i think i'm scaring my family

So I’m trying to figure out if I wanna come out to my family or not, but if I do I think I’m just gonna make a picture of me posing with a pan on National Coming Out Day.

I’m going to be leaving home next month and I’m so fucking terrified and I feel like crying whenever I think about it.

But I know I have to, and I know that my life will be good when I can be myself, and university will bring that. But I’m just so scared. I don’t want to leave my family. I’ll be a wreck.

So I. Here, with my host family, and things are…fine I suppose. I’m a little scared because they thought I had taken French before I came here, but I haven’t, and know very very little. That was fun. Then, we are setting up a SIM card and all for me, plus a bus card, and my card won’t work so we’ll have to be a little more roundabout in how I pay for it. Also. My school starts on Wednesday, and my host dad is out of town on work and my host mom is also working, so a friend of my host sister will ride the bus with me and try to show me where to go, except that he isn’t in the same class as me or whatever, so I’ll have to try and figure out my schedule and all, on my own.
The mum doesn’t like to go shopping mall so I’m a little afraid to ask her for stuff. But I really need a razor and shampoo and conditioner.
Things are going well too though. They are pointing stuff out and saying the name, then randomly quizzing me on it. Everyone back home keeps saying how lucky I am and how jealous they are and how I should t complain at all because I’m having a lot of great stuff, but it’s actually pretty hard. I’m not complaining, but still I guess they think this is some fun adventure for me.

Do you have any funny family stories?

I really had to think about this because I have a ton of funny stories with the family but like most family stories, they’re totally those in those moment things and will come off lame af when you tell others haha

Last year my family went on vacation and I stayed home alone for the week. I was totally expecting to see some jinn in my house haha but I was actually fine. Then the day they came back, I totally did not hear them come in and my sister scared the crap out of me by saying hi and I yelled in the manliest way ever OH SHIT JINN ITS HAPPENING! No jinncidents that week, just my sisters -_-

I’ve been thinking
And
There are probably hundreds, if not thousands, maybe even more people that we could fall deeply in love with and have families and kids and lives with and feel like we were with the “one.”
I think I will feel this feeling again with someone different.
What scares me though are the stories of old folks talking about that one girl, that one boy, who they never stopped regretting losing. That’s what makes it hard to let go.

Roughly 9 and a half hours later… Made it home safely & ended up having deep conversation with my mother. Having a death in the family has really jumbled both our emotions up & I’m really scared so blahblahblah emotions.

I am so friggin’ sorry for lying to you guys about writing tonight. I don’t think it’s going to happen tonight. Tomorrow is a new day, a new week, a better attitude.

Good night guys.

This is so off topic but please get a physical if you havent had one recently. They’re so important. Your health matters. ♡♡♡ just as you all matter. *chuu* sweet dreams & have a wonderful night!

I have a lot of similar political beliefs to those the early People’s Temple had?

And it kind of scares me that I could have been swept into that whole thing if I lived in the 1970s.

Like, so far the only reason I could think of for why I wouldn’t chill with people like that if I did is that I don’t believe in Christianity????

But like, would 1970s!me believe in Christianity or potentially be too scared to convert because it’d mean cutting ties with my family (something I feel like 1970s!me wouldn’t have done because no internet to help.) 

I know it doesn’t matter cuz I’m not in the 1970s, but it’s weird to think about.