i think i'm scaring my family

Scorpius chats with Ron
  • Rose invited Scorpius over for the afternoon one summer to have dinner with them, but Ron insisted on having a chat with him because he thought they were dating, even though Rose insisted that they were not. So, Scorpius sat down and talked to Ron and...
  • Ron: What’s your full name?
  • Scorpius: Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy. Some people call me Scorp.
  • Ron: I hear you tease Rose sometimes.
  • Scorpius: Um... *rubs the back of his neck* I used to in first to third year, but we're friends now. I promise I won't do it anymore. Posie- I mean, Rose- is so funny when she's angry, that's all.
  • Ron: So, Scorpius, you’re how old now? *looking gruff and like he’ll shoot Scorpius*
  • Scorpius: Fourteen, sir.
  • Ron: Fourth year, hm?
  • Scorpius: Yep. Same year as Rose. OWLs will be next year, so I’m pretty nervous. I know Posie will do well though, she’s brilliant.
  • Ron: Yes, well, she’s her mother’s daughter. *chuckles* What’s your favourite subject?
  • Scorpius: Potions, because Dad taught me. But Charms is fun when Posie helps me out.
  • Ron: What do you want to be when you grow up?
  • Scorpius: Maybe a Professor. I love Hogwarts. I'm not as good at it, but I think that I’d like to teach Transfiguration though, it’s so cool. McGonagall’s my favourite teacher.
  • Ron: I see. And what about your father and mother, do you get along with them?
  • Scorpius: Well- this is rare, but it happens - Dad loses his temper. He’ll snap at me and Mum. Mum annoys me from time to time. She’s a stickler for dressing up and being clean and all that.
  • Ron: My mum was like that and now my wife is too. Terrible fate, I’ve got.
  • Hermione: I HEARD THAT!
  • Scorpius: *laughs*
  • Ron: You like Wizard chess?
  • Scorpius: Yes, Al and I play all the time in the Slytherin common room.
  • Ron: Really? *chuckles* Reminds me of me and Harry. And what about Quidditch? Do you play?
  • Scorpius: No, sir. I like to watch, though. James is really good and so is that Zabini bloke from my house. And I really love the Chud-
  • Ron: *screams at him and flails his arms* CHUDLEY CANONS?!
  • Scorpius: *looking scared* Uh... y-yeah... it’s my... um...favourite team. Why? Is... is that bad? I'm s-sorry.
  • Ron: *shakes his hand* Welcome to the family!
  • Scorpius: What? But I’m...
  • Ron: My son!
  • Hugo: DAD?!
  • Ron: You Puddlemore supporter!
  • Scorpius: Puddlemore? Hugo, are you off your rockers?
  • Ron: I love this one. I love him. *hugs Scorpius*
  • Scorpius: But sir, Rose and I aren’t even dating. She’s my friend.
  • Ron: What do you think of her?
  • Scorpius: Well... she’s respectable and funny and kind and brave and... *blushes just a bit* maybe a teensy bit pretty?
  • Ron: ROSE!
  • Rose: Yes, Dad? Is dinner ready? I was just working on my History of Magic assignment and I-
  • Ron: You marry this one, okay? *pats him on the back and squeals* He likes Chudley Canons!
  • Rose: What?!
  • Scorpius: What?!
  • Ron: I give up all the things I said about you never marrying a Malfoy. Just go ahead, fall in love! *pushes him towards her* So long as he keeps loving Chudleys. Say, what was your favourite game?
  • Scorpius: But sir...?
  • Ron: *grinning like a fool* Which one? Come on, then.
  • Scorpius: 1988 Winter Games. I saw it on tape with Dad.
  • Ron: I’m calling Draco on the pellyphone to arrange a marriage.
  • Hermione: What? Ron, you can’t! Rose needs to make her own choices. Plus, you hated the Malfoys, why do you change your mind over a Quidditch team?
  • Rose: Dad, I don't want to have an arranged marriage!
  • Ron: *ignoring them* Hello, Malfoy? I’d like to ask a favour...
  • Rose: Um... sorry, my family’s crazy. *blushing*
  • Scorpius: Yep, I can see that. I don’t mind. *smiles at her*

junowaffles  asked:

Hi, I really love your Voltron Family it's just makes so happy when you update on it. I really enjoy the fact that little Lance, Hunk, and Pidge love their daddy Keith so much that they will protect him for Shiro. What I really wanted to know is if I could give you a prompt, or maybe just think of this as a question. What would happen if some guy was so obsessed with Keith that he tried to kidnap Keith at night when everyone was home? Love the Daddy Keith Protection Force.

