i think i'll never know

4
Even if you called 6 months later at 3 am, I’d still answer; I’ll always care.
—  Unknown

To the one that I lost,

Tonight I watched a meteor shower with a boy. He was a very nice boy- more than nice, he was charming and funny and kind, and we ran barefoot under the stars to dance to our favourite song at the party, and he lent me his blue velvet jacket and pulled me up onto the wall to sit with him. And we watched the shooting stars, and he held my hand and turned his head, and we kissed. And it was a very nice kiss. And that’s why I hated you right at that moment.

Because I know, that every time I ever do something like that; watching silver bursts of light on the midnight blue, or kissing someone with the music playing behind my back, or dipping my legs in the freezing river with my party clothes still on, I will think of you. And I will think of running through the sand dunes and lying with you by the fire on the beach and your guitar and your smell and your brown hands and your hands in my hair and your lips on mine and our favourite songs together, and the ones we wrote together, and the nights we would lie under the same blanket I still use and you would just hold me tight and I would never have bad dreams.

So because of you, the poor boy in the blue velvet smoking jacket can text me and ring me and meet me for coffee, but he will never be you. And I will not love him, and I will think of you every time I look into his eyes, every time I see his blonde hair and not your golden hair, and you will follow me to the ends of the earth.

But as much as I hate you for that, I still love you. And I hate that as well. So I will not send this, but I will write the words to get them out of me, because otherwise I will never be rid of you.

With all my love,
Yours.

—  Love Letters at 1.41 AM
I just want to get out of here. I want to call you and tell you everything that’s wrong and i want you to tell me that its going to be okay. I need you to tell me its going to be okay.
And the sad, tragic truth is that people never change, no matter how much you want them to.
—  D.P
4

Quick confession: he leaves me breathless and renders me speechless all the time

Why? Does he look more like a “Totalitarian Regime” to you?

Boyfriend Jaehyun

Originally posted by mvpgyu

  • FLIRTY AS FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
  • good luck and rip to you lol
  • even before you started dating he was shamelessly flirty
  • but that’s a story for another time
  • and even when you started dating he would try to flirt with you
  • and use cheesy pick up lines
  • “do i know you?”
  • “what”
  • “cause you look like my next girlfriend”
  • “jaehyun we’ve been dating for six months”
  • “wait i have a better one!!!! do you have a map?”
  • “don’t”
  • “because i think i’m getting lost in your eyes”
  • “i hate you so much”
  • tbh he’d go all in with the skinship
  • even in front of the guys he wouldn’t hesitate to give you kisses
  • or to be affectionate
  • he’d have cute lil habits
  • every time you met each other and every time you had to leave, he’d kiss you on the forehead
  • when you watched something together, he’d always lie his head on your lap
  • it was his way of asking you to play with his hair without having to ask for it
  • around other people, his hand would automatically end up your waist
  • the type to make up weird couple routines
  • like he’d want a couple handshake he’d spend 3 weeks trying to invent
  • then he’d make up a little dance for every time you eat something tasty
  • you’d be like
  • “oh this is so yummy”
  • “you have to do /////THE DANCE/////”
  • jaehyun takes his music taste really seriously
  • so except to receive music recommendations all the time
  • or “hey i know it’s 2 am but i just found this song and it reminded me of you”
  • would probably make a playlist for you as a gift
  • king of meme documentation
  • knows everything about every trend or meme
  • when you send him a meme
  • he’s like “babe you’re so late that meme died last week”
  • like excuse us Mr Meme Supremacist
  • “we should’ve been called MemeCT instead of NCT”
  • really really shameless
  • he’d get shirtless for no damn reason
  • and walk around pretending he can’t find his shirt
  • (i hate him)
  • then would call you out for staring
  • COMPLIMENTS ALL THE DAMN TIME
  • to the point where you’re a blushing mess
  • he literally makes you melt
  • and he loves it
  • with that smug smile of his
  • I HATE HIM
  • “you look so pretty today”
  • “you look so pretty every day”
  • “this blue shade looks so good on you”
  • “don’t smile like that you’re so cute”
  • “ahh you’re so cute i love you”
  • “don’t get shy babe”
  • “how are you so beautiful”
  • oh yeah he calls you “babe” all the time :’)
  • it’d be a really relaxed?? relationship
  • because i see jaehyun as a really easy going person
  • he’d always be so excited and try to make the most out of the time he can spend with you
  • he’d be a really attentive boyfriend
  • and he’d be good at sharing his feelings or worries
  • so it’d help both of you keep the relationship going
  • and be happy :D

anonymous asked:

