Sorry, I didn't intend for my ask to be rude, I was just startled because I thought you were saying Sansa had no right to be hurt and therefore didn't really deserve any sympathy if she was, but I realise now that I jumped to conclusions. Sorry. I'm just dreading boatsex not because I'll be angry at Jon but because I just don't want to see Sansa hurt again, especially by a man she trusts so much (although I know it won't be intentional or "wrong" of Jon since they're not in a relationship). :(
Hi anon, sorry for taking so long! My inbox is full and I really don’t know where to start…..
Sorry if my answer was a bit rude or salty as well! I know, It’s so hard to judge someones tone and intentions without all the non-verbal communication that’s normally going on. I’m also guilty of that.
If boatsex happens (still crossing my fingers it doesn’t, though I made my peace with it and don’t even think that endgame!jonsa is threatened by it. Optimistic pessimism and all. Just read on.) I do think Sansa will be hurt by it and my heart goes out to her. But looking at the silver-lining, it will probably surprise her just how much it hurts her. I’m going to assume she already knows about r+l=j by this point, so her jealousy will open her eyes about her true feelings. A Green-Eyed-Epiphany.
I imagine that Jon will feel bad about it as well, once he meets Sansa again. Wondering why he feels so damn guilty. Why he can’t look her in the eye. After he finds out about his true identity everything will fall into place for him as well. It will be a blessing in disguise, of sorts. Two characters realizing that they love each other, after one of them sleeps with another person is like a really old romance trope, anyway. It wouldn’t surprise me if they set up the D as a romantic false lead to accomplish just that.
One thing to keep in mind is this: The jonsa-shipping community has whole-heartly embraced them as a potential couple. We are aware that cousin-relationships are acceptable in westeros, have dissected any underlying meanings and thrive on the whole siblings-to-lovers-angst. But the general audience needs to be slowly and thourougly prepared for that. The series is doing it’s best to foreshadow Jonsa, without being too obvious about it. They are keeping it sublte for a reason. They are constantly using romance tropes and putting them into what could be described an un-siblingly atmosphere to prime the audience for the big twist. They want to keep it ambigious. People have already noticed and once they are ready to come out, a lot of casual viewers will go “now that I think about it, that *insert any, really any jonsa scene* was a bit weird… should have seen this coming.” That’s what they are trying to achieve here. But they will not implement any romantic gestures where the audience could go like “Eww, but they think they are siblings. Gross”. They don’t want us to go LANNISTERS !!!! They want us to root for them, not being disgusted by an assumed brother sleeping with his assumed sister. (Side-note: Jon and Jaime have so many
anti-parallels, if desiring your “sister” isn’t among them, I might just scream. That’s the difference between them, though. Jaime actually has an affair with his sister, Jon has the same “dishonourable” thoughts and impulses, but he will not act on these feelings until it’s okay to do so.)
Neither Jon, nor Sansa is going to acknowledge or admit to any romantic feelings, as long as they still believe they are siblings. Now that we have confirmation about them not being siblings, it’s time for a character to notice as well. They can be more open about it. A third party in the show will notice that ~something~ is off and start to drop some hints (looking at you Littlefinger bzw I really look foward to any Tyrion-Jon conversation about Sansa), simultaniously standing in for the audience and drawing it’s attention to the matter. They might not know yet, but we do. As does Creepyfinger. The show has done a wonderful job at setting up jonsa and any J0nerys-sexy-time could be just another piece in the puzzle. Making the audience aware of it, without hitting us right into our cute, little faces. I’m a little down that it takes so long too, but they are taking the narrative in the exact direction I would expect. (side-note: I absolutely love @hyojung12 idea that Jon is dropping the “sister-bomb”, so we can correct him in our minds. They want us to go: But, she really is his cousin, isn’t she? Such a great observation, love it.)
To ease your mind about boatsex a little bit: Jon sleeping with another woman (or Sansa sleeping with another man, but like please not LF, just no one at all. She deserves to only be properly loved for the rest of her life. No more love-less sexual encounters for her. Seriously.) before they know about r+l=j is actually a good way to keep the gross-factor down. (It’s his bad luck that she’ll turn out to be his aunt. The irony.) It implies that any inappropriate desires where kept far under the surface. It shows that they are unaware of it and that it doesn’t influence their remaining love- or sexlife. It may not be as romantic (I agree), but it also ensures the audience that they aren’t leading their lives accordign to any possible incestious impulses.
Last, but not least to come back to the original topic of this conversation: Jon and Sansa have a strong bond. They already build their relationship slowly, stone by stone. Ned and Catelyn started doing so after their marriage, Jon and Sansa have already finished that phase. Their relationship is already based on trust, respect and mutual admiration. The love will follow. As I stated in my original post, this will be another ned/cat - jon/sansa parallel. After all Ned and Cats marriage started off with a rough patch as well. They had to become comfortable in their new roles (from future brother/sister-figure to spouse). They had to deal with an alleged affair, even worse having the alleged “product” of it constantly in front of their faces. (sry, jonny.) They worked through it and became of the strongest, happiest romances in the series.
Jon and Sansa’s relationship will blossom into a love strong enough to get through this as well. In good times and in bad. Once they confess their love, nothing that came before will matter anymore. They can’t cling to the past, if they are busy building a future together. (I love cheesy, dramatic language, btw)