Thank you! They really love each other a lot. Keith is a bit oblivious with other people’s advances but he is skilled in fighting! 

!!!! Uh, proceed with caution. This is um… awful.

[The Voltron Family] Keith had to go back to his office late at night because he had forgotten a manuscript he was supposed to check. When he got out of the building, he made his way to the car and suddenly he felt something pierce his neck and everything went black.

Shiro and the kids were at home, all preparing to go to sleep. Keith was late. It had been almost an hour and a half. It didn’t even take that long to drive back and forth his office. Shiro was getting worried that he got his phone and tried tracking Keith. His location was in such a weird place that obviously wasn’t his workplace. The red circle just kept blinking, unmoving. Shiro felt sick at what might’ve happened as he quickly changed clothes. He moved past the kids who were by the second floor living room watching a movie and they all looked at him, puzzled.

Shiro: I want you all to stay here. I’ll go and get your Daddy Keith. 
Hunk: *panics* Why? What happened?
Shiro: Your Dad might be in trouble.
Three teens: We’re coming with you!

Keith slowly opened his eyes and he began looking around. He was in a room. A dark room that had two lamps on the side. He looked down and he saw himself lying on a bed, hands tied to the headboard and suddenly his worst nightmare was happening. He knew where this was going. His heart started beating so fast and he just wanted to see Shiro. But he knew that he had to calm down and think of a way out of this. He looked around trying to look for an exit, considering he could get himself free. There were two doors, one that lead outside and the other… it opened to reveal a man older than Keith coming out from the bathroom.

Keith wanted to die. No, no, no, no, no. Please, not me. 

Old Man: Ah, you’re finally awake.
Keith: What do you want? Do you want money? I can give—
Old Man: *approaches the bed* Oh no. I don’t want money, Mr. Shirogane. What I want is something money cannot give. You see, I’ve been a lonely man for so long. My wife died a couple of years back and I loved her so dearly. I was passing by the area a couple of months ago and I saw you come out of your car. My wife was Japanese and you reminded me of her.
Keith: *knits his eyebrows* What?
Old Man: You share the same facial features with her, even the nose. Same silky black hair, same length even. *smirks*
Keith: I’m a man, in case that wasn’t obvious.
Old Man: Ah, indeed you are. But a man isn’t really a problem to you, is it? You’re married to a man yourself. *takes out a knife and hovers it on Keith’s jacket* So this wouldn’t be much of a— *leans over to Keith*

That was when Keith saw his opportunity. He kicked the old man in the chest with his knee really hard that the knife flew upward. Keith kicked the man again forward, making him fall off the bed and just in time for Keith to grab the knife as it fell down using his teeth. He took the knife using his feet and started to free his hands as quickly as he could. 

The man was groaning in pain and then he looked up at Keith trying to escape when he shouted “Guards!” Keith’s eyes widened when he heard more heavy footsteps approaching the room and he tried slicing his one hand free even faster. As soon as his one hand was free, he grabbed the knife with his hand and worked on the other one. The old man stood up to stop him by grabbing his shoulder. Keith turned around just in time to punch the man in the face, causing him to stumble back and make his nose bleed.

Keith: That’s for drugging me. *punches the man again* That’s for kidnapping me. *another punch* That’s for tying me in bed. *one last final blow* And that’s for having the nerve to think I’d let you touch me when I’m a married man.

Keith looked down at the bleeding man and for a second he felt guilty but the man tried to do unimaginable things to him. This was all self defense and he had every right to do it. He looked at the door and he saw five men.

Keith: Fuck this. You are all making me late to my cuddle session with my husband. *both clenched fists in front of him in a fighting stance*

Keith charged.

Shiro stopped the car to an abandoned house by the pier and the kids and him quickly got out. They ran inside the house and they saw coming down the stairs a man holding onto his other shoulder, huffing. The man looked at them.