Dialogue prompts: 9, 37, or 47. Love your writing!

Thank you so much lovely anon! Dialogue prompts were  “You’re in love with her.” + “Lie to me then.” 47: “Why are you whispering?” Set in season 6, around Arcadia. 

“What is he doing here?” That’s the first thing Bill Scully says, or spits rather, when he opens the door. He doesn’t look at his sister, who he hasn’t seen in months, but only at her partner. The spooky man who is followed by doom and therefore has no right to be here, at his house, with his family; at least that’s how Mulder interprets Bill Scully’s current expression. Mulder tightens his grip on to the plate with the huge cake neatly tucked into too much tinfoil that Scully pushed into his arms moments ago.

“He was invited.” Scully rushes past her brother, leaving Mulder outside in the cold, fending for himself. When she’s angry she can forget him, sometimes. They’re similar in that way. He knows this. Mulder offers the cake like a peace offering. Or something. Bill stares at it. Then back at Mulder. His eyes narrow and for once they’re in agreement: they both wish Mulder wasn’t here.

“No one told me you were invited.” Mulder isn’t surprised.

“I was told you were fine with it.” He replies; he really should have known better. Bill yanks the plate out of his hands, the only outlet for his anger, and leaves the door open so Mulder can enter. He’s not welcome here, that much is clear, but Bill Scully Jr. is not going to let him rot outside. Mulder closes the door quietly behind him, taking a deep breath. He should have said no when Scully asked him to come with her to San Diego. He should have insisted. He had, if he remembers correctly. Until that moment when Maggie Scully herself called him and told him to be there or else.

Right now he thinks or else would have been the better choice.

“Fox!” Maggie Scully downright squeals when he enters the kitchen as discreetly as he can muster. Several heads turn; he recognizes Tara Scully, his very own Scully, and a woman he has never seen before, who looks almost as uncomfortable as he feels.

“Hello Mrs. Scully.” She grabs him and engulfs him in a tight hug.

“I’m glad you came,” she wipes at his cheek, a motherly automatism, “I wasn’t sure.” She adds more quietly glancing at her son, who is busy trying to free the cake from the tinfoil.

“You remember Tara, don’t you?” Bill Scully’s wife offers him a warm smile and a strong handshake.

“Nice to see you again, Fox. Oh, you prefer Mulder, don’t you? Dana always calls you Mulder!” She laughs uncomfortably and blushes deeply.

“I’m fine with either.” He assures her and he is certain he can hear Scully huff.

“And this is my other daughter-in-law, Sandra. She’s Charlie’s wife.” Mulder and Sandra exchange a handshake and a nod that seems to say I’d rather be somewhere else right now.

“Is Charlie here? I’ve never met him before.”

“He’s expected later tonight.” Maggie Scully tells him and he watches Sandra’s expression soften, just thinking about her husband getting here, saving her from the rest of his family. Mulder turns around to look at Scully. She’s leaning against the counter, her arms crossed in front of her. Not even she wants him here. He can’t blame her, not really. They might have the x-files back, might be back together professionally, but the ramifications of the last months are still painfully palpable. Diana, he thinks bitterly, swallowing her name and the thought. Things that were said that shouldn’t have been said. Things done. He stares at her, bites his lip, and she turns away from him, nudging her brother and helping him get the tinfoil off the cake. Mulder is convinced that no one will eat it anyway.

