with any of it.

sexuality is definitely fluid for some people, no doubt, and im not stating that zach is 100% gay but i do believe that he 100% loves frankie. that much is very obvious.

i just hope when he and frankie are either in jury together or outside of the house that they can talk about things and figure stuff out. and i hope zach has the support from his family to just be who he wants to be.