Shiro: Keith. *covers his mouth with one hand*
Three teens: Daddy Keith!! 
Keith: *smirks* Hey. Fancy seeing y’all here. You came to rescue me? All—

He got interrupted when a man charged at him and Keith turned around to give him two punches on the face and one strong kick to the stomach that caused the man to fly to the other side, breaking the wall in the process.

Keith: *huffs* All is good. *hands on the hip*

Pidge, Lance and Hunk just stared at their Daddy in awe. Lance had seen him punch a guy before, but other than that, no one had seen Keith literally fight someone with more than one move. Shiro on the other hand just ran up the stairs to his husband and hugged him. 

That was when Keith broke down.

Keith: *clings to Shiro* *tears starts to falling* I was tied to a bed and an old man tried to—
Shiro: *hugs Keith tighter* *knits his eyebrows in anger* Shhhhhsh. 
Keith: *whispers* I was scared. So, so, scared. When he… *sniffs* I’d rather die than… but then I thought of you, and then the kids…
Shiro: *kisses Keith’s neck* I got you. We’ll report everything to the police, Keith. You did such a great job defending yourself.
Keith: Six men. I fought six men and one had the audacity to land a hit on my damn shoulder. Who the hell does he think he is? *scoffs* I’m Keith Shirogane.
Shiro: *smiles sadly* Indeed you are. 

[PART 2]

anonymous asked:

so I just heard about the Hindu "mythology" book coming soon hopefully on your blog, I'm excited as not only Indian but also Hindu, but it also scares me because I worry that people are going to take them the same way they take the Greek mythology, something that does not exist to most of the world (if not all of it) and then think that dressing up in a Sari is the same as dressing up in a toga, which really scares me as someone who was forced to leave their home and family in India 1/2

Stuff, like wearing Saris and getting Henna done by my grandmother for special events, is almost like the only bits of my culture I can fully celebrate in a country like America and for other (white) people to think it’s okay to replicate it takes away anything that reminds me of my heritage 2/2

Hi anon, thank you so much for saying this! I understand, I’m very excited for the books, but… well…

The thing about Greek Mythology (and Roman, Egyptian, and Norse) is that no one believes in it anymore. But Hinduism is a prominent religion, the oldest polytheistic religion that still exists today. And so if people decide to cosplay the Indian characters with saris, and henna, things that most Hindu people wear on special occasions, it won’t be the same as when they cosplay with togas.

Hopefully people can realise that this is a delicate thing, and I hope that the author makes sure that Hinduism isn’t romanticised or seen as a ‘fake’ and ‘fictional’ religion. I totally understand you, anon, and I wish as well as you do that people won’t replicate parts of the culture.

(sorry this got so long! But this is a very important subject…)

anonymous asked:

How do you feel about smaller service dogs? My family is helping me look into getting a phyciatric service dog, but we live in a very small apartment so we don't have room for a big dog and we are leaning toward a cavalier. I know a lot of people on public don't think smaller dogs can be service dogs and I'm scared people might get mad and think I'm faking my dog being a service dog.

Small or large; many dogs have the opportunity to be learn series of difficult commands and tasks that establish them as service dogs.

Small dogs get a bad rap because a lot of people don’t take the time to train them. Unfortunately while many small dogs have potential to be AMAZING, they become a babied pet. Constantly protecting them, treating them more like a helpless child than a dog, and spoiling them are reasons why its rampant to hear, “ugh.. small dogs”.

HOWEVER don’t let that discourage you. For some people small dogs are their only option, or their preferred breeds. With hard work and time, they can be taught an outstanding amount of commands.
 People will always think what they want to think, even if a dog is the best trained. You can not convince everyone that your dog is real, and that is okay. You are not obligated to defend yourself to strangers. 

Work hard to train, there are other small dogs out there who are service animals.
 Be it a labrador, chihuahua or pit bull– these dogs all have the equal opportunity in the right environment to become exceptional dogs. 

Although not service dogs, here are some amazing small dogs that show the potential they really have!




good luck on your journey!

anonymous asked:

Do any of your Christian relatives have a problem with you writing LGBT+ characters? I want to write a book with queer characters, but I'm scared that my very Catholic dad won't approve.