Maggie Scully shoos them all out of the kitchen when it becomes apparent that neither of them is any help. Tara and Sandra are talking about babies; little Matthew is upstairs sleeping. Sandra and Charlie, apparently, are trying. Mulder tries to catch Scully’s attention, but she’s either willfully ignoring him, or truly lost in her own world. He feels anger well up in him. If she really doesn’t want him here then why didn’t she just say so? He is sure she could have come up with an excuse for him. Her brother hates him already, what’s a few more Scullys? He could have taken it.

“Can I talk to you a moment?” Bill Scully’s voice is harsh and it’s way too close for Mulder’s liking. He nods, swallows hard. He follows the other man, wherever they’re going, and now Scully looks at him. Mulder wants to ask her to save him, please, but his mouth is dry, his mind empty. Which is why he doesn’t first notice that Bill Scully is leading him outside. Once there, he towers over him, his hands on his hips, his face dark. He’s going to punch me, Mulder thinks, or worse.

“You’re in love with her.” Of all the things Mulder expected Bill Scully to throw at him this is not it.

“Excuse me?”

“You are, aren’t you? You’re in love with Dana.” It’s not even a question.

“You sure you want to know the answer to that?” Stupid, Mulder. Stupid, stupid. He doesn’t want to make Bill even angrier. He just doesn’t want him to know before he’s had a chance to tell Scully. Well, he has told her. And she didn’t take him seriously. Oh brother, indeed.

“Lie to me then. Make me try to understand why my mother – my own mother – invited you here. If you love her…if you are in love with her… I still couldn’t stand you, but. I saw the way you just looked at her, Mulder.” He used to look at her a million different ways, or so he thought. Depending on the time of day, on her mood, and mostly his. On where they were, or why. On what she was wearing. In the end he realized it wasn’t true. There might still be a million different ways he looks at her now. Except they all mean the same.

“I’m not going to lie to you, Bill,” Mulder begins, “I do love her. I am in love with her. We’re not… we’re not together though, if that’s what you mean. But yes. I’m in love with her. Have been for a long time. She doesn’t feel the same way. Not like… she’s not in the same place. I came here because your mother invited me. If… if Dana doesn’t want me here either, I’ll just leave. I’ll just… leave.” As if on cue, the front door opens and Scully steps out.

“You’re not making him leave, Bill.” She tells her big brother and Mulder knows that tone all too well. It means business. He’s been on the receiving end of it often enough.

“I wasn’t going to make him leave.” Bill mumbles and stomps past Mulder. He stops in front of Dana and for a moment the siblings stare at each other, then suddenly, they’re hugging and grinning. “Glad you could make it, sis.” With that he disappears inside. Scully walks towards Mulder and he watches her, wondering what she’s thinking. But he’s always wondering.

“What makes you think I don’t want you here?” Her voice is soft, as are her eyes.

“I thought… I don’t know, Scully. We haven’t talked much lately, have we?” She shakes her head no, takes a step closer. They’re almost touching. The urge to take her into his arms is almost unbearable.

“But just so you know, I do want you here. I’m glad you’re here.” Her voice is barely above a whisper now and Mulder lowers his head to hers, just to hear her better. He tells himself that’s the only reason, anyway.

“I’m glad to be here, too.”

“You’re not the only person in that place, Mulder.”

“Hm?”

“You said I’m not in the same place you are. But I am, Mulder. I am.” She’s lost him. He stares at her, not understanding a word she’s saying. She watches him, hoping he’ll catch up, which he doesn’t, and takes his face into her hands.

“I’m in love with you, too, Mulder. You’re not the only person in that place.” With that, she puts her lips on his softly, just a test, merely a tease. Her hands remain where they are, her thumbs gently caressing his cheeks.

“You are?” He’s whispering now, too, too scared to say it out loud. She nods, grinning. “Why are you whispering? Wait, no, how do you even know what I said?”

“We could all hear you and Bill,” Scully tells him, still whispering, “the baby monitor.” She points at the colorful monitor sitting there in the grass. “Tara forgot to bring it inside after playing with Matthew. I’m glad she did.”

“Oh, so am I.”  

do you ever wonder what people would say about you if you were dating your fave? not like what lame excuses they would find to hate on you for, but the good things… do they like your hair or your smile or your laugh or the way your fave always looks happy when they’re around you. I wanna know how we’d look to other people.

my life is 1000% better when I’m listening to carly rae jepsen

2

these dogs with these eyes

2

“Do you know what heterochromia iridium is, Atsushi-kun?”

Was inspired by @ariaille‘s fic Kaleidoscopic and decided to draw this scene from it. Hope y'all enjoy 💕

Bonus:

I saw you with her today and it really caught me off guard. I was sad for a moment, but then I realized that you were happy. That makes me okay, knowing that you’re fine and taken care of. Even if it’s not me making you feel special, I’m glad you’re okay.
I’ve been writing and rewriting the words that are supposed to describe how I feel about you now. I don’t hate you, but I don’t love you either. And I don’t love you, but I do care about what happens to you. And I wouldn’t be here to give you the world but I do wish you the best. I just don’t know how I’m supposed to remember us. Do I keep the good memories and all of the words that I really hope you meant when you said them? Or do I hold onto the worst of us as a reminder of who we’d never be?
—  🖤

….

6

“She’s just like you, especially about holding grudges.”
“She’s not like me at all.”

A Writer’s PSA

Firstly: I just saw an interesting post made by @caplanbuckybarnes (who I can’t tag, but that’s okay), that inspired both anger and relief in me at once. I was compelled to type out this PSA.

Secondly: I am tagging everyone who has asked to be tagged in The Irrelevance of Napoli SO YOU CAN SEE HOW GODDAMN AWESOME THEY ARE BEFORE I START THIS. 

@thecrownedrose @persephone-is-here-omg @find-me-here2 @captainamerotica @redgillan @angryschnauzer @ursulaismymiddlename @rebelslicious @kittykitty-mewmeww @erisjade @siren-kitten-his @buckyappreciationsociety @kozmicrock @aingealcethlenn @rachelle-on-the-run @thewinterswimmer @vaisabu @inside-lizzys-head @angryschnauzer @melconnor2007 

Thirdly: I am doing this more for the sake of my upcoming fic, Cherchez la Femme, which I have been working on for MONTHS–probably since Septemberish–than I am for Napoli. Also doing this for the sake of other authors who may feel this way, but don’t want to say anything for fear of making people mad. I personally am tired of dealing with my own anxiety about this subject, so I’m getting this off my chest. 

Okay.

 I am exceedingly frustrated by the majority of attitudes (or non attitudes) I see towards anything that is not a one-shot on here. ESPECIALLY if it’s smut.

I like smut. I love smut. I’ve read some really good smut on here. But… that’s not all I’ve read on here. When I first got on Tumblr, I found some really unique and interesting fics, and I got very invested in them. But lately, the majority of what I’ve been seeing on this site is the same damn thing, over and over and over again. Smut one shots, no plot, no character development, no nothing. Those fics I was invested in were discontinued (temporarily, I hope) in favor of smut one shots, which, like I said, I don’t mind, but ya know… I also do.

Authors are capable of writing more than smut one shots. 

Authors are capable of writing more than smut one shots. And many of them do write more than smut one shots. But I have seen two (2) of the multi-part fics I follow being seriously reblogged. That’s out of A LOT that I happen to read and like. One of my favorites got put on hiatus because there were no reads on the most recent chapter at the time.

Tumblr, seriously, what is going on? Like, I recognize that we all want to imagine ourselves having sex with some version of Sebastian Stan (ME TOO, I AM NOT EXCLUDING MYSELF FROM THAT GROUP) but some of these people have worked ages, ages on these fics. With well-developed characters and plot and settings and serious issues that are worked through. THESE PEOPLE I READ SHOULD WRITE ORIGINAL CONTENT AND GET PUBLISHED. In my world, they would. Because they are that good.