Most of my family is Catholic and to my knowledge, none of them have any issues with it, or if they do, they haven’t voiced it to me. So I’m afraid I don’t really have advice from personal experience. But I think you should be able to write what you want.

anonymous asked:

I'm trans and I'm scared that my younger sibling might be trans as well. my sibling does a lot of the same things I did at that age as a result of dysphoria (always hating hair/appearance, rejecting gendered clothes, etc). I want to be supportive, but I also know that if my sibling came out as trans my parents would be much less inclined to believe me about my gender.

Kai says:

I think you should talk to your sibling anyway. It would be helpful to have a safe and supportive family member, especially while questioning. It’s possible they are trans, and it’s possible they aren’t, but wouldn’t you wish someone had helped you when you were questioning? Even if your parents don’t understand, it would be really nice to have a sibling raised in the same house who understands. I think you should reach out to them and tell them that you’re here for them and are willing to answer questions and talk to them about anything they need because that support is really important.

dlm4  asked:

Say Kat, what do you think of Snake family in KHR (sorta like how they're in Bite)? I mean, I'm pretty sure Mukuro would want to murder Oro, but that kinda requires knowing what Oro did before they arrived in KHR and shinobi, it's not like they need to explain about his past to pick up assassination work. but like, pre-mitsuki/tsuna with rogu/hibari and Oro/Reborn (adult arco is my strongest KHR hc). also, mitsuki scaring the shit out of Iemitsu for being a shitty parent at every opportunity.


Reborn/Orochimaru is not something I knew I wanted. But oh god, now I do. And SAME FOR Rogu/Hibari, like??? Yes please.

(Though I cannot imagine the mention of Oro’s past going over well, and there’s no way those three would ever hide it.)

“regular customers” AUs
  • i’ve scared all the other baristas away, thanks for being the only one willing/able to make my impossible order
  • i’ve literally shown you every house on the market, if paint colors are the only thing holding you back, i will personally take you to home depot, ffs
  • i’m working gift-wrapping at a department store during christmas, thanks for bringing in the most randomly shaped shit just to torture me
  • i’m a townie, your family vacations at this resort every summer, i still haven’t worked up the courage to talk to you, but i’m the reason there’s always extra towels in your room
  • thanks for pretending to be my fake significant other while i bartend so i don’t have to deal with drunk idiots, sorry you got punched that one time
  • i’m working delivery the night of the big game, i absolutely should not stay to watch the last quarter, but you did order enough food for two, okay fine scoot over 

anonymous asked:

How did you face your social anxiety? I've been dealing with it all my life and my family doesn't understand that. They think I'm shy or a snob but I'm not, I'm just scared. They think I'm lazy bc I don't go anywhere nor do I have a job. I've turned down like 6 jobs. Each day it gets worse and worse. I feel like a failure. I hate social anxiety. I don't want it.

I’ve gotten two asks like this, so I’ll just answer them both here. I know recovery looks different for everyone. For me, time, prayer, and gently and gradually putting myself into situations that made me afraid or uncomfortable helped. It’s hard though. Social anxiety made me feel like a flaw, like I wasn’t normal, that maybe there was some switch inside of me that wasn’t flipped right that made me incapable of human connection/relationship. I felt that maybe I was meant to live in a bubble all my life, on the outside looking in, forever letting fear run my life and make my choices for me. Sometimes I still have those fears, but deep down I know that isn’t God’s will for me. He doesn’t want me to live my life in constant worry and fear and pain like that.

Making yourself go places and do things you’re afraid to is really hard, but you’re never going to get better at something if you don’t work at it. Taking small steps is key. Maybe one day you go to your favorite food place on your own and purchase something, even just one thing. Then maybe another day you decide to say hi to someone you pass by, and it feels good. Then another day you decide to walk or drive somewhere on your own for the first time. That’s progress, even if it feels small. Even if it breaks you, I truly believe it helps you grow too.

To be honest, my boyfriend really helped me too. Being in a relationship really pulled me out of the box that social anxiety kept me in, mainly because it forced me to open up and allow someone to see the deepest, rawest parts of me that I always kept hidden because I cared too much about what people thought of me. I had to share more, and overtime I’ve become better at it. Of course you don’t need a boyfriend for this to happen, but just having someone by your side who knows what you’re going through can really make a difference. Opening up about your issue is important. Maybe people won’t always understand at first, like my mom for example, but given time, God willing, they’ll come to realize that your anxiety is real but not your fault. I know telling people about this stuff is brutally painful and hard, but keeping it in can be dangerous, especially when anxiety drives you to the darkest places. Telling my mom about what I was going through was one of the hardest things I’d ever done, but I thank God she eventually understood.

Another thing was that I knew I had to stop caring so much about other peoples’ perception of me. I had to ingrain in my head that I have nothing to prove to anyone, so there was no reason for me to get hung up on overanalyzing what people may think about the things I do or say. I remind myself that people aren’t always looking at me, judging me, or remembering my every mistake as I think they are. Do I do that to others? No, so why would they do that to me? Who honestly does that anyway? I had to remember that God was the only one I needed to please, and He loves me and understands me, therefore why do other peoples’ opinions matter?

Also, don’t forget to celebrate your small victories. Even if no one else understands, if it’s an accomplishment to you, it’s important and it matters. Reward yourself when you’re faced with something you’re afraid of but do it anyway. Remember that there will be setbacks sometimes, lots of them. One day you might think you’re getting better and then the next day you’ll feel stuck again and like your world is caving in. It’s okay; recovery isn’t a straight path. It may take years to get where you want to be, but I truly believe time is the answer. Also, I think it’s important to take into account your environment. For me, starting college was where my anxiety really peaked, mainly because of my living situation and the fact that I was always alone. It made it easier to hide that way. But once that changed, gradually I found that some of my issues faded.

To be honest, I am amazed every day by how far I’ve come. It seems almost crazy to think that a year ago anxiety controlled my life. I know I owe it all to God though. Don’t give up on yourself; you’re not a hopeless cause. You’re not a failure. You can get through this. xx

anonymous asked:

i'm extremely scared to come out to my parents, but i think if i don't start t in like a year, i'm gonna kill myself, i cant do this anymore. i think my parents are homophobic and i don't know how to come out and yeah... can you give me tips?

I have a really transphobic family so I can sympathize. I think the best thing you can do is write your parents a letter, come out to them, tell them how you are feeling, include educational links for them to read this and reassure them that while they may feel they are losing their child, in fact they are going to get a much happier, real version of yourself.

I had to come out and face the reality that my parents weren’t going to accept me, at least not for a while. So come to terms as best you can with the fact that your family may not be the most accepting at first but that doesn’t mean what you are doing is wrong. 

Sometimes people are ignorant and it’s hard for them to see through things. If you are 18 you don’t need parental consent to start hormones.



anonymous asked:

Do you have any suggestions for how to deal with extreme social anxiety/agoraphobia? I think I remember seeing that you suffer from it too and I'm getting kinda scared. I'm about to start a big chapter in my life and I can't even get out my front door without feeling sick and scared. It sucks because I always get self destructive when I feel helpless(drinking, smoking, drugs) and I don't know anyone who can help because my family's super neurotypical -elle

Yes I do suffer from agoraphobia, social anxiety and paranoia disorders. All I can do is tell you that it’s not easy, and you will get as much out of your life as you choose to put into it while still putting up with your roadblocks.

I do therapy a few times a week and have a great therapist. I also attend group meetings and do what are called “exposure events ” designed to help you conquer your fears and hang ups in a controlled setting.

In addition to this I am also on meds, which i resisted for the longest time but became a necessity in the wake of my fathers death. I also have emergency medicine for severe attacks.

I also spend time in meditation. The first thing I do in the morning, then one mid day and another in the evening. Anywhere from twenty minutes to an hour at a time.

I also go for a boundary walk periodically. I have a radius around my house considered to be my safe Zone and on these walks I breach that safe area a little each time for healing and therapy.

I also journal and doodle.

And on top of all this I spend a good amount of time doing what’s known as self modeling. Basically you record yourself doing things successfully and then watch them back while in reflection on the events… designed to show yourself that you’re safe and you can actually face your fears.

Hopefully this helps.

anonymous asked:

I'm pre T (hopefully only for another two weeks) and I get yeast infections a lot. But I pass pretty well as a guy and get weird looks that make me panic and run when I go to the aisle for women's health. I'm scared to ask people in my house for help because I'm afraid they might doubt my masculinity. What do I do?