And yet, they get almost no recognition. And it frustrates me, and scares me, and makes me really, really sad. Some might say, “Tumblr is more (something else) than fanfic for me”–which is fine. Please engage in whatever joy may have brought you to Tumblr. But also remember that for others, it IS about fanfic, and they enjoy doing that just as much as you enjoy doing whatever you do. So hit the like button every once in a while. Read more fics of your favorite characters. Some might say, “I have –something that gives me a shorter attention span–, I can’t remember what happened before this chapter/can’t concentrate enough to get through a whole fic in the time I have”–in which case, you are fine, don’t worry about it, not a big deal. Some of you may say, “Works in progress are annoying, I hate waiting for new parts to come out”–and trust me, I’m right there with you. I’m waiting on a few new parts for fics myself (I’m also waiting for Diana Gabaldon’s next Outlander book, goddammit), but that doesn’t stop me from reading and commenting on the parts that are there! Tell the author that you have something to look forward to until the next part comes out! Also, TELL THE AUTHOR IF YOU ARE WAITING FOR THEM TO COMPLETE IT, or ask to be tagged in the final masterlist! We won’t mind if you do it that way! Some of you may just hate longer fics and there’s nothing anybody can do to change that. In which case, whatever floats your boat.

I’m not getting on anyone in the above paragraph to suddenly change your preferences and start reading fics with more than two parts. What I am saying, though, is if you consume, but don’t comment AND reblog (or at least tag and reblog), or if you don’t consume at all and blatantly ignore what authors are putting out there… come on, guys. We put our heart and souls into this stuff. Some of the stuff we write is taken from real life. Some people don’t have anything but their writing to help them get through what may be a really bad stage. Likes, comments, reblogs–writers need these. We don’t all have to be JK Rowling here, but we do hope to see that someone smiles or laughs, or cries, or feels in some way with our fics. 

One of my friends on here was very sad a couple of days ago because she was getting very few notes on even her one-shots, or reblogs with no comments. She has 700+ followers and a taglist that’s a mile long. It made me sad for her, and I can’t even hug her because she lives far away from me. Readers, you don’t have to comment or reblog every chapter of a fic that’s been written, it’s really okay if you don’t, but let the reader know that you like it and acknowledge the work that’s been done. 

I’m still relatively tiny on here, and I definitely need to follow more blogs, so I will now go looking. But, indulge me for a second: If, when I publish Cherchez, I deem it as not getting enough notes, I will make a goddamn video of myself deleting the thing off my computer and burning the damn notebooks. I started by writing this stuff for me. Napoli ended up being about someone I know who recently died. Cherchez was what I wrote when I was coming out of a breakdown. So yes, I write for myself. But as soon as I put it up here, it becomes yours. You consume it, you feel because of it. So really, guys, read all the smut you want. I know I’m going to. But read more than smut, too.

Sincerely,

Someone who is a teeny bit oversmutted

(If you want to, you can check my tags for more info)

anonymous asked:

what is this 600k homebound? cause boi i got to know

Okay buddy lemme tell you.


There’s this Jasico fanfic for Percy Jackson called Homebound by a (now) friend of mine. It’s nearing 700k alright? It’s phenomenal and in canon post-BoO and honestly just… I pretty much worship this fanfic okay.

I love this fanfic so much that I’m writing an ENTIRE ALBUM about it. An entire, 12+ song, 45+ minute rock album about this specific fanfic. That is how much I love this fanfic.

I’m hopefully getting a music video made because of this fanfic. Seriously. Like go big or go home, right?

Everything about it is amazing to me. I can’t even come up with qualms about it. I just love it that much. It has everything I enjoy and moreso. As a fan of long fanfics, it really hits the mark in an amazing way.

This fanfic is really important to me, honestly. It hits home (haha) in a lot of ways and it has had moments where I felt my heart ache just because it was so relatable to me. Like there are straight up whole paragraphs in the fanfic where I have to sit and stop reading because it is word-for-word thoughts I’ve had.

Honestly I just….. it’s really amazing alright? It stands on its own as a phenomenal piece of slow burn literature in my eyes