Kai says:

if anyone asks, you can always say it’s for a friend/girlfriend/sibling/relative/roommate/etc.

if you seem confident, people will probably assume you know what you’re doing and if they see you as a guy they might just think you’re getting something for a friend

It’s not so much that I’m scared of Trump becoming president. I know he’s bound by laws and the checks and balances of government, despite all the branches being a Republic majority.

It’s that I’m scared that his followers will feel justified in their racist, sexist, all-around terrible actions.

And I’m scared that, in the end, there will be no punishment, because hey, if the President does it, then what’s the problem?

anonymous asked:

Hey I was curious if maybe I can talk to you about like my sexuality? I feel like wrong in my body and I don't know what to do. I don't know if I'm trans or anything. The other thing is though my family is super religious. I'd be disowned by my family if they knew I was even thinking these thoughts. I'm just so scared and I need advice on what to do...

sure! just message me. i’ve definitely been there- i was scared to even consider being trans because i was afraid my family would murder me. after i was outed, even though they’re still transphobic, not constantly being scared of them discovering it and being able to come out to others & receive support has been a huge relief and improved my mental health a lot.

American Horror Story: Murder House (E1: The Pilot)
  • "Excuse me. You are going to die in there."
  • "You're gonna regret it. You're gonna regret it. You're gonna regret it."
  • "It stinks in here. It stinks like shit."
  • "The light is softer out here. It's softer."
  • "Great. So we're the Addams family now."
  • "Can't believe this place doesn't freak you out a little bit."
  • "This is your professional advice? Just denial?"
  • "You are dead!"
  • "You're going to die in here."
  • "I prefer purebreds. I adore the beauty of a long line, but there's always room in my home for mongrels."
  • "I never got a chance to tell you my name."
  • "It's sage, for cleansing the spirits in the house. Too many bad memories in here."
  • "It's always the same. It starts the same way."
  • "I prepare for the noble war."
  • "I know the secret. I know what's coming, and I know no one can stop me."
  • "I kill people I like."
  • "It's a filthy world we live in. It's a filthy, goddamned helpless world."
  • "The world is a filthy place. It's a filthy, goddamn horror show."
  • "If you're trying to kill yourself, you might also try locking the door."
  • "Have you ever owned a house this old before?"
  • "Who can know when something so horrible happens?"
  • "You just always surprise me. I like that."
  • "You're gonna have to forgive me one day."
  • "You think that's me? You think I can't get better?"
  • "You? You kidding me? You're hopeless."
  • "Everybody can get better. Everybody."
  • "If you love someone, you should never hurt them. Never."
  • "Don't ask questions you already know the answer to. You're smarter than that."
  • "What's that thing you think I'm afraid of? Fear of rejection?"
  • "Your family is in danger."
  • "I want you to stay out of my house. Do you understand?"
  • "You touch my kid one more time and I will break your goddamn arm."
  • "What are you afraid of? Your wife's not home."
  • "All art and myths are just creations to give us some sense of control over the things we're scared of."
  • "How long? How long are you going to punish me for?"
  • "I don't even know how to say this without coming off like an asshole."
  • "In all my life, the only thing I've been truly scared of is losing you."
  • "This place is our second chance."
  • "We're going to be happy here."
  • "I'm not running away. I'm not scared of them, not afraid of anything."
  • "You said I'm not scared of anything so....what scares you?"
  • "One less high school bitch making the lives of the less fortunate more tolerable is, in my opinion, a public service."
  • "You want her to leave you alone? Stop making your life a living hell?"
  • "Scare her. Make her afraid of you. It's the only thing bullies react to."
  • "Come on. I can be kinky."
  • "I could have you arrested, you know. Peeking in people's windows is still a crime."
  • "Please, please, please you have to get out of there! That place is evil!"
  • "Why is it that it is always the old whore who acts the part of a moralistic prude?"

dogmeat666  asked:

Hey Wil, I'm going to the psychiatrist tomorrow for the first time since I was a kid. I'm scared. I believe I'm struggling with depression and anxiety, my girlfriend that suffers from that too also thinks I have these problems. She's the one who's been insisting for me to get help and I finally caved and got an appointment. I feel really lost. I don't think I'll have support from my family in this. My mom mocks my girlfriend's problems with depression. Any advice?

I’m sorry that your mom doesn’t respect your mental health. Maybe she’s scared, because a lot of people feel like depression and anxiety are weakness. One of the reasons I talk about it so much, and without any shame or hesitation, is to help change that. I’m sorry that you aren’t getting the support that you need from your family. That sucks a lot. 

It doesn’t mean that you aren’t worth taking care of yourself. It doesn’t mean that you should just suck it up and deal with it, because your mom is uncomfortable addressing it.

I’m sure you’ve heard me say this before, but I’m going to say it again: if you had any kind of serious physical illness that prevented you from living a full and joyful life, you’d go get treatment. You’d get a broken leg mended and you’d probably have physical therapy to help you get used to walking on it again. You’d get medication and make changes to your diet if you had diabetes (nee diabeetus). You’d wear eyeglasses if you needed to correct your vision. The list goes on and on, and you can probably see where I’m going right now: mental health is no different. 

I’m really proud of you for standing up for yourself, and for reaching out. I know that it’s scary. It was scary for me the first time I went to talk to a doctor, too. That’s totally normal. It’s also normal to feel lost, because you probably feel like you don’t know what to expect. I’m going to tell you what my first experience was like: I made an appointment to see the doctor, and I went to it. I signed in, and the receptionist gave me some forms to fill out. This included questions about my insurance and stuff, and a few pages of questions about my medical history, my family history, and why I was there. I answered the questions briefly, and honestly, which is really important. I gave them back to the receptionist, and then I waited for a few minutes. The office had a lot of aquariums, so I watched a bunch of big goldfish with the big googly eyes swim around.

The doctor came out and invited me into his office. I sat down on a couch across from him. If I wanted to lay down, like you see in movies, I could do that, but I didn’t have to. I chose to sit up. He asked me why I was there, and to describe my feelings to him. He was kind and a good, active listener. We spoke for about 20 minutes or so, though it felt much longer. I don’t recall the exact specifics, but I do remember that he said, “please let me help you. I’m going to give you a prescription, and I want you to come back in a week so we can see how it’s working for you.”

I got my prescription filled, and I started my meds the next morning. I didn’t feel anything for a few days, until I was walking with Anne and I realized that, for the first time in decades – maybe in my whole life – I didn’t feel overwhelmed and worried and scared and anxious and frustrated. I’ve described it like walking out of a loud room that I’d been in for so long, I didn’t realize how loud it was until all that was left was the ringing in my ears.

I went back after a week, told him how I was doing, and he didn’t change anything. He had me come back every couple of weeks for a few months until it was clear that the meds were working, and then we changed it to every three months. 

Eventually, after a couple of years, I needed to change up my medication, because that’s a thing that happens. It wasn’t a big deal, and I’ve been on that medication and dose for like five years.

It isn’t like this for everyone, and your experience may be different. You may try a medication that doesn’t work, or makes you feel physically ill. That can happen, because everyone’s body chemistry is different. I understand that it used to happen a lot, but modern antidepressants are much more advanced and have fewer side effects than the ones that were widely prescribed as recently at 15 years ago. So it’s unlikely that you’ll have problems, but I want you to know that it’s a possibility, so that if it does happen, you don’t think that there’s something wrong with you. It really is different for everyone, and sometimes you have to try a couple of different things before you find the one that works for you.

Boy, this is a lot to take in. I think I’ll go ahead and be quiet now, right after I point you to a thing from yesterday where we talked about writing down the things you feel, the questions you have, and the things you’re concerned about, so that when you get into the office, you don’t have to worry about forgetting things.

I’m going to repeat this: I’m very proud of you. I know that it’s scary, I know that you feel lost and alone right now. You’re doing a very courageous thing, getting help for yourself, and talking with a doctor.

It’s gonna be okay. YOU are going to be okay. I promise. Please let me know how it goes, and if you prefer that I keep your next post to me confidential, I respect that. 

I’m tired.
Tired of waking up with the same headache as the night before.
I’m tired of living the same days over, and over again.
Tired of dealing with the same issues I always have.
I’m tired of waking up and still feeling empty.
And my love,
Empty days are my good days.
I’m scared that tomorrow won’t be a good day,
I’ll just, wake up and just wish to stay asleep forever.
I’m scared that I will over think, and forget to sleep at all.
I’m scared that something bad will happen,
And I’ll be all alone again.
Not literally,
Just. Feel alone.
Because nothing is worse than being in a room with your family and friends,
And believing that you’re all alone in